Nictate
I read the wonderful ficlet Blink by @teh-kittykat, concerning a developing friendship between Sam and Rinzler, and wondered what our beloved murdercat of a Program would be thinking through the whole thing.
I went into a writing haze and ended up with the following. Enjoy!
The first time Rinzler blinks awake around User_SamFlynn, it's as much a shock to the human as it is to Rinzler.
He's blinked awake before, of course, usually too tired or sore to do much other than research this new Grid being built - and other things too, things Rinzler was never allowed to by The Luminary, like what a gender is (still unclear, but he likes the masculine for its simplicity). And how to retract his helmet. And how to consume energy.
...Rinzler knows now he was made weak and dependent on The Luminary to make him easier to control. Rinzler doesn't like it.
But Rinzler is learning. And he also knows now the User could delete him for any perceived slights. Rinzler's best chances of survival lie in not being noticed.
So when Rinzler gets noticed anyway, because he's too distinct from his origin - the Program everyone prefers, The Hero Rinzler is not permitted to name - he glances around for somewhere to hide. Nowhere viable presents itself, so on a wild hunch Rinzler makes himself small. The Luminary liked Rinzler small and nonthreatening in his sole presence, maybe User_SamFlynn will be the same.
It takes Rinzler several moments to realise the User is just standing there, unreadable save for fear, so Rinzler tries to get smaller and think Nothing Thoughts in the hopes User_SamFlynn doesn't delete him.
Blinking out again is both a relief and terrifying.
Rinzler blinks awake in The Hero's rest space with a nice, fancy, and full glass of energy in his hands. He has to put it down quickly and sit, before he falls, code spasming in relief. For now, at least, the User is letting him exist.
The next time Rinzler blinks awake near the User, he barely manages to swipe at a Gridbug before it latches onto his exposed face. He rezzes his helmet, and makes a few more wild swings to give himself some space.
Rinzler mourns his streak of avoiding the User, but battle is one of the few things more likely to wake him up. He'd been doing so well at being a Useful Nothing so he doesn't get deleted, too.
Another Gridbug swoops at him, and he refocuses. Battle first. Consequences later.
...maybe if he keeps User_SamFlynn safe from the bugs, he can prove himself useful enough to be worth keeping?
Rinzler throws his whole self into destroying bugs. He can do this, see? He's even skilled at it! He can destroy all the bugs, if User_SamFlynn wants him to.
Rinzler will get bored destroying bugs, and eventually will stop being useful for that when there are no more bugs, but maybe he can prove himself useful enough at another task to be kept around.
Rinzler still hasn't figured out how to blink out on command, so he goes small again and awaits judgement. User_SamFlynn... praises him? Tells him he did a good thing?
Rinzler perks up - he did good! And the User said so! He hopes his thankful nod doesn't come over too eager or desperate.
Rinzler blinks out feeling happy. He hasn't felt happy before. It's a nice feeling.
Rinzler likes being around User_SamFlynn, he finds. It makes him happy, although he doesn't like it when he scares the User.
He also gets more good jobs and well dones and kind interactions in a single visit than he remembers ever getting from The Luminary. Rinzler doesn't want to think too hard about that - The Luminary is gone, no use dwelling on the deleted. Programs get derezzed that way.
He likes to... hang out? With SamFlynn.
Although he may have misinterpreted the phrase, because SamFlynn does not dangle from the ceiling with him despite there being plenty of room, and looked baffled the only time Rinzler invited the human as best he knows how.
He does accidentally scare one of The Hero's friends while hanging out, and feels... Not Good about it, despite SamFlynn's reassurances. So Rinzler researches how to get someone to understand he didn't mean to scare them, and finds the most helpful advice to be writing an apology letter.
Rinzler has never written anything before. He can read pretty well, but was never taught to write.
The letter takes three rest cycles to complete, Rinzler coming out to carefully write his letter while The Hero is in sleep mode.
It's not a masterpiece by any stretch, certainly isn't perfect, but it is genuine. So Rinzler signs it and delivers it. The soft smile and not so bad after all The Hero's friend gives after reading it is enough to give Rinzler a warm bubble keeping his nightmares away, and is saved with his important memories - secure, and right next to that first bit of praise from SamFlynn.
Rinzler's not sure when User_SamFlynn becomes SamFlynn, or when SamFlynn becomes simply Sam, but he likes it.
Rinzler thinks Nothing Thoughts on automatic, when he is not awake. This hides him from The Hero, because he knows The Hero insists he is cruel-bad-wrong and wants him deleted.
Rinzler doesn't know how to tell The Hero he is learning how to be good. Sam seems to think Rinzler is harmless-friendly-good, or at least trying to be.
He blinks awake to soreness and a weight on his legs, but before he can worry about a threat Sam tells him to rest because The Hero fought a big codeworm. The worm is dead-gone-deleted, but in its death throes it opened a large crack in their chest and they need to heal.
Rinzler is safe. Sam is safe. They are spending time together, and nobody is scared.
Rinzler purrs, not wanting to try the hug gesture he's researched because Sam is working, and sets his hands against the human's back instead.
He's not sure the complicated data transfer of how happy he is goes through, and even if it does it's definitely tinged with how relaxed he is, but Rinzler doesn't mind.
This is nice.
He hopes Sam agrees, and they can spend time together like this again - and not because of big codeworms.
Just relaxing, and sharing space. Being friends.
Rinzler thinks it would be good.
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