#satisfy me or i please myself // m e g // a b o u t

[withoneheadlight]

hellooooo it’s nsfw anon here with even more thoughts !! Ok so I literally cannot get your post about steve making billy come just by kissing outta my damn mind so imma brain dump it on you Rn.

So like yeah, billy finds out that Steve can do /that/ but he doesn’t realise that it’s literally only the tip of the iceberg with Steve. Billy has slept around before and but he’s always been the one to take care of his partners so he’s just not used to the way steve takes care of him, how he talks to him sweet and dirty while his hands and mouth roam Billy’s body, teasing him until he’s literally out of his mind with it.

One morning he wakes up in Steve’s bed already hard and dripping from his already forgotten dream, but he’s rutting and whining softly into the sheets, Steve nowhere in sight but his side do the bed still warm. Billy still isn’t used to waking up feeling soft and content so he indulges himself, rolling his hips into the bed while he imagines Steve’s mouth on him again. They haven’t exactly gone at it for a while so he’s extra needy and comes quickly, panting and shaking. He’s still dazed when he feels the bed dipping when Steve crawls to lay over him, slotting his hard cock between Billy’s ass with a “that feel good baby? Yeah? You sounded so good whining my name out, sugar” and billy just- he hasn’t even recovered from his first orgasm nor is he fully awake but he already feels his dick twitching again, arching his back to stick his ass out more for steve. And Steve just can’t help himself. He hasn’t had time alone with billy for a while and he hasn’t had him this soft and dazed since they both found out he could make billy come just from his tongue so he spends the better part of the hour teasing billy. Kissing every inch of his body, biting at his nipples, sucking on his jaw and of course fucking his tongue in and out of Billy’s mouth, a favourite for them both. And that’s all before he starts eating billy out until he cries and finally, /finally/ when billy is wrecked with sobs and his eyes are big blue and teary, does Steve slip into him, whispering into his ear. “Yeah baby? That what you need? Just need somethin in you don’t you? Filling you up and stretching you out good. So good for me, Bill.” And billy can’t even think let alone respond. He has a mix of tears drool puddled under his cheek and he’s overwhelmed because what the /fuck/? Nobody’s every treated him like this. And Steve’s being so sweet, taking care of him and cooing at all his whimpers and whines, but the filth coming out of his mouth makes him feel dirty in the best way, makes him feel like a slut and maybe finally it clicks for him? This is the king Steve everyone was talking about. Yeah ok bye that’s all I have I worked myself up with that so I’m gonna drink some water before I pass out and let u do what u want with this bye bye luv u !!

Holy shit NSFW!ANON you live up to you name don't you? You killed me with this. Death by brain-bonner. So. Fucking. Hot. 

And also, Billy getting like this because the way Steve takes care of him it's the biggest turn-on of his life??? HELL YESS "Billy still isn’t used to waking up feeling soft and content so he indulges himself, rolling his hips into the bed while he imagines Steve’s mouth on him again" the hottest thing, I tell you, rutting + sleepiness + happiness + king steve + "eating billy out until he cries" there's something better??? no it's not! 

And ohhhhhh God. I bet it's Steve too who got him like that. Bet he does it sometimes, feeding filthy words into Billy's ear on those sweet moments between wakefulness and slumber, sneaking into the remnants of his dream like the wet dream he himself is, making Billy hard and leaking with the mere sound of his voice and the things  he says. Oh, the things he says.

Bet it isn't the first time Steve has make him cum just from that, wrapping his arms around billy afterwards, kissing him fully awake with lips that can't get fully rid of a suspicious, satisfied grin, Billy's cum still hot between their bodies "Mmmmph, why are you looking at me like that, Steven?" and Steve's laughter vibrating in both their mouths as he keeps on kissing him "'Cause I'm pretty sure you had a hell of a dream, babe. Pretty sure I was in there" and Billy getting suddenly aware of the sticky wetness covering their bellies and blushing all over because Steve is using his King Steve Voice and Billy not only came all over himself but he's also getting hard a g a i n and Steve was insufferably full of himself already but for the look on his face Billy can tell he has just make it even worse (again) but, you know what? He couldn't care less now because Steve makes him feel loved and happy and cherished so he can pay the small (–ish) price of bearing with his gigantic ego  xD xD xD.

(ok, that was probably too much? xD. IM SORRY. sometimes i just lose it nsfw!anon but i love so much the idea of billy having and 'easy trigger' even easier when it comes to our stevie boy here. and that combined with this idea of steve being very very good at making him cum and being the fucking  w o r s t about it sometimes but being so tender and so caring with billy at the same time, making him feel loved and safe simply ends me. ends me anon. and omg i'm thinking that, it gets sooooo bad, when billy finally finds out about the dream thing and steve won't stop being the cockiest bastard about making billy come with the sole power of his voice and in his dreams ("c'mon, hargrove. just admit it. i'm the hottest thing you can think of. i'm peak hottness on your mind") that one day billy makes this stupid comment to piss him off, calls him 'the cum whisperer' but like ironically, like "yeah, steven. you're so good, steven. you're a cum whisperer, steven. are you happy now?" rolling his eyes and all but, BUT—oh, steve IS happy. too happy. steve of course e m b r a c e s it, smug  and as he is, and now he calls himself 'the cum whisperer' and billy life is now a big 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️, but like VERY HAPPY 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️so not that bad. more like not bad at all. because he's— pretty much in love with his bratty, stupidly adorable king steve, he just refuses to give him the satisfaction to say it out loud (too much, anyway xD))

(aaand this is my cue to not answer things when i'm sleepy, i end up raving. xD. ignore me please)

 This was FANTASTIC nsfw!anon, and brightened my day in so many ways!! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. I'll look forward for your asks if you want/feel in the mood/have the time to send them 💖💖💖 I love you and love seeing you around so much.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

2020 - archived

[18+ advised ] This is going to be long af. I’m going to do my best to put everything - all my writing on this blog, in one goddamn place, but I make no promises, so forgive me in advance. Below the cut is everything I’ve written and posted, for every single wrestler I’ve written for so far.  If its’ not linked, then I haven’t posted it yet or it’s a placeholder. If it’s bolded/has an m out beside it, it is most definitely mature and only meant for a mature (18+) audience. If there’s an asterisk (*) out beside the title, it belongs to or is part of something else that I have on the blog.

If you want to be on the taglist for my writing, you can find that [here]. If you want to know what I write / how often I write and stuff like that, my faq/about post is [here]

adam hangman page | take you home | spring | mature.

adam hangman page | baby fever | winter| mature.

adam hangman page | darlin | summer | mature. 

baron corbin | right now | winter | mature.

darby allin | the sound of silence | spring | mature.

drew mcintyre | somebody watching me | spring | mature.

drew mcintyre | alpha | winter | mature.

ethan carter iii | worship you | winter | mature.

jon moxley | duality| summer | mature.

jon moxley | allnighter | summer | mature.

jungle boy | touch myself | winter | mature.

jungle boy | unnamed as of yet | summer | mature.

kevin owens | morning | summer | mature.

kyle o’reilly | backseats and phone calls | spring | mature.

kyle o’reilly | the quiet game | winter | mature.

mjf | dessert first | winter | mature.

mjf | sweet | summer | mature.

mjf | morningafter | summer | mature.

roman reigns | alpha | winter | mature.

sammy guevara | dirty dancer | winter | suggestive.

sammy guevara | cheater | summer | mature.

trent beretta | blackout | summer | mature.

trent beretta | sneaky | fall | mature.

adam hangman page | whatcha gonna do by hinder | angst / comfort.

adam hangman page | push my buttons [ suggestive] | 

adam hangman page | i’m erasing myself from the narrative | i’m putting myself back into the narrative | may you always be satisfied | the story of tonight. 

adam hangman page | second one to know |  dancing around an open fire | | 

adam hangman page | dreaming of a wedding dress | | 

adam hangman page | the love boat || | 

adam hangman page | sweet cherry pie || that dress is begging to come off [ virgin oc; mature af } 

adam hangman page | | honey on my table suggestive | motion of the ocean - cruise romance au, mature | 

adam hangman page | alone among the couples | 

adam hangman page | im yours - alphaverse au | won’t you stay with me alphaverse au |  bathtub mermaid - alphaverse au/suggestive | 

adam hangman page | she’s a nutcracker | 

adam hangman page | virginia on my mind, angst | fuck you and the horse you rode in on [ an au of what ifs second chapter, holy shit mature]  | | punishment pretty please, goes with wildside/whatifs holy shit mature | pour some sugar on me, mature | | 

baron corbin | everything you can do i can do better | 

baron corbin | follow me | prince not so charming | 

baron corbin | love on the rocks | 

curtis axel | | | boop [  mature ] | be kind rewind [ roommates au, mature ]| 

curtis axel | discount chocolate day | | 

drew gulak thoughts of yesterdays | august rush | lost in your eyes [ suggestive.]

drew gulak | he loves me, he loves you not [ miiild suggestive, alphaverse] | | leave her wild [ suggestive alphaverse..kinda] | 

drew gulak |once upon a dream [ soulmate au] |  starcrossed lovers and other strangers [ suggestive ] |

drew gulak | valentines day episode | 

drew mcintyre | marionette | | just between me and you | 

drew mcintyre | burnt homemade chocolates [ conclusion to my alphaverse short fic, suggestive and fluffy ] | 

edge x ofc x christian | seeds of unrest | 

elias samson | couples costume contest | 

elias samson | waiting on your friends to leave 

ethan carter III | winners remorse | rewrite history [ a retelling of w.r] | |

finn balor | after an endless dream | 

jay white | graveyard smash | punch drunk princess [ vampire au; mature] | it should’ve been you [human version of vampire au]

jeff hardy  | it all started with glow paint [ suggestive; bordering mature ] | 

jeff hardy | do i look lonely |  my lips are up here [suggestive]

jon moxley | hurt me so good | if I loved you less I could talk about it more | can’t find a better man [mature].

jon moxley | bloody valentine | 

jon moxley | your days are numbered | spared but not forgiven | nature adores a virgin [mature]

jon moxley | all the guys want cheerleaders | ps i lo- | no more almosts | warm desert wind | | dark as night [ roommates au / suggestive ] | 

jon moxley | siren song [ soulmate/pirate and siren au | 

jungle boy | sweet boy | 

kyle o’reilly | can I see through you | | death of a bachelor | 

mjf | did you just grab yourself on tv | 

mjf | candy hearts taste like chalk | 

pete dunne | you jump i jump jack | | you can’t win | I’m melting

pete dunne |bitter bite alphaverse au |  aftershocks suggestive |

roderick strong |  trying not to smile | 

roderick strong | kisses like cruelty [suggestive,borderline mature] | | | 

roderick strong | walking the line | put ‘em up | 

roman reigns | patchwork heart | 

roman reigns | slow roasted | 

roman reigns | anorgasmia | 

sami zayn | farmers market | moonbeams on pumpkins

sami zayn | heart and soul |

sami zayn | reflecting light | 

zack ryder | rough rider 

12 Days Of Christmas Masterlist 2020

My entries for the 12 Days of Christmas on both my writing blogs can be found on this post right here.  [ merry christmas clicky ]

Halloween

Thanksgiving

Christmas

New Years

Valentines Day

Other Holidays / Special Occasions

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS I HAVE / USE TO WRITE

original character, Adeline x | 

original character, Kasey x | 

original character, Violet x | 

WRESTLERS ONLY DOWN BELOW

adam hangman page x [m] | x - soft hangman | x -hangman does halloween | x hangman on your first date [ fluffy,suggestive]|  x [soft] | adopting a dog | enemies to lovers | roommates to lovers | softly mature | more halloween hangman | 

buddy murphy x [ mature, sex life] | 

cash wheeler x [ suggestive ] | 

chuck taylor x [soft]| x more soft | 

damien priest x [ mature ] | 

darby allin x[soft] | x [mature] | 

drew gulak x | 

drew mcintyre x [ mature ] | 

eddie kingston x | x | x mature | enemies to lovers | 

elite x celebrating Halloween with the Elite | 

ethan carter iii x [m] | 

finn balor x [ m] | x [m] | 

heath slater x | 

jeff hardy x[m] | sick female!SO [pms mentioned briefly] | 

jon moxley x [m] | x [m] | 

jungle boy x[food/cooking] | x [ actual! jungle boy in love ] | fall softness | 

kenny omega x [ suggestive ] | x | x [halloween] | 

kevin owens x [m] | 

kyle o’reilly x [ mature - werewolf!kyle ] | 

luchasaurus x[mature+soft] | 

marko stunt  x soft and mature | x mature | x soft | x daddy kink of sorts |

matt jackson x [m] | x more m | enemiest to lovers -suggestive | 

nick jackson x [suggestive] | losing a basketball game to you | x mature/soft mix | 

orange cassidy x [lowkey m] | 

Pac x [suggestive fluff] | 

pentagon jr x mature | 

pete dunne x [ mature ] | 

prince devitt x mature | 

ecw era raven x [soft ] | x [m] | x[halloween] | 

roderick strong x [ adopting a kid with ] | 

roman reigns x!HeelRoman, slight nsfw | 

sami callihan x [ music preferences ] | 

trent beretta x [lowkey m] | x [ soft ] | x [ more soft ] | 

tyler breeze x [ enemies to lovers, polyamory hinted at | 

undertaker x [ gender neutral baker / biker taker SO] | 

wardlow x [ m ] | x [m] | x [ soft] | x[ halloween] | x mature | x Christmas with Wardlow | 

AEW;

- adam hangman page [ f s v ] | o i d | c m x | k l | 

- cash wheeler [ i l s ] | [ m o r ] | c s u | 

- chuck taylor [ j m w ] | [ a d l ] | [ c  v ] | i k w | n u x | 

- darby allin [  k o t ] 

- jack evans [ b t h ] | 

- jon moxley [ a k r ] | 

- jungle boy [ d m o ] | 

- matt jackson [ k q w ] |  [ b d e ] | f i o | u y | c j v | 

- mjf [ s k v ] | b m u | 

- nick jackson [ a b g ] | [ m o ] | c i o | 

- orange cassidy [ f h x ] | [ o ] | [ i p v ] | [ k w ]

- pac [ d m x ] | [ i p u ] | [ f o s ] | 

- santana [ a o q ] | 

- trent beretta [ j m u ] | 

- wardlow [ d j w ] | [ k u ] | [ b m r ] | [ a o v ] | c i p | 

WWE NXT;

- chad gable [ b o u ] | 

- damien priest [ d i v ] | 

- drew mcintyre [ b e d ] | i p w | 

- jinder mahal [ g i w ] | 

- roman reigns [ c u m ] | 

- timothy thatcher [ c j y ] | f k | d | 

- tyler breeze [ l x y ] | d j u | 

TNA;

- heath miller [ b e d ] | 

NJPW;

- jay white [ d f k ] | k u m | b j w | 

AEW;

WWE / NXT;

AEW;

WWE / NXT; 

[purplesurveys]

1062

survey by chrissylee22dc

A

Achievements: I guess I’m being asked to list some of mine...some of the ones I’m proudest of, at least, are graduating university with honors, landing a job (liking it is a big bonus), and taking up leadership positions.

Age: I am 22, but never felt quite like it.

Are you planning something right now? Kind of. I’m eyeing a long road trip to Tanay with just myself and go to one of their coffee shops, but idk when I’ll be able to do that. My wallet and bank account are still beat from Christmas lol (and until now I’m still buying gifts for friends), so it might have to wait until sometime next month.

Arizona or Alaska: I think Arizona weather is already quite like ours here, so I might enjoy Alaska a bit (if not a lot) more. There’s generally a lot more factors I find interesting with Alaska, like their food.

B

Birthdate: April 21st.

Build: I’m quite thin and underweight, but I actually recently made plans to start working out - both to make an effort to be healthy with myself, and also to feel good post-breakup. I’m hoping to see some changes in my body and build in the coming months.

Babies, do you have any? None of those, not sure if that’s still the plan for me.

Blonde or Brunette: Brunette.

C

Childhood sweetheart: Erm, does Gab count? We technically weren’t kids anymore when we first got together. I wasn’t attracted to anyone as a kid and was more concerned with growing my Pokemon pogs collection.

Current mood: I’m hungry and can go for savory breakfast foods right now, like shakshuka or huevos rancheros. Also a little anxious because I really don’t want to think about work, but tasks continue to pile up for a certain client.

Children, are there more in your future? There aren’t even any to begin with.

Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi just because it reminds me of Punk and my chaotic wrestling fangirl years.

D

Dad's name: Edgardo, but no one calls him by that full name. He has two nicknames; one of which he hates and only family and friends use, and the other is the name he has permanently introduced himself as in his workplace.

Dating anyone: Not anymore.

Do you plan on having lots of money? Don’t most people?

Dogs or cats: Dogs.

E

Elementary School: I’m not sharing that.

Eye color: Dark brown/black.

Ever going to China? Probably not right now considering the present situation. I’d love to go to the rural cities and have a peek into their country life.

Early or Late: EARLY. Lateness is a big pet peeve, unless the excuse is super reasonable like Manila traffic or a car accident.

F

First Crush: The first person I felt remotely attractive to was Andi, from 6th grade. Then she moved to New Zealand and the crush quickly faded out.

Fears: For concrete things, I hate cockroaches and fair rides. For bigger concepts, I fear getting left behind, failing, and not getting approval, and the idea of never being satisfied or happy with who I am, what I’ve done, or where I’ve gone.

Future goals: Have a place of my own, be able to sustain myself, and keep myself alive.

Funny or Serious: I think everyone has to have both sides. I wouldn’t want to hang out long with people who can’t be sat down to just shoot the shit with conversations that go a little deeper. At the same time, I’d be quickly bored with someone who talks about existential or philosophical topics 24/7 and takes everything seriously.

G

Grandparent's names: On my dad’s side, Dolores and Federico; on my mom’s side, Agnes and Jun. My maternal grandpa is the third in multiple generations of Abelardos in the family, but his nickname is simply ‘Jun,’ because Philippines.

GPA: We don’t measure our grades with that, but we do have a GWA; I’m just not sure how that can be converted to GPA. Mine was in the 1.47 range, which was good enough for cum laude honors. I barely missed out on a magna cum laude honor (which required a 1.45 GWA), so that’s something I’ve always been pressed about and I know I could have clinched it if the pandemic didn’t cancel my final semester, which would’ve given me the chance to pull up my grades.

Going anywhere this weekend? I don’t think so. I want to spend the remaining 5 days of my break completely unproductively.

Giver or Taker: Giver. I like pleasing people.

H

High School: I attended one school from kindergarten to high school.

Hair color: Black.

Hate anyone for life? I don’t think so. I dislike some people, but I can’t tell if I’ll feel that way for the rest of my life.

Hairspray or Gel: When I’m going somewhere or attending something fancy, I use hair gel to hold my hair down.

I

In 8th grade, who was your best friend? Eighth grade is freshman year of high school, right? In that case, my best friend was Gabie.

Is ignorance bliss? Sometimes it is. I like no longer being updated about Gabie’s life. Back when I still tried to push my way in, I was miserable. I stopped doing so over the holidays and I just stopped reaching out, stopped trying to communicate, everything. I’ve been a lot happier that way.

Is there anything you wanna share? That’s kinda the goal with every survey I take.

Ice Cream or Cake: Right now, maybe ice cream. I’m very picky about cake, and I don’t like the spongy ones aka most cakes I know.

J

Jumped rope for fun: That’s exactly what I use jump ropes for. I don’t think I ever used it for fitness or working out except for maybe PE.

Junk around you right now? I mean, not really. I have my embroidery stuff in a pile beside me, but I don’t consider them junk.

Joining anything anytime soon? Not planning on it. I briefly considered joining a gym as a new thing to do for 2021, but in the end I figured working out at home would be enough. Angela recommended the latter as well, so that’s how I abandoned my gym plans quickly haha.

January or July: I guess July? January always feels just a teeny bit stranger than other months, considering it’s the beginning of a new year.

K

Killed anyone: ...This serious?

Keeping a secret? I keep different secrets from different people.

Kicking someone off your top friends today? I don’t think that’s a thing anymore. Hasn’t been for a while.

Kiwi or Apple: Apple, just because I’ve never had the chance to taste kiwi.

L

Lost anyone close to you: I’ve lived 22 years, of course I have. I’d be very surprised if someone has lived that long but has never experienced losing people, whether from a fallout, from death, etc. Just this year alone I lost a great-aunt on my maternal grandpa’s side, and a ton of relatives from my maternal grandma’s side.

Last kiss, when and who: Gabie, three months ago.

List 3 people that you'll love forever: I can only think of Angela. And of course, Gab.

Lover or Fighter: Fighter, I suppose. I can be relentless. Right now with my breakup has been the only time I allowed myself to take a step back and not forcibly take things under my control for once.

M

Middle School: We don’t follow the concept of middle school here. The levels in middle school fall under elementary school as well.

Marital Status: Single.

Mom's name: Abigail.

Music or TV: TV.

N

Northernmost state you've been to: Batanes, which is as northernmost as northernmost gets in the Philippines.

Nickname: A lot of family members call me Byn, but for the most part Robyn has always been my main nickname.

Name your future boy and girl: I have yet to make up my mind about this.

Naughty or Nice: Nice. I never particularly feel ~naughty, and since the breakup I especially haven’t felt the need to be sexual.

O

Opened a piece of mail that wasn't yours? Sometimes I’ll open the electricity or water bill addressed to my parents out of curiosity just to find out how much we consumed in the last month. But nothing more than that.

Occupation: I’m an associate at a PR agency.

Owe anyone money: Nope.

Outgoing or Shy: Shy at first but I can get outgoing once I’ve warmed up to a person/situation.

P

Place you most want to be? Right now? I’d love to be at a coffee shop or bar at a higher altitude, with a view of the city. I used to go to a lot of these before the pandemic hit, but now I’m thinking of doing it again.

Purposely destroyed someone’s life? No.

Planning a major trip? Not really. Most tourist spots require swab tests and I am not having anything go up my nose.

Pink or Black? Love both, but I like pink ever so slightly more.

Q

Quit a class: I’ve never dropped a class. I’ve wanted to, but there was so much paperwork to fill out to do so and I also didn’t want to be behind on my overall schedule.

Quickly...the first word to come to mind: Whistle, because the pink/black question reminded me of Blackpink.

Quitting your job soon? No lol I’m barely two months in.

Quiet or Loud: I can be both, but these days I’ve been quieter.

R

Riding in an airplane: I have no idea what this is asking.

Ride, tell me about yours: ^ Same.

Running for any political office in the future? No plans to.

Rain or Snow: I guess rain, since it’s the only one I’ve experienced.

S

Siblings names and ages: Nina is 20, my brother is 17.

Shoe size: I fit anywhere between a size 6 to 7.

Shave daily? It used to be daily, but I haven’t had the need to since the quarantine began.

Shower or Bath: Shower.

T

Turning 21 was (will be): It’s been a year since then.

Texas, ever been? No but I have relatives who live there, so it’s one of my choice states to visit and stay at if I ever plan to go to the US.

Think you'll live to be 100? I doubt it. I don’t have any relatives who lived until that age.

Tame or Wild: Idk, tame I guess?? I don’t know what this is asking.

U

Unique quality about you: I feel like this is a question best answered by other people who see and interact with me more than I do myself.

Underwear on? Yeah.

Under your bed lies: Large containers with all the magazines I collected from childhood that I can’t bring myself to throw out.

Under or Over: Idk, you have to be more specific.

V

Virgin? No.

Vacation time left? I have five days left, including today :( I plan to be the most unproductive or bum-y I’ve ever been, because I have no clue when I’ll have a break this long again.

Voting in the next Presidential election? Of course.

Volleyball or Swimming: I like swimming more, but I like watching volleyball.

W

Went white water rafting? I don’t think so, but I would give it a shot.

Wearing right now: A hoodie that’s around two sizes bigger for me.

Write a sentence about you: About anything? I’m a little upset with myself for having been a bit lousy with survey-taking during the holiday break. I planned on taking a lot to catch up on the ones I’ve missed out on, but so far I mostly take just one a day lol.

West Coast or East Coast: East.

X

X-Rays in the past month: 0.

X-Mas plans: Had a get-together with my mom’s side of the family on the 24th; we hosted our own Christmas party on the 25th; and we visited my dad’s side of the family on the 26th.

X, does it mark the spot? Idk.

X-Tina or Britney? Britney.

Y

You lost "it" when? I mean, I’ve had more than one moment where I freaked out...

Your favorite song:  I’m really in love with Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House. My favorite songs come and go, but this one has been a constant.

Your favorite place on Earth: Sagada.

Yes or No: Idk. I’m not enjoying these vague ass questions.

Z

Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Zodiac Sign: Idk, I’m still a Taurus.

Zippos are neat, agree? I don’t have an opinion.

Zoo or Circus: Neither.

[jam-is-my-food]

writing asks. all of them. ( for 50 uhh just write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you </3 )

fUCK YOU NESSIE

THAT’S IT IM DOING IT JUST TO SPITE YOU

this is gonna be long asf click keep reading at risk of death or boredom

1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

not usually, it's distracting

 2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

naturally pantser but if i wanna actually finish smth i gotta plot it hh

 3.     Computer or pen and paper?

computer i'm not a boOmer /j i so am

 4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

bitch i wiSh

actually technically i was published in this anthology thing once? and i think i have a piece in a magazine somewhere on the internet i forget those are cool

but yeah bye getting a novel published is my d r e a m (gotta write a novel first tho lawl)

 5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

n o t  m u c h

unless i get one of my bUrsts aka finishing a 2.3K almoons chapter before 8am the other week after procrastinating it for like two months 

but yeah jdsghliuedskj it um depends often none

 6.     Single or multiple POV?

i answered that for kiri so i'll just copy paste it over loll

mmm it depends. usually i do single? but i do do multiple occasionally. i almost never do alternating chapters, though, it’s usually more like part one is narrated by person a, part two person b etc.

 7.     Standalone or series?

baha like i could ever write a series (please, please be jinxing yourself rn refster) aside from that one trilogy when i was 7 but uh yeah atm just standalones but a series would be so cool in future 

 8.     Oldest WIP

the aforementioned trilogy. chronicles of clara. it is incREDIBLE. 10/10. so good. so, so good.

 9.     Current WIP

i haven't actually mentioned it on tumblr yet but hehehe it's called the wordweaver's apprentice it's fantasy and i'm v excited about it :DD that was ooc but :DD

 10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

(also answered for kiri, copy-pasting over)

hahahahhahahuhdkjashdglauhsdaugediuskjlkehdsgihkdskhgdkjx

i? try?

it does not go well?

but then i never finish my projects?

send help pls im dying

11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

lmao the list is too long

 12.  Describe your perfect writing space

somewhere w/o distractions

 13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

hm. idea. that's cool. that's cool. write it down. hype myself up. forget about it within a week.

el em mayo

but like

f r LMAO

okay but fr fr idk i don't usually finish stuff but it'd be idea, brainstorm, plot (sort of), write, agonize, write, finish, throw in the other direction and never touch again bc revision whos she

 14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

cry and spam my friends

 15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

i don’t - mm. i don’t tend to get writer’s block? or like - idk what to classify as writer’s block? bc sometimes i get blocked for a certain story, but then i get really into like poetry or sum for a week so it’s fine idk

 16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

o n e as i said i don't - revision is a no

 17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

uHhHhhhhh idk???

 18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

*laughs in gfc*

 19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

i don't. if you have any ideas please hmu i need it.

 20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

m a n y.

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

mmmmmmmmm i love cass i haven't written her in too long but i think she's probably my most well-done character to date and i'm so proud of her badkghewiludkjs

 22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

c y i l l

though possible imeini (ship name needs revision) in future we shall see (from twa) (the aforementioned newish wip)

 23.  Favourite author

there are Many

 24.  Favourite genre to write and read

fantasy maybe? ooh dystopia is fun

 25.  Favourite part of writing

everything about it when i'm motivated hh, my problem is getting more motivation

 26.  Favourite writing program

oh idk huh?

27.  Favourite line/scene

idk?

 28.  Favourite side character

j o o s t

 29.  Favourite villain

i def have one but i forget

 30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

too many

31.  Least favourite part of writing

motivating myself :/

 32.  Most difficult character to write

mmmm i'm not really in the throes of a wip atm so idk

 33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

yessir

 34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

drunk will was surprisingly difficult in a fun way. def not the hardest but yeah

 35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

god idk

36.  Last sentence you wrote

And then Mei was gone, and in the space that she'd filled, Imani whispered, "I wish I was like you."

 37.  First sentence or your current WIP

It is said that when we came to this stretch of Tatys land, it was empty.

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

mm there was one about anthropomorphic chickens battling sentient fruits, the fruits in question also being six-year olds

 39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

s e e  a b o v e

 40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

cass's mom used to have a drug problem & she would leave her alone for long stretches of time, she went to rehab and is now sober but it's where cass gets her abandonment issues from

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

just write! no one taught me how to do anything, and there's no rules per se, aside from basic grammatical stuff. do what you wanna do, don't worry about others' reactions. this is cliche asf but true.

 42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

mostly gross, but they can be good.

 43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

adapt. i  g o  w i t h  t h e  f l o w.

 44.  How much research do you do?

not much usually, depends on the genre of story. i do as much as i feel i need to. and ofc i have the random writer search history.

 45.  How much world building do you do?

in the past, not much. twa (once again my new wip) is fantasy, though, so i' m attempting to remedy that.

 46.  Do you reread your own stories?

i do! it's fun to look back at them after a few years and see how much i've improved.

 47.  Best way to procrastinate

random character headcanons/doodle writey spurt thingies

 48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

bAHA this one scene in the cHrOniCLeS of cLaRa book two when this girl lisa who was 100% self-insert got annoyed at her little sister daisy (sister-insert) for chewing too loudly and then proceeded to use her wAtEr pOwErs to like flood the house. that part was less self-insert.

 49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

bye that's so hard. c a d m u s & l a u r e n t tho cinnamon rolls are liFE.

 50.  Write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you

i don't gotta write my own bitch i have everything i need to plagiarize from right here

"Raver-Lampman’s enthusiasm is contagious. So is her laugh. It comes from deep inside, just like her voice, and it rings out — ricocheting off furniture and walls. Her head is shaved, all except for a distinctive swath of tight curls on the top and left side of her head. She has the tiniest septum ring in her nose, and a tattoo of what looks like a musical note behind her right ear."

- the clearly gay jessica belt

thank you for the ASKS darLING and thank you if you read this idk why or whether you're okay but yup

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 15 April 1832: SH:7/ML/E/15/0052

8 5

12 ¾

-  Let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y St[uar]t inclos[in]g     half sheets fr[om] Mrs. Hamilt[o]n to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] de R- [Rothesay] and let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y G- [Gordon] 1 half sh[ee]t full - fine morn[in]g F[ahrenheit] 61° at 9 1/2 in my r[oo]m and 67° at 9 3/4 in the balc[on]y - Mr. West preach[e]d 33 min[ute]s fr[om] 1 Tim[oth]y 1.15 - queer Evangel[ica]l serm[o]n awake all the time w[e]nt out at 1 1/2 for 1 1/2 h[ou]r - met Captain Cameron she asked him to dinner the murder is out  we talked it over she will not say no so ‘tis done ca[me] to my r[oo]m soon aft[e]r 4 - wr[ote] the foll[owin]g to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] ‘Hast[in]gs Sun[day] 15 Ap[ril] 1832. Th[an]k you ver[y] m[u]ch my d[eare]st L[ad]y St[uar]t, for all y[ou]r k[i]nd anx[iet]y ab[ou]t me, and for Mrs. Hamilton’s excell[en]t let[ter] - we will talk ab[ou]t all this - I shall n[o]t fix an[y]th[in]g till my arriv[a]l in Lond[on] - I fear there is no chance of my see[in]g L[ad]y St[uar]t de Rothesay - I h[a]d a let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y Gordon this morn[in]g who is alarm[e]d already - I kno[w] n[o]th wheth[e]r Vere will, or can for fear of overweight, wr[Ite] at all today - poor dear girl! I really feel for and pity her excessive shyness and incredulity   on going out to take our little walk we un expectedly met a friend whom between ourselves I rather coutned upon seeing again rather sooner at last poor Vere has found herself almost forced into entering upon the subject with me and I have really thought it right   assured as I am of your approbation to express my gladness to see our friend who is to dine with us this evening   as I find he stays tomorrow I conclude he will call in the morning  when it will be so natural for me to be out that even Vere’s fastidiousness can find not fault  the mere being asked to dinner might be taken as enough  I hope and think it will       we ha[ve] h[a]d a good deal of n[or]th east wind till today; b[u]t Vere h[a]s borne it bet[ter] then I expect[e]d; and I am in bet[ter] sp[iri]ts ab[ou]t h[e]r than I w[a]s - ever, dear[e]st L[ad]y St[uar]t, ver[y] affect[ionatel]y y[ou]rs A. [Anne] Lister’ at 5 20/: took d[o]wn my no[te] 3 p[ages] of 1/4 sh[ee]t to ‘the Hon[oura]ble Lady St[uar]t Whitehall’ to Miss H- [Hobart] to enclose w[i]th Mrs. Hamilton’s let[ter] to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] twenty minutes with Miss H- [Hobart] laughing and joking but found the tears sstarting as I kissed her forehad and ran away   what are you going said she but I was off

saying oh I dare not look behind me     a few tears are falling but away with them ‘For hum[a]n weal

heav[e]n husb[a]nds all events’   I am satisfied  I can keep uo the friendship try to arrange  with Lady Gordon and be better off than with Miss H- [Hobart] ‘tis strik[in]g 6 - dress[e]d - din[ner] at 6 3/4 - on going down saw them on the sofa to[ge]ther and both looking so satisfied I suspected how it was  the moment we left the dining room about eight he staying behind  quarter hour she told me it was all over he made his offer

in a very flattering manner to her done it very well and she had accepted him I said it was much better I was very glad of it she gave me her two cheeks to kiss  I kisse[d] the first one then the other but said nothing   she morelized a little said how a moment changed our whole  lives but she thought she should not repent  he stays tomorrow I asked if he would dine with us yes she did not care now what was ssaid I gently suggested that it would be more consistent with her former  primminess to tell him that now they could not mistake each other she thought he had better not dine here two days together  they could see more of each other at the Lodge  and perhaps he would not be the less pleased with  her for this  I was not prudish but now perhaps I even felt more particular than she did   she seemed satisfied with what I said said Italy had already been mentioned for the winter he came in   we soon had coffee I poured it out ordered tea in half an hour and soon came upstairs   a little before nine  and left them to their happiness  what a sudden change for us alll  for me too she will go to Italy but not with me  well tho’ I made my eyes very yed [red] with crying before dinner I already begin to think it is better she would  have left me in the lurch when I could have managed less well than now odd enough we had scarcely  gone out to the house this afternoon when we a long small man at a distance before us and she said  how very far that man’s arms are for his ssides (one saw the light between the uper arm and side)  I don’t like that  when who should it be but Captain Cameron   he shook hands with us both we walked  up High street and past the nursery garden and then took several turns in the croft  I thought she walked up and down very satisfiedly  in returning along George street I heard her ask him if he would eat his mutton chop with us  ‘I shall be very glad to see you’ ‘will you really’ said he in a low voice  oh oh thought I then it’s all over  and we talked it over on our return  she owned that aunt and she had agreed it  would be very foolish to refuse him but still she refused to believe he really would offer till he had absoultely  done it  she will soon be sufficiently in love   well my prospects are changed  it was only this morning at  

 SH:7/ML/E/15/0053

breakfast I had spoken of my father and mother as having been unhappy together  an ill assorted match and spoke of Marian as   if I wanted to make a thing better always pulling it down again  she liked to everybody be cock of the dunghill etc etc in fact I have gradually of late become more confidential luckily I have never told her my fortune or income and on the whole said nothing I am very sorry for  I do not feel uncomfortably committed tho’ I did laugh and say befor[e] church this morning  well if it was not for the petticoats the thing would be clear enough  yes that it would said she  perhaps ssaid I laughingly it is pretty much the same thing in spite of them (the petticoats)  how little dream what so few hours would bring forth while doubting of Captain C- [Cameron]  she liked to keep me within reach better have me than neither or nobody  le jeu vaut la chandelle  I am satisfied perhaps I shall do tolerably yet  at all rates I feel more comfortable after having  written the above - fr[om] 8 55/.. to 9 1/2 wr[ote] the last 33 lines in Miss H-‘s [Hobart] room my own full of smoke  w[e]nt d[o]wn to tea at 9 35/.. - talked away agreeably enough he staid till eleven and a quarter  she then ate an orange and when she had done it I asked for my orangeade  oh said she I had forgot it  I made no ob[servation]s but kept  up very well ca[me] upst[ai]rs at 11 1/2 and to my r[oo]m at 11 35/.. - kissed her forehead as usual and glad to be  off rang my bell immediately to get rid of Cameron and have no fear of interruption feeling  that I should make a fool of myself as ssoon as alone  why do I do it   she never cared for me well she even think for one moment of what I may or may not really feel on this occasion?  well flow on my useless miserable foolish tears  but they have flowed before perhaps  even more uncomfortably than now there is less mortification  the thing is at least  intelligible I shall get the better of it and at least be thankful that my fate is fixed  shall I see much of her hereafter or not   how odd will seem our meeting in Italy! but I shall be better then  how thankful I am this business did not happen sooner  I shall at least  escape the lovemaking  she says I behave beautifully she little guesses the misery of this tearful moment as I write but no more surely it will be over by morning  Finish mild sunless day - F[ahrenheit] 63° at 11 3/4 in my r[oo]m and 49 1/2° at 12 3/4 in the balc[on]y

[dazombi3fari3]

Hey doll hey!!! How’s your day/night going? Great I hope. I had a pretty good day … but it’s night now here in Florida and I am starting to hurt pretty badly…. I think I over did it today.

I noticed that I haven’t done any Monthly Beauty Favorites so I thought I’d start a new series for this blog… hope you like it.

Before we start I just wanted to shade with you what I made for dinner tonight! I am so proud of myself. I’ve never made Salmon on my own… I always just order it from a restaurant… but with the national quarantine and all the sit down restaurants being closed I’ve had to step out of my  comfort zone and teach myself to cook things I normally would order out! so …. here it is …

Honey lemon Salmon and garlic butter and corn white rice. This dish was so sublime that I don’t think I’ll ever order Salmon when we go out to eat again!

Not all categories will have a high end and drugstore entry. Please Note that I am not sponsored by or affiliated with any of the products or companies that I mention in this blog post. * Warning this will be a long post … just grab a snack, something to drink and settle in … I promise you wont be sorry for reading this post….. Well … Without further ado …let’s get into my April 2020 Beauty Favorites.

Favorite Beauty Store:

Beautylish has got to be my all time favorite place to shop for all things beauty!! 

I’ve been shopping at Beautylish for well over 5 years. Their customer service is of the highest quality. Their shipping rate is a flat rate of $5 on all orders (in the US it’s $5 on all orders under $35 anything above $35 is free shipping). The only downside is that they are unable to ship to P.O. boxes. They offer flex payments on orders of $100 or more where you pay a down payment and then they spread the rest of the bill over  3 to 4 payments depending how much the bill comes to. The down payment amount also depends on the amount spent… For example: I just placed an order for $102. I paid $37 as the down payment and the rest was split into 3 equal payments to be due on the 1st of each month. The due date depends on the date of purchase. I tend to pay my flex payments off faster than the allotted time, but it’s great to know I have the 3 months just in case I need them. Beautylish also ships international the the following countries: Australia, Austria, Bahrain, Belgium,Bulgaria, Canada, China, Croatia, Cyprus, Czechia, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Greece, Germany, Hong Kong, Hungary, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macau, Malaysia, Malta, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Qatar, Romania, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, South Korea, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, UAE, U.K., and U.S. Beautylish carries the following brands:

A

Aethera Beauty

Allies of Skin

Alphabet Bags

Anastasia Beverly Hills

Anna Sui

Ardell

Artis

ARTISAN&ARTIST

B

beautyblender

Beautylish Presents

BeautySoClean

BECCA Cosmetics

belif

Benefit Cosmetics

Benjabelle

Billy B

Bioderma

bkr

boscia

Briogeo

Brush Works

Bumble and bumble.

BY TERRY

C

Caudalie

Charlotte Tilbury

Chemist Confessions

CHIKUHODO

Clean Apothecary

COOLA

COVER | FX

D

Danessa Myricks Beauty

Dominique Cosmetics

Dr. Barbara Sturm

DUO

E

Eau Thermale Avène

Embryolisse

EVE LOM

Evian

F

Farmacy

G

Glamcor

Good Molecules

H

Hampton Sun

Herbalore

HoliFrog

Hourglass

I

ILIA

Indie Lee

Inglot Cosmetics

IT Cosmetics

J

Jeffree Star Cosmetics

JILL STUART Beauty

Jo Malone London

Jouer Cosmetics

JUNO & Co.

K

Kevyn Aucoin

Kjaer Weis

Klorane

Koh Gen Do

KOYUDO

L

La Mer

LASHES IN A BOX

Lilly Lashes

LINA CHOO

Lit Cosmetics

Lixirskin

Lord Jones

Lucas’ Papaw Remedies

M

MAHALO Skin Care

Make-Up Atelier

Max & Me

May Lindstrom

Mila Moursi

Miss Fame Beauty

Moon Juice

MYKITCO.

N

Natasha Denona

Naturally Serious

Nomad Noé

Nudestix

O

Omorovicza

Oribe

P

Pai Skincare

Parian Spirit

Paw Palette

Peter Thomas Roth

Q

Quintessence Paris

R

R+Co

Rae Morris

Raincry

RCMA Makeup

ReFa

Rene Furterer

rms beauty

S

SACHAJUAN

Saint Jane Beauty

Seche

Sisley-Paris

Skin Inc Supplement Bar

Skindinavia

Slip

Smith & Cult

Smith Cosmetics

Sol de Janeiro

Sonia G.

St. Tropez

Stila

Sugarpill Cosmetics

Sulwhasoo

Sunday Riley

Surratt Beauty

Susanne Kaufmann

Suwada

T

T3

Takahashi Hiroko

Taos AER

TEMPTU

The Beauty Chef

The Brush Guard

The Ordinary.

The Sacred Ritual

TOM FORD

Too Faced

TRIA Beauty

Tweezerman

U

U Beauty

Uma

UNITS

V

VDL

Velour Lashes

Vintner’s Daughter

Viseart

Vital Proteins

Vueset

W

Wayne Goss

Z

ZIIP

Z•Palette

I truly love to shop with them because the take time to package my purchases with care, it never takes more than a week to get my packages (except for now, it’s taking about 2-3 weeks because of the Corona Virus), and they have a great return policy: Their website states that their return policy is: If you are less than completely satisfied with your purchase, you may return your order within 60 days (from the delivery date) for a refund. We regret that we are unable to cover return shipping costs or refund the original shipping and duties charges unless the return was due to our error. Products must be returned in new or gently used condition. If your product arrived either damaged or defective, please contact us right away. Sets/bundles are sold as-is and products cannot be substituted, customized, and/or returned individually.

I’ve never had any issues with their services, in fact there was 1 time around 3 years ago that I ordered something from the brand It Cosmetics and the wrong item was delivered to me, I contact them straight away and they sent me out the product I had originally ordered that same day and as a way to apologize for the mistake they even allowed me to keep the product that I had received in error.

  Favorite Amazon Beauty Finds:

Pixnor 5″3″ Stainless Steel Makeup Palette with Spatula Tool $6.99 on Amazon: I am so happy I purchased this!!  I use to apply foundation to the back of my hand and then bonce my sponge off my hand … what I found is that this would cause waste of product because some of the foundation would sink into my skin and I would have to use more foundation… now I just apply a few pumps onto the palette and there is zero waste. I also love the spatula because I can use it to scrape moisturizers out of the jar without having to use my fingers. I also use the spatula to mix dew drops into my foundation and now I don’t have a big mess on my hands. 

Segbeauty 5.4oz/160ml Continuous Spray Plastic Squirt Bottle With A Fine Mist $14.99 on Amazon: This bottle is a curly hair girls dream!! It provides just the right amount of moisture without over-wetting your hair. It has a 360 degree sprayer and it’s perfect for re-wetting hair in the morning to restyle and freshen up curls. This bottle has changed my hair game for the better.

Every Drop Beauty Spatula $5.89 on Amazon. I’ve always hated the thought that there was still product in the bottom and sides of my products after I’ve run out. I started cutting plastic tubes open to get every last drop on product out but with bottles you just can’t do that. I came across this little baby when I was just browsing the beauty tools section of Amazon one day and thought OH! PERFECT!!! This spatula gets all the way to the bottom, the sides, and even the shoulders of bottles! I now have zero waste with my beauty products. I love this item so much that I have ordered it’s baby sister product the Every Drop Lip Spatula for $5.49 I ordered 2 one for lipsticks and lip glosses and one for concealers and other small wand items. This has truly helped me not waste my money by allowing me to get every last drop of product out of their containers.

Favorite Makeup Tool:

Face Halo Makeup Remover Pads: $17.60 for a 3 pack on Amazon. This little puppy is the perfect accompaniment to my vastly growing Eco-friendly arsenal. I find that I do not use as much of my Bioderma now because I am not using it to take off my makeup before I use it as my first cleanse…. 1 round is enough to completely remove all of my makeup from my face, neck, and ear lobes! You just soak it with warm water and remove your makeup… and it does remove 100% of my makeup, including lash glue! I just simply wash it after every use and it dries quickly too. I highly recommend this if you are looking for a way to reduce your carbon foot print on the planet!

Favorite Makeover Product: 

Schwarzkopf Keratin Permanent Hair Color Cream in the shade 4.6 Intense Cocoa $9.97 on Amazon (but Amazon only allows you to purchase 1 so I ordered 3 more from Walgreens.com buy 2 get 1 free for the same price). This was the first time I used this product and I’ve gotta tell ya … This has got to be the BEST boxed hair color on the market. It has Anti-Breakage Technology called K·BOND-PLEX technology (that repairs inner hair structure) and a Pre-Color Serum (that leaves your hair looking healthy and strong, with less hair breakage). It also doesn’t have that harsh hair dye smell to it. In fact my hair smelled so good that it was like I had just simply washed my hair. The conditioner it comes with left my hair so smooth and soft and fluffy. I believe they use the same technology as Olaplex does because my hair felt as if I had just done an Olaplex treatment to it. This will definitely be a product I repurchase again and again. 

Favorite Candle:

Bath and Body Works Vanilla Bean Noel 3 Wick Candle: This sadly is my last Vanilla Bean Noel candle… I purchase this scent every year at Christmas time … I stock up when they have their holiday sale and typically purchase 20 of them… it’s just the best scent ever

Favorite Body Care Item:

Nivea Essentially Enriched Body Lotion with Almond Oil $5 at Walmart for 16.9 Fluid Ounces: I use to use Bath and Body Works body creams but with my Fibromyalgia I tend to get very sensitive itchy skin and have noticed that the Bath and Body Works creams would aggravate my already sensitive skin … So on a whim I picked this up a few months ago. Firstly a little of this goes a long way. It’s very creamy and very hydrating and has a soft Almond scent to it. It sinks in quickly and doesn’t leave me body feeling greasy. I’m pleasantly surprised at how wonderful this product is.

Favorite Hair Care Item:

Olaplex No 6 Bond Smoother $28 for 3.3 fluid ounces at Sephora and No 7 Bonding Oil $28 for 1 fluid ounces at Sephora: These two products work together you add a few drops of the oil into the smoother and mix it together. I use this once about ever few days to revive my curls… since I don’t wash my hair everyday I need something to help my curls revive. I typically only wash my hair 1 time a week since I don’t put any hair products into my hair. This not only smells amazing, it leaves my hair soft and replenished and defines my curls when they start to go a bit frizzy. A little bit goes along way I only use a quarter sized amount of the smoother and about 5 drops of the oil. This is another item that has seriously upped my curly girl hair game.

Favorite Movie : (I know this isn’t beauty related, but I take my movie time to do my spa treatments … so I included it as a favorite.)

Synopsis: When Cecilia’s abusive ex takes his own life and leaves her his fortune, she suspects his death was a hoax. As a series of coincidences turn lethal, Cecilia works to prove that she is being hunted by someone nobody can see. This was a very well thought out movie with lots of twists and turns. Highly Recomend.

Favorite Spa Day Item:

Revolution Skincare x Jake-Jamie Avocado Face Mask $11 for 1.6 ounces at Ulta: This mask is amazingly moisturizing. I use it once a week and my skin feels heavenly afterwards.

Favorite Skincare Item: 

I tried a ton of skincare in the month of April and there were several things that I loved but I would have to say that my all time favorite item(s) are as follows:

My 2 whole face (including eyes) serum routine: #1. Good Molecules Super Peptide Serum $12 for 1 fluid ounce through Beautylish (it’s also sold on the Good Molecules website) and it’s function is to target fine lines, wrinkles, and dullness. #2. Good Molecules Hyaluronic Acid Serum $6 for 1 fluid ounce through Beautylish (it’s also sold on the Good Molecules website) and it’s function is to replenish your skin’s moisture by drawing moisture into the skin for deep hydration.  My skin has never looks this good since I was in my teens. Both these serums are light weight and sink into the skin quickly and you only need 1/2 a dropper for your full face and neck … I also use whatever is left on my hands to rub into my hands as sort of a treat for my hands.

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Ultra Light Face Sunscreen Fluid Broad Spectrum SPF 60: $29.99 for 1.7 fluid ounces and I purchase mine through Amazon. Ever since I starting using this sunscreen I have decluttered all other facial sunscreens. This is the perfect consistency for me. It’s light weight and hydrating. It sinks into the skin amazingly fast. It doesn’t interfere with my makeup application and it doesn’t have that sunscreen scent. BONUS: It’s a 60+ sunscreen which is the ideal level of protection for the face. 

  Favorite Face Primer: 

Tarte Timeless Smoothing Primer $39 for .5 ounces at Ulta and Sephora: I typically switch up my face primers every day or two but the one that I use everyday is this one. It just fills in my pores so well that I reach for it time and time again over all of my pore primers.

Favorite High End Foundation:

Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Foundation $44 for 1 fluid ounce through Beautylish (but can also be purchased through Sephora and the Charlotte Tilbury website). As I said in my haul of this item this is such a beautiful foundation. I just can’t stop looking at my face anytime I’m wearing it. This full coverage foundation leaves my skin looking youthful and flawless. It plays well with dew drops mixed in and plays well with any primer. I will always have this foundation in my collections.

Favorite Drug Store Foundation: 

Believe Beauty Skin Finish Foundation: $5 for .85 fluid ounces only at Dollar General Stores. This foundation surprised me I truly didn’t believe that this was going to be a good foundation, however it is a FANTASTIC foundation and is  is a medium to full coverage. This is a semi-dewy foundation. What I mean is it’s just dewy enough to give you that youthful look without being to extreme. It lasts all day and doesn’t break down. I hope they never stop making this foundation!

Favorite High End BB/CC/Tinted Moisturizer: 

Tarte Maracuja Tinted Moisturizer $29 for 1 fluid ounce of product at Ulta. This is a super dewy product but not in a greasy sort of way. It’s light coverage and sets with powder nicely. This is such a beautiful product.. so much so that I purchased a back up just in case they pull it off the shelves. I find that it’s best to apply this one with your fingers since it’s such light coverage that using a sponge with soak it all up and using a brush will leave it looking streaky.

Favorite Concealer:

NYX Born to Glow Radiant Concealer $9 for .14 fluid ounces at Ulta. This is such a beautiful concealer! It doesn’t settle into my fine lines as long as I set it straight away upon application. It doesn’t crack throughout the day. A little tiny bit is all you need. It’s full coverage without being super thick. It gives an amazing glow to the under eye that can still be seen even after you set it with powder. I’d probably go out on a limb and say this may be my favorite concealer all year.

Favorite Cream Bronzer/Contour: I wont be having 2 categories for this one… mainly because I don’t have a drug store option for this category as of yet, I have since purchased a drug store option today.

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Contour Wand in the shade 2 Medium/Dark $38 for .41 fluid ounces purchased through Beautylish (but can be purchased at Sephora and the Charlotte Tilbury website). I can’t believe I am saying that this is my favorite!! I have loved the Chanel Soleil De Chanel cream bronzer for so long that I didn’t think anything would ever replace it! Sad to say the Chanel bronzer was discontinued and a new cream bronzer replaced it … it looks more hydrating than the one I have so I’m keen to try it however … let’s talk Hollywood Contour Wand shall we!? This is the first cream contour product I’ve ever tried (bronze to me didn’t seem as scary as cream contour did). It is easy to use, easy to blend in, and gives the skin a natural looking contour. This is a light weight very pigmented product. You don’t get much product for the price tag, however a very little goes a very long way. I use 1 squeeze ever 2 days (it’s a sponge tipped applicator so the product stays in the sponge… I just squeeze 1 time and have enough product left over on the sponge that the next day I just have to dot what remains over the perimeter of my face. Unlike the Chanel bronzer this product doesn’t disrupt my foundation underneath. I love this product so much that I place an order today for a back up. 

Favorite Matte Bronzer/Contour:

Mac Bronzing Powder in the shade matte bronze: $30 for .35 ounces of product. I’ve had this compact for probably way too long because it’s starting to get hard pan, so I scraped the hard pan off … the powder works fine. The picture of the hand on the left is without flash and the one on the right is with flash. It’s just the perfect everyday natural looking bronzer. You can’t over do it with this bronzer since it’s so light of coverage. I always love my look when I’m wearing this one.

Favorite Glowy Bronzer :

Tarte Limited Edition Park Ave Princess Waterproof Face & Body Bronzer $34 for .55 ounces of product at Ulta. I do love a good glowy bronzer and this one does not disappoint! It’s the perfect shade, has just the right amount of glow without having shimmer to it … it’s just this glow from within! I just love how my skin looks with this bronzer on.

Favorite Dewy Primer: 

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Flawless Filter in the shade #3 Light/Medium $44 for 1.01 fluid ounces on the Beautylish website (can also be purchased from Sephora or the Charlotte Tilbury website). Ever since getting this product in I have not been able to put it down! It’s freaking amazing!!! AMAZING! It has just enough of a tint that this could be worn alone for “No Makeup” makeup days and has the perfect amount of glow without having any shimmer to it. 1 swipe per zone is all you need of this primer. It’s not sticky or greasy and it does hold foundation nicely.

Favorite Cream Highlighter: 

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Beauty Light Wand $39 for .41 fluid ounces on the Beautylish website (can also be purchased from Sephora or the Charlotte Tilbury website). I have tried many cream highlighters and hate every single one, until this one came into my life! This highlighter is just magical! It doesn’t disrupt the foundation under neither, it melts into the skin seamlessly, and it has no glitter to it… just a natrual looking glow. The glow can still be seen even after setting it with powder! I haven’t been able to stop using it because I’m so in love with it.

Favorite High End Face Powder:

Too Faced Born This Way Ethereal Setting Powder in the shade Translucent $33 for .53 ounces of product at Ulta and Sephora. This powder has the most beautiful finish ever! It give a slight glow to the skin without looking like glitter or shimmer. This one has taken the place of my beloved Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder in my heart. I just never want to be without it!!! It doesn’t take much of this powder to set the full face either. I tap 3 shakes into the cap and that sets my full face! It even looks amazing under the eyes.

Favorite Drug Store Face Powder:

Believe Beauty Matte Blur Loose Powder in the shade Translucent $5 for .14 ounces of product sold only at Dollar General. This is such a light weight powder that sets the face flawlessly. It is matte but doesn’t leave the face looking cakey or dry. It even looks good under the eyes. I have repurchased this 2 time since discovering it and I have 2 back ups.

Favorite High End Finishing and Touch Up Setting Powder:

Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Finish Setting Powder $45 for .28 ounces of product on the Beautylish website (can also be purchased at Sephora and on the Charlotte Tilbury website). This gives the prettiest soft focus to the face and doesn’t change the look of your makeup when you touch up with it. I find on days that I wear this one as a finishing powder I don’t have to touch up at all. I don’t quiet like this one as a setting powder, just as a finishing powder and touch up powder and sad to say I have hit pan … this is the most expensive pressed powder I own but it’s so worth it and I will definitely be repurchasing it when I’ve finished it.

Favorite Drug Store Finishing and Touch Up Setting Powder:

JCat Beauty AquaSurance Compact Foundation $13.99 for .31 ounces of product at Ulta. This is a spot on dupe for the Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Finish Setting Powder. It’s basically a fuller coverage version and I can use it to set my set as well and I never have to touch up at all when I use this powder.

Favorite Powder Highlighter: 

Benefit Boxed Highlighter in the shade Cookie $30 for .28 ounces of product at Ulta and Sephora. OH BABY! This highlighter is so pretty and little is all you need. This is a beaming highlighter so definitely not for low maintenance makeup day but add this to your full glam look and watch out…. it’s the perfect highlighter to be noticed in.

Favorite Blush:

Tarte 12-HR Amazonian Clay Blush in the shade Captivating $29 for .2 ounce of product at Ulta and Sephora. This is the best just pinched shade I’ve ever owned. I wore it a ton in April and for good reason. It goes with everything from “No Makeup” makeup looks to full on glam looks. It lasts all day and is probably my all time favorite blush shade.

Favorite Lip Combo:

L’Oreal Rouge Signature Lightweight Matte Lip Stain ($5.99 at Ulta) in the shade 448 I-Tease (a soft taupey pink matte) a few dots of Makeup Geek Creme Stain ($11.99 on their website) in the shade Jitterbug (an intense coral matte) a touch of NARS Lip Gloss ($24 on the NARS website) in the shade Stripe Tease  (Sheer champagne nude). This makes the perfect shade for every look. I’ve worn this only for the past few days of April but I can already tell it will be worn a ton in the month of May.

Favorite Powder to Set My Under Eyes:

Laura Mercier Secret Brightening Powder $28 for .14 ounces of product at Ulta and Sephora. This just leaves the under eyes looking flawless and it sets every concealer I own except the Dermablend concealer (that concealer is just too heavy and took emollient that nothing really sets it and I would return it but I lost the uni-carton it came in so Ulta wont take it back). I wish this came in a larger jar because I just know I will be repurchasing this over and over. It gives this soft focus glow to the under eye area that isn’t shimmery or glittery … just a sort of glow from within look.

Favorite Brow Pencil:

Benefit Precisely My Brow Pencil $24 at Ulta and Sephora for .27 ounces of product. I have purchased this pencil 2 time since discovering it and I have 1 back up. This is just the most effortless brow product ever. I almost never have a bad brow day when I use this pencil. It’s a definite recommend in my book.

Favorite Brow Gel: 

Believe Beauty Eyebrow Styling Gel $4 for .2 ounces of product sold only at Dollar General. Even though it’s only got .2 ounces of product this brow gel lasts a long time. You only need 1 pass of the wand to fully set your brow. It is never crunchy and never goes flaky. The picture is of my back ups … this sucker goes fast at the store so I pick up 2 or 3 every time I go to Dollar General so I never run out. I adore this one so much that I never reach for my other brow gels.

Favorite High End Eye Shadow Palette: 

Too Faced Born This Way The Natural Nudes Eyeshadow Palette $45. It has 8 matte shades and 8 shimmer shades and you get .48 total ounces of product and is sold at Ulta and Sephora. Some of my all time favorite looks this past month have come from this palette! I just adore it so much. Too Faced really hit it out of the park with this one.

Favorite Drug Store Eye Shadow Palette: (I have 3, 1 is a bit more pricier, 1 is mid-ranged and the other is super inexpensive)

ColourPop Bare Necessities 30 Pan Eyeshadow Palette $34 on the ColourPop website. I have created so many beautiful neutral eye looks with this palette! With 30 shades I never get bored of this one.

  Believe Beauty Eyeshadow Palette  in the color story: Nearly Nude $5 only sold at Dollar General. It’s just simple an amazing palette. I was highly impressed with this one. I got a few looks out of it and it’s the perfect size for travel.

  Catrice Basic Bae Eyeshadow Palette $14.99 at Ulta. This was the first thing I ever tried from Catrice and I was super impressed! The shadows are super pigmented and blend like a dream.

Favorite Eye Liner:

Charlotte Tilbury The Classic Powder Eye Pencil in the shade Audrey $22 on the Beautylish website (but can also be purchased at Sephora and on the Charlotte Tilbury website). Now this one was a surprise to me. I hated this pencil when I first tried it…. I could never get it to work… Well I finally figured it out and I am in love. It gives such a effortless look to the eyes when I use it. This will be a repurchase when I run out.

Favorite Mascara: 

Milani Dangerous Lengths 3D Mascara regularly $9.99 nut currently on sale for $7.49 at Ulta. This is another item that surprised me but ever since I’ve been conditioning my lashes with the Jamaican Black Castor Oil my lashes have been looking so nice and combined with the mascara I just fell in love…. I can’t believe I have a favorite mascara and it’s, for the first time in years, not the L’Oreal voluminous Carbon Black!!! This just gives a nice fluffy airy look to the lashes.

Favorite Inner Corner Highlight:

Hikari Creme Pigment in the shade Honey Dew $15 on their website. I have been using this for a few years now but I just can’t seem to stay away. It just give the prettiest lilt to the inner corners.

Favorite Setting Spray: (I have 2 this month)

ColourPop Hyaluronic Acid Setting Mist $12 for 3.72 fluid ounces of product at Ulta and on the ColourPop website. This setting spray smells like the beach and leaves the skin looking dewy and healthy. It holds your makeup fairly well … I don’t really need a setting spray that will hold my makeup on until the wee hours of the morning, I just need a spray that will take down the powderiness of freshly applied makeup.  I’ve been using this bottle for 2 months and I’m almost out of it. This makes me sad because it’s sold out everywhere. I think this may just be my favorite setting spray of the year.

Belif Aqua Bomb Mist $34 for 2 2.02 fluid ounces of product on the Beautylish website (but can also be purchased at Ulta and Sephora). This one adds tons of hydration to the skin and I love it as a touch up spray too. Lately I have been using it in combination with the other setting spray just to add a bit more hydration to my under eye area. 

Favorite Find of the Year So Far: 

HonHey Portable Hand Held Rechargeable Fan. $13 on Amazon. I purchased this back in the beginning of March but it has quickly become my favorite beauty extra! It helps me dry my setting spray and lash glue. It also helps keep me cooler when the hot lights of my makeup table start to make me over heat. It has a great charge life as well. 

Well … We have reached the end dolls. Thank you ever so much for hanging in there with this post …. I know it was a long one … but this is the flagship post of this series and I thought I should be as thorough as possible with at least the first in the series… Now that’s not to say I wont have heaps of favorites in any given month, but I may just have a few favorites in other months too.

Well that’s all for now dolls. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day/night and that your spirits are high and your health is good! Remember dolls, Save a spoon for a bit of lipstick.

XOXO

April 2020 Beauty Favorites Hey doll hey!!! How's your day/night going? Great I hope. I had a pretty good day ...

[marias-studyblr]

Hello I'm sorry to ask that but how did you do to lose weight ? I've been feeling really down lately bc of my weight but also my body in general. I'm not in a "bad" health, like my weight is what we call "normal" but I'm not comfortable with it.. as my mood is bad I don't have motivation and that sucks... so if you could give me advices it would be really nice 😘 thanks a lot

Hello and I’m the one who’s so so so sorry for the delay on this answer! I hope you still read it and it’s worth the wait/read ❤️

I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor, so all the advice I’m going to give you is born from experience of literal years of trying and trying to lose weight non stop. :)

This is indeed a studyblr account. But this issue is too important and close to my heart to not discuss, and also this health issue of mine has impacted my grades and my school life. Not to mention the damage to my overall happiness and self-confidence, as you explained in your question. 

If this was a simple how do you lose weight question I would say it’s simple, because everyone knows it - eat better and exercise frequently. However, this feels to me like a confidence/body issues question, and I’m going to be very thorough about it because it gets a lot more complex when you’re uncomfortable with your body. 

I think it’s important to answer this question well and I’m going to do my best. this is gonna be >>>

🌼  I N T R O

I completely understand the feeling of being uncomfortable with your body. The feeling of being comfortable with yourself is more complicated and worrisome than it may appear on a superficial level.

I didn’t grow up feeling comfortable with my body, I remember since 5th grade having my family, my swimming lesson’s teacher, classmates telling me my belly was big and “I looked like I was pregnant”. Without realizing, I became really uncomfortable with that area of my body,

and now, I consider it a beautiful strong part of my body, I don’t worry about sucking it in or hiding it and I don’t even mind when people touch it (idk if it makes sense but I hated it when people touched my belly and I tried to not breathe into my belly or make it bigger in any way). And I can really say this and mean it, which once I thought would be impossible.

🌼  I’ M   T H E   O N E   I   S H O U L D   L O V E

If we want to change for the better the way we feel - being at ease, in peace - we have to be the cause for that change. Nobody else. Not your crush, not your neighbor, not your parent.

The reason why I’m gaining health in a sustainable way is that in the core of all that is the work I did for my mental health that leaked into all areas of my life, including physical health and losing my unhealthy weight.

I had to go through a massive change of mindset and a bunch of realizations to start taking care of myself properly.

It’s so important to take care of yourself like you actually love yourself, like you actually matter, like you aren’t just a flop of meat hanging around just serving other people’s needs, dressing up for others, saying things to please others.

Breathing like you love yourself, walking, talking, working, eating, moving, exercising like you love yourself. Doing things for no other reason than to tend to your needs, while still maintaining a respect for others and for yourself. That feeling leaks to every single part of your life. And it makes everything start flourishing.

I worked and still work to have that feeling in a more persistent way but I remember when I realized I truly actually felt it in my bones and was starting to act accordingly, not too long ago, tears came to my eyes. I know it comes natural to many, but to me, it was never like that. And it’s so much easier to lose weight when you tend to that.

My first intuition is to serve others. I thought everyone was so much better than me when I was younger, I thought everyone was so cool, except for me. And it feels so great to know that we are all the same. No one is better or worse. No one has the right to belittle me. We are living lives in our own particular way and it’s ok to just… exist and be friends with people and not worry about pleasing everyone, and truly accepting your body figure how it is right now, and trust that you’ll get there somehow by building healthier, more productive habits in time.

Being more confident with the way you look and carrying yourself with grace is such a good feeling. And I want everyone to have that feeling, I want everyone to be healthy and strong. Because that feeling does impact your life in a positive way, even if it’s step by step. One step in the right direction at a time is exactly what we are looking for.

🌼  R E S T R I C T I V E     D I E T S

I’ve seen nutritionists give good advice and bad advice on losing weight to people who are self aware/conscious about their body. The bad advice I’ve seen is at the gyms my mom or my mom’s friends have stayed at. If people follow that 6 week restrictive diet plan, obviously they are going to lose weight… but at what cost? and to gain it all back again after? in my knowledge, most people don’t follow it, while paying for the consults and feeling guilty about the whole thing. It’s such an unhealthy experience in my point of view and if you’re trying to lose weight, it’s not something I recommend.

I love donuts and chocolate a lot for example, and I eat them and have eaten them while losing weight consistently. They are not some kind of poison you are guilty of enjoying once in a while. You are not different than any other healthy person. What I’ve figured out is that healthy people enjoy them too, but they just know how to do it.

It’s all about the quantity and eating smartly. You can still enjoy your favorite foods but in small quantities. I normally eat sweets after lunch and dinner, not between or at breakfast. For many reasons, but one of them is that way the small portions really satisfy me. I used to eat a lot of food but now I’m very mindful about the portions. If you could get one thing out of this answer is that PORTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. When I continue eating after I’m satisfied, it’s normally because I put a lot in my plate and I don’t want the food to go to waste. so now I pay mindful attention to that. And it has changed my life!!!1!1

anyways, I know those meal plans way too well, it’s all I heard when I was younger when I googled ‘weight loss tips’… i lost maximum 2 kgs in one and just gained it all back and more after giving up in the middle of it. And the reason why is not because I was weak or undisciplined, it’s because I couldn’t build habits with that kind of intention.

Also I hated to go out/my plans changed but I wouldn’t be able to eat anything because it wouldn’t be on my meal plan. I needed to build discipline to build habits and an intuition to know when I was full, not follow a stupid paper that doesn’t know anything about my body’s needs. We have to be able to act accordingly to our needs, not in fear of gaining weight.

My intention was just to lose some weight to look as skinny as someone else or to look good for other people :(dark thoughts… i know) and also as fast as possible. My intention was never health.

I still had to go through a lot of learning years to really get my intention right so then I could start building the habits that would allow me to lose weight.

**Habits always prevails**

Focus on building slowly the habits that will allow you to live a healthy life FOREVER, not just a 6 week plan. Think about the habits that are realistic enough but healthy enough to implement. Long term results is what you are looking for, trust me. Even if it takes longer to accomplish the same weight when you’re not hungry all the time, it’s teaching you how to eat in a normal way, which for me was very important, coming from a weird past of restricting/binging.

🌼 T E N D E R I N G   T O   Y O U   A S   A    W H O L E

The good advice I’ve heard from nutritionists includes a holistic approach.

Your whole body is interconnected. You can’t expect to change your weight as of right now in a sustained way without making serious changes to your mindset and lifestyle habits, because your weight is a reflection of your mindset and lifestyle habits, amongst other things.

Even though a 6-week plan might possibly give you a quick fix, it really doesn’t fix anything when you have body issues. Your mindset hasn’t changed, you still have the same habits. To me now it’s obvious why I experienced gain weight recurrences over and over again while following those stupid plans!

When you start considering your body as a whole, and not just the muscles, tendons and organs, but as a functional machine with needs and feelings, a lot of things start clicking and making sense.

Start thinking about the diet that allows your body to be given nutrients so your organs can function, a diet that gives your arteries a chance to breathe, an exercise routine that makes you feel good. Our intention should always be to make ourselves as healthy as possible. As strong, flexible, rich on the inside type of healthy. When we feel the healthiest, inside and out, we feel the happiest.

🌼 A B O U T    L O O K I N G    G O O D

I know to some it sounds superficial to worry about the way you look. It’s hard to grasp why we as human beings care so much about the concept of beauty. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. When I was still more unhealthy and unconfident, I felt it when I wore a new scarf, when my hair looked nice, when I had a cool pair of earrings… it can be from the smallest of things.

That feeling of confidence is not going to make you happy all of a sudden but I’m tired of hearing people underestimate the power boost and energy it can give you and downplaying it as superficial. I know there is a line where it crosses to vanity. But there is a middle ground between not taking care of yourself and vanity.

To a lot it comes naturally the process of hygiene, dressing your style, exercising, eating well. To others, it may not. I think confidence can be felt at any weight and appearance, but it’s a lot easier to feel confident when you know you are healthy and taking good care of yourself.

I’ve mentioned weight a lot, but know that health is always my number one priority and weight is just one tracker of your health. It’s an important tracker of your health, but it’s not decisive on whether you are healthy or not because it has to be very specific to your daily activities, your job, your height, your body type. And it’s not decisive on wether or not you should think as of yourself as good looking.

I think beauty and aesthetic, whatever that means to you, does play a role in our mental health. And I think only when we embrace that side of our human selves, without excess though, only then we can be truly confident and happy in our shoes.

🌼 W H E N   Y O U   F E E L   B A D

You can’t shame yourself into a healthy mindset/healthy habits. *say it for the people in the back!!* It has to come from a place of connect, self-respect and trust. Or you’ll just guilt yourself into worse habits.

When you have a “bad” day or a “bad” week, take responsibility in order to move forward. Be mindful of feeling guilty or like you’ve “ruined something”. Taking responsibility is different from feeling guilty. One helps you grow consciously and be better in the future, and the other doesn’t.

Every single day, every single week will not be perfect, but don’t let that week turn your habits around. Once again: habit always prevails. I see my habits as the foundations of my healthy lifestyle, as the foundations of a house. Wind doesn’t tear them down, just like a more unhealthy week doesn’t tear them down.  

The healthiest people I know don’t care when they have junk food for a meal, they just say “I’ll be more careful next week”. And they don’t even think twice about it. They move on. They accept it and move on.

If you practice it enough times, it becomes second nature.

🌼 B A L A N C E

I feel like when discussing the health of the body, one word that always comes up in mind is BALANCE.

Balancing out the body. I think we know what we need by intuition. We feel sick when we eat too much, we feel tired when we don’t eat enough. So a lot of my eating became guided by this inner intuition of what am I feeling. I’m always asking my body: “What do you need?”

Somedays I’m demotivated, tired, experiencing mood swings, I know I have to balance that negative energy with yoga, meditation, sleep, good food, hydration. I’m getting to know my body more and more as time goes by and a lot of my results come from that LISTENING. It’s listening yall!

And if sometimes you’re lost and you can’t figure out how to listen to what your body is saying, that’s what trackers are for. Do you need to insert a wider variety of nutrients in your diets? Do you need to improve your muscle mass? Are you underweight, are you overweight? What are the foods you eat the most and when are you eating? How many hours are you sleeping?

Don’t get overwhelmed with these questions though, they are useful to help you understand some feelings that you’re experiencing and help you get in the right direction, however, with practice, it becomes second nature to listen. 

🌼 D I S C I P L I N E

Another thing I would like to talk about is the role of discipline in a healthy body.

I think the word self-discipline in the diet or exercise context has a very bad connotation, like it’s a bad thing to be disciplined in your meals, or it’s a bad thing to be disciplined in your exercise regimen, because that means you will never eat ice cream again, you’ll always eat the same old boring things.

I know where that concept comes from, I’ve thought that myself, and I understand it. However, as of now, I see being disciplined around your eating habits as something very very good. It’s what has given me a lot of results, and it’s really simple, it’s setting a bunch of rules for yourself and following them. I’ve written more about self discipline, but in the case of eating, it depends on person to person.

There are things that I’m more flexible about and then things I’m really disciplined about. For example, I eat 3 times a day and at specific time stamps, and I’m strict about that. And what I mean by that is everyone has a different version when it comes to what, when and how they enjoy eating.

Discipline is not a bad thing because you can choose the things you want to be disciplined about. I enjoy donuts and chocolate.. so I eat them. I’m full after my meals so I’m disciplined to not eat until my next meal. I exercise everyday. Stuff like that. You get to choose what life you want to live through discipline and really think about your future. 

🌼 M Y   R U L E S

If you wanted me to say more specific things, like how much I eat in a day, or long I exercise for, I don’t believe those are actually important, because like I’ve said they are personal to each individual and each different needs and lifestyles, so I’ll just say my general guidelines:

walk everywhere. Walking is the most natural exercise and our body loves it a lot. it is highly beneficial. 

eat my daily servings of beans, vegetables, fruits, flaxseeds, nuts, whole grains. Start looking at food for more than just taste.

Do yoga once a day. 

be specific about your prefered meal times and stick with them. I enjoy eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. I drink water or tea in between but I don’t even think about eating between my meals because I’m so used to eating my meals at specific times. that helps a lot!

during your meals, eat until your satisfied! Don’t leave the table feeling hungry OR too full. Feel happy about eating your meal and appreciate the food in the table. It’s something precious and to cherish.

do other exercise frequently to build muscle and strength, so you can hold and carry yourself even when you get older.

🌼 F I N A L   C O N S I D E R A T I O N S

What I tried to explain is hard to put into words. It reminds me of all the moments I hid in the bathroom during PE, cried because of my appearance at night, was humiliated by insensitive people. And how getting through these memories and feelings can’t really be put into words because each person has to look inwards and find that in themselves.

Losing weight is not difficult for a lot of people but for me it always had other meaning behind it.

These moments can and will be replaced by self-confidence and good mental health in the present and future if you keep working on what is actually important - your health, your mental state, and your opinion about yourself. NOT pleasing others. NOT looking good in the mirror. NOT being at a certain number.

It has to come from a good place inside you if you want it to stay for good and actually make a good impact in your life.

It is a slow progress, but remember it’s NOT just to look good, it’s to live a happier life and your preferred lifestyle.

So answering your question: I lost weight by being conscious of my health. I was conscious that I was not healthy at that way, I was not strong, flexible, fast, at least not how I know I could be. I lost weight by striving to find balance, by listening to my body’s needs, by being disciplined on what I gave my stomach to digest, by stimulating my muscles and organs, and always keeping my own happiness as the end goal.

Because I’ve been doing it for a while now, it has become really simple and I eat healthier when I don’t overthink it. Don’t overthink it too much. It’s good to be mindful about it, but I feel better when it’s not constantly in my mind to the point it’s worrying me.

If you were looking for a quick easy way, this is not it my dear dear friend. the truth is you’ll need to work hard on yourself. However, just because it’s a long process, it doesn’t make it difficult. It’s fun to be healthy! It’s fun to exercise and do yoga. It’s fun to eat healthy and normal! We can all do it. You can do it. I can do it.

🌼 A    R E C O M M E N D A T I O N 

I always make this recommendation but let me do it again. One of the people who made a huge impact on my mental health and was a huge positive influence in my life was Adriene Mishler from Yoga with Adriene. I can’t even remember when I discovered her or how. I did her videos first on an off, and then things started getting more serious and now I’m literally practicing every single day with her for the past few months and I don’t ever want to stop. More than being a really beneficial physical practice for your internal organs, for your muscles and tissue, it’s a daily practice for my energy and happiness. It makes you reflect on the way you think about yourself and take care of yourself. When I’m frustrated I cry and find peace, when I’m happy I get even happier, when I’m busy and nervous, I find my cool and calm.

Her videos are the perfect accomplishment of body and mind connection and have helped me so much. So if you’re not already practicing with her, whenever you can, try one of her videos, 30 minutes go by so fast. She has practices for anxiety, stress melt, text neck, self-doubt, centering, finding stability, connection, creativity, for the future…all free in her yt channel. The more you practice, the more you’ll see real-life results and an energy and mindset that transfers to outside the mat. I really recommend it okay? okay. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. :)) I hope this helped in any way, please never feel embarrassed to send me questions about mental health/physical health. anything that I can help with, I will help and be open about!

as you can see I could write to you for 10 million light years and I would still worry about not getting my point across. okay now I’m really gonna go, sending lots of love to you 💕💕💕 I love you, stay well!

[ofplanetsloved]

re: ruby, meg, and the long con

so we all know that supernatural has a REALLY bad stakes problem because nobody expected it to last literally fifteen years, but one of them is the stakes problem between azazel and lucifer: is azazel planning on running an army and needing just one of many psychic children to win his demon blood hunger games or is sam destined to be lucifer’s vessel?

(and how do my two beloved demons fall into play?)

so i do try to stick with canon personally in my portrayals but i also have to bend canon when canon doesn’t stick with canon so bare with me !!! i think sam was always destined to be lucifer’s vessel— they make it pretty clear, specifically with the cupid admitting that mary and john hated each other but were cupid-ed together (5.14) in order to fulfill the destiny of sam and dean being lucifer and michael (and also cain and abel to a degree, which considering they’re descendants of cain (10.14), like, this is all ❝ destined ❞.

that said, sam needed to have a full arc of independence from dean to say ❝ yes ❞ to lucifer. lucifer/various demons have been controlling his whole life— various teachers, prom date, and fucking BRADY. lucifer made sure that sam was going to go off to college, putting a schism between him and dean. and then made sure he stayed there with brady. if sam stayed in the role of little baby brother in adoration of dean, lucifer had no chance of getting him to say yes.

by having jessica burned, azazel helps move this forward. now sam is full of rage and anger and a need for revenge. that need for revenge is more than just against azazel for jessica, because it stays with him as the need for revenge against lillith, therefore domino domino domino apocalypse.

i buy into the idea that azazel knew dean would sacrifice himself for sam. azazel sets up this whole hunger games situation knowing that sam has to come out on top because he’s the vessel, but also, sam is not strong (?) enough to kill an innocent man, which is so tasty on its own. and now azazel and lucifer and lillith have the righteous man in hell, so they can start breaking some fucking seals. i think the demons have been planning this for centuries. so.

meg:

meg is not an insanely powerful demon. she’s pretty low on the hierarchy, but because azazel sees her as a daughter, she gets to kick ass and do stuff. her main goal for season one is to kill john for azazel. she just wants to kill john and make azazel happy. i think, like i said, that the plan was always to get dean to sacrifice his soul, and she really just had to kill john or sam to make it work. if john died because of non-deal means, i think dean would’ve made a deal to save him. i don’t know. anyway. she does NOT know about the big plan (she says in 5.1 that if she knew, she would’ve killed dean ages ago). she just knows she wants to make her dad happy (and when he’s dead... new dad time!!!)

ruby:

ruby is also in on the big plan, but in an insanely different way that meg is. ruby is the right hand man of THEE lilith. and lilith is the only one who knows that ruby is on their side. meg certainly thinks ruby’s a traitor. they all do. she’s gone so deep undercover that she can literally tell nobody about this plan and that she’s only helping sam to kill lilith as the final seal. and it’s such a waiting game for her bc she has to make him powerful and willing enough to do it the MOMENT the 65th is broken, but she can’t make him too eager to do it before then. it’s a fine scale and she fucking does it. she was the BEST of the sons of bitches and did this with every demon in hell hating her guts. girlie started the apocalypse with a perpetual target on her back.

//personals please do not reblog, this is a roleplay post//

[mwrieke]

A - Z tag game

I was tagged by the lovely @rabiotfc and @solafede (woha, I got both of your new urls right at the first try!) so here we go :D

A // age = 26

B // birthplace = Groningen, the Netherlands

C // current time = 21:19 

D // drink you last had = the Brits call it squash, I believe. Pear flavoured for me.

E // easiest person to talk to = I think that would be one of my best friends, I’ve known her my entire life. I don’t think I can surprise her with anything I say.

F // favorite songs (currently) = My Way by Frank Sinatra. 

G // grossest memory = I have two and they’re both very TMI. Stop reading if you don’t want to know. First one: when I first got my period I was bleeding way too much and I could barely make it through two hours at school so one day my chair was totally covered in blood smears and I just left it and faked sick to go home. Second one: I once sucked a dick that tasted like piss.

H // horror yes or no = Hard pass.

I // in love = Sadly, no.

J // jealous of people = Yes, quite easily but I recognise it pretty well and tell myself to stop being so pathetic.

K // kids = No thanks

L // love at first sight or walk by again = Walk by again. I’m a quick judger but not always right and definitely not always paying attention.

M // middle name = Christina.

N // number of siblings = I have one older sister, and that friend I mentioned earlier is kinda like a sister too, since I’ve known her all my life. Wait, no, all her life. She’s one year younger.

O // one wish = Some goddamn peace and quiet.

P // person you last called = I had to look that up because I HATE phonecalls but it was my sister.

Q // questions you always get asked = So what do you want to do after studying linguistics? 

R // random fact about you = I get really uncomfortable when people say “I love you”. Although I grew up in a loving home, my parents never used those words so I never heard it and never said it. Now when friends tell me they love me, I get so unconfortable, I once cried because I couldn’t say the words back to her. I literally can’t get it out of my mouth. Not in Dutch, not in English. Hello tumblr are you my therapist?

S // song you last sang = American Pie by Don McLean.

T // time you woke up = 9.30 at first, then took another nap from 11 to 13.30 and then I had breakfast at 2 o’clock. Welcome to my sunday.

U // underwear color = Dark blue today.

V // vacation destination = I’m going to Cuba this year!!!!!!!!! Please message me if you’ve been there and if you have any tips.

W // worst habit = I’m a creature of bad habits. Undressing to go take a shower (at night) but then letting myself get freezing cold for another hour or so (while I browse tumblr or instagram) is probably not a good one. Only being satisfied with giant snack portions is not too great either. 

X // x-ray = My knees have been x-rayed twice, my arm once.

Y // your favorite food = I absolutely love cheese and eggs, but when I’m on a “I-want-to-eat-more-vegan” kick I’d go for ice cream.

Z // zodiac sign = Taurus, baby. Although both my rising and moon are in a water sign and I feel that.

I’d love to tag someone but I feel like when I did that previously, no one did the tag? Does anyone want to get tagged?

[laimeirtepat]

2 0 2 0

(in 2020 the calendar and time was the most relative matter that I did not follow the days, realizing I am writing the every year letter days after I normally do it)

2 0 2 0  w h a t a y e a r  (please say that in 2021 there is no pandemic and one is free to attend opera and coffee shops with his friends?)

what I love the most about this looking back is that for an hour or so (be honest, it takes a day)  I can travel in time - pack myself into a suitcase and go back to who I was 365 days ago. isn't it true that we forget who we were and where we came from. silly, because I do believe we must remember those milestones in our way from time to time. perhaps instead of looking (living) in the future and sabotaging ourselves with pressure that we are not there yet (where we strongly and obsessively believe we should be?), we could shift our perspective to the journey we have already experienced. I don't mean looking back and living in past (absolutely not), I simply believe we must notice and be proud of the steps we've already took – look back, realize how high you have already climbed and now see the highest step as the ground zero – start today where you left yesterday. And never think you have reached the top – let me tell you - you never will, there is more than just one mountain in this reality when i think of first two months (because jokes on us, in middle of march everything turned upside down) of 2020, all I can remember is coldness in the city and people around me. n o t a l l o f t h e m, but no surprise why in the place and time I am now, nothing makes me want to go back to where I was a year ago. oh, oh, FEBRUARY!! you were a dreamy month. we did go for croissants and cafe to Paris! woke up early enough to avoid traffics, packed our hummus bread, took the warm scarfs and jumped into the car. what a lovely and lively memory this trip has drew it's footprint. The impression is still so lively in me – just by coincidence, without knowing the opening hours, we passed by the opera house. We were lucky enough to get in and catch the magical air and atmosphere this building holds – never have I ever felt in this way in a b u I l d I n g. there were tears in my eyes, realizing on what stage I stand, looking at the ceiling that’s covering those passionately lived dreams in the hall. For a second I richly felt what I t could mean one day. See, after 5 years of writing those letters every year, there is this one thing I keep coming back to – if we listen to our hearts and t r u s t the journey, it does eventually bring us where we were meant to be. It puts us around the people we can’t imagine our lives without, it challenges us with adventures (some might call them difficulties) which are helping us to grow as an individual. It does sound little silly now when I write, but – in February the environment where I was, did make me question a l o t if I want to continue what I have started. The trick was that it was n o t about me. It was about them. But while you are going through something and literally taking day by day (because it seems like the only option to get through a day, a week), it’s little difficult to zoom out the picture to look at it from above. The short getaway to Paris, with laughter, hummus bread and on top of everything – the dreamy hours in opera house seemed like a comforting, loving and embracing hug from the higher understanding, as it would promise that it will all be fine (oh, how fine it will be, back then you had no idea!!). may one never ever lose his inner voice, the one that a l w a y s knows, and actually is telling us the truth at all times. We simply forget to listen, we think we know better (otherwise what my brain and mind is there for?). that being said, I want to remind you, whenever you are reading this – you always come back to the gut feeling. A l w a y s. a a l l w w a a y y s s. okay, do let yourself to listen to your mind from time to time, but don’t ever forget that for the answers, you must look silently and deeply inside of you. And once you’ve heard what needed to be said, you can start thinking and finding the best possible way to experience it.

2020 was supposed to be  t h e year, there were many adventurous things planned in my planner that now, looking back at it, of course it awakens tiny bitterness of realizing how things could have been way different. Yet. Probably (hopefully) this was the year which gave all of us the opportunity to simply sit back and look at our reality from a side. Zoom out the picture. Look at it from above. Rethink, recharge, re-re-restart if needed. Perhaps the only trip we had the chance to take was with destination “to yourself”. Mine has been with it’s ups and downs, but I remember it with cheerfulness.

I came to this town on a rainy Tuesday of March. Left my previous home with inner feeling that six months later most likely I will live here. I did not have the explanation, I simply knew. I am a traveler in heart, but this place for the very first time in my life truly feels like h o m e. I am surrounded by people I enjoy being with, I feel the pulsation of the town which often times resonates with my heart beat, I have the dogs and horses in the park.. okay, but the most important – I feel motivated, satisfied and joyful whenever I think of my reality today. There is no other place I wish I was today. It’s the second time when I did not go to my family for Christmas period. The difference from the first time was that – I was not feeling any kind of sadness of not being there with them. I know I will go there whenever the world is little bit more silent than it is at the moment, and we will celebrate Christmas maybe when there are the spring flowers outside the window. This place and journey I have lived through has taught me the patience. And the acceptance. Amor fati. Do you still know what I am talking about also a year later? Because if there is one thing I wish for you and anyone a year and seven years later is exactly this idea. At the moment it seems like I have been living through this prism for quite some time now and I wish to continue and embrace it even more fully, now with the realization what it actually means and that such thing exists. However I won’t talk about it for too long – just to see if a year later you still stick with this phrase.

I don’t feel how 2020 has been..bad. yes, many things took way different paths from the ones we desired to see, but it has led me to many wonderful experiences and life changing moments. I said many. when I think of this word, I find myself thinking of the opposite - it’s not the amount of events; it’s how meaningful they’ve been and still are. and in the scale of good and bad (if there is such strong division?), they fully comprehend what didn’t work out as I thought it would in a way that the joyful experiences simply take over anything else. (I won’t call names, but those two friendships that were born this year are still there in 2021 (and 2,3,4,5,6…), right? Nothing makes me worried to think that those two strong connections might have disappeared, just wondering) okay, about the experiences - indeed, it might be my attitude and mindset towards it. but if there’s one thing I’ve kept coming back throughout the year(s) is that our lives depend on our attitude towards the reality. I can not choose the emotion that I feel, but my attitude and action towards it is completely up to me. it takes lifetime to master and I’m sure one never fulfills the complete guidance of his emotions - one can only become more aware of himself. that’s the beauty of it. that never ending becoming. b e c o m I n g. I know every year I think of this word as it’s one of my truths that remains quite unchanged throughout the time. what else we are here for, if not to become what we want, dream, remember and were meant to be? isn’t that a dreamful idea? That you can simply be a n y t h I n g you want. And the only person who is bringing you there (or stopping you) is you. It really is. Yes, you do need people around you and you need to experience life, which is not fully possible in four walls of your living room, yet – even in those 4 walls, instead of scrolling down another useless information, you can read books. Listen to recordings of great minds and masterful voices. Watch movies which can widen up your horizon. You can paint, write, sing, read, dig into being and create that little life of yours. It is entirely up to you what you do with the time that’s given. It’s entirely up to you how you experience and look at what’s going on in your life. The choice is always yours. I believe that’s the greatest lesson I will take with me from previous 365 days – realizing how important it is to decide something f o r and b y myself. I must be satisfied and joyful with and in myself, only then I can be a functioning figure in other lives – a supportive daughter, friend, citizen, wife, society member. Only then I have something to bring to the table. Only then there is actually the point of living – knowing that I am doing the best to my abilities to be what I dreamt to be. It requires patience, time, mindfulness, it requires passion, sorrow, joy. It requires my permission to f e e l the pulsation of my heart, which stands as a reminder for me that I am alive (and that I better do something with this fact).

To f e e l, to l o v e, to l a u g h, to c r y, to be accepting, kind, modest, generous. To listen, to sing (oh God, to sing!), to talk, to live to b e  a l I v e to embrace joy and give yourself the permission on taking an action. Whether it means jumping into unknown or walk away from anything that no longer serves you. To give others the space and time to be whoever they are – then you will see with whom you want to spend your days and give the time to. To take the time for yourself – by coffee and book, by astonishing performance, by reaching the top of the mountain or a day in pajamas. To live in contrasts, to be a collector of emotions, to let yourself to l I v e in acceptance.

2 0 2 1, huh?

[fheythfully]

fanfic author meme

my friend tagged me to answer all the questions in a fanfic author meme, and it is primarily for the Final Fantasy XIII fandom, so it’s located under a read more. :)

Fanfic Ask Meme

A: How did you come up with the title to [fic of your choice]?

Most of my fic names come from lyrics in songs that have to do with the story content, no matter how vague. Poetry also makes its way in there, and on the very rare occasion, something I come up with that sounds pleasantly appropriate.

A Series of Firsts was the only one in the past five or so years to get a title that accurately and simply described the story, something which I typically never do.

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

No, actually. I write primarily angst and I have a very satisfying and healthy life, so… it all just comes out from somewhere? I am not entirely sure where.

C: What character do you identify with most?

Most recently, maybe Makoto from Persona 5? Growing up I felt that I had all these expectations on me from my family and the adults in my education (which I totally dug myself into by being smart and eager to please) and I always wanted to just say “fuck it” and stop caring about pleasing others and being the perfect student. Which took me until my third year in university to actually achieve but hey, better late than never.

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with cause I’m a vampire smile (you’ll meet a sticky end)?

The title comes directly from the song ‘Vampire Smile’ by Kyla La Grange and it entirely fits so well for that fic. I definitely had it on replay the entire time I was writing.

E: If you wrote a sequel to Serendipity, what would it be about?

EDITED because I wrote for A Series of Firsts instead oops.

Serendipity would have a much shorter sequel - just lots of the gang being happy, of Fang and Vanille traipsing around the world, Yeul living in a big city and being amazed by all of it, Serah and Snow in a small French village with rose bushes and a kid or two and Light living in the same village with Hope being the Cool Aunt. Snow would have a motorcycle (and try to modify it to have a baby seat). Sazh would have a farm with chickens and livestock and live with his son and finally get the life he deserves. Maybe he runs into the reborn version of his wife and she remembers him. And live happily ever after. 

F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?

I don’t have one :( I even went through my favorites on both FFnet and AO3. I just like anything that makes me cry, and I cry easily, and sad fics make me happy.

G: Care to share a favorite crack fic?

I rarely read crack but an amazing one I’ve been reading is Sincerely, Me by Ignis_Sassentia and SharkbaitHooHaHa on AO3. It is a FF15 texting fic and just phenomenal.

H: How would you describe your style?

Lots of run on sentences and disjointed narration. I prefer writing drabbles because I feel like that format lets me get away with using the style better. I like using metaphors and a good balance between simple and more flowery language.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Angst. All the angst. Also, if a fandom has some sort of divine figure in it, then you can bet it’s gonna be worked into my fics – usually as either a passive or active antagonist. This is a big reason why I still love writing for FF13 so much, because thank you, Bhunivelze. And Etro. Mwyn too. I need to write more Mwyn.

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to any Bhunivelze!Hope and Etro!Light fic.

I said to the sun, tell me about the big bang is my favourite out of the few (two?) I’ve written where both take after the divinity. Alternate ending to that one would be, their friends catch on and end them before they can succeed in destroying and recreating the world.

For just Bhuni!Hope, of which I wrote more, eve as my latest one – I considered Light actually realizing what’s happening within the fic itself and being the one to kill him. She would realize this in the midst of a relationship Bhuni!Hope has succeeded in constructing with her, and there would be lots of tears, and horror, and the symbolic knife stuck in Hope’s torso.

Gosh, I just can’t give you guys happy things, can I?

K: What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

The premise in A Series of Firsts, where Hope and Snow have to come to terms with failing the world, and Light dying and becoming the Goddess, and then having to witness Light and Serah as children and then take them in, and do all in their power to prevent Orphan, and having them be family and Hope has a child with Light and then… they fail. And have to start all over again.

I’ve always appreciated time loops.

L: What's the weirdest AU you've ever come up with?

I discussed an idea with RainbowSerenity about a texting crack fic in the new world about the gang placing bets on how long it will take for Light and Hope to get together, and just being little shits in general (with a very liberal use of emoticons) and then Light and Hope are just there, like… should we tell them? When do you think they’ll realize we’ve been together for months now?

Also, an appearance by Bhunivelze via repeated friend requests to Light’s Facebook through a multitude of accounts. The sentence “how the hell does he have service in the deep ass of space!?” is written down in my phone.

I have to be in a very specific mood to write something of this sort, haha.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

The AU fic above. Hope finding the temple with Light’s statue in 13-2, and ritually visiting it before it becomes inaccessible. Also, a fic I will shortly be releasing on – once again – Bhuni!Hope.

Outside of the 13 fandom, I have further ideas for my 14 OCs and how they meet, fall in love, and then go their own ways. An idea for an original fantasy story I’ve been sitting on (I have the entire plot written out, too…).

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

If someone could read my mind and finish that one FF8 fic I started in 2007 and never finished, despite rewriting like three times, it would be a miracle. The OC I created for it has grown alongside me all this time and I treasure her deeply, even though her story will never be properly finished.

O: How do you begin a story--with the plot, or the characters?

I usually start with a plot idea I want to write about and then the characters usually write themselves.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

The way I write my oneshots, the most planning I ever do is I have the final sentence in mind and then I have to write to get to that point. When I write (wrote) multi-chaptered stories, I typically had the plot mapped out and sometimes things would just write themselves in the process.

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

That FF8 fic. I don’t even want to talk about it, haha. Also a Narnia fic I was writing and had like, two sequels planned for. I am just horrible at finishing things.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Not really? I always write however and whatever I want. I really admire attica on FFnet, though – their writing takes me breath away.

Also Sylvia Plath and E.E Cummings make my heart skip a beat.

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Bhuni!Hope, and Etro!Light. As has been made obvious.

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

Whenever Snow is being written as useless or dumb. That’s my biggest one.

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven't tried yet.

…Light and Snow, very brief in the original 13. I actually had something written down when the game first came out, but never properly wrote it.

Don’t kill me. It would be very sad where they share their angst over Serah and then realize what they’re doing and part ways.

V: A secondary (or underrated) character you want to see more of in fic?

Yeul. YEEUUULLL. I love Yeul. So much.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

Specific ones.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

All of them. Primarily, Light, Hope, and Yeul.

Y: A character you want to protect.

All of them. From me.

Z: Major character death--do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can't tolerate?

I love reading it if it’s written well, and I’ve never written specifics just background plot. There aren’t any deaths I can’t tolerate, because if done well, it can throw things into a nice twist.

[lavvellan-archive-blog]

tagged by my boy @beargrove

A—Age: 20

B—Birthplace: Huntsville AL

C—Current Time: 10:43 PM

D—Drink You Last Had: Dr.Pepper

E—Easiest Person To Talk To: @peacoatsandrosary @beargrove @helianthian

F—Favourite Song: uuuuuuuh right now its In A Week by Hozier

G—Grossest Memory: every time I get sick because it lasts like 2 days lmao?

H—Horror Yes or Horror No: yeahh

I—In Love: with myself bitch

J—Jealous of People: I don’t know if jealous is the right word, I’m pretty satisfied with everything about myself but I wish I had some people’s optimism and pure happiness?

there’s no K so I’ll make my own

K—Kylie Jenner Liquid Lipsticks: dry as fuck, made my lips peel. it’s a no from me

L—Love at First Sight or Should I Walk By Again: more like “gimme 6 months and ask me again”

M—Middle Name: leigh

N—Number of Siblings: one biological brother and one Good Pure Wholesome I Wish Was My Actual Big Brother - Logan

O—One Wish: to stop being sick all the god damn time

P—Person You Called Last: Uuuuuuh Amazon to get a subscription that I didn’t sign up for removed and refunded

Q—Question You Are Always Asked: “Why are you single” please stop I get asked this like once a day

R—Reason to Smile: I just opened a crisp new pack of mega stuffed oreos

S—Song You Sang Last:  something by breaking benjamin when I got out of the car

T—Time You Woke Up: uuuuuh 8:30-ish

U—Underwear Colour: orange/white

V—Vacation Destination: Florence Italyyyyy

W—Worst Habit: hair pulling :/

X—X-Rays: I’m pretty sure my whole body has been x-rayed by now

Y—Your Favourite Food: My mom’s shrimp coctail

Z—Zodiac Sign: capricorn

Tagging all the people from question E

[fancyanne]

ABC of Me

Tagged by: Technically by @twindoodle. But really I just saw it on my dash and was like “yeah im bored at work let’s do this”

A - Age: 23

B - Biggest Fear: Not being successful. I’m so ambitious and set unrealistically high standards for myself and then hate myself when I can’t reach them. But I don’t stop. Because that’s who I am. (slytherin ftw best house 12/10 would recommend)

C - Current time: 10:00 AM

D - Drink you last had: Caramel iced coffee from good ol’ Dunkin Donuts.

E - Everyday starts with: My labrador whining in my face between 5 and 6 am because he wants to go out and my cocker spaniel sleeping by my feet. 

F - Favorite Song: Uhhh at the moment it’s going to have to be Galway Girl by Ed Sheeran. I like too many genres of music to have a real favorite. I have a favorite in every genre.

G - Ghosts, are they real?: I definitely believe there are some beings that exist in a ghostly way. I’ve had too many weird and unexplainable experiences throughout my life for there to not be.

H - Hometown: Beachwood, New Jersey. And I still live there. :)

I - In love with: My dogs and my cat. They’re my children. The only children I ever want.

J - Jealous of: “My friends’ friends. I feel left out pretty easily and I know I shouldn’t and its unhealthy in my relationships but I squash it down pretty well most of the time.” -twindoodle..... This is quite accurate and I must confess that I feel the same. I have friends who I always go to first when something happens (be it good or bad), but I’m pretty sure I’m nobody’s first person to go to when things happen to them.

K - Killed Someone: One time I burned someone so bad that they just died from the embarrassment.

L - Last time you cried: Last night. I was watching the new Anne (of Green Gables) TV show on CBC (coming to Netflix tomorrow!!!) and it’s just so good. I was crying because Anne was crying. And as a fellow Anne with an E, I can’t help but sympathize with her. 

M - Middle Name: Catherine

N - Number of Siblings: Just my one “little” brother. He’s 3 years younger than me and a foot taller than me. We’re really close.

O - One Wish: To have a house of my own, surrounded by my friends and pets, and be satisfied with my career and how my life turned out.

P - Person you last called/text: My boss, because he wrote a check last night after I left the office and didn’t leave any details on the amount he wrote it for or who it was to or anything. And wrote it from the wrong bank account. So I was scolding him and grilling him for information.

Q - Question you’re always asked: “Are you old enough to do [insert thing]?” I look like I’m between 12 and 15 depending on what I’m wearing and how much makeup I have on. I’m 23. It’s fine. I’ll look like I’m 25 when I’m in my 40s.

R - Reason to smile: The people I love. My dogs and my cat. The fact that I work within walking distance of the ocean and can smell the sea on the breeze when it’s blowing westward. My D&D groups, who give me a reason to persevere through the week so that I can spend time with them. That I have a good job that I enjoy and a kind boss who gives me free rein to make my own schedule as long as I get my work done.

S - Song You Last sang: Oh it’s definitely Alexander Hamilton from Hamilton...I have my iTunes on shuffle right now and I can’t help but sing the song quietly to myself, even though I’m at work right now.

T - Time you woke up: 6:30 AM. My dog let me sleep in a bit this morning.

U - Underwear color: Pink with red, black, and white stripes.

V - Vacation Destination: I really enjoyed Ireland and Italy, so I’d have to choose one of them as a favorite and would love to go back. For more realistic vacation destinations, I’ll stick with Disney World and Universal Orlando. As for somewhere I’ve never been before, I’ve always dreamed of going to Egypt and seeing the pyramids at Giza.

W - Worst Habit: I am the worst procrastinator in the universe. I procrastinate things I don’t want to do. I procrastinate things I LOVE to do. I just don’t have the motivation to do anything. It’s taken me 40 minutes to do this post because I keep stopping to so other things.

X - X-rays: I had an x-ray done in high school for the stupidest reason. I was dogsitting for my friend’s rottweiler and she headbutt my hand and managed to sprain three of my fingers. She was too friendly of a dog for her own good.

Y - Your favorite foods: I’m quite partial to spaghetti with cacio e pepe at the moment. Pasta with Parmesan cheese and fresh cracked black pepper. I usually use spaghetti and pair it with some baked Italian seasoned chicken. It takes less than 30 minutes to make (counting the time to bake the chicken) and is simple enough that I, with no cooking skills, can make it.

Z - Zodiac Sign: Libra

And any of my followers who want to do this, please do and tag me in it because I love to read random things about people and learn about you.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 27 March 1832: SH:7/ML/E/15/0045

8 ¾

12 ¼

- Let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y Gordon (Garnestone Hereford 24th  inst[ant]) - 3 p[ages] - fine morn[in]g F[ahrenheit] 62° at 10 in my r[oo]m and 60° at 10 20/: in the blac[on]y - L[ad]y G- [Gordon] h[a]s settl[e]d h[e]r Spanish affairs b[u]t yet hopes to see Sp[ai]n ag[ai]n one of these days - Cosmo to ha[ve] a 5th. share as partner and she tho’ having nothing to receive for eight years has nothing to pay - L[ad]y G- [Gordon] wr[ite]s in good sp[iri]ts - chol[er]a is in Paris, b[u]t this will n[o]t prev[en]t her go[in]g there - we are to settle our plans ‘seat[e]d und[e]r the large tree on the top of the hill in the jardin des Plantes’ ‘and God willing we will see some curious scenes together before we die’ - all in the mind to agree and half sorry at being at all hampered with Miss H- [Hobart]  br[eak]f[a]st at 10 20/: Mr. Wooll ca[me] to measure my b[oo]ks for a box to pack them in and L[ad]y Anne Scott call[e]d ab[ou]t 12 1/2 for ab[ou]t 20 min[ute]s - till then Miss [Hobart] and I had got into talking she not liking my so thorough change reminded her of what she had said last Sunday week   I could understand her marrying but in no other case could I relish her fancy fancying anyone more than myself if there was any change of our ever living together   it seems she has ssome thought she may marry we got on very well till I made some unlucky remark on this subject and she was in tears and I sorry till we w[e]nt out a lit[tle] bef[ore] 1 for an h[ou]r - (Miss H- [Hobart] and I) w[e]nt to Woolls, saunt[ere]d a lit[tle] in the Lond[on] r[oa]d and in front of the Croft and there she took courage to be conciliatory to say she liked me very much and in substance that if she did

SH:7/ML/E/15/0046

not always ssay what I liked  she was afraid to say too soon what might be repented of  afterwards   perhaps that was unkind   no not at all said I understand you your reason is i[n]telligible and I am satisfied  she was pleased to see me take it so well and suffice it to say we became good friends and afterwards went on comfortably and I said I should write differently to Lady G- [Gordon]  from what I had intended and merely say we would settle all in  London I see Miss H- [Hobart] thinks me too old for her I said ten years   but the fact is she likes me or at least does not like the idea of my too easily slipping thro’ her fingers   I become calmer and calmer  resolved and more and more able to look to my own interest   providence orders all things wisely  I will wait patiently the event doing the best I can for myself   but let me keep my heart  aloof and give it less hastily in time to come   I will be rather more liant to Miss H- [Hobart] but after all she has cured me more than perhaps she wished or intended -

asleep in my r[oo]m fr[om] 3 to 4 -

then in 35 min[ute]s wr[ote] the ab[ov]e of today - at 4 20/: turn[e]d to my let[ter] to M- [Mariana] 2 p[ages] writ[ten] on Sun[day] and

near[l]y 1 writ[ten] yest[erday] morn[in]g - do n[o]t like h[e]r to th[in]k my health so m[u]ch the worse for

Hast[in]gs - ‘you are right - I sh[oul] be bet[ter] for 2 or 3 w[ee]ks w[i]th you at Lawt[o]n; b[u]t I can[no]t manage

it now - the bug-bus[ine]ss does really stick terrib[l]y in my throat, in spi[te] of all y[ou]r good reason[in]g

ab[ou]t it - yet ev[e]n if I c[oul]d get it digest[e]d so soon (and y[ou]r infl[uen]ce w[oul]d be all pow[er]ful) still that

w[oul]d n[o]t get rid of the oth[e]r diffic[ultie]s, Shibd[e]n and the carr[ia]ge duty concern - I shall be ver[y] ver[y] sor[ry]

if I do n[o]t see you; b[u]t, at this mom[en]t, I see lit[tle] chance of our manag[in]g an[y]th[in]g like a comf[orta]ble

meet[in]g - the obstac[le]s are fearfully strong on y[ou]r side, and mine too’ - can[no]t get off fr[om] here till the

23[r]d Ap[ril] and shall be oblig[e]d to go to Lond[on] aft[e]r all; for tho’ L[ad]y G- [Gordon] and I ha[ve] been ‘writ[in]g ab[ou]t our

plans; b[u]t it will be decid[edl]y  best to talk them ov[e]r’   I m[u]st be in Lond[on] on the 25th next m[on]th and embark on the 29th

wheth[e]r L[ad]y G- [Gordon] can be ready or n[o]t - determ[ine]d n[o]t to lose the duty

on my carr[ia]ge aft[e]r all the poth[e]r ab[ou]t it - ‘yet the n[o]t see[in]g you will be a gr[ea]t disapp[ointmen]t, a

real afflict[io]n; and the near[e]r the ti[me] co[me]s, the mo[re] I shall feel it, and be irresolute’ - b[u]t hope to

see h[e]r on the oth[e]r side the wat[e]r    ‘It ab[ou]t six m[on]ths s[in]ce I saw you - So[me]how or oth[e]r, I can[no]t

fancy I shall be ver[y] m[u]ch long[e]r bef[ore] I see you ag[ai]n - Mary! I am poth[ere]d ab[ou]t ho[me] concerns, and

can neith[e]r do wh[a]t I wish, or wh[a]t I ought - B[u]t, in the midst of all, the conclud[in]g part of

y[ou]r let[ter] ma[ke]s me laugh - Miss H- [Hobart] ta[ke] up her abode w[i]th me! n[o]t that I kno[w] of or expect -

Do you n[o]t rememb[e]r wh[a]t I ha[ve] alw[a]ys told you? - H[e]r health once reestab[lishe]d, and I count

up[on] her companion[in]g hers[elf] ver[y] diff[erentl]y’ - L[ad]y S- [Stuart] h[a]s been ill - b[u]t is recov[ere]d - is 8 or 9

y[ea]rs young[e]r than my fath[e]r and may ha[ve] sev[era]l comf[orta]ble y[ea]rs to co[me] - can[no]t settle an[y]th[in]g w[i]th

L[ad]y G- [Gordon] in Lond[on] - all this talk[e]d ov[e]r w[i]th M- [Mariana] when I saw h[e]r last, that she kno[w]s up to this

ti[me] as m[u]ch as I do - ‘I cert[ainl]y do wish so[me]th[in]g w[a]s settl[e]d - b[u]t being impat[ien]t does no good; and I

ta[ke] th[in]gs as they co[me], ver[y] quiet[l]y - I th[in]k of noth[in]g as fix[e]d, b[u]t my go[in]g to Paris in the 1

st

inst[an]ce’ - 10 days

quarantine, b[u]t comf[orta]ble temp[orar]y hot[e]ls to perform it in - finish[e]d my let[ter] last 1/3 of p[age] 3.

and long ends and und[e]r the seal sm[all] and close - tell her to ta[ke] care of hers[elf] and wr[ite] me cheer[in]g let[ter]s

I can[no]t bear to th[in]k of n[o]t seeing you ag[ai]n bef[ore] I go - and yet wh[a]t can I do? all my consolat[io]n is, that

all h[a]s been talk[e]d ov[e]r - noth[in]g left unsaid - and if there be an[y]th[in]g new that c[oul]d be add[e]d, perh[aps] it is

that I hope I shall nev[e]r repent the decis[io]n that my a[un]t hers[elf] made, and the break[in]g up our estab[lishemen]t in

Paris - B[u]t this is qui[te] bet[ween] ours[elves]’ ment[ione]d McD-‘s [Macdonald] go[in]g to leave my a[un]t on acc[oun]t of her (McD-‘s [Macdoland])

health - and that they ha[ve] h[a]d the cholera in Paris these 2 m[on]ths - at 5 50/: s[e]nt off my let[ter] to Mrs. Lawt[o]n

Lawt[o]n hall Lawt[o]n Cheshire - wr[ote] 1 p[age] to my a[un]t - dress[e]d - din[ner] at 6 3/4 in 40 min[ute]s - coff[ee] at

8 - won 1 and lost 1 hit at b[a]ckgam[mo]n - fr[om] 9 3/4 in an h[ou]r r[ea]d al[ou]d fr[om] p[age] 101 to 140 ch[apter] 59 vol[ume] xi. Gibb[o]n

ca[me] upst[ai]rs at 11 10/: and to my r[oo]m at 11 1/4 -

very good friends   she asked me to give her a half hoop ruby ring perhaps we shall now go on very well   I have no inclination to teaze her with caresses and ‘tis well -

fine mild day

b[u]t ver[y] lit[tle] sun aft[e]r 11 or 12 in the morn[in]g F[ahrenheit] 63° in my r[oo]m at 11 3/4 p.m. and 41° at 12 in

the balc[on]y - L[ad]y Anne Scott s[e]nt us this ev[enin]g to look Withering’s bot[an]y by MacGillivray 1 vol[ume] [octa]vo cloth

pl[a]tes 10/. - seems useful, and easy, and element[ar]y, and suffic[ientl]y portable

[rollertoasteroflife]

A-Z

Tagged by @katyaton thanks this is excellent procrastination and I love oversharing ;)

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, then tag up to 10 people plus the person who tagged you.

a- age: 20

b - biggest fear: That I’ll have to live the rest of my life how I did in the year after I finished 6th form when I had a mental breakdown and pretty much gave up on everything. I’m proud of myself for fighting through it and the terror of going back to that is largely what makes me continue now so i can’t say i regret it but yeah it terrifies me (oversharing much abby? nope carry on....)

c - current time: 1:21pm (wait what i thought it was 11....)

d - drink you last had: A mug of tea!

e - every day starts with: about 30 mins of me hating the world until my personality arrives.

f - favorite song: seriously how can I have one??!?! I’m currently binging everything by Caro Emerald on youtube though so I recommend her

g - ghosts, are they real: I don’t think so but I’d be cool if they were

h - hometown: by this do you mean place I was born? Or place I grew up? Or place I live? Cos they’re all different......Also don’t really want to share that on the internet so I’ll stick with England for all the answers ;)

i - in love with: my 100 fictional worlds and characters........also just learning new stuff in general

j - jealous of: People that are happy

k - killed someone: fortunately no....

l - last time you cried: ahahahha who the fuck even remembers yesterday I think?? I don’t process emotion very well so crying is often the only way I can sort through emotions (yes i am basically toddler that is allowed to live by herself)

m - middle name: Rachel

n - number of siblings: 2 half sisters

o - one wish: Can I please me happy and satisfied in my life

p - person you last called/texted: My friend bop for both cos she got lost

q - questions you’re always asked:  are you listening? (answer: probably not i have a very short attention span and hearing problems) How do you have so much hair? (answer: genetics and I’m too vain to cut it short)

r - reasons to smile: I’m currently singing to Caro Emerald while finishing off my last work for this year of uni and then freedommmmmmm. Also cats

s - song last sang: the other woman-caro emerald

t - time you woke up: 10:30- usually i wake up earlier but i stayed up until three cos i couldn’t sleep

u - underwear color: ahahaha I just had to check and am mildly ashamed to admit but leopard print......

v - vacation destination: Cyprus cos I want to see where my family grew up, spain cos I love it and a friend is there so I’m gonna try and visit, just yeah there are so many places i want to visit so i’ll just stop here.... 

w - worst habit: I dwell on my thoughts when I’m feeling low and just make everything worse. Also I put off my dishes all the time until i have no plates left....

x - x-rays you’ve had: Dental 

y - your favorite food: stop asking for one favourite i feel attacked...... but probs a proper roast dinner cos i will fight someone for a roast and i don’t get them often as i’m not good at cooking them

z - zodiac sign: Leo

Tagging: @deaded123 & @showmethestarlight and if anyone else wants to oevrshare please do-i’d tag more of my followers except i have done in the past and literally no one does them apart from my two loser friends here (jokes i love you guys ;) ) but yeah if you want to do please do!

[darlenchanted]

Another tag

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you’re done tag 10 people plus the person who tagged you*, and most importantly, HAVE FUN

*Wait, wait, wait... What? What’s the goddamn point? Ok, whatever.

Tagged by @retrosundae

A- Age: 20 (turning 21 this year... Noooo!)


B- Biggest fear: My biggest fear is death... I think.


C- Current time: 1:31 PM


D- Drink you last had: Tea

E- Everyday starts with: Um... Waking up?

F- Favourite song: Too many to choose one.

G- Ghosts, are they real: I don’t know. Maybe?


H- Hometown: Do I have to? Alright. Most of you won’t even know where it is anyway. Brzeg.


I- In love with: No one who’s real... except me. Just kidding. I actually don’t like myself much. So... I’m in love with nobody who exists.


J- Jealous of: A lot of things.

K- Killed someone: No... Not yet...


L- Last time you cried: After I woke up from my last nightmare... No wait, one before last. The last one didn’t make me cry.

M- Middle name: Agnieszka


N- Number of siblings: 3

O- One wish: To become trully independent.

P- Person you last called/texted: My dad.

Q- Questions you’re always asked: "How do you do?” (I hate it)

R- Reasons to smile: That I’m not a complete disaster... yet.

S- Song last sang: ‘Shine’ from ‘12 Dancing Princesses’

T- Time you woke up: Today? Um... around 9-10 AM


U- Underwear colour: No... Please, stop. Fine! Black and white... Satisfied?


V- Vacation destination: Home.

W- Worst habit: Playing with my hair, biting my lips and fingernails, yelling when I’m angry, cursing a lot, getting stressed out by nothing, slouching and being a cold bitch too often. I think that’s it.

X- X-rays you’ve had: Don’t remember.

Y- Your favourite food: Spaghetti, pizza, strawberry sherbet

Z- Zodiac sign: Leo

I tag: Nobody. If you’re nobody... DO IT... OR ELSA!