#say what you will about Mulder but he gives one hell of a I love you and don’t deserve you speech

[contrivedcoincidences6]

“I love you”

★☆☆☆☆

“You were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant... my touchstone.”

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

[postmodernbeliever]

okay so first of all love your work so far, thanks for sharing!! second i was thinking about how easily fox would get a hard on in public, like you give him a single word of praise or you say his name in a certain way and suddenly his work pants are feeling incredibly tight and his hands are running all over his face and he has to stay behind his desk or maybe stick a pillow down against his groin just for a little bit of relief and you barely even did anything

anyways i want to scream i need him so bad

payback- fox mulder x female reader (smut!!!!)

it takes very little to get fox going. one touch, one word, and he’s putty in your hands. so one day, when he's a little too much for you, you decide to hit the man with a little payback- and god, it's worth it!

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to whoever sent this ask in, babeeeee I DROOLED!!! i hope i completed the fantasy for you, even if just a little ;) put my own twist on it. hope you enjoy. <3

my ao3 | word count: 4,010

content tags: smut, teasing, public hand jobs, light angst, fox is needy as hell, you’re kinda hot… damn, cross posted on ao3

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it was embarrassing, honestly. he just couldn’t keep it together. fox isn’t typically so easy– well, in a way he is, because he knows just as well as you do that pretty much anything will set him off. but he’s always been good about hiding it in public… at least, he was before he met you. 

for a guy as horny as he is, you’d think he would thrive under pressure. you’d seen plenty of guys respond to the feeling, seeking a reward, and it would make sense for fox to fit this approach; he was cocky, often to his own detriment, and he pushed until he got what he wanted, whether that be top-secret files or a diet coke from the vending machine. he was a go-getter in every sense of the word. but the second his brain couldn’t keep up with his crotch, he became a lost cause. you liked that about him. it was so easy to get him flustered, and when he was, it was adorable; he tripped up every other word, he got fidgety, he struggled to comprehend even the simplest of conversation, and all that dysfunction was the result of a touch or a sound. 

you learned of this little talent of his the first time you visited him at work. the two of you hadn’t been dating long, but anybody in the same room as you could recognize the disgusting eyes the two of you gave each other. as much as he made your heart flutter, he also made your hips ache, and you were just dying for him– and he felt the same. he couldn’t get enough of you. one afternoon the agent gave you a ring on your cell phone and asked if you wanted to take your lunch break with him, and you laughed and informed the man you’d called in sick for no other reason than you couldn't bear to go into work that day. so he insisted you come and hang out with him in his office, at least for a little while, and you had no problem saying yes. when you got there, you finally got to snap the missing piece of his puzzle into place; the walls screamed of his nature, of his passion, the insanity that turned everyone but you off of him. all the files and disorganization piled high around him like a palace throne, and he sat in his squeaking desk chair, king of it all. you could’ve drowned in that room almost as badly as you wished to drown in him. you’d brought food from a shop down the street, and he ate it gratefully, and you talked his ear off for hours about cases and what it’s like to shoot a gun and have you ever seen any vampires?, and after a while of letting you see him in a space intimate as that, he was getting himself all worked up. you sat so pretty on his desk as he had his back to you, rifling through case files and showing you confidential things he could get fired for. you also looked so pretty when you gazed into his microscope in the back of the office, playing around with all his toys. but when you walked over to where he sat behind his desk and touched all his photographs with curious eyes, and said, “looks like you’re good at your job, fox,” you learned for the first time how easy he was to please. you ogled how he crossed one leg over the other and let out a frustrated groan, and how every move you made wasn’t so much admired as coveted; you saw pleading eyes, a dry mouth, restless hands running up and down his legs and over his blushing skin. you saw how once he couldn’t take it anymore, he cornered you by his favorite poster and kissed you right beneath the saucer, and you’d never forget it.

you didn’t wield this power too often, because you didn’t want to frustrate him. it was so easy to get him riled up and leave him hanging, but you didn’t always have the willpower not to help him out after the fact. and who could blame you, when you have a six-foot-tall government agent for a boyfriend, noisy and whiny and brutally hot all at once? torturing him was fun, yet it had to be done sparingly. but it was a good kick in the back of the knee when he was getting too aggravating, and you could use that leverage right about now.

all day, fox had been getting on your nerves. it takes a lot for him to annoy you because most of the time if he's getting arrogant, you find it attractive. but today was a different situation. the agent came home early, pissed off beyond reconciliation, yet another official reprimand to stain his personal file with the bureau. he burst through the door with a mouthful to spew, and you’d hung around him all day as he paced the floor and brooded over his desktop full of files. you did just about everything you could to cheer the guy up; you made him fresh coffee, you threw his favorite sweater in the dryer so he could pull on something warm, you’d even called in a chinese food order so he could get something in his stomach. but none of it was working. when you tried to play with his hair, he brushed you off, and every time you kissed his shoulder, he’d meet you with near indifference. if you didn’t know how much he loved you, you might’ve slapped him, but this mood wasn’t one he could just get over. he was snappy and tired and upset, and there was only so much you could take, so when hours had passed and he was still being a grump, you decided to get some fresh air– but not without an ulterior motive, of course. 

with freshly set curls and the darkest lipstick you had on hand, you primped yourself to go out for a drink with a few girls from work. they invite you every friday night and you always decline, because there is typically a certain man waiting up for you– but that man seemed not to care, so you chose to take them up on the offer this time around. you shuffled through your blended closet, pulling one of fox’s suit jackets off the rack and draping it over your bare shoulders. you wore a little black dress with a sweetheart neck that stopped just above your knees, the very dress you wore on your and fox’s first date. shoving your feet into a pair of kitten heels, you clicked your way out of the bedroom and into the apartment, standing squarely before the television so fox was forced to take a look. 

“what do you think?”

you watched his big eyes trail up your pantyhose-clad legs, admiring the lacy pattern, and a smile quirked on his lips. “pretty. hey, you’re wearing the dress.”

“i’m going out,” you sighed, blowing past his acknowledgement.

“out? where?”

“some girls from work invited me to grab a drink at the bar,”

“but it’s friday night!”

you rolled your eyes, forcing yourself to tuck away the mischievous grin you felt creeping in. “well, i’ve been stuck inside all day with you, debbie downer. i wanna go have a little fun.”

the man shifted in his seat, expression turning sour. “so you’re not gonna hang out with me tonight?”

“baby, i’ve been trying to hang out with you all day. you just keep brushing me off.”

you crossed the living room to the foyer, where your purse sat on his dining room table. he got up and followed you in, and when you turned around he was right behind you. he had a softer look about him, something like regret, and you had to remind yourself to stand tall in the face of your biggest weakness.

“i’m sorry. i’ve been an asshole.”

“yeah, you have.”

“you know i love you,” he frowned, “more than anything in the world.”

even in heels, you still had to push onto your toes to reach him. with a soft kiss to his cheek, you replied, “i know you do, don’t worry.”

“but you’re still going out anyway,” he huffed.

“i am. but…” you pushed on his chest so he’d take a step back, “if you want to come with me–”

all of a sudden he had floppy ears and a tail, his sparkling eyes full of hope that you’d already forgiven him. “i can come?”

“sure, you can come… it’ll be work friends, though, you have to be social.”

“psh, me? antisocial? love, you’re crazy.”

you giggled as he hurried off to the bedroom, rushing to change out of the work clothes he’d sulked in all day. you leaned against the wall in the foyer, peeking through the door as he changed. you admired the curve of his back while he draped it with a white t-shirt and layered a henley over top, tucking the front into his jeans. you saw him reach for the brown leather jacket in the closet and silently thanked god. once he wriggled into that beat-up pair of timberlands you adored, you straightened out against the wall, working to keep your nonchalant composure. 

he did a little spin and asked in a girly voice, “what do you think?”

and in the deepest tone you could muster, you answered, “pretty.”

he scoffed, taking your hand and leading you out the door, promising, “not as pretty as you.”

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this is where the fun begins. you got him out of the house and in public, where he can’t escape you, and you were going to have your way.

you saw it in every move he made after you placed your hand on his thigh. you sat with three coworkers at the bar, chatting and laughing while they slammed glasses of wine and you nursed a lukewarm beer. fox wasn’t a drinker, so he had a club soda and cranberry, and after a while, you started sharing his drink and leaving yours to collect sweat. you told them all about fox’s job and they questioned him endlessly about solving unexplained cases, and they all seemed to fawn over him which you expected; girls always drool over him when you’re around. he found it funny, and despite the inkling of jealousy, so did you. he seemed to be enjoying himself as he talked about his most recent case, and you smiled, because you’d been waiting all day to do this. you waited for him to finish his sentence, and you let your hand fall gently on his thigh, laughing along with the others. 

“crazy job, don’t you guys think so?” you teased, and they all nodded, yelling over each other in the chaos of the bar. 

fox shot you a look, and you bit your lip like you had nothing on your mind at all. he leaned in close to your ear and asked, “what are you doing?”

you bumped your nose into his cheek playfully. “nothing!” 

“b-but–”

“but what?” you interrupted, pushing your hand down his leg to reach his knee, which you scratched at softly with your fingernails. he felt the sensation through his jeans and shuddered. 

the agent took a sip of his drink and placed his hand over yours on his knee, stopping your teasing. he glanced at the girls who'd invited you, and all three of them were in some deafening debate, almost like you two never showed up. you crossed one leg over the other on the barstool and turned towards the man, deciding that if they were going to be in their own world, you might as well have fun in yours. 

“they’re pretty hammered,” he diverted.

“good,” you smirked, “maybe they’ll be drunk enough to leave us alone.”

“i thought you wanted to come spend time with them,”

“i did, but you know me. i like you better.”

you admired the blush on his cheeks, and you knew it was burning hot because the only light inside the place radiated from neon signs. his eyes darted all over, and he kept chugging his soda, and you felt pride flooding your chest. 

“listen, i’m sorry about today,” fox apologized, tucking a lock behind your ear. “i hope you’re not mad.”

“not anymore,” you winked, and you leaned over to press a kiss to his jaw. you barely let your lips touch his skin– you wanted him to wish you’d come closer. 

slowly, calculated-like, you took his glass and stole the last sip, making the effort to dribble a little down your chin. you wiped up the spill with your thumb and licked it off, and fox’s lips parted. you wished it wasn’t so loud, because you could imagine the soft pant that fell from those lips. 

“what is it, baby?”

the man gave you a look, and then he shifted in his seat. your eyes drifted to his lap, where a little bump was rising, and they nearly bugged out of your head. even if it was what you set out for, you'd never get used to how little it took to get him going. you draped your hand over his bicep and squeezed, placing down his empty glass with glittering eyes.

“y-you… what- what are you trying to do?” fox stammered.

with an innocent bat of a lash, you answered, “nothing, foxie!” and when the flames began to paint his face, you giggled, “something wrong?”

“well- you- i- i mean,” fox groaned, rubbing his hands back and forth over his rosy face to try and shake the feeling swirling inside him. “you’re acting all…”

“all what?”

you stared intently as he passed his hands through all that thick, tawny hair on his head, wishing they were yours. something about him was unbelievable when he got this way. he licked his lips and swallowed nothing but air.

“fox, what’s gotten into you?” you chuckled as the man began running his palms back and forth across the wooden bartop. 

as he dug at the counter with his nails, he grumbled, “you– you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

“m’not doing anything,” you lied as you let your hand fall on his thigh again, this time dangerously close to the bulge with your name written on it. 

you watched him hiss, taking your hand and putting it back in your lap. he raised his own in an attempt to flag down the waiter, but there was no chance he’d get noticed; the bar was packed to the gills with drunken bodies, all swarming around you, all moments away from being privy to his situation if you pulled anything else. fox looked like he was lost– in the bar, in his head, in the pressure pushing against his pants– and you were soaking it in like sunshine.

“you look so good tonight, have i told you that?” you gushed, “well, i did as a joke before, but i mean it. you’re so handsome.”

“come on, love,” fox rolled his eyes as if he couldn’t believe you were doing this here, now, in front of the world.

“what? i’m being serious! i like that shirt on you, it makes you look so strong,” you brushed your fingertips along the neckline, letting your nails drag across the base of his throat. you watched a torrential shudder tumble down his back, a curated avalanche in the making. 

“i- i mean-”

“–and you’ve been so sweet since you got over your mood, which makes me so happy. you know i love when you’re good to me,” you sighed, “and you are. you’re so good to me, foxie.”

suddenly, a strong palm wrapped itself around your wrist and tugged you off the barstool. fox didn’t even bother telling the girls where you were going since you hadn’t heard from them in a while anyway; he only pulled you through the thumping building, weeding through clusters of drunks towards the glowing bathroom sign in the back. butterflies were stuffing you full as he pushed open the women’s bathroom door, which was miraculously a dingy little single with a lock. letting go of his grip on you, he locked the door, muffling the blaring noise coming from outside. 

“hey, wait a minute–”

fox’s face dropped. you yelped as he rushed his hands across you, touching everywhere he could, snaking them beneath your stolen jacket and under your dress. you reveled in the feeling, but once his lips tried to press against your neck, you clicked your tongue in disapproval. 

“not here, fox,”

“nobody’s gonna see us,” the man urged, “i– you– come on, please?”

“if you want anything, you have to take me home.”

“you just fuckin’ teased me all night,” he growled, “please, baby.”

you giggled as he backed your hips up to the one and only sink, trapping you beneath his palms. his hard-on twitched against your stomach, and as you looked up into his tall, swimming eyes, you could see something surrendering inside them. you pressed your hands against his stomach, and he pressed himself against you, sighing softly at the ounce of relief. 

“you’re so bad, wanting me to get you off in a bar bathroom,” you teased.

“yeah, i’m the bad one. don’t act stupid.”

“don’t be mean, or you get nothing.” you sucked on your teeth, giving him maliciously sweet eyes. 

“okay, okay, i’m sorry. just… please.”

fox leaned down to rest his head on your shoulder, letting out a whimper so soft it was nearly undetectable. you had to stop your eyes from rolling back at how needy he was; he’s never been this bad, of all the times you’d brutally strung him out in public. maybe it was because he was experiencing your twisted form of payback, or maybe it was all the stress from work in the morning, but you pushed him to a new limit without ever really touching him. your entire body began to burn as you reached your palm down between his hips and rested your hand where he begged for you, and felt a pair of lips attach themselves to your neck, nipping softly at the skin in gratitude. you massaged him like he was fragile, like anything rougher would break him, and in a way, it was true– his knees were weak already, and as he rolled his hips against your palm, his hands trembled at his hold on the hem of your dress. 

“need me that bad, hm?”

all you got back was a strangled, “mm.”

“m’not gonna get on my knees, the floor is too dirty,” you chuckled, knowing he wanted more than what he was getting. 

fox didn’t speak. his brain was too wired to indulge you, but his body ached to be touched, so he found a nonverbal way to ask for it; he lifted you and shoved you onto the sink, and you scrambled to grab at the ceramic countertop. 

“fox–”

his big hands shoved beneath your dress and dug into the chub of your hips, scratching at your legs like a dog. he craned his neck down to kiss you, and as you got distracted by the sugary cranberry crystals at the corners of his lips, he moved in a hurry to unbutton his jeans. you didn’t know exactly what he was doing until your hand made contact with smooth skin, and you looked down to see his cock just barely bouncing in your buzzing palm, swollen and screaming for contact. 

your lips turned downward in a sympathetic smile as you cooed, “oh, baby.”

you shuffled up the counter a little bit so you had a little more room to arch forward. bringing your palm up to let a little spit dribble out of your mouth, nice and slow, just how he likes, you watched his jaw drop and you spread the stuff around your hand with your tongue. when he was sufficiently driven insane, you wrapped your hand all the way around him and laughed. 

“i can feel that second heartbeat you’ve got,” was all you said before you began pumping. 

fox’s hands flew to your face as you stroked him, his thumb gravitating to your tongue; his eyes were glazed over like never before, and you wished you could take a picture. you watched air fill his tummy over and over, heaving in desperation, and he bucked into your hand as if he’d never been touched before in his life. you moved a little faster, feeling the soft disruption of his veins underneath your fingers, swiping your thumb over his tip and making him shake. and fox was all noise, louder and prettier sounding than any club song baring behind the locked door. strings of your name interlaced with curses and promises and praises of how good you were, and how he loved you, and that he wished he was home so you could do more than this, and you sat there swearing that he would get what he wanted the second you two left. by the time you shut him up with your mouth, he was nearly there; and by the time you pulled him by the hips right against your soft stomach, both hands on him, his cock close enough he could feel your dress bunching up on his head, he was there. he was far fucking past there, cumming all over your pretty black dress, leaving milky stains you’d have to cover with his jacket, stains he would be reminded of later when he ripped that thing off you at home. you were in his ear instantly as he collapsed into your shoulder, holding him up, voice soft so you didn’t make his head buzz any more than it was already. 

“oh, good job, baby, good boy,” you smiled, “how’s that, hm? better?”

“bet… better,” he panted, back to the obsessive kissing all over your neck. 

“there’s so much more where that came from, foxie, i promise.”

“then can we get the fuck outta here?” he whined, pulling away to show you his pretty pink face. 

with one last warm kiss, one where you caught his lip between your teeth just for fun, you nodded. “get me a towel first."

fox passed you a paper towel which you used to wipe your dress with, and he chuckled at how you gently folded it up and dropped it in the trash can, like it was a treasure to you. then, as you hopped down from the counter and he zipped his jeans back up, you took him by the hand and dragged him out of the restroom, back over to the bar where your three coworkers were wasted beyond saving. you leaned into the conversation and said, “gotta bounce! i’ll see you guys next week!” and didn’t stick around to hear the drunken replies. instead, you guided the pretty boy behind you out to the parking lot, where he rushed to get behind the wheel and drive you home. you thanked god he didn’t have a drink in his system because he was in a real hurry. 

as you sat in his passenger seat, watching his jittering hand play with the gear shift, you were almost satisfied. your idea of revenge might be a little twisted, but it worked. you’d accomplished what you set out for, now the owner of an apology and a man aching for you. but after that stunt at the bar, you had a newfound greed, one you wouldn’t shake until he got you home; and maybe you were abusing your power, but how could you let up now? as you placed your hand over his, the engine revved beneath your feet, and you giggled. maybe it was torture, but he liked it– so you played with his fingers, and he groaned, and when you finally reached his apartment building, the two of you couldn’t get upstairs fast enough.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 2 thoughts

ah, this episode! i have heard it is very scary. so i’m curious to see how creepy it can be. usually what gets me the most is body horror, at least so far. 

i’m really not a horror fan so i’m interested to see if this will push my limits or just be kinda silly. remember that evil AI in like s1 episode 8? and when it was unplugged it said “noooo, brad :(“ or something like that? yeah that one just made me giggle lol

(author's note after seeing the episode: what...)

(additional author's note: read to the end to see why i think this episode might be actually about the civil war's long-term consequences)

how far we have progressed since then! 

let us begin!!!

we open with a storm and some scary music. pretty intense for the first few seconds. oh, now someone is giving birth. it is very dark and hard to see but it appears these individuals do not look like your average fellow off the street.

GAG! slurping noises are produced as the baby emerges. birth counts as body horror btw i do NOT make the rules. EUGH the umbilical cord…

(sorry y’all pls take no offense to those who have or desire children someday... it’s just something that makes me feel dizzy to watch but i support your dreams and choices i promise 🙏)

okay, but the baby is crying so that’s usually a good sign right? like better than a quiet baby, i think.

but a bunch of people are leaving after the delivery and i thought they would stick around to do things like look at the baby and see if it is healthy and stuff. but no. they’re leaving. where are they going...

they’re digging a hole?????? WHAT DA HELL. BABY IN THE HOLE??!!!!!! while someone cries terribly. OMG the grief…

WHAT THE HELL???

what have i gotten myself into……

intro time. always gonna think about that tweet regarding scully’s glamour shot on her ID. anyway just in case you forgot the truth IS out there.

so we see some kids in a place called home, pennsylvania, and they’re playing baseball. you know how children are, with their baseball. it’s as serious to them as a senator running a reelection campaign. 

kid knocks the ball over the fence, and onto the property of “the peacocks”. the kids will NOT go get the ball, and instead find a spare. seems they prepared for this, or could maybe find a place that isn’t next to a very scary house to play ball, but i understand spacial constraints.

OH???? the kid is digging his foot in to go swing and…. BLOODY PUDDLE???? THIS MUST BE THE BABY FROM BEFORE????

he backs away as we see a tiny hand in the dirt. that poor kid omfg he must have been traumatized… and his sneakers were so bright and white…..

cutscene to mulder in the field after all the kids have fled! ah, mulder loves his baseball. in fact, he even sniffs it. he’s practicing his pitching LMAOOOO please be serious for FIVE minutes. 

scully is measuring the hole while he does all this. in fact, he is not stopping. it just keeps going while she talks about the angle of the shovel.

she makes some quip about quitting the FBI and becoming a spokesperson for the ab roller, when he SHOVES THE BALL UNDER HER NOSE and says “smell that” THIS MAN IS SUUUUUCH A WEIRDO I LOVE HIM

“it’s perfume. eau de ball” (stupid little mulder smile)

very strong juxtaposition between baby death and a daydreaming mulder, but that is the sort of thing we have come to expect from this show. he seems enchanted.

WAIT! he’s talking about his sister… “all-day pickup games out on the Vineyard” and going down to the beach… no cell phones or faxes… oh man, this baseball has him talking about his family :(

“mulder, if you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you’d lapse into catatonic schizophrenia” <- WELL GET HIM! it is true. he is always making calls and then abruptly hanging up.

feels weird to be smiling like a fool at my screen as these two talk about their lives after seeing the opening scene... but here we are!

“scully, you don’t know me as well as you think you do. you know my work demands that i live in a big city, but if i had to settle down, build a home, it’d be a place like this” 

OHHHHH MY GOSH

1. he has though about settling down and having a life outside of his work, and this is such a character reveal, and i know he wants like a small army of children, and

2. i just KNOW those words are gonna come back and bite him when this place is revealed to be some sort of cult

she says it would be like living in mayberry which i had to google BUT: it is the town from the andy griffith show. ah, i see. so very quaint.

someone pulls up to see them and i paused at just the right time to see that mulder’s shirt is very baggy and living up to my URL, which is good because sometimes i worry it’s a bit TOO niche, but i made it after watching 4 episodes so i’m too attached to change it now. meanwhile, scully’s coat is wonderfully sleek and it’s a fun little contrast.

this is sheriff taylor, who says this is a very small town, and there are no real suspects. mulder asks about the peacocks next door, and the sheriff goes… quiet. apparently three boys lived there, and their parents were hurt in an accident. the sheriff and his team tried to administer care to the parents, but the boys took the bodies home??? that’s. odd.

so these peacocks have no electricity, grow their own food, and… are inbred. the sheriff says they are feeble and sad, and wouldn’t have any idea what they are talking about. which just makes me think they are the prime suspects.

the sheriff is saying that he loves his town, it is quiet and peaceful, and he knew someday it would change when something terrible happened. when he saw “it” in the ground, he knew that day had come. he seems convinced it’s an outsider but also he is purposefully ignoring all the evidence in the other direction. and he wants their help, but he doesn’t want anything to change. 

(i see... this is about the terrible secrets of small towns and the wish to keep everything quiet and preserve an idyllic image rather than make meaningful change)

apparently they were recommended to help out when “the victim” was described, so mulder says that maybe they should go take a look.

and whew, when they cut to a bundle of blankets next to some cans of spam (that look like they’re partially covered to hide the branding?) it’s a lot. it's a lot to handle, for me, emotionally, but i guess that's a fairly normal reaction. the sheriff just pulled the baby right out of the fridge. we also meet a deputy named barney.

they shove poor scully in a tiny bathroom with just a sink in it to do her work, because they don’t want anyone else seeing the autopsy go down. the sheriff says they can’t do it in his office, because everyone knows he never locks his office door, and they’d start rumors. this whole small town thing is starting to seem quite oppressive.

mulder is also here in this tiny closet-like bathroom, and i can feel the claustrophobia from here. despite the lack of space, scully begins.

and she is taken aback, but not as much by the fact that it is a child but that said child “has been afflicted by every rare birth defect known to science”. mulder has his arm on the wall leaning in and watching in a way that is weird for the space.

we only see a few shots of the baby- thankfully, because i don't think i could handle seeing any more of it than we do- but it’s enough to make me go whew, shout-out to the props department for making something that looks like that, because that is how i cope with seeing things on this show that make me nearly faint

she is reciting the various things that this child has been born with, and mulder says that they can probably rule out murder, right? but scully says idk… it looks like it WAS murder, actually. dirt in the nose.

lord, they walk out after doing that and somehow don’t need to like, down some vodka or something to cope. 

“imagine all a woman’s hopes and dreams for her child, and then nature turns so cruel. what must a mother go through?” oh my gosh is scully gonna make me cry…

“apparent not much in this case, if she just threw it out in the trash”, says mulder, while they sit on a bench on he is manspreading like you would not believe. but i assume they are in a tough spot mentally so manspreading is permitted in this situation.

“i guess i was just projecting on myself”, she says, and oh my gosh does scully want kids someday…. stop i’ll cry!! i’ll cry. 

“well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullys” he says, rubbing her back.

and i can’t decide if this is funnier if he’s truly and deeply down terrible for her and suggesting subtly that HE could be that man, or if he’s just being a really good pal. so i’m gonna turn around both options in my head for a while and see which sticks.

“what about your family?” “hm? aside from the need for corrective lenses and a tendency to be abducted by extraterrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the mulder family passes genetic muster” (said with a celebratory flourish of his hands)

oh my gooooooosh i love them both so bad. he is SUCH a nerd. and his constant need to joke about the horrible things… even when they are approaching a serious topic, life ambitions and the desire to start a family, he has to go in there with some sarcasm to avoid getting Too Serious...

see? he has good genes. allegedly. go forth.

but he sobers up, points out that the child they had to just examine is a serious tragedy, and some likely very young parents are probably incredibly scared. but this isn’t really an FBI matter. 10 points to him for being serious for once.

she is brainstorming how such a thing could happen- “now, we all have a natural instinct to propagate” “do we?” <- ace mulder subtext i see you…

scully is convinced that the woman who gave birth to that child did it against her will, and mulder points out that kidnapping is a bureau matter… she seems determined to save someone caught in a horrible circumstance here, and i admire that about her, the sense of justice she has. she gets up to go investigate.

but he calls out: “hey scully- i never saw you as a mother before” <- OH MY GOD??? OH MY GOD. i can’t even begin to process that right now. oh my gosh it seems like he has wanted kids SO terribly… but scully never really brought the subject up, which is fine because not everyone wants kids!! but what does it say about her character if she DOES…? i am analyzing.

i hope she is happy someday with whatever she chooses. music is playing as he looks after her. do not for a second think i missed that little musical flourish and gaze combo.

so, they go to the peacock's farm. where they find a chopped off pig’s head on the steps. it doesn’t seem to bother them at all, which must be a testament to the strength of bureau training.

mulder tries to do his usual “enter first and ask questions later” thing, but scully STOPS HIM, saying there is no probable cause.

WHAT!!! for once they did NOT JUST BURST IN!!??? their random entering of places is one of my favorite running gags and for once they didn’t. oh she is serious about this one…

so they just peek inside instead…. and then they get their guns and go inside after seeing a table covered in blood. oh…. the scissors from before…. yes, bloody table = probable cause

there is blood everywhere, and the footprint from the crime scene matches the footprint in blood on the floor. AND they find a bloody shovel. well!!! we know who did it now!!! but… where are they??

it is soooo dark and creepy as they make their way through the house. and someone is WATCHING THEM THE DARK as they investigate. BLEUGH we get an extreme closeup on their eyes…….

i am spooked.

now scully is on the phone with sheriff taylor, who is describing the warrants for the arrest of the peacocks he put out, while mulder slams a TV in their hotel room, trying to get it to work. typical mulder behavior

(i bet they felt a need to incorporate some silly moments to lighten out the heavy heavy heavy content, and honestly i didn't think it would work, but for me it kinda is. don't get me wrong, it's still VERY heavy, but it's not start to finish just trauma like we got in calusari, which stands out to me as being the darkest and least fun episode in the series so far. but let mulder sniff a baseball a little and smack a TV and our agents talk about having a family and it is slightly less overwhelming in terms of tone)

and she brings up the white cadillac they found there but he says get a lot of abandoned cars. damn, who is abandoning a cadillac...

what is this sheriff hiding…?

he pulls out his gun from a locked box, and seems deeply regretful. before he puts it back in the box… hmm…

back at the peacock farm. the brothers are packing what looks like clubs into the cadillac. and i notice how silent and scary the whole thing is… no music whatsoever.

meanwhile, mulder is doing a little dance to try and get the TV working, which scully is smiling at him in a way that implies long term affection and exhaustion. i want to get those gifs and save them upon my blog forever and ever.

he’s trying to watch the knicks game, but as she heads out, he says “goodnight mom”, and she looks… uncomfortable. i mean, it’s a weird thing to say, but still. he says a lot of weird things and she doesn’t always look sort of… hmm. idk, the only phrase that comes to mind is “cut to the quick”. i WILL be analyzing that.

she tries to leave and the lock is broken, so he places a chair underneath, which might do something but like… probably not a ton.

anyway, back to the cadillac, where the brothers are pulling out while listening to music. where are they going….

sheriff taylor is up late at night, “taking one last look around before it all changes”. oh, he loves his town… but it is rotten, like mulder says. AND HIS WIFE DOESN’T LOCK THE DOOR AS THEY COME IN!!! NOOOO!

the brothers are on the move, while scully sleeps and mulder watches a fuzzy documentary on hyenas?? okay. king behavior.

but back at the sheriff’s house, he can hear the brothers approaching, and pulling into his yard. oh no…. he looks out the window and the brothers aren’t there. so did they already get in…?

he’s going for the gun, he says, and they enter his house. and he’s got a baseball bat, but where is the gun! they have clubs! like the kind the bad guys in zelda use!!! they look very very dangerous!

he hears them approach as his wife is under the bed……… and he swings his bat at the intruder, but he is barreled right over, it’s three on one, and they beat him RIGHT AS HIS WIFE SEES THE WHOLE THING FROM UNDER THE BED. and they sniff and sniff and FIND HER UNDER THERE????????

what the fuck. who came up with this…….. that song is still playing as they get in their car and leave. i'm sure the song also has some significance to the meaning of what these guys are doing but tbh i have never heard it before so it's hard to unpack.

the deputy is at the scene of the crime the next day, smoking a cigarette, hands shaking in terror. he had come over to give the sheriff a report… and found them that way.

so the owner of the cadillac was found in baltimore, she had left it behind after running out of gas. this is not a lead in the slightest.

mulder is investigating the scene while scully pulls out files from the crime lab, and it is. well, it is very bad, to put it bluntly. the crime scene is horrific. 

she says that the crime scene messed up the tests on the infant… but mulder proposes that… perhaps each of the brothers were the father? she talks about how babies are made and how that makes no sense, but he proposes that generations of inbreeding could maybe make such a mutation. but she says that isn’t possible, they’d need a female family member and there aren’t any left. hmm...

scully wants to try and trail them right now and go save whoever it was that was forced to give birth, but mulder points out that they are outnumbered and could further endanger the victim. what to do…? i don’t know the answer. 

oh! the deputy barges in and says he’ll take them up there so it’s three against three. and they have guns, which should give them the advantage. okay. shoutout to the deputy.

mulder seems suspicious however, and says his suddenly entry was a bit “too chuck bronson for me”. so yeah, i had to google that too. this chuck fellow is the guy from machine gun-kelly. and NOT that sleazy rapper one. the more you know.

scully is confused, though, because why would they kill the sheriff? he didn’t even investigate them. unless they somehow overheard them talking about issuing the arrest warrants while in their house… and they are operating under the assumption that the brothers were not in the house when they were…. but we know that someone was in hiding!!!

OH! back to the house. one of the brothers declares he is hungry. we finally get a semi-decent look at them, and they are incredibly gruesome. someone is under the bed still…. 

and when they declare that they are “ready”, they strip down. they knew this day- and change- was coming, and all they can do is be ready for it. this is our home. and this is the way it’s gonna stay. 

again, i ask, who came up with this……

the deputy and our agents are on the property, now. deputy wants to come in from the front and let them take the back. a brave thing to offer, but i am slightly suspicious of him. they have wired headsets on and bullet proof vests on, and he is going in.

so they’re approaching- scully and mulder in the field, the deputy out in front. scully is peeking through binoculars but she doesn’t see anyone inside!!! it has to be a trap!!!!

OH MY GOSH!!! just as scully tells the deputy to not go in, he opens the door and an AXE SWINGS DOWN AND CHOPS HIS HEAD OFF!!!!!

i am sorry for being suspicious of you, deputy. may you rest in peace.

mulder’s reciting his facts from the hyena documentary. they are witnessing something akin to prehistoric humanity. but he has an idea: divert them out of the house, so they don't have to deal with their traps. it is a good idea.

so they are sneaking into the pig pen, which had to be a pain to shoot. “scully, would you think less of me as a man if i told you i was kind of excited right now?” he asks as they try to get the pigs in a line to topple like dominoes or something???

“is there some secret farmer trick to getting these things moving?” “i don’t know!” lmaooo these city slickers...

they’re shoving pigs straight out the gate, and she’s trying to say some magic pig words from babe, which her nephew apparently watches all day. you know what that means...

! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she has a nephew!

but there are more pressing matters at hand than a lore reveal as one of the brothers emerges, falling for their piggy trap. we see them in daylight now, and it is an unsettling sight. 

as the brothers try to herd the pigs back in, the agents sneak in, with mulder picking up a giant log to poke open the door. and it is a good thing he did that, because a trap descends right on the log that surely would have beheaded him as it did the deputy if not for the log taking the axe/weapon thingy for him. thank you for your service, giant log.

they sneak in beneath the log and close the door as if nothing went down. scully is yelling to see if anyone is in the house. they’re doing a sweep in excellent coordination. mulder mumbles “oh no” and i’m scared but he just picks up a newspaper that says elvis is dead and frowns 😭 his ass cannot be serious for more than five minutes 

but something approaches!!!! they enter the bedroom and see photos of generations and generations of this family, with varying conditions. and at this moment mulder notices that someone is under the bed!!

he’s trying to say that they’re here to help, but whoever is down there is screaming, screaming at them to go away. so scully tries to move the bed, but she’s strapped to a board underneath the bed, and they pull her out and…. oh my gosh, she has no limbs, i think? it’s dark and hard to tell. they keep her under the bed..........

mulder says they’re going to get her home, but after a glance at the pictures on the wall, scully says that she already IS home. it’s mrs. peacock. the mother of the family that they thought died in the car accident!!!!!!

she is sobbing and they roll her back under the bed, with mulder having a horrific look on his face, unable to process what he just saw. 

mulder is back on the prowl to find the other brothers. and he tasks scully with trying to convince mrs. peacock that she is the only one who can get “her boys” out of here without them being hurt. a mighty task, indeed.

she walks away, and he says “scully, w-watch your step” and he’s worried about her and i want to cry. oh!! we see a trip wire……….

so scully goes back to mrs. peacock, explaining that she needs medical attention, and the agents are here to help. she says that this is their home- why leave it? she has to see if the boys are okay. 

and she lost her limbs in the accident that killed her husband. “sewed me up just like the family learned in the war of northern aggression” OH! so that is an WILD thing to say in pennsylvania. but it was at this point i thought i was putting the pieces together for an extended metaphor...

but she insists she felt no pain, and that no one in the family does. and they’re such good boys. scully points out they murdered three people, and mrs. peacock says she can tell scully has no children, but maybe someday she’ll learn the pride and the love “when you know your boy will do anything for his mother”

well i think you probably just made her swear that off forever!!! so!!!!!

the brothers see mulder in the window, and they start to run in. and as he holds one at gun point, another tries to bash in his head, so scully shoots him. but this isn’t enough to take him down! and the other one joins in on their attack, so it’s two against one tag teaming mulder!!! oh my gosh scully can you use your perfect aim???

yes, she can, but despite emptying the whole clip, they aren’t hurt!!! 

they’re running and running and dodging a whole lot of terrible blows, and scully yells out that she has the mother! she trips over the wire and one of the traps falls RIGHT into one of the brothers, seemingly finally taking him out.

she notices marks on the floor, and when they go back for mrs. peacock, they can’t find the other brother or the mother.

so they put out an APB for them, saying that in time, they’ll catch them. but he counters with “i think time already caught them, scully”

cutscene to the cadillac- where mrs. peacock says that “sherman and george were good boys”- SHERMAN? a union name? edmund, sherman, and george… 

it ends with mrs. peacock saying that there will be more peacocks, and they have to find a new home, make a new family to be proud of. she is in the trunk of the car while she says this.

okay so first thoughts: WHAT THE FUCK.

this episode definitely lived up to its horrific reputation. but i can’t figure out exactly what it is it MEANS!

beyond exploring the horrific topics of generational abuse, i feel that there is something a bit deeper going on here. i actually felt so compelled to see if i was imagining things that i went on the wikipedia page for the episode, which spoke of its themes on the american dream and the nuclear family. those themes i see for sure- how mulder was talking about settling down in a place like this, so quaint and quiet, how they started discussing their own desire for a family, and how every idyllic thought about what a family could be was upended on its head with the peacocks. that made sense to me. but...

that line- “the war of northern aggression”- was what the confederates called the american civil war to justify their rebellion. this is notable for the fact that this whole episode took place in pennsylvania, which was a union state- but somehow, they got so twisted up in their own hatred that they’re parroting the lost cause ideology over a century after the war.

the repeated motifs of “things being the way they are in a small town, in our town, in our home”- is that a symbol for the festering of post-civil war wounds? the inability for the war to make meaningful change when it came to the attitudes of the people on the losing side, who continue- even to this day- to spew their hateful ideology? the inbreeding metaphor- is that a representation of how hate begets hate begets hate, generation after generation, compounding and corrupting by the lack of intervention from outsiders who are too afraid to change “the way things are” and call out harmful behavior? and the newspaper from elvis’s death… is that another allusion to the family (or perhaps certain parts of the country) living entirely in the past, in addition to their lack of electricity and water, just stewing in their own hatred? even the name- home- reminds me of the “house divided cannot stand” rhetoric. is this talking about the rot of "back in the good ol' days" thinking?

or if not a metaphor for the country, and instead just the horror of abuse? of how people can feel that things are the way that they are, and so that makes it correct, no matter what the cost? about how warped perceptions of family can be made and shaped? and the fact that mrs. peacock went along with all of this, despite being the biggest victim of the family... is that to speak on the twisted nature of gender roles and how they are weaponized in familial abuse?

i have to clarify that i am not an expert on abuse in the slightest; i am just trying to work through the themes of what i just saw. you know how it is on this blog; i do my best to interpret the big issues, but also recognize that i can only see and comment upon so much.

i'm really, really curious to hear how you interpreted the episode, though. or how audiences have understood it in the past, or if it has ever been re-evaluated. what did the cast and crew have to say on it? i want to know.

man. this is gonna really make me ponder. i want to know. it was too purposeful to just be a “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” sort of situation.

regardless of the terror, i actually thought this episode was pretty good. it felt cohesive, not just a sideshow of horrible things to make you feel shocked. and we learned more about our characters- their ambitions in life, the possibility of a family someday dangling over their heads, and the terror associated with everything that could go wrong. i think there is always some fear about starting a family (i wouldn't know, but i do read books and stuff), and for scully to just now vocalize her thoughts on the subject and to immediately see this case- i can only imagine what it did to her thought process.

i thought the more light-hearted elements were working at the beginning- mulder's TV dance, baseball time, the merits of their genetics, family talk- worked well at first. but by the end it was just... damn. that was a lot. maybe that is the indication of a successful episode, that it can take you along heavy subject matter with a sense of character analysis and horror, but end with just terror.

i'm not a horror fan outside of this show, so the balancing of the heavy and the humor always baffles me a little bit. i don't know how other materials do it, so i can't really say if it could have been done better or worse. i think the important part though is that they don't turn the tragedy itself into the joke. it wasn't giving "point and laugh at the horrible peacock family!" it was finding humor in other situations, that ultimately still surrendered to the sober feeling of what humanity can do.

whew. this one is definitely gonna stick with me for a while, and i’ll need like 12 hours to formulate my thoughts into something comprehensible. but, you ask, did you like the episode?

yes! while i'm not sure i'd watch it again for funsies, i thought our agents had to confront some inner demons while also learning a lot about them together and individually, which is exactly the thing i want in an episode. i think it brought them closer and they understand each other better, and i think we're getting into some real juicy parts of their relationship. i can't stop thinking about him rubbing her back- how terribly devoted they are to each other, regardless of if either of them can put that into words. those dynamics of devotion that go beyond words- it's so special to me.

and sure, i'll take the bait, and daydream about them living together... i am not above fan service in the slightest. it is me, the fan, who loves to be serviced.

but again. i'm spooked.

[unremarkablehouse]

“if possible, can you expand a little when you say that Scully was thrown off balance? In other words why do you think Mulders situation made her struggle with her faith/losing Mulder to the void? Thank you so much!” @b0oker18

So I always refer to IWTB as ‘How Scully got her Groove Back…’ because her character is so lost for most of the movie, you see her being brow beaten by authority and not speaking up- struggling with being on the sidelines. I think it’s a reason why lots of people didn’t like the movie, because it’s not the badass Scully they had come to love for 9yrs. Scully chose to work on the X files, even after Mulder was gone, and it gave her a sense of purpose beyond what a normal career could do. Going on the run with Mulder was probably hard for them both but her sense of purpose shifted to being together. If you think about the The Truth, in reality when Mulder is caught he is suicidal. He makes no attempts to save his own life, a date has been set for invasion, he can’t be with his family, and he’s heartbroken. Scully’s sense of purpose keeps him alive and pushes him to escape with her, and I think just being together again helped heal the wounds of betrayal from the government, the loss of their friends, giving up their son and the loss of their lives. While not raising William leaves a hole in their hearts, knowing that he has an opportunity for a normal life and he is safer than he would be with them helps with that pain. So, by the time we get to IWTB Scully has gone through hell and back. She’s decided to practice medicine to find some purpose and is helping sick kids. Every day she leaves Mulder behind she feels guilty because he can’t continue his life and his brilliance is languishing behind their fortress. Mulder has the kinetic energy of a Golden Retriever, and although it is never said, it is clear that instead of joining the resistance against colonization he has chosen to stay with Scully. The chip in her neck would make it impossible for them to help in meaningful way and it’s pretty clear that the powers that be just wanted the two out of their hair. Mulder is Scully’s touchstone just as much as she is his, knowing that she is holding him back upsets her almost as much as the thought of losing him again. So she loses her self confidence, she doubts herself and the things she’s seen, she’s unable to believe in miracles because the ones she has had all turned out to hurt her. When Mulder goes back to work he’s better than he’s been for years. He slots right into the world, and it terrifies Scully. There’s also the fact that a pretty young Agent is fawning all over Mulder that bugs her, hilariously Mulder is always nice to Whitney but he is so clearly obsessed with Scully. For Mulder, he likes the challenge and the mystery but what he really wants is to be out in the world with his Partner. But pushing Scully to have the courage to believe that there is more to life than the known and feeling the power of Mulder’s convictions again terrifies her. Ultimately, she puts her fears aside and trusts in her instincts to find him, save the other victims, and treat her patient. While Mulder and Scully seem like opposites on the surface in their core they are the same. They work best when they’re a united front so when they’re not on the same page they’re off kilter.

[skelavender]

“Still, my mom is going to imply…” “I know. It’s not serious. I mean, it’s not like we’re married or anything.” Scully chuckles and pushes up onto her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Now that’s not going to help dissuade the rumors, Agent Scully.” He teases. “At this point, I don’t think there’s any hope.” OR After a year of platonic marriage, things start to change.

read chapter one of you are in love on ao3, or below the cut!

One look, dark room

Meant just for you

Time moved too fast

You play it back

Buttons on a coat

Light-hearted joke

No proof, not much

But you saw enough

***

November 1996

There are flowers on Mulder’s desk. 

A bouquet of… well, Mulder’s not great with flowers, but they’re all purple. There’s lavender, he knows that, and what he’s guessing are violets and irises. The last he can’t recognize, but it looks like a purple daisy. Maybe it is just a purple daisy? He didn’t know they made those. 

As he steps further into the office, he notices Scully behind the desk. She had been gone when he woke up, which was unusual for them, but had left a note on the coffee maker saying she had some errands to run before work and she would meet him there. It was folded and in his pocket. 

“Good morning,” she greets.

“Hey. Who sent you flowers?”

Scully raises one eyebrow and a small smirk graces her face, a challenge. “Check the card.”

He looks at her with curiosity and approaches the desk. He plucks the card out of the little fork, and when he unfolds it, he blinks dumbly a couple times.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart. 

Oh.

It wasn’t as though he’d forgotten. Of course not, not in a million years. Her gift is waiting at home, on top of the bookshelf in their home office where she could neither see nor reach. That was part of why he’d been disappointed when he woke up to a cold bed. He had wanted to give it to her before work, but she left before he got the chance. He had ordered personalized stationery for her, paper being the traditional gift for a first wedding anniversary, from a store down in Rosslyn. They have Special Agent Dana Scully, M.D. letterpressed across the top in green, with a notepad to match. 

“I don’t think anybody has ever gotten me flowers before.” He notes with a dreamy tone to his voice. Scully has impressed him.

Her satisfied expression softens. “I’m glad I could be the first.”

“Thank you, Scully. I love them.”

“You’re welcome.”

“God,” he laughs and ducks his head. “I can’t believe it’s been a year. It’s flown by.”

“It has, hasn’t it.”

“It seems like just last month we were averaging a hospital visit every two weeks.”

Scully snorts, “Not that we’re that far off.” 

Mulder chuckles, and rounds the desk to peck her cheek. “I didn’t forget, by the way. Your gift is at home. I’ll give it to you this evening.”

“I didn’t think you had.” She mirrors the small kiss and Mudler retreats to the chair Scully usually sits in. If she wants the desk today, she can sure as hell have it. 

***

Scully pulls up outside her mother’s house and parks the car. She’s unbuckling her seatbelt when his hand shoots out and stops her. Her eyes shoot up to meet his, one brow raised.

He’s been thinking about it since Maggie called him to extend the invitation to the dinner. When they were first discussing getting married, Scully was concerned about her mother finding out. She had mentioned to him that she didn’t think her mother would keep the secret, but he suspected that she was afraid she wouldn’t approve of what was essentially a sham union. 

But Mulder wears his ring, and people tend to be curious.

Most of the time he can get away with vague answers that aren’t really lies, but he knows Mrs. Scully would grill him about it. He can only answer so many questions by talking about Scully without really talking about Scully before her mother notices. 

“Your mom still doesn’t know, right?”

Scully knows what he’s talking about immediately. “No. Only that we’re living together.”

He slips his ring off his finger and holds it out to her, “Will you hold onto this for me?” Her mouth forms a little O. “She’ll have questions. There are only so many ways I can skirt them.”

“Of course,” she says. Her hands trace the neckline of her cardigan. He’s about to ask what she’s doing as he’s still holding the ring out to her in a flat palm, until the gold chain pops out and she undoes the clasp.

It would be so easy to forget about it. That she also wears the ring. That their union isn’t one-sided. That she’s as intertwined with him as he is with her. She wears it openly at home, sometimes, but the necklace remains hidden when they’re out and about. Despite that, Mulder, with a possessive streak that he tries to damp down, remembers. The image of her ring laid against her chest, or the fleeting vision of it on her finger for a couple days in the hospital, is settled into its own corner of his mind. He thinks of it more often than he’d like to admit. 

Scully plucks the ring from Mulder’s hand and slides it onto the chain. It clinks into place next to hers. Two hearts, strung together. 

“Thank you for mentioning that, I hadn’t considered it,“ The thought of hiding you hadn’t crossed my mind, she doesn’t say. She tucks the necklace back into her shirt and goes to unbuckle her seatbelt again. “You ready?” 

Mulder nods, and they approach the Scully residence. 

“She does think that we’re dating, you know.” Scully says as they walk up the pathway side by side.

“Really?”

“I tried to explain we’re living together because of the convenience, but she was not convinced.”

Mulder’s hand goes to the small of Scully’s back as she does up the couple steps onto the porch. “I’m not surprised. She always seemed to think we were…”

“I know. But now she’s pretty damn sure of it.”

“You did your best.”

Scully wonders how different things would be if they were… romantically entangled. Would he have fought her mother’s Thanksgiving invitation so hard? Would his hand be in hers, or around her shoulders, instead of on her back? Would he drop a kiss onto her lips on her mother’s front porch before facing the crowd inside?

She steps back and her eyes crawl up and down Mulder’s form. One of the buttons on his shirt doesn’t match, she notices. The cleaner would have attached a closer match, so he must have done it himself. 

Who had taught him to sew a button? It’s not a skill she would expect him to have. She can’t exactly picture his mother sitting him down to teach him. Every time Scully thinks she finally knows Mulder, finally understands him, something new surfaces that makes her rethink him. 

Scully sucks in a breath and refocuses. “Still, she’s going to imply…”

“I know. It’s not serious. I mean, it’s not like we’re married or anything.”

Scully chuckles and pushes up onto her toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Now that’s not going to help dissuade the rumors, Agent Scully.” He teases.

“At this point, I don’t think there’s any hope.” She rings the bell.

“Dana! Fox! Oh, it’s so good to see you both.” Maggie swings the door open and greets them with her usual warm, excited smile. She takes each of them in for a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mrs Scully.”

Maggie slaps his arm playfully. “You call me Maggie, Fox, how many times do I have to tell you.”

“Alright Maggie.” Mulder smiles at his shoes. Mulder fucking loves Maggie Scully. She offers affection so freely, in a way Mulder isn’t used to experiencing, especially not in a familial manner. He wasn’t raised with this, with hugs hello and being allowed to call friends’ parents by their first names. It’s foreign to him. She’s been trying to get him to call her Maggie since she started feeding him while Scully was gone, but it had never stuck. 

“Bill and Charlie are in the living room, why don’t you two go sit with them while I check on the bird?“ Maggie offers.

“Tara and Marcel couldn’t make it?”

“No, Tara decided to go to her parents last minute, and Marcel is, well, Polish, so he didn’t want to come back over with Charlie for an American holiday.” Maggie winks at her daughter. “You’re the only one who brought a partner this year, Dana.”

“Mom, that’s not—“ Scully sighs and runs a hand over her forehead in exasperation before deciding to just drop it. “I’m surprised Charlie was able to get the time off, he usually isn’t.”

“I’m not teaching this semester,” a new voice explains, Mulder turns around to face a burly looking redhead. “I’m focusing on research and writing. Makes it a bit easier to get away for American holidays.” He turns to Mulder and offers a hand, which the agent takes. “You must be the Agent Mulder I keep hearing about in Dana’s emails. Charlie Scully.”

“That would be me. It’s good to meet you.”

“Dana says you just go by Mulder?”

“With a first name like mine, you’d go by anything else.”

Charlie laughs, “So tell me, Mulder, has Dana ever told you about what happened at her senior prom?”

“No, she has not.” Mulder replies, tone keen and interested. He turns to his partner, “Scully, am I about to unlock embarrassing childhood stories?”

“Charlie, you promised you would never tell anyone!”

Charlie taps his fingers together conspiratorially, and begins regaling Mulder with the story as they enter the living room. 

Upon introduction to Bill, Mulder understands why Scully had laughed so hard at a joke he once made about the two of them having an affair. Bill hides his contempt for Mulder poorly, with a pinched smile as they shake hands and the occasional glare. When Maggie calls them into the dining room to gather for the meal, Mulder sticks to his Scully’s side and Bill settles himself on the other end of the table, at the head. 

“Mom, that was delicious,” Scully says as she pushes her chair back. She then turns to Mulder, “Should we get on the dishes?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Dana.” Maggie protests, rising from her seat.

“You cooked us an amazing meal, Mrs. Scully, please let us clean up.” Mulder places a hand on her shoulder to encourage her to stay in her seat and converse with her sons, and he and Scully retreat to the kitchen with piles of dishes in hand.

“You wash, I dry and put away?” Scully offers, and Mulder nods. 

“Thank you for inviting me,” he says after a few moments of quiet washing. “I was afraid it would be awkward. I mean, Bill doesn’t seem to like me very much, but Charlie seems nice.”

“I can’t believe he told you about Marcus.” Scully laughs, “That story is so embarrassing.”

“I’m just glad to have finally earned your embarrassing childhood stories. It’s like I’ve reached the next level of friendship.”

Scully snorts. “Right, Mulder. Step one is they bail you out of jail, step two is they shoot you, three is get married, four is buy a home together, and five is learn about their senior prom. That’s the natural order of things.”

Maggie watches from the other room as Mulder tilts his head back to let out a full belly laugh. Dana elbows him, and he deposits a smear of suds onto her nose in response. As she observes the ensuing playful water fight, Maggie can’t help but hope they soon see what she does, what she’s sure Charlie has picked up on as well, what Bill might still be unaccepting of. There’s so much affection between the two of them. Dana looks up at Fox with a look that she’s never seen on her daughter’s face before, one filled with raw affection. Maggie can tell that whatever they have, it’s coming to a head. Something is there. Everything is there, glowing between them.

Plus, Fox has a thin strip of paler skin on his fourth finger of his left hand, right where a wedding ring would lie. 

next chapter ->

[oohnotvery]

Hand To Your Heart (Chapter 3)

Hi, friends. Thank you so much for your incredible patience with me on this chapter. When I started writing this story, I had noooo clue that I’d unexpectedly be stepping into a new chapter of life at the exact same moment. I don’t really want to delve into details yet, but I hope to give you the full story someday soon :) Like all of life, it’s a mixture of good and bad, but mostly good.

As always, please trust that this angst-fest will have a lovely resolution.

-E.

tagging @today-in-fic

Present Day

Scully isn’t sure what exactly she expects from Mulder after that awful night in his apartment. Apart from their slightly tipsy decision to become friends with benefits many weeks ago, they have never openly addressed their sexual arrangement. It is a frail, vulnerable thing. To put words to it would surely break it.

But after slipping out the door of his apartment, she does half-expect to receive a phone call later that evening. Hey, Scully, sorry I fell asleep, and sorry about . . .

Sorry about what? He fucked her, which was the agreement they made. No one ever promised anything about making sure the other person enjoyed it. For all intents and purposes, Mulder did nothing out of the ordinary. He can’t ensure she comes every single time they have sex; hell, he may not have even realized she didn’t come. In his mind, there’s probably no issue at all.

But Mulder isn’t any old caveman who sticks it in and finishes without thought to his partner’s pleasure. In fact, every single other time they’ve been together, he’s lavished her with attention, usually pulling one or two orgasms from her before he even begins to think about tending to his own needs.

She’s not crazy, then. That night was an anomaly. So what possible excuse could he have for treating her the way he did? She ticks off the possibilities:

Maybe he was drunk. She’s fairly sure she tasted alcohol on his breath, and she knows that even for a man his size, he has a relatively low tolerance. Or maybe he was getting sick. Maybe he was feeling bad. Maybe he just couldn’t stop thinking about his burning office.

Can she forgive him for it? If he comes to her and apologizes, will it be enough to lure her back into his bed?

Although her logical mind says no, no way, I won’t put myself in that position ever again, her emotional brain knows the truth. She would slip back into his arms like water cascading over sharp rocks. Although their arrangement hurts her, she loves it too much, even when it’s awful. She loves that she is the woman Mulder chooses to bring to bed. She loves that she is the person who gets to touch him and taste him. She loves that she is the one who gets to stare into his eyes as he comes.

When she leaves his apartment, she is full of fury and humiliation, but when she wakes the next morning—physically sore and emotionally wounded—some of that initial anger dies. She knows she has a tendency to forgive him too quickly, and that this tendency is borne from a deep-seated terror that he will stop wanting and needing her.

She wants so badly to be hard and cold towards him. She wants so badly to demand an apology, to stand up for herself and her dignity.

But when he walks into work the next morning and takes his place at his desk, everything inside her seizes up. If I bring this thing to light, she reminds herself as she watches him shed his suit jacket, I give myself away. Once he knows that I care, it’s all over.

And so she stays quiet, and apart from a quick hello, Mulder does too. In fact, for the rest of the day, he hardly acknowledges her. Days pass in this way and she starts to grow more and more concerned that she’s done something wrong. That maybe he fucked her like that because he’s angry at her.

Should she ask him?

She nearly works up the courage to demand answers, but distraction in the form of a bomb threat in Texas arrives. The distraction does its job, balancing out their equilibrium, lowering Mulder’s low-simmering frustration and softening Scully’s hard edges. Some of their normal camaraderie even returns. Mulder turns playful, a bit jokey, excited to get out of D.C. and turn his mind from the excruciating loss of the X-Files.

When they return to D.C., Scully swears she sees a new page turning for them. He almost kisses her right there in his hallway, and though they’ve done this act dozens of times before, this time feels different. Its approach is slow, deliberate, and weighty, and the affection in his gaze disarms her. Maybe sex isn’t all there is between them. Maybe Mulder does feel more for her than lust.

And then there’s a bee and an impossible journey to Antarctica. If anything were going to repair this broken relationship, it would be Mulder’s dazzling heroics.

And yet.

They return to D.C., frostbitten and exhausted, and Mulder turns angry and moody and inaccessible once again. He’s livid when she waffles on whether they saw a spaceship in Antarctica, and he’s furious to find out that Jeffrey Spender and Diana Fowley have been assigned to the X-Files.

Relegated to the bull pen, they interact less and less. A few weeks ago, humiliated and angry and unsatisfied, she vowed never to sleep with him again. But now, even if she wanted to engage with him in that way, there would be few chances to do so. All their earlier pretenses for getting together disappear. Without the X-Files, he no longer has a reason to drop by her apartment to “go over a file.” She no longer has a reason to invite him out for drinks to discuss autopsy notes. They stop traveling frequently, so there’s no conjoining rooms.  

Her heartbreak processes slowly. It’s been weeks since he fucked her like he didn’t want her, but she’s just now starting to feel like her world is falling apart. Because even though she will not pursue him, the sad reality simmers in her subconscious: she wishes he would pursue her. But weeks pass and time stretches between them, and he doesn’t make a move. There are days when she can convince herself that Mulder is just bored and unhappy and unmotivated, and that he doesn’t have the energy to work up a sex drive. But on other days, her steadfast sense of rationalism kicks in, and she is smart enough to discern that he simply doesn’t want her anymore.

It hurts. It hurts, but she doesn’t let it show. She dons a cold mask and watches as they grow more and more distant from each other.

Everything’s fine, she tells herself on repeat, day after day after day.

But at night, when she’s alone, she drops her face into her hands and cries. Because they’re broken. She’s broken.

And everything is not fine.

**

It is a hot, cloudless summer day when the elevator door slides open and Scully spies Diana Fowley walking through the bull pen. It’s been weeks since their paths have crossed, although Scully occasionally spies the other woman at security checkpoints during the morning rush hour. It is rare, however, to see her up on this floor.

Distracted, Scully forgets to exit the elevator car and has to lunge to catch the closing door. The hot coffee she’s holding in a flimsy paper cup sloshes down her wrist and forearms and she curses as she steps out into the hallway.

“Careful,” comes a disapproving voice, and Scully’s head snaps up. Diana brushes her shoulder as she sashays into the elevator, mouthing ouch as her lips curl into a twisted little wince.

Cheeks flaming, Scully scowls and continues down the hallway towards the bull pen. Diana Fowley never brings good news, so she’s not exactly surprised to find that Mulder is already starting to pack up for the day.

“Going somewhere?” she asks, glancing casually at her watch. It’s not even noon.

He flashes her a neutral look, nodding. “Maryland.”

She bites her cheek. “With Agent Fowley?”

If Mulder is surprised at her guess, he doesn’t show it, just yanks his suit jacket from his chair and swings it over his arm. “Yep.”

Scully frowns, stepping around the desk to block him from leaving. He sighs irritably and runs a hand across his jaw.

“What is it, Scully?” he asks with an impatient glance at the clock.

She tamps down the pesky surge of hurt that flashes through her. “Is there a case?”

“Yep.”

“Why wasn’t I informed?”

“It’s X-Files business,” he replies evasively.

“You aren’t on the X-Files anymore, Mulder.”

He shrugs. “Diana’s requested my expertise on this matter.”

“Just yours?”

“She doesn’t need a scientist around, if that’s what you’re asking,” he replies, finally making eye contact with her. “This is an investigation into a paranormal event. It’s not really up your alley.”

She balks, her eyebrows flying to her hairline. “Not up my alley? Really, Mulder?”

“You know what I mean,” he huffs aggravatedly. “Don’t take it the wrong way.”

But her hands are beginning to tremble. “Might I remind you that I was an equal partner on the X-Files for nearly five years, Mulder? That all we did was investigate the paranormal and the unexplained and the unsolved phenomena of our world? In fact, you might even be able to say that the paranormal has been my bread and butter for nearly half a decade.”

He rubs at his eyes so hard that she’s tempted to reach out and stop him. You’ll get wrinkles, she would have chided him a few months ago. Now, she simply stays silent.  

“Fine, come if you really want,” he says with a half-hearted shrug.

“Gee, what a warm invitation,” she snaps. She digs her fingernails into her palms, trying to tamp down her rising indignation. But it’s been building and building and building for so long, for so many weeks, and she’s not sure she has any control over it anymore.

Refusing to take the bait, he sighs. “Come if you must, Scully, but like I said, there’s no need. It’s just going to be me and Diana on this. Don’t waste your time on something that doesn’t involve you—”

“But I’m your partner—”

“We’re not partners,” he retaliates, so loudly that several people look up from their desks.

It’s a low blow, and the regret that briefly flashes across his face tells her that he knows it too. But he’s mostly right. They aren’t really partners, not anymore. Not in the way they were when they were investigating the X-Files.

Crossing her arms protectively across her chest, she lifts her eyes to meet his gaze. “So you have a new partner then?” She just barely resists adding, “someone leggy and buxom and brunette, perhaps?”

His jaw twitches. “Oh, don’t do this, Scully.”

“That’s not an answer, Mulder.”

He shakes his head and takes a step closer, dropping a large palm heavily across her shoulder. “You know Diana has been consulting with me since she took over the X-Files,” he says, speaking to her like she’s a child. Her stomach turns and she bites back the words she wants to say: no, I didn’t know that. “Those files mean everything to me, Scully, and you know that. I can’t say no to the opportunity to work on them just because that opportunity doesn’t involve you. Don’t hold me back here.”

The breath leaves her body. Stunned, she steps back, letting his hand slide off her shoulder. In her mind’s eye, she’s suddenly back in his hallway, many weeks ago. I’ve just held you back, she hears herself telling him. But you saved me! he replies earnestly. As difficult and as frustrating as it’s been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over! You’ve kept me honest . . . you’ve made me a whole person.

Did he mean any of it? Or was all of it just to keep her under his control?

Turning away from him, she tries to ignore the infuriating sting of tears building in her eyes. And if Mulder notices her pain, he doesn’t say anything. After a few seconds, when she’s sure she can look at him without crying, she tips her face up to his. Her mouth parts and she tries to speak, tries to say anything to recover her dignity. But emotions choke in her throat and she just drops her head again. She feels him step in close and this time, she can’t stop the tears that break over her lashes.

“Scully, come on, stop, I didn’t mean it like that,” he says earnestly, his palm falling to her back, his lips to her ear. In her mind, he is fucking her too roughly, too emotionlessly, too distantly. In her mind, he is falling asleep before she even has a chance to come. In her mind, she is sitting in the car crying as her body burns with pain.

“I’m sorry,” he continues, slipping his hand down to squeeze her waist. It is too familiar, and she flinches. “You don’t hold me back, Scully, you know that. But this case has potential and I’m finally feeling motivated about something. This is important to me.”

What he doesn’t say is plain enough: you’re no longer important to me.

She nods, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. The taste of iron reminds her of the nosebleeds she used to get when the cancer was ravaging her body. If she had died then, would Mulder respect her more? She would have become like a martyr to his cause, someone to be revered and worshipped the rest of his life, like Samantha. If only she had succumbed then, maybe he would love her now.

“Scully,” he tries again, and she shakes her head.

“It’s fine,” she says a little too brightly, plastering on a fake smile and glancing up at him for good measure. All she knows right now is that he can’t see how badly he’s hurt her. To admit to that would be to admit that she cares about him far more than he cares about her. It is self-annihilation.

“It’s good,” she continues, her voice rising. “It’s good that you’re happy. That’s all I—that’s all I want, Mulder.”

And to her astonishment, he bends down and presses a quick kiss to her cheek. She recoils, shrinking towards the desk. By the time she recovers from her shock, he is already out the door.

[carefulfears]

https://www.tumblr.com/waiting-for-the-day/724638324438024192/taking-her-to-the-liberty-bell-after-she

well you have to talk about the way mulder loves now!! it can be very subtle but also so intense (thinking about the way he looks at scully, wants to know what she thinks, when he gives her his undivided attention...)

(x) (xx) well, yes! where scully's love is very contradictory, mulder's is contemplative, i think. he's a lot more aware than people realize. but you have to get it. like you have to get what it all means. blink and you'll miss it.

a superstars of the superbowl VHS tape, an apollo 11 keychain, creepy dolls, whatever the hell was in that christmas present. everything means something. it’s like that incrementum line:

Beside him on the couch, she rips into hers with abandon - Mulder's rare gifts are always puzzling, always a challenge, more of an experience than a thing in itself. They're extensions of him and all of his complexity, like little pieces of his soul.

everything means something, and scully loves to figure it out.

he says “i didn’t know it was your birthday, scully!” with a wrapped gift in his pocket, a sparkler and song in front of her. he says “i stole these from a guy with a broken leg down the hall, he won’t be able to catch me” about flowers we watched him come through the front doors holding, always prepared with a smile and an excuse. (they both really love to adore each other, when they can get away with it).

he notices everything. he remembers everything. he’s interested, he asks questions. have you ever been to san diego? have you ever seen the liberty bell? are you gonna see that guy again? how was the wedding? if you could take out 5 people from beyond the grave, who would they be? if you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

he can quote her senior thesis verbatim, years after reading it. references it for decades. he always wants her input, values it. it’s that moment in ice when hodge (whose partner says she feels treated like his “assistant”) yells at scully that she’s wrong, and mulder just comes and asks what she found. when they find the parasite, the first thing he does is move away from the microscope and tell scully to look.

there’s an essay in deny all knowledge about this (what do you think? by rhonda wilcox and j.p. williams); in the x-files, love is respect, and respect is curiosity. valuing what someone has to say. to her peers and superiors, she’s “mrs. spooky.” to him, she’ll be head of the bureau someday.

(and always. he tells her not to take on his flagrant plans because he doesn’t want her to jeopardize her career, have a note in her file. he fucks off to alaska alone so that she won’t risk anything. he tells her to “go be a doctor.” seven years in, both of them teary in a motel room, he tells her that there is so much more for her in her life. “there is so much more than this.” she was never just an asset to “his” quest: she’s valuable to anything, whatever she wants, whatever she sets her mind to.)

i’ve talked about this before but i think the biggest misconception when it comes to mulder and love is that nothing comes before the crusade, but the crusade is love. it’s love for samantha, yes, but the only difference between samantha’s experience and scully’s is that scully lived. it’s for samantha. it’s for scully. it’s for everyone who came before and after them both. but by nature of having survived, having returned, having come back: there’s something hallowed and fragile about scully’s spot. he would walk away from all of the rest.

when she’s gone, he signs it all away. standing on a bridge, he would trade everything. when he holds every answer that he has ever sought, he gives it up, for no deeper reason than that scully would be able to see her sister one last time. (scully by missy’s bed, crying that her sister will never know that she’s sorry. mulder whispering “oh, she knows. she knows.” and leaning up from his spot on the floor to hold her. there is no deeper conversation than that, because what matters more than that?)

when he walks into a room that holds everything that’s ever been taken from him, everything that he’s lost, everything that he’s tried to find salvation in: he keeps walking. all that he needs is one vial marked with one name.

it’s ahab and starbuck, it’s a mad captain and a devoted follower, sure: but mostly it’s a cycle. mostly it’s a snake eating its own tail.

he can’t say “no” to her for anything. he’s world’s best baby daddy because she pouted at him (because she believes he could be). complete with presents wrapped in baby paper and going to birthing classes with her and tips he learned watching oprah. bugging her about finding out the sex 😭😭 he’s worse than her mother. (“this isn't about the x-files, scully. it is only about you.“)

she feels that she failed him for the rest of her life, he never stops meeting her with absolution. he barely speaks in ghouli except to say “you have nothing to apologize for” and hug her. the original line in the the truth script, before she says that she felt he would never forgive her, is “i’m so sorry about william. i can’t imagine what you must’ve gone through. i missed you so much.”

(she spent months afraid that he would never forgive her, that she would lose everything, and then the moment comes. and all he can do is hold her, and say “i am so sorry. you have been through so much. i have missed you so much.”)

he can “feel” her thinking. he tells her that he’ll curse god for awhile, so that she can sleep. he does not believe in god. it doesn’t matter, nothing is her burden alone. (“i might not believe in god, but i believe in you. i speak to him through you.”)

he “never saw [her] as a mother” until she spoke of herself that way. when she showed up at his door in her underwear the day they met, he wrapped her up and gave her the bed, sat on the floor. matched her vulnerability. seven years later, when she invited herself into his room, he took her shoes off and slept over the sheets.

he spends his life begging to be believed, but never at the cost of her integrity, or even her peace. when she asks what her ex’s stopped watch means, he tells her “it means whatever you want it to mean.” he tells her to believe only in what’s true, what’s true to her, even when she just wants him to be “pleased.” he tells her that he won’t hold it against her if she wants to go work with someone else (even if it’s someone who’s always degrading him).

he constantly lowers himself beneath her when it’s vulnerable. if she’s standing, he sits. if she’s sitting, he kneels. he looks up to her. (and a woman who salutes her father does not know how to look down to a man, but she has to learn).

he touches her very purposefully. it’s learned, it’s earned, it’s to communicate. a gentle hand on her shoulder to say: it’s not personal, we’re friends. a light touch to her back to say: i’m here, i’ve got you.

he says “dana” so softly and deliberately. “mulder” and “scully” are terms of endearment, it’s their secret language, it’s who she became next to him. but he says “dana” to speak to who she is beneath it all. in their annoyingly austenian email love letters, it’s “dearest dana,” but it has been “dearest dana” since the very first time.

he really really likes her. even before he trusts her, when they first met, he invites her out on his run. he doesn’t go anywhere without checking if she’d like to come too. she’s his best friend. they joke about porn and go out to eat barbecue. he gets so wide-eyed and awe-struck every time she talks about literally anything, just falls dead quiet listening to her. she’s the smartest person in the world.

but the hardest thing for mulder to learn is that it’s okay to come off the cross, that it’s okay to experience something other than punishment. so they maintain so much silence, and that snake eating its tail becomes a cycle of inadvertent denial. the best way that mulder ever loved scully is trading that impossible selflessness for movie nights and popcorn. being able to just be still, to sit with her, to be present. she used to cry every time. eventually, she’s giggling over sushi.

that quote i was on about on twitter earlier? “he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.” (isabel allende).

that’s mulder. awkward tenderness, improvisation; something that you aren’t familiar with, but never giving up on trying.

[aloysiavirgata]

I love reading other people talking about/observing Mulder and Scully. Please please!

“Gorgeous,” Kinsley says, two tequila shots and an amaretto sour in. “Both of them.”

Stonecypher rolls her eyes. “Weird,” she says. “But nice.”

“Gorgeous,” Kinsley repeats, dreamily. “Fox Mulder smells like an anthropomorphic regatta.”

Simon Trebbins gives him an odd look. “I don’t know what the fuck that means, Mike,” he says.

Kinsley waves his hand vaguely. “Sailboat wax,” he says, without clarifying. “Dry cleaners. Bay rum.”

Trebbins downs his vodka tonic. “I can’t believe we got cheated out of a weekend with the fuckin’ Spookies. Legends abound; I wanted stories for the grandkids one day.”

Stonecypher sniffs over a piña colada. “She’s tiny, I can verify that. You don’t realize it until she’s next to you and you feel like Godzilla in Tokyo. But a great rack. Amazing hair.”

“Lobster rolls,” Kinsley adds, unhelpfully. “Sun dried rope. Clean cotton.”

Stonecypher side-eyes her partner. “Jesus, Mike.”

Liz Clayton props her chin up on her hand. “Mothman,” she chuckles. “They actually believe that shit?”

Stonecypher, pleased to be playing the role of expert, considers this. “He definitely does,” she states. “I think she goes along. She’s got it bad for him but I think he’s got it worse for her. Heard he murdered some poor bastard when she had cancer, fucking hell.”

“Who can blame her?” Kinsley asks, like it’s a Zen koan. “Or him.”

Liz smirks. “I heard she fucked Jack Willis.”

“Good for Jack,” Simon laughs. “She’s really hot.”

Kinsley sighs into a Maker’s Mark on ice. “She really is.”

Simon laughs. “You gotta pick one, Mikey.”

“Why?”

There is no obvious answer to this.

“My husband went through the Academy with Walter Skinner,” Liz says. “Couldn’t pay me enough to have that man’s job. Wrangling the Spookies should come with hazard pay.”

Stonecypher guffaws. “Can you imagine trying to have a serious debriefing with those two? I mean I heard the rumors, everyone has, but Jesus Christ they were eye-fucking while Mike drove. I saw them in the rearview.”

Kinsley sighs deeply. “They really were.”

“Didn’t she shoot him once?” Trebbins asks.

“You gotta be talking about the Spookies,” says Rachel Ward, sidling up with a handful of peanuts. “And yes she did. And they worked with Luther Lee Boggs, and Mulder caught Props to boot. Not to mention John Lee Roche. Eugene Tooms. Donnie Pfaster. Have a little fucking respect.”

There is silence at the table then. A long silence that even Kinsley does not break.

Stonecypher raises her glass after a moment. “I guess I can spot the son of a bitch a Mothman or two,” she sighs.

They all clink their glasses then, respectful.

“Scully smells like jasmine,” Kinsley adds, unhelpfully. Wistfully. “And like an A on a calculus exam.”

[thursdayinspace]

Recommending The X-Files to someone who hasn't seen it can be a challenge, because there are so many reasons to watch it. Yeah, it's about monsters and aliens and conspiracies and two very attractive people. But I think at its core, it stays relevant because it conveys so many timeless messages:

Be yourself. To me, that is a central lesson to take away from the show. There is Mulder: smart, well-educated, and with the chance to pursue a great and successful career in the FBI. But what drives him is his search for the truth, a truth that nobody else believes in. He sits in a basement office, people call him 'Spooky,' nobody takes him seriously. He even refers to himself as "the FBI's most unwanted." He's making a joke, but he's not joking. He's well aware of his reputation and still chooses his own path, the one he believes in. From the beginning, he is unapologetically himself. And that is what makes us love him.

The same is true for Scully. She doesn't believe what Mulder believes. She's a scientist and she remains one. And she doesn't have to stay in that basement with Mulder. She knows his reputation and knows it will become hers as well if she stays. Staying won't gain her any respect among her peers and it won't advance her career, but it's what she wants to do. She may not agree with Mulder's theories and challenges them with science, but she believes in the work. She is who she is, and that proves to be the best thing for their success as well as their partnership.

They both doubt themselves, repeatedly. But they always come back to who they are. And that self-doubt is so very relatable, which, paradoxically, is exactly what makes watching them so encouraging: it's impossible to go through life never doubting yourself, but if you are true to yourself, you might be amazed at what you can achieve.

Hang in there. There are obstacles in their way that seem really fucking impossible to overcome. The fight they're fighting seems like it's already lost so, so many times. They are only two people, up against a corrupt system and conspiracies of truly giant magnitude. They wouldn't even need an excuse to give up; it would be only too understandable if they did. But they don't.

And they don't win every fight. They lose a lot of the time, and they face great personal losses on top of that. But there is always something left that keeps them going. They look for it, and they find it. And it's worth it.

Everyone knows the feeling that there is simply no point to anything anymore. But Mulder and Scully say that there is. Mulder and Scully want you to get out of bed in the morning, because there's always something that's worth the effort, even if it takes you a while to see it. Listen to them! It may not always be apparent in the moment, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

"Nobody gets there alone" is such a popular theme throughout the show -- especially Mulder has a tendency to go off on his own in the beginning, and always realises pretty quickly that he needs Scully with him if he wants to solve their case. Whether they need each other to argue out their conflicting theories or whether they just need someone to be there and listen and offer support, they can't do it without each other.

They help each other through everything. They are a shoulder to cry on for each other, and they are there for each other to share the good things. Just one example that kicks me in the feelings every time is the cancer arc, where it's not just Scully who needs Mulder for support, it is also Mulder who needs Scully. Because her diagnosis pulls the rug right out from under his feet.

Going through hell is easier with someone else by your side, and they prove that time and time again. The message is clear: don't feel like you have to shoulder everything alone. Trust that someone else wants to be there for you. And sometimes, meet up at night to teach them how to play baseball. Being there for each other also means having fun together.

Love is strength. That seems like an obvious one, but it's so complex. They love each other, yes. Deeply. But what do we, as an audience, take away from that? The most important point seems to me that love comes in many forms, and that loving someone and letting yourself be loved gives you a reason to hold on even when you think you can't. At the beginning of season 2 when they're separated, they still have each other's backs. They need things fixed not only for themselves, but for each other.

Mulder and Scully do not admit one of the ways in which they love each other for a long time. And yet they express their deep affection for each other in so many other ways, whether it's simply listening, or going completey insane with worry when one of them is in trouble.

It doesn't always matter what we call 'love.' What's important is that we let people in. That we let them close. Don't hold people at arm's length because you don't know what you might miss. Do small and simple things for each other. Hug someone. Encourage them to believe in themselves. Take them seriously. Let them know that you care about them. It means the world.

Trust someone. A recurring phrase in the show is "trust no one," but what it always comes down to is that the opposite is what helps us stay afloat. We need each other to survive. We all feel alone and like nobody understands what we're going through. We have thoughts that seem too weird or too personal to share, even though we desperately want to talk about them.

Mulder's theories are wild to the extreme. And the story about his sister and his trauma connected to that is such a private thing. But he tells Scully, and that doesn't make it go away, but he's no longer alone with it. They cry in front of each other. They can let go around each other. That's why it hits so hard when Scully thinks Mulder betrayed her in 'Wetwired' -- that is one of her deepest fears, and shows how important it is for them to know they're on the same side and have each other's backs.

The world is too much for any of us to take on alone, but baring your soul to someone is scary. However, whatever emotional baggage we're carrying and no matter how heavy it is, sometimes it gets a little lighter, even for just a moment, when somebody tells us we're not alone.

In the end what it all comes down to is that if we believe in ourselves and in each other, we can do it. What we can take away from it is hope, encouragement to never stop asking the big questions, and the belief that if we overcome our differences and love each other for who we are, we can achieve anything. That is what the show is all about. And that is why it never gets old.

[gracemarkss]

finished s4 in my txf rewatch so i'm here's my top 10 so far. these are vaguely in order.

10. oubliette (s3ep08). this episode gives us soooo much big brother mulder. his gentle insistence that lucy, despite everything she's been through, is strong and capable and has value - that she can save this girl (and he's right). when scully calls him out on his overidentifying with lucy and he insists not everything he does or feels goes back to samantha...but when lucy dies, you know he's losing sam all over again. he can't save them all, he can't even save most of them, but by god does he try.

9. memento mori (s4ep14). cliche as hell but the fact that it opens with scully's sensual voice over reading her romantic diary entries which are addressed to mulder...insane. both of them facing a terrible reality, deep seated fears - losing her and abandoning him (is dying a betrayal?) the fact that he's ready to make a deal with the devil. the fact that skinner DOES. death vs love, fight!!!!!

8. beyond the sea (s1ep13). gillian is insaaaaane in the episode like how could anyone involved in this show not think she was capable of anything and everything? scully is such a great character in part because of the constant tension that exists between expectation and desire. the things she should want, the things she wants to want, the things she actually wants. she craves her father's approval while chafing against the weight of his expectation. the "i love this job" "you love your father" exchange goes craaaaaazy. and that's not even getting into the role reversal!!!!

7. pusher (s3ep17). another cliche but god does this episode go hard. another spectacular look into mulder's psyche and another situation that highlights the depth of their connection. when he kneels down in front of her and hands her his gun...i wonder how many times mulder walks into a situation and thinks that maybe he'll die. that maybe he wouldn't mind. i wonder how much scully knows that (her fear here makes me think she knows, and it terrifies her.) but all's well that ends well i guess (them holding hands).

6. end game (s2ep17). i just love that the narrative forces mulder to choose between samantha and scully and he tries to rig the game to save both. from "nothing else matters to me" to if anything happens to scully i'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. there's obviously a lot more going on here and i love all of it but that's my main takeaway. oh also dd rules in this ep. his regression back into a lost little boy saying "i'm sorry, dad," bill mulder you are bones.

5. wetwired (s3ep23). another classic "what are you afraid of" episode and this time the answer is "the prophet you are following turns out to be false." trust is their most valuable and sacred currency. the potential loss of that is truly devastating. let's not even get into the fact that mulder thinks scully's gone missing (again) and it's his fault (again) and he has to break this to her mother (again) and let's not talk about the fact that maggie defends mulder to scully and trusts him with her daughter's life despite everything. and let's definitely not ever mention the scene where he goes to id the body.

4. paper hearts (s4ep10). yet another cliche but there's a reason these episodes are well loved and considered among the best. "it's somebody though" just sums up everything you need to know about mulder. he is so deeply hurt and so good despite it all. he really is the best boy. another ep dd is superb in.

3. demons (s4ep23). part of the reason i love this episode is just because i think the premise of mulder drilling a hole in his head and injecting ketamine in it is hilarious. but also profoundly sad. can you tell i have a thing for mulder angst yet? and episodes that highlight how deep and loving his and scully's relationship is, however you interpret it? she's the first one he thinks of to call when he wakes up in a bad situation. she drops everything to be there for him. she won't stop him, she'll just take the keys and drive. what can i carry for you. what can i do. i will not let you go alone. another great example of dd's ability to play mulder at his smallest - when he tells his mother he needs to speak with her with his head down and his voice pitched just a bit higher...i'll jump.

2. ice (s1ep08). truly what needs to be said. i know this is a ripoff of the thing but i've never seen the thing so this is better probably. stuck in a small space, paranoia at the top of the world...also the guy who plays the landlord in new girl is here and i love that. both dd and ga are also both crazy hot in the ep. i think it just rules even as a standalone and is a great way to introduce someone to the series. just fun and sexy and tense.

3 (s2ep07). HE'S WEARING HER NECKLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honorable mentions: lazarus (s1ep15); darkness falls (s1ep20); little green men (s2ep01); the field where i died (s4ep05); grotesque (s3ep14); terma (s4ep9).

[sisterspooky1013]

What Desire Will Make Foolish People Do, 3/3

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

All the parking spots in front of their rooms are now occupied, so Mulder finds one around the corner. Scully doesn’t make any move to get out when he cuts the engine, so neither does he. She’s turned toward the window, one arm crossed over her chest and the hand of the other held in a loose fist in front of her mouth, looking small and defeated. Minutes tick by in uncomfortable silence, though her words echo loudly in his head. 

  You’re sorry for yourself, not for me.  

  It bothers him that she thinks that, because he is sorry. Knowing that he’s hurt her is one of the worst feelings in the world, and yet he can’t seem to stop doing it. He has to ask himself why that is. He runs his knuckles over the grip on the steering wheel contemplatively, debating what to say and how to say it. She’s clearly waiting for him to say something.

  “I find myself a bit perplexed by my own behavior,” he finally says, and she startles at the sudden sound of his voice.  

  He feels her eyes on him, but he doesn’t look at her. 

  “Aren’t you supposed to be some prolific behavioral profiler?” she asks dryly, and despite his mood his mouth quirks. 

  “It’s notoriously difficult to psychoanalyze yourself,” he says, giving her a quick glance. “That’s why therapy is in such high demand.”

  Scully sighs and turns back to the window. 

  He tries to remove himself and Scully from the situation and look at the events of the evening from the perspective of an impartial observer. He imagines someone like Byers coming to him and sharing this story about a woman he holds unrequited (to the best of his knowledge) feelings for: noticing her secretive phone calls, making her think he’d left the motel so he could spy on her, interrupting her rendez-vous with a bogus story to prevent her from being with another man, and then following her to the bar when she asked for space. He starts to feel a little sick as he recognizes his own obsessive behavior, his attempts to manipulate and control her. If Byers admitted to treating someone this way, Mulder would tell him to either work up the nerve to tell her how he feels, or leave her the hell alone. 

  He looks over at Scully, who is now resting the side of her forehead against the window with her eyes closed. She knows at this point that his feelings for her are not entirely platonic, however the extent of his confession was that he’d like the opportunity to see her naked, which is hardly an accurate representation of the deep, overwhelming way he loves her. The way he treats her is also not indicative of a man who is hopelessly in love, but rather a man who sees her as a possession. 

  The idea that she has also been secretly harboring affection for him suddenly seems ridiculous, and he can’t help but wonder how she doesn’t see that she could do so much better. He turns back to the windshield, which is coated with a hazy layer of vapor from their breath.

  “I think,” he says, and he sees her lift her head and look at him in his periphery, “that when someone feels unable to communicate their feelings and desires—whether because they’re afraid of how the other party will react or because they fear rejection—they sometimes attempt to get their needs met in indirect ways. They may not even be fully aware of what those feelings and desires are, and they may not be able to identify their actions as attempts to manipulate the other, but that’s what they’re doing.” He drops his head and picks at his cuticles. “Almost like if they play their cards right, they can somehow get what they want without ever having to say it. Because speaking it aloud feels impossible.”  

  She’s completely silent, and after what feels like an eternity he finally gathers the courage to look at her. She’s staring at him with a mildly horrified expression on her face, her eyes unfocused and her lips slightly parted. He feels his own expression fall, and his heart starts to pound anew. He hoped that this context might make his actions appear slightly less barbaric, but she looks disgusted, and he supposes that he can’t blame her. 

  “Excuse me,” she mumbles as she reaches for the door handle, and before he has the opportunity to contemplate trying to stop her, she’s out of the car and disappearing around the corner. 

  Mulder sits there for several minutes, his belly churning with guilt and self-loathing. He feels compelled to do something, but at this point there’s nothing left to do. The only thing he knows for certain is that he can’t keep chasing her; he has to give her space to process all this. With a weary sigh, he unfurls himself from the driver’s seat and stretches his back before beginning a slow, defeated walk to his motel room with his head hung in shame. 

  He’s grateful for the mild weather, if nothing else. Crickets chirp asynchronously from a nearby wooded area and there’s a low hum from a distant highway. He searches his pockets for his room key as he nears the door, and when someone clears their throat he looks up sharply. 

  She’s leaning against the exterior of the building between his door and hers, her hands clasped in front of her body and her eyes flitting between him and the sidewalk. Mulder stops in his tracks several paces away, confused but hopeful. 

  “Are you okay?” he asks, and she must intuit that he means generally, not specific to this situation, because she nods.

  “Can we talk?” she asks softly, still not meeting his eye for more than a millisecond. 

  “Of course,” he says. 

  A beat passes, and she looks at his door. 

  “Can I come in?”

  “Oh. Yeah,” he says with a shake of his head, stepping forward to unlock the door before gesturing for her to go in first. 

  She stands awkwardly near the TV stand, but shakes her head when he offers her a chair. Mulder sits on the end of the bed near her and waits. He’s done a lot of talking tonight, and for the most part, it’s only made things worse. 

  Scully opens her mouth to speak but then closes it. She swallows, sighs, chews her lip nervously. She’s clearly having difficulty saying what she needs to say, and he has the fearful realization that it may be because she’s preparing to tell him that they can no longer work together, or no longer be friends, or both. Perhaps the kindest thing to do would be to put her out of her misery. 

  “I get it, Scully,” he says, bracing his forearms on his knees and looking at the floor. “I’m not expecting you to forgive me or…give me a chance. What I did was pretty irredeemable.”

  A pause. 

  “That’s not…” she starts, and he braces himself. “I do forgive you, Mulder. But that’s not what I wanted to say.”

  He slowly lifts his head, but as soon as he makes eye contact with her she averts her eyes to the floor. 

  “Okay,” he says, elated but still concerned. 

  There are more false starts and exasperated sighs as she plays with the strap on her purse. Finally she closes her eyes and pulls in a deep breath. 

  “I think that it’s possible that I wanted you to know I was meeting up with someone,” she blurts out. Mulder blinks at her, stunned. “I didn’t exactly go to great lengths to hide it,” she continues. 

  She’s still looking at the floor, and his mind is reeling. 

  “You—you wanted me to hear you…being with someone else?” he asks, a bit wounded and certainly surprised. 

  “No,” she says quickly, stealing a glance at him. “I hadn’t necessarily planned on inviting him in. I just thought—Jesus, this is embarrassing.”

  She brings her hand up to shield her face.

  “I think I have the upper hand on embarrassing behavior,” he says lightly, and he sees her relax a little. 

  Scully crosses her arms over her chest and watches the toe of her shoe as she traces the pattern in the carpet. 

  “I think I was hoping that you’d see him leave or something. I don’t know. I was just hoping that you’d notice. Maybe that it would bother you,” she admits. “But then you weren’t even here when he came by. I thought you weren’t, anyway.”

  “You wanted it to bother me?” he clarifies. 

  She looks up at him, considering his face for a moment. 

  “I wanted you to care,” she says, her voice small and tight. After a beat she adds, “I wanted you to be jealous.”

  Mulder nods, holding her eye.

  “Mission accomplished,” he says, and she scoffs and looks away. 

  “I wouldn’t classify it as an exceptionally successful tactic.”

  “Well, here we are, having this conversation,” he says, sitting up. “So I guess in that sense it was a success.”

  Scully nods in reluctant agreement. There’s another long silence, and it feels like there’s too much to say and no way to accurately express any of it. 

  “I didn’t know,” he finally says, and she looks at him expectantly. “When you’ve invited me to get dinner or to watch a movie, I just kind of figured it was out of pity because…” He laughs a little in embarrassment. “Because you’re my only friend.”

  Scully frowns. 

  “The Gunmen are your friends,” she gently retorts, and he shrugs. 

  “I never consciously turned you down. I just don’t want you to feel obligated to spend time with me, Scully. I’m sure you get more than your fill Monday through Friday, plus these thrilling overnights,” he says, gesturing around to the shabby motel room. “I didn’t know you actually wanted to hang out, so I just said no to save you from your own kindness.” She gives him a sad, sympathetic smile that makes him feel awful. That’s exactly the feeling he doesn’t want her to experience when she looks at him. “And I don’t want you to think that—” He stops and looks at the floor again. “Reflecting on what I said to you—which, again, I’m very sorry for—I realize that it may have given the impression that I see you as…belonging to me, or something equally horrific. So I want you to know that it’s not about ownership and it’s not even about sex. It’s much more than that.”

  He hears her set her purse on the TV stand before she takes a few steps forward. Her feet enter his visual field but he keeps his head down. This is the very thing that’s kept him stuck for so long: he can’t bring himself to put words to the way he feels about her. He’s not sure that sufficient words exist. She touches his shoulder and it sends a little shiver down his spine. With a gentle squeeze she asks him to look at her, and he does. 

  She’s tired and emotionally drained. All her makeup has been washed away by tears, and the whites of her eyes are streaked with reddened blood vessels. But God help him if she isn’t the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his life. 

  “I know, Mulder,” she says quietly. “I’ve never questioned the fact that you care about me.”

  Mulder takes a shuddering breath. 

  “It’s a bit more than caring, Scully,” he says, and he watches something shift in her eyes. 

  She takes another step forward, nudging his knee aside with her thigh so she can stand in between his legs. He looks up at her with awe as she takes his head between her two small hands, her thumbs stroking the skin in front of his ears, and slowly brings her face closer to his. 

  “I know,” she says again, and he feels her breath warm against his lips. 

  Seconds later, the warmth of her breath is replaced with the warmth of her mouth, kissing him incredibly softly. It’s brief, over before he’s really had a chance to register what’s happening, but she stays close after she pulls away. 

  “I don’t deserve that,” he says, his head still trapped between her palms. “After everything I’ve done. And not just tonight.”

  Scully sighs, tilting her head to the side wistfully and letting her eyes dance across his face. 

  “Maybe not,” she says, and a little pang of regret hits him in the chest. “But maybe I do.”

  He attempts to nod, but her hands are so strong, and she shows no sign of cutting him loose. 

  “You do,” he says emphatically. “You deserve…everything.”

  She closes her eyes briefly, perhaps moved by what he said. And he said so little, has given so little, when she deserves the entirety of the world and the universe, and every galaxy therein. He feels so inadequate, sitting here before her with next to nothing to offer. He just wants her to be happy. 

  “What do you want?” he asks quietly, and her mouth sinks into a little frown. Her eyes drop to his chin, the confidence he’d just watched blossom before him wilting away. Her hands slip down to rest on his shoulders, and it’s clear that he said something wrong. Perhaps he was presumptuous in suggesting that she wants anything at all. “I don’t mean to pressure you,” he says, trying not to let the desperation that he feels seep into his voice, “I just…I don’t want to fuck it up again.”

  She shakes her head, a nearly imperceptible twitch, and her fingers play at the collar of his shirt while she searches for words. 

  “It’s difficult for me to express what I want,” she says to his chin. “I’m not sure I even know what I want.”

  Initially, he’s struck with the sour churn of disappointment. How can they move forward if she doesn’t know what she wants? But she must know, or she wouldn’t have been so frustrated by his lack of response to her bids for attention. She wouldn’t have tried to stoke his jealousy with a poorly-timed date. 

  “You want me to take the lead,” he says, and it’s not a question. Her eyes snap up to his before they just as quickly dart away. She nods, the slightest bob of her chin, and he feels a rush of blood straight to his lap. He swallows, futilely attempting to keep his wits about him. “Do you promise that you’ll tell me if it’s too much or…too far?”

  Slowly, her eyes drag up the side of his neck and skitter across his cheek before they settle on his. She nods again, this time confidently and firmly. She knows him well enough to be sure that her message is clear. 

  Mulder reaches out, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her against him. Scully makes a surprised little squeak as her arms go around his neck and her pelvis crashes against his belly. 

  “Kiss me,” he says sternly, slipping his hands under the hem of her T-shirt to touch the velvety soft skin of her waist and back. 

  Scully complies, initiating a relatively chaste kiss that he quickly deepens with eager lips and tongue. His hands roam restlessly over her back, sides, belly, hips, before sliding down to cup her ass cheeks. She tastes like honeyed oak and salted tears, and while his fantasies have never cast her in a submissive light, he finds the way she’s deferring to him completely intoxicating. He stays acutely in tune with her body and the breathy little whimpers bubbling up from her throat, raptly watching for any sign of discomfort. But she’s only growing increasingly supple in his hands, leaning heavily into him and slowly pitching him backwards onto the mattress. When she’s nearly on top of him, he wraps his arms around her waist and tosses her onto the bed beside him, moving over her with carefully calculated urgency. 

  She looks up at him, eyes wide and lips swollen, her pupils nearly eclipsing the blue of her irises. He has one knee planted on either side of her thighs, his hands bracketing her head, and she tentatively reaches out and slips one of her hands under his T-shirt. He sits up long enough to strip it off, then watches her face as her eyes rake over his chest and belly. When she gets as far as his groin, her eyebrows lift a little, and she runs her tongue across her bottom lip. 

  “I want to see you,” he says, drawing her attention back to his face. 

  She blinks at him, not understanding, so he pushes her T-shirt up to expose her belly. Scully lifts her arms over her head, and he peels the blue fabric off her body slowly to reveal a simple nude bra, then sets out to kiss as much of her exposed skin as he can reach. Her hands are in his hair, scraping across his upper back, her hips wiggling endlessly beneath him. He clumsily stuffs one hand behind her back and struggles with the clasp of her bra, but when he finally gets it undone she tugs it off and flings it away from the bed, arching up in anticipation of the mouth that quickly wraps around one of her hardened nipples. 

  It’s then that she moans in earnest, not a barely concealed whimper or a noisy breath. He feels it rumble against his lips, feels her pelvis push up against his inner thighs, and makes a decision about where he’s going to take this. He doesn’t deserve any of it, doesn’t deserve her half nude beneath him, writhing and beautiful. But he’s going to give her what she deserves, what he took away from her with his own jealousy and pigheadedness. 

  He touches the button on her jeans, his lips still wrapped around her nipple, and her breathing picks up into something bordering on panting. He sits up so he can use both hands to unbutton her pants and draw the zipper down, taking his time so he can get a good long look at her splayed out against the ugly motel bedspread, her hair fanned out like flames and her chest heaving. 

  Scully glances to the bedside table and then back at him, looking markedly timid. 

  “Would it be okay to turn off the light?” she asks, suddenly self-conscious. 

  Wordlessly, he leans across her and snaps the bedside lamp off, leaving them in near pitch blackness. He briefly mourns the opportunity to see her completely nude, but her comfort is more important than his visual stimulation, and he hopes that this won’t be his only chance. 

  In the dark, the huff of her breath and the shuffle of fabric as he tugs her jeans off her hips are incredibly loud. He feels her hands on his belly, searching for the fly of his jeans, and he takes them and pushes them up over her head, briefly pinning them to the mattress. He holds them there for a beat, saying nothing, and then goes back to work divesting her of her jeans, though he leaves her panties on. He settles on his side next to her, the buttery warmth of her skin pressing into his chest and belly, and runs his palms over the hills and valleys of her body as he kisses her for endless minutes. Again, her hand finds the fly of his jeans, and again he pushes it away, but not before allowing her to feel just how hard he is. She threads her fingers through his hair instead, gently scratching at his scalp. 

  He slowly slides his hand down her belly, cupping her over her panties. The fabric is damp under the tips of his fingers, and his erection strains painfully against the fly of his jeans. Scully is breathing erratically into his mouth, too piqued for kissing, and when he gives her a gentle squeeze she lets out a strangled moan. 

  “Oh god,” she whimpers. “Please.”

  He slips his fingers behind the gusset of her panties, and his brain nearly short-circuits at the feel of her, slick and swollen. Scully gasps and arches into his hand, her fingernails digging painfully into his neck. 

  “Oh god, oh god,” she says urgently, her body curling around the point of contact between his hand and her soaking wet center. 

  Mulder groans, flexing his pelvis against her hip to get some relief. He’s not really making much effort, just sliding his fingers up and down over her vulva over and over as she steadily unravels. 

  “Mulder,” she says tightly, and he feels all her muscles tense. 

  She comes like a tsunami, slowly advancing with little indication of the power that lies below the tranquil surface. She’s stony silent, and he continues to stroke the swollen bud of her clit as she lies rigid in his arms, her mouth held open against his. Then her head falls back and she slackens, letting loose a throaty moan just before she begins to throb forcefully against his fingers. She loses herself completely, her voice rising and falling with wave after wave, and he doesn’t stop until she sighs and lifts her head to kiss him, at which point he slips his hand under the hem of her panties and pushes two fingers inside her to the second knuckle.

  “Oh god,” she says again, clamping down around his fingers. 

  Her second orgasm is slightly less intense, but it seems to go on for an eternity as he strokes her from the inside. Finally, she wraps her hand around his wrist to still him. 

  “I can’t. I can’t,” she says breathlessly, and he removes his hand and rests it over her belly. 

  He kisses her sweetly, stroking her sensitized skin as she slowly comes down. Tentatively, she touches his belly, her fingers fumbling down to brush over his still rock-solid erection. Mulder sighs, laying his hand over the top of hers. 

  “You don’t need to do that,” he says gently. 

  “What if I want to?” she asks, and he knows that she can feel him lurch against her hand. 

  “I’m trying to make the night up to you, Scully,” he says tightly, his resolve waning. 

  She rolls to her side to face him, and he takes the opportunity to grab a handful of her naked ass. She takes the opportunity to rub him firmly over his jeans, and he groans. 

  “You want to make it up to me?” Her voice is syrupy and playful, and he recognizes that she is no longer ceding control. “Then let me touch you.”

  She doesn’t wait for him to reply. She expertly pops the button on his jeans and lowers the zipper with one hand, delving under his boxers and taking hold of him confidently. Mulder’s entire body reacts, hairs standing on end and nipples tightening in response to her touch. 

  “Careful,” he says breathlessly. “Loaded weapon.”

  His joke falls flat, between his inarticulate delivery and the fact that she begins to pump her fist up and down over his shaft partway through it. He drops his forehead against hers, feeling supplicant and a little afraid. 

  “Scully,” he says pleadingly, and she kisses him once. 

  “It’s okay,” she says. 

  Mulder shakes his head. 

  “I don’t deserve this,” he says, even as he feels himself gathering, approaching the peak. 

  She kisses him again, lingering there as she continues to stroke him from root to tip. She somehow knows exactly the right pace, pressure, technique. She somehow knows exactly what he needs. She tucks her cheek against his, breathing hotly against his ear. 

  “Of course you do,” she tells him, running her palm across the head of his cock on an upstroke. 

  “I’m gonna come,” he whispers, like it’s a confession. Something he ought not to say. Something he ought not to do. 

  She flicks at his earlobe with her tongue, then sucks it between her lips and hums. It’s too much, the heat of her bare skin and the wet of her mouth, and her hand stroking and stroking. He pulls her firmly against him as fireworks burst behind his eyes and he comes so hard he stops breathing. Scully snakes her free arm under his neck to hold him close, and even when he’s no longer throbbing she gently cradles his softening cock in her hand, her touch so tender he could cry. 

  His jeans and boxers are a mess, as is the bedspread. They have no choice but to turn the light on so they can get cleaned up, and he gets a secret thrill when he spots the sheen of his semen on her belly. He works up the courage to ask her to stay, offering her one of his T-shirts to sleep in, and to his delight she accepts. 

  Nestled under the covers, her head against his bare chest and her leg slung over his thigh, he thinks that this might be the best part. Just getting to hold her. Just knowing that she’ll be there when he wakes up. He sighs and runs his hand over the crown of her head.

  “Hm?” she hums sleepily. 

  “Nothin’,” he says, giving her a squeeze. “Just…content, I guess.”

  He feels the stretch of her smile against his skin, and she gives him a squeeze in return. They are quiet for several minutes, and her slow, even breathing suggests that she may have fallen asleep. Mulder isn’t sure he’ll ever sleep again, as restlessly as his mind is poring over every detail of their whirlwind of an evening. He feels as though he’s been through heaven and hell then back again in the space of a few hours, and it strikes him that he could have had her wrapped up in his arms ages ago if he’d just had the courage to tell her how he feels. He closes his eyes and concentrates on the weight of her body resting against his, and the brush of her breath across his chest. He hopes this is only the first time of many, but in the event that this is his only chance, he doesn’t want to squander it. 

  “I think I might be in love with you,” he whispers into the dark, mildly surprised that he said the words out loud. 

  Scully doesn’t react, and his flash of adrenaline subsides. He promises himself that he’ll tell her soon, even if it scares him. He tries to relax, sinking further into the mattress and willing his brain to turn off. He’s drifting, teetering between sleep and wakefulness, and when she speaks he’s not immediately sure whether it’s a figment of his mind. 

  “I love you, Mulder.”

  He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. The moment feels so fragile, and he’s terrified of breaking it. But he needs her to know that he heard her, because he desperately wants to hear her say it again. 

  He sighs, and she lifts her head. He can’t see her, but he doesn’t need to. He drags her up onto him and she tucks her head under his chin, her body draped over his like a blanket. With his arms wrapped around her back it feels like they couldn’t possibly be any closer, and it still isn’t enough. She drops a kiss to the side of his neck, and tears prick at his eyes. 

  They fall asleep like that, tangled like vines and full of half-confessions. The path ahead is far from clear, but they are on it, which is more than he could have ever hoped for. More than he thinks he deserves. Despite his feelings of inadequacy, he knows that he won’t deny her anything, including himself. Maybe she deserves it enough for the both of them. 

Tagging @today-in-fic

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector's Edition: Diana Fowl(ey) Play-- Part III: More S5-S6

Diana Fowley S6 (and some S7) fics are here-- some of these are my personal foul favorites~.

Loose chronological order below~!

Canon

@gabby-msr/ScullytoyourMulder's (WBM)

A Simple Office Accessory

""These questions were left unanswered. She supposed she should have brought them up with Mulder but they didn’t really talk about exes. She knew she wasn’t eager to talk about Daniel. Not now, not ever.

She’d put up a professional front in front of the guys; she was - after all - fishing for information on her for work-related reasons. A thousand questions burned her lips, and from the looks on the Lone Gunmen’s faces, she knew that they could see right through her.

She neared the filing cabinets that stored closed cases and paused to consider them.""

The End Scully rifles through the files to dig up Diana's history. What she finds discourages her on many levels.

deslea/Deslea R. Judd's (Ao3)

The Lone Hand (Ao3) 

""We were at a nuclear power plant with documented technical difficulties overnight, Agent Spender. I just wanted to be safe."

"Jeffrey. And I notice that didn't stop you from taking a four hour drive after Mulder was apprehended."

"I was restless, Jeffrey," she said, stressing his name a little. "Gunplay does that to me.""

Post The Beginning Jeffrey Spender is sensing something off in Denmark (or in this case, Diana Fowley.) She distracts him with his disgust of Mulder.

Vignettes in 155

""She wants him to know about the path to hell, and about the good intentions that led her there. She wants him to know that she's never killed, never maimed, never betrayed another. She's never sold her body, nor forfeited her soul.

She wants him to know that it can't be stopped. She wants him to know so he will let it happen, not postpone it for a useless month or year. She wants it over for them both. She wants him to let go of the redhead, because the redhead is his fight, his struggle, and she knows she could be his rest.""

A compilation of various characters in One Son saying goodbye to the people they love-- Diana being one of them.

A Woman's Code (Ao3)

""I was pleased when Diana returned from abroad. I never wanted her to leave in the first place. She said it was for the best - that Fox would be safer this way - but she was wrong. We didn't know how wrong until that Scully woman came along.

I knew Scully was trouble the first time I saw her. When she came to me at my husband's funeral to tell me my son was alive. That stupid, interfering woman. She should have let me suffer rather than put him at risk in that way. I knew at that moment that Dana Scully would enable Fox's foolishness, not hinder it. And that was exactly what happened.""

Amor Fati Diana is in tight with Tena Mulder. The two women commiserate over Mulder's condition, and slimily plan ways to circumvent Scully and her silly little ways. It's a bit AU if you (like me) think Mulder's marriage isn't canon.

And So It Ends 1/2

""Need I remind you that it was your idea to bring me here?"

"I have days," he said with a glare, "when I wish I hadn't."

Diana snorted. "That doesn't surprise me. You're your own worst enemy, Alex."

He opened his mouth to point out that people who had to be rescued from assassins shouldn't throw stones, then thought better of it. Their bickering was nothing more than misplaced exhaustion. There was no need to make it worse."" 

AU-- S8 Diana mourns Mulder's death while helping Krycek and Marita (who are married) try to save the planet. She also gives them couple's advice.

@scullywolf’s (Ao3)

The Beginning

"He’d just gone off with her, and why wouldn’t he? She didn’t question his beliefs or demand proof before blindly charging off after phantoms in the night. Scully hadn’t forgotten the look in his eyes when she’d told him she didn’t remember what had happened in Antarctica, that she couldn’t corroborate the things he claimed to have seen. He seemed wholly unimpressed that she was trying to maintain her integrity, annoyed even. And maybe it would be easier to just go along with him, to follow where he led even when logic screamed at her that there was still no proof of anything. But she had to try; she owed it to herself to not let her judgment be clouded by the fact that some part of her was still bitterly disappointed they hadn’t been able to finish what they’d started in the hallway outside his apartment, even though another part of her was terrified about what would happen if they did.""

Scully is frustrated with Mulder; but is mildly soothed by Gibson's reassurance about her partner's clear cut feelings about Diana.

The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati

""The idea that he could ever, in a million years, turn his back on Scully is nothing short of absurd. As wonderful as it would be to find his sister, to live a life free of monsters and conspiracies, the void left by Scully’s absence would be unbearable. That he could possibly give up on her, on them, falling instead into Diana’s arms with only the barest hesitation, is simply inconceivable. Only a dream has that sort of power, the power to render mundane something so outrageous.""

Scully and a neurologist are both shocked and relieved at how little damage Mulder had from his brain surgery. But celebration is set aside when she is told the news of Diana's murder.

@scullysexual/PostApocolypticAlien's

Following Behind Him (Ao3)

""The guilt still gnawed at him for your ending up here with him. And for the pricey bill Kersh did end up sending your way for the Crump case. He wouldn’t stop breaking the rules, you knew that, but he would try to loosen the collateral damage made towards you.

“Well, have fun.” You try to make it sound as genuine as possible, no hint of snarky or jealously (though you were jealous about him getting to use braincells because you were sure your own were dying from lack of us at this point)

“I’d offer you let you come but…”

“Spending time with Diana doesn’t appeal to me?” you finish for him.

He laughs. “Yeah, something like that.""

Post Drive Scully is not jealous that Mulder is doing cases with Diana, knowing that he still needs that connection to the X-Files.

tiredmoonlight's (known as FandomsandXFiles) Someone Else

""Scully didn’t want to answer, because she trusted this woman about as far as she could throw her, but she had backed herself into a corner. “I went to look for Agent Mulder,” she said. “He needs medical attention.” 

Diana’s voice changed. “Is he okay?” 

“He will be, but I really need to talk to A.D. Skinner.” 

There was silence at the other end of the line. “I’ll see if I can find him."" 

Triangle Diana had answered Scully's call for help; but retreats seeing Scully holding Mulder's hand in the hospital.

@alldolleduppink-blog/AllDolledUpPink's

Tangerines - Chapter 6

""Diana stared back at him with a frown. “Fox, the only fruit you consume is the kind that comes in a plastic jug.”

He furrowed his brows in displeasure that she still recognized these type of relevant details about him. He hoped that the same things he knew about her could still be applied or his plan to get the X-Files back was doomed. He enjoyed a cup of orange sugar water now and then but he had changed in other aspects of his life. He was no longer the shell of a man she left behind for better prospects of a career. Mulder still didn't have his sister and he had lost his life’s work, but he was a whole person now.""

Post Triangle Mulder zips by Diana to catch up with Scully, leaving his former girlfriend to sit in her jealousy.

@agentscully/agent_scully2084's Date Night

""Hello Fox,” Fowley said with a polite smile, “Dana.”

Mulder ignored her, and Scully nodded curtly as the pair stepped into the now empty elevator.

Scully stared at her shoes. Mulder pushed the button a little too forcefully and exhaled slowly. Scully placed her hand on Mulder’s forearm and said his name quietly. She looked at him concernedly, her jaw set, eyes wide, eyebrows slightly raised.

“I’m okay, Scully,” he said.

She knew he was lying.""

Post Triangle Mulder is simultaneously avoiding Diana and being shocked at Scully's blatant push to move their relationship to the next level.  

odamaebrown's How to ruin your love life

""So, apparently, his type included brunette and blondes, what happen with red haired, Mulder? Had you got a trauma or something?. OK, OK, I know... I am jealous, again, but come on, it is not fair. I have saved his life many times, I have fed his fishes, I convinced him that he will not lost his tongue if he eats vegetable one per week... Shall I dye my hair or what?""

Post Dreamland II Scully is fumingly jealous over Mulder presumably getting his attention consumed by Diana, waitresses, and Kersh's secretary.

@katy-kt-katie/Aliens99's

Movie at Mulder's

""You were all worked up, full of energy when I got there. Don't act like I made you stay up," she teased.

"You didn't seem to mind, just let yourself in."

"Well, you gave me a key."

Then he lifted his hand to her and they did some kind of secret handshake gesture with their thumbs. Diana was absolutely dumbfounded.""

S6 Diana is suspicious of Mulder and Scully's movie nights; but CSM brushes those thoughts aside with a simple devaluation of Scully.

Three Rooms

""Three rooms?” Scully and Mulder said in unison.

“No. There should be four rooms. Can you please check again?” Diana asked, although she didn’t seem as surprised by the accommodations as they did.

“Ma’am, we show your reservation as three queen rooms. I’m sorry to say, but there aren’t any more rooms available as we’re booked solid with a bike tour coming through all week.”

“I guess we‘ll take the three rooms then,” Diana said, with a disappointed sigh, though Scully still wasn’t buying it. “I’m so sorry, Agent Scully. I guess I didn’t get your room added to the reservation.""

S6 Diana baits Mulder onto a case by allowing him to bring Scully. Her attempts to get him alone lead to MSR having to share a room... which leads to a furthering of their relationship.

Diana at the Gunmen's

""Okay, we can help, but you said you are working with Agent Mulder?” Frohike said, placing the brain scans on an illuminated table.

“Of course,” Diana replied.

The three men looked at each other confused.

Byers giggled nervously, “What about Agent Scully?”

“Agent Scully?” Diana repeated, sighing.

“Yes,” Langly said, defensively.""

It appeared this woman, Agent Scully, had admirers in Mulder’s friends too.

AU-- The End Diana takes the scans to TLG instead of Scully, getting her own dose of jealousy.  

@choralmeres's (Ao3) It Always Leads To You

""Did they even realize that they leaned towards each other when they walked- as if they were magnets with some kind of gravitational pull? That they’d defensively place their hands on each other?

Or perhaps they were doing it on purpose; maybe Fox had planned it with Agent Scully. Maybe it was his way of payback for her leaving all these years ago. He never seemed like someone who would do that. Perhaps he had changed.""

S6 Diana "loses" her wallet so Mulder will take her to lunch. Her plans turn to dust when she sees Emily's picture in his wallet.

abracadabra's Motives

""With revulsion, she watched the viper attempt to charm the pants off the men who seemed only too eager for her company. As one, they oriented themselves to her, following her words and her movements with hypnotic attention. At one point, the men leaned in closer. It appeared as if their female colleague was about to impart some rather important information by the look on her face and theirs. Instead, they all burst out laughing.

Scully snorted and turned toward the window. Which was why she never heard the brunette approach until she was looming over the booth.""

S6 Scully watches as Mulder distances himself further and further, lying to her and seemingly cavorting with Diana. (Spoilers: It's revealed that he was assigned a crucial mission against his will.)

@leiascully's (Ao3)

Exit Strategy

""Diana had thought he understood.

There had been moments of hope when she’d first returned. She’d baited him with irresistible fragments of truth. She’d murmured to him about visions of the future. Everything had been in place. She’d taken care to secure their positions in the world to come.

And then Dana Scully had stumbled in the hallway and half-collapsed against the wall."' 

S6 Diana is angry at her past self for dumping Mulder-- now he's loyal to Scully.

Enemy Territory

""You know, Agent Scully, my name is in a number of those files as the agent of record. Maybe even more than yours.”

“I’m aware of that fact, Agent Fowley,” Scully said. “I’ve corrected quite a few inaccuracies in those reports, and a truly astonishing number of typographical errors. Word processing software has certainly improved since you abandoned the X-Files the first time.”

Mulder swallowed hard. Scully jostled past Diana and into the basement office. Diana glared at him and he tried not to hide behind his file.""

Mulder is trapped in an elevator with Diana and Scully, trying not to get caught in the middle while Scully roasts her nemesis on a spit.

@i-gaze-at-scully’s (Ao3) Pad Thai and poison apples 

""They get out together though, naturally, at the basement level. Scully wants to be smug, wants to rub it in Diana’s face that this is her office, her work, her.... she wants to, but she can’t. Not without a nameplate on the door. Or even a desk.

Mulder, for better or for worse, isn’t there. Scully, determinedly ignoring Diana, sits at his desk and begins working on the latest expense report.""

S6 Diana rubs the fact that Mulder invited her to lunch in Scully's face. Even when he forgot the lunch date, Scully has no solace. 

o0Stella_Dana0o's The Promises You Can't Keep

 ""Well, at least it was worth calling Agent Fowley back. I'm glad she's alive." Scully said about to fall asleep.

"What do you mean? Diana was with you." Asked Mulder, confused.

"She was at first yes, but then she told me you needed her there, so she called some backup and she left." She tried to explain despite the fact that she was exhausted. At this moment it clicked in his brain. That's why Scully was alone at the hospital. That's why Diana insisted on going with Scully.""

Mulder detours Scully to help Diana and Jeffrey Spender on a case. He's left, furious, when Diana purposefully leads Scully into danger.

@lotsoforangesoutside/@lotzzoforangezoutside‘s (Ao3)

Apples and Oranges

""Diana watched him and supported his path into the basement, and he thought that was friendship. He even thought so after she left without saying goodbye.

Everyone had their own ambition, he told himself.

And now he was ready to admit and accept that Diana was more than what he knew about, more than the person he had worked with and discovered the X-Files with.""

S6 Mulder compares Scully's spotless loyalty and Diana's twisted one.  

@cecilysass‘s (Ao3, Gossamer)

The Kaleidoscope - Chapter 2 (Ao3)

""I ended things with you because of my job. Not because I thought there was something wrong with you, Fox.”

“Hmm.” Mulder nods. “Okay.” There is another pause, and then he adds weakly: “Well, it worked out for the best anyway, huh.”

Some might even say she dodged a bullet, he thought.""

S6 Scully is dating a nice bank dude, upsetting Mulder terribly. Diana calls to make sure he's okay and definitely not to egg him towards her.

The Kaleidoscope - Chapter 4 (Ao3)

""He stares at the messages again, twisting the kaleidoscope absently as he does. They’re all written in Scully’s neat handwriting, recording Diana’s name and time of call, dutifully jotting down each message: “You apparently left your sweater in her car Tuesday evening.”

He imagines the artful way Diana probably described his sweater being left in her car: what details were left out, what details were included. What kind of story she made the forgotten sweater tell. How she might have wielded that in conversation with Scully.""

Mulder is still concerned about that banker dude, so much so he almost gets hit by a truck. In the ensuing course of events, he realizes that Diana had twisted his love life to Scully, making her think he wasn't available.  

LuminousPie's

Five Times Mulder Got Injured and One Time Scully Did

""I was just thinking about how many times Mulder has been in the hospital in the last 5 or so years.” She didn’t allude to her own ailments. She suspected Diana already knew.

Diana put down her magazine and crossed her arms, “Is it a lot?”

“I’ve lost count.”

“Mulder was never injured when I was with him.""

Scully is by Mulder's side through his life-threatening injuries, one of which includes Diana trying to shove her away from Mr. Sleeping Beauty.

What Goes Up Must Come Down

""Scully tries not to gag. As much as she doesn’t want to tell anyone about her relationship with Mulder, sometimes she really would like to show off a bit. She imagines wiping Diana’s smile right off her face and rubbing it in.

She’s petty but she’s not mean however. Mostly she just feels sorry for the woman. Her desperate attempts to get Mulder’s attention in the last few months have been embarrassing, especially when she saunters into the bullpen, her hips swinging like a pendulum, her lips painted the brightest of red, to sit on his desk. The slit of her skirt is always designed to show off as much leg as possible. Even today, with her tight ponytail and cleavage popping jacket, it just comes across as silly. Mulder is a visual creature but he’s also myopic and singularly focused. If his attention is on you it isn’t going anywhere else. Diana for all her so-called Mulder wisdom has yet to realize this.""

AUish-- Mulder and Scully are privately dating; but the secret gets out when they and Diana are involved in a horrific elevator accident.

Anne Haynes’s (Gossamer)

12 Tales of Christmas

""I can't catch my breath for a second.

I have to go back in there. I have to go be there for Scully. But when I start for the door, Diana grabs my arm again. "She doesn't want you in there, Mulder. She can't afford to be distracted."

I want to yell at Diana. I want to say, you don't understand! You don't know what you've done to her. But I'm silenced by the secrets between Scully and me. Secrets we never speak.

Silence stretches between Diana and me as we lean against the wall outside the morgue, waiting for Scully to emerge. I suspect that my partner may choose to go out the other way, just to avoid us. I wonder if I should just let her go and lick her wounds alone, away from prying eyes.""

Pre-Tithonus Diana maliciously assigns a baby autopsy for Scully, covering up her intentions to Mulder by establishing trust in her rival's medical assessment. Her exploitation goes over Mulder's head while he ponders on the cracks in his relationship with Scully.

First Day Back (Gossamer)

""I should have called you--"

"I guess you never made it to El Rico."

She shook her head. "I couldn't go without you."

He didn't believe her. But calling her on the lie didn't seem like a prudent thing to do at the moment, so he just gave a slow blink and tilted his head slightly. "That was three days ago. Where have you been?""

Post One Son Mulder is shocked to see Diana in the cafeteria; and is further chagrined by her obvious lies. He draws a line in the sand; and meets up with Scully to apologize. She apologizes in return.

@contrivedcoincidences6/Spooky66/geektime66

Unnamed

""Oh, Agent Scully, is Fox expecting you?” Diana says with a smirk.

Everything inside Scully goes still and cold. Diana’s words echo in her mind and she grasps for a response even though she doesn’t fully understand the words she’s hearing.

“Is that dinner?” Mulder’s voice calls from another room and horror streams through Scully’s veins as fight or flight kicks in.""

Post Tithonus Scully is ready to make moves on Mulder. She is thwarted and heartbroken when she sees Diana in his apartment. Luckily, he's able to clear it all up later.

Cut (Ao3)

""She…Diana… for a long time she was the only person to love me,” Mulder starts as he crouches next to her.

“I’m not ready to say all of that was a lie.”

Scully wipes at her eyes, still refusing to look at him.

“Just because she’s not on your side now doesn’t mean it was all a lie, Mulder. People change. Things happen.""

One Son Mulder promises to look into Diana, trying to mitigate Scully's heavy mistrust.

My Last Testament (FFN)

""Of course it was hard for me to see those women being used for the experiments but I knew that it was necessary for our survival as a species. I knew that someday history would remember these women as the saviors of humanity.

The only time I was called back to the U.S. during my time away was to help take care of a growing problem with Fox. They had assigned him a partner whom they had expected to discredit him.

The moment I saw her credentials and background I knew that they had made a foolish mistake.""

Amor Fati Diana muses on her machinations and excuses.

FridaysAt9's Fort Marlene

""She watches the screens, taking in the two agents, separate yet together in their individual shower stalls. They could have been sent in separately, but together was faster and had the added bonus of allowing Diana to observe their dynamic during a situation that she assumed was unusual for them. 

Agent Scully was angry when they had been ushered into the contamination area, but Fox was reserved. Diana watched as he let his partner yell and fight, not stepping in to calm her, but rather letting her work out her frustration as he offered silent support by her side. 

On paper, Fox and his partner are complete opposites; one a believer in anything that even hints at the paranormal, the other, bound to science and the laws of nature, rejecting everything her partner believes to be true. Agent Scully had been sent to spy on him so that the high ups within the FBI could shut him down before his quest could become a crusade, but she had instead remained by his side, sharing in his work and continuing his cause. 

Diana had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, thwarting their efforts and interfering in their investigations. The quarantine is a little extreme, but she has an objective she needs to follow."" 

One Son Diana observes Mulder and Scully in the decon shower, slicing through their dynamic in seconds and expertly erecting road blocks between them.

@mihosayuri/neytirijade's There's No Competition

""Slowly but surely, she’s able to penetrate the defenses Scully built around Mulder, the ones that marked him as hers long before Diana ever returned. But one day, they put the two agents in quarantine.""

One Son Diana loses her mind over the decon shower footage.

@queeenpersephone/light_loves_the_dark's wishbone

""Mulder spots a crown of auburn hair right where Scully had promised she’d be, ignoring Diana’s finger pointing her out on the empty corner. He wants to scoff at the notion she’d spot Scully before him. Scully is his sixth sense, his North Star. Even when they’re at odds, some intrinsic compass inside him is always pointing to her.""

One Son tries to beg Scully to come with him and Diana. She bites back, railing at him for using the "love" word. He follows in her wake.

@thetwoguineabook/sixpences's As Through Fire

""The headlights catch a flash of some animal's eyes at the roadside before it ducks away, and she wonders if Fox will look through the bodies in the hangar for her, call in his partner and her test tubes and speculum to file and categorise blackened remains.

She had been surprised to discover that Fox and his little half-Irish wolfhound really aren't sleeping together; she'd had him fixed on her in '91, as she'd intended, but she never expected to leave such a lasting impression."" 

One Son Diana meditates on her cutthroat attitude as she and CSM make their escape.

EPurSeMouve’s Dinner

""The silence is thick after they are left alone, but they both wait until his order arrives. And then it is him who speaks first.

"Tell me what happened."

And, in her cool, soft voice, she does. She tells him of late arrivals and frantic getaways and bodies burning in the rear view mirror. Of running, hiding. Cheap motels and seclusion.""

Post One Son Diana meets Mulder after three weeks. He sees through her lies, mourning her former self.

contradiction_to_nature's (WBM) Stop By Anytime

""It was risky not to call first.

But if she had, he might have told her he could do without the file, that he will just wait until she finds him in the office tomorrow. Manufacturing a reason to drop by is dangerously transparent. She is hoping he won’t notice, or won’t care. She saw light in the window from the street. He’s home.""

Post One Son Diana stops by, ready to seduce; and is shocked that Scully is staying at Mulder's in comfy clothes, unthreatened and matter of fact.

AUs

Flywoman's (Ao3) The Blessed One Bites the Bullet

""Frowning, she slipped her glasses off and rubbed at her eyes, weighing the evidence, and rapidly reaching a conclusion that she didn't like one bit. Then she jumped up, switched off her laptop and shoved it into its case, grabbed her keys, and ran for the door, white terrycloth bathrobe flapping. Normally she would never disturb anyone at this hour, but there was *no time*, and the Lone Gunmen were the only ones who could help her.

No lights were visible under the door when she arrived, hair straggling and blue flannel pajama legs damp from a sudden downpour. She rapped sharply enough to sting her knuckles and then waited, shifting her carrying case from one sore shoulder to the other.""

Crackfic-- Scully wakes TLG in her pajamas, needing their help tracking down info on Diana. Instead, she sympathizes with her youthful movie indiscretions with Duchovny.

Erin M. Blair’s (Ao3)  Discovery Of Samantha

""I had no idea that you know Fox, Dana," Diana replied, to Scully.

"Fox and I had been married for almost a year," Scully replied, as she smiled at her husband. One could see the love that she has for Mulder sparkling in her blue-green eyes. "We are still partners on the X-Files."

"Oh?" Diana replied.""

AU-- S5 Diana thinks she can't get between married parents Mulder and Scully; but Scully STILL has an insecurity streak concerning her. (Also, one of their friends turns out to be Samantha.)

Enjoy!

[roanofarcc]

PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER EIGHTEEN → NO MIRACLES

summary: steve harrington x oc

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count: 5.9k

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

notes: we’re back for season 2! thank you for all the love for this story <3 also! yes, the face claim for sunshine is jessie mei li aka alina starkov - who is who sunshine is largely inspired by. she is the love of my life, okay? and we’re introducing more ocs which I am so excited about. tamera & and calum are like if mulder and scully from the x-files were a little more silly and a lot more empty in the head. again, thank you for reading and feedback is always appreciated!

previous chapter ← → next chapter

“This whole town is upside down, man. I mean, what the hell is the matter with everyone?” 

A teenage girl’s attention was pulled away from the book she’d been reading as she manned the front desk of Hawkins Public Library and was forced onto her best friend. Tamera Willow sighed and closed her book, knowing she’d get no more reading done as long as he was there. 

The disgruntled boy shuffled his way over to the desk and dramatically slapped his hands down on the wooden countertop. 

“What’re you talking about?” Tamera asked, already knowing the answer but she knew it was better to ask when it came to Calum Miller and his mind that moved a million miles a minute. 

“I just don’t get it,” he groaned. “How everyone is so unphased, sitting around like everything is totally normal now. They’re acting like a year ago the weirdest shit didn’t happen here. It’s bullshit.” 

Calum had been Tamera’s best friend since she could toddle on her two feet; she knew him better than he knew himself, most of the time. 

Standing in front of her, Calum’s cheeks were flushed from the late October air, and he shivered slightly because the only jacket he’d worn was too thin and stolen from his father’s closet. Calum’s blond hair was a little overgrown from how he usually kept it, even though his mother was a hairdresser and would cut it for free anytime he liked. 

Tamera shrugged her shoulders. She knew that no matter what she said, none of it would get through his thick skull. The two had been trapped in the same roundabout conversation for nearly a year; it ended the same way every time. 

“You gotta let this go, dude.” 

Calum scoffed, offended. “Seriously?” There was a twist of anger on his face, but she knew it wasn’t directed at her. “There are still two people missing and no one gives two shits about them. The only thing they care about is the two kids who came back from the dead.” 

“Hey,” Tamera snapped, darting her eyes toward a table near the back of the library where three teens sat. “Keep your voice down, will ‘ya? She’s literally right over there.” 

Calum followed Tamera’s line of sight and spotted Danielle Torres, otherwise known as the girl who, after ten years, returned home somehow. 

Tamera continued, “I know this whole thing with your dad is hard, I do, but your mom said he just walked out.” Calum shook his head as his anger morphed his something more childish and sadder. She reached out and squeezed his arm lightly, “Sometimes dads leave, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. It wasn’t fair, and he shouldn’t have left like that, without any kind of heads-up. But you can’t blame that on those kids who came back. They are some kind of…I don’t know, a miracle. That’s what everyone’s been saying, anyway. You can’t hold that against them, though, it’s not fair either.” 

She tried, she really did, but Calum was too stubborn. 

“No, my mom’s wrong. He didn’t just leave.” Tamera let her hand fall from his arm and let out an exasperated sigh. “Come on, Mara, don’t you think it’s too big of a coincidence that my dad just so happened to up and leave the very same week that both Will and Barbara go missing and Danielle magically returns?” 

He didn’t believe in coincidences, Tamera had come to learn. Everything had meaning to him, which was fine in some regards, but more often than not it drove her up the wall. 

“He didn’t say goodbye. He would have said goodbye if he was leaving my mom; I know he would have. My parents weren’t fighting. There was no reason for him to leave like that. He is missing, I know it. I know he’s missing, just like Barbara Holland. And I-I don’t know how, but it has to have something to do with everything shady that went on last fall.” 

He had no proof, of course. He only had his list of coincidences that somehow included Will Byers and Danielle Torres, and that branched out to include everyone in connection to them. The entire Byers family, the Torres family, Steve Harrington, and Nancy Wheeler were just a few people he had listed in some notebook in which he documented every hunch he had about what happened to his father. It all was based on a feeling and a childish hope for a bigger mystery at play. 

“Miracles don’t happen in Hawkins,” Calum said. “Have you seen this place? It’s not right. There is something wrong here, I’m telling you.” 

Blowing air from her rounded cheeks, Tamera muttered, “You are quite the optimist today, aren’t you.” He didn’t even crack a smile at her snide remark. “I need you to get real for a second. You have zero evidence. You can’t just accuse people of shit.” 

His expression shifted again and he gazed at her almost challengingly before digging around inside his backpack and pulling out his notebook. “Actually, I’ll have you know, I do have evidence of this shit. This,” he pointed to a page with messily sprawled information that looked borderline like the utterings of a madman. “This is a timeline of everything weird that’s happened in Hawkins, and it starts with Danielle’s disappearance in ‘73. Then, there’s hardly anything out of the ordinary for a couple of years until this woman, Terry Ives, claims her daughter was stolen before she was declared off her rocker. Danielle's case goes cold, and so do the claims of Terry. Danielle is presumed dead and apparently, Terry’s child died at birth. Then, there’s nothing out of the ordinary until last year, when Will seemingly vanishes in an eerily similar way to Danielle gone without a trace. They pull a body from a lake and assume it’s Will’s, only to realize it was some out-of-towner that no one could identify, and Will reappears with Danielle like nothing ever happened.” 

Tamera resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Will didn’t vanish into thin air, he got lost in the woods.” That was how the story went, printed in every newspaper in town, and was the topic of discussion for weeks after he was found last November. Things had finally started to calm down around Will and Danielle, a whole year later, but gossip in Hawkins never stopped completely. Calum wasn’t helping put any rumors to rest for the kids' sake. 

“Please, there were search parties out in those woods for a day, and you’re telling me not a single person saw Will roaming around? He’s like, what, twelve? And he’s lived here his entire life. I don’t believe he simply got lost in the woods for a whole week. There’s no way.” 

“I don’t know, the woods are pretty massive. If he was hurt or something, he couldn’t wander around and find his way out. Like, what if he had hit his head? Or maybe the search party was bad at their job. Either way, it was just a shitty situation with a happy ending. Can’t we leave it at that?”

He couldn’t, of course. Tamera’s efforts were fruitless, but she tried nonetheless. 

“No way, I don’t think Will was in the woods at all. What if he ended up wherever Danielle was? I mean, that would explain how they came home at the same time,” Calum said. 

“And where is that place, exactly?”

“I don’t know.” Tamera rolled her eyes, unable to contain her annoyance at his persistence. He refused to let go of its outlandish theories. 

She felt for him; she did. She knew what it was like to have a shitty father, it was commonplace in Hawkins. 

Calum continued, “You have to admit that it makes more sense if they happened to end up in the same place. Both of them returned home the same week; that is way too freaky to be some coincidence. And what about the body they pulled from the quarry? Don’t you think it’s weird that Will’s family didn’t realize the body wasn’t Will’s? They held a funeral for him and everything, only for it to be some random kid who isn’t even from Hawkins. Mind you, the kid’s name was never released to the public. Why? It’s too weird, Mara. There has to be something bigger going on.” 

Rubbing her temples with the pads of her fingers, Tamera tried to will her headache away. 

She had never been the biggest fan of Calum’s father, Ryan Miller. He was a stout man with a strange temper. He had never said anything to Tamera that would’ve made her dislike him, but there was something off about him that she couldn’t put her finger on. 

When Calim first told her that his father was missing, she dropped everything to help him figure out what happened. When a week passed with no sign of him, Calum tried to get his mother to file a missing persons report, but Shannon Miller insisted that her husband had walked out on her and she didn’t have the heart to tell Calum right away. 

Despite that simple explanation, Calum was deadset on the idea that his father was missing. Will and Barbara’s case only caused him to fall further down the rabbit hole. 

Then, Will returned home, and so did Danielle. Calum spiraled and started to string together baseless theories that somehow his father’s disappearance had some connection to Will, Danielle, and their families and friends. He believed they were hiding something. Tamera believed he was crazy. 

“Look,” she started, as gently as she could muster. “The things that happened last year were weird, I’ll give you that. But the chief has told you a million times that everything that happened can be easily explained-” 

“He’s in on it too!” 

Tamera groaned loudly. “Shut up and let me finish!” As much as it pained him, he pressed his lips together and silenced himself. “Danielle was kidnapped, okay? And yeah, it’s a super weird coincidence that she came back home the same week Will was found, Barbara ran away, and your dad left, but that is all it is a coincidence. Will was lost in the woods and some other kid fell into the quarry. His body was probably all kinds of fucked up, and that’s why his family couldn’t tell the difference between the two. Like I said, Barbara didn’t even go missing, she ran away from this shithole town and her parents are in denial. And your dad walked out on you and your mom. 

“You are making up this elaborate conspiracy to make it all make sense. But you’re wasting your time. If you keep looking into this you’re going to get in trouble, okay? So just give it a rest.”  

For a moment, Tamera thought she talked about sense into him, but his gaze shifted back onto the back table of the library where Nancy Wheeler and her boyfriend, Steve Harrington, stood up from their seats and disappeared into one of the study rooms. Danielle was alone, and there was a glint in Calum’s eyes. 

“Maybe you’re right; maybe not. There’s only one way to find out.” And with that, he made a bee-line for Danielle Torres. 

Muttering a string of curse words under her breath, Tamera chased him through the library, which earned her a couple of looks of disapproval from the group of elderly ladies in the middle of their weekly book club. She shot them a quick apologetic smile as she tried to catch Calum’s arm before he reached Danielle’s table. She did not want to watch him interrogate the very sweet girl that Tamera had gotten to know from her frequent trips to the library.

With a clumsy thud, Calum knocked against the table and startled the raven-haired girl, who had been engrossed in a series of notes spread out across the table. 

“Sorry,” Calum recovered quickly and regained his composer, readying himself to play out his strange true-crime fantasy. He casually slid into the empty seat beside a very confused-looking Danielle and held out a hand for her to shake. “I’m Calum Miller.” 

Hesitantly, Danielle shook his hand. “Um, hi?” 

“You’re Danielle Torres, right?” 

Tamera wanted to slap him upside the head, but instead, she said, “My friend here wanted to introduce himself, but it looks like you’re busy and we don’t want to bother you. Right, Cal?” 

He ignored her and kept his focus on Danielle like he was some seasoned detective trying to uncover the “truth” by counting the faded freckles on Danielle’s cheeks. He wasn’t a detective, though, he was a teenage boy with an overactive imagination and no filter. 

“It’s okay,” Danielle said, her voice soft. “It’s nice to meet you.” Her smile was soft too and the kind of pretty that caused Tamera to look anywhere but her face. 

“What are you working on?” Calum asked, trying to act as causal as possible. 

Of course, Danielle couldn’t see past his bullshit, that was a skill Tamera had learned over the years of being joined at the hip with Calum. 

“Math. I’m, uh, trying to catch up.” Danielle spoke in a slow and careful way, as opposed to how Calum or even Tamera spoke, without thinking much about their words or how they sounded. 

“Catch up? Wait, do you go to school?” His question was blunt and it caused a slight blush to creep up Danielle’s neck, like she was embarrassed. 

“No. Not yet,” she replied simply. 

Tamera hadn’t given much thought to what the process was of returning after ten years of being MIA. Danielle had ten years' worth of, well, everything to catch up on. Tamera couldn’t imagine what that was like. 

An idea flickered inside Calum’s eyes. “Well, you know, Mara here is a little literary genius, the kind that reads Shakespeare for fun. And not to brag, but I’m a total math wiz. We’re like the best tutoring package deal there is in Hawkins. We could totally help you out, free of charge.” 

His offer took both Tamera and Danielle by surprise. The latter furrowed her brows in thought before a less forced smile tugged on her lips. 

Tamera, on the other hand, was trying to strangle her best friend with her mind. 

It wasn’t that Tamera didn’t want to help Danielle, but she didn’t want that to be a front for getting the girl to spill her guts to them. Nearly everyone in Hawkins was dying to know the horrible, juicy details of Danielle’s ten years spend god only knew where, but Tamera was no one of those people. The idea that her hometown wasn’t as safe as she believe it to be left an awful taste in her mouth. The less she knew, the better. Unlike Calum, she was okay with being left in the dark.

“Really?” Danielle asked. 

Calum nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, totally! Right, Mara?” 

Reluctantly, Tamera nodded, even though she was very much against the idea. 

Calum ripped a corner of paper off his notebook and stole one of the pens that were left on the tabletop before he wrote down his number and handed it to Danielle. “Just give me a call, and we can set it up.” 

“Thank you,” Danielle said.

A new, yet familiar voice suddenly joined in on their conversation, which caused Tamera to tense suddenly. 

“Miller? What’re you doing?” 

Tamera grabbed a hold of Calum’s jacket sleeve and pulled him to his feet, trying to make a quick getaway, but Steve Harrington had arrived at the table before they could. 

It was safe to say that Tamera disliked the washed-up jock, who had somehow fallen down the high school food chain. Since he started dating Hawkins princess, Nancy Wheeler, he’d become less of a dick, but Tamera did not believe that people changed that easily, especially just because of who they dated. 

She and Calum were the kinds of people who Steve Harrington and his now-disbanded group of assholes shoved around; it had been that way since middle school. The two best friends had been tormented by the so-called “popular” kids of Hawkins for too long to forgive them easily. While Tamera did her best to avoid them at all costs, Calum liked to make a joke out of their interactions, like they hadn’t affected him at all. 

“Ah, Harrington in all his glory!” Calum mused, hooking his arm with Tamera’s but standing firm enough that she couldn’t pull him away from the scene he was making. “Funny seeing you here. I didn’t think you knew where the library was.” 

Steve made a face but before he could say anything, Tamera said, “Okay, come on. Let’s go.” She tugged on his arm, hard, and got him to move. She sent Danielle an apologetic smile and quickly bid her goodbye. 

“Call me!” Calum shouted, earning a few glares from the other attendees of the library. He made a phone with his hand, extending his thumb and pinky, and held it against his ear as he was dragged away by Tamera back up to the front desk that she was supposed to be manning. 

Once they were out of an earshot, she unhooked their arms and slapped Calum's shoulder. 

“Ow!” he groaned, pulling his lips into a pout. “What the hell was that for?” 

“What was that for? What the hell are you doing?” 

“An opportunity fell into our lap. I took it,” he replied like it made total sense. 

Throwing her hands up in the air in frustration, she said, “No! I’m not going to help you fish answers of a girl who is trying to live a normal life. Clearly, she wants to move on from whatever happened, and you trying to con her into telling you where she’s been for the last years for the nearly impossible chance that it’s connected to your father, is so fucked up, dude!” 

His head was clouded and his vision was so laser-focused on finding his father, he didn’t see the issue with his plan. “It’s not conning if she just happens to tell us during one of our tutoring sessions. It’s friends sharing secrets. It’s foolproof and a win-win for everyone. She gets our help and we get some answers.” Tamera held her glare as he persisted. “It’s not wrong if we happen to befriend her and she happens to tell us what we want to know.” 

If she weren’t in her place of employment and inside a library, she would have screamed. Instead, their fight continued in a hushed tone. “Befriending someone to get something out of them is wrong.” She felt like she was trying to explain something simple to a child who wasn’t listening. “You need to let this go before it bites you in the ass, and then bites me in the ass because there is no way you are torturing her alone.” 

That was the thing about having a best friend; no matter what stupid or avoidable situation they find themselves in, if you couldn’t talk them out of it, you joined them. That was the rule between Tamera and Calum. They were a team, no matter how irritating the other’s plan was. If they won, they did it together, and if they screw up spectacularly, they did that together too.

“As I said, if she comes clean and there’s no connection to my dad, I’ll drop it for good. But if there is, then I deserve to know.”

Tamera pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to look at their situation from his perspective. He was too full of emotions, and he didn’t want to believe that his father left him without a warning. 

It was a shitty situation, she understood why he was upset, but Calum had an overactive imagination. He looked at stars and believe they were UFOs. He heard something rustle in the woods and told everyone Big Foot was in Hawkins. There was never a reasonable, logical explanation for anything inside his head. To Calum, everything was so much bigger and confusing.

“Okay,” Tamera started. “Let’s say, hypothetically, there was a connection between your dad leaving and what happened to Danielle and maybe even Will. Let’s say you figure it out or she tells you the truth, then what?” 

“Then I find my dad, obviously.” 

Tamera sighed. “What if you can’t though? What if you learn the hypothetical truth but still can’t find him? Then what?” 

He seemed to consider her words for a moment and cast his eyes downwards toward the sleeve of his jacket that was ripped, rubbing his finger over the bear threads. 

Calum Miller was stubborn to a fault, and while that was one of the things she loved about him, it drove her crazy too. 

“I know my dad,” he said after a beat. “I know he wouldn’t have left without at least some kind of goodbye and a reason why. When I find him, I’ll bring him back home, and I’ll do that with or without you. But, you know, without you will probably take me a lot longer. We’re kind of a package deal, Mara.”

Her lips tugged upward in an unwilling smile, the kind you get before you agree to do something stupid with your best friend just because you love them that much. 

With her, they’d evade serious trouble; she was his impulse control and the last thing she wanted was for him to do something stupid alone and get hurt. She could do damage control and hopefully spare Danielle Torres too much trouble if she tagged along with Calum’s insane scheme.

“Fine,” she sighed, giving up arguing any further. “I’m in.” 

→←

“Did Miller just hit on you?” Sunshine glanced up from the phone number scribbled on a piece of paper and watched Steve slide into the seat across the table. 

She tilted her head to the side slightly, furrowing her brows. “He didn’t…hit me?” 

A small laugh came from Steve as he shook his head. “No, no, no. Hit on you. Like, you know, flirt?” She looked at him oddly, prompting him to explain further. “He gave you his phone number, that’s usually how people flirt with each other.” 

There were a lot of things that Sunshine was learning around the world she had re-entered, a whole ten years' worth of “normal” things she was trying to understand. Socializing was what she found the most difficult. There were a lot of phrases or cues that flew over her head. She often found herself confused in most conversations she had with people outside of her family, a group of middle schoolers, and the trio of monster hunters.

Almost one year to the date, Sunshine had been home. Yet, she still felt too far behind where she thought she would be. One year’s worth of being home and being the hottest topic of conversation in Hawkins, and she was still trying to wrap her head around it all. 

Some people called her a miracle, but that word didn’t feel right. A miracle sounded easy like she had magically reappeared at her parents’ doorstep and everything that happened before that moment vanished, and she was back to being just Danielle Torres, not Seven or Sunshine. Her parents, nor the people of Hawkins had any clue of what she endured to get to that doorstep in the first place. They had no idea of who and what was lost along the way.

She underestimated how difficult it would be to come back and pretend like everything was back to the way it should have been all along. 

“Oh, no,” she said. “He and Tamera said they’d help me with all of this.” Sunshine gestured to the messy table of notes and books. 

She had almost underestimated how difficult it was to learn ten years' worth of schooling. Her parents and herself agreed that sending her to school in the fall wasn’t a good idea. She had missed too much to be tossed into the jaws of high school with very little proper education under her belt. Instead, her parents and Nancy had been helping her play catch up. 

Some of it was easier than other parts. She had learned to read but her handwriting was nearly eligible. Math was torture and history was confusing, but the thing that Sunshine struggled the most with was understanding that it was okay to make mistakes, to mess up, and to not understand things quickly. 

It was fear instilled deep in her bones from her time in the Lab. There was a persistent voice in the back of her head that told her if she messed up if she didn’t understand the work, she’d be punished for it. That caused her to grow irritable and frustrated easier. 

Sunshine tried her best not to let that show in front of Nancy, Steve, or her parents, but the idea of failing made her sick to her stomach. 

“You’re not gonna ditch Nance and me for them now, are you Sunshine?” Steve asked. 

“Never,” she replied. Her eyes drifted onto the empty seat beside Steve. “Where did Nancy go?” 

Nancy had left their table to fetch another book, but after a couple of minutes, Steve went to see if she needed help looking for it. The two disappeared, and that was when Tamera and her friend Calum showed up. 

Steve returned, but Nancy had not. 

Running a hand through his hair, which told Sunshine something was bothering him, and sighed. “She forgot that she promised her mom she’d stop by the store before dinner, so she left.” 

He was lying, that much Sunshine knew. 

She may have not been great at having conversations, but she could read people fairly well. That skill was acquired one from the Lab. Ivy said the best thing they could do was know when they were being lied to. 

He lowered his voice, so as to not attract any attention from their fellow library go-ers, and said, “It’s Barb. She…She really misses her. We went to the Hollands for dinner the other night and they told us about the private investigator they hired to look for Barb.” 

They’d never find her; no one would ever know what truly happened to Barbra Holland. 

“Oh,” Sunshine said softly. Nancy took Barb’s death hard, as one would expect. She lost a best friend, and she couldn’t tell anyone the truth about what happened, she couldn’t talk about it. 

“It’s hard for them, obviously. Will came back, and so did you. I guess they still have hope that she will too. Nancy wants to tell Barb’s parents the truth, but she can’t.” Steve leaned back in his seat, slumped and a little defeated in his posture. “The whole thing sucks, but I’m trying to keep her mind off it. I don’t think I’m doing a great job, though.”

Sunshine’s stomach sunk into a familiar feeling; she often found herself falling into fits of sadness more often as fall rolled across Hawkins. The ache of the memories of what went down almost a year ago crawled to the forefront of her mind and tried to drag her down into a void of depression she wasn’t sure she’d be able to find her way out of. The feeling, the sadness made her feel ungrateful, but she couldn’t fight it off. 

Steve reached out across the table and bumped his hand against hers, drawing her out of her spiral. He started to collect the notes and books from the tabletop and shove them in his backpack. 

“Come on, let’s call it a day. I don’t think my brain can handle another equation.” Sunshine nodded and gathered her things before she slung her backpack over her shoulders. 

Steve did the same and said he’d walk Sunshine home. 

The cool air flushed the pair’s cheeks as they walked side by side down the empty sidewalks of downtown Hawkins. Her home was only a couple blocks from the library, resting one street over from the downtown strip. 

Sunshine took in the decorations that hung from storefronts as everyone prepared for Halloween, which was the last holiday she had yet to celebrate for what she considered the first time. According to Mike, Dustin, Lucas, and Will, it was the best holiday of the entire year. They explained that it was one day when you dressed up as anyone you wanted and collected pillowcases full of candy from people around town. She was sure how fun that sounded, but she did enjoy the carved pumpkins that lined porches and fake skeletons in front yards; it made the fall month feel more lively as everything around them started to wither and die for the season. 

“Hey,” Steve said, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. “Do you have any plans for Halloween?” 

“The boys invited me to go trick-or-treating with them.” The boys, the Party, made a habit of including Sunshine in their various adventures. Sometimes she’d sit in on their Dungeons and Dragons games before Nancy pulled her away to eat leftover pizza and talk in Nancy’s bedroom. Sunshine entertained them when they all rode their bikes to her mother’s flower shop before their weekly trips to the arcade. 

The boys were sweet and they wanted to make her feel like she was a part of the Party, but it was a bit odd to hang out with middle school boys all of the time, no matter how much she adored them. 

“Well, while that sounds like a blast,” he said sarcastically. “You should go to a real Halloween party.”

“I don’t know…” Sunshine trailed off. 

The idea sounded fun, in theory, but she hadn’t talked to many kids her age outside of Steve, Nancy, Jonathan, and occasionally Tamera. She wasn’t sure she was ready for a high school party, and Hopper advised her to be cautious because Hawkins still wasn’t the safest place in the world for her to be. 

“Come on. You go to at least one high school party in your life. Besides, Nance and I will be there with you the whole time. We don’t even have to stay if you end up hating it.” 

There was something about the science glint in Steve’s eyes that made Sunshine want to say yes. That, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about all of the normal high school experiences she had missed out on. 

“Maybe,” she settled on as they turned into her driveway. “I’ll just have to ask-” 

“Mrs. Torres!” Steve finished her thought as her mother stepped out onto the front porch to greet them. 

“You guys are just in time! Cookies are fresh out of the oven,” Mary-Jane said, smiling. She wore a dishrag over her shoulder and flour smeared across her cheek. An apron was tied around her waist, and pieces of dark brown hair fell from her ponytail into her face. 

Baking wasn’t a hobby Mary-Jane was great at, but she had become determined to learn not long after Sunshine returned home. 

Wiping her hands off her apron, Mary-Jane said, “Steve, sweetheart, would you like to stay for dinner?”

With a charming smile, Steve politely shook his head. “I’d love to, but my folks are leaving first thing in the morning tomorrow and my mom wants me home.” 

“In that case, I’ll grab you a plate of cookies to take back with you. Stay right there.” Sunshine’s mother disappeared back into the house, leaving the two teens on the porch. 

“Your parents are leaving again?” 

Sunshine had yet to meet Steve’s parents. Wherever they were in town, he spent most of his time avoiding his house and lingered at the Wheeler’s house or Sunshine’s. 

However, from what she had gathered, they were hardly home at all; Steve was often by himself. It didn’t seem to bother him, but it did Sunshine.

“Yeah, which is fine by me,” Steve said with a shrug of carelessness that felt odd. She remained quiet, and watched him closely, which caused Steve to sigh. “I can take care of myself, Sunshine. Don’t worry about me, worry about trying to figure out a way to convince your parents to let you come to Tina’s Halloween party, all right? If you can’t…” he peered through the small crack in the front door before he whispered, “I can always help you sneak out.” 

While Steve made sure that the coast was clear of Mary-Jane, he missed the footsteps of Walter Torres coming up the front porch after his evening walk with their dog, Blue. 

Sunshine’s father cleared his throat before saying, “Offering to sneak my daughter out of my house, are we, Harrington?” 

Steve’s eyes became comically wide as he spun around to come face-to-face with Walter. “O-Oh, no. No, sir. I was just, uh, you know-” Steve stumbled through his words until the older man cut him off with a small chuckle. 

“Son, relax. I’m pulling your leg.” He patted Steve’s shoulder with his one free hand that wasn’t holding onto Blue’s leash. “Though, I would appreciate you not sneaking Ellie out of the house. If you two want to go somewhere, just ask.” 

Sunshine and her father shared more features in common than Sunshine and her mother. They both had almond-shaped eyes, jet-black hair, and rounder cheeks. Though, Sunshine did have her mother’s constellation of freckles across her nose and over her cheeks. 

“I’ll be with her the whole time, sir, and so will Nancy,” Steve said, his cheeks still burning red. 

“Steve, call me Walter, please. Sir makes me feel older than I already am.” Walter turned to his daughter and said, “How about we talk about it over dinner?” 

Sunshine nodded just as Mary-Jane returned with a plate full of cookies. “Here,” she handed it off to Steve. “Now, you tell your mother I said hello, okay?”

“Thank you. I will.” He glanced at Sunshine. “And I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” 

“Yeah, tomorrow,” she said with a small smile. 

“Goodnight Sunshine.” 

With that, he made his way down the driveway and disappeared from the Torres’s sight just as the sky started to turn a pretty mix of orange and purple. The sunsets in Indiana had yet failed to amaze her. 

Mary-Jane leaned her hip against the doorframe and let the autumn air seep into their warm home. “He’s a good kid,” she said, her tone somewhat surprised. 

“Yeah,” Walter agreed. “Good thing he doesn’t take after his father.” 

His wife swatted his shoulder lightly. “Oh, hush.” 

Bending to the ground, Mary-Jane picked up Blue and snuggled the old dog in her arms. “Come on all of you. The cookies are still hot.” 

Her parents wandered back inside, but Sunshine lingered on the porch for a moment longer, watching the sun sink lower in the sky and listening to the wind blow through the leaves. Goosebumps appeared on her arms, even though they were shielded by the same coat Steve had given her last fall the morning after she crash-landed at his home. 

Mary-Jane and Walter had bought her more than enough clothes after she returned home, but there was something comforting about that jacket that she preferred to her other ones. 

A harsher gust blew across the yard and caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end, causing her to slip back inside and join her parents in the kitchen for fresh cookies before dinner. 

When she let the door close, she ignored the cracks that had begun to break loose across Hawkins. The town began to splinter all over again, and there was no telling how deep the fault lines ran.

Tagged (let me know if you want to added!) @sattlersquarry , @lovefrom-theother-side

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s3 episode 20 thoughts

dare i say it, once again… new favorite episode??

okay, my previous favorite episode was an ENTIRELY different direction from this one, but i’d say there should be one best episode for serious stuff and one best episode for the silly!!! and this takes the silly crown!! and tbh i can't make an actual hard and fast rating anyway because there are so many great things to choose from- but this is amongst them, for me, in terms of legendary episodes!

please, join me on this ride, which i enjoyed each second of, and will need to someday rewatch without pausing every 0.5 seconds to jot something i noticed down. the live experience begins beneath the cut.

it’s been 84 years…. (3 days since i’ve seen an episode)

ooo, this sounds interesting! is scully going to work with an author?? are we gonna learn more about the things that she reads?? this is prime content to a person like me

stars…. space ship….. filled with tubes and wires and other such things…… just kidding!!! it’s a guy working on some electrical stuff. whilst two people drive by!! i thought they were mulder and scully at first but they are not

“um, i don’t want to scare you, but i think i’m madly in love with you” says this guy who is not mulder but actually named harold to this girl who is not scully but is actually named chrissy. OH! and this is the first date. so that was a weird thing to say. i thought it was quite sweet at first but that changes things for sure.

GASP! UFO be upon them. creatures are coming out to get them. she asks what they are and he says “how the hell should i know?” ooo ooo i know! they are aliens 👽 and then the two fall on top of each other like they are knocked out… and the aliens drag them away???? 

until a king kong looking fellow rolls up. very puppet-y. and the aliens don’t know what this creature is either!!! and also ask what that thing is and the response is “how the hell should i know?” haha i see what you did there... out aliening the alien

bum bum bum bum…. (<- my attempt at recreating the noise of the intro)

now, what was that? i'm stuck on the king kong and godzilla love child puppet….

scan up on mulder’s iconic poster!!! and a guy is here who is yet again not mulder. his name is mr. chung and mulder will NOT talk to him… oooh, what is their beef…?

mr. chung is saying he always felt alienated on this planet, who can even imagine actual aliens! and he has a point there.

oh! scully is a big fan of this fellow, which is why she agreed to talk to this guy!!! he calls her beautiful, which is true, but time and place 

so he isn’t even interested in aliens, but his publisher said he should write a book on the matter. he is going to create a NEW genre: non fiction science fiction, a gimmick that will give him money. this seems somewhat disappointing to scully, who must be a believer in artistic integrity, but i find his honesty refreshing.

she wants him to tell the truth, but apparently he spent 3 months in kass county where all this stuff went down, and NO ONE could tell him what actually happened. the truth is just as subjective as reality. which sounds like something i learned in history class. and, it helps explain why everyone with an alien story starts with some variation of, "i know this sounds crazy, but"...

so he wants HER version of hearing of the case. also he touches her arm and... let's slow down a little there, mr. chung.

OHHH we are seeing a story told in flashbacks!!!! narrated by scully!! how wonderful!!!

this girl is suffering from “missing time”, a phenomenon we have come to know well here on this blog. also her clothes are inside out and she has signs of abuse. not looking great for her.

apparently mulder prefers the term “abductee” to “experiencer”, which mr. chung has valid disagreements with. we go on, however.

this poor girl is seeing aliens that are not there and her nose is bleeding. WAIT! it’s the guy from before! harold and chrissy! he comes to her window to say he did everything he could but she rejects him, thinking he had drugged and assaulted her. yikes.

harold is testifying that he was abducted by aliens, but no one believes him. he stuck to his story UNTIL our agents arrived!

(MULDER SAYS SOMETHING VERY OUT OF POCKET HERE ABOUT GOING TO PRISON BUT LET'S KEEP MOVING)

despite this announcement of presumed prison time, mulder brings chrissy in for questioning. asking her if she has all the symptoms of “post abduction disorder”, which she confirms, while scully rolls her eyes with great force in the background. and he talks the girl’s parents into letting her do hypnosis.

“what is your opinion of hypnosis?”, mr. chung asks scully, which is something i also have been dying to know! i mean, we saw her do a little bit before, but it didn’t seem to be a positive experience. she says it has therapeutic value, but has never been proven to enhance memory; it even makes memory worse. a very balanced and doctor-ly answer! 

LMAO scully is so cute… mr. chung mentions another book he wrote and she proclaims it “one of the greatest thrillers ever written” <- STOP I LOVE HER SHE IS SUCH A NERRRRD 😭😭

mr. chung said the FBI knew nothing about how hypnosis worked back during the MK ULTRA days… and he is fascinated by the idea of a person’s consciousness being transformed by listening to words. admittedly very fascinating! you could probably say the same about meditation, no?

(but he speaks to the power of storytelling, i realize now in hindsight! how we find ourselves wrapped up in the tales of things that never happened, how it fills us with sorrow or joy! how fascinating! i see what you did there, writers!)

cutscene to hypnotizing chrissy. who is seeing aliens. she is on a space ship wearing a fit that looks very similar to a lady gaga chromatica era performance, but it has tubes attached to her. harold is in a very similar contraption!!!!

she says the aliens are arguing without moving their mouths and she hears the lead alien in her head saying it’s for the good of her planet. and he is stealing her memories? um. for what purpose...

scully is serving looks in the corner while this goes down, looking mad as hell and very good. she says chrissy's abduction story seems a little TOO typical… and i have to agree! but mulder says no, there are TWO people with the same story! they can't both be lying, surely!

LMAOOOO they play with censoring the dude who comes in and yells at them… “well, of course he didn’t actually say ‘bleeped’” 

(BAHAHA i’m loving this insight into how scully’s memories operate. so this angry man is named detective manners)

“you still gonna hold the boy?” “oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep i am” <- i am a simple woman, and an actor delivering these lines with a straight face whilst surrounded by other actors keeping a very straight face is going to make me cackle. look at her looking so bored while he says that. i’m howling!!!!

anyway, harold has a very different story on what went down that night, that did not seem to involve gaga-inspired fits, but instead they were both placed in electrified cages. while another alien in a nearby cage smokes a cigarette. he seems to be what i would call “an unbothered king”

in this story, harold claims that he will protect chrissy and never let anything happen to her, and of course something immediately happens to her while he hides in the corner like a baby. lmao.

and this alien is talking in english! not telepathically! he keeps repeating “this is not happening” until harold ALSO gets taken by the thing that took chrissy. 

mulder is trying to figure out what is going on, but his predictions aren’t lining up with what happened to harold. scully is pacing and looking pissed, and again, very pretty.

“you know when you’re a kid, and you tore the legs off a bug for no reason?”, asks harold (cutscene to mulder’s face with visible confusion) LMAOOOOOOO

scully getting to business: did you engage in consensual sexual intercourse that night? she is not messing around! she's had it up to here with the shenanigans of harold and chrissy!

harold is very very quiet until he says that her father will kill him if he finds out!!! gasp!!! confirmation!!!

so is this whole story just… a cover up??? for fornication???

scully vs mulder time. “so what if they’re having sex?” he asks, which is funny coming from him; and anyway, he claims it happened BEFORE the alien stuff went down. but she thinks they’re traumatized, and that is more likely than alien abduction. 

until detective manners bursts in and claims he has an eyewitness to what went down! he used more blanks and bleeps and again the straight faces killllll me

and ALL OF THEM telling their stories start with “i know how crazy this all sounds” just as mr. chung had described LMAOOO. now who tf is this dude who says he was an eyewitness?

(i’m taking soooo many notes because i keep laughing and noting things. which is a good problem to have!)

this dude, named roky, spent 48 hours straight writing down what he saw, and said that by looking at this, they are putting their lives in danger. so okay. better be juicy.

he says his garage door opened up, a car pulled in, and a man told him some facts about venus. he says they put him in a trance! and that they were in all black……

mr. chung says that myths of men in black garments are nothing new!!! so take THAT, men in black legends, you are one of many.

back at roky's place, the other dude in black says jimmy carter thought he saw a UFO once, but it was just venus. roky is scandalized, grabs his paper, and states that he is a REPUBLICAN.

(omg jimmy carter is going to be 100 in a few months god willing…..)

this man in black is saying that roky saw VENUS and nothing else, just VENUS. and not to tell anyone he saw anything but VENUS or he will die. and then the car drives away. 

so after that build up, he gives mulder the manuscript, and says he is packing up and leaving. bye bye roky. hope you find some peace.

mulder is reading this story to scully who is sprawled on the bed, looking, again, angry and hot. it seems he is describing that earlier puppet-y action.

oh! roky was the electrical guy from the very beginning!!! he hides in his truck but the king kong looking fellow says “be not afraid” and that he is needed for the good of the earth? what is with the good of the earth here.

cutscene to a very baffled looking scully laying in bed as mulder continues to read LMAOOOOOO

AND ROKY’S STORY SAYS HE WENT NOT TO OUTER SPACE, BUT INNER SPACE HELPPP!!!! now, inner space is towards the core, if you, like me, were unaware. also, king kong godzilla dude’s name is Lord Kinbote, so jot that down.

mr. chung says he has a copy of roky’s manifesto- which was sent to his publisher? and LMAOOO the story is disturbing both for its soul orgy scenes and the fact that it is written as a screenplay 

well, surely your partner didn’t believe any of it, mr. chung states! “mulder’s had his share of peculiar notions” is scully's carefully worded reply... LMAOOO 

cutscene to her sitting up from the bed and calling him nuts <- LMAOOOOO but HE says that whatever roky saw may have triggered some delusions, and that the only story that doesn’t add up is chrissy’s, so he is calling to get her re-hypnotized, much to scully’s indignation!

so back to the hypnosis. and chrissy is now mirroring harold's story exactly. oh! she says the people who took them are from the air force?? so where did the gaga slay outfits go... 

the air force men are arguing in front of her. and then they say to “rinse her out”. saying it is for the good of her country. and stealing her memories!

so WHO is doing the real memory stealing here….. the aliens or the government?? an age old question!!! one that is at the heart of this series.

scully and mulder fight over what is going on, and he thinks that this might have nothing to do with aliens, until detective manners shows up with news that a crazy blankety blank claims to have an ALIEN BODY!!

(what if it’s a raccoon with mange…)

again, the man recounting this story begins with “i know how crazy this is going to sound”, but then says he wants to be abducted by aliens. well! i’m sure that’s a sexual thing i don’t care to unpack.

cutscene to mr. chung interviewing this same man, who wishes to go where finding a job is not a requirement. he was looking in a field for UFOs. and when he called the authorities upon spotting one, the agents show up!!

he says that scully was a man dressed as a woman but not pulling it off??? RUDE AS HELL! jail for 10,000 years. "HER HAIR WAS A LITTLE TOO RED, YOU KNOW?" LMAOOOOO and mulder was the “tall, lanky one” with a blank expression. well yeah that is an accurate depiction.

AND ACCORDING TO THIS GUY'S ACCOUNT, WHEN MULDER SEES THE BODY, HE SHRIEKS LIKE A STARTLED SQUIRREL I’M CRYINGGGG. so scully says to wrap this body up!

BUT THEN SHE GRABS HIM AND SAYS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE HE SAW THIS I’M CRYINGGGG... that had to be such a silly scene to film 

okay, seeing the part about subjective truths now. this is so funny... why is this loser making scully a hater in his version!!!

she’s PISSED to hear he claims she said this LMAOOO and that is ridiculous!! they even let him view the autopsy!!

so mulder takes this weirdo’s camera and records the autopsy?? scully cuts his brain open. and the tape ends up on late night television LMAOOOO

SCULLY IS SO EMBARRASSED THAT SHE IS ON THIS ALIEN HOAX AUTOPSY TAPE... I’M CRYING SOMEONE SAVE HER!!! and the host of whatever show they end upon is STUPENDOUS YAPPI FROM THE CLYDE BRUCKMAN EPISODE!!!! i'm howlingggg

she’s mad that whoever got the film edited out all the important scientific findings!!! like the two layers of skin!!!

wait. it’s a zipper. this is a dead guy in an alien suit. LMAOOOOOOOOO

the weird UFO cameraman kid is ill after realizing it was an ordinary dead guy, and scully looks deeply pained as he runs away to get sick LMAOOO

so: who is this dead guy? he was in the air force! and his name is robert. but who arrives but more people from the air force!! are they here to bury him?? or question the agents…

the folks from the air force want robert back, so she has to break the news that he is dead, and being kept for investigation into kidnapping. can they see him? scully is like yeah sure but mulder says no!!! but you CAN talk to the other AWOL guy we brought in. GASP!! a bluff!!! and it works!! from this they learn there is another missing guy!

LMAOOOO except it doesn’t go as smoothly as intended, and mulder is all “hmm he was here a few minutes ago… guess he’s still AWOL… anyway wanna see the body?” I’M CRYING THIS MANNNN IS SO RIDICULOUS 

but bad news: the body is gone. 

cameraman UFO guy is sitting on his floor watching the autopsy tape. when in bursts… the men in black from the earlier garage scene!!!! they knock him out. 

he claims mulder slapped him back to reality. and that he ALSO threatened him... me when i lie.

so mulder doesn’t have the tape. but when he drives home a fully naked man is walking about in the woods. it’s the other missing lieutenant, jack!! he is repeating “this is not happening” in the same voice as the alien as before!!!!! HUH WHAT IS GOING ON?

mulder takes jack to eat. he claims to have piloted the "UFO", and that all the abductions are military stuff, and at the base the abductees are messed with mentally, until they come out convinced they were probed by aliens. 

well okay, if its all the government, than what abducted YOU, jack? he isn’t sure about anything at all anymore, even if he exists. until who walks in... but the military!!

wait, mulder points out, it can’t all be fake- who was the third alien? jack seems to know him by name- lord kinbote. HUH?

and mr. chung heard a story about that same night from the cook at the restaurant! apparently mulder ordered sweet potato pie? huh, that’s interesting. and he kept ordering more and more pies with each question he asked the chef. LMAOOOO I just KNOW that scene was hard to film!!!! scenes where people eat always make me wonder how many times they had to have that damn bite of pie. 

but he claims there was no jack, nor any air force personnel at all. just a hungry mulder. again, so what is the truth...

mr. chung points out that scully doesn’t seem too phased to learn about all the contradictions in this story, and she says well no, not after what happened next. because when he got back to the motel, the men in black were in her room, going through her stuff! they claim she went to get some ice. he’s got 'em at gunpoint, screaming WHERE IS SHE!!! all protective, okay i see you. but she really did go to get some ice???

okay… man in black says that some alien encounters are engineered by the government and then exposed to discredit truth seekers. and mulder counters, well, people say the men in black also do purposefully strange things, so that anyone describing them sounds crazy! they proceed to… try and hypnotize him?

BUT IT’S ALEX TREBEK WHO IS DOING THE HYPNOTIZING???? LMAOOOOO HAS HE BEEN THE QUIET MAN IN BLACK THIS WHOLE TIME??

mr. chung is GAGGED, and wants to know if it WAS alex trebek, but sadly scully cannot confirm, for has no memory of this!! 

she woke up the next morning to mulder in her room….? and mr. chung is also gagged to hear this. me too tbh like did he just sleep on the couch? well we know that is how he sleeps at home so i guess i'm not shocked.

mulder’s trying to explain that she didn’t just "let him in" last night, but detective manners calls and says they found a bleeping UFO.

and what is it but…. a plane!! a secret plane!! and who are they carrying away on stretcher but the missing airmen, jack and robert???? SO HOW DID THEY DIE!

mr. chung puts his pen down, baffled, and scully points out that this story may not have a lot of closure, but it’s more than some of their other cases, which is funny because it is true. and she’s playing with her earrings and it’s so cute.

cutscene to mr. chung typing at his place. until a shadow approaches and he holds a tiny gun!!!! he is ready for a showdown but it’s… mulder at the door?

WAIT how does chung recognize him… did scully show him pictures i'm crying

mulder is in chung's apartment, asking him to not write the book, because it will do a disservice to a field that has always struggled to maintain credibility. we can’t understand these alternate realities yet!!! well. compelling argument... but mr. chung needs a paycheck. 

OH! and mulder suspects that the book is a “covert agenda” of the military industrial complex. always theories upon theories with this guy...

mr. chung says the book WILL be written, but he needs an explanation from mulder: what really happened to those kids on that night?

his answer: how the hell should i know?

(it was so perfect, i thought the episode would end right here)

mr. chung says he has deadlines, and mulder looks very sad, very previously neglected shelter dog rizz, and walks out. back to mr. chung’s furious typing. 

okay, so the cameraman now works for the electrical company roky worked for. because roky moved to california, preaching on purification and the inner earth and core enlightenment. right right right makes sense.

cutscene to scully reading the finished book by mr. chung!!! she is fictionalized as “diane” who is “noble of spirit and pure of heart” but “nevertheless a federal employee” LMAOOOO

and mulder is “renard muldrake” LMAOOOOO that is such a funny name... he's watching something in bed shirtless as his fictionalized self is being described- “a ticking time bomb of insanity” AND HE’S WATCHING THE BIGFOOT TAPES BAHAHAHAHA

chrissy now is an environmental advocate and harold still loves her but it isn’t required. aww harold :(

mr. chung ends by saying that we are not alone in this universe, but in our own way, we are all alone.

NEW BEST EPISODE CONTENDER???

this feels like one of those posts where people make up a bunch of information and then it all gets proven wrong so it is described as a "net zero information gain" bahaha

but don't get me wrong, i don't fully understand what happened, but i loved it. i was laughing, i was enjoying seeing the subjectivity of one story to the next, i was enjoying scully and chung time, and despite all the silly, we still got clues on the whole "is it aliens or the government" thing. and sure, maybe it doesn't make immediate sense, but you have to ponder these matters to learn what is at their heart!

so what DID we learn? well, some alien cases might be the government! but i guess that is still a "might", so maybe we can't truthfully say we LEARNED it. we learned that scully is a big fan of mr. chung!!! we learned that mulder is fiercely protective of his line of work from all his years of being ridiculed! and that he watches the famous bigfoot tape for fun and also maybe like sweet potato pie? it was unconfirmed.

i really enjoyed the playing with perspective, seeing how one character saw things, and then another. and seeing mulder and scully threaten that dweeb was so funny because it was so out of character and had to be silly to shoot.

and i thought it was impressive how it managed to tie back to the big alien and government mystery while still making me laugh so hard. how many past episodes can be analyzed through the lens of certain things being faked for exposure? and what REALLY happened to those airmen? we still don't know if mulder's convo with jack even happened! and we never will!

i came to appreciate the company of mr. chung immensely, even though i thought he was gonna be creepy after calling scully beautiful and touching her arm, but i suppose that he was just a genuinely sweet fellow. you can't blame me for being suspicious after some of the things she gets put through, but i'm sure that if i picked one of his books off the shelf, i, like scully, would be a fan.

overall, i am deeply pleased, and would love to give this a rewatch sometime when i am not taking notes so i could appreciate the pacing in more detail. man, season 3 has really been killing it, huh? and i'm nearing the end!!

[myassbrokethefall]

xf rewatch: jersey devil & shadows

Two early-series stinkers (affectionate) that, at least in the case of Jersey Devil, have achieved cult status or at least meme status for generally being enjoyable as hell. I imagine Fox executives side-eyeing a little, like, what is this, bring back those Squeeze guys or that Chris Carter who wrote the first couple… Really? Uh oh.

I have a deep and abiding love for Shadows partly because I once wrote a recap of it for a fan project, and being me I watched it like 85 times while taking copious notes and turned in a probably 10,000-word analysis, so I know it very well. I DO feel my love for it is justified, partly in its campiness and general silliness (GHOST BOSS. BLOOD BATHTUB. MURDER… AT THE ATM [MACHINE]) but also because Mulder and Scully are great in it, really Detectiving the hell out of the case, interviewing a hilariously mannered and conveniently expositional cemetery groundskeeper, doing a face-to-face with the medical examiner (Howard Graves… Is Very Dead) (she is my favorite, I say this every time, RIP Lorena Gale), and really using their combined powers of Believing and Skeptical in convincing Lauren to cooperate. Yes, there are TWO entire scenes where Scully misses the paranormal thing by seconds; yes, Mr. Dorlund is transparently evil to a ridiculous degree; yes, Lauren wears A LOT of Laura Ashley-ish florals (and this is the episode of Scully's glorious Halloween outfit of black suit, orange blouse, white tights; ah I love it). But, look, at the end, the case is over, and Mulder is like, well, case is over. Should we maybe go see the Liberty Bell? How often do we get to see scenes like that?? For that bit alone I love it, and that's without the Mulder slo-mo (in all of our hearts) jacket swing, Scully's Poltergeist impression and general horror-movie knowledge at the ready, Mulder with his feet on the chair, once again Dr. Ellen Bledsoe being the greatest, Mr. Dorlund getting his uh, wrist squeezed very threateningly with his uh, gold bracelet, by a ghost, Mulder's UNNECESSARILY flirty move of swinging his arm around Scully and breathing on his glasses to show her he snagged a fingerprint… ah it's great. Forget those Squeeze guys, hire these dudes! …They what? OUTSTANDING news.

One more thing I find amusing about Shadows is, I recently was reminded of Glen's ancedote that it came out of a note they got that Mulder and Scully needed to help people. Heheh. "This bitch needs help, get in there, you jerks!" I yelled at Mulder and Scully in multiple scenes this time through. I'd say Ghost of Howard Graves ultimately did more helping in the end, with his supernatural powers, but they tried. And they managed to stop saying vaguely flirtatious dialogue while staring intensely into each other's eyes long enough to at least give her a little encouragement I guess.

I skipped right over Jersey Devil, which is also a silly episode but, honestly, I think comes off better of the two of them. On the other hand, would I say that without the legendary appearance of the Bigfoot Titties drawing? Hard to say. I should add that Mulder and Scully are CRIMINALLY adorable in these episodes, still in their rosy-cheeked (or over-blushed), round-faced big-eyed high-voiced toddler days, and it is difficult to imagine that THE UNIVERSE COULD CONTAIN anything cuter than the last scene (Who was that on the phone? A guy. Same guy as the other night? Same guy. What are you doing, Scully? Going with you to the Smithsonian.) Despite them referencing (in BOTH these episodes) the having or not having of a life (side note, I can't express how common the phrase "get a life" or "he has no life" were back then; that was like cool slang man), vestiges of said life-having remain, with Scully having girl talk with Ellen (I remain obsessed with that exchange: "I thought you said he was cute"/"He's a jerk. …He's not a jerk. He's obsessed with his work"), The Date, Scully's old professor (wonder if she fucked that one. ha), and even more subtle things like Mulder saying "Thanks, Fran" after signing out a car. (Other people work at the FBI! And Mulder and Scully know their names!) (I also found endearing the extremely quick shot of the comics that Fran has taped to her desk. Very nice little set detail.) It all feels so ordinary and workplacey, which I am finding really enjoyable; it's like, a normal government office where people work, and Mulder and Scully also work there, and it just enhances it (enhance!!) when they're working a case and suddenly like a ghost causes a car accident. Or when a hot naked lady (I was impressed with how clear her ass was in the iTunes version of this; I suppose they didn't really bother to blur it back in the standard-definition days and I guess now we are all enlightened in the seeing of asses on TV) attacks Mulder in a dramatically lit warehouse. (Hey baby, come up to Vancouver, you can be on my show! Is something I suspect DD said a lot in the early to mid 90s.)

I'm really not trying at all with this post, sorry. I will wrap up with the revelation that, at least according to the procedural forensic efforts of my friend and me, Bill Dow who plays Chuck Burks plays NOT ONE, BUT TWO DADS in this episode — the guy in the 40s, and the guy at the end hiking with his kid. (Same kid too, I think.) Yes? No? Why isn't Chuck Burks on the convention circuit? Is my question.

Anyway, The X-Files rules. Next up, Ghost in the Machine, which I haven't seen in ages so that should be fun. Sorry these posts are so incredibly lame, lmao. Send tweet

[aluvian]

Top 5 ships

Not me temporarily forgetting every ship I've ever shipped when I saw this ask. And then having to pick from the numerous ones I do have. Lmaoooooo 😂

Fox Mulder x Dana Scully - The X-Files. The ship to end all ships. The blueprint. When I say that your faves could never, I truly mean it. Mulder and Scully probably did it first and continue to do it better. We have them to thank for the term shipping and online spaces where we can scream about and over our faves. They've given me permanent brain damage. 🥰

FemShep x Garrus Vakarian - Mass Effect. The ultimate battle couple. My favorite cross-species liaison, who aren't afraid to test the limits of reach and flexibility. Their transition from friends to friends with benefits to UH OH I CAUGHT SERIOUS FEELINGS is immaculate. Plus, we get some real dialog bangers. My personal fave: "You know me, I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink." I LOSE IT EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Neo x Trinity - The Matrix. There isn't a sexier ship out there, and that's a fact. Imagine looking that hot all the time and being willing to die for one another without a second thought or ounce of hesitation, even if it means dooming the rest of humanity. Goals, tbh.

Jaime Lannister x Brienne of Tarth - Game of Thrones/ASOIAF. I would be physically/mentally/emotionally incapable of not shipping something that was Beauty and the Beast coded. ESPECIALLY if it's an inverse of the classic fairy tale. I try not to think how the show did them so dirty. And I have still not recovered from that, btw. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Gwendoline Christie deserved to play book!JB so, so badly. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE??????? The show did give us some iconic moments with them but ultimately wasted all that potential. Still holding out on George and TWOW. I truly believe he's not going to let us down.

Roy Mustang x Riza Hawkeye - Fullmetal Alchemist. They are literally Mulder and Scully in anime form. How could I not ship them? Their devotion to each other makes me want to chew through the drywall. "I'll follow you into hell if you ask me to." HELLO??????????????

...annnnnnnd I definitely have a type when it comes to my OTPs 😅

Honorable mentions: BroShep x Tali'Zorah vas Normandy from Mass Effect, Batman/Bruce Wayne x Catwoman/Selina Kyle from the Batman franchise, Rogue x Gambit from the X-Men franchise, Vash the Stampede x Meryl Stryfe from Trigun & Trigun Stampede, Nicholas D. Wolfwood x Milly Thompson from Trigun, Guts x Casca from Berserk*, Shinya Kougami x Akane Tsunemori from Psycho-Pass, Meryl Stryfe x Nicholas D. Wolfwood from Trigun Stampede, FemRyder x Vetra Nyx from Mass Effect: Andromeda, Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes from the MCU, Leon S. Kennedy x Ada Wong from Resident Evil...and I truly could keep going. I have a lot of ships. And I will spare you guys my sports anime ones. 😆

*I do need to give a special shout out to Guts and Casca for being especially insane. Imagine initiating a sword fight with a guy, stabbing him, then deciding to fling yourself off the side of a cliff afterwards, having him rescue you by grabbing you at just the right time (with the hand he used to pull out the sword you stabbed him with no less), then crying and calling him a fool, then kissing him, then fucking him. They truly do not make anime/manga ships like this anymore. 😔

Wow. Never get me talking about anything I love because this is what happens. I simply do not know how and when to shut up. Anyway! This was tons of fun, and I appreciate you sending me this ask so much. 💙

Ask me my Top 5 anything!