#self sabotage su!c!dal ideation and not feeling worthy of love is kinda my thing ed is coming for my brand | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scaryhaven · 7 months

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Yeah, don't mind me, just been walking around feeling weepy, like my hearts been ripped outta me and stomped on, I related to Ed too much in those 3 episodes, it was like being forced to look in an ugly, sad mirror that I'd had hidden away for years... I don't want to see myself nor for others to see me, it's all just very raw.

#ow #the thing is its just very bad timing cuz im not doing well and i just wanna enjoy the show but its a bit intense hopefully it lightens up #cuz my heart literally hurts thinking about them. like am i literally going to either try dating again or am i gonna...#anyway #self sabotage su!c!dal ideation and not feeling worthy of love is kinda my thing ed is coming for my brand #blackbeard #ofmd spoilers #personal #when fandom stops just being about the characters and actors but you see yourself in them and realize just how much youre hurting yourself #and i love ed he deserves happiness but i dont see that for myself? ive never done half the stuff hes done but im irredeemable?#fuck im getting angry at myself because i think i may have broken my brain so much i might try loving myself #is ofmd going to fucking fix me? im thinking... why cant i love myself like i love others. maybe it doesnt have to be so fucking severe #normally id delete this by now but no i dont care atm

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