#selfship: encoded emotions (KOS‑MOS/calanthe)

[flowering-darkness]

Right! More elaboration on my last reblog because it’s a very sweet concept, but while I tagged it as two of my selfships, the dynamic isn’t actually quite there as presented in the post ‑ and I wanted to discuss that variance because I think it’s neat to do, but I didn’t want to detract from the post itself, so now I’m here.

For my selfship with KOS-MOS, the self-insert I use to selfship with her (Calanthe) was already involved with her construction, though her work was specifically focused on fine-tuning her emotion module. Still, KOS-MOS has been demonstrated to make it clear when she needs maintenance (from the whole “External appearance decreased by 5%; requesting assistance with cleaning” thing in her post-battle lines), so.. I think it would be fun to explore how Calanthe has to go from being part of a big team all working together to make KOS‑MOS perfect, to now being her sole maintainer in a sense, and also having to adapt to the fact she’s with the Blade version of KOS-MOS now instead of the original Xenosaga version. I can imagine it being a more amusing thing in contrast to the rest of the XC2 party, where they keep assuming Calanthe knows exactly how KOS-MOS works when she doesn’t, but there’s still a lot of potential in playing it straight as well, I think.

For my selfship with Vanea, which is the other one I tagged the post with, the concept is actually somewhat inverted. While Vanea herself is a Machina - a race of mechanical life ‑ the self-insert I use to selfship with her (Citri) was originally Homs (so fully organic, basically a normal human) but had been turned into a pilot for a Faced Mechon, which is a process that’s left her body almost entirely mechanical. Another character refers to that state as essentially being half-Machina, which demonstrates the extent of the conversion ‑ and it’s actually Vanea who chose Citri for this and oversaw the process, having not expected it to still leave Citri able to exist as herself. So.. while Citri is very aware that Vanea is the only one who would know how to keep her new body working, her actually going to Vanea and expressing she needs help with repairs is something that demonstrates a lot of trust.

(After all, Citri was basically captured by the enemy side of a war and converted into the core of a machine that would then be sent out to fight more battles for the enemy. The concept of her then approaching the woman responsible for her conversion, the sister of the man commanding his side of the whole war, and expressing that she needs help ‑ trusting that she will be helped in a way that still maintains her self, given that she wasn’t supposed to have kept her own will and personality in the first place ‑ ..is kind of a big deal when you word it that way, isn’t it.)

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Here is my post for the fourth day of September! ..I don't have a caption for these renders, I'm afraid, but they basically sum up my entire selfship dynamic with KOS-MOS in one go - KOS-MOS is being ultra-powerful and amazing and awesome and gorgeous, and my self-insert Calanthe is very in love with her because of this. Even in such dangerous places as the Land of Morytha (hence why the lighting here is so.. green).

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Comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay, and appreciated, but are by no means required!~

[moved-to-void-kissed]

"The Blade Bot's attack had knocked Calanthe clean off the skyport in the instant KOS-MOS needed to retaliate. Without hesitation, she leapt off the platform after her Driver, her expression betraying none of her looming realisation that there was nothing she could do to stop the pair falling through the sky, approaching the Cloud Sea far below them."

Tag list: @thatslikesometaldude | @garchompp | @alrest | @tex-treasures | @ayatosamore | @tartaglialovemail | @lilacslovers | @kalliopi-ships | @moltarshusband | @dragonsmooch | @childrenofmeyneth | @ribbitships | @blackbirdcrime | @strawberryshipz | @pandapup | @harmonic-function | @candyforthebrain (to be tagged in my content, please use this!)

An image that has been in my head for a long time, and that I have finally been able to render now that I’ve finished overhauling Calanthe’s design. This is how we join the main party despite arriving into Alrest at the top of the World Tree before they get there - we fall down into the Land of Morytha just before the Great Void closes, with KOS-MOS holding Calanthe to shield her from the fall and Poppi catching us both after seeing us from below. So don’t worry - we don’t get hurt from the fall!

Reblogs of and comments on my work are always okay, and appreciated, but are by no means required!~

[moved-to-void-kissed]

First off, happy birthday! I hope it's a great one! For the meme... 5 for Calanthe and KOS-MOS and 8 for Citri and Vanea? :)

Aww, thank you so much for this! It has definitely been a good day overall, I would say ^-^

Also, thank you very much for sending the questions!!~

(question source: "🎁🎈 selfship ask meme ~ birthdays!!!" by sennamybeloved)

5 ~ who is invited to your birthday? your friends? people in your F/O’s canon? - This depends on whether these birthdays are taking place before or after Calanthe gets thrown into Alrest, but I'll focus on it being afterwards, since that's where my selfship with KOS-MOS is mostly based despite Calanthe originating from the world of Xenosaga. I think it's safe to say that the whole of the XC2 main party would be there, maybe even as the ones setting up the party to help Calanthe feel more welcomed as part of their world! It'd sort of be difficult to not invite some people but still invite others in the current travelling/adventuring situation, haha.

8 ~ is there anything super special your F/O does for you on your birthday, other than throwing you a party, buying you a cake, etc.? - I like to think that one of the things Vanea could do for Citri is to take her to different areas of Mechonis that Citri wouldn't have experienced before but that Vanea is familiar with - somewhere where a wonderful view could be seen, just for the two of them to get to experience together; it's a present you can't physically give someone, but it's still a memorable gift nonetheless. I'm afraid my knowledge of XC1 is not quite able to let me provide an actual example of where we would go, but I think it would be nice to spend that time with her together, away from worries about the world even if just for a little while. Plus, it would be special to hear more about the titan and all the memories Vanea has of it, especially given Citri's status as such a newcomer there (for lack of a better word).

I hope that those answers were alright!! Thank you very kindly again for sending this in, it means a lot to me ^-^

[moved-to-void-kissed]

“Is this.. the correct method?” “Hehe, don’t worry! You’re doing just fine, KOS-MOS - thank you for this~”

tag list: @thatslikesometaldude | @garchompp | @beeon | @tex-treasures | @catake | @tartaglialovemail | @kalliopi-ships | @childrenofmeyneth | @kissofthemoonrabbit | @lilacslovers | @vilehusband | @blackbirdcrime | @catcao | @dragonsmooch | @strawberryshipz (to be tagged in what I make, please click here!)

Here is my piece for the twenty-fifth day of sapphic September - it’s just a little cute picture of KOS-MOS giving me (or rather, my self-insert, Calanthe) a kiss! ..I may or may not have completely forgotten about this until eleven o’clock this evening, so suffice it to say I had to get something out very quickly. Oops. But hey, at least I made it in time!~

Comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay, and appreciated, but are by no means required!~

[moved-to-void-kissed]

"Activating Level 1 Special: R-Blade. Calanthe, I suggest you step back.” “What does that- oh your arm’s a sword now, ah-!”

Tag list: @thatslikesometaldude | @setzale | @tex-treasures | @catake | @beeon | @tartaglialovemail | @lilacslovers | @kalliopi-ships | @vilehusband | @dragonsmooch | @childrenofmeyneth | @kissofthemoonrabbit | @blackbirdcrime | @strawberryshipz (to be added to the tag list, please click here!)

Here’s my piece for the fourth day of sapphic September! It just about sums up my entire dynamic with KOS-MOS, to be honest - she’s doing something awesome, because everything she does is awesome, and then I (or rather, my self-insert, Calanthe) am just stood there in awe of her power. She’s just so cool ;w;

Reblogs of this post are appreciated, but by no means required! There are also some more renders under the readmore, including one that gives a better view of Calanthe, since I believe this is the first time I’ve actually shown what she looks like!

This was from earlier on in the process since I eventually had to swap out the city stage (I just couldn’t figure out why the floor went all grey??), but here’s a view from the back as well as what I thought was a pretty cool ominous shot from through that glitchy grey floor:

And then here is a separate render of Calanthe on her own, to show her design! It’s.. admittedly a very haphazardly-constructed reference model that I put together in the space of about two hours (the body textures are Aria’s old ones and the base itself was I think originally going to be Noire’s, it’s missing some face sliders - like the blush of all things - and from the back/if you look too closely there are actually loads of pieces of her model missing, oops) - plus I’m not completely set on that hairstyle since it wasn’t quite what I originally envisioned her having, but it works for now! Maybe I’ll end up sticking with this design, I’m not sure.

Her glasses aren’t for any kind of eyesight correction, since my own vision is fine - they just have flat anti-glare lenses to lessen the eyestrain of screen work. I have a pair of them in real life (although I never actually wear them, oops), and since Calanthe is a programmer I thought it would make sense to give them to her. I’m aware that her outfit is not like that of other Vector Industries employees, but.. long story short I’ve been imagining her with something like a lab coat this entire time, and the Vector uniform is also kind of ugly, so this is just what she looks like now. KOS-MOS’ design changed slightly from the Woglinde to Alrest, so.. so can Calanthe’s, or something =P 

(Oh, also, because I realised it might not be clear just by looking at her name: Calanthe is pronounced with two equally-stressed syllables, so it’s said more like “cal-anth” than “ca-lan-thuh”. I hope that makes sense; it’s tricky to write.)

[moved-to-void-kissed]

server talk is making me blush over KOS-MOS again, oops

[moved-to-void-kissed]

“It’s, um- not warm in a temperature way, but it’s a really nice fuzzy feeling that people get when something makes them happy or content! I’m not too sure how to explain it, ahaha..” “Do not worry. I believe I have understood your intent. (..She makes me feel warm..)”

tag list: @dragonsmooch | @childrenofmeyneth | @tex-treasures | @kissofthemoonrabbit | @kalliopi-ships | @catake | @tartaglialovemail | @strawberryshipz | @beeon | @blackbirdcrime | @lilacslovers | @garchompp | @thatslikesometaldude (to be tagged in what I make, please click here!)

Here is my piece for the fourteenth day of sapphic September, inspired by this absolutely wonderful imagine that the lovely Tex very kindly sent me last month! I’d been meaning to try and illustrate it somehow because it was just such a nice scene in my head, but I hadn’t come up with my self-insert’s design yet, so I couldn’t - but, now I have, so I did! I used a bit of a different approach for this one, so.. hopefully it still looks okay.

Reblogs of my work are always appreciated, but by no means required!~

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Huh. I already knew that the KOS-MOS and T-elos in XC2 weren’t 100% supposed to be the same characters as their original Xenosaga versions, because they’re called KOS-MOS Re: and T-elos Re: (where Re: stands for Refrain according to their visors) in the Japanese version of XC2. But I didn’t realise there was actual lore to both their presences in XC2 on top of that, rather than them just being crossover characters for the fun of it.

According to this video, there’s a caption in the official XC2 artbook that translates as follows: “From a past much more distant than 500 years, a Driver engaged with KOS-MOS and T-elos (not Rex or Amalthus) challenged themself to reach the top of the World Tree, failed in their pursuit, and perished. Thus, the pair fell down into the Cloud Sea of Alrest.” This means the pair have both canonically - or at least, as canonically as information given in an official artbook is - existed as Blades in Alrest for a long time, and actually technically might predate the creation of the original KOS-MOS (and therefore T-elos, since she was created after KOS-MOS) in the world of Xenosaga.

I think that’s actually pretty neat, and it’s something I do kind of want to incorporate into my version of events that has my selfship with KOS-MOS in it, since if a world has lore I always do my best to stick to it (or at least alter it in a way that is actually feasible based on what lore has already been given). And I think I’ve figured out a way to do that!

..It’s under the readmore because it got long, but, yeah! My selfship with KOS-MOS now has a slightly different backstory!

So, I think I’m going to make it so that Calanthe (my self-insert) still gets transported from the world of Xenosaga into Alrest because when KOS-MOS first awakens, and accesses the power of the Zohar, Calanthe being in physical contact with her causes it to happen as a consequence of the Zohar’s effect. However, KOS-MOS (or rather, that KOS-MOS, who normally has red eyes) doesn’t actually get transported with her when this happens, since she was designed to use the Zohar’s power. Instead, when Calanthe appears in Alrest, she does so holding the Core Crystal of the Blade version of KOS-MOS (i.e. KOS-MOS Re:, who always has pink eyes), which she immediately and unintentionally resonates with.

Now, normally, a Blade does not have any memories other than their name when they are awakened by a new Driver. However, it’s shown in KOS-MOS’ Heart-to-Heart that she knows how the World Tree was constructed, because she describes the process, and she says this information is stored independently of her normal memories. If the KOS-MOS in XC2 is just a normal Blade, this doesn’t make much sense that she would have this put in her. However, to explain why it’s a thing, I’m going to write in the headcanon that both versions of KOS-MOS derive power from/are linked to the Zohar/Conduit (it’s basically different universes’ versions of the same thing), and because the Zohar/Conduit is a gate between universes, the two versions of KOS-MOS are able to exchange memories and information between each other now that the Xenosaga KOS-MOS has activated. A bit like having two computers in different places both logged in to the same account and able to share files between each other in real-time. This means that the Blade KOS-MOS in XC2 knows who Calanthe is, and so as far as Calanthe understands, the two are the same entity.

However, the KOS-MOS in Xenosaga is a fully robotic combat android whereas the KOS-MOS in XC2 is a full-fledged Blade, although she still seems to retain some robotic aspects - the wiki calls her an AI, she tells Adenine she stores her knowledge in a database rather than books and encyclopedias, and Astelle is also able to upgrade her and tries to tinker with her (but then, she also refers to herself as a Blade in all instances I can think of, and she tells Pandy she doesn’t run on electricity when she offers to give her some lightning). So, I’m running with pieces of that and saying that KOS-MOS initially has a very robotic personality in XC2 because that’s what Calanthe knows the KOS-MOS in Xenosaga to have (and she thinks they’re the same physical entity) - but over time, as she travels more with Calanthe and the rest of the party and gains things like Trust and Affinity, she is free to express herself more “organically” if she wishes to. She isn’t necessarily restricted to a limited, programmed personality anymore.

I hope that that all makes sense! It.. doesn’t really change too much about the story of my selfship with KOS-MOS (moreso just the backstory), but it sticks closer to canon because it means the KOS-MOS in Xenosaga and the KOS-MOS in XC2 are no longer being treated as the exact same individual physical entity who moves across worlds (although they can share memories and information about their experiences). This also means I may well have two different versions of events for my selfship - the default version of events where Calanthe gets put into Alrest, and another alternate version of events where Calanthe stays in the world of Xenosaga and joins the party there. But I don’t know much about Xenosaga itself, and I first fell for KOS-MOS through her XC2 version, so for most intents and purposes it makes more sense to stick to that version.

Thank you very much to anyone who has read this!

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Hello?I...I must confess I don't know how this whole 'letter' thing works. I can only hope that I am doing this currently.

My aim when writing this is to express my love for you. I may be a combat android but I thanks to you I know, with a certaintinty of a 100% that I can feel.

I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me, for everything you have taught me. I promise to stand by you, no matter the obstacles. You need not to worry, any threats to your safety will be dealt with.

After all, sadness would take over me if anything were to happen to you, love.

Was this 'letter' to your liking and written correctly? I am of course open to suggestions on how to improve.

~🤖KOS-MOS🤖

Oh, hey, speaking of this selfship- (in reference to one of the asks I answered earlier)

I wasn’t really expecting anything for the letters to self-inserts event, but anon, thank you so much for this!! It is a really lovely letter and I could definitely envision KOS-MOS doing something like this which made it feel really nice ^-^

Thank you again for this, anon - it means a lot that you went to the trouble of sending this in!!~

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Howdy Void, it's Tex! I hope this message finds you in good health and high spirits!✨💗

Every now and again I'll think of a friend and their f/o; I've been thinking of KOS-MOS and Calanthe lately, mainly this scene in my head of the two of them sitting under a shady tree with sunlight filtering through. They talk about philosophy, what it means to be human, a topic I can only assume gets brought up often.

In the scene, it's about emotions, what it means to feel "warm" emotionally from the words of other people i.e. how we're affected by others actions or words, and I always see KOS-MOS turning to ask Calanthe another question but she pauses, noticing sunlight radiating off of Calanthe's hair. She thinks of precious minerals that are the same wavelength of color (but never quite the same... Calanthe's hair hue requires more data which she will of course investigate ✨), of the sunshine above them, how the sun is a star, and stars create such minerals--- it's a chain reaction of thought, all in the matter of seconds as Calanthe sits with her head tilted back, enjoying the sunshine filtering down. All of KOS-MOS's thoughts are logical, in order, until finally as she continues to admire her programmer? Insufficient, outdated title friend and, rather unexpectedly, she thinks of something all on her own outside of that chain of thought. Five words, a brilliant, promising discovery:

"she makes me feel warm."

✨💚

@tex-treasures. TEX.

I could visualise this scene so, so well in my head - you've written this out just as wonderfully as the rest of your writing is, and I am very grateful for that. If not for the fact that I still haven't finalised Calanthe's design I would absolutely have tried to render this because it is just such a lovely image!! I'm sorry I don't have any better words to express how I feel, but please just know that this has made me incredibly happy to receive and I am very grateful for it ^-^

Thank you so, so much for this image, my friend - it is absolutely something I will treasure and remember for a long time to come. Thank you so much for this, seriously ;w;

[moved-to-void-kissed]

okay actually, I need to sleep now but I thought people might find this amusing so I hope it’s alright to share at this current moment

Calanthe is very much not cut out for any kind of fighting - she may have been helping to create a combat android for defeating Gnosis, but her field of expertise is definitely the coding and programming side of the process. So, her reaction to suddenly finding herself and KOS-MOS in Alrest was pretty much just as follows:

“Um, KOS-MOS, where are we

KOS-MOS, why do you have a crystal and two new *massive cannons*

KOS-MOS, why are you giving these to ME, *how am I supposed to use these* ”-

[moved-to-void-kissed]

i really like ur ships bc they all have this like. sad but sweet air t othem? like. t o give a specific example aqua and aria being stuck in darkness for so long, but they get out and in general theyre a loving couple its just they go through a lot and are very strong and thats the vibes i get from a few of ur ships i think. its very loving but the people in the pairing have had their fair share and have grown strong. idk if that mAKES SENSE

(source: this post by shiny-self-shipping)

Thank you so much for this, Chris, it definitely makes sense and it means a lot to me! To be honest, that kind of melancholy aspect (if that's even the right word) isn't something I'd really thought about applying to many of my selfships before you pointed it out, but a lot of them do have that sort of side to them, you're right!!

Like, for instance.. Luna and Adriana having to be stuck away from each other for ages just after getting together since Adri can’t get back through Agate City, or Aria and Aqua only having each other in the realm of darkness (and subsequently losing then finding each other because Aqua gets rescued before Aria does) like you said, or even something like Calanthe struggling with adapting to the new world that she and KOS-MOS get sent into and admitting her feelings for KOS-MOS. So I guess that sort of “sad but sweet” thing does actually apply a fair bit, haha. Not too sure what it means, but it is definitely there!

Thank you very much for sending this in!!~

[moved-to-void-kissed]

So, I've been working on overhauling my carrds this weekend, and one of the things I'm adding to the main one is a short little description of each of my romantic selfships, just to a) list all of the names in one convenient place and b) give a very brief overview of each one's basic situations for people who may not be as familiar yet

The thing is, doing this is making me realise that in some of these cases I really have ended up in the most random of scenarios

For example.. "an extremely powerful android accidentally sends one of her programmers to another universe" is quite the concept =P

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I know that there’s probably an actual simple reason why KOS-MOS’ name isn’t pronounced the same way in XC2 compared to how it’s pronounced in Xenosaga (albeit.. the difference is extremely difficult for me to write out; the closest I can get is that in XC2 her name is said the same way as the word “cosmos”, with more of a gap between the syllables because of the hyphen, whereas in Xenosaga the “o” sounds are longer and more drawn-out), and the actual reason is probably just that XC2 didn’t have the best voice direction

But I think it’s more amusing if everyone in Alrest pronounces KOS-MOS’ name “wrong” because that’s how Calanthe first says it to them, and unlike everyone else in Xenosaga, Calanthe doesn’t have an American accent =P

[moved-to-void-kissed]

Today’s random selfship-related fact is:

Both Calanthe and KOS-MOS end up causing a lot of confusion in the people they meet in Alrest, even though they both attempt to hide the fact that they came from a different world. Calanthe’s accent is like that of the Tantalese, yet she does not particularly resemble any one of the races of Alrest in particular, while KOS-MOS is sometimes associated with the artificial Blade sightings in Mor Ardain due to still possessing most of her characteristics as an android as well as being a Blade.