#seltypedtalk

[sellalametta]

#STS A Thing Called Trust: An Issue

Having your trust betrayed can be commonly a "not-so-good" experience, cause indeed, some people may and still find it difficult to give, sometimes.

I once remember if trusting in someone also means me believing in their sincerity and giving them an option to hurt myself. Little did I know, it becomes inimical to the ship I am sailing when someone I "trust" is proven spilling what I expect to be "exclusive".

I believe each individual has their way to cope with this -if they call it a concern, cause some may not categorize it so since they can heal as quick as a flash, or even better; some did not spend any single sec to look it that way. (Good for you!)

Yet, because this written talk is about my personal point of view of this "thing", I will call it as an issue, and I will share with you how I see it and -probably solve it in terms of my personality.

I am grown to be a reflective person and learning about my self is always a to-do list. So I know what I am typing right now is the result of those self-learning sessions myself held.

It's considered a struggle for me to fully let someone in. I might be seemed so friendly and open to many people, but note that they don't get inside, the door is not as wide as the fence. Naturally, I was born as an outgoing person and luckily blessed to have other people come, reach and open up with me.

On the other side, it took me some time before I can feel completely comfortable with someone and approve if I can share my trust. 

And once I have every confidence in others and might find refraction on it, it is again another struggle because I don't want to appear to have trust issues to them. Again, my selflessness dominate, which happens many times. I don’t want them to feel distant and at the same time hoping to please them by sharing my trust. What a fact about me!

Believe me, as a perfectionist, it's tricky to share with someone my life as it is full of flaws and may take time for me to accept a judgment so easily.

Then what happens if I found my trust broken?

Well, disconnecting with them may hurt me more than that, and habitually I will only take this as a lesson (surely connecting doesn't always mean to keep your trust!). However, personally, I usually give so many chances and opportunities for someone to change (if they want or seem to want another chance from me) and maybe mend the commitment, cause forgiving is something I am routinely making a habit. And by that, I feel responsible for my action and give others the same things.

A note for myself which is just popped up right now, maybe setting clearer boundaries can help me finding the right people to count on and rely on. Most people trust because they get trust. But maybe getting trust from others does not become a reason to send them my trust in a knee jerk reaction. I better bring this last point on my next self-learning class tho! :)

Thank you for reading to this point. Know that you're loved.

SLS, KL 22082020