#send requests ig but I'll write them later

[ivymyers]

Problematic (Bucky x Reader)

ig I just like writing about bad things happening to y/n :,)

(There’s a part where I reference Bucky’s hands. Just know one is the metal arm, I just didn’t know how else to say it.)

I honestly don’t know what insanity made me write this but here it is. 

Also, don’t expect anything from me for about a week, I’ll be on a vacation.

SOMEONE GIVE ME A REQUEST I’M BORED. (I’ll literally write almost anything)

Around 2.1k words.

Warnings: torture, injury, agnst, Hydra, mentions of death, mentions of rape, low self esteem, anxiety, nightmares (seriously, don’t read if it’s going to bother you)

—-----

You had stuck with your boyfriend Bucky for so long. When he had nightmares you always comforted him, when his panic attacks got bad you always calmed him, and when he needed to talk you were there. For the two years you had been together you both supported each other. The pair of you were inseparable, the time either of you were away on missions away from each other was actually painful.

[In the meeting room]

“Hyra base. That’s our next mission.” Tony stated. “I’m sending Sam, Clint, and y/n on this one. It’ll be just a quick in and out. You’ll be clearing the area out, it should be relatively small. We’ve done a scan of the base from above and it seems like this should be a quick trip. Sam, come in from above, we want a nice view of the action. You shouldn’t have to do too much. Clint, you will be taking shots from a distance. y/n, you will be on the ground fighting. I’m confident that you can handle a few Hydra soldiers” He winked in your direction. “Questions?”

Bucky was the first one to speak, “Yea, why is y/n the only one out there?”

“Did you not just listen? I swear Barnes you only hear when y/n’s name is mentioned. It’s a small mission and I’m sending THREE avengers. That’s more than enough.” 

“Buck I can take care of myself, I'll be fine.” You chimed in.

 “Y/n is one of our strongest magic users. She’s more than capable. Now that we’ve all discussed Barnes’s separation anxiety, any real questions?” Tony went on. “Great. We leave at 6:00 am tomorrow.”

[Later that night]

“Bucky- we went over this. You have too much of a tie to Hydra. I can handle this.”

“Y/n. I really think I should go with you. I know how to deal with them, I don't trust the situation. Something doesn’t sit right with me.” Bucky began to raise his hands as he does whenever he gets worked up.

“Are you saying I can’t do this?”

“Of course not it’s just-”

“I’m going to bed, Buck. I need to be up early. Don’t bother sending me off the two-day mission that I’m not capable of protecting myself on.”

“Jesus y/n. If you put it that way then maybe I won’t. I’ll see you in two-days then. You can be so…problematic.”

It was just a fight. A small one, nothing you couldn’t handle. Bucky kept his word the next morning. His last words to you sticking to your skin like dew drops to a leaf. You’d fix it when you got back, right?

Except you wouldn’t get the chance to you. There were way more soldiers than you’d anticipated. Bucky was more than right to worry. Hydra had you cornered and there was nothing you could do as they dragged you away. 

San got the whole thing on camera as he was scouting from above. All the team could do was watch as one of the strongest Avengers was helplessly dragged away.

Bucky didn’t know what to do. The last words he exchanged with you were in anger. The frustration built up and began to eat at his insides. He knew Hydra better than anyone on the team. If they did anything close to you what they did to him- he didn’t want to imagine it. 

Meanwhile you were taken and tied up in a metal chair in a stark white room. Your magic did not work when you tried. The whole place looked clean and was decently large for you being the only one in there. Then you remembered. Hydra. 

You didn’t have any information about secret plans or missions or tech or anything to share. So when the torture began your screams echoed and there was no ammunition you had to counter you painful days and sleepless nights. No breaks, just constant hurt. All while Bucky’s words ran through your head over and over and over and over.

 Problematic. That was he had seen you.

You weren’t sure how long you had been there for. But sometime into your stay things began to get even worse. They gave you minimal food and water. They began to torment your nights as well by splashing water over you while dead asleep. Waking you with beatings or weapons. But the worst of it by far was the sexual abuse. They raped you countless times as you struggled against their strength. It became too much to bear.

The room was now covered in blood. They hadn’t once cleaned an inch of the space you were in. The metallic scent was always in your noise and the crust of dried red followed your eyes to every corner. But by now you were used to the smell and your vision was blurring from malnourishment anyway.

When you weren’t concerned over when your next meal would come or when the next attack would happen, Bucky filled your mind. Did he care? Was he thinking of you? Or was he glad his problem was gone. The thought of it alone was almost worse than the torture. 

You had nothing left. 

But then gunshots were heard from outside your room. And through your hazy self could barely process when Bucky broke down the door. He held your barely breathing body in his hand as you struggled the most you could, which was not very hard.

“No…no, no. Stop. Let me go. Not again…” You whispered barely audible. 

“Love, it’s me Bucky. I’m not going to hurt you darling.” His heart broke when hearing your cries. He knew exactly what hydra could do to a person.

 He sat there with you until Sam and Tony came through and saw the two of you and told him to carry you back. 

On the ride back Bucky held you in his arms. Running his fingers through your hair he was beginning to stress whether you would even make it. Your pulse was faint and you had so much blood all over you. He couldn’t tell which wounds were currently open and which ones were old. Your broken lifeless body was painful for him to look at, yet he couldn’t seem to look away. 

[Back at Avengers Tower]

You opened your eyes to no blood on the walls and IVs in your arms. The room was slightly larger than the one you were in before. But something felt different about this room. The door opened and you shut your eyes tight as they went and pulled the covers that you didn’t have before up to your face. 

Your breaths came short and fast and visions of what happened before shot through your memory. The pain. The humiliation. The shame. What horrors would you face now?

“Y/n you’re awake! Oh, hey, hey. It’s just me. Bruce see? You’re home.”

His voice flooded your senses and you began to calm. Wait. Did he say home? You moved the covers from your face to see the Avenger who had patched you up as best he could since you had returned. Sure enough it was a friendly face you were met with. You stared at him in return.

“You really took a beating out there y/n. Do you want me to go over your medical reports with you now or wait for Bucky to be here too so that I won’t have to repeat it.” 

When you didn’t respond he knew something was really wrong. Obviously they had tortured you physically, but something was broken in your mind as well. 

When you saw his reaction you plastered a smile on your face and told him to bring him in, hoping Bruce didn’t see your smile fall as he left the room. Being alone suddenly became scary, you were so used to only preparing for the next visit that all you could do was listen to your own heartbeat when Bruce left.

You didn’t hear the door open. But you felt Bucky’s strong body crash into your weak one. What you did hear was Bruce saying he’d give you some alone time.

“Bucky…”

“Oh doll…” his voice trembled as he spoke. Bucky’s hand shook as he reached out to touch your face. 

You flinched at his touch and in that moment he thought of every possible type of pain Hydra could’ve put you through. His eyes glistened with tears and he saw how frail you looked. 

You jumped when Bruce opened the door again. “Ready to go over the medical reports?”

You had a broken ankle, two bruised ribs, one broken rib, three broken fingers, a sprained wrist,. a dislocated leg, stab wounds, a minor concussion, and countless cuts and bruises. Not to mention a black eye. 

Suddenly, Bucky inhaled, stood up and left the room. 

Deep down you felt something snap. You felt a mix of emotions. Did Bucky not want you anymore? Were you really that broken?

Bruce followed Bucky and you left with your own tears. After one week in the room, Bruce and the doctors they assigned to let you go back to you and Bucky’s room as long as you came for daily checkups. 

[Later that night, first night back in your room]

As soon as sleep drifted upon you the nightmares began to torture you. Memories and fear alike, this was the first time sleep became such a punishment for you. 

You awoke in a scream of terror and to Bucky holding you tears streaming down both of your faces. He held you and rubbed your arms. 

“I’m gong to fucking kill every last one of them y/n. You don’t deserve any of this. You hear me.” He whispered into the side of your head. 

Again, something in you clicked and you stiffened up. Bucky immediately noticed and pulled away. 

You both knew you weren’t going to get any sleep so the two of you stood up to cool down. Then the questions came.

“Doll, tell me what happened. You have to tell me what they did.” He was angry. Not at you, but his rage still scared you. As Bucky kept rambling, hands flying through the air, your eyes got wide and the thoughts of pain and fear came tumbling back into your head and you backed into the wall. Hand at your mouth to silence the tears, you slid down the wall. No noise came from you, yet the sound in your head drowned out everything else. 

Bucky turned to face you not knowing what to do. 

“Problematic” were the words that you sobbed out when he pulled you into a hug. 

“Darling- I never meant those words. I love you with everything I am. How long- Jesus-” He ran his hands through his hair. “How long were you thinking of those words? The truth. Now.” He stared you down.

You looked away, “every goddamn moment.” you mumbled. “I thought of them and you every second I was in there. When I wanted hope all I had was that.”

Guilt seeped through Bucky’s mind, a million different thoughts jumbling together. But you weren’t done.

“They beat me until my bones broke and I needed stitches I never got. They almost drowned me several times. They held me at gunpoint. They told me I was worthless over and over until I believed every word of it, and I still do. They abused me until I was sick- even then didn’t stop. They locked me in a room of corpses and made me spend the night in it. They raped me so much that my skin does more than crawl. Fuck, I’ve been awake for a little over a week now and not one other person besides you and Bruce have even bothered to visit! So forgive me if I’m hurting a little.” You were screaming out your words by the end.

It broke Bucky, The thought that someone else’s hands were on you. The thoughts that they made you think. He trembled from everything you told him. 

“Doll…my y/n…I regret every word that I said before you were- God I messed up. You matter more to me than anything else. Don’t ever think you’re worthless. And the rest of the Avengers, they thought it best to give you a little space. I’m so sorry Doll.” 

You slammed your body against his and let your tears fall onto him. Clutching onto him, deep down you knew you'd recover with lots time, as long as Bucky was by your side.

----------

Did you like it?

[ooffmlsorry]

Blog Info

Hi sorry.

Literally haven't written in 4 years then started coming up with a bunch of Law x reader ideas and figured I'd try my hand at posting and writing them. Might throw in a group headcanon thing if the thought occurs.

Sorry I won't be taking requests like ever because I'll probably dump this blog in approx. 4 months. We'll see how long the Law hyperfixation lasts. Edit: But if you want to send me headcanons or just say hi, you're welcome to!!

Important Note 1: I'm ace so if you're looking for spice you probably won't find it here cause I've got no interest in writing it. Enjoy the Law x reader fluff and angst ig.

Important Note 2: I'm still in Dressrosa (because if I have to watch this show on a weekly basis I'll end it all istg i'm so impatient) so if there's something that happens after that feels like a plothole in anything I write, that's probably why.

Because I want people to actually enjoy this I won't shove my OP!oc down your throats but that's her as my pfp. Her name is Kilala.

Might make a post about her backstory later though.

My plan is to just use y/n or [Name] but I made this with Kilala in mind so if every story has some similar details like having a specific df or the same job on the ship in every story that's why.

That's all you need to know I think.

Good Luck!

[drifloonz]

💜hai! i'm wispy among other names.

🪀he/they primarily. | am 18 babey !! | pokemon has been my special interest since i was small. im autistic but rlly what pokemon fan isnt /hj.

my requests aren't closed but do understand i dont reply to them that often bc i have executive dysfunction. i do see them and plan to. eventually hopefully, but don't expect anything 100%

Im Really Autistic about Steven. my interpretation is very personal to me. obviously i write headcanons and x readers and he mostly draws from canon or canon implications, but do understand he is very personal to me.

he helped me thru a lot of bad times and i selfship w him etc etc but i am here to give people Food and things to chew on w him ... and sometimes other characters.

character masterlist | im updating this later probably with things like rules or boundaries but basically don't be a freak or a pr/shitter.

canon pokemon characters that arent like idk red/blue/rosa/the protags bc theyre easy to write, etc Are harder for me to write but i can write anything and anyone if i lock in enough.

i write things for pokemon/pokepasta! all headcanons and writing posts where the reader is inserted are gender-neutral by default unless said otherwise.

hello! this is my pokemon/pokepasta ( mainly pokepasta bc im fixated rn ) sideblog where i may write and draw. feel free to send requests ( mainly for writing i do not draw shit for free unless i rlly feel like it but u can still try ig ) . i looove steven strangled red he is my bbygirl. glitchy red as well. the sillies. mostly, the hyplull interps of them. i can and will write things up for them ( imagines, x readers possibly bc i am a little fruity, and gay, among other things! just ask . ) .

this also extends to the other hyplull characters just to a lesser degree . i may read up on it / actually watch the associated game if i get requests 4 the others i know less abt ( eg lost silver ) lol . i may be able to write for the ones i know less abt but it may take me a while cuz' i'll have to read up on them! i know the basic Gists abt most of them tho.

🕯 writing will be under #wispy-writes and art will be under #wispy-doodles . textposts r just wispy chatters as seen From this post. this is mostly for my own future reference lol.

🎠 please please pleaaase send me requests or questions or headcanons in my askbox i wont bite ( i will )

i will sometimes reblog those posts tht r like "send an ask in for the blog owner to answer a specific question" . as long as you link the post ( if its far back ) i Will answer those bc i love those. mostly will reblog writing and character based ones :3

i can and will write nsfw but only for characters that are over 18, obviously . ( mainly steven. and glitchy. and red ( the older version in like alola, obv ). bc im biased for those 3 particularly. steven/glitchy being based on the hyplull mod where They are 18/over. i won't write for nsfw of red or steven in timeperiods where they're implied or canonically underage, like steven before the accident or red during his og journey or on mt silver or w/e ). i'll probably block minors who int with the posts so apologies in advance for that. these will be tagged properly and have the mature content thingy on

i don't like the concept of y/nderes bc they're a demonization and hyperbolization of bpd, which i have, but i like writing possessiveness and other traits that those 'interpretations' have, which is similar but without the hyperbolization and gross fetishization or murder ( usually ) . so just say like. possessive / easily jealous [ character ] instead of y/ndere Please.

ok thank you :] plz have fun.

[ also ofc, prosh/tters, t/rfs, bigots, etc, dni! ]

[apatheticchocobar]

i did it

so I consulted the psychiatrist yesterday and finally talked about the possibility of adhd. of course i cried the whole time. but i did it. i'm proud of myself.

she listened so patiently and did not dismiss my concerns. and actually got me an adhd test. WHICH I DID TODAY!!! (thank you god for helping schedule it early)

i think i did match with most of the symptoms mentioned. i think i have mostly the inattentive symptoms. but don't know what final report would be

have to meet psychiatrist again day after tomorrow (friday) for follow up.

good thing that the timing has worked out well for this. would be going home for diwali after this, so would give me an opportunity to talk to parents about whatever the diagnosis is too

really really hope they understand and are supportive

a bigger problem right now though is i'm pretty sure i would have low hemoglobin levels. the last 2-3 weeks i have had horrible eating habits. skipped so many meals. never eat breakfast. sometimes having the first meal of the day at 3 pm.

it started as an innocent healthy diet/exercise thing. idk if counting calories was a bad idea. but some days i've literally had 1200 calories only. and mostly between 1600-1800 on other days

today i realised, the last time i had a waffle was almost 2 months ago. i'll order one tomorrow!

but its like literally the 3rd time i've let this happen. it always goes the same way. i keep thinking it's only a few times so won't really make a difference. don't really notice the effects initially. and then it hits me like a truck. the last 3 days from when periods started have been the worst mental state i've been in since a long time.

even while writing this, i feel a bit dizzy and have a headache. its 2 am right now. i have to go for the test at 8 am

i'm supposed to be working on btp right now but i literally cannot focus on anything. this constant headache makes me feel really weird and tired

i have asked the phd guy for a meet tomorrow, i hope he responds. but eventually (by friday definitely) i would have to face the elephant in the room. talking to sir and actually scheduling the final presentation. i'll send him the doctor's prescriptions and just hope he understands. presentations can be done till dec start. i'll request him to schedule mine as late as possible so i'll get time after endsems to work on this and make this situation less of a mess. (can the medical thing work for the missed aml assignment too?)

if (and i really hope so) i get diagnosed with adhd, i don't know if i would want to take medication for it. from what i read online there are 2 types: stimulants and non-stimulants. stimulants work better but are habit forming and have side effects, and you have to keep increasing the dosage. and non-stimulants but they don't work that well.

i don't want to have to keep taking medicines and be dependent on them for the rest of my life. i would prefer getting therapy and learn to manage the symptoms. but what if therapy is not enough. ig only time will tell

so this is it i guess. i hope things get better after this

something to remember from reddit for later:

The blame thing is a very common trap people with ADHD fall in. Once they get diagnosed, everything they do is later blamed as "I'm just ADHD" rather than actually taking effort in fixing those issues. This is a trap many people fall into and it's hard to get out of it. People with ADHD if anything have to work twice as hard to manage their lives. The diagnosis is supposed to be pretty much the start line for people. Not the finish. It's not supposed to feel like you got closure.

[theysaywhatasadsight]

Characters I'll write for:

•Nakul from Badhaai Ho

•Dr. Aditya Srivastav from Bhool Bhulaiya

•Anni from Chichhore

•(Derek from the same film WHO DOESN'T HAVE A SINGLE GIF OR PHOTO WHAT THE HELL)

•Aditya Kashyap from Jab We Met

•Naina Talwar from YJHD

•Arjun from ZNMD

•Laila from ZNMD

[niskoo]

Memories kept in the pink hoodie

pairing: Ex! Heeseung x reader

genre: angst, fluff in the end ig, breakup! AU

warnings: swearing, uhhh they like break down together

word count: 2.2k words OMG

a/n: another one of my requests!! thank you all for the ideas its really helping!! mmm this one was very interesting to write because i usually write crack/fluff, aaannndd ive literally never done anything ive written IURHWIU thank you for the great idea anon <33 THIS HELPED SO MUCH OMG USUALLY MY ANGST SUCKS BUT IM PRETTY PROUD OF THIS AAAA ALSO IM SORRY IF THIS WASNT REALLY WHAT YOU WANTED IDK THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE FLUFF IN MY IMAGINES IG 😓😭

feel free to request and help get rid of my writers block!!

a bit based off of 'try again' by jaehyun and d.ear

You should've known the consequences of dating an idol, you should've been careful. Of course they wouldn't let you be together, he's in one of the rising groups, heck, he was in one of the biggest companies.

It wasn't necessarily the company's fault you were so heartbroken, it's both your faults. You couldn't help but blame each other for how careless you were. You know better than to make things worse, and yet you did.

The evening you go back to his dorm after being confronted by the company, you two started a huge argument of who's fault it was. Either it was his fault for not taking caution during work, or your fault for always checking up on him. All loving actions in the past became reasons for why you should break up, thus cracking your relationship further.

When you went home that night, with your backpack full of your things, you did nothing. You didn't cry, you didn't rage, you simply thought that this was the end, you felt guilty that it had to end like this, instead of just working it out and breaking it off peacefully.

Your heart was left cracked and hurt for sure, but this time, you blame yourself. You shouldn't have met him, you shouldn't have got to know him, it's all your fault. And for the first time that night, you cry.

Your heart clenched at every thought of having to leave Heeseung, more tears falling at the fact that he's not gonna be a part of your life anymore. He's gone, and it's all your fault.

It's when you unpack your things when you realize you still have a bunch of things left at his place, you realize you never want to go back and face him.

You leave your stuff there for the next 2 days, your heart still unready to confront and be reminded of the fact that Heeseung is gone. Unfortunately, he has other plans.

Your phone lights up, and the last name you want to see is lighting the phone up.

'Hey... you left some of your stuff.'

You instantly turn your phone off, breaths picking up as you quickly look away from it and finish your lunch. You can feel the anxiety filling your body as you notice it light up once again, and it swarms in your chest even more when your mother winces at the next text.

You put down your spoon, quickly glancing at the text.

'If you want, you can come by and pick them up? I'll pack them for you...'

Your heart clenches yet once again, you know it's true, literally half your stuff is still there and you have to pick them up. You unlock your phone, quickly sending an 'okay' before completely shutting your phone down. You wouldn't stand a second more looking at his contact.

You decide to go at 11, because that's when the other members are at the company training. You don't know if Heeseung's gonna be there to give you your things, a part of you hopes he is, another hopes he's not there. But then again, who else would open the door for you?

You stand outside the familiar door nervously, picking on your nails and the lint on the hem of your cardigan. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open, and instead of your ex boyfriend standing there it's the youngest of the group, his eyes wide and puffy lips parted.

As usual, he woke up late. You can't help but chuckle as he picks his shoes up and scurries down the stairs, bidding him a friendly goodbye.

You almost forget about Heeseung, but as you hear shuffling from inside, it all comes back.

You two share awkward glances, the tension slowly building itself back up. Instead of the heated, rage filled tension, this time the tension is guilty, and without each other knowing, yearning.

“T-this way,” Heeseung mutters tightly, eyes glued to the ground as he shuffled quickly to the living room. You follow along just a few seconds later, still processing the fact that this is the end. He could be gone out of your life after this, it’s your last chance to speak.

Your eyes slowly travel up when you stop, the beating of your heart quickening with the slight burning in your eyes. Lo and behold, there your things laid, ready for you to bring back home. You can’t help but notice how it’s packed completely how Heeseung would pack, neat and with care. It’s not too stuffed, it’s in the perfect place.

Biting at the dead skin of your lip, you trudge towards the duffle bag—his duffle bag—and kneel down to grab the handle. The moment you pick it up, you notice how the bag isn’t fully zipped, and a certain pink sleeve peaks out from the tiny space.

All too familiar, the pink sleeve was. It was the one he took from Daniel in I-land. He knew you loved it, for you loved the kid like your little brother. But, he can’t. It’s his, it’s his favorite, he can’t just give it to his ex.

You instantly place the bag down, the tears starting to well up in frustration and sadness. You zip open the bag and take the pink hoodie out, before shoving it into Heeseung’s chest, “Take it, Heeseung, Please don’t give it to me.”

It takes him a few moments, before Heeseung is shaking his head and handing it back to you. “No, it’s practically yours anyway. And you really like it right? It’s just a-“

“Don’t tell me it’s just a hoodie!”

You both are shocked at your sudden burst, frozen in your spot. Your breathing is heavy, like a weight is holding it down and slowing your breathing. There are tears keeping your cheek moist, warm, they stream down continuously, the sensation as if there was fire dripping from your eyes and burning your skin.

Heeseung’s just on the verge of crying himself, the grip on the pink hoodie deathly, he feels the material ripping against his skin. How did it come to this? When did it even happen? It all feels surreal, to think what you two had could fall apart.

All the happy moments in your relationship fading to memories, the hoodie representing the fact itself is true. None of you wanted to take it, afraid it would remind you of the other.

Deep down, you wanted to keep it, keep the memories it held, keep the tears that once soaked it when you vented all your stress to him, keep the scent of Heeseung that lingered on the fabric. You were just too afraid of being reminded that along with the happy memories, came the sad memories of the night you fought and broke it off.

Your grip on the poor hoodie eases, as you slide to the floor helplessly with tears messing your face up. You desperately wanted to hold the pink piece of clothing and keep it forever, and another part of you cursed at you for being too vulnerable.

Your hand quickly wipes away the tears on your cheeks and chin harshly, almost hitting yourself for being so sensitive. Before you could do the action again, a softer grasp is stopping your hand, Heeseung’s other hand reaching up to brush the tears away dearly, blowing your hair away from your face.

Before you could even bring yourself to stop, you’re already reacting to his touch, cowering into his hold and placing your hand over his on your cheek, almost intertwining them together.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper into his palm, your other hand reaching up to grasp at his t-shirt. You’re sorry for so many reasons, for not being careful, for all the things you said in the argument, for making a sudden commotion just because of a stupid hoodie. “I’m so sorry...”

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright.” Heeseung grabs you into his infamous embrace you would hate to leave, stroking your back with patterns just the way he knew you loved, just the way it would calm you down. “We’ll be alright.”

More tears fall between your eyelashes, dripping and soaking into Heeseung’s shoulder as he himself sniffles quietly into your hair. None of you want to leave each other behind, it’s the painful truth that you both can’t have, the truth you’ve always feared.

A sudden feeling of relief fills you up inside, his words reassure you in a way, we’ll be alright, you’ll be okay, it just had to leave his lips for you to believe it. You crawl closer to Heeseung, squeezing yourself in his bear hug, “We’ll be okay, we can make it right,”

A hoarse and hearty laugh leaves Heeseung, it shakes right by your ear as you press it against his chest, and he nods, “Yeah,”

He gently pulls your head back right in front of his, wiping the last of your tears and tucking the stray hairs back to the back of your ear, “Let’s just talk,” his whisper tickles your nose, causing you to lightly giggle at the feeling, his lips pressing softly against the pink tinted skin, “Make everything better?”

You nod, finally grasping at the pink hoodie and holding it tight to your chest as Heeseung laughs and bonks his forehead right on yours.

For the next few hours, you talk, make up, talk some more, maybe even a small cuddle, but that’s a secret. You make ramen for when the other members come back from practice, you feel happy to see the members thank you and eat with enthusiasm, you feel glad this is how your last moments together last.

Now you have the (practically ripped) pink hoodie in your arms as you bid the boys goodbye, slightly tearing up at the sight of them sadly waving, but you keep it in and continue your way back home, where you would tell your mom how you ended it on good terms.

And that night, you slip on the pink hoodie before you sleep, and you feel a piece of paper poking at your arm. You’re surprised to see a crumpled envelope poking out, your name written messily in blue ink.

You pull the envelope out quickly, opening it out with something bubbling in the pit of your stomach as you notice the handwriting as Heeseung’s.

‘My dear Y/n,

Hello there! I don’t know if i got the guts to make it right with you or if i pussied out and watched you as you drove away with regrets, but that’s what this letter is for. hopefully you didn’t throw this letter away hehe

i just wanted to thank you. for everything. your love, your care, your trust, Your happiness, thank you for everything you’ve given me. im sorry we had to end our journey, but know that you’ll be in my mind everyday. when we practice, I’ll remember your encouraging smile, when we win, I'll remember the fact that it’s you who gave me the courage to start this whole career.

i love you y/n. we’ll both probably find our other person in the future, but you’ll forever be in my heart as my first love, my first heartbreak, my best memory. thank you for helping me through my hardest times, thank you for helping the other boys through their worst times, especially jungwon, he’ll miss you the most.

i guess this is goodbye, y/n. not forever, of course, but for some time. thank you for everything, i hope you enjoyed the times we had together as much as i did.

with all the love in my heart,

Lee Heeseung :)’

You wipe at your tears for the nth time that day, folding the paper back into the envelope. “Fuck you Heeseung, you’ve ruined my makeup again!” You curse under your breath as you slip the letter into a certain box at the corner of your bedside table, patting your cheeks one last time.

You truly cherish the memories you had with Heeseung. You hope he does too.

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

Rules and Regulations:

Please do not request the same thing numerous times! It won't make me do it any faster, and duplicates get deleted anyways!

I will try to do as many of the requests I'm given, but there are just some things that I ultimately won't know what to do with. Those requests will either sit for me to marinade on, or they'll get deleted if I don't plan on doing them. I'm sorry if I do end up deleting one of your requests, but I swear this isn't me saying that your request was a bad idea. Usually, I just can't think of anything for it and I don't want to half-ass a request.

I'm an adult. I write adult content. This means that I strongly encourage those who are minors to avoid my nsfw works if not my entire blog. I don't block minors just because I'm not here to police what you guys expose yourselves to, but I am going to ask that you take it upon yourselves to not look at works not meant for you and to be smart with your access to the internet.

I mark my nsfw works with a "***" to let readers know that there is sexual content within that work, and tag all sexual content in the warnings in the beginning of each work. If I have missed a work, please let me know. If you feel I've tagged something incorrectly, please let me know.

I only take requests when I announce that my requests are open, and I only take them through my askbox. If you send them anyways, they will be deleted. I either go by slots or have open requests for certain characters. Please read my banners and the lastest announcement post to find out what/if I'm accepting. Please respect creators when they say their requests are closed

I make all non-smut fics gender neutral unless specified, but, because I'm AFAB and can only go off of that experience, all non-specified smut requests will be assumed to have an afab reader. If you don't want that, say so!

If you request a part 2 for a work, there is a BIG chance I won't do it. If it was meant to be an one shot/I like the ending I originally wrote, I just don't see a point in writing more. However, if it's a work I would consider a part 2 for, I usually say that in the tags!! For those bad boys, feel free to request it (still might not do it tho)

Now, for the things that I will NEVER do/just don't talk about these things with me:

*various trigger warnings

°°° = blocked immediately

Scat/Urine/Vomit°°° play

S*icide/s*lf-harm°°°

P*dophilia/any fic involving romantic relationships with minor characters (yes, that means even aged up requests)°°°

R*pe/graphic descriptions of sexual assault°°°

Inc*st°°°

Dd/lg or age regression (mommy/daddy titles are fine, just no caregiver shit)°°°

Race play°°°

Vore/cannibalism (a vampire eating a human is not the same as cannibalistic!reader I'm sorry)°°°

Hard drug use

Eating disorders/anorexia/bulimia/etc

Some mental illnesses (due to triggering myself while writing)

In fact, anything that would trigger myself (due to privacy reasons, I may not always tell you if it's this case but will simply just delete the request)

Furry stuff (listen- no hate to you guys but I am a monster fucker not a furry so please do not message me about that stuff)

Anything involving bugs

Anything involving the real life actors/not the characters

And some kinks that I'm sure I'll have to add on later cause y'all are- interesting

While some of these may not lead to a block if you spam me with these requests or try to argue with me in any way you will be blocked. But if you talk to me about the things that are noted as an immediate block, well- bye ig

Character List

Updated: 8/26/21

[da810]

3 Behaviors For an Ultra Productive Semester!!!

Yesterday after having a super productive day, I got home and realized that I was doing nothing but sitting around watching TV. Feeling bored, and guilty from that boredom, I began looking for ways to be more productive after work. I am tired of spending my evenings watching trash TV, scrolling IG, and compulsively checking email. Like many of us, I have fallen down the rabbit hole of watching hours of TV and being on social media, when the reality is I'm not enjoying life. I'm an introvert so I don't really like leaving my house once I come back, but there has to be more that I can do after working, than to do more work, or suck my soul dry with trash TV.

Well I didn't find the best solution yet. Meditation and yoga just don't sound appealing right now. But I want to move into a space where I am more mindful about what I am allowing into my spirit. I need good energy to keep me going and watching people fight, or liking a bunch of posts from people also talking about how productive they are, is not helping me. I need to clear my mind.

So I did come across an article that listed 15 things ultra productive people do. While I won't list the entire thing. There were a few behaviors on the list that I either am working on, or want to work on.

1. They check email only a few times a day.

This is one I am definitely needing to work on. I have been obsessing over email, waiting for responses to requests, or waiting for announcement about major developments in the department. But to my not surprise, it's just a bunch of forwarded emails about conferences and fellowships and jobs. Which are good but none of them apply to me. So my new plan is to check my email at 9:00 before my MWF class in case students need something. On my non teaching days T/Th email will be checked after noon. That way I can write freely without spending most of my morning checking email. The second time I plan to check email is 4:00 PM. That's towards the end of the day. In committing myself to not letting students run my life, I am dedicated to the idea that if it wasn't asked before 5:00 PM, it can be answered at 9:00 AM. Also no one's urgency is my emergency.

2. They say no to everything.

I tend to always say yes to people even if I don't really want to do it. I'll convince myself that I am being a good person by saying yes. But the reality is saying no helps to maintain your sanity so that you can be the good person you think you are. I like the quote, "If it's not a hell YEAH, it's a no," because often times I say yes to things I only feel "so so" about. This semester I turned down two requests for letters of recommendation. One. just came too close the student's deadline. The other one was just not a hell YEAH for me. I only felt luke warm about this student and so I thought, do I give up my precious work time to write a letter for a student who didn't really stand out to me. NO! Students are resilient and they will find someone else to make things happen. They usually go with the path of least resistance first, so someone else is on their mind as a potential letter writer. But saying no twice felt good. Also not saying yes right away felt good. A student asked me if I could be on a panel later in the semester and instead of saying yes right away, I told her to send me more information and I'll check my availability. That way I can say no by saying I'm unavailable rather than backtrack because I had already agreed. So no is getting easier. The next round of no's is to friends who want to hangout. A lot of times friends will suggest that we go to dinner after working out, or suggest a place that I'm kinda lukewarm about. I am trying to go on a trip to London so every little penny saved counts. So when a suggestion to hangout comes up, my response, I'm trying to save for this trip right now. It's a no, with a reason. Even though I don't need one.

3. They follow the 80/20 rule.

This is the idea that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of activities. This means I need to figure out which activities will drive the greatest results and ignore the rest. Last week I had scheduled to attend all these different workshops for this digital humanities program on campus. Now while I'm trying to market myself as a digital scholar because that's the wave, my heart is in fashion. I already finished my digital heavy chapter, so I thought to myself, why am I going to these workshops. Sure they would look good on my resume, but having my chapter done and submitted to my advisor would also put me closer to finishing. I decided to stay on campus after class and write for 3 hours. I didn't waste my time attending a workshop that has no bearing on my time to degree. It's making choices like this that will get me closer to finishing. I do realize that I can't work around the clock so I am also figuring out what activities will boost my energy and spirit. This semester I'm committed to doing things that make sense for writing my dissertation and publishing. If it's not going to get me closer to having words on a paper, then it's a no.

These are the three that I'm going to work on for now. There are a few more I want to write about, but I have to buy a plane ticket.

K bye.