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bgech · 2 years

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Uh??? 2336 words of..something! Basically just fanfic'd Sneve's apocalypse video hahaha pt 1

When he was kidnapped the last thing he would've expected was zombies.

But it was zombies.

Usually when a person is taken off the street and into a sketchy van and then driven to a second location their fate is pretty much sealed. Sneve wasn't super chill with the fact that he was going to be probably murdered whenever they got to where they were going but he was chill enough that he didn't see the point in trying to fight. The rule is "don't get taken to a second location" and he was already bound in the back of a van, being taken to a second location.

He thought briefly about trying to escape but if he's honest he didn't like the idea of trying to not only untie himself but then also jump out of a moving car in the middle of nowhere. He thought his odds were better if he just waited for them to get where they're going and then try and assess the situation again.

But instead of being driven 30 minutes away and killed in a ditch, the car just kept going. And going and going, for literal hours. He doesn't know exactly how long they were driving for but they were silent the whole time, no chatter, no radio, no nothing. Just the endless drone of the car going over increasingly uneven ground.

At this point, he was sure he was going to be a part of some sort of unethical experiment, maybe they were gonna test some sort of new government weapon on him or something. He would have preferred that if he's honest.

Nobody told him how much running would be involved in an apocalypse. Running and jumping and dodging and climbing, fuck the climbing by the way. He's not good at climbing, never has been probably never will be if he makes it out of this place alive. They dropped him off in a parking lot on the outskirts of an abandoned city. He couldn't even adjust to the light of the sun before he was being attacked by the undead.

He'd never seen a zombie before but he did participate in popular media so he knows that he should NOT let the zombie Get Him. Which is so much harder in practice than on paper. They're very slow, but goddammit they're persistent. They're hungry, their broken shambling forms slowly stalking him as he gathers sticks for a makeshift weapon. There's something innately primal about using a stick to beat down once living people.

Luckily for Sneve, he's never really been a people person, so he doesn't have as many moral hangups to fight through. He knows that these were once people, but they're not people anymore and he can wail on them with his bat all he wants without feeling too bad about it.

He actually completely threw away all his morals the second he was snatched in the middle of the night on his way home from work. He's already taken to murder and he's pretty keen on stealing too. He found a car with a tire iron in the trunk, which he tied to his stick with a ratchet strap he found with another, effectively making a Much Better stick, this time with a metal head and a convenient strap to carry it around.

He's not the strongest of men, but he is a man who works in trade, so he's not weak either. He can lift a fridge all by himself but ask him to do a pull up and he's gone. He also played in his middle school little league baseball for a while, so his form of hitting the undead heads clean off their necks is bloody exquisite.

He's made it past noon by now, and he's starting to get frustratingly hungry. He ate just before he left work but then he was in that car for however long and they did NOT give him any snacks on the way, and now suddenly it's been 12 hours since his last meal and he's been parkouring around a deserted, broken, infested city for hours and he's got nothing to show for it.

He's hungry and suddenly he understands the undead a lot more.

He's..not proud of his next idea. Who would be? But to put it in layman's terms, the flesh of the undead is..not very good.

It tastes like rotten eggs and has the texture of wet sand and it's not very filling at all, but..well at the time he thought that it was his only choice. Literally maybe 5 minutes after he'd choked down a decent amount of rotting meat he entered a building and TURNS OUT it's a supermarket. Good job Sneve, became a pseudo cannibal all for not! There was bread and jam less than 100 feet away and he ate Rotten Person.

Gods.

Whatever, he's got the bread and jam now and that's all that matters in the end.

The meat made him sick, to nobody's surprise, and he had to hole up on a roof to wait it out. Of course it made him sick, it was old meat, in the sun. HUMAN MEAT. All the things a person should never be eating and he ate it. like an idiot. He feels awful, like that time in highschool one of us friends got everything they were serving that day and made a horrible stew, then dared Sneve to eat it for 5 bucks. the resulting food poisoning was not worth the 5 bucks, by the way. He couldn't even stand, let alone walk to the toilet to throw up so he had to keep a disgusting trash can right at his bedside so he could expel it all without having to move. The smell didn't help at all, it made it much worse if he's honest, but at least it was all purged sooner than later.

The running theory of why it got him so bad is that the pineapple spoiled the sausages because of the acid, and then sneve ate it along with all the other junk in there stone cold sober with a smile on his face.

Now he was feeling worse, much worse, and in the middle of zombie town. which is a death sentence, he thinks. So far he's managed to keep everything down, he doesn't really want to waste food even if he'd probably feel better if he did, but he only had so much bread and jam and if the creepy radio message is to be trusted, he has 7 days to get through. Yes he knows that a person can go much longer than 7 days with little to no food but he'd like to be able to run and fight if he ever gets cornered.

He's taken to laying in the fetal position with his eyes shut tight and his hands over his ears, the less his mind has to process the better he feels. He thought at first that it's be better if he lay flat, stretched out, but that made it so much worse so quickly. It turns the cramping in his stomach into a churning pot of acid and pain and he'd like to avoid that if possible. Curling up on the dirty ground isn't ideal by any means but it makes his current state bearable which is..nice.

He's just about to give up and hurl over the edge of the building when he hears /shouting/. Now, the zombies shout all the time but there's a certain gurgle that's present with all the screeching they do. It grates on his ears and gives him a headache to go with his food poisoning, but there is a distinctly different shout going on below him. It's clear, it's words, english speech.

He peers over the edge of his outpost to find someone being chased by a significant hoard of zombies. They seem to be doing ok for now but he can tell by the way they're running about that they're getting tired. He shouldn't invite them up here, they're obviously dangerous and skilled with survival, much stronger than he is, but he's sick and tired and he can't be bothered to listen to them shout about any longer. He calls to them and waves his hand, though the motion causes another wave of nausea to wash over him and his shout is cut off by bile crawling up his throat.

The person sees him and asks if the building is clear and if they can come in, Sneve says that he did his best and they can come in if they want to.

They do want to, and the person and the shambling crowd of undead enter his little hideout.

They make it up the stairs and through the door to the roof before the zombies, and Sneve is prepared to block off the door once they're safely on the roof.

"Ho boy! thank you so much man, honest, like I can take a few zombies but I swear they're getting faster."

"maybe you're just getting slower?"

"Ouch. But that's not important, hi, I'm Shadow, Shadowmech actually, and you are?"

"Wait wait, why are you introducing yourself?"

"Well I thought that since we're both stuck up here till morning we should try and skip the small talk!"

"..what?" This guy talks too fast

"Are you ok?" He looks a bit concerned, that's nice.

"Uh, no I ate something I shouldn't have, don't think the ol' thinker is up to par haha.." please let him stop talking.

"What did you eat? This place is stocked with stuff! None of it is even spoiled which is strange don't you think? Like it's been planted here for us..which is bad, like who'd plant food in an abandoned city? Actually I've not seen you around before, and I thought that the city was closed, I certainly can't get out but you somehow got in! What's up with that? Anyway,"

Shadow keeps droning on and on and on about his theories on the city and the zombies. Sneve takes in some of it, like how Shadow is actually a resident of the city and not a kidnapee like Sneve is, and he's actually been here for a while, which is why he's so good at fighting zombies. But anything past that completely flies over Sneve's head. He can feel himself curl up on the ground again, Shadow's still talking about something, and he seems much closer than he was previously. Maybe that's just his ears acting up, happens sometimes.

And ok, maybe it's not the first impression he'd have wanted with the only other living person in, seemingly, this whole city, but it's the only first impression he's got ok? Sometimes eating poison does that to a person and there's a few bad first impressions.

Sneve himself doesn't remember anything after laying down on the ground again, but according to Shadow, he curled up in the sun, convulsed for a while, and then died.

Now. Sneve's not an expert, but he's pretty sure that dead people are supposed to stay dead..though his stay in ZombieTown USA has well and disproved that. But in the vast majority of cases, he should be dead. And he's not dead, he's actually feeling better than before. Luckily he must have quite the Look on his face so Shadow continues to explain that,

"When you died I totally panicked! I mean who wouldn't?? But I thought that I still had a little time before you were really.. y'know, gone, and if anything was to bring you back it'd be that serum I found!"

"Wait, pause, go back. You found a /serum/,"

"Yeah,"

"And you fed it to my /dead body/,"

"..yeah?"

"And that WORKED?"

"Well when you say it like /that/ it makes me sound like I'm a big liar huh?"

Turns out Shadow raided some rich guy's house and stole a super serum that brought Sneve's body back to life. Which opens the door for a whole load of thoughts like "holy shit I'm basically zombie now" and "good god I died" and "don't eat ZOMBIE FLESH because yoU'LL TURN INTO A ZOMBIE, SNEVE" but he'll unpack those at a Later Date.

He really needs to focus on more pressing matters, like the fact that their barricade for the stairwell is starting to fall apart and it's getting to be night time and that while he feels /better/ he does not feel /good/. Shadow says that the zombies get much worse when the sun isn't out and they need to get somewhere safer for the night. Sneve agrees quietly and dutifully follows Shadow to where he's been staying for the apocalypse, he's not in any position to question this man, not after the whole..serum..debacle.

He does notice that the city got a lot stinkier. Maybe it's because more of the zombies are coming out but when he asked Shadow if it was normal for the air to go borderline rancid when the sun goes down he just looked at Sneve like he had 3 heads. Which isn't concerning at all, definitely not something he needs to worry about or keep track of. Not at all. Surely it's nothing!

Anyway, he follows Shadow to a more intact looking skyscraper and does his best to keep up while they climb the many, many stairs up to Shadow's hideout.

"Keep up man! Don't wanna get zombie'd"

"Shadow with all do respect," he caught his breath, "I think that ship has not only sailed but sunk, and not all of us can do 20 flights of stairs at a brisk pace, ok?"

"What do you mean 'that ship has sailed'? You're not a zombie!"

"Shadow-"

"Oh anyway, I'm serious about hurrying up, don't wanna be out here when they come out, let me tell you!" Shadow then continues to run up the stairs, taking them 2 at a time.

…

Asshole.

#dominion smp #???#sneve #shadowmech27 #is that really the tag?#w the 27 too #whatever #ok goodnight

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