#she just elicits this crazy feeling of like ‘i’m glad i was born at the right time to get to watch this player play’

[itgetsdarksometimes35]

What Lies Within

Warnings: Non con, dub con, A/B/O dynamics, kidnapping, 18+

Word Count: 2,676

Pairings: Dark/Alpha!Thor x Beta/Omega!Reader

Summary: Reader was born and raised a rejected Beta female, finding comfort in the woods. One night she stumbles across a man who can see what lies within. 

~ indicates a time change

Prompts: A/B/O woods

A/N: This is my submission to @imanuglywombat​ challenge. I enjoyed writing and I’m sorry for the day late submission. I was going to upload earlier this week but I wasn’t at home, this is my first full day at home, and I was going to upload last night but my internet was down. I won’t be at home next week either, but I will be getting some writing done for my two series and a part two to Small Price to Pay. I also will work on a few drabbles I have in mind and possibly some challenges I have coming up. Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you guys enjoy :)

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The woods are where you felt safe, the place where you went to think and blow off steam. You never had a steady life, grew up in an orphanage. Behind it was the woods that accepted you when nobody else would. 

It had been years since then and you had left the state you had once lived in, finding your place in the outskirts of the country. You could be alone, away from people who would never love you. Nobody to hurt you or hate you for not being an omega. 

You were a rare occasion, a beta female. Most men were either alphas or betas, women were all omegas. Most of the time. You were looked at as “less feminine” and most guys refused to date you because of it. It made you angry, not just for yourself, but for omegas. They were looked at as property rather than humans and they were always expected to not have a say in a situation that concerned their alpha. It made you glad you weren’t one. 

The music that was blasting from your earbuds suddenly stopped and you looked to your phone. No connection. It wasn’t too bad, you could still enjoy your walk without the voice of Adele belting in your ear. You stopped by a tree and slid down the trunk, reaching into your backpack to pull out your current read. Nature’s sounds would help calm you as you read. 

The sun was going down and the breeze was picking up as you shivered, pulling the jacket around you tighter around you. You looked to your phone and saw it dead. When did that happen you thought as you got up, dusting the dirt from your butt. You breathed in deep, oak wood and pine filled your senses. It smelt like love, like home. 

You started walking back to the trail to start your journey back home when you saw a man jogging. He had blonde hair pulled back into a man bun that sat low on his neck. He smiled when he saw you and slowed down and pulled an earbud out. No, you thought, don’t talk to me, please. 

“Evening. Nice night for a jog.” His accent was thick but you couldn’t place it. Certainly something that wasn’t native around here. 

You smiled and nodded. Men had never been kind to you. Especially alphas, and this guy was definitely an alpha. 

“What’s a young thing like you doing out here? It’s pretty dangerous.” He looked concerned but it was just an egotistical alpha wanting to be the big strong man to help. 

You put on a tight smile, trying not to start an argument. It would only make the unwanted interaction longer and a hot bath was currently calling your name. “Mhm, that’s why i was heading home now.” You turned to walk down the path but heard the loud steps of the mighty man behind you as he caught up. You could practically hear your eyes roll, didn’t this guy know how to take a hint? Alphas, they never did. 

“I can walk you.”

You took a deep breath and shook your head. “Not necessary, bud, really. I think I know how to board a bus and get back home.”

At this the man frowned. “Bus? The last bus left an hour ago. Do you need a ride?”

What? How long had you been reading? The last bus left at 8:30 and you got there at 5. No way you’d been out that long, it only felt like thirty minutes. “N-no, I’ll call someone.” That was a lie, even if your phone wasn’t dead you still had nobody. You had no family or friends. 

“No, I can’t let you wait out here in the cold. Please, I live in a cabin down that way,” he pointed to your left. “It’s not far and you can keep warm in there. Until your ride got there that is.”

You considered it a moment. You didn’t want to go with a stranger but you also didn’t want to walk an hour home in the dark and cold. Plus you could maybe call a taxi to come get you from his house. “Okay, thank you.”

The man smiled and his eyes twinkled with delight. Held out his hand to you,”My name’s Thor.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thor’s cabin was very woodsy. Taxidermied animals and brown glossy furniture attacked your vision from every direction. A fire was going in the main room and made you feel all nice and toasty. You clutched the bag on your back and turned to Thor as he kicked off his shoes. 

“Make yourself at home.” He said with a smile and the wave of his arm, referencing his humble home.  You looked down at your muddy boots but decided taking them off just to put them back on soon would be pointless, even if it meant tracking mud. He’d live. 

You cleared your throat. “Uhm, Thor, could I maybe use your phone to call a taxi? My phone died.”

Thor’s head tilted. “Wow, you better be lucky I came along and invited you back to my cabin. An omega like you would’ve been hopeless with a dead phone and no way of getting home. Better also be glad it was me and not some other savage alpha.”

His words slapped you across the face. Omega? You? No, couldn’t he smell? Or see at least? You were obviously a beta, smelled like one, talked like one, and acted like one. Clear as day. “Omega? No, I’m a beta.” You chuckled a bit. He had to be joking. 

Thor’s eyes squinted in confusion. “No, I smelled you on my jog and I smell you now. It’s faint so I see why most people would miss it, but you’re an omega. Embracing it could help the smell stand out more.”

You looked at Thor like he was crazy; did he really expect you to just believe him, a stranger, over everyone else in your life? Over yourself? 

“Yeah? And how do you know this?” You challenged, folding your arms. 

Thor scratched his fait beard with one hand before feeding the fire another log. “Where I’m from we are able to sense things easier. We’re able to look beyond the surface if you will. Sure, I can smell an omega, but I can also feel one. Everyone has a feeling to them, an underlayer, and yours screams omega while your scent is asking more of a question.” He pauses to look at you full on. “You’re not sure who you are, but there’s ways to help it.”

Thor’s eyes switch for just a second. It was so faint you’re surprised you didn’t miss it. The look was a way nobody had ever looked to you before, it was hungry. You suddenly remember the disadvantage you had, trapped in a cabin with a huge alpha, no phone, nowhere to run. You pushed your shoulders back and tried to bury the fear that crept up. 

“Hey, where’s that phone?” You completely disregard his previous statement and looked around for a phone, seeing one in the corner. You start walking to it but Thor beats you there and picking up the receiver. 

“Ah, bloody thing’s dead. Can you believe your luck?” Thor’s face split into a sinister smile, his canines on full display. Your eyes widen and your hand hurts from how hard you’re grabbing the bag on your back. 

“Oh okay. Do you maybe have a neighbor…”

“Nope.” He was stalking to you like a fox. Like an alpha does an omega.

“Mmm, well I don’t want to disturb you if you can’t help. Besides, I live so close to here I think I could easily walk home, an aunt even lives close by maybe she can take me home…” You were spewing so many lies, anything to get you out of this situation. You were backing up blindly keeping your eyes on Thor, terrified of his next move.

“Now Y/n, don’t lie now. I know you have no family, no friends. And who said you couldn’t help me?” He licked his lips, eyeing you up and down. ��I think there’s plenty that you could help me with.”

“Y-you know my name.” It was more a statement than a question. “I never told you it, how do you know?”

“An alpha knows everything about his omega, darling.”

“I’m not your omega. I’m not an omega at all!” You were getting flustered, you tripped over the side of his couch and fell to the floor with a thud. Before you could crawl away, Thor had grabbed you pulling you up to him.

“You are. Let me show you.” Before you could respond or react Thor threw you on the couch and climbed on top of you. You punched at his hard chest, trying to wiggle free. 

“Thor, what are you doing? Get off me!”

“I’m showing you, my omega. Now stop struggling, you’re only making this worse for you.” He looked down and smirked at his tightening running shorts. “And harder for me.” Your stomach lunged at his innuendo. This couldn’t be happening, not to you. The girl so many boys ignored now being pursued by the hottest man you had ever seen? You had to be in some kind of twisted nightmare. 

Thor ripped your shirt from you, leaving you in rags. He fumbled with your jeans before tugging them down your legs as well, leaving you in your blush bra and panties. You moved your arms to cover yourself but Thor growled, shoving your arms to your sides. “Never cover yourself, omega. Especially not to your alpha. He deserves to see you like this, pure perfection.” 

Your stomach fluttered at his words and a voice told you to just submit. What the hell was happening to you? Thor grabbed your covered breast with his large hand and squeezed, hard. You whimpered in pain but you could feel your core start to pool. 

“Omega, I can smell you. You like it when your alpha dominates you, hmm?” Thor tweaked your nipple through your bra, eliciting a moan from your chest. He slid his other hand to your underwear, leaving goosebumps down your skin. He reaches your band and teases you, pulling the band just to let it snap back and slap you. He tracked his long fingers down to the spot that was growing wetter by the minute

Your body worked against you when he touched the spot that has been neglected for so long, bucking into his touch. Thor looked you in your eyes and smirked. “What’s wrong baby? What do you need?” You wanted to slap that smug smile right off his face. 

He pressed into your bundle of nerves harder and you arched your back, eyes rolling back. The sounds you were making were straight animalistic, nothing human left. Your hips were rolling in tandem with Thor when suddenly the feeling leaves all at once. You wine and shoot daggers at him, causing him to chuckle. “Aw, what’s wrong? You have to speak to me, omega. I have to hear you tell me what you want so I can show you what you need. 

Your eyebrows furrowed together as a war raged inside, your mind was mixing like marble as your body was ready to give in. “Please, touch me. Anyway you want, just do it.”

“That’s all I needed, my omega.” Thor ripped your bra off, joining your shirt in shredded looks. Your panties were shoved down your legs with your jeans before both were thrown in the room somewhere. You were completely nude in front of him and your skin burned with desire; body ached in emptiness. 

Thor pinched your nipple and slipped a finger into your wet cunt with ease. The burn caused you to jerk but the need was just fueled. You needed this. The desperate cries you were making would’ve made you cover your head in embarrassment, but you something primal inside told you to scream louder. Alphas liked to hear their omegas. The voice of reason sobbed out a “no, you’re a beta!” but you couldn’t hear it. And you needed more.

“Thor, please..” Thor was working at adding another finger when he looked up at you, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Patience, omega. I will give you what you want after you cum for me. Can you do that?” You nodded your head before craning your neck on the pillow. Your eyes rolled back as your hips kept in pace with Thor’s magical fingers. You wanted to cum, not just for your own pleasure, but to make Thor happy. He needed you to cum too. 

As Thor took a more vigorous tempo you felt the knot you’d come to know very well, yet this knot felt a lot more intense. Something you’d never get on your own. Your pants got more frequent and your words incoherent. Thor hit that miraculous place in you and you finally fell over the edge, screaming on your way down. 

“Good girl.” Thor smiled, still working you through your orgasm. “That’s my good girl.” Your walls squeezed around his fingers at the doting words. When he removed his fingers you whined at the emptiness. The sound of rustling clothes could be heard as your eyes were still closed, as you were still not fully recovered from your high. 

You felt a poke at your entrance and opened your eyes. Thor was stroking his cock between your slick folds as he smirked at you. Your mind finally cleared and your voice of reason slapped you internally. “Thor no, wait-” Before you could move away, Thor slammed himself into you. You screamed out in pain. Your hands shot to Thor’s chest to try to push him off as he leaned over you. 

“Thor, please-”

“Shhh. It’s okay my omega, I’ll take care of you,” You hips snapped into yours and Thor snarled in your ear. “God, you’re so tight for me.”

Your eyes started to water as he continued his assault. He reached a hand down to your clit and rubbed, causing another moan. Your mind was becoming clouded once again. 

Thor started to go faster and harder as his breath fanned over your neck. The pain was no longer there as you felt nothing but pleasure, your walls pulled at his cock in a way that had his head spinning. “Fuck, Y/n, you’re so good for me. Cum on my cock so I can cum inside this sweet cunt. So I can claim you and mate with you properly.” His words mixed with the way he hit your golden spot inside you over and over had you seeing stars. Your sweaty bodies moving in tandem with each other. One last plunge and you were spasming and clutching to Thor for dear life. Your mouth hung open as the pressure in your pussy was slowly fading. 

Thor started whining into your neck as you came down from your high as he chased his own. He grunted before his thick cock just got bigger as he swelled inside you, forcing him to stop moving as he dumped his seed deep within you. 

“Argh, fuck!” Thor yelled as he showed his teeth and ran it along your neck before sinking in. Your eyes widened and you squealed, slapping his shoulder. He pulled himself from your neck and you felt the pulse and blood drip from the two tiny holes he left. His mark. Your eyes started to droop as his claim started to flood your entire body. Thor heald you close.

“Ho-how?”

A beta can’t be claimed by an alpha. They can’t even get pregnant by one, only another beta; just as a beta male can’t get an omega pregnant, only an alpha. Thor smiled before brushing a lock of hair off of your sweaty forehead and behind your ear, the romantic gesture made your heart flutter. 

“I told you dear, you’re an omega. It just lays within.”

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@jtargaryen18​

[thewondersofsmut]

Eye Colors

Summary: The moment you were born, everyone’s eyes were just dull and grey, no color... until you meet your soulmate, the only person who you’ll see the color of their eyes and the only one to see yours.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: language, smut

A/N: As always, this is just fiction, no hate towards the wonderful Ackles Family. Feedback is loved.

Masterlist

Credits

The rays of the sun we’re slightly visible through the dark curtains, the day was bright and sunny. The cold in the room made your wrap the blankets closer to you, snuggling back to the warm body pressed behind your back, cozying up. Despite the warm blankets, your body shivered as soft and warm kisses were placed on your neck, a scruffy beard tickling you, causing you to giggle. You felt him smile behind you, his arms snaking around your waist, pulling you closer, if that was even possible, tightening his grip as he ground himself to you, a soft moan escaping your lips. 

“Good morning,” Came his husky voice. You hummed in approval. “Good morning indeed.” You whispered your reply, causing him to chuckle. “I love you.” He whispered, nuzzling into your neck, kissing the spot behind your ear that always makes your head stir crazy. “You’re being overly affectionate today, Mr. Ackles, not that I mind it, but is there something you’d like to tell me?” You asked, twisting around so you can face him and bask in his morning handsomeness. Your mouth ran dry as your eyes met his. “Just happy to see your (y/e/c) eyes—“ 

You shot up from your sleep, rubbing your eyes, your heart pounding hard as you tried get over the recurring dream. How could you imagine the Jensen Ackles as your soulmate, you don’t even know what his eye color was, heck, you don’t know why you’d dream of him having green eyes. Maybe you’ve watch too much Supernatural, you thought. That was intimate information, only those who had found their soulmates talk about their eye colors openly. That dream was so vivid though, it almost ached your heart to think about it, like the television did no justice to just how good looking he was. 

The Seattle wind was picking, fall was lovely, but you were excited for winter, the bundles of warm coats, the snow, the boots, you loved it, despite all the hard work to make you love it. You loved Seattle too because it was so close to where your favorite show is being filmed but you weren’t a crazed fan to go seek them out. “Hey, (y/n),” You were greeted when you entered the coffee shop you always went to. “Hey, Dover,” You smiled. “The usual?” He asked and you nodded, but when you were about to pay, he shook his head with a knowing smile. “Someone paid it for you.” He said and you furrowed your eyebrows. “Who—“ 

An echoed step was heard behind you. “I had a recurring dream of this coffee shop where I’d go to almost every weekend. So today, I found out that this place was real and not only in my dreams. I asked this awesome dude if there was a girl who comes here often, she had (y/h/c) hair about yea tall, I would have told him she had (y/e/c) eyes but he wouldn’t know that.” You were frozen on the spot. You knew that voice from anywhere, but in that moment, it was just as clear as in your dream just an hour beforehand. When you turned around, you took an unnecessary deep breath when you saw just how green his eyes were, it was like a forest.

 “I wish my dream would tell me your name, I have a feeling you watch the show cuz I had dreams where your eyes would crinkle on the side when you try to get spoilers out of me. Also, dude here didn’t tell me.” Jensen playfully glared at Dover. “Man, I would’ve told you how much of a fan she is but—“ You cut him off with a glare and he raised his hands in mock surrender. “Your spot’s open as always.” He said and busied himself with cleaning. 

“Please speak?” Jensen asked when you two were seated, you wondered how you even got to the seat without spilling your coffee on you. “I’m sorry this is just a lot to take in, I’m (y/n).” You managed to squeak and he smiled. “I took a chance today, hoping I’d finally meet my soulmate, and I’m glad I did.” He confessed and you heart swelled. “I’m awfully quiet, I’m normally not like this, sorry, I’m trying to calm my inner fangirl and set her aside so I can talk to you as your soulmate.” You bashfully said, staring into his eyes when he chuckled. “My dreams don’t justify how beautiful your (y/e/c) eyes.” He whispered as if reading your mind. 

“I thought I was losing my mind imagining that your eyes would be green...” You whispered. “I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that, you, Jensen Ackles, is the only person to see my (y/e/c) eyes and I’m the only one to see your green ones.” You softly said and then chuckled, “I literally told myself I was watching too much Supernatural,” You added. He smirked, running his tongue between his teeth, making you exhale. “(Y/n), my first dream of you, we were at the beach, sunbathing, you looked hot by the way,” He chuckled, looking at you and you felt yourself blush.

“I just stopped, stared at you, your (y/e/c) eyes were mesmerizing, I didn’t know how much I could feel my heart beat in my sleep because of just seeing you, I woke with a smile, I’ve always thought it was only stories that you dream of your soulmate.” He recalled, silently taking your hand in his and squeezed, making your heart ache in a good way. “I wanna know you more, (y/n), I’m sure you know a lot about me—“ “But I’d like to know you more, not just you in front of the cameras.” You continued for him and he smiled brightly. “Let’s know each other as soulmates.”

“Good morning,” Came his husky voice. You hummed in approval, your eyes fluttering open as you felt him kiss the back of your neck tenderly. “Good morning indeed.” You whispered your reply, causing him to chuckle. “I love you.” He whispered, nuzzling into you. “You’re being overly affectionate today, Mr. Ackles, not that I mind it, but is there something you’d like to tell me?” You teasingly asked, twisting around so you can face him and bask in his morning handsomeness, your eyes meeting his sparkling green eyes. “Just happy to see you (y/e/c) eyes.” He said, a mischievous smirk started to spread across his face. 

He leaned in and tenderly pressed his lips against yours. “And, Mrs. Ackles, I just want to enjoy you.” He murmured, his hooded eyes staring you down like his prey. You smiled, biting your bottom lip. You opened your mouth slightly and he took that opportunity to kiss you deeper, pushing you back with his chest until he was propped up on his forearms above you, caging you in between his shoulders. You slipped your hands up his sides and then cupped his face. The silence was overwhelmed by the sounds of the waves breaking, some stray seagulls cawing about in the air. 

“The sea’s calling to us, Jen.” You murmured, eyes meeting his. “I know, but the beach can wait.” He replied but before you could say anything, he moved his lips to your jaw and neck, eliciting a moan from deep within your chest. One by one, he took your hand and pinned them on either side of your face, grinding his body down to yours, to feel your skin against his. His grunts echoed the room, spurring you on. “Jensen—“ You moaned and he parted your legs with his knees, settling in between them. You can feel his morning hard on against your lace underwear but his mouth distracted you more, his lush green eyes boring a hole through your eyes as he attached his lips to your breasts. 

“I’m so lucky to have you as my soulmate, (y/n).” He murmured, kissing up your chest until he met your parted lips his hands ridding himself and you off the rest of your little clothing. “And I with you...” You replied. “I’m so lucky to marry you, to look into your eyes and remind myself that you and I are made for each other.” He whispered, his own eyes watering. “Oh Jensen...” You cooed, cupping  his face and pulling him down to kiss him. Your face contorted in pleasure as he slowly thrusted into you, his cock stretching your walls amazingly. “Fuck—“ Came your strained moan. “Feel so good, sweetheart.” He groaned, his eyes closing. He seated himself deeply inside of you before dragging his cock out, mixing the stinging pain and pleasure. 

“Jensen—please,” You choked out. “I got you baby,” He whispered, looking straight into you and he set out a relentless pace, fucking you hard and fast, your breath coming out in gasps of his name and other profanities that your mind can come up with. “Look at me, (y/n), wanna see you (y/e/c) eyes.” He whispered and you did, meeting his green ones that were intently staring at you. “Love seeing your face when I fuck you.” He added and bucked his hips, making you scream. “Your so tight, sweetheart, gunna come for me?” He murmured, nuzzling his head against your neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses, sucking a marking in the valley of your neck and shoulder. 

“Y—yes! Please!” You moaned and he grunted in response as your walls convulsed around his cock. “Gunna—gunn—!” You couldn’t finish your sentence as he placed his fingers on your clit, rubbing fast in sync with his thrusts, screaming his name in pleasure. He didn’t stop, you didn’t want him to, his grunts were getting louder, his moans were getting deeper and you couldn’t help but squirm underneath him as you felt oversensitive, giving him multiple orgasms. “Gunna fuck a baby in you, sweetheart.” He promised, looking straight into you. “Please—“ You moaned and he leaned down, kissing you hard, swallowing his moan of pleasure as he spilled into you, hot and heavy. 

He hips slowed down and he tried to keep himself up from crushing you. “Hug me, baby.” You murmured and he sighed. “I love you, sweetheart.” He whispered and looked up at you. He wrapped his arms around you and flipped you two around so you were on top of him. He brushed your hair off your face and tucked it behind your ear. “I love you.” You smiled and leaned down to kiss him. “Happy 5th anniversary, green eyes.” You smirked, your tone light and playful. “(Y/e/c) eyes, you’re too cute.” He chuckled and rubbed his nose to yours. “And to more anniversaries, soulmate.” He concluded, kissing you deeply once more. 

Forever Babies:

@incorrect-quoted @deviljoonie @sallyp-53 @ilovefanfic86 @andkatiethings  @malindacath @aunty-peggy @myloveofdean @miss-kristendior @baby7879 @xtina2191 @redsalv20 @hobby27 @fandom-princess-forevermore @jensens-snackles @akshi8278 @shadowkat-83 @onethirstyunicorn @missstartaylor97xx @jesseswartzwelder 

Green-Eyed Lovers:

@brindz30 @polina-93 @flamencodiva​

SPN Babes:

@adoptdontshoppets​ @lilulo-12​ 

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Chapter 75

AN: Just realized I never posted Gravity Falls Drift on here in the usual format so here’s this super fucking late whoops my bad oh well byeeeeeeee

Previous: https://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/189818825584/universe-falls-chapter-74

Chapter 75: Gravity Falls Drift 

D BRHD NRF FSEMG 

QNQ VMUM YHAL 

WC QHMWQWP YEVJSNQCM 

VC EHV CS MBXR MQUVQEA 

“They told me there wasn’t enough room on the road for the Universe. And I told them, the universe is my road.”

Steven grinned confidently as he adjusted his sunglasses before gripping the steering wheel in front of him. And then, with a deft move of the gear shift, he pressed the pedal to the metal, more than ready to take on the road ahead. 

“Pew! Pew! Pew!” 

The young Gem was slightly caught off guard however as he looked to the passenger seat, or namely, to Mabel, who sat alongside him, leaning out of the open car window as she held her fingers together in the vague shape of a gun. “Oh, were we not doing the whole cop thing?” she asked, noting Steven’s look of confusion. 

“Well, if you were, you guys aren’t really doing a very good job of it,” Dipper noted with a casual grin as he came to stand beside Mabel’s window. “No offense.”

Before either of the pair inside the car could counter this, a sudden knock on Steven’s window caught their attention. Connie smiled as the young Gem turned to her, offering him a bright wave until he rolled down said window to greet her. 

“Oh, hey, Connie!” Steven grinned, taking off his sunglasses before opening the door to the brand-new used vehicle. “Thanks for letting me practice, Dad,” he said to the former rock star, who stood by, admiring his new set of wheels as he had been for the past several hours now. “Hey, maybe one day when I’m older, you can teach me how to actually drive using it!”

“Eh, l-let’s not get ahead of ourselves there, Schtoo-ball,” Greg remarked with a small, if not anxious chuckle. “We’ve still got several years until--well, then again, you are 14 now so… Oh boy…”

“Your new car is sooooo cool, Mr. Universe!” Mabel quipped excitedly as she got out of the car herself. “Though… ya might wanna think twice before you move into it. It seems like it’d be just a bit too small to live in it like you do your van.”

“Heh, thanks for the concern, Mabel, but the van’s still home sweet home,” Greg said. “I just thought that now that I’m swimming in dough, why not get a new car?”

“A new car?” Connie questioned, looking over the vehicle, particularly its bumper. “But it’s got this big ‘used’ sticker on it.”

“I like to think of it as more experienced than used,” Greg grinned, slapping a sticker of his own, one that read ‘Dad on Board’ over the one the car came with. 

“So what kind of car is it anyway?” Dipper asked, curious.

“Glad you asked,” Greg proudly placed a gentle hand on the top of his new vehicle. “This baby’s a Dondai Supremo, from the era of frosted tips, mood rings, and slap bracelets.” A beat of silence passed at this, in which all four of the kids simply stared up at the former rock star, completely clueless as to archaic period he was talking about. At least, until he kindly clarified. “You know, before you kids were born.”

“What a time to be alive,” Connie remarked, impressed.

“Whoa… that’s like… forever ago!” Mabel gasped, awestruck. “Then that means this car must be super old!”

“Ah ah ah,” Greg wagged a correcting finger. “Not old, experienced. I’ve had my eye on this Dondai even way back when.” At this, the former rock star pulled out a stack of photos, depicting a younger version of himself in a car lot, fawning over a then brand-new Dondai. “I loved that car. I wanted that car.” The series of photos eventually reached a bizarre conclusion as the younger rock star was caught romantically sharing a plate of spaghetti with the car before ultimately being chased out of the lot by security. “A-anyway,” Greg cleared his throat, tossing the photos aside. “Another great thing about these cars? They’re crazy on the road.”

To prove his point, the former rock star took over the driver’s seat, pointing out several of its best-known features to the kids. “Front wheel suspension, tons of ponies, and best of all, it has a tape deck!” 

Greg readily inserted a favorite cassette of his into said tape deck, allowing the Dondai’s strong speakers to play out a laid-back beat across the car wash’s parking lot. Caught up in the chill vibes of the music, the former rock star “rocked” out to it via air guitar as the kids decided to pitch in to help him spruce up the new car up a bit. Taking up wet sponges and a hose, they began washing the Dondai in the hopes of making it shine as if it were completely new rather than lightly used. However, they didn’t get very far into it before the lighthearted mood of the afternoon was interrupted by an unexpected, unwelcome arrival. 

Said arrival came in a sharp yellow sports car, one that sped down the hill that led toward the car wash, loud booming rock music rising over its roaring engine. The group gathered at the car wash all got a good scare as it drifted aggressively onto the otherwise empty lot, spinning a tight circle to turn itself around before grinding to a stop. And yet, as unruly and downright disrespectful as this sudden entrance was, the person behind it was hardly surprising at all as he rolled his window down to bark out an order right off the bat. 

“Give me a wash, old man,” the teen called, barely even sparing a glance out the window as he continued the conversation he was having on his phone. 

“Uh, right away, young man,” Greg responded, dutifully taking up a bucket and a sponge to head over to do just that. 

“Huh, you know, that really rude guy seems kinda familiar…” Mabel noted with a frown. 

“Yeah, I--wait,” Connie squinted to get a better look at the teen. “Is that-”

“Kevin…” Steven scowled, instantly set off as he squeezed the water out of his sponge in quiet fury. 

“Ugh, that guy?” Dipper asked disdainfully. “He’s still around? I would have thought he’d been kicked out of town for being the biggest creep ever.”

“Yeah, he should have been,” Mabel agreed, sticking her tounge out in disgust. “He was super icky at that part, especially when he flirted with you guys like that,” she said to Steven and Connie in particular.

“Tell us about it…” Connie glanced down, rubbing her arm. She did take pause however as she spared a glance over at Steven. The young Gem’s expression was consumed in a rare type of fury, fury that was all directly aimed at Kevin alone, even if he didn’t seem to be aware of it whatsoever. And in light of that newfound, almost unsettling fury, Connie couldn’t help but be instantly concerned for Steven’s wellbeing in light of being met with one of the biggest obstacles they had faced during their first time fused together. 

“I didn’t say iron the socks,” Kevin huffed as he continued on the phone. “I said I want my socks pressed. And--whoa, wait, wait!” He snapped at Greg quite suddenly as the former rock star began wiping down his wheels. “Careful with the tires, grandpa! I got a big race today and my car has to look as beautiful as me.”

“Back off, Kevin!” Steven exclaimed, boldly rushing to confront the callous teen in his father’s defense. “He’s not a grandpa! He’s just a regular pa!”

Kevin took pause at this, lowering his sunglasses a bit to give the young Gem a dry, cursory look. “Have we met before? I think I’d remember a twerp like you.”

“You do remember a twerp like me!” Steven shot back harshly, his hands in tight fists at his sides. 

“Uh, y-you… you just look like another guy we know!” Connie hastily interjected with an uncomfortable laugh, Dipper and Mabel joining her in doing the same. 

“Yeah, t-though totally not like this really scummy guy who was at this party we cra-” Mabel was abruptly cut off before she could give too much away by Dipper quickly covering her mouth just in time. 

“Uh, l-like Connie said,” he said much more cautiously. “You look like someone we know. That’s all.”

“Tch, that’s impossible,” Kevin scoffed, rolling his eyes at the kids. “There’s only one Kevin.” At this, the teen turned his nose up at the kids, coldly speeding off in his car every bit as noisily as he had arrived without even sparing any of them a second glance whatsoever.

“Hey!” Greg called after the sports car as it zoomed out of sight. “He forgot to… Eh, what do I care? I’m rich.”

However, even in light of Kevin’s departure, all was not well, especially not with the young Gem as he let out a frustrated growl, glaring off in the direction the teen had went. “Augh! I hate Kevin!” he huffed hotly, ignoring the startled looks the others sent his way upon hearing this. 

“Whoa, Steven!” Dipper exclaimed, practically shocked. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say you hate someone before.”

“Yeah, or seen you this angry,” Mabel noted before muttering something to herself with a discreet smile. “It’s kind of cute…”

“Yeah, watch the four letters, bud,” Greg cautioned with a frown. “Hate’s a strong word.”

“It’s a strong feeling…” Steven grumbled, crossing his arms. 

“Do you kids know that guy?” the former rock star asked, curious to know exactly who Kevin was to have elicited such a strong reaction from his son. 

“Well, kind of…” Connie explained apprehensively. “When we fused into Stevonnie, we met him at a dance and-”

“And he was a creep!” Steven interjected harshly. 

“Steven!” Greg scolded, surprised once more by his son’s severe language. 

“What? That’s five letters!”

“He kept asking us to dance with him,” Connie continued much more calmly. “Even though we said no. It was really… uncomfortable.”

“He didn’t even care about how we felt at all!” Steven professed, still quite upset by the unsavory experience. “He only cared about himself and getting what he wanted! He’s the worst!”

Greg wavered upon hearing this, his stern expression turning sympathetic as he met his son’s clear anger evenly. “I… had no idea that happened,” he sighed softly. “I’m really sorry. But that guy? He’s not even worth the time of day. Don’t even give him the satisfaction of thinking about him.”

“Thanks, Mr. Universe,” Connie smiled, thankful for such good advice. 

“Yeah!” Mabel chimed in with a supportive smile. “Why think about a loser like Kevin when you could think about ice cream, or puppies, or roller coasters, or-”

“Or literally anything else,” Dipper interjected before Mabel could keep her otherwise endless list going. 

Despite the bout of light laughter everyone shared over this, Steven didn’t join in on it. Instead, he kept his gaze on the ground, his expression still quite cross and bitter. It had been quite awhile since he’d felt like this, and it certainly wasn’t a feeling he enjoyed stewing in for very long. And yet, for whatever reason, he couldn’t let that feeling go, not as long as he remembered Kevin and what he did to them. Not as long as he thought about how terrible it had felt then, and how it still cut deep, even now. 

Which was why, even hours after the fact, the young Gem thoughtlessly held onto that feeling, willingly letting himself fall even deeper into it all the while. 

The starry evening sky was crisp and clear and warmed by the lofty summer air. Normally, such a night would have been a relaxing sight to the kids, but even as they sat comfortably atop the Dondai to admire it, a noticeable air of discontent still hung over them all. Discontent that the others could all practically feel from Steven in particular as he heaved a long, frustrated sigh. 

“Um… you ok, Steven?” Dipper asked, glancing down from the spot him and Mabel were sharing on the car’s room with apt concern. 

“Never been better,” the young Gem replied, disgruntled as he continued reclining on the hood. 

“...Are you still mad about Kevin?” Connie asked, looking over at him knowingly. 

“Yes!” Steven instantly admitted, his expression souring even more at the mere mention of the haughty teen. 

“Well, that explains a lot,” Mabel noted, leaning forward somewhat. “But Steven, remember what your dad said; Kevin’s such a major jerkface that he isn’t even worth thinking about!”

“Ugh, I know!” Steven groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes before he sat up to turn to the twins. “But it’s not that easy! You guys only watched what happened; me and Connie were there when he--a-and it was… we just… AUGH!” The young Gem let out another angry growl as he flopped back down onto the hood, barely even able to articulate just how much of a negative impact the awful experience really had on him. 

While the twins exchanged a worried glance over Steven’s rare anger, Connie simply kept her sights steadily on him. And, when she spoke a moment later, her tone was much softer, yet it still carried a hint of lingering satisfaction all the same. “Steven… I know how you feel,” she said, sitting up. “I’m mad about what happened too.”

Steven finally stilled at this, looking to her with apt surprise as he also sat up once more. “You don’t seem mad,” he noted, concerned. 

“I’m thinking mad,” Connie sighed, shaking her head. “I still feel like there’s something… big I wanna say to him, you know? Something to make him think, like we’re thinking.”

“Ooo, maybe you guys could call him a major jerkface to his face!” Mabel suggested pointedly. 

“Uh… somehow I don’t think that’s really gonna help, Mabel,” Dipper remarked, deadpan. 

“To bad we can’t just… race against him,” Steven said, remembering just how much shallow pride Kevin seemed to have over his impressive vehicle. “Then we could use the first place ribbon to wipe that smug look off his face!”

“Well, that’s not the worst idea ever,” Dipper said with a shrug. “Just a little flawed given the obvious problem with it…”

“Really? What problem would that be?” Mabel asked, somewhat obliviously. 

“Uh, we’re kids,” Connie replied, furrowing her brow. “And kids can’t drive; that’s against the law.”

“...We weren’t kids when we met Kevin…” Steven pointed out with a growing smile as he looked to Connie hopefully. 

Connie smirked at this, understanding the young Gem’s intent almost immediately. “I smell what you’re steppin’ in,” she noted somewhat deviously. 

“Ew,” Steven returned, his own wry grin still apparent. 

“Ohhhhh my gosh!” Mabel gasped, getting the point of the plan herself. “Fusion racing! Its like regular racing, but with fusion! I LOVE it!”

“Uh, ok, but we all realize that this whole thing is still pretty illegal, right?” Dipper asked with a frown. “I mean, it’s not like either of you have driver’s licenses that are gonna just… fuse along with you, right?”

“You don’t need a license to drive a Dondai,” Steven remarked, taking on a cool, sauve tone. 

“...Yes, you do,” Connie noted. “But then again, street racing is pretty illegal too, so… I guess two wrongs make a right in this case?”

“It will,” Steven’s tone turned serious once again at this, solidifying his resolve toward this plan and how it could--or at least he hoped it could--at long last set this egregious wrong against them right. “Especially if it finally helps take Kevin down a peg like he deserves…”

Out of all of the various hills and outlooks surrounding Gravity Falls, Demon’s Peak was by far the most notorious, and the most popular with the town’s young racing crowd. Most of its long, winding stretches of road were covered by a dense forest canopy, concealing much light at all during the later hours of the night. And as that road led to the top of the small mountain, drivers who took on its challenge were often met with a perilous journey filled with sharp turns and narrow paths along the way, not to mention the countless rumors of the peak being haunted, which of course, had contributed to its famous name. However, many of the town’s teens still flocked to the mountain each Friday night to get a taste of the high-octane thrills each race had to offer. 

This night was no exception as a large crowd had gathered at the base of Demon’s Peak, many within it bringing their own vehicles to compete for the title of the fastest racer around. And yet, try as they might, there was really only one among them who could even hope to come close. A fact that they were all bitterly reminded of as a certain yellow sports car zoomed past the finish line in first, just as it always did. 

A loud, disappointed groan arose from the bystanders as Kevin rolled his window down to smirk triumphantly over the car he’d just bested. Jenny returned that smirk with an irritated scowl, her frustration only growing as she pressed against the wheel of her car. “Ugh! My practice didn’t pay off at all!” she groaned, frustrated. “That was so bad.”

“I know, baby,” Kevin grinned as he stepped out of his car and walked past her. “I’m the worst.”

Jenny simply returned his smug, flirtatious remarks with another bitter scoff before she rejoined the spectating crowd herself. “Ugh… what a creep…” she grumbled as she came to stand alongside her friends. 

“Seriously, and I thought I was a jerk,” Robbie remarked, his arm casually flung over Tambry’s shoulder. “But Kevin’s on, like… a whole other level.”

“Tell me about it,” Tambry remarked dryly, texting away as she usually did.

“Oh, I will, I-”

“Don’t, babe,” she glowered, briefly glancing up at her disgruntled boyfriend.

With yet another competitor beaten, Kevin also reconvened with his pair of friends, or rather, his partners in racing. One was clearly the muscle of the group, a large, intimidating, towering young man who barely even looked like teen with his impressive frame and noticeable facial hair. Flanking him was a much smaller girl, one with a keen, expensive fashion sense and layers of makeup to spare to match her practically flawless golden hair. Despite the drastic differences, both of them carried the same exact air of haughty arrogance as Kevin himself did, one that was apparent as they surveyed the crowd of apparently much less “fabulous” teens before them. 

“Yet another flock of losers down,” the girl remarked, eyeing Jenny, Robbie, and Tambry smugly. “So… who’s next?”

“Anyone else think they can beat us and my Himitsu X-12 on the downhill course, step right up,” Kevin formally offered the challenge, though nobody seemed to take it. Instead, several members of the crowd seemed to shrink back at the offer, all of them too afraid of the inevitable shame they’d face upon so much as even trying to beat Kevin and his friends at their own game. “Oh, come on,” Kevin teased, disappointed by the lack of any real competitors. “How are we gonna get a cool-down lap if no one wants to go?”

“I’ll race you!”

The entire mood of the crowd shifted to surprise as a new car drove onto the scene--a certain Dondai, to be exact--driven by a certain fusion who, after a few self-taught driving lessons, had come more than ready to race. 

The bystanders’ muted amazement continued as Stevonnie stepped out of the car, their expression stern and brazen, even as they faced their old foe once again. While Connie’s father’s jacket had been rather large on her, when she fused with Steven, it now fit Stevonnie perfectly, adding a unique sense of flair to their already bold style. As the fusion properly stood, they fluffed the collar of said jacket, briefly glancing down to the Dondai’s tinted window to exchange a discreet nod with Dipper and Mabel as they watched everything from their hidden spot in the back seat of the car. After all, even though the twins couldn’t exactly compete  in the race itself, they were still dedicated to standing by Stevonnie’s side for any support they could offer, especially when it came to getting back at Kevin for everything he’d done. 

As baffled as Kevin and his pair of friends were by this unexpected challenger, before any of them could say anything to Stevonnie, Ronaldo happened to run up to them from the crowd instead. “Ah! Is that a ‘96 Supremo?!” he asked the fusion enthusiastically. 

“Uh… I think it’s a Dondai?” Stevonnie replied, looking to the car behind them. 

“A Supremo is a Dondai!”

“Whoa. Really?”

The teen adjusted his glasses, dumbfounded at this. “..Are you saying you don’t know the true power of the Supremo?”

“Uh…” Stevonnie frowned, unsure of what to say. Briefly, they looked back toward the twins for help once more, both of whom shrugged, just as clueless as they were. 

“Hey!” Kevin suddenly interjected, glaring at the fusion from across the lot. “That’s why I knew those brats at the car wash; they’re you!”

“Oh, you mean those ten year olds you flirted with at that party a few weeks ago?” his female friend asked with a sharp, teasing smirk. “Creep.”

“Ugh! For the last time, Lacy, I didn’t flirt with them!” Kevin growled before turning back to the fusion. “You twerps totally tricked me by looking like... that. But your whole ‘two kids in a beautiful trench coat’ routine isn’t gonna fool me this time, so don’t even try it!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Stevonnie shot back just as coldly as they slammed a hand down on top of the Dondai. “And I’ll show you what I’m made of when I beat you at this race!”

While a ripple of “oos” and “aahs” passed through the crowd at this, Kevin himself was hardly phased as he instead let out a smooth, sardonic snicker. “Oh. I see what’s going on here.”

“Do you?” Stevonnie asked, crossing their arms disdainfully. 

“Yeah,” the teen smirked knowingly. “You’ve had a taste of Kevin, and now… you’re obsessed.”

Needless to say, Stevonnie was absolutely taken aback by such a remark, as were the twins inside the car as they met the fusions shocked look of disbelief evenly as they looked toward them once again. Yet even so, Stevonnie was absolutely having none of it, especially not from Kevin. Not again or ever again. “What?” they asked harshly, essentially whispering the word through their tightly-clenched teeth. 

“I get it,” Kevin shrugged innocently. “I have that effect on people. Its cute. But aren’t I a little old for you?”

By this point, Stevonnie was far too set off by the teen’s continually slimey behavior to even come up with a coherent response. Instead, they simply let out a frustrated, disgusted groan, their hands shaking in fists of tight fury at their sides. Even so, they were more than ready to keep this argument going, at least until Kevin’s friend, Lacy, happened to interject. 

“Ugh, enough already,” the girl rolled her eyes, clearly bored. “I swear, Kevin, I’m gonna puke if you keep this going any longer. Let’s just settle your whole ‘baggage’ with this fashion-blind wanna-be on the road, k?”

“Y-yeah!” Stevonnie agreed, glaring Kevin down once more. “You wanna race or not?”

“Do you?” Kevin raised a critical eyebrow at the fusion. 

“Uh… yeah?”

“Hmph, then I guess you didn’t hear,” the teen smirked coldly. “Tonight’s race is a tag-team gauntlet. Three on three, with each racing one leg up to the top of the mountain and back down again. I’ve already got my team with Brock,” he nodded over to the mighty teen alongside him, who simply nodded gruffly and silently. “And Lacy here.” Lacy offered Stevonnie a patronizing grin and playful wave, her ego clearly large enough to match Kevin’s own. “So… where’s yours?”

“Uh, a-a team…?” Stevonnie frowned, briefly taking a look around the group of teens gathered behind them. Despite their initial support of the fusion however, they were all quick to avert their rather pleading gaze for help, none of them willing to face could very well be an embarrassing defeat against Kevin and his friends. “Um… well… I don’t…”

“No team, no race,” Lacy interjected, wagging a finger at the fusion. “Those are the rules.”

“Yeah, so if you can’t follow the rules like us ‘big kids’ here,” Kevin added, hands on his hips. “Then why don’t you go back to kindergarten and play with the rest of your little friends, hm?”

Stevonnie took in a sharp breath at this, gearing up to shoot back just as harsh of a retort back at the callous teen. That is, until they paused to actually consider a part of what he’d said, something that actually managed to give them a timely idea, especially as they turned to glance down at Dipper and Mabel still inside the Dondai beside them. “‘Little friends’, huh…?”

“You want us to what?!” Dipper asked, completely shocked by the outlandish idea Stevonnie had just proposed to him and Mabel. 

“Look, I know it sounds crazy,” Stevonnie began, pacing around the secluded clearing they’d pulled the Dondai into to talk this out with the twins. “But I-”

“But I LOVE it!” Mabel suddenly interjected, stars in her eyes. “Just wait until Kevin and his jerky friends get a load of MAVEN! They won’t know what hit them once we blaze past ‘em on road, leaving them behind to eat our sparkly fusion dust!”

“That’s the spirit!” Stevonnie agreed brightly. “So obviously, Maven’s in but… we can’t be a real team without Stepper too…” The fusion looked to Dipper with a hopeful, pleading smile. “So… what do you say, Dipper?”

The most Dipper could really do was let out a small, relenting sigh as he looked between both Stevonnie and Mabel, knowing he couldn’t very well say no to either one of them. Even if the entire situation as a whole was an odd mix of ridiculous and risky. “Ok, fine,” he said. “But… this is gonna be tricky. I mean, you look normal enough, Stevonnie, but Maven has four eyes. And I don’t even wanna know what they’d say out there if they got a load of Stepper’s extra set of arms….”

“No woes, bro-bro,” Mabel grinned, tossing an arm over her brother’s shoulder. “That’s where Mabel comes in. Now, Steven… if you will…” Her smile widened as she extended a hand out to Stevonnie, who was more than happy to comply by gracefully unfusing. And with Steven and Connie apart, the latter was just as ready to go from one fusion right into another. 

However, what none of the kids spotted as that fusion was formed in the usual flourish of radiant light, was a bright flicker of purple flame sparking in the nearby woods. Nor did they notice the lone figure, completely obscured by shadow outside of her more fiery features, discreetly watching the entire scene from afar. “Well, well… How interesting…” she grinned deviously to herself. “Better get a front-row seat. After all, this is one race I’m not about to miss…”

Though they had agreed to allow Stevonnie enough time to gather their “team” together, the longer Kevin and his friends were left to wait, the more impatient they became. Said impatience was first voiced by Brock, albeit in his usual wordless way in the form of deep, disgruntled grunt. 

“Yeah, I know,” Kevin huffed, annoyed as he glanced up from his phone. “They’re taking forever. Should have expected as much from a bunch of dumb kids.”

“Who knows?” Lacy remarked with a broad grin. “Maybe they chickened out. You know how little kids get when they’re scared. They’re probably running home to their mommies and daddies even as we speak.”

Both Kevin and Lacy broke into a round of mocking, vindictive laughter at this and even Brock let out a small, albeit very slow chuckle. However, that laughter was short lived as the Dondai came speeding back toward the crowd, albeit rather haphazardly to the point that several of the teens had to hastily leap out of the way just to avoid being hit. As surprised as everyone was by this wreckless arrival, it soon became apparent that Stevonnie wasn’t behind the wheel this time as a seemingly new figure entirely emerged from the vehicle instead.

“Hi, everybody!” Maven cheerfully exclaimed the moment they burst open the door. The fusion rose to their full height just as brightly, showing off their more “mature look” as they decided to dub it in the form of the sweater now tied around their neck, their long hair tied up tight and most importantly, the pair of dark sunglasses completely concealing their upper pair of eyes from view. Confident in that look, Maven strode forward, clearly happy to be there as they continued waving to the dumbfounded crowd while passing them by. “Hey! Hiya! Maven here, ready to race!”

“Tch, looks like they managed to scrounge up a team after all,” Kevin remarked with a dry glower, though it soon turned into a flirty grin as he looked Maven over. “Hey there, baby, I-”

“Whoahohohoho--whoa, whoa,” Maven instantly cut him off, aggressively shoving a finger over his mouth to silence him. “Back it up there, big guy. You really oughta learn to quit while you’re ahead before you go and embarrass yourself. Again.”

Kevin was admittedly quite taken aback, especially as he met the rather dour, disapproving glare Maven was sending his way. Even so, he did his best to play it off with a cool scoff, backing away from them as he maintained his usual pompous demeanor. “O-oh yeah? Well, maybe you should learn that socks and sandals together are about the biggest fashion mistake anyone can make! Same goes for wearing sunglasses at night!”

Maven was clearly unaffected by such shallow remarks, however as they simply shrugged easily. “Eh, it’s a look. One that I can totally pull off. Makes me stand out in a crowd, ya know?”

“Ugh, whatever,” Kevin scowled, crossing his arms. “So, where’s the rest of your team? Did ‘Stevonnie’ or whatever their name is wimp out and head home?”

“Nah, Stevonnie and our other teammate Stepper are just… a little busy right now…” Maven turned, sparing a brief, wry wink over at the Dondai. From its back seat, Dipper and Connie spared a peak outside the window, not wanting to give their cover away, to the point that they had already carefully cautioned Maven not to do exactly that. Not that they believed such caution would do much good when it came to the somewhat flighty fusion but still, it was a protective measure all the same. “But don’t worry, they’ll be ready when they need to be. For now, Kevin,” they remarked pointedly, turning back to the teen. “Are you ready to race me?”

“Oh, I won’t be racing you, sweetheart,” Kevin grinned evenly. “I’ll leave that up to Brock.”

“Oooo what?” Maven said with a challenging grin. “Are you too scared to take me on your… self…?” The fusion stopped short as they noticed the large shadow looming over them. When they turned however, they were met face to face with the practically massive form of Brock, who easily towered over their own impressive height, making them feel quite small by comparison. Even so, Maven took it in stride, offering the much larger teen a wry, cheerful wave all the same. “Oof, you’re a big fella, aren’t you? Say, what kinda diet does a guy have to be on to get that… you know…” Maven trailed off, puffing their chest as they flexed their muscles to show what they meant. “Is it a protein thing, or like a balance of the right vitamins and minerals, or do you, uh….” The fusion frowned as Brock turned without answering a single one of their questions, instead heading toward Kevin’s car to begin the race in earnest. “Oh, um… good talk, I guess?”

“Don’t mess my car up, or you’re done, you hear?” Kevin remarked to his teammate, his tone cold as Brock barely managed to squeeze his way inside. As always, Brock simply nodded silently, his expression stern and unreadable as he turned his sights toward the starting line ahead. 

At the same time, Maven returned to the Dondai, eagerly taking the driver’s seat as they gripped the steering wheel confidently. “Alrighty,” they grinned, adjusting their mirror to get a glimpse to catch a view of Connie and Dipper in the back seat. “You guys ready to be a part of the best, most action-packed race ever!”

“Uh… maybe we could tone down the ‘action-packed’ part, just to be safe?” Connie purposed, anxious. 

“Remember what we talked about, you guys,” Dipper reminded cautiously. “You need to drive carefully. Losing to Kevin and his pals are one thing; but sending the car plummeting over the side of a cliff with all of us inside it is… something else entirely. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who would rather not have that happen.”

“Aw, relax, Dip-bro,” Maven assured, adjusting their shades. “I got this. Not only are we gonna beat Kevin and his cronies, but we’re gonna do it in style.”

“That’s… kind of what we’re afraid of…” Connie muttered, exchanging a nervous glance with Dipper. 

Even so, the race was clearly all set to begin, the pathway leading up the mountain clear and open for both cars competing on it. And, with a swift wave of  the checkered flag, the first leg of the three-part race was at last underway. 

“All right!” Maven cheered, daringly pushing the clutch forward as they pressed the gas pedal all the way down. “Full speed ahead!”

Both the Dondai and the sports car blasted forward right out of the gate, their engines equally thunderous as they peeled out onto the road. For the first stretch, both vehicles were neck-and-neck, clocking in the exact same speed as they rounded the first bend uphill. However, as that turn leveled out, Borock began taking on the slightest lead, something that the pair of passengers in the Dondai’s back seat were quick to notice. 

“He’s getting ahead!” Connie warned, glancing back to the fusion in the driver’s seat.

“Not for long!” Maven grinned, shifting gears to gain more speed. The Dondai suddenly jerked forward on that speed, throwing Connie and Dipper back into their seats, though Maven readily thrived on it as they leaned forward, exhilarated, especially as they passed Brock by. “Whoo! This is so fun! Its like I was born for the road and the road was born for me!”

“Uh, m-maybe you should keep your eyes on that road!?” Dipper suggested tightly, holding onto his seat for dear life as Maven recklessly swerved around another hairpin turn. 

“Hey, no worries, Dip-bro!” Maven assured, glancing back at the pair to the point that they weren’t looking at the road at all. “Like I said, I got this in the bag! There’s no way that big guy will ever catch up to us! Especially not when we shift into turbo!”

“T-this car doesn’t even have any turbo gears!” Connie exclaimed, aptly frightened by Maven’s dangerous driving. 

“Wait,” Dipper gasped as he caught sight of what awaited on the road dead ahead. “Maven, no-”

“MAVEN YES!” the fusion exclaimed, pushing the Dondai as hard as it would go toward the natural ramp made up of a handful of logs. They still had a solid lead over Brock as he trailed behind them, but with this new, risky route in mind, Maven hoped to claim a victory that would be all but guaranteed. 

As the Dondai reached that ramp, Dipper and Connie were mutually covering their eyes out of sheer terror for what could very well be their painful demise in the very high likelihood that the vehicle didn’t stick the landing. Even so, Maven took the leap confidently, their sunglasses flying off to reveal their upper pair of eyes, which were practically sparkling with excitement as the car soared into the night. For a few brief, breathless seconds, the car was completely weightless, until gravity began to bring it back down toward the road. Or rather, toward the entirely new pathway that had suddenly been paved, as if by magic, right as the Dondai landed solidly (and above all else, safely) upon it. 

However, said magic pathway did divert its driver off of the main path, something Maven didn’t notice until they happened to catch sight of a familiar yellow sports car breezing past them out their rear view mirror. “Hey!” the fusion exclaimed, grinding the Dondai to a screeching halt within the wooded clearing they’d accidentally driven into. “What gives?! This wasn’t part of my totally awesome plan to victory!” 

“Maybe not yet… but it could be!”

“Huh?” Maven blinked, surprised as they looked around the clearing. Likewise, Dipper and Connie exchanged a confused, still quite breathless from the harrowing leap they’d just miraculously survived. 

“Who said that?” Connie frowned, looking out the window to notice the surrounding trees were encompassed by an odd purple glow. 

“I don’t know… but I’m gonna check it out,” Maven said, summoning their grappling shield just in case.

“So are we,” Dipper said, Connie agreeing as they all slowly, carefully got out of the car. The woods were strangely quiet as the kids all grouped together, Maven still brandishing their grappling shield as they looked around for anything out of the ordinary. The race was all but forgotten in place of a possibly more important threat, one that, even without their swords, Dipper and Connie were more than ready to back Maven up in facing. 

And that supposed threat soon made itself known as a bright, mischievous laugh began echoing through the woods. It was accompanied by a ring of sudden pinkish flames that surrounded the kids and the Dondai, catching them off guard even more as they all pressed a bit closer together defensively. 

“Who’s there?!” Dipper demanded brazenly. 

“Show yourself!” Connie added just as sternly. 

“Yeah! I got a whole, loaded grappling shield here and trust me, you do not want a piece of it!” Maven warned, holding said weapon aloft. “I should know, I’ve accidentally bonked myself in the head with it more times than I can count and it really smarts.”

The odd, chuckling voice didn’t respond to any of these threats, however, as it was instead replaced by the loud din of an approaching roaring engine. The kids still had no idea what to expect as the shape of a motorcycle soon began to materialize amidst the flames, though what was even stranger was that its silhouette soon seamlessly transformed into the shape of what seemed to be a racecar. However, as the flames finally began to burn out and the wild laughter quieted down, that car somehow became a vibrant bike once more. A bike carrying an even more vibrant rider. 

The motorcycle screeched to a stop right before the startled group of kids, allowing them all to get their first clear view of that rider. Based on her sharp horns, claws, fangs, and tail alone, she clearly wasn’t human, as if her bright purple skin and matching, literally flaming hair weren’t telling enough of her otherworldly nature. Yet beyond that, her entire look fit her high-speed ride quite well, from her pink torn jacket, to her slick black leather skirt and gloves. All this was topped off by a sharp black biker helmet, with a pink visor that obscured her eyes but did reveal her large, broad, toothy grin. 

“Beware foolish mortals!” she began, hovering high over the dumbfounded group of kids, displaying her claws threateningly as her flaming hair burned brighter. “For you have incurred the wrath of-” She cut herself off sharply as a sudden small shield zipped past her, nearly hitting her in the process, though she happened to dodge it just in the nick of time. “Hey! I was trying to pull of a dramatic entrance here!”

“Oops, sorry!” Maven apologized as they reeled their grappling shield back in. “Please, continue.”

“Ugh, no, forget it,” the biker groaned, annoyed. “It’s already ruined. ‘Sides, I’m not really one to drag on with a bunch of dumb ‘theatrics’. Really just drags things down to a crawl if ya ask me.”

The kids still had no real idea of what to think about this strange being, though even so, Dipper was the first to speak up to get a better read on her. “Uh… who and… what are you, exactly?”

“Ooo, gettin’ right to the point,” the biker grinned, levitating a bit lower.  “I like that. Well, since you asked soooo nicely, the name’s Zoom. And I’m what your kind calls… a speed demon.”

“A-a demon?”Connie asked, exchanging mutually nervous glances with Maven and Dipper. 

“Aw, what?” Zoom asked with a patronizing smirk as her visor disappeared to reveal her set of five multicolored eyes. “Are you kiddos scared of a big, bad demon? Lemme guess, it’s ‘cause of this guy, right?” Her devious smile widened as she positioned her hands in the shape of a triangle over her singular, center eye.

“B-Bill?!” Dipper exclaimed, aptly alarmed. “You… you know him?”

“Ugh, wish I didn’t,” Zoom finally scowled as her visor reappeared. “Cipher’s a total chump. Gives all of demon-kind a bad name. Sorta like how those ‘friends’ of yours give racers a bad name.”

“Kevin is not our friend,” Maven clarified much sharper than they usually would have.

“Yeah, I kinda figured seeing how you kiddos are so dead-set on beating him in your little race,” Zoom noted, casually reclining back in midair. “I’m usually not too keen on all these punk mortals, thinking they can tear it up on my turf. I’m the only one with enough skills to really race around here; that’s why they call it Demon’s Peak. ‘Cause it’s mine.”

“Uh… well, we’re… sorry for racing on your peak,” Connie began earnestly. “But we-”

“Eh, don’t be sorry,” Zoom shrugged. “Believe it or not, I’m actually a big fan of how you kids operate. The whole ‘sparkly, glowy magicking into the same person’ thing? It’s a pretty killer angle, even if it pales in comparison to what I can do on the road.”

“Uh… you mean… fusion?” Maven asked, somewhat confused. 

“Sure, if that’s what you wanna call it,” Zoom said, leaning in closer to Maven to get a better look. “And just look at you! Lovin’ the look, especially the whole four eyes thing you’ve got goin’ on. Almost as wicked as my look. Almost.”

“Wow, thanks!” Maven grinned, warmly accepting the compliment. “You know, for a demon, you’re awfully nice.”

“Yeah, sure, ‘nice’,” Zoom said, emphasizing with air quotes. “Anyway, enough talk about you, let’s talk about me. See, like I said before, I got a little… problem with so many mortals racing on my mountain. But I think you kids might just be the solution I’ve been looking for to curb that little problem once and for all…”

“Uh… how do you see that?” Dipper asked, somewhat uneasy.

“Simple,” the demon crossed her arms confidently. “You wanna take those chumps down a peg, right? Well, you’re never gonna do it in an old hunk of junk like that,” she seamlessly teleported behind the kids to take a seat on top of the Dondai. “Though I will give ya points for keeping it classic. So here’s the deal; I’ll use my special “speed demon powers” to help you kids win the race.”

“In exchange for…?” Connie asked, worried. 

“Nothin’!” Zoom smiled amicably. “You get to win and I get the satisfaction of watching a bunch of dumb, tresspassing losers drive home with their tails between their legs. Everyone leaves happy! Well, ‘xcept for… ‘Kyle’ or whatever his name was.”

“Kevin,” Maven corrected. “And… I… really kinda like this idea! Especially if it involves putting Kevin in his place.”

“Uh, Maven?” Dipper interjected. “A word?” The fusion agreed, leaving Zoom on standby as both Dipper and Connie pulled them aside. “This is a really bad idea,” Dipper began in a tense whisper. “She’s a demon. And we should all know by now that deals with demons are practically destined to end badly.”

“Aw, but c’mon, Dipper,” Maven protested. “Zoom seems really cool! And if she wants to help us out, then why don’t we pitch in to help her in return? After all, wouldn’t you be mad too if a bunch of strangers started racing all over your mountain?”

“I highly doubt this is actually Zoom’s mountain, you guys,” Connie frowned. “But still… she could give us a leg up in the competition… which we’re currently losing, by the way.”

“Yeah, we are,” Maven crossed their arms, disgruntled. “To Kevin and his friends…”

“Wha--Connie!” Dipper exclaimed, caught off guard. “You’re supposed to help me be the voice of reason here!”

“I know… but...  maybe this won’t turn out as badly as you think it will, Dipper,” Connie proposed thoughtfully. “That’s all I’m saying.”

“You better believe it won’t!” 

The kids were all caught completely off guard as Zoom suddenly interjected into the conversation, appearing seemingly out of nowhere as she hovered in the space between them. “So, do we got ourselves a deal here?” she asked, extending a hand out to Maven in particular. 

Maven took pause at this, glancing between Dipper, who shook his head disapprovingly, and Connie, who simply shrugged indecisively. Even so, though one half of the fusion themselves wasn’t quite sure what to do, their other half had essentially no doubts. Kevin deserved to be humbled, needed to be knocked off his high and mighty pedestal. And if beating him and his friends in this race was the only way they knew how to do that, then they would just have to do whatever it took to win. No matter what. 

“Deal,” the fusion said, shaking the demon’s hand solidly. 

Zoom simply smiled at this, her fiery hair blazing brighter as her visor flashed with unknown intent. “Perfect…”

“Ugh, keeping us waiting again?” Kevin asked as he stood alongside Brock and Lacy at the end of the first leg of the race. “What’s wrong with those dumb kids and their dumb friends?”

“They had to have chickened out for real this time,” Lacy remarked, touching up on her makeup. “Figures they wouldn’t be able to hand the heat, right, Brock?” 

Brock simply nodded, his icy expression set straight ahead as it always was. Even though he’d crossed the finish line without contest quite some time ago, he’d hardly celebrated the easy win like Kevin and Lacy had. Still, the latter pair were more than happy to claim victory in the first third of the leg of the race, confident that they’d be able to do just as well in the other two rounds. 

“Ohoho, look who decided to show up after all!” Kevin called as he spotted the Dondai finally approaching. “What, did you get lost on the straightaway up here?”

“Nope,” Maven remarked smoothly as they stepped out of the car. “I was just… taking care of some business, is all.”

“Heh, well, while you were busy with your ‘business’,” Kevin said with a pointed grin. “Our boy Brock here was basically driving circles around you. Or at least he would have if you had been here.”

“Oh, I know,” Maven nodded coolly, adjusting the shades they’d recovered their upper eyes with. “Congrats, by the way. Though, I’m sorry to say, that’s the last one you guys will be getting tonight.”

“Oh, really?” Lacy asked with a scoff. “And why is that?”

“Mm… let’s just say we’ve got a little extra… team spirit on our side…” the fusion grinned, looking beyond the trio to the forest behind them. Or rather, toward Zoom as she casually sat atop a distant tree. The demon’s visor disappeared, allowing her to offer Maven a playful wink, one that the fusion readily returned, albeit with one of their hidden upper eyes. 

“Whatever that’s supposed to mean,” Kevin rolled his eyes. “So is your next racer coming or not? You’ve already made us wait on you guys twice now and we don’t have all night. Kevin needs his beauty sleep.”

“Next racer… oh, right!” Maven exclaimed, hurrying back to the Dondai. “Uh… lemme get go him! Be back in a jiff!”

“Ugh, seriously?!” Lacy groaned as the fusion took off once again. “More waiting!?”

Mabel and Connie both sat on the hood of the Dondai, watching with anticipation as the light of fusion steadily died down to reveal their ‘next racer’. Like Maven and Stevonnie before him, Stepper’s attire was somewhat changed, though only really in the form of him wearing Dipper’s jacket as opposed to his usual vest. Even so, the fusion was diffident right off of the bat, especially since half of him was largely still opposed to most of their rather risky undertakings this evening. 

“Ok, Mabel... “ Stepper began, frowning down at his lower arms. “You came up with a pretty clever solution for Maven’s extra eyes, I’ll give you that. But… how exactly are you planning on hiding these?”

“Hm… you do propose an interesting challenge, dear… technically half-brother of mine…” Mabel nodded thoughtfully. “But… if I recall correctly, Dipper happened to bring his backpack along with him, didn’t he?”

“Uh… yeah?” Stepper shrugged, confused. “It’s in the back seat. Why?”

Mabel didn’t answer, instead sliding off the hood to fetch the aforementioned backpack. Connie and Stepper watched curiously as she dumped everything out of the pack before pulling a pair of scissors out of her sweater. “Um, Mabel?” Connie spoke up, quite bewildered herself. “What are you doing?”

“Less talk!” Mabel exclaimed, digging the tip of her scissors into the backside of the pack. “More snip!”

“Wha--hey!” Stepper gasped, reaching for the pack. “Mabel! That’s my, o-or that’s Dipper’s backpack!” 

“Correction, Ste-bro, it was Dipper’s backpack,” Mabel grinned as she turned to present her finished product to him. “But now, it’s your backpack, ‘specially made just for you, Stepper!”

“Um… thanks?” Stepper said, half smiling as he took the pack before his expression and tone turned deadpan and flat. “Yeah, thanks, you cut a gaping hole into the back of it. Super helpful.”

“You bet it is!” Mabel proclaimed proudly. “Especially when it comes to tucking away those extra arms of yours out of sight where nobody can see ‘em…”

“Oh? Oooooo…” Stepper’s eyes widened as he looked back to the backpack with newfound realization. “That’s brilliant, Mabel! Well, at least it will be if it actually works…” 

“Well, try it on and find out,” Connie encouraged with a small, curious smile. 

Stepper did so, sliding the back on before (albeit a bit awkwardly) bending his lower arms behind his back to slip inside the pack’s opening. It took a bit of doing, and while it wasn’t the most comfortable setup in the world, it certainly worked in concealing his lower arms perfectly fine. “Oh wow!” Stepper smiled excitedly. “We might actually be able to pull this off after all!”

“You’d better, kiddo.” The fusion gasped in alarm as Zoom suddenly materialized out of thin air alongside him. As startled as he was, his shield journal flashed into his grip, a small shield forming over it as he braced himself for an attack he found he didn’t have to unleash after all. 

“Oh, hi, Zoom!” Stepper greeted, blithely at first before shifting into clear distrust. “Ugh… you again. How exactly do you plan on ‘helping’ us anyway? What, are you gonna turn our car into some sort of soul-eating monster? Turn the road into a lava-filled death trap? P-possess us to make us a better driver?!”

Zoom barely even flinched at any of these suggestions, instead only letting out a wry, amused chuckle after the fusion was done. “Ohoho, all good ideas! When you think, you really think big, dontcha, four arms?” she proceeded to playfully pinch Stepper’s cheek at this, something that set the on edge fusion off even more, especially given the demon’s sharp claws. “But… luckily for you, my strategies are a little more… subtle. And you’ll just have to wait to get a taste of them until you’re actually out on the road.”

“Hmph, I’ll be looking forward to it…” Stepper remarked dryly, crossing his arms. 

“Uh, speaking of the road, you guys should probably get back into the race,” Connie reminded. 

“Yeah, you don’t wanna keep Cody or Kameron or what’s-his-face waiting,” Zoom teased, turning Stepper’s cap backward as she floated past. “Or more importantly, you don’t wanna keep me waiting. See you on the road, kiddos.” The demon let out another smooth chuckle as she called upon her bike once more, revving it loudly before driving it out of sight in a bright burst of her iconic purple flames.

“Ugh,” Stepper growled as he straightened his cap, though he still left it on backward as he took his seat inside the Dondai. “Let’s just get this over with…”

Compared to Stevonnie and Maven, Stepper was admittedly much less comfortable behind the wheel, a fact that was made obvious given how touch-and-go the fusion was in so much as driving back to the start of the next leg of the race. The Dondai slowly, almost cautiously approached the trio of waiting teens, largely as a result of Stepper trying his best to drive as safely as possible, especially after the wild ride Maven just had. 

“A-alright,” Stepper began somewhat unsteadily as he got out of the car to face the teens. All the while, he made sure his lower pair of arms were safely secured out of sight within his backpack, hoping to come across as normal enough. Or at least, to not completely blow the cover they’d all been scarcely keeping up so far. “Let’s race?” he offered the trio an apprehensive smile, one that none of them returned as they instead offered him a shared cursory look. 

“Are you kidding?” Lacy spoke up, hands on her hips. “I have to race you?”

“Uh… yeah?” Stepper raised an eyebrow as the girl walked up to him. “What of it?”

“Tch, I knew this was gonna be easy, but this?” she laughed, essentially circling the confused fusion. “Schoolyard backpack? Baseball cap? What are you, 12?”

“N-no!” Stepper snapped, flustered. “I-I mean… t-technically not right now I guess, b-but whatever. It doesn’t matter how I’m dressed; I can still race laps around you!”

“Heh, maybe if we were racing tricycles,” Lacy mocked, leaning in close to the fusion. “You know, despite your garbage taste in fashion, you are pretty cute. Say, why don’t you and I ditch the rest of the race and go have a real good time…?”

“Augh!” Stepper instantly recoiled in disgust at such a flirtatious suggestion. Even so, he was hardly surprised by it; after all, this was one of Kevin’s friends who was offering it in the first place. Even so, the fusion was quick to regain his cool, adjusting the sides of his jacket as he took a large step back from Lacy. “Sorry,” he said with a cold glare. “But I’m already spoken for.”

“Hmph, your loss,” Lacy shrugged, heading back to stand alongside Kevin and Brock. “Enough talk; let’s race.”

“Finally,” Stepper groaned, turning to get back into the car. He was still largely simmering with anger even as he got back behind the wheel, largely ignoring the surprised looks both Mabel and Connie were sending his way as he did. “She’s going down…” he grumbled crossly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. 

“Ohoho! Feisty Stepper!” Mabel grinned excitedly. “I like it! Throw some of that fire under our tires and we’re sure to win!” 

“Well, between that and Zoom’s help, I’d say our chances are pretty good,” Connie noted with a relieved smile. 

“We don’t need her help,” Stepper scoffed, annoyed. “We can do this on our own.”

“Oh, can you now?”

“Ah!” the fusion gasped as he glanced to the passenger seat, only to find a certain speed demon casually reclining in it. “Will you stop doing that?!”

“Aw, c’mon, kiddo,” Zoom grinned playfully. “I just figured I’d hitch a ride, get a taste of how you are on the road before I make my move.”

“No need,” Stepper huffed, pulling up to the starting line. “I’m just fine on the road, thanks.”

“Lemme guess,” Zoom said knowingly. “This is your first time ever getting behind the wheel, right?”

“Uh, technically it’s my third,” the fusion corrected. “But it’s also sort of my first--b-but it doesn’t matter. I can do this.”

“We’ll see about that…” the demon remarked, getting comfortable in her spot in the passenger's seat. 

“Well, we believe in you, Stepper!” Mabel cheered brightly. 

“Yeah! You’ve got this!” Connie warmly agreed. 

Enthused by their encouragements, Stepper resteeled his grip on the wheel, blocking out any further distractions as the countdown to the start of the race began. And yet, the moment the flag came down to start it, Lacy instantly sped off, the sports car blasting out onto the road that led the rest of the way up the mountain. However, Stepper on the other hand, noticeably did not. 

“Uh… Stepper?” Mabel frowned, leaning forward from her spot in the back as she noticed Stepper’s relatively low speed. “We gonna… pick the pace any time soon?”

“Um, no?” the fusion scoffed, keeping his eyes on the road. “The signs say the speed limit is 30 miles an hour here. I may be trying to win, but I’m also trying to keep us from crashing. Unlike another fusion I happen to know.”

Mabel stuck her tongue out at Stepper upon hearing this, at least until Connie worriedly interjected. “Uh, ok, but… we’re never even gonna catch up to Lacy at this rate. Staying under the speed limit is important, but I think, in this case, it might just be ok to break it…”

“And risk speeding off a cliff?” Stepper asked incredulously, still maintaining his slow, steady pace. “I don’t think so.”

“Yawn,” Zoom groaned tiredly. “You’re puttin’ me to sleep with all this ‘safe driving’, kiddo. Looks like you need my help more than I thought. So… why don’t we turn up the heat?!”

“Wha-” Stepper cut himself off sharply as the demon suddenly disappeared, only to reposition herself on top of the vehicle. Then, before the fusion inside of it could even try to protest, Zoom slammed her hands down on top of the car hard, engulfing it in a bright, purple aura. The Dondai suddenly catapulted forward, flames of the exact same color erupting from its tailpipe as Stepper panicked under this newfound burst of manic speed.

“W-what’s happening?!” the fusion cried, desperately trying to maintain control over the car as it zipped around a sharp turn. To help the effort, Stepper hurriedly pulled his lower arms out from his backpack, gripping the wheel with them as well in the hopes that they’d give him some better leverage. A tactic that, surprisingly enough, actually happened to work. 

“I’m happening, kiddo!” Zoom laughed loudly from her spot atop the Dondai, her flaming hair flickering wildly in the wind. “And if there’s anything you should know about me, it’s that I race… to WIN!” 

“Whoohoo! Yeah, you do!” Mabel cheered, pumping her fist as she took a peek out the window. “Look! We’re about to catch up!”

“I-If we don’t crash first!” Connie exclaimed, aptly fearful. 

“Aw, relax,” Zoom scoffed in amusement. “I like you kids too much to let ya crash. But as for your little friend up there… well, she’s an entirely different story…”

As the Dondai sped forward, Lacy did largely the same in Kevin’s car, brazenly confident in her victory to the point that she was hardly even trying at all. “Tch, looks like ‘baseball cap’ should have thrown in the towel when he had the chance,” she smirked as she adjusted her rear view mirror to catch a glimpse of her own reflection. “There’s no way he’ll ever be able to catch up driving so--what?!” Lacy snapped harshly as she stole another glance out of the mirror to see the Dondai rapidly approaching from behind. “Hmph, looks like he’s more than just a pretty face after all…” she noted before shoving the car’s clutch forward aggressively. “But so… am I!”

While the sports car got a hitch of speed, Zoom responded in turn, pressing the Dondai even further as she disappeared out of sight to carry out the next part of her plan. At the same time, Stepper’s eyes were wide as he watched the speedometer waver wildly back and forth, never able to settle on a single speed as he continued using all four of his arms to keep the car on track. “I-I can’t stop it!” he cried, slamming his foot on the break only for the car to continue on its haphazard way. “W-what do we do?!”

“Win, silly!” Mabel exclaimed, exhilarated as she pointed out the front window to what lay ahead. “Look!”

The fusion did so, only to find that Zoom had taken up a perch atop the sports car this time, where she briefly glanced around before finding exactly what she was looking for. A burst of purple flame materialized above her hand, one that she instantly lobbed toward the forest far ahead of her. Her aim hit true, striking one of the several shorter trees bordering the road squarely at its base. The blast was enough to uproot the tree entirely, sending it careening forward into the road right as Lacy sped toward it. 

The kids inside the Dondai all let out a startled gasp as they saw this, genuinely frightened that the teen would actually end up in a deadly crash. However, Lacy herself managed to spot the falling tree just in time, letting out a terrified scream as she slammed hard on her breaks. The sports car spiraled out, coming to a sharp stop just shy of the downed tree now barring up half of the road ahead. Shaken by the harrowing experience, Lacy took a moment to catch her lost breath, her usually pristine hair and makeup completely askew. However, she was about to receive an even greater shock as a certain Dondai suddenly drifted past both her and the tree in her way. 

Stepper spun the wheel hard to avoid hitting the tree himself, finding a place on the small patch of the road not covered by it. As he did, the Dondai swung out to the point that its front window was briefly facing the sports car, effectively allowing him to be face to face with Lacy. And, even despite his own abject terror, it was an opportunity the fusion wasn’t about to waste as he flashed her a broad smile, lifting three of his four hands away from the steering wheel to offer her a playful, teasing wave. 

“WHAT?!” Lacy gasped, dumbstruck as she saw this, though only for a moment before Stepper sped past her entirely. Acting quickly, she forced the sports car back into action but it was already far too late now. The Dondai had gained an incredible lead, still pressed on by the otherworldly power Zoom had fueled it with. And, unlike before, Stepper reveled in this lead, letting out an excited laugh, one that Connie and Mabel gladly shared as their car glided swiftly over the finish line at the peak of the mountain, completely uncontested. 

With one victory in hand, Zoom finally cut her magic off, at last allowing the Dondai to come to a safe stop. The moment it did, Stepper, Mabel, and Connie all piled out of it, more than happy to celebrate their unexpected triumph together. “W-we did it!” the fusion exclaimed, both sets of arms happily embracing himself. “We actually won!”

“Correction: I won,” Zoom remarked, taking up her usual spot on top of the Dondai as she appeared out of nowhere. “You… well, you mostly just sat there screaming the entire time, but I guess you were there, so kudos to you for not dying, kiddo.”

“Uh, yeah, speaking of that,” Stepper’s smile finally faded into a disapproving look. “Can we talk about how you nearly killed someone back there? That wasn’t part of our deal.”

“So what if it wasn’t?” the demon shrugged, unconcerned. “You won, didn’t you? And that’s what you wanted, right?”

“W-well… yeah, but…”

“But nothin’, kiddo,” Zoom turned her back to the kids. “Far as I’m concerned, if you wanna win any race, then you’ve gotta be willing to do whatever it takes. No matter what…”

Upon hearing such an ominous statement, the kids all exchanged a mutually concerned glance, all of them silently wondering exactly what the demon’s true intentions really were. And yet, they didn’t get a chance to figure that out as the loud roar of a familiar engine sounded out from just down the road. “Look alive, kids,” Zoom advised, smirking as she disappeared into her usual purple flames once more. “The final lap is about to begin…”

If there was one thing the kids could all agree with the demon on, it was that. Which was why Mabel and Connie quickly piled into the back seat as Stepper concealed his lower arms once more, just as the sports car pulled up alongside the Dondai. 

“Look, I’m not crazy, Kevin!” Lacy snapped, getting out of the car first as Kevin and Brock sullenly followed. “He really does have four arms, see?!”

Her companions took a skeptical look over at the fusion, who simply offered them an innocent smile and wave, his lower set of arms still completely hidden away inside his pack as they’d been before. “Yeah, ok, whatever, Lacy,” Kevin scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

“Sounds to me like you’re just coming up with excuses about why you lost,” Stepper pointed out with a patronizing smirk. “But there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I am pretty great behind the wheel after all.”

“Tch, suuuure you are,” Lacy deadpanned crossly. “If driving like my grandma is what you call ‘great driving’.”

“Hey, it was enough to beat you, wasn’t it?” Stepper snarked right back. 

“Only ‘cause you cheated.”

“W-wha--how’d you--I-I mean, no, I didn’t-”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Kevin interjected, coming to stand between the pair. “You ‘ladies’ can always argue about which one of you is prettier later. ‘Cause now, it’s time for the main event.” The teen turned to Stepper, who only had a severe scowl to offer him and nothing more as he continued. “Tell your friend, Stevonnie, that Kevin’s ready for ‘em. And this time, the winner takes all.”

Upon hearing this, Zoom simply laughed quietly to herself, perched against her bike just past the nearby treeline as she watched the exchange unfold. “They always do, bud,” she grinned, her visor flashing mysteriously as she prepared to get in place for the race’s final leg. “They always do…”

Stevonnie let out a deep, steadying breath as they pulled the Dondai up to the starting line. The last third of the race would lead all the way down the mountain back to where it had all begun, taking a much shorter path than the two-segments of the race that had led up to the peak to begin with. Even so, it was a tricky stretch of road with sharp turns and narrow passages aplenty. Even so, the fusion was determined to tackle both it, and more importantly Kevin, head on in the deciding lap of the currently-tied race. 

“You know,” Kevin spoke up, looking out his open window with his usual smooth grin. “This mountain pass has some really beautiful views. Shame you’ll only be seeing my tail lights the entire time.”

Stevonnie gripped the steering wheel tighter at this, agitated as they clenched their teeth and let out a hissed response. “You wish.”

“Don’t listen to him, Stevonnie!” Mabel encouraged from the back seat in a bright whisper. 

“Yeah, he’s just trying to get inside your head,” Dipper added just as supportively. “You can do this! H-hopefully in a much less dangerous way than the past two rounds…”

“Thanks, guys,” Stevonnie grinned, remaining subtle as they set their sights on the road ahead. However, as they waited for the starting flag, they failed to see Brock send Kevin a subtle signal from the sidelines. One that only the teen saw, prompting him to get the race started before the flag even fell. 

“It’s Kevin time!” he grinned, slamming his foot on the gas to peel out from the starting line several seconds early. 

“Shoot!” Stevonnie exclaimed, startled as they quickly gathered their bearings, pushing the Dondai into motion itself. The vehicle took off, speeding down the road at a steady, yet confident pace, matching the fusion’s own determined confidence as they made their brazen attempt to win this race once and for all. 

At the same time, Kevin also carried an air of confidence in his own driving, assured that he’d be able to turn the current tie in his favor, all for the sake of maintaining his undefeated title. However, he was quite caught off guard upon catching sight of none other than the Dondai starting to gain on him from behind, in no small part thanks to another round of help from a certain unseen speed demon. 

Zoom smirked as she reclined against the back of the Dondai, the bright flames sparking out from her feet giving the vehicle the exact boost of speed it needed to catch up. It was a boost Stevonnie readily took as they steered the vehicle deftly, shifting gears and barely even flinching as they breezed right past the very disgruntled Kevin. 

“Ha ha!” Stevonnie goaded, sending the bitter teen a taunting grin, that is, at least until they spotted what awaited them on the road ahead. “Uh oh…”

“C-cliff!” Mabel yelled warningly, hugging Dipper fearfully as the Dondai sped toward it. 

At the same time, by now the race had reached a point where the group of spectating teens at the foot of the mountain could see the competing cars clearly again. And as the Dondai approached the dangerous cliff turn first, needless to say they were all beyond captivated to see what would happen. 

“Oh my gosh!” Ronaldo exclaimed, lowering his binoculars. “This is it!”

“A-are they gonna crash?” Jenny asked, worried. 

“Should I be recording this?” Tambry asked, poising her phone to do just that. 

“No! We’re about to witness the true power of the Supremo!” Ronaldo said, pointing back toward the mountain. 

At that exact moment, Stevonnie reacted just in time, shoving the car’s gear hard as they slammed their foot on the break. At the same time, Zoom maneuvered around the car, using her powers to craft a few extra inches of road to give the fusion enough space to make the tricky turn. And, through this partnership, they fortunately did, drifting skillfully around the turn before quickly straightening back up once again. “Whoa…” Stevonnie gasped, amazed, especially as they spotted Zoom gliding past their window. “Zoom, did you do that?”

“Eh, yeah, just a little trick I picked up a few decades back,” the demon shrugged casually. “No need to thank me, you kids winning will be thanks enough.”

Stevonnie didn’t get a chance to ask what she meant by this as she vanished into thin air once again, ready to help whenever needed. However, in place of the speed demon, something else soon began speeding by the fusion’s window, and a much more unwelcome sight at that. 

“So you do know how to use that thing,” Kevin remarked with a wry, somewhat vindictive smirk. 

The fusion did their best to ignore him, remembering the twins’ advice as they paid attention to the road instead. However, as they approached the next turn, Kevin remained tight up against them, never passing them as he instead opted to remain neck-and-neck instead for some reason Stevonnie couldn’t possibly begin to understand. As both cars cleared that turn, they were essentially inches apart, nearly scraping against each other as their speeds remaining consistent all the while, neither of them daring to slow down whatsoever. 

“I know you wanna be close,” Kevin began, once again peering over at the fusion smugly. “But this is a little clingy.”

“Ugh,” Stevonnie stuck their tounge out in disgust at this, shuddering at this blatantly flirtatious remark. 

“Ew, seriously?!” Dipper remarked quietly from the back seat. “Can this guy be any more of a scumbag?”

“Can anyone?” Mabel asked, quite baffled herself.

“What’s the matter?” the teen continued to patronize the frustrated fusion. “Feel like giving up yet?”

Stevonnie growled, gripping their steering wheel tightly to the point that they could bottle up their growing anger no longer. “Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?!” they snapped hotly, more than ready to receive one of Kevin’s usual catty responses. What they actually got, however, was perhaps the very last answer they could have ever expected. 

Kevin was quiet at this as he glanced down, his smile falling into an ashamed frown. “Truth is… I don’t mean to be this way. I-I just lash out because of my little brother.” He took in a sharp breath, clearly trying to hold back tears as he continued. “He’s sick. Been sick all our lives. Sometimes, I think if I act real cool and never let anyone see my pain… t-then maybe the pain will go away. A-and maybe…” He briefly trailed off, covering his eyes with his hands as he choked out what sounded like a sob. “I can take his pain away too....”

Stevonnie stilled at this, exchanging a brief, surprised glance with the equally dumbfounded pair of twins in the back seat. With this brand-new bit of rather tragic context revealed, it was as though their entire demeanor toward Kevin had changed. While his behavior was absolutely abhorrent, yes, perhaps there really was a grounded, grieving reason behind it after all. And in light of that fact, Stevonnie couldn’t help but feel rather guilty for their own attitude toward him as well. “Kevin…” they began sympathetically, earnestly. “I-I… had no idea…”

The teen didn’t respond at first, instead still crying, at least until his ‘sobs’ steadily turned to a bout of harsh, mocking, hysterical laughter instead. “Dude!” he cackled deviously, satisfied that his sob story had worked perfectly. “I don’t even have a brother! I’m like this because its funny!”

“Oh what?!” Mabel exclaimed, appalled from the back seat. Her initial reaction was to leap forward to give the callous teen a piece of her mind herself, though she was narrowly stopped by Dipper pulling her back just in the nick of time. 

“Like I said,” he scoffed, just as disgusted as his sister was. “Total scumbag.”

“Augh! You’re awful!” Stevonnie snapped back at Kevin, absolutely floored by his despicable lie. 

“You better believe I am,” Kevin chuckled, still quite amused as he his car finally began speeding past the Dondai. “Chowzers.”

The teen offered the fusion a playful wave as he passed them by, barely even paying any mind to how absolutely outraged they were by his terrible behavior. “KEVIN!” they yelled after him, forcing the Dondai to go as fast as it could possibly go. By this point, they didn’t care about anything, not about whether or not Zoom was lending them a hand, not about what obstacles might be on the road ahead, not even about the concerned pair of twins calling for them from the back seat. As far as they were concerned, the only thing that mattered now was Kevin and how they were going to beat him, no matter what it took. 

And with that sole, sharp thought in mind, everything else seemed to disappear, the forest around their vehicle turning to sheer darkness as Dipper and Mabel’s worried cries turned into strangely distant echoes. Some part of the fusion noticed this, gasping in surprise as the road ahead suddenly seemed to narrow to a dangerous degree. “W-what’s happening?” they asked, suddenly nervous, at least until their former rage returned full-force. “Ugh… Kevin!” 

That fury wavered back into shock as they stole a glance out of their rear-view mirror however. The road behind them was crumbling, rapidly falling to pieces behind them to to the point that soon, there would be nothing left for them to stand on at all. “W-wait!” they cried, both panicked and angered as they returned their bitter glare back toward the Himitsu before them. “No! We have to beat him! He deserves to lose!”

The fusion could barely, barely feel two pairs of hands on their shoulders, desperately trying to shake them back into reality. Likewise, the panicked cries had all but fallen on deaf ears as they tried their best to lock their focus onto the car currently in the lead, refusing to back down until they’d finally passed it. Until they finally bested him. Until they finally won. 

And yet… just before they could… 

Stevonnie lashed back in shock, their terror and anger finally overwhelming them in the form of a ghastly image of Kevin’s face, looming large and powerful before them. That image overtook their entire window, rushing for them with glowing red eyes as it prepared to devour them entirely. In a last ditch effort to avoid it, the fusion snapped the steering wheel hard to the left, closing their eyes tightly in an attempt to avoid their gruesome, hateful fate. 

And as they did, it was with a flash of bright, blinding pink light that everything suddenly went black.

“-even! Steven!”

“Connie! Wake up, you guys!” 

“H-huh?” Steven slowly opened his eyes, groggy yet largely unharmed. He was quick to notice that they had unfused, largely since he sat shoulder-to-shoulder alongside Connie, still buckled up in the Dondai’s driver’s seat. 

“Oh, yay!” Mabel cheered, catching the young Gem’s attention. Both her and Dipper stood just outside the open door, fawning over the pair with immense concerned written all over their faces. “You’re both alive!”

“N-not that we thought you were dead,” Dipper clarified. “I mean, we somehow didn’t hit anything, but still, you can never be too careful.”

“Ugh, what happened?” Connie asked, rubbing her sore head. 

“We don’t know!” Mabel answered honestly. “You guys just… shut down and wouldn’t listen to us even though we were super scared for you! And then ‘poof’! You unfused!”

“And without Stevonnie, the car spun out so… here we are…” Dipper added with a worried frown as he offered a hand to help Steven out of the car first. “Are you guys ok?”

“I think so,” Connie said, accepting the help that Mabel was extending to her. “Are you ok, Steven?”

“...Yeah,” the young Gem nodded, quietly glancing down as he stepped out of the Dondai. He stopped however, upon noticing Connie turn to face the road leading down the mountain, her expression stern and solid as she looked away. “W-what are you doing?” Steven asked, confused. 

“What are we doing?” she turned the question back around as she turned to face the others. 

“Uh… I thought we were racing…” Mabel pointed out with a frown.

“Well, at least we were…” Dipper noted, knowing their chances of catching up to Kevin were practically non-existent now. . 

“W-we’re getting back at Kevin!” Steven added instantly. “We’re about to beat him at his own game! We’re about to win!”

“Yeah…” Connie nodded solemnly. “But… why do we even have to play his game?”

“B-because!” the young Gem exclaimed tightly, his anger starting to build up all over again. “He… h-he’s… augh!”

“I know!” Connie agreed, understanding Steven’s frustration all too well. And yet at the same time she also knew, there just had to be a better way of dealing with that frustration than losing themselves to it as they had mere moments ago. “So why should he get to have any say over how we feel?”

“H-he doesn’t!”

“But he’s the reason we’re racing,” Connie pointed out. “Steven… he’s the reason we all fused…”

Needless to say that Dipper, Mabel, and Steven alike were all taken aback by it, unable to deny that this was completely true. Because like it or not, the very reason they had formed Stevonnie, Maven, or Stepper this time around had been solely for the sake of this race. Solely for the sake of trying to beat Kevin and his friends at their own twisted games. 

“W-we… we are obsessed with him…” Steven muttered, letting out a small, shaken gasp of realization. 

“What were we thinking?!” Mabel pouted regretfully. “Fusion is supposed to be for fun--and the occasional throwdown with uber-powerful bad guys--not for major jerkfaces like Kevin!”

“W-we really let ourselves get carried away… didn’t we?” Dipper noted, just as perplexed by their mutual error. 

“We did…” Connie nodded with a sigh. “But… it’s not too late. I wanna finish this race… but not for him.”

Steven paused as he noticed the hand Connie was offering him, one carried a message of solidarity rather than spite. And as he met that hand, suddenly he completely understood. What Kevin had done to them, how he made them feel was awful, yes. But holding onto those feelings, letting themselves linger in just how awful it all was, was doing none of them any good. And chances are that besting him in some simple, silly race wouldn’t change that fact. The only ones who could have any sort of power over how they felt were themselves. Which was why there was no doubt between any of the kids as they all exchanged warm, resolved smiles with one another as they came together; this time around, they were going to feel better, win or lose. 

“For us!” they proclaimed in an affirming unison, ready to take this last leg of the race on together, no matter what happened. 

And yet, before Steven and Connie so much has had a chance to try and fuse again, a sudden blast of bright purple flame broke out between the kids, quickly forcing them apart. And in the midst of those flames, Zoom herself materialized, her expression absolutely outraged as she hovered high above the startled kids. “What do you dumb kids think you’re doing?!” she hissed harshly, her clawed hands in tight fists at her sides. 

“We’re gonna get back into the race!” Steven exclaimed brightly. 

“Yeah!” Connie, Dipper, and Mabel readily agreed, though Zoom, on the other hand, was having none of their shared  enthusiasm. 

“You’re gonna LOSE the race at this rate!” the demon snapped angrily. “While you brats were sitting around here ‘talking about your feelings’ or whatever, that chump Kelvin is taking the lead! And you’re just gonna let it happen?!”

“Uh… sure?” Connie shrugged, unconcerned. 

“Yeah, it’s just some silly ol’ race,” Mabel smiled with a wave of her hand. “Who cares if he wins as long as we’re having fun?”

“I CARE!” Zoom shouted furiously, her flaming hair flickering wildly. “We had ourselves a deal, kiddos. I help you brats out, so you could win! That’s what ALL this was about! That’s what it was always about! That’s what everything’s about: WINNING!”

“Yeesh, somebody’s a little over-competitive…” Dipper remarked with a bit of a wry smile, eliciting a brief laugh from the other kids. 

“Oh, what am I some kind of JOKE to you now?!” Zoom growled, snapping her fingers to call her set of shapeshifting wheels onto the scene. “Well, we’ll just see who’s laughing when I’m standing in the winner’s circle, kiddos! Catch you in the photo-finish… NOT!” 

The speed demon let out a cackling, wild laugh as she hopped onto her bike which was quick to turn into her otherworldly car as she took off, barreling down the road in a burst of violet flames. The kids stood by, watching her all the while, hardly minding as she, much like Kevin, got an impressive lead ahead of them. Yet even so, they hardly minded, instead exchanging a blissful shrug just shy of Steven and Connie reclaiming each other’s hands, engulfing themselves in the light of fusion once more to face this final lap, and whatever came after it, together. And this time, they were going to do it entirely on their own terms.

The Himitsu thumped rhythmically with the electro tunes blasting through its speakers, Kevin nodding along with them as he rounded one of the last bends of the race with ease. He hadn’t the faintest idea as to what happened to the fusion, nor did he care; all he knew was that his victory was all but guaranteed, just as it always was. 

That is, until an entirely new competitor blasted her way into the race entirely out of nowhere. 

“Tch, finally,” Kevin grinned, spotting the shape of a car approaching from behind in his rear-view mirror. However, it only took a second glance at the fiery pink car to see that this vehicle was not the Dondai he’d been expecting. “Wait, wha-”

“Outta the way, slow-poke!” Zoom shouted, honking her horn obnoxiously as she easily caught up with Kevin. “I don’t got the time or patience to deal with a second-rate novice like you.”

“Hey!” Kevin snapped, offended and absolutely dumbfounded as he glared over at the demon. “W-what and who are you supposed to be?!”

“Oh, me?” the demon smirked. “Nobody important. Just the demon who’s gonna win this race without even trying!” Zoom let out another rowdy laugh as her car swiftly roared past Kevin’s, leaving the teen even more baffled, and even more set off than before. 

“Over my beautiful dead body!” Kevin scowled, shifting the Himitsu into high gear to catch up with the speed demon. He managed to keep a good pace behind her for quite while, that is, at least until his other competitor finally returned to the race. The teen’s cold grin returned as he caught a glimpse of the Dondai out his window as it pulled up alongside him, knowing that it wouldn’t be able to keep that tie going for too long if he had anything to do about it. “You caught up,” he remarked to Stevonnie. “I was worried you’d miss seeing me win.”

Much to the teen’s surprise, however, Stevonnie didn’t even spare him a single glance, instead looking forward with a calm smile on their face. “What, so you’re shy now?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at them. Still, the fusion didn’t answer, even as they happily began to catch a bit of a lead on him. Shocked and appalled by this, Kevin accelerated, pushing the Himitsu hard, even as both cars rounded another tight turn. However, it was only as they cleared this turn that Stevonnie finally happened to glance away from the road… and toward the view on its other side instead. 

“Whoa…” the fusion gasped in amazement, taking in the grand sight before them. From their spot on the mountain pass, all of Gravity Falls could be seen laying out before them, bathed in the cool, milky light of the full moon. From the mysterious floating cliffs to the north to the glistening lake to the east to the temple statue towering high into the western sky, the charming little town sat peacefully, resting easily under the beautiful canopy of endless stars hanging over it. Stevonnie couldn’t help but smile as they took in those stars, elated by just how lovely it all was now that they had spared a moment to enjoy it. Briefly, they glanced back at Dipper and Mabel behind them, both of them pressed against the window to catch a glimpse of the radiant outlook themselves and admiring it just as much as they were. And as the fusion met their delighted smiles, they reveled in them and the fun they were having, to the point that they didn’t even notice, nor did they care as Kevin raced past them altogether. After all, simply being here, together, was more than enough for any of them. 

However, even as the finish line came into view, Kevin himself wasn’t the first to cross it. Zoom sped over it, cackling wildly all the while as her tires treaded flames behind them. The spectating crowd all gasped in surprise at this unexpected racer, especially as her car seamlessly shapeshifted into a motorcycle as she peeled past them, high on the adrenaline of her easy victory. “Let this be a lesson to you, punks!” Zoom shouted back to the confused crowd with a sinister smile. “Demon’s Peak is my turf! And anyone who thinks they’re good enough to race on my turf better be ready to put the best to the test! See ya, LOSERS!”

 With yet another triumphant laugh, Zoom raced off into the woods, leaving a very baffled group of teens behind in her wake. “WHOA!” Ronaldo shouted first, trying his best to capture any photos he could of the demon for his blog. “Who was that?!”

“I dunno... “ Robbie remarked, hoping to get another glimpse of the retreating demon himself. “But she was kinda hot--ow!” He was quick to rub his sore ribcage the moment after Tambry harshly elbowed it to remind him to keep his eyes on her instead. 

Mere moments after Zoom claimed her victory, both the Himitsu and the Dondai came careening across the finish, the former only barely scraping a clear victory past the former. The crowd let out a collective disappointed groan at this, knowing that, as always, Kevin had triumphed in yet another race. 

“Aw, I was rooting for you, Dondai!” Jenny called supportively. 

“Kevin is the worst!” Ronaldo exclaimed, briefly putting his phone down. “Boo!”

“Hmph, guess that crazy pink girl wussed out…” Kevin noted to himself as he got out of the car, not spotting any signs of Zoom in the vicinity. “Uh… I mean, that’s right! First place, baby! It’s like I invented winning!”

“Actually… I think you were in second…” Stevonnie noted with a small, cordial smile as they approached the smug teen. All the same, they offered their hand out to his, maintaining their even calm, manner all the while. “Still, good race.”

“You… tryin’ to kiss my hand with your hand or something?” Kevin asked, eyeing their hand suspiciously. 

“You know, Kevin, you were right,” Stevonnie said, still smiling. 

“I know,” the teen said, turning away before looking back to the fusion, slightly confused. “...About what?”

“The view from the mountain was pretty great,” Stevonnie grinned warmly, nodding back up to the mountain itself. 

“H-hey! Don’t try to teach me a lesson! You lost!”

“Eh, third place isn’t so bad,” Stevonnie shrugged, accepting that fact as they made their way back over to the Dondai. “For my first time driving a car!”

“Ugh!” Kevin scoffed, agitated by just how unbothered the fusion seemed to be. “Look at you! Y-you’re so obsessed with me, you’re gonna drive away!”

Stevonnie did just that, smiling contentedly all the while as they began to drive off away from the mountain, even as Kevin tried hurrying after them to prove his point. “Fine! Go play with some kiddy toy cars with your dumb baby friends! I-I could beat you at that too! Don’t forget! You’re obsessed with me! Obsessed!”

“Yeah, you guys are totally the obsessed ones…” Dipper deadpanned to Stevonnie as the Dondai continued driving away.

“Looks like he’s got me pegged,” Stevonnie shrugged just as sardonically, taking one final glance at Kevin out of the rear-view mirror before they passed over a hill, blocking him from sight. 

“You guys!” Mabel cut in blithely. “This was so much fun! We should really break out Stevonnie, Maven, and Stepper back to back like this more often! It’s like we had our own personal fusion party!”

“Well, it would have been more personal if it had been just for us from the start…” Stevonnie noted thoughtfully. “But yeah… it was a lot of fun, wasn’t it?”

“You can say that again, kiddo.”

“Huh?” the fusion gasped, looking over to see Zoom casually reclining in the passenger seat once more. “Zoom… y-you’re… not mad?”

“Pfft, please,” the demon scoffed with a small chuckle. “I was never mad to begin with. I was just itching to get out into the race myself, so I did. And I’m glad I did. The look on all those chumps’ faces? Classic!”

Zoom let out another amused snicker, eliciting shared looks of apt confusion from all of the kids until Dipper finally addressed it. “Wait, I still don’t understand. You helped us in the race, yeah, but what was really in any this for you to begin with?”

“Ooo, did you wanna teach us an important lesson about how winning isn’t everything?” Mabel asked, curious. 

“Uh, no,” Zoom scoffed. “Like I said, winning is everything. I just did all this to mess with you kids.”

“Uh… why?” Stevonnie asked with a frown. 

“Because it was a total blast!” the demon grinned brightly. “This is the most fun I’ve had in centuries! Gotta hand it to you kiddos, you got a ton of spunk. Well, for a bunch of mortals, at least. Maybe next time you’re in my neck of the woods, we can have ourselves a real race.”

“Yeah,” Stevonnie smiled, allayed. “Sounds like fun.”

“Well, this demon’s gonna call it a night,” Zoom stretched out with a fake yawn as she began hovering above her seat. “I’ll see you kids around. Keep it real.”

“Always,” all of the kids agreed in solid unison as the demon disappeared for the last time. Still holding onto their warm smile, Stevonnie turned some relaxing tunes on to accompany the drive home. A drive that each of the kids readily enjoyed as they rode through the crisp warmth of the beautiful summer night solely for themselves… and for each other.

As they did, a single engine drifted its way up to the very top of Demon’s Peak, awash in vibrant purple flames. As it came to a slow, easy stop, its enigmatic, demonic rider proudly sat upon it, smiling up to the full moon above her, always ready for another race. 

Next: 

[bangtan-spells]

Jimin Scenario: My One and Only.

Request: Teacher jimin au he's a literature teacher in highschool he had an intellegent student who admire litreature just as much he mention her name often to his wife tell her how good she is and the book she recently gave him to read, but his wife start to get jealous even though she know nothing is happing, so she start reading when she don't like books, and do some research in litreature so they can talk about it. He'll notice tease her a first about it, then show her who's the only woman he love. 

Genre: Romance

–Hyemin gifted me a book in the lunch break, I was talking with Namjoon, do you remember the new philosophy teacher? Well we were there, she came in and…–

–She what? – your hands stayed frozen on the buttons of your husband’s shirt, you’d been helping Jimin undress while he went about his day at the high school and what a surprise, Hyemin was mentioned once again.

–Gifted me a book – Jimin licked his lips and smiled softly, maybe remembering his ever so charming student. –She said I should read it and that she was sure I was going to like it, isn’t that so kind of her? – Jimin laughed, shaking his head. –Oh and she also said that now she was considering majoring in literature all thanks to me, isn’t that amazing? –

–Hmmm…amazing indeed– you undid the last three buttons of Jimin’s dress shirt and took it off from him, furrowing your brows a little. It had been four months since the new school year started and you’d been hearing Hyemin’s name quite often from Jimin’s lips.

He continuously mentioned how she was so clever, how she got all his questions right, she stood out to him since class one with her interest in literature, but going from that to giving your husband gifts made you feel unease and embarrassingly jealous of a high school girl. Jimin had been so excited since this particular course stared and now you wondered if it had everything to do with Hyemin.

You took a deep breath, it was ridiculous to think of your husband feeling more than simple admiration for his student, you knew Jimin yet the uneasiness was still there and you were afraid of the path your thoughts were taking. You yanked Jimin’s belt off with more force than needed.

–Y/N, what is it? You seem suddenly, um… tense– You pressed your lips together, undoing the button of Jimin’s pants and his hands joined yours to finish getting rid of them.

–It’s just tiredness babe– you sighed and Jimin nodded, taking off the knot of your bathrobe and coiling an arm around your waist to pull you closer to his body.

–Let’s take that bath then, I’ll give you a massage, make you feel alright –

You smiled with Jimin’s words, with the kisses he was pressing down the sides of your neck and let him pull you towards the tub where the steaming water was waiting for you. You let Jimin spoil you and didn’t mention your worry because of this new student of his, you should be glad your husband did so well at the classroom that he managed to inspire his students, even if it was one with a possible crush on him.

You sighed when Jimin’s hands massaged the middle of your back and went up to your shoulders in a steady rhythm, he kissed your nape and you rested your forehead on your knees, trying to will away the jealousy. You hated to be getting jealous over practically nothing, over a name, over a young girl you didn’t know, over a book with a blue ribbon and a card resting on Jimin’s nightstand.

Everything changed after that night, even if you tried to stay chill and pretend otherwise. Jimin had fallen asleep by your side with a contented smile and you were still thinking of Hyemin and his fixation with her. What was so nice about her anyway? He’d had good and smart students before too but Jimin had never quite talked about them so much. You turned on your side to observe his sleeping face then placed a flutter kiss on his shoulder before standing up from the bed.

You went to the room both of you used as office and where Jimin’s personal library was. He was clearly allured by Hyemin’s liking of literature, books had never really been your thing and you didn’t like to feel like you had to compete for your husband’s attention, but if putting up a fight against that student was what you needed, then that’s what you were going to do.

    Something was definitely going on with you, the first few times Jimin couldn’t exactly put his finger on the main issue, first time he caught you with his favorite title in hand, he thought you were reading it just by chance, maybe out of curiosity since he talked about it to you often, but then you said you were actually reading it and Jimin had laughed, not to make fun of you but he’d been too surprised because the books lover in your relationship had always been only him. It happened more times after that and you were even talking to him about titles like Anna Karenina and The Odyssey so he’d teased you about it, asking more than once you if you’d changed spots with his wife overnight.

Jimin liked the way you seemed to be so interested about the subject he taught at school and so eager to talk about it with him, but even if he enjoyed the novelty of it, it also felt forced somehow. He didn’t want to judge you, people could change and start getting interested in things they weren’t interested in before, but it was getting suspicious in his opinion. Maybe now you felt like you had to like literature because of him? Jimin frowned, opening quietly the door to your house, he’d been thinking nonstop about this all day.

He made his way inside and stopped short before fully entering the living room, you were sitting on the couch unaware of his arrival and had connected the laptop to the TV to watch a documentary of some university teacher speaking about the book Hyemin had gifted him, making a summary and simplifying it. Jimin watched in silence for some minutes until it clicked on him, this had to be the real reason of your behavior.

–I’m home – he said and you flinched on the couch, rushing to turn everything off.

–Honey! I didn’t hear you –

–Perhaps because you were too focused on the TV – Jimin smiled, making his way to you. You were wearing a pale blue dress that he loved on you and looking flustered, you were quite something, he’d knew it since he met you and he loved every centimeter of you, every bit of the crazy workings of your mind. He’d been talking about Hyemin and his course so much that he should have seen it sooner.

Jimin leaned down with a knee on the couch to greet you. –If you wanted to learn so much, I could have taught you babe – he kissed you deeply until he had you resting your back on the couch, molding your body against his and making space for him there. You laughed a little breathless and avoided his eyes. –You don’t have to do this to get my attention Y/N –

Jimin smiled tenderly at you, caressing your waist softly over the fabric of your dress with his right hand.

–How’d you…– you blushed a little under his gaze then, biting on your lower lip. –I just thought… you are so mesmerized by Hyemin and all her knowledge of literature…– You sighed, still not meeting his eye. Jimin nuzzled your neck, you smelled like him and like you too, he was already used to the mix and he loved it.

–You think I like her? – he didn’t want to sound amused because you could take it wrong, he cupped the side of your face and lifted it a little for you to look at him, but you only did so for short and Jimin hated to see you doubt, you were everything to him and no smart student could change that. –Y/N, baby, look at me–

You did as he said and he spoke softly to you. –First of all, I don’t like Hyemin, she’s practically a child so don’t think I feel something for her – he kissed you with all his might then, his hands held onto your waist firmly and he only parted when both of you were breathless and your chests were heaving, so much he had to clear his throat to continue. –Second, you’re my wife Y/N, I can’t even look at another woman because I only have eyes for you–

Jimin’s hands went lower to squeeze your hips and his lips kissed your neck, your cleavage, peppered your clavicles with flutter kisses.

–You’re the only one for me, my life, the only woman I love – you moaned quietly into the kiss when Jimin’s hands slipped beneath your dress to take a hold of your hips and slid them lower to caress your thighs and coil them around his hips in the process.

–I just… I think I got a… a little jealous, you talked about her with such adoration…– Jimin hummed against your skin, working his hands further up your torso, your chest. –I wanted you to admire me too –

This time Jimin laughed under his breath, part for what you said, part for the little whine his touch elicited from you. –But I already admire you Y/N, and I love you too, I still can’t believe my luck for having you – he pecked your lips softly then. –She can’t compare, no woman can, for me it’s only you–

He kissed you again and he was willing to spend the rest of the night doing it if that’s what it took for you to understand how especial you were to him. You held onto him, carded your hands through his hair but complained softly.

–It’s not fair, you’re too attractive and possibly the hottest high school teacher on earth, you can’t blame me for feeling a little afraid – Jimin laughed, you always managed to make him feel too many things at once. –Besides,you don’t let me think straight when you kiss me like this Jimin…–

–You don’t have to fear, I’m only yours– He brought a hand up to caress your cheek and his heart swelled with your smile, your lips looked tender and moist and even if you had complained, Jimin wasn’t planning to stop kissing you like he was born to do just that.

He leaned forward and caught your lips again, to think of spending the rest of the night showing you how much he loved you and how he was only into you didn’t seem like a bad idea. Jimin smiled into the kiss when you sighed his name as he bit your lips. This was just the start.

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY - WHAT I AM IS BRAVE

June 16, 1983

By Lynne Hirschberg, Rolling Stone Magazine. Reprinted in the Dayton (OH) Journal-Herald

Lucille Ball is not Lucille Ball. She is Lucy. 

In Los Angeles, everyone knows where Lucy lives. The mansion is a big, white affair in Beverly Hills. Fans pose for photos in front of it, and they dig up Lucy's front lawn. 

Inside the mansion, the visitor is led through a series of spacious rooms to what appears to be a large den. The predominant color is orange. Dark-green carpeting with upholstered , orange chairs. Lots of orange and lots of plants. One wall is completely glass and overlooks a large yard, also filled with plants. Lucy, you are told, loves to garden. 

Lucy enters from the yard. She has just taken a singing lesson. She is wearing big pastel sunglasses, a black V-neck sweater and matching slacks. Her hair is a strange shade of reddish pink. She adjusts her sunglasses. Takes them off and cleans them. Her eyes are very blue. She puts her glasses back on and extends her hand. "I'm glad to meet you," Lucy says. "My name Is Lucille Ball." 

As we speak, she begins to smoke, and smoke. "I smoke a lot," she says, "but I never inhale." 

The smoking seems to elicit questions. Lucille Ball likes to ask questions. She likes an honest response. She asks questions like, "Do you ever dye your hair? Do you believe in astrology? Do you want a grilled cheese sandwich?" These questions give way to statements. Statements like, "You should dye your hair. Have a grilled cheese sandwich." And, then: "I believe in astrology." 

Lucille Ball explains. She is 71 years old, born Aug. 6 and a Leo. Leos are, she says, vain, proud and forthright. She is startlingly forthright. "Leos know what they're about," Ball says. Leos are also, she adds, accident-prone. "We break a lot of bones." She has broken this very leg. She even suffered from rheumatoid arthritis. "They told me I'd never walk again," Ball says, "But I want you to just feel this leg." 

She points to her leg. The leg is truly beautiful, a showgirl's leg. I feel it gingerly. "THAT'S NOT THE WAY YOU FEEL A LEG," Ball screams. "My God - don't you even know how to feel a person's leg?" She grabs my hand and then, hand in tow, grabs her leg around the calf. The leg, In fact, appears to be quite sturdy. "Years ago, that leg was completely weak. But that was years ago. Today Is another story." 

Today is another story, and "years ago" was New York. Lucille Ball was not Lucille Ball then. "I was known as Diane Belmont," Ball says, after fixing herself the much-discussed grilled cheese sandwich. "You have to understand, I am from a suburb of Jamestown, New York. 

"When I was four, my father, who was an electrician, died. I was always what you would call stage-struck. I would recite speeches at the drop of a... anything. I'd sing, I'd dance, I'd perform all the time. But I was always interested in being of the business. Of the business. Any part of, it: makeup, costumes... anything and everything. My mother finally sent me to the John Murray Anderson-Robert Milton Dramatic School in New York City. Bette Davis was their star pupil. After one semester, they sent my mother a letter saying she was wasting her money. They said I'd never learn to talk, never learn to walk across a stage. That left a helluva mark on me. I had very little, if any, self-confidence after that. I didn't change until I was a model for a while." 

Diane Belmont was born several years later. "To this day," Ball says, "people say, 'Why did you change your name to Lucille Ball?' Can you imagine anyone changing her name to Lucille Ball? My real name is Lucille Ball. Diane Belmont was a much classier name. I came up with it in the car. I always loved the name Diane, and I was driving past the Belmont race track, and the names seemed to fit together: Diane Belmont. It was such a glamorous name. A real model's name." 

Belmont was successful. She became a Chesterfield cigarettes poster girl, a hat model and a dress model. But BelmontBall hated New York. "I didn't have any friends. No girlfriends and no boyfriends. I didn't have big dreams about where I was going or with whom. I didn't go out. I was never boy crazy or man crazy or car crazy or anything crazy, but New York was a lonely place. I never even felt pretty. I was clearly a lesser beauty. I had a very dull existence." 

When she was 17 Belmont/Ball's career was interrupted by a debilitating disease rheumatoid arthritis. "One day it just struck me," Ball recalls. "I was working too hard and not taking care of myself. I was laid up for three years. I had to work pretty hard to walk again, but I was lucky. Since I had no money, my boss sent me to her doctor, and he sent me to see this specialist. I became a guinea pig, and this doctor would experiment on me. The guinea pig experiments worked. In three years, I was v modeling again." Not for long.

"I seldom use the word luck" says Lucille Ball. "But in 1933, when I became a Goldwyn girl - that was pure luck. I was just walking down the street. It was unbearably hot and someone - I don't remember exactly who - came up to me and said, 'How'd you like to go to California?' This was New York, so you had to be careful when anyone asked you anything, but this was a woman asking me, so I figured I was safe. She told me that the girl they had already found for Goldwyn couldn't make the trip. They wanted poster gals for the film Roman Scandals, and since I was the Chesterfield Girl, I fit the bill. They said the job was for six weeks. I said, 'I'd go anyplace to get out of this heat.' I went out to Hollywood and" - Ball smiles - "I never came back." 

"My hair," Lucille Ball Is saying "has always been the bane of my existence." Ball fluffs up her curls. Her hair goes straight up about six inches. "I have never known what to do with my hair," she says. "It was just never chic." A natural brunette, Ball has tried several different hair colors. Blonde. Platinum. Red. Pink. Orange. Diane Belmont was a blonde, and when she arrived in Hollywood and retrieved her own name, Lucille Bail was a Jean Harlow platinum. "You had to be a platinum blonde then," says Ball, almost apologetically, still fussing with her hair. "They wanted you to be a platinum blonde, so I was a platinum blonde."

There were other accommodations. "We had to line up for Mr. Goldwyn when we first went out there," Ball recalls. "You had to have on the inevitable bathing suit. Mr. Goldwyn and 40 other men would walk by and stare at you. We were all self-conscious, but those who were Ziegfeld girls and Shubert girls were very well stacked. They were less nervous. They had it, you see. I didn't have it." 

Ball points to her breasts. 

"So I made fun of myself. I put toilet paper and gloves and socks and anything I could find in the bust of my bathing suit. Some of the toilet paper was still trailing out of the top when Mr. Goldwyn came by." Bail pauses. "If nothing else, they certainly noticed me. 

"I think the one virtue that helped me was I didn't mind doing anything. Nothing was beneath me. I'd scream; I'd yell; I'd run through the set; I'd wear strange clothes. To me it was just getting your foot in the door." 

She went from Goldwyn to Columbia to RKO, where because of her less than magnificent films, she became knows as "Queen of the B's." But Bail did make some widely praised films. Stage Door (1937), The Big Street (1942) and the Cole Porter musical DuBarry Was a Lady (1942) all met with a critical positive response. 

The latter film marked the beginning of her red-headed days of Technicolor Tessie, a name given her by Life magazine. 

"Red was a happy color. It was good with my eyes, and it photographed well. It turned out to be a successful color. There's nothing more to it than that," she says. 

Ball says she fell in love with Desi Arnaz at first sight. 

"That was real love. We met on the set. We were making a movie called Too Many Girls. I played the ingenue lead." "I asked her if she knew how to rumba," Arnaz has said. "And when she said no, I offered to teach her." 

Arnaz, in 1940, was the chief rumba proponent in America. A native Cuban, he and his mother had fled their country following the 1933 Batista revolution. The 16-year-old Arnaz drove a cab, worked as a bookkeeper and cleaned out bird cages until, in 1937, he became a member of the Siboney Septet, a swanky hotel band. While performing with this group, he was spotted by Xavier Cugat, who hired the young singer. A year later, Arnaz started his own ensemble. He became a sensation in New York and Arnaz landed the lead role in Too Many Girls. He came to Hollywood, fell in love and within six months, he and Lucille Ball were married. 

"Our marriage," Bail says, "was rough. We had a rough go. For the first nine years, it seemed like we were only together a few weeks." First work kept them apart, then he was drafted, and after the war he toured with ins band for five years. "It was very successful for him but disastrous for our marriage. You can't have a marriage over the phone. We were on our ninth year, and we'd spent something like eight and a half of them apart. We decided that we wanted to be together." 

During this period, Ball, fed up with movies, starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” (l947-1951) (1). She played Liz, the zany wife of a staid banker. CBS wanted to transfer the concept to television and Bail said OK, providing Desi play her husband. The studio objected, but Bail and Arnaz were steadfast. They put together an act, created their own company, Desilu Productions, and hit the road. The public response was terrific. CBS took notice and finally relented. Their show was “I Love Lucy”. The rest is history. 

“I am not funny," says Lucille Ball, sounding very funny. "My writers were funny. My direction was funny. The situations were funny. But I am not funny. What I am is brave. I have never been scared. And there was a lot to be scared about. We were innovators. 

"At the beginning of Love Lucy, they gave us a choice of five, six, seven scripts and asked us what we wanted our characters to be like. No one had ever done that before. 

"I... didn't want us to be a 'typical Hollywood couple,' whatever that is. I wanted our characters to have problems. Economic problems. Ail kinds of problems. I wanted to be an average housewife. A very nosy, but very average housewife." Ball pauses. "And I wanted my husband to love me.” By the beginning of the second season, the show was the biggest hit In TV history. But not everyone was happy. Vivian Vance, for Instance. Despite her rather matronly appearance, Vance was actually one year younger than Ball (who was 41 when she became Lucy). And to guarantee Ethel Mertz' dowdy image, it was stipulated in Vance's contract that the actress always remain 20 pounds overweight. This agreement caused some friction. (2) 

But Lucy was positively gleeful about the show. It was her family. Her second child, Desi Jr., was born to much fanfare the very same night Lucy Ricardo gave birth to her baby, Little Ricky, on national TV. An estimated 44 million viewers watched. 

"Things were wonderful then," Ball says, almost dreamily. "Things were just wonderful." 

But there was still trouble in her marriage. She thought the show would turn things around. But Desi Arnaz, apparently, was not Ricky Ricardo. "He was like Jekyll and Hyde," Ball says now. "He drank and he gambled and he went around with other women. I was always hoping things would change. But Desi's nature is destructive. When he builds something, the bigger he builds it, the more he wants to break it down." 

In 1957, "I Love Lucy” ceased weekly production. The show's format changed Ricky Ricardo bought Club Babalu. Guest stars began popping in for nightcaps. And “I Love Lucy” reappeared as hour-long specials that aired roughly once a month. 

In 1960, Lucille Ball filed for divorce. The divorce was uncontested. She was awarded half of Desilu Productions, the Beverly Hills house, two station wagons and a cemetery plot at Forest Lawn. 

Gary Morton is Lucille Ball's second husband. She met him in New York while she was starring on Broadway in the Desllu-financed musical Wildcat. Morton was a stand-up comic. Now his office at the Twentieth Century-Fox studios is papered with framed Lucy photos. 

"We are very compatible," Morton says. "We even sing in the same octave." Morton runs Lucille Ball Productions, an outgrowth of Desilu Productions. Desi Arnaz, who ran Desilu after the divorce, had built the company into a multimillion-dollar business. Not only did it produce love Lucy, the company also produced 60 other prime-time series, including “The Untouchables” and “Our Miss Brooks.” 

Lucille Ball looks sad when she talks about Lucy. She isn't Lucy, you see. "Lucy, for me," she says, "is like a memory. I am nostalgic about Lucy. I could still be playing that part. Before I quit working in 1974, my ratings were high, and they wanted me to sign on for another five years of “Here's Lucy.” I said, That's ridiculous.' The Lucy character is too old to run around like an idiot. (3) I'd probably still be playing Lucy if I'd signed that contract, but it was silly to keep playing the same thing." 

Ball pauses. 

"But now I miss her. I miss my arena. I miss getting up and going to work every day. I have my charities, and I'm getting my house in order, but it's not the same."

#   #   #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

This article is a reprint of an article that appeared in Rolling Stone Magazine on June 23, 1983.  Magazines were usually post-dated, so this issue of Rolling Stone was already on the newsstand on June 16, 1983.

(1) “My Favorite Husband” aired a pilot episode on July 5, 1948, not 1947 as is stated here.  However, the source material naturally pre-dates the radio series. 

(2) The controversial contract that kept Vivian Vance frumpy was discussed on “Dinah!” on December 1, 1975.  Vivian has brought a long a copy of the ‘contract’, which she describes as a gag, never to be taken seriously.  Whether Vance is now covering for Ball’s initial misgiving’s about her casting, or the contract was indeed a joke, we will never know. 

(3) Perhaps Lucille Ball forgot about this fact when tempted back onto television in 1986 for “Life With Lucy.”  Most of the critics remarked that it was not funny to see a woman of Ball’s advanced age doing pratfalls and stunts. 

This same article was published two days later in The Ottawa (CAN) Citizen. The photographs, artwork, and headline were different, but the text remained essentially the same. 

[robertsmorgan]

Psychology of Eating Podcast: Episode #187 – A Man Has a Breakthrough with Food & Life

Joel’s life has felt uncertain and out of his control. He feels like he copes with the uncertainty in his life through food. At times, it’s as though he can’t stop eating and one meal turns into a several hour affair. Marc David, Founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, helps Joel put the pieces together on what is really going on behind the overeating. Rather than focusing on the eating as the problem, Joel discovers that what he is yearning for is something bigger in his life, using food as his outlet. Joel takes on his masculine, his feminine, his resistance to structure, and makes a big commitment to his life.

Below is a transcript of this podcast episode:

Marc: Welcome, everybody, I’m Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating and we are back in the Psychology of Eating podcast. And I’m with Joel today. Welcome, Joel.

Joel: Thanks, Marc. Glad to be here.

Marc: Yeah, yeah. I’m glad we’re here. And let me just say a few words, Joel, to viewers and listeners who are new to the podcast. Here’s how it works. Joel and I, we’ve just been chatting for two or three minutes before coming on here live. And so this is the first time we’ve met. This is our session together. And we’re going to see if we can, in less than an hour, just kind of get some good work done and push the fast forward button a little bit on the transformational process.

So, Mr. Joel, if you can wave your magic wand and get whatever you wanted to get from this session, what would that look like for you, my friend?

Joel: I think it would be to embody the sense of control over my life. I think that would sum up everything. It really does equate to like a bit of a lack of control, not really knowing where the steering wheel is and everything in life.

Marc: And does that show up in any way for you around food, around body, around weight, or what’s the connection there for you?

Joel: Yeah, food for sure. I mean I grew up around food. My mom was very much a woman-in-the-kitchen type of mom. And so I kind of got to see what she did all my life. And I kind of adopted that habit myself of really immersing myself in the kitchen and with food. But I eventually came to realize that there is this fine line between employing alchemy in the kitchen and creativity and then using food really as a coping tactic when things feel tough. And so I noticed that I’ve made that transition towards the dark side of it.

And so consequently, what ends up happening is eating becomes really a way for me to cope with a lot of internalized anxiety or even just to like avoid responsibilities. It just feels like it quiets everything down if I engage in eating, which can become really I think of temptation and compulsion. Like if something’s in reach, the off switch can be completely blank for me. Like I can just keep going and going and people say, “Where does it all go?” Like I don’t know, I’m a skinny guy. But it’s crazy how much I can actually eat. I just keep going at it for, literally, periods of hours. And even if it’s just like one meal in a day, that one meal can last for a period of three to five hours. So it’s definitely a huge imbalance point. And it’s not always there, but I frequent that way too often.

Marc: How many days a week or how many days a month would you say you end up in that tricky territory?

Joel: I can say weekly, probably three to four days out of the week. Lately in my life, it has become more frequent. In the past, I would always had less, maybe just a few times a month. But honestly, at this particular point, three to four times a week would be a good summation.

Marc: And when you’re eating the food, are you enjoying it? Are you into it?

Joel: Yeah. Like 98% of the time I’m actually—the funny thing about it is I’m crazy mindful with the actual nuances of the eating. Like I savor the food very much. I chew things. Like I think that was either you or Emily once I heard saying that make it a goal to be the last one to finish eating. Well, I’m way the last one to finish. So a normal meal, for me, would take me an hour and a half just to eat a normal basic meal. So I’m really into it, really enjoying bringing the passion out of it. It just doesn’t stop.

Marc: Yeah. How old are you, Joel?

Joel: Thirty-two.

Marc: You’re 32. Are you working? Are you in school? Tell me what you’re life looks like.

Joel: So I haven’t been working for a bit over a year now since I basically quit the jobs that I had to go visit my homeland for six weeks that I hadn’t been back in 15 years. Since I came back to Canada after that, it feels like this last year and a bit has really become a period of introspection for me and kind of like then I just moved back into my parents’ home at that time as well. So there was really a lot of just kind of orienting where’s my life kind of going.

Prior to that and sort of in between all that, I’ve been studying actually holistic nutrition for—there was a one year intensive that I was doing part-time over three years. And I was working prior to that in a group home environment with a lot of persons with physical and cognitive disabilities, which kind of goes back. And I did that for many years. And prior to that, I had focused my education on child and youth workers. So there was definitely this theme always around helping people who needed a voice, so to say.

Marc: So do you have a sense of where you might be going in the future in terms of your work?

Joel: I have like a vision. Definitely the getting there is very elusive to me. But as I’ve kind of really gone inward a lot, what I kind of see this vision—because I think I do good for myself in terms of like finding out my strengths.

And for a long time, I didn’t. I really kind of quieted down or ignored it or found some other shiny tool or gadget or tactic to find my productivity in the world and really ignoring the most powerful thing within me, which was my intuition. I have a little like next to psychic intuition with people. Like I can often finish people’s sentences. Talking to people after like a minute or two, it’s like I already get a sense of like we’re, they’re stuck in life and all that. Which is highly ironic because when I look at myself it is incredibly difficult to apply those skillsets or those innate abilities for myself. So I laugh at myself in that regard.

But in terms of what I wanted to tackle, I want to tap into that gift that I have, to be able to connect with people and connect for them the dots that they don’t see in their life. And help to make sense of their lives when they themselves may be lost in a certain arena of life or just in the simple albeit, I consider highly important facet of knowing who they are.

I’m very keen on having people express best of who they are into the world and bringing that. So I have spent also a lot of this year, as I’ve been rediscovering myself in deeper ways, to do that. To be as honest as I can be with myself and to let my actions embody that. Obviously, I’m not hitting that 100% of the time. But that is what I want to strive is to help people make that kind of fundamental change for themselves.

Marc: Do you have an idea of what specifically that would look like, like what specific kind of career or kind of profession?

Joel: Yeah. I think I would have kind of tailor to a molding of the different arenas that I’ve kind of learned and trained in throughout the years. So it would be something along the lines of like transformational health coach. I mean that’s not going to be like the final title that I would give myself but with my current choice of words…And I would imagine for me that would look a bit like working—probably 101 initially or maybe even opening that up to like working with small groups of people, because I do also love the dynamics of kind of feeling and reading the energy of a small group.

And honestly, from where I am right now, if there was like someone else looking in, I’d probably sound like a little off to handle like to say this. But I feel like I had a vision of myself actually years from now, actually speaking to thousands of people to elicit the kind of change that I want to see in the world, to see a better world.

Marc: I get it. So where’s your home country that you went to visit?

Joel: Portugal.

Marc: Portugal. How was that experience for you?

Joel: Definitely a mixed bag. I was confronted with a lot of anger. If I were to sum it up in a sentence, I would say that I felt angry that I was born into a family that had so much inherent debilitation or handicap or setback. And I feel like, literally, I had to trench through the mud just to kind of progress on life; that I was kind of given really a bad playing hand of cards, if you will. And I think that going back home and seeing the people I haven’t seen in 15 years and seeing where their mindsets were at and how they’re very fixed. And to me it felt like very backwards, a very backwards way of thinking.

So I was really challenged with those things. And I have to work through some of that anger. I haven’t fully worked through it, but that was one of the key aspects. There’s good as well. For the first time, I went to visit all the southern aspects of the country and a little bit of a road trip. So it was beautiful to see the beaches and experience the climate. So it wasn’t all that. But definitely, it brought challenge.

Marc: And how is it living in your parents’ house? That must be interesting.

Joel: Yeah. Initially, it was probably more challenging. And I’ve kind of done this probably four to five times now, where I’ve kind of gotten out, lived life, had an adventure. And then after that adventure, not going to know where I’m going next again. And at this state, currently, with my parents, like they are not in very good health.

So again, I find it kind of ironic that I studied a lot of around the realms of holistic health practices and holistic nutrition. And I could coach them a lot in terms of like here are better things to do. But also I understand their psychology to a point that, one, they’re not going to listen to their son. Like they’ll listen to the news or they’ll listen to maybe a friend. But if Joel is saying it, it’s just not going to sink in.

So initially, that was frustrating. But eventually, I realized it doesn’t matter if they’re blood related or not or it was a client. It’s just about meeting them where they’re at and then having the expectations attached.

So I can’t say that I’ve kind of walked away a lot from having that expectations that they will change or do things the way that I would like to see them do it because it’s better or healthier. And yeah, I mean this still frustrate me because they’re also pretty fixed and rigid. But because we’re sharing space, at the end of the day, I’m able to kind of make peace with that until I’m able to make my next big stride in life, however that looks like.

Marc: Got it, got it, got it.

So what do you think holds you back the most?

Joel: I’ve articulated that I have a certain fear around big responsibility. It’s like I think really big and I’m getting these wild ideas in like colors that I see it and the rest of the world doesn’t. And then I kind of shy away. Like I become scared in a way. It’s very much internalized. But on the external world, it shows up as me not taking bigger action, me playing a really small, me doubting myself, all that chitchat that can go on in the head.

Marc: So then I think I got your answers. So if you could say it in three or four words, what sometimes holds me back is…three or four words?

Joel: Fear of responsibility.

Marc: Fear of responsibility. That’s interesting. No, it is. It really is. And what would be the fear? So fear of responsibility, like what would happen if you took on more responsibility? So in the worst-case scenario, if my fear went down, it would look like this.

Joel: I think I would be afraid of letting someone or just letting people down. If I am opening up myself to be in a position of helping and then I were to fail at that or lead someone in a direction that’s actually not good for them, I feel like I would be harboring that responsibility. Even though, ultimately, I know the other person is the one who took their actions. It wasn’t me. I was just kind of coaching along. But I do feel like I harbor responsibility of others, which I don’t think I should.

Marc: So you have a responsibility meaning it’s like, “Hey, I need to help you out, I need to take care of you. And if I fail in any way, that’s a bad thing.” Is that kind of what you’re saying?

Joel: Yeah. And also like it’s not okay to make mistakes. That’s also been a recurring theme for me as well.

Marc: I think I get it. So how do your parents feel about where you’re at and where you’re all at together, like where do they stand? If I was talking to them right now and I said, “Hey, you know, I’m going to be speaking to Joel pretty soon about life and such and future and just sort of him being the best he can be,” what would they say to me?

Joel: Probably be confused and worried at the same time, I think. Because I know they don’t get me. I’m definitely like the odd one in any crowd I find myself in. But I know that they fundamentally don’t get me and communication with my folks is often scarce. I’m closer with my mom. But our communication overall, there’s not a lot there.

So I think it’d be hard for them to actually answer that just because it’s like we live on two separate planets. And I think that would also translate to the work aspect because when they think, he’s not working, he has no job, he doesn’t have a flow of money coming in right now. With all the conventional ways of what would be—things would be judged by. So I think that would be them worried and confused.

Marc: Got it. Do you have a timeline for yourself? In your mind, do you have a timeline? Do you have dates in terms of I want to be doing a certain kind of work by a certain kind of time, earning a certain kind of money by a certain kind of time, living in a different place at a certain kind of time? Like how are you in relation to the calendar with those kinds of things?

Joel: I don’t think I have a very good relationship with timing and calendars to be quite honest. So I haven’t set time frames. I’ve definitely taken on like taking it one day at a time. And I think this ties also into the aspect of anxiety that builds up easily inside of me.

And if I were to have—and I can actually speak from past experience like to say I have a deadline for something for an assignment or a project or for maybe I was going to like catering for a small event, those deadlines, they up my state of angst like a lot.

And there’s an element to that angst to where I can be super productive and incredibly productive but at what cost? So I’ve kind of like pushed or just detached myself from timelines as a whole. And I’m just trying to see like, literally, what’s the next foot that I’m going to put in front of me so that I don’t freak myself out.

Marc: So there’s a place in you where sometimes it’s hard to regulate your own emotions. It’s hard to regulate what’s going on in your body. So you might turn to food and make a meal, an extended meal, and it tends to help regulate you…

Joel: Yeah.

Marc: …is what it sounds like. And there are certain other things that you’ll do to help regulate yourself, which is like, “Whoa, wait a second, I got to like remove this deadline or I have to remove this pressure. Otherwise, I’m just not going to function well and it’s not going to look good.”

Joel: Yeah.

Marc: Okay. I think I get it. So if I said to you, “Pick a time, right now, when you feel you would like to be kind of well on your way to where you want to be.” What would feel comfortable for you? “God, I would like to be well on my way or just really feel good about being on my way by two months, two years,” just what pops into mind for you?

Joel: Yeah, the first thing that came to mind was like safety. I need to feel safe around whatever I choose. So I’m thinking something more like May, June, July, like towards the springtime of next year to allow me well over the winter period.

Marc: Understood, understood. Okay. I’ve got some thoughts. I got some thoughts about you and how to help context all this and kind of move things forward. So let me just free associate a little bit, share what I’m thinking about, and then we can just kind of dialogue from there. To me, any eating concern, any eating challenge, any unwanted eating habit is always talking to us. It’s always a bit of a messenger. It’s always symbolic. It’s always a metaphor for something else going on.

So to me, I feel pretty good sitting over here based on your assessment and based on kind of my listening about your assessment that, yeah, it makes sense to me that you use food to soothe, because humans use food to soothe themselves because it works. We only do things because they work. They serve a purpose. So to me, you’ve wisely assessed like, yeah, okay, so this meal that gets continuous, it just, yeah, it kind of regulates me and it helps me feel better. And maybe it distracts me from other things and maybe pulls me away from certain things, but it’s making me feel better.

And again I want to say, it makes biological and psychological sense because every human being has a very strong cellular memory: Cry, be upset, feel bad, eat food, feel better. That’s an infant experience. We have that encoded in our nervous system from billions of years, probably, of humanity and other creatures just feeling good when they eat food. So that makes sense.

So let’s look at it as useful information. So there are experiences that are hard for you to emotionally regulate so you’re going to turn to food. So what are those experiences that you’re having a challenge regulating? And on the one hand, it sounds to me like you at age—what did you tell me, 32? You’re 32, Joel, yeah?

Joel: Yes.

Marc: So at age 32, it feels to me like you are poised, for the first time, to jump into the fray of life in a whole different way. Previous to this moment, you have been a bit of an observer. You notice things. You study the world. You study people. You watch people. You watch what’s going on. You see what works. You see what doesn’t. You see some of the nonsense. You see nonsense that other people don’t see. You’re kind of determining like, wow, what’s going on? What’s the lay of the land here?

You mentioned to me one of your values is you need to feel safe before you do stuff. One of the ways you feel safe, which is a smart way, is you study your environment, study your environment. And you see what’s going on, the world, the political environment, your home environment, your family environment. You study your nutritional environment like, okay, what makes this work? So then you get enough tools to feel comfortable with moving forward.

So what I want to say is there is a difference, I think—and I’m just speaking to you as older brother here because I’ve been where you’re at. So who you are right now could’ve described me at my 20s, for sure, easily and maybe my early 30s as well. So there’s a place where we, as young men, were idealistic. Now, we look at stuff and we see what we don’t like and we see it can be better and we want it to change.

Joel: Yup.

Marc: And the reality is, the world is the world and it goes about its own business and its own pace. And it has its own kind of flow that is very different from what I want it to be doing. So I think what’s happening is you are at a philosophic spiritual crossroad as a man. You are at a fork in the road.

One road leads to the old way that you’ve been on, which is this is the way I want it to be. This is the way it should be. This is the way that makes me feel comfortable. Here’s what I need in order to be me in this world. Here’s what I need from you world to do so I can feel comfortable launching out being myself, putting myself out there. And you’re wanting the world a little bit to conform. And if it doesn’t conform, you’re letting that nonconformity impact you.

Joel: Yeah.

Marc: So because the world is not being its potential as you see it. And you’re probably right. You’re pulling back. And you’re not liking the game. And there’s a part of you that judges the game. There’s a part of you that gets angry at the game. I get it. I get angry at my family. Like come on you guys, like grow faster, evolve faster. Come on world, grow faster, evolve faster. That’s us being immortal teenagers with a lot of energy who want to change the world.

Right now you’re 32 and you have to come for more wisdom. And when I say more wisdom, what I mean is the world is not going to do what we want it to do in the way we want it, when we want it to do that. It has its own rules. And in order for us to impact the world, me and you as men, we have to play by the world’s rules. We have to learn those rules.

Obviously, there are certain things you’re not going to do. I’m not asking you to compromise your deepest moral and ethical values. But what I’m saying is here we are. You got to wear clothes. You’ve got to wipe your butt. You got to have a form of transportation. You got to read. You got to write. We have to earn money. Do people earn money in bad ways? Absolutely. But we all have to do it.

So to me, there’s a place where you are embodying now or learning to embody a different part of your manhood. And it’s the part of you that’s more the warrior. And the warrior has to jump into the fray.

And when you jump into the fray, you’re not perfect. When you jump in and start teaching or coaching or counseling or working somewhere, it isn’t going to be perfect. People will not like you. People will like you. Some people will accept you. Some people will reject you. Some people will think you’re an idiot. Some people will think you’re a genius. That’s the world. We will get all kinds of input and all kinds of toxicity.

And to me, it’s about you getting in alignment with what the world really is and letting go of how you want it to be. And not letting go of your dream for the world. Not letting go of your goodness. Not letting go of your spark.

But understanding that the world doesn’t roll out the red carpet for us to do good. It doesn’t roll out the red carpet. “Oh hey, Joel, you want to do good stuff in the world? No problem. We’re here for you. Here’s this great job. Here’s this great income. Here’s this great support. Here’s all this security and safety.”

It doesn’t work like that. We are in a form of chaos. Planet Earth is chaos. And you want it to be safe. It isn’t safe. We can create safety within certain relationships. We can have agreement. You can look at the light and it says, “Walk across the street. It says go. It’s green. For you and me, as pedestrians, it’s still not safe.” I still look both ways to make sure that a car is not going to run me over. So I get that a safety has been created for me but I’m still alert.

So all I’m saying is I think for many men there comes a point which I believe you are at where for you it’s not about eating less, eating more, figuring out your food thing. The food issue is perfectly there for you because it’s showing you that there’s a place where you’re getting nervous and you need to soothe.

So we’re just reverse engineering now and go, “Okay, so where is the action for you? What’s the biggest challenge, the biggest stressor for you in life?” To me, the biggest challenge and the biggest stressor for you is stepping into yourself. But for you, in your mind, I believe, stepping into yourself has to look a certain way. You have certain ways that you want it to look. And certain conditions have to be in place. And I’m saying is, you got to remove those conditions.

Joel: All of them?

Marc: Yeah, most of them. You have to be willing to remove all of them. You have to be willing to remove all of that. So here is my dream for you, I’m just going to tell you my dream for you. It’s very selfish right now. But I’m saying this once again as older brother who I had just been doing this longer than you have.

So my dream for you is that you reach a place where you feel empowered about who you are, that you’re doing work in the world that supports you, that you feel good about, that gives you enough money to have the basics and a little bit left over to have a nice little life, and that you feel you’re contributing and you feel you’re giving your gifts. And that’s my dream that you get to that place.

But to do that in this world is a rarity. It’s a privilege. It’s a privilege. And you have to claim it. And claiming it is not easy. Because if it was easy, you would’ve done it a long time ago. I would’ve done it a long time ago. It took me 50 years to figure out how to do it the way I wanted to do it. I was committed to doing good work in the world to making money doing good work in the world that I felt passionate about. But that’s a 1% life. How many people do you know have that?

So if you want to have a 1% life, you got to put in a 1% effort, you know what I’m saying? You got to put in the kind of effort that gives you that gift. And that effort, it’s up to life’s terms, not necessarily your terms or my terms. So I’m yakking away here, how’s all this landing for you so far?

Joel: Yeah. Your speaking sounds sensible to me, yeah. I feel, although minute, there are elements of resistance within me because I feel like one of my, I don’t know what to call it, a value or guiding principle is that because I see so much corruption in the world that there are certain rules that, as we are stepping into graduated manhood or whatnot, that some of those rules actually I feel like I was born to be breaking certain rules to shoulder fallacies. And so that’s one of the things that has made it difficult for me to adapt to the grind that I guess everyone steps through, ultimately, at some point.

I mean I definitely want to do that like kind of meeting halfway thing. I feel like there’s—I don’t feel completely able to just let go of certain elements that I do feel inside of me that should be how I have come to perceive it through my felt sense reality.

But at the same time, I also take in and appreciate what you’re saying that there’s a much greater degree of adaptability that I need to also take in. And that there are certain rules that make up the consensus reality for everyone that I can’t go against because it’s just going to close the doors. So that makes a lot of sense to me.

Marc: Not my favorite movie, have you seen the movie, The Matrix?

Joel: Of course.

Marc: Okay. So I want you to think of it like when you go to work in the world, you’re going into the matrix. You have to play by the rules. You have to be in the matrix. You have to learn how to shape shift. You got to learn how to put on a suit if you need to put on a suit. Put on a bathing suit if you want to go in the ocean. Put on a tuxedo if you want to be the best man at the wedding. You got to learn how to put on your dancing clothes if you want to go out and salsa. So we put on different costumes to accomplish different tasks.

Does that mean you are the bathing suit person? Does that mean you are the businessman? No. It just means you put on different costumes. You put on your pajamas at night. That’s the costume to go to bed in, that doesn’t mean you’re going to be sleeping the rest of your life. It’s learning how to have more facility in the world so you could be more effective in it.

So yes, you’re on a crazy planet with a lot of nonsense. And you could talk about, let’s say, the banking system and how awful it is and how terrible it is. And the way it is, is you got to keep money somewhere and I don’t recommend under a mattress. So it’s like, okay, so I have to use that system. Okay, I don’t like the fact that I have to pay tax on the same car that I bought year after year after year, at least in this country. And I got to get a license. But okay, I want to drive a car, that’s the rule. So I can adapt to that without fighting it.

Before you start breaking the rules or holding them up for people that they should be changing them or breaking them, if you want to be effective at that, you have to understand those rules. You got to know how to talk about those rules. You got to be chill about those rules. Because if you get on your soapbox about it, nobody’s going to listen.

Joel: I see.

Marc: So we got to be clever. You have to be smart. It’s not like we can say, “I want to do this my way because my way isn’t always the smartest way.” So what I’m simply telling you is, if you want to change the world, you have to be more clever. You have to be more stealth. You have to put on your costume and understand when I go into a certain job, I’m assuming a role.

And I have to play that role well. That role doesn’t define me. But I’ve been able to have all kinds of fascinating impact in the world because I can walk into different places and talk to different kinds of people and have their attention. That’s way more effective than hitting them over the head. If I have their attention, they’re listening to me. Hitting them over the head, they’re not going to like it.

So what’s happening is you tend to get a little bit caught like a deer. Well, you get angry but you also get caught like a deer in headlights. You get stopped from action because there’s a part of you that realizes your system is not effective for you. It’s not moving you forward in the best way. Your system, meaning, I’ve got to be safe before I do anything. It has to look like this. I’ve got to fight things in that way.

And I’ve got to make this big impact. And it’s got to be perfect. Whew, that’s a lot of hard constraints. I would not want to step out into the world if that’s what was going on in my head. There’s a lot of pressure there. So you’re setting yourself up to fail from the get-go, which is why you don’t want to make attempts.

So I want you, personally, I want to see you get in the game. I don’t want to see you on the sidelines. You’re fully ready to get in the game. But it’s a fray. It’s mayhem. It’s chaos. It’ll get messy. You will get angry. People will piss you off. People will do stupid things. And then it’s your job and it’s my job to go, okay, how do we conduct that? How do we Tai Chi it? How do we master it? How do we navigate it? How do you help move somebody’s energy so they see it in a different way? We can’t necessarily have the perfect conditions from the beginning to create that because this is not how the world works. The world is very messy and is very imperfect.

So that’s me over here trying to just tell you straight up, head on. I’m just trying to save years of counseling, coaching psychotherapy. Like really, really, really to say like what would help you get unstuck. To my mind, what helps you get unstuck is to bump it up to the level of philosophy and see how your philosophy wants to change.

Your philosophy is actually bigger than you. It’s smarter than you. The wisdom in the universe is bigger and smarter than me or you. It’s trying to come through. And it’ll come through in a very wise and intelligent way.

And it’ll come through in a way oftentimes that will humble us. Are you with me?

Joel: Yeah.

Marc: So there’s a part of you that has to let go of the perfection that you want to see in yourself and in the world and in your work and in your family and in all of it. And you will be free when you can look at your family and go, “You crazy nutbags, I love you all.” That’s where I come from.

Because you’ve got half your mother’s DNA and half your father’s DNA, like it or not. You’re them. So you got to see the good that’s in there. And you got to also see at the same time how you want to improve upon it, that’s totally legitimate, totally reasonable. It’s the same thing like I get mad at planet Earth but I also love it at the same time. It’s where I come from.

My family, I might describe them the same way you describe your family but I love them to pieces because I see the good in them. And I’m not trying to change them. They have a different journey, a different path. Everybody in the world, different journey, different path. And as soon as we let go of the judgment, and this is how it should be, all of a sudden the game gets exciting and it gets interesting and things start to happen. Because things are not being bottled up by my judgment or my assessment of it should be this way, not that way.

Joel: Yeah. That’s an interesting point you brought there about feeling—to take on something where it’s exciting and maybe don’t know exactly what’s going to come but to have that feeling of angst or expectation to let that no longer be, what’s swirling around me as I contemplate putting myself out in the world but actually take it on with a sense of refreshed excitement. I think that’s something that I haven’t experienced for a while now. And I think I need to reconnect to that somehow.

Marc: Yeah. And part of reconnecting to that is allowing for the terror. Because there will be fear and terror and excitement and they’re very close cousins. Oftentimes, it is said that the only difference between excitement and fear is that excitement has breathing in it.

And we’re slightly seeing things a little different. Fear, we tend to hold our breath. Excitement is like [gasping for air]. And excitement, we’re giving ourselves a moment of exhilaration or joy, which is often, often, often present in the very thing we’re afraid of.

Right on the other side of fear is excitement. Think of a rollercoaster. Some people go down a rollercoaster and they’re screaming because they’re excited and somebody sitting next to them might be screaming because they’re afraid. It looks the same but it’s a slightly different attitude with a little bit of breathing.

So what I want to say to you is it’s not always going to be exciting. You have to allow for the terror and the fear to come in. Your fear of the fear; your fear of the terror; your fear of the discomfort, I believe, is a major factor that stops you. And it will cause you or stimulate you to want to eat because your body wants to feel soothed and you want to get back to a certain state that is familiar to you. What I am saying is, I want to see you slowly reset your system so that your system, this body, and this nervous system, your nervous system, can tolerate more nonsense, more ambiguity, more fear, more uncertainty, more lack of control. Because the reality is, you have no control. I have no control.

Yeah, okay, I’m in the car. I’ve got some control. I could control what I wear today, what I eat today to some degree, who I talk to. There are certain kinds of control that we have. When you get sick, when you die, who you’re going to meet, who you’re not going to meet, all these things, all the mysteries of life, we got no control over, my friend. So that’s a piece of your philosophy and religion you want to really put on the altar and see, does this realty serve me? Is that a good commandment of my Ten Commandments that I’m living by? I don’t think it is. I don’t think it moves the action forward.

The idea is for you to have the kind of nervous system that can handle. You give a lecture and thousands of people don’t show up to show up. I’ve given a lecture and one person showed up. I walked into bathroom, I asked them to wait for a minute. I wanted to cry. I was told there was going to be hundreds of people there, granted there was a snowstorm, but still one person.

And I had a choice. And I remember thinking to myself, I could either collapse and cry like a baby, which I wanted to do, trust me. Or I could make this the best lecture ever. So I made it the best lecture ever. That was my commitment. I’m going to walk out there, I’m going to go back into the room and going to be excited. And I’m going to answer all this person’s questions and she’s going to get $10,000 worth of experience. So all I’m saying is we are training our nervous system to handle increasing levels of life and complexity.

Joel: And being messy.

Marc: Yes. You got to learn to be messy, my friend.

Joel: I’ve been told.

Marc: Yes. You’ve got to let your nervous system weightlift the world more and weightlift the things that are uncomfortable for you and lean in a little bit more. So it’s a very masculine piece I’m asking you to learn. You have a very well developed feminine. That is one of your superpowers. You have very strong intuition. You said to me at the beginning of this call, I’m at a point in my life where I’m looking to put one foot in front of the other. You’re wanting to live more in the moment. I understand that. That’s more the feminine part of our brain and that’s fine. But in my opinion for you, right now, you need to be in more your linear logical masculine left-brain mode in life. It doesn’t mean you’re letting go of all your intuition.

Joel: Kind of orients.

Marc: To orient—

Joel: To kind of orient the creativity and the intuition that I’ve harbored over the last long stretch period of introspection.

Marc: Yes, 50/50. I would like to see you at least 50/50 in your masculine and in your feminine. And your masculine is very different from your feminine and you’re going to have to get to know it. And you’re going to have to cultivate it just as deliberately as you’ve cultivated your intuitive capacities, your subtle abilities, your ability to see, your ability to pierce beyond the veil, all that sort of thing. Your ability to empathize and to feel, you’ve cultivated that. Good for you.

Now, I’m asking you, cultivate your masculine side, the linear side of you. The side that plans. The side that says I’m going to be making this much money by this amount of time. I’m going to be living in my own place by such and such a date. And then you start to reverse engineer and see how you do that. See how you make that happen.

So you could still have flow within that, certain days, on the weekend, whenever. But it isn’t going to be all the time. It’s learning how to balance those out because that’s the yin and yang of the universe. That’s what gets things done, the different parts of us.

The masculine part of you is going to be the part of you that’s the doer in the world that’s going to actually do stuff and make stuff happen and shield yourself from that which is no good for you or let things in that is good for you. And when an arrow gets in there that hurts, your masculine is the part of you that’s going to go, “Ahh, that hurt. Let’s not do that again,” and tend to your wound a little bit. So have you read the book The Way of the Superior Man?

Joel: I haven’t read it but I have had segments of it preached at me.

Marc: Okay. Read the book. Read the book. That’s a good book for you to read. Whatever it is about the book that you don’t like, don’t like it, throw it out, don’t worry about it. So I’m going to say to you, at least 90% of that book might be applicable for you. Whatever 10% doesn’t feel good or feel right, don’t let that get in the way of the goodies in it. You follow me?

Joel: Yeah.

Marc: And it’s probably the best book I know out there on retraining the masculine mind. Because it just has a lot of great distinctions about here is the masculine way of being. And when I say masculine, it’s the masculine for men, the masculine for women. It’s the masculine polarity of lives in the universe, in nature, but specifically in human beings, specifically in this case for you as a man, for us as men.

We live in a time—and it pisses me off, I’m just being personal here—where it’s very politically correct for us to be gender neutral. If you’re gender neutral, be gender neutral. We all have I think a naturalness to our gender. Whatever that is. We’re thrown a certain way. We’re born a certain way.

I think the world has been enculturating men and women. It has been enculturating it’s women to be extra-masculine and it has been enculturating its men to be extra-feminine. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe not. But I think we stepped over the bounds a little too far. And what happens is a lot of our men are missing a piece of their masculine. A lot of our women are missing a part of their feminine.

So for me, I know that was the case. And I had to really cultivate my masculine so I could have what I want in this world so I could be the person I want to be in this world, the man I want to be in this world and to have all my tools available to me. I want to play with a full toolkit. I want to have all the advantages a human could have in this world to do good, to have a good life. That means having a well-developed feminine and a well-developed masculine. So what I’m saying to you is that’s what I think a great kind of course correction would be for you at that fork in the road. I want you to take the fork in the road that says developing my masculine.

Joel: Well, I guess that can be a good starting point. Because like when I think of developing a practice for honing in the masculinity. I could say that’s going to elude me but perhaps I can use that book that you suggested, The Way of the Superior Man, as a starting point for daily practice. So reading some of that perhaps and just really sinking in to that logical aspect.

Marc: I would love for you to do that. And I would love for you to think about creating more structure for yourself. Because part of what’s going to help your masculine come out even more is for you to have structure. Right now, you’re a little bit hesitant around structure and you’re melting an immune system response to structure. That’s how it occurs to me when we talk about it and when I hear you talk about being in the flow.

And I get that it’s comfortable for you and it’s safe for you. But it’s not strengthening you at this stage of the game to my mind. So to me, you’re launching yourself right now. That’s kind of how I’m looking at it and structure will be your God. Structure is going to help you be the best possible human and the best possible man. Because in order to be effective in the world, we need structure, plain and simple.

We need structure that makes us effective. Your house is a structure. Your computer is so well structured and articulated. The Internet is so well structured and articulated. The financial system, all of it, nutrition, biology, very structured, very well articulated. So we are just going to mimic life.

And we’re going to be structured and well articulated because in that place, that’s when creativity could then have something to flow through. And when creativity is flowing through a structure, then you have a museum that people can come to. Then you have a professional practice that people can come into your office, into your structured system, and then within that, creativity is free to occur. You follow me?

Joel: I do, I do. Yeah.

Marc: Yeah. So it’s changing your thinking. It’s changing your thinking and what I’m saying is, it’s actually changing your thinking in a really big way. I’m asking a lot of you here. I’m asking you to change your religion a bit. I’m asking you to change your philosophy or at least consider it.

At least consider it because I think that’s going to be the key for you to get where you want to go, is to embrace the masculine and to see how some of your operating guidelines right now are taking you away from that masculine and into the place that’s more safe and comfortable and familiar to you.

But what I’m saying is you’re stepping out into the unknown, which is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. And the unknown lets you know your fear. And the fact that something is unknown and uncertain and out of your control means that’s where the masculine is, that direction, that’s where it is.

Joel: It also sounds like from the philosophy you’re describing that when encountering that inevitable hiccup that, yes, that’s the direction to go in. But then that’s also where I can channel in the feminine creativity to find the solution to that very problem that’s demanding that masculine presence.

Marc: Bingo, bingo. 100%. You got it.

Joel: Alright. Well, I think I got the direction that I need to take decisive and consistent action on.

Marc: Yeah. And, Joel, I really appreciate this conversation because over here, in my world, I’ve kind of hit you with some hard stuff. And I feel like you’re just being a great sport and you’re really open and being considerate. Where I’m coming from, again, is it’s, for me, this has been a very man-to-man conversation.

And sometimes our conversations are woman-to-man, woman-to-woman, it’s like it’s all those different permutations. And it’s a different conversation because men and women are different. We’re equal in the eyes of the universe but we are different creatures. So to me, we’ve been discussing distinctions around men and the masculine that I believe are important, particularly important for what you said about where you’re at, where you’ve been, and where you want to go.

I think it’s a big missing piece in this world right now and I think you are well equipped for this challenge. And it’s going to be a challenge. And it’s going to rough you up. And it’s going to get messy. And it’s going to get dirty. And you’re going to get a little bumped and bruised. And you’re going to feel hurt. You’re going to get your feelings hurt.

And part of being in the masculine is not numbing our feelings but it’s learning how to protect ourselves and protect our feelings and have feelings and have a heart. But at the same time, being willing and able to go into the world and do battle when we need to do battle.

Be a warrior when you need to be a warrior. Be clear when you need to be clear. And if somebody wants to say, “No, I disagree.” And you want to stand your ground and say, “I’m sorry, this is the way I see it,” then your nervous system and your digestive system can handle that.

Joel: Yeah, that’s so key right there.

Marc: Yeah. So the way you learn that is by practice. So your digestive system will get stronger as you practice that. And you already have a fast metabolism. It’s a little bit sensitive. But having a fast metabolism actually is going to mean you’re nervous system is pliable. It means you can make shifts and changes easier than you know in this regard. So I’m pretty confident for you.

Joel: Oh, good. And maybe I’ll just be sure to add a little bit of friendly wrestling on the side too…

Marc: There you go. I like it. For sure. Absolutely. That’s what I’m saying. So, Joel, I really appreciate you taking the time. I really appreciate you diving in and I think it’s been a really, really good conversation. And I look forward to a bunch of months down the line, we’ll do this again. We’ll reconnect and see how you’re doing. Get the book. Read it. And I think you’re going to get a lot of it.

Joel: Okay. Thank you, Marc. I really appreciate it. This has been an honor for me as well, thank you.

Marc: And an honor for me too. Thank you, Joel.

And thank you, everybody, for tuning in. So appreciate it. Once again, I am Marc David, on behalf of the Psychology of Eating podcast, lots more to come, my friends. Thanks for tuning in and take care.

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