#she makes no active decisions by herself the entire goddamn film

[partywithponies]

Early Disney did SUCH a disservice to all the female characters in all its book adaptations apart from maybe Alice.

Like, Disney's 101 Dalmatians is by far the worst offender, I could write an entire essay on the absolute misogyny of the way Disney handled every single important female character in that book to the point of making some of them male in the film when their entire character arc in the book is about them wanting to recognised as having both masculine and feminine sides and not wanting either to be erased, and of course Disney's Peter Pan made Peter himself sexist for no reason whatsoever when he says nothing of the sort in the book and would never talk to Wendy that way (thus doing Wendy a disservice because book Wendy would never simp for someone who talks about girls like that), but one thing I've never seen anyone talk about is how much of a disservice Disney's Mary Poppins did to Jane Banks.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #414

“mirror, mirror, tell me who you see  /  am i you or me?  /  i can never remember”

How many people have you kissed? Four. Ever kissed someone you weren’t dating at the time? No. Of the people you’ve kissed, how many do you regret kissing? Two. Ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor (or vise-versa)? Yeah, with Jason, but it was only a two-year difference. Ever kissed someone on a dare/as part of a game? No. Where’s the most public place you’ve ever made out with someone? Nowhere public. I wouldn't do that. Can you snowboard? Never tried. Have you ever made a mixed cd for someone? No. Do you use recycle bins at your house? Yes. Do you own more than one bathing suit? No. Have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? Jason did occasionally with his best friend, but he stopped for me. How are you right this second? I'm all right. Last night was pretty rough, so I'm just glad that's over. My body is just tired. Is there anything you disliked about your last birthday? Honestly, I barely remember what I did on my last birthday. I just remember it was fine. Oh wait, actually, on the way home from going out to eat, we had to call the cops while behind a car whose driver was obviously drunk or high OFF. HIS. ASS. He was swerving like crazy and almost hit SO many cars. I was having an absolute panic attack. I pray to God that guy was more than just found and fined. Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? No, unless you count surveys, I guess. What were you like a year ago? I was the unhappily the same. Is someone on your mind right now? Fucking always. Having a warm dream about him last night didn't help. Who was the last person you sat next to? My mom. What do you currently hear right now? My screen is split so I can watch John Wolfe play some indie horror games. What’s something you need to go shopping for? I need to get new bras baaaadly because I'm tired of none fitting properly. What’s the last thing you ate? I had a donut 'cuz Mom stopped at Dunkin' for coffee. Do/did you do good in school? I did up to college. Then I just... sucked. Do you always get along with your siblings? I mean I don't see/talk to them every day or anything, not even very regularly even, but we generally get along fine now as adults. We disagree about shit for sure, but keep our mouths shut. Or probably talk to Mom about it while I'm not present. I don't even think they like me half of the time. Are you frustrated with anything? So much. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? There were/are a lot of factors. Just she as a person is phenomenal. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. Can you speak in a different language conversationally; if so, which language? A tiny bit of German. Do you ever fear of falling asleep? With my nightmares, I used to dread it. Now, thankfully, my APAP mask has prevented them from happening, mostly; I've only had two in the month that I've had it, and I ordinarily had them every single night. Do you have an idea of what kind of profession you’d like to have? I do, but I honestly doubt I'm going to succeed in even making it a part-time job by this damn point. Which beach would you say is your favorite? I don't have a favorite. I don't even like the beach very much. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. Have you ever had a churro? Yes. Too crunchy and ridiculously sweet, not a fan. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? A good personality beats good looks any day. How is/was your chemistry class in high school? I actually didn't take chemistry; my graduating year, physical science was offered as the alternative, which I took. How does alcohol affect you? I get hot, and my face flushes badly. It'll make me more talkative. Have you ever tried lemon brownies? No, and I don't want to. I don't like lemon-flavored stuff like that. What was the last type of meat you ate? Beef. Have you taken any medication today? I have prescriptions I take every day. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? I've seen some of it at Sara's house. What is your favourite kind of pasta? Just spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs, really. I've been on a major chicken pesto kick lately, though. Have you set an alarm today? No. Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names: Literally just the chance to say "I'm sorry" would be fucking amazing. Just two fucking words. What if there were two of you? Would the world be in trouble? No. That'd be a waste of space, though. Not like I'm contributing much to society. Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? I dunno man, it depends on my mood and what I want in the moment. Do you watch movies with the subtitles on? No; I find it to be distracting. Is the last person you kissed yours? I hate this saying. She's her own person that belongs to nobody but herself. But to just go along with it and answer the question, no, we're not together. Do you think you will be married by the time you are 25? Welp, I'm halfway through 25, so. Do you have siblings over the age of 21? All of my siblings are. Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong? No. Especially as I've aged, I'd say I'm pretty quick to accept if I've fucked up. Who has the ability to hurt you the most emotionally? Jason will probably always have that power, even if he's not in my life. Would you ever be a stripper? God no, nobody wants to see that. What are your plans for tomorrow? Just get through the day, man. Do you owe anybody money? No. How would your parents describe you? Reserved, shy, a deep thinker, animal lover, uhhhh... What is the most you have ever weighed? Let's not. Would you ever work at McDonald's? No. I'm never working in food service. If you aren't already, would you go vegetarian or vegan? I want to be a vegetarian and being a vegan would be perfectly ideal for me, but I really don't think I can healthily accomplish either. I am FAR too picky to where I'd almost definitely become malnourished. To make it even worse I absolutely cannot "suck it up" if I don't like a food, so it's not like I could choke down stuff I don't like. Not to mention I'd be pretty sad without any yummy food to look forward to, aha. Coolest person you've ever met? Uhhhh I don't know. Do you wear boxers? No. Girls, how old were you when you first learned how to put in a tampon? I don't remember. Would you ever attend a gay pride parade or festival? I would absolutely love to. Did you see Paranormal Activity 2? I think I've seen all of the movies. I liked them, given paranormal horror films are probably my fave. What would you do if an old man grabbed your ass? Kick him in the fucking balls so goddamn fast and probably slap him across the face at the same time. Probably cry later from feeling violated and having my fear of men aggravated. Do you like moustaches? It depends on the person, but I'd say I generally prefer an attached beard and a mustache versus JUST a mustache. Could you hack into someone's computer if you tried hard enough? No. I have no idea how to do that. Have you ever smoked a cigar? No. Do you go out on Black Friday? Hell no. NOT worth fighting people for deals. Do you have curtains in your bedroom? No; I have those blinds that you can close upwards or downwards. Did you like the Spice Girls when you were little? Yeah, I did. Can you sing the entire Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song? I think I can. Do you get heartburn? I'm literally on an antacid prescription, or else I get insane heartburn every day. Are you scared of elevators? To a moderate degree, yes. I'm terrified of it getting stuck. Have you ever seen a dead body in person? Yes, at an open-casket wake. Have you ever seen The Goonies? I have. If you're white, do you ever wish you were black? Or vice versa? I'm fine being Caucasian, but ultimately don't care. Do you bake cookies all the time around Christmas? I don't bake. Do you like your hair pulled? Uhhh... I'm assuming you mean this in a suggestive context, in which case no. Never pull my hair, actually. What kind of jeans do you like? Ripped skinny jeans. What do you think is overrated? Who really cares. Let people enjoy what they enjoy. And what are your goals for the remainder of this year? Lose lots of weight, find a job, get back into old hobbies and develop new ones... Name a city that starts with A in your state/province etc. Asheboro. Name a landmark that starts with M in your state/province etc. I'm blanking right now. When was the last time you gave a horse a carrot? Been years. I think I've only done that once, and I can't even remember where it was. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. How many seasons is your favorite TV show in so far? MM was just revived for its fifth season! :') Where would you most like to go in your state, etc. that you haven’t been? NC actually has this really old Wizard of Oz theme park! It's on the other end of the state, though, and NC is one wiiiiiide state. What was the last bird you saw? A robin, I think. What color was the last thing you drank? Green. Has a wild animal ever been loose in your house? Besides insects, no. Well wait, scratch that, once or twice we had a small mice problem when we lived in the woods. What’s the name of the bookstores in your city? The only one I know off the top of my head is Books-a-Million. Where do your parents live? I live with my mom, and Dad lives in the same city as us. Have you ever seen or touched an iceberg? No, but that would be cool. What colour are your father’s eyes? Brown. If your ex turned up on your doorstep now, with nowhere else to go, would you let him/her stay? Well one, this isn't my house, so I can't make that decision. My mom being who she is though, she'd let pretty much anyone stay the night. If it was Sara, Mom would let her stay as long as she needed. The last time you cried, was it connected with someone of the opposite sex? Ugh, yes. My PTSD was BAD last night. Delicious warm brownies or a giant cookie? I'll take the brownie. Have you visited a haunted building or area before? No, but damn I'd love to. Have you been to North Carolina? Ayyyyeeeee that's my home.

[marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches]

I found the way Gamora acted in Infinity War really sad. I mean,in the Guardians movies,girl was "An evil planet guy that can warp reality is messing with my friends, I can handle it". But when it comes to Thanos,Gamora is terrified of him to the point of asking Peter to euthanize her. We heard of the awful things he did to her. Besides,I find really interesting that Gamora threatened Mantis with a broken jaw(that hurts),and felt the need to defend her from nonsense Drax said to her.

Wow, these are all really interesting points, parallels, and questions. I apologize that it’s taken me over a week to respond. Winter tends to put me in funk, plus I wanted to take time to really think about the wording of my answer. I do really appreciate any kind messages, especially so unique and respectful. I’ll try to answer both best as possible.

Of course I technically agree that Gamora’s scenes, narrative, lines, and mindset in Infinity War were incredibly sad. “Sad” as in tragic and heartbreaking. But if you mean, the way I think you’re implying, “sad” as in “regressive” or “cowardly” or “out-of-character” (meaning, “It’s so sad how the writers changed and ruined such a good character), I don’t see it that way at all. I think her plan, her actions, and what she sadly made Peter promise were perfectly fitting. It may not seem like it on the surface at first, but it was unbelievably brave and made sense given the circumstances.

In comparing the events to how Gamora reacted to Ego in Volume 2, I understand what you meant, since it’s true that Thanos and Ego are extremely similar in their cruelty, manipulation, using people as tools, disregard for life, twisted versions of love, and overall genocidal nature. ;) But the villains’ goals, and the plots of the films, are still very different, and the situations the Guardians, especially Gamora, are placed in are very different.

For starters, Gamora (and Peter and Nebula and all the others, except for Mantis) had just met Ego. Gamora didn’t fully know or understand what he was capable of, or the extent of his power. Her first thought after finding the skeletons, after learning Ego’s true intentions from Mantis, and realizing Peter was in serious danger, was probably an instant adrenaline rush to save her best friend and do whatever else they could to stop this evil celestial guy. She’s a good and moral person, and at the time was a newly-adjusting hero. There was no time to think or plan, just act. There was literally no reason in that situation for Gamora to ask someone to kill her. Ego wasn’t after her personally, she had no secrets for him to extract from her, and she wasn’t a lifelong expert on his methods and personality, hadn’t been fearing for years him coming back for her. The situation was much different with Thanos, where Gamora knows him inside and out. She knows his game, knows his goals, and knows just how goddamn powerful he is. One conversation with Mantis about Ego isn’t equivalent to a lifetime with Thanos. Ego was a sudden new baddie they had to take down right now (not only because he was torturing Peter, who she loved, but also because, by using Peter as a battery, the expansion and destruction was already taking place without a moment to spare).

And before going back to Thanos, I want to throw in there real quick that even if Gamora did understand more about Ego and had known about him for years, I think her first instinct still would’ve been “take him down, fuck him up” because again, he had Peter. There’s an insane adrenaline high you get when someone you love is in trouble. It doesn’t mean she wasn’t afraid, or knew for certain she could handle it, facing a fucking god. Of course she was scared. It’s natural. But she did it anyway, because getting their friend back was all that mattered. “Leave no one behind. Give me my insufferable, vain, sweet and dorky douche leader and friend BACK, you creep!” She’s extremely protective of our Star-Lord. ;)

But back to the events in Infinity War, I don’t think Gamora reacted that differently. When Thor told them Thanos was headed to Knowhere, Gamora didn’t refuse to help because “I/we can’t handle it.” She didn’t huddle in a corner of her bedroom. She didn’t try to fly the spaceship as far away as possible. She had an extremely similar “Let’s do it!” attitude as she did with Ego, if not a touch more afraid and less confident, for the factors I already mentioned - she knows this monster extremely well, and had probably feared for 4 years him coming for her, for Nebula, for Peter, for her friends and new family. It’s a fear that’s plagued her nightmares for a large chunk of time, and now it could become a reality. And yet she STILL said, “We need to stop Thanos!” not “Count me out.” She knew what they had to do, and wasted no time. Unlike on Ego, they weren’t already on the planet, and they had some traveling to do to get to Knowhere, and that gave her time to think and plan and make Peter swear to do something dreadful if things went badly. IF. Not definitely. IF Thanos captured her. She never said, “If we see Thanos, kill me.” or “Before we get to Knowhere, kill me.” or “I’d rather you kill me than do this mission.” No. It was “If Thanos gets me, kill me.” She didn’t want to die, didn’t say or believe her capture would undoubtedly happen. She just knew it was a possibility. Once they got to Knowhere, she went against Peter’s plans to go right so that she could fight Thanos hands-on, stabbed and tried to kill him herself. She was just as badass and brave as in Volume 1 and Volume 2, against Ronan and Ego.

The only difference you point out is that she asked Peter to kill her, and yes, that was huge and upsetting and awful, but that was only if captured, and again, it wasn’t a cowardly move whatsoever, but an extraordinarily brave and selfless and in-character move. Not only did Gamora refuse to be Thanos’ tool any longer, but she knew that he would be able to get the location of the Soul Stone out of her. She didn’t know that he had Nebula, that he would torture her sister to get the information, but she knew he could get it out of her somehow. Thanos and Gamora both know each other psychologically, so what she made Peter swear, despite breaking her heart (and the audience’s hearts), was one of the smartest, bravest, most tactful plans. It wasn’t her fear overtaking her. I feel like that’s the interpretation of a movie viewer who doesn’t understand what she’s been through or who she is. Honestly, that decision was Gamora looking at the situation logically, a situation she likely never stopped imagining since her escape, and resigning, if captured. It wasn’t because she was scared, it was because she saw it as the only solution to stop him from getting all 6 stones. She was trying to save the universe. To save all those random, innocent lives. So I think it worked.

But ya. Very sad. I still tear up, both watching it, and at all the unspoken implications. :(

Okay, tackling your point about how Gamora treated Mantis in Volume 2 seeming contradictory in different scenes, which shouldn’t take nearly as much time. :P And since you continued it a little bit in your second message, I’ll copy/paste that here so others (and yourself) know what’s what.

Continuing. Okay,Mantis had a scary power activated by touch,but one wouldn’t want to defend someone they threatened with maiming (?) from nonsense like “ugly”. Or maybe I’m missing something. Anyway,I love this blog. 💓💖

Again, interesting point, but I don’t see these two things as contradictory either. Yes, Gamora threatening Mantis with a broken jaw if she read her emotions by touching her was harsh and unnecessary, but…1) It’s possible Gamora was exaggerating and wouldn’t have literally hurt Mantis, and2) Even if Gamora was dead serious, and would have reacted violently if her privacy was invaded that way, literally breaking Mantis’ jaw or arm, Gamora had just met Mantis and didn’t instantly trust her, and3) Gamora is (even moreso back in the beginning of Volume 2) an extremely closed-off and private person, with very complicated emotions, and has been constantly training herself to hide and guide those emotions practically her entire life. To Peter, Mantis reading his emotions was odd and awkward and embarrassing. To Gamora, it was more than scary, it was fucking terrifying. No one is allowed inside her head. It seemed at the time, the only person she ever opened up to was Peter, and even then she had a lot of communication issues and was deflecting very often, still keeping so much hidden. It was a natural reaction to “If I touch your wrist, I’ll know what you’re feeling.” In Gamora’s eyes, pre-romantic-relationship, pre-major-events-of-Volume 2, has-only-been-out-of-Thanos-clutches-for-a-few-months Gamora’s eyes, that’s a big fuck no you don’t. It was an in-the-moment reaction, but it didn’t mean that she hated Mantis or deep down really wanted to hurt her. It was simply her first instinct to stop this stranger from getting into her brain, especially in front of an audience (Peter and Drax). Gamora doesn’t even understand her own emotions, she’s not gonna have them spelled out by this weirdo. :P

Cut ahead to later when Gamora is softer to her and says, “You’re not ugly” and scolds Drax - I think that was fine and fitting. I know not much time had passed, and at this point Gamora was trusting Ego even less, so a viewer might think by extension, Gamora was trusting Mantis less. And I think that’s a little bit true, since she admitted she could tell Mantis was hiding something, but Gamora could also probably sense that Mantis was genuine in her naivete and innocence, and was being used and brainwashed by Ego much like how Gamora and Nebula always were by Thanos. Aside from that, Gamora is just kind and sweet toward those that seem like they need defending, or those who are childlike and innocent (her sweet and precious goodbye to Baby Groot when they first left Berhert that morning to go with Ego rings a bell). Gamora and Drax disagree and bicker a lot, as do all the Guardians, and Gamora just instantly wanted to protect this poor girl from his bluntness, from anyone needlessly hurting her feelings. Gamora’s a nice person, despite how she can often become cold and defensive, and wouldn’t tolerate Mantis touching her and using her powers without permission. (Plus, Gamora didn’t scream at Drax, just gave him a ‘Hey, come on, that’s not nice’ glare and tone.) Both scenarios, again, felt natural.

WOW, that was a way longer response than was probably warranted, but your messages made me think a lot! I hope I expressed this well. If I think of any more points, I’ll add them later. I’m sorry again that these friggin’ essays took almost 2 weeks. I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite, excitedly telling folks in my FAQ to please send me messages, and than seeming like I don’t pay them much attention. I’m just a procrastinator, especially during this horrid season. ;)

Thank you so much for the sudden messages, and saying that you love the blog! I’m super glad! Very appreciated and flattering. It’s neat to learn that you value my opinion enough to send me these thoughts and questions! ^_^

(I’ll respond to your newer message about that infamous scene with Peter on Titan, and how Gamora likely would’ve reacted if the roles were reversed, at a later time. Probably Sunday. I hope that’s all right. Take care!)

[ghezalplusmovies]

For roughly the entire month of August, my brother and I traveled all around Japan seeing the sights and scarfing down on some incredible food. While staying in Okinawa for a few days, we decided to venture to the local theatre to see what was cooking. Unfortunately, the two films I would be into rewatching, Wonder Woman and War For The Dawning Of The Rise For The Planet Of The Apes, weren’t out yet so we had a choice between The Mummy or the latest Pirates movie… We chose The Mummy and quite honestly, any bit of enjoyment I felt for it was due to the fact that I was vacationing in a foreign country.

(For those interested in my Japan adventures, scroll down to the end of this review!)

The eye thing was cool | Universal Pictures

[63]

The Mummy strove to kick start Universal’s Dark Monster Universe by featuring Tom Cruise doing all the things that make Tom Cruise Tom Cruise. The end product results in Super Cruise teaming up with Jane Seymour after they’ve had sex once (and apparently fallen madly in love following it) and fighting an ancient force who I kept referring to as “Imhotep.” The film also stars Jake Johnson and Russell Crowe doing his best Dr. Strangelove impression. It is directed by Alex Kurtzman (People Like Us)

So I have certainly seen worse things in my life. Universal’s attempt at getting into the modern cinematic universe game unfortunately falls flat which is truly a shame because the premise of The Mummy is actually pretty interesting. I’m obviously aware that the iconically classic 1999 Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz-led film of the same name bares no cinematic connection with this one, however if there was some way to harness even half the fun & heart featured in The Mummy (1990) and shove it down the throat of 2017’s, I would’ve enjoyed it much more.

The Mummy | Universal Pictures

As I mentioned, 2017’s The Mummy is not the worst thing in the world to spend an afternoon watching. I can certainly tell the $125 million budget went toward the action set pieces and Tom Cruise’s attempt at being a roguish lovable scoundrel. These set pieces were visually pleasing and featured occasional bouts of humour which caused some nice sharp air being blown out of my nose. Sofia Boutella is easily the strongest aspect to the film, her performance as the mummy Ahmanet contained a (somewhat) clear motivation and during the sequences which asked for more out of her emotionally, she definitely went there. Virtually every other aspect, however, was a jumbled, cringey mess with an overabundance of expository flashbacks and so many goddamn jump scares the Paranormal Activity franchise probably sued.

I understand why Tom Cruise is cast in this, but for the love of Gods, I hate that he is cast in this.

We are beaten over the head with the idea that he is a character type I despise: the roguish and brazen wacky rascal who throws the rule book out of the window because RULES ARE FOR NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS. Listen, if you’re in an ancient cave thing where you’re unsure what anything is or how valuable it has the potential to be, why not just take your weapon out and shoot at something… We don’t have time for being safe, damn it! Just shrug your shoulders and whip it out! While I love Cruise’s early works and actually enjoy the Ethan Hunt character in the Mission: Impossible films, The Mummy becomes unbearable at parts because of Tom Cruise. I get the foreign market appeal he brings and honestly, the film performed as well as it did because of Cruise’s name so I do not place any blame on the studio for making that creative decision… I can rightfully hate them for that decision but hey, studios gotta eat. 

The secondary characters are serviceable but are really not that great either. Jake Johnston’s comical sidekick character from American Werewolf In London became mind-numbingly annoying as the film progressed and Russell Crowe who actually isn’t a terrible Jekyll/Hyde – He just kind of sleep walks his way through until the moment where SPOILER Hyde comes out and his constant need to beat himself out of it reminded me of a shitty impression of Peter Sellers’ legendary portrayal of Dr. Strangelove. END SPOILER

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb | Columbia Pictures

Annabelle Wallis… Man. She was given absolutely nothing to work with. I actually love her performance as Henry VIII’s third and most beloved wife, Jane Seymour in the Showtime series The Tudors. It wasn’t the most arduous of roles to prep for, however the chemistry she shared with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and most importantly, the sheer elegance she brought to that role still sticks with me even years after her character… departed (history spoiler: he didn’t behead Jane). Ever since then, I’ve been waiting for her to nab a role that showcases and challenges what she’s made of and this role as Dr. Damsel In Distress is simply not it. I don’t need every female character in an action movie to remind us that she’s an independent woman who don’t need any assistance because regardless how sharp your skills are, you may eventually need some form of help whenever a difficult situation arises. What I do need is for her to be treated like a human being whose hair and makeup become just a tad disarrayed when they’re in a car rolling down a hill.

If you take her character out of the film completely, virtually no form of story progression would occur because she’s used as that classic damsel who gets into trouble and oh look! Thank God our trusty handsome rogue is here to save her and progress the story! The entire final act comes slumping along because she consistently finds herself in need of assistance from Tom Cruise. You know, I do appreciate that her character was seemingly not having any of Tom’s shit during the beginning of the film, it stunned me when she actually stood up for herself when this dork of a man was running his mouth rather than her finding it endearing. Here I go, bringing up 1999 again but Rachel Weisz’s character of Evie in that film served a purpose beyond being O’Connell’s love interest. Their bond gradually developed as the film progressed, her intelligence was as vital a part to her as her beauty was and holy hell, was that beauty beautimous. 

Side note: If you’re familiar with the Roanoke season of American Horror Story, you’ll know that one of the common complaints to come out of that season was virtually every scene where Queen Sarah Paulson‘s character would scream out “MATT! MAAAAAAAAAAATT!” Since her character was seemingly in danger at every turn. We’d constantly be hit with a screaming “MATT!” which eventually turned into a meme itself. The Mummy does a great job in containing its own MATT with Wallis’ character screaming out “NICK! NIIIIIIIIIICK!” at every single turn. 

Alright let me wrap this up here, there were moments when I had to plug my ears a bit because the fast paced music suddenly slowed down and I knew a jump scare was imminent. I don’t want shitty jump scares in my action movies. I don’t want shitty jump scares in my horror movies. I think every film should be allotted one shitty jump scare and then it tries to find a way of making the movie scary without thrusting its erect audio into my ear drums. There are also some logical inconsistencies toward the final battle I couldn’t shake and if the Dark Universe is going full steam ahead with their already planned slate (STOP DOING THAT, MOVIE STUDIOS. STOP PLANNING YOUR 10 MOVIES WHEN THE FIRST ONE HASN’T EVEN GONE INTO PRODUCTION) they must try to do as much revamping as they can to avoid another gorgeously empty shell of a picture. 

[Credit: Universal Pictures]

If you’re looking for a film with a great performance by Sofia Boutella and want to roll your eyes while watching CG porn, check out The Mummy (2017).

The Mummy receives 2/5 Matt Damon heads.

featured image credit: Universal Pictures

Japan 2017

As mentioned, my brother and I visited the amazingly stupendous country of Japan for about 29 days. The cities we visited included Tokyo, Osaka, Okinawa Island, Nara, Kyoto, Kobe and I’m pretty sure that’s all. Major highlights ranged from feeding deer at Nara Park to feeding our faces with some of the finest cuisine I have ever had in my life.

The quick slideshow below shows a few pictures taken throughout our visit. Among the captivating places we visited, we journeyed to where Bob whispered a final goodbye to Charlotte at the Shibuya Crossing and also endured a sweltering day at Universal Studios Japan. If you have the means and are interested in stepping into a world of pure inebriation, make your next vacation be Japan. 

6/5 Damon heads.

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The Mummy (2017): Brendan Fraser Deserves Better Than This (Review… In Japan!) For roughly the entire month of August, my brother and I traveled all around Japan seeing the sights and scarfing down on some incredible food.