#she was able to move past her anger and resentment and blah blah blah

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

If you're still doing the character opinion bingo - Eowyn?

I am *always* doing Character Opinion Bingo

Previously asked: Elrond, Gimli

Ok so.

I love Eowyn, obviously. I have eyes and a brain. Of course I love Eowyn.

However. My opinions on her story arc would be received by most of fandom as akin to hitting a wasps nest with a baseball bat due to:

a) my general dislike of Faramir. Guy can go suck an egg.

a pt II) my general dislike of fandom's tendency to jack off about how UWU Faramir is when he's just a bit of a wet blanket and a tit

b) my view that her ending is sad and sucks and she deserves better because

c) you can have healing and all that nice shit and still be a warrior and ride into battle and bop around on horseback annoying the living shit out of your brother who is now king by giving him 500 aneurisms

This is also why I only half-crossed out "I'm obsessed with their character arc" because I like it but also I'm mad about it because I wanted so much more for her and her ending. She becomes a fucking housewife in Gondor. This is Eowyn "so you're saying my role is in the house while men get glory then I can burn in it once the men don't need it anymore" daughter of Eomund, Shield-maiden of Rohan, child of the House of Eorl. She's not here for your cottagecore fantasies with wetblanket Faramir. (this includes you, too, tolkien)

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A fandom thing that bugs me is that in the Eowyn tag I'm inevitably dumped into the part of fandom that has internalized western approach to information preservation and share Tolkien's belief that the Rohirrim, due to being an oral based culture, are somehow inferior to Gondor who are a writing based culture. I don't think they're conscious of this fact, but it's there and I dislike it. There's this occasional infantilization of Eowyn where people are like "oh it's so sweet Faramir will teach her how to read and write and all the nice CiViLiZeD things of Gondor and she'll idk I guess teach him something of her people's culture but only so they can write it down" and alksdjhgakghdkjlgdfgj

both are equal! both are equal!

also maybe rohan doesn't want to write down their stories! maybe they have reasons for that!

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ok also, love that bit when Eowyn tells Aragorn "bitch if you say the word 'duty' to me I will not be held responsible for my actions".

'You are a stern lord and resolute,' she said; 'and thus do men win renown.' She paused. 'Lord,' she said, 'if you must go, then let me ride in your following. For I am weary of skulking in the hills, and wish to face peril and battle.'

'Your duty is with your people,' he [Aragorn] answered.

'Too often have I heard of duty,' she cried. 'But am I not of the House of Eorl, a shieldmaiden and not a dry-nurse? I have waited on faltering feet long enough. Since they falter no longer, it seems, may I not now spend my life as I will?'

'Few may do tht with honour,' he answered. 'But as for you, lady: did you not accept the charge to govern the people until their lord's return? If you had not been chosen, then some marshal or captain would have been set in the same place, and he could not ride away from his charge, were he weary of it or no.'

'Shall I always be chosen?' she said bitterly. 'Shall I always be left behind when the Riders depart, to mind the house while they win renown, and find food and beds when they return?'

'A time may come soon,' said he, 'when none will return. Then there will be need of valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defense of your homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.'

And she answered: 'All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honour, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more. But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.'

'What do you fear, lady?' he asked.

'A cage,' she said. 'To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire.'

then they talk about the paths of the dead. There's no bit where he’s like “I don’t see a cage in your future” like in the move. 

And aside from Aragorn's valid point of "you took this charge on you to rule Edoras in your uncle's sted you can't, exactly, just uh...abandon that" - I just love their entire exchange in this scene. It's so much more complicated and nuanced than what the movies show and also far more true to the world Tolkien was creating.

It also continues to highlight how Grima and Eowyn are foils for each other - aside from the subversion of gender norms (Eowyn is obvious in this, Grima's subversion is more subtle in the book), they both have strong desires and a sense of what they are owed and they go about getting it in ways that run contrary to their culture: oathbreaking.

Grima oathbroke when he took up with Saruman, obviously. Eowyn oathbroke when she left her post as Edoras' ruler and guardian - which she swore to the king she would maintain. They both did it to gain things they wanted. Eowyn just, you know, has morals and a spine. Grima has neither.

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I just. Love Eowyn. And want more for her than was given in the books, or even in fandom.

I also love Dernhelm and wish we saw hell of a lot more of him. More screen and page time for Eowyn-Dernhelm and Dernhelm-Eowyn! We deserve it!

[cowboyjenunfilterednsfw]

My gf is a stone butch, she only likes giving and not receiving. I enjoy both "roles". For the 1st year it was fine, but long story short, we've been together 2 and a half years now and I do miss the giving parts of sex. I miss eating p/ussy so much. I'm not into polyamoury or open relationships, so I'm not getting p/ussy elsewhere. Is there any way that I could cope with this feeling? Like a way to make it go away so I can just feel 100% satisfied being an exclusive bottom.

There are three ways to handle this and none of them are easy but the hard truth (I have sort of been where you are, as have many of my friends--one way or another) is, if you can’t have the full spectrum of your sexuality and passion fulfilled,  being content and happy over a long term is next to impossible. It leads to depression, sadness, distraction and often resentment of your partner. 

The first choice is to resign yourself to the situation you are in. Seek therapy and learn ways to cope with masturbation, fantasy and other resources that perhaps a good therapist can help you find. Seek others in the same position as you (lesbians or bi women) so you can talk about how they handle things and so you can feel some compassion and companionship with women who understand where you are and won’t judge. 

The second choice is to talk to your girlfriend. In my experience, and mine alone, many stone butches are affected by past encounters, trauma or even exposure to ideas in the media and on social media. Things like Butch equals Top and vulnerability means weakness. Butches have to be in charge and never let their guard down etc.  

 It can also stem from body dysmorphia brought on by just existing as a butch and a woman in our world. We are blasted with images of how butches are supposed to look. Muscles, flat chested, wide shoulders, narrow hips, blah blah and more bullshit. The greater world does not understand that a  butch is a butch is a butch.. it is how we move and our energy, not a body type. But many of us internalize that “my body is not right” idea. If she has discomfort in her body for those reasons or any other myriad of reasons it can certainly affect her confidence.  

Dysphoria can also be a distinct cause. If she has disassociated with her body as a sexual component of her self because she is not comfortable in the way women (or perhaps butches) are seen in a fetichized or unrealistic sexual role then for her to “expose” herself as as having a sexual body can induce anxiety and fear. 

Anyone of the above reasons can be addressed and talked about. Therapy can help. It can be hard but perhaps worth it to help her gain trust, confidence or/and a better relationship with her body.  However, whether her being stone has a “cause”, or if she just prefers that or it is her innate way of being, it is ultimately her choice and you might be disappointed if she has no desire or perhaps no ability to change it or even discus it. 

The last choice is to break up. If there can be no middle ground, you will eventually feel unfulfilled and you will begin to feel negatively towards her, the relationship and intimacy.  You might feel anger, frustration and eventually resentment. Not being able to be complete within your sexuality and passion is damaging to your physical and mental health. I know.. I tried. It was awful. And many of my friends have tried. The ultimate truth is.. sometimes Love is just not enough. 

I am sorry these are not really the answers that would make things “easier” but I don’t want anyone, her or you, to damage your mental health or grow dislike of each other when the absence of intimate needs become over whelming. I want to be honest with you because others might say “you can learn to live with it” or “you don’t really need it if you love her” and these niceties are just not true. 

I am very sorry. I hope that a compromise can be reached and your relationship will stay intact (with some hard work).  But do not resign yourself to misery. That is unfair to you and unfair to her.