#she’s out of the hospital now and all but obv still needs time to recover

[curly-cottage-girl]

I feel like I’m losing the battle of treading water and am just starting to drown in exhaustion now

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 3

umm so, never ever intended it to be this long but here we are. again this is v dark so please please read the warning!! also [and obvs] this is very medically inaccurate and just a work of my head aha

[part 1] [part 2]

warning: mentions of death / hospital / mentions of childhood abandonment too- please don't read if this could affect you <3

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

His heart was thundering in his chest, so much so it drowned out all other sounds making all the doctors words fade into the background. Conciously, he really was trying to listen to what the doctor was saying; consciously he knew she was trying to prepare him to see Y/n; consciously he knew she knew he wasn’t okay. But really? It didn’t matter, and as they drew closer to his fiancé Tom felt an urgent sense of relief purely know she was there. She was there and she wasn’t dead…yet. 

Only two people were allowed to go up, just because the nature of the ward - everything was meticulously controlled, including the comings and goings of visitors. If you’ve never been in an ICU it’s a pretty hard environment to describe. Really, it’s just another hospital ward, with capacity of about 20 beds. Each bed has much more equipment surrounding that the average and a nurse is stationed per patient, monitoring every possible variable that the machienes are measuring, so any trend (either positive or negative) can be identified at the earliest point. Though in everyones head, it seems as though ICU is a common place ending up for some unfortunate sod when something bad happens, it’s actually really rare for someone to be so ill and dependant on medicine to maintain normal body functioning. Only the most severe trauma, infection of the most dangerous microorganism, surgery of such high stakes normally make an appearance on the ward. And ,on average, between 8-20% patients that are admitted to an ICU never make it out. 

And those grim figures were unignorable to anyone. As soon as you walk through the doors, the atmosphere is intense and ineffable. It’s not spoken, but is so incredibly morbid it makes anyone shiver. 

Dom felt this, squeezing his sons shoulder as he followed Tom and the doctor, just a pace or so behind them. Having offered to go with Tom, whilst Harrison took Nikki to see the baby, Dom was now feeling just as clueless as his son did. Except he was actually listening to what the doctor was trying to warn them about and it scared him. The three, made it to the door and with a swipe of her ID card the doctor admitted the Holland men in. Gratefully, none of the staff took any notice of who was walking in, they were much too busy for that - Dom was incredibly relieved, had someone recognised Tom when he was in this state, god knows what would’ve happened.

The doctors pace was with purpose, perhaps so that the two couldn’t spend too long ogling the other patients in the beds - who all looked almost unhuman with the amount of tubes and wires coming out and into them. But then, she slowed up, halting infront of a bay about 5 or 6 down the ward. Spinning on her heel and with a subtle nod to momentarily release the nurse from her post at Y/n’s bedside, to give them a bit of privacy, she looked at the two men. 

“You can touch her, just be gentle with the wires.”

Shellshocked and terrified, Tom was frozen those 2 metres away from the bed barely able to see her face over all the equipment. Yet undoubtedly, it was his finance’s delicate visage lying on the white pillow, with a thick white mouthpiece and tube covering her mouth and stuffed into her nose. Not able to move, both Dom and Dr Goodwell sensitively waited - it was an adjustment to say the least, seeing someone you knew so well look so different. With quiet tears starting to roll down his eyes, Tom eventually started to inch toward the bedside, taking his time to try and absorb everything of this frankly ridiculous situation. He couldn’t get over how, even considering it all, above her nose it just looked like Y/n. Like she was asleep in their bed, eyes closed as if she had once again  fallen asleep infront of a random Netflix movie Tom had bugged her enough to watch in bed. And it was, ever so slightly comforting. That was still her, that was still the love of his life lying there. And she was still alive - which given the last few hours, was enough. 

Reaching the bedside, Tom naturally reached out and stroked the top of her head delicately, pulling into place a few rogue strands that seemed to have a mind of their own - she had always hated when her hair got frizzy. The picture had Tom’s mind casting back to their first holiday, a serene if quick few days in Fiji-  though Y/n didnt know this , that holiday had been one of the most important times in their relationship for Tom. Until then, given the nature of his job, the couple had only ever managed brief periods together. They spent time together as and when they could in between Tom’s busy schedule but it was never as long as they’d like. Somehow though, he’d managed to squeeze a few days away to surprise Y/n with the trip. 

It was everything he’d ever hoped it would be and more. In fact it was then Tom was oh so sure he would be spending the rest of his life with her. This thought crossed his mind on the last morning, when he had for once woken up before Y/n - her head mere cms away from his on the pillow. Just like now, her hair had been all over the place and her sparkling green eyes locked shut. Contrastingly though, in Fiji the sight had made him smile softly; now it just made him cry again. 

“Would you like a minute alone Mr Holland? We will just wait outside?” Not even turning round to properly respond to the doctor, Tom just nodded violently, not taking his eyes off his fiancé - waiting till he heard his Dad and the doctor leave the bay; then the curtains be completely drawn to a close, before he shakily cleared his throat to whisper.

“Hey darling… you um-you’ve scared me shitless today… and… and I’m supposed to be the dramatic one in the relationship.” Chuckling wetly, Tom clasped his other hand in Y/n’s - still mindful of the IV port coming out of the top of her wrist. Not that he was expecting any sort of response, yet the lack of her squeezing his hand back still had his heart sink. “Look I…I love you so bloody much and I really need you to get better okay? You’ve never listened to me before but I really am begging you to now, I just.” Swallowing thickly, he shut his eyes momentarily and delicately rested his forehead on hers - his touch feather light. Just needing to feel her. “I just really need you and I really love you., okay?” 

Unsurprisingly he didn’t get a response. The rhetorical question hung in the air alone, safe the mechanical whir of the ventilator and various chimes of the machines and monitor, till his Dad came in. Grasping and squeezing his shoulder lightly, Dom provided the stimulus for his son to unfold from over the bed, standing upright, as both men just took in the sight of Y/n lying there for a minute or two. 

“I need her Dad. I-I-“

“I know Tom.” Speaking so quietly it was barely audible, Dom’s eventual agreement at what Tom was saying was in a way a relief. Haz and his mum had both either been saying or implying that they would be okay no matter what - which came from a good place but was so infuriating. Because god forbid, if this situation got worse Tom knew it wouldn’t be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. So his Dad’s simple acknowledgment meant a lot, causing Tom to turn round and embrace his slightly shorter father. 

Dr Goodwell silently watched the exchange for a short while and once the men eventually pulled away she stepped forward to give some more information. She went through what all the biggest and scary looking tubes and wires were doing for Y/n, before explaining the next steps. 

“Now as I said before we are sedating her at the moment, while we wait and see if she gets any complications from the surgery that are better treated while she is asleep. By this afternoon we will have a clearer idea and by that point we may choose to withdraw that sedation. It’s important that you are aware though that she might not wakeup immediately. Sometimes some people that have suffered similarly to your fiancé will be unconscious for a while in what I’d presume you’ve heard of as a ‘coma’. Now it’s not as dramatic as you see on TV shows, it’s just Ms Y/l/n’s brain giving her body a chance to recover. It’s often a longer process, which I know is something you don’t want to hear, but I have to be honest.” The doctor was stern but in a softer and from-a-caring-place. “These patients are suggested to possibly recover quicker if they have a steady support network behind them, which it seems like she does. That means that you need to look after yourself so you can help her sir, especially in what could be a long process. It’s not going to be helpful for Yn if you’re killing yourself trying to be here all the time… It seems like Y/n already has quite a big group of you here for her, so please remember you’ve got all of her care team here and everyone else to help you too….Does that make sense sir?”

“Tom” His Dad, in a gentle but firm warning tone, urged Tom to speak and to listen. Properly listen. 

“Yeh… I-yeh It’s just all a lot right now.”

“Of course… and we promise that if anything changes with her condition, you will be phoned straight away. You are welcome to stay as long as you want - the only rules are two at a time, no flowers, sign in and out and then sanitise your hands pretty excessively. If you need anything, Ms Y/l/n’s nurse will be your first port of call.”

“Thanks for everything” Dom nodded in a gracious manner, which the doctor seemed to massively appreciate - apparently, for the job they do not receiving a hell of a lot of thanks. 

“I’ll pop back in a little bit.”

And for a couple of hours everything everything felt like a bit of an anticlimax, nothing happened, not a lot changed. Just Tom and Dom sat next to Y/n’s bed in silence; Harrison and Nikki downstairs with the baby, till Dom got a phone call from Nikki asking them to meet at the neonatal unit  - which was limited by visitor numbers unlike the ICU. Thinking it’d be simple, the elder man gained Tom’s attention with a call of his name, explaining they should go down to meet up. 

“I’m not going down there.”

“Son, I know you’re worried by Y/n isnt going anywhere right now. The doctors said they’d call you if anything happens.”

“It’s not-“ Tom stopped himself, biting his tongue and looking away from his Dad. “I just don’t want to go down there.” Slowly, Dom was more and more realising Tom’s thought process and honestly… it scared him. In the hopes this was just a big misunderstanding he offered a different option - hoping Tom would equally refuse that. Dom suggested going down to the cafe instead, which most unfortunately Tom agreed to. It wasn’t leaving Y/n that was the issue, it was being near the baby. 

Tom’s daughter. Unnamed and apparently abondoned by both parents. 

Anyhow, Dom resigned to playing into Tom’s choice, perhaps Nikki and Harrison would be able to swing him round, to see sense. It still took Tom getting the nurse to triple check they had his correct number on record , just in case, before Dom could tear him away from the bed. Fortunately the pair found a quiet and secluded corner table, where Tom was still yet to be recognised, while Nikki and Haz found them too. 

What followed was Tom answering all his mum and Harrison’s questions about Y/n’s condition, in a blunt and emotionless manner - without Tom returning fire by asking any questions at all about his beautiful little baby girl. Eventually Nikki braved it, someone had to bring it up. 

“Well it sounds like littles going to change for a while… maybe you should head home for a bit? You’ve been up half the night and you look shattered love. You don’t have to go back to yours… you could stay in your old room for a bit?” Tom being by himself at the moment sounded like the most incredibly stupid idea ever, Nikki was offering it as a choice - when in reality there was only one option.

“Maybe later this evening I will? Just don’t want to leave her alone yet.”

“It’s already 7 love, you’ve not eaten all day, you got to look after yourself too.” Harrison and Dom sat awkwardly while Nikki tried to delicately encourage Tom into what was the only sensible plan, watching him nurse the small hot choclate in both his palms. Time really had lost all meaning at this point, for him it felt both years since he’d first arrived with Y/n and at the same time barely 10 minutes ago. It felt weird. 

“We can take shifts? If-if you want someone with her I mean… I don’t mind staying for a bit longer if it means you head back to your parents.” Harrison really truly didnt mind, in fact he sort of wanted to. He wanted to see Y/n’s face definitely alive, wanted to feel reassured by the monitors. Shockingly, Tom slowly nodded his head, surprising everyone with his lack of argument. None of them could work out whether it was a good thing him not putting up much arguement ; either he was heeding everyones advice of taking care of himself - or he had just given up. Harrison, as much as he didn’t want to, was favouring the latter. 

“Okay” Nikki declared optimistically “So maybe you and Harrison go up so you can say good night to Y/n, then we can all go and pick up the baby?” She opened the plan to the floor, allowing for input but got nothing - except maybe Tom’s jaw unconsciously tensing uncomfortable at the latter part of her statement. Dom noticed. 

Not one noticed but knew what it meant. His son blamed his granddaughter. His son, right now in that moment, hated the unnamed and totally helpless baby girl. 

part 4?

[msiopao]

Sera with the Members

a/n: mark is in this because dream is now a fixed unit and he’s part of the lineup!!!!!!

WATERMELON ADDICT

was the person who made Sera comfortable since he reminded her of home

always asks if canadian bacon is better than american bacon

‘i dONt kNoW, sERa! mEAT iS mEaT!’

she didnt actually cry on stage when he was leaving but she cried when it was just the two of them and he recorded for the last time

it was her idea for hyuck to buy him a big bottle of ketchup

CANNOT believe that mark was a churchboy and ends up acting up in music videos

the duality SCARES her

calls her finny since her name is serafina

sera has her own room but she has an extra bed so he sleeps in there when he spends the night

learned this watermelon shake to help mark’s hangover

english all the time

ever since they met, mark has always placed his elbow on her head due to her short height

sera learned this fried rice recipe from her mom and he goes over to their dorm for breakfast

‘mark bls dont touch anything. get out of the kitchen and go watch tv or something’

always brings up his messed up eggs

‘gordon spitting facts tho’

whenever he feels too overworked or too pressured, sera has always made it a point to come over to their dorm and have a movie night with just the 2 of them with his favorite snacks and drinks

LONJIN

omg these two

sera is typically not mean but when renjun starts, she becomes ruthless

always calling out his fake personality

‘everyone, don’t believe him! he’s 2 faced!’

‘what are you even saying! you act like you’re so quirky and giggly but you yeeted jisung into the wall last night!’

‘YAH!’

so yea, they fight a lot

but its very playful and they know where that line is drawn and not cross it

he talks to her about space and aliens and she listens to every word bc renjun sounds so confident and happy whenever he talks about that stuff

they’re actually 10 days apart but sera acts like she’s 10 years older than him

‘IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO SOMEONE OLDER?!’

‘okay, granny’

always in awe whenever renjun draws and paints and she really likes seeing him in his element

unbeknowst to her, he actually draws her a lot

wants to frame all of his work 

they go out to the roof and stargaze

he steals her airpods just to watch her go crazy

once hid her phone in the fridge

lives for his vocals

cannot believe how much he’s grown from chewing gum era to now

her heart strings were tugged when he cried in dnyl

renjun always says that he wishes sera was born as his little sister bc they act like they’re siblings

EYESMILE PRINCE

hmm

so their is kinda complicated

sera’s closest to him than all the members bc 1, he was her first friend and 2, he has cats

before, when they still went to school, her and jeno always went together

yes, jaemin and jeno and her went together in the beginning

but jaemin was in the hospital and recovering so it just became them 2

also, she goes to visit his parents so she can see his cats

this results to his parents and older sister adoring her

‘bongsik, nal, and seol are my kids’ - lee sera, 00 line vlive

she always craves for attention and when it isnt given bc he’s too busy playing, she just walks into his room and sits on his lap while he plays

tries to get his attention by saying stuff but he teases her by acting like she aint there

‘fine, i’ll go to jaemin’

jeno wasnt supposed to be blonde for the comeback but they were just messing around and next thing they knew, jeno’s tips were bleach blonde

when shes on that,,,, time,,,,, hes the only one in the dorm she listens to

not even johnny, who’s practically her father

collabs with her mukbang show and jsmr

he mentions her like at least once whenever he has lives that she’s not in

steals his glasses all the time just to watch him wander around with this confused adorable face

hugs are so cute w these two and czennies see them hugging in videos and she can barely reach his shoulder 

forehead kisses and sweater paws for daysss

NANA

drop dead gorgeous boy

shes not safe from jaemin’s affections

*cue jeno glaring at him for stealing her*

we all know how much he loves the members and whenever sera breathes, he busts his uwus

takes so many pictures of her

sera buys him lots of lip balms and carmex but he always forgets to put them on

sera hates peaches but she buys him peach flavored sweets whenever she sees them

‘NANA!!’

sera is also an attention whore so she always runs to him and wraps her arms around him and he squeals by how cute she is

bought him an expensive camera for his birthday

has a polaroid picture of him in her clear phone case

actually, her phone background is an old picture of predebut sera, jeno, and jaemin

one of the rare moments where she cried was when she found out that jaemin wouldnt be in a few comebacks bc he was sick

kept visiting him and jaemin cannot repay her enough

the dorm is full of ryan and winnie plushies from the sofa, a tiny winnie plush on the corner of the island counter, and their bedrooms

sera is the one who always throws away the his satanic drink even though it’s still full

‘yah, you need to think about your health and if it your body is tired, dont fight it by trying to drink these to keep your energy’

sleepovers with them are often and sometimes found sleeping on the spare bed in her room

FULL SUN

our big babie

oh boi when he got hurt

sera called him twice a day, one in the morning and one at night, just to check if it’s still hurting and making sure he’s resting

forever remembers when he dressed up as a girl 

‘you see, i’m not the only girl member. dongsuk is just on hiatus right now’

his name on her phone is ‘man-child’

when he went on tour with 127, she really missed him

like she missed him so much that she kept posting on instagram for him to hurry back home

still mad that he moved dorms to be with the older members

when sera got sick, she made him sing ‘no longer’ to her like a lullaby

when he asks sera to do something for him, usually she says no because he asks her to do ridiculous things but his aegyo always convinces her

thinks his color amblyopia is so fascinating and adds more into the unique traits he has

another attention giver and she loves hugging him because he gives really warm hugs

one time, jeno and sera had a fight and it got so bad that hyuck had to be called and he was the only one who got to talk some sense in sera to talk to jeno

but the legendary markhyuck summer fight was resolved because sera yelled at them and cried since they are best friends and they shouldnt be like that to each other

they made up since ‘wow sera cried’ and ‘the members are ready to beat us up if we continue this’

and by members, like all members, including the older ones

sera knows how much being the moodmaker title burdens him so she tries to ease that burden by talking to him just the two of them

DOLPHIN CHILD

look how adorable he is UWU

he is 1/2 of sera’s sons

like she’s whipped for him and jisung and he knows it too

‘noona~’

‘yes, i will give you the world, the stars, and the moon’

thinks his laugh is endearing and is sad that it isnt that high-pitched anymore since his voice got a little deeper

cannot believe how much he’s grown too

when he speaks in chinese, sera thinks its the cutest thing 

‘can we give his scalp some rest? its not healthy for the boy’

trust fund babies

you know how chenle has 3 airpods?

sera went through 4 phones since she keeps losing or breaking it

dont ask how bc shes as clumsy as namjoon

had this phase where he wouldn’t stop back-hugging his noona and she just left it alone

always buys him snacks and cooks him a lot of food bc she thinks he’s too skinny and wants him to be healthy and gain some fat on those cheeks again

on their break, she went to china with jisung and her lock screen is a picture of her and chenle holding his nephew

triggered her baby fever

czennies ship them but he makes it clear she’s the older sister he’s never had

nct dream took a vacation to her hometown and she bought them basketball tickets so chenle could see his idol

his mom practically adopted her since she goes over to his apartment all the time whenever the others are getting too much for her

she misses him so much its not even funny

JISUNG PWARK

our maknae is growing up :(

sera had the whole family sit and watch the first episode of dancing high

so proud of her boy

she called him during the show and it was shown and heard about her telling him to take care of himself and to not be too hard on his body and that she’s waiting for him at home

as the youngest member overall, sera babies him the most

he obvs takes advantage of it and she used to cuddle him to sleep when he was younger bc he had a hard time sleeping

again, cooks for him a lot since he’s a growing boy and making sure he takes vitamins and drinks water and limit sugary things

she calls his mom to give him updates about her son

remember his phone that he used until it actually died?

sera actually bought him a new one before that happened and just casually gave it to him

‘i know this was going to happen so i just took care of it. i have to take care of you, jisung-ah’

hypes him up whenever he dances bc wow this boy is actually talented

doesnt really like skinship but he tolerates it when she holds his hands bc theyre so much bigger than hers

one day just woke up and she got so confused when jisung grew up

‘did you grow in your sleep?’

‘n-no?’

loves his awkward nature and she keeps saying how adorable he is and cute he is whenever he acts cool

god, she’s just so whipped for him

but tbh, who isn’t?

aaaahhhhhh i cannot believe our wish came true and they became a fixed unit and we really getting a comeback and an mv in the 29th!!!

[madelvnisms]

(MILENA TSCHARNTKE, CIS FEMALE) - Have you seen MADELINE WOODROW? MADS is in HER SOPHOMORE year. The CREATIVE WRITING MAJOR is 21 years old & is a VIRGO. People say SHE is COURAGEOUS, WITTY, PESSIMISTIC and HOT-HEADED. Rumors say they’re a member of KINCAID SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE’S BEEN TRYING TO FIND HER BIRTH PARENTS WITHOUT HER ADOPTED FAMILY FINDING OUT. (COURTNEY. TWENTY-TWO. GMT+10. SHE/HER.)

tw: slight mention of drug use?? i just wanted to tag to be safe 

yall i literally love essy so much i’ll follow her to the end of the rp world :/// and thats on loyalty. PERIODT. but hi !!! hello !!! i am courtney and this is my dangerously pessimistic devil child whose life is just. i like to make tragic okay, because otherwise, where’s the fun in that??? I HOPE YA’LL LOVE HER AS MUCH AS I DO. also i haven’t rped in a hot minute so please bear with me tumblrs done a whole 360 on me and nothing is the SAME 

madeline woodrow didn’t actually have a name for the first??? three months of her life?? she was born on an unusually cold september night, to two incredibly young teen parents who just so happened to be addicted to illicit substances, her ‘mother’ abandoned her at the hospital with a weak immune system and pretty much fighting for her life. she was born with holes on the heart, resulting in surgery during the first week of her life. however, her ailments soon came right ( for now ) and madeline was adopted into a well-off, seemingly loving family; the Woodrow’s, who happened to have a young child already,,,, you guessed it,,, named.... darcy. eyyyyyy [ tik tok vc ] sibling check 

growing up into a family that valued achievements and success over, well... anything, really, madeline had always felt a little out of place. Her parents were well-off academics who took pride in their work, her older brother seemed to be a genius, whereas school work had never been madeline’s strong-suit. like, yeah, okay, she was smarter than the average person in class, but learning was never something she was interested in. books didn’t interest her like they did darcy and while she was passing all of her classes, there were no outstanding academic awards for barely trying. 

instead, madeline seemed to have a naturally affinity for sports. she loved the outdoors, she was the kid that was always picked to be team leader,,,, u know the kids who think they’re better than everyone on the field..... akskskskks that was HER. she may not have been as academically gifted as the rest of her family, but she would bet none of them could throw an object further than her, that was for sure. 

it was an accident, finding out she was adopted. Robert & Stephanie Woodrow had many quiet discussions over the years as to what would be best for Mads, they both felt she should know, but ig they were just scared??? bc they never??? really. mentioned it to her. buT MORE ON THAT SOON 

madeline loved tennis. it was her favourite sport, she was literally on track to go to the olympics at one point in her life, when disaster struck. she was in the middle of an intense game when randomly, mads passed out on the court and fell on her leg the wrong way. not only had her heart problems come crashing through the door; she now had to have another surgery on her leg along with months of rehabilitation. 

the kicker???? this was around the same time grandfather Woodrow had passed away, leaving the remaining kin to deal with his crippling debt. she was barely sixteen when this happened. well - technically grandfather Woodrow had left her mother, father and brother a huge amount of crippling debt, whereas madeline wasn’t even mentioned in the will. no inheritance to her name, especially no debt to her name - there was no mention of a madeline woodrow in his last will and testament at all. 

that was when madeline found out about her true origins; she was left in a hospital by her birth parents, she was born with holes in the heart and now, now she couldn’t even play tennis again. Ever. 

Madeline, once held on a high pedestal due to her athletic achievements, held on a high pedestal by being a Woodrow, had come tumbling down to reality. She didn’t know, and still doesn’t know who she really is to this day. 

Now that all her athletic careers are out the window - her leg never fully recovered and now on top of taking medications for her heart problems every day, she has a barely noticeable limp while she’s walking or jogging, madeline is majoring in creative writing. she needed a back up plan, and while this is nowhere near what she wanted to do with her life at all, not even close, she has to deal with the hand she’s been dealt. 

because of everything she’s been lowkey trying to find her birth parents without the Woodrow’s finding out bc she doesnt wanna break :// their hearts :// but she wants to KNOW WHO SHE IS 

PERSONALITY & HEADCANONS 

it doesn’t take a lot to get madeline to do anything. she’s down for an adventure (within reason bc she is !! not as healthy !! as she likes to think anymore), pretty easy to get along with. admittedly, her IQ is not as high as darcy’s (she’d never admit that, obV) but she’s witty and sharp with her tongue. because of everything she has been through, has a very warped sense of the world atm. 

won’t admit it but second guesses everything. she genuinely believes?? she’s not good enough??? for the life she’s been given, which is why she excelled in sports, but now that’s out the window too she’s kind of just... flailing. 

despite being a woodrow,,,, does noT have as big of a stick up her ass like the rest of them. but she’s still a woodrow, the stick is still there. sometimes. 

Madeline is used to the finer things in life, however has adjusted since their grandfather royally did a number on them. she wont admit it, but she misses how easy money had been to access. 

she carries !!! a walking stick in her bag sometimes in case her leg is just Extra Bad. she hates to use it. probably never will admit to needing to use it 

is on heart medication. does not stop her from doing Stupid Things 

will literally be like Darcy who??? to your face but as soon as someone say something about him, she will literally fight you. leg and heart problems and all this bitch will throw the fuck down for her brother, and that’s that. 

Acts like nothing is bothering her at all, when in fact.... everything bothers her 

bisexual queen 

love is love af 

is terribly afraid of ants. 

wanted connections !! 

ex best friends - i literally just imagine them being ‘best friends’ because their parents were in the same affluent circle until the woodrow’s crushing debt, now they literally cannot stand each other. could be more in-depth. i love all the angst 

exes - could have ended great, or terribly. i just LOVE ANGST OK 

best friends - i imagine best friends from like ??? kids ??? family friends?? who have stuck by her always??? 

ANYTHING N EVERYTHING HMU 

[ayellowcurtain]

can you write lucas finding out about eliott's suicide attempt last year (if they go the og route) and he's obv very effected by it? 

There’s some references about suicide attempts, just so everyone knows!!!!!!

---------------------------------------------

to Lucas: hey

can we meet before class? need to talk to you about Friday 

Lucas knows what Imane wants to talk about, he’s probably in for a very long lecture on how much of an asshole he was with all of them on Friday. He doesn’t really feel like reliving that, but he’s sure Imane won’t give him an option  other than to listen to what she has to say. 

to Imane: yeah, I’ll wait for you at the gate

He’s already there, so he leans against the wall, waiting, trying to get as ready as he can. 

Imane shows up nearly five minutes later, giving him a quick hug, not even bothering to hide her ongoing annoyance with him. 

“Feeling better today?”

“I guess...”

“Hopefully you understood how much of a child you were on Friday.”

“I had my reasons.”

“Yeah, but you could have stayed to listen to what he had to say.”

“I know, Imane. Are we really going back to that right now?” He sighs, already tired of having this conversation. 

“I just hope you understand that whatever Eliott went through last year was really hard, like real world problems, not just teenage drama.”

“I get it.”

“I don’t think you do. I know you know all of this now, but you don’t seem to realize...” She looks around, coming closer to him. “He tried to take his own life, Lucas, that’s how bad it was. Do you understand how deep it was?” 

Lucas freezes in place, he can tell that Imane thought he knew all of this already, Eliott probably told them about it last Friday, but Lucas was too hurt to listen to that part. 

“What...how was it?”

She frowns, thinking for a few seconds, but she doesn’t question his doubts, deciding to answer it.

“I don’t really know. His girlfriend was the one to find him, Sofiane helped her take him to the hospital, but that’s all I know.” 

-

Imane’s word are still ringing in his ears, preventing him from hearing the outside world properly, it’s all a mess of unrecognizable sounds. 

to eliott: hi! are you home? 

to lucas: At my house, yes. Why? Already missing me?

to eliott: yes, can I come over? 

to lucas: always <3 

He rushes out of the bus after ten minutes, almost running to Eliott’s building, ringing the bell nonstop until Eliott lets him in.

Eliott is already at the door when he gets to his apartment and Lucas throws himself in his arms, pulling Eliott’s body against his, getting inside with him and slamming the door. 

He needs to show Eliott how important he is, how loved he is. Lucas moves away just enough to take his own shirt and hoodie off, letting it fall to the ground, pulling Eliott’s shirt up right after, noticing his boyfriend laughing with his rush. 

“I need you right now.” He whines, but Eliott is still finding it funny (and probably cute) but he nods, holding Lucas’ hand and taking him to the bedroom. He doesn’t understand, so Lucas comes closer again, tilting his chin up while opening Eliott’s pants. 

“Eliott, now, please!” He begs while looking at the older one and he finally seems to get it, helping Lucas take both their clothes off as quick as they can. 

-

“Wow!...” Eliott turns his head, looking at Lucas by his side, still recovering as well, looking wrecked, with his cheekbones flushed, his eyes blown, hazy, looking so hot. 

“Wow!” 

“Hopefully you were thinking about me in class and couldn’t wait to see me again, it would break my heart to know that something else made you that hard...” 

Lucas shakes his head, finally meeting Eliott’s gaze, coming close enough to brush their lips together.

“It was all you. I love you, wholeheartedly.” 

“I love you too.” He turns around a little bit more, resting his torso on top of Eliott’s, kissing him lazily for a very long time. “I’m gonna get some water for us.” Eliott interrupts their kiss, moaning as Lucas chews on his lower lip, climbing on top of him, but Eliott stops him, holding him by the waist, making him go back to bed. 

“No, come back here!” Lucas tries to hold his arm and pull him back to bed so they can go to their second round, but Eliott sits on the bed, muttering as he can’t find a comfortable position to sit and that makes Lucas to stop pulling him, smiling proudly as Eliott looks at him over his shoulder. He puts his boxers back on, finally getting up and rushing out of the room.

 Lucas watches his every move, looking at the open door when he leaves, listening to Eliott opening the fridge, thinking about his boyfriend living here, by himself, months ago, at the worst time of his life, thinking that he was so worthless that he could...

Lucas covers his face with both hands, taking deep breaths to stop himself from crying. He doesn’t want Eliott to know yet that he knows. Doesn’t want him to feel guilty in any way. 

He takes his hands off of his face when he hears Eliott coming back inside, chugging on some water and smiling to him, offering some iced water. 

“No, thank you, can you come back to bed now?” His boyfriend obeys right away, putting the water on the nightstand, straddling Lucas on the bed, kissing all the way from his chest to his neck and face.

“What’s going on, Lucas?”

“I just missed you today. And needed you to know that I need you. And that I’m sorry for being such a whining baby all the time. Sometimes I can’t believe my luck. That, somehow, the universe thought that I deserved someone as amazing as you.” 

“The universe wanted us together.”

“Yes, in every universe. And in all of them I’ll always be here, no matter what, on the good, the bad and the horrible days. I know we always talk about minute by minute and I don’t wanna, you know, plan too much ahead, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you want that too.”

Eliott raises his head, looking at Lucas very closely, smiling and nodding slightly.

“Yes, I would like that.”

“Good, so I’m staying, as long as you want me to. And even after that, if you don’t want me some day I can...try to stay friends with you, I’ll always care for you, love you.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever not want you with me, as my boyfriend, husband...” 

“You would make me a very happy man.” Eliott smiles, kissing every inch of Lucas’ face, leaving the most important part for last, caressing his check as he gives him another heated kiss, grinding their hips together again. “Baby, we can rest now...I know I broke you earlier.” 

Eliott laughs and it’s contagious, making the other one to laugh as well, hugging his boyfriend tighter. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll need some ice bags on my ass to sleep tonight. Or to sleep on my stomach.”

“That might be better.” 

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

[womenofcolor15]

Lil Nas X Drops 'Panini' Video + Kevin Hart Dragged (And Defended) Over His Comments To The Rapper About Him Coming Out

After performing the song in a similar look at the MTV VMAs recently, Lil Nas X just dropped the official video to his newest single "Panini." Go inside his futuristic world and find out why Kevin Hart is being criticized as he recovers from his accident.

Set in a futuristic world of flying cars and hologram billboards, X tapped Disney actress Skai Jackson to star in the vid, showing her in an attempt to escape Lil Nas X as he pops up everywhere she goes, trying to win her over as a fan. Ha. By the way, the treatment idea for the visual came directly from X himself and was brought to life and directed by special effects artist, musician and YouTuber Mike Diva.

Lil Nas X previously revealed that “Panini” is a song about a fan who loves you in the early stages of your career for the cool factor of knowing about something before it becomes mainstream, and that fan feeling like they’ve outgrown you when the rest of the world catches on. Sounds about typical.

And if you're trying to watch it in school, X has got you covered:

if u wanna see panini and u at school act like ur stomach hurting and ask to go to the bathroom

— nope (@LilNasX) September 5, 2019

Peep the blacklight, neon filled video below:

  The video comes out on the heels of Lil Nas X's appearance on Lebron James' HBO show, "The Shop."  In last night's season premiere, things got heated when the rapper, Kevin Hart, Charlamagne tha God, and other guests began a question about homosexuality.

.@lilnasx speaks the truth about his choice to come out while at the top. More of The Shop on @HBO now! pic.twitter.com/wETNaPUU5t

— UNINTERRUPTED (@uninterrupted) September 4, 2019

In the 1 minute clip taken from the full premiere episode, Kevin interrupts Lil Nas X's response, saying "So what?!", when the host asks the rapper about choosing to "come out" while he's at a peak in his career.

Some folks thought it came off as dismissive and silencing, especially when Kevin felt the wrath of the LGBT community and allies himself recently in his career due to comments he made about not wanting his son to be gay. The comedian made it seem like X coming out wasn't a big deal, but, isn't it? Even if it's a big deal in a positive way?

Others believed he wasn't being dismissive, and that he was simply saying it shouldn't be a big deal that someone came out.  They believe he was actually supporting Lil Nas X in his own way. X had a response to that though when he finished his explanation. He said he's actually solidifying the fact that it's not a big deal if he makes this reveal at the top of his career and it doesn't affect his career, instead of waiting to use it as a publicity stunt.

Check out the debate below:

Kevin Hart got me tight the entire interview, but I think he was trying to say that being gay shouldn’t be a big deal to Nas. Even tho for someone like Lil Nas and everything he’s done, being gay is definitely a big deal, and that’s obv what Lil Nas was trying to explain

— Joshua Bautista (@joshb3600) September 5, 2019

This Kevin Hart shit pisses me off, that whole interview pisses me off, I can’t stand when straight people ask why it’s a big deal to come out and then say no one cares if people are gay. Fuck you if you think that. Open your eyes.

— soph (@itsmrstealyour_) September 5, 2019

That Lil Nas X/Kevin Hart clip is a prime reason Black gay men hate going to the barbershop. It’s often a space for (straight) Black men to bash Black women and Black LGBTQ people with very few people challenging that toxic environment.

— Preston Mitchum (@PrestonMitchum) September 4, 2019

If Kevin Hart is still in the hospital, I hope his nurse is gayer than Billy Porter in June.

— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) September 4, 2019

the stupidity of kevin hart telling lil nas x that the world doesn’t care if people are gay anymore. what world are you living in??????

— renee (@chalametsqueen) September 5, 2019

Wow Kevin hart really has the nerve to say “so what” to a famous young black man for coming out, when half his jokes are about slapping his son for “acting gay” LMAO wow

— the qing of queens (@emoilia) September 5, 2019

i can understand where things could be taken out of context but Kevin Hart has literally said he would beat his kid if they were gay-so that’s all i really needed to know about him to form an opinion on him and think that he’s out of line on any queer issues.

— payne (@payneywayney7) September 5, 2019

Others say the people who are criticizing simply didn't watch the full episode:

Twitter: Kevin Hart is homophobic look at how he gaslight lil nas x Reality: #TheShopHBO pic.twitter.com/hqJRPqnMc7

— Zan (@GodZanMarino) September 5, 2019

Kevin Hart could have been quiet as a mouse on that Barbershop episode with @LilNasX and folks would have still been upset on some “his silence speaks volumes...he’s so homophobic” type shit.

This outrage/easily offended culture is lame af.

— joshtooclutch (@JoshTooClutch) September 5, 2019

Y’all asses ain’t even watch the full interview of the Kevin Hart and lil nasx shit y’all annoying “Kevin Hart homophobic” man ain’t no damn homophobic. When he said that joke bout his son being gay niggas thought that was the funniest shit. now it’s not y’all wild

— SKINNY (@senorskinny) September 5, 2019

I definitely think y’all taking Kevin hart saying “so what ; he’s gay who cares” the wrong way lol.....

Calling his accident karma is foul regardless

— Durrell (@DGIBBS89) September 5, 2019

Literally the only time homophobia crosses my mind, is when I'm on Twitter defending straight black men against charges of it.

Black men have too much on our plates to be worried about who other people are fucking - THAT'S what Kevin Hart was saying to Nas X.

— BeeMoe Siddy (@DubAnders) September 5, 2019

Thoughts?

  Photos: Columbia/Kevin's IG

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2019/09/05/lil-nas-x-drops-panini-video-kevin-hart-dragged-and-defended-over-his-comments-to-the-rap

[the-long-lost-ebony-blog]

my suicide attempt from kinphobia -- really really long post!!

TW FOR SUICIDE, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, HOSPITAL, FRIEND BETRAYAL, DOCTORS, ABUSE, KINPHOBIA, ANXIETY, SELF HARM , PEDOPHILE MENTION, and MAYBE DOXXING!!! 

well um. remember a while back when i was all super worried about a girl in chem class almost finding out i'm kin? yeah. it happened. it happened like a month ago. so i actually started being friends with her after she'd obvs had a bad day, like she was just sitting in the hall and i felt sorry for her bc she'd been crying. i started talking to her and asked if she was okay, now at that point she had no idea that i might be kin. i hid it really well! until!! she said that kin itself is a mental illness. and i couldn't help myself. i fuckin went off on her. kin isn't a mental illness, not all kin are mentally ill, etc etc. she just froze up and had this look of absolute disgust on her face. i tried to backpedal and say that she was just using the words wrong, and she was insulting mentally ill ppl but noo, she caught on. 

i just sorta made an excuse and left but it turns out that later on, she'd gone onto my facebook which i don't put on here for reasons like this lol. she dug through my timeline and a bunc of old photos and found like... a kin positive graphic from 2009 or something. it was a thing saying that i was "kin and proud" or whatever. (back then i thought i might be therian or otherkin. not fictionkin.)) 

now, i am in college but for summers i go home to live with my parents. that's where i am now. so here's where it gets worse. tw for stuff above. she went onto their facebook pages and got their emails. and she sent them both email as "a concerned friend". she told them that she was friends with me from class, and that i'd been acting weird lately -- like, not myself, low self esteem, spent all my time talking to strange people on tumblr, took 'a certain satire writing' (my source!! ugh) too seriously, and was really disconnected from reality. 

okay so the deal with my parents: they really are supportive of gender stuff (even though i'm a cis girl and was cis in canon) and different sexualities, and disabilities. they are also anti trump and want free health care and wish we did not start shit with russia. like they are not bad people. but in the past , i'd started to ask them for advice on if i was kin.  i had to explain what kin was. and they were p much horrified that this exists. they think that it "locks people into fiction and imagined reality" and "stunts their phsyclogical (not sure how to spell) development" and "teaches suffering kids to use escapism instead of therapy or self help". basically they are super ableist when it comes to kin. and they think it's ridiculous that it's actual community. stupid me, i'd literally said (before they said all that) that "i think i'm an otherkin, i feel uncomfortable as i am right now". so i pretended to agree with them on kin being bad. but then when this girl sent them the email.... i was home. with them. 

they would not shut up aboout how terrible this was for me, how i was hurting myself, how they never should have let me on tumblr, how they shouldve watched me closer, how i don't owe "these people" anything (you guys are my friends!!!) how this community is toxic, how i badly needed therapy. okay okay -- i need therapy! but it's for depression! not for being ebony!! and it was like this every single fucking day, and a lot of cringe blogs have been posting shots of my blog. that's because she's sent anon tips to them outing me as kin, outed me to my parents, and all the other ppl from class i was friends with? she spred a rumor that i was a pedophile apologist and didn't think authors' work was original, to make them stay away from me. i would have been here on tumblr -- ut they monitored all the stuff i did on the internet. i could only write poetry and watch youtube and like check the fucking weather. and i could shop on amazon. they became so ridiculously strict. it was "to protect me" but no. they refused to udnerstand that kin heps me! 

everything came to a head that night. they took a way my laptop, they took away my phone, they made me disconnect from everything that was related to kin. and they sent me to a therapist who was... well. awful. she was blatantly kinphobic, she'd had kin patients before and claimed to have cured them of being kin. this bitch had glowing reviews everywhere. when i insisted that i actually was ebony, she told me that i was taking "imagination as a coping skill" to far. she would not let me explain anything. my parents, who i usually came to for advice and liked, didn't let me explain. any mention of kin was just shut down. 

and then i couldn't anymore. i am so sorry, i just couldn't do it. and i was so angry at them. i was angryer at the bitch classmate who outed me to them. i wrote a sucide note telling them that i'd attempted before but kin saved my life, that i was sorry i couldn't be better, that all i ever wanted was to find my true self, that if i couldn't be ebony then i couldnt be at all. TW!! when they were asleep i went down to the medicine cabinet, i put a basket of my favorite things on the table, and i put the letter in it. and then i took.... jeez i dont even know what. 

the next thing i knew i was awake in the hospital. god it hurt all over. i just remember feeling super sick but really wanting food, and my head hurt, and it hurt to keep my eyes open. i was just... aching. and i was so disappointed and so scared that i'd failed. i knew my parents were furious with me and i'd never talk to my friends again. when they came in to finally talk to me , well i don't remember what happened. i blocked it out. but i do remember that they weren't angry at me, they were mad at themselves.  they are still kinphobic, but they want me to be comfortable with myself without "having to believe i'm ebony". 

when i recovered enough to be sent home they spent all their time with me until i said i needed to be alone. so they gave me a break but they came back, they said that they'd read about how to help me. all the advice they got said that they shouldn't isolate me and they shouldnt cut off my contact from my friends. so i'm allowed to be on tumblr a little, i'm allowed to talk about kin a little, they think that i'll grow out of it with lots of help. shutting me down about it will make me restless and i might atempt again. 

i am currently in therapy. i dk what my new therapist thinks of kin. i try not to talk about it with her bc i'm scared that she'll be hostile and i'll relapse. overall going to see her is not stressfull as long as i don't alk about being ebony. i just kinda pretend that i don't have a sense of my own identity, so she's trying to help me build one. i did tell her about how i had a frend that spread horrible rumors about me and shared my secrets bc i did something she didn't like, i didn't do anything wrong though. she was really sympathetic bc when she was a teenager, fake friends spread rumors about her being bi and said it meant she was cheating on her boyfriend. so yeah she is helping but kin helps too. i'm not going to tell her about it bc i can't have it taken away from me again. 

thats why i've been gone so long. i'm on new meds too, antidepressants, so i might act weird or be emotional a lot. and im trying not to self harm but i slip up and cut sometimes where no one can see it. 

i know i have a lot of messages. guys im really really sorry but i have to delete them. there are self care request, have to delete, i'm sorry. it's just.... if i the messages, i feel sick bc it' like i missed a deadline over and over and i feel like people are going to be mad at me and i feel like i cant fix it. if you sent requests, please sent them again SLOWLY over the next couple days. im doing everything i can to get better. but i need your help. 

[thedaywebuiltthefort-blog]

Suicide Prevention Day Post: PTSD - my story

10th September is suicide prevention day.

This post is inspired by and written in homage to my brave friends and family who have spoken out about their own experiences of mental health, depression and the struggle that comes with hitting rock bottom and having to claw your way back out of that big black hole.

Have I ever been suicidal? That’s an interesting question and one that I don’t know how to answer entirely honestly. I don’t remember ever feeling an urge to kill myself. I do however remember knowing at one point, several years ago, that I didn’t want to be anymore. That I just didn’t want to live anymore. I don’t know if that is the same thing.

Either way, this came at the time I was suffering from PSTD.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition mostly affiliated with the military and those in service. The truth of it is that it affects many people for many reasons. It is unbiased and unprejudiced in its attack.

I know for a fact that there is a stigma of shame attached to it when you are not in military service. People assume that you can’t possibly have difficulty processing a traumatic event when you haven’t done a tour of Iraq or been in a war zone. For a long time, I didn’t like to admit that I had it, even after being diagnosed.

My PTSD came (hand in hand with a lovely dose of PND) following the birth of my son when I was nineteen years old. I want to be careful to be respectful to those involved with this story, so, for this reason, I am focusing solely on the effects the experience had on my mental and emotional health.

It was not an easy experience. I went two weeks over my due date. I was terrified. The skin on my stomach had stretched to the point of splitting in two (I still have the scars) and I had something called ICP (Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy) which I won’t explain in detail, but that essentially causes extreme itching during the third trimester.

Let me just elaborate on that for a moment – when I say itching, I don’t mean it’s a little bit annoying. After a few weeks of constant blood tests (at one point I’m not even sure I had any blood left to be taken) and not being able to sleep I was literally ready to tear my own skin off. I have never known anything like it and I hope to never again. If I had been able to get my hands on any I would have sandpapered my skin raw.

The birth itself was hard and after 48 hours in labour, I knew it wasn’t going to be natural. I told the doctors. They ignored me. I was left for another day – terrified, in pain until eventually they conceded and I was knocked out cold for an emergency section. It is hard to admit even now, but at the time I was trying to act like I wasn’t afraid, like I was mature and in control. In reality, there was a voice in my head that told me I was going to die. The hardest part about that is that I wasn’t afraid anymore at that point. I was so ready for it to be over I really didn’t care anymore.

Several hours later I woke up, was shown a baby and pretty much left to my own devices. I left the hospital after what I think was either nine or ten days and beyond that I have no memories of what happened at all. I don’t remember who came to visit me or when. I don’t remember the first time I held my own child. My memories were wiped completely and to this day there is still a blank space in my mind where those first few days should have been.

So now you know what caused the PTSD.

Realistically, I would say it was eight years before I started to recover in any meaningful way. Although I do remember a lot from the years that followed there are still huge patches in my memory where there is missing information, especially from the early months.

I don’t remember the first time I actually felt anything afterward. I was on autopilot for a long time. Actually, to say I didn’t feel anything was a lie. I felt anger and bitterness. I felt cheated and betrayed by the world and by my own body.

For a long time, I was lost in what became an almost consuming anger that festered like a poison. Everybody has different symptoms and reactions to trauma. There was a long time where I was determined to destroy myself in any way possible. I pushed people away becaue I felt incapable of loving and unworthy of being loved. I was numb all over. Bad decisions, poor life choices, toxic relationships with people who fed my demons...

I had recurring nightmares both sleeping and waking. I saw visions of babies with their skulls being crushed. I sat at work and saw visions of doctors smeared in blood, masked faces looking down at me. I went to visit a friend who had recently give birth and, as she proudly passed me her newborn daughter to hold, I ran to the car and locked myself in. I sat there in the passenger seat hyperventilating and crying. I threw up in the seat well.

I started avoiding people because I didn't want to see their children. I lost friends because of it.

Babies terrified me. I didn’t want to hold them or be around them. I felt like I was incapable of feeling anything other than fear. People would assume (because I’m a girl obvs) that I would love to hold their children.

When my niece was born, my sister’s husband posted a lovely announcement on Facebook. I flew into a complete rage. I was so angry at the world. That night I remember as being probably the worst of all the times my PTSD had taken over. I was howling like an animal, tears pouring down my face as I lay on the floor and screamed at my OH that I didn’t want to live anymore.

The next day he quietly and carefully removed all the sharp instruments from our house and locked away anything that I might be able to use to hurt myself.

It took four therapists, cognitive behavioural therapy, EMDR therapy, counselling and several years before I could even come close to believing I could beat the demons. When I received the letter from the hospital when my son was eight years old confirming my diagnosis I cried tears of sheer relief.

I don’t feel any shame. I freely admit that I was not a pleasant person during that time. I call it the ‘wilderness’ years and in some ways, I wish that things had been different. In other ways, I don’t wish it had been different at all. Everything that happened made me who I am now.

It still annoys me when people don't understand why it is I can have one child and not want another one, as if having babies should be the sole purpose of my life. I usually just tell them that I don't need another one, I got it 100% spot on the first time (that's true actually, my son is ridiculously cool). People have this expectation that there is something beautiful, natural and almost transcendent about the experience. It would have been nice if that had been the case.

I have an amazing kid, who is now a teenager. Our relationship is really close, but it doesn’t stem from a natural maternal instinct. It comes from fighting for it. I have had to learn how to be a parent and it’s been a tough battle from day one. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will probably never feel like, as I imagine it to be, a motherly mother. I’m more like a wild feral mum. I’ll never coo over baby pictures or feel all warm and fuzzy inside at the thought of tiny infants.

But I will show my son what it is to fight back. The lessons I provide are ones in how to keep going. Hopefully, it’ll prove beneficial in the long run to both of us.

So there you go, that is my story in a very condensed nutshell.

I’ve spoken before about the state of my body post-pregnancy. Almost fourteen years later and the scars are still there. I will never be able to look in a mirror again without seeing them. The memories are always there, staring back at me.

It took a while to come to terms with that.

But the emotions and mental side of it are now at the point where much like the marks on my body; they feel more like a faded scar than an open wound. They’re there and that’s fine.

I hope that by sharing this, it puts what we are doing and why we started this blog into perspective. It hasn’t always been about living our best lives – there have been times when it has just been about surviving. I’m not ashamed of my story. I’m not ashamed of my body. I’m not ashamed of the truth. There is nothing shameful in admitting that you needed or need help. Every voice that speaks out and says 'this is my story' is another voice that can be heard by someone who needs to know that they are NOT ALONE.

I had PSTD.

I will be forever changed by that experience.

I am who I am now because of it.

I have never felt more powerful in my life.

This is me.

Holly

[angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog]

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

"San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

How much would it cost for a 50cc scooter to insure?

I dont want l plates anymore i think its 50-100 lol , and how much would it cost to fully insure it and the test aswell. Im 19""

Is there any affordable Car Insurance for 16 year olds?

PLEASE READ: The problem is this. I'm 16 years old, and I really would like to own a car. But the problem is this. When your 16 and you first get insurance, it is super expensive. I have a brother the same age who would also like a car. But I have a single mother. If we have 3 cars and 3 people on one policy, that means it will cost over 10,000 dollars. I know I have to take a defensive drivers course to get 10% off, and I should get honor roll (But that'ss too hard). I've suggested that we get minimal coverage, but my moms the kind of person who thinks she has to pay a lot of money to be covered. Because she won't take minimal coverage, Now I can't have a car. What is the name of a car insurance company that is very affordable but does not make you go on minimal coverage to afford it? If you want, you can tell me what it cost you so I get a best estimate. Thanks.""

Car insurance for the clueless 19 year old :/?

I'm nervous about getting car insurance but I honestly need to get my foot in the door. Now give it to me straight guys, how high can it go if I'm nineteen years old, male, never been in an accident, had my licence since may, plan on getting a 90s car or EARLY 2000, and only plan to use it for really just going to work and such. :/ I feel like its going to skyrocket...just because I have a penis. Man when they told me that I thought about being arrested for being black on a friday afternoon on a wednsday :/ So how low can car insurance get?""

Pregnant: no insurance?

i just found out that i'm pregnant. it was a surprise. i don't have insurance. what can i do? i am over qualified for medicaid, barely. my husband is a police officer. to give birth at the hospital it will cost $7180. i called maternity card but they are very expensive and my doctor already said he doesn't deal with them. does anyone have any solutions? i really need an answer. thanks!""

What is the cheapest Insurance?

There are too many and I get very confused. I'm getting a 1999 Nissan Sentra. I am a new driver, I have yet to get my license since I need a car to practice on. I am 19 years old.""

I have a question about car insurance in N.C.? I REALLY NEED AN ANSWER????????????????

okay, im 15, im about to get a car signed over to my name, what im wanting to do is have it in my name, work out the problems with it over the years, then by the time i get my license, it'll be running nice and good so i dont have to worry about it, sounds simple huh? well i've only encountered one problem with this, and that is my mom says that you need to have car insurance to be able to own a car by law. so the whole time that i own the car, fixing it up and stuff, (when im not driving it), ill have to pay car insurance on it, i dont have a job yet, so i dont wanna dig a ditch that i cant get out of, so by law in N.C., do i have to have to have car insurance on a car, if i dont have my license, and im not driving it, i guesse a simpler way to put it is do i have to have insurance on a sitting car. an answer is crucial and best answer gets 10 points, please help thank you""

Average Car insurance cost?

Im an 18yr old female living in Wyoming. I have a clean driving record and drive a 1990 honda accord. Does anybody have an idea on how much car insurance would cost me

Car Insurance Question (regarding insurance)?

Hello, I have an insurance question. Last December, my wife, 2 y/o daughter, & I were involved in a car accident. The other driver was at fault, this was noted on the police report. My wife & daughter both required medical attention. My daughter suffered a broken leg & has since recovered. Unfortunately, my wife's recovery is taking a little longer. She required immediate surgery on her wrist & needs daily physical therapy. Although I have a laywer, car insurance & health insurance, I've had to front enormous amounts of money to cover medical expenses. My health insurance will not reimburse me for expenses. Can I ask my car insurance company to help me out with expenses? They know the other party is at fault (police report says so). I've had to liquidate stocks & savings to make ends meet. I'm now out of money. I was not at fault, yet I'm being punished. Any advice on how to get reimbursed ASAP? My settlement probably will not occur until next July.""

Insurance under Obama care?

I am 22 years old and graduated a week ago. My parents have insurance through trustmark insurance and I've been recently hired on full time for a management position. Being a full time employee, I have the opportunity to get my own insurance or waive it. I've heard that I should be able to stay on my parents insurance until I am 26. However, I've also heard that I would need to be a student in order to continue on staying on my parents insurance. So essentially I am asking whether I should be able to stay on my parents insurance until I am 26? If my wage is needed for this, I make 14$ an hour. My parents are more than willing to keep me on their employers insurance.""

Question about car insurance?

What is the average price difference between full coverage and the lowest coverage? What exactly do they cover? And are there options in between? I know it differs from company to company, but I would like to know what the average difference is. I have enough money for a car, but as soon as I find a job, Im going to buy one, but I need to know what im going to be paying for insurance, and what is right for me. Im going to be spending between $1500-$2000 for the car if it makes a difference, thank you.""

Motorcycle Insurance?

My father has his own motorcycle. I just got my motorcycle permit. Am I legally allowed to drive it (following the rules of my permit, of course) although the insurance is in his name? State: New Jersey""

Do you have to buy insurance for your car?

Im planning to buy a 1968 Chrystler Newport. This will be my first car. I live in BC. What should I expect to have to pay monthly for insurance? or do I need to buy insurance at all for my car?

Is a 93' mustang hatchback cheap on insurance cause its a hatchback?

hello I'm 17 and i'm looking to get a car. I have always loved the 93 mustang.Its my favorite car ever.It is a hatchback so would that make it cheaper on insurance?? my parents always helped my brothers by putting there name on the tittle along with my brothers.I'm pretty sure it made it cheaper.There are only 2 cars that i really want either the mustang or a older honda civic hatchback.i like the way both the cars look.please help. leave you comments/opinions Thanks!

What is a non-standard property/casualty insurance company?

How can you find out if your insurance company is non-standard? What makes a company non-standard?

Do you need to pay for insurance while learning to get permit and after?

Hi, I'm turning 15 and a half in a few days, I live in California, so I can now get my permit. My families financial situation is a little tight, so my mother says I have to wait until my sister is off her insurance, which will be by the summer. My mom says as soon you I receive my permit, she has to add me onto the insurance. Is this correct? And does she need to pay for insurance while I simply attain my permit? I told her after I get my permit, I don't necessarily have to begin driving lessons right away, which in turn means she doesn't need to pay insurance right away. Could someone clear this up for me? Thanks!""

Will I go to jail for not having health insurance?

Will I go to jail for not having health insurance?

Can i get my car insurance reinstated?

Hi, my insurance was paid in full for 10 months. i had a crash end september went down i was at fault. I still had till end march on policy and obvs its been cancelled as car was right off. I am sure the woman said i can reinstate policy as i paid in full?? Any help would be good thanks""

Car insurance?

Ok, cheap me has been trying to find a second hand car (Opel corsa). Found one I might like at about 29k with a mileage of 167k on Carfind. Tried to get an eQuote from First for women - (I'm still waiting). Anyone could suggest any other reasonable insurance companies I could try? Or do any of you know how much I would be paying for insurance, just an estimate. Would also love some help with any other cars (preferably Opel corsa) at reasonable rates. Looking between 20-35k and no more than R800p/m. If anyone has info please contact me by email. Thank you PS: I'm in Johannesburg (Northen Suburbs)""

Currently on my parent's auto insurance plan. Can I get motorcycle insurance with a different company without it affecting my current plan?

Currently on my parent's auto insurance plan. Can I get motorcycle insurance with a different company without it affecting my current plan?

Father wants to add either wife or daughter on the car insurance policy? Who will be cheaper to add?

Father wants to add a named driver to his insurance policy and wants to add the wife who is 48 years old whom holds a provisional licence. However, the daughter who is 17 (nearly 18) wants to be added as a named driver as she does quite a lot of practising in the car. From the situation would it be the same price for both? or would it be cheaper for the older women. Both have not passed test so wouldn't the insurance policy price be the same for both. I would like to know the difference? or whether it would be the same as both just hold provisional license?""

1999 toyota camry insurance cost?

1999 toyota camry insurance cost?

What kind of car will give a 17 year old cheap insurance?

i am 17 and im looking to buy a car. i wanted to know what kind of car will give me the cheapest insurance possible. including the color. and what ways can i save money on car insurance?

Car insurance?

which car insurance company do you perfer for a teen that just starting a job and just turned 16

Any insurance professionals? from UK or USA?

have you heard about Chartered Insurance Institute? and what do you think of its various diplomas? are they highly valued in your field? and can they advance your careers in insurance! thx

How much does insurance cost for?

Hi! I'm a 16 year old male that lives in Kentucky, and i'm getting a truck soon, it would be my first vehicle. Its going to be a mid 90s or late 80s truck. I'm wanting to know how much insurance would cost on average? Any help would be greatly appreciated.""

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

Insurance for a 2nd hand two wheeler.?

Recently purchased a second hand 2wheeler. Changed RC to my name already. Regarding insurance, which one is good?? 1) renewing existing with my name or 2) purchase a new insurance. which one is best?? do we have any difference for the above options?? Approximately how much it costs for both options??? Please guide me.""

How much would car insurance cost for me?

i'm 16 and i live in the southern california area, around north hollywood. i would be driving a honda accord, thats leased so far but we're (family) is planning on buying it soon. i also have pretty good grades. how much do u think it would cost? and which auto insurance is best and the cheapest?""

How much would my insurance go up if I got a jaguar instead of a civic.?

Hi I'm 16 and my dad wants to get me a car and I really want this 1996 jaguar and he wants to get me a 2000 civic and I was just wondering how much my insurance would go up over the two cars or if it depends on what insurance I have just try to give your best guess how much it would go up

Good car choices for new driver in terms of insurance costs.?

I am wondering what are the best cars for young drivers in terms of insurance costs, I have looked around and allot of people suggest Citroen C2 and Fiat Punto Grande.I don't really like the look of Citroen C2 (looks ugly in my opinion) but Punto isn't that bad. I am kinda into Alfa Romeo Mito and it's my first choice at the moment but isn't the cheapest option in terms of insurance... (even the base model). So I am wondering what are other decent options available , or what some of you new drivers are driving :). Thanks!""

What is insurance expense and preaid insurance ?

A review of the ledger of Khan Company at December 31, 2006, produces the following data pertaining to the preparation of annual adjusting entries. 1. Prepaid Insurance $9,800. The company has separate insurance policies on its buildings and its motor vehicles. Policy B4564 on the building was purchased on July 1, 2005, for $6,000. The policy has a term of 3 years. Policy A2958 on the vehicles was purchased on January 1, 2006, for $4,640. This policy has a term of 2 years.""

Whats the car insurance trick?

you know the ads that say you could pay $36 a month for car insurance in ga? whats the trick?

""I own a 2000 chevy cavalier and im 17 years old and need insurance, about how much would that cost?""

Its small, green, and its a two door""

Help Buy Auto Insurance!?

Hi, Just bought a care and now as a second step looking for a auto insurance, must be cheap, reliable and have a good history of dealing with auto insurance. Regards!""

Looking for the best prices in auto insurance and Quick!?

I know there are some reliable auto insurance companies out there with killer rates. Anyone know something good?

Cheapest insurance for 17 year old?

i want a convertible but the insurance is way too high! whats the cheapest insurance for a 17 year old please answer

Meeting deductibles on health insurance?

okay so i am looking at the blue cross blue shield family plan in texas and for us three it costs $164 a month with a $2500 deductibile and then they pay 80% of the costs. So my question is, what does the deductible mean? sorry i come from free healthcare in the UK so I'm not used to paying for medical insurance. How does one meet a $2500 deductible before the insurance company can start paying for the rest of the medical stuff?? Is it met by constant hospital visits? doc visits? constant lab and xray tests?""

What are my rights? re: car insurance?

I'm a bit short of money at the moment, so on the 31st January i phoned my car insurance company and asked them to suspend my insurance. They told me the direct debit request for February had been sent on the 29th January, which they couldn't stop, and would be taken from my bank account on the 1st February and i would later bee refunded that amount. Today i received a letter in the post telling me they would hold the payment and use it when i continue the policy or use it towards a cancellation fee if I don't unsuspend the policy. The policy ends in June! The reason i cancelled is because im on benefits and just don't have the money to afford this right now. Anything i can do?""

What's average price for moped insurance?

thinking of a getting a 125cc cobra, i'm 18 and recently passed my CBT. Can anyone please tell me how much i'd be looking at paying?""

Can i drive a car without insurance when i just bought it? or how much towing it will cost?

i just bought this car but it hasn't got insurance, and it will take me some time for that. i'm getting it from an individual who keeping it at his place for now.i'm due to have my practical car driving test in 4 days. can someone else drive it for me without insurance to bring it to my parking space? or if i call a breakdown/recovery company, how much they will charge me for about 40- miles?""

Idea as to how much full coverage car insurance would be for a 17 yo. Just a ballpark figure. Thanks.?

Idea as to how much full coverage car insurance would be for a 17 yo. Just a ballpark figure. Thanks.?

How much would car insurance be on a Mini Cooper (approx) for a 1st time driver?

I'm a 20 year old female in London. Hoping to take my test soon and just curious about insurance on a Mini Cooper! (I know it's expensive!) thanks x

Need insurance advice?

First time driver I have tools to carry so will need a good engine Insurance is high so - What's a good engined car with cheap insurance? I have researched but still need all the help I can get. :/

What's the average price of homeowner's insurance in Las Vegas?

I know this is a vague question but what are some estimate homeowners insurance prices in Las Vegas? The house is worth 180k, its brand new (built 2008). No pets or children, three bedrooms, 1700 sq ft. My fiance and I are first time homebuyers and we have excellent credit. I just wanted to know if anybody had any ballpark numbers (I plan on contacting my current auto insurance provider soon, but I want to hear what other locals are paying so I know if I'm getting a good rate)... Thanks!""

Were can i get cheap car insurance in the central florida area?

Were can i get cheap car insurance in the central florida area?

How long does it take for insurance rates to go up after getting speeding ticket?

how long does it take for your insurance rates to get affected if you get a speeding ticket.. does it apply right away or do i have time to go to traffic school.. and if i go to traffic school will all evidence of there ever been a ticket disappear?

What is the cheapest 50cc Moped / scooter insurance for a 16 year old ?

I have been look everywhere for cheap moped / scooter insurance and the cheapest I can see is 320 for third party only. I wanted third party fire and theft, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to afford that if third party is so expensive. The scooter I have is from Direct bikes. It's the sports DB50QT-11. I'm from Scotland and have no convictions. Answers really appreciated. Thanks :)""

How much does the average American pay for Healthcare?

Spending on health care to reach $5,170 per Canadian in 2008 http://secure.cihi.ca/cihiweb/dispPage.jsp?cw_page=media_13nov2008_e I'm looking for this in American.""

Best life insurance questions for seniors?

67 year old male whose had heart surgery,but doing well,on antidepressants and a cpap needs term life insurance. what is the most affordable in your experience ?""

Does child support cover car insurance?

I'm about to drive but my dad keeps telling me that he refuses to pay car insurance because he says it's in the child support. However, my mom is the one who bought my car... Does child support cover car insurance?""

Estimated costs for restaurant insurance?

I am working on a business plan for school and need to know what types of insurance an upscale restaurant in Chattanooga, TN would need. Approx. 15 workers, alcohol will be served, and there is outdoor seating. I am having trouble getting any idea of how much this will cost because the online insurance quotes require quite a bit of information, which I don't have because this is not a real business. Any info will help. Thanks!""

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

CAR INSURANCE FOR A 16 YEAR OLD?

would it be more expensive for car insurance for a brand new car or a used car. (my mom has geico so thats who i would have)

How much is flood insurance in texas?

How much is flood insurance in texas?

What would my Car Insurance Rates be?

Im 17, male, and I'm wondering what car insurance rates would be for me. What would they be for a 2008/2009 Honda civic, simplest version? What would they be if it was the same car but a few years older? Same questions for a Toyota corolla. I have done drivers education, which should help lower the rates.""

Pagani Zonda - how much to insure?

My hubby and I were watching Top Gear the other night and James May was testing the Pagani Zonda. Does anyone know, out of interest (or to be honest to settle an argument!) roughly how much the insurance premium would be on this type of car? Thanks!""

Does anyone know of an insurance company that would insure a car for a newbie?

Looking for cheap car insurance Does anyone know of an insurance company that would insure a car for a newbie? I am looking at buying a used car ASAP to get to work.

Cheapest car insurance for female 37 on provisional?

Just bought a car Citroen c2 having real trouble getting insurance quotes under 600....HELP!!

HELP PLEASE. AUTO INSURANCE FOR NEW DRIVER. I NEED A GOOD ANSWER?

how much a year would a 1998 chevrolet camaro base, not z28, be for a new driver. any ideas? and also a 2002 dodge intrepreped es 4 door cost? please.""

Best life insurance for baby? Cost?

Trying to figure out the best life insurance plan or place to use for new baby to come. How much does it cost upfront? Do you pay it overtime?

What's the point of car insurance?

I've been paying my insurer monthly for several years. I have one relatively small accident where my damage doesn't reach deductible (so I have to pay for my damage out of pocket in full), they pay the other car which was around $1500 or so. They raise my premium for 3 years to an amount where in 3 years I end up paying for the other car anyway, and I still pay monthly as I have for all of the years before that... I'm trying to figure out how that's beneficial - outside of the fact that they paid upfront.""

""What is the best car alarm system, that would also lower my insurance?""

I own a 2003 Toyota Corolla CE. My car insurance is moderately expensive, and I've been told that installing an alarm system would help lower my insurance. But I don't want a cheap alarm that can be easily set off by someone's sound system.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance for 16 year old boy?

Thanks in advance

I'm going to look at a used car today. When should I buy Insurance?

I've seen pictures and know a lot about it's history. They have asssured me they have reciepts for all the work done to it. I'm pretty certain i'll be buying the car as I am taking money. Do i ring my insurance to get an idea of price and then ask them to start the insurance immediately when I buy the car? Or do they have a delay to when i'll actually be insured/ to when the police can tell if a car is insured or not? So should i change my insurance now or later? Thanks

Whats a cheap insurance?

I'm 18 and live near garland just liability

Need insurance and sr22 for suspended license?

A friend of mine lost his license for driving without insurance. He needs to get insurance and provide an sr22 to get his license back. We live in Ohio and are having a hard time finding any kind of affordable insurance plans. Any ideas? What is a good price for min. state coverage, anyways? Thanks for the help.""

How much would it cost for three 18-20 year olds to live on their own in a 2 bedroom apartment?

I am currently 15 but am planning to move in with my best friend, and my boyfriend at the age of 18. Can anyone tell me what the prices may range for about? We want-- A two bedroom apartment. (Not specifically top notch) Heat of course, but air conditioning not needed. One car with insurance. No cable, phone, or internet. Electricity, Water, and food of course are important. I will be in school as well as my friend, so we can work part time. The boyfriend can work part time or full time. Does anyone know how much this may come to? Around? Aim high because we really want to be prepared. Thank you all so much. =]""

What is mortgage insurance?

I'm supposedly getting a USDA Rural Development loan, it says on the site that you dont pay mortgage insurance and so u can get more of a loan. So do I need any other insurance?""

Average ins. price for family of 4 in alabama? Is it cheaper from Florida?

Average ins. price for family of 4 in alabama? Is it cheaper from Florida?

Best ways to lower the car insurance for a 17 year old male?

Hiya. :) And yeah, this is a lovely situation, lol. :P I'm aware that no matter how I look at this, the price is going to be a punch to the head. But I'm in need of a car ...show more""

Car insurance question.?

Can I have a car loan under my name and have the title under mine and my parents name as a main cosigner? Then have insurance under my parents name? Is it possible to have the title under my name with no cosigner and insurance under parents? I just want cheaper insurance that's all.

How much would car insurance cost if you have two tickets?

So I just got my second speeding ticket today... -.- My first ticket was going 58 in a 35... (reckless driving) Ironically my second ticket was 58 in a 35 too... (reckless driving) I am 18 and live in the state of Virginia... I own a 2005 Nissan Xterra SE... Can anybody estimate how much my car insurance is gonna go up? Like how much my insurance will be every month now? I have state farm insurance by the way... If anymore information is need please ask me so I can get the estimates... I'm actually very scared to tell my parents... So I'd just like to know all this information before they do...

Title insurance premium? One time fee or periodic payment?

I recently purchased a house in Southern California and just received some documents by mail stating that there's a title insurance premium of $500. Is this one time fee? But doesn't the word premium in insurance terminology mean periodic payment? I m confused.

Will a reduced 1 point Defective Headlamps ticket affect my auto insurance?

I was pulled over for turning onto a one way street the wrong way, which is a 3 point ticket in Denver. If I pay within the first 20 days the ticket is reduced to a 1 point Defective Headlamps ticket. My parents have state farm insurance. Will they be notified of this ticket through the insurance and will my insurance rates increase? I'd rather them not know, and the cop said my insurance wouldn't be affected because of the reduced ticket. I just wanted to follow up. Thanks!""

Car insurance question...?

I am currently driving my father's car. The insurance for the car is under his name, so the proof of insurance has his name on it. I have no idea if i myself am supposed to have insurance or not. Am i driving legally? If not, tell me what i can do to be able to. I am 16 and my father and I both live in Florida.""

How should I insure myself?

ok so i've sold my car and now the only car i will have access to is my partners. so do i arrange my own insurance, or do i add myself to her policy, or should i now add her to mine? I have full no claims she has 4 or 5 years. I am 36, she is 27. I have 2 months left on my current policy and 2 installments of 35 to pay, or if i cancel now pay 55. her renewal date is november. any help?""

Will a car insurance company cover a collsion if I have a salvage title?

I purchased a vehicle which came with a clean title from an owner.I called my car ins.company and added insurance to the car then went to register it.DMV says this vehicle was in an accident and would have to be a salvaged title. My question is if my ins.company has it down as a clean title and I get into an accident,will they then find out its a salvage title? If not then how will they find out if at all? Im afraid if I tell them its salvaged now they won't insure the car then I'd be stuck with it.""

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

What does comprehensive insurance mean?

I am trying to apply for state insurance for my daughter, who is currently on her fathers insurance through his work, and the rates have just gone up considerably. In the FAQ, it says that families who voluntarily drop employer based comprehensive insurance must wait 6 months to apply. Can someone please tell me what this means? Thank you""

Cheap car insurance for occasional driver ?

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone knows if an occasional driver's insurance exists? I dont have my own car. My parents do and sometimes I use it for school- once or twice every 2 weeks. Recently, my dad hasnt been allowing me to use it (at all) because I dont have my own insurance and it is too expensive for them to include me in theirs since I dont use the car too often. Do you know any car insurance that is affordable- which company, etc, for someone like me who only borrows a car occasionally? Thanks! x""

Do you get rid of your car insurance when you get a DWI?

I don't understand,.. when you get a DWI and license taken away, wouldn't you not need car insurance anymore for a year since you won't be driving your car? All the talk about having insurance go up etc, and $1000 added onto the bill every year, does the receiver of the DWI have to keep their insurance or something?""

Who has the cheapest motorcycle insurance?

This is going to sound crazy but try to stay with me here. I'm 17 about to be 18 and I live in Michigan. I'm going to be going to college in Lima, Ohio and will be driving back to michigan every couple of weeks. I have a truck that sucks gas so I am going to buy a bike. Either an 98'-05' Yamaha YZF R6 or R1 I haven't decided yet. I was wondering who has the cheapest insurance for what I'm doing with the bike. Basically driving it long distance and to class every so often. It will be stored in my apartment down there whenever I'm not driving it. Can anyone help me out. I know I'm a little young for any kind of cheap insurance but maybe there is a company out there that gives breaks to college students? Well anyway the main question is : From your experiences which company has the cheapest motorcycle insurance?""

Health insurance how to get?

Im not sure how to get cheap health insurance or obama care. I dont make that much being a server but I really could use health care insurance though since its been a while since ive been to the doctor.

From who can I get the cheapest car insurance?

I'm 18 and I've only have my liscense for about a year. I'm trying to insure my 1990 325i BMW for the least possible amount. Any advice?

I'm a first time driver and need an insurance company that is cheap! Any recomendations?

Passed my driving test today and I am looking for cheap insurance (like everyone else!) and I am hoping some wonderful people can help me out! I currently have a 1.25 ford fiesta from 2001. I am male, 17 years old and require my own policy. I appreciate any help :)""

Applying for health insurance coverage - please help?

Do you have to have a valid social security number to apply for health insurance benefits with regence blue cross blue shield?

Help with Health insurance?

I was wondering something about health insurance - i'm divorced - my ex is suppposed to have health insurance on the child. He has health insurance on it - so I have a blue cross blue shield card for that. my ex has remarried - and his wife also has health insurance through blue cross blue shield. And with hers, she also put my kids on her insurance. My question is: can my kids step mother also have insurance on my kids -- is this legal. Before I start using both insurances - I want to make sure this is legal to do.""

How much does it cost for a 28 year old man for car insurance?

How much does it cost for a 28 year old man for car insurance?

Car Insurance in England question?

If I am insured but I drive another car (included on policy) but that car is not insured by owner will ANPR pick up car has no insurance and do I commit offense? And if I am not insured but drive a car that is insured by owner does it come up on ANPR as being insured and therefore I wont get caught? Is the driver insured or the car???

""Typically for a healthy young 27 year old male, how much is health insurance monthly?

how much would health insurance cost?

Corporate health insurance?

What will be the benefit to the company for availing a group health insurance for its employees. please explain thoroughly. Thanks!

My bf claims if he adds my name to his car insurance he will get it loads cheaper?

is this true? i cant drive i ahvent knwon him long and his insurance is due for renewal which is over 500 quid so he says he can reduce that amount by 150 quid if he adss my name is this true and legal? i wondered why he asked for my date of birth and postcode says he just forgot

Buying Car - Insurance Question?

I'm buying a Z-28 Camaro, and I have encountered a problem. I was told when I register it (which I have to apparently) that I have to insure it. I plan on leaving the car just setting in my yard. Yes it runs perfectly, but I can't afford gas for it or insurance at the time. 1) Do I legally have to register it 2) How long do I have to register it 3) Does it HAVE to be insured 4) If yes to 3, what's the cheapest insurance I can get and about how much is it. I don't care what it covers. I don't know if the state makes a difference but I live in Michigan. Thanks A Million""

Average insurance costs in the UK on a Porsche 911 Carrera??

Does anyone with a Porsche..any model but preferably one of the 911 series..know how much the average insurance cost is in the UK and can anyone recommend cheap porsche insurers? THANX

Car insurance premium question UK?

OK, my question isn't nothing serious I paid 800-ish for my 1st year and 795 for 2nd year of me passing my test (I am 22yr old) and lived in the same year. Obviously in the two years I have changed my 1998 clio to a 2003 fiesta. Both my policies were TPFT. However my car insurance is due to expire in 2 months time and I have went on several insurers as well as gocompare etc and getting quoted 1495 cheapest and up to 3400 for my 2003 fiesta 1.4 why??????""

If i get a v6 mustang will my insurance be lower?

Im 16 and looking for a mustang, but if i get a v6 mustang will it be a lot cheaper than a v8?""

How can we make health care insurance work like car insurance?

Everyone is familiar with how car insurance works. Its available to all. Its pretty cheap. They can't drop you from coverage even if you are a drunk driver. Once you have a accident they dont raise you rates too much. Why can't health care be more like Geico (insurance) and your local car repair man (doctor) and the DMV (government help)?

CAR INSURANCE? 17 YEAR OLD LAD?

Hi, I recently passed my driving test (approx 2 weeks ago) I've been looking at car insurance and the quotes are ridicouly high if I wanted to be the main driver with my own policy. So my dad has kindly said he will buy a car and be the main driver and I will be the second driver and drive the car sometimes. However the quotes are so high? Anyone know any companies that will insure me cheap below 2,000? The quotes that I get now are like 3,000+ on a standard Vauxhall Astra. Please can you let me know if you know any companies that will insure me and cheaply! Thanks.""

""I'm just wondering, is there anyone here who can't get health insurance?""

If you do have it, how do you get it? and if you don't have it, why not? Spiritually speaking, of course""

What is the approximate insurance cost on a vw polo X registration for a 17 year old?

hi just want to know how much roughley the insurance would be for a VW Polo on a X registration plate please

Can you get a car loan under your name and the car insurance under someone else?

you see if i get the car loan and the insurance under my name then ill be paying about 600 bucks a month in insurance and thats way to much!!i can have the loan under my name but would it be allowed to have the insurance part in some one else?

Cooperative young drivers insurance car modification?

Hi, I am looking forward to install a tuning box/chip tuning into my car, it is a under the hood performance modification and doesnt show anything on the exterior. Thanks!""

Is auto insurance legally required to drive your motorcycle in NYC?

I have tried googling the question, and all I get are all ad junk sites trying to get my personal information for free quotes. I cannot seem to find any legal information as to driving a motorcycle uninsured in NYC. I understand it is mandatory to have auto insurance on your car for liability damages, to other parties as well as medical bills. However, I cannot find any information if this applies to motorcycles as well. Do motorcycles fall under this statute as it is an Auto Vehicle? I am not looking forward to any fines and revoking of my license. Thank you in advance.""

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

San Antonio Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 78269

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-can-help-affordable-health-insurance-las-vegas-wayne-armstrong/"

[redlipsfortheguillotine]

Dr Took My Appendix or: How I Learned to Stop Searching and Love the Iron, Part II

Part II Appendixgate

Now I’m not someone who believes things happen for a reason. Not at all. I think things happen, some of which as a result of our own actions, for better or worse, some as a result of the actions of others, and some just randomly. But I think every time something happens, we have choices. Bad breakup, fail an exam, have a drinking problem, get robbed, anything really – we choose what to do with it, if we can. Sort of like when people say depression happens for a reason. Yeah, the reason is usually being born with mental illness, developing them in life or as a result of another illness, medication etc. It’s not that deep, and it’s a shitty deal. Likewise, I believe freak medical emergencies happen for the reason that, well, they just do. Disease, accident or in this case, standard appendix ticking time bomb gone awry.

On July 31st I went to bed feeling totally fine. Well, still bored and insufferable. But fine. August 1st, I woke up at 4am with stabbing pains in my gut. Sort of similar at that point to the pain you get when you have food poisoning or a bad GI bug. I got up, had some quick and horrendous toilet action, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I called in sick to my practicum (which I only did because I couldn’t stand up straight because of the pain). Mid morning, I took a taxi to the ER, because it was much worse. Appendicitis vaguely occurred to me since right lower quadrant pain is a hallmark of the condition. I was given an ultrasound by the bedside – note, bedside ultrasounds are less reliable, and ultrasounds in general are unreliable when performed on someone with abdominal fat as the visibility is bad. The Dr said it “probably” wasn’t appendicitis so he wasn’t going to do a CT, and that it would either get better or worse. He said he’d get me some Advil (seriously, on behalf of the entire medical establishment I’m sorry we think an Advil is helpful for anything that brought you to the ER). He forgot, and I went home. I took Advil every 4 hours, which took the pain from a 9 down to a 7, so that was the routine. My pain level of 10 up to this point in my life was my first IUD insertion about 9 years ago, just for reference. At this point my practicum instructor called me and reassured me that when I got in on Tuesday we’d sort out a way for her to test my skills and we’d figure out the missed hours.

On August 2nd, I woke up feeling still shitty, but hoped I could get a lost of rest. Around lunchtime I started feeling a bit weird and nauseous. I turned off the fan and curled up on the couch with a blanket. I was freezing, which is obvs weird as I am always sweaty. Suddenly I realized I was going to puke, and walked to the bathroom, noting that I was walking into furniture on the way. I went to throw up, didn’t, and sat down on the bathroom floor. I noticed my toes and feet were super pale and blueish, stood up and saw my face was too, and my lips were purple. Now I may just be in the beginning of LPN school but I know that these are bad things. I said out loud to my reflection, “this is bad, I’m scared.” Then I stumbled on back to the living room to call my mum, and as I leaned over the couch my fingers smartly dialed 911. I explained my situation and was told not to eat or drink in case I threw up, and that there were no ambulances available but they’d send one when they had one. Yeah. That’s a thing. Probably worth its own blog post. I took my temp which was 38.5, so that got me thinking, well maybe this IS appendicitis. But what’s with the weird feeling? I called my mum, who called Al on her cell while talking to me on her house phone (and tried at one point to put the phones together so Al and I could hear each other – useless, but cute!). I asked her to help me time my pulse, which I discovered was 160. Um, shit, I thought. It’s normally 76, so this is an issue. 

55 minutes later the ambulance showed up, at the same time as Allan arrived from work. I got into the bus and the paramedic and I agreed that I was super sweaty, and my pulse was nuts. I told him the Dr had said maybe it was the stomach flu, and he gave me the paramedic face that says “this is definitely not the stomach flu it’s obviously an infection but I don’t diagnosis so I’m not saying that.” Got to the ER, where we all learned together that getting an IV into a sweaty arm is very hard. No IV Gravol for me! A bed became available, and as soon as I stood up nausea gave way to me telling the paramedic I needed to poop. Yep that’s what I said, at age 34 to a paramedic “I need to poop.” Allan came in with me to make sure I didn’t pass out, and then we both quickly decided we weren’t ready for same room pooping, so he stood outside. While, I might add, another patient screamed that she was dying. Hospitals are awesome. Anyway, I got to the bed, and thankfully saw a smart and pro Dr, who said “this is going to hurt,” poked me in the gut hard and whipped his hand away. (Rebound pain is a fairly definitive mark of appendicitis, it’s the removal of pressure that really hurts). I scream-moaned and he said “K! Appendicitis I think, let’s get you some morphine and a CT scan.” Morphine is awesome, just for the record, and I went from pain that was now a 10 to a nice fuzzy 5. The CT showed my appendix was 3 times its normal size, with probable fluid collection which could indicate rupture, and p.s. I have 3 accessory spleens (called splenules!) that are maybe useful and probably cute. Got scheduled for emergency surgery 45 minutes later.

Woke up and discovered what a 10 on the pain scale REALLY feels like. Yuck. What I thought was 15 minutes in the recovery room was actually 2 hours of Al feeding me ice chips until they could get my pain down. Two 5mg doses of fentanyl later and a lot more ice chips (and Allan asking me questions about North Korea for his own amusement) and I got wheeled to my room. Nb: fentanyl gets shit-talked but medically it’s epic, it’s just only great in a medically supervised environment where you can be reminded to breathe and the dose is exact. Though you’ll do stuff like text your friend and have no recollection of doing so. But I digress. I soon discovered I had a drain extending from my belly, to collect what was in fact a ton of fluid from the ruptured appendix and the large abscess that caused said rupture. The next couple of days involved a lot of pain (a new 10! Post surgical pain after fentanyl wears off), a lot of Dilaudid (aka hydromorphone - also gets shit-talked, also great in a medical setting), a bunch of crying, me trying to convince my surgeon that I had to get out and go to my practicum, and a lot of help from nurses, my mum and my husband. We nurses are obsessed with whether post-surgical patients are passing gas. This is because we need to ensure bowel paralysis is not an issue. No exception here, I had someone asked me if I had passed gas every couple of hours. All I wanted to do was lie in bed, but I know walking helps gas passing, and I now completely understand how hard it is to get post-surgical patients to walk around. But I did. I’d walk up and down the hallway with Allan and my IV pole as support, ensuring my drain was securely pinned to my gown so it didn’t pull on that incision. I had low BP so lots of potassium IV, I had about 5 bags of IV antibiotics a day, and Heparin shots to prevent blood clots. On the day I was released I had my surgical drain removed. This involves a friendly nurse pulling a couple of feet of tubing out of you, followed by a 12-inch piece of plastic, while you make alien noises and try to breathe out enough for your ab muscles to stop trying to pull the tubing back in. You guessed it – new 10 on the pain scale. Luckily, I can’t remember that pain, cause my mind was like NOPE block that shit out. I got home, and thank Odin for Allan, who fed me healthy food and toweled me off after showers (and made fun of me for making him carefully dry between my toes), gave me meds because I was too high to correctly dose myself, and carried my pillows to and from the couch/bed every day. It took about 3 weeks of inactivity and my formerly unshakable quad muscles atrophied to nothing.

For the first time in my life, I felt an overwhelming need to go to the gym. More specifically, I wanted to lift weights. I felt weak. After surgery, the drain and what turned out to be sepsis, I was wrecked (thank you Dr idiot for sending me home instead of getting me a CT scan, thank you me for following my intuition when I knew there that my body was screaming at me that something really bad was happening). I’m fine, but sepsis kills people, and as I know now it takes about a month to recover from. Then some recovery from all the antibiotics themselves. But honestly, I’m so grateful for antibiotics and for the paramedics and for that second Dr for quickly and correctly diagnosing me. I could have done without knowing what sepsis felt like but I’m glad I now do, for my own benefit and the benefit of my future patients. I went through a lot of feelings (even more than usual!) over those weeks, from being angry I couldn’t finish my practicum or continue onto the next term with my friends, to feeling lucky to be alive, from feeling good that I had a break from the school work I had not been handling well. Eventually, I settled somewhere in between all of those feelings. I enjoyed the food Al made for me (including actual vegetables for the first time in months). I gave up coffee, which my Dr had been suggesting for oh, several years. (I suggest trying to quit coffee while immobile, without responsibility, and hopped up on drugs, it’s much easier). I watched several seasons of RuPauls’ Drag Race, and eventually, I started watching CrossFit documentaries on Netflix.  This was the first sign that something was very different. I was choosing to watch fit people on tv, and I wasn’t crying that I was out of shape and they were better than me – I was feeling inspired. Needless to say, I’m not sure if I found it stranger or if Allan did, but it was clear that post-surgery Rachel was perhaps some sort of Rachel 2.0.

Part III coming soon