#she's so whimsy that it should be illegal

[uniformbravo]

witch hat atelier is hurting my feelings

[homemadegirlbossbattle]

ROUND 2 / SIDE B / POLL 3

Ms. Evenleigh AKA Evens (@kursed-curtain / @goddessoftechnology) vs. Purity (@poicyss)

Ms. Evenleigh info:

Description: “Do not underestimate me. Speak to my brother that way again, and you’ll suffer worse.” Co-running an illegal underground fighting ring beside her brother Mr. Odden, Evens is the cold and calculated contrast to her brother's eccentric spontaneity. She takes care of finances and makes Odds' wild ideas more plausible and possible. They had humble beginnings, cheating at games and eventually starting their own little casino. Eventually that had to be... Disposed of (cough cough burned to the ground). The fight club was her brother's big idea, but Evens was the one to suggest they use the casino money and their vast connections. Even though she is a wanted criminal, she was raised on the streets, caring for her younger brother more than she cared for herself. Even in their age, they protect each other through thick and thin. There's no Evens without Odds.

Crimes:

Stealing (Much more often when she was living on the streets) Multiple gambling related crimes (Cheating, scamming, getting banned from every casino location in the area) Running an underground fight club with her brother Scarily good at disposing of evidence Kidnapping & memory wiping (This is how the fighters for the fight club are often obtained) Assisting in arson Will crush the bones of anyone misbehaving. Does not tolerate bad work from the fight club's workers Not canon yet but probably commits tax fraud

Other notes from the submitter: srry to anyone who simps for her she's aroace ok gl gamers <3 may the best girlie win

Purity info:

Description: Purity is a deity who's main job is to just make sure nothing disrubs the timelines. She's there to fix any mistakes that might change the way things "should be". She keeps the world pure of chaos by cleaning out and filtering anything that may go wrong. However, since her job is mostly just to make sure other's aren't falling behind on their jobs, she has a lot of free time. She may not actually be a young god, but she acts like one. Her attention span has been broken by ages of doing absolutely nothing, so she has started people watching to pass the time. She loves people and the art they make! So she tries to make some art herself, turning some teenagers into Magical Girls and dropping them into a world without magic. This is like introducing an invasive species but worse. She's basically writing magical fanfiction for actual people and forcing them to abide by the story's whims because she is bored. She writes fanfic like a middle schooler, so it's all needlessly edgy at times too. But it's ok! She's having fun :) And she's so passionate and genuine about it all, if you tell her she's doing bad she'll cry. You wouldn't want to make her cry! She's so cute and full of joy and girlishly whimsy 🥺 But yeah she doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong she's just having fun #girlswag

Crimes:

💖Introduction of foreign magic in a magic-less world (corrupts the world, fucks up the ecosystem and power dynamics of the entire world, will eventually have major consequences) 💖Introduction of foreign species (she has to make monsters for the magical girls to fight when there isn't enough crime going on. This is obviously Bad monsters are Bad) 💖Mundicide (Read above) 💖General Manipulation (TECHNICALLY if you didn't want to be a Magical Girl you could just say no… But she deliberately does research to find girls who she know CAN'T deny her. Usually this means scouting out children who don't know any better) 💖Indoctrination (Read above) 💖Corruption 💖Psychological Abuse 💖Whatever Waking Someone Up From A Coma Counts As (One of her magical girls is a sick girl who she forced to wake up from her medically induced coma. She is not healthy enough to be a magical girl. But she is also Purity's favorite, so she just forces the other girls to protect her with their lives teehee) 💖Not Doing Her Fucking Job 💖General Hypocrisy 💖Being so cute and nice all the time aww awww

Other notes from the submitter: She is an antagonist for a web comic I am planning on making and is SPECIFICALLY inspired by Drosselmyer (Princess Tutu) and Kyubey (Madoka Magica) so if you like her please watch Princess Tutu I owe that series my life

[defiant-firefly]

Watched the Doctor Who episode from yesterday and oh my GOD

Toymaker is right, Donna's the one with balls in that duo lmao. This feels like a good set-up instead of a close of the storyline so that's gonna be good I bet. Especially since the gold tooth that is the Master just got picked up by someone.

LOVING the new Doctor already. They seem like fun!

AND AND AND

I had no idea who the Toymaker was going into this, and I'll be honest, I was expecting a different method of defeating him, but the game of catch was pretty dramatic I guess. I thought they were gonna go down the road of the Doctor learning that fun is so necessary and joy is so powerful and whatever, that they defeated the Toymaker by just fucking going with it. Defeat the Toymaker by playing the game and enjoying it, thereby winning because giving up would be silly when you're having fun. Just beats the shit out of Toymaker cause he's suddenly not having fun and the stakes are so high and oh god HOW ARE THEY ENJOYING THIS?!

But ya know, the focus was more on the Doctor rather than all of that so it makes sense I suppose. An enemy that can only be defeated by play is dope as hell I hope we see that guy again. I fucking love things like that. And they toy shop? Beautiful I love that stuff! I don't wanna say the shop and the whole "only bound by the rules of play" thing were my aesthetic but... yeah lmao I love that shit

AND THE DOCTOR??? FUCKING MITOSIS!!! DONNA WAS RIGHT TEN IS LIKE A WORM LOB A BIT OFF GROW ANOTHER ONE HOW MANY MORE TENS ARE WE GONNA GET??? Lmao and of course he's still pissing off on little adventures with Rose and Mel, and whoever else... And of course he gave the moles forcefields cause he likes the moles and Wilf keeps shooting at them... I don't know if that's illegal btw but I feel like it most definitely is? How'd he get a gun anyway?? Yeah yeah ex-military whatever but like??? Eh??? But god... lmao the Doctor is grounded!

THEY MENTIONED SARAH JANE TOO LIKE ;-; I LOVED SARAH JANE!!! AND MENTIONING ROSE??? AMY???? BILL??? CLARA??? BRO I DIDN'T EVEN WATCH MUCH OF ELEVEN AND TWELVE BUT DAYUM

AND THAT EYEBROWS THING WHERE THEY PUSHED HIM OFF A CLIFF LIKE YEAH I BET THEY DID LMAO!!! I guess since the new Doctor is meant to be after the last one should have regenerated, next time we really see Ten is gonna be when he regenerates into the new one (Fourteen? Fifteen??) back in the episode we just saw. Ten gets to go through a normal life, stopping for once and living with his family for a bit, and when he's ready? Away he goes again, ready to take on the universe with renewed energy! I think it's about time we had something with a bit more fun and whimsy and it looks like we're gonna get it like oooo it looks like it's gonna be good! I hope it sticks the landing!

Yeah though... that's absolutely a set-up for something. The Doctor finally gets a god damn break, but yeah there's no way there isn't gonna be a good pay-off to Ten still being around. And lmao Donna... "120k a year and five weeks holiday." "Done." ":O" Like??? Are we getting Donna in Unit??? I hope she gets even more she deserves it. And am I wrong but wasn't that her wages in the parallel world with the time beetle thing?

Can't wait for the Christmas special, I mean... pirate ship?? In the sky?? Yes. Gimme.

[swordswaltz]

okay for the people who were interested in my ocs let me give you a basic introduction to the world i've been working on. i'm high so heads up

welcome to kaino it's a city but it's also a planet. this is because the city wraps around the entire planet. kaino is an artificially constructed planet that is alive and the government created and mostly controls. the kaino central government basically has control over weather and seasons and all that shit and they try to keep it as close to earth as possible. kaino (city) is very like...futuristic noir where people attempted to recreate like a billion different vibes and ended up with a sprawling jumble of different architectural styles and philosophies and then a healthy coating of noir landed on top of it.

one specific part of the kaino central government is KCAI, kaino citywide agency of intelligence. they're known for doing FBI type shit basically. now for some of my characters

freya almonte: (she/her) 33, private investigator, unwilling nepo baby extraordinaire. daughter to the president of KCAI, Leonardo Almonte. she was basically trained from birth to be the perfect agent and sort of Was for a while until she defected from KCAI when she was 28 and first became a depressive couch surfer failwoman and tried to do crime for a little bit but wasn't super good at crime and then later became a PI doing pretty fine. she's the type to wear her heart on her sleeve and then put on a jacket until she gets uncomfortable and then her heart is there again. dry, very good at getting in trouble, and smarter than people think she is.

inès anatolia: (she/any) 35, genderqueer in a slutty way woman in a scary way. inès is a current agent of KCAI and was freya's former partner. she was raised in one of the biggest crime syndicates in kaino and a Lot of shit got pinned on her pretty much the moment she turned 18 and could be tried as an adult. got rescued out of jail because of KCAI as they took her in and trained her for intelligence work in exchange for ending her sentence. extremely loyal to KCAI and leonardo. it didn't take much to let KCAI convince her freya was at fault for leaving. extremely clever and extremely brutal. she keeps an opaque facade of playfulness and flirt to hide the cold and efficient spy which is actually a facade to hide the mad mad sick with want lonely etc. her brain is constantly on work mode. uses a cane in her day to day but hides it at work.

bram ortiz-montgomery: (he/him, for now) 34, met freya during her Crime Era while he was doing suspicious coding work to pay the bills. they dated for like a week before he was like "i can tell you're still in love with your ex and i don't want to be a rebound. we should still be friends though" and they did continue to be friends who kissed sometimes. works a normal office job bc he wants to fit in with his extremely normal family but also does a lot of illegal computer-wizardry stuff. he's sort of become freya's Guy In The Chair and is trying to fight the part of himself that wants to live the life of crazy bullshit that freya leads because he just wants to be normal. he is a strange little man.

salem cadogan: (they/them) 29, inès' new partner at KCAI. an extremely work-focused and extremely literal person. a little naive but with good instincts and a lot of determination. grew up autistic and became an insanely skilled body language reader out of spite. wanted to be a KCAI agent as a kid and taught themself how to do all sorts of infiltration and communication and intelligence things and, as a result, is extremely skilled at strategy and combat, but not very good with social situations. doesn't really get inès' whole playful silly whimsy and knows it's fake but doesn't know why she's doing it. she also definitely just fucks with them to bewilder them. the two of them are actually really good as partners in work but they're just never as in sync as inès and freya were. they have a little bit of an inferiority complex about this.

freynès (freya + inès): ouagh. partners at KCAI for nearly 10 years. both brilliant in different ways (freya was an excellent strategist and inès was brilliant on her feet) and wildly different. they bickered a lot and then obviously fucked and then oh no they care about each other (even though they still also bicker). KCAI can't know about the two of them being that attached (especially in a way that might have been romantic) and so they kept it under wraps. they were extremely in tune with one another (which caused a LOT of fights) and were willing to take what the other gave. and then freya leaves. and it's sudden and dramatic and inès is sleeping an empty bad and freya is sleeping on a friend's floor. inès copes by carefully excising freya from her brain. she doesn't ever have to process her feelings if they are simply not allowed in her mind. she focuses all of her energy towards salem and the mission and being perfect. freya copes by being reckless and self destructive and unsafe and rewriting the inès in her brain to be horrible and cruel and sadistic so she never gets tempted to go back. they often end up pursuing similar leads and making everyone else in the room Uncomfortable with the amount of violent (literally) sexual tension and spite. freya wants to spite the inès in her head but she also just wants to sleep in the same bed as her again. inès wants to surgically remove every mark freya left on her but she also wants to pour them both a glass of wine and play card games. they hurt each other as a way of hurting themself. you get the vibes.

[artificialqueens]

Early Morning Pleasure (Gigi x Crystal) - Mina

A/N: This is my first post on here, hope you guys enjoy it! :) I was really scared to post this because I’m not a writer but I love this pairing

Gigi woke up to the sound of water pounding against hard tiles a couple rooms down, her bedroom still dark due to it being approximately ass-o’clock in the fucking morning. She groaned, trying desperately to drone out the sound by burying her head in her girlfriends unruly neon hair before she realised that there was no one next to her in the bed, a cold spot replacing the mound of green curls she could run her fingers through and pretty lips she could kiss messily, giggling and smiling in the dark.

Gigi sat up and looked around the room sulkily, eyes blinking open and a pout on her lips that Crystal always said made her look like an angry bulldog. Where the fuck was her stupid, crazy, whimsy, annoying girlfriend when she wanted to cuddle!? Gigi fell back into bed with a frown, dark hair tangling under her head and positivity aching for a certain impulsive weirdos long fingers to card through it. Whatever, she didn’t need Crystal to fall asleep anyway, as she was certainly not the clingy one in this relationship. Never.

Scratch that, being alone in bed like she was single and sad was stupid and Gigi wanted her girlfriends warm tan skin next to her again immediately. After a while of trying her best to ignore the water noise and getting sick of not being able to wrap her legs around Crystal like an overgrown koala, Gigi finally slumped out of bed, hissing at the cold hardwood against her feet and fumbling to turn on the lights to investigate the mysterious disappearance of her girlfriend. She stumbled down the hallway, almost running into one of the many plants that decorated the corridor chaotically, along with colourful paintings and photographs of the couple posing and laughing. Gigi followed the light coming from their bathroom, poking her head through the doorway.

Her girlfriend was leaning over the bath with her back turned, adding god-knows what sickening amount of bath-bombs into the water and humming a song under her breath softly. She looked like a vision, dressed only in a pale blue lacey robe and pikachu slippers, wild green curls framing her face beautifully and Gigi honestly wondered wether or not she was still asleep because this women looked so absolutely stunning it should’ve been illegal. Gigi tiptoed quietly behind the older girl, wrapping her arms around her neck and snuggling into her hair quickly and breathing in the comforting scent of apple shampoo and white chocolate. Crystal jumped at the sudden collision, before chuckling sweetly and clutching her hands tightly in Gigi’s long dark locks, kissing her cheek fondly. The younger girl grumbled in greeting, nestling down into Crystal’s chest with a frown.

“Hi sleepy head. Did I wake you up?” Crystal murmured, pulling Gigi up to face her with a twinkling smile that made the brunettes heart melt.

Gigi frowned, eyes still blinking hazily as she tried to wake up. “I was until you decided that 2-o’fucking clock in the morning was a great time to have a fucking bath” she bickered, glare growing bigger when Crystal laughed loudly at her misfortune.

“I read online somewhere that early morning baths add excitement to relationships” The curly haired girl grinned, moving her eyebrows up and down while Gigi rolled her eyes so hard she felt the world spin.

“I love when your impulsive, however it is in fact currently shit-fuck-bitch am and I should be in bed. Believe it or not, I actually need beauty sleep to look this good” Gigi complained, and if her heart skipped a beat at Crystals widening smile it was only because she was tired, god damn it.

“Come on baby, you can’t go back to sleep now” Crystal said, knowing full well Gigi didn’t have nearly enough energy to fight her at this hour of the morning. “I made it all nice and pretty just for you!” she said happily, and okay, maybe Gigi could admit that the lavender scented lilac-blue water looked a little appealing. Just a little.

Gigi sighed, “Okay, but if you don’t eat me out at least 7 times after this we’re breaking up. I gotta get something out of this too, you bitch”. The green haired girl lit up at the words, slipping her robe off and hopping into the bath, moaning in satisfaction at the warm waters embrace.

Gigi followed soon after, folding her silky red pyjama top neatly in a pile before sitting in front of Crystal and leaning back into her arms wordlessly, closing her eyes and enjoying the warmth of her girlfriends long limbs. It was… nice. As nice as a 2am bath could be, Gigi supposed. That wasn’t enough to stop her from being a pain in the ass though, no fucking way.

“This bath is too damn hot.” Gigi declared, adding on a pitiful whine for good measure and smirking at Crystal’s scoff without opening her eyes.

“This is why we can’t do nice things. You complain too much.” The older girl mocked, pinching Gigi’s thin waist and giggling at her yelp of suprise.

And if Gigi promptly decided to fall asleep while in the bath, allowing Crystal to drag her out and put her back to bed grumbling about the bath bombs being wasted, it was certainly not her fault.

[hcrsegirl]

╰☆╮MUSE 46 — wait, is that cerise “reese” du pont? is it just me or does the twenty-one year-old look exactly like abigail cowen? last i heard, they still weren’t over being exposed by the sentinel. according to the app, they can be credulous & turbulent, but i’ve also heard they're intrepid & audacious. can’t be too sure, people have a way of surprising you. all i know is that they remind me of vape scented smoke appearing in the middle of lecture , filming viral tik tok’s in public , the brushing down of a horse , forgetting a pencil but remembering to bring the juul to class & drinking homemade moonshine for barbie movie drinking games. honestly, the broadcast communications major should try to keep their head down. after the events of last semester, i wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. ╰☆╮

wow hey hi hello!! i’m kaya and this is my lil crackhead, reese!! this got really long because i never know when to shut up but if you want to plot pls hit me up here on tumblr or on discord at medieval 4loko gang#5402

P A R A L L E L S

gigi ( booksmart ) , keanu reeves ( always be my maybe ) , serena van der woodsen ( gossip girl ) , kirby anders ( dynasty )

T R O P E S

hard-drinking party girl , cloudcuckoolander , the trickster , upper-class equestrian , fleeting passionate hobbies , naive animal lover , fearless fool , playing with fire , parental neglect , fantasy-forbidding father

S U M M A R Y

born and raised in wilmington, delaware on the du pont family ranch, reese learned how to ride and compete on her family’s thoroughbreds. she’s a seasoned equestrian who typically competed in eventing and throughout the years had accumulated a series of ribbons and trophies between dressage, cross-country, and show jumping. definitely was a horse girl growing up and tbh still is???? definitely not the type to eat grass anymore BUT if given the chance she will not shut up about them.

a veterinarian before marrying into the du pont family, reese’s mother had their ranch doubling as both a home and veterinary clinic where the kids would help with the animals and keep them company. this caused reese to develop a soft spot for them, one that contributed to her going vegetarian at the age of 12 and eventually vegan at 15. it was also this love of animals that led her to wanting to help the environment they lived in and so her parents put her in girl scouts and eventually her love for the outdoors would cause her to join steinhardt’s outing club.

while her mother, eleanor, also helps out with the du pont family business of breeding thoroughbreds as well as run her clinic, her father, pierre, is a chairman of dupont, a conglomerate who got its start in the black powder market before expanding into chemicals for agriculture, materials science, and specialty products.

he was the type to have HIGH expectations for his family, expectations that reese never met. not that she cared to. definitely not a daddy’s girl, she’ll be the first one to call her father out for being a pompous douche straight to his face. probably quoted this to her father during a thanksgiving toast of “what are we thankful for this year”.

the black sheep of her family, even at a young age she could be found stirring up some trouble and almost always dragging one of her siblings or cousins along with her. a rebellious child who didn’t like being put into a box, she lived in a fantasy world of whimsy, often playing make-believe much to her father’s chagrin. she believed in all things fantastical from fairies to mermaids and while pierre tried to stifle those thoughts, they stubbornly remained.

even through her teenage years she’s held onto the firm belief that barbie lore is real. no one knows if she actually believes that or if it’s all of the drugs and her love for the movies getting to her head, but when confronted about it she will always be adamant that it’s a legitimate form of history.

speaking of history, her concept of it is slightly skewed?? def has weird beliefs of what communists are?? like you’re an android user??? suddenly she thinks you’re a communist????

tbh you could probably tell her something about anything and she’ll believe you without a hint of doubt. research?? she dunno her!! you could say the moon is a government con-job and she’d think it’s a fact??? super gullible and it’s a mess

i guess now would be a good time to preface that she’s dumb. stupid. an idiot. the list goes on but when i say she’s lacking brain cells… i mean it. the definition of head empty, she probably has a bunch of rocks where her brain should be sdfgh. but really, she can be innovative when she wants to be but academically she just doesn’t care to do well. in high school she ditched classes more often than not and was probably the kid smoking under the bleachers.

but where she lacks in intelligence she makes up for in brawn??? def the brawn over brains type who was a jock in high school. competed for her school’s equestrian team but also was on the fencing and archery teams. she once begged to be put into archery lessons after seeing the princess diaries 2 and fencing just came along not too soon after. she also used to run track and play soccer but those two sports ended after her senior year of high school although she probably still plays for the steinhardt’s intermurral league as well as any athletic competitions her sorority, tri-zeta ( zeta zeta zeta ) enters.

definitely the jack of all trades type except she’s passable at a whole bunch of things but good at none of them. probably can change a tire but it’ll need to be changed again soon. can bake a cake but it’ll be a little dry. the list goes on. she’s just very curious and picks up a lot of things but gets bored of them easily so she changes to the next thing.

okay i know i said she could bake a cake but she really…can’t. like with supervision she probably could but she’s impulsive and following directions for that many ingredients??? impossible. she just gets tempted to toss everything into a bowl and wing it and she does that every time. she can however make rice krispy treats. especially if they’re suppose to be edibles dfghj. but ya, don’t ask her to cook bc she can. not.

a stoner and overall drug connoisseur, she’s probably most known for being that kid who forgets to bring their backpack to class but don’t worry!! she remembered her juul!! has a collection of juuls on her person at all times. definitely that party girl who shows up hungover to class whenever she did bother to show up.

calls herself an entrepreneur because she used to sell edibles and other drug-related things and definitely was that tweet where she would give discounts if you signed an environmental petition or went to a protest.

has never said no to a dare EVER. you name it and she’ll do it. and if you dare her to drink cow titty milk or eat a piece of meat she’ll do it but it just makes you a dick dfghj

gets bored easily and tends to lash out and do something chaotic because of it?? the type to spontaneously light a couch on fire because she felt like it. a mild pyromaniac who once learned how to make a molotov cocktail. she can’t do it well. at all. but the one time she did try was also the same day she realized what a dumpster fire looked like.

i’m also not saying she’s out here to ruin your life for her own whims but like home girl has ZERO boundaries for anything. if you want to say she was a homewrecker in a past relationship??? honestly full send because it probably was her. morally she’s chaotic neutral and doesn’t care to be good or evil, she just wants to live her life of chaos and whatever happens happens. it should also be noted that she’s selfish. she puts herself first and others second always.

god someone pls try to start a fight with her. she’d either pat you on the head and ignore you OR go feral and just…foam at the mouth and bite you. probably claims to have gingervitis which is where she like…sprays vegan whip cream into her mouth and just… attacks you. for fun.

WOW ALMOST FORGOT but she’s a big larper!!! loves to go to the ones that are historical-esque where she can be an elf ( because she has a collection of elf ear tips dfghjk ) and acts as a knight/ranger by using her ACTUAL fencing, archery, and equestrian skills. she learned sindarin ( elvish ) for this but also she’s a big lord of the rings fan in general so it just worked out. her character’s storyline is her acting as her cousin, taay’s, protector but she has been known to enroll in a few competitions regarding any of her three skills.

currently selling moonshine alongside her roommates of trap zeta ( also known as the residents of the moonshine & roses subplot ) and so if you saw her running around with stolen pressure cookers, that is why !! making your own alcohol is illegal, but selling it??? even worse so they only sell it to trusted customers and anyone vetted by their usual customers. they probably have secret passwords and shit just like the prohibition period.

speaking of trap zeta, with the exception of fraternities on greek row, they throw the biggest parties. their jungle juice??? fire AND strong but also, they keep it in like....these dispensing chugs with a key so the only ones with access to fill them up or trap zeta themselves. they also have a stripper pole ( or two ) around their living room so like...ya get lit, get twisted, go off ig.

let it be known that their sorority, tri-zeta, is actually known for their stellar amount of community service but after the residents of trap zeta moved in together their sophomore year, the rep for partying started to increase and that’s why the home of muse 46-50 is nicknamed trap zeta. reese has probably been sent to standards way too many times and only got in and is still in bc her mother is a very generous alumni of steinhardt’s chapter of tri-zeta. 

a broadcast communications major, she’s a social media intern for steinhardt’s barstool page but most importantly has a whole tik tok account alongside her roommates dedicated to their college antics. think the hype house except it’s not pg-13 dancing and rly just their crackhead, drunk antics. might eventually make a playlist of tik tok’s that are probably posted on their account, we’ll see.

okay so you know the whole exposing of secrets from last semester??? reese doesn’t usually get mad but rn she Big Mad. like not only are they be scrutinized by the dean but their sorority is too and suddenly tensions are high between tri-zeta bc if trap zeta gets caught they all suffer and their chapter will be shut down and it’ll be a whole ass mess. atm she suspects their customers and even their somewhat rivals, the drug dealers of the ludes plot, but does she suspect anyone from the house??? no not rly

you can find her  stats page here and a wc page here

you can also find her pinterest board here

i also have a reese playlist here and a trap zeta playlist here

[kurogabae]

TSUBASA: TRAINWRECK CHRONICLES

And How Bee Train is Single-Handedly Propagating Cancel Culture in This the Year of Our Lord 2020

PART 1 – PART 2 – PART 3 – PART 4 -- PART 5 

[[ join me on PillowFort. i have free invite codes if you need an account ]]

So last post was all filler episodes and we're well into season two of this, and I cannot stress this enough, two season anime. The only canon arc we've had was Piffle so far and it was poorly handled and out of order. Surely, absolutely surely, we are in for a canon arc. Shara perhaps? Skip right to Le Court? We all know they'd never dare touch Tokyo. How are they going to pad out the rest of the season?

Why another filler. A bad filler. The dreaded filler that goes against pretty much all of Fai's everything.

It's "A Date With a Wizard" and Kurogane isn't the one getting the date. If you haven't watched or heard of this episode before, buckle up kids. It's a doozy. And big spoiler warnings ahead.

Fort City Bit AKA Fai Dates His Own Fucking Mom (but like an AU version so it's okay I guess???):

You read that right. Fai goes on a date with this world's version of Chii, who was an artificial being he modeled after his dead mother. I could end the rant here but oh, there is so much to this. So much. It's only one episode long but it feels like an eternity.

The premise for magic use in this world is that:

Everyone has magic and that magic is specialized

Your career path is based on your magic's specialization. Like in MLP with cutie marks. And everyone is Fine with this.

Everyone recharges their magic via the sun, which is risen by their king

The king is chosen yearly after everyone in the country has the same fucking dream one night

The whole country runs on magic, to the point that if there is no magic there is no food, no power, no anything. But that's fine, because every day they get recharged by the sun. Right? WRONG! Because the current king is being a depressed little shit and refuses to raise the sun, effectively dooming the country to a slow death. Neat.

BUT BEFORE ALL OF THAT! The episode opens with Fai having a nightmare about Ashura looming like he's auditioning for a role in Attack on Titan. Vague and menacing, which is literally all we know about Ashura because we know nothing about Fai's past. And we never will. At least not in anime-land. No one knows anything. The manga isn't pulling this fakey flashback shit, so why is the anime? I don't know, but I hate it!

Anyway, the family gets the low down from Touya and Yukito - who still do not recognize Sakura and that upsets me because of the implications that there is no Sakura in this universe. (Sidenote: Kurogane recognizes them, even though he's never met them in the anime so far so honestly, just fuck everything.) While Touya is feeding them a frankly lavish meal that he's magiced up he explained their king problems. This leads to my next issue - if you're so worried about running out of magic why are you using it so flippantly and in such an extra ass way? Can you not make normal food? Does it only exist in magic form? Maybe just summon some soup? Does all food cost the same amount of mana? THIS MAGIC SYSTEM IS BAD!

So, back to the whole the king is too sad to raise the sun which powers everyone's magic which is now beginning to run low. Another problem I have. You get a recharge on your magic everyday. They have not gotten ANY recharges for, and I'm quoting here, months. They change kings every year. So even on the low end of things we're looking at 3-4 months before anyone got concerned about the king just. Not raising the sun. Personally, I would have gotten worried after a few days, a week at most. No one wanted to go and find out like "Hey your highness, why no sun? What's got you down?"

That, however, would be logical. This is a place of magic and whimsy! Not logic. Fai is asked to use his magic to figure out what is wrong with their king. Predictably, he tells them they have a better chance of meeting god, so everyone gets thrown in jail. Because refusing to solve a country's weird problems is illegal. Not that jail has ever stopped them before. Not with Kurogane and his muscles around. And while I am always up for watching Kurogane break things I do have to wonder - why are they not just warping free? Mokona said there was no feather. No one said anything about being magically held back. And yet, they are running through the castle, endangering themselves and the children!!!

Obviously this is For Plot Reasons, and I use the words "plot" and "reasons" loosely here.

Somehow the kitties and puppies get separated and Fai and Sakura end up surrounded by guards. Does Fai finally fight? Does he open that can of whoop ass we all know he's been saving? No. He leaps into the air and takes flight like some sort of stork. And while Fai's current cocky attitude is refreshing, he's working on some sort of idiot bimbo in a horror movie logic of "to escape the building I must do upstairs". This is not a man made to last on his own.

And, like Shrek to Fiona, the stairs lead him to the highest room in the tallest tower. Fai, then, promptly loses his shit as if he's not fully aware that doubles exist across the multiverse. Like, yeah, it would be a shock and anyone would be freaked out at the sudden surprise of it all, but Fai acts like he thinks he's stepped back into Celes. Like an idiot. He's better than this.

Now, we learn more things about this messed up king situation. Not only does everyone have a dream every year electing the new monarch, but the new king gets their memory erased for the whole year so that they can "rule with a pure heart" or some shit. Which seems like a baaaad fucking way to run.... anything. At all. Ever. Might as well pick up a fresh baby and put it in charge. It's bad. And it gets worse.

Chii is sad, but she wants to hang out with Fai and it's the first time she's shown any interest in doing anything but being Sad so her babysitter spirits are all like "Oh that's neat!" And Fai takes this is his chance to just... run off for a night on the town with her? They literally vanish and leave Sakura ALONE IN THE CASTLE WITH THE SAME SPIRITS WHO JAILED THEM. In what fucking universe????

Look, they are trying so so so so so so hard to sell this FaiChii shit. Fai leaves Sakura alone in a castle where they have just busted out of jail, he has no idea where or how Kurogane and Syaoran are, he's clearly uncomfortable around Chii as she reminds him of what he's running from, and, oh yeah, she's a copy of his dead mother he created in another world in order to comfort him and his dead brother as a child. Everything is Fine. Let's go get tea.

I'm gonna rapid fire some S tier bullshit:

no one knows where Chii has taken Fai - why is there no way to track your baby-brained king?

Fai leaves with Chii happily and cheerily, again, leaving Sakura behind and alone - who is this man because it isn't Fai

the only clue they have to Fai and Chii's location is that they are no longer on castle grounds, yet somehow Syaoran knows Exactly Where to Look - because sure why not?

Chii doesn't know how to drink???? - does this happen with every king? do they have to be potty trained too? omg they really are babies this is a terribly way to run a country!!!!!!

teaching someone basic life functions is not romantic but Bee Train sure wants us to think it is

"I want to stay with Fai forever and always." - at least he panics at commitment still... and probably incest

“I should be thanking you. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way.” - What? Uncomfortably reminded of your past and why your life is just shy of a living hell? Who are you? You are not Fai

Kurogane and Syaoran show up to save Fai and Chii, who have been surrounded by guards (I think, I can't remember exactly but I'm pretty sure they're there to take her back to the castle and her Sad Room). Fai apparently won't fight in front of Chii but whatever at this point.

It comes out that Chii is an artificial soul/being (like the Chii in Celes) and because of that she cannot leave the town or she DIES and that means the king dies and I guess they don't have a back up plan for that. Unsurprising but bad. Still, Chii begs Fai to take her away and show her the world and Fai like... hesitates? Thinks about it? Considers it?!?!? I dunno but he doesn't automatically say "Uh no, you'll die and also I have other shit to do, bye" and that's dumb for a lot of reasons.

Eventually he tells her no and convinces her to bring the sun back and be happy because she'll be able to remember him or some shit (you know, unless they take those memories too!) and  they all say goodbye. And I couldn't be more thankful.

Honestly, the real MVP here is Kurogane for not just losing his shit at all of this like I have. He's a better man than I.

Tune in next time as I continue to scream, in vain, at god.

PART 1 – PART 2 – PART 3 – PART 4 -- PART 5

[stories-by-mem]

Skyshot: A Railo Story

001

“How does it feel to be the top arm’s dealer for a third consecutive year?”

That was the question Railo heard the most when she was approached by the various business men and women, or noble clients who all attended this vanity party. Annually, top dogs in the black market chip money into a pot to put on a networking party to connect resources. It was always an opportunity to gain new clients. Since the founding of this exclusive party, they had begun to compete in sharing their numbers, to see who was on top in all of Azeroth; the reward was nothing more than fame.

In a grand banquet hall within Dalaran, provided by a collection of nobles, there were endless platters of delicacies and delicious food from across the world that a normal household could not even afford one plate of. Bottles of expensive wines and craft liquors decorated the mirrored wall of the full bar. Chandeliers, large windows with bespoke curtains, and the finest hand crafted tables and chairs dotted the room, and the marble floor had a large, round, maroon carpet in the center. It was the epitome of luxury. A class of upscale business folk and nobles who made their funds on illegal means. Champaign glasses clinked together in toasts, and chatter made the ambience with scattered laughter. It was a grand time of mirth and whimsy, producing a real sense of comradery.

They all hated each other. It was a masquerade of smiles and laughs, but most of them had designs to make the others crumble at their feet. Many of them had already put hits out on one another. They each wanted the other to lose, so that they themselves could gain more clientele.

While they all congratulated Railo for taking the number one spot for a third year, they all wanted to see her grovel at their feet. Her and the ever conniving Torello, who had been an aid to her over the past three years. With his aid, she reached the top, but it was he who benefitted the most out of it all. While she was making the climb to the top, he was still collecting crumbs that fell from the table.

She had grown pretty fond of him over the years, and he had always been fond of her.

Railo stood chatting with an old client about an upcoming device she was working on, making promises to give them first dibs. A sin’dorei, she wore a gorgeous red dress that laid elegantly upon the curves of her frame, her crimson hair was as the wind, winding in waves and soft curls, framing her face which she spent an hour touching up with make-up. It wasn’t often that she put so much effort into her appearance, but it was all part of the game to look the part of wealth. She even dared to show some skin on her back, and on her right side where the dress parted up to her thigh. Whatever it took to flex on her haters, she did it.

She certainly caught attention, and most prominently, Torello’s attention. He himself was a rather stunning sin’dorei man. He certainly knew how to look the part of wealth as he donned a black tuxedo with an expensive stitch count, and a red bow tie to compliment Railo’s favorite color. His face was studded with a trimmed beard, and his stark black hair fell down to his shoulders, brushed back. He approached her from the other side of the room.

“Pardon the intrusion,” he said, placing a hand on Railo’s lower back, “I had to interrupt to say just how stunning Lady Skyshot looks.”

“Oh by all means, she is absolutely the main attraction,” The client said, chuckling heartily. “We will keep in touch, Railo. You enjoy yourself, now.” With that said, he dismissed himself.

Railo, with a quirked brow, turned to face Torello. Despite any attempt she made at looking upset, intimidating, or angry, she couldn’t hide the coy smirk that graced her lips. “Someone’s being rather bold, aren’t they?”

He stepped in closer, and she crossed her arms, but he spoke in a low tone that forced her to draw a little nearer. “Who’s the bold one here? The one who’s holding the lady in a gorgeous dress, or the lady in a gorgeous dress who’s letting a charming man hold her?”

“Careful.” She warned lightheartedly. “Last time you touched me there, I threatened to cut your hands off.”

In quick response, Torello wrapped his other arm around her waist, and she uncrossed her arms to lay them on his shoulders. “You say that,” He grinned, “Yet I still have my hands.”

She rolled her eyes and giggled softly. They began to sway from side to side, dancing to the romantic tune the hired band played. “Smartass. I’ll let you slide this time.”

“Oh, I’m beginning to think you like this.”

“No, you’ve just been chasing this tail to the point of delusion.”

“If being delusional let’s me hold you like this, I’d gladly lose my mind, little fox.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I should have never told you about that childhood nickname. Don’t call me that.”

“I’ll either call you that, or call you mine. Can you pick one for me?” He said, leaning in closer.

Her heart began to flutter, though she made no outward indication of this. Or so she convinced herself. It was probably obvious in the way her radiant emerald eyes flicked away, and her cheeks took on a warm blush.

Uninvited, but certainly not unwelcome, closed the gap and planted a kiss on her cheek, to which she responded with an even deeper blush. He had never done that before. He was certainly being bolder than ever. Nearly speechless, she turned her face to look at him.

“You must have a death wish or something.” She whispered.

“I only wish for one thing right now.” He said, lifting a hand from her waist to brush some hair behind her ear and hold her cheek. She pressed into it instinctively.

Speechless at this point, Railo was left staring at him. There was something on her heart that she had no words to express, but her eyes told the story of a woman who wanted to be shown this kind of love all the time. Perhaps she was ready this time. Perhaps she could put her fears and uncertainties away and trust him with her vulnerabilities. She tipped her chin up slightly, but just enough to give him the hint.

Eyes closed and heart ablaze, she felt their lips touch. The banquet hall turned into her own bedroom, and a romantic ballroom dance took a vulnerable and passionate turn.

It was a night of many firsts, and a night that would alter the course of Railo’s entire life. She would never forget it, and would carry the mark for as long as she lived.

[blue-mint-winter]

About Roslin and Baltar’s trial

I’ve been thinking about Roslin’s reasons behind putting Baltar on trial, because I’ve seen many different opinions on that and whether she was right or wrong. The show itself suggests a few times that she’s doing it for revenge, while her fans are taking her side. I think as always on BSG, the truth is more complicated than that.

To preface this, I am in the unique position because I am a big fan of both characters. Roslin is my favourite female character and Baltar is my favourite male character on the show. Watching their separate stories is so much fun to me and when they have scenes together is always a special delight. I love seeing how their paths cross, how they run in parallel, how they are foils to each other, everything about them is interesting. There is a symmetry to them as they exchange their roles in the show which I deeply enjoy and appreciate. They’re both very human characters, flawed, imperfect, but striving to be better. I don’t see Roslin as some paragon of virtue because she’s clearly not and never was. She made too many awful decisions for that, but she’s made quite a lot of good calls too. A lot of her ruthlessness comes from a sense of vulnerability. She can’t afford to show kindness or mercy to the enemy and potential threats have to be dealt with or the humankind won’t survive. That’s her M.O. She’s an iron lady, not some bleeding heart of a naive schoolteacher.

Season 3 of the show is all about New Caprica. Even when the characters are lightyears away from that planet, they still carry it and what happened there in their hearts. New Caprica tainted them all and left wounds they all spent the rest of the season healing. But there is one wound left for the last - Gaius Baltar. He is the symbol of New Caprica. He gave people the promised land but it turned into a living nightmare. He was a shitty president even before the Cylons came, so it was easy to place all the blame for NC squarely on his shoulders. However, it wasn’t as if he was voted in and people followed him there, rather it was the other way around - people wanted to go to NC, so they voted for him. People trusted Baltar because he was a genius scientist, because he claimed he cared, because he was an attractive political alternative to Roslin. Humanity made a bad choice, but it is easier for them to erase the physical reminder of that mistake than admit to it. Hence the ubiquitous hatred for Baltar in the Fleet.

But Roslin’s not just an average citizen, she’s much closer to Baltar. Of course she regrets not going through with stealing the election. She had a chance to prevent all this tragedy from happening and she didn’t. She chose the higher road in the end, to be the better person and she let Baltar win. Her own nobility doomed humanity. That’s a bitter pill to swallow. It must haunt her. And I think it certainly informs her ruthless decisions in S3, like ordering the Cylon genocide. NC taught her that morals can and should be sacrificed for the sake of survival. She doesn’t want to make that same mistake again.

S3 features a fascinating reversal of roles between Roslin and Baltar. It starts with him as the puppet president and her a powerless schoolteacher. Their first scene together is when he visits her in detention center where she’s held. The show never makes it clear whether Roslin was tortured and how (I suspect food and/or sleep deprivation), but she knows others were. Regardless, she is a victim of the occupation, unjustly imprisoned. Her name is on a death list, signed by Gaius Baltar.

There are many things Laura Roslin is and I believe that one of those is vengeful. She remembers everything good or bad, and she also holds grudges. One of those grudges is for Cylons who she has a certain propensity to airlock. Not unfounded of course. That combined with her regret for not stealing the election and her belief that Baltar is a traitor and traitors should be killed is a deadly combination for Gaius.

The graphic demonstration of Roslin’s grudge against Baltar is the entire episode 3x13 Taking a Break from All Your Worries. The tables have turned, the reversal of roles is complete, but what’s done is the same thing. Roslin’s doing to Baltar what was done to her. From the very beginning of the episode we have Baltar in prison, making the noose. It’s night but the guard wakes him up when he nods off. That’s the start of torture - sleep deprivation. Then Roslin’s first visit to his cell is a purposeful replication of his visit to her cell on NC. Through the episode, she continues with various methods of torture, to interrogate him and get the admission of guilt that she so desperately wants from him - which will justify what is done to him illegally. Which will validate her despicable actions against him, because he would admit to actually deserve them. But just like Roslin did not give Gaius the information or cooperation he wanted on New Caprica, Gaius doesn’t give in to her brutal methods here. Another similarity between them is that he didn’t wish her to suffer on NC and her crying when she has him tortured. Torture horrifies both of them and I think for Roslin that was a moment when she became horrified at herself and what she was doing. No Cylon was making her do this. Her conscience woke up and it couldn’t be silenced. (Still, Gaeta got only a slap on the wrist for murder attempt on the prisoner. Interesting how Roslin’s justice works when she can better empathize with Gaeta for wanting to kill Baltar, than with Gaius who she’s deliberately putting through the exact same things she’s personally gone through. As if she can transfer her own horrors to him and finally be free of NC.)

The last on her list of things to reenact is the death warrant. Adama offers to have Gaius quietly disappeared, just like Roslin was supposed to be killed back on NC. Out of sight, out of mind. But Roslin decides to give Baltar the trial for several reasons. I think the most important one is that she wants him dead for being a traitor but she also wants the moral high ground. His torture already made her too close to being like the enemy. When Baltar is tried and found guilty - and in her belief he cannot not be found guilty - he will be legally sentenced. She will not have his blood on her hands. She will not kill him just because she has the power and means to, not as a whimsy of the President. He has to be objectively judged and sentenced to death that he deserves for his own actions. Roslin fully believes her own judgment of Baltar is correct and objective. She refuses to acknowledge her own subjectivity when it concerns him. That’s why she allows the trial - because she is convinced it will go the way she wants it and Baltar will be sentenced to death. The last factor of why she decides to put him on trial is that she’s wanted to do this since she learned about his involvement with Six before the attack. She couldn’t have done it before because the only proof she had was a memory that resurfaced when she was dying and heavily medicated. It would’ve been just her word against his. But occupation of NC gives her all the reason and proof to finally convict him for his crimes. It’s tangible, real, it didn’t happen only to her. Everyone was there, everyone suffered. She has the public with her on this.

As an aside, it’s pretty hypocritical that Zarek gets away scot free. The man was the political mastermind behind Baltar’s presidential campaign, but because he got lucky and Cylons didn’t shoot him when he refused to cooperate and then he was with Roslin on the death list, he gets a free pass from her. A lot of help he was, rotting in a cell for the whole occupation. But now he’s her pal, he gave her back the presidential seat so all is cool between them. Even more hypocritical that Roslin banned Zarek’s secret tribunal killing collaborators right and left, but for Baltar she recreates it and makes it public for everyone to watch/listen to on radio.

It’s almost funny how Baltar makes Roslin lose her cool, how easily angry he can get her. She’s completely unobjective when it comes to him. He writes a book and she’s frothing mad. She imprisons a man because he read that book. She jokes about burning the book. She humiliates Baltar to make him stop writing, she lies to make him feel small, powerless, unheard. That’s how deep her grudge against him goes. If Adama is the equivalent of Zeus, Roslin fits the characteristics of Hera to a T.

One thing I really love about the show is that in the end, it doesn’t present the ideal solution to the issue of Baltar’s trial and punishment. I’d say that the actual message is that of mercy, but there’s no whitewashing his character. Baltar during and after the trial is shown at his smarmiest, but the justice is blind. It doesn’t care about likeability of the accused, it cares about evidence.

Was Roslin right or wrong? Was it right that Baltar was exonerated? What would be a just punishment for him? That’s left for the viewers to ponder about. In my opinion, the majority of S3 already showed Baltar’s punishment. Let’s not pretend that he was having a picnic when everyone else was suffering. He’s been imprisoned, horrifically tortured TWICE, he’s been almost killed multiple times, he tried to commit suicide. He had little to no control over his life, all he could do was to cling to it. His own guilt and self-loathing poisoned him and his love with Caprica Six. He’s lost everyone he cared for and became the most hated man in the universe. He was betrayed by Gaeta. And Baltar’s informal punishment isn’t going to go away just because he was freed by the court. Season 4 barely started and already someone attempted to murder him.

I spent hours writing this meta, so sorry if I rambled too much. I’ve just got a lot of feelings and opinions about the trial, Roslin and Gaius.

[jedimasteramell]

Backbeat

M!Ortega X F!Sidestep // Post-Date Night // SFW

Wrote to the Dagny song by the same name on literal repeat. Siona is mine.

If you haven’t played Fallen Hero: Rebirth, I can’t recommend it enough.

----------------------------

There's something about the way he kisses her.

Siona never expected nostalgia to have an actual taste, especially not tasting like Ortega. Burning… longing… a dozen wishes on shooting stars. A thousand promises, and a thousand and one suns to fulfil them. She didn't expect it smell like the cinders of car fires, his mother's tamales, sweat on metal mods, that same damn musky cologne he’s been wearing for decades.

She didn’t expect it to feel like warm blankets and crashing waves, like the first breeze of spring, and the vacuum of air pulled from a falling airplane. With hands tangled in her hair, the reassuring and stirring press of a well-muscled machine sandwiching her to the wall, anchoring her to the rest of the world.

Didn’t expect it to sound like soft acoustic, the rumble of distant traffic and thunder across the sky. How could she have known nostalgia would sound like breathy kisses, low rumbles of affectionate laughter, and Ricardo’s warm breath against her ear calling her lovely in English, Spanish, and every other way he could?

She couldn’t have imagined. Couldn’t have known. And somehow she forgot, until each time he kissed her again.

They broke apart to furiously flushed faces. Ortega’s grin from ear to ear at the sight of her mussed hair.

“What are you smiling at?” She shot at him, hiding her frazzled state and erratic heartbeat behind sass.

“You, obviously.” How was it possible for so much emotion to be stored in the corner of someone's eyes? For his earnestness, Ortega earned a sharp jab to the ribs. His ‘oof’ for her benefit only.

“Idiot.” She grumbled, massaging her knuckles. Next time she wouldn’t aim at the repair work. A sick jerk tugs her navel. Repair work she caused.

His grin remained, it had been far too long since he’d taken any insult of hers seriously. He mistook the wince as one of pain and not guilt, brushing her knuckles against his lips, the barest of static charges between his hands and hers. “Im glad you agreed to our date.”

His expression is too open, too warm, genuine in a way that turns her stomach and heart into gymnasts. “Yeah, well all we've done is made out in this alleyway so its not been much of a date yet.” Heat betrays her flushed cheeks, and the off kilter rhythm of her heart is not something she could ever possibly fake. He just has this way with her, and she just let it happen. Willingly even.

If smirks could be illegal, his most certainly should be. Especially since he shaved. Older face, younger eyes. Kiss-flushed lips cocked in the most infuriating teasing curl. Ricardo looked straight of a dream and he goddamn knew it. Bastard.

By his or her direct, Siona spun back into his arms, fingers splayed across his proud back. He stole her sarcastic retort along with the rest of her breath. She’d have let herself go flying along with it, if the tease of his thumbs, just under the waistband of her leggings hadn’t grounded her. Surprisingly soft, terribly tender, ripe with the memories of the intimacy they shared just days ago.

Ortega must have sensed her shit, the pause for air a polite time for her to disengage, to fiddle with her hem and curse the need for and the lack of contact.

“Let's go dancing.”

He said it with such ease and whimsy it took Siona a moment before she processed that he was indeed serious. Balking at him, she shook her head, only adding to the mess of her hair. “What no, I don’t- I can’t- and in public.”

Heavy comforting hands cupped her cheeks, a lid on the anxious angry flare. “Siona, hey, I know you by now.” No you don’t. “I'm not going to push you out there, not when your comfort matters so much more. I should have specified back home.”

“Home?” She queried speculatively and finally he appeared as abashed as she’d been feeling all night. Rose blush darkening his already bronzed cheeks and the tips of his ears.

“I mean, my place. Guess it just feels right to say home when you're there.” And once more, with that disarming smile he turned that fluster back around on her.

Ricardo Ortega was damn lucky she loved him.

Shit.

That wasn't the intrusive thought she wanted. Nor the hot rush that flooded her tip to toes at the very ludicrous notion she could even feel that.

Ortega’s pull on her was gentle and guiding, a comforting hand on the small of her back. The trip only a few blocks back to his apartment went by in a flutter of butterfly-feelings and far too many smiles. The presence of his hand pushing back the static void of his mind beside hers. They were two joined bodies here, even if not two joined minds. The doorman remembered her, she wished he didn't. Ortega had this way about him that made too many aspects of this, of them, bright, and shining, and grounded, and real.

Thank the devil, he’d left the lights down low. One glance on the couch and Siona’s whole face got five degrees hotter, and Ortega didn’t need any more reasons to be so smug.

Maybe he was the telepath then as he leaned into her, nuzzling into her dark hair. “I'm thinking about the couch too.”

A pout on her round lips, Siona twisted and shoved over-dramatically at the flat plane of his stomach. She couldn't budge him. Figures. “I thought you wanted to dance.”

He had no right to look so doting, no right! “I do.” The sheer magnanimity folded in the creases of his eyes and his smile was truly overwhelming. “As long as you still do.”

“I do...” She muttered, subconsciously leaning towards him as he stepped away to find the insulated remote that controlled his stereo system. A deep-beated R&B song, just fast enough to warrant dancing, filtered out from the speakers. Siona arched a heavy brow. “Your music's changed. What happened to all that club stuff you liked?”

“Tastes change. And I still like some of that ‘stuff’ you know. Just not tonight.” He lifted her arms to drape around his neck, hands finding purchase just above her hips. Goosebumps rose everywhere the faint static charge pulsed.

The song was catchy, or at least of quality artistry by Siona’s limited opinion. Music hadn't really ever been a thing for her. Too much else going on, too many other sounds and places to focus rather than engaging with the rhythms and lyrics of the radio. Her body didn't quite know how to move, every shift awkward and hesitant. “You can go ahead and say it.” She huffed, primarily at herself, mouth pulled to a cornered grimace. “I really suck at dancing.”

Ricardo hummed with a laugh, like it was really that easy. “You just need practice, Siona. It's not that different than a fight. In fact you can honestly just” Oh no, that grin meant he was about to say something exceptionally ridiculous. “sidestep.”

It took several pregnant moments, the song changing in the background, before Siona met his devilish smile with a disbelieving scoff. “You did not just make that joke.”

“I did and whatever are you going to do about it?”

“Smug asshole.” She swore, standing up on her tiptoes, and dragging him down into deep and abiding kiss.

There was something about the way she kisses him.

Ricardo doesn’t expect it to smell like shea and chocolate, like new clothes and hand rolled tobacco. He doesn't expect it to sound like an old favorite song restored to an unheard clarity, like the silence of the air before a great storm, like a prayer-hymn in pre-quake temple. He doesn't expect it to feel like melancholy, impatience, hope. Like fluttery stomachs, the wind while on his old bike, like taking off his costume for a well deserved shower and an ache so profound he’s not sure he could bear it. An ache and a love and a promise.

He couldn’t have imagined. Couldn’t have in his wildest, most heart-wrenching dreams. And yet, somehow, he forgot, until each time she kissed him again.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #359

Top Ten Future Transformers Spin-Offs

So I finally went to see Bumblebee, the delightful, charming, and utterly loveable Transformers spin-off/prequel from Travis Knight. It’s a great little film, on a much smaller scale than the other films in the series, offering some beautifully retro Amblin vibes whilst telling a more compelling and characterful story full of warmth, heart, and genuinely good performances. And as a great big Transformers fan (is there no Transformers equivalent of Trekkie or Browncoat I can adopt?) I got a huge thrill from the recreation of war-torn Cybertron, straight from the iconography of the classic ‘80s cartoon series. I spent the first ten minutes just cooing and bubbling, going “Look! Wheeljack! And Arcee! And Ratchet! And Soundwave! And Shockwave! And Ravage!” and so on.

Anyway, I think the film is all kinds of great, and captures the spirit of the brand and the stories much better (in my opinion) than the Michael Bay ones do. But if one spin-off could succeed where the “mainline” films failed, could that trick be repeated? And this got me thinking: what other stories and characters are ripe for the big-screen treatment? Where else can Transformers go cinematically, without doing any kind of real follow-up to The Last Knight?

Here, then, are ten suggestions. Rather than proposing any kind of reboot or reimagining of the property, I've tried to find stories that could exist within the loose canon of the movies (which, to be fair, is a fairly shifting proposition anyway, with several movies contradicting one another in large and small ways). So, inspired by my love of the original characters, and often by stories I’ve read in the meantime, and with the potentially large caveat that I’ve still not seen The Last Knight and therefore might actually be retreading story grooves already worn, here are ten suggestions for possible future Transformers spin-off movies.

Megatron: Dawn of the Decepticons: drawing heavily from both IDW’s Megatron: Origin and More Than Meets the Eye, this will be a biopic, essentially, of tyrannical baddie Big Megs. Although I know there’s a strong influence from The Fallen in Cinemegatron’s backstory, I don’t see how we can’t square this with the portrayal developed primarily by James Roberts. Megatron is a miner, struggling under a brutal regime on an off-world energon mine, who has the strength and smarts to lift himself and his co-workers out of bondage. But will he remain true to his principles or follow the advice of a mysterious old ‘bot (who turns out to be The Fallen)? Basically the tragic tale of a charismatic working-class leader breaking bad and becoming a monster. Could feature an Optimus Prime cameo – maybe as Orion Pax?

Last Stand of the Wreckers: a moderately-straight adaptation of the Nick Roche/James Roberts classic, one of the most beloved Transformers series of all time. Instead of Bumblebee’s delightful whimsy and Megatron’s tragic drama, this is a straight-up war movie. Obviously it’d have to be tweaked from the comic: no more Garrus-9 or Decepticon Purge. Perhaps tweak the last third to be a bit more like Rogue One or Seven Samurai; the Autobots decide to stay, and die, for a cause. I’d put some more mainstream ‘bots on the team, from the original cartoon and movie. Perhaps it could, like Bumblebee, even be set on Earth in the past, and end up being a story covered up by both the Autobots and Sector 7? That way you’d make it cheaper by having more humans and a little less CG. But the basic gist – an Autobot black ops squad is sent on a mission that goes very badly wrong and most if not all of them die whilst trying to work out what it means to be an Autobot in the midst of this war – should remain the same.

Windblade : whilst I don’t necessarily think the movieverse should adopt the “Thirteen Colonies” storyline from the comics – and I definitely don’t think they should adopt the “all the girls left” sausage-fest fudge that was required after Arcee was declared the “only” female Transformer, especially as Arcee herself and newcomer Shatter both feature in Bumblebee – I do  like the idea of Windblade as some kind of ambassador or diplomat, travelling the universe. Perhaps she left Cybertron before the war really escalated (with besties Chromia and Nautica too, natch) to pursue peace elsewhere? Part flashback to pre-war Cybertron, part  return-to-Earth narrative, it would be a great opportunity to focus on the often-sidelined female Transformers and  have a positive feminist message. I’d have them team up with a now-adult Charlie and her estranged daughter... Verity Carlo. The baddies should be combiners, to go with the “Combiner Hunters” toy set.

Beast Wars: at the risk of causing controversy, I wouldn’t make this a straight adaptation of the popular cartoon. Not unless they want to meddle in far-flung futures or alternate timelines (although, er, see below...). Rather, I’d introduce the concept of “Beast Modes” that mimic organic creatures perfectly (like the “pretender” Decepticon in Revenge of the Fallen that looks like a sexy human girl, because of course she does). So my pitch is this: a lonely Autobot scientist, on a research ship that has more-or-less escaped the war (let’s make him Perceptor, for kicks) has developed this “beast mode” technology that hides Transformers in organic shells. His ship is attacked by Decepticons, but he rockets his subjects into space where they follow Prime’s signal and eventually land on Earth, befriending a young boy (younger than Sam or Charlie; let’s say about 12). But Decepticon hunters (I’d go for Carnivac, Snarler and Catilla – who later has a change of heart – all of whom have inorganic beast modes) follow. So it would share similar tropes with Bumblebee and the first Transformers, but with three or four cute animals instead of robots. This would skew young, perhaps even younger than Bumblebee.

Rodimus Prime: I know Hot Rod is in The Last Knight, but from what I hear he isn’t really representative of the character of Hot Rod/Rodimus from across other aspects of Transformers fiction. Regardless, this film isn’t about him: it’s about Rodimus Prime. Set in the future, it tells a Next Generation-style story of a human/Autobot alliance. Very much a sci-fi space opera, it would feature Rodimus going on a quest to discover the roots of a mysterious force that is attacking human colonies, and its apart links to an ancient Transformer legend. But is he abandoning Earth at its darkest hour to go on a wild goose chase through space? Rodimus must battle his own self-doubt as a leader, as well as a growing number of humans and Transformers who question the alliance. It would have a similar tone to your average Star Wars movie.

Wreck-Gar: Transformers films often have funny moments, but you’d never call any of them a comedy. Wreck-Gar is a comedy, Deadpool-style (but without the filth). A severely-damaged Transformer who crashes to Earth no memory and manages to rebuild himself in a junkyard, Wreck-Gar is a crazy, pop-culture-spouting dervish who just trashes every room he’s in, even though he’s not malicious or a bad guy. Indeed, he is chased by a trio of Decepticons (Swindle, Brawl, and Vortex) who are cruel and unusual (and Swindle wants recompense for a deal gone wrong). An all-out wacky comedy is something not often attempted by big-budget action movies; I’d even go whole hog and get Ward and Miller on board to shepherd the humour to the screen.

Starscream: we’re always focusing on the good guys! Well, here you go: a story about a bot who’s born to be bad. Starscream would be set in the past (naturally, since he’s dead now) and follows Megatron’s least-reliable lieutenant as he heads to Earth to look for Megatron during the time when he was in stasis underneath the Hoover Dam. I can’t remember the chronology, but maybe this could even be set in the late 70s/early 80s, with Starscream  assuming a jet form more like his classic toy (and in that colour scheme, too). He’d be conniving, plotting, scheming, and essentially coming across like a giant metal version of Loki. Perhaps he’s playing a number of human “allies” off against one another, as well as some big Decepticons (Thunderwing? Tarn? Who haven’t we seen yet?) and even a troupe of Autobots he double-crosses. It could be darkly comic and incredible fun.

Hearts of Steel: Wild West Transformers! I mean, what’s not to love? Adapted from the IDW comic series (which was supposed to be out-of-continuity, but was so popular that writer John Barber retroactively incorporated it into the main Transformers timeline), this would need a bit of manipulation to change characters around (I don’t think Bumblebee should be in it, but given the often-contradictory nature of the movie timeline, I don’t see why we couldn’t bring back characters like Jazz, Ironhide, or maybe even Optimus himself). A rollicking steampunk adventure that hopefully would capture the freewheeling outback sci-fi tone of Back to the Future Part III, and hopefully not come across like another Wild Wild West.

Cybertron: I suppose this is a sort-of sequel to Megatron (see above). Set during the war, it’s a men-on-a-mission movie starring a young Optimus Prime (perhaps he could still be Orion Pax at this point). I don’t think we should worry too much about mythologies and intricacies of Transformer society the way James Roberts depicted it, but all the same they could do a lot worse than adapting his Shadowplay storyline, where Orion lead a team of misfit Autobots in an illegal heist to save the world. That kid of behind-enemy-lines vibe could give us a great Cybertronian war movie without wallowing in the grimdark explodey nature of Transformer combat. But especially if this was the movie where Orion earned his stripes and officially became Optimus, that might be nice. Like Megatron, of course, this would end up being an entirely CG affair.

Bumblebee 2: Energon Boogaloo? Look, the ending of the film – without wanting to give away spoilers – could be seen as neatly segueing into the 2007 Transformers film. One could imagine no additional adventurous meetings between Bumblebee and Charlie.  But on the other hand, let’s not rule it out. Perhaps Bumblebee has been on Earth, dicking around, since 1987, and during that time he got up to more mischief with his first best human friend. Some covert Decepticon invasion requires him to break cover, or he needs some kind of human contact to spy for him, and oh look he goes back to Charlie. I’d skip forward a little bit, to around ‘91 or ‘92, slap a bit of early grunge on the soundtrack. See what happens. Just bring back Travis Knight.

So there we are. My ideas for ten possible Transformers spin-off movies. I didn’t really intend for this to turn into ten pitches with little mini-synopses; it was really meant to just be a quick fun game of “stories or characters who’d make a cool movie” but then I thought about it too hard, as I tend to do where Transformers is concerned. Hey, look, some of these films could even tie together! Megatron and Cybertron especially, but you could scatter seeds of stories or references among the lot. Anyway. Wishful thinking. But hopefully a film like one of these will roll out before too long (see what I did there?).