#shinae x kousuke

[tooningtheweb]

This is my happy place

[oblako]

249 episodes and we still know barely anything about shinhye

[ohplagg]

I Love Yoo Timeline Part 3/4

Math and connecting the dots

This is part 3 of 4 of my I Love Yoo Timeline as of Episode 241.

Part 1 and 2 consists of laying out all the detailed evidence with descriptions, screenshots and episode number.

Part 3 consists of explaining the evidence, connecting the dates and some math because the I Love Yoo universe (the Yooniverse, if you will) uses letters instead of numbers to represent official years.

Part 4 is the I Love Yoo Timeline.

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Now that all the evidence has been laid out I can now go in depth about how the dates add up and what the heck does 20XX stand for.

I will mostly be making reference to the evidence rather than showing it and pointing it out. If you wish to see the evidence yourself to know exactly what information was presented, I encourage you to check out Part 1 and Part 2 of this I Love Yoo Timeline post.

(disclaimer, whenever I say "today" or refer to the present I mean in Yooniverse, specifically talking about year 20XX)

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Well, the years start coming..

So I want to start with explaining what year 20XX is since that's our starting point.

If you check the exact dates we are given + the November and December calendars we are shown you will see that it doesn't make sense. But! don't leave! just because it doesn't make sense in our universe it doesn't mean it doesn't make sense in the Yooniverse.

Year 20XX is not the equivalent of any year that exists in our universe. Septermber's calendar matches with (just to mention 3) 2011, 2016, 2022; November's calendar matches with 2012, 2018, 2029; December's calendar matches with 2013, 2019, 2024. All this to say that year 20XX is it's own thing that exists and makes sense in Yooniverse and not our own, which is one of the reasons why I won't be converting the Yooniverse years to an irl equivalent.

The other reason why I wont be converting Yooniverse years to irl equivalent is because the Yooniverse keeps track of their years with letters unlike us that keep track of years using the decimal number system. In other words, Yooniverse uses the basic English alphabet to keep track of the years and we use numbers.

With that information stablished, lets now figure out how many years appart are each year is in the Alphabet "Number" System (ANS to make it short).

We know from what Kousuke told Shinae in episode 155 that "roughly 6 years ago" Nol got out of the mental facility and he spent "almost 2 years" inside of it. This means that the day Nol got taken to the mental facility was 8 years ago, and if you remember Nessa died the same night Nol got taken to the mental facility.

The news articles from episode 222 tells us that Nessa died in 20XP.

With this information we can see that 8 years ago from today (20XX) is the year 20XP. And if we look at the letters in the alphabet, the letter P is the 8 letters behind letter X.

"20XP is 8 years ago from 20XX"

Now that we have figured out how ANS works, we can figure out when the rest of years take place. Let's try it with the following:

Randulph became Chairman of the Board in 20WZ

Let's apply what we've learned. W is 1 space before X so that means Rand became Chairman 1 decade ago, right? WRONG. Decades don't convert directly from ANS to decimal.

Imagine that the alphabet repeats itself over and over again. Each full alphabet list is named after a letter. Each time it starts over, the name for the alphabet changes to the next letter. So for example, letter R in the first alphabet would be represented as AR, letter F in the next alphabet would be BF, and so on. So letter X in the list X is XX.

Having that idea in mind, how far back Z from X? If you go back in the list, X is 24 spaces from Z and Z is in the "previous" alphabetic list meaning that WZ is 24 spaces from XX.

20WZ is 24 years from 20XX.

I'll save you from the math for the rest and I'll just put here all the results:

Young-Chul Kim was Chairman from 20WA to 20WY = he was chairman for 26 years. He was chairman 50 years ago from today until Rand took his place

Rand became chairman in 20WZ = he became chairman 24 years ago today.

The prestigious prep school SA investigation started in 20XW which was last year. In which it states that it was investigating 50 years of SA reports.

Nessa died 8 years ago in 20XP

And they don't stop coming.

So that's all for the "what year does the letters mean". Now we'll start adding dialogue together to connect the dots and see how many years ago different events happened.

Everyone's age when following Nol's backstory

So we know the the brother incident happened December 20XP which was exactly 8 years ago making Kousuke 16 and Nol 10- turning 11.

Nol got out of the mental facility the year he turned 13 (meaning when he was 12) and Kousuke turned 18 (Year 20XR)

Nol met Dieter when he was 15, Kousuke turned 21 and Dieter turned 14 (i dont know when Dieter's birthday is). (This is the perfect moment to remind everyone that the ages do make sense because Dieter started hitting puberty at 14 and Nol at 15 so it's fine that Nol looked very childlike in the flashbacks and he looks Dieter's age in that flashback as well)

Nol was 15 when he met Soushi (14) and Alyssa (15)

Nana and Yui's last encounter was when Nol was 13 and Kousuke was 18.

Conclusions so far:

Nol lived with the Hirarahas no more than a year, Nana arrived very shortly after he got out of the mental facility

Nol went to Middle School for 2 years and made absolutely no friends before he met Dieter.

Everyone's age when following Kousuke's backstory

Kousuke graduated high school at 14 years old in spring. The year he was 14 in spring was 20XO which was 9 years ago. Nol was 9.

Kousuke's college friend group started when he was about to turn 15 (assuming he started college the same year he graduated high school)

Kousuke was about to graduate from his master's degree when Meg was 20 years old, and Meg and Kousuke share birth-year meaning that when Kousuke was 20 (Year 20XU) he was still studying.

When Kousuke was 20, Hansuke didn't know the college friend group had fallen apart meaning that that flashback memory Kousuke had of YuJing and Hansuke arguing must have happened after Meg's flashback (unless it happened before and Hansuke was just completely oblivious about the extreme animosity between Kousuke and his friends, which I highly doubt so I won't be considering it for my timeline).

There is absolutely no way that Kousuke being 24 years old today could have had 20 years "about 5 years ago" making Hansuke's recollection of events unreliable (and I don't blame him. The poor guy has permanent eyebags, he was busy studying to become a doctor.)

If Kousuke started college the same year he graduated high school then he did his BS and Master's in a total of 6 years more or less which is surprisingly a pretty normal pace.

Kousuke and Yu-jing knew each other since Kousuke was 14 or a bit younger.

Kousuke playboy era was between 14-15 and 20 years old.

Conslusions so far:

Nol was not in the mental facility when Kousuke graduated high school.

It's very likely that one of the reasons Nol didn't make any friends during his 2 years in Middle School after he got out of the mental facility was because Kousuke was babysitting him during that time and Kousuke kept telling everyone that he was very violent.

Kousuke partook in underage drinking and underage.... adult activies with the oposite sex....

Kousuke's friend group lasted 4-5 years

Everyone's age when following Yui and Rand's backstory

Rand became chairman in March 27th, 20WZ and at the same time he had "been seen in public" with Yui

Yui is in her 40s right now meaning she had Kousuke when she was 16 at the earliest and 24 at the latest (My personal opinion is that she had him in her 20s meaning she is closer to being 50 than we thought unless Kousuke was an absolute accident.... or something darker than that.... because I can't see her choosing to become pregnant in her teens)

Kousuke was conceived during Rand and Yui's honeymoon in February

Kousuke turned 24 years in November 8th, 20XX meaning he was born on year 20WZ, the same year Rand became Chairman. I KNOW. I WAS SHOCKED TOO.

Conclusions

Yui and Rand really got married in secret from the public and Yui hid her pregnancy from the public too. This really broke my brain.

And as a final thing to point out while considering Rand and Yui's backstory: Rand and Yui's marriage reconciliation happened 1 year before the brother incident/Nessa's death. Also, high school graduation flashback where Nessa appears happens when Kousuke is 14 (he will turn 15 later that year) and the brother incident happened when he recently turned 16 meaning that whatever happened in that high school graduation flashback will most likely be relevant to what the press calls "marriage reconciliation between Yui and Rand"

Everyone's age when following Shin-ae's backstory

Finally something that won't break my brain. Future me speaking here, it did break my brain.

Shin-Ae, Maya, Dieter, Soushi and Rika all turned 17 in 20XX and they are in their final year of high school. Min-Hyuk is 19.

Shinae's fall incident was on Min-Hyuk's last school year as a Middle School student, but during Fall Autumn. Min-Hyuk graduated in 20XT so that means the fall happened 20XS.

In 20XS Min-Hyuk was 14, Alyssa 13 and Shin-Ae was 12

Shin-Ae graduated Middle School and started high school at 14 (year 20XU)

Conclusions:

Alyssa met Nol the year everyone started high school meaning that it had been 1-2 years after Alyssa pushed Shinae to her death by accident

High school in the Yooniverse lasts 4 years just like in the USA school system (felt the need to point this out becuase "high school" in a lot of countries last 3 years)

Final words for Part 3

If you feel lost while reading all of this, imagine how I felt having all this information going round and around all day every day in my head without the brain power to see it all at once and connect the dots. Not to mention that what you just read is the version that makes sense and adds up. I had to re-write this so many times because I kept finding new information breaking the timeline over and over again.

Up next I will lay out the timeline in order with dates and time gaps between each event.

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This is just part 3 of 4. Go read the rest:

Part 1: The Evidence Part 1

Part 2: The Evidence Part 2

Part 4: The Timeline

[trashlie]

Rand the Damned

Something that has become really apparent to me about ILY, especially the more I have these deep dives into the characterizations, is that ultimately, ILY explores characters who are trying to survive. Nearly every character in ILY is clearly someone trying to survive their circumstances, and while some are very obvious (Shinae, Nol, Kousuke) others you need to examine differently in order to see they, too, are trying to survive (Alyssa, Rand, Yui). Something I feel that ILY does especially well is the interpersonal relationships based on both context and circumstances, and why certain characters are able to better get along with each other and others continue to butt heads. For instance, Nol and Kousuke have always struggled because Nol was never able to see what Kousuke's real battle is - that his quest for Rand's acceptance has been but a small part of his psyche. Without understanding how Kousuke has been manipulated, gaslit, and literally drugged, how could Nol ever begin to understand why Kousuke treats him that way?

Abuse and trauma alters peoples' brains. It's not something that you just... one day wake up from and move on. We will spend our whole lives trying to unlearn our unhealthy behaviors, our coping mechanisms and that's for those of us who haven't experienced such brain-altering abuse and trauma. A very common theme of ILY remains repeating cycles - that people who never get to heal, or don't heal in a healthy way, will continue to perpetuate their cycles of abuse, of their trauma, of their unhealthy learned behaviors. Someone who grows up feeling like they are not allowed to express emotions, feeling like they must tiptoe around others' emotions is going to struggle to open up about their feelings, to feel like their emotions are valid, that they're allowed to feel and talk about what they feel, and thus, their relationships with others are impacted. What happens when they are close to someone who feels like they are being deliberately locked out and left in the dark? How do you resolve issues when you feel like you have to pack away your feelings and pretend you're fine, everything is okay?

This is something that permeates ILY at all corners, because it's fundamental to every interpersonal relationship - that we unwittingly pass on the hurt that has hurt us, that our experiences alter our perception, alter our behavior, alter the way we handle things. When I talk about Everyone x Therapy, this is what I mean. Nearly everyone in ILY carries some kind of hurt, some more deeply than others. This includes even the characters we as readers perceive as hurtful: Sangchul, Rand, Yui. Perhaps even Gun Kim, but frankly that is something I cannot bring myself to get into and I think we lack enough information to examine (but even in his case we can look at his father and glean how Gun would turn out the way he did).

Perhaps this will eventually become a series, where I sit and examine some of these characters more closely, as I have with Kousuke and Alyssa. But at this time I'm focusing on Rand, because I find him to be an incredibly polarizing character depending on the take you have. How dare you sympathize with someone who has been such a terrible father tends to be the main gut reaction, but as with all parents of ILY, there is no such thing as a good, perfect parent. At the end of the day, parents are people also trying to navigate their lives with the extra responsibility of someone else they're meant to take care of, to look after, to raise, with few resources and no guidebooks. The one thing ILY has taught me is to re-examine my own life, my relationship with my parents and the ways they hurt vs helped me, and their circumstances. Ultimately, we will always be victims of our circumstances, the results of our experiences.

So! Let's talk about Rand!

Firstmost and foremost, I want it to be clear that I'm not writing this in an effort to make people care about Rand or make him into someone's favorite character, but instead just to help people better understand him and his motivations. Too often I think we fall into the trap of believing that we can only like good characters and that liking those who hurt others or cause harm makes us bad people. But ILY is a fictional story. No one is being hurt. What I think ILY provides us, though, is a deeper understanding of real people and the ways that all people are complex, no matter how shallow they seem. This isn't about making Rand into a favorite character, but instead it's about examining Rand's circumstances.

When we examine characters through a lens of survival, it helps us to better understand their motivations and choices, as well as what is at risk and what they stand to lose which heavily factors into their motivations and why they make the choices they do. There's a lot we still don't know about the nature of Rand and Yui's relationship: were they ever lovers; did she ever fool him into thinking she was something else; was it always a business arrangement? This leads us to further questions, like did he meet Nessa before or after he married Yui? Because so much of ILY is about these cycles and parallels, we can look at Rand and assume that maybe, much like Nol has tried to do, Rand denied himself something he wanted in favor of something else, something he thought he needed more. As a businessman, it's easy to see how perhaps he and Yui were an arranged marriage, something not for love but instead for mutual benefit (and this feels even more plausible given how likely it is that Yui herself was not allowed to inherit the company but instead needed someone who would be adopted into the family via marriage and treated like a true Hirahara and needed him in order to have any role in the family business that she coveted). If Rand knew Nessa before, perhaps he told himself that what he felt about Nessa was a thing that would pass, something he could live without. Perhaps he convinced himself that the ends would justify the means, that his life would be better if he made this choice and denied himself something else he wanted. Love? Love can come and go. You can move on from anyone, anything.

But it's clear to us that Rand never moved on from Nessa. Long after he lost her, he carried her with him in that Bible. He may have told Shinae that it didn't hold luck for him anymore, that it hasn't for a long time, but that doesn't mean it stopped mattering to him. In a time when Nol needed it most, Rand gave up something that had brought him comfort in solace, in hopes that it can provide something of comfort for him, too.

What has been something of a safety raft for Rand to cling to as he treads the waters of survival has now been passed to his son, and I think this is as good a time to examine Rand through this lens of survival, and to better understand why he has made the choices he has and further, that I fear no choice Rand could have made would have been the right choice; it never existed, he was always damned if you do, damned if you don't.

A special interest of quimchee's appears to be female-enacted domestic violence. This has come up a couple times before, and is a theme she's talked about before on streams about wanting to explore, but I think we are seeing that quietly explored in ILY as well, though it's not the forefront of the story. Yui as a character very much is one who leads a reign of reign of terror, who so confidently believes that she is the hero of the story and everyone who stands against her opposes her, and thus are an obstacle to be taken out. Now, I still intend to write at great length about how I view Yui and what are her motivations and drivers, but the watered down summary is: I believe Yui was once the victim of abuse in addition to having always felt like she is lesser simply for being born a woman and bears a grudge against men and deeply resents them for what they are so easily afforded that she is not, that she was never given the opportunity or the space to heal and internalized this to believe that people deserve what happens to them, that those who are incapable of fighting back are deserving of what happens to them. This is integral in understanding Yui and how, yes, Rand's hands have always been tied by her.

I think when I say this, people think this immediately excuses Rand from the hurt he's caused, but it is so very important that we examine the ways that Rand's hands are tied, so that we can understand how nothing could really have been different, to understand why (in his eyes) he is doing the best he was able to. Again, an underlying theme is that people very much are often the victims of their circumstances. Yui herself even touches on this, noting that she is aware she is afforded opportunities, privilege, that most aren't. She herself also takes advantage of circumstances, in order to better orchestrate what she wants. For instance, consider the way Kousuke was left isolated - she took advantage of her husband's unhealthy work/life balance and further drove a wedge between him and his son so that Kousuke would forever feel like he is working towards an (unobtainable) goal, so that Rand would always be greatly out of reach, so that they could never become equals, be peers, so that Kousuke would always feel that feeling of inferiority and then she learned to utilize that inferiority as a weapon against Nol as well as to further isolate Kousuke, leave him dependent upon her.

Yui knows what she's doing, and Rand's circumstances are very much the base of this analysis.

What was the nature of their relationship? Was it simply a business arrangement Rand thought stood to benefit him? Or, a possibility I explore a lot more lately, was it possible that Yui tricked him in some way, took advantage of a more sympathetic nature perhaps Rand once possessed? I don't think we necessarily need to know yet what the circumstances are, because what matters is where that left Rand.

The mukoyoshi theory becomes ever more important the more we learn about these characters, and as we view their situations through the lens of this theory, we start to better understand the dynamics it's created. Supposing this theory holds true - and I believe it must, since we have canonical proof now Rand has taken the Hirahara name as his own - it sets the following precedent: through marriage to Yui, Rand has been adopted into the family as though he himself is a true Hirahara born of their blood, and as it appears that men are afforded more rights/opportunities, in some way Rand holds more rights in Yui's family than Yui herself does. She could not inherit the family company herself and instead had to marry someone else in order to carry on the lineage, had to give birth to a son to carry it on from them. I'm not going to get too deeply into this, because I think this is for another post, but again, this precedence is important because we need to understand why Yui would resent Rand for reasons beyond his affair, why from the very moment he married her he was likely trapped in her web, and why his circumstances were always against him.

Truly the greatest "mistake" Rand likely made was marrying Yui, but we're well beyond that now.

Yui very much is a controlling, abusive partner and it's clear to us now how she's been manipulating and abusing far longer than Rand's infidelity existed. We can see in Kousuke's early memories that the agitation between Rand and Yui in their clashing parenting styles had already become a thing that was wearing him down, that she gloated from her throne where she maintained the upper hand. Yui possesses incredible finesse when it comes to how she orchestrates things, how she nudges the truth, how she hardly has to do any heavy lifting for things to fall right into place. There's a whole essay that could be written on Rand's role in both the company and as a father and the crux of it always comes back to: he was damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. As part of the mukoyoshi concept, Rand has a duty to the company he has inherited, to the family he has been adopted by, to oversee things to ensure things run as well as they can. But as a husband and father, he has an obligation to his family. We see it often in businessmen, in people of the corporate world whose entire livelihoods depend on their career that they must make a choice. At this time it appears as though Yui's father regards Rand favorably, but would he have if Rand had chosen to downsize his responsibilities? Had Rand chosen to be around more as Kousuke was being raised? Especially if it's as we think with the Hirahara family, where childrearing is seen as a woman's role, that this is what Yui should be focusing on and that Rand, the mukoyoshi, had a role to fulfill separate of that?

When Yui told Kousuke that they are different from others, she was not wrong. We cannot view Rand through the same lens we would a man of lesser stature than him. We have to view him through his circumstances.

And his circumstances lead us here: to a man whose wife has probably been playing mind games with him from the get go who is trying his best both as an obligation to the family and his company and also to himself. We get enough glimpses into Kousuke's past to know that it's not that Rand had no interest in his son's life. In fact, Rand on many occasions is seen trying to instill something in Kousuke, trying to help him be aware of both his opportunities and privilege as well as the limitlessness of all that he could grow to be. I can only speculate, but with what we know, I have no doubts there was a lot of clever orchestration on Yui's part as to Rand's availability. They're both chairpersons of the company, and yet one of them was far more tied up - the one of them who is seen as more valuable to the family and company.

I want it made clear: what exists between Rand and Yui (and Kousuke) predates the affair and Nol. Yui was never a scorned lover who took things out on her lover's mistress and son. Had Rand never had an affair, he would still have been in this predicament with Yui and Kousuke, would have always struggled to reach his son as Yui continued to drive that wedge, to orchestrate their differences, to run interference. It was always Yui's intention that Rand be someone so completely out of reach of Kousuke that he would always be stuck vying for his attention, always trying to reach and surpass him, always so hungry or that approval that never came through. It just happened to be that Rand’s affair yielded another child, a potential heir (because it’s through Rand’s blood that the company goes), that she married this commoner man and afforded him everything she’d coveted and he embarrassed her, threw it all in her face, and made her look bad, created a threat to Kousuke’s position. But she already resented him, I think. She already had every intention of using Kousuke to take back what she believes is hers.

At some point, Rand must have grown exhausted, and maybe he gave up. Was that right, was that fair, when he had a child? When giving up hurt that child? When it comes to Rand, I think a lot about the safety demonstrations on airplanes, when they tell you not to try to help others (like your children) until you have helped yourself, until you've got your flotation device, your oxygen mask. If Rand himself is drowning, with Yui running laps around him running him ragged, how can he possibly help Kousuke? How can he possibly keep walking out into a hurricane, getting buffeted and thrown backwards by the wind, using all your energy just trying to catch up, much less ever getting where you need to be?

And that's the thing. When I say Rand's hands are tied, I don't mean it to absolve him - I say it to explain him. That Rand was always losing, that Yui has always had the upper hand. Rand has spent all of his time simply trying to catch up, much less ever getting to make an attack, much less ever getting to be a father.

I think a lot about the fact that at one time, Rand and Yui were separated, but they clearly never divorced. Why? What did he stand to lose if they did? I don't even mean just in his livelihood - though he certainly stood to lose a lot, and what happens to a mukoyoshi if they divorce, what assets would he lose? But more importantly: Rand stood to lose Kousuke. Even married to Yui he cannot protect Kousuke, but to be outside her reach? How much worse could it have been? Kousuke is already so incredibly isolated but we also know that Rand has tried to be Kousuke's father, that he has tried to reach out to him in ways that never reached Kousuke because of the interference Yui ran, because of the mindset that she had instilled in him as a young child that became such an inherent belief to him, because his love was commodified so that nothing he did or said to Kousuke could ever get through to this brain-washed child.

Another aspect of Rand's circumstances that are worth exploring is: he grew up an orphan. He was never adopted, he aged out of the system. Rand never had anyone to rely on, anyone to convey that warmth and love to him as a family might. He aged out and then took his life into his hands and became a self-made man with only his own back to rely on. Think about what that does to a person. Think about the way that might warp their perception of people and kindness and love. Maybe this was why it was so easy for him to choose a marriage for convenience. Maybe this was why he could pass up on the opportunity for real love. Maybe from a young age Rand was disillusioned, thought the world had nothing to offer him - the parallels between him and Nol are honestly staggering. Wouldn't it be so easy to make the choices he did, only to come to regret them later? To get a taste for something you thought impossible, or maybe something you thought you could give up, and be haunted by it?

It's not hard to surmise that Nessa must have been his true love, the one he could not quite give up, the one he couldn't let go of no matter how many years it had been since he made his choices, since he lost her, since everything went so wrong. And I think that as a result, it means that no matter what, his relationship with Nol would always, always be complicated. Nol would always be a reminder of what he had and what he lost - both in love and also in himself.

The parallels are truly staggering, and they extend far beyond the Rand Yui Nessa/Nol Alyssa Shinae cycle repeating itself. The kind of man young Nol described Rand as very much sounds like Yeonggi, like the kind of person Nol presented himself as. Yeonggi wasn't a mask just for Nol's friends - this was who everyone saw him as, including his family. Yeonggi was a means of staying off peoples' radars - never being so bad that he is in trouble, never being so great that he's also in trouble (with Yui and Kousuke). He was pleasant, got along with people, never caused trouble if he could help it. Not once was he roped into the family company - for better or for worse. He joked and laughed a lot, he seemed to always be there for friends. He was so much of what Nessa once saw in Rand.

Was it just that Nessa was the only person who drew that out of Rand? Or was it more of a parallel to Nol, that no matter how hard his life, these were integral core parts of him? Was he, at some point, taken advantage of? Did he trust the wrong person, reach out to someone undeserving? Was his kindness and friendship misconstrued by someone with far more nefarious intentions than he expected?

Something I can't help but think about a lot is the way that Rand always says what he means, but in cryptic ways, in ways Nol - and even often readers - cannot see through, that we have to reread again later. He never explains himself, never says what he means, and what is Nol to do with it, when everything Rand says comes off like a criticism of him no matter what? Much like Rand, Nol is damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. Does he please Rand or does he protect himself? Ultimately, they both have Nol's survival in mind, but one looks far less like it.

Consider Rand's words to Nol at the Kim formal - I don't deny that Rand said truly awful things. Does he fully mean what he says? Probably, in more ways than he can explain. When he tells Nol that he should be at Alyssa's side before someone less pathetic than him catches her attention, it feels both like "Do not leave her alone in a place like this with people like this because she will naively trust the wrong person and end up in a dangerous situation" and also "Behaving like this will drive away people like her". Is this the advice Nol needs? From his perspective, no. From his perspective, Rand finds him pathetic, finds him frivolous, thinks he's childish for being so lonely that he seeks out friendship at any opportunity, thinks he acts out just to spite him.

But from Rand's perspective, perhaps he thinks he is preparing Nol for this life - the family, the company, their social circle - the only way he can. He cannot reach out to Nol. He cannot be a father to him, lest Nol get punished more simply for existing. Rand knows all too well. He knows all too well what Yui is capable of - what she has done - and knows that in order to protect Nol, he had to create a buffer, the distance. In a way, it's like he sacrificed his right to be his father in an effort to keep him safe. For better or worse, Nol belongs to this society, too. He, too, needs to be aware of those around him, know who he can trust. In Rand's perspective, maybe Nol DOES look like he's foolish, going around trying to befriend people who might really be someone looking to take advantage of his kindness, who might be in Yui's pocket, who might be someone who doesn't have Nol's well being in mind. In staying with Alyssa, he's also keeping Nol out of harm's way, because he's not getting involved with anything.

Even though what happened to Shinae at the formal was clearly about Kousuke, Gun, and possibly Rand, it did still ultimately involve Nol. It did still ultimately get him involved and hurt - he wound up arrested and blamed for a crime he didn't commit and later took the blame for in court. Rand isn't entirely wrong: when Nol gets involved, it leads to more trouble, because Yui will take any and every opportunity to make his life worse. Even though this wasn't her ultimate goal (and it could be seen that Nol pleading guilty is not what she expected because Nol needs to be around and near Kousuke in order to be effective against him) it still worked to her advantage that it further plays into Nol's image that the public holds against him, that ensures Yui will be believed over Nol.

Rand isn't wrong: Nol underestimates Yui greatly, because he believes everything is about him and doesn't see how much worse it is, how much more of a monster she is, that this isn't about the illegitimate bastard son being a blight against her marriage, that it was always about so much more. And unfortunately we have seen that Rand is correct about other things, too - about how Nol's emotions get the best of him and while the "shove your feelings down and repress them" route is also not correct and healthy, we can see and at least understand why Rand operates the way he does, why he worries the way he does about Nol.

When I say Rand's hands are tied, I mean this: I mean that Rand has never had the opportunity to be a father to his children because Yui has deliberately run interference between him and one and if he shows any sign of affection, any sign of preferential treatment, any indication that he is trying to protect the other, it would make things worse for him.

He knows this.

Rand probably has an inkling about the night Nol was taken away - the first time he lost Nol. More than anyone else, Rand knows who Yui is, but has always been powerless against her. Without any proof of what she does, what can he do? How do you tell people that she is abusive when she doesn't lay a hand on you? When people make jokes of male domestic abuse survivors? How do you get people to see something that barely exists - because Yui doesn't have to get her hands dirty, because she never has to be direct. How do you make people see it?

When I say Rand's hands are tied, I mean whatever choice he makes would never be perfect, would never be right. What if he did it, left Yui and went to be with Nessa and raise Nol. What would change? Kousuke would be left even more alone. At least until now Kousuke felt that he wasn't good enough to receive Rand's care (even as Rand gave it) but what if he was convinced he was abandoned? And anyway, would Yui have stopped had Rand left her? I doubt it. It was never about the infidelity. If anything, it might have been worse. How dare this man, this commoner, come into her family and embarrass her - THEM - this way, to be given everything no one would give her just because he married her and then throw it away for what? Love? For a healthy relationship? To throw away everything she has coveted and worked so hard for? It would be such a slap to the face, an insult to her.

I don't think there was anything Rand could have done that would be "right". Yui would never let him know peace even if he left. If he fought harder, tried harder, maybe she'd have taken him down sooner. Perhaps not - she needed him to get this far so that Kousuke had someone to work towards, so that Kousuke can surpass him - but that doesn't mean she wouldn't have run him more ragged.

Do I agree with every choice he makes? Of course not. But I acknowledge that in his position, his choices are limited. I also acknowledge that in a man like him who has had to repress his emotions (lest Yui have something more to use against him), who has had to deny that he deeply cares (lest Yui continue to use that against him, to leverage it against him), who has been trying his damndest to survive and to help his sons survive when at every opportunity Yui is there to interfere has limited his choices. I understand where his agitation and fear and anger meet and how sometimes they are the same: how he wishes that Nol was never born because none of this would be so bad because if he'd never fathered another child then he wouldn't stand the possibility of being heir there would be no threat - that Nessa might still be alive, that Nol would never have existed to endure the abuse he did. I understand how he can mean and not mean the terrible things because he knows his role in all of this - that this was never about the infidel but it's still about the infidel, that Nol was always in danger no matter where he was. Reading 149 was the first time I really noticed, on a more immediate level - the way Rand speaks in double meanings, and how his fear and anger come out so often in what he says to Nol, because of how much he fears for him, because of how helpless he’s always been to protect him. “Why do you have to be my son?” Because maybe he both regrets that Nol is his son but more than that - what it means for him to be his son, the danger it put him in – that were he anyone else’s son, Yui wouldn’t have cared about him. He wouldn’t be in a position where he ever had to stand before the judge at all, let alone plead guilty for a crime he didn’t commit. “Why am I even trying, all of the effort will just go to waste”. And is he wrong? No matter the outcome, what good is all this effort? Not only that Nol himself can’t read Rand’s mind, but what if it went differently? Yui doesn’t stop - she has no intention and Rand knows it! If not this, it would be something else! “I should have just sent you away to boarding school from the very start.” Again, I don’t deny that a part of Rand probably means what he says, but I think the secondary meaning is still clear - at least if he’d sent Nol away maybe, just maybe, it could have protected him better. Maybe Rand thought keeping him close would be better, where he could see what was going on, maybe he worried he’d be in more danger if he couldn’t monitor him. Maybe a part of him couldn’t help but send away that one tie he had to Nessa - their child - had wanted to protect him for her.

I think that's the difficult thing about Rand. On some level, he acknowledges that thing are worse because Nol exists - but not in a "I hate my child" way but the guilt of a man who knows his child has suffered for his choices, the guilt of a man who knows that two peoples' (three when we include Kousuke, four when we include his own) lives have been ruined because of choices he made. It's not that Rand doesn't love his children - it's that he loves them so incredibly much and he is powerless to help them, that the effort he makes is never good enough that it makes it worse that it can't get through. That's the great tragedy: Rand was always damned if you do, damned if you don't, and it doesn't absolve him of the hurt he's caused Nol, but I also step back and acknowledge: what could he have done differently, that wouldn't have further endangered Nol? On some level, Rand has done what he thought was right. Only in hindsight can you look back and see how your choices were wrong, but even in hindsight you can only speculate, can only suppose. Would it have been better to send Nol away to boarding school, where he could have been away from everything? But that’s the thing with Yui, isn’t it? Her reach seems to extend as far as she wills it and she always gets her way. If she didn’t want Nol to go to a boarding school, she’d still find a way to stop it. And what if Rand had said screw it, stood up to her? Everything Rand did was ultimately to keep Nol and Kousuke alive, even if it was at the detriment of their relationship. He could have more openly defied Yui, but would she have let him get away with it? And who would protect Nol and Kousuke in his absence, if she did away with him sooner rather than later, if he went from being a fun game to an obstacle to be eliminated? 

Rand was always doomed to fail. That is the thing about Yui's trap - she was always set to have that advantage, Rand has always been trying to keep up. There was never a route where he succeeds here, because she always has the upperhand. What could Rand do for either of his sons that wouldn't have backfired? In a way, Rand's game has really been about the long haul. At some point, he must've known he'd never get to be their fathers. He tried! He continued to try. His methods aren't good but he tries to protect Nol, he tries to get through to Kousuke, he tries to give them the comfort he never had the opportunity to, but it's too late, it's all too late, but they are alive and that is what matters.

When Rand shows up after that night of absolute concern and worry, concerned about both of his sons, for the second time he runs the risk of losing Nol. He knows that it's too late, that nothing he can do at this point will help. He knows that at this point it's better to walk away, to leave Nol in the hands of those who can openly love him and openly take care of him, in the hands of those who don't endanger his life for caring. But we know that Rand loves him, no matter how much he has let his fear and anger mix up. We know what it has cost him, what he has lost.

The version of Rand that Nessa spoke of has never shown up. I don't think it's not that he never existed - it's that somewhere along the way he lost himself, the price he paid for perhaps the mistakes he made or the greatness he amassed. Maybe it was both. But he lost himself. He lost his sense of self, his identity. He lost both his sons, in more than one way. Rand, like so many others, is a character whose choices are rooted in his efforts at survival - but unlike others who are struggling to survive themselves, Rand's choices have been rooted so heavily in trying to help his children survive, too. He, more than anyone else, knows how dangerous Yui truly is, knows what she is capable of, knows that this is not only about Nol was never about Nol or the infidel, that it was always about more.

And yes, part of the tragedy is that when it comes to these cycles of abuse, sometimes the abused goes on to abuse, too. Rand closed himself off, repressed his feelings, tried to pretend he doesn't care, tried to hide how much he cared, and it still had ramifications. He did this to protect himself but look how it hurt others. And had done the opposite, it would have further hurt him and them. Something we as an audience come to realize is that Yui is so skilled at her manipulation, her execution of abuse, how she uses everything against everyone. Even her own son tries to hide his interests from her, tries to shut her out of his life because he, too, knows all too well what happens when Yui catches wind of any interest. So Rand closes himself off, he becomes an isolated fortress, an impenetrable island of a man that no one can reach and can reach no one. Maybe it's better, in his mind, that he was a cold, terrible father than one who couldn't protect him.

But the unfortunate truth is: there was so little Rand could ever do to protect them. He failed them, and not for lack of trying, but regardless, it was a failure still. And worse, because he was so blinded to what was happening, because so much of it was happening out of his line of sight, not only did he fail to protect Nol, but he drove him to another unforseen danger, one that he had hoped might be a life raft after all.

In the end, a man struggling cannot do much to save others when eh can barely save himself.

In the end, when Yui ties someone's hands, she does so expertly.

[blackyant]

It's happening now! Yootip Week 2k19! Put your posts with hashtag #yootipweek19

[rosemaryse]

Shinae will be the one to seal Kousuke’s darkness eventually making him smile for the first time genuinely in his life and show off his human side with emotions bottled up since childhoos. Show him a world where there’s more about life than just work. Kousuke is the one who suffers the most, never shown any happiness and support in his life. Never had any friends, manipulated since childhood by his parents. Brought up in a tough enviroment. Shinae will be Kousuke’s light. Kousuke will then treasure Shinae’s life and protect her at all costs. I ship em so HARD

[yootip-lover]

Shieter/Yootip Parallels

“I'm sure most of us already noticed these parallels, but what could they possibly mean for Yootip? It's especially interesting that the parallels are between these two pairings considering SA seems to have a small crush on Dieter right now, her first confirmed romantic interest. Let's take a look at these parallels again, shall we?”

Whipped cream face

Holding hands

And personal revelations

“First off, I'm just going to come right out and say it: Shieter is not going to happen. They might give it a go, but it won't last. I am confident about this because of these two panels”:

“And the meaning and significance of yellow flowers”:

“While there is no doubt that feelings can change over time, the fact that the flower made a second appearance directly after the amusement park episodes sends a message to the readers who noticed it in the background: Shieter is not the romantic endgame. (Shieter also feels like a very high school, teenage relationship, which generally doesn't last long after high school)

So, now we ask: why did Quim put in these parallels? Is it to show that Yootip is the same as Shieter and not going to happen? I doubt it since the dynamics between the two pairings are completely different and it doesn't really make sense to create these cute and significant parallels just to send a message that the ship is going to sink. So what is the purpose?

Is it a subtle way to tell us Yootippers to hang on? That better days for the pairing will come after some painfully hard times between the two? Of course we, as Yootippers, would all hope for this to be the case. But how likely is it to be? Personally, if this isn't the case then Kousuke's role in the story becomes less than satisfactory. Quim has confirmed that she sees both brothers as equal leads, one is not secondary to the other. However, if Kousuke and SA do not end up having some kind of relationship and bond (romantic or otherwise) Kousuke will no longer feel like an important lead but rather just an obstacle in YG and SA's way to not only a potential romantic relationship but also to their individual character growth while not receiving any growth himself. Not exactly lead material and I doubt Quim would reduce Kousuke, the first character she created for ILY and one she clearly loved dearly when she was younger, to just be an annoyance and a jackass (because yes, he can be a major ass)

So overall with these points I believe it is safe to say that SA and Kousuke's relationship will get better and stronger than ever, that the second potential message from the parallels will prove to be the correct one. However, while I won't say that it is impossible that Kou and SA could only have a platonic relationship, I seriously doubt it. One, because we already have a great and extremely rare platonic soulmate bond between YG and her (and making it romantic would be painfully unoriginal), two, Dieter and her are obviously going to have a great friendship as well, and three, she has another wonderful platonic, sibling bond with Min Hyuk. Three strong platonic bonds between a boy and a girl, all in a different context.

Now we know that YG could potentially be romantic later, but the problem with this is that Kou and SA do not have a dynamic that works in a strong platonic way like her and YG/Dieter/Min Hyuk. I cannot see them being just friends, they don't have the vibe of siblings (and again Min Hyuk already fills that role), and there is no chance of Kousuke being a "father figure" to her (I've said this before, but the entire idea of Kousuke being a father figure when he's still young and in need of growth himself is weird AF). If anything, romantic Stalkyoo happening would render Kou and SA's relationship insignificant, even irrelevant. At that point, Kou's role is borderline nonexistent when it comes to SA and her arc. He's not in the story to be an obstacle that needs to be overcome.

If all three of the trio are equally important and connected to each other, then shouldn't all three of them have equally important relationships with each other? YG and SA's platonic bond as strong as Kou and SA's romantic one or vice versa? YG and Kou hopefully fixing their relationship with each other? If Kou and SA are unable to have a strong bond wouldn't that also potentially throw a wrench in YG and Kou's hopefully improved future relationship? It would be an odd and dissatisfying end to the story if one of the main leads is ostracized from one or both of the other leads. Such a well-written character deserves better than that.”

© u/Ren1717 on Reddit

(I really loved and enjoyed reading this on reddit. it made me notice things that I should’ve did.) 

[ghouleyeddemon]

Bitches be like “I dont have a type.”

Its me...im bitches.

[geminaart]

fanart of “I love Yoo” webtoon comic 🙇🏻‍♀️

Specifically, my beloved Kousuke.

I think I’m obsessed with blue haired people :D

[yeonggisbitch]

Always go for the one on the right

[yootipweek]

By Kousuke (Yootip Amino)

Yootip Week 2019, Day 2 Prompt "Coat"

[tooningtheweb]

The parallels of Shinae & Minhyuk’s first interaction w/ Kousuke

Them and their SNARKY comments 😂

[hi---its---meeeee]

Yootip Week Day 2 Coat (Fanfic)

Kousuke and I walk into the store as he guides me through the maze of clothing racks all in rows with neatly hung clothes dangling from them. The whole store was decorated as to match the brand.

I looked amazed at the whole rooms aesthetic was somewhat overwhelming for me. This whole ‘rich people’ stuff is still fairly new to me even though I have been submerged in it for a couple of months now. I look at even the clothing hangers I estimated cost more than my own shirt. 

Kousuke and I finally arrived to the aisle on which Kousuke so eagerly dragged me too. I look at what he was motioning towards. I see a beige colored coat that looked almost identical to the one the dark haired male was wearing currently. The only main difference was the size and the fact is was more fitted compared to the one he was wearing. Kousuke looked at me with excitement

“I thought that since we were out shopping today I could get you a new coat since your current one is rather questionable.” An odd enfisie on questionable 

“So, you decided for us to wear matching jackets?” I ask accusingly.

“Well, I thought it would look as people say ‘cute’.” he said rataning a straight face.

I couldn’t help but muster a smile and began to snicker.

“What?” he asked brow raised.

I looked at him still giggling “You are such a big dork sometimes Kousuke.”

His pale face then gained some slight color “Whatever, do you want the jacket or not?”

I put my hands up reassuring him smiling “Yes, yes I do sorry Kou you just really are cute.”

His blush then intensifies and he turns away and rummages through the rack to find my size. After some time he finds the appropriate size and hands me the coat.

“Try it on.” he says sharply as if he is demanding me to do so. 

I proceed to take off the current jacket I am wearing and set it down on a chair accompanying a table in the corner of the aisle. I then put on the jacket feeling around in it trying to find the most comfortable way to set down my arms in it while straightening it out. Finally, being happy with the position of the coat I turn around and face Kousuke. 

“What do you think?” I ask inquisetly with a smile.

He looks at me for a moment staring, his azure orbs looking me up and down. I can’t help but notice his dark rich brown hair glow with the lighting of the room. Highlights of golden rod dance on the rim of his head. Then a sudden smile crept on his face and he exclaims.

“You look sensational Shin ae, purely sensational.”

I can feel my cheeks heat up a bit most likely way surpassing the light pink on his.

“Thanks Kousuke.” I smile.

He smiles back which is a rather rare reaction from him “Of course Shin ae anytime. However, shall we head to checkout?” he asks tilting open his hand hoping mine would join his.

“Of course.” I say smiling wide accepting his hand.

Kousuke proceeds to once again navigate us through the store to a granite counter top that was checkout. His hand is so warm as he holds my hand. His palms are so soft and delicate even though they have such an abnormally big size. Kousuke kindly converses with the lady behind the counter smiling and thanking her. 

We head out of the store both satisfied with our new purchase. 

“Thanks again Kousuke. For everything really.” I look up at him and grin wide.

“Again, anytime Shin ae. If you are ever in need of anything I will not wait and help.” 

My smile widens the fact knowing how much he truly cared about me making my insides warm. 

“I love you Kousuke.” I mutter under my breath looking away becoming flustered.

“What did you say?” he asked confused painted all over his face.

“Nothing, nothing! Don’t worry about it!”

The End!

[blackyant]

I miss Kousuke so much!!!

[tsubaki-random]

Some more Kousuke x Shinae fanart

Art by: Me