#shitenmusays

[shit-enmu-says]

DNI

Little girls who hide in boxes

Rowdy blond men who eat too much

Panicky teenage boys who don’t sleep correctly. Especially you. What is wrong with you? Why does my blood demon art only make you more competent? It’s not supposed to work like that!

Gingers. Regardless of whether it’s a boy with a strange lack of self preservation or a tattooed man who likes to punch things and took my job, nothing good can come from having a redhead on board

Feral guys who move their organs around. Stay far away from me.

Daki. You know what you did

[shit-enmu-says]

I have had it with these motherfucking demon slayers on this motherfucking train

[shit-enmu-says]

bros before hoes or vice versa?

“My answer has to be neither. Bros and hoes are temporary but trains are forever. Also I think we both know that I don’t have any hoes.”

[shit-enmu-says]

Note: A couple weeks ago I posted an excerpt from a drabble I’m writing about the events leading up to Enmu becoming a demon. I intentionally left certain things vague which will be brought to light later on. I intended to portray Enmu as having been through someone with his fair share of struggles while still keeping his dubious morality and lack of empathy intact. No title for this yet. Titles are hard.

Part 1

Scattered notes and open books littered Dr. Tamio’s work desk. The man himself was slumped over a large notebook, glasses askew. His eyes had dark shadows beneath them like bruises. His chin length hair was lank from going just a bit too long without being washed. A few stray locks had fallen out of place, plastered to his forehead from sweat. A sharp knock at the door jolted him from slumber. He twitched and shot straight up in his chair, a page of his notes stuck to the side of his face.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing in here?”

The door creaked open to reveal an older man with grey-streaked hair pulled into a low ponytail. Were it not for how time had harshened his once youthful features, he and Enmu would have been near identical. Ayumu Tamio was Enmu’s older brother by fifteen years and the only surviving family he had left.

Enmu blinked slowly as his brother’s face swam into view and straightened his glasses. “Ah Ayumu-san,” Enmu said, “I was just studying, that’s all.”

“Really? Because it looks like you were slacking off,” Ayumu said, folding his arms. His brother had raised him from the time Enmu was six, more of a parental figure to him than a sibling. Though only in his early forties Ayumu’s health was failing him, forcing him into early retirement. Enmu had been training to replace him since his early twenties. It was only for the past year he’d truly began taking over Ayumu’s position, though his brother still frequented the place at times to oversee things.

“I gave you a position here because I thought you could handle it. You better start pulling your weight around here if you want me to tolerate your eccentricities.”

Enmu frowned and straightened up his notes, scattered around the desk. He fully intended on studying but passed out. His nightmares were back, the ones so uncomfortably vivid he often thought they actually happened. They always came back when he was under stress. When he awoke he scarcely felt rested at all.

Really Ayumu did him a favor waking him from that. Visions of dark shadows with clawed hands following him through the woods behind the house he and his brother shared were still fresh in his mind.

“There’s something I need you to look at,” Ayumu said.

“It is still early in the day,” Enmu spoke carefully. Ayumu demanded absolute obedience even now. It was best not to upset him. “Someone else may show up for an appointment.”

“That can wait,” his brother replied, “There is a far more urgent matter at hand.”

Enmu frowned as he stood up and pushed in his chair. It must be serious for him to call him away from his office like this. A loud knocking came from the front of the building, loud enough to make him stumble back. “May I see who’s knocking first?” Enmu asked, “They seem a bit impatient.”

Ayumu’s expression darkened. “What are you going on about?” he snapped. “That knocking just now at the front door,” Enmu said.

His brother fixed him with a cold, unblinking stare. “No one knocked, Enmu,” he said, “If that is happening again how could you possibly handle this position?”

Enmu froze. Again? He hasn’t experienced problems like these for ages. Why now? He couldn’t afford to slip up now no matter what. Especially not with what he was trying to pull off when he took Ayumu’s place as head of the family business. He breathed in slowly, allowing his expression to shift into a polite smile. “Pardon me,” he said, “It appears my little joke was in poor taste.” It wasn’t much of an excuse, but at least he didn’t sound like a madman.

“Damn it, Enmu,” Ayumu swore, “Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to deal with the consequences of your delusions when you were younger? Don’t let me catch you making light of such things again.”

Enmu stared at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. At least he bought the story but did he really have to bring those dark, dark days up again? He wouldn’t be able to keep making excuses for himself though. He had to get this under control or the results could be potentially catastrophic.

“My apologies,” he replied, bowing his head. “Now just what was it you wanted to show me?”

[shit-enmu-says]

You can’t “I’m just a little guy” your way out of this one.

Oh yeah? Watch me.

[shit-enmu-says]

Made Enmu on picrew

[shit-enmu-says]

He’s literally going :3 (sinister intent)

WTF

[shit-enmu-says]

Of course I hate wearing pants! Do you have any idea how uncomfortable they are with hips like these?

[shit-enmu-says]

Friendly PSA to all of you who have seen the entity known as Hat Man: that was me the whole time!

[shit-enmu-says]

Oh? My plan was a “literal trainwreck” you say? You know what else is a train wreck? My ability to cope with this entire situation.

[shit-enmu-says]

“I’m off to be utterly unhinged and there’s not a thing in the world you can do about it!”

[shit-enmu-says]

Tanjiro: Let me see what you have

Enmu: A knife!

Tanjiro: NO!

[shit-enmu-says]

Would you love me if I was a worm? *reverts to Eldritch form* What do you mean I’m taking this too literally?

[shit-enmu-says]

Why yes I do think Master Muzan has *ahem* Big Dick Energy

[shit-enmu-says]

Since apparently I’m good at it, I’ve been asked to make a PSA to new demons for how to survive Lord Muzan. The rules are as follows:

1. Grovel - show some fucking respect

2. Flattery. Don’t be afraid to go over the top, but do so respectfully. No, catcalling or asking to see his … you know isn’t acceptable and if you do so I will manifest in your closet every night at 3 AM to give you paranoia-inducing night terrors for the rest of your life👹

3. Pay attention, he wants you hanging off every word he says.

4. If you have displeased him accept the consequences willingly instead of bitching

5. Moaning. Yes, it’s absolutely necessary.

[shit-enmu-says]

I came out to attack people and honestly I’m having such a good time right now