#should i rly be bringing this up

[saetoru]

i’ll still never forget when someone told me i plagiarized them because they made flower dividers and i also made flower dividers like girl how the fuck are u gonna tell me i can’t use flowers bc u wanna act like u discovered them

[miciiq]

Got Aventurine in 60 pulls!

He’s so auxhuehuche I’m so happy I have him now

[why-the-heck-not]

19.12.23, tuesday

0.5h of coding lol

wasn’t having the best day so decided to finally watch the barbie-movie (it’s on hbo rn) bc figured that could cheer me up

but bc the universe loves a good timing, on the grocery store trip after, some dudes came to me like ”which one of us would u fuck?” and that annoyed me way more than it should’ve. Like cmon, it’s 10pm at a grocery store; if you’re not cottage cheese or olive oil get tf out of my face

just a short evening walk bc it was windy and I was annoyed

[ozlices]

i dont think enough credit is given to edward elric for being the funniest character to ever exist solely on account of the fact that he MET GOD. MULTIPLE TIMES. AND YET HE'S AN ATHEIST

based honestly no other character can ever compare to how based but also hilarious that is. he literally met god then goes to a church and is like 'yall foolish for believing in god bro he aint real'

EDWARD YOU LITERALLY MET GOD

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

[faaun]

the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

[svtskneecaps]

thank you for bearing with my purgatory posting and i'm also glad to see i'm not the only one who still has this fungus eating away at my brain matter. seeing other purgatory posting in the tag makes me feel better lmfao.

i'm not done btw, posting will (probably) continue as i revisit vods. wanted to extend a thanks in the interim, since i know how contentious the event was in the moment. i kinda thought the general consensus was most people hated thinking about it, but there's been a weird amount of engagement and yknow other people talking. makes me happy to know i'm not alone here!

[arolesbianism]

I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Siiiiigh.... I miss talkin' about Cortex and R. Marie's fucked up weird toxic relationship 😔💖💖💖

[chromoluminary]

I cannot stay at this job for a second longer than I have to this sucks so bad holy shit

[archiveofyearning]

.

[thebleedingeffect]

Damn I sorta feel bad about this fact but like, I just gotta be honest with myself and admit that I just do not like my step-brother, which is kinda sad to me. There used to be potential for something there once upon a time, but he's just gotten so nasty, demanding, and rude, as well as some other stuff, that I just find myself not really caring anymore. I don't know, it's just sad cause I remember caring not even a couple of years ago, but now I just... don't. Ah whatever, I grew up my entire life as an only child so I know I won't be losing anything, it's just sad seeing how he's gotten

[nomaishuttle]

finished my school As previously stated and i cant shower until 8... i think ill go ah noooo should i. hrm

[pinkseas]

the way i am exhausted and do not under ANY circumstance want to go to my grandmas with a fuckton of family for hours tonight for my grandfathers birthday. if i end up having to i might honest to god just go hide in one of the back rooms at least half the time its been SO busy ALL day im finally starting to crash and i have 2 hours left and an even Busier 8 hours tomorrow 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 and my dad just texted back heavily implying that i do in fact Not have a choice abt going and im genuinely seconds away from bursting into tears 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 love being 22 and having little to no say in half of my own life

[toastsnaffler]

keep seeing that "dont pirate books!" post and its honestly getting on my nerves I really dont think authors are losing a significant amt of income specifically to piracy. dont get me wrong I'm a huge library supporter & of course buy books if u can + want to but like. in my experience the vast majority of ppl who pirate books do it bc they have no alternative way of reading them ie. they can't afford to buy them + don't have library access (or their local library just doesnt stock that specific book etc). if u prevented book piracy altogether, any change to profits by people being "forced" to buy them would be negligible bc itd be offset by the fact authors would simply reach a smaller audience, losing a sizable amt of free marketing which wouldve encouraged sales. I think its really no different from people selling books secondhand or donating them or lending them to friends (which people dont criticise lol) just across a virtual platform instead of a physical one. also I think some of u need to stop viewing piracy as some act of hostility or pretending its only ever done out of spite because to reiterate: Some People Cannot Afford Or Access Books Otherwise and u shouldnt be shaming them for that lmao. and ANYWAY even if all of that wasnt true in my honest opinion it doesnt fucking matter. piracy is never morally wrong and no one ever needs to justify why theyre pirating something instead of accessing it elsewhere. I'm not abt to create exceptions to my belief in that bc some people on the internet have got the idea into their heads that individual piracy is solely responsible for the downfall of the publishing industry and its not instead possibly(!) a huge flaw of the way the industry itself functions that authors (+ those in similar creative industries) struggle to make enough income to live off.

[faaun]

the way my heart sank . lol