#should’ve just let my perfectionist tendencies take over back then

[goldensunset]

you know you’ve lost when you keep editing the drawing that you’ve already publicly posted and sent a bad version of to your friends

[defdaily]

BEAUTY+ Magazine May 2021 issue featuring JAY B: The Second Act

Translated by defdaily

Among the past, present, and future, which do you think about the most?

The present. I believe that the present is the most important. The future makes you worry constantly, and the past makes you regret constantly so I try not to think about them. Now, I try to make decisions I won’t regret.

Do you think about your current state and things you want to do?

I contemplate a lot about the state of my emotions or what to do in my current situation. Ever since I was young I thought it’d be good to live like the flowing water, tranquilly. You know how water changes its state based on its surroundings. I want to be someone in the free water-like flow.

Has your life until now been like free-flowing water?

My life itself may seem spectacular, but I think the flow of my life itself has been. There was a lot I was lacking in since debuting with GOT7 but I tried my best to show a colour suitable for GOT7. I changed myself according to the container I was in, and instead of being stagnant in one place, I think I flowed here well.

You seem to be careful with choosing an agency. What factors are you contemplating about?

I think about whether I will suit the company. It might be tiring for others to see because I’m so meticulous, and I may seem selfish but I think that I should be selfish right now. My future depends on it as well as the future of the company I will be going to. I think I will have to be selfish for both sides to produce good results.

The members showed their natural sides in the Encore music video. Looking back to 7 years of GOT7’s activities, what is the most memorable moment?

Since we’re performing artists, I remember a lot of moments on stage. 2-3 years ago in Thailand we performed our solo tracks for 7 days and then performed OUT all together as a group. I think a lot about how we were all so excited to perform. I think of those times we were together as seven.

What kind of team was GOT7? Judging as a leader?

The direction of GOT7 I thought of was a fun and free-spirited team. Since Look came out, I’ve been telling the company that we “shouldn’t try too hard to set the mood or look cool. Songs with a style like Look will be our strength.” I don’t think things turned out the way I thought they would. But as you can see from our last album’s song ‘Breath,’ it feels like we went in circles and came back to our original spot. There is some regret about how it would've been good to go more in that direction, then we could’ve shown a more solidified colour. But as a result, it’s a fact that we became a team capable of pulling off various colors.

Did you make those suggestions thinking about the members, because you thought it was what set you guys apart from other groups?

I talked a lot with my members. It seemed like they had the most fun with bright, fun, and chill performances. With performances like that, we think about harmony rather than how each of us can look cool. It leaves a greater impression on the fans when we are visibly having fun.

It seems like the public has also watched over the growth of JAY B. Starting as a bboy to a main vocalist, and writing many remarkable K-pop songs. You also played a huge role in establishing GOT7’s colour. What led you to grow and develop in that way?

I thought that if I felt like I wasn’t growing, then I should quit music.

Does liking it not serve as a reason?

Because it’s my job. Being able to do what you like as a job is something to be grateful for. But if my skills don’t meet the standards and if there is no growth despite my efforts, it’s only right to do it as a hobby. I didn’t think that there was no growth when listening to my music. I thought it could work if I tried a bit more.

What was a song you feel like you reached a new level?

‘Teenager’ and ‘PAGE.’ I think the team’s color was completed with those songs. It helped me realize that I had the potential to write such songs. At first, I was persistent with sticking to my musical color. Later, I changed my thoughts and decided I should write songs suitable for GOT7. It’s something I should obviously do as a member of the team. I think that’s where ‘Teenager’ and ‘PAGE’ lined up very well.

The album 7 for 7 containing ‘Teenager’ was a turning point for GOT7. Through that album, we got the feeling that you guys found your color and most importantly, the quality of the songs written by the members was great. What happened during that time?

I think that’s when our potential exploded (laughs). GOT7 had three turning points. The first was ‘Stop Stop It.’ We heard the song and thought “Wow, this is it.” But the outfits were a bit regretful. The music and the visuals didn’t really match. We wore overalls (laughs). The second turning point was when the Flight Log trilogy was released, and the third was ‘Teenager’ of 7 for 7. That song later led to ‘Look’ and we got to sing ‘PAGE’ and ‘THURSDAY.’ Then we suddenly tried to change our direction to ‘ECLIPSE’ and ‘You Calling My Name’ but eventually ended up back to ‘Breath.’

When you listen to ‘Look’ or ‘PAGE’, do you feel like GOT7’s musical colour reflects your own preference and style? And you’ve made many GOT7 songs with ØFFSHORE crew.

It’s hard to say it wasn’t reflected. But according to my standards, they are songs I wanted to write for the team. I talked a lot with the crew about what (kind of song) should GOT7 do and what would suit GOT7. ‘Look’ was a song that was released because the mood suited GOT7 well. After that it was ‘PAGE’ and ‘THURSDAY’. Our colour was included naturally.

The 8 members of ØFFSHORE are consistently releasing albums. How is that taking place?

We talk about what we feel and decide on a theme whenever we want to release an album. When we decide on a theme, each person would write songs relating to the theme, we select songs and release an album. The themes usually come up as we are talking casually about life. For example <Scene 1> contains the process of leaving on a trip until coming back. Rather than the lyrics, the moods of the songs are like that. When you start the trip you listen to fun songs then (we) get a little calmer as the trip comes to an end. I organised the order of the songs for <Scene 2>. When talking with friends, you usually start by talking about work then you talk about life, the future and then you end up talking about love and relationships. I organised it as that kind of story. There is no specific goal. We spend the revenue from albums on production for the next album. Because everyone in the group are people who make music, there are things that were settled music-wise through these promotions.

You must have been influenced by your friends a lot not only musically, right?

Yes, of course. Regarding life too. I listen to what my older brothers/friends and my parents have to say. I think about the stories of the people who experienced it first once again. One older friend said “We are not doing this for a huge goal, don’t get stressed and let’s just make music.” When I was pondering about how to do better, I heard that and it hit me. Should I say, those words painted my life with colour. I felt like working with energy and strength didn't suit me at the time.

Is it true that you have made 3 albums? Do you only work on songs every day?

Yes. I usually stay in the studio when I can't do my hobby. And since the people I meet are friends who do music too. I don’t know if I can release an album but I’m preparing and working on it.

What kind of albums are they?

In the past, I made powerful “performance-type” songs, but for this album the mood is calmer and the sound is minimal. There is an acoustic feel too. There is a soft tender album, a sad album and a melancholic album too.

Where did the desperation come from?

The desperation of life. I can’t talk about it in detail but there was a topic I really wanted to talk about when I made the album. It could become an album that people frown upon. But, for the music I do alone, I thought I should include honest stories that match my situation.

Did you write about the pain and difficulties you’ve felt all this time? On the surface, you seem to be a recognised leader of a successful idol group, but you must have faced difficulties.

Yes. It’s one part of my life too. Looking back, the difficulties were caused by my own tendencies rather than external factors.

Is it because of the perfectionism you push onto yourself? It seems like the uncertainty and fear contributed to creating your current self.

Yes, I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist but people around me often tell me so. They must have a reason for saying that so I ended up acknowledging it myself. I was really ambitious with GOT7 too so I felt a lot of disappointment and stress. I work hard because I know if I don’t, it’ll come back to me as regret. It’s okay to look back to times when I didn’t know well enough and think, “I should’ve done this, I was naive.” What I hate is doing just enough because of reasons like lack of stamina despite knowing what I need to do and knowing that I’m not yet satisfied.

Until now, you’ve made music with the name Def. and through the JUS2 comeback, you also let us hear dreamlike songs from a baritone. Escaping from the category of idol, you now need to create a new identity – is there a kind of music you would like to do fresh?

It’s hard to say it rashly now but, whatever I do, I want to do it properly and solidly. I do prefer a relaxed and easygoing mood, but when it comes to music genres, R&B, hip hop, urban and pop will definitely be the groundwork. However, I do hope that my image will not be fixed to one (genre). It’s no fun to keep doing the same kind of music. And I’m sure there are times when I’ll have to become a little wilder. It’d be great if (I had) a free image. I also hope it’s an image that I won’t be embarrassed of. After coming to a new company and releasing an album, if it doesn’t do well, I think it would be right for me to leave.

Aren’t you fearing failure too much? How would it be possible to achieve what you wish in one go?

Of course, I’m scared. I’m very afraid of failure. Naturally, it won’t be possible to succeed in one shot, but I do have the standard of my Maginot line*. That is what I am referring to. I am usually the type that thinks of the negative things first. It’s not good to be unprepared for the worst-case scenario.

*Maginot line – taken from the fortifications that created the French line of defence, now coming to mean “a defensive barrier or strategy that inspires a false sense of security”

You’ve said that GOT7 has not disbanded, however since all the members are under new companies, coming back together as GOT7 will not be an easy thing to achieve. What kind of method are you thinking of?

I’ve talked a lot with the members. It’s our goal to write one song each month for GOT7. If it’s 1 year, then that’s 12 songs. All our members write songs, so if each one of us does that, then we can accumulate a lot of songs. Everyone is in different companies which will have their own situations, so I can’t make promises for certain, but our goal is to release one album every year. It would be great for that to happen, and I personally think that it should happen. Because that is the minimum courtesy we should show to our fans. It would be even better if we could have a stage.

It would be a new concept.

We heard that the release of our song ‘Encore’ was in an unprecedented manner, and this made my sense of duty and responsibility bigger. Because the steps we take in the future could influence the direction that others may take in the future too. I thought it was the end, but it’s only just the beginning,

Amongst your many hobbies, is there anything you would like to recommend?

Camping. Activities such as setting up tents and cooking really make you think. Even just sitting down in a chair surrounded by nature is really great. Waking up to the sounds of birds singing is amazing; the sound of water running too. Recently, I bought a folding furnace and create my own little fire space. It could be seen as something embarrassing but while having the fire there, if negative thoughts come up, I write it down and then burn it in the fire. If you think that camping may be tiring, glamping would be good too.

Since the name of the magazine is Beauty+, I wanted to ask, is there something that you thought was beautiful recently?

People passed by me laughing and making some noise, and as I saw that, I thought that laughter was something really beautiful. I realised why smiling and laughing is a beautiful thing. It’s not just laughing or smiling, but the emotions that encompass that are really so beautiful. Everything natural is beautiful.

Translated by defdaily.

[jalapeno-princess]

Write Me a Letter

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: THE CHEESIEST OF FLUFF (Featuring the best friend BamBam that everyone deserves)

Word Count: 10.6K

Summary: Being a full-time college student with a full-time job is a hard thing to do. One day when you’re scrolling on your explore page, you stumble on a post with a link to a pen pal website. You’ve always been curious about how pen pals worked and you’ve been interested in making a new friend and writing mail back and forth to one another. After exploring a couple of profiles to make sure you choose the person you feel you’d enjoy writing to, you find Mark’s profile and you end up choosing him from his profile picture of his adorable puppy Milo, his personal interests and the way he seemed passionate about the entire pen pal experience. Over the course of writing to and receiving letters from Mark, you come to the realization that he means much more to you than someone you write letters to that you’ve never met before. When the opportunity comes for the two of you to finally meet, you and BamBam plan out a vacation to California where you finally get to meet the man behind the heartfelt letters.

A/N: Hey guys; so this has to be one of the cheesiest (if not the most fluffy ball of cheese story that I’ve written) and if I’m being honest I don’t know how I feel about this story but I’d like to think it’s cute and I’ve always wanted a pen pal (I love writing letters and I prefer writing letters and receiving mail over getting text messages sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era but hey GOT7 and I exist at the same time so that’s all that matters) please enjoy! (Oh yeah, by the way, I was 1/4 in to writing this I write all my stories on my phone and I meant to highlight a word in order to delete it but I accidentally highlighted the whole story and ended up deleting it i was so mad at myself and I actually considered not writing it again because I was already so deep in to writing the story but I was very determined to finish it)

“Hey y/n, boss man wants you finished with that proposal by Wednesday.” The groan that fell from your lips was unintentional and as much as you hated showing disdain for your manager in front of your fellow colleagues because of how much pressure and stress he put you through, BamBam was used to seeing you get so worked up over things like this. But he couldn’t blame you; you had a lot on your plate as it was and your manager had a tendency to expect the world from you. 

Working as a paralegal in one of the most prestigious law firms in your state on top of being a full-time student wasn’t the easiest thing to do and some days you found yourself wanting to give it all up entirely. However, you had a goal and you were going to do everything in your power to achieve it; no matter how frustrating juggling both your education and your job could be. 

Your boss would always assign you different projects, expect you to come up with proposals, write essays and find as many clients as possible and what upset you the most, was that he expected you to do it in a few days time. He told you time and time again that he knew you were capable of such amazing things and you weren’t the lead paralegal in your company for no reason. 

There were so many nights where you stayed up working on both your school work and the tasks assigned to you just so you could impress your boss with the amazing quality of your work that you just so happened to finish the same day you were given it. If only your boss knew how much blood, sweat and tears you put in to perfecting all your work before turning it in. 

A tear of frustration fell from your face and you hated showing that you were weak in such a cutthroat business, but BamBam was one of the only coworkers you could trust. Especially because he just so happened to be your best friend. As soon as he heard you sniffle, he made his way over to your desk and gently ran his fingers through your hair before motioning for you to stand up so that he could pull you in to his embrace. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you brought yours up around his back and placed your head against his chest. 

“Hey, don’t cry. I know it can get frustrating sometimes, and I know you’re tired but it will all be worth it in the end. Okay? Hang in there. You’re the most hardworking and dedicated person I know y/n and I admire you so much for it. He wouldn’t give you all this work load if he didn’t think you couldn’t handle it, but if it does get too much for you to manage, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Better yet, remind him of just how much you have on your plate. You’re a student as much as you are an employee y/n. And more importantly, you’re a human. Don’t give me that look, I know what you’re going to say. “But BamBam, I want to be the best. If I don’t do everything I’m supposed to, then I won’t be able to handle opening up my own law firm.” I hate how you belittle yourself all the time. You are the best y/n. Once you graduate and finally open up your own law firm, all the hard work and dedication will be worth it. Your law firm will shit on this law firm, I can already see it.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle at his words. BamBam always knew the right things to say and you were extremely grateful that he applied to the law firm you were working at because he was the only reason you weren’t going insane with everything you had to deal with. He was a breath of fresh air in an office where you felt like you couldn’t breathe at all. You didn’t know what you would do without him there. 

As much as you knew he should’ve been getting experience in his own field, he explained to you that he wanted nothing to do with the fashion industry until he graduated and had to go in to it. Some days you wish you could be like him, you wish you didn’t have to worry about the real world until it was time but you were such a perfectionist and you wanted to experience was the world of law had to offer. 

“He’s going to kill me one day Bam, I swear to God. That man is overworking me to the bone and at this point I don’t even think it’s because he trusts me or because he thinks I’m great at what I do. I think it’s because his lazy ass doesn’t want to do the dirty work. I’m sick and tired of having to do everything for him only for him to get the credit, it’s bullshit.” 

BamBam began to run his hands along the side of your arms and released a frustrated sigh. Everyone in your company knew how much time and energy you put in to your job. They knew how much you wanted to be a lawyer, and that you were one of the most talented and extremely intelligent paralegals in the field. Your boss was very lucky to have you; but at the same time he took advantage of your kindness and generosity and made you work until he was satisfied with the end product. 

“I got an idea, why don’t you and I go on a vacation? You deserve a break y/n. Hey, don’t you have vacation days saved up? You should seeing as how much overtime you’ve been working. Plus winter break is just around the corner. Why don’t we go to California so you can finally meet that lover boy of yours—ow! What? I’m being serious y/n and you of all people should know that violence is not the answer. I can’t wait for you to become a lawyer so I can sue you for emotional and physical abuse—I’m kidding—well not really but the two of you have been at this for months and didn’t he imply that he wanted to finally meet you in his last letter? I should get going, I have to finish that contract with the bank. But think about my suggestion okay? I’ll wait for you to finish so that I can take you home, or if you’re up for it we can go eat somewhere. My treat. Good luck y/n! And don’t stress too much. You wouldn’t want Mark to see those wrinkles and dark circles—I’m out!” 

He playfully squeezed at your cheek before leaving your office and once he was gone, you let out an exhausted groan while bringing your thumb and index finger up to the bridge of your nose and pinched it out of frustration. The idea of writing a five-paged proposal in less than two days made your head hurt. 

Sometimes you wish you had the guts to confront your boss of expecting so much out of you but you were afraid of the aftermath that came with it. Plus, BamBam’s words stuck with you and it was all you could seem to think about. Around six months ago, you were scrolling on the Instagram explore page when you came across a very interesting post about pen pals. From a young age, you were always curious about how pen pals worked and you would get excited at the thought of writing letters to a stranger. 

You were always a hopeless romantic. Everyone in your generation were all about technology and social media, but you still believed in sending postcards, taking pictures with polaroids and writing notes instead of having to use your phone or computer. You were constantly writing out emails and text messages for work and you’ve grown tired of technology and your devices, so you found yourself clicking on the link that led you to a website that gave you a list of people who were interested in finding a pen pal. Once you made your account, uploaded a photo and some information, you began exploring the website and seeing what they had to offer. 

After going through a few profiles, you grew interested in one in particular that just so happened to belong to the boy BamBam was referring to. You were quick to reach out to Mark and to your delight, he responded back in less than five minutes telling you that he just so happened to take a liking to your page also. What you had thought would just be a one time thing, turned out to be letters he would send once every two weeks. 

The longer the two of you wrote to each other, the more constant he would write to you. One letter every two weeks became three letters in one week and you’d find yourself waiting patiently for him to write to you. His letters seemed to be the only thing you looked forward to. Each and every letter you received from him never failed to bring a smile to your face and it wasn’t up until a month ago that you realized you were developing feelings for him. 

Although you had yet to meet him, he already found his way in to your heart and when BamBam mentioned finally getting to meet him, you couldn’t help but grin like a little school girl. Mark had a way with words. He told you he couldn’t even write essays as long as his letters and it was because he just had so much to tell you. If you were being honest, you were a great listener but at the same time, you’d find yourself getting bored of a conversation if someone were to talk about a topic you weren’t interested in for so long. 

There were even situations when BamBam would go in to depth about fashion and you tried your best not to seem like you weren’t interested, you just had no idea what he would talk about but you would always give him your undying attention nonetheless. However, you would read each and every single letter Mark had written to you over and over and you’d never get tired. He would tell you about his life, his job, his dreams and aspirations, memories from his childhood, the new puppy he just adopted name Milo, how living with his best friend Jackson was like and so much more. 

The two of you talked about exchanging numbers in order to text, call and FaceTime each other, but you both agreed that the whole point of the pen pal situation was because you both enjoyed waiting for each other to write back. It was unique, it was fun and writing back and forth with Mark was your little escape from reality. He did mention wanting to meet you, and finally getting to put a face to the letters and you too were curious of what Mark looked like. 

His avatar on his account was a picture of what you assumed to be Milo whereas yours was a picture of GusGus from Cinderella that you got off of the internet. You wanted to keep your identity somewhat of a secret from Mark because it added to the mystery and eccentricity of this whole experience. You were afraid of things changing between the two of you if and when you were to meet and you didn’t want things to stop between the two of you if he were to come to the realization that maybe you weren’t who he thought you were. 

It’s been almost two weeks since you’ve last heard from him and he informed you in his last letter that he was going to be busy for the next few weeks and that he was going to miss writing to you but that you could continue writing to him in the mean time. You’ve sent him at least three letters since he’s last written to you and it was in the moment that you found yourself missing him that you realized you saw him as more than just a pen pal. BamBam wouldn’t let you hear the end of it when you told him of your entire situation and he kept teasing you the minute he found out about your crush on Mark. 

“You haven’t even met the guy y/n. For all you know, he could be a 65-year-old divorced man with two kids living on a farm in Arkansas or even worse, he could be a serial killer trying to lure you in with his sweet and charming words. You do know we have social media for a reason, why don’t you search him up and see exactly who he is before continuing this weird ass relationship.” 

There were times that curiosity got the best of you and you wanted to go and search his name up on Facebook or Instagram, but you told yourself you would wait. BamBam however, was the definition of nosy and would meddle in everybody’s business even if he knew it was wrong to do so. For the business aspect, your boss loved the idea that BamBam would dig up dirt and search for any information that could throw competitors and ex-clients under the bus. What you could care less for, was when it came to your personal life. 

He hardly had anything to be nosy about when it came to you. You haven’t been in a relationship in years and all you had going for you was your job and your schooling. Unlike BamBam, you hated clubbing and going out to bars; you didn’t see the point in wasting your money on overpriced alcohol and pressing your body up against a random stranger. 

Staying in and watching reruns of Cake Boss while eating a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream was how you spent your days off. In BamBam’s words, you were practically a grandma. Even more so when he found out about your pen pal, but he was never once to force you in to anything you didn’t want to do and if you were happy, so was he. When BamBam suggested searching him up, you didn’t think he’d actually go along with it but then again, it was BamBam. What did you expect? Usually whenever he put his mind to something, he’d go along with it. 

“Wow y/n, if this is the guy, you’ve lucked out big time. Damn, if I were a girl, I’d go for him. Not to sound weird or anything, but he’s hot. You didn’t hear it from me though. But who knows, I could be looking at the wrong guy. I’m sure there are hundreds of Mark Tuans in the world.” 

A huge part of you felt like he was bluffing and only saying things like that to make fun of you. But another part of you wanted to yank his phone and see for yourself what he was talking about. 

“Come on y/n, I know you wanna see what he looks like. There’s no harm in taking a peek. Why are you so adamant on not knowing what he looks like? God, the two of you are honestly meant for each other, you’re both elderly people in young people’s bodies.” 

Once you reached the third page of your proposal, you decided to call it a day. As much as you wanted to hang out with BamBam, especially because he offered to treat you which was a very rare thing knowing how much of a cheapskate he was, you were tired beyond belief and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. Although he was disappointed when he heard of your plans, he couldn’t blame you for wanting to go right to bed and he wanted you to get some rest. 

He was also pretty happy he didn’t have to spend money, but he wasn’t going to tell you that. Like the gentleman he was, he took your things for you and led the way to his car. The car ride was quiet, which was unlike most of the rides he gave you considering how outspoken and talkative he could be. At a stop light, he reached for your hand and gently squeezed it as a nonverbal way to let you know that everything was going to be okay. 

There were moments where he’d open his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but after seeing your breakdown earlier, he probably decided that he’d give you some space and not aggravate you more than you already were. Around twenty minutes after the two of you left the office, he pulled up to your guest parking and gave you a gentle pat on the head. 

“Get some rest please? I’m tired of having to correct people when they assume you’re my mom—I swear you get more and more abusive the longer we’re friends for.” You let out a scoff as he rubbed the spot that you hit him at. 

“Nobody thinks I’m your mother asshole. Thank you for the ride home and for comforting me earlier. I really appreciate it Bam. I don’t know if I say it enough but I’m very thankful for all that you do for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He gave you a knowing smirk and cupped your cheek in his palm. There were times where people assumed that the two of you were dating by how much time you both spent together and because of the skin-ship you shared. 

The lingering touches and gentle kisses on your cheek and forehead every now and then weren’t those normally shared between best friends, but you’ve never questioned it. You and BamBam have been friends for almost 20 years, he never showed any romantic interest in you nor did you feel anything for him and you felt it was better off that way. 

The older boy was extremely supportive in each and every one of your endeavors and although you were slowly getting tired of how silly he was acting towards the entire Mark situation, deep down you knew he was just messing around with you and even if you didn’t admit it to him out loud, he had a hunch that you were falling for Mark. All BamBam wanted was for you to be happy and if Mark was the reason for your happiness, then he supported whatever it was going on between you both. 

“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. GROSS! Since you’re off tomorrow, if you’re feeling up for it maybe we can go try out that new sushi place. It’s kind of pricey so I’m not offering to treat, I’ll tell you that right now. I’m only a phone call away if you need me. Have a nice rest of your evening.” 

When he drove away, you released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. Honestly BamBam and Mark were the only people keeping you sane as of right now. If it wasn’t for BamBam’s endless amounts of support and Mark’s kind and motivating words, you’d be an alcoholic. You trudged up the stairs and debated on whether or not you should check the mail because you knew there was no way Mark could have written to you since he was still quite busy and you hardly ever ordered anything, so there wasn’t anything for you to look forward to. Yet you still found yourself making your way to the mailbox and lazily opened the box, not being expectant of anything. 

The minute your eyes landed on the single envelope, your heart felt as if it was about to jump out of your chest. You didn’t have to read who it was from, you could tell by the envelope alone that it was from Mark. He had a unique choice in cards and he would even draw cute little characters and they never failed to bring a smile to your face. Even if you were exhausted and wanted nothing more than to flop right on to your bed, you were now wide awake and had every intention on reading his letter. 

You made a beeline up to your apartment and didn’t give yourself time to do anything before you rushed in to the door and practically jumped on the couch. For a guy, you felt that he had such neat hand writing and if you were being honest, his penmanship was adorable. You’ve mentioned it to him a few times in your letters and he was always quick to disagree. Something about the way he wrote a tiny heart next to your name always made your cheeks warm up. You found it hard to believe that he was turning twenty-seven in just a few months by the way he seemed so childish not only in his writing, but in the little doodles and the way he would write your address in bubble letters. After giving yourself a few seconds to calm your racing heart, you took the note out of the envelope and began reading.

“Dear y/n,                            July 12, 2019

Hey stranger, it’s been a while and I’d like to apologize for that. I’d say work was driving me insane, but I know you have it just as hard juggling your career and your education so there’s really no excuse. How have you been? I’ve missed writing to you and hell, I’ve missed you even more. Thank you for continuing to write to me over the last few weeks even if I failed to do so for you. I promise you I’ll send you so many letters this week the mailman will probably start hiding them out of irritation. Maybe I should pull a Harry Potter and have an owl deliver them to you so they can get to you faster. Just a little update, I got the promotion I told you about earlier which I’m pretty excited for and I know what you’re about to say; I’m sorry for not believing you when you told me that if anyone deserved the lead position, it was me. You know how I can get sometimes, especially when it comes to my job, but I’m very thankful that you see the best in me and you never fail to support me in each and every thing that I do.

I finally went out and tried the strawberry cheesecake ice cream from Baskin Robbins that you recommended and I’m so mad at myself for not trying it earlier. It’s sooooooo good. Oh, Jackson and I went to the bookstore the other day and I saw the fifth installment of the “Series of Unfortunate Events” books and I thought of you and how you finished the entire series in less than a week. You’re insane you know that? But you’re also pretty amazing. Jackson keeps bothering me about meeting you and I keep telling him when it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. I want you to know though that I can’t wait to finally meet you. Sometimes I forget how old I’m getting when I find myself bouncing off the walls the minute Jackson brings in the mail and I see your letters. I’m not rushing you, but I do have a break coming up here in a couple of weeks (hint, hint) so if you’d like to come up here to California for the holidays, I’d love to show you around ;).

Well, I’d better get going, I have more letters to write. By the way, I have a surprise coming your way in the next few days so be ready for it. Don’t forget to eat all your meals and try not to work so hard. Maybe I should come visit you instead and give your asshole boss a piece of my mind. Anyways, I hope you’re doing well and I don’t care how busy I am, I will make time for you. So if you’re ever feeling sad, upset, tired or lonely, just remember that I’m always going to be here for you. I may not be there for you physically, but just know you’re always on my mind every single day. I’m sure your workload is overwhelming right now, so feel free to take as long as you want to get back to me(but don’t take too long your letters are the only thing I look forward to) Take care and hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely, Mark.”

The tears were hot against your cheeks and you didn’t even realize you were crying until the words started to smear and you were quick to pull the letter away to prevent it from getting ruined. Sometimes you had a hard time believing this was all real and not a figment of your imagination. Pen pals were considered taboo; writing back and forth to a stranger about your life and things that went on in it wasn’t something you’d thought you’d be doing but here you were. Mark wasn’t even considered just your pen pal at this point, he was a friend, a confidant; your safe haven. 

His words never failed to move you each and every time he wrote to you, but something about this letter in particular was making you feel things in your heart that you’ve never felt before. For someone you’ve never met before, you felt as if you’ve known him forever. He seemed extremely sincere and always checked up on your mental health and physical being. 

Did things like this actually happen in people’s lives? Were there other people out there who had a unique relationship like you and Mark? The more the two of you would write back and forth to one another, the more you were afraid in actually meeting him. You didn’t want things to change. What if unlike in your letters, he wasn’t as invested in you and what if interacting with him was awkward and uncomfortable? 

You didn’t want to lose his friendship if he came to the realization that he preferred the postal version of you and not the actual you. You reread the letter at least five times and his words had a stronger effect on you each and every time you read it over again. He missed you? It wasn’t the first time he was cheeky in his writing, but this was the first time he admitted that he’s constantly thinking about you and waiting for your letters. But what did it mean? Was it possible for someone you’ve never met to develop feelings for you? 

Surely there was no way Mark could harbor any romantic feelings for you. He didn’t even know what you looked like; so what else other than your letters made him think about you constantly? You came to the decision that you weren’t going to overthink this entire situation and allow yourself to go to bed. All your worries were just going to have to wait until the morning. Unfortunately, your mind was running a mile a minute and there was no way you could find it in yourself to fall asleep. 

As much as you hated bothering him, you knew the only way you’d get to get your well deserved slumber was if you talked to BamBam and told him what happened. You crossed your fingers and hoped he wasn’t asleep and when you heard his raspy voice through the phone, a soft sigh of relief fell from your lips. 

“I’m so sorry to bother you and even more sorry if I woke you, I just—I couldn’t sleep.” He let out a soft giggle, nonverbally letting you know that it was fine. It wasn’t the first time you’ve woken him up in the middle of the night, and he was aware that he was the only one who you could trust in listening to you and getting you to calm down. BamBam felt honored that you could confide in him and he was even more appreciative knowing that you would do the exact same for him if he needed it. 

“You’re fine. You know you can reach out to me whenever you need to. I know I don’t expect anything from you, but just remember; I really like taro bubble tea with boba. 100% sweetness. But that’s besides the point. What’s up?” You nibbled on your bottom lip out of nervousness at the thought of his response to your dilemma, but everything just came flowing out of you. 

“I—I got another letter from Mark today.”

“That’s good! Isn’t that what you wanted? You’ve been acting so gloomy these days and I am completely aware it’s partially because of work, but you and I both know that Mr.Pen Pal has a lot to do with your melancholic mood. So why do you sound so upset?”

“He told me he misses me, that he has a vacation coming up and wants to finally get to meet me and that he can’t stop thinking about me. Isn’t that—doesn’t that sound weird? Like, we’ve never met each other in the flesh. All we do is write letters back and forth to one another. He’s never heard my voice, he has no clue what I look like and other than the information I write in my letters, he doesn’t know much about me but at the same time, he knows everything. Isn’t that strange? And what’s worse, is that I’ve been feeling something, something in my chest that I’ve never felt before and it scares me. He’s practically a stranger Bam! And like you’ve joked around about countless times, he could be hiding his actual identity. He might be writing me from jail, or in divorce court—“ 

Although you couldn’t see him, you’ve been friends long enough with BamBam to know that there was a huge chance he was frowning at your words. You were infamous for rambling on and on about the most unnecessary things sometimes. However, he knew you were genuinely confused and had no clue what to do about this entire situation. But BamBam, considering the joker he was who lived with the “you only live once” lifestyle had a gut feeling that your relationship with Mark was no longer just letters to a stranger. 

He witnessed how distressed you were over the last few weeks not receiving anything from Mark. He’s seen how happy you’d get when you finally did get a letter. He’s heard you squeal and giggle at Mark’s sweet words and he would observe the way you would bite your lip and scrunch your nose in excitement. You’d always go in to great detail about how intelligent, kind-hearted and charismatic Mark was and your eyes, there was always this particular glint in them whenever Mark came up in a conversation. 

BamBam has never been in love before. Hell, he’s never experienced being in an actual relationship, so he never knew what it felt like to love and to be in love with someone. Even if you weren’t in love with Mark, he knew you must’ve had some kind of feelings for him and if he was being honest, if it wasn’t love; he didn’t know what it was. 

“I don’t mean to interrupt you, but can I be honest? I think you’re in love with Mark. And before you can call me crazy and try to disagree, think about it. You don’t need to say it out loud, he’s constantly on your mind the way he claims you are on his. You practically live in front of your mailbox, waiting to get anything from him and don’t you think I didn’t see the small note he wrote for you in your wallet. You spend hours writing notes to him, not knowing exactly what to say because I’m sure you’re afraid of boring him or scaring him away and you’re worried at the thought of no longer having him in your life. If you didn’t love him y/n, you wouldn’t give two shits whether or not he were to stop writing to you nor would you be calling me up to vent about your concerns. I know it’s a lot to take in and it might seem weird because he’s a stranger, but is he really a stranger to you y/n? I feel like you know more about him and talk with him more than you do some of your family members. He makes you happy y/n, in ways that not even I can and I like the effect he has on you. Consider finally getting to meet him won’t you? If it doesn’t work out the way you want it to, then you can end this entire thing completely but I’m sure he will love the physical you as much as he does the person he writes to. Like I said, I’ll come to California with you! I wouldn’t mind going to Disneyland, but I come with a fee—so feel free to pay for my ticket. We can continue this conversation over breakfast tomorrow okay? I hope I helped, goodnight y/n.” 

The following week came and gone in the snap of a finger. You finished the proposal the day after your day off and turned it in just a few hours before your boss was expecting it. Since work was so hectic which you both hated and loved for obvious reasons, it took your mind off of the many worries going on in your head. A few days later, you received another letter from Mark and a box you assumed to be the surprise he wrote about in his last letter. When you opened the box and saw the snow globe that had a couple inside going around an ice skating rink, a huge smile rose on your face followed by a stray tear. 

“This snow globe can be your reality if you come to see me. I remember you saying you have yet to experience snow, so let me be the first one you share that experience with. It’s getting pretty cold up here, so pack wisely; but just know that I’m practically a human furnace and I’d love to warm you up ;). Sincerely, Mark.”

After getting breakfast with BamBam the morning after your little breakdown, you came to the decision that you were going to fly up to California and finally meet the man who owned your heart. You also came to the conclusion that BamBam was right. 

You were in love with Mark. 

You didn’t have to see him or interact with him physically to know that he was where your heart now resides. All those late nights you stayed up thinking about his passionate and heartfelt words, the feeling in your chest that’s been going on for the last few weeks, always looking forward to the mailman coming to see if he’s written to you, reading his letters over and over again to the point where you memorized each and every word. It all made sense. 

You didn’t care what would happen once you got there, your heart was stronger than your mind and it craved to finally meet him. In your recent letter, you told Mark about your plans, and you could only hope he was serious about wanting to meet you and not just messing around. Poor BamBam had to hear you go on and on about rethinking your decision and that it was going to be a mistake, but he did his best to reassure you that everything was going to be okay and that you were overreacting. 

Two weeks after you received a letter from Mark saying that he was over the moon at your decision to fly up to California, you and BamBam started to plan out your trip and put in your vacation time at work. Since you needed a quicker way to interact with him, the two of you ended up exchanging numbers to let him know when you landed so that he could pick you up at the airport. The idea of meeting him as soon as you landed both worried you and excited you. However, you couldn’t stop thinking that the car ride to your hotel was going to be awkward. Luckily BamBam was an amazing conversationalist and if you ended up not being able to converse with Mark, he could do it for you. 

You were extremely grateful that BamBam offered to go on vacation with you. Sure, he kept telling you that he’s been dying to take a vacation and that there were so many places in California that he wanted to visit,  but nonetheless you were glad that you had someone to go with you not only for safety reasons, but to keep you company and to console you if meeting Mark didn’t end up the way you expected it to. The entire months of November seemed to pass you by so quickly and before you knew it, you and BamBam were on a plane to California. 

“How are you feeling? You finally get to meet your Prince Charming, aren’t you excited? Oh don’t give me that look—what do I keep telling you? I swear to God I can’t wait to tell your kids one day about how their mom was so nervous to meet their dad—the first thing I’m going to warn mark about is how abusive you are. There’s really nothing for you to worry about, if things end up going to shit then what can you do? That’s life. But they’ll only end up that way because you made them that way. If you’re worried about what he looks like, like I told you before he’s hot—if I were a girl I’d go for him, if it is the same guy who’s Instagram I’ve been stalking for the last month. If he turns out to be some old dude let’s just hope he has money—ENOUGH WITH THE HITTING. Mark will love you for you, no matter what and if he doesn’t, he’s missing out on such a wonderful human being. I’ve already searched up bars in the area that we’re staying in just in case you need to get drunk. You’re welcome. Now try to sleep, we have a 7 hour flight and those eye bags aren’t cute y/n.” 

You gently squeezed his hand and rested your head on his shoulder. You wanted to retaliate against his playful comments, but you were too tired to even think of anything to fire back with. BamBam smiled softly at your now sleeping figure and playfully ran his fingers through your hair before falling asleep himself. After sleeping for what felt like hours, BamBam woke you up to let you know that the plane was landing soon. The nerves started to kick in again and you found yourself releasing a couple of deep breaths which BamBam got a kick out of. 

“How do I look? Is my outfit okay? Should I go change? How’s my hair? Do I have any dried up drool on my chin?” He gave you a look of disgust and brought his hands up to your face and pinched your cheek. 

“You look beautiful y/n. Especially for someone whose been on a plane for quite some time. Stop worrying, you’re giving me anxiety. No drool, you’re good. Now let’s do this.” Once the plane landed, you sent Mark a quick text saying that you and BamBam finally arrived in Los Angeles and gave him your gate number to which he responded immediately with a smiley face and a thumbs up. From the time you gave him your number up until now, he’d only send you emojis, funny videos or memes. The sweet, heartfelt messages were saved specifically for his letters and you liked it that way. BamBam stood up as soon as the plane landed but you yanked his arm and had him sit back down. 

“Come on y/n, why does it seem like I’m more excited to meet Mark than you are.” You rolled your eyes and motioned toward the line of people that was building up. 

“We’ve traveled together many more times than I can count and you still never learn. Everyone knows not to stand up to try and leave once the plane lands dumbass. I want to meet him, but three extra minutes won’t kill me. Don’t use him as an excuse, you just want to get off the plane.” 

After everyone practically cleared the plane, BamBam reached for both of your carry-ons in the storage bins and led you towards baggage claim. Your heart began racing, time was ticking down extremely fast and your anxiety was building up. You couldn’t help but wonder how Mark was feeling at the idea of meeting you. Was he just as nervous? Or was he excited to finally meet the person he’s been writing to for the last six months? 

When BamBam picked up both your luggage’s, the two of you made your way to the gate and when you saw the person holding a sign with your name on it, your breath hitched. You were so focused on the devastatingly handsome man who you assumed to be Mark that you failed to notice the huge grin on BamBam’s face. His smile was practically cheek to cheek at this point.

“You know, I should quit fashion and become an investigator of some sorts. I fucking knew it was him. I’m fucking amazing.” You let out a small snicker when you remembered the first time BamBam searched up his profile to make sure you weren’t interacting with some freak on the Internet. When he said Mark was good looking, you felt like BamBam was just playing around with you but now that you’re looking directly at him, BamBam’s words were an understatement. He had yet to notice you walking towards him and you were right about to wave him down until the most embarrassing thing possible happened. As much as you were thankful BamBam was there with you, you should’ve known the possibility of him embarrassing you was quite high. 

“Ayo Mark! Over here man!” You shoved the older boy and shamefully tried to hide behind him, but he dodged your movement and continued to wave at him. In your peripheral vision, you could see Mark walking towards you and you allowed yourself to take a look at him so you didn’t look stupid. God, he was beautiful and his smile was indescribable. He began jogging towards the two of you and before your mind could process anything, you were being pulled in to his embrace and he swung you around as if you were light as a feather. He was right, he was practically a furnace and you could feel your cheeks warming up at the feeling of his arms around your waist. 

“Wow, I—you are—wow—hi. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I just—hi. It’s nice to finally meet you. You are so beautiful. Jackson’s description of you doesn’t do you justice. Oh, hello! BamBam right? Nice to meet you too man. Y/n always raves about you in her letters. Thanks for always taking such good care of her. How was your guy’s flight?” 

You remembered Mark mentioning his roommate in a few of his letters and you couldn’t help but smile with the way he was interacting with your best friend. They had only just met, but during the walk to his car they talked as if they were good friends. You were shocked at how natural this all was and you felt so stupid for overreacting at the idea of meeting him. With the way he was acting so friendly and bubbly towards you, you regretted not meeting him sooner. 

Once the three of you made it to his car, he took the luggage’s from the both of you and told you to get settled in. When you took a seat in the front, you turned around and looked at BamBam with a content look on your face. 

“See, I told you. I fucking told you. This guy is perfect. Are you sure you need me here? You’re doing fine on your own. Maybe I’ll have him drop me off to the hotel and you can go with him and get to know each other if you know what I’m saying.” 

You knew exactly what the cheeky boy meant and you rolled your eyes at his words but your chest tightened up at the idea of being alone with Mark. When he made his way back in to the car, he handed you the beautiful bouquet of flowers and buckled up before starting the engine. 

“You’re giving these flowers a run for their money with how beautiful you are, you know that? Sunflowers are your favorite if I remember correctly right? It makes sense. You’re bright, you stand out and you light up an entire room. So, which hotel are the two of you staying at? I’ll drop you both off and then we can go get some lunch or something. I have a few things planned for us but if you guys have other things in mind then that’s fine too.” 

He wasn’t real, he couldn’t be. There was no way. Were you dreaming? Were you and BamBam still on the plane waiting to land? He was charming, gorgeous and quite the gentleman. This had to be a set up. Out of all the people in the world that you could’ve chose to be your pen pal, how did you end up with an actual Greek God who was driving you to the brink of insanity the longer you stayed in his presence? 

“We’re staying at the Grand Californian in Disneyland. We both got the 5 day park hopper pass, so feel free to join us. I’m sure y/n would enjoy it if you came. In more ways than one.” 

The last part came out as a whisper but you were sure Mark heard it and if looks could kill, BamBam would be six-feet-under. Hearing him giggle made your heart flutter; for someone who was just a few years away from thirty, he had the most adorable high pitched laugh and you knew you’d never get tired of hearing it. How could someone at his age be so damn cute? It wasn’t fair. 

“That sounds cool. I’m always up for Disneyland. Wintertime is the best time to go, so you both made a great decision in visiting right now. What do you think about snowboarding? My friends and I are planning to head up to big bear mountain this weekend and it’d be awesome if the two of you came. It’s actually where I planned on taking you to see the snow y/n. It’s one of the only places that actually snows around here, but if you’re not in to snowboarding or sledding, we can go somewhere that requires less physical activity and more sight seeing.” 

You could only pray that BamBam didn’t make his last comment seem dirty and secretly thanked God when all you heard was a soft snicker. The rest of the car ride seemed to go off without a hitch and conversation was mainly between Mark and BamBam, but you weren’t complaining. Since the airport was almost two hours away from your hotel, BamBam fell asleep around 45 minutes in to the drive and a part of you wanted to pretend you were sleeping so that things wouldn’t be awkward, but Mark had other plans. You were playing with your fingers out of nervousness when you saw Mark reach over the console to intertwine your fingers together. His laughter filled the car when he saw you practically freeze at the skin ship. 

“Is this okay? I’m sorry if it seems like I’m rushing things and if I’m being quite honest with you, I’m not normally like this. I’m very shy and extroverted around strangers but we’re not exactly strangers. You know more about me than most of my friends do. Hell, even more than some of my family members. I don’t know what it is, I just feel so comfortable around you. I’m sorry if I’m making it uncomfortable for you, but I’m very excited to spend these next three weeks with you.” 

His words, just like the ones in his letters were pulling at your heartstrings and you gently squeezed his hand to let him know that it was fine; and that you too were just as excited. To both your surprised, you brought his hand up to your lips and kissed the back of it. 

“I’m totally fine with it, really. It’s shocking to hear you’re a shy person when your letters say otherwise. If anything, I’m normally such the extrovert but you’re making me flustered. I’m excited too by the way. We can always ditch BamBam and hang out together, just the two of us.” 

Seeing his cheeks redden at your words made you feel at ease. Thankfully you weren’t the only one who was whipped. The two of you continued the conversation; he updated you on so many different things going on in his life and told you about all the different places he wanted to take you. 

“You have really small hands, but it’s cute. Honestly I think they fit perfectly in mine. You’re so cute you know that? If I wasn’t driving right now, I’d take all the time in the world to admire your beauty. Not to sound rude, but I’m glad BamBam is sleeping. He’d probably laugh at how cheesy I‘m acting right now. That’s why I didn’t want to bring Jackson. Jackson Wang is my version of BamBam and if you think BamBam is embarrassing, just wait until you meet him. I’m actually reconsidering having you meet him, he might just be the one that drives you away. But he’s been wanting to meet you from the moment I accidentally told him about you. I hope you know I’ve never been this way around anyone before. It’s just you. Only you have this effect on me and I like it.” He let out a soft sigh and began to graze your wrist with his thumb before continuing. 

“I um—I—fuck. You know what? I’ll just say it, I like you—no scratch that. I love you. I’m sorry if it’s weird to say considering we just met for the first time less than two hours ago, but I do. I fell in love with you y/n. Honestly right now is not the best time to admit it, but I’ve been bottling it up inside of me for the last few months and now that you’re finally here, I just needed to say it. This whole pen pal situation was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You—you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if we weren’t on the freeway, I’d show you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You were my sweet escape—my getaway from how shitty life could be and every single time you wrote to me, I had to prepare my heart from practically beating out of my chest. I always thought the idea of butterflies flying around in someone’s stomach was so childish and if I’m being honest, I didn’t think it was possible but shit—you cause actually elephants to run around in my tummy. I promise, I really don’t mean to rush things and feel free to stop me at any moment—“

Since the freeway was not as busy in your opinion considering the fact that Los Angeles had some of the worst traffic in the entire world, or so Mark has told you about many times, you took this chance to reach over and place a soft kiss on his lips. 

“I love you too. You can thank the loud mouth in the back for helping me come to the realization and I too thought it wasn’t normal to be in love with someone I’ve never met or knew what you looked like, but your words—they never failed to put a smile on my face. Whenever I was sad, or if work stressed me out too much, I’d go back to one of your letters where you included a terrible pun or a dad joke and I found myself smiling like an idiot. When I read your letter from a few weeks ago where you said you missed me and that you were constantly thinking about me, I knew that most pen pals and even friends don’t feel that way towards each other. I was afraid of meeting you—I felt like things wouldn’t work out between us but I really don’t know why I was so worried. Being around you is such an indescribable feeling; I can’t find it in myself to stop smiling. And you’re right, you are really hot—temperature wise. But I guess physically too. I just want to thank you, for always supporting me and being there for me even if we still had yet to meet one another. You make my life so much easier and I’m a lot more happier now that you’re in it.” 

You leaned over one more time to place a chaste kiss on his cheek and Mark let out a soft groan causing you to look at him in curiosity. “The next rest stop is in 15 miles, I really want to kiss you right now. You’re a dream come true y/n. I don’t think three weeks is going to be enough time for us to spend together I might need to follow you back home.” 

You softly bit your lip out of excitement before facing the other direction so that he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks at the thought of him wanting to spend more time with you. 

“I have my own room at the hotel if you wanna come and stay with me during the duration of our trip. Maybe then you can show me exactly how much I mean to you?” Right as he was about to respond to your cheeky remark, the groan from the back seat caused you both to laugh. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy for the both of you and I’ve been so supportive of your relationship from the start, but I swear to God if I hear y’all fucking through the walls I’m dropping you as a friend y/n. Lord, what did I sign myself up for. The two of you really are perfect for each other. And stop kissing him y/n. I don’t want him crashing before I can go to Disneyland. No more pda in front of me you freaks! Keep your eyes on the road lover boy. I’m going back to sleep, no more funny business you two!” 

Finally Mark took a cut off and ended up on a highway, bringing the three of you to a red light and Mark was able to steal a chaste kiss from your lips. When you felt him smile in to the kiss, you found yourself returning the ministration. 

“You think BamBam would hate us if I dropped him off at an in and out? I don’t think I can wait to relinquish in our love much longer and I don’t want to continue risking our lives having to kiss you especially since your lips are extremely addictive.”

“He’d be pissed! Don’t y’all dare even think about dropping me off—you horny little bastards can’t even wait half an hour more—you’re getting toilet paper as your wedding gift.” Even if he continued to embarrass you in front of Mark, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself at the idea of marrying Mark. It was still too early to think about your relationship together, but if things were to go in your favor, you wouldn’t mind getting to be the lucky girl who got to marry him.

A little more than half an hour later, you arrived to your hotel to both BamBam and Mark’s delight. After checking in and making your way to your rooms, BamBam gave you both knowing looks since you’re rooms were right next to each other. 

“It was nice meeting you Mark. You make y/n very happy. This is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. You guys are cute together. I’m going to get my well deserved rest. Let me know if you guys are actually going out for dinner. However, after hearing your conversation, you’ll probably eat each other instead—prepare yourself Mark, y/n is extremely aggressive but maybe you’ll be in to that. I’ll tell you both this right now if y’all get loud, I’m switching hotels. THIS IS A FAMILY HOTEL YOU FREAKS. You know, for someone who was so worried to meet this man, you’re taking things extremely well y/n. Okay, with the look on your face I’m going to take this as my leave. Have fun—but not too much fun—you know what? Don’t have fun at all. Suffer.” 

BamBam ran in to his room and left you outside of yours with Mark standing right behind you. You cursed BamBam under your breath for always saying the wrong things. “I know you said earlier that you were worried to meet me, but can I ask you why? like, can you go a little more in to detail? I mean, I was pretty nervous to meet you too, but much more excited.” 

You released a soft sigh before turning around to face him. Since you wanted to have Mark all to yourself before explaining your worries, you entered the room and sat down on the bed; quietly thanking him for bringing in your luggage before patting the spot next to you for him to sit down. 

“I don’t know, I just—I think it’s because I had a hard time believing this was happening. Our friendship—even right now. It’s too good to be true. But I didn’t worry about you, I know you were genuine and I know that the feelings I have for you are the product of how you’ve been treating me and taking care of me in the last few months. Every time I wrote to you, it didn’t feel like I was writing to a stranger. I felt like I was writing a letter to my best friend; someone who I can trust with my entire being. Someone who means a lot to me. But you’ve never gave me a reason to even question whatever it was going on between us. When I came to the realization that I was in love with you, I couldn’t stop thinking that it was wrong and that you’d want to stop things between us if you didn’t feel the same. I was actually afraid that you’d see me in person and think I was some horrendous looking creature and come up with some lame excuse to end our pen pal ship, if that’s even a thing—“ he lifted up your chin so that you were making eye contact with him before stealing a soft kiss from the corner of your mouth. This man was honestly going to be the death of you. 

“Jackson—he did the unthinkable the minute I told him about you but I can’t say it was unexpected. He always meddles in to my business so I should’ve known our situation would be no different. He searched you up on every social media platform and he wouldn’t stop raving about your beauty. I almost caved in and took a look for myself but you had a point in wanting to keep up the mystery. You want to know my real opinion of you y/n? I think you’re gorgeous. I can’t even fathom your beauty in to words. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and actually it goes beyond just your beauty. It’s how kind and gentle you are. Your words, although they were short, sweet and to the point, I couldn’t stop smiling at the way you would add in nonsense words to describe your boss with and your little drawings were always so cute. I could tell that you were an optimistic and passionate person with the way you’d talk about your goals in life and your plans for the future. I found myself wanting to be apart of it and although I’d find that weird in any other situation, with you it just felt right. Would you like to be my girlfriend y/n? The distance will be rough, but we’ll make it work. You’d make me the happiest man in the world if you said yes.” 

You internally screamed at the idea of dating the beautiful boy in front of you but you nodded quickly before connecting your lips together in a passionate and heated kiss. Your lips melded together so naturally; as if you’ve kissed one another many times and it was a feeling you knew you’d never get enough of. 

“I love you Mark. So much.”

“I love you too baby. Normally I’d be able to explain in to detail just how much, but you have me at a loss for words. Now, I think it’s time to wake BamBam up from his nap shall we?”

[hongism]

13 (angst list) + 7 (fluff list) + yunho pls 👄 tysm uwu

do you see this man? this whole ass looking boyfriend man? this man who is sitting here floshed and adorable??? like a whole ass boyfriend?? did i say he looks like a whole ass boyfriend? bC HE LOOKS LIKE A WHOLE ASS BOYFRIEND WHO WOULD LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU AND SUPPORT YOU AND TAKE CARE OF YOU

#7: "Please just kiss me already."

#13: "I'm worried about you."

...

Pressure

"Are you sure this is okay, Y/N?" Yunho asks as he steps into your apartment.

"Yes, yes, Yunho. Don't worry so much! I promise it's fine. I just gotta finish writing this paper, then we can go out." You usher him into the room. He frowns as he comes in but doesn't say anything more, rather following your lead as you take him to your room. You sit down at your desk like you had been prior to Yunho's arrival. You return to working on the paper without any further ado, and Yunho just lingers behind you, watching as you work silently.

You don't expect him to do anything except wait around for you to finish your work, yet after about twenty minutes of watching you work, he comes up behind you and places his hands on your shoulders.

"Hey, are you doing alright?" He asks, giving your shoulders a little squeeze. You lean back against his touch.

"Yea, I'm just stressed over this paper."

"I'm worried about you." Yunho bends down and presses his chin against your head. "When is the paper due?"

"Three days from now," you mutter in response. "At midnight."

"You have plenty of time to finish it, love." Yunho tilts his head so press his lips against your hair. You merely hum in response. "Why don't you take a break?"

"I can't. I've barely started writing the paper." You sit up straight again, pushing Yunho out of his position, and he moves to the side of your chair. "If I don't get most of it done tonight, then I'm doomed."

"How so? You don't think you'll be able to finish it on time?"

"I definitely won't. I should've started it sooner, but I kept getting distracted." You glare forward at your laptop, the half-full page staring back at you as though making fun of you. A hand touches your cheek and shifts your face so that you make eye contact with Yunho. He sighs as he looks down at you, no doubt seeing the dark circles under your eyes.

"You put too much pressure on yourself."

"No, no, that's not it. I just procrastinate too much." You shrug out of Yunho's touch, and he doesn't persist. Rather, he lets you go and moves to sit on the edge of your bed while you continue to stare at your screen. "I need to plan better. Then I wouldn't get so behind."

"You're a perfectionist, Y/N. It's hard for you to get things up to your own standards since they're too high." You hum again. "You know I read an article on perfectionism in students."

"Interesting."

"Talked a lot about how anxiety has a tendency to force perfectionism into students."

"Huh."

"Are you even listening to me?" Yunho asks, a slight whine to his tone.

"To be honest, no. I'm still thinking about my paper." You fidget in your chair, swiveling from side to side while you look at your laptop. Something catches the chair and keeps you from moving anymore, then Yunho pulls you around so you're face to face with him. You huff but let him tug the chair closer to the bed until your knees are touching.

"Y/N."

"Yunho."

"Let's take a break, yea?"

"I can't yet. I need to keep working on th--"

"You need to take a break, Y/N. Please?"

"Give me one good reason to."

"Cuddles." Yunho grins at you, resituating his hat a bit. "Kisses. Sex."

"Yunho, knock it off!" You whine but the smile still forces it's way onto your lips as Yunho laughs at your reaction.

"Sorry, what was that? No sex?"

"Shut up, Yunho!"

"I'm not hearing a no? Do you want to or--"

"Please just kiss me already." You interrupt, placing your hands on either side of his face, and shift off your chair to sit in Yunho's lap instead. He laughs but does as asked, pressing his lips to yours hastily.

"Mm don't take your time with this, baby. I've patient enough, don’t you think?”

...

a/n: is this cute or nah i swear the more i write these the less confident i get yeehaw

[pandi-art]

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE B.U!

!UPDATED VERSION! THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE EXPLAINED.

(Updates are in the 2nd part (hyyh notes) in bold characters.)

Hi ! Long time no see. It's been 500 years since I posted my last theory. I'm coming back today with this brand new one. By gathering all the information we were given I realized the BU isn't that complicated and stuff start to make sense when you understand each of their characters and put everything in chronological order. So hold on to your wigs my dears.

This post will be divided in 3 parts :

Members profile

Hyyh notes (summary) and videos in chronological order

My conclusion (theory)

Sources for translated hyyh notes :

- https://docs.google.com/document/d/19wOFwTDQiD-DAxabwxlt4wV_Eq6Y6dKEihckWIwQm3g/mobilebasic

- @papercrowns (marked by this annotation*) + all the quoted notes from the update.

This is the story of 7 boys with different coping mechanisms. This is a story about how friendship grows over time. This is a story about the long path leading to self love.

I. MEMBERS PROFILE

Jungkook

Age: 17 (the youngest)

Family : - Mother / Alive

- Step-father / Alive

- Step-brother / Alive

- Not really close with family.

- Runs away often.

Use to get bullied by step-brother. « [...] my stepfather clearing his throat. My stepbrother continuously kicking me while laughing. My stepfather's relatives would look elsewhere or talk about meaningless things. As if I didn't exist, as if I was nothing. In front of them, my mother stood helplessly. »

Strengths : Strong composure ; in touch with his feelings and values ; true to himself ; brave ; attentive ; empathetic ; idealist.

Weaknesses: Habit of keeping his emotions for himself and depreciating his own struggles ; Stubborn ; Tendency of isolating himself in hard times ; Sensitive ; Trouble expressing feelings.

Fears: Losing the ones he loves ; Going back to the time when he didn't know his hyungs.

His place in the group dynamic. - « the 15 year old me who had nothing » (cf. Begin). His hyungs taught him what his parents failed to pass on. They're his second family. He's the youngest and is being treated as such. He's always there when his hyungs need him.

- Is closer with Yoongi because of their shared passion for music.

Interests : Music; drawing.

Analysis: Jungkook has trouble accepting the fact that the hyungs whom he looks up to so much are becoming very unstable. The feeling of « home » his hyungs gave him is compromised. He doesn't react well to that. In the notes he talks about having a nightmare « Yoongi hyung was standing on the bed. Flames shooting up from the edge of the sheet. In that moment my whole body became entangled in rage and fear that I couldn't hold back. I wasn't someone who spoke well. I was slow to express my feeling or to convince anyone else. Tears welled up and I coughed and words would not come out. As I ran into those flames the only words I could manage to spit out were,  «  We promised to go to the beach together. »*

He starts to adopt an attention seeking behavior. We might not have realized that, but Jungkook emphasized several times how for a big part of his life he was considered basically invisible (ex : his family ignoring him while his stepbrother was beating him). When he met the others, for the first time in his life he felt like he mattered. He was suddenly loved and important. Taking that away from him triggered buried emotions which he didn't know how to deal with.

« I finally fulfilled my wish. When I saw the hooligans on the street, I bumped into them and got a beating. As they beat me, I laughed.  [...] I felt the tears coming and purposefully let myself cry »

The boy who rarely shows his emotions purposefully let himself cry out loud. He stands on top of buildings rising his hands like he's gonna jump. He shakes his hyung's shoulders as a cry for help. He gets himself beat up. He walks nonchalantly near the road... Would it really matter if a car comes too fast ?

« [ ...] holding out both of my hands for balance [...] That gave me an idea that I could die if I just took one more step. [...] No one would be sad if I was not around anyway »

Jungkook is crying for help in his own way. He wants to help his hyungs more than anybody. He wants to save the ones who saved him.

Taehyung

Age : 19

Family : - Father / Alive

- Older sister / Alive

- History of domestic violence.

Strengths : Observant, Naturally sociable, Curious, Enthusiastic, Imaginative.

Weaknesses : Impulsive ; Has difficulty focusing ; Poor practical skills ; Highly emotional ; Overthink things ; Can't stand being restrained by rules or higher authorities.

Fears : His father ; Becoming like his father. « in my body Dad's blood flows. Is there violence in me too? There is something that wants to burst out of my tightly prepared self-defense net. »

His place in the group dynamic : Taehyung doesn't mind being a follower, he doesn't need to ask that many questions, he has infinite trust towards his hyungs and if one of them jumped from a window and shouted from the ground to do the same with no reasons he would do it. He catches on things quickly, if one of them was hiding something he would notice it even though he won't say anything. He's more on the extroverted side, he's always down for new challenges and adventures that can involve going out of his comfort zone.

He looks up to Namjoon a lot, maybe because Namjoon seem to be more free-spirited, open-minded and confident about his thoughts.

Interests : Although being full of ideas and creativity, doesn't have any apparent hobby. Enjoys hanging out and playing with his friends the most.

Analysis: Taehyung is the kind of person who enjoys people's company and different stories. He couldn't count on his father for being the company he needed. All the advice and support he should've received from his father, he received from his hyungs which built this unique admiration towards them. He's stuck between wanting to make his hyungs proud and the need to evacuate his overflowing unexpressed frustration by acting up (vandalism etc...). By not respecting the law, he proves that no one can put chains around him, not even the police. He's seeking for the freedom his father took away from him.

Jimin

Age : 19

Family : - Mother / Alive

- Father(?) / Unknown

- Siblings(?) / Unknown

Strengths : Altruistic, Tolerant, Reliable, Clever.

Weaknesses : Too sensitive ; Low self-esteem ; Perfectionist ; Struggles to make tough decisions.

Fears : Letting people down

His place in the group dynamic : He gets along with everyone, not the type who would bring trouble to the group. He acts fine in order to up the mood of his friends, doesn't want them to worry.

Interests : Dance

Analysis : Jimin suffers from post traumatic disorder since an event that happened in an arboretum when he was a kid. (from Yoongi's notes) «I had been walking along with my head down [...] When I almost collided with someone, I lifted my head. Jimin was standing there as if frozen in place. The muscles in his face trembled as if had seen something terrifying. He was staring at a sign that said « Flowering Arboretum, 2.2km »

He often goes to the hospital to treat his illness because he sometimes get seizures. We don't exactly know what happened there but he briefly talked about in his notes. He was apparently on a school trip and decided to disobey the teacher and wander in the arboretum on his own. He got lost and it started raining. He was extremely scared. When Jimin talks about this experience, he refers it as him acting selfish. Probably meaning he got everyone worried because of his own selfish and immature behavior. He walked until he came across a storage space. We don't know what happened next.

After being treated at the hospital for the umpteenth time he chose to lie to his doctor by saying he didn't remember what happened at the arboretum. He was tired of fighting.

However two years later, he decided to face his fears by finally going to the arboretum. « I had to stop living in hiding in the hospital and stop having seizures. If I wanted to do that, I had to go to that place. » He goes to the bus stop every day but can't seem to ride the bus because he doesn't have enough courage. Until one day Yoongi appears and Jimin, on an impulse, asks him if he wants to come with him. We don't know what happened after that.

His ptsd is expressed through the symbolism of water (he was lost in the rain) in the hyyh videos. When will Jimin finally overcome his trauma ? What really happened in the arboretum ? Those are some of the questions we're left with, with no answers.

Hoseok

Age : 20

Family : - Mother / Unknown

- Father(?) / Unknown

- Orphan since he was 7 (Mother abandoned him in an amusement park)

Strengths : Strong sense of duty ; loyal ; warm ; good at connecting with others.

Weaknesses : Too critical on himself ; too selfless sometimes ; places importance on what is socially acceptable (very cautious).

Fears : Fear of abandonment.

His place in the group dynamic : He's the tension reliever. He doesn't miss any opportunity to have fun with his friends, he's also very loyal and always there for them. Considers Jimin like his little brother since the day they met. He has a soft spot for him and feels like he has to take care of him since he learned about his illness. (Jimin's notes) «  It takes 2 hours walking from school to home. [...]just after the start of the new semester. Hyung approached me and stayed with me for 2 hours. In regards to the fact that our homes are not even in the same direction, I only found out a long time later. »

Interests : Dance

Analysis : Hoseok is a pretty bright person, and his main issues come from the fact that he was abandoned as a child by his own mother. His critical self has trouble accepting that hole he has in his heart, he doesn't know how to deal with negative emotions well. So he takes meds, thinking it will fix the sadness like it fixes a cold. Even though it doesn't, he still takes them just to put his mind at ease. « I take pills I don't even need and faint no matter the location. » (cf. Hoseok notes).  He'd rather overdose on pills and faint than go through sad emotions. He tries to find joy in every little moments. This is his coping mechanism. Faking it until he cant feel sadness anymore. « even if I hate it I smile, and even when I'm sad I smile. »

Namjoon

Age : 20

Family : - Father / Alive

- Mother / Alive

- Younger sibling / Alive

His family have a very poor financial situation.

Strengths : Logical, open-minded, values harmony, passionate, self-aware, idealist

Weaknesses : His self-awareness can become the element that triggers a spiral of negative thoughts ; he isolates himself when he feels misunderstood ; habit of blaming himself 

Fears : Growing up ; hurting people

His place in the group dynamic : Although there's something very pure about him, Namjoon has a very mature way of thinking compared to his peers. This is why the others come to him when they need advice or someone responsible.

Interests : Reading

Analysis : Namjoon has a sensitive soul and is full of different opinions about the world. He sees the corruptness, dishonesty and hollowness in adults and doesn't want to become like them. It doesn't mean he wants to behave like a kid either. Namjoon is idealistic and dreams about a world where his expectations wouldn't fall short unlike reality. In real life Namjoon is poor (mentioned it several times in the notes), his father is sick, his sibling often runs away from home and he lives in a container. He had to act like a grown up too soon and he hates that. His solitary self rebels by cutting all ties with the outside world and staying off the grid. The problem with that is that his friends might feel lonely in times when they need him the most, specially Taehyung...

Yoongi

Age : 21

Family : - Father / Alive

- Mother / Dead (passed away in a fire)

- Also implicitly mentions domestic abuse

Strengths: Independent, Hard-working, Determined, Confident (doesn't doubt his ideas and thoughts)

Weaknesses: Despises highly structured environments (following rules blindly, social conventions...) ; Is clueless about human relationships ; too careless sometimes

Fears: Losing someone (death) ; Himself

His place in the group dynamic : He seem to genuinely care for his friends and wants to help them (like helping Jungkook with music) but he 's more of an independent type of guy and likes to solve his own problems alone and do everything his way. It'd be great if he could listen to his peers more sometimes...

Interest : Music (he composes songs)

Analysis : Yoongi's house burned down when he was 15, his mother was in the house and died. Their piano burned down too. Yoongi refers to that piano  « that will never make a sound again » several times, we also see it in numerous videos. I think it represents his love for music that died the same day his mom did. It looks like his father isn't really supportive of him pursuing an artistic career. However Yoongi mentioned in his notes that his mother used to play the piano. So in my opinion, his mother was the only one encouraging him, cheering for him and hoping he'll succeed with his music. After she passed away, Yoongi probably gave up and lost his passion. Now this is where I think Jungkook played an important role. It is very possible that Jungkook's love for music may have ignited that passion back in Yoongi and made him start playing piano again. (more details in the notes summary)

Seokjin

Age : 22

Family : - Father / Alive

- Mother / Unknown

- Siblings / Unknown

his family seem to be somewhat wealthy (they can afford traveling and sending Jin overseas to study)

Strengths : Great analyst, imaginative, enthusiastic, objective, straight-forward.

Weaknesses : Very private, absent-minded, condescending

Fears : Living with regret for the rest of his life

His place in the group dynamic : The older brother. They all became very close overtime which surprised Jin who never experienced a friendship like this. He was pretty lonely most of his life and he suddenly had 6 younger brothers who he deeply cared about. He's the one who drives them around and sometimes pay for their meals.

Interests : Photography ; filmography

Analysis : When Jin first arrived in the school and didn't know anyone, he had an interesting conversation with the principal that sounded to this day still very mysterious to me. Some of the principal's words were « School in general is a dangerous place, we need order and control. Don't you think so as well ? ». « I trust that you'll do well » he says to a very nervous Jin who was looking down at the principal's shoes. Jin's father standing behind him also spoke to the principal « I am leaving him in your hands ». Now if you think about what you just read and couple that with the red bullet vcr (which is surprisingly pretty canon to the hyyh notes) you'll noticed that something suspicious is going on here. In the vcr Jin is wearing an earpiece, listening to what the principal is saying. The earpiece also appears in the red bullet concert poster and the short film Awake. It's a recurrent object linked to Jin's character. So my crazy theory is... That Jin is the principal's spy. Ok maybe « spy » isn't exactly the correct word but something shady is going between Jin's father and the principal and I'm pretty sure corruptness is involved. So Jin, after arriving at this new school, follows the footsteps of his father (we'll learn later that his father was in the same school and also sacrificed his friends for what exactly ? We don't know yet) and becomes this « spy » that will denounce every student (or maybe just a particular group of student... ) who don't follow the rules. Of course as he becomes close with the « delinquents » he learns true friendship and what it's like to be free and careless and as a result regrets his acts (he betrayed them a few times) and starts to dislike himself for being this corrupted person.

II. HYYH NOTES AND VIDEOS IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.

Each year represent Seokjin's age.

The updates are in bold characters! I also had to modify some of the old notes as my interpretation of them changed after reading the new ones.The modified one are in bold too. (Credit to @papercrowns for the quoted new notes)

YEAR 10

23 July 10

Hoseok – His mother brings him to an amusement park, tells him to close his eyes and count to 10. When he opens his eyes she's not there anymore. She abandoned him. Hoseok becomes traumatized every time someone asks him to count, he can't count passed 9. His ptsd (post-traumatic disorder) starts to show itself in the form of narcolepsy. He collapses every time he thinks about his mother.

29 December 10

Taehyung – He finds his father in the living room, he can't remember when he last saw him so he  runs to his embrace, but his father who reeked of alcohol curses at him and slaps him. He hits him several times and throws him against the wall. « Although his bloodshot eyes were scary, I couldn't cry because I was too scared. That was not my dad. No, he was, but it didn't feel like him. »

YEAR 11

6 April 11

Jimin – gets lost in the arboretum. Start of his trauma.

YEAR 16

Yoongi – House burns down with his mother still inside. She passes away that day.

YEAR 19

2 March 19

Seokjin – Comes back from the US and transfers to a new school. Has a mysterious conversation with the principal and his father.

12 June 19

Yoongi – They all ditch school and don't know where to go. Namjoon suggests the beach since it's a hot day. They all agree excitedly and decide to walk there since they don't have enough money to take the bus. They seem to be having a good time, they joke around a lot. Yoongi notices Jimin who suddenly stops with a terrified look on his face at a sign that says «Flowering Arboretum, 2.2 km ».

28 May 19

Jungkook - he asks his hyungs what their dreams are because he has to write a paper on future hopes. They all tell him their dreams and it matches with each of their personality and situation. Jungkook however doesn't know what he wants to become.

25 June 19

Seokjin – “I thought often, that a photo could never capture what the eyes can”. Seokjin is in the storage classroom reading the scribbling written on the walls. He wonders what kind of people were coming to this classroom before. At one point he wonders « And would there have been someone like me ? Someone who told the principal all about their friends.

30 August 19

Jimin – He thinks about how he has transferred schools so many times and how he's frequently admitted to the hospital. He feels lucky he found someone like Hoseok who was super nice to him since the beginning when he didn't know anybody at their school. Hoseok always stayed with him after school and they'd have fun. Jimin is scared because he wonders how long those good days will last.  

YEAR 20

20 March 20

Taehyung – Catches Seokjin talking on the phone with the principal. Seokjin tells the principal everything Taehyung and Yoongi did the last few days (skipping class, climbing over walls and fighting other kids). Taehyung can't believe what he's hearing. He's shocked and confused, but thinks that Seokjin must have had a good reason. « Because hyung knew more than me, and was smarter and older ». He tries to forget it and acts like nothing happened. « I went into the classroom smiling foolishly [...] I wouldn't tell anyone else that I had overheard that conversation ».

15 May 20

Namjoon – he's moving away in two weeks. Goes to their warehouse classroom that they claimed as their secret base one last time. He doesn't know if he'll ever get the chance to come back. He doodles the words « You must survive » unconsciously on a piece of paper and then folds it into a ball and puts it in his pocket. Before leaving he fogs up the window with his breath and writes « We will meet again » hoping it's a promise between them.

25 June 20

Yoongi – Yoongi keeps a half-burned piano key he found in the ruins of his mother's room after the fire. He hasn't been to school for 10 days. He can't stand living in his house with his dad anymore. The house is silent all the time « to the point it becomes suffocating ». He hates living under his father's rules and predetermined time-table. He hates depending on him financially and always having to listen to his scoldings.

Jungkook – Two weeks ago, when the teacher discovered their secret classroom, there were only Jungkook and Yoongi there. Jungkook, who had skipped class again, was listening to Yoongi play the piano. Jungkook was so amazed by Yoongi playing the piano that he started having tears in his eyes. Suddenly, the door of the class violently opened and next thing he knew he was on the ground after being slapped very hard by his teacher. When he turned around his saw Yoongi sheltering him with his body and pushing the teacher back.

Today Jungkook is alone in the classroom, he just learned the news that Yoongi got expelled. He's sad and wonders if he got expelled because of him. « If it wasn't for me, hyung wouldn't have hit the teacher. If it wasn't for me, hyung would still be here playing the piano. »

12 July 20

Jin – it's the start of the summer vacation. Jin is leaving the school. He feels guilty about telling the principal about the storage classroom. He didn't know Jungkook and Yoongi would be in here at that time. No one knows he was the complicit. « As I passed the school gate, I thought of the first day I had come to this school. We had all been punished for tardiness together. We could laugh because of it. I had ruined these moments » .

15 September 20

Hoseok – Jimin's mother and Hoseok are in the emergency room after Jimin had a seizure at the bus stop. Jimin's mother is extremely worried and she keeps on checking if everything is well in the room. Hoseok is impressed and intimidated by Jimin's mom even though she seemed very warm. She keeps thanking Hoseok, but she obviously can only think about her son right now. «  I suddenly felt an invisible line being drawn between Jimin's mother and myself. That line was sure and solid [...] It was a line that I could never surmount. » He thinks about how he lived in an orphanage for 10 years and how he'll never feel that motherly love.

28 September 20 

Jimin – He's still in the hospital. He stopped counting the days. He lost hope and gave up on the idea of getting out. He's medicated and according to him it makes everything dull and boring. Today is the day he told his first lie. He told the doctor that he didn't remember a thing (about what happened in the arboretum probably). This is the beginning of his new « coping » mechanism = lying.

30 September 20

Jungkook – He stills goes to their secret classroom alone even though his hyungs don't go there anymore. « I suddenly realized : those days were gone and they would never return. » Him going back to that room even though the hyungs don't symbolizes how he's the most dedicated in terms of working hard to maintain their friendship. Jungkook's « coping » mechanism is his hyungs and this is why they mean so much to him and he wants to spend time with them. It's a healthier coping mechanism (seeking for mutual support ) compared to his hyungs.

YEAR 21

25 February 21

Hoseok – He's practicing a dance in a studio. He feels the best when he's dancing.  He looks at himself in the mirror, he wants to grasp that moment and take the most of it « because it's a time where I can be myself ». He doesn't feel the need to wear a « mask » when he dances.

A year passes by without any news.

17 December 21

Namjoon – He takes the bus to go back to the school he left a year ago. He's tired of the same boring routine and wants to run away from poverty. His father is still pretty ill.

YEAR 22

2 March 22

Hoseok – He's talking about how he liked his part-time job at a fast-food restaurant because he likes being around people. « If I smiled brightly and spoke loudly and reacted cheerfully, even by force, I could eventually trick myself into believing I actually felt that way. »

Even though some days were difficult, he was able to endure it all because he had his friends by his side. But now that Seokjin transferred school without a word, Namjoon moved away, Yoongi cut ties with them since he got expelled, Taehyung whose whereabouts are always a mystery and Jimin who never came back to school after he was once again admitted to the hospital, Hoseok only really saw Jungkook sometimes outside with his school uniform, but he never visited the store.

29 March 22

Taehyung – He gets hit by the owner of the gas station for doing graffiti on his wall. He remembers how he started doing graffiti. How he felt relieved as if all his stress disappeared when he was doing it. He felt good seeing all the bright colors against the gray wall. All of his feelings were spread out on a wall. Even if it wasn't pretty, it was him. He was surprised when Namjoon suddenly joined him while smiling and handing him a spray can. Namjoon's presence instantly made him feel good.

7 April 22

Yoongi is drunk and wandering down the streets at night when he suddenly hears the sound of a piano. The melody is familiar and he knows oh so well where that sound comes from. He runs towards the music store. He sees through the window someone sitting in front of the piano, crying, their hands curled into fists. Although many years had passed Yoongi recognized Jungkook at once. He doesn't want to comfort him because he's not confident he can protect him so he'd rather not intervene. He doesn't want to hurt him. But before he can leave he hears « Hyung ». They're both seeing each other for the first time since Yoongi quit high school.

11 April 22

Seokjin – He dreams about Taehyung standing alone on the top of the observatory platform at the beach. « This happened on May 22. It was the past and the future. » I think Seokjin has the ability to have visions of the future. The things he sees may or may not happen. It all depends on him (or at least that's what he thinks). He has this vision that something's going to happen on May 22 and he's scared. « When I opened my eyes again it was today, April 11th ». It feels like he's traveling through time with his visions. In my opinion those are just bad thoughts and nightmare produced by stress. But for our unstable Seokjin it means more than that. (I go deeper on the theory of how he can't let go of the past later)

Seokjin - He goes alone to the beach they used to go 2 years ago. He remembers all the good times. Those times are shown in the Prologue video. (The first part where Taehyung is covered in blood happened way after the rest of the video when they all hang out at the beach) « Although we [...] had nothing and had no idea of what the future held, at least we were together ». While driving, he decides at the last minute to go to the gas station to see Namjoon. He decides he's going to fight for their friendship.

Namjoon - He has to deal with bad costumers who throw money out of their car. Someone picks up the money for him. It's Seokjin. Even though Seokjin knows all about his situation Namjoon still has trouble facing him because he feels embarrassed about his poverty and his cowardliness (as he says).

Jungkook – I NEED U scene where he gets beat up by the thugs (on purpose : « I finally fulfilled my wish »)

Jungkook - He is standing on the top of a building, one foot hanging in the air. He thinks about how everything would end if he took one more step. He closes his eyes and slowly lean forward. The fear suddenly went away. He was going leave this world without thinking about anything. But then, as he held his breath and was about to jump, his phone rang. It was Yoongi. Jungkook comes back to his senses.

Yoongi - Him and Jungkook go to meet the others in Namjoon's container. Hoseok who's also at Namjoon's is surprised when he sees that Yoongi showed up. It's been a really long time since they all saw Yoongi. Taehyung and Namjoon are also there. Yoongi notices how the atmosphere when they're together is still the same as if they were in their old classroom. « How long had it been since we met like this ? I couldn't remember. [...] This was a place I had come to for the first time, but my heart was at ease. »

28 April

Namjoon notices things aren't going very well for Taehyung lately. He's always at the police station and has bruises on his body. Namjoon doesn't want to push Taehyung to talk to him about his worries, he's waiting for Taehyung to say it himself.

Taehyung has a nightmare again, about Yoongi dying.

2 May 22

Yoongi – His room is slowing catching on fire. Yoongi thinks about his father and how he never understood him. He's having trouble breathing and starts feeling the heat but suddenly he hears Jungkook's voice shouting from nearby.

Jungkook – After saving Yoongi from the fire Jungkook is back in Namjoon's container. He can't tell what happened. « My whole body trembled, and I wanted to cry. But no tears came* » He remembers how he opened the door and how Yoongi was standing in the middle of the flames. Jungkook felt rage and fear. The only thing he was able to shout was « We promised to go to the beach together. »

Namjoon shakes Jungkook's shoulder and feels his forehead to see if he has a fever. « I had a throbbing headache and my throat hurt. * » But Jungkook feels relieved when he sees Namjoon taking care of him.

19 May 22

Jimin – He's out of the hospital. Decides he wants to face his fears so he plan on going to the Flowering Arboretum. He lets three buses pass by at the bus stop because he has trouble gathering the courage to go. Yoongi comes and sit next to him. He does some small talk until another bus comes by and Jimin asks him to come with him.

20 May 22

Taehyung breaks down and almost kills his father. « Instead of stabbing my father I had hit the floor with the alcohol bottle. The bottle had shattered and cut my hand »*. He couldn't take it anymore. The whole thing is like a blur to him, he didn't even notice his father leaving the room.  But Taehyung is here in the room with a bandage on his hand and Hoseok is standing besides him wordlessly. « In my heart I killed him so many times I can't even begin to count them. I want to kill him. [...] I don't know what to do »* Taehyung stares down at Namjoon's phone number. He really wants to see him right now.

Hoseok goes to the police station with Taehyung for emotional support. He feels bad for him because he knows how much Taehyung has suffered.

22 May 22

Namjoon is walking down the beach alone while talking on the phone. « we're only a year apart. No, apparently someone said so. I'm his hyung. I know. But he can't be a young kid forever. Isn't time that he deal with it alone ? Got it. I get it. No I'm not getting mad. I'm sorry. »*

Taehyung sees Namjoon and hides himself so he won't see him. He overhears his phone conversation and gets very angry. He wants to hit him but contains himself. He's scared to become like his father. I'm still not sure to why Taehyung got so angry at what Namjoon said but I assume Namjoon was talking about Taehyung in his phone call and instead of being a friend Namjoon is basically saying that he's fed up of being the responsible one every time and cleaning up his mess so he'd would rather let Taehyung deal with his issues so he would maybe learn to think more before acting so carelessly.

Taehyung - « Hyung, is that all ? Isn't there something else you are hiding from us ? Taehyung and Jin get into a fight. Probably about Jin, the principal, and everything else he's hiding from the others. Namjoon tries to calm Taehyung down but Taehyung remembers the phone call he overheard and gets even more angry. He feels alone. « What's so special about being together ? What are we to each other. We're all alone in the end. » Seokjin hits Taehyung.

The same day (or night)

Jungkook describes like a weird dream where he sees the moon and he hears someone telling him « Living is more painful then dying. Do you still want to live? ». He also mentions how he can't open his eyes and how his body feels heavy and seems to float at the same time. It feels like he's losing consciousness.

12 May

Hoseok thinks he saw his mother passing by. He run towards her but when he finally calls her, the woman who turns around isn't his mom. Hoseok realizes that what he was doing was ridiculous, he doesn't even remember what his mother looks like. Jimin who was following him witnessed the whole scene.

15 May

Jimin - They all help Jimin escape the hospital. Hoseok takes Jimin, Namjoon is on the look out , Yoongi was distracting the nurse, and Taehyung and Jungkook were waiting for them near the elevator. Jimin dreamed about this moment for a long time. The time he'll finally get out of the hospital and meet his friends.

16 May

Jimin - After running out of the hospital Jimin is going to live at Hoseok’s house because he doesn’t want to see his parents. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't stay in the hospital any longer.

25 May 22

Yoongi -  Highlight Reel scene when he's playing piano with the girl and she takes his cigarette. Maybe seeing Jungkook again made him want to restart playing music.

31 May 22

Highlight Reel scene where Jimin is filming Hoseok dancing.

Hoseok – He's in the practice room with his friend. He'd known her for 10 years and they learned dancing together. While they're playing around he suddenly starts having a panic attack because he started thinking about his mother again.

5 June 22

Namjoon – Highlight Reel scene where he meets the girl handing flyers on the bridge.

8 June 22

Yoongi- He was thinking about how the girl took his lighter when he suddenly receives a text message that makes him smile. « I didn't know what was so great, but the me wearing a tight red colored t-shirt that had the word « Dream » on it was smiling like a fool ». I think he received a text from the girl, and maybe she was talking about something related to music, like a song he composed ?

13 June 22

Jin is remembering the last time they all went to the sea together. That night he had a fight with Taehyung (he probably confronted him about everything he's heard and wanted to know the reason behind his betrayal). Jin punched Taehyung (BST Japanese ver. Scene) and Taehyung ran out. While Jin is remembering that he wonders when he'll have the courage to face himself entirely and smile together with his friends like the photo of them at the sea he's keeping.

[ Some people think Euphoria is another timeline where Jin fixed everything but I don't think so. First of all Taehyung still has his bandage on his hand so the thing with his father still happened. I think this is just Seokjin imagining the best outcome, what would happen if they'll finally reunite and be happy together like before.]

He suddenly receives a message from Hoseok that says Jungkook got into a car accident the other night. « The other night » probably meaning May 22nd when Jungkook notes were weird and talked about losing consciousness and having hallucinations.

Coincidentally enough, an image of Jungkook getting hit by a car flashes on the screen just before the Euphoria video ends.

Yoongi immediately runs to the hospital after hearing the news but when he sees Jungkook « lying down with corpses like patients passing by » he can't even enter the room, he can't even look at Jungkook. This is triggering him and he feels like a voice inside his head is telling him that it's his fault. He's drunk and pushes away the girl who grabs his arm. He needs to be alone. He doesn't want to hurt anyone.

Yoongi is traumatized by what happened to his mother and is afraid the same thing will happen to Jungkook. This moment is well expressed in the First Love short film where a car crashes into the music shop and burns the piano. Jungkook's car accident triggers his memory of the burning piano ( = his mom passing away).

14 June 22

Jungkook – Highlight Reel scene where he's in a wheelchair and meets the girl in the hospital hallway.

18 June 22

Taehyung – Highlight Reel scene where he catches the girl trying to steal in the convenience store and buys her the stuff she wanted to steal.

25 June 22

Taehyung – They meet in the convenience store for the third time, this time she follows him when he gets out which makes Taehyung laughs because she's trying to be discreet but she's not at all. They interact for the first time.

30 June 22

Namjoon is in an elevator and the girl he met on the bridge suddenly enters. He notices that her hair is tied with a yellow rubber band. This might have reminded him of his poverty. I think he also sees something pure about this girl. He's seeing innocence, which is something he missed a lot. This is why he's so intrigued by her and wants to know her more but doesn't have the courage to interact with her.

3 July 22

Jimin is practicing really hard at the dance studio. He wants to impress Hoseok but he feels like he's nowhere near his level which frustrates him. He just wants to be recognized as a serious equal partner that can match Hoseok so he's being really hard on himself.

4 July 22

Jimin – While he was dancing with « noona from the dance club », he made a wrong movement and they both collided. Jimin injured himself. He's in the bathroom trying to clean the blood on his arm while shaking. He thinks about the Arboretum thing and realized he hasn't overcome it at all. After coming back to his senses he remembers his noona fell too. He runs after them under the rain with an umbrella but realizes it was useless because it's too late. He's completely disappointed in himself and thinks the only thing he's good at is leaving people behind and trembling at his own pain only.

Same day

Hoseok takes care of the girl and brings her to the hospital. While she's receiving aid he notices an airplane ticket in her bag. He realizes she got the audition she took for an overseas dance team. He acts like he didn't see anything because he doesn't have the courage to congratulate her. He feels broken inside. It feels like it's all happening over again. She's going to left him just like his mother did.

(From now on, each of their stories will follow the same pattern. The girls they met are going to leave them one by one.)

11 July 22

Seokjin – Highlight Reel scene where the girl drops her journal and he picks it up.

13 July 22

Namjoon – notices the girl with the yellow rubber band on the bus sitting in front of him, she's sleeping. He thinks about how they rode the same bus and went to the same library for 3 weeks. He finally decides he's not going to try anything. He leaves a hair band on top of her bag and exits the bus. « That was not a beginning nor an end. It was nothing to start with and there was no reason for it to be anything. So I thought it really didn't matter ».

16 July 22

Jungkook is still in the hospital. He's singing a song to himself. The song's lyrics and melody make him feel emotional.

17 July 22

Taehyung got super close with the convenience store girl within a month. They hung out often and shared a lot of good memories together. But today she's nowhere to be found. She drew a big « X » on all the graffiti they made together. It was like she drew an X on all of their memories. Taehyung is angry. He doesn't know why she did that. « Why ? Of course there were no response. I kept walking. We were alone again. Me and her. »

20 July 22

Namjoon is in a library. Seeing the books remind him of his time in high school. He wonders if he grew up since then. He wants to get back everything he had given up. (his friendships?)

26 July 22

Jungkook is healed. Highlight reel scene where he runs to give flowers to the girl but no one is in her room.

Jungkook thinks about all the good times he spent with the girl in the hospital. He remembers that the stories he told her were only stories about his hyungs. « I only existed inside my relationship with them. [...]There may come a day when they would no longer be at my side. » Jungkook slowly realizes that his friendship with his hyungs maybe isn't the healthiest there might be.

28 July 22

Jimin got used to practicing dance late at night. He notices how his skills improved as much as he practiced. He realizes that he's getting more and more confident with his dance. The fear of doing mistakes slowly disappears and he can finally have fun while dancing.

29 July 22

Yoongi – He mentions that he gave up on music several times but always ended up going back to playing it again. I think the day Jungkook had his accident he stopped playing the piano, however today he started wanting to play again. « I didn't want to run away. I wanted to complete the melody that had been made by the guitar and piano. »

3 August 22

Seokjin - All seven of them go back to their old secret classroom together. They accidentally find Seokjin's father's journal (well hidden). But he only wrote bad moments up until a point where he just completely stopped writing about his friends. His last page is covered in dark ink and it bled onto the next pages. Seokjin thinks it's like it was predicting his father's failures. It seems like it represents the beginning of him choosing corruption over his friends.  

There are hidden letters behind the ink stains. Seokjin reads them (but doesn't tell us what they are). He's happy they got to go to the classroom because he thinks this is destiny and he had to find this notebook for a reason. He had to realize his mistakes and not reproduce what his father did, and also « find a map to his soul ». Which I think means forgive himself and learn to love himself.

11 August 22

Taehyung - He finds a message the girl wrote on the wall. It basically says that she didn't left because of him or because she thought he was a bad person.

The same day Taehyung decides to confront his father. He intervenes while his father was beating his older sister. Not by fighting back though. He tries to hold his father's arms down. He has a realization. «I'm not like my father. I'm going to protect our family. »

13 August 22

Hoseok – He broke his ankle so he can't dance. He watches Jimin and the girl dance in the practice room. By watching as a spectator he realizes that Jimin's « mistakes » he used to point out actually come together to give a unique feeling. Jimin's dance was different from his but it no case less good. Hoseok thinks it was actually really beautiful and heart-moving.

15 August 22

Seokjin – He finally finds a flower shop that sells smeraldos. He visited other shops but none of them did. He orders them for delivery because they haven't officially opened yet. The only reason he needs this specific flower is because he wants to make her happy. And he knows she loves this flower in particular.

30 August 22

Seokjin –  While he gets ready for his date, he has a vision about the girl dying in front of his very own eyes. He's scared. His mood switches completely, he decides to go on his date with a casual outfit.

The follow-up (update) of the 30 August note is at the end of my theory. I decided to place it there because it just confirms what I wrote pretty well and it makes a good conclusion. Also it's the last note in chronological order.

----------------------------------

OKAY.

So now that we went over everything in chronological order (I can't believe it took 12 pages), it is now T time my children. And no, T doesn't stand for tea.

It stands for THEORY.

Seokjin's « girlfriend » tragically dies in front of his own eyes. It is all really similar to the original story of the smeraldo flower. I don't know if any of you heard of it but basically it's about a guy who hid himself in his castle because of his hideous looking appearance. One day, a woman appeared in his garden, she took a flower and left. It angered him in the beginning. The next day she did the same, and the day after, and the day after that too. He started becoming curious about the woman and began waiting for her each day. He then learned that the girl was actually selling the flowers to make a living. He desperately wanted to help her but he couldn't show himself, he was scared he'd terrify her. So he decided to create a flower that doesn't exist on this planet so the woman could sell them at an expensive price. When he finally made the flower he filled his garden with it. But the woman stopped coming. He waited for her everyday but she never came. He eventually found out that she had died.

Jin, who didn't love himself, decided to wait until he could buy the smeraldo flower. An exceptional flower that would impress her. Instead of meeting her with only his humble self. He didn't have the confidence. But in the end, it was all for nothing, because she died.

It's the same with his friends. Instead of being present and here for them, he waited because he didn't have confidence or felt like he didn't deserve their friendship. Which led to them getting into even more troubles and feeling more lonely.  

The camera Seokjin carries all the time symbolizes his constant regret, his willingness to turn back time and the fact that he doesn't live in the present at all.

He wants to record the innocence and genuine moments because it's not something he's often exposed to in the world he lives in (higher social status, business like relationships with everyone his family knows). He wants to keep this forever. He keeps filming even during bad moments as if doesn't want to face reality and wants to make every moment good. His coping mechanism is denial. But because of his denial, he alienates himself from the others.

At the end of the prologue, when Yoongi doesn't appear next to him in the Polaroid, it symbolizes how he's slowly parting away from his friends who are left alone.

In the Highlight Reels, during the scene where Seokjin is choosing what he's going to wear to meet the girl, the date « 30 August » appears on the screen. When he changes he accidentally knocks down a vase of white lilies. White lilies symbolizes innocence and are often use in funerals. The camera pans on the fallen lilies. It's foreshadowing the girl's imminent death.

In the notes Seokjin says that after seeing the girl died he thought « If only I could turn back time ».

« IF » so I don't think he really does. Although I'm a fan of time traveling stories, I feel like all the « time traveling » stuff we got were in Seokjin's imagination.

Seokjin becomes obsessed with the idea of turning back time and finding the exact moment that triggered all the other bad events. He desperately wants to find a cause, a reason to each of their suffering. This is what the notes are in my opinion. It's a collection of logs, events and dates, and it's like Seokjin is investigating through them to find out what went wrong (so if he was giving the power to turn back time he would go to that time in particular). He's making up theories (if I did that instead, this would've happened) and looking for clues, just like us.

But our pain in life doesn't come from just one event. It's a series of happening, the way we perceive things, the way we grew up, our environment, our personality, SO much things are involved that it's impossible to just go back to one point in life and fix the life of 7 different people at once.  

This is my interpretation on things of course and I think the message they're trying to convey is instead of regretting what happened in the past and making up scenarios of « what would've been better » like Jin did, we should own up to our mistakes and accept ourselves. Like he does in the intro Epiphany. The lyrics are saying that he should love himself and that he's perfectly imperfect.

In the last scene of the Highlight Reels, it looks like he goes back to the time he was choosing his clothes for his date. However this time he decides not to go on the date so instead of wearing his suit he wears a cap and a t-shirt, but he looks extremely unhappy. That shows that turning back time isn't the solution and doesn't equal happiness. The words Seokjin narrates just before this scene are « If we could turn back the clock, where should we go back to ? Once we reached that place, can all our mistakes and errors be undone ? Will happiness be ours to stay? ». The answer is in the next scene. By seeing Seokjin's expression, it's obviously no. Turning back the clock won't give you happiness.

In the Euphoria video which represents their ultimate « happy ending » and the goal they're working for, Seokjin who had his curtains closed because he didn't want to see the truth and face reality, finally decides to open them.

He witnesses that the world is burning outside of the safe cage he made for himself. He's scared at first, but then he smiles.

He's freeing himself from the prison he created, he's no longer trapped in his denial. And at the end of the video, he throws the camera into the water. He will no longer live with regret and chooses to finally start living in the present.

- END

30 August 22

Seokjin – He's on the date with the girl. After all this time he finally realizes that hiding behind a mask wasn't the solution. He decides he'll be himself from now on. He leaves his date after apologizing. « I went out on the street and took off my hat. As I swept my hair back, all the time I had spent trying hard to be someone else seemed to slip through my fingers ».