#sigghhhhhhh

[5weetmeat]

woke up. headache.i should have known that this will happen. should have known better and never wake up at all

[lolomustdie]

ok so um I'm gonna get a little down and gritty here uhhh, so one day I'm gonna be moving and for private reasons me and my family r having our phones completely wiped and cleared out so if one day me and my blog disappear without warning u know the reason, IF this does affect my tumblr acc I will definitely be back so dw uhhhhhh it's not 100% set in stone that this will happen but I'm just gonna warn y'all 👩‍🦲

EDIT: Ok so NVM UH I googled my situation and as long as I don't have Tumblr downloaded my account should be fine so forget that!!

[water-lemon-alex]

the tumblr posting experience is so painful. because of my timely bad internet connection, i have a 50/50 chance of actually saving or uploading my post 💀

[a-high-femme]

my favorite blush just shattered 🥲

[cvsette]

the fact that to work remote for ONE DAY I'd have to get permission from:

the two lawyers i report to

THEIR boss, who is a fucking PARTNER at the firm

the office manager/the partner's executive secretary

AND HR

is absolutely insane. meanwhile 75% of the lawyers on my floor arent in office any given day

[phicicle]

if you saw my tumblr going online here & there…… no you didn't……

[louisarmpits]

Remembering how good it was and wishing I could go back but knowing nothing lasts forever

[choccorin]

this year will either end with me killing myself or me being okay again

[tulpars-nurse-anya]

Going ooc rq but genuinely I need people to rp with ghelp I’m so bored akdkakdkakand

—🌟

[mittland]

patti scialfa, bruce springsteen & clarence clemons, 1988 (photos by rené van diemen)

[gaycardgamescentral]

hi umm. would anyone care to weep bitterly over card game idiots with me. because here's a short fic I finished just today and figured I may as well put up here :> canon-compliant, 1,599 words, and sad as hell lmaooooo

for the best

Synopsis: On the boat ride to the ceremonial duel, Atem reflects on duty, devotion, and all the things he wishes he could have instead. In a few hours, he’ll claim to be ready to move on to the afterlife. He’ll be lying.

A lifetime spent in devoted unfulfillment, sacrificed to someone who had no right to share it. He needed to move on, not for his own sake, but for his partner’s. Even if it would kill him a second time.

The pharaoh gazed quietly out a porthole window, transfixed by the gleaming light dancing across the surface of the river outside. The Nile…he hadn’t been sure he would ever see it, much less remember having seen it. And yet the memories were indeed there now, his to retread at last. When they’d first gotten on this ferry and began their little voyage, he’d spent a good while suddenly recalling events in his childhood that took place down by the banks of the river and sharing them with Yugi, who was delighted to hear about them. But behind that delight, there was a palpable sense of dread and sorrow as well. It was not one that his partner shared intentionally, but it was so strong that bits of it crept through the cracks of his happy smile anyway. He was sure that Yugi could sense the same thing from him, at least in small part. And hopefully it was a very, very small part, because if he could help it, Atem was hoping to push all the preemptive grief he was feeling down as far as it would go.

Atem. How strange it was to hear it again, at long last. He felt almost as if the person that name referred to was someone else, and he was merely an outsider ushered in awkwardly to fill their shoes. But then, according to his own memories, he’d always had a bit of that feeling. He hadn’t felt ready or worthy to be pharaoh, or lead an army, or most anything like that. He had always just grit his teeth and gotten through it, unwilling to back down from the responsibilities he knew were expected of him no matter how inadequate he felt. And the way he felt now was no different.

Yugi was lying on the bed behind him, not actually asleep but clearly tired. After such a long flight and an even longer time spent wandering around in Atem’s memories, the spirit couldn’t blame him for wanting to rest. He suppressed a sudden pang of longing as he was filled with the desire to do the same, lie down next to Yugi and feel the pull of gravity on his tired bones, reach out to the warmth of his partner beside him. He had felt Yugi’s touch in the sort of metaphysical sense that their soul rooms provided, and he was endlessly grateful for those moments, but it never quite felt the way it ought to. It was an impression, a recollection, an imagining of skin on skin that would forever be imperfect. Not like what he’d felt in his memories, clutching and supporting his comrades in a body that was no one’s but his own. Even then Yugi’s touch had fallen short of what he craved, his skin refusing to take in the feeling without reminding him in some small way that it was still imaginary. He could feel the touch of others when he was in control of Yugi’s body, but he still could not feel Yugi, and Yugi still could not feel him. The thought made him feel like he was sinking. If he only could give that touch, then perhaps…perhaps he wouldn’t have to depart this world in just a few short hours.

He knew Yugi would scoff at the idea, insist that a physical form was not so important and it was more than enough to have him at all. But Atem was keenly aware of all the little ways in which that wasn’t quite true. Yugi needed someone who could act on their own to help him, instead of needing his body to do it. Someone who could hold his hand, give him space, take up their own side of the bed with real, comforting weight. But no matter how much Atem wanted to, those were things he could never provide. And as long as he lingered in his partner’s shadow, he knew full well that Yugi wouldn’t seek them out in anyone else. A lifetime spent in devoted unfulfillment, sacrificed to someone who had no right to share it.

He needed to move on, not for his own sake, but for his partner’s. Even if it would kill him a second time.

And so he’d play the role he needed to, just as he always had. He’d claim he was ready, willing even. He’d put up a worthy fight and play by the rules; he’d even try to be honorable in building his ceremonial deck, instead of giving in to the temptation to build one that would use all the cheapest, most unfair tactics just so he could stay. He’d lay his life down at his best friend’s feet, beseech him to see the good in it, and bow out. It was just how things had to be. They both knew it.

“...Other me?”

He couldn’t help the attentiveness with which he turned to meet Yugi’s somber eyes. He tried to answer it with a reassuring smile. “Yes, partner?”

Yugi hesitated, lips pursed like he was biting the inside. A stress-driven habit, one he’d had for years. Atem tried not to think about how he knew what the damages left by it felt like; how heartbreaking it was to share such unimportant yet intimate knowledge of a person he had to part from so soon. “Won’t be too much longer til we get there,” Yugi murmured.

“Indeed.”

More silence. Then, seeming to gather his nerves, Yugi met his eye softly. “I, um. I’ve been trying to sleep, but I can’t.” He moved one hand to brush over the puzzle’s edges, tapping it lightly. “...Come help me out?”

Atem struggled for words, paralyzed, heart in his throat. He shouldn’t. It wasn’t fair, or right, or deserved for him to partake of Yugi’s company and comfort this way, would only make the parting sting more poignantly, he was sure. But…perhaps, if it was by Yugi’s request, he could let himself be just a little selfish. Just once. He nodded, trying as best he could to appear strong and reassuring, pretending he couldn’t feel the cracks in the facade. Yugi gave a small, watery smile. He closed his eyes, chest rising and falling with a deep breath as he relaxed more into the pillow. Getting to his feet, Atem approached and reached out a tentative hand, placing it upon the puzzle as he let his own eyes slip shut.

Yugi’s soul room was such an endearing disaster. To think that soon he’d never see it again…no, that wasn’t a thought he could handle right now. He looked away from the toy-strewn floor, directing his eyes to his partner instead. Yugi was seated on the bed, more or less a copy of the one in his real room, leaning back on a pile of pillows and stuffed toys. He patted the spot beside him, still wearing that watery, hopeful smile. Atem fought to keep his expression even and warm as he approached, sat down on the bed at a respectful distance—gave a shaky, involuntary inhale as Yugi immediately closed that distance, leaning into his side and resting his head on Atem’s shoulder.

Just one moment of selfishness. For both of them. 

His countenance crumbling at last, he pressed his cheek into Yugi’s hair and wrapped his arms around his partner’s slender shoulders, shuddering as Yugi’s wound around his chest in reciprocation. Yugi pressed in until his cheek rested on Atem’s chest, his body pressed as near to Atem’s as he could get it in an almost childlike bid for closeness and comfort, so close that Atem felt rather than heard the shaky little whimper he let out. And it didn’t feel real, or physical, just as it never had, but it felt like something, and he knew he’d beg for every scrap that Yugi could give him if only it were fair for him to do so. It wasn’t fair. None of this was. But he’d take what he was given all the same; he’d pull his partner closer, just for now, just until duty pulled him away. He’d etch this moment into his memory, so strong and so permanent that even his old sacrificial vow wouldn’t be powerful enough to take it from him. And when it was all over, when they had to say goodbye, he’d carry its comfort with him into whatever loneliness awaited.

“Atem.”

Just the sound of his voice, small but adamant, sent a pang through the pharaoh’s chest. “Yugi?”

“Do you…” Yugi paused, swallowed. His voice was a little thicker when he spoke again. “Is this what you want? What you really want?”

Atem held his breath, bit his cheek, felt the old familiar ridge he recalled from Yugi’s mouth. No. No, of course not. I meant what I said that night after the fire. I’d give anything to share a life with you, to stay by your side—I want to wake up next to you and help you make breakfast, and play games with you til our thumbs hurt, and comfort you when you’re upset, and laugh at all the little jokes that only make sense to us, and I want so badly to feel your touch and return it and give back every joy you’ve ever given me sevenfold, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in this life or my old one. Well…almost anything else.

The only thing I want more than that is what’s best for you.

He closed his eyes, and lied through his teeth, and tried not to hope that Yugi would see right through it.

[chitterychatterbox]

some doodles im pretty sure i haven’t shown

most of these are from last month but some were this week 😭

[eights-world]

he tried but it did not sell at all,, like ONE person bought it as a gag gift, so now he has like 200 of them in his house

hello everyone, thank you all for coming, hope traffic wasnt to bad. nooowww if youd all please take your seats, i will be throwing myself off this cliff—

+ bonus ig

[somethingaboutmint]

Anyone here use bluesky is it worth making an account

[epicdogymoment]

yr telling me the Contrarian Loner is actually flapping his hands excitedly in the safety of his own room??? ya

[sandsucks]

me at the end of lab: see you after spring break!

my professor: wait hold on, will you be laying at the beach next week?

me:

me: i don’t like the beach

him: well will you go skiing then?

me: i don’t really like being in the snow either

him:

me:

me: i’ll figure something out