#since Snow goose isn't getting a name change

[audible-smiles]

Notes: Horned wavey is the name given in the first recognizable written description of a Ross's goose. "Wavey" comes from an Algonquian term for geese, and "horned" refers to the barnacle-like caruncles males of this species grow at the base of their bill as they age. (Barnacle goose is an excellent name, but already taken.)

[whatsabriard]

Watch With Me: Hart to Hart 1x01

Episode Title: Pilot Original Air Date: 8-25-1979 Important Notes: This 2-hour Pilot episode did a great job of setting the series up, and introducing the viewer to Jennifer and Jonathan and the entity that is their powerhouse marriage. However, the show's internal canon was all over the place especially re: the early years of their marriage. So scenes discussing Jennifer's family and wedding should be taken with a grain of salt because they will all be ret-conned by the end of the series. This episode is the only time we hear the Hart's special song - Now, by the Carpenters - and the only episode missing its iconic theme song. (Mark Snow, I could kiss you on your mouth for that theme song.)

Quote of the Ep (tie): "If I rolled over right now and tried to make love to you, would you call the police?" Only if I thought you needed help.

"This is going to be your first time, isn't it?" To be fair, not exactly.

Right off the bat, they try to insinuate that Jonathan is not very involved with running Hart Industries, something that will change drastically. I mean, Deanne has been his secretary for a month and has never seen him?

"They found the missing Rembrandt" - were they trying to Thomas Crown this?

Jonathan might want to take Jennifer's mother out for her birthday - the mom that has been dead since Jennifer was a child. Oopsie.

They call the spa where they blackmail people "The Golden Goose" lmao. Smooth.

Jennifer is doing a series of articles on the nature of macho. She does intensive research - she's known for it. GASP.

I have no idea what Max was making in the blender with raw eggs and a dash of whiskey? And Jonathan gave it to Freeway? why god.

PS Freeway's actor's name was Charlie and he was 12 when the series ended. He's a Löwchen and my ass is on a waiting list for one with a friend in San Diego who just started in the breed a few years ago.

I have to warn you. I don't watch this show for plot. That would be stupid of me and you.

A Health Farm. what a weird concept. So 70s/80s.

Jill St John dressed as a baby during "regression therapy". Future wife of Robert Wagner, too, 11 years down the road.

"Shouldn't she be in school?" Jonathan Hart is a sarcastic little bitch sometimes.

18 minutes into the episode and we get our first look at Jennifer, racing to the Golden Goose in her Mercedes convertible which apparently does not have its signature "Hart" license plate.

"Even as a child I was all thumbs." It must have been painful for you to handle a yo-yo. Guess what. Jennifer is also a sarcastic little bitch sometimes.

Doing an enemies-to-lovers mini arc was pretty inspired. Do it tonight, bungalow 10. They wanted the viewer to believe Jennifer was an assassin.

This chick is teaching water aerobics in heels.

"Templeton, you got nerves."

His real name is Jonathan Hart - IT SEEMS HE FANCIES HIMSELF A DETECTIVE AS WELL.

He showed up for an undercover stint with his clothing custom made for his persona. That attention to detail is what makes Mr Hart better than your average mega-rich wanna-be detective.

"Apologize? You? Whatever for?" *smack*

Only the bravest men wear a white onesie. It's the confidence that pulls it off.

This lady smuggled alcohol into her room in her perfume bottles.

"This is going to cost me money?" LOL omg

One of the first scenes RJ and Stef filmed together was the long scene in bed. They nailed it. Chemistry everywhere all over the place.

"Your feet are cold." Compared to who, your fulsome friend? "She threw me out." No taste broad.

Like ok it's nice that they're all touchy and kissy in bed and stuff but the most important thing is that they talk. They really like each other. They're best friends. (*cough*cobert*cough*ihaveatype*cough*)

IRRIDESCENT NYLONS AND A UNITARD.

on this blog we try not to discuss natalie wood and the whole..you know...thing. but she has a cameo in this episode and it would be irresponsible not to mention it. we're like 2 years from The Incident, anyway.

Sylvia is wearing a bathing suit that has a hood? FASHION.

Stefanie Powers did her own hair and makeup for this show. So.

"How goes our first day?" This has all been one day? Jesus.

Jennifer's at a health farm doing exercising all day and she's laying in bed doing sit-ups. Psycho.

Then again, Max brought burgers for dinner so.

In this entire ass office of books for these supposed psychiatrists and they just happen to have a book by Jennifer.

ding dong sylvia is dead.

this episode has the first, last and only time Jennifer threatens to withhold sex as a way to control Jonathan. It's also one of the very few times they bicker, which was never a good look for them. The only other time was at the end of season five when the powers that be wanted one of them to cheat on the other, those absolute FUCKERS.

"You're thinking that if you kiss me I'll get all mushy."

"OK, what the hell. Let's stay. So we'll die together. Max will probably bury us."

JONATHAN. WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE RIGHT AWAY OR I SWEAR TO GO I'M BECOMING A NUN.

An entire scene of Jennifer and Jonathan "fighting" while flirting with each other.

award winning acting work by Jennifer, who can actually cry on cue.

i want ya'll to know that this is the first of many times that Jennifer is hypnotized on this show. she's getting drowsy...very drowsy. i'm p sure jonathan is only hypnotized once.

I have seen this episode a LOT but I do not remember why jonathan is putting masking tape under his jacket. wtf is that. he also put a wad of cash in the glove box. i told you i don't pay attention to plot.

Jennifer under hypnosis is talking about how much she loves jonathan and they have that love theme playing under it. So sad that we never hear it again.

oh. he's putting the tape on the glass to cut the window and get into the office. derp.

jonathan is using a stethoscope to get into a safe-locked door. that's almost as brilliant as dr mike using an apple corer for Brian's brain surgery.

these bad guys have this whole hypnotism set-up to get their marks to drive over the cliff by the flashing yellow lights. Meaning they've done this more than once and nobody got suspicious? Everyone is just like "guess people like to die there" and went on with their business?

this entire fight scene with the amazon warrior in purple and jennifer is all "hey stop messing around and get in the car we gotta GO."

they're at a poker game in the middle east. there are camels.

this DOG though. i love him.

at the end they're detouring into Africa about a sabotaged diamond mine, hinting that they purposely get involved in their cases. Fortunately for all of us, they end up just stumbling on them most of the time which is way more fun. and insane.

anyway, as per usual the episode ends with making out. a fine tradition.

the end.

Important unimportant detail: Jonathan Hart Towers is also the location of the office of Remington Steele. So I firmly believe that at some point Jennifer wrote a piece about Laura Holt and her firm, specifically years later when she can spill the tea about Remington Steele not even existing and that she had to make him up to get work.

Important unimportant detail #2: my mom's friends used to jokingly call her jennifer hart in the 80s. they were not wrong.

it tickles me beyond all that is holy.

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “The Spear of Selene!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Madison Bateman

Directed by: Dana Terrace

Storyboard by: Emmy Cicirega, Ben Holm, Jason Reicher

Mythical!

The episode starts with Dewey and Webby intentionally trying to cause the Sun Chaser to crash. Okay, there's a little more to it than that, but that what is essentially happening. Judging by the faces, it appears to be Webby's idea.

They'll have to make an emergency "landing", this is Launchpad McQuack, after all, on an island. Checking his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, Huey realizes that they are landing on uncharted territory which Scrooge happens to know about: the mythical land of Ithaquack. How Dewey or Webby knew about this place's whereabouts is unknown. A really good hunch, perhaps?

They do know one thing: it's a good place to start looking for clues about Dewey's long lost mother, Della. This is due to a note first seen in The Great Dime Chase. It’s a note that directly ties into the fate of Della, one of the two biggest mysteries of Clan McDuck. According to the note, Della took the Spear of Selene, and since Selene is a Greek goddess, where else to look but a Greek island? I almost forgot about this, I should have been more hyped about the title.

Their plan is to find the Spear of Selene. They sure are making a lot of assumptions about it. Namely, they assume they can find the Spear of Selene again, as if Della took the Spear of Selene to put it back where it came from. Assumptions will play a significant role in this episode, as we will learn later.

The rest of the nephews are just as excited to explore this new island, though Scrooge and Donald aren't. We get to see Donald's reason just minutes after, as he gets smothered by someone who considers him one of his old friends: the legendary Greek hero Storkules! It's the usual "big muscles, little brain" cliche. We get a shot of Donald Duck being stuck between his pecs.

Storkules also sees his "kin", and despite apparently just meeting them, he happens to know they're his nephews without being told they are. This one-sided reunion is interrupted by his father, Scrooge's reason for not wanting to go here.

It's a duck version of Zeus, proof that great power doesn't necessarily come with great responsibility. In this cartoon, in the original Greek myths, and certainly not the incarnation in Disney's own version of those Greek myths. He also happens to be named Zeus; unlike Ithaca and Hercules, the Gods don’t really care about having duck pun names, I guess.

Huey's first reaction, outside of ecstatic that all myths are real, is to step on Zeus's foot to see if Greek Gods can feel pain. Yeah, Huey may be the smart one, but he should count his blessings that Zeus has bigger ducks to fry. Namely, a certain super rich duck.

We get some backstory via Greek jars: Zeus, King of the Gods, also sees himself as the God of Hospitality, and the King of the Beach. This all changed when Scrooge McDuck showed up and really, and even made better sand castles while continuing to find even more treaure just under them. Isn't that more of a Gladstone Gander thing than a Scrooge thing? Zeus ended up losing his popularity, though a hissy-fit-caused lightning storm probably did not help.

This scene establishes that Zeus happens to be a sore loser, though he gets his chance to make it up. Storkules tells his father that he should prepare a party for their new, courtesy of his father, the God of Hospitality himself. With his almighty power, power greater than all of the Gods of Olympus combined, the King of the Beach pulls out...

...a cooler, some grapes, a pegasus playing harp music, and some chips and dip. Scrooge says that the dip too salty, and he is immediately called out by Zeus for disparaging Olympus!

He challenges Scrooge and the rest of the nephews that aren't in the A-Plot to a series of heroic trials. Heroic trials that are in no way a way for Zeus to get back at Scrooge for lowering. Storkules is pretty excited to see how these adventurers are going to tackle them, but Scrooge and Donald are slowly trying to back away from this.

Unfortunately for them, a lightning dome, courtesy of Zeus, blocks them from escaping. The nephews and Donald will have to compete whether they like it or not, and they sure show the contrast right before the commercial break:

Huey and Louie: Woo-hoo!

Donald and Scrooge: Oh, phooey.

Cannot help but notice that Huey and Louie's new distinct personalities aren't being used to put them into different roles this time. While we get hints of this, with Huey pulling out the Junior Woodchuck Book, and Louie relaxing with his grapes. It's better than making one of them just not appear for no reason.

While the adults and the rest of the kids have to deal with what is essentially Zeus's temper tantrum, Dewey and Webby have to go through heroic trials of their own. One of the main problems that comes up is their wildly different interpretations. Dewey does not want to think of his Mom as a stealer of artifacts and betrayer of the McDucks, while Webby keeps implying that to his chagrin.

This escalates further and further as their search for the Spear of Selene, or where it was, continues, as they keep finding artifacts that are not what they are looking for. They go through a trap filled room only to find the Sword of Selene, and they have to fight a monster until the monster tells them they won't get the Spear of Poseidon. After telling him that's not what they're looking for, the monster puts them down and gives them directions, even waving goodbye at them once they leave. It seems like a gag from The Powerpuff Girls. The real one.

Of course, Dewey isn’t alone, as we get some hints from someone who probably experienced what happened to Della firsthand. While Storkules is talking about his friendship, he brings up Donald's "fiery sister"...and wonders where she is. All Donald can do is look at his nephews, and solemnly tell Storkules that he does not adventure anymore. He gives one extra detail in a later scene.

Donald Duck: I don’t adventure anymore, someone always gets hurt.

Storkules: And what would your fiery sister say...

Donald Duck: Because she can’t...someone always gets hurt.

Really cuts deep, even in his trademark voice. I've noticed that I just accept it now.

To prove even further how much he does not want to go back to his adventuring days, even under the literal thunder dome, he does not even try to win in these heroic trials. Unfortunately, a combination of his bad luck and Storkules' lack of anything that isn't muscles to make him fail at failing. Despite winning, Zeus keeps the trials going, as he really does not want to admit failure.

This turns into a montage of sorts. There's a race to a bag full of wind, a discus throw, a chariot race, and even a sculpting competition! In each event, Donald tries his best to keep himself from winning, only for either the nephews to win, or for Storkules to do something not too smart.

Then again, it is possible that Storkules is intentionally losing, considering this, I do not know if I should say "flattering", portrayal of his opponent. Zeus still did not consider this a winner, and considers a "final challenge."

Said final challenge is to steal the golden fleece from a small child. This child would turn out to be a siren, which hypnotizes Storkules to strangle the nephews. The siren's song doesn't hypnotize the nephews because...I do not know. Targeted singing, perhaps?

Thanks to the rather friendly monster, they end up at a scale model of the mountain they were climbing to get to the temple, which leads to a circular tomb that may have the spear. Suddenly, some ancient Greek writing appears on top of said tomb, and Dewey asks Webby, knower of all languages in this series, if it says that Della died a hero. He'd rather imagine his mother is dead than to consider that she didn't have the absolute best of intentions. Again, pretty deep.

The tomb then starts to close really, really slowly. Those ancient tomb makers really have a thing for those. They can’t be bothered to make it just shut, they have to have some sort of mechanism that makes it really easy for intruders to get out of their traps. There is an explanation later on.

Dewey eventually starts to block Webby, as the conflict between them gets violent. He get an dramatic scene here where Dewey has to wrestle Webby down, as if, deep down, he knows he's not going to like what's in that tomb. He even throws Webby down the mountain at one point. There's a little humor sprinkled here and there, mostly regarding a chimera statuette, but not enough to ruin the scene. Eventually, Dewey curls up, sad, and Webby just decides to stop.

Webby: I guess there’s some mysteries that don’t need to be solved.

Dewey immediately changes his mind at the last second at that, almost as if he knew he was violating his show’s own theme song. Well, it was might solve a mystery, but still. He grabs Webby, and does under the door at the last minute...only to find a stranger telling them "gotcha."

It turns out, it's a Greek goddess who doesn't use a duck pun for her name: Selene! She's slightly disappointed until she recognizes how Dewey looks just like Della. While the answers are still out there, it is a sastisfying scene for those who want to know a little more about Della. The most I will say is that this mystery goes far deeper that a stolen artifact. They have to keep this mystery going; we got two seasons of this show.

The Zeus plot also wraps up pretty well, with Scrooge possibly getting some inspiration to almost end this conflict. I say almost because something from the other plot interferes in a way I won't spoil. The episode has many bookends: it ends with a Launchpad joke, a storm, and the same amount of progress in trying to find Dewey's mother.

How does it stack up?

Disappointments when it comes to closure are to be expected when it comes to mid-season episodes, but it does end with a shocking twist. This episode has it all: good comedy, good characters of the week, some dramatic moments, and a good twist. Highly recommended.

Next, the other major cliffhanger from The Great Dime Chase gets resolved! Unfortunately, I will have to take a week off due to birthday plans. I do not have anything set in stone on whether or not I'll repeat the same thing I did the last time I missed a PPG 2016 review.

← The Impossible Summit of Mt. Neverrest! 🦆 Beware The B.U.D.D.Y. System! →