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tysonrunningfox · 8 years

Text

Stop. Me. Someone.

erelout scout themselves some ruffnut...

“Don’t psych yourself out,” Eret rests his hands on Snotlout’s shoulders, thumbs stroking across the skin outside of his bro tank. It was a good choice. Eret laughed but Snotlout has an actual obligation to sun’s out guns out and the ladies love it anyway.

Ruffnut is looking. Probably at Eret, but everyone looks at Eret all the time but he still likes Snotlout the most so it’s ok. They woke up in the same bed today, totally ass-naked and Ruffnut would probably like to hear that.

“I’m not, jeez, it’s not my first time doing this, dude.” He rolls his shoulders. “You look nervous, do you need another jagerbomb?”

“Neither of us need another,” Eret looks over at Ruffnut, dancing with Astrid and acting so cool like she doesn’t see them at all, “she’s looking, come here.” Eret kisses him, one hand under his chin, the other sliding down to grab his ass as they start to dance.

“This isn’t going to work. You can’t just start dancing and bring the chicks, we have to go over there.” Snotlout wants to argue, but the fact is that dancing with Eret is fun, because he’s good at everything he tries and he’s not afraid to lead if Snotlout gets off beat.

“Yeah, but the two hottest guys in the room making out is a whole different story.” Eret kisses him again and Snotlout will never get over how easy it is for him.

Like, the first time holding hands in public with a guy was terrifying. Snotlout was sure the entire time that his dad was going to pop out of some dark corner and start yelling at him or something, but Eret was casual about it the whole time. Sure, the first time they sat together in the recliner in the living room, Hiccup asked if Snotlout liked being the girl in the relationship but Astrid covered his ass and asked Hiccup the same question.

Maybe Astrid is a bro after all. She did say it was hot when she saw them making out.

“Well, I mean, I’m number one but I think it’s a close race.” Snotlout grins when Eret pulls back, glancing over at Ruffnut.

She’s looking their way, talking to Astrid who’s making an encouraging sort of shooing motion. Total bro. He can’t believe he ever doubted her. Bro of the year. They should really kick Hiccup out and Astrid should rush.

“Let me do the talking when she gets over here,” Eret kisses his cheek, “you’ll ruin it, idiot.”

“Right, like I ruined it last night.”

That gets one of Eret’s rare blushes and a hard look that says shut up. Snotlout smirks. Manual or automatic, he can fucking drive.

“Need an audience?” Ruffnut sidles up beside him, arm on Snotlout’s shoulder while she looks appraisingly at Eret. It makes Snotlout jealous and proud in equal measures because yeah, she’s checking out his boyfriend but also his boyfriend is the literal hottest.

“I dunno, Snot, weren’t we saying we need a participant?” Eret raises his eyebrow, looking a bit nervous.

Only Snotlout would know he was nervous. Only he knows Eret well enough to read the nerves between the lines of his composed expression.

To be completely honest, they’ve talked about this for a while. Both of them are like…super ridiculously bi, and both of them are really masculine and tough so like…missing boobs is a thing that happens, ok? It’s normal, and they both get it, which is the best, and Snotlout has hit on Ruffnut as much as Ruffnut has hit on Eret so it’s an obvious sort of triangular thing.

A tricycle. A threesome.

His not so inner thirteen year old really likes to think about it being a threesome, the mythical, pornographic construction of his tween daydreams.

“You’re so pretty I’d consider sharing him,” Snotlout loops an arm around Ruffnut’s waist and she lets him, still looking Eret up and down, “Princess.”

No judgement but he has a fuckload of gender specific pet names Eret doesn’t like.

“Knight,” Ruffnut points to her herself, “Dragon,” she points at Snotlout, “Princess,” finally at Eret. Eret raises an eyebrow, pulling Snotlout to him and kissing him again.

Eret has a way of distracting with his kisses. They often come at the absolute worst times and he draws them out a second too long, under Snotlout’s neck starts to hurt and his lungs start to feel as tight as his pants do. Snotlout is breathless and dumb when Eret pulls away, his arm still looped around Ruffnut’s waist.

She whistles.

“It’s clear who wears the pants in this relationship.” Ruffnut grabs Snotlout’s ass and squeezes and he jumps.

“The whole point is that neither of us do.” Snotlout waggles his eyebrows.

Eret snorts, weaving their fingers together.

“Want to dance?” Ruffnut asks Snotlout and she’s smarter than he would have guessed, putting it together that she has to flirt with Snotlout to get a chance at Eret. It’s like being the gatekeeper to the hottest show in town and Snotlout would be lying if that kind of power didn’t turn him on at least a little bit.

Plus, he’s been trying to sleep with Ruffnut so long that it’s practically about honor at this point, so when she turns towards him and starts dancing he follows, linking one hand with Eret on her waist. It’s like being the bread of a sandwich, except it’s a hoagie roll, still connected at the seam.

Eret leans down over Ruffnut’s shoulder and makes out with him, both grinding against the girl between them, their rhythms blending harmoniously.

“That’s super hot,” Ruffnut says after a moment, one arm around the back of Snotlout’s neck to hold them together. Snotlout grabs Ruffnut’s ass, pulling her into him and flirting with the bulge in Eret’s pants at the same time and Eret groans into his mouth.

“Are we getting out of here or not?” Eret asks the both of them, somehow making it entirely clear who is in charge of this whole thing. It’s for the best. Snotlout’s not a leader, he’s really better as the behind the scenes muscle.

Ruffnut pushes them together and they kiss again, slower this time, like they’re aware they’re putting on a show and trying to be convincing.

“Your place?” Ruffnut’s voice is husky, greedy, like she’s now the dragon hoarding two massive, totally cut gold bricks.

“Sure.” Snotlout grabs both of their hands and looks for the door.

#erelout #snotret #ererufflout #modern au #wut #wuuuuut

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