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#snottily
futchgunk · 7 months
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chronic pain flare so wicked i slept thru my lunch break
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lazzarella · 9 months
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Felix asking ‘better?’ when Oliver throws up in the maze and telling him he thinks he should go to bed, literally moments after telling Oliver he makes his blood run cold. Like he’s still looking out for him, despite everything. He can’t help it! 😭
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mercurialmalcontent · 2 months
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Got a fair amount of the Weeping Peninsula explored today, and defeated the Leonine Misbegotten on my second try (my first ended embarrassingly and abruptly as I fumbled around trying to decide what to do first for some reason and got myself stunlocked into a corner. Oops!). I'm not exactly sure how, considering that my budding combat skills devolved into flailing and running around to drink a flask while my Lone Wolves distracted the boss, but hey, it was clearly effectual flailing so I've definitely learned something!
It's gotten me to thinking about how way too many Souls fans make Fromsoft's games out to be the kind of difficult that's unapproachable, the kind where you already need to be good at games like this and have perfect reflexes and pattern recogniton and if you have an impossibly hard time, that's just how it is, git gud!
But -- for Elden Ring at least -- it's NOT that kind of difficult. It's learnable and adjustable. It rewards observation and strategic thinking, and if things are still too tough? You can grind levels and get items and summons that will help smooth out fights. You can get weapons that are melee and ranged, fast and slow, and find out what playstyle you like best. You don't have to fight every single thing, you can sneak, and you can run the fuck away from open field enemies. And if you die, at worst you lose some runes if you die again before you can retrieve what you dropped, but you keep all your levels and your stuff. Keep your runes spent down and it's a minor setback at worst.
That still isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that's fine -- sometimes you want a game that you can learn as you go along and not have to make a lot of do-overs. But it's not the monolith of unapproachable difficulty so many fans have made it out to be, and it really frustrates and annoys me that by portraying Fromsoft's games like that, those fans put me off of trying them until @bleaksqueak's enthusiastic nudging and encouragement got me excited enough to try Elden Ring anyway. Now I'm having a great time that's only marred by how tired I am of looking at the vagabond armor's dirty old cloak.
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iamthecomet · 8 months
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Thinking about how much Dew would bitch about everyone treating him like a personal space heater on cold days even though there is nothing he likes more than feeling useful.
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imsiriuslyreading · 9 months
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my inbox is looking so lovely and i am the walking embodiment of “don’t be nice to me i’ll cry” so in case you were wondering how i’m doing
(i’m very very very grateful)
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gooseplumes · 1 month
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wow looking at the results from that housecoat poll last night is shocking. genuinely had no idea housecoat was so localized to like, western canada and... scotland?
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toastsnaffler · 5 months
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wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that
#ow....... my heart 🥹#im not even really sad about anything specific its just been such a long week. and probably the comedown is enhancing it#i just want to cry snottily into someones shirt for like half an hour and maybe ill be okay#its just so haaaard. and i think the meds do help a bit but it still takes effort on my part too. and it sucks a ljttle bit that theyll-#take a while to get used to and maybe therell still be some side effects anyway. and also they could be stopped by shortages at any time#i guess it just scares me a bit the idea of depending on smth like medication just to get a little closer to being a functional human#i wish that came with existing already.. but no point lamenting abt it. the cards have been dealt and its not all that bad really#i just want to be happy.... not all the time but maybe a solid 60-70% of the time. if thats not too much. dont we all girl!!#ah my life is pretty good as it is though and i have a lot to be grateful for. but im allowed to want a little more... right 🥹#im going to go to beddddd. hopefully ill sleep better tonight and tomorrow will be a nice day. at least i dont have to work yayy#ahhh. also its my birthday soon and it always makes me sad coming up to and having a birthday i dont know why..#i dont mind getting older but i guess it makes me feel quite reflective and sometimes its hard to think about the past/future#i want to be able to celebrate birthdays and let people be nice to me and have fun about it! and i say every year ill try better at it#but i never manage to get there it always feels like too much to ask for and too much to take.. ah. well its okay really#ill make myself a cake and do smth fun. and have a good cry at some point but thats just part of the day#not for another few weeks anyway.. okay 10pm lights out zzzz#.diaries
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tillman · 2 years
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Things that have scared ratio this past day:
A water bottle
The fact I put a bowl of water out instead of his fountain (broken)
Turning off the lights
I approached him to open the door so he could leave my room
He walked into the door
The sound of a razor
Jerma
I sat on the same couch as him (other side of it but still too close apparently)
I accidentally kicked one of his mice
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I love that one of Mike's consistent traits is that he's a snotty impertinent brat to cops.. this little twig boy really said ACAB
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dr ratio seems like the type to piss you off just to make you manhandle him and have your way with him, after all he'd rather die than admit he fantasizes about you fucking him until he's nothing but a dumb little slut <3
dr ratio is a haughty, know-it-all asshole that sees himself as above these carnal desires. he's far better than the idiots who throw themselves into meaningless relationships just because of a few sloppy orgasms and getting inebriated on dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin. he prattled on and on about the idiocracy of those around him, and you're his new favorite target, it seems. everything you do, he finds a new way to patronize and look down upon you for doing it "incorrectly" as he put it. even if you solved a math formula with a different method but ultimately got the correct answer, he'd snottily chastise you—it was unfair, he never did this to anybody else but you! it isn't until dr ratio corners you in an unused room, that you decide he needs to learn to stay in his lane and shut his mouth for once.
"don't—hic—i-i can't take—" he stops babbling when you push yourself further into his ass, mouth hung open in a silent scream as you continue to press his oversensitive walls in all the right ways. enough to snap dr ratio from his stupefied daze to suck in a sharp intake of air and start moaning like a dumb little slut. he's loud, moans rising in their pitch—nearly to the degree where you knew he was getting off being manhandled like some cheap toy. with a hand tangled in his soft locks and pulling hard—he cries louder when you do that and wiggles his hips in that cute needy way. his head's spinning, but it feels so good. he's being utterly violated by you like a whore, but it feels so incredible. he shrieks when he feels the stinging slap of your palm against his bouncing ass, and even more blood somehow rushes to his dick. he's losing his fucking mind right now, the nerve of you—! "you, i-i'll get yo—oh! right there, right thererightthererightthere..!♡" dr ratio feels his soul leaving his body as he cums with a loud shriek of your name, thick load being shot out so fast that the aftershocks feel painful. he can't think, he can't think about anything at all. he can only think about the thick weight of you inside his walls, and that he needs to fucked until he's a dumb little slut. just, just one more round wouldn't hurt...♡
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andypantsx3 · 5 months
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𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝑖 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒 : 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑖 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑜 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 : 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑖𝑣
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𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: In order to placate your anxious mother, you agree to return to your hometown to participate in a mating run—knowing full well that betas rarely get chased, never mind betas nearly old enough to age out of the practice. You’ve decided to treat it like a vacation, a chance to visit with your childhood friends, the mating run itself a nice relaxing hike.All in all it’s a solid plan—until alpha Todoroki Shouto, your best friend's little brother,steps in and blows it all to pieces. 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡: omegaverse, no quirks au, alpha!shouto, beta!reader, mating rituals, age gap, best friend’s little brother, older reader, afab reader, some class differences, aged up characters, semi-public sex, slight small town romance vibes, background implied dabihawks for some reason, smut, knotting, 18+; mdni! 𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑡ℎ: 7.6k | chapter 4 of 4
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Then
“Shouto duty,” was the first thing Touya grumbled as he emerged from his house.
A little shadow with red and white hair peered out from behind him, big eyes staring up at you. Shouto was dressed in a periwinkle t-shirt and khaki shorts in the late spring heat, and he was nearly vibrating with excitement. You reached out reflexively to pat that fluff of hair, and Shouto seemed to lean into your touch like a cat, probably starved of affection from his fussy older brother.
“My lucky day,” you said, grinning at the way it made Touya roll his eyes.
Shouto nearly launched himself off the steps, looking quietly thrilled to be tagging along. He shoved himself in between you and Touya as you walked, as if unable to bear Touya’s proximity to you, making Touya bark out an annoyed, “Oi, watch it.”
Shouto ignored him, turning to you. “Y/N, I have something to tell you.”
You looked down at him curiously. “What?”
“I lost a tooth,” he said, staring up at you seriously. You laughed, knowing most kids would have smiled to show off their tooth gap, but Shouto had always been a little bit more withdrawn, though he was fairly open around you.
“When?” you asked, ignoring Touya’s scoff. “Did the tooth fairy come?”
Shouto nodded. “Last night. I am adding the money to my inheritance for you.”
That made you laugh again, and you bumped his shoulder. “You’re a good kid, Shouto. I think you should buy yourself something with it though. Especially in this weather—it’s good popsicle weather.”
Shouto looked like he was seriously considering this. “Do you like popsicles?”
You nodded. “Definitely.”
He seemed to pocket that information, and you hid a fond smile. That kid was too sweet for his own good, when it came to you. You wondered when his little case of older-brother’s-friend worship would end. You hoped not for another few years, at least.
“Fucking finally,” Touya said when he caught sight of Rumi and Keigo at the end of his neighborhood, his booted steps growing faster, as if eager to get away from the two of you.
You didn’t mind—Shouto was easy company.
“Oi!” Keigo called out to you, waving a skinny arm. You accompanied Shouto over, watching with a little bit of self-satisfaction when Shouto ducked a hair ruffle from Rumi, the look on his face almost reminiscent of Touya.
You were still his favorite, it seemed.
The usual round of arguments commenced about what to play now that all of you were united, Touya snottily vetoing everyone’s suggestions—except, notably, Keigo’s. Eventually you settled on hide and seek, something Shouto could participate in too, since it didn’t involve convoluted rules, and established a set distance you could go.
Finally Shouto was dubbed the first seeker, and the rest of you took off into the surrounding neighborhood.
You immediately beelined for the sprawling oak at the edge of the neighborhood, its thick, leafy branches the perfect place to conceal yourself. Touya, Keigo, and Rumi had long caught on to the fact that you were almost always to be found up a tree, but Shouto hadn’t played this game with you before.
Thirty seconds and one bark-scraped palm later had you settled in your hiding place, just as you caught Shouto’s shout from afar, “Ready or not, here I come!”
You quieted your breath, listening for the sound of his approach. This late in spring, the cicadas were already roaring. The leaves rustled around you in the breeze and you could hear some other band of kids shrieking and laughing, far in the distance.
It was nearing ten minutes on by the time you heard the thump of Shouto’s sneakers approaching, and you could just make out that distinct mop of bright hair through the branches. He poked around behind bushes, peering at eye level, but didn’t seem to think to look up for you. You watched him hunt through the surrounding area, then dash off when you heard a distinctly Keigo squawk not too far away.
You were nearly asleep on your tree branch when you heard his return, and you sat up quietly to watch him again. You were impressed that he seemed to know you were somewhere nearby.
As you watched him rifle around, you wondered if you should drop a hint, just because he’d been so sweet to you earlier. He’d been so adorable insisting he’d save you his tooth money.
You deliberately rustled a branch, leaning on it so it made a loud creak.
Immediately, Shouto’s head snapped up. Two mismatched eyes narrowed in on you, and his face seemed to brighten when he saw you. A small smile quirked the corner of his mouth.
“Caught you,” he called up to you.
You stuck a leg down tauntingly. “Not yet.”
Something passed over Shouto’s face, and his gaze seemed to sharpen. “I have, too.” You could almost hear a foot stamp in his voice.
You grinned. “Not until I get down.”
A determined look settled across Shouto’s features, and he prowled over to the tree. You watched him jump for a lower branch, catching it securely before hefting himself up. His arms were skinny, but his movements were sure, intent. In no time at all you were helping lever him onto your own branch, pulling him up alongside you.
“I caught you,” Shouto repeated, settling a proprietary hand on your arm. His hand was warm, and his fingers caught your wrist tightly.
You smiled. “I let you catch me by making all that noise, you mean.”
A tiny frown pulled at Shouto’s mouth. “I knew you were around here,” he said, something almost like a pout in his voice.
You laughed. “I did notice you came back. Those are some good tracking skills—although don’t forget to look up. I’m usually always up a tree, when it comes to hide and seek, and Touya and the others I think have caught on too. They’re probably up their own trees somewhere.”
“I do not care about finding them,” Shouto said. His straightforward tone startled a laugh out of you.
You settled back against the branch, Shouto still gripping your arm firmly. “Should we let them wait, then?” you asked, grinning. “I bet Rumi will come out on her own pretty soon, she’s so impatient.”
Shouto nodded. “I will stay here with you.”
The sincerity of the statement warmed you, the way Shouto’s serious little proclamations always did. He was too sweet for this earth. “Then shall we discuss which popsicle you’re going to get later? I have some recommendations.”
Shouto nodded seriously, and you launched into your nonsense, pleased. The leaves rustled around you, the breeze cool and pleasant against your skin. It felt like time stretched out around you, thick like taffy, slow and lazy and easy in the late spring breeze.
You thought absently that wished you could have a million more moments, Shouto the easiest company beside you, just like this.
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Now
The morning of the run dawned warm and dry, sunny with a light breeze.
It was perfect hiking weather, and that was the only thing that kept you in good spirits. You tried not to think about Shouto—about how he was going after someone today, how you’d possibly seen him for the last time before he did. He’d said he’d find your tree, but there was really no guarantee his omega was going to run in the same direction as you.
You ate breakfast on the couch with your mother, listening to her excitedly chatter about your prospects today. You hammed it up a little bit, pretending you had any interest in being chased by an alpha, so that you could milk it later and avoid promises to commit to next year’s run. You hoped it would be enough of a deterrent for her—every year you grew older without a mate, she seemed more desperate to find you one.
You repacked your bags, readying yourself to board your train back to the city tomorrow, feeling mournful. Then you spent the rest of the morning finishing up the small things your mother had let go while you were gone, YouTubing your way through a door knob repair, and some weather stripping replacements. You lifted her air-conditioning into the window, swearing and sweating the whole time and wishing you had even a fraction of Shouto’s easy alpha strength.
After everything was finished, you packed up for the run, placing all your snacks and the sandwich Shouto had helped assemble into a small backpack, stuffing in a water and a book after. Then you scrounged around in your clean laundry for some hiking clothes, settling on leggings and a tee-shirt, no reason to try to impress anyone.
It was late morning by the time you ducked out of your house and started the trek to the preserve on the edge of town. Throngs of people were already gathered when you got there, alphas and omegas alike crowding the entrance. An overwhelming mixture of scents washed over you, the sweetness and florals of the omegas, the tang and spice of the alphas, even the small muted underwash of a few betas.
The overstimulation was nostalgic, and brought to mind your first few runs—the anticipatory hope you felt, the determination not to get caught for some one-time mating with an alpha who wouldn’t prove to be your life mate. It had been years, and you knew the outcome already this time, but some small thrill of anticipation thrummed in your veins regardless.
You kept to the edge of the crowd, sprawling out on the grass until the organizers called for the omegas and running betas to come forward to their starting mark. The alphas and remaining betas would be called to the mark a half hour later, to follow their intended targets into the preserve.
Then the whistle was being blown, and the crowd of omegas around you surged into the forest.
The first hundred meters of the preserve were a tangle of wild trees and overgrowth—omegas typically stayed on the trails until the forest opened up, several paths intersecting and leading away into hills and towards a pond, with the last one stretching towards the coast. This was your usual route and you followed it until the trees thinned out, then stepped off the path to tromp through the woods in the direction of the coastline.
You kept a brisk pace, wanting to get as far in as you could before the alphas were let in. Eventually the spruces and firs gave way to mostly coastal scrub pines amid tall grass, and you could smell the ocean through the trees, hear the crash of the waves against the rocky outcroppings.
You stepped out of the woods along a small coastal path that stretched for miles, and followed it a few minutes more until it flattened out. There was a small meadow laid into the coastline, spanning several square meters of pale seagrass and flowering bushes, shaded by an enormous willow tree—your target.
The meadow had a beautiful view of the shining blue waves through the barren scrub trees, but more importantly it was out of the way, little known to people who did not frequent the coastline trails. The willow was the perfect cover, its trailing fingers and dense greenery more than enough to hide one disinterested beta.
You ducked through the leaves, latching onto one of the lower branches and heaving yourself up. It had been years since you’d climbed anything—the city not exactly chalk-full of great climbing trees—but you were pleased to find it just as satisfying. You scrambled up into the canopy, testing your weight against your designated branch, finding it still held you easily.
Perfect.
You immediately rewarded yourself with a granola bar, settling onto your branch and chewing contentedly, pleased with the temperature. The sun was hot, but in the shade of the leaves and the salty breeze drifting in off the sea, it was perfectly comfortable.
You’d just gotten out your book to read, flipping to the spot you’d last left off at, when the chirp of nearby birds stopped. The meadow seemed to grow quiet around you.
You sat up, alert, at the soft tread of a bootfall close by. Your breath froze in your lungs. An omega, looking for a place to hide? Or some alpha?
Except then a long-fingered hand parted the hanging tendrils of the willow, and a familiar head of scarlet and white hair was ducking inside the canopy.
Embarrassingly, your heart swelled. Shouto had made time to stop in before finding his omega.
“Shouto!” you shouted down, pleased.
Shouto’s face tipped up to you, a tiny smile on his mouth. He looked especially good today, you thought, a navy tee shirt stretched across his broad shoulders, baring the flesh of his biceps, a flush on his cheeks from the warm spring sun. He looked a little taken apart, windswept like he’d run here, and you furiously stamped down on the flash of heat in your tummy.
Nope. No.
“Y/N,” Shouto intoned quietly, his eyes glittering up at you. “Caught you.”
You were momentarily taken aback by the sound of something unfamiliar in his tone, some strange intensity in his voice and expression. It sounded almost like it meant something to find you here, something more than a momentary pitstop on his way to his omega—but of course that was ridiculous.
You waved down at him, smiling and sticking a leg down tauntingly like when you were kids. “Not yet.”
Shouto’s eyes narrowed, a flash of something predatory tinging his handsome features.
In the blink of an eye, he crossed to the tree, dense muscle coiling and pulling beneath his tee shirt as he pulled himself up. This time he needed none of your help, moving with a panther-like grace. He pulled himself onto the branch immediately below yours, close enough that it put him at eye level with the bottom of your chin.
Then he reached out and snared your ankle in one large, warm hand, a smug sort of glint in his eye. The follow up caught you went unspoken.
Another laugh bubbled up out of you. “Alright alright, this time you got me,” you agreed, flexing your ankle in his hold.
Shouto’s mouth turned up, clearly pleased, but he did not let go. A thumb stroked softly along the hollow beneath your ankle bone. A surprised shiver caught you, sliding up your spine.
“You, um, got here so quick,” you said, trying to think past the sudden fuzz of static in your brain. You hoped your voice sounded impressed and not embarrassingly breathy. “Did you at least note which way your life mate went?”
Shouto’s head tilted, his bangs falling into his eyes as his thumb petted across your skin again. “I did.”
You nodded approvingly, tensing against another shudder. “Did they come out this way? You’re probably the first alpha to make it out here but you won’t want to waste too much time.”
Shouto’s mouth twitched, those heterochromatic eyes trailing down your face. “No time spent with you is a waste.”
That made your face warm. You tried to prod him with your foot, but Shouto’s grip was firm. “You’re going to want to save the charm for your life mate, mister.”
“I am,” he said simply, tone sincere.
You felt your brow furrow—now what was that supposed to mean?—when suddenly Shouto leaned forward, abandoning his grip on your ankle. His hands found the branch at either side of your hip, trapping you inside his reach. You stared down at him, stunned with his sudden proximity.
You felt suddenly a little caged in, your breath pulling up short. What was he—?
“Will you come down to me?” Shouto asked, eyes intent on yours.
The ask felt significant, though you had no idea how. And he was so close, so focused on you.
But you had no clue exactly what he would need you to come down for. Maybe he wanted to split lunch or something? You had your sandwich in your bag, and it would be easier on the ground, you supposed.
Although Shouto probably shouldn’t go running around on too full a stomach, especially if he—with his omega, after—if they…
You found you couldn’t think it, your mind shying away like you’d prodded a nerve.
Really, Shouto should be going soon, before any ranging alphas made it this far out and sniped his life mate before he got to them.
With that thought, however, some selfish thing recoiled inside of you. You desperately craved just a few more minutes with him—this achingly familiar boy, this mind-numbingly beautiful man—before he wasn’t really yours to think of anymore. These were the last few moments you’d get to spend with him before everything changed. It took less than a second to make up your mind.
“Yeah,” you said, smiling. “I’ll come down.”
You shifted, gathering your backpack and maneuvering off your branch carefully. Shouto gave you just enough space to get down, a hand finding your waist as you steadied yourself. He shadowed you down, close at your back to make sure you didn’t slip.
He was acting the consummate gentleman—but there was a strange tension about him, something about the way he moved and the intensity with which he was trailing you. There was something expectant about it, something almost impatient.
Maybe he needed you to hurry up so he could get going. That was probably it.
You turned to your backpack as soon as he guided you safely to the ground. You’d barely gotten it unzipped, however, when Shouto suddenly crowded into your space, startling you.
You stumbled a reflexive step back, breath whooshing out of you when your back connected with the trunk of the willow. Shouto followed, still watching you with that unnerving intensity.
His fingers dipped under your chin, softly turning your face up to his. His gaze was serious—more solemn than you had ever seen him. You went still in his grasp, heartbeat rabbiting in your chest.
What was with him today?
“Shouto,” you said slowly. “Are you… alright?”
Shouto leaned down, pressing his forehead to yours. His slow exhale ghosted over your mouth, thumb stroking across your jaw. It sent a swarm of shudders down your spine, and you suddenly weren’t breathing at all.
“I have dreamed of this moment a thousand times,” Shouto said, his tone reverent. It was almost a whisper.
His tone implied there was something incredibly significant about this moment, but you could not for the life of you think of what. Especially not with his face so close, clouding up your thoughts.
You felt your brow furrow against his, and you opened your mouth to ask him what on earth he could be talking about.
Except before you could, Shouto’s hands took either side of your face. And then he bent his head—and pressed his mouth to yours.
All higher thought immediately evacuated your brain, leaving only a sudden zing of panic and the horrible, wonderful excitement of Shouto’s mouth on yours, of Shouto’s strong body so close to yours. Rough bark scraped against your back as Shouto’s front slotted warm and firm against your chest, and the feeling of all that strength pressed so tightly to you made you dizzy.
“Sho–-? Whuh—?” you said, slightly muffled into his mouth.
But Shouto only took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth, soft and wet and so unbelievably hot your brain short circuited. Every single nerve ending in your body lit up as you realized Todoroki Shouto had his tongue in your mouth, and that he was kissing you so thoroughly and meticulously it felt as though this was the last kiss he’d ever be allowed. You heard yourself let out a gasp that turned into an embarrassing moan as he pressed harder against you, pinning you between himself and the tree.
Your mind felt like it was melting, Shouto’s mouth doing terrible things to your thoughts’ coherence. Your hands went to his shoulders, and you found yourself opening up to him, every inch of your skin hot. Every flick of his tongue, every brush of his lips felt better than you could have ever imagined, and you were helpless to do anything but let him have you.
Your thoughts were a puddle when Shouto finally let your mouth free. All you could do was stare up at him, shocked.
“Y/N,” Shouto said, his eyes searching your face. “You came down for me.”
His handsome face wore an expression you hadn’t ever seen before as he regarded you, something almost—possessive? His hands had slid to your waist, his touch hot through the material of your shirt.
Your brain swam. Words, what were words? “I—? Uh, yes—?”
Shouto seemed to understand you weren’t getting his point. “‘If I’m not an alpha, and I have to hide somewhere, I’m going to find the best tree in the preserve and go up it and not come down until I find my life mate,’” he said.
It sounded like a quote, and it took you an embarrassingly long moment to realize it was something you had said, years and years and years ago, when you were both kids.
Was he saying—? But that was absurd. No, there was no way. You hadn’t—he wasn’t—
“But you’re Shouto,” you groped around your thoughts for logic and reasoning. “You’re Shouto.”
Shouto watched you patiently, a white eyebrow raising slightly.
“You can’t mean—?” you sputtered. “No. You’re Touya’s baby brother. I’m too old for you. The first time I held you, you were a baby.”
Shouto pressed impossibly closer to you, a long-fingered hand winding its way into yours. “I am not a child, Y/N. And you are not that much older than I.”
You struggled to think through the feeling of his body pressed to yours. You knew it. You knew he wasn’t a child. But all the same, you’d spent long enough telling yourself he’d been meant for someone else. Long enough convinced that you were too old for him.
Long enough that you were absolutely certain this had to be a mistake.
“You’re off limits,” you told him, trying to press him back. Shouto did not budge, however, as solid as stone under your hand.
“You are my life mate,” he said. He raised your joined hands to his mouth, kissing over your knuckles. An electric jolt went through you at the feeling of that mouth on you again, firm and warm. “I have known my whole life. I am off limits to all but you.”
A storm of emotion churned in your gut, everything from guilt to disbelief to pleasure to relief. To hear it said so plainly, after all this time—you are my life mate—by a man who was already so beloved to you. By a boy you’d loved as a friend, a man who you wanted to love as more.
But you couldn’t—he had to deserve better.
“I won’t take advantage of you,” you insisted.
A small smile pulled at Shouto’s mouth. “I am not a child. And I am an alpha besides. Your alpha.”
You fought down a furious flush.
“But Shouto there’s so many things–!” you insisted. Beyond being older than him, beyond being a staple in his life since he was young. You were quickly realizing so many of the promises he’d made when he was younger, he actually meant.
“Your inheritance—I never meant to accept that from you for real. And your family, they would not like that I—”
The rest of your words were muffled in Shouto’s mouth, as he bent his head and kissed you again. A flick of his tongue turned even that into a muffled squeak instead. Why was he so good at this?
“Much of my family understands what it means to pursue something singularly,” Shouto said against your lips. “What it means to give everything you have in service of pursuit.”
Your stomach flipped. The Todoroki single-mindedness that you had been convinced had skipped right over Shouto. Suddenly years of solemn watchfulness over you, years of following you like a shadow, years of sharing all his toys and his thoughts and promising to take care of you—it all made a terrible, perfect sort of sense.
Single-mindedness. But not as destruction, as Enji’s and Touya’s had been. As devotion—as thoughtfulness, something so uniquely Shouto you wanted to cry.
God how had you missed this?
You rallied yourself for one last defense.
“Shouto. At the very least you need to consider if you’re making a mistake. Alpha-beta couplings are nontraditional—maybe your senses are off here. Maybe because I’m a beta and I was around when your brain was still forming and you liked me then it feels like there’s something but—”
Shouto’s grip on you flexed, and suddenly his determined expression flickered, a crease forming between those perfect brows.
“Do you see me as a child still?” he asked.
You shook your head. Not since you’d seen him prowl across the Todoroki kitchen, miles of sleek muscle flexing, that perfect campfire scent fogging your brain, tall and gorgeous and unmistakably alpha. And especially not since you’d come to understand the expanse of his life—the home he’d made, the job he had, the goals he’d taken.
“Then do you… not want me?” he asked.
Your heart immediately sank, aching with the soft flicker of hurt that crept across his features.
Your hands had shot out to hold his face before you knew what you were doing.
“Shouto, of course I want you,” you found yourself saying. “Who wouldn’t want you? You are perfect. You are so kind and have always been so good. You are sweet and funny and so beautiful it hurts to look at. Of course I want you. But I don’t want to hurt you—”
“Then say yes,” Shouto insisted.
God you wanted to. You wanted to. You had been so jealous this whole week, you realized, of whoever his life mate was going to be.
The realization crashed into you like a wave, knocking you off balance. You wanted all of Shouto’s time, all of his attention, wanted to curl up in his apartment on that plush couch with him and all but bodily fuse to him, never to come apart again. You wanted to spend a million afternoons cooking in that kitchen, running lunches to him at the firehouse, kissing him, laughing with him, indulging in him—in how kind and sweet and good he’d always been.
Your face must have said it all, because Shouto was crowding back into you.
“I am going to be so good to you, Y/N,” he promised, his mouth drawing closer.
You shivered. Some part of you still felt like you needed to resist him, needed to make him see. But the other part of you, the largest part, wanted to melt in his embrace. Wanted to let him kiss you and kiss him back, wanted to thread your fingers in that fluff of hair and sink into the relief of his companionship.
Shouto hammered the final nail into your coffin with the unerring precision of a boy who’d known you for twenty years.
“Trust me to take good care of you,” he said, his voice dipping to a low whisper.
And that was it—the refrain from all those years ago, before you’d ever understood what he was promising you. Even if you were uncertain about everything else, you would always be certain about Shouto’s care. Shouto’s inherent goodness.
Surrendering, you let yourself fall.
“I do,” you told him. “I trust you. I—always will.”
Then you closed your eyes and let him kiss you.
You could feel Shouto’s soft smile against your mouth, feel a renewed intensity in the way he poured himself into you with his next kiss. You almost sagged against him in sheer relief—the relief of knowing, against all odds, that your life mate had found you even across the years that had threatened to separate you.
Shouto kissed you with a startling vigor, leaving you breathless against the willow when he moved down to your neck, pulling your tee shirt wide to suck several very insistent markings into the hollow of your throat.
You leaned into the rough bark as he mapped his way lower, and lower, only startling when he dropped to his knees before you, pressing his face into the crease of your hip.
Your heart shot into your mouth, a shock of heat licking up your spine. “Shouto!” you stammered.
Shouto only uttered your name into the fabric of your leggings, the material thin enough that you could feel the heat of his exhalation on your skin. One of his hands came up to take your calf, the other creeping up into the band of your leggings, carefully pulling it down.
You watched him as he did, stomach fluttering.
He gently helped you step out of your leggings and panties, leaving you bare and vulnerable to him. You would have been more embarrassed if it wasn’t for the way his eyelashes fluttered appreciatively, and the immediate way he ducked his head to press his mouth right to your core.
You muffled a moan into your palm, thunking your head against the tree trunk.
You could feel Shouto’s slow smile as he hefted your thigh over his shoulder, hands grasping your waist. “Mine,” you heard him utter, soft and low, before licking right over you, possessive and deliberate. It made every inch of your skin flush hot, every nerve ending come to life under his mouth.
You could still hardly believe what was happening, even as you muffled more sounds into your palm as Shouto worked you, with the attentive diligence he’d always done everything when it came to you. You could feel those mismatched eyes on you, cataloging your every reaction to what he did.
He learned all too quickly exactly what you liked, and you were a writhing mess within minutes. Shouto pinned you to the tree with an iron arm across your stomach as you arched and screamed, not letting up until you’d come against his mouth, chanting his name like an oath.
He looked very pleased with himself when you were done, his hair ruffled from your hand, face flushed.
He looked too good to be real.
“I want—Shouto, please—” you said, nearly incoherent but apparently utterly shameless now that he’d had you.
Shouto got to his feet to kiss you again and you flushed when you could taste yourself on his mouth. “Come home with me,” he murmured, tone low.
“You don’t want—?” you said.
Shouto shook his head. “Not here. I’ve imagined this a thousand times, how I wanted it to happen. I’ve thought about what you deserve. I’ve thought about how I will not want to separate, after, not even to take you back home. Come home with me first.”
Fire spread across your cheeks at the idea of Shouto imagining it with you, over and over again. The way he said home, like it was both of yours.
“Okay. Okay yes,” you said, breathless.
Shouto helped you back into your leggings and gathered up your abandoned pack, which you’d apparently dropped and forgotten entirely the moment he’d kissed you. He held your hand in his the whole way back through the woods, occasionally cocking his head or scenting the air, and then taking a long detour around some place, like he didn’t want to share your presence with whoever else was in the woods.
The walk was long, but so easy in Shouto’s company, even with this new dimension of your relationship settling itself between you two. It was frighteningly easy, in fact, after everything.
You talked about everything and nothing, reliving the entire week together, Shouto sharing that he’d hoped you’d see him as a man, had taken the time right up until the run to try to be sure. Ears flaming, you’d shared that you’d been gone for him the moment you’d seen him in the doorway of the kitchen. Shouto’s smug look immediately mopped up any of the reflexive embarrassment you felt sharing that.
By the time you made it to Shouto’s you’d also managed to shoot a text off to your mother, and an emergency extension of your time off to your workplace.
Shouto was on you as soon as the door shut behind you, catching your noise of surprise in his mouth.
Your arms came around him, and he walked you back to his couch, following you down onto it and laying himself out over you. The weight of him made you shiver again, the heaviness of all that muscle anchoring you down.
Shouto kissed you absolutely boneless into the cushions of his couch, hands wandering everywhere, skimming under your shirt, calluses catching on the fabric of your leggings. Everywhere he touched felt like it was on fire, your nerves singing with pleasure. Shouto seemed to be trying to take his time with you, but you could sense something underneath that, his usual layers of patience eroded.
Feeling brave, you let your hands wander to the buttons of his pants, working them open. Shouto’s breath left him in a hiss as you wrapped your hand around him, feeling him hard and hot and velvet smooth in your palm.
“Ah… fffuck, love,” he muttered into your neck. He chased it with the soft scrape of his teeth, groaning when it made your grip tighten on him reflexively.
His hips flexed, sliding him through your fingers, flush and full. Butterflies fluttered to life in your stomach, and a hot streak of arousal licked up your spine. Your own hips shifted, lifting up into him, and you realized with a sudden desperation that you wanted him inside you, didn’t want to wait another second.
“Shouto please, please, please,” you found yourself babbling, stroking firmly down the shaft of him.
Shouto’s eyes were dark when they found yours again. “Anything, I would give you anything,” he said, his voice tight.
“I want you inside of me, please,” you said, your face burning with the admission.
The sheer elation flashing across his handsome face quelled any more embarrassment. In what felt like barely a breath, Shouto had you bare to him once more, flinging your leggings and shirt somewhere towards his kitchen. He covered you again, fitting himself between your thighs with another appreciative groan before pressing in.
You were so wild with want that he slid home easily, despite his impressive size. His skin burned hot against yours, and he felt so perfectly right over you, inside of you, that you had to fight down something like a sob.
Shouto looked equally as overwhelmed, staring at your face rapturously. “I have loved you my whole life,” he said, his tone wondering. “You are finally mine.”
Your entire body went hot with his declaration. You had not realized until today that you loved him too. But now that you did, it felt like everything made sense, that all was finally right.
You managed to gasp out as much between Shouto’s thrusts, as his hips bucked into yours, slowly at first, and then faster, more sure. He kissed you everywhere—your face, your neck, your shoulders, layering in soft bites like he could not help himself.
“Say it,” he groaned, mouthing at the underside of your jaw. “Please say it.”
“I love you,” you said. A yelp escaped you when Shouto suddenly seized you around the waist, rolling you on top of him and holding you to him as he levered the two of you upright. The position in his lap only made him sink deeper inside of you, and you hissed with the feeling, your fingernails digging into his back.
“Ah, fuck—Shouto!” you cried.
Shouto’s hands on your waist guided you with an easy strength—your head spun with the reminder of his power, the reminder that you had an alpha—your alpha—inside of you.
“Going to take good care of you,” he panted into your hair, pausing to kiss the shell of your ear even as the snap of his hips undid you. “Going to take such good care of you.”
Your fingers flexed on him, and you could feel your toes curl. You did not know what to do with all of the emotion welling up inside you, the well of your pleasure almost overflowing. He ground up into you, making your eyes nearly roll back in your head, and you fought down a scream when the pad of his thumb pressed to your clit, heightening every sensation.
“Oh Shouto, please—” was all you could manage.
Shouto looked enraptured, drinking in every change in your expression. As you squirmed and writhed under his touch, you felt him start to swell inside of you.
Both apprehension and arousal swirled inside of you, a beta’s body a little less adapted to knotting than an omega’s. But the firm circle Shouto’s thumb was drawing on your clit, and the low murmur of his voice in your ear, began to drown out any other thought.
“I have you, love,” Shouto said. His mouth dragged across your throat, leaving a sucking bruise along the column. Your nails scrabbled at his back as he swelled even further inside of you, starting to catch on your walls and make it harder to press back down on him.
“I have you,” Shouto said again, his voice rough with pleasure. The reassurance that he did, and the knowledge that he was barely managing his own pleasure struck you like a bolt of lightning. Something inside you unraveled and came loose, and you muffled a cry into Shouto’s broad shoulder as your orgasm slammed into you like a tidal wave.
A low swear escaped Shouto, and his knot swelled even further. His hands suddenly seized tight on either side of your waist, holding you down on him as he thrust up into you. You felt a sort of pressure you’d never anticipated, so overwhelming it was nearly painful—but then Shouto’s knot slid into you.
Shouto groaned into your neck, biting down hard. You writhed over him, your pleasure wringing you out until finally you slumped against him, shivering. Shouto eased back, propping himself up on the arm of the couch, you stuck to his chest like a sweat-slicked barnacle.
“That was—so much more intense than I ever imagined,” you said, when you’d recovered your faculty for human language.
You could feel the curve of Shouto’s smile against your neck. “For I, as well,” he said. “Though I had imagined it a great many times—we still have many other fantasies I intend to live out.”
You were embarrassed to feel yourself tighten around him. Shouto hissed, leaning back to pin you with a look—then looked more smug than you’d ever seen him.
“Like that, do you, love?” he asked.
The pet name made your ears heat, and you couldn’t help but pinch him. “You used to be so sweet, when did you get this fresh?” you demanded.
“Fresh is the least of what I intend to get with you,” Shouto informed you seriously. “I take my duties as a child bride very seriously.”
Your jaw dropped open, and you pressed back from him, gasping when it shifted him inside you. “You—! You heard—?”
Shouto’s smile was far too handsome and self-satisfied to be allowed. “That is when I knew I stood a chance.”
Your face burned. You couldn’t believe him. “You’re a menace.”
Shouto leaned into a press a kiss over where he’d sunk his teeth into you, butterfly-light. The touch of his mouth was warm and his campfire scent washed over you, fuzzing your thoughts. His mouth moved up to catch yours, and you let him kiss you until you realized you’d started to squirm in his lap again.
Several minutes later he had you coming on his knot again, locked against him and muffling the sounds of your pleasure into his neck.
He looked, if possible, even more satisfied, and you lifted a hand to thread through the strands of his hair, silky and damp.
“I can’t believe this is real,” you said, several orgasms having made you loose-tongued. You rubbed a strand of his hair between the pads of your fingers.
Shouto turned his head to drop a kiss to the base of your palm. “We have time enough to make you believe it, love.”
Another butterfly took wing in your stomach at the pet name. You wondered if you’d ever get used to hearing him say it.
“I’ll have to figure out my work—I don’t know if they’d let me work remotely all the way from here?” you said, thoughts suddenly shifting. You sort of doubted your company would make the exception for you, and a pang shot through your heart at the idea that you might have to leave Shouto to work in the city on weekdays. At least until you found another job, which might take months to arrange.
You did not want to be separated from him, now that you’d let yourself have him.
A hand caught your chin, thumb smoothing along your jaw. “I do not think you will have enough time,” Shouto said, a slim brow raising slightly. “What with the bookstore opening.”
You stared at him, wondering if you’d just had some sort of auditory hallucination.
“The—what?” you asked.
“The bookstore opening,” Shouto said. His mouth made the shape of the words exactly, and so it could not be that you’d hallucinated. But—
“What bookstore?” you asked.
Shouto’s mouth pressed into a deliberately flat line like he was trying not to smile.
“Yours. Downstairs,” he clarified—which did not clarify at all.
Your mouth dropped open against his fingers, your eyebrows shooting for the moon. “My—? Downstairs—?”
Your mind scanned back over the events of the last twenty-four hours, the first time you’d caught sight of the shop downstairs again as you’d followed Shouto home. The way it seemed so well-maintained, the windows glinting crystal-clear in the soft evening light. Your eyes reflexively dipped to the blonde wood of Shouto’s floor, the very same that had been installed across the floor of the shop, and an understanding suddenly dawned on you.
“I remember everything you have ever told me,” Shouto had said when you mentioned you’d been in love with the shop downstairs.
“No way,” was what left your mouth as you glanced back up at Shouto, disbelief rising.
Shouto was watching you carefully, his handsome face serious. “Your name is on the deed.”
A wellspring of emotion rose up inside you like a geyser, and you slammed yourself back into Shouto, throwing your arms around his shoulders. “Shouto—I. You didn’t need to—there’s no way I can accept—this is incredible, you’re incredible—but I’d be taking advantage—I can’t—”
A warm, long-fingered hand slid up your spine to rest on the back of your head, holding you against him. “I have always been yours,” Shouto murmured. “Everything I have has always been yours. If it is too much now, we can wait. But I, and everything I have, will always be yours.”
You blinked, embarrassed to realize you’d started dripping tears into Shouto’s shoulder. Shouto didn’t say anything, fingers petting through your hair as you tried to fight the emotion down.
“I promised to take good care of you, and I intend to,” he said. Pressed against him, you could feel the way the words rumbled in his chest.
You closed your eyes and shoved your face in his neck, letting him hold you to him. Everything about today felt too good to be true, but you knew with absolute certainty that Shouto had always been too good to be true, himself. And yet you’d told him you trusted it, when he said he’d take care of you.
And you did—you realized you would always trust it, trust the beautiful boy you’d known all your life.
“I’ll need to pay you back on your investment,” you said some minutes later, when you finally found your voice again. You leaned back to look Shouto in the face, trying not to be embarrassed about the drying tear tracks.
“There is no need,” he said, eyes finding yours.
You realized you were still in his lap, though his knot had softened, and you thought you might be able to separate now.
But now you had other plans—and an investment you wanted to enthusiastically return.
“I insist,” you said, leaning forward to mouth at Shouto’s neck.
You caught the flash of his eyes widening, and his head fell back as a sharp breath left him. “I—see,” he said, his voice growing rough as you sucked a careful mark into the skin of his shoulder.
You smiled against his skin. “You will,” you promised, feeling bolder than ever. It felt like you were daring to believe it, that you’d found your life mate, that you really got to have him, that he’d loved you as long as he’d lived.
You wanted to return all those years of love, now that you loved him too.
“I’m going to take good care of you too,” you informed Shouto, hips already flexing over his.
You felt him start to grow hard inside of you again, and he turned his head to catch your mouth. You could feel his smile against your lips.
“I trust it,” he said, his voice dropping low.
You smiled too, grinning against your lifemate’s mouth, intent on proving yourself worthy of that trust.
Though perhaps that could wait until you’d delivered some of the many fantasies it sounded like he’d stored up. There was no reason to rush.
You had the rest of your life together, after all.
1K notes · View notes
chuulyssa · 7 months
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drunk and driven. (light yagami)
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↷ A/N ─ happy belated birthday to light and me !! i hope you enjoy this :) again, this is NOT rape/non-con. the reader is as sober as light here. written by a zombie-me at 4am. also im sorry if the camera topic is overused, i just couldnt help myself fantasizing about this
★ COUNT ─ 2.5k
!! TAGS ─ f!reader, dom!light, drinking, smut, fingering, spanking, unprotected sex, p in v, nicknames (good girl, pretty girl, etc.), edging, begging kink, voyeurism
★ PROLOGUE ─ your boyfriend punishes you for almost letting slip his real identity
SMUT, 18+, MDNI
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The dim glow of the television cast shadows around the room. You had been at your high school's farewell party, and had too many drinks there to stumble back home in one piece. It was almost midnight, so there was also no way your boyfriend, Light Yagami, would have let you out of his sight, especially with how tipsy you were. He was quite protective of you, but he was right. You let out a drunk sigh and looked away, silently accepting the fact that you'd have to meet his parents in the morning and share a few awkward exchanges.
Light had had more drinks than you at the party, but he looked far from as drunk as you currently were. He was quietly watching a movie on the TV, stroking your hair lightly. Your gaze went up from Light to the flickering screen. A sudden surge of courage rushed through you.
"Light," you whispered, breaking the silence with your hoarse voice.
"No, you're not going home tonight," Light replied without looking at you.
"No, it's not that," you said frustratedly.
Light raised his eyebrows, hearing you slur your words due to the effects of the alcohol. Still, he did not look at you.
"How much did you drink?"
"Less than what you drank," your throat burned, your eyes drooping slightly.
He ignored you, seemingly engrossed in the movie, but you knew it was all just an act for the cameras L had set up.
You continued, "And it doesn't matter how much I drank, because either way, you refuse to give me attention."
Ryuk snickered in the corner.
Light frowned, finally turning his attention towards you as his eyes trailed down your body. He noticed the dark circles under your eyes, the redness of your cheeks, and the slight swaying of your body.
He looked at you for a few more seconds with a calculating look before sighing and setting the remote on his table. He stood up, "You should really get some sleep."
"No," you repeated.
"I-" Light was starting to get annoyed. "Are you crazy? Don't you want to go home tomorrow?"
"I just- I-" You sighed again, leaning back against your chair and almost falling off.
"Idiot," Light muttered, catching you before you fell. He carried you to his bed and lay you down gently before covering you with his blanket. "Are you comfortable? Do you want me to sleep on the floor?"
"No, no, I need cuddles," you smiled drunkenly, completely forgetting what you were going to say back when you had gotten some "courage".
"Of course, you do," Light said proudly. "You need my cuddles to sleep."
You hummed in response. As he snottily took his shirt off before lying down next to you, you closed your eyes slightly. They were burning, as if trying to stop you from both closing them and keeping them open.
His hands made their way to your back, gently pushing your neck to his bare chest. You finally shut your heavy eyelids and snuggled closer to him. This was what you always wanted. Just you and Light. Alone.
You furrowed your eyebrows, your eyes still tightly shut, your face pressed against him. Alone? It was laughable that you thought even for a moment that you two were alone right now. Well, for one, there was a God of Death in the same room as you, trying not to pass out from the lack of apples in his digestive system. Second, a great detective was watching the two of you, possibly along with your boyfriend's own father.
Light pulled you even closer to him, inhaling your scent deeply. Soon, the two of you drifted off to dreamland, and L was left questioning whether the seventeen-year-old star student really was a murderer.
You woke up, limbs tangled with Light's. You checked your wristwatch. About four hours had passed, and as you tried to sit up, your head felt heavy from an early hangover. Light's eyes jerked open. He had always been a light sleeper.
"Hm?" he mumbled in his sleep, no longer feeling the presence of your head in the crook of his neck. "What's the matter, honey?"
"I... had a dream," you said slowly.
"Nightmare?"
"Kinda."
Light sat up slowly and reached out for a glass of water to hand to you.
You peeked into the glass, rubbing your left eye until you saw stars.
"Vodka?" you said hopefully.
"Water," he replied calmly.
You pouted pleadingly; more alcohol was what you needed right now, but you eventually had to resign to your boyfriend. You drank the water, and instantly felt much more sober than you were before. Your sleepy eyes fell on Ryuk, his legs and hands in a rather uncomfortable position, perhaps due to not having apples for such a long time.
For a moment, you, for the second time that night, completely forgot about the existence of the cameras.
You turned to Light. "How long is he going to go without apples?"
"Who, honey?" Light's eyes flashed warningly, but you were far too sleepy to notice.
"Ryuk, your Shini-"
Your words were cut off by a sharp kiss. Light had completely thrown himself at you, and you fell back down on the bed due to the sheer force of his abrupt kiss. The empty glass landed on the floor with a loud clink, but he ignored it. His hands reached under your shirt, his nails digging into the skin of your hips as if daring you to talk further.
You attempted to prop yourself up on your elbows, to gain some kind of control over what was happening. But Light pushed you back down, pulling you by your hips and roughly throwing your head down on the pillow.
He pulled away eventually, the pupils of his eyes completely red, and you cursed yourself mentally. This was not your Light. This was Kira.
He leaned away from you, got up to pick up the thrown glass and filled it with water again, but as he offered it to you, you rejected it. "I'm sober enough for this, Light."
"Very well then," Light whispered and leaned in closer to your ear. "I hope you remember you're being watched. Make sure you put on a show."
You nodded slowly, letting his hands roam around and make their way to the hem of your skirt, twirling the fabric around his fingers. He brought another hand to your top and slid it under the cloth, feeling the material of your satin bra.
"The one I gifted to you?" he raised his eyebrows, a little smirk on his face.
"Yes," you whispered, pulling his bare chest against your clothed one. "Strip me, Light."
"What's the magic word?" he teased, hand slipping under your bra and cupping your breast.
"Please," you whimpered when he pinched your nipple.
Ryuk snapped his eyes open and tumbled out of the room clumsily, perhaps to give you some privacy.
"Good girl," he didn't hide his smirk this time as he pulled your top off completely, throwing it to the side where it landed on his chair next to his own shirt. He ran his hands down your back, grabbing the zipper of your skirt and slowly pulling it down. Light slid the skirt down your legs, leaving you in a matching set of satin underwear and bra.
"Pretty," he murmured, his hand grasping his growing bulge tightly.
"Let me help you with that," you sat up on all fours and leaned in closer, a hand stretched out to touch his crotch.
You rubbed him lightly, slowly increasing your pace before unbuckling his belt and slipping your hand under his boxers. Your constant touching of his tip made him groan, hand reaching out to yank you by your hair and push you back down to the bed. You grabbed his hands and brought them to your breasts, pressing them against your chest.
"Take my bra off."
"I'm not a man to be told what to do," he said, bringing his lips down to your neck. "But I will allow it this time."
Light freed his hands from your grip and brought them to your back, unclasping the hook of your bra and letting it fall to the floor. He cupped your breasts in his hands, lowering himself so that his mouth sucked on one nipple while his hand squeezed the other.
"Fuck," you moaned, pushing his head against your chest.
He grabbed your hand and brought it once more to his crotch, letting you feel the bulge in his pants again.
"You're not the only one who's needy right now."
"You're so- god, I can't wait to feel you inside me," you said, rubbing his dick through the fabric.
"Patient girls are rewarded," he said, dragging his lips from your neck to your collarbone, his free hand ripping your panties off.
"Hey!" you whisper-screamed.
"I'll buy you another set," he said calmly, sliding two fingers inside you, curling them up and hitting your g-spot.
"Yes," you moaned, pushing his hand against your pussy. "Faster."
He brought his other hand from your nipple to your clit and started rubbing it in circles, simultaneously fucking you with his fingers.
"Fuck, I'm going to come," you whimpered after a few minutes, feeling your orgasm build.
"Mhm, do it, what a good girl," he said, rubbing your clit faster, aiding your release. You came hard on his fingers, arching your back, bucking against his hand and moaning loudly. Your legs shook, while he pulled his fingers out of your pussy and brought them to your mouth. "Clean them."
You nodded, sucking on his fingers, your teeth digging into his skin. Light smirked.
"Don't you think you should be punished?"
"Huh-? For what, Li-?"
Your words were cut off once again when he pulled you onto his lap so that your ass faced him and you lay on your stomach, pussy pressed against his crotch.
_ _ _ _
"L, I don't think we should be watching this," Soichiro Yagami kept his eyes away from the screen, where his son, his perfect little son, was busy fingering his girlfriend. He hadn't even known he had a girlfriend, let alone the fact that they were so... intimate with each other.
"There has to be some meaning in what the girl said," L racked his brains, eyes scanning the scene, now showing you in Light's lap and his hand rubbing your ass. "Apples?"
"For god's sake, it may be some sort of safeword for when they- for when they do- this," Soichiro yelled, his eyes on the floor.
"It's not a mere coincidence, Mr Yagami," L said thoughtfully. "Apples? Kira told me 'Shinigamis' loved apples earlier. This is not a coincidence, Mr Yagami."
_ _ _ _
"You're going to be punished for fucking everything up," he whispered in your ear before smacking your ass hard. "Count."
"One!" you yelped, feeling the sting of his hand on your ass. "Two!" "Three!" "Four!" "Five!"
He kept spanking you, alternating between your ass cheeks. You could feel his dick hard against your stomach, and ignoring the pain in your ass, you started to grind against it.
"Six!" "Seven!" "Eight!"
He spanked you harder, and you could feel your ass getting red. You were breathing heavily, and your pussy was so wet that it was dripping onto his lap.
"Nine! Ten!"
_ _ _ _
"Can we stop watching this now?" Soichiro groaned.
"There has to be some hint," L traced the screen with his fingers which showed you getting spanked hard by Light now.
Soichiro let out an uncomfortable sigh.
"Mr Yagami, you can close your ears and eyes," L said without looking away from the screen.
_ _ _ _
"Good girl," Light said, rubbing your ass. "Now, a reward."
He slid his pants and boxers down to his legs and wiggled out of them. He brought his dick to your pussy, rubbing its head against your clit and earning a moan from your pursed lips. He flipped you over, pinning you under him on the bed again as he continued to tease you.
"Please, Light," you begged, trying to reach out for his dick so you could push it in.
"Please what?" he said sweetly and you groaned in annoyance.
"Please fuck me."
He smiled and pushed his dick inside you slowly, savouring every inch of your tight pussy.
"Oh!" you wailed, feeling his cock stretch your pussy.
He started bucking his hips in and out, fucking you harder as his balls slapped against your clit, doubling the pleasure. He was careful not to make a sound, but he didn't stop you from letting your strangled moans out. This would be your punishment, facing his mother in the morning after getting fucked so hard by him at night.
You tried very hard to suppress your lustful sounds, eyes welling up at the thought of facing his family in a few hours, but you couldn't. He was too good. He knew just how to get under your skin. Slowly, you felt your second orgasm approaching.
"Ah, ah! I want to come," you clasped your hand against your mouth to stop yourself from screaming. He was going so hard on you, of course, his mother and his sister would wake up if he continued.
"No, you're not. Hold it in," Light commanded. "You're going to come when I say so."
He kept fucking you harder, and you could feel your orgasm building. This was torture. There was no way you could hold yourself in when he was going so hard on you.
"Please, Light," you begged, feeling your pussy clench around his dick. "I can't hold it in anymore."
"Hold it in, I said," he said, flipping you over again and spanking your ass hard. He increased his speed, and you buried your head in a pillow to muffle your screams. "I'm going to come inside you now. Understood?"
You could feel his cock twitching inside you, and you knew he wasn't lying about his orgasm. You nodded slowly, voice still distant because of the pillow.
He let out a long, satisfied groan as he released his juices inside you, pushing his dick deep inside you. You could feel his cum filling your pussy, and it sent you over the edge.
"Now, come for me, pretty girl," Light said in a hoarse voice.
"Yes!" you screamed, feeling your orgasm wash over you. His cum was dripping out of your pussy, and you could feel his cock softening inside you.
"Good," he said, pulling his cock out of you. It was scary how calm and composed he was when a minute ago, he had spanked you so hard. He grabbed a towel and wiped your pussy clean.
_ _ _ _
Soichiro blinked at the abrupt ending of the sounds. Still refusing to look up at the screen, he asked, "Is it over now?"
"They're both still naked," L said, analyzing the place, feeling his own dick harden at your bare figure, panting and sweating as Light got off you and laid next to you, throwing the towel somewhere insignificant.
"Well then?" Soichiro said.
"Well what?"
"You made me watch my son... doing- doing stuff with his girlfriend," Soichiro said in a shaky voice, his hands behind his back to avoid pulling his hair out in frustration. "What have you understood from this?"
"What I've understood?" L said thoughtfully, his gaze unconsciously reaching his growing bulge. "Your son is quite romantic, I suppose."
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© chuulyssa, 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.
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centrally-unplanned · 10 months
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VOR: Henry Kissinger
Ugh, HUGELY overrated, Bismark has nothing on him. What, truly are his accomplishments? Oh, rapprochement with China? You mean the country that had just experienced a huge split with the Soviet Union, to the point where they were scared of military conflict, that was simultaneously backing North Vietnam in a war against the US? And so we opened doors to them and gave them literally everything they asked for, hanging Taiwan out to dry, and in return got absolutely nothing; China's aid to North Vietnam actually *increased* the year after? The corpse of a roadkill dog could have done that.
The "cease fire" with North Vietnam? That's just losing with coat of paint to poorly cover the shame! At least he had the self-respect to try to return his Nobel Peace prize. Ho Chi Minh handed him his ass on a platter and somehow that is a win on his ledger.
Accelerating arms sales to the Shah of Iran in order to back separatist fighters in Iraq? Whoops! Wow, that uh, wow what a call there. Really picked the right side.
Coup against Allende in Chile? That went well! Not to mention...he didn't. Chile coup'd Chile, Allende was a complete disaster imploding the country's economy. The Chilean military asked for permission as like a token gesture, we gave them support that didn't matter. Its like taking credit for a sports team win because you bought box seats, except at this game they dropped the opposing team's family out of a helicopter headfirst onto the pitch.
All the SALT treaty stuff started under Johnson, he continued it which is fine but is VORcel stuff. His grand "pivot to Europe" was trying to link trade policy to increases in defense spending from European partners...which didn't happen. They didn't increase them. We gave them trade deals anyway. Its fucking Trump without the memes.
On March 1, 1973, Kissinger stated, "The emigration of Jews from the Soviet Union is not an objective of American foreign policy, and if they put Jews into gas chambers in the Soviet Union, it is not an American concern. Maybe a humanitarian concern.
Awww "I'm such a cool little edgy boy, look at me and my joke about the Holocaust when discussing systemic discrimination against Jews the Soviet Union, surely this will somehow score me Realpolitik points on the Big Board that I can cash in for prize money while shedding America's moral legitimacy because it makes my dick hard."
He is the academic definition of style over substance, snottily walking from fuck-up to disaster to status-quo free ride and putting a pithy quote about The Nature of Power over it to pretend he had any to begin with. Hurry up and die already so I can stop running into you haggling over hostess tips at overpriced Georgetown restaurants.
F-
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missmeinyourbones · 10 months
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IN LITTLE WAYS, WHEN EVERYTHING STAYS
a/n: rei got the kids the fuck out of that house au, maybe a little prequel to my where love lives au? reader referred to as she & girlfriend a few times, sibling tendencies amongst the rokis
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In the streaky reflection of his bedroom vanity, Touya's mind circulates the same thought over and over again.
His shirt looks stupid.
And he doesn't even know what it is exactly that's making him look so fucking weird right now, but he's annoyingly hyperaware of how stiff he looks.
It's just a shirt, a nice one, at that; it's been washed and ironed and its buttons all correlate with one another so why does it look so awkward on him right now?
Just as he's debating between loosening up the collar again or ripping it to pieces, the situation somehow gets at least ten times worse within a matter of mere seconds.
"Are you hanging out with your girlfriend again?"
Like muscle memory, Touya's eyes close in annoyance at the sound of his youngest brother's nasally voice. Not botching to spare him a glance, he chooses to tug at the stuffy shirt collar.
"She's not my girlfriend," is mumbled with what Shouto knows to be both embarrassment and agitation.
"Then why are you wearing that stupid shirt?"
Touya tries, he truly does, to just bite his tongue and be the adult in the situation. Technically (and legally), he is the adult in the situation, but something about the know-it-all ten-year-old always brings out the immaturity in him.
"I think you're lying," Shouto continues, matter-of-factly. Gaming console in hand as his attention darts between what's on the screen and what's reflected in his brother's mirror, "I don't even think she's real."
Touya looks to put out the match before it can even catch fire. In a few strides, he's trudging towards his door and swinging it into motion.
"She's more real than the tooth fairy, I can tell you that--"
Just before he can get the satisfaction of slamming the door in Shouto's dopey little face, a thick wrap of fingers catches the wood before it shuts on its hinges.
Natsuo pushes the door back open with ease, the look on his face clearly amused with the bickering he's heard. When he sees Touya's appearance, he can't help but squint his eyes and lowly whistle.
"Slick. You seein' the girlfriend tonight?"
Nearly seething now at the second intrusion, Touya growls, turning his back on the two idiots in his doorway and returning his attention to the mirror.
"Not my girlfriend," he flatly recites.
The taller brother leans against the doorframe with crossed arms and a smirk that reads no good.
"Is she not your girlfriend because you haven't asked her yet or because she knows she's out of your league?" Natuso's tongue prods at the inside of his cheek in entertainment.
With it now being two against one, Shouto sees his window of opportunity and snottily chimes in, "Probably both."
After a brief glance at his phone and realizing it's nearly time for him to pick you up, Touya doesn't even spare them a glance. He quickly shifts his focus on undoing the highest buttons of his dress shirt.
"Eat shit."
Silence naturally settles amongst the three of them. Natsuo and Shouto make no move to leave their post at the door anytime soon, attention still quietly following Touya as he huffs and puffs around his room, messing up his hair and pulling at his way too rigid selves.
Natsuo, brave as he always has been, is unsurprisingly the first one to break the silence.
"Where are you takin' her that you need to wear that stupid shirt?
Touya knows it's a harmless question, but it bothers him all the same.
"Dinner."
"Where?"
"New place downtown."
Natuso nods in approval, "Are you paying for her?"
"Am I being interrogated?"
"You're paying for her?" Shouto crinkles his nose, "With what money?"
Touya's head doesn't miss a beat as it whips around with a slight smirk, "The money I took from beneath your fuckin' mattress."
"That's not even funny because I don't keep it there anymore--"
The three of them internally wince when the familiar squeak of Fuyumi's bedroom door flings open. On cue, she's tiredly sighing and stomping her way over to the commotion.
Touya doesn't need to see the scowl on her face when he can hear her from down the hallway, "Can you all please shut up before mom--"
She cuts herself off, appearing in the reflection of Touya's mirror with a face that reads a mixture of disgust and confusion.
She looks him up and down, and with the grace that only a sister could carry, delivers the final blow to her eldest brother's ego.
"Ew, why do you look like that?"
That last drop of charity in Touya's tiny heart shrivels up and runs dry when he snaps. "For fuck's sake--like what?"
The three of them watch as their sister gives Touya another once over before meeting his stare directly and scowling.
"Your shirt looks stupid."
In the creaky and muggy second floor of the Todoroki household, the air weighs heavy with sibling stress. Fuyumi glares, Natsuo chokes on a giggle, and Shouto's jaw is on the floor when Touya pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Get the fuck out of my room or I'm setting the house on fire," he exhales rather calmly, given the nature of his alarming (yet common) threat.
Unimpressed, Fuyumi is the first to leave, immediately followed by Shouto who quietly asks her about his own dinner. Natsuo hangs back for a second, continuing to watch his brother rub his calloused hands over his tension-filled face.
Giving up, Touya reaches across his bed and tosses on his old and ratty denim jacket over his nice, stupid shirt. When he catches Natsuo's eye in the mirror, he approvingly nods and shoots his older brother an encouraging thumbs up before, he too, leaves.
It's not two minutes later before Touya's lanky legs are carrying him down the wooden staircase of the house. He's throwing his scuffed boots on, yelling out to Rei about being home before the sun comes up, and taking a final look at himself in the reflection of the porch window before reaching for the door knob.
"Touya," a gentle voice calls as he makes a beeline to leave. To no one's surprise, it's Fuyumi.
He sighs but stops in his tracks anyway, allowing her to quickly scurry over to him. Her nimble fingers rise to fix the cuffed collar of his jacket before she smoothens out his shoulders and pulls taut on his zipper.
When she's deemed he looks acceptable enough, her voice comes as a knowing whisper. "Just ask her already," she prompts.
Touya knows she's right, but he can't help the bite that crawls from his throat when he says, "And what do you know?"
Fuyumi merely smiles and takes a step aside, giving him her stamp of approval and letting him open the front door.
"She seems good for you," she says. Taking one final look at him before turning her back and returning to the kitchen, her voice is warm and proud, "You've started brushing your hair again."
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lazy cat hybrid reader + too much energy dog hybrid gyu in heat 😔 maybe switch/switch ^^’
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"Are you seriously sitting there and jerking off while starting at me?" You scoff at the dog hybrid on the other side of the room from you and he quickly takes his hands out of his pants grabs onto the pillow next to him.
"I wasn't jerking off." He croaks and you laugh derisively.
"Yeah and I'm not pretty." You say mockingly but the puppy is too dumb to understand the sarcasm and answers dreamily. "You are pretty." He breathes, hand unconsciously doing back to grab at his cock. "So pretty."
"And you're gross." You turn your nose up at him and he whines, getting off the couch and crawling towards you quickly. You curl up in a ball and unfurl your claws, scratching at him when he gets close.
He whimpers as if he doesn't get why you did that, and sits down on his ass a small distance from you, nursing his scratched up cheek.
"Kitty, it hurts." He whines.
"I wouldn't have scratched you if you didn't jump on me like that." You explain without remorse, but he shakes his head. "Not that. This."
He leans back on his heels, emphasizing his bulge to you that is contained in sweatpants that leave nothing to the imagination. You'd be lying if you said that didn't make your mouth water a bit, but you're not a dog like him and you're certainly not going to let yourself fall for your base needs just because a stupid pup is waving his cock at you.
"Then you should've told our owners that you're going into heat." You tell him snottily.
"But then they would've taken me away to a breeding center." He mumbles sadly.
"So?" You ask as if you didn't care, and Beomgyu looks down dejectedly. "Did you think I'd care about that?"
"You cared when our owners brought Danbi over for a playdate." He mumbles under his breath.
Your temper flares at the mention of the dog hybrid's name. "I was saving you from getting involved with a bitch like her."
"She was nice to me." He argues back.
"She was just being pretend nice. She was awful to me which you would've noticed if you didn't have your nose firmly lodged inside her asshole. But I guess friendships mean nothing to you and you'd rather get your dick wet than stand up for your friends."
"No, you're right I'm sorry." He moves towards you, his lands smoothing up and down your legs in a soothing manner, getting the tension to leave your body. "You mean much more to me than anyone else."
Your heart flutters at his words but you choose to decidedly ignore it, focusing instead on how his big hands inch up and up with every passing second.
"Puppy, what are you doing?" You raise an eyebrow at him, and the glazed over look in his eyes clears up as he realizes he's been caught yet again.
"I just--" He tries to think, hands squeezing your thighs in distress. "I really need you."
"You know I can't take your cock. Kittens aren't meant to take such a big cock." You're telling the truth--cats and dogs aren't supposed to fuck--but you were being intentionally goading with your wording, knowing it will drive him crazy.
He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth. "We can try. I'll stop if it hurts too much."
"No. You'll rip my pussy apart." You shut him down. "You should've told our owners."
He looks at you, betrayed at you bring it up again. "Fine, maybe I will. Maybe I'll ask them to arrange another playdate with Danbi."
You raise your arm to scratch his face again but he sees it coming, grabbing your arm and pinning it to your side as he takes your lips in a kiss. You bite his lip punishingly but he doesn't care, moaning against your mouth and kissing you harder.
"Don't want her. Don't want any other bitch. Just want my pretty pussy."
"I am not yours."
"I would like to see anyone else try claim you." He growls menacingly and your pussy quivers at his dominating aura. It just makes you want to make him melt again for you.
"You can have my thighs." You tell him. He opens his mouth to protest but you beat him to it. "Either my thighs or nothing."
He grumbles but pulls back, pulling his pants down and spitting on his hand before bring it to his cock to lubricate it. He places his cock between your thighs and bucks his hips experimentally, moaning out and seemingly content with the feeling.
"Yeah, that's it. You know how to be good. You just need some training."
"Yes, pretty." He moans, lost as soon as his dick gets some stimulation.
"Am I prettier than her?"
"So much prettier. No one is prettier than you." He babbles, dick thrusting between your thighs. "Do you went me to tell our owners about my heat?"
"No, I can take care of my puppy. Won't need anyone else." You tell him and he melts, cumming all over your pretty dress that the owners put you in and that Beomgyu loves so much.
But the orgasm does nothing to calm his cock, and it still stand erect between your thighs.
"You're still hard?" You ask incredulously and he shrugs. "I'm in heat."
"Well, what now?" You ask awkwardly, staring at his dick. "Do you wanna do it again?"
He nods. "Let me rut against your pussy this time. Maybe that will help. I won't put it in. I promise."
"Beomgyu..." You hesitate.
"You just said you'll take care of me." He reminds you and you huff. "Fine."
"Thank you." Beomgyu yips happily, unceremoniously taking off your underwear. He lets his cock rest against your pussy and holds it down with his thumb so that when he ruts forward, his whole length rubs against your slit.
"Oh." You breathe out and his ears perk at the sound. He cocks his head to the side and ruts against you again, ears twitching at the restrained sounds you try to keep in as his movements grow more vigorous with excitement.
"You like it, kitty?" He asks, a grin on his face, and you stick you tongue out stubbornly. He laughs and angles his hips in such a way so as that his cock would brush against your clit each time.
He seems to be more focused on trying to illicit pleasure out of you than working towards his own orgasm. But the dumb pup is so excited and turned on by your sounds and the way your tits jiggle with each thrust that he's falling over the edge before he even realizes it.
"No, no," He whines at his premature orgasm, but his hips continue to thrust forward as he covers you in another load.
This time, when his cock doesn't go down, you don't mind it so much. Maybe you'll get to cum this time. But Beomgyu is a greedy little mutt.
"Let me put it in. Just the tip." He pleads.
"It won't fit!"
"Just the tip." He coaxes, thumb moving down to your whole and dipping ever so slightly in. You know he can feel you clench around it because he says, "I know you need it too."
"Fuck you." You let out defeatedly, and he knows he has you.
You cringe as he lines the large head of his cock with your pussy and pushes in, anticipating the pain, but true to his word he stops as soon as he feels resistance.
With just the tip in, he pulls back and thrusts back in, and as you soon realize, this is pure torture--for you more than him. At least he seems to be getting off on it despite the massive restraint the excitable pup is having to endure. As for you, it just feels like being teased with no hope of cumming. You want him to fill you up. You want to cum on his cock, but you're too scared to ask for it.
Somehow, the stupid brute notices how needy you are, and moves his hand up to flick his thumb over your clit, giving you the much needed stimulation you've been craving.
"Oh fuck, Beommie. Keep doing that." You keen, not caring about how you're only exciting him further, just hoping he'll make you cum this time.
And he does. He's unrefined and sloppy, but he's earnest and you're so, so turned on.
"Yes, yes!" You mewl, clenching around him as you cum, but he surprisingly takes his cock out, choosing to spurt his cum on your dress once again.
"You didn't cum inside." You state, confused, and he mumbles sheepishly. "You didn't say I could."
How is he so adorable about something so lewd? You want to reach out and pet him for being so cute but you hold back, looking away from his puppy eyes so you wouldn't be tempted to.
As you look down to your dress, you realize it's basically ruined now, wet and sticky from multiple loads, and yet as you stare in disgust at the sodden material, you see that Beomgyu is still hard.
"Is it seriously not down?"
"I didn't knot you yet."
You gasp at the audacity. "And you're not going to."
"Come on, kitty. You know it's the only way to make this go away. My body needs to feel like I've bred you." He exclaims and you look away, cheeks burning.
"Well, I'm exhausted." You excuse lamely and he snorts. "You're not even doing anything. Just lay on your tummy and let me use you." He growls and you raise an eyebrow at him so he adds. "Please."
"Such a perv."
"I'm not a perv. Just need you to present yourself for mating." He mumbles the last part quietly.
"Perv." You repeat but obey, still refusing to admit to yourself that you're enjoying this.
Once you flop on your tummy, he grabs your hips and pulls your ass up in the air. "Just like that." He purrs, fingers running along your slit. "Good kitty ready to be mounted."
"Just shut up and do it."
"Yes, kitty." He climbs over you, pressing his big cock into you.
"Ooof." You whimper as he fills you up, going deeper this time.
"Good pussy." He slurs, already lost in the feeling of your pussy but trying to comfort you with kisses to your shoulder. "Just relax. You can take it."
Surprisingly, you do. You manage to take his whole length and Beomgyu is full of praises for you.
"You're doing so good for me. Being such a good mate." He coos, holding you close as his hips thrust back and forth, fucking you from behind. "You're so pretty. And so nice. I love you."
You breath hitches at his words but you dismiss them. He's just pussy-drunk. He'll say he loves anything he can fuck right now.
But it's hard to ignore it when he keeps repeating it over and over, getting more and more loud as he gets lost in the pleasure.
"Fuck, puppy, don't say that." You gasp as your body rocks with every thrust. "You know we can't."
"I don't care. I love you. I love you so much." He moans in your ear, one arm wrapped around your waist, holding you up against his onslaught, while the other snakes between your legs to rub at your pussy. "Please love me too."
Fuck, he's being so unfair right now. He can't do this to you when he's fucking you so good. So you bite lip to stay quiet, tasting the blood on your tongue.
"Please!" Beomgyu cries out, his hips losing rhythm as he nears his end but tries to hold off. You clench around him, coaxing him to let go. "Come on, pup, cum for me. I know you're dying to knot me good."
"Please, please..." He continues to beg even as his hips stutter and you feel the base of his cock swell up.
"That's it. There you go." You wince as he pushes his knot into you. But Beomgyu is still keen to pleasure you too.
"Cum for me. Need you to feel good too. Please." He whimpers brokenly. Oh, if he knows just how good he's making you feel. He's too rough and fast, too sloppy and eager, but his moans in your ear and need for you radiating off him in waves more than makes up for it.
"Ah Beomgyu, I'm cumming, puppy. I'm cumming--oh" You shudder, feeling his seed fill you up as your pussy tries to clench around him but his knot is just too big.
You double over in pain and pleasure, lying still for a while before registering that Beomgyu is licking the side of your neck soothingly and whispering reassurances in your ear.
"You did so good. You're so perfect." He says, and you can hear the pain in his voice but you don't dare address it, just letting him comfort you as you wait for his knot to go down.
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toastsnaffler · 1 year
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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