#so I evidently am not in a place to cope with this. but children's wellbeing right fucking now is more important.

[diapause]

not that I've spoken about things this personal on here in years but I'm very likely going to the police soon with hard evidence of what was done to me as a child so. wish me luck

[everything-laito]

if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too. 

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well. 

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em. 

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse. 

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason. 

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track. 

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors. 

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older. 

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki​ and @amiecris​ for helping me think this through on Zara’s server! 

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance. 

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It��s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too. 

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her. 

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this. 

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn

[earthstellar]

I work in a clinic, so for Medic May, I want to do a few Ratchet and Cybertronian medicine themed posts! 

[Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I do, however, have my complete Care Certificate CCT via the NHS, and my PFA certification. I am also trained to Level 3 Safeguarding for Adults as well as for Children. I’ve been trained as a COVID Vaccinator, too! I am currently certified to work as non-clinical medical support staff, psychological first aid support staff, and clinical vaccination programme staff.]

Several notes about the above panels from Marvel Transformers:

1) Cybertronians do not dream, but can experience altered states during stasis/recharge that result in similar psychogenic effects. 

We already know that Cybertronians can experience memory fluxes or defrag glitches upon a rough awakening, or if their defrag wasn’t allowed to complete/their stasis period is interrupted, it can cause cognitive and memory errors. 

But here, we see Ratchet experiencing something analogous to a nightmare, stated as a likely side-effect of “involuntary systems shutdown”. Systems crash, forced stasis, etc. can evidently result in continued cognitive processing (instead of the typical on-off duality that is often implied in canon in regards to being in stasis), which seems to produce some degree of hallucinatory effect or other state of altered cognition while in the forced state of unconsciousness. 

2) Prolonged states of heightened physical or mental stress can result in a systems crash or involuntary stasis. 

Ratchet’s involuntary state of shutdown was caused by his chronic overworking; We can assume that similar to vasovagal syncope type responses in human beings, Cybertronian systems may reach a point of real or perceived stress, and shut down as an internal safety response. 

This can be caused by both physical and/or mental factors; Ratchet in this issue has been working seated in the medbay, and his anxiety and poor self-esteem compounded what may be physical factors as well (anxiety causing physical stress such as joint tension, possibly underfuelling resulting in his frame shutting down to prevent systems damage, and so on). 

Implications for Cybertronian Medicine + Actual Human Clinical Practice Comparisons: 

As stated above, given both mental and physical factors present in Ratchet’s case here, this resembles somewhat of a vasovagal syncope, or faint response. 

This can happen as a one-off thing in humans, but it can also indicate dysautonomia and other conditions, such as POTS, or possibly cardiac or other nervous system disorders if it occurs again. 

There’s no way to know if this works entirely similarly for Cybertronians. There may be comparisons to recognisable human health conditions and symptoms, but the actual situation may be very different for a Cybertronian. So I can’t comment fully on that side of things. 

If he were a human, I’d ask one of the medics I work with to refer him for occupational health/stress management therapy if available as well as EKG due to his age just to be safe. If he faints/enters unintended stasis again, I would then ask for another EKG and a Tilt Test to determine if the syncope may be abnormal. 

For a Cybertronian, an EKG would be essentially a spark monitor; In humans we can send someone home with leads and a little battery box that records the heart rate for a certain number of hours. Cybertronians may have something similar, or may just download a temporary code to log the necessary data and send that packet along to a medic for review. 

A Tilt Test is where someone is placed on a table and literally “flipped” to intentionally cause a syncope episode while being monitored, to help determine potential causes for the repeated fainting. It’s used as part of determining/ruling out diagnoses. For example, many people with POTS are diagnosed after undergoing a Tilt Test. 

For Cybertronians, this may not work the same way; They do have fuel lines that are implied to be similar to an arterial/venous network, but their nervous and cardiovascular equivalent systems are completely different overall. 

I’d imagine processor and systems checks would be involved, and I think a berth could easily be used to perform the Tilt Test if it would be applicable to Cybertronian patients in any way. 

If other conditions/diagnoses are ruled out, then it’s therapy. We know psychotherapy as a field of medical profession exists on Cybertron as of IDW Transformers, but I don’t know if this would necessarily apply to the Marvel Transformers continuity. Assuming it does, Ratchet may then be required to attend therapy appointments on a certain schedule in order to remain in capacity as CMO of the Autobots, in order to confirm he is fit for work (occupational health therapy mandate equivalent) as well as to ensure his wellbeing and monitor how he is doing while undergoing treatment with therapy. 

Given the nature of his nightmare and the near-100% chance that he has at least some degree of PTSD, I would say that EMDR therapy may be well indicated for Ratchet’s personal therapy needs at some point or another in his therapy treatment. Many people with PTSD find it helpful, especially where CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) or other methods fail to be of any significant assistance in recovery/coping/etc. 

EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, and again, given how the cognitive/memory/neurological functions of Cybertronians differ and how the processing of visual data/optics work very differently when compared to human eyes and processing, this may not work at all or the equivalent Cybertronian therapy may be very different. 

It’s interesting to think about! 

[megalony]

Suspicions- Part 4

Here is the latest part of my dad! Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone is enjoying so far. There is a lot of angst in this part.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have just had their first baby together, but when she gets hurt, suspicion falls on the couple and Ben can’t help but feel like people think he’s done something wrong.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) tightened her hand around Ben's to try and keep him calm when they entered the doctor's office. Ben had made it clear that he didn't want to talk to this doctor about Ella's situation anymore with the way he had spoken to them before but (Y/n) didn't want another argument.

Everything was beginning to get too much for both of them to cope with and arguing with the doctor and trying to find someone else was going to prove more than it was worth. The easiest thing to do right now was put up with the doctor who knew about Ella's situation and make sure that Ella was okay. It didn't matter how the doctor talked to them anymore or what he said as long as he helped Ella and helped them bring her home.

Ben darted his eyes around the office as he absentmindedly tugged (Y/n) closer into his side. There was the doctor they didn't get along with sat at his desk, but there was another man and a woman stood by the desk near the wall. Neither he nor (Y/n) knew who the other people were and it worried Ben why they were in here when this was private, it was about Ella and Ben didn't see why there should be anyone else listening in.

"Who are they?" Ben tried not to sound rude but he couldn't help it.

Without Ella being at home, Ben felt like he was bored to death in the early morning when he couldn't get back to sleep. He had gotten used to seeing to Ella in the morning or just watching over her but now she was here Ben was at a loss for what to do and his insomnia was only getting worse.

"They're colleagues, Mr Jones. Please have a seat." Dr Harris motioned to the chairs in front of his desk but he could see the reluctance on Ben's features.

(Y/n) reached out for Ben's hand when he didn't bother to sit down, he simply stood behind the chair she had sat in and rested his hands on her shoulders. He leaned over, trying hard not to put too much pressure on (Y/n)'s shoulders as his fingers curled around her hand that was resting over his own.

"Is Ella's leg getting any better?" (Y/n) questioned, trying to ignore the two people who were rather off-putting as they hadn't introduced themselves. They were standing here for no apparent reason, simply staring at her and Ben like they were test subjects to be observed. All (Y/n) wanted was to be told about how Ella was doing and when she and Ben could take her home. She was their baby girl, she should be home with them so they could look after her.

"The fracture is going to take a few weeks to heal, but it hasn't gotten any worse. Now, my colleagues here would like to talk to you both, they're from the NSPCC."

"I beg your pardon?"

(Y/n) felt Ben's hands tightening around her shoulders as his words passed through gritted teeth. Ben felt like he was going to be sick as he could feel his skin burning red. Who the Hell did this doctor think he was, calling the NSPCC? Ben and (Y/n) weren't putting Ella in any sort of danger and they had done nothing to harm their baby. They were her parents and no one had taken them seriously about Ella, all they saw was her injuries and simply suspected they were both doing something wrong.

"T-that's an organisation for children, isn't it?" (Y/n) shook her head as she looked at the two people who were smiling kindly, but there was something sinister behind their expressions that set her on edge.

"National society of preventing cruelty to children. They think we've done this to her." Ben's eyes burned holes into the two people who were practically cowering under his intense gaze. They protected children who were being neglected or abused and worked to help them but as much as Ben respected what they did, he didn't respect them being here right now. They were hanging around like flies on the wall watching the scene unfold, waiting to interrupt because they thought Ben was some kind of bully and (Y/n) was neglecting Ella.

"Why won't you listen to us? We've not hurt her she's our baby!" (Y/n) let out a sob, her body doubling over as she wanted to be sick.

Why was no one believing them?

Everyone had been dead set against their relationship from the beginning and now they were trying to ruin their family and take Ella away from them. (Y/n) wanted to be a good mother and she had tried her hardest over this past month to care for Ella. She hadn't done anything wrong or mistreated or abused Ella in any way and Ben had done nothing but dote on his daughter since the moment he found out about her.

They weren't abusing Ella.

Leaning over the chair, Ben gently wrapped his tense arms around (Y/n)'s front, pulling her against his chest as he pressed his lips to the top of her head to calm her down. She could feel his harsh breaths fanning against her hair showing that Ben was trying hard to control himself. If Ben started losing his temper they would think he was aggressive but Ben only got angry when it was about things close to home and his family was something he would defend at all costs.

"Our daughter has been hurt, if we were the ones doing that to her why the fuck would we bring her to you in the first place?"

If Ben had lost his temper around Ella or if he or (Y/n) had abused her, why would they bring her to the hospital both times she had gotten hurt and risk being found out? It didn't make any sense. They had brought her here to be cared for and that was it, they didn't come here to get mistreated and accused themselves.

"No one is saying-"

"You're not accusing us of harming her? If that's true send the charity case out of the room and talk to us like proper parents instead of criminals." If this man was going to continue pretending that he wasn't accusing them of harming Ella then he needed to stop the facade and be truthful with them. But when he stayed silent, a cynical smile found its way onto Ben's face. "You can't even do that. Come on, we're not leaving Ella here."

(Y/n) nodded, trying to hold back her cries as she stood to her feet but stopped the moment the doctor held his hand out towards her, quickly standing up himself.

They couldn't leave Ella here in a hospital that thought they were abusing her. They had to take Ella somewhere else or simply take her home, the hospital couldn't do anything else for her right now, she needed rest and a lot of love to help her bones heal. Ben and (Y/n) needed their baby and they needed to take her home and care for her.

"I'm afraid... you can't do that."

"Ben..." (Y/n) latched her hands around Ben's arm as she felt her chest shaking. He rested his hand on her hip as she pressed her head into his arm, his sleeve soaking up her tears but more fell from her eyes. She couldn't seem to find the ability to breathe, she wanted her baby. Why were they trying to take her baby away from her?

"Luella is my daughter and I am not leaving her here under your care. We have the right to discharge her and take her home." They couldn't tell Ben he didn't have the right to take his own baby back home. He was her parent, her guardian, he had the legal right to discharge her if he wanted and Luella was under his care. He didn't want her to be left here when they were accusing him and (Y/n) of harm with no actual proof or evidence.

If they had no proof and only suspicion then they had no grounds to take charge and try and take ownership of Ella in this way.

"Mr Jones, your daughter has serious injuries that you can't explain and as her doctor, for her safety and wellbeing, I've contacted the NSPCC. Until we know your home is a safe place for Luella, she will be kept in a different part of the hospital... without any contact with you."

(Y/n) smothered her mouth to stop herself from gagging as her body crumpled like she was trying to contort herself into a different shape. Ben's arms tightened around her frame as he held her to his chest but his own vision was blurring from the tears now streaking down his features. They were taking their baby away from them. They were going to stop them from seeing Luella because they thought they had harmed her when they had done nothing wrong.

They couldn't separate Ella from them, she was a baby, she needed them to take care of her and protect her and to love her. She would get no love from the staff here and they weren't going to tend to her like (Y/n) and Ben would. They would simply feed her and make sure her bones were healing, they wouldn't cuddle her tentatively or talk to her or kiss her or make a fuss over her. They would do nothing to make Ella feel loved or special, they weren't Ella's parents and she would need her parents right now.

Ella had that connection to (Y/n) and Ben, she knew who they were, she had a bond with them and she would need them right now. They couldn't separate her from her parents.

"Y-you can't take her from us like that." Ben breathed through the words as he felt himself shaking.

How did they have the right to take Ella from them like that? There was no evidence that Ben or (Y/n) had harmed Ella and therefore they shouldn't have the right to snatch her no matter what actions or laws were set in place to protect patients. There was no reason for them to do this but they were taking things too far.

"Why don't we all sit down and talk this through calmly? We're only here to ensure Luella's safety which is what we're doing." The lady whose name escaped the couple spoke up with a small smile that she knew was going to be no comfort to the parents of the child she had just ordered to be taken away from them. Her words meant nothing to them and her calm composure was simply enraging both (Y/n) and Ben.

How dare they stand there and act like they were doing them a favour.

"Ella is safe with us! We came here for help, snatching her from us isn't helping, look at what you're doing to us for no reason." Ben held (Y/n) tighter to his chest as he couldn't see properly due to the stream of tears falling from his broken orbs.

If they didn't care for Ella or were harming her they would have no problem with someone taking her away. If she was some kind of burden they would have been happy to get rid of her. But Ella was their baby, she was the most precious thing to them in their lives and they weren't going to let them steal her away. It wasn't fair, they had just been stabbed in the heart simply because they didn't know why Ella was hurt or in pain. They had done everything in their power to help her but they were receiving no help in return.

"I want my baby." (Y/n) cried desperately as she started to thrash in Ben's arms that she didn't want around her right now. Her arms were yearning for her baby but no one was letting her have Ella back in her arms where she belonged.

(Y/n) had carried Ella for nine months, she had given birth to her and she had felt so complete when Ella was placed into her arms for the first time. Taking her away was like ripping an organ from (Y/n)'s body that she needed to survive.

Once she was out of Ben's arms, (Y/n) stumbled for the door and fled the room that was becoming too toxic for her to handle. She heard shouting and Ben's angered voice behind her before footsteps could be heard following her which only heightened the state of panic she was feeling as she bolted down the corridor. Her chest was heaving and her heart was rapidly beating in her chest to the point she thought it was going to go into overdrive and suddenly stop.

The moment (Y/n) reached Ella's ward, she burst into the room but stopped short when she realised what they had done.

They had moved Ella as soon as (Y/n) and Ben had left the ward to go and talk to the doctor. They had snatched her without their permission and now she was hidden somewhere in the hospital so her parents couldn't find or see her. Ella had been taken away from them for no reason at all except she was in pain and no one knew why.

A scream tore from (Y/n)'s lips as she fell down to her knees, curling up on herself as her breaths turned harsh and choked. (Y/n) shuddered when she felt Ben's body enveloping around her own, pulling her into his chest as he repeatedly kissed the top of her head.

"We'll get her back, baby. I swear."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leaning his head against the wooden bars of the empty crib, Ben stared into the blanket tightly gripped in his hands as he felt like he was sitting in a trance. The dark brown wooden edge of the bar was digging into the side of his head but he could barely feel the indents it was creating against his skin. The way his body was slouched was going to cause him back pain when he eventually got up but he didn't care.

His eyes were red-rimmed like they had been rubbed raw and they were bloodshot. Dried tears stained his face and made his skin feel tight and uncomfortable but Ben couldn't be bothered to try and wipe the stains away. He wanted his baby back.

Ella was what Ben needed when his insomnia got the better of him. He loved to just stand over the crib and check that she was sleeping calmly, that she didn't need feeding or changing or any meds to make sure she wasn't in any pain. He loved to dote on Ella all day every day, but at night when he couldn't turn his mind off, she was there to console him. He could just stare at her beautiful features and feel calmer. He could feel relaxed, he could feel happy and in love with the little girl that had changed his life from the moment she came into it.

All the travelling Ben did and his work and his career meant nothing in comparison to Ella.

When his insomnia started he felt horrid, he felt broken and tired beyond belief and aggravated to make it stop but Ella made it bearable to go with four or five hours of sleep a day. She made it easier to get through the nights because Ben could care for her. He knew that when he eventually started working on a new project, he would have made the most of caring for Ella to make up for any lost time in the future.

Ben wanted his baby girl back in his arms so he could cradle her and show his heart that there was no reason to feel in such pain like this.

He knew that he hadn't hurt Ella. Ben knew that her broken collar bone and fractured leg was nothing to do with him. He knew he hadn't dropped her or held her too tightly or gotten angry around her. He also knew that (Y/n) hadn't hurt or neglected Ella, she hadn't hit her or dropped her or lashed out at her. This was nothing to do with them and it hurt the most that they both knew it was not their fault but they were being treated as if it was.

They were being treated like criminals who had abused their child. They were being treated like the cruel parents shown on tv and documentaries that the couple despised. But they were nothing like that. They were first-time parents but they hadn't done anything wrong or made this kind of mistake.

Turning his head, Ben's bleak eyes set on (Y/n) as she trudged into the room, her body coiling over as she looked like she was going to drop down right there. Neither of them said anything, (Y/n) simply collapsed down onto the carpet with Ben, moving so she was sitting between his legs. She curled up against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and set his chin on top of her head.

The moment (Y/n) saw Ella's blanket tightly grasped in Ben's hand, a tidal wave of tears spilled from her eyes.

A sob bubbled past (Y/n)'s lips causing Ben's arms to tighten round her as he curled his frame over her own like he was trying to smother her or stuff her into his heart to keep her safe. Someone had just snatched Ella from them and didn't want them to get her back, there was no way that Ben was losing (Y/n) too. Not for anything.

"W-what if we don't get her back?" (Y/n) felt her lower lip wobbling as if it was trying to fall and reach the floor.

(Y/n) didn't know how they could get Ella back if they didn't know what had caused her injuries in the first place. She highly doubted the crude doctor or those people were going to get fed up and just hand Ella back without any good reason. She didn't know if they were going to try and inspect their home or try and get her and Ben into some kind of therapy or something to see if they really did hurt Ella or if they were stable or not.

If no one could find out what happened to Ella, how were they going to get her back?

"Baby, they can't keep her forever if they have no reason to. We haven't done anything wrong and they're going to see that soon enough. Ella's coming home." Ben would do anything he had to to make sure that Ella came back home where she belonged. He would bribe the doctors or nurses or someone from the NSPCC to let him know where they were keeping Ella. He would take the doctor to court and try and prove his and (Y/n)'s innocence and show them that Ella was safe at home where she belonged.

If they had no evidence to suggest that this was his or (Y/n)'s fault then they had no reason or evidence to be able to keep Ella separated from them. They would have to give her back.

"How are you so sure?" (Y/n) wanted to be sure like Ben was, she wanted to believe that Ella was coming home. And part of her was hopeful that they could somehow make sure Ella was coming back. But if no one found out how Ella got hurt, then no one was going to believe that she and Ben hadn't hurt her.

"Because she's my baby girl, I'm not letting them steal her from us." Ben was never going to stop fighting to get Ella back. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure his baby came back to him where she belonged.

He wasn't going to stop until she was back in his arms.

[dailykhaleej]

Class of 2020 in Dubai left to graduate via Zoom

Commencement ceremonies happen via Zoom for Dubai’s Class of 2020 Picture Credit score: Provided

Dubai: Highschool seniors in the UAE and school graduates of 2020 who have been trying ahead to their commencement ceremonies, promenade nights and grad journeys at the moment are having to settle in with the brand new regular, their plans compromised, in consequence of the coronavirus pandemic.

As if cancelled A-levels and IBs weren’t sufficient, the Class of 2020 or the Pandemic Era (as they’ll now be identified) at the moment are having to let go of closing farewells and embrace on-line get-togethers whereas the certificates arrive by submit.

Dressing for a web based promenade

Cassandra Teulon from the Dubai English Talking Faculty (DESC) regrets having no official commencement ceremony and no proms. She has already secured admission in a Bachelors diploma programme in International Improvement Research in a college in Canada, however does really feel annoyed with the modifications in her life.

“We were so annoyed when the exams were cancelled,” she instructed DailyKhaleej. “I worked hard for three years and then we were told we were not taking them. And now, no graduation ceremony either. We were so looking forward to that and the prom night. And there was also a grad trip being planned to Bali.”

Cassandra in her promenade costume prepared for a celebration on-line Picture Credit score: Provided

To make up for her dashed hopes, her mum, Cyndi Teulon, not too long ago organized for a digital commencement occasion with associates. “I wore a nice prom dress, got my hair and nails done. Then we zoomed in with family and friends. Mum arranged for some cakes and balloons and she got graduation caps for my friends,” says Cassandra.

Her college, she says, has requested closing 12 months college students to ship in movies with messages. “I am sure they will send us something for a keepsake.”

“I wanted to do something special for Cassandra,” says Cyndi. “She had worked so hard for her A levels and also had great predicted marks which got her into a great university. We needed a marker for her that would officially signal the end of her school education. So we arranged for an online party.”

Joanne Jewell

Mindfulness coach Joanne Jewell agrees that discovering a way of marking this necessary chapter in the lives of kids present rather a lot of parental help.

“Whether it’s renting a graduation gown, taking a picture, or having a special meal… acknowledging the milestone in some is always helpful.”

Commencement events via Zoom Picture Credit score: Provided

Cassandra agrees that going to a brand new nation does fear her. “But right now with what looks like an online first semester, it will be business as usual with no first day in college to look forward to as well,” she says.

Miss thanking my academics

Tayte Stefaniuk of the Gems Wellington Worldwide College agrees that it was “devastating” to hear that the IB had determined to cancel the examinations. “I had worked so hard and sacrificed so much to succeed in those exams. I had felt as though all of my hard work had been robbed.”

Tayte might be taking a niche 12 months to assess his choices for college. “Since I was very young I marveled at the prospect of being a marine biologist and had arranged internships in this discipline for my gap year which have subsequently been delayed. I am now using this time at home to take online courses to investigate a career in environmental law or environmental studies.”

He agrees that his associates have been trying ahead to a correct commencement ceremony. “Many had arranged to go on grad trips around the world to commemorate our time together. When it became evident that no physical graduation would take place, a virtual graduation was announced by the school. Graduating students were asked to send video clips in our graduation attire which would be made into a video presentation that will be shared with us.”

His biggest remorse is that he’ll miss thanking his academics in individual and say a correct goodbye. “I can’t thank them enough for their guidance and efforts during my time at GWIS and especially during this time.”

A photograph-op and planning a visit

The Gems United College that had deliberate a drive-through commencement ceremony for its college students, cancelled the occasion final Thursday, deeply disappointing Youssef Moubadder who had actually been trying ahead to it.

Youssef Moubaddder in his commencement robe Picture Credit score: Provided

Youssef has secured an admission in Surrey College in the UK and is annoyed that this second, which he has waited all his life, is now simply lowered to only a picture alternative in a commencement robe and cap that his college had organized someday again. “It really sucks,” he says. “We had also planned a special trip with senior students. Now we keep talking about how different life would have been without Covid-19.”

However Youssef agrees that he has learnt some sensible life classes from the pandemic. “To appreciate every little thing, and never to take anything for granted. We are still making plans with friends about going to Croatia for our Class of 2020 trip. That’s what keeps us going. Till then we just have to meet online and look forward to when things will get back to normal.”

Searching for a commencement robe

Dubai-resident, 21-yr-old, Salpie Dawood might be graduating with a diploma in in Worldwide Enterprise Communication from the Radbund College in the Netherlands. Though Salpie has been bodily attending courses in the Netherlands since 2017, she had to full her final semester on-line.

“The college had planned a graduation ceremony in August but now it’s all cancelled and I am really upset that I cannot celebrate my special day with my family,” she says.

Salpie Dawood at her college in the Netherlands Picture Credit score: Provided

Salpie plans to get herself a commencement robe and a cap and have a particular on-line celebration with household and associates. “In another world there would have been an elaborate ceremony in college with speeches and all. We would then take photographs at the iconic spots on campus, followed by a dinner with family and party with friends.”

Salpie says she retains replaying the image of a traditional commencement day in her thoughts. “I guess I took so much for granted. But I am going to make the most of it and get myself a graduation gown – a nice outfit and celebrate with my family and friends online.” The diploma certificates can come by submit, she says.

Speaking in regards to the job market, Salpie says, “I feel there will be opportunities for 2020 graduates, as this generation is most familiar with technological transformation. Hence, it is important to stand out and use the opportunity to further educate oneself.”

An unsure and traumatic time for younger adults

Tanuka Gupta

Tanuka Gupta, a medical psychologist, explains that the “pandemic situation is a prolonged state of trauma that humans are going through much like a natural disaster, war or violence. The effects of trauma always lead to some level of mental health concerns. Thus, young adults will be having the same range of emotions about the pandemic and their future or career much like the adults around them. From my interaction I have found the most common emotional states are that of anxiety, confusion, sadness, depression and grief. Especially the age where they are at the cusp of stepping into a world of career and responsibility, stress level will be especially higher than young children who are more dependent on their parents for their wellbeing.”

The uncertainty of the scenario, the loss of alternatives to graduate, get an internship or a job or be with friends will proceed to gas the state of worry, fear and unhappiness in them, she explains. “There is a sense of ‘powerlessness’ or ‘victimhood’ that comes from a prolonged state of being in a ‘limbo’ of not being able to do anything.”

However every particular person, Gupta says, have their very own coping mechanisms. “Some people would probably become more cynical of the hope of doing well while some will quickly bounce back and go with the changes like social distancing, wearing masks and other restrictions. Some may lose trust in the overall system and some would come out of it learning lessons about humanity, compassion and equality.”

What are you able to do as a father or mother?

A supportive, calm and balanced house setting is extraordinarily necessary always however particularly now. Kids study to address stress primarily based on what’s modelled by their dad and mom to a big extent. A house setting the place there may be panic, despair and constant hypothesis in regards to the pandemic will exacerbate worry in the kids.

Course of your personal stress in a peaceful method. Be sincere about what you are feeling and share that with your loved ones together with your kids.

Examine in on the emotional state of your kids and pay attention to how they’re processing the scenario.

Don’t impose your opinions on them. Don’t inform them how they want to really feel.

Settle for their emotions as that will give them a protected house to share. There are not any “wrong” feelings. All feelings are legitimate.

Focus on the absolute best methods of dealing with this case. Don’t push advices however supply solutions.

Lead a balanced life of wholesome sleep and waking hours, bodily train, nourishing weight loss plan and restricted digital time.

Ask for his or her assist in home tasks.

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[proverbs1728]

Mental Health Awareness Week 2020

Mental Health Awareness Week is a great opportunity to promote wellbeing.  Mental Health Awareness is like health promotion - we are given information about what can make us poorly and how we can stay healthy.  

It’s not telling us what to do.  If it’s done right it is about making us aware of what might be helpful or harmful.  Then we can have a bit of control and, of course, we have some responsibility for doing what we can.

Mental health and physical health are closely linked.  One effects the other. Things like diet and exercise and smoking and alcohol and medicine are all part of our wellbeing.  

Mental and physical health can be affected by our environment, say pollution for instance.  There is strong evidence that our wellbeing is influenced by social factors like poverty, housing, employment and inequality.  These are some of the things we could be doing something about.

This year, the Mental Health Foundation has chosen ‘kindness’ as its theme for the awareness week.  I pricked up my ears when I heard this as it occurred to me that churches are places where kindness is something that can be found in abundance. Loving our neighbour is exactly our thing.  

The Mental Health Foundation has an excellent website and it says

“Kindness can have real benefits for our mental health and wellbeing.’  They did a substantial online survey with yougov in April of 2020.  63% of UK adults agree that when other people are kind it has a positive impact on their mental health.  The same proportion agree that being kind to others has a positive impact on their mental health.

What I take from this is that as individuals, groups, parishes and dioceses have a great deal to offer.

Let me set out my stall.  As an Approved Mental Health Professional, I am the person who makes the decision about whether a person with a mental disorder is deprived of their liberty.  

It isn’t an easy job and you couldn’t do it without coming away wondering if you have made the right decision.  I will never forget a night when, as a trainee, I walked down the corridor at the Bradgate Unit with a woman who was to be detained.  During that day I had heard about her experience of sexual abuse as a young person.  Many, many years later she had children and was married to a man who worked for a high profile accountancy firm.  

She had taken an overdose and was in the Royal Infirmary threatening to discharge herself so that she could take her own life.   While I walked down the corridor with her I felt that this was a very poor response in a situation of desolation and desperation.  

 I am a provider of mental health services but, twenty years ago, I was an in- patient consumer of them as well.

It’s quite hard to say this.  My head says ‘why, what’s the problem?’ but my heart feels strangely ashamed. I just wanted to say to you that I know how it feels to be told to smoke less or drink less or get more exercise. Back then I could not see how this might help and, frankly, it added to my sense that I wasn’t really being listened to.

 Now then.  Covid 19 and the lockdown have made life difficult. I keep hearing people talking about things getting back to normal.  Folks are looking forward to watching the football, going out for a meal, gathering for worship.   We mourn for the comfortable world from which we have been exiled.  We weep as we remember Zion.

As for me; I’m very keen on folk music and dancing.  Lots of events and gatherings have been cancelled and so lots of seasonal encounters with folky friends have been missed this year.

I’ve been working from home, queueing for my shopping, not able to visit my family or friends.  My holiday in France had to be cancelled.  An appointment for very minor surgery was postponed.

For many people the consequences have been very much more serious. People have lost their jobs. Others have not been able to receive the treatment they need for painful and life-threatening illness.  Families have been separated.  Many people have been confined to a life of loneliness and isolation.  Some have died.  Many are bereaved.  Lock down has reminded us that we have many things to be thankful for.  

Now I want to ask, is normal all is cracked up to be?  I have some statistics for you.  I’m not trying to convince you of anything except to say that we have a high tolerance level when it comes to some things that are ‘normal’.

The average person living in Europe loses two years of their life to the health effects of breathing polluted air.  

Normal is twenty eight thousand street homeless people (according to the BBC)

Normal is that 70.9 million prescriptions for antidepressants were given out in 2018 (there were 36 million in 2008).

There were nearly 50,000 detentions to psychiatric hospital were made under the MHA in the year 2018 / 2019

Approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year.

In England, 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (such as anxiety and depression) in any given week.

I could go on and on: addiction, crime, violence, painting a bleak picture. Actually, part of what the statistics tell us it that normal is ok for most people most of the time.  Five out of six of us won’t experience a common mental health problem this week.  We won’t be victims of abuse or lose our jobs.  

I suppose that’s why we can get along with normal.  As a species and especially, apparently, as a nation we like to carry on as though things are normal, even when they aren’t.  We take statins, stimulants, anti-depressants, consume alcohol, blood pressure pills, sleeping tablets.  

I noticed an advert on the tv the other day.  Two blokes, who live next door to each other, go for a night out and get indigestion.  One of the men has an effective, and no doubt expensive, remedy, which means he can start the process over again the next morning.

I’m not knocking normal.  I just want you to think about it a bit.  What then is it like if things aren’t normal?

The lockdown has shown us the world in a different light.  Does anybody remember birdsong being so abundant and so sweet before?  I used to be able to hear the M1 from my back garden but now it’s just birdsong.  Were the birds singing before and I just couldn’t hear them?

Air pollution has dipped.  The water is cleaner.  It’s quieter. Road traffic has diminished to 1955 levels.  People have volunteered to help the NHS in their hundreds of thousands.  £33m raised by Captain, soon to be Sir, Tom Moore. I’m also hearing people saying we mustn’t go back to normal.

But not being normal also means being different.  Different, like being a woman in a male working environment, like not having English as your first language, like being a member of the LGBT+ community in a heterosexually orientated world, like being a wheelchair user in a world of steps and stairs.  Being reminded that you are different all the time is to feel excluded, like you are not wanted.  Never at home.

And not being normal is, pretty much, how mental illness or ‘mental disorder’ is defined. But normality has changed and so being abnormal has too. It took until the nineteen seventies for western psychiatry to decide that to be ‘homosexual’ was not a mental illness.

The diagnosis of mental illness is different.  There is no objective test, as there is for say, polio or meningitis.  The presence of mental illness is identified by reference to a manual of classification.

This is difficult so please stay with me!

I quote from the International Classification of Diseases, ‘The phenomena used to diagnose schizophrenia include thought echo; thought insertion or withdrawal; thought broadcasting; delusional perception and delusions of control; influence or passivity; hallucinatory voices commenting or discussing the patient in the third person; thought disorders and negative symptoms.’  

The doctor will make a diagnosis based on their interpretation of your symptoms.  You could have several people with different sets of symptoms but the same diagnosis.  Then another psychiatrist makes a different diagnosis.  This happens a lot.

The treatment is anti-psychotic medication, which has serious side effects.  Some additional observations here.  One from a clinical psychologist, who said that knowing somebody’s diagnosis is about as useful as knowing their star sign.  

Another writer, who has extensively researched anti-psychotic medication, suggests that you will get tardive dyskinesia, which is a bit like parkinson’s disease if you take anti-psychotics long term and that you are better off living with the psychosis than taking the medication.  Sometimes I can’t tell if the behaviour of the person I am working with is caused by the illness or the medication.

I have endless respect for my psychiatrist colleagues.  We can discuss treatment and plans.  They bring their perspective and I bring mine.  We get input from SALT and OT and nurses and psychology.

The treatment of mental illness is problematic because what is needed is time and space and that’s what we don’t have. The approach is driven by necessity, usually a crisis.  We always seem to be firefighting.

The speed of life increases, social pressures increase and mental illness goes up too. We don’t have the resources or, as far as I can fathom, the will to sort out some of the social problems that contribute to mental disorder.  

In a very large nutshell, this is how mental disorder works.  It’s called the biopsychosocial model.

The biological factors are your genes, brain chemistry, immune response, environmental toxins and soforth

Psychological factors are attitudes and beliefs, learning and memory, coping and emotional skills.

Social factors are work, education, poverty, things like that

Each of us has strengths and weaknesses in these areas and different tolerance levels.  

Some people cope with working and parenting and exercising and not smoking or drinking and burning the candle at both ends and they cruise their way through life.

Some people don’t.  Some people work hard and look after family and they do this for years and then suddenly it comes crashing down.

Some people experience poor mental health from an early age, the opportunities diminish, the treatment takes its toll.  There are combinations of all the above, as many as you can think of.  

Since the latter part of the twentieth century there has been a move away from specialist provision like day care and long stay hospitals and much more of a move towards looking after people in their own homes.   Sadly, we have now lost the concept of asylum.  The huge Victorian hospitals with their acres of parkland have been replaced by pokey little units commissioned and designed by people who never imagined being looked after in one themselves

As in other health services there has been a move to help people to manage their own support and treatment. The focus is on developing insight and living with the condition.  Attitudes to mental illness are more positive than they were last century but people with mental health problems still experience significant discrimination and prejudice.

 Back to normality.  In 1983, 66% of the population describes themselves as Christian.  To be Christian in the UK was to be normal.    In 2018, 38% of the population described themselves as Christian and 12% of these Anglican.  

When I left school in 1983, it was nearly normal to be an Anglican. Nowadays, it’s not normal at all! Brothers and sisters you are beautifully equipped to take this forward.  You are kind and you are abnormal.

 What do we have to do?  We have to be kind to ourselves and to other people.  The covid virus has been awful for lots of people.  It has been incredibly stressful for health and social care workers.  It has been incredibly stressful for people who have been forced into isolation. There has been an increase in domestic violence.  Who knows how much people are drinking.  Non accidental injuries to children have increased.  Services for homeless people, housing and benefits advice, drop ins closed. There is going to be a backlash. We were going to be clearing up for a long time and things won’t be the same.

Let’s be kind.  Let’s be good Samaritans.  The Mental Health Foundation has produced some lovely resources.  There is no point in listing it all here.  Get on their website.  Share it electronically.  You’re all internet savvy else you wouldn’t be here.  It would be great if you could print some of this stuff off and share it safely with friends who are not on line.  

There are so many suggestions but I think we should be getting on the phone to our friends and families.  There are people I haven’t spoken to for soooo long.  Get on the phone.  Talk to people.  Pray with them.  When I have a minute I’m going to write a letter.  I’d love to get a letter with a stamp and ink and everything.

My suspicion is that we are good at being kind to other people but not so good at being kind to ourselves.  Make some me time.  I know that it goes against the grain for many people.  Take time just to be silent and pray for just a few minutes during the day. Do things you enjoy.  Do something different, change your routine, just to see what it feels like.

Relax and reflect on how you’re feeling and how your day or week has been.

Pray and meditate.

Turn off from your social media channels for a day (or even a week).

Stop watching the news (although it is ok to have ‘Today’ on when Bishop Guli does ‘Thought for the Day’).

Treat yourself to something small, such as buying or planting some flowers. 

Spend some time in nature – pray outside.

And check how you are feeling.  Get in touch with the doctor if you need to.  Talk it through with a friend or call the helpline 0808 800 3302

 Moving forward, the church is equipped to support people who have mental health problems.  We have space, we have tea and we have compassion in abundance.   I would really like you to go and think about how the church can help to support people to stay out of hospital and to get them out more quickly.

There is evidence indicating that the opportunity to practice your faith and contact your faith community is central to recovery and good mental health.  We need to be talking to our local mental health trust to see what is needed. There are beacons of good practice and so we need to ensure that we know what’s going on in our locality so’s not to replicate or dilute good stuff that’s going on.

We need to think about how we welcome people who may be experiencing poor mental health when they come to church.  Are we welcoming? Are we overbearing?  Is there a message about mental health coming from the pulpit?  In intercessions?  Perhaps you could offer support to causes that would benefit wellbeing, showing our community that the church has many of the same concerns and putting our shoulders to the wheel.

 To conclude.  My wife and the cat and I have born isolation reasonably stoically.  It has been like being in a tiny little ark, locked into our bubble while we watch the world drowning in chaos.  When we went for a walk, I was struck by the number of rainbows; in windows, on the pavement.  And I remembered

“ Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

So God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.”

And when I hear the birdsong I think maybe God has been present all along but I just didn’t notice in the busyness of daily life.

[businessboostertoday]

Skills for Living in the Work Place

You know how many of us experience fear, anxiety, frustration, depression and negative self-talk? When you look at the statistics for this it can be rather overwhelming how many of us are suffering side by side not even knowing it. Culturally it would seem that we like to talk about all the stuff that is going wrong in our lives, we get to feel down-trodden, we get to be victims. Culturally it would appear that speaking about the good stuff is “bragging”, “showing-off” or “being better than everyone else”. And so we are stuck. We are stuck in an endless cycle of only looking for the negative and yet unable to say that we really have a problem, unable to speak out. So, what do we do? Some turn to drink and recreational drugs to “take the edge off”, some become aggressive at home or when they are out, beating others up be it with their words or fists, and others internalize everything, spiraling in an ever-increasing pit of hopelessness and/or depression.

Sounds like a bleak picture I am painting. Well unfortunately the statistics back it up. The age at which depression and anxiety sets in is becoming increasingly younger and younger and the levels of stress are increasing at school, at work, and at home. There never seems to be any let-off of the demands from life. So now what? What can we do? Research suggests that one path to giving ourselves a bit more room to breathe and to be, is mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

Mindfulness is all about learning the skills and tricks to direct attention to the experiences we have in life as they literally unfold, one moment after another. It is about cultivating an attitude towards our life experiences and states or moods with an open-mind, a gentle kindness, friendly curiosity and ultimately acceptance. We learn to develop a response to life which skillfully explores whatever is happening in the here and now.

Mindfulness practice has demonstrated an improvement in the practitioner’s health and general mental and emotional wellbeing.

The reported evidence indicates that people (both adults and children), after completing a Mindfulness course have expanded their abilities to be more creative, learn more effectively, performance and productivity are seen to increase, thinking becomes clearer, stress and anxiety is reduced and they become calmer and more focused in life generally.

It is wonderful to know that even General Medical Practitioners are now referring people to participate in Mindfulness courses across the UK, to support them in preventing and coping with anxiety, depression, stress and chronic conditions like pain.

Businesses are now increasingly offering their staff Mindfulness courses to reduce stress, increase focused productivity and improve staff wellbeing and satisfaction. Athletes are using Mindfulness to improve their performance and reduce stress levels and performance anxiety. In fact, it is evident that most people who dedicate some time to the practice of Mindfulness report a sense of improved wellbeing.

The answer to the question of how we could reduce this epidemic of an increased sense fear, anxiety, frustration, depression and negative self-talk, lies in the simple ancient practices of paying attention in the present moment with gentle kindness and curiosity. Developing the skills to realize that things happen, situations occur and that we get to choose how we will show up, how we will respond, in each moment, which ultimately molds the person we are and shapes the type of life we lead.

It is in the being and not the doing that we find true liberation.

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