#so he clears his throat; he lets out a strained chuckle; telling neil that it's alright; it's fine really it's fine

[iamtheprotagoneil]

ok so im here crying over your tag essay and to crank up the angst even more, imagine neil jokingly saying to david when he was reading to him, "if i had known it takes a bullet for you to come by and sit with me like this, i would've happily gotten shot sooner 😊" and david just goes absolutely white with shock and crumbles down in fresh tears. (1)

and neil would be like, oh god no no, i'm sorry i'm just joking my stupid mouth runs away from me again 😭 david just sits there realizing how much he had hurt neil and broken his heart in the first place, and neil is panicking inside trying to comfort him and tell him it's okay, it's okay, i'm just glad you're here with me now ♥️ (2) - alicia

damn, alicia. y’all really be going off with all this angst huh 😭😭😭 

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Long Nights - part 5

Neil x Reader

Chapter 5: After rain

(see chapter 4, 3, 2, 1)

summary: you learn to cope with the new situation, but you aren't the only one struggling

warnings: 18+, angst and pain, explicit language and other things

author’s note: This part of the story's been with me for... oh, so long. I just hope I did it justice. ✨6,1k words.✨ I don't even know.

Hurt/Comfort.

The song for this part is Dermot Kennedy - After rain

Enjoy! All feedback is greatly appreciated, let me know what you think?

——————

Tag list: @cxnnienikas @neutron-stars-collision ​ @ergunbilge @invertedneil @wanderedaway @mellifluous-cosmos @wonderwoman292 @buckysgoldenheart @townmoondaltwistle @theriverbeneaththeriver (please let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list)

-----

Your hands clenched on the bed’s frame, its coldness felt like the only real thing your drugged mind could process.

Doctor’s words were filling the room, but they were muffled as if they were coming from behind a barrier. Falling from such height...extreme luck...no broken bones…head trauma...internal bruising....

Was all that talking really necessary? Yeah, you were battered, all right. And it seems that even with painkillers the weird throbbing, like a morse code from your bruised cells, was about to stay with you for a little while.

...just like the darkness.

The more the doctor spoke, the more it became clear that they didn’t have any definite answers for you. Seemed like the day spent on being prodded, stabbed with needles, and tossed into various machines resulted in nothing more than a verdict: optic nerve injury.

As for what were you supposed to do now--

“Let me get this straight, doctor,” you said, slowly losing patience. “Your only solution now is: let’s wait and see what happens?”

Drumming fingers against a piece of plastic, followed by a sigh.

“Yes. There is no effective treatment, we could try a high dosage of corticosteroids, but there is no evidence that it’s gonna make any difference, really. And as some recovery may spontaneously occur within days or weeks--”

Weeks.

A cold shiver ran down your spine and you swallowed with effort.

And that was a maybe.

You just wanted to go home.

“Grand,” you cut in, “please tell me I can wait for that possible joyful occurrence anywhere else but here.” You aimed for a lighter tone, but every word coming out of your mouth was dripping with bitterness. Grimacing at your own attitude, you forced a weak smile to appear on your face. “No offense, doc.”

“None taken,” the doctor said with a snicker. “I get it.” A short pause filled with a rustling of paper. “With all the tests done, I don’t think we need to keep you here for observation any longer, but I’d recommend you weren’t alone for the next few days. Do you have anyone to take care of you after we discharge you?”

“I don’t need--”

Neil’s firm voice overlapped with yours.

“Yes, she has.”

You huffed, startled. And a bit annoyed.

You almost forgot Neil was in the room, but to be fair, you were quite sure he’d never left your side since you woke up. His initial nervous chatter got replaced by a silent presence, always ready to jump in should you needed anything - no matter if it was a glass of water or an arm to lean on. It was all comforting, endearing even, and you were so grateful to have him around, but the thought of having Neil in your apartment triggered an irrational panic.

Instead of dwelling on the roots of the anxiety, you decided to over-talk it.

“Neil, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be okay, and you surely have better things to do than babysitting me.”

“I don’t.” Was that a hint of hurt in his voice? “Doctor, can you discharge her even if she is gonna be alone out there?”

“I’d rather she spent at least one more day here then.”

Unbelievable. You rolled your eyes, hoping it would make the same effect as always, and groaned. “Fine, you win, only because I want nothing else but to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

“Excellent,” said the doctor cheerfully, “I’ll get the forms and come back to you soon.”

“Thank you, doc,” you sighed, hanging your head in defeat.

After spending enough time with a person, it was always easy to recognize them by the way they walk. That’s how you knew it was Neil who approached you, ever so hesitantly.

And only because of a brush of his fingers against your hand you realized you were still clinging onto the bed frame.

“Hey, I’ll just help you set up everything you need there, all right?” he said quietly and you felt him sitting down next to you. “You’re gonna have all the space you want, and as soon as you decide it’s too much, I’ll get out of your hair, I promise.”

He must have noticed that little panic of yours, huh?

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to form a coherent thought. “It sounds good though, thank you.”

“Sure thing.” Neil shifted slightly. “How are you feeling?”

You shrugged and grimaced. “I don’t know, but either I’ve slept through the best high or these drugs they gave me are kinda lame.” Hearing Neil’s light chuckle, you cracked a small smile. “Honestly? I’m knackered.”

He hummed with sympathy.

“Is there anything I can do for you now?”

The softness in his voice was more than your tired and dazed mind could handle. You leaned to the side and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Just… take me home,” you asked, forcing the words past your clenched throat.

Neil exhaled sharply and carefully wrapped an arm around you, pressing a cheek to the top of your head.

“Of course.”

------

“Welcome to my crib.”

“Thank you, it’s...” - Neil hesitated as he closed the door behind you - “...cosy.”

Patting the wall to your right, you located a small hook and hung the keys on it.

“That is certainly one word for it,” you snorted. “Why, what did you expect?”

“Frankly? Considering you’re such an... acclaimed locksmith, I imagined something… well, bigger, for starters.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way he stumbled on words, trying so hard not to sound offensive in any way.

Grinning, you put on your most snobbish tone. “Ah, sorry to disappoint, all my gold, glitter, and general pizzaz got moved to one of my many summer houses as my spacious lair worthy of the most infamous thief is under renovation, so I was forced to retreat to my humble family place in this ghastly neighborhood.”

“Such a shame,” he said and a smile brightened his words. “I like it, though. Matches your vibe, somehow.”

“Because it’s small, detached, empty, yet somehow messy?”

Neil sighed in a way you were absolutely sure he was rolling eyes at you, then helped you with the coat. “It’s gonna take more than putting words in my mouth to make me want to leave you here all by yourself, you know.”

You were quite sure a dirty joke was hiding in there, but it eluded your tired brain.

“Damn, need to up my game then,” you giggled, leaning against the wall to take the shoes off without losing your balance. “Nah, I’m messing with you, I’m grateful you got me out of there. Can’t wait to rinse that hospital stench off of me.”

“Do you want me to run a bath for you?”

You mused over the idea for a moment, “Thanks, I’ll take a shower - two minutes tops and I’d end up asleep in the ‘tub.” Probably even faster, considering that you already were running on fumes. “Anyway, make yourself at home, gonna grab some fresh clothes.”

Neil was not willing to give up.

“I’ll get you--”

“I’ve got this,” you uttered, instantly hating yourself for how harsh it came out, so you quickly added, “But would you please put the kettle on?” sending an apologetic grimace along with your words.

“On it.”

He seemed happy to have something to do. Or at least sounded like it as he took the crackling grocery and takeaway bags to the kitchenette.

You walked across the room with confidence, your hand reluctantly extended ahead on your waist level just in case you miscalculated the route to the bedroom. When you reached the door frame, you smiled to yourself. It wasn’t that hard, was it? Almost like going to the bathroom at night, not willing to put the light on to avoid waking up, right?

And exactly then, your shin hit the edge of the bed footboard, the impact sending a searing wave of pain up your whole leg. You bit your knuckle to stifle a groan and a curse that was bound to follow. Every. Goddamn. Time.

The noises coming from the other room stopped, but luckily there was no question. Nor a hero coming to rescue you from the sudden and vicious attacks of furniture.

Finally, the closet. Your fingers ran through the folded clothes. Clean underwear. A soft t-shirt. Comfy pj pants. The fatigue was so severe that the term dress to impress didn’t even cross your mind. Not that Neil cared, right? But before you stepped back from the wardrobe, you hesitated, sliding your hands down to one of the bottom drawers. All that boring into nothingness was straining, and keeping your eyes closed all the time felt wrong, somehow. Might as well, you shrugged, pulling out a silky blindfold. Maybe this would trick your brain into thinking it was just a game. A temporary thing. Nothing serious.

...but what if--

You took a shaky breath and slammed the closet shut. Swallowing with effort, you took the clothes and limped out of the room, then followed the wall to the bathroom.

Neil’s concerned voice reached you halfway there.

“You okay?”

“Peachy,” you said and flashed your teeth in a strained grin.

“Let me know if you need anything, all right?”

A change of strategy, then. You certainly didn’t mind, at least this way it didn’t trigger the unnecessarily rude reaction. And you had a feeling that you were going to need a pair of eyes to take care of those bruises of yours.

...or you could just follow the radiating ache and slap some gel where it hurts most, but at this point, as the painkillers were slowly wearing off, it would probably be easier to just pour the whole tube on the tiles and roll over in it.

“Will do, thanks.”

You closed the door behind you and sighed. The undressing required an accompaniment of grunts, hisses and curses, and when you finally got into the shower (hitting yourself only once while doing so) you were all sweaty and panting as if you’d run up twenty flights of stairs.

You winced as the warm water poured over your body, but you couldn’t wait to get rid of the lingering smell of antiseptics. Using soap uncovered the injured spots with a burning precision, but you gritted your teeth and soldiered through it, changing position slightly so you wouldn’t cause more damage with shampoo and conditioner. Condemning your past self for choosing a matching set of hair products, you were forced to guess and pick one to pour a little bit of it on your hand to judge which is which based on the texture of the fluid. Why did you even bother…?

When you were done and more or less dry, you put on the panties and wrapped another towel around yourself. A slow thumping in your head was growing stronger by the minute, but it was still bearable. As for taking care of the bruises… you realized you didn’t even know where the arnica ointment was. You’d bought one on your way just in case, but that meant--

You groaned and rubbed an eye with the back of your hand. Help it was, then.

“Neil?” you called out, cracking open the door.

A sudden rumble of a chair made you cringe, but a corner of your mouth twitched.

“What is it?” he asked as his rushed steps carried him closer.

“Could you help me with putting something on the most banged-up spots, please?” - a sheepish smile crept on your lips - “I thought about just mixing some cream with my lotion and rubbing it all over, but--”

He scoffed as if the idea personally offended him. “Jesus, please don’t. I’ll be right back.”

Your legs seemed to weigh a tonne, but also started to shake as though they were about to give in any moment, so you sat back on the edge of a bathtub with relief.

Neil came back after a while and muffled clanking suggested he brought a full medkit with him. You waited as he washed his hands thoroughly, and you stifled an amused giggle at the dedication, even though it was nothing more but common sense.

Neil’s soft voice broke the silence. “I’m gonna take a look at those wounds first, but for that, I need to touch you, is it okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you shrugged. “I imagine you can’t do plenty without that, huh?”

A light chuckle. “Fair enough.” And featherlike touches that followed.

Careful fingers examining every bruised inch of skin, starting from the freshly hurt shin, scraped knees, going up your thighs until they met the edge of the towel. Then, ghosting over your hands, unhurriedly moving up the forearms…

You realized your breath got shaky.

He tucked a still quite damp strand of hair behind your ear and his fingertips glided over your forehead and down your temple, traced your jawline up to your chin. His knuckles grazed your neck, then moved across your collarbones, but when they met the towel again, Neil hesitated.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before, right?” you joked playfully and untucked the corner of the towel, letting it slide down your body.

A sharp inhale and a slipped-out curse.

“Christ…” uttered Neil, and you were quite sure what he was referring to. Your hip pulsated with dull pain in the place where the oxygen container had been, or rather where it must have moved to during the escape, bruising the hip bone and surrounding area at the impact.

You forced a crooked smile to your face. “And here I was hoping it looked better than it felt.”

“I can always lie to you if you want,” he offered, aiming for a lighter tone.

Shaking your head, you nibbled on your bottom lip. Somehow, the sole thought of him lying to you seemed like a certain heartache.

“No.” Your voice sounded weak, but maybe that was understandable, given how powerless you felt overall. Or maybe you could stop being so pathetic any moment now.

You closed your eyes, and while you tried to parley with your brain to give you a break, Neil started meticulously treating your wounds, focused on not causing any more discomfort than it was needed. You switched all your attention to his ministrations, grimacing slightly from time to time as he was tending particularly sore spots. Neil’s warm fingers contrasted with the cold ointment, all the different sensations fought a merciless battle to take precedence over one another, making even more of a mess in your tired head.

You heard Neil shifting in front of you as he was about to move to your injured face. Acting on an impulse, you spread your legs to allow him to come closer, and so he did, positioning himself on his knees between your thighs without a word. Quite a concentration, you thought and smiled fondly to your memories of the times you’d seen him so committed to a task. Slightly furrowed brows, blonde strands falling into shining blue eyes, with a bottom lip tugged between the teeth...

A brief touch on your temple brought you back to reality and you gasped, reaching out to hold on to Neil to keep your balance. As you rested your hands on his sides, he gently cupped your face and continued with taking care of the bruises. It felt as if the warmth radiating from him was mending you whole, even more so when it got combined with tender, soothing brushes of Neil’s thumb against your cheek. You melted into his palm and exhaled slowly, dropping your shoulders and relaxing.

Before you could stop the words from spilling out, you said under your breath, “It was just a fall, I don’t know how it got that bad,” voicing the thought that’s been on your head all day.

Neil pulled back abruptly and the tranquil moment shattered like glass against the bathroom tiles.

“Are you being serious right now? Just a fall? You’re lucky you’re alive, goddamnit, let alone able to walk!” Disbelief mixed with anger in his tone, taking you aback. And to your surprise, it felt like yet another wound, inflicted right at your chest. “Y-you hit the wall before you crashed on the ground, you--” his voice broke and Neil sighed. You heard him packing the medkit, simply tossing things inside before he moved away.

“Oh,” was all you could say, reaching for the abandoned towel to wrap it over your shoulders, in a sudden and desperate need to cover yourself. In every way possible. “Remind me to tie a cat and a buttered slice of bread to myself the next time we do this.”

He didn’t respond to your poor attempt at lighting up the mood, instead, you heard the door handle, a deadpanned “I’ll heat up the food” and he was gone.

You had no idea where his reaction had come from. Normally, you’d have followed him straight away to confront him, but right then you felt so exhausted and helpless you just slouched in your spot, with your hands fisted on the towel, and sat like that for a while, leveling your breath. You mustered all the strength you had left, found your clothes and put them on. Then, you tied the blindfold, letting a piece of sleek material bring a shred of comfort and hide a pitiful glimmer in the corners of your eyes.

You joined Neil in the other room and sat at the table. He didn’t comment on your attire nor the choice of accessories, hell, he barely even spoke to you when he put the plate in front of you, as well as through the whole meal.

Even though you’d picked up your favourite comfort food on the way, it tasted bland, and with your stomach tied into a knot, you couldn’t force more than a few bites into your system. Judging by the sounds - or rather the lack thereof - coming from across the table, Neil’d lost his appetite too.

Finally, you cleared your throat, breaking the heavy silence. “I think I’m full,” you said and stood up, grimacing slightly.

“I’ll do the dishes, go lie down,” he said quietly. “Please.”

As if he anticipated an argument. You really had no energy for that.

“Thank you. Are you--...” you stumbled on the question, but Neil chimed in.

“I’ll be on the couch.”

...maybe it was for the best.

You nodded and turned on your heel to fetch a spare pillow and a blanket while Neil was occupied with the dishes. The ever-growing headache was becoming unbearable, but you hoped that the sweet arms of Morpheus would bring a much-needed release soon. You brushed your teeth quickly and mumbling “‘night,” you disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the door half open for god knows what reasons. Perhaps to make you feel less alone.

The plan of sleeping off the worst pain looked good on paper but proved to be too hard to execute. That bloody awful feeling of being tired beyond comprehension and still unable to doze off, right? You tossed and turned (although carefully), trying to find the most comfortable position. After a while, you took the blindfold off and curled on your side, staring into the nothingness again. Listening to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Forcing every breath through your clenched chest. Trying to focus on anything other than neverending soreness.

You heard Neil’s footsteps and how they stopped right at your door. Stalling.

And you didn’t even try pretending you were asleep. Waiting.

“Hey... I wanted to check if you need anything before I turn in for the night.”

The softness of his voice was tainted by something as if he was holding back. But you were so glad to hear it anyway.

“Actually,” you said, propping yourself on the elbow and wincing, “could you bring me one of those fancy painkillers, please? I thought I might do without for a little while but-- ...yeah, not quite.”

“Of course, coming right up.”

When Neil was back, you sat on the bed, allowing him to hand you a glass and ...a shot glass? You shook the latter slightly and something rattled inside.

“Ah, okay, smart,” you smiled with recognition. “Thanks.”

“Don’t tell me you thought it was vodka?”

A hint of amusement in his tone made you snort.

“I can’t say I would mind,” - shrugging, you swallowed the pill and washed it down with cool water - “but this is gonna be more efficient, I guess.”

You shifted in your spot to put down both glasses on a bedside table. Neil was there to make sure you actually placed them on top of it, pushing your forearm gently when you were about to create a mess.

That light touch brought a lump back to your throat. As if the awkward silence wasn’t suffocating you enough.

“If that’s all…” said Neil quietly, taking a step towards the door.

But you reached out into the darkness and found his hand.

“Neil…” you squeezed his fingers, desperately trying to convey words that eluded you. Your plea was barely a whisper. “...stay?”

The pulse pounded in your ears as the stillness that followed seemed to last forever.

Then, Neil squeezed your hand back.

“I will,” he choked out, and his thumb grazed over your knuckles. “Be right back.”

You nodded and let go of his hand, not even sure that he could see your gesture, then moved to the other side of the bed. The held-back breath escaped in a shudder as another wave of pain overrode your senses, leaving a trail of cold sweat down your spine.

A faint tock of the light switch in the other room, then footsteps and a pillow landing next to yours. Neil snuggled down, keeping his distance, and you curled again in your spot, hoping that his proximity will calm you down enough to fall asleep. But as you said your goodnights and Neil’s breath leveled and got deeper, you still waited on the pills to start working, getting more and more lost in your own head and thoughts you’d managed to keep lidded on until now.

Because if only you’d cracked that safe faster. Or maybe if you’d discussed that escape route beforehand, somebody would have found a better path through the roofs. No, scratch that, the plan was tight, and it was your goddamn fault that you’d gotten distracted by a sodding rain, of all things. And that jump? Bloody amateur hour. Should have seen that coming, stepped to the side, or caught onto anything. You’d been granted a second chance at that wall. But no, you’d had to panic like a bush-leaguer, as if it had been your first fall in your life. And now you were lying there, feeling sorry for yourself. Abso-fucking-lutely pathetic.

What if Madame Karma finally decided to make you pay? What if you were never going to get your sight back? A warm tear trickled down your face slowly. No more free runs and adrenaline rushes while taking shortcuts through the most obscure places. No more lying on the rooftops to observe how the sky changes colours through the night. No more sitting on the hill and watching how the sun reflected in the river. How it danced on that messy blonde hair. You would never see his blue eyes lighting up again--

Your chin trembled as the tears stained your pillow. It felt as if you were nothing but pain, fear, and heartbreak. Pressing your lips together, you stifled a sob that shook your body mercilessly. You were nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

You wanted to brush it off, to tell him you were okay and he could go back to sleep. But instead, you sniffled and whimpered, unable to pass any word through your tightened throat.

Neil gasped and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, hey, come here,” he said softly as his fingers pressed lightly onto your back, urging you to move and you shifted into his embrace, clenching your fists on his t-shirt, struggling for every breath. “I’ve got you, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay,” he cooed, wrapping the arms around you gingerly. A much-needed reassurance whispered over and over again like a plea to anyone who could be listening.

Weeping quietly into Neil’s chest, you sought refuge in his closeness, clinging onto him as he held you and stroked your hair, waiting for the worst to pass. Soon, you ran out of tears, and there were just sobs, convulsing you whole like a heart-wrenching hiccup. Neil hugged you a little tighter, placed a small kiss on top of your head, and started humming, a melody barely more than a murmur. It felt familiar, but why?

By and by, the song and a steady heartbeat against your cheek weaved together and calmed your racing mind. Enough to finally let you drift off, with Neil’s soothing voice and warmth enveloping you, bringing comfort and hope for a better tomorrow.

-----

You should have known better than to expect something to be different when you woke up. Swallowing down the disappointment and resignation, you dug yourself up from under the covers. The pain dialed down, but was very much there, especially during sudden moves.

Maybe you would feel better if you washed your face, still a bit puffed after all that--

…oh shit.

Your brain halted, torn between making you cringe and spreading the warmth through your chest. If you were to survive the day, the key was not to think about what happened last night. At least you didn’t have to look him in the eyes, huh? Armed with a smile, albeit a bit sour, you grabbed some clothes on your way out and ventured into the quiet living room.

“Neil?”

For a split second you were sure he was gone, but--

“Over here.” Judging by the sound of it, here was somewhere near the couch. “How are you feeling?”

Concern. Obviously. He’d seen you at your worst, so there was no point in hiding your state.

“Like I’ve spent some time inside a cement mixer,” you sighed. “But better, thanks. What time is it?”

“Almost 3 o’clock.” A faint thud of a book being put down. “Are you hungry? I was about to fix something.”

It was a good moment for your insides to growl in confirmation, but at least this time your body decided to spare you. Although your stomach was pretty much cleaving to your backbone, all right.

“Oh yes, please.” You smiled with appreciation and raised a hand with a bundle of clothes. “I’ll join you in a minute.”

That minute took a little longer, as your mobility was still pretty lacking, but fresh as a (beaten-up) daisy, in a comfortable outfit and a blindfold, you followed your nose to the kitchenette.

“Smells delicious.”

A soft chuckle came through the sizzling. “Hope it tastes good as well, wanna try?” When you nodded, you heard Neil walking up to you. “Open your mouth, careful - it’s hot.”

You recognized the rich flavor as some variation of the Napoli sauce, perfectly balanced, and you could only hum in approval. Where the hell had he gotten those herbs from?

“It’s amazing,” you said, but couldn’t resist a little smirk, “or I’m just starving.”

Neil scoffed lightly. “Might be that.” There was a smile and a hint of pride in his tone, and it made you beam a little wider. “Come sit down.”

When you did, and a bowl of pasta landed in front of you on the table, your mind involuntarily went back to last evening. That tension. Sudden distance. Everything after that. What was worse, it seemed like you weren’t the only one thinking about it, because the silence that fell between you now grew heavy with unresolved issues lingering in the air.

But maybe you were misreading the room and you were fine.

“Listen, about yesterday--”

...or not.

Instead of letting Neil finish, you panicked, and before you could stop yourself, you used his moment of hesitation to blurt out, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I was exhausted and everything hurt and--” you frowned and hid the face in your palm. The shame felt like a tightening ring around your chest, making it hard to breathe. ”I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Wait, what?” huffed Neil, his voice filled with consternation. ”Jesus, no, that’s not what I meant, I--” he faltered and groaned, then added more softly, “Why are you even apologizing for that?” And when you shook your head, unable to find the right words, Neil gently touched your arm, rubbing it up and down slowly. “I’m glad you weren’t alone.”

Your heart clenched with fondness as you palmed over his hand.

“Thank you for being there for me.”

A twist of the wrist and a light squeeze on your fingers.

“Of course.”

Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

After a moment, you asked quietly, “If it isn’t about that, then what?”

A loud buzz cut through the air, the unexpected noise almost making you jump in your seat. Impeccable timing.

Neil picked the vibrating phone from the table. “It’s work, I have to get that.” His hand was still holding yours, reluctant to let go. “If I’m not done by the time you finish eating, two words: bed rest.”

“May I make it a couch rest, doc?” you grinned, and by the resigned sigh you could tell Neil definitely rolled his eyes at you.

“Just make yourself comfy and horizontal, all right?” A final brush of his thumb against your fingers and he was up, walking off from the table. “Hi, what’s up?”

Whatever they needed him for, it took so much time that you finished your meal and obediently moved to the couch. That unfinished talk left you anxious enough to nervously pick at the edge of the blanket, but as Neil was still lost in a hushed conversation, and the aforementioned blanket was way too cosy, you slowly drifted off into a dreamless nap.

You weren’t sure what woke you up - a shift on the other side of the couch, or a heavy sigh, one of those signaling the weight of the whole world on somebody’s shoulders. Hearing the latter was enough to wipe the remains of sleep from your system and you sat up, grunting slightly.

“What is it?”

Another sigh.

“I’m an idiot.”

You puffed your cheeks and shrugged, a corner of your mouth twitching in a nervous smile.

“Before I let out a purposeful no and kick you - why are you saying that?” Silence. “...Neil?” When the answer was not coming for too long, you moved to your knees, reaching out until you touched his shoulder. No reaction. Trying to keep a rising worry at bay, you urged him quietly, “Talk to me, please.”

Neil inhaled slowly and he finally spoke, his voice barely there.

“I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” you asked, knitting your brows together as you brushed your hand down his arm only to find his clenched fist, tightening even further under your touch.

“For yesterday, for letting it out on you, when you were just--” he paused to swallow audibly, and then continued, blurting out one strained word after another, “and all of that while this whole mess is my goddamn fault because if I hadn’t hesitated out there, we both would have made it in time--”

“No, no, no, you can’t do that to yourself,” you said, crawling into his lap and nestling between his legs, wrapping yours around his waist. “It was a perfectly normal reaction.” The pulse thumped in your ears when you placed one hand on Neil’s chest and the other one travelled up along his neck to cup his face. Then your thumb glided over a wet trail on his cheek and it felt as if your heart shattered into a million pieces. Oh please, no. “My darling...” you whispered, but it was as if Neil barely acknowledged you were there, trembling and lost.

He pressed his forehead to yours and continued, traces of dread ringing in his hollow tone more and more with every choked-out sentence.

“When I turned back and I saw that--….at first, I thought you’d been shot, then you fell and-- suddenly all I could think was if your oxygen container was intact, or--... I called the Cavalry on the way down but I was so scared I was too late, I thought--” his voice broke and you felt him frowning as he shuddered, struggling to carry on. “I thought that you were gone, and I didn’t--”

His heart raced under your palm while you kept stroking his cheek, consoling him softly, “Neil, I’m here, it’s all right, I’m here.” But when that didn’t seem like enough to bring him back to you, you reached to his neck to pull him closer and kissed him, desperate to make him stop spiralling down. To make him stop hurting.

A muffled whine against your lips. But then you felt him melt and he kissed you back, still helpless, wrapping his arms around you carefully as if he expected you to fall apart under his touch. Not quite there. You deepened the kiss purposefully, burying your hands in his hair, tugging at the strands as you pressed yourself to him as much as you could in your position. You didn’t care about your own pain or discomfort. If any of you were meant to be lost in any way, it might as well be this. Neil gasped and lifted you up so you properly straddled him, then tightened the embrace, clinging on to you for dear life as he captured you in another kiss, and this time it was his turn to try to convey the unbearable mixture of despair, relief, and immense longing. All of that poured into this simple act of devotion until there was nothing but pure need. To touch and to be touched. To hold and to be held. To be close. To be wanted. To be found.

A breathless moan escaped your mouth and Neil pulled back ever so slightly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly, his fingertips gliding over your features.

Oh, how much you missed looking into his eyes.

The fact that he cared, without simply going ahead with it, made your chest clench with fondness. At this point, you trusted him beyond reason, although it was still nice to hear it.

“I’m not made of glass,” you huffed, nuzzling his nose.

A low hum and a trail of kisses along your jawline. You shivered when his lips reached a spot just below your ear and then smiled against your skin.

“Are you sure?” his husky voice was playful, but you knew he was double-checking.

“Try me.”

That moment was not about chasing the high. It was about feeling each other. Being with one another. As close as possible. That couldn’t wait, and neither could any of you, tugging at the clothes in random order with urgency.

Neil looped his arm around your shoulders, settling you on your side in his embrace. Keeping you steady. Safe. Close. And even though his kisses were desperate and leaving you winded, his touch was gentle, and you knew the blue eyes were watching you attentively, ready to react to the smallest sign of discomfort. But also to any encouragement to go further.

A hitched breath. A leg hooked on his hip. Fingers dragged across his back.

He was ready to give you everything and take whatever you were willing to offer. And you wanted to do the same for him until everything else lost its meaning and it was just you and him, and the fire that burned inside you. Searing every nerve. Cleansing the doubts. Numbing the pain. Lighting up the darkness. And, in the end, bringing resolution as you both came undone, moaning and gasping for air only to be comforted by hands cupping cheeks and yet another kiss. Slow. Tender. Full of admiration.

When Neil drew back and shifted slightly, you whined in protest, wrapping your leg around him tighter to keep him in place.

“Where are you going?”

A quiet chuckle, followed by a feeling of a soft blanket sliding over your naked body. And a kiss on the tip of your nose.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You sighed with content as Neil pulled you closer again. The light stubble scratched your fingers as they studied the impossible angles of his face unhurriedly.

“Good.”

(next chapter ->)

[purps-bolg]

Unwanted Memories

Authors Note: Camp Camp has taken over my life, (halp)Anyways this story came to works because of one thing that i couldn't shake off, David wants Cameron to be his dad, sooooo that means his real dad was either, A-not there for him, or B-abusive, or C- I don't know you tell me haha,Bewarb, this is an hurt/comfort angst fest.

warnings: Violence, Swearing, Alcohol, Blood, Abuse.

word count: 2045

Link to fanfic.net

______________________

"Good morning campers! Ready for a new day of adventures and fun?" David's cheery voice rung through the mess hall, it was morning, about 7:30 am, all the campers have been awoken for breakfast, everyone was seated and munching the tastless goop they called 'mashed potatos',

"Ugh, god David can you be more annoying? How can you have so much fucking energy all the damn time?" Max glared at David as he sipped his coffee, Nikkie snickered beside him and Neil eyed his food,

"I'm just so happy to spend another day at Camp Campbell, the greatest place in the world! and watch your language," Max scoffed and rolled his eyes, David beamed as he saw his co-counsellor walking through the mess halls door ,

"Good moring Gwen!" David bounced in his place waving, she grimaced at the loudness of his voice but waved back slugshly, going to get some breakfast,

He started to walk towards her to ask if she had slept well, but stopped in his tracks, his attention stolen when he heard the sound of a car engine, "Thats weird, hey Gwen, are there any new campers coming?"

"Huh, wha-" Gwen was seated in one of the tables , she looked away from the magazine she brought with her, "Uh,no I don't think so, there weren't any papers for it and I kinda don't remember."

They heard the engine stop, the ground crackled as heavy footsteps came nearer and nearer, suddenly the door burst open, a bulky, shadowed figure was seen, David's eyes widened taking a step back, Max noticed this as he directed his attention to the door,

"Boy! Where are ya?! Ya little worm!" The figure stepped forward revealing a man with bloodshot eyes and emerald pupils, dark brown, messy hair, broad shoulders, wearing a sweaty dark blue T-shirt and long baggy jeans, his shoes and tips of his jeans were muddied, leaving tracks on the floor, he was holding a bottle of liquor in his hand, of which he threw and smashed on to the wall,

"D-Dad...?" David's mind was racing, how was his dad out of prison? How long has it been? Ten years? Fifteen? Last time David saw him he was twelve years old, he never wished to see his dad again after that night..

"There you are ya little snitch, you'll pay for what you did, we're gonna make up for lost time boy," His hands curl into fists and David gulped in response, "D-Dad, h-how did you f-find me...? W-wait, C-can't we take t-this outside, p-please?" His voice was cracking with fear, but he had to make sure that Gwen and the campers were safe,

"David, who is this guy...?" Asked Gwen, the man looked at her, bloodshot eyes glaring in the verge of madness,

"So this is where you went, to some shit camp, you thought you got rid of me?" He gave a dark chuckle, in a blink of an eye he was infront of his son, for a man his size he was incredibly fast, Davids forest green eyes widened with fear, as a huge hand came crushing his face,with brute force his head was smashed into the wall, the man let go and David fell to the floor, blood ran down his face,

Gwen stood speechless, what the hell does this asshole think he's doing?! Rage filled her gut as she jumped at the man, holding him in a choke hold, unfortunately he was stronger than her and flung her off him, she landed with a grunt, "David! kids get out of here! Now!"

"What the hell is happening?!" Screamed Harrison, Nikki was growling, slouched and ready to lunge for attack,

The other kids stood frozen in place, shock and fear obvious on their faces, "Damn it kids I said out! now!" Gwen screamed again, breaking through the kids haze, they scrambled out the door, the only ones remaining where Max, David, Gwen, and the insane man,

"Like hell I'm going anywhere, not until shitface over there gets the fuck outta here," Max glared at the man, "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

The man didn't even shift, his attention solely on David, who was terrified, the man grabbed David by the collar, pulling him up to his feet "Davey, why did you tell on me? Why did you do that to dear old dad?"

Shivers ran down Davids spine as his father hissed his beloved childhood name,

He punched David in the face, causing a black eye, he proceeded to punch further more, swift, fast, motions, brusing the poor mans face, chest, and stomach, leaving hits that were sure to leave marks, Davids chest heaved for breath as a feeling unlike burning took over,

The cruel mans punches blurred as he went on, faster and faster, his fists tainted blood, he huffed as he stopped, leaving David to fall with a thud on the floor, David let a low moan of pain escape him when his father kicked him in the stomach, "worthless sack of filth,"

A battle cry was heard as Max charged at the brute man, Max had jumped on the mans shoulders, trying to claw his eyes out,

"M-Max! No!" David coughed, was terrified to say the least, the man he thought was gone forever had returned, more hateful and harmful than ever, and to make things worse, Max, his so-CAMPER had decided to help, which was a really, really bad idea, he didn't want him to get hurt because of him!

The man grunted, annoyed by the disturbance, "Fucking kid! Get offa me!" His words slurred, he grabbed Maxs arm, "Ah! Let go you fucking turd blossom!"

"M-max! Let g-go of him!" David heart sank when he saw this, tears began to rim his eyes, he struggled to stand up, he tried his best to pull himself up only for his arms to give up on him,

The man snarled, pulling Max up to his face to look directly into his eyes, "Listen here, and listen good, that little piece of shit" he pointed at David, "Is no more than a ungrateful waste of space, he deserves everything I give him, He's a fucking snitch, it's because of him I got thrown in jail!" His voice rose in rage,

"He can't be trusted," the man continued, "When he was smaller all his sniffling little face did was cry and play that damn guitar, I fucking hate that guitar, he never did anything useful, he brought all those beatings to himself,"

His grip tightened around Maxs arm, causing Max to increase his struggling, "So just leave him to me, and scram, or else I'll teach you a 'leason' too,"

Max glared at the older man, "you're wrong, he may be an annoying, overactive naive idiot, and I would kill to get him to stop singing that damn song every morning, but at least he tries his best, even if he knows the world is shit, he still cares, he cares about this place, he cares about the campers, he cares about me, he's our idiot, so you better leave him the hell alone!

Max glarred dagers at the man, "Heh, if looks could kill," He threw the ten year old to the wall, Max letting out a cry as he hit the wall,

"MAX!" David tackled his father, crashing to the ground, but the man was stronger, he flipped David, pinning him to the ground, his large hands going to the redheads neck, choking him, David clawing at the mans hands "Listen here boy, you'll never get rid of me, you'll never be safe from me, you are a sniffling, scared, waste of space, and I'll enjoy breaking you, over and over again, no one cares about you, cause you're useless, unwanted, you destroy everything you touch, you're a monster, and a failure, you failed that kid, the one who fell off the cliff, and I'll make sure you remember that for the rest your life, you'll never be free of me,"

The sneering figure of his father looms above him, as intimedating and threatening as he remebered when he was a child, but dispite what was happening, dispite what he suffered from the hands of the monster before him, how scared he was, he managed to get two last word out,

"F-fuck you,"

Because no one harms his campers,

The man glares and tightens his grip,

David's vision begins to haze, black spots at the corners of his sight, his eyes glaze over, at the verge of consciousness,

Suddenly the weight lifts, air rushes into his lungs, he starts coughing, his lungs ached, he thought it felt like fire, but at least he could breath,

he looks up to see Gwen holding a bat still in a post swing position, his father thrown a few feet away from him, holding his head, a huge purple and yellow bruise forming, "Guess being forced to play bassball as a kid finally paid off, get lost Fucker, or another swing is coming your way" she made a show of swinging the bat again,

Max clears his throat," Better get a moving Assface, I called the cops the moment you made your move, they'll be here any minute,"

The man gave a dark chuckle, he stood up, his hand still on his forehead, he started towards the Messhalls' door, but just as he was about to step outside, he turned his head, staring directly into Davids eyes, he sneered

"I'll be back for you, boy,"

Then walked out of hall, David swore those words would hunt him forever,

Max stared to where the man left, that piece of shit was Davids dad, how in the hell was David so happy all the time, why was he happy all the time, a slight shuffle in Davids direction made Max turn to him, the redhead was beaten, bloodied, bruised, and trying to get up, he staggered as he found his footing, a hand clamped on his side, he slowly faced them, and to Maxs utter surprise, David was...

Smiling,

Half his face was covered in blood, his eye was swolen, he could see that the man was holding back his tears,

But god damn it the idiot was smiling,Smiling,

Half his face was covered in blood, his eye was swolen, he could see that the man was holding back his tears,

But god damn it the idiot was smiling,

"I-it's okay kids, e-everything is a-alright, n-nothing t-to worry about..." his smiled was so strained, so forced, so sad...

"I-it's okay...it's o-okay..."

Tears spilled, he folded his arms around himself as if he were shielding himself from the world,

"It's, I-it's okay..."

He took a few feet backwards, back hitting the wall,

"It's o-okay,"

He seemed to be trying to convince himself, he slid down, pulling his knees to his chest,

"It's o-okay, it's ok-okay, i-it's o-okay, I'm o-okay, I-I'm o-okay, I'm f-fine, I'm-I'm f-fine, e-e-everything is f-fine..."

His voice cracked and tears streamed down his face, he kept on repeating his mantra, again and again and again, until he felt something lightly touch his shoulder, he flinched and covered his face, but when he felt nothing, he timidly looked up, and saw the sad but glaring face of Max, he looked around and found Gwen standing beside him, worry written all over her face,

He cracked a small smile, even thought the tears didn't stop, "I-I'm sorry Max, but I p-promise everything will b-be alrig-oof!"

Two tiny arms were around him, hugging him, Max was hugging him, Max was hugging him,

David looked shocked, and his shock only increased when he heard light sniffles, oh no, Max was crying, and it was all his fault,

"M-Max, I'm s-so sorry y-you had to s-see that, p-please don't cry, it'll b-" he was cut off when Max broke the hug, Max was glaring at him, but he was in tears,

"You're an idiot, you told me I could stop pretending, so why can't you?"

David stared back at Max, eyes wide, slowly his face crumbled, he burst into tears, sobbing loudly as he hugged Max, and Max surly returned the hug, he felt other arms rap gently around him, realizing it was the Gwen as he sobbed harder, breaking down in the arms of those who cared about him, who loved him like a family, a family he never had,

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Stuck in reverse - pt 8 - finale

Neil x Reader

Chapter 8: Never let me go

(see Chapter 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1)

summary: 

//And it’s over and I’m going under But I’m not giving up I’m just giving in//

warnings: language.

author’s note:  There it is, folks. Thank you for staying with me until the end, for every kind word and all the support you showed me along the way. 

—

“…Neil?”

You sat up on the bed, rubbing your eyes. Yawning, you looked around the room. You noticed his things were gone.

Why would he-…

The sudden anxiety spike wiped all the remaining sleepiness from your brain. You quickly put on your clothes, grabbed your phone and went outside.

You tried Neil’s number, looking at the sun rising over the horizon. No response.

Maybe he put it on silent. Maybe he was in the canteen.

You almost slipped on the wet stairs.

He wasn’t there.

Instead, you found Ives and Wheeler. He was leaning against the wall with a mug in his hand, she was sitting at the table, clenching her cup of coffee so hard that her knuckles were white.

“Hey guys, where’s Neil?”

They didn’t even look at you.

“…hello, have you seen-”

Wheeler’s face went pale, she looked as if she was about to pass out. Her eyes darted at Ives.

“I can’t-”

“Y/N, sit down,” he sighed, pointing at a chair in front of Wheeler.

A cold shiver ran down your spine. You crossed your arms and inhaled slowly. That was not happening.

“Just tell me.”

“Neil went back.”

You blinked twice and furrowed your brows. It didn’t make any sense.

“…he what?”

Ives put down his mug and gazed at you. “Neil went back to Stalsk,” he said slowly.

“But-”

“Look,“ - Ives groaned in frustration - “there was a fucking lock down there, he went back to open it for us.”

Your heart sank in your chest.

The pain in Neil’s eyes when he came back.

You dug your fingers into your arms, trying to stop your mind from racing. “Okay, but he should have gone back with yesterday’s squads anyway-”

“Y/N, he stayed there.”

Neil’s face when he was watching the waves.

You were fighting for every breath. You looked at Wheeler, but she was just sitting there with her face hidden in her palms.

“What do you mean he-”

Ives shook his head. “He didn’t make it.”

You gasped at the sudden realization. Your eyes widened, the pulse was pounding in your ears.

Neil’s sharp chuckle when you talked about your possible future together after quitting the organization.

The pit in your chest was slowly being filled with rising anger. You pinched the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes.

“…No.”

You felt a touch on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” said Ives quietly.

You brushed off his hand. “No,” you repeated through gritted teeth. “Tell me what happened.”

Ives glared at you, taken aback by your reaction.

“He got shot.”

You exhaled slowly, locking away a rising panic and all unnecessary emotions. You left out the anger, though.

“So?” - you shrugged - “You sent a medic team for him, right?”

Ives frowned and looked away. “There was no point,” he sighed.

“The fuck do you mean-…” you huffed in disbelief. “It’s not a fucking movie, Ives, it doesn’t mean-” you hesitated as you noticed Ives and Wheeler exchanging looks. “Wheeler?” - your eyes narrowed - “Say something, damn it!”

Silence.

“Fuck you both. I’m going there,” you scoffed as you slowly backed away.

“You’re not going anywhere-” Ives raised his voice, but you were already on your way out.

“Watch me.”

“Goddammit, Y/N, he got shot in the fucking head!”

You stopped and clenched your fists.

“…so?”

“Are you fucking serious-”

“No, are you fucking serious,” - you snapped and turned around, pointing your finger at Ives - “you just wanna give up on him without even trying-…”

Ives looked like he was about to punch you. “What does Neil always say?” he yelled. “What’s happend’s happened! Do you even realize I should have shot him right after the mission?! And Priya-…”

But you stormed out of the canteen and couldn’t hear him anymore.

___

You rolled out the maps of Stalsk-12 and the Hypocenter. With your hands gripped on the edge of the table, you let out a shaky breath. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep yourself together, but for now, you were riding on adrenaline rush, slowly slipping into your mission mode.

Someone entered the room. You looked over the shoulder and saw Wheeler walking up to you.

She glanced over the maps and nodded slowly.

“Listen, I can’t just-” you began, but the words got stuck in your throat. Your mind went blank as a result of your brain’s desperate attempts to prevent you from breaking down.

Wheeler looked you in the eyes and a faint smile appeared on her face. “I know. You can’t go in there alone. I’m coming with you.”

A wave of relief almost swept you from your feet.

“But Ives-”

“Oh you know him, he fumed something about some cowboy shit and both of you being bloody perfect for each other,” Wheeler chuckled lightly. “He went to wake up few guys from the trauma team. Now come on,” - she patted you on the arm - “let’s crack this out.”

___

The team’s footsteps clanked against the metal crate on the floor. You tightened your hold on the rifle as you peaked around the corner, but the corridor looked clear. How did they overlook that entrance in the first place?

You rushed to take cover behind a collapsed wall, Wheeler and two medics ducking right behind you. Then you just had to wait.

You couldn’t understand Ives and The Protagonist yelling on the balcony below you. A gunshot echoed through the corridor, followed closely by the second one.

The thing about being inverted was that you rarely paid attention to the chain of events going both ways simultaneously, you had to focus on your own mission. You couldn’t overthink it, you had to feel it to be as effective on the field as possible.

After the third gunshot rang in your ears, you heard the sound of a body hitting the floor.

You winced and bit your lip to stifle any sound that would escape your mouth. You knew what that order meant. It took all your willpower to stay in your place instead of running down those bloody stairs to put a bullet through Volkov’s head. You wrapped your fingers around the teal string on your wrist. Breathe.

Every second felt like an eternity. You could see Wheeler’s hands shaking slightly on her weapon.

Another body hit the floor, then you heard the fourth gunshot. Just a little while longer. You watched Volkov going backwards up the stairs and down the corridor. You gritted your teeth, your body tensed and you were ready to move the second he vanished around the corner.

You jumped at your feet and sprinted to the metal staircase.

There he was.

You fell on your knees right next to Neil and tossed your rifle to the side. You fixed your eyes on his face, covered in blood underneath the mask.

“Neil?” you grabbed his hand and pulled it to your chest, squeezing his fingers.

God, no, no, no, don���t do this to me.

“Neil, sweetie, can you hear me?” your voice was strained as you held your breath, stroking his palm with your thumbs. “We’re getting you out of here, all right?”

The whole world was collapsing on your head, you could barely hear your teammates barking commands at each other. “Please, please, love, don’t-”

Neil gasped quietly and looked at you, his eyes widened in shock and terror.

The fight wasn’t over yet.

You moved away to make room for the medics, not letting go of Neil’s hand.

___

The flight back to the base was excruciatingly long. The trauma team stabilized Neil the best as they could on the way there, but he had to get on the operating table as soon as possible. He was slipping in and out of consciousness, despite your best efforts to keep him awake. When the helicopter touched down on the hospital ship, the medical staff was already waiting for you at the LZ. You didn’t leave Neil’s side all the way to the surgery wing, where you got ushered away by the nurses.

You watched as the door closed behind him.

You leaned against the cold wall and your legs just gave in. All the emotions, bottled up long enough for you to survive that whole mission, got released at once. You sat down on the floor and hid your face in your palms, gasping frantically for air, your chest painfully clenched, your whole body shaking from violent sobs.

…Please, please, love, don’t leave me.

___

“…You look like shit.”

“Thanks, I feel like one,” you scoffed as you closed the door behind you, glaring at Ives.

He shot you a concerned look. “Mate, seriously, have you eaten anything since you got back? Don’t make me send Seb over here to feed you with a spoon, eh?” the corner of his lips quirked into a smile.

You mused at that idea for a moment and shook your head. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

Ives sighed and pointed at the door.

“How is he?”

“The doctors said he got lucky, the bullet missed the vital parts of the brain, but for now it’s hard to say how big the damage is. The next few days are going to be critical, we have to wait to see if-…” you choked on the last word, your eyes welled up slowly.

“Hey, hey, hey, no, come here,” Ives reached out his arm pulled you into a hug. “No ifs, you hear me?”

You let out a shaky breath as you pressed your forehead to his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, Y/N, I’m a fucking idiot, I’m sorry.”

You pulled back and squeezed his arm, smiling sadly. You looked in his eyes. There were no more words needed, both of you just nodded.

As you reached for the knob, you hesitated.

“Ives, I quit.”

He scoffed, “Don’t say it too loud or I’ll be forced to throw you overboard, ey?”

You rolled your eyes and you went back to Neil’s room.

___

You didn’t know how much time had passed. All days blended into one, filled with the steady beeping of various machines, the nauseating smell of disinfectants, frequent medical check-ups, and the agonizing waiting. Wheeler popped in few times to make sure you were holding in there, but even though you were glad to see a friendly face, sometimes you caught her staring at you with a silent question in her eyes, the same question you saw in the eyes of every person who came into that room.

Was it worth it?

No one dared to ask it aloud, though.

Because of that question, you preferred the moments you were left alone, sitting at the bedside.

You waited.

You thought it would get easier once they unplugged the respirator, because that meant Neil was well enough to breathe on his own, but it didn’t get any easier, not really. It was still hard to say how long it would take him to regain consciousness.

So you held his hand and you waited.

You couldn’t rest, every time you closed your eyes you were haunted by the image of Neil’s face covered in blood, by the panic in his eyes. At some nights, when the pain and loneliness became unbearable, you curled next to him on the hospital bed, trying to find a bit of comfort in being close to him, in feeling his warmth. In Neil’s heartbeat, reminding you that he was still there with you, as you cried yourself to sleep.

At other nights, you just leaned from your chair and rested your cheek on his palm as your mind drifted off into a nightmare filled abyss

One night, you felt a soft touch on your forehead.

That was just a dream. And if it was, you didn’t want to wake up. You squinted your eyes, swallowing a tear with every gentle stroke on your hair.

“Hey you,” Neil’s voice was hoarse and quiet.

You looked at his face and a sob escaped your mouth.

Neil’s blue eyes were fixed on you, his lips curled into a half-smile.

“What did I miss?”

___

“…and two frappés, please. Thank you,” - you smiled, handing your menu back to the waiter.

“It never gets old, doesn’t it?”

You leaned back and giggled. Neil was staring at you with those playful sparks in his eyes again, a big grin brightening his tanned face.

“Nope,” you smacked your lips and smirked. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment. The scent of a nearby paperflower bush was mixing with salty wind blowing from the sea.

You looked at the dark clouds on the horizon.

“How much time do you think we have before it starts raining?”

Neil’s eyes followed your gaze. “I think-…” he hesitated. His shoulders tensed, a hint of frustration tainted his face. You took his hand and laced your fingers together. He sighed and relaxed, shooting you a thankful look. “….optimistically I’d say four to five hours.”

You nodded slowly and smiled. “Maybe we could stop by the beach before we find a place for tonight then?”

Neil pulled your hand closer and placed a small kiss on your fingers.

“I think we should.”

You looked over your shoulder at the waiter coming back to your table with two big plates of pasta.

You chuckled.

Life was good.