#the protagonist knows he only meant it as a joke; and how unfair it is for the protagonist to not be able to laugh at it

[frogs-in3-hills]

clawing my way into the asks again like a little parasite ahem. Thoughts on susato 👁👁

oh my god susato... *breaks down into sobbing* i actually finished the game an hour or two after i saw this ask and wanted to give it a little bit of time to sit in my head before i started trying to analyze things ^_^; but now i think i'm emotionally ready to think about her without destroying my own psyche. readmore cause this kind of turned into an analysis, albeit a very disorganized one

anyways SUSATO GOOD. i love her dynamic with ryuu so much, she's so competent but does still genuinely feel like a teenage girl at the same time. i think she's really the heart of the duology, especially dgs1, i mean she is literally the central piece of the emotional resolutions for each game and also the reason for 90% of the times i cried while playing. which, btw, was significantly more often than any of the other AA games ^_^; i was pretty much in tears from the moment the final trial ended to like, an hour after the credits stopped rolling. the idea of ryuunosuke going to japan without her absolutely destroyed me because he was so depressed during that six month gap :( and i was so relieved that they would continue to change the world together

also can i just say her design and sprites are incredible?? not only is she just. the fucking cutest. her animations and poses are so sweet, oh my god her expressions are amazing, they perfectly encapsulate her yamato nadeshiko elegance, her deep strength & tenacity & curiosity, and even hints at her deeper feelings of inadequacy. i mean god i am thinking about her teary-eyed smile that rips my heart to pieces every time and her stunned expression when she sees the masked assistant. screaming sobbing wailing banging my fists on the table. the same goes for her theme but like times a hundred, like, i don't really know anything about music so i can't explain why but it's so unbelievably perfect for both her and the overall tone of the game. honestly it might beat out turnabout sisters for my favorite track in the series

which by the way, it's so cool how she immediately breaks from the mold of typical AA assistants with her demeanor. she's the picture of temperance and humility, and despite her age she is the heart of the story and a guiding light in ryuunosuke's journey. this stands in huge contrast to characters like maya, who has an incredibly strong heart but really feels like a child lost in a world of suddenly inherited responsibilities and murderous family conflicts that she's 100% not equipped to handle. none of that is to say that i think all the AA assistants are the same because they are absolutely not, but they do have similar ~vibes~ so it's really refreshing to have a protagonist-assistant dynamic that feels so different from the outset.

but then 1-2 kind of destroys whatever initial perception you had of her right? because now susato's out here being actively hostile to you in spite of the slow trickle of evidence exonerating ryuunosuke. she literally attacks you like five times and hardly ever smiles. because just like ryuunosuke, asougi's boundless determination bled into her, to the point that she p much dedicated her life to studying so she could go to london in order to help him. and now that he's gone, she's left completely lost at sea. literally :(

personally i think her attitude after ryuu provides some reasonable doubt is very telling. first, it shows that she's extremely levelheaded in the face of a crisis, because even though it would be so so so easy and even cathartic to blame ryuunosuke, she realizes that it would be unfair and resolves to help him prove his innocence. however, even though it's clear she does believe in ryuu, we still get a bunch of moments where she makes digs at him and acts randomly suspicious again before moving on. these are probably just little jokes not meant to be taken seriously by the writers, but like i can't help but look into them more and wonder if susato is projecting onto ryuunosuke, due to their aforementioned similar situations. i think she's very frustrated with herself for being so helpless. she clearly bases her self worth on her use as a judicial assistant (which is not so healthy but we're getting there), but without kazuma, what does her help and expertise even matter? and she sees that resemblance between herself and ryuunosuke and takes her frustration out on him, even if she doesn't think he actually killed asougi. she reminds me a lot of godot in this case tbh.

speaking of susato having unreasonably high expectations for herself and other people, HEY THAT'S ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTER TROPES

*gets emotionally ripped to shreds by the narrative*

it's quite clear that the high expectations she has of her loved ones-- mainly ryuu, kazuma, sholmes, and gina-- is her version of unflinching belief. every time she encourages ryuunosuke, she's saying things like "i know you can handle this" and "you have everything you need to take this on, so don't give up now" and she is certainly not lying or exaggerating. susato is the one who decided that ryuunosuke deserves to carry on with asougi's legacy, and therefore there's kind of an implicit don't disappoint me in there. nothing demonstrates this more than what she says to gina in the prison:

Susato: I'm sorry to say...that I must reluctantly bid you farewell. Gina: Eh? Farewell? Susato: Tomorrow, I must begin my journey back home. To Japan. ...I fear we may never meet again. Gina: ...! Oh...right... Susato: I've had the pleasure of meeting so many lovely people here in London. I have so many wonderful memories. And yet...as things stand now... ...it will be a glum parting indeed. Poor Iris is so miserable. Iris: Susie... Gina: Well...well...that ain't my business! Susato: Both Iris and Mr Naruhodo believe you to be innocent, Gina. They've put their faith in you. But somehow...you can't find it in your heart to put your faith in them. Gina: Yeah! That's right, I can't! ...Wot of it? Susato: It grieves me greatly to have to say goodbye to my friends when they are so clearly unhappy... ...because of you. Gina: ...! Wot, it's MY fault?! Susato: Yes. So I have one final request, Gina, before our paths never cross again. Right here and now... ...I want you to show both of them that you don't deserve the faith they've invested in you. Gina: Eh?! Susato: Only by doing that... ...will you truly be as alone as you claim to be.

this was like The Moment where i did kind of a double take and went, holy shit, susato is the best character in this game, i get it now. because we're seeing what it looks like when susato is disappointed in you. this the final chance she's extending to gina and she just gets right to business with "i'm tired of wondering if you're going to trust me, so if you're so determined to push away the people who care about you then i expect you to be straight with me. you need to decide right now if you are truly committed to destroying this chance at happiness because i can no longer accept the way you're treating my friends. and if you can prove to me that you're not worth it then i will give up on you." and not only is this fucking perfect because it's exactly the push that gina needs, it shows the epitome of what makes susato so great: her balance! she knows when to hold back and be patient and she knows when to assert herself. she really makes me think of the temperance card in tarot in that way. gina was never going to take to iris' puppydog eyes or ryuunosuke's insistence that he believes in her; she needed somebody to take her anxieties seriously and then say "oh yeah? prove it." and it is so terribly Lawyer of her to pull the evidence card like that, it makes me absolutely insane. i'm going to think about this forever

it's pretty explicit in dgs1 that she expects the most out of herself though with her thinking that she's a failure of a judicial assistant for losing faith, which is something she shares with asougi. asougi is carrying the weight of his family's legacy on his back and the responsibility of changing the world. i don't know a lot about meiji era japan but i know it would have been extremely challenging to become a defense attorney. there is no room for error with him. they also both try to punish themselves when they don't meet those expectations-- susato trying to throw her legal book into the ocean and asougi doing, uh, literally everything he does in dgs2, but specifically giving karuma to ryuunosuke. i wonder if he learned it from her >_>

i will be honest i'm not 100% sure how i feel abt the way she was handled in dgs2, i don't think she was poorly written or anything! just kind of lacking the bite she had in dgs1. it's hard to compare the way she reacts to gina disappointing her vs the way she reacts to kazuma disappointing her, because gina is her cool friend while kazuma is literally her dead adopted brother who came back to life and is kind of being a legendary asshole about it. so like, i'm not gonna say it's definitely inconsistent or out of character for her to react to asougi's Whole Deal by just kind of frowning in the background, but idk i wish she'd had a more active role in that conflict or been allowed to do something. like, they only exchange a couple of lines throughout the whole game and i think that was a huge waste. i would have at least liked to see a follow up of her and ryuunosuke's conversation about his body going missing, now that they know he's alive, because i find myself being unable to parse how she feels about the whole thing. i really expected her to be angrier or to show something bigger than "wow :( this fucking sucks :(" like SHE'S NOT WRONG! but there was so much opportunity to take it in a different direction.

anyways i think the ending of dgs2 is perfect because she's actively rejecting that path that's been expected of her, she was always supposed to stand by asougi's side and yet she allows herself to be selfish and follow ryuunosuke instead. yes, she knows when to be assertive, but she only ever does it for the benefit of other people. here she knows what she wants and is determined to pursue it-- i think it's absolutely wonderful and i am so proud of her ;-; in the first game she would have had to go back home alone, afraid for her father and for gina and for everyone else that she loves, believing that she had failed ryuunosuke and by extension, kazuma and his legacy. but here she gets to go back home of her own volition and continue to follow the path she believes in, assured in her worth and knowing that she has a true friend by her side and all that is to say i fucking love susato so much and i am losing my entire mind over her and i expect to be doing so for the rest of my days

[unlimitedhorsepower]

It's funny that in Blue Golden Ryan has to be the responsible one in some ways bc of his seniority and uh, just in general his wealth of life experience in comparison to Karina

Not only has he traveled across the world and done great many things, all Karina has to show for her teenage years is... a crush on Kotetsu which is kinda sad to me because it's not like she even has time to get to know herself. She's working all the time!! That's why she'd get a teenager crush on some geriatric guy from work, bc she also has to hide her hero stuff from her peers do it's not like they can get to know her too well

Ryan would joke abt something that's obvious to him that you did already when you were like 16 tops, eg.sneaking out to go to a party to meet your gf there and pretending you like the taste of beer and Karina's like what's wrong with you?..

Guy abt to be hit with a realization Karina hasn't ever had a partner so obviously that's crossed out and she hasn't ever been to a single house party so that's crossed out too plus she listens to her parents and they kinda support her despite not being perfect. It is devastating when your experiences aren't universal. He is gonna bring this up to Barnaby for peer support and he's actually literally almost the exact same as Karina and now constrained by his fame like she is

Anyway it's just funny like some canon buddy hero pairs can more rely on each other but Blue Golden is one of those where it's kinda impossible as canon is now (even if they made it a point in 1st cour that it shouldn't be like this).

Like how could Ryan ever talk to Karina abt what happened to him with Gregory Sunshine like ugh... Karina hasn't ever been to a simple house party how could she even begin to understand that he could've killed himself with his own powers and collapsed at least one whole building and definitely at least injured several civilians.

He can be there for her and he understand the gist of her struggles bc he's had similar or he can extrapolate. But Karina can't really understand his cringefails (the narrative gives her no tools for this). There is for example a line to be drawn to Maverick using his power on all heroes to make then fight Kotetsu, not really the same but if Karina was given More, it could be a part of it.

However all Blue Golden got was teasing me they'd be more important than they were despite Karina arguably being one of the protagonists since the start with more focus on her but all she got was a rehash of old shit and minor character development forced to center around Kotetsu, again, with the added inclusion of Ryan to steal more of her character time. Plus all Blue Golden buddy duo development was explicitly undone in cour2 it was fucking wild.

Entire point was that Ryan was like yeah I'm trying to protect you too much when you can handle shit by yourself, only for him explicitly refraining from breaking the hero moratorium to protect Karina, iirc Robert explicitly hangs Karina's fate over his head in that one scene.

I genuinely think Blue Golden is the only buddy hero duo who got their duo episode entirely fucking undone in cour2?.. It's ofc unfair to Ryan that what seemed to be point of him returning (Gregory Sunshine and the incident) goes without serious acknowledgment but what it does it that to give Ryan something, he gets reshuffled into taking up Karina's screentime and narrative and ends up stealing her moments just by existing

Incredibly unfair to Karina! I also still can't believe Blue Golden didn't win King of Buddy heroes to finally give Karina the credit she deserves...

They could've shown Blue Golden to be Something but nothing they were given really shows anything meaningful and wholly new about them. They got a bunch of screentime that essentially meant Nothing bc neither's character arcs got anywhere in a meaningful way.

Yeah Karina got over her crush or w/e but you have to be shitting me if you think it's an arc she deserves with how much interesting stuff could actually be said about her and her position as an overachiever who is horribly treated by the hero industry especially bc she's an idol too and not only a hero. Nothing about why she still does this, what she thinks about it, how it deeply affects her. Ryan helps her to go to her friends concert and it's presented without much fanfare and kind of solely occurs to show that Ryan is a decent insightful dude lol when the real intrigue lies in Karina not being able to usually do that sort of thing and the music career she dreams of in a way that's totally different from the idol Blue Rose...

Meanwhile Ryan got over his cringe fail issues in their buddy hero ep but its pretty distinctly related to Gregory Sunshine and his personality driving him into a corner of him literally not having cities left to turn to. It makes him seem younger and childish bc he's paired with Karina and the issue isn't touched upon but to me it's more of the stupidity of a guy who's abt to experience a premature mid-life crisis bc heroism is his only career and due to the Gregory incident and his flippancy/short-sightedness like straightup leaving Sternbild in the Rising (why lol.he didn't have to) is gonna cause him to be out of a job, which is touched on in the manga...

There's something to be said about their careers and the hero industry and how Ryan started in heroism only bc he got scouted and I imagine Karina was scouted to be an idol too in the sense that someone suggested it. Not like any of that matters though all they got was some flippant quips and funny moments and stuff and all serious moments are so mistaken on what should be the gist of their characters...

Ryan should've been used almost as a narrative device to show how much there is to Karina bc she deserves that and his character could've still received development and retained meaning. But no, tnb2 said fuck you.

Blue Golden neither of them rly meant Anything. Like their characters just kinda lost all prior purpose they had for some surface-level attention on them. I'm malding every day

[iamtheprotagoneil]

ok so im here crying over your tag essay and to crank up the angst even more, imagine neil jokingly saying to david when he was reading to him, "if i had known it takes a bullet for you to come by and sit with me like this, i would've happily gotten shot sooner 😊" and david just goes absolutely white with shock and crumbles down in fresh tears. (1)

and neil would be like, oh god no no, i'm sorry i'm just joking my stupid mouth runs away from me again 😭 david just sits there realizing how much he had hurt neil and broken his heart in the first place, and neil is panicking inside trying to comfort him and tell him it's okay, it's okay, i'm just glad you're here with me now ♥️ (2) - alicia

damn, alicia. y’all really be going off with all this angst huh 😭😭😭 

[mira--mira]

Hi! I was wondering

How do you think Hashirama and Madara would be in a Road to Ninja version?

I remember once reading a Hashimada fic (which I never finished RIP) that was about Madara appearing in the RTN universe and the 3 things that stucked with me were:

1.- Madara was the first Hokage (something that Madara thought was horrible when he saw his sculpted face on the Hokage mountain 🤣)

And personally I think that it would not have been like that even in the RTN universe because we didn't see his face along with the other faces of Hokages in the movie (Yeah, apparently I'm basing myself on a movie which I'm not even sure if it's canon or not, even though Kishimoto wrote it) and the RTN characters didn't seem to even know who Madara is.

2.- Hashirama having his bowlcut as an adult

And I agree with the Madara from that fanfic, it looks awful on him. Hashirama, babe, I'm sorry but the only ones who can rock that style are Guy Sensei and Rock Lee, I know you just were trying to be cool but it doesn't suite you.

3.- Tobirama was a porn writer

Instead of being a fan of forbidden jutsu and creating justus, he wrote porn novels a la Jiraiya. And I'll hold that headcanon with my dead hands.

The only other fanfic that places the founders in the RTN universe is one where the protagonist is Mito (it's an interesting one-shot that pairs her with Itama 🤔)

She was kind of a shy person 🤔? And so it was Tobirama 🤣 which I found fun.

Hashirama, as the first fanfic I mentioned, was the Tobirama of the place (saddenly Madara wasn't in this fic).

So I would like to know what are your versions of the founders (or only Hashirama and Madara if it is too much) in the RTN universe! And how do you think things would be

Hmm, RTN is an interesting concept to me but, to be honest, I don't think Konoha would exist if a lot of personalities got flipped 😂 I haven't read any RTN fics with the founders, but if you, or anyone else, have links at hand I'd love to check them out 👀

1. Madara

Here's the big one and the crux of why I don't think the village would exist. Typically I characterize Madara as an extremely responsible man who internalizes things when he shouldn't, takes himself way too seriously, is aggressive and abrasive even to people he loves sometimes, but genuinely loves the people closest too him. Reversing this would make a character that slacks off, takes no responsibility, and is completely passive in life and has fleeting attachments to others around him. Assuming he wouldn't die on the battlefield, I could see the RTN "alternate" personality coming about of Madara's being so overpowered and competent that he loses interest and distances himself from things before he can get attached and lose them.

It makes building a village very hard though. (At first I was tempted to go RTN Sasuke route and maybe RTN!Madara is a little more openly flirty than canon!Madara, but the passivity and refusal to take responsibility would be the "core" qualities for me.)

2. Hashirama

Hashirama is a bit weird because he has a lot of surface-level "conflicting" traits in canon. He is optimistic but he pushes beyond his natural attitude and uses it as a mask to hide instead of addressing his feelings. He's mischievous, likes jokes and games, and can be a bit hedonistic with his pleasure but can equally be serious when necessary and will willingly sacrifice for others around him. And simultaneously, Hashirama and Madara are connected by a shared sense of idealism but also anger. Hashirama is a very kind, but extremely angry, man. I think a RTN!Hashirama would share a kind of apathy of RTN!Madara but instead of passivity his lack of anger would manifest as cruelty. Because canon!Hashirama is angry but his anger is usually a righteous kind. I don't think RTN!Hashirama would go out of his way to be cruel, but he doesn't have the empathy of canon!Hashirama, especially to others' suffering. He enjoys fighting just a bit too much and has no qualms about killing. In his mind, he should always come first in any situation and prioritizing (or even considering) others' is effort and him going out of his way to be "nice" and the other should be thankful. Similarly if he feels any negative emotion, he won't bottle it up and swallow it down, he'll immediately address it, usually confrontationally. RTN!Hashirama is as intelligent as his canon counterpart but he doesn't suffer fools and he hates it when people underestimate him. He's pretty proud and vain, tbh.

I really don't think the above would make him the "Tobirama" of RTN verse. To me Hashirama and Tobirama have different core values and perspectives and inverting Hashirama's doesn't make it become Tobirama's, if that makes sense. This one is also wordy bc I immediately knew how RTN!Madara would be RTN!Hashirama is a bit harder to pin down. But I hope it's clear why I have doubts about the village existing...maybe if RTN!Hashirama got it in his mind as a pet project for the hell of it, that he'd be a better leader for the country and not just the Senju alone, and RTN!Madara liked the idea of no responsibility and being able to detach even further than he already was? But that's still kind of grasping for a reason.

3. Hashimada

Equally I think any Hashirama/Madara relationship would be ehhh. They definitely wouldn't have the overwhelming bond of their canon counterparts, and it could be a relationship ripe for unhappiness. The closest I can think of to making the ship work is RTN!Madara would be drawn to Hashirama's absurd level of self-confidence and able to let the casual cruelty slide off instead of getting worked up about it. In a way RTN!Hashirama is stable and predictable. If he's pretty overpowered, there's less of a chance RTN!Madara would lose him, so their relationship isn't deep but it's more or less dependable and Madara knows exactly what he's going to get. In contrast RTN!Hashirama has an audience in the form of RTN!Madara and a partner that's not going to push back against his ideas. RTN!Madara doesn't ask for much and he doesn't complain when RTN!Hashirama puts himself first. He doesn't want, or might not be capable of, the deep emotional bond their canon counterparts have. RTN!Madara wouldn't leave Konoha (if it existed) in the AU, because he doesn't really care. If someone upset RTN!Hashirama and he decided to leave to 'do it right' RTN!Madara would probably follow, maybe out of some loyalty for RTN!Hashirama but mostly because it's what's easiest.

4. Tobirama

The core of Tobirama's character to me is prioritizing logic over emotion and both a conscious and unconscious failure to realize he can't completely eliminate emotion. Tobirama loves his brother, he's curious and has a desire to find out what makes things work and is willing to bend morality to get results if it'll serve a greater good. He's very aware of the unfairness of the world but believes it's an unspoken truth of humanity and can only be mitigated through logical means, but never completely erased. He'll be the sacrificial lamb, the one that works in shadows so his brother can have his utopian dream. Despite everything, he loves his genin, the strongest bonds he has aside from Hashirama, and does try to instill in them lessons he think will help them and lead to peace and stability in the village. He's still influenced by the prejudices of his time and can never find it in him to truly forgive the Uchiha.

A RTN!Tobirama would be a man ruled by emotion. Him writing erotica all day definitely could be one way this manifests lol. But overall he's sensitive and spiritual and can't stand the idea of killing. He and RTN!Hashirama don't get along and he actively tries to avoid his brother. RTN!Tobirama has equally strong principles as canon!Tobirama, but they're pacifist in nature and while he likes his studies, he prefers to be out talking to people and learning from them first hand. He's very naive and can be easily taken advantage of and he has trouble focusing on any one thing for too long. No matter how many times this happens, he never can harden his heart or be overly suspicious of others. RTN!Tobirama would most likely be the one support peace in this AU. He embraces the Uchiha and all the Senjus past enemies with open arms, almost to a foolish degree. It'd be a bad idea if he became hokage in this AU because he's a terrible negotiator and has a bad people-pleasing streak and struggles with long-term tactics. With the exception of RTN!Hashirama, who he considers an aberration who doesn't have a soul, humans at their core all have good intentions at heart.

5. Mito

I characterize Mito as a very level-headed woman. Her marriage to Hashirama is political in nature but they grow to be good friends and she never expected to fall in love and she's glad Hashirama didn't want a traditional wife. Mito is devoted to her community work (she works hands-on with people in the village), she seeks out connections with others and, despite the distance, remains close with her family in Uzushio, constantly writing them letters. She's spiritual and follows the Uzumakis' beliefs (not gonna list this OoT spoiler lol) and studies fuinjutsu in her spare time, something she's done since she was a child. She is willing to sacrifice if it meant protecting something she considered greater than herself, much to her own personal detriment. She loves and is proud of her children and grandchildren, but if she had a choice, she would have chosen to remain childless, she finds her true calling elsewhere.

RTN!Mito, similarly to RTN!Tobirama, is ruled by emotions. She dreams of one day making a good marriage for herself and centers romance and being a mother as her ideal life, but she's extremely picky when it comes picking the perfect husband. RTN!Mito knows how much she's worth and she refuses to settle and will not even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. She has a hard time forming long-lasting, deep bonds with other people and views starting her own family as the solution to this problem. At times she can be a bit absent-minded and unintentionally selfish, but she's not actively malicious. She blusters a lot and depending on the situation can come off as cold and uncaring, but it's only to hide the depth of her true feelings and loneliness. In this AU she would absolutely refuse to marriage RTN!Hashirama. Nothing on hell or earth, could make her change her mind.

Mito is such a blank-slate character it feels like writing an oc more than a canon character, tbh. And this is something I don't see brought up a lot but a "heart full of love" to combat the kyuubi's hatred to me has never been exclusive to romantic or familial (to children) love. *cough* I want a complex female character who's not vilified for not wanting to have children and/or regretting having them *cough* Mito's "love" was for the people of Konoha and Uzushio. My personal headcanon regarding her and Hashirama's child (I don't think she had more than one) was that she was dedicated to her son, but quickly realized being a mother wasn't her dream or something she even actively liked. The kid was well-cared for and she was dutiful towards him, but Hashirama was the parent that loved and embraced him with his whole heart and it led to some tension between Mito and her son as the kid could tell the difference and neither of them were "wrong" to feel the way they did. This is why Tsunade was shown with Hashirama instead of Mito, he was a lot more present in her life when she was young (instead of Kishi just not having made Mito as a character yet). But after Hashirama and Tsunade's dad died (and then Nawaki), she and Mito grew close but it was definitely more of a friendship or student/mentor relationship rather than a traditional grandmother/granddaughter relationship but both were satisfied with it and loved eachother. Likewise I didn't want RTN!Mito's characterization to be shallow and hit misogynistic undertones with her being an "opposite" to Mito's calm, level-headed, focused on her work/passions characterization.

6. Closing thoughts

#1: Wow this got long #2: I feel conflicted about RTN because it seemed to flip surface-level characteristics instead of deep characterizations, and ignored flaws altogether. The ones above, esp. Hashirama and Madara's, are kind of dark in a way? But that's the only way it makes sense to me...Gai and Lee caring about style and being stylish is a funny joke but if you were to actually poke and prod and say their personalities were inverted, neither of them would be top-notch ninja as we know...unless I'm just completely misremembering RTN because I realize it's been years since I saw it lol. Anyway, hope this was entertaining!

[otp-armada]

If Jason wanted to convince me that Lxa was the love of Clarke's life, he wouldn't have killed her off, effectively cutting their love story permanently, with 4.5 seasons left of the show. Their arc, starting with their introduction in 2x07 and concluding with L's death in 3x07, is 17 episodes long, accounting for 17% of the entire narrative. If I generously add 3x16 to the count, an episode in which L is already dead in the corporeal world Clarke is trying to return to, it's a whopping, grand total of 18%. An 18% congruous with Clarke's intense connection to Bellamy and vice versa, which even A.lycia confirmed as romantic. Feelings romantic enough to spur the formation of a love triangle. An 18% ignoring Clarke's ultimate choice to go back to her people when L wanted her to stay.

CL is a chapter in the story begun and wrapped up in the first half of the narrative. And that's omitting further illumination on the finer details making CL so problematic for Clarke. Do you expect me to believe it was coincidental for CL to occur at a time when Clarke was spiraling down a dark path, commencing with Finn's death? Who played a hand in forcing Clarke's own hand, with Finn, and TonDC, and Mount Weather? Whose example inspired her to ensnare herself in armor and warpaint to be strong enough to save her people? Whose behavior did she emulate in the pushing away of support from her people? Who gave her a place to continue hiding from Bellamy, her mom, and her friends? A place to be someone other than Clarke Griffin? In lieu of facing her fears like the heroine she is? The purpose of CL wasn't to provide Clarke with a magnificent, fairy tale romance gone tragically wrong. I believe Jason's intent with the relationship aimed to further damage Clarke's psyche after L's death, to solidify the belief that her love is not only deadly to its recipients but renders her too weak to do what must be done for survival.

After 3x16, CL is an often superfluous namedrop or two per season for Clarke to briefly react to before carrying on with the plot. Season 5 aside, most of these references are needless enough to be able to interpret them as attempts at reparations for the L/CL fandom's benefit -and their views- without altering the course of the story. Crazy me for thinking it's not enough to constitute an ongoing love story. Crazy me for not thinking this was on par with interactions between living characters. Crazy me for thinking it doesn't befit a love story for the protagonist.

This sliver of the story is what Jason and the CLs would have us unquestionably believe is the pervasive love story of The 100's seven seasons?

Despite his lie and the constant gaslighting from the pineapple CLs, some of us know how to decipher what a temporary love interest is. Lxa? I think you know where I'm heading with this.

I'll acknowledge my admittedly negative appraisal of CL as someone who recognizes its value to the LGBT+ community and treats it as valid while not caring for L/CL on a narrative level. I felt, when swayed by L's influence, Clarke became the antithesis of what I found admirable about her. I resented Clarke's acquiescence of her power to the commander. I wanted nothing more than to remove the wedge L had driven between Clarke and Bellamy.

Let me try to give L/CL the benefit of the doubt for a minute. I don't hold L as responsible for Clarke's choices, but I recognize the prominent role she played in their upbringing. The push and pull was an intriguing aspect of their dynamic, as was the chance to meet a manifestation of who Clarke might have been if she was all head, no heart. Her fall from grace was arguably necessary for her to be a fully-rounded character, not a Mary Sue. It wouldn't be realistic for the protagonist of a tragic story about a brutal world to be a pure cinnamon roll. When forgiveness is an innate theme with Clarke, it would be my bias at work if I was content with her applying it to everyone but Lxa. Clarke saw enough commonalities between her and L to identify with the latter. When she extended forgiveness to L, I believe it was her way of taking the first step on the path to making peace with herself by proxy. None of this means I wanted them paired up. At best, I made my peace with seeing the relationship through to its eventual end. In time for L's death, ironically. My passivity about them notwithstanding, my conclusions are, however, supported by canon.

If I may submit a Doylist reason for romantic CL? Jason knew he had a massive subfandom itching to see them coupled, thereby boosting ratings and generating media buzz. A Watsonian reason? Without relevance, I think L would have been another Anya to Clarke. Grapple shortly with the unfair taking of a life right as they choose to steer towards unity, melancholy giving way to the inconvenience of the loss of a potential, powerful political ally. Romance ensured her arc with L would have the designated impact on Clarke's character moving forward in the next act.

For a show not about relationships, Jason has routinely used romantic love as a shorthand for character and dynamic development. It's happened with so many hastily strung together pairings. And when it does, everyone and their mother bends over backward to defend the relationship. It's romantic because it just is. Didn't you see the kissing? Romantic.

No, The 100 at its core is not about relationships, romantic and otherwise. But stack the number of fans invested exclusively by the action against those of us appreciating a strong plot but are emotionally attached to the characters and dynamics. Who do we think wins? Jason can cry all he wants over an audience refusing to be dazzled solely by his flashy sci-fi.

Funnily enough, "not about relationships'' is only ever applied to Bellarke. Bellarke, a relationship so consistently significant, it's the central dynamic of the show. The backbone on which the story is predicated. Only with Bellarke does it become super imperative to represent male-female platonic relationships. As if Bellarke is the end all, be all of platonic friendship representation on this show. In every single television show in the history of television shows.

Where was this advocacy when B/echo was foisted upon on us after one scene between them where he didn't outright hate Echo? When one interaction before that, he nearly choked the life out of her. If male-female friendship on TV is so sparse, why didn't B/ravens celebrate the familial relationship between Bellamy and Raven? Isn't the fact that they interpret Clarke as abusive to Bellamy all the more reason to praise his oh-so-healthy friendship with Raven as friendship? They might be the one group of shippers at the least liberty to use this argument against Bellarke, lest they want to hear the cacophony of our fandom's laughter at the sheer hypocrisy of the joke. Instead, they've held on with an iron grip to the one sex scene from practically three lifetimes ago when the characters were distracting themselves from their feelings on OTHER people? They've recalled this as "proof" of romance while silent on (or misconstruing) the 99% of narrative wherein they were platonic and the 100% of the time they were canonically non-romantic.

Bellarke is only non-romantic if you believe love stories are told in the space of time it takes for Characters A & B to make out and screw each other onscreen, a timespan amounting to less than the intermission of a quick bathroom break. If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it is. And yet, some can't wrap their heads around the idea that maybe, just maybe, a well-written love story in its entirety is denoted by more than two insubstantial markers and unreliable qualifiers. B/raven had sex, and the deed didn't fashion them into a romance. Jasper and Maya kissed but didn't have sex. Were they half a romantic relationship? Bellarke is paralleled to romantic couples all the time, but it counts for nothing in the eyes of their rival-ship fandom adversaries. Take ship wars out of it by considering Mackson. Like B/echo, the show informed us that Mackson became a couple post-Praimfaya, offscreen, via a kiss. Does anyone fancy them an epic love story with their whisper of a buildup? Since a kiss is all it takes, as dictated by fandom parameters, we should.

If Characters A & B are ensconced in a romantic storyline, then by definition, their relationship is neither non-romantic nor fanon. "Platonic" rings hollow as a descriptor for feelings canonically not so.

If the rest of the fandom doesn't want to take our word for granted, Bob confirmed Bellarke as romantic. Is he as delusional as we are? Bob is not a shipper, but he knows what he was told to perform and how. Why do the pineapples twist themselves in knots to discredit his word? If they are so assured by Jason's word-of-god affirmation, then what credibility does it bear to have Bellarke validated by someone other than the one in charge? They're so quick to aggressively repudiate any statement less than "CL is everything. Nothing else exists. CL is the only fictional love story in The 100, nay, the WORLD. CL is the single greatest man-made invention since the advent of the wheel."

We've all seen a show with a romantic relationship between the leads at the core of the story. We all know the definition of slowburn. We can pinpoint the tropes used to convey romantic feelings. We know conflict is how stories are told. We know when interferences are meant to separate them. We know when obstacles are overcome, they're stronger for it. We know that's why the hurdles exist. We know those impediments often take the shape of interim, third-party love interests. We know what love triangles are. We know pining and longing.

Jason wasn't revolutionary in his structure of Bellarke. He wasn't sly. Jason modeled them no differently than most other shows do with their main romances. Subtler and slower, sure. Sometimes not subtle at all. There's no subtlety in having Clarke viscerally react to multiple shots of Bellamy with his girlfriend. No subtlety in him prioritizing her life over the others in Sanctum's clutches. In her prioritizing his life above all the other lives she was sure would perish if he opened the bunker door. There is no subtlety in Bellamy poisoning his sister to stave off Clarke's impending execution. In her relinquishing 50 Arkadian lives for him after it killed her to choose only 100 to preserve. In her sending the daughter Clarke was hellbent to protect, into the trenches to save him. In him marching across enemy lines to rescue her. In her surrender to her kidnapper to march to potential death, to prevent Bellamy's immediate one. No subtlety in Josie's callouts. No subtlety in Lxa's successful use of his name to convince Clarke to let a bomb drop on an unsuspecting village. Bet every dollar you have that the list goes on and on.

There are a lot of layers to what this show was. It was a tragedy, with hope for light at the end of the tunnel. It was, first and foremost, a post-apocalyptic sci-fi survival drama. Within this overarch is the story of how the union of Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake saves humanity, ushering in an age of peace. In this regard, their relationship transcended romance. But with the two of them growing exponentially more intimate each season, pulled apart by obstacles only to draw closer once again, theirs was a love story. A romantic opus, the crescendo timed in such a way that the resolution of this storyline -the moment they get together- would align with the resolution of the main plot. Tying Bellarke to the completion of this tale made them more meaningful than any other relationship on this show, not less.

Whereas the trend with every other pair was to chronicle whether they survived this hostile world intact or succumbed to it, Bellarke was a slowburn. A unique appellation for the couples on this show, but not disqualifying them from romantic acknowledgment.

Framing Bellarke in this manner was 100% Jason's choice. If he wanted the audience to treat them as platonic, he should have made it clear within the narrative itself, not through vague, word-of-god dispatches. A mishandled 180-degree swerve at the clutch as a consequence of extra-textual factors doesn't negate the 84% of the story prior. It's just bad writing to not follow through. And Jason's poor, nearsighted decisions ruined a hell of a lot more than a Bellarke endgame.

The problem is, when Bellarke is legitimized, the pineapples are yanked out of their fantasies where they get to pretend the quoted exaggerations above are real. Here I'm embellishing, but some of them have deeply ingrained their identities in CL to the degree where hyperbole is rechristened to incontestable facts. An endorsement for Bellarke is an obtrusive reminder of the not all-encompassing reception of their ship. A lack of positive sentiment is an attack on their OTP, elevated to an attack on their identity. Before long, it ascends to an alleged offense to their right to exist. The perpetrators of this evil against humanity are the enemy, and they must attack in kind, in defense of themselves.

Truthfully, I think it's sad, the connotation of human happiness wholly dependent on the outcome of a fictional liaison already terminated years ago. I'm not unaware of the marginalization of minorities, of the LGBT+ community, in media. I haven't buried my head in the sand to pretend there aren't horrible crimes committed against them. I don't pretend prejudice isn't rampant. When defense and education devolve into hatred and libel for asinine reasons, though, the line has been crossed. You don't get a free pass to hurt someone with your words over a damn ship war. No matter how hard you try to dress it up as righteous social justice, I assure you, you're woefully transparent.

[old-hyper-super-clover]

I am thou, thou art I - Levi pact story

A oneshot about how making a pact with Levi could look like with a little more emotion, drama and depth than in the game.

With gender neutral MC!

Enjoy :>

Envy. It's ugly, painful, disgusting. The cause of many conflicts, with others, and within oneself. And there's one, the avatar of Envy, who knows every little shred of feeling behind this emotion. Leviathan, thrid-born demon of the rulers of the underworld. A shut-in, an otaku, barely interested in the real world but rather indulged in fictional ones. Why, you might ask? Well, when the human exchange student came to the Devildom, Levi was about to experience once again as to why he fled into his fictional worlds. The first weeks after the human's arrival, he did not notice the change they would bring to all of them. He didn't notice much about the exchange student at all, to be frank. MC seemed like a boring human being, no sorcerer, nothing special about them. A Normie. So Leviathan never bothered to interact with them more than necessary. He had way more important things to do in his room, gaming or binging his shows. However, as they lived in the same house, they were bound to interact sooner or later. Thus, over time, Levi found out that MC knew a thing or two about his interests. Their knowledge was miserable in comparison to his, of course, but a few times, it actually seemed like they were listening when Levi was talking. They replied to his texts in the group chats when his brothers kept ignoring him. They thanked him for making dinner when it was his turn to cook. They seemed to not mind... him. Of course, that was probably nothing more than human courtesy. There was no way they were liking him. HIM, out of all. And Leviathan didn't care. He had no interest in real life friends. He didn't need them. So he let MC be, let them hang out with his brothers. He watched as MC grew closer and closer to the second-born, Mammon, until one day, they had formed a pact with him. So MC really had to be a dumb Normie, Levi thought, as no one would be stupid enough to make a pact with that money-grubbing scumbag. Levi could only give a huff when Mammon kept bragging about it, over and over. He could only huff when, a few weeks later, he heard that Beel made a pact with them, too. "Because I want to protect MC" Beel had said. "They feel important to me." How stupid. They were stupid. All of them. What were they making pacts for? MC was a weak human, a Normie with no special talents that could impress powerful demons like the brothers. Certainly, Levi wasn't interested in any of this. What a pain it must be, he laughed, to forge a bond with someone. Because that meant duties, like you have in friendships. You have to hang out, care for the other, waste your precious time for a being other than yourself. Stupid, Levi huffed. And watched as MC kept living through adventures with Mammon, how they laughed and kept going out with Beel. And somehow, he couldn't take his eyes off their stupidity.

---------

More time passed, and MC had grown accustomed to the Devildom. They have made friends in school, also with Asmo, Belphie and even Satan now, too. Lucifer seemed happy with their achievements. Levi's brothers kept being around MC all the time. Mammon kept dragging them into his bullshit, Beel got them to do workouts with him, Satan lend them his favourite books, and one night, Levi had heard MC and Asmo coming home from a party, all tipsy and giggly. Levi's stomach had turned hearing them. How much fun they were having. With a stupid Normie, a human. He imagined their happy faces, their joy, And his own face curled in a disgusted frown. Friends, huh? No, he didn't need anything like that. He had his games, his anime, after all... ... Right?

----------

Over the weeks, his contact with MC would naturally increase. Mammon forced Levi to play games all together, Lucifer assigned them to do kitchen duty together. Levi disliked being outside his room or with other people, but MC was good at asking just the right questions, at talking about topics that Leviathan would give an answer too. One time, Levi made them laugh. He dropped a comment that wasn't supposed to be that funny, but it resulted in MC chuckling for quite a while. And Levi was in shock. They had such a pretty smile. For a moment, the two of them had locked eyes, and theirs were filled with sparkly joy, as they looked at him. His lips couldn't do anything but curl upwards. He wouldn't get this sight out of his head for a long time.

Events like this kept repeating themselves. Even though he wanted to be alone, the human kept being in his life, a little here, a little there... ... And kept making him smile. So, dizzy on this weird, fuzzy feeling, Leviathan started being funny on purpose. To see more of their smiling face. It worked, and he felt like watching his favourite anime show over and over again. He felt happy.

---------

But as mentioned before, envy is a disgusting emotion. It's a sly, dirty feeling, that can creep up inside you without yourself noticing it. An emotion that would keep haunting the third-born forever. At first, Levi wouldn't understand what was causing him to be in distress. He kept noticing MC's smile, but it was directed towards his brothers. They were having fun, but while going out with his brothers. They lived, but without him. And he should have been fine with that. He was a busy demon, had his duties within his games and blogs. A mere Normie shouldn't ever change anything in the lifestyle he was perfectly fine with. But it just wouldn't leave his consciousness. How Mammon was so obviously falling in love with MC, how Asmo made a pact with them, too. How everyone seemed to experience changes, to the better, with MC around. They were all so happy, such good friends... While Levi was sat in his room, alone. I am a shut-in, he thought. I want to be that way. I'm too good of an otaku to waste my time with a human, he told himself. Then, an ache pierced through his chest. "... And they wouldn't like someone like me, anyways..."

From that point on, Leviathan wouldn't return their smile anymore. Whenever he saw MC smiling because of him, he would ensure himself that, in fact, they weren't smiling because of him at all. They were probably amused by something his brothers had done. There was no way someone like him could make another person happy like this. It wasn't that special to see them smile anyway. Because they did that around his brothers, too. A lot, even. Probably more than around Levi. Who would laugh about a disgusting shut-in's joke in the first place? No-one, not if they had six other brothers to choose from. They are probably laughing ABOUT you, a thought once crossed his mind. And so, he distanced himself more and more.

---------

At some point, Levi had stopped coming out of his room almost completely. He enjoyed his games and manga, was so productive in his hobbies! But he didn't quite feel the same joy as a few months ago... ... Before MC had come to the Devildom. Sitting at his desk, re-playing one of his favourite games, Levi gave a bothered huff. Stupid MC, he thought. It's all because of them. Because they came here, invaded his perfect life like this. Because their joy was so captivating. Because they liked his brothers more. Because they kept changing them, kept making them happy, but Levi was all on his own. It was so unfair. But then again, it really was his fault, wasn't it? Because he was miserable trash. Levi's lip began to shake. Yeah, he was miserable, the thought. In comparison to his brothers, he was nothing. Just a creepy shut-in, nothing more. He wasn't as funny as Mammon, as smart as Satan, as handsome as Asmo, as strong as Beel, as laid-back as Belphie, not even a shred as perfect as Lucifer. They were all so likeable, but him...? He had nothing to offer. "It's... It's fine...", Levi mumbled to himself. "Who needs friends either way? I don't... I have Henry... And my games... That is all... I need..." He pressed a button to continue his game. He had stopped in the middle of a conversation between the protagonist, Joker, and his best friend, Ryuji. So Ryuji spoke:

"Hey, this ain't like me, but... I managed to change 'cause you were here, helpin' me."

Levi's eyes widened. Change...? Help...?

"I got you all wrapped up in this shit, but you stayed with me 'till the bitter end."

Here... Here, as well? Two people, not even real, but still they get to share such a bond together?

“... You didn't abandon me."

Levi felt his eyes watering up. Their friendship... It...

"So... Thanks man."

It was so unfair. Levi's face frowned and wrinkled in burning frustration. A growl escaping his lips, he smashed his controller on his desk, pushing himself away from it to stand up. However once on his feet, he was tumbling, holding his head while his body was shaking. It hurt. It burned. He hated all those happy faces. Hated how good everyone else had it, with their bonds, their affection... And he was all alone. Gasping in-between his pained sobs, Leviathan couldn't stop himself from what he called an "envy-attack", so he had to endure how his own brain flooded him with all the times he had been envious of MC being with his brothers, every single moment where he had felt left out, or not good enough. And in addition, his toxic mind kept making him at fault. Near to hyperventilation, Levi sunk down on his knees, desperately trying to get a hold of himself again. But it hurt too much. He was so jealous, so lonely, so miserable. "It's not fair..." He mumbled, embracing his legs with his shaking arms. "Not fair, not fair, not fair..." His sobs slowly changing from pained to sad, his head sunk to rest on his knees. "I don't need friends... I don't... Need them... I..."

Envy is an ugly, painful, disgusting feeling. It devours you from inside, and once you are too focused on what others have, you lose sight of what you have yourself. ... But that's what friends are for. And it was about time that someone showed Leviathan what he could be proud of. The demon didn't register the knock on his door, being to immersed in his feelings. "... Levi?" Only MC's voice was able to make him raise his head. However they flinched slightly, seeing the state that Leviathan was in. "Are you okay?" MC asked. Multiple thoughts rushed through Levi's head, all at once. Could this be his salvation? MC! He was so glad to see their face! But they must be grossed out by him... Maybe they came to laugh at him. He shouldn't be happy. He shouldn't get close to them. They would hurt him anyway. "... What do you want?" Levi asked. MC gestured at the full plate in their hand. "You missed dinner today again, so I thought I'd bring it to you." Levi's expression flinched in confusion. "... Why are you being nice to me?" He asked instead of reaching for the plate. "Should I not be?" The demon bit his lip. "... There is no point in being friendly to me. So go be with my brothers or something..." Irritated, MC tilted their head before crouching down in front of Levi. Putting down the food next to him, they kept mustering the demon. "Well..." MC mumbled. "We were going to watch some movies now, would you like to join u-" "Why would I want to watch you have fun with my brothers!?" Levi interrupted them. "Also, it's not like anyone would want me to be there anyway, so you don't need to ask me to hang out out of pity..." "L... Levi, that is not true-" "OF COURSE IT IS TRUE!" Levi cried out. "Who would wand a gross, lousy failure like me around them?! I'm just a worthless otaku with no friends that isn't good at ANYTHING, so quit trying to cheer me up, I know you're only saying this because you feel sorry for my miserable self..." But MC wouldn't leave his side. "Levi, I'm not lying. We're all worried about you." For a second, Levi met their gaze, however he would only shake his head. "No... So I am THAT pathetic, huh? All of you are talking behind my back, about what a hopeless piece of trash I am..." "No, Levi, it's-" "STOP TRYING TO TELL ME I'M NOT WORTHLESS" Levi shouted, his eyes bearing so much pain. "I'm not good enough for anything, not compared to all you others... So leave me alone, and go have fun, go smile your pretty smile to all those other people, I don't care!! I'm used to being alone, I don't need my brothers, or you, or friends or anything pathetic as that...!!" His eyes filled with tears again. "I-I've seen you have fun with them, so don't waste your time with me... You are a nice person, so I'm glad to see you... Get along... With... Everyone..." His face wrinkled as if biting into something bitter, pressing out those words. "So just ignore me... I don't need you... I... I don't need anyone. Don't need to laugh with others and go outside and live through adventures or talk to people or anything... pathetic as that... I don't need... A friend..." "But I want to be with you." Levi stopped his miserable ramble. He looked up, into their eyes. "I would like to be friends with you, Levi" MC said, looking back in determination. Levi seemed dazzled. "N... No..." He mumbled. "You're lying. You must be... There's no way that-" "I am not lying." Levi flinched. "B-but... I told you, I'm pathetic, gross, a LOSER! You'd be better off avoiding me, hating me! There's nothing likeable about me..." He would stop ranting, spitting out insults and words dripping with self-loathing. MC took a look around his room, thinking about a way to stop him... Their gaze stopped at his monitors. "Hey, this is Persona 5, right? I know that game" They said. And then, they gave a contemplative nod. "And I think this game is the best example of what you need right now." "... Huh?" MC turned to lock eyes with the demon. "A confidant." Levi seemed troubled. "... A confidant is nothing other than a friend, and I told you, I don't need th-" "The confidants in the game used to have a deal, right?" MC gave a smile. "They give each other something in return. And I think what you need is someone to show you positive sides of friendship... And of yourself." Levi's eyes widened. "I'm... I'm not great in any way-" "I personally don't know you enough to say, yet" MC continued. "But I'd like to know you better. So, if you let me be closer to you, without trying to push me away... I will try and give you self-confidence in return." A blush painted Levi's cheeks, but he remained unsure. "... That is a stupid deal. You're not gaining anything out of being closer to me." MC gave a contemplative sigh. "Then, how about you lend me your powers?" "... You want to form a pact with me?" They gave a nod. "Would that make you feel less... Left out?" The demon averted his eyes, but slowly gave a nod. "Maybe... B-but what if you'll regret it? I'm really not worthy of your time..." "Levi" MC called out. "Let me be the judge of that. We won't be immediate best friends... But we'll start at confidant rank one, and work our way towards becoming friends... Okay?" Standing up, they reached out a hand. And with glistening eyes, Levi took hold of them. "... I will probably be a nuisance, but if that's what you want, then... Yes. We have a deal." Hesitating, Levi had yet to speak the words to seal the pact, but, gathering all the courage MC had given him now, his lips curled in his excited little smile. "Let's... Let's do the pact the Persona way... To really be confidants." Clearing his throat, he began channeling the magic to form a pact with the human. And he spoke:

"I am thou, thou art I.

Though hast acquired a new vow.

It shall become the wings of rebellion

That breaketh thy chains of captivity.

With the birth of the Envy Persona,

I have obtained the winds of blessing that

shall lead to freedom and new power."

While Leviathan cited the game's words, MC felt an incredible power rushing through them. For a moment, their heart was filled with endless passion and creativity, flooding her soul in strong waves. But they could also feel a deep hole of fear and self-loathing piercing through their heart. When Levi had finished, they stared into each other's eyes. To MC's surprise, Levi's were filled with tears. And he smiled. "... Thank you, MC... For giving me a chance."

[traincat]

I really enjoy your Spideytorch fic recs, so if you can, could you please recommend any for the trope where Johnny is friends with Peter, but doesn't know he's Spiderman and falls in love with one identity over the other. So then Peter is in a dilemma of whether or not he should say anything about his identity to Johnny.

I have some recs! These should all more or less fit your request -- they’re all Spideytorch dealing, in one way or another, with Peter’s hidden identity, although there’s some variety -- the Star Wars AU, for example, has him pretending to be Bobby Drake, and Built To Fall Apart (And Fall Back Together) has multiple Peters and Johnnys, where one of the Peters doesn’t even know himself that he’s Spider-Man. They’re all really excellent fics that I highly recommend! 

Built To Fall Apart (and Back Together) by oneshinyapple, rated explicit, WIP

The day after Johnny kissed him on top of the Statue of Liberty, Spider-Man disappeared. One year later, multimillionaire-in-the-making Peter Parker launches a company with his best friend, Harry Osborn. The last thing he needs is a complication like Johnny. But what was meant to be a one-night stand quickly spirals into something else, and everything is further turned upside-down when mysterious portals to another universe appear and they learn that there are two constants in the life of Johnny Storm: Peter Parker, and being left behind.

I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies by oneshinyapple, rated M

Peter Parker, who, despite his stupid serious face, had a pretty girl on his arm all the time. Peter Parker, hotshot photographer with his own published book of photos. Peter Parker, with the brain that had impressed even Reed.

Johnny was in that Peter Parker’s body and all he could think about was how massively unfair it was. How unfair that Johnny had to live in a universe where Peter Parker was already all that and it wasn’t even enough. Oh, no.

Peter Parker’s goddamn abs just had to be so much better than Johnny’s.

Can You Tell by oneshinyapple, rated M

The first time he meets Peter Parker, Johnny Storm almost kills him. It’s not the best way to start a relationship, but then Johnny has never been one to back down from a challenge. Maybe his best friend Spider-Man can help.

you light my morning sky by gleesquid, rated T, 60s AU

“I dunno, maybe the huge flaming words in the sky that said, ‘MEET ME AT THE USUAL PLACE. IT’S URGENT.’ In my ever so humble opinion, ‘urgent’ usually means fire, or ‘all my super powered teammates have been kidnapped,’ or ‘the stock market’s about to crash so you better buy bread now.’ Not ‘I ran outta hairspray.’”

Johnny touched a hand to his hair – which, admittedly, felt a bit stiff. “You think I used too much?”

“I’m a real fan of Elvis, honest.” Spidey ruffled Johnny’s hair. Johnny could feel his flame curling in his stomach, his toes, and every inch that Spidey’s gloved hand touched. “But you might not wanna take styling tips from him.”

Better In Picture by weekend-conspiracy-theorist, rated T

In which Peter Parker has no interest in sleeping with Matt Murdock, no matter what anyone seems to think.

Tied to the Wait and Sees by Mizzy, rated M

Johnny Storm's in love. With Spider-man. Except no one seems to even believe Johnny when he tells them. Everyone thinks he's totally joking. What a buzzkill. Even his bff doesn't react supportively, which is rude, disrespectful, and completely awkward when Johnny walks into a time anomaly and wakes up in the future married not to his beloved Spider-man, but to Peter Parker.

Huh, no wonder Parker reacted so badly to the news.

The World, reversed by Euphorion, rated T

Julia leaned forward and plucked the card she’d given him from his hand like she was cheating at Go Fish, holding it up so he could see the figure. “The Fool,” she said. “They’re like—the protagonist of the Tarot, or, conversely, maybe its subject. All the other cards—the minor and major arcana—are ways they feel about things, or things that happen to them, or people who they meets along the way who change them.” Her finger tapped the card, indicating the figure’s raised, bell-adorned foot, and the cliff beyond. “The Fool is the beginning of the personal journey. See? One more step takes them over the edge.”

“Huh,” said Peter. “Good thing Johnny can fly.”

Til Planet-Rise by Euphorion, rated T, Star Wars AU

“We’re not the only ones looking to get our hands on this weapon,” Fel'icia said. “There’s a terrorist group out of Denusia who got the jump on us and already contacted one of the scientists involved, a Dr. Reed Richards. Richards got cold feet about the whole ‘create a super weapon for a would-be tyrant’ thing, and he’s hatched a plot to steal the prototype when it’s unveiled at the gala. Richards will be attending with his partner and presumably co-conspirator, Senator Susan Storm of Alderaan. While at the Gala, Richards will hand off the prototype to the person attending the party with the Senator’s younger brother, Jonathan. The Denusian terrorists plan for that person to be one of their number, a smuggler named Robert Drake.”

Fel'icia arched an eyebrow. “We plan for that person to be you.”

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

Another novel commentary

Not an actual commentary - just a couple reactions I wanted to share, mostly because not many people care. Still, I think there are probably a lot of people who watched Another because it was such a classic and didn’t even know there was a novel. Hell, I’d been fed the lie that it was an anime original and that the manga was an adaptation of the anime for years... for some reason.

I haven’t read the third novel, Another S/O (Où est le mort ? / Where is the dead? in french) yet so this is only about the main story: Volume 1 “Celle qui n’existait pas / She who didn’t exist” and Volume 2 “La fille à l’œil de poupée / The girl with the doll eye” in french. I like to cite the french titles because I think they are pretty cool, and I believe they did not exist in the original and english versions.

I will not be including spoilers of specific deaths and events but I will speaking as if the person reading this already knew Another.

Let me start by saying that reading Sei Hatsuno’s commentary at the end was quite the wholesome experience. They seemed to truly admire the author of the novel I’d just read. I liked that.

So... if it wasn’t already clear, I seriously enjoyed it. As someone who’s been kept from reading by mental illness despite it having been my passion for years, being able to read and enjoy Another put me in a good mood. (Basically, I live in fear of what’s coming now that I’m done. Damn...)

I was able to appreciate how good of an adaptation the anime actually was. I mean, more often than not, the anime isn’t so great and “you should really read the manga/novel/whichever came first”, right? Honestly, I don’t feel like all these years of loving Another from the anime were a lie. Though it was short, it was simply enough a good adaptation. A few elements were changed here and there, yes - but I believe it stayed true to the essence of the story, and those differences are what make me want to say you should read the novel AND watch the anime. Yes! Both are actually very good. It makes perfect sense when that one character dies earlier in the novel, but the scene of their death in the anime was actually a pretty good one that efficiently showed how students from Class 3-3 felt at the time.

And yes, the rumours are true... Akazawa - best girl Akazawa... barely exists in the novel. And it’s true, it’s sad. She was seriously interesting in the anime, and despite not having watched it in years, I have a strong memory of her. Still, it’s clearly not a flaw from the novel - it’s a quality from the adaptation(s). What little we see of her in the novel serves to show, discreetely but efficiently, Sakakibara’s negative feelings towards kids his age. He regularly mentions “not liking girls like her”, but the truth is, he doesn’t like the popular guys either. There needed to be characters like Akazawa and her friends because Teshigawara was an exception, meaning that he didn’t represent properly his distate for “cooler” kids. At the end of the day - and I say that with nothing but love in my heart - Sakakibara is just a nerd who coincidentially got bullied in his previous school. He tries to be cool about it, but deep down, he knows.

It’s true that I loved him, though. I didn’t have strong memories of him from the anime (which, again, I rewatched multiple times, but not in a good few years) but I remember liking him already. He was a pretty compelling character, and I liked reading through his well-hidden insecurities while still having him try his best rather than falling into whatever stereotype he could. I’m not that person who likes to ship the obvious straight ship, especially not when the characters are teenagers, but his crush (that he won’t fully admit to having, but once again, deep down, he knows) on Misaki was cute and worked.

Misaki is not like other girls. She has an eyepatch, she’s grieving AND she’s an introvert. I like to joke about it but that, too, works. That weird kid in class who’s silent and has multiple traumas exists in real life, and it didn’t feel exaggerated when it came to Misaki, to me at least. In my opinion a small flaw of the anime is that it made her look too stand-offish and ghostly, whereas the novel (the french edition of which doesn’t have illustrations) would have you think she looks pretty normal, and the eyepatch is what’s weird. She’s pale but “I have pretty skin and I’m japanese” pale, not “my skin colour is #FFFFFF” anime pale. Either way, since he’s a NEEEERD, of course Sakakibara would get kind of a 👉👈 crush on the introverted girl who doesn’t get along with the mean girls he worries about.

So yes, it’s all solid in my opinion. So are the story and its twists. Knowing them ahead of time was an experience to say the least... I wonder how I would have felt about the few clues that were scattered ahead of time if I didn’t already know what they meant. I think those were pretty clever, though.

By the almost-end-of-it, I became worried that the ending would be unsatisfactory, that there would be too many unfair deaths, but it didn’t feel like that in the end. Sure, one death I’m pretty frustrated about... But I think I always was, even when it was different in the anime. (Why am I going through the effort of making this spoilers free?) It was violent for sure, because it’s Another, duh, but it felt right enough, and I’m not worried about leaving Sakakibara and my other faves in this state of things.

Speaking of faves - from memory, in the anime, I loved Teshigawara and Akazawa. Of course Akazawa is out the window (laughs) (actually doesn’t laugh), and I still liked Teshigawara. Well, uh... There’s that one thing he did I still need to wrap my head around, but I think we can heal from that, apparently we can. Still, I was glad that he was still actually a cool character. Another character I don’t remember having strong feelings towards in the anime, but I actually liked a lot in the novel, was Mochizuki. Baby boy. Baby. Silly baby boy. Baby.

Uhm... Well, the only thing I actually missed was that one beach episode from the anime. It doesn’t exist in the novel, but I guess it goes hand in hand with Akazawa not being an important character. So though I loved the novel, the anime has that going for it for sure.

Yeah, both are great. The anime is an amazing memory from my childhood (yes, my childhood). It was my first anime ever and though it’s been a while now, I rewatched it many times. I’m sure it’s not the best anime ever or whatever... But I now know that it’s a great adaptation, and I cherish it either way. As for the novel, I seriously had a good time reading it. The protagonist is good. The other important characters are good as well. Reiko felt a little more special in the anime in my opinion... But Sakakibara’s point of view of her was valuable in the novel. The story is told well. I definitely recommend reading it.

Like I mentioned in some of my first posts, there are points in the first volume where I could tell the writing was adapted to teenagers. But first of all, if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re a teenager anyway, isn’t there? Huh-uh. Well, I’m not anymore somehow, and I got used to it, especially as there was less and less small talk and the story was in motion. Those weird impressions I had that the french translators had struggled a little bit with translating some japanese speech-mannerisms had long left me by the second volume. And I think it’s interesting how Sei Hatsuno’s commentary mentions (yes, I’m coming back to that!) it being both a thriller and a teen story. You can’t really help it when the main characters are middle-schoolers, can you? But there’s a reason Another is such a classic even in spite of that.

I’m glad this story exists and is part of my life. It’ll always stay a classic to me, both anime and novel.

[quartings]

What propaganda means to weird kids:

I've been meaning to post this for a while, but after a recent spat I had on my main blog I think now's the right time to make it.

I can't speak for everyone about the effects of propaganda, but here's my perspective on some of the most egregious examples I've heard in recent times.

So firstly- I hear a lot of complaints that MCU stuff is military propaganda. Which is true. Does it work? Certainly not to me. While many people have pointed out that the writers counteract this by having Captain America go against the government in all his films, I also agree with the point that their inability to portray the US Government as a full villain cost them a lot of Winter Soldier's plot. Going from "Cap has an interesting debate about freedom vs security with the government he works for" to "Oh, everyone who disagreed with Cap turned out to be a Neo-Nazi so he's right by default." is why that movie is one of my less favorites of the MCU.

Since I don't really watch American TV these days I never saw any of those cringey "The Air Force are the true heroes, like Captain Marvel!" ads, which yeah, are a bit ouch. Nevertheless, I don't really see the appeal Marvel is meant to create with its military propaganda if all the things that are the "coolest" about the US Army in the MCU don't actually exist? Per se, if I join the army, do I get a Stark tech Falcon suit? Do I get supercharged with Tesseract energy? No? Then what reason do I have to join? Because without that, all there is is sitting in the hot desert with a dusty rifle being bored and murdered, and there's nothing fun about that. And honestly, compare the MCU films to the hyper-macho military tech festival that are Michael Bay movies and you can see the difference between using a military setting as a backdrop vs glorifying every single thing the army does.

I think the only marvel series that's kind of guilty of true negative propaganda have been the Iron Man movies. The first one came out during 2008 and was itching to show the Middle East being blown up, and showing as many minorities as possible being a part of the ten rings. And since Iron Man main villains have always been uncomfy xenophobic caricatures because of the whole "arms race" theme, that's what they sadly followed for all the other Iron Man films. Just a ton of "That guy has tan skin and a funny accent, even if he's white so he has to be bad" exists in those films so it's kind of a shame.

On a more lighthearted note, similar points have been raised about how the Contests and Performances in Pokemon are propaganda for toxic idol culture. And just like before, if you're actually a Pokemon fan, why would you join an industry that doesn't let you hang out with real life Pokemon like the "propaganda" said you would? The Contest and Performance industry in the anime has been shown to be unfair, stressful, and physically intensive anyways. It seems to me that the only people these kinds of propaganda would affect are fake fans who would fall for other stuff anyways.

Personally, I think the worst propaganda isn't something occupational-based or political, because those things don't come up toooo often in kids shows. One of the worse subliminal influences I see consistently in shows for all ages is "Main Character Privilege". Where the protagonist is uncool and gets bullied, so the bullies are the bad guys, BUT- the protagonist also has "even more uncool" friends and side characters and bullying them is totally fine because they deserve it. It happens in stuff like Fairly OddParents, nearly every Disney sitcom, and TONS of anime series (that people ignore because the twink protagonist is hot so it's only unfair that he gets bullied and not everyone else) It creates the mindset in the audience that if they are bullied, they can only be the victim and the "good guy", and that anything bad they do to other people doesn't count.

Do you think I'm right or wrong? Let me know!

someday I wanna use passive-aggressive tumblr talk like "sorry I don't make the rules" or "If you disagree I will happily block you" or something just as a joke to disappoint people because I think I speak pretty normally on here for the most part

[sepublic]

I managed to watch Infinity Train Book 2 finale!

I mean, everyone else has already said it, but... goodness what a phenomenal finale. What an amazing season, absolutely superb in EVERY respect! After Book 1 introduced a setting, Book 2 went out of its way to further expand on it! It... it’s like after Book 1, Owen and his team got the hang of what they wanted to do with the show even more and we got Cracked Reflection as a result!

Lake! Lake is free! She can see her reflection now! SHE GETS TO BE WITH JESSE AND EVEN MEETS NATE!!! Her emotional breakdown and anguished declaration of personhood at the end of the Tape Car lowkey gave me chills... That was powerful, watching her just break down in frustration at the pure, inherent unfairness of it all and even destroying robot workers minding their own business in her pain.

Really, that whole sequence in the Tape Car was nightmarish. Its name REALLY doesn’t quite cover what it’s like, and I felt like I was watching the Matrix with that scene of all of the pods lined up on a wall, robot tentacle-arms, people asleep and floating in murky liquid...

Also, that scene felt like all of the passengers were inside an even bigger, larger nervous system of sorts. And with how weirdly-organic it was for such an otherwise mechanical, sterile environment, I half-expected to see some horrific organic thing at the end of all of it, acting as the brain and nervous system for the Tape Car and potentially the entire Infinity Train! Goodness this train is so eldritch.

Seeing more of how the process works was also neat, as well as new robot workers! I kind of already expected the “Didn’t care about Lake and Dracula” bit but it was still neat, and on an unrelated note, we see what the point of the squiggly red-line vocoder is for on the pods; It’s apparently where the audio of One-One’s video comes from!

(Side-note, but that kid being messed up from accidentally killing a pet... That kind of hit close to home and honestly I felt that.)

And seeing the Steward again... FINALLY! Someone else suggested that the Steward is created to defend the Infinity Train’s mechanisms if they’re attacked, and this episode seemingly confirms it; It also makes the Steward’s preprogrammed command for passengers to ‘return to their seat’ also make more sense when you realize that the voiceline is probably meant for situations where passengers are in areas they really shouldn’t be (especially parts of the Infinity Train’s anatomy).

Everyone called it, but we FINALLY get to see One-One inside the Steward, piloting it as intended! And also, I’m glad to see I was correct in One-One now acting as a Lawful Neutral character due to his power and authority putting him at odds with people who are struggling with the Infinity Train’s system. Seeing him again is so weirdly nostalgic, and I love how we get to see the darker side of him as he struggles with what to do with Lake. Him popping out of the Steward to roll around in stress is amazing, too.

I love the idea of the Infinity Train struggling to quantify an ‘issue’ it can’t deal with by producing non-integers (many of which have no actual mathematical meaning, like ;P). It’s interesting that One-One talks about solutions to people’s problems, and how said problems are shown through numbers. And the solution to the problem is zero... It’s all like a complex mathematical pun and it’s incredibly clever. Also, him explaining that the train ‘fixes’ passengers... It makes me wonder if the Infinity Train is meant to be, like. A maintenance robot for humanity as a whole? A powerful machine built to ‘fix’ people’s malfunctions, a very specific kind of malfunction, an emotional one. This perspective and the Infinity Train’s mathematical, computer-like approach to everything (down to Lake fooling it as if by hacking) makes its nature and unknown origin all the more fascinating. 

Sieve isn’t happy... Big surprise there, but I didn’t expect him to get through the situation by suggesting a ‘solution’ to One-One’s problem that the latter darkly considers. He was always the more clever of the duo and good at dealing with/convincing people, and it shows. Not gonna lie, seeing him die by getting zapped by Dracula’s lasers and exploding from it in gorey fashion was... I should be more shocked, but after the Wasteland I’m not. God I love this show.

(Also, Sieve should show a little more respect to the Conductor and not PUT HIS FOOT ON HIM- He’s lucky One-One didn’t sic the Steward on him!)

Jesse having a second tape showing his experiences with Lake, all as memories building up to his newest problem, no Lake, was also great and I love how the show elaborates that tapes are specifically imbued with the memories related to and leading up to the issue that causes a passenger to board the train. Also, when he and Nate were talking about freeing Lake, I half-expected that joke theory about Jesse yeeting Nate down the stairs to get in trouble again was, like, going to happen, with Nate even voluntarily helping for it. But luckily the Infinity Train recognizes Jesse’s emotional distress of not having Lake as enough of a problem itself, and Nate doesn’t get any more broken bones.

(And can we appreciate how the FIRST thing Jesse fixates on after waking up is Lake? I LOVE THESE TWO)

I love in particular how Lake figures out how to cheat the system by reflecting Jesse’s number on her... And upon realizing this solution as well, Jesse’s number immediately goes to zero because he realizes it’s practically been solved! This kind of clever thinking and exploitation of the rules of a setting and using it to one’s advantage is one of my FAVORITE things to see in media, ever. It’s way more fun and clever than just a generic ‘Hero gets an emotional power boost’ that most stories have, and it’s part of what makes shows like Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure so endearing to me! Glad to see Infinity Train joining the list of shows that use galaxy-brain thinking to save the day!

I was really worried for a second that Sieve would stop Lake as she and Jesse escaped, and for a moment they seemed safe... But SOMEHOW he got a hold of Lake’s foot, genuinely surprising me after I sighed in relief when she arrived in the ‘regular’(?) world. At that point I was wondering what Alan Dracula was even doing, when LO AND BEHOLD Lake uses grass to beckon him!

Really, I love how in these last two episodes, Lake has figured out how Dracula operates and has grass and solutions stored accordingly. It just goes to show how well she (they? him? Lots of trans/NB coding with Lake) knows him. Also, I was lowkey anticipating some dramatic reveal about Alan Dracula, what with the foreboding foreshadowing in the minisodes and One-One’s confusion... But no, hilariously, he’s just like that. And that’s amazing, alongside the fact that One-One just treats him as... A particularly unusual creation of his, even by the train’s standards. (I should rewatch Dracula’s minisode cameos under the context of One-One having made him). Also, apparently One-One DOES design train inhabitants? Or is Dracula just the one? How many does he design? All of them? SO MANY QUESTIONS-

Finally, we get our happy ending, and Lake FINALLY gets her true name, which I’ve been looking forward to all season! Wonderful, phenomenal, amazing, brilliant season and amazing ending! Now I already miss Jesse, Lake, and Alan Dracula. I was a bit disappointed we didn’t get to check up on Tulip or Atticus, but perhaps that’s for another season.

This DOES make me wonder what Book 3 could be about, because there’s so much potential! We still have that blue-haired girl that was shown at a panel, whom an animator was excited to show off... Considering her distinctive trait I think she may be the next protagonist. Others have also suggested the old man that Lake scared off, and that’d be neat as well (Why not both? Perhaps we could have two passengers in a season, or one after the other!). There’s also the issue of the Apex, which as I expected, would be brought up in Book 2 to probably be resolved in Book 3. It’s like how Lake and her storyline were introduced in Book 1, and seemingly ended, only to be revealed that Mace and Sieve are still after her, and THAT storyline is truly resolved in Book 2.

I’m just excited, man. Between The Owl House’s premiere and the Book 2 finale, I’m just blown-out and exhausted. It’s been a wonderful train ride and I can’t wait for the next stop!

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Final Review

So, uh, this is six months late. I’ve had half of this post in my drafts forever. To make it short, as I’ve mentioned previously, mom lost her job, which has not only been a heavy hit to my sense of stability for the last six months, but also means my time to watch anime was seriously reduced and even now a slight change of plans fucks up my whole schedule and sets me back for a full week. Anyway, nobody cares about any of these shows anymore so let’s get straight to it? I’m gonna ommit the two-cours that continued into the Summer - hopefully I’ll be able to make that post soonish? idk. Worst to best, same as usual

The crappy gender politics pit of shame

Darling in the FRANXX: I think everyone has ripped this show to threads at this point and there isn’t much I could add to that. It is quite funny to me to see how many people flipped out when the show went completely bananas in its last few episodes. Feels a bit like KADO, I’ve been telling y’all this was a ton of empty crap since episode 2, it just took the writing to completely self-destruct for everyone else to notice. A part of me feels tempted to do a long post breaking down just how badly the show collapsed in its final shebang, specifically how every single twist and turn completely nulled any remote kind of message or central thesis the show may have had, but at the same time it doesn’t seem worth the time. In the end, I may have given What is Internal Consistency, The anime way too much credit. It’s not hateful antigay propaganda, it’s just dumb as shits, with a writer and creators who didn’t think for half a second of the implications of what they were doing, and who were so incompetent they couldn’t even conserve the minimal plot and character coherency within a single episode, let alone 24. In other words, Darling isn’t saying “gays shouldn’t exist” but “I have no idea of anything regarding gay people”. What makes it egregious is that the show spent so much time acting like it was “meaningful” and “important” and yet it ended saying absolutely fucking nothing. Except mayb “have babies”. Down to oblivion you go, along with the likes of KADO, to the void of shows that couldn’t even be offensively bad and no one will remember a year from now. Bonus garbage points for the half-assed “bury your gays”.

Nil of Libra Admirari or whatever this show was called: I’m not trying to diss on the show, I just genuinely never remember the title because I have the JP and EN all mixed up. Not that it matters much, as far as I could tell, the show could call Shalabalabatuna and it would have the same significance in regard to the content. But the title isn’t important. In fact, it may be a bit unfair to have this show in this section. For the most part, Main Girl is very self-determined and has an active role in the story.... but then the last two episodes heavily featured a lot of rape threats or rape themes and forced pregnancy (real and threat) and I don’t really understand why they’d go there all of a sudden. One of them was treated relatively well, even empowering the victim in the process, but when the ikemen bad guy was rambling endlessly about how he wanted to impregnate the protagonist it really turned me off :/ I’m also not a fan of “main boy was her secret fiancé all along”, but at least they also handled that somewhat decently. It’s a very disposable series, but since I watched all of Amnesia, I think I owe every otoge adaptation at least the smallest chance to clear that very low bar, and Libra of Nil does it, more competently than most other stuff in the same genre.

Hisone to Masotan: I really, really wanted to love this show. Even now, as I put it in the pit of shame category, I’m pained. There was a good show in this, and a lot of it made it to the screen: an adorable, charming little story about a woman finding her place in the world, making new friends, finding her calling and bonding with an adorable dragon. Unfortunately, it got buried down under this opressing, horrendous gender politics that tried to do something with bringing attention to sexism in the military only to cancel it out making the one dude that embodied that sexism getting rewarded with the affections of a girl he explicitly tried to crush. It also called back on the virgin or whore fallacy and even managed to shove in a “bury your gays” trope. Even though Hisone challenges the ritual bullshit, it’s too little, too late, and she does end up carrying it out anyway, so the defiance to the status quo is of little importance in terms of problematizing the ritual itself. Sorry BONES, it wasn’t meant to be this time. 

The ni fu ni fa section

Ni fu ni fa is a Mexican colloquialism for “It was okay but it didn’t change my life.”

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu HAPPY KISS: This soft reboot of the franchise had some really great episodes and did an actually good job of developping its characters. For the most part, it achieved what its predecessor did in terms of satirical comedy and I enjoyed it quite a bit. However, what bunked it down so low in the list was the final episode. At some point, the writers forgot they were doing a parody and made the show somewhat self-serious, way closer in tone to the magical girl anime it was supposed to be making fun of, rather than the satire its predecessor was. Whereas S1 ended with the whole Magical boy stuff being revealed as a crappy space reality TV show, this one ended with a real cheesy conflict about happiness and family and blablabla. Which is not bad by itself if this were a Precure show, but that kind of self-serious plot development just didn’t work for this series. I still enjoyed it, and the fanservice episode is one of the best of the whole franchise, but I’m a bit sad the finale missed the mark so badly.

Hinamatsuri: Hinamatsuri was very hit-or-miss for me. There were some truly brilliant episodes, a lot of funny vignettes and heart-warming stories, and then there was some stuff that made me uncomfortable -like every single Hitomi story- or felt unnecessary and dry. It also threw me off that the superpower dynamic completely disappeared in the second half of the show, especially in Anzu’s part of the story. It was okay but I feel like I needed something that felt like a closing, and choosing to end it with Mao who featured very minimally in the show overall didn’t cut it. It’s a fun show, I’d reccommend people check it out, but it felt a bit too disjointed for me

Persona 5: The Animation: This is a hard show to place because I love the looks of it and I think the concept is interesting and pretty cool, but there is something that’s keeping me from connecting emotionally to the story. The part where changing the villains’ heart makes them repent from their sins and become “good” feels very artificial and very tasteless when you’re dealing with rapists and abusers. I ended dropping it at episode 16, I just couldn’t find the motivation to catch up with the 6 episodes i’d fallen behind on because my schedule is a tragedy

Tokyo Ghoul: Re: I guess it’s fair to say I’ve kind of outgrown Tokyo Ghoul. There’s something messy and confusing about how this season panned out, and there comes a point in which misery porn just doesn’t cut it anymore. I still watch because Ishida has a way to make every single goddamn character extremely sympathetic, which makes for an emotionally engaging viewing even when you’re not sure of what the plot is supposed to be or who you should be rooting for. I tried picking up the new season that just started airing and immediately found I had no idea of what was going on, who was on who’s side and in general, who the fuck were 90% of the characters, so I dropped it.

Nanatsu no Taizai: Imashime no Fukkatsu: I’ve mentioned it before, this second season had the opposite problem than the first one: the pace was too slow. It took more than half of it to get to Escanor, and then the season ends at a kind of random spot. I really thought we’d get further along on the story, since Gowther’s backstory was hinted at in the openings, but no such thing happened. They did manage to give us a variety of cool moments and fights, and I love Ban so his scenes with Zhivago and Elaine made me quite happy, though I really wish the romance between Elizabeth and Meliodas wasn’t su dubious and cringy. In light of some revelations that take place further along the manga, going out of their way to emphasize that Meliodas was a sort of mentor figure for Elizabeth when she was a toddler seems unncessary and just very squeamish. I do hope we get a third season though, and an OVA of the Vampires of whatever side story would be great too.

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori: I was pleasantly surprised by this show, and it’s closer to being one of my top of the season than it is to “meh”. It had some weaker, cheesier segments, but it also managed great whacky moments and a genuine soothing atmosphere. What surprised me most is that the vanilla looking cast of moderately handsome dudes managed to develop into interesting, funny individuals with a dynamic that made every episode enjoyable. A solid reccommendation for anyone wanting to see delicious looking food and moderately handsome dudes being ridiculous. Also, the cat episode is the best episode of anime ever produced.

The I’m probably the only person alive who enjoys these shows

Mahou Shoujo Ore: This is a difficult show to place because it wasn’t quite as great as I wanted it to be and its parodic nature took me by surprise, but somehow I was still seriously entertained more often than not. The twists in the final quarter and the absolutely bonkers finale was a total riot, but I definitely advise caution before going in, given that some of the jokes may seem insensitive or in poor taste in regards to gender presentation, sexuality and there are even some mild harrassment jokes that certainly made me roll my eyes.

Yowamushi Pedal: Glory Line: I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but I think through half of the show’s 25 episode run, I was convinced the title was actually Glory Road. It’s kind of anticlimactic that it’s called Glory Line if they don’t actually reach the final Goal btw. Anyway, I feel I say this a lot, but really, if you didn’t like the previous Yowapeda seasons, there’s nothing here for you, and if you did, you’re probably not gonna hop off this late in the game. This season does suffer from the same dragging than its predecessors, with the added issue of being quite pessimistic for no reason in about half the episodes, and a diminished presence for Onoda. I really wish they hadn’t dragged the Day 2 goal so long, I really hoped we’d see the end of the race, but no such luck I guess. Still love most of it and hope we get one more season or a movie to complete the story.

The favorites of the season

Golden Kamuy: In spite of its pacing issues, terrible animation and general clunkiness, I can’t help but love this show. When season 1 ended my feelings for it had mellowed quite a bit, but as soon as I picked up season 2 this Fall I just fell in love all over again. It’s fun, unique, over-the-top in some ways, incredibly grounded in others, and the dynamics between the characters are incredibly charming. 

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s hard to talk about this one because it feels repetitive, given how tonally the show remains just the same across its three seasons. It could’ve very well been a one-season, 36 episode show, for how little it changes in spite of the time that transpired between the first season and the second. But in short, the comedy continues to be as spot on as always, the Zashikiwarashi twins are the best addition to the cast. It’s definitely a show I could watch endless episodes off, and the rare case of an episodic series with no overarching plot that I can enjoy wholeheartedly. 

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card arc: Over the course of the series, I’ve expressed a few concerns and misgivings about how the story of this 20th anniversary sequel was playing out. The final episode was particularly troublesome in that it left the story unfinished in spite of deviating from the manga. In spite of this, more than anything I’m very happy that this continuation still retains what made the original so special, that they captured the magic behind Sakura’s “everything will be alright” spell and gave us the chance to spend more time with these beloved characters and see their stories continue. The slow but sweet development of Sakura and Syaoran’s puppy love is a definite highlight. Needs more Touya/Yukito and Yue in general.

Piano no Mori: This show got heavily overlooked because it was kidnapped by Netflix (pls stop immediately), and then when it was finally unceremoniously dumped a month or two ago, it came under fire for the wonky CGI during the piano scenes -and it is indeed very wonky-. But beyond that, I found the story very engaging, especially because Kai is such a fascinating protagonist, his intense rivalry-friendship with Megane-kun (sorry, it’s been six months, i can’t remember names) is exactly the type I can’t help but root for. Kai’s participation in the final episode gave me goosebumps. I’m very happy we’re getting a continuation,  can’t wait to see how the Chopin competition develops.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: Sweet, funny and absolutely delightful from start to finish, Wotakoi was easily one of the highlights of the season. Although there were some aspects about Cosplayer-senpai and Yuri Otaku-senpai’s (I’m really trying to remember the names, I’m sorry!! ;---;) that didn’t work for me -namely the izakaya segment- Narumi and Hirotaka more than made up for it with their clumsy yet adorable romance. I spent the entirety of the amusement park episode screeching. I really hope we get a continuation -and get a chance to see more of Hirotaka’s brother and his gamer friend too- and that in general we can get more anime about adult stories

Megalobox: Who would’ve thought that a show that wasn’t even in my radar before the season started would’ve end as one of my favorites, possibly of the year? Even as someone who’s only marginally acquainted with Ashita no Joe and has no interst in the sport of boxing, I was completely enthralled by the style and passion of this production. As I said a bit above, intense rivalries are very appealing to me, and the build up in the tension between Joe and Yuri was almost palpable, their mutual respect gave me chills. Definitely the surprise of the season, made even better by its optimistic happy ending to contrast with its predecessor’s tragedy. Megalobox is a unique anniversary project that is closer to an homage and it works perfectly. Definitely check it out.

That’s it for the Spring season! I hope i can do the summer season this weekend and maaaybe even my watchlist for the Fall season. Fingers crossed i won’t get swallowed up in other stuff :’D 

[swordart0nline]

Happy SAO pride week!

Virtual world vs Real world Fanfiction under the cut! ^_^

Kazuto closed the door behind him and sat on his bed. His room, an androgynous grey to his design, surrounded him with comfort. He didn’t even need to look when he reached for the amusphere, which had been sitting in it’s familiar spot on his bedside table like always. Setting it on his head and closing the visor over his eyes, he closed them and welcomed the split second of darkness before he could say “Link Start!” Whenever Kazuto closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but remember the hours that came before. Usually the most interesting thing that happened at school came to mind. Other days’ topics were things like dinner. Today was different. He could feel himself wince as he reminisced on the most spotlight-worthy interaction of today.  “You look like a boy,” Mixed reactions filled his head. What would’ve been considered an insult on regular terms made him filled with joy. But what followed...

“Yeah that’s actually really weird. Why do you do that?”

He remembered the feeling of being at loss for words. He remembered being alone like always and praying that a stranger would come and interrupt the situation. It’s not that they were intentionally singling out. Or maybe they were. It was just an incredibly difficult question. Why?

Why is it such a difficult thing to do. To dress and act the way I truly am? I’d say it’s far more stranger to put on that stupid mask every day and act like I’m happy. Truthfully I can’t stand it. I don’t know how you guys can. For as long as I can remember, it’s made me feel awful. I’ve finally made the choice to act for myself. Is that so bad?

Kazuto sighed as he regretted not saying those words in that moment. If only he could’ve frozen time in that moment to give himself enough time to think about something cool like that to say.

Realizing almost 5 minutes had passed of him sitting in complete darkness making faces to himself, he said the command to boot up the amusphere.

“Link start!”

Kazuto loved the virtual world. He had since he was a kid. His virtual name, “Kirito” was the first masculine name he chose for himself, and it felt so strange, but so good. When he first put it in the system, it felt so different compared to his given name. Every time he put his given name on anything, it felt like there was a sickness ready to make his brain collapse in on itself. 

This is normal, he grew up thinking. 

But why does he have to settle for what he’s handed? What’s the matter about taking matters into your own hands and fixing what’s broken? Is it so “weird” to find happiness for yourself? “Kirito...?”

He looked up to see his only friends looking at him. Their vibrantly colored elven avatars crowded the living room of his virtual home.

“What’s the matter? You look upset.” Silica said to him.

“Oh, sorry. Don’t worry about it, some girls just got on my nerves today. No big deal.” 

“Wow look at you, chick magnet!” Lisbeth smirked. “You must be so popular to have enough girls on you to get annoyed about it!!

“I-”

“Bad news for them! You got the best girlfriend in the world sitting right here!” she exclaimed, pointing at Asuna, sitting on the couch just a few inches away from Kazuto. She had somewhat of a worried look on her face, staring straight at him.

“Girl, you gotta be tougher on him.”

“No she doesn’t!” Kazuto managed to inerject, remembering their time in early Aincrad. Asuna may seem like too much of a sweetheart for her own good on the surface, but when it comes down to it she can, will, and has kicked Kazuto’s ass.

“You know what Kirito, I don’t blame them. You really are a cutie.” Asuna said.

“Get a room.” Sinon joked.

“Eeh...”

“I’m serious Kirito!” Asuna began to get upset. Half joking with a side of concern. 

“Yeah, listen to your girlfriend, Kirito. You’re a hansome boy!” Lisbeth added. “Everyone knows this!”

“That’s not funny. I’d never compliment Kirito. It’s against my moral code. I’d compliment anyone but Kirito” Sinon joked again. Kazuto let out a quiet chuckle at her teasing.

“I don’t blame you. He looks like a boy who’s just discovered punk music and is dipping his toes in the water. Like, he’s not dedicated enough to the genre, but he wears black in appreciation.” Lisbeth began the tease session.

“That was weak. He looks like he washes his clothes in nothing but coal because he spilled the detergent and is too nervous to go out and buy a new bottle.” Sinon followed up.

“Oh, oh!” Silica chimed in, “Kirito looks like a wannabe manga protagonist!”

“Please. He IS a wannabe manga protagonist”

The room erupted in laughter, but nobody was wheezing nearly as hard as Kazuto. He was nearly tearing up.

“Stop it you guys!”

He was grinning ear to ear, and his face red from laughing. As his laughing fit calmed slightly down, Asuna leaned over and looked him straight in the face. She had that terrifying, dead serious, determined look on her face that she made all the time in Aincrad.

“If people are giving you trouble, you tell them that your incredibly powerful girlfriend is on her way to get them with her intense gaming skills.”

The room interrupted in laughter yet again.

“I love you guys.” Kirito said when the laughter died down. “I’ve never met any of you in real life, but I want this to be my world so bad. Is that weird of me?”

“We spent two years in Aincrad. Those were undoubtly the best years of my life, because I could spend them with you guys. If i could be completely honest, I want more than anything to drop my real life and live in this world forever.”

Silica, Sinon, Lisbeth, and especially Asuna were listening attentively.

With this confession, Asuna knew just the slightest bit more about Kirito’s life in the real world. That it wasn’t as fortunate as hers. Although it made her feel slightly bad, she became determined to help and support Kirito even more.

“Kirito,”

“Hm?”

“Let’s meet up in real life.”

Sinon, Lisbeth, and Silica lit up in unison. The three were now excited to hear more about this plan.

“We can save up money and the whole gang can vacation to some place fun together!” Asuna said.

“Maybe a weekend in the summer somewhere? We could go some place like Osaka!” Silica added.

“Oh my gosh, yes! And maybe-” Lisbeth was suddenly interrupted by a saddened Kirito.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can...”

Kazuto truly wanted to be able to meet his only friends in the real world. You could see it on his face. But he was being held back by something.

“If you aren’t comfortable with it it’s totally fine, we don’t have to go this summer!” Asuna reassured. “Is everything okay?”

“Don’t worry about me. It’s getting late where I live. I should go to bed.” Kazuto said depressingly.

Everyone worriedly wished him goodnight and watched his avatar dissolve out of their virtual world.

“I really do hope everything is okay,” Asuna started. “I don’t want to pressure him to open up when he isn’t comfortable with it. I just want to be able to be there for him. I wish I could just teleport to his home in the real world and tell him everything is alright. Whatever he’s going through, I don’t want him to be alone in it.”

Kazuto removed the amusphere and looked out at the dusk sky. With the rollercoaster of emotions that today was, he was exhausted. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

He let down his ponytail and hid under his covers, wishing he could just skip trying to fall asleep and teleport to the next morning. Kazuto dreaded the thoughts that would flood his mind while he would try to fall asleep.

Closing his eyes harder didn’t prevent the floodgates from opening as he hoped.

In his time in aincrad, Kazuto was himself. He was Kirito. Although the Black Swordsman identity wasn’t exactly his cup of tea, he rest assured knowing that at least everyone saw him as he truly was. Male.

Kazuto remembered the moment Kayaba switched everyone’s avatars to represent their real selves. His stomach dropped as he saw his hair flow down his shoulders. As soon as the spectacle was over, he ran into an allyway, took his beginner sword, and sliced the length clean off. In that moment, he felt the literal and metaphorical weight off his shoulders. It wasn’t the best cut, but it got the job done. The rage and anger of the unfairness of it all manifested in that one cut. If only he could do that in the real world.

That’s when Klein found him, and where he left him. Part of the reason he left was so he wouldn’t feel guilty about lying to him, and he knew that. But what was he lying about?

Had he been lying to Asuna for those two years? Building their relationship off of a lie? Kazuto tried to stop the thought train from going to the place he dreaded, but it kept on rolling.

What if I told her and she hated me?

I wouldn’t blame her.

No. He has been living the truth. It just wasn’t the truth that reality wanted him to live. But it was the truth that he was. If Asuna hated him forever, then they weren’t meant to be.

But then two years wouldn’t have been wasted. If you told her in the beginning and she hated you, you wouldnt waste two years with her.

Tears started to manifest in his eyes, one slipping away into his long, tangled hair. What an awful way to think of his girlfriend. What an awful reality. He wished for nothing but to slip back away into the virtual world in that moment, just to be able to distract himself from this torture. But he had already told his friends he was going to bed. He would be caught with another lie on his hands.

Why not bring the virtual world to here?

Something, some force, made Kazuto shoot up out of bed. He wiped his wet eyes on his blanket and stormed to the bathroom. His footsteps echoed through the empty house. His sister and only other person in the house, was gone on a kendo trip. But even if she was home, nothing could stop his forward force. Nothing could stop his mysterious determination.

No. It’s not mysterious or weird. It’s what has to be done. It’s what has had to be done for a long time.

He opened his sister’s drawer and located the scissors, and grabbed the length of his hair with reddened knuckles and a furious grasp. Just like that, years worth of agony were draped on the bathroom floor. He swing his new, light head to the left and to the right. Not an unfamiliar feeling thanks to the likes of full dive, but surely it was different. It was new and refreshing, and it felt beautiful. Kazuto looked straight back at himself in the mirror and for the first time in what’s felt like a lifetime, he smiled. And with that, uncontrollable tears came flooding down his face.

This wasn’t the same crying that he’d been doing for years. This was liberation. He swept his own hands through his new look, and grinned ear to ear through his swollen, tear-stained face, and proceeded to make his way back to his room. With the weight of what felt like the world off his shoulders, Kazuto proceeded to sink into the most comfortable rest with a genuine smile on his face.

[german-killua]

Joker

Well, just saw the trailer.

And it's as bad as I thought It would be. 

And now I am not saying that to be some counter-culture asshole or something.

Look here is the thing: The Joker is not sympathetic. He is not. You may like him as a Character, a Concept, but as a Person he is absolutely horrible.

He is a Villain after all.

 I think in all my years of reading comics, watching movies, cartoons and listening to audio dramas, there has been a singular instance when I was honestly on the same page with the joker. Where I felt that, no matter what happens next, he's not gonna be the dick in this situation. And no, I do not mean when he fought the Batman who Laughs or any other time he helped Batman. Because we all knew he would just turn around and stab Batman if he can.

No. It's this:

I mean...He may be a serial killer.

But he is an AMERICAN SERIAL KILLER.

Now some of you may wonder why I bring this up. Well, it's simple:

Joker (The Movie), is manipulative crap. 

Just think about this for a minute. We all have seen the joker do horrible, unspeakable things. I saw him leaving Babys to die of starvation, I saw him shooting families and loved ones at a Wedding. And of course, we all saw what he did to Barbara in the Killing Joke. And for those of you who did not see any of that?

The Dark Knight.

Did he ever come off “Sympathetic” in that movie? Did you ever think: “Oh yeah he had a rough childhood”. Maybe the first time he told his origin story...but the second or third time? Not so much I hope...

Now think what kind of meeting must have taken place to get to the point of making this Joker Movie. Obviously, we cannot make a Movie about a Villain right? Who would watch a guy just walking through a mall shooting people and root for him to win?

Nobody who is still sane. 

Even a Movie like Suicide Squad understood this: People rarely root for the Villains. So if you want the Villain to be the Focus, the Protagonist, you need to make him sympathetic. And let him fight an even bigger Evil. 

So what did they come up with? A Sob-Story. Something really tragic. Something that makes the Joker not just look like an insane manifestation of chaos, mayhem, and carnage (Ya know...THE JOKER), but rather a champion of the downtrodden, a Man who walks through the black mist of society with a smile on his face. An outcast who laughs the unfair System in its rotten face.

But how do we do that? Well, tropes of course!

Ill Mother? Check.

Socially Awkward? Check

Degrading Job? CHeck

Always trying to be the “Nice person” and “Smile”? Check

A job without a Future? Checko!

Depression? CHACKO!

Singular Chance of Happiness in the Form of a Woman? JACK!

Everything goes down the wire? JOKE

The protagonist finds new strength in weakness? Joker

My girlfriend and I actually joked that this movie would have a three-legged puppy in it that he would try to buy, only to realize its gone. Oh and the name of the Puppy?

Harley.

Because you know they would. 

But before you think I am overexaggerating here: I was told what happens int he Trailer before I watched it. About him bathing his Mother. And the first Actress I spouted out to be the mother?

Frances Conroy.

Should have played Lotto that day. And of course, it was Frances. Now do not get me wrong: she is great. But we all know she is the stereotypical sick mother in basically every second movie she stars in.

So this is why I am a bit appalled by this movie. Not only are they trying to turn an inherent force of evil sympathetic, completely ignoring what the character is meant to be i.E. an unstoppable Force of Nature, bringing death, carnage, and Insanity (Sometimes even light-hearted for the last one)...

...they do it in the most hamfisted way possible. Every trope you can think of that would get that “Awww, poor guy” reaction out of you? It was in that trailer, wasn’t it? 

It's the laziness that really gets me. We could have gone with the Red Hood story that is, if anything, kinda, maybe, eventually considered an Origin for a Character that should never have his Origin revealed. 

But no. We went with Mum in the Tub. The beaten down Looser, down on his luck but pure of heart. Just to show that one can break him.

And the worst part?

This will probably be a good Movie. I fully believe that everybody will do their best and that Joaquin will act the hell out of it.

I truly believe this could be a Masterpiece.

But it didn't need to be a Joker Movie for that. It did not need to be tied to that kind of world, to the mythos to stand on its own. It harms itself by trying to show us something, none of us needed, by disguising it as something we could be interested in. Throwing some Makeup on it and Call it a Day.

I have a feeling that we gonna get 2 possible things a few years down the road: Every the confirmation that this was just a few paid writers, forced to make Evil look nice...

Or a Script that showed potential, and then got bought off and adapted to make a buck. 

Either one Heartbreaking in their own regards. 

So, No. I am not looking forward to this Movie. Because I get the feeling that either way, I am going to see something heartbreaking.

A Movie that does not understand its Character.

Or a Studio who did not understand its Movie.

Be it as it may.

I guess I have to force a smile.

[nordic-breeze]

I was going through my files and I came over this document I sent to my friend @distant-rain pretty much the same day I realized I had fallen in love with Arthur, after weeks of being in denial or shrugging off my daydreaming of this cowboy as nbd or thought experiments and boy was I confused. 

I knew next to nothing about RDR1 when I wrote this December last year and I didn’t know much about RDR2 post chapter 2 either except for Arthur’s fate, which I had just learned of, and oml was I upset and confused. Though also scaringly accurate about certain things.

Now over six months later, I love this cowboy even more. And I kept true to my word. If anyone wanna read the rambings of a fangirl who had just found her new obsession be my guest.

I was blown away by how massive this game is. The level of detail is incredible and I greatly appreciate the effort put into creating this world. Yeah, we’ve all heard about the horse testicles shrinking in cold weather but it’s not like it’s just one bizarre detail being essentially a dick joke in an otherwise average game. No, RDR2 is detailed enough that it actually makes sense to add in peculiarities like that. The amount of wildlife alone, I mean, ever since the PS2 era I’ve been used to seeing animals in games but R* created whole-ass ecosystems in RDR2, several of’em, from snowy mountains to marshlands, with animals that act so much like actual animals. Just listening to the birds singing, it’s like being out in an actual forest!

Characterization is another thing that amazed me, in particular the protagonist. I knew nothing about the first RDR when started playing RDR2, nor did I know anything about RDR in general other than it was western-themed and made by the GTA-guys. I expected somewhat of a similar characterization as GTA where every character is a stereotype or a caricature. I genuinely liked GTAV’s story for what it was and even though every character was more or less an asshole, some of them were also weirdly likeable and even earned my sympathy (and hint of affection) occasionally.

But it never really went deeper than that nor was it particularly long-lasting (still way more than I expected tho). I bonded with one of the characters more than I thought I would but not nearly as much as I would had the characters felt more like actual humans and not like the epitome of stereotypes. But it is what R* wanted and it worked. I expected the RDR2 characters to be the same but to my surprise the characters, especially Arthur, are fleshed out, complex, even relatable (depending on your actions I guess). Unlike GTAV, they act and react like actual human beings. Well, human beings that have lived their entire life (more or less) as outlaws. In a country and time period foreign to me. But still they felt human. Ofc I’ve not gotten to know any of the NPC’s as well as Arthur but from various missions and eavesdropping on their conversation I’ve gotten to know them a bit. Hosea is my favorite. He seems like a good man despite being an outlaw and I love how everyone goes to him for advice and how supportive he is. I also wish more people (esp a certain Dutch man) could listen to him more. I also really like Charles. He definitely got morals and could be a good influence on Arthur and the others. I haven’t seen much of Sadie yet, but think I’ll like her too. Lenny seems nice. That one scene when he and Arthur went out drinking together was absolutely brilliant! And lil Jack’s adorable ofc. Only one I don’t like is Micha or Miach or whathisname. I know no one in the van der Linde gang are saints but that guy is a total psychopath. I kinda wish Arthur had gotten his way there when he said they should just leave him in jail as he was nothing but trouble and it annoys me how Dutch is sticking up for him. Yeah, speaking of, not too fond of Dutch or that German guy either atm.

But all in all very impressed by the large open world, the level of details to well, everything and the characterization. Soundtrack is great, graphics are stunning, animations smooth, the horse-riding simulation is just extraordinary and you never know what’s gonna happen as you ride through the map. The amount and variety of random events and encounters are truly impressive. Often comical, like that wildlife photographer who keeps getting almost eaten up by the wildlife he’s trying to document, sometimes eerie like the serial killer side story, or sad like when Arthur met with his former love. Or a combination of said elements like the pig farmers I ran into. With no pigs. But were still veeery well fed. You know, when people are just a liiitle bit too friendly? That eerie feeling you get when you just know something’s wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Until you can. I thought they were husband and wife I really did. You shoulda seen my face when I realized they were in fact brother and sister. Me and Arthur had the exact same face. They were living as husband and wife tho. Well, up until I killed them.

I also love the contrast between the more ‘modern’ world and the simpler life. I could go into town, buy food at the saloon and rent a room or take a bath at the hotel. Or I could ride a few mins out into the wilderness, hunt and gather my own food, cook it over a bonfire and sleep under the stars. Electricity exists, but people are still completely dependent on oil lamps and open flame. Trains and trams exist, cars have been invented, but people still mainly travel on horseback. This contrast between old and new as an era is ending and the modern era is about to begin has been an amazing experience considering the level of detail the game has. The colonization of the new land, which has been largely unknown to me, the contrast between this and modern-day America we see on TV. So many people did not even speak English, I often find abandoned buildings, or burnt-down buildings, some with bodies inside, leaving me wondering what happened to them, I found a ghost town whose inhabitants had been wiped out by a plague. It was tough for many I reckon.

In fact, I find the exploration of this foreign but also somewhat familiar, beautiful but harsh world and its many random events and encounters waaay more interesting than the actual main story itself, which is why it took me forever to reach chapter 3. In fact, the story is probably my least favorite part about RDR2, as backwards as it may sound. I’ve never been into western stories or aesthetics, and I’m certainly NOT into the whole ‘outlaws till the end’ stuff ugh. I fail to sympathize with the whole ‘boo-hoo the world no want outlaws like us no more it’s unfair’. Ugh, go cry me a fucking river. And then go get a job. A real job. Yeah, I get it that adapting to society is tough, life’s tough deal with it and stop preying on others. Wow, robbing two trains in short time and staying in the same fucking area actually has consequences, I’m so shook!

So yeah, story-wise I don’t quite ‘get it’ and Dutch is really starting to get on my nerves, which is probably why I prefer to just ride off alone and experience the world. I guess RDR2 story will rely heavily on being torn between gang loyalty and your own morality and principles but since I have virtually no concept of group loyalty that is all lost on me. My own morals and principles all the way. I’m like, ‘these people suck, take Hosea, Charles, Sadie, Tilly (maybe John Marston and his family) and leave these bitches behind’.

At the beginning, I did kinda liked Dutch. He seemed genuinely sorry for Sadie, took her in and saved her life, even if it meant another mouth to feed in dire times. And he showed Kiran mercy despite hating the O’Driscol’s. But as I’ve progressed thought the game, his grand speeches about sticking together, sticking with him, slowly but surely has turned from pep-talk to keep people’s spirit up to sounding like a cult leader desperate to keep his following no matter the cost. Yesterday when I was playing, I overheard him quote some quasi-philosophy book to Lenny and used the words to twist them into his own convictions to support his decisions. And when Lenny objected, Dutch literally said ‘you’re breaking my heart, kid’. Wow Dutch, talk about manipulating your protégé.

It was the mission when those lawmen approached Arthur as he was fishing with Jack that really made me consciously see Dutch in a new light. Up until then, RDR2 had mostly been fun and games but that conversation left me feeling a bit uneasy. But I just figured it was the main story finally picking up pace and also, I figured I was near the end of the chapter. I carried on, suddenly eager to see what would happen and was thoroughly surprised by how the chapter ended. In a bad way.

While both chapter 2 and chapter 3 begins with a ‘new start’ vibe, chapter 3 felt very different from chapter 2. Mostly it was that feeling that Dutch’s obsession with ‘sticking to this life’ is going to get people killed. Idk, it’s this eerie feeling something’s wrong but can’t quite put my finger on it-feel again. But thanks to internet being internet I already knew some spoilers so I couldn’t help but to look up something and… well, let me put it this way. I’m never going to finish this game. Ever. It breaks my heart because in so many ways it’s truly an amazing game and a fantastic experience. But I’m just not that into the story, I don’t like where it’s heading and I don’t want to see what’s coming to character(s) I’ve come to care deeply about.

I still want to explore the world more, see what unfolds, do more challenges, add stuff to my compendium, maybe get some trophies… but I doubt I’ll ever progress much story-wise. Quite the contrary, I might reload an earlier save and just stay in chapter 2 forever.

(wrtten a couple of days later)

Seems my instincts was right on the money, esp concerning Dutch. Sad thing, I do believe he is sincere. In the first few chapters at least. He is manipulative but I also believe he’s convinced himself that he’s doing the right thing. And then his obsession will eventually get the better of him and when people and the lifestyle is slipping away from him, he doesn’t handle it well at all. Ugh, it’s so frustrating, I just wanna gather all my favs and yell: “leave nooow, before it’s too late!

It’s not for the sake of spacing it out or making it last. I just don’t want to progress in the story at all. I hated losing Horseshoe Overlook. HATED IT HATED IT HATED IT!!!! Yes the new place is beautiful, yes I know it’s the life of the outlaws and RDR2 does show that life for better and for worse whereas most stories tend to romanticize the whole thing, yes as outlaws they can’t stay for too long in one place. But as mentioned I have a hard time sympathize with and immerse myself into that lifestyle. Yes, I got all my upgrades and a whole new area to explore, a bigger nearby town, and closer to that big city. Still hated it. Horseshoe Overlook was my place. The Heartlands was home. And the view was stunning! And I liked Valentine. It was small and dirty but I had good memories from there. Until I had to shoot up half the town. My motivation for continuing the main story is at absolute zero.

It was more what the transition represented, I guess. You never know what will happen in RDR2. And it’s true, for random encounters, and many of the individual missions. But when it comes to the story as a whole, I feel like I already now can predict how it’ll play out. Every chapter begins with the gang on the move, finding a place to settle down and have a fresh start, even chapter 1 (as they were on the run bc a heist gone wrong or something). Then they settle down, go into town to get to know the area and establish connections and looking for easy money, often at the expenses of others. X random events later, they get too overconfident or careless, screws up or get hunted down, it ends with a shootout, then they are on the run again, finds a new place to settle down where Dutch promises that THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT until they’re wanted on the entire map and can’t go anywhere cos the wild west is ending. I really liked it at Horseshoe Overlook and whenever Im in that area again I’ll just get sad.

I had no idea I’d gotten so emotionally invested so I was really surprised at how much I disliked moving camps and all. I’ve also gotten so fond of Arthur. I was so busy with exploring, doing challenges, learning to hunt etc I didn’t even realize it happening. Until one scene had me almost tearing up! I think because, we as the player really have to look out for him. Even though I make sure that he eats regularly, he’s still underweight. When out riding I usually set up camp when night falls so that Arthur can get some rest. Something I’d never think about in any other game. And I always give him coffee in the morning. Then it’s his journal that gives such valuable insight into who he truly is as a person. There’s no doubt he’s so much more than just a mere outlaw. He writes surprisingly well and is open and is surprisingly honest about his thoughts and feelings. How torn he is between the life of an outlaw and wanting to be a better man, a better person. How he admired Charles because, for him it was ‘so easy to just be good’ whereas he himself always feel torn between good and evil. And his journal entries when he meets his long-lost love Mary and saves her brother from the cultists. The expression on his face as he said goodbye to her on the train station… how utterly heartbroken he was… how she still loved him too… man, that one tore at my heart. Still does when thinking about it.

I wish I could take Hosea, Charles, Sadie, Tilly, John’s family and maybe Lenny too with me, run off and start anew. Charles would have good influence on Arthur and encourage him to turn his life around and find his place in society and encourage John to be a better father and role model for Jack and they could all learn how to live as free men and women without robbing or hurting anyone (unless they deserve it). Like, Charles is an excellent hunter and tracker. He’d totally get enough food for the gang and maybe even enough to sell. He could train Jack too. Hosea was always more of a conman/grifter than a brute/robber. He could con bad guys or rich assholes Robin Hood style. If anyone gave him grief, John and Arthur would settle the score. Arthur could sell animal pelts and John could take up carpeting. They’d be such a happy lil family. But, RDR1 is yet to happen so it’s all just wishful thinking *sigh*

[puppetmaster55]

Thoughts on s8

Boy, this one got long.

Alright. It’s been like a month, and I feel detached enough from my initial emotional responses that I can finally get this out. My thoughts on the final season of vld. All I can say is, I urge you to read beyond the first sentence, because I will be diving into it and picking it apart as best I can.

So… here it is.

I liked the season.

I know, I’m surprised too. I didn’t go in expecting to like it like I did, I just expected to at most, Not Hate the season.

But I liked it, and perhaps not for the reasons that anyone else could say.

The throughline of the season, the narrative tying all 13 episodes together into one, was very clearly there. I liked that. Compared to season 7, where I still believe that it was written as two separate seasons (the road trip arc, and the earth arc) where season 8 culminated felt like the place that it was leading to when the season began.

I liked maybe two of the episodes, while the rest were middling or passing, and a couple had me staring in confusion trying to understand what was even happening at times.

The best episode of the season, honestly, was Day 47. Kinkade and Rizavi are the most interesting of the MFEs to me, and getting more of them was really nice. Getting a peek into the day-to-day life aboard the atlas was also really nice.

An episode that should have been great, but fell short because of its final lines? Battle Scars (you know, the one with Olkarion? Yeah that one). Up until those final lines, I really did love that episode, because we finally got the answer the unspoken question: why is Voltron necessary to win, to stop the bad guys?

That episode did wonders, to me, in answering that question. We got to see the tragedy and destruction that happens when Voltron isn’t there, when the robeast arrives and attacks and everything that is used to combat it fails to work. Every other time, Voltron swooped in to save the day at the last minute, and while that is excellent storytelling, seeing this, seeing what happens when Voltron isn’t there for that last minute save… that was really powerful.

There was really good lore, some that build upon lore from long ago (the astral plane, anyone? We got more of that), and others that had me staring because who let these writers into my home and into my notes.

And then there’s what I didn’t like.

Lotor had an arc, that much was clear, and he was obviously lingering throughout this season like a ghost. What that means, or what that doesn’t mean, is for another discussion digging up and reconstructing the skeleton by which the series itself was built upon.

Like two paragraphs ago, I talked about Olkarion and how much I really loved that episode. Here, I talk about why I didn’t: because of the handwave at the end. Those final lines, about how these innocent lives died so our heroes could have the information to save others, and that their deaths were noble and not in vain?

I hated that.

I hate when unfair death has all the weight and tragedy removed by saying “they gave us important information that can save the lives of billions” as if they needed to die for that to happen, as if they gladly were soldiers in battle and not civilians safe at home.

So, I would have loved the episode, had it not said that the horrifying and tragic death of Olkarion was, in the end, a Good Thing and that this entire planet, this entire culture, that is dead should not be mourned but celebrated for the death that was forced upon it. That this genocide (and it was genocide, make no mistake) should be celebrated for advancing the knowledge of… yeah.

…….I did not say that this would be without bias. There is no way to speak of this without having some sort of emotional bias.

There are many things I could talk about, from the strangeness of the pacing (Day 47 and Clear Day are about as filler as filler ever gets in this series, and that they’re back to back this season baffles me now as it baffled me when I first watched them) to the ways that characters have their personalities altered (Lance doesn’t feel matured, he feels like he’s had everything that made him a likeable personality stripped away, and y’know what, that’s my next paragraph).

So. Lance. I loved Lance in the early seasons, I loved Lance even as far as season 7. Lance was fun, he had a big personality and made some jokes but was brilliant in his own way and grew despite everything. I didn’t recognize that Lance in this one. Having Allura call him sharpshooter, he should have been preening, and instead he sounded like he didn’t want it, he sounded like someone who was going through the motions. Lance in season 8 was devoid of the personality that he had, stripped away until there was only the ghost of it that appeared maybe three times in all of this season.

Hunk had one moment, when he was making the Altean food and getting the captured Alteans to open up, and that was it. I feel glad, almost, that he didn’t have focus simply because he managed to evade the things that happened to everyone.

Keith… I grew distanced from him in the space between seasons 2 and 3 because of how vibrantly the fandom was chanting for him. I think I grew to become neutral to him from the way he was always centered as The Protagonist. Weirdly, I felt like I recognized the ghost of early seasons Keith (him from the first two seasons, who I actually felt I could grow to like) in this season.

I entered this season resigned to seeing Big Keith Moments, and there were like five in three episodes in a row in the first half, and after that? I didn’t see the season centering itself around Keith as much as I feared it would. This actually made me take a step back and see some good moments for him and remind me that I actually might have grown to like him, that I actually could still.

If there’s one thing that this season let me down on, it’s that Lance did not end up in handcuffs. I’m so let down by that, honestly, it was one of the only things that could be reliably counted upon for each 13-episode set, and he wasn’t in handcuffs at all.

Allura was annexed practically from the start, slated to perform a massive sacrifice that made me hurt even as I watched it happen. She was still in love with Lotor, even as she clung tighter to Lance. For that, among too many other reasons, I cannot say that I enjoyed the romance.

And the romance? If it felt weirdly done in season 7, having it be a throughline in season 8 made it hurt all the more. Lance and Lotor deserved more than to be Allura’s love interests. Lance deserved more than to be stripped away until that was all that he was.

Allura’s end, too, felt awful. I didn’t like it, I still don’t like it, and if this had been the series that was meant to end that way, I would be fine with it. But it wasn’t, and so I didn’t. I figured, though, that she was going to die or something similar when she brought the dead park back to life. I also figured, apparently foolishly, that Lance’s declaration that the team was her family would be something that would stop her from making that sacrifice.

I wanted Allura to live, dammit, and see peace and see the formation of a New Altea.

Pidge was there, too, but she didn’t have any stakes or anything. Pidge was there, and got to taker her whole family (including the dog) out into space. That she got some bonding time with Allura was good, but beyond that there was about as much for her to do in this season as there was for Hunk.

Shiro… honestly? Shiro wasn’t even in this season. I don’t know who that person was that wore Shiro’s face, but the Shiro of the past seven seasons was more of a Shiro than whoever this person was. Yes, even the empty Shiro of season 7 was more Shiro than whoever this Shiro was. He was stripped of his rank of Paladin, stripped of his personality, stripped of everything that made Shiro… Shiro. He even had his status as a main character torn away from him, as he didn’t appear in every episode, and those that he did appear in barely featured him.

God, but Shiro deserved better.

And Kuron, but that’s for another time.

I didn’t expect to get any answers from Operation Kuron, but I at least held out some hope of getting answers regarding the second colony. Dead hope, perhaps, but hope still. I never got the impression that the alteans there were dead, despite all the season 6 dialogue that talking about thousands of Alteans dying by Lotor’s hands.

Looking back, I guess we were supposed to take everything being said at face value. There apparently was no deeper secret, the little stuff that said that we didn’t know everything (even the characters themselves saying that they didn’t know the full picture) meant nothing. Lotor did a bad thing trying to do a good thing, and for that he was sentenced to death.

And even then, after getting shown and told repeatedly that Lotor is an Evil Villain, we’re given his backstory at long last, where he’s shown as a tragic figure who wasn’t an evil villain at all, simply someone who was desperate, and in that desperation turned to methods that were wrong and that he was trying to atone for throughout the entire time he was in the series. So what was it, then, that we’re supposed to feel for Lotor? Are we supposed to feel sympathy for him, or are we supposed to condemn him?

God, but Lotor deserved better.

Everyone deserved better, really.

Two plot threads that I didn’t expect to see closed out, were that of the quintessence monster that Ranveig experimented on, and Zethrid. And honestly? I wasn’t expected Zethrid to make a return. That was a delightful surprise.

The quinessence monster being some late-stage retcon of simply being a monster from the cosmic abyss felt sad, when it could have been simply what it was introduced as: something that was mutated by the quintessence into the monster that it became.

Beyond that, I almost liked the things that Lahn brought up. What right should the Galra have, to submit to Voltron when Voltron is responsible for all that happened was a direct result to Voltron’s actions. They got rid of Lotor, and with his removal there were intense consequences that they cannot simply pretend didn’t happen.

As for Zethrid? The original script was there, with Zethrid’s lines making it clear that Ezor was dead and she was taking revenge on Keith and Acxa. Changing it so that instead it was that Ezor was alive was a good move, since it unkilled a lesbian, but I think it also undercut Zethrid’s arc and made Ezor into some heel-face turn away from violence. I never got the impression that Ezor wanted something different than violence, since she was always one of the bloodthirstier of the generals.

Still, it was a nice enough addition.

And now we reach the yelmore of this season: Curtis.

I love Curtis, honestly, and I love his marriage to Shiro. With how we’ve seen the writers handle romance already, I’m perfectly fine with not getting the tale of how they went from existing on the bridge together to being happily married. I love that we got that, that DreamWorks drew a line in the sand about where they stand on representation and that it was with the first mlm wedding (if not also kiss) in western animated media.

Really, the only thing I can critique is that the original plan had confirmation that Zethrid and Shiro are lesbian and gay, respectively, and they both were originally to end up alone with dead lovers. That is literally all my negative say on the matter.

And all this brings me to… Honerva.

Oh, Honerva. You were, honestly, a more fascinating villain when you were Haggar. You were a scientist, a high priestess, with the backstory of someone who wasn’t afraid to step into the purview of the gods to gain the knowledge you desired. And you ended up as someone who apparently only ever wanted to be a mother. That your whole entire plan, the one that was meant to be the culmination of this entire series, was to destroy all realities until you found the one where you could be a mother to your child, is… quite something.

Under a different approach, I could understand it perfectly.

Under this approach, it was clear with how you commodified Lotor even after regaining your memories that you were going to be the same way with this Perfect Reality Lotor.

I dunno, maybe it was my expectations playing against me, but I expected Honerva to retain her status and desires as a scientist above that of being a mother. Even before she went into the rift, even before it began to affect her, she was more concerned with the science than with much else. Yes, she loved, and yes, she lost, but she and Zarkon both were reduced down to the evils they were deep down: Zarkon, the ruler, and Haggar, the scientist. Learning she was a mother to Lotor didn’t feel like it should have changed her desires for knowledge or caused her to abandon them entirely.

Which isn’t to say that Honerva was a terrible villain here, simply that she became a different kind of villain than who I expected her to be.

As a final season, I didn’t get the impression that we were concluding storylines begun way back in the first season. I didn’t get the impression that we were seeing the end of the journey that we started down. Honerva’s final approach as a villain didn’t feel like the culmination of the path begun at the start.

Quite honestly, season 8 felt like the ending to a different series.

Maybe it isn’t though. Maybe I went into it expected a shonen series but around half a dozen characters instead of one single character, and instead got a weirdly done series with questionable to horrific themes and lessons. Others have written about those better than I ever could.

Or maybe it is, and the series we were sold at the start isn’t the one that we were ultimately given.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

[hobierella]

Art of Experiencing

[ actor!Seokjin x reader ] 

Warnings: smut, almost 6k of pure filth really, mature themes such as violence (only a bit), terrible management of a relatioship, slight dub-con, unprotected sex, horrible decisions, bad writing. Please someone help me how to do this bc I never know wtf to put here

Description: Seokjin really, really, really wants that particular role in that particular play, and he asks for your help to connect with the character.

Author’s Note: Like the rest of my ideas, I knew right away that it was terrible, and therefore, I had to write it immediately. And, as per usual, I rambled a hella lot. Enjoy?

You’ve known Seokjin for long enough to trust him with your life. You two had been friends for years before you got involved romantically and you loved him with all of your being. He was a laid back, hilarious, witty and selfless person, always supporting you and giving you nothing but respect and love. It was only natural that you’d give back as much as he gave you, and you were his number one fan ever since he decided to become an actor.

But when he came up with that ridiculous idea, you were absolutely stunned.

“Come again?” you asked, almost certain that you had misheard him the first time.

“I want you to cheat on me” he repeated, the words floating in the air between you.

It was like he was suddenly talking in a different language, you understood every word, but put together, they made no sense. The softness of the couch beneath you seemed to want to devour you as you sank further into it, the sentence echoing inside your brain, still not making sense.

“Ok, look, the thing is that I really want this part for this play that could potentially put me out there and… and the character gets cheated on by his partner” Seokjin started explaining after waiting for a few minutes without any other response except for your blank expression and your rapid blinking. “But the problem is that I never got cheated on, I don’t know how that feels like and I can’t really connect with the character.”

“You want me to cheat on you so you know how it feels?” you summarized, scandalized, the pitch of your voice going up by the end of the question.

“It’s called method acting” he was quick to say, his tone of voice stable and low, and you knew he was trying to calm you down. “A lot of great actors do it: Adrien Brody, Christian Bale, even Robert DeNiro!”

Seokjin started to pace in front of you, his hands moving, his eyes bright with excitement, and you felt less and less confused and more and more pissed off. But you allowed him to continue talking, hoping that he would come up with a fucking outstanding excuse for proposing such a stupid thing to you.

Or even better, to start laughing and telling you it was all a joke.

“It’s risky, because it’s like becoming your character; instead of acting, you are… and I think it’s the exact thing I need this time. The protagonist, the role I want, he--- he does a lot of shady shit, life treated him so badly but he still fights and then he loses it when he finds out the love of his life, the only person he thought he could trust in the entire world, cheats on him with who he thought was on the way to become his best friend, so… the second person he thought he could trust…”

Seokjin always rambled when he was extra enthusiastic about a project, and each time you’d sit and listen to him talk for hours. You didn’t mind. You felt yourself falling in love more each time he shared his passions with you. But right in that moment, you weren’t exactly feeling the excitement.

“So… I was thinking Hoseok” he said, stopping moving as if he was considering the scenario.

“What?”

“You kinda like him, yes? You are close, I think that if we discuss it properly, there shouldn’t be issues wi…”

“I’m not cheating on you with Hoseok” you interrupted, irritated. He looked at you with a frown on his beautiful facial features, half surprised even.

“Why not?” he asked. Now you were utterly pissed off, and it probably was clear to see on your face because when you opened your mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, he raised his hands in a sign that was probably meant to appease you at the same time that it would protect him if you threw something at him (which you were really tempted to do). “Ok! Ok, I get it, Hoseok is a no, then. What about Namjoon?”

“I’m not going to prostitute myself for your fucking role, Seokjin!” you lashed out, raising from the couch. “What the fuck! There are other ways to connect with characters, right? Use your fucking imagination, like you always did!”

“But it’s not working!” he replied, and you were out of patience to deal with that bullshit. “Babe, I don’t like this any more than you do, but…”

“No? Could have fooled me! It actually looks like you’re really enjoying this!” you spat back. How could he expect you to believe he wasn’t really liking it when he talked about it like anyone else would talk about the weather?

Seokjin finally had the decency to look like he was feeling guilty, and you willed yourself to calm down. Your head had become a second heart, beating loudly, aching. Taking deep breaths, you sat down on the couch again.

He was the man you loved, he was the man you trusted the most, he was the man you wanted to always be there for whenever he needed anything. You wanted to be his strength, his confidence, his everything, just like he had become yours. But sometimes he could be really fucking unfair, on unsuspected levels. This was the lowest he had sunk so far, the thought of you actually cheating on him was the worst joke ever.  

And with Hoseok, of all people? He was a great friend that had actually introduced you to Seokjin back in the day. Yes, maybe you had kissed Hoseok once, before you a Jin were together as a couple and way before you had any sort of idea that he liked you romantically, but that was beside the point.

Unless it meant that Seokjin had held that information for that long due to jealousy or something. It has been years since that had happened, could it be that he was mad about it? You looked at the man before you, who sat in silence looking at his hands, probably trying to come up with a proper apology or just another way to convince you. You couldn’t tell anymore.

“Is it really that important for you?” you asked, breaking the silence that has fell between you two. He looked up, startled, a bit confused. “That role, that play, the whole thing. Is it that important for you? There is no other way you could… I don’t know, understand the character’s motivations?”

“I tried everything I could think of” he sighed, defeated. “But I just… I just don’t get it. I can’t relate to the kind of anger and dejection he’s feeling because you are perfect. You are always with me, supporting me and loving me and I can’t feel anything but love. Shit, I’m so sorry for asking you to cheat on me… I’m an idiot.”

“You are” you smiled, already melting when he had so many nice things to say.

You knew Seokjin, you prided yourself over that fact. He was passionate about acting, he always gave his all to whatever project he was given and there was no doubt in your mind that he had just experienced some sort of brain fart or something alike when he proposed the whole cheating thing. For someone so intelligent as him, he could be the most stupid person ever as well. It baffled you sometimes.

And you couldn’t believe you were actually considering his proposal. Not that you were about to cheat him, but there had to be a way to help him somehow without risking the whole relationship.

“Can I read it? The script, I mean” you requested gently, and he rushed to get it for you.

“Do you want something to eat? Something to drink?” he offered, back to his usual self, always so serviceable, but you knew that he was excited for you to read what he had read, and maybe to try to help him somehow. “Oh, it’s late, I should start making dinner. As an apology, if that’s ok with you. You read it properly, I’m not going to bother you.”

Once you were left alone with the group of sheets in your hands, you were a woman on a mission. The plot was interesting, heavy on the angst side, with a protagonist burdened with all sorts of misfortunes and woes. You could practically see Seokjin reciting the lines, becoming the character he was so desperate to embody… and you could easily see where the trouble started.

Seokjin was a human being, he had his fair share of complications in his existence so far, and many more were awaiting for him because that was just how life was, but there was an edge to the character, a pure feeling of deep anger, that you knew Jin couldn’t feel. Not only because he hadn’t faced as many obstacles as the protagonist, but also because you were damn sure your boyfriend would never hold onto the angst, the pain and the wrath like the character did.

You weren’t completely sure what that whole method acting shit was, but you never heard nice things about it. From time to time you’d watch news about celebrities and the notion wasn’t one you were unfamiliar with, being aware that it was something actors did but apparently it wasn’t always accepted. Googling it, you read more about it.

And then it hit you, Seokjin’s words echoing in your head, reminding you that since he couldn’t turn to his imagination to understand the character’s motivation, he wanted to feel it on his flesh. Instead of acting like the character, to become the character. No wonder method acting was so frowned upon. But it sure gave magnificent results, if the people who used it for this or that movie were living proof of that.

However… were you willing to put your relationship in danger just so you could help him understand the protagonist? And even if he did, there was no promise he’d actually get the role. There were a million doubts and fears circling your head by the time Seokjin stepped out of the kitchen. The delicious aroma of the meat he had been preparing long forgotten by then, you had your whole body filled with worries about the plan that had appeared out of nowhere a second before but that was growing rapidly.

It was a terrible idea. You knew it well.

“Food’s ready, let’s just wait until it cool off to… hey, you ok?”

The worry in his voice apparent, you wondered for the last time if you were actually willing to do what you were about to do. Taking a deep breath, one deep enough to make your lungs hurt, you looked at him with your best blank expression.

“Honey?” he tried again, stepping closer.

“You say you can’t relate to the character’s feelings, but you should” you spoke, lowly, your voice as stable as you could manage to make it sound. Seokjin stopped on his tracks, utterly confused. You nodded slowly. “This was all a way to make me confess, right? Alright, I’ll confess.”

“Confess what? What are you talking about?” he asked, frowning.

You continued to look at him, holding back the overwhelming urge of dropping the act, wishing to be able to convey the truth in spite your words. Your eyebrows moved up slightly, you heard about smiling with your eyes in ANTM, well, in that moment you were hoping for being able to transmit a full speech explaining with details what you were trying to do… with your eyes.

“You should be able to understand how this man feels about the love of his life cheating on him with his best friend” you rephrased slowly. “Unless I’m not the love of your life… or Hoseok isn’t your best friend.”

After a few heartbeats of silence and obvious confusion on Seokjin’s part, you could see it. There was a glimmer of understanding in his eyes, his whole face transforming, his whole body language changing. From grasping the true meaning of your cryptic speech to apprehension towards the new information received, you were hoping to God this was worth the fucking while because lying and potentially breaking your boyfriend’s heart just to help him get some shitty role in a shitty play was the worst.

It wasn’t the first time you two roleplayed. You usually helped him whenever you could with scenes if he needed it, or you just did it to spice things up in the bedroom, but you weren’t sure if actually letting him know that you were just acting would help him. So far the whole thing was getting believable, intensely so. To be honest, you were feeding on the energy he had started to give back to you.

“Say it clearly” he demanded, now a completely different person. It was working wonderfully, and you tried to relax, but it was impossible. The fire in his eyes, the tone of his voice, everything was awfully unlike anything Seokjin was.

“Do I really have to? You can’t put two and two together? Or maybe… maybe you like to play dumb. You already know about my preference for Hoseok.”

And alright, maybe you liked to act, too. Each chance you got to become someone else while helping your boyfriend out was one you enjoyed a lot and made sure to make the most of it. But you knew you weren’t good enough to pursue a career as actress, not that you were actually interested in doing so.

“Don’t joke about that, babe, please” he scoffed, taking off the apron he had used to prepare dinner.

You deflated, disappointed. So you couldn’t fool him, after all. Or maybe he didn’t want your help anymore. Or maybe you were just bad at it. Suddenly you were in a bad mood, almost pouting, feeling stupid for your dumb attempt. What an embarrassing situation.

“Whatever” you replied, standing up and walking towards the bathroom door to hide for a few minutes. You were two steps away from it when you felt a hand grabbing your arm and pulling you back.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Seokjin hissed at your ear, your back pressed against his torso, the grip on your arm almost hurting. You automatically tried to break free from him, whispering some curses, too surprised to understand what was happening. “Are you trying to escape? Huh? To go to him?”

It clicked then that your attempts might have not been in vain after all, if the way Seokjin was acting was an indication of it. You looked up, finding wide blown pupils staring back at you, a scowl painted on his features, and anger. He’d never, ever, lay a hand on you like this, but you let the energy he was pouring over you influenced your reply.

“So what? What if I am?” you replied, still struggling against his grip. The main door was in the same direction, so there was no need to explain you were only going to the bathroom. “He’d never do this to me!”

“Do what? Dedicate his whole being to keep your safe, well and happy? Sacrifice everything for you?”

You could recognize part of the speech you’d just read on the script tainting Seokjin’s words, and that was all you needed to understand that he was actually acting. Or at least trying to position himself on the right frame of mind to be able to portray the character.

Caught in the whole thinking process you were doing, you didn’t reply quick enough and he shook you again, snapping you out of it.

“Damn right he wouldn’t do shit” he growled on your ear, his other hand going to your neck, his slender fingers wrapping around your pulse, holding you in place now that you had stopped struggling. “Not like I do, hmm? He surely didn’t fuck you like I can.”

Well, shit. 

That wasn’t on the script, but you weren’t complaining. Not even when you two ventured on roleplay things got this heated, this urgent, this absolutely animalistic and raw. He was always careful with you, always holding himself back, always reminding you of the safeword you had chosen but that never had to use.

The hand he had been using to grab your arm then left it alone, pressing his palm against your stomach, forcing your body to get closer to his. And when he rubbed his erection against your ass, you knew you were in for a nice ride (you sort of had guessed it already, but that was the ultimate confirmation). The tips of his fingers brushed against your navel, playing with the hem of your shirt, with the beginning of your sweatpants.

He was barely doing something worth all of the fire you were feeling tickling your skin from deep within, but you were already all sorts of messed up and you were loving it. The way you were already getting wet in between your legs was unbelievable, but he wasn’t letting you think clearly enough to do something about it.

“Tell me, go on, tell me what he did to you” Seokjin was now rubbing against your ass, breathing against your neck, driving you insane. “Did he went down on you? Did he taste that sweet pussy? Did he make you taste him?”

“Yeah” you breathed out, almost laughing at the thought of what you were about to say. “He tasted like you… but sweeter.”

That seemed to have done the trick for him. You could felt how he tensed his hand around your neck, and how his fingers on your stomach sneaked down under your sweatpants and underwear, directly touching your already humid folds. Your upper body jerked at the touch, and if it hadn’t been for him holding you in place, you’d have probably bent forward in half. 

His digits started moving with circular motions against your clitoris, finding it relatively quickly. He knew your body, each part of it, spending hours and hours exploring it, mapping it, finding every spot that would make you squirm with pleasure and abusing of it over and over and over again.

“You’re so fucking wet already… is it because you’re thinking about him?” he mumbled against the shell of your ear, nibbling at it softly, letting his tongue follow the outline of it. Your abdomen was contracting in itself, your hands becoming fists since you had no idea what to do with them and touching him was out of the question.

“Wouldn’t you like to know” was the only response you gave him, still holding onto the character you had made for yourself in order to face this whole situation. Your concentration was quickly vanishing, you wanted him to do something already, something more, to give you everything he had like he always did.

He bite your ear in retaliation, harder than he’d do in his normal frame of mind, but not enough to make it hurt terribly. You whimpered at that, surprised both by his action and the way your body responded so positively to it. You had to be out of your mind, for sure. You weren’t one for these sorts of things, even if you liked a bit of pain from time to time, but nothing like this. Absolutely nothing like this. Now you were finding out that, during the right time and in the right place, you could definitely get off with being treated this roughly.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Seokjin’s hands disappeared from your body, leaving you feeling like your legs were about to give in, when he pushed you down to your knees and hurried to undo his belt and unzip his jeans. You got the memo fast enough, and licked your lips, expectantly, but nothing could have prepared you for what came next.

Between the wall and him, you had nowhere to escape (not that the thought even crossed your mind), so it was easy for Seokjin to grab the back of your head, to secure your hair in between his fingers, and pull you closer to his now exposed cock that was right there, standing proud, angry, and you could have sworn, twitching as well. However, you soon enough understood why he was grabbing you by the hair: to stop you from moving, either away or closer to him. Maybe he knew you too well, already anticipating you going straight for his cock to get it inside of your mouth.

“Ah, you like it, don’t you? You like my cock better, why don’t you just admit it?” he snorted, seeing you salivating at the sight in front of you in a conditioned fashion (Pavlov would have been proud… maybe), but held his erection inches away from you, barely letting the tip touch your lips only to remove it once more.

He repeated the action two more times before deciding to act like if his cock was a lipstick, painting your lips with salty precum that you licked off almost automatically, moaning at the taste, looking up after to check his expression. And boy, were you even more turned on by it that you had ever been before. There was a glint of pure danger in his eyes along with intense desire that could easily be mistaken with anger… or was it the other way around?

“Open up, let me remind you how much, much better I taste” he ordered, and you had no qualms about complying immediately, yet the way he tugged at your hair made you moan almost painfully.

Seokjin was in charge, and he was reminding you that by making it impossible for you to do what he already knew you’d have done if you had the chance to do it, and that was to suck him off however you wanted to. Instead, he used your mouth as he rocked his hips slowly, still careful not to hurt you one bit, making his cock slide easily next to the spit that had already been accumulated inside of your oral cavity. You flatten your tongue, relaxed your jaw, and let him do what he wanted to do, trying to control your breathing because you were having troubles with that part.

“Yes, just like that… it feels so good… fuck” he babbled, almost slipping out of character and noticing it quickly enough, if the way he relaxed his grip on your hair only to resume his brutal hold on it a second later or the way his voice almost went back to his usual honey tone were enough indications of that. And they were.

You decided to hollow your cheeks, starting with the suction, and were rewarded with a beautiful loud moan coming from plump limps above you. His pace increased slightly, his head thrown back a bit, and you knew he was holding back the sounds that were threatening to ruin the whole act if he ever let them out. However, as soon as you felt he was starting to get too sloppy, the cock was gone from your mouth.

You opened your eyes that you didn’t even remember close, and looked up, almost offended. He was biting his lower lip, his chest heaving lightly, the hand on your hair gone so he could place his forearm against the wall and lean on it. But the cock was still relatively close, so your eyes went from his face to it, licking your lips, teasingly.

“Up” was his order, breaking your concentration and making you pay attention to him once more. Your knees hurt a bit from the way they had collapsed against the floor in the first place (you should have been more careful), but you managed to obey. Seokjin tugged at your pants. “Off. Take these off. Now.”

Once more you followed his instructions without a single complaint and in a hurried fashion, not caring anymore about how desperate you looked. To hell with appearances, to hell with the whole acting shit you had already forgotten was the cause for all of that scenario unfolding with you in the middle. Normally he’d pay attention to you the whole time, marking you in secret places, leaving you breathless, panting, yet giving you what you wanted without you needing to ask for it.

This time was not only different in the intensity area, but on the giving area, too. Seokjin was taking and taking and taking and he was neglecting you. He had barely touched you, barely pleasured you, hadn’t even kissed you on the lips. Once again, you weren’t complaining. You were still wishing to know what was going to come next.

Once your pants and panties had been forgotten in the floor next to you, he manhandled you, turning you around and pushing you against the wall, making your ass stick out and kneeling before you without a single word. You felt his fingers on your pussy, parting your wet folds, exposing you in a way that would make you blush if you weren’t already doing it. You gasped when you felt his tongue against your entrance, poking it, and arched your back more, lifting your ass more, giving him a better access.

You heard the sound half a second before you felt the sting of his palm against your asscheek, and barely held the sharp cry that left your lips, your legs trembling at the impact. His fingers went back to your core, now sliding inside of you without warning and it was impossible not to hiss at that, your body automatically trying to back away but another spank was given and you felt your head spinning too fast.

Seokjin was then finger fucking you without mercy, already two fingers moving in and out, your lips parted but no sound coming as you panted heavily, more air leaving you than getting inside your lungs. And what came could have surprised you if you weren’t already too lost inside the hurricane of pleasure and light pain you were feeling.

“P-please! Pluh-please!” you heard yourself screaming, almost sobbing already.

“Please, what?” Seokjin asked after he stood up, his fingers stilling for a few seconds before going back to his brutal pace. Your hips had already started rocking back, trying to get as much friction as they could to ease the itch you felt starting inside the depths of your belly and that was leaving you desperate for release. “Speak. What do you want?”

“Please” you repeated, a broken cry mostly. You had no idea what you wanted except to cum, that’s all that was occupying your mind. “Fuck me… please, please, Jin, fuck me…!”

“Why should I?” he laughed, airily, almost as if he was out of breath, against your ear. “Don’t you like his cock better? Isn’t that why you fucked him?”

“No… no, please!” you babbled, drooling a bit without being able to stop it. “I don’t--- I don’t like his… please, I want yours, I want you… oh, go---god…”

“Say it, say my cock is better” he ordered, and you felt a tear running down your cheek. That had never happened before.

“Your cock is… better… is better… I love your cock, Jin, I lo---love…”

“Fuck” he muttered, and you felt his fingers disappear from inside you, leaving you horribly empty and begging for something to fill you up.

Luckily, he seemed to be just about as desperate as you, spitting on his hand and coating his cock with the mix of his saliva and your juices, collecting a bit more from your pussy just to be a tease. And then the head of his erection was pressing against your folds, and you could have screamed out of frustration but he quickly found your hole and thrusted against it, making his cock slide inside of you up to the middle. The sound that left your body was one you had never heard yourself doing before, but you weren’t even interested in that anymore when you felt so full all of the sudden.

Even in character (if he still was in character, that is), Seokjin took a minute to let you adjust to him, starting to move painfully slow to make sure that he wouldn’t be hurting you. It had been a real daring move to just penetrate you like that, and it would have been a real problem on past occasions, but you knew you were incredibly wet from the whole experience and luckily everything went right.

From the gentle motions he sped up his thrusts, a litany of curses mixed with your name in between were whispered against the skin of your back, your shoulders and your neck as he kept fucking you against the wall like a lunatic. You kept accepting, barely able to move but trying to meet the movements of his hips until you found the right position to let him fuck into you while he kept touching all the right places.

There was not a single trace of a coherent thought inside your brain, it was filled with Seokjin and what you were feeling, and your fast approaching climax. The itch was becoming unbearable, the position you were in was absolutely terrible, your legs were almost about to give way, to give up, you had no strength, but you continued to be pinned against the wall, having him biting your skin and fucking you mercilessly.

Your orgasm came without a single warning. Even if you were feeling the familiar knot forming inside your abdomen, it only took one well-placed thrust, a coincidentally nice timed touch deep in you to make you explode. You swore you could see fireworks, but that was just happening due to how tight you had shut your eyes without noticing it. You went limp while Seokjin continued to move against you, but he wasn’t too far from cumming, thanks to the way your inner walls tightened even more around his cock and the way you sucked him in greedily.

One minute later or so, he was pulling out and stroking his erection a few times before spilling himself all over your ass, cursing with a broken voice. Your legs finally decided to stop working and you slide down towards the floor, laying down there soon after.

He was right there, sitting on the floor as well, before he joined you laying on his back. Panting, the only thing that could be heard then was the way you two were struggling to catch your breaths. And then… he started to laugh.

“Oh… wow” he offered you, back to being the same old Seokjin you knew and loved.

“Wow indeed” you smiled, feeling like you were made of jelly. “What the fuck was that all about?”

“That’s my line” he assured you, turning his head to face you. His smile was replaced with a frown, small tears of sweat covering his forehead. “You didn’t really mean what you say, did you? You and Hoseok…”

“Fuck, Jin, no, of course nothing ever happened” you groaned, too tired to be dealing with that. But you had brought it upon yourself, so you might as well clear that shit up. “I was just trying to help you with your stupid character.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course, I knew that” he rushed to tell you, even if you didn’t believe one word. You knew he trusted you, but he had the right to have his doubts. Just for that particular occasion, though. “Well… thank you. That was---- enlightening.”

“I sure hope it was, because we’re not doing that ever again, you hear me?”

“Loud and clear, ma’am” he guaranteed, his hand now going to your cheek to caress it. It was him who moved on top of you to kiss you, long and gently, just the way you liked it. You two spend a few minutes doing just that, while your hearts and your lungs settled back again. “By the way, did you quoted Fall Out Boy earlier?”

“Yes… and no. I was going more for Closer, but it worked either way” you laughed.

“It certainly gave it a touch of distinction. Oh… oh, fuck, hey, dinner must be already cold” he remembered all of the sudden, sitting on the floor.

Seokjin helped you to stand up, and then to wash you nicely while showering with you. The food he had made for you, even if re-heated, had been delicious, but before you had the chance to put it all behind you and sleep the numb pain and discomfort that had finally settled in your every bone due to the exercise you were exposed to, you had to make sure of something.

“Jinnie, baby, promise me this: no more method acting. Seriously. Don’t even think about it anymore. This was a one-time thing, and if you ever come back to me with this stupid idea, I will seriously kick you out and go find Hoseok” you threatened. He laughed cheerfully, the vibrations of the sound that caused going directly to your head that had been delicately placed against his chest.

“I promise” Seokjin spoke against your hair before kissing it.

(And if he came back home a few days later to find you singing Thnx fr th mmrs out loud when the he tasted like you, only sweeter part with only your panties on and that definitely set the mood for more wild sex, or if Hoseok didn’t really understand what had he done wrong for Seokjin to be somewhat pissed off at him for two weeks in a row, none of you mentioned a thing about it.)