#so here i am wanting to write a novel after expressing that written reincarnation stories aren’t all that good

[chryzure-archive]

in theory, i adore reincarnation stories. there’s so much potential and heartbreak in them, and there’s always the promise that this life—this life will be better, we will get our happy ending. one day. i swear to you. 

but ALSO, i have rarely seen a good iteration of a reincarnation story in practice. i am looking DIRECTLY at the book that had the reincarnated lovers be adopted cousins in their next life btw.

[arabhamlet]

why you should read the heartless divine

hello guys! i haven’t used tumblr in a while, so i hope i tag this correctly, but i really needed to write this post to promote a book i think many, many people will enjoy reading for a number of reasons, and i figured i should give it a shot.

the heartless divine is varsha ravi’s debut novel, self-published last november through amazon. it is a ya fantasy romance inspired by mythology and sangam era india, and you can purchase it as an ebook or as a physical copy on amazon.

i 100% recommend it to anyone who enjoys mythology, reincarnation/soulmates, tragic but tender star-crossed romance (and not in a generic ya way either), or just anything with complex plot, character, and relationships—which, i realize, basically means everyone, but in my defence it is really good and worth a read no matter who you are.

what’s it about?

the heartless divine follows two paralleling narratives. the first is set in the distant past, and follows suri, a princess forced into being an assassin by her warlike family, as she is betrothed to the boy king of a neighbouring land after being assigned the task to kill him once the wedding is complete, only to find her plans going off-kilter when she encounters kiran, a strange prophet who predicts his own incoming death and the catastrophe soon to occur. the second is set in modern-day, and follows a reincarnated suri, with no memories of her past life, who finds her life inexplicably tied to a changed kiran, who she does not remember but who remembers her.

the plot is a bit more complex than this, and this is really just a quick summary, but more than that it’s a story about humans and our relationships to each other, to mortality, and to fate.

i highly recommend it - it can be a little slow to start off with, but once the historical plot starts going i found it pretty much impossible to put down. even though it’s been a few months since i read it, i find myself going back to it pretty much constantly. it’s fantastic both as a ya novel to read for fun, and as something far more complex with so many themes, characters, and dynamics to unpack.

but if you need a bit more encouragement:

why should i read it?

as i mentioned, the plot is incredibly engaging. unlike a lot of ya, as well, the heartless divine is super character-based and has incredibly strong characters in its protagonists. the past storyline also has a running mystery - and the reveal at the end as to who is the real villain definitely caught me off-guard on my first read. the past storyline is also deeply tragic in many ways, hitting you emotionally to great effect, and the climax is absolutely one of the most impactful climaxes of any ya book i’ve ever read—i’m making an effort not to spoil anything while writing this, because the pure emotional punch of the climax should be read completely blind.

ravi’s writing is absolutely gorgeous. she has an incredible command over the written word and wrote some incredibly amazing prose in this book. her writing is at once poetic and also incredibly versatile, fitting into beautiful romantic declarations and sharp dialogue and tense scenes of conflict. i won’t include any massive chunks, but here are some of my favourite lines:

Where does the divinity go, then? he had asked her. She had shrugged. To the sky. That is where all divinity goes after it is dead. But the sky was too far away, and there was not enough left of him, divine or not, to guarantee safe passage on a trip so long.

She had always been afraid of hope, in the same way she figured most people were afraid of black holes. Desire was something that consumed, she knew, and to desire impossibility was to let it consume you entirely. hearts splintered with love and splintered with loss, and to fear one was to fear both—it was safer to resist them both, to draw thick, black demarcations in shining permanent marker, explicit, clear lines that gently reminded her of what could and could not be desired.

“You live as though you are already dead,” she whispered. each word sunk into him, cut through his heart with clean, sharp blades. “You live as though your life is nothing but a prerequisite for death, for true purpose. Have you ever fought to stay alive? Have you ever allowed yourself to think of life as something to love?”

They had the same fine boned face, hollow-cheeked and haunted, the same air of a saint that had burnt away to nothing and held the ashes himself. And yet, they were not the same. It was a twisted, imperfect projection—it was him, but not all of him. This was his savage divinity laid bare.

What were love stories but dreams of worlds where the sun and moon could linger beside one another long enough to learn the language of the other’s heart?

ravi also has an incredible grasp on the themes that she’s writing with. above all, the heartless divine is about humanity and what makes people human—our relationships with each other and with our own place in the world. and in my opinion, she expresses these ideas with great maturity and wisdom.

however, for the most part, the heartless divine’s greatest strength is its characters. kiran is a deeply complex character, a prophet caught between his duty to die as a martyr and his desire to make his own choices and follow what he truly loves. he has a complicated relationship to humanity, but no human more than himself, as he struggles to understand the parameters of his own humanity—the place where his mortality ends and his divinity begins. at first, the kiran of the past and the kiran of the present seem deeply separated from each other, but as the story progresses you begin to understand the tragedy of how kiran became who he is in the modern-day.

at first, suri seems like a typical ya female protagonist, but as the story progresses and she begins to let her guard down a bit more, you really start to see how interesting and complicated she is as a character. she doesn’t believe in gods or fate at the beginning of either storyline, but by the end she slowly starts to accept hope into her heart—ending in two very different ways—and advocates for ignoring fate and following the life you want, desperately searching for the happy ending that you deserve. she also has a deeply captivating character voice, and was, certainly at the beginning, my favourite of the three pov characters.

but my personal favourite character is viro, the primary antagonist of the past plotline (though—no major spoilers—he finally makes an appearance in the modern plotline very close to the end). most people i know who have read the heartless divine feel similarly about viro. ravi makes him a deeply compelling character, fleshing out his motivations and reasoning and in turn writing one of my favourite relationships in the book in his complex brotherly relationship with kiran. i don’t want to spoil much about him, but he is a really interesting character and, though technically the antagonist, is just as compelling as the protagonists.

on the same note, before i talk about the romance in the book, i have to mention viro and kiran’s dynamic, as i feel it drives the past plot in many ways and is deeply interesting. the two are adoptive brothers, and find themselves butting heads almost constantly over their different ideological stances; and though it’s clear they love each other, soon enough you start to worry if love is enough.

onto the romance, and of course i have to talk about suri and kiran, because—how could i not. they’re literal soulmates! two souls who find each other in every lifetime! they’re kindred spirits no matter what, in both past and present, two people who understand each other deeply on a metaphysical level, and no matter what their scenes together were a great joy. they’re a romance where both of them help each other grow, even when surrounded by chaos and catastrophe. here’s one of my favourite lines in the book in case you need some more explanation. this is romance.

“‘Love is dangerous, blinding,’” he quoted, voice soft against her cheeks in an empty semblance of amusement. He pulled back slightly, just enough that she could see the gentleness, the raw warmth in his gaze. The clean lack of regret. “And yet, I see you so clearly.”

it’s perhaps less explicit—but bear in mind this is the first book in a series—but ravi also sets up the dynamic between viro and his guard, companion, and best friend tarak in a way that...is practically impossible not to read as romantic. i won’t spoil it because it is something you have to see in person, but some of the most emotionally charged scenes in the novel deal with their dynamic. here’s another line for good measure. they really said we do it for the girls and the tenderyearning gays that’s it.

Tarak let out a ragged sigh, lost and despairing. Viro reached up and put a hand on his, traced the lines of his fingers. he watched him do it, entranced by the movement and saddened by it as well. Finally, he asked, “If I begged, would you stay?” Viro’s fingers stilled in their movement, suddenly hyper-aware of the way Tarak’s hands shook upon the embroidered fabric of his tunic. as if he couldn’t bear to hold him tighter, as if the mere action would wrench him away.

the world building is also incredibly well done, as is the mythology ravi sets up and the folk stories she tells. also, for good measure, ravi is an indian writer and her story is, as aforementioned, deeply inspired by sangam india. i don’t necessarily have the cultural context to interact with the worldbuilding completely, but from where i stand it’s immensely well done.

the second book in the series is currently being written, and i recommend picking up your copy of the heartless divine soon before the series continues. once again, it’s available on amazon, and here is its page on goodreads and thestorygraph in case you want to add it to your tbr!

also, for good measure, shoot me a message here or on twitter (where i normally am) if you do decide to read it and want to discuss it! for good measure, here’s one of my favourite lines from the book—just as a closing statement.

“I want to hear all of your stories,” she said, fierce as fire. “Every single one. I don’t care whether they have happy endings or not.”

[occasionaltouhou]

Here's a rare-pair for you then. Akyuu and Ellen, Destiny. You've probably seen some plot about an immortal chasing down and seducing their lover's reincarnations (or is that just my weird books?), but what if you have that… but in reverse. Gotta give PC-98 some love.

i have not been able to stop thinking about this prompt since i got it. i wish my brain was half as huge as yours

this doesn’t quite fit the prompt but i hope you like it anyway

Her name was Ellen right now. It had been other things in the past, and it would be other things in future, but right now it was Ellen.

She had an unusual problem – she had lived so long that she had started to forget things, but not in any order; instead, the things she did remember seemed to be completely arbitrary. She remembered minor moments from many years ago with perfect clarity when she tried to recall them, but struggled to remember things from even the day before.

Also, she was immortal. She couldn’t remember why that was, either. Maybe she was a youkai? She didn’t know. Right now, she was living in a human village, and she looked human, so it’s possible that she was human, but she didn’t think that humans could live forever.

Well, none of that was important! If it was important, she’d remember it, probably.

Today she was buying food. She’d written down what the food she needed was, and made sure to pin it to her door to make sure she’d see it. The problem was, she couldn’t remember what she needed all the ingredients for. She should have remembered to write that down!

She laughed to herself, and grabbed the basket she kept next to the door. Her pet cat leapt up as she opened the door and landed gracefully on her shoulder, before relaxing and flopping over it. She laughed again.

The people at the little shop near her house (she’d left herself directions on her grocery list) were talking about something. A book? A story?

It turned out to be a book. Apparently there was a new mystery novel going around, and from what Ellen heard of it, it seemed to be really interesting. And there was something about it that seemed… familiar. So she got directions – wrote them down – and wandered off to Suzunaan, her groceries, naturally, completely forgotten.

—

“I heard you have a book!”

Kosuzu had had a lot of strange things said to her in her time – she’d once been threatened by a tengu into selling her newspapers, after all – but this probably beat all of them.

“I–” she started, and then reconsidered. “Were you after any book in particular…?”

“The one everyone’s talking about!”

Kosuzu grinned. “Oh, the new volume of ‘Was It All A Youkai’s Doing’?” She gestured to a small pile on her desk. “I’ve got a whole bunch here! Did you want to rent it, or…?”

The girl considered for a moment, and then dug into one of her pockets and dumped a small pile of loose change on Kosuzu’s desk, then took the topmost book, sat down nearby, and began reading rapidly.

Kosuzu stared for a moment, and then began counting out the change, still keeping an eye on her. Just as she was no stranger to unusual comments, she was no stranger to unusual guests, even one as strange as this. The stranger continued to read, and then suddenly frowned at something. Her brow furrowed as she thought. Then she began skipping pages.

“Ah, you’re not really meant to read ahead–” started Kosuzu, but was interrupted.

“I’m in this!” said Ellen, surprised. Somehow, the brief conversation from earlier had agitated one of her seemingly long-lost memories. “I remember this happening!”

“E-eh?!”

—

Kosuzu had almost immediately closed the shop and gone to see Hieda no Akyuu. Upon having the situation explained to her, Akyuu had been momentarily surprised, but quickly relaxed. It was clear that Kosuzu’s visitor was a youkai, and likely not a particularly harmful one. Suzunaan had reached that unusual position where it was under the protection of enough powerful youkai that a lesser one would not dare to cause too much trouble for the humans running it.

After that, it was only a matter of considering who it could be. Of course, some of Akyuu’s stories were based on events that had really happened – when she felt there was an event suitable for writing about, or (in at least one case) when she’d been stumped on a mystery and felt like writing about something similar to work out a fitting solution. But there’d been enough people – humans and youkai – involved in this one that it was difficult to narrow it down.

So she’d had to come along herself, walking behind the hurrying Kosuzu and trying to hide her building anticipation. It was rare for her to be visited by someone who remembered one of her past reincarnations, as most of them were youkai that never entered the Village; the idea that there was someone else who remembered the things she did was rather exciting.

She walked into Suzunaan and stopped dead so suddenly that Kosuzu stopped and stared at her in surprise.

Kosuzu’s unusual visitor looked at her with a curious expression. “Are you the author?”

“I– I am Hieda no Akyuu. I am the author, yes.”

“That’s not the name on the cover, though!” She paused for a moment. “But you got my name wrong, too, so that’s okay! I guess you’re just not good with names!”

Akyuu made an odd choking sound. “I– Agatha Chris-Q is my pen-name. A pseudonym. The–”

Kosuzu was watching her friend, concerned. Something about this visitor seemed to be upsetting her; she’d never seen her lose control like this.

“Might I ask–” started Akyuu, and then hesitated, and then continued, “Your name–”

“I’m Ellen! Nice to meet you, Akyuu!”

“We’ve met. We met as Hieda no Ayo, and as Hieda no Amu, and as Hiedo no Anana.”

“Have we…?” replied Ellen, confused. “But you’re Akyuu…?”

Akyuu made that same unpleasant sound. “I– I am the Child of Miare– you have to remember this–”

“Ah…” Ellen looked unhappy for the first time. “My memory’s been really bad for a while… I can barely remember what I had for breakfast. Or if I had any.”

“That’s– unfortunate. But you could remember what happened in the book–”

“Only a little bit,” confessed Ellen. “I was just surprised! It’s not often you get to be in a book!”

“–I suppose not. I– I hope you’re not unhappy with your depiction?”

“I loved it, thank you!” Ellen, placing the book in her basket, stood up, and walked over to Akyuu. “I’m sorry I can’t remember you though. Were we friends?”

“–As Ayo we were acquaintances. As Amu we were friends. As Anana–”

She hesitated. The girl already looked so forlorn, and she could hardly bear it.

“–As Anana, we were merely acquaintances again. It was good to see you, A– Ellen.”

“It’s nice to meet you too!” said Ellen. “I hope I can see you when I get the next volume, but I’ve got to go get groceries now! I forgot!”

She ran out of the store and was gone like a summer storm. Akyuu stared blankly into space for a while, then glanced at Kosuzu with a despondent expression.

“I once wondered,” she said quietly, “if I should form friendships with youkai rather than humans. If it was better to form bonds with immortals rather than those I would never see again.”

“Akyuu,” started Kosuzu quietly, “who–”

“But perhaps, if I only formed relationships with humans,” continued Akyuu, voice hoarse, “if I made sure that I would never see the people from each of my lives again… I wonder if that would be better than– than–”

She slumped to the floor, and began to cry.

[abreuofcoffee]

We Bloom Until We Ache

— Word Count: 2k

— Genre: Hanahaki AU, Angst, Fluff and Light Comedy if you squint very hard enough

Ch. 1 | 2 

It was a dark gloomy night, streetlights illuminating the avenue and cars wandering around the city. She stood in front of her apartment building, mindlessly wondering where it all had gone wrong. She thought there was something between them for the past years with him. She did love him very much. But him ? It was all a lie. Recalling what happened just moments ago entered her mind. It was in the midst of their bickering when she asked, “So all of that was, what, just an illusion?”, she asked and looked into his eyes, hoping for something -- anything. “I don’t have anything left to say. You should go” was the only thing he said, voice dull and emotionless. Gathering up all her courage and preventing herself from cracking her voice she said, “I let you get this far with your lies, but I know you well enough, and I think it’s about time we put an end to it.”  and she did, she went to their room, packed her bags and left. It was thirty minutes ago when she had broken things up and moved out. Now, she waits for a taxi to pick her up and distract her from her wandering thoughts.

Inside the taxi where she hoped to be distracted from her recent break up, his words still ring and sting through her heart. “Celestine, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I think it’s about time to tell you, i’ve been seeing someone new.”. And that was it, her breaking point. Celestine broke down in a backseat of an old cab, heartbroken and homeless.

Half a month later, she found and moved in her apartment. Filled with hope for a new beginning, she wished to focus on herself and try to forget the things that happened. “Let’s forget the past and move on to the present”. A line that causally became her motto as time went by. The past weeks and days were nothing but hell to her. It was hard getting over someone you’ve loved and known for years. While fixing her things in her new apartment, she saw a photo album. Inside were numerous photos of him -- of them. And suddenly, she laughs. Anyone who can see her state right now would say she’s out of her mind. Her laughs turned to soft whimpers and some tears even escaped her eyes. Soon enough, those whimpers and tears turned to a total breakdown in the middle of her flat. She felt so stupid to believe that they would  be able get married someday but the certain turn of events proved her otherwise. Loud sobbing and screams surround her flat as she continues to bawl her eyes out and break down.

There came a knock on her door, not knowing who interrupted her breakdown session, she went to peep who the person was but she became too lazy to tiptoe and peep. “Who would even knock on my door at 3 am?” she murmur. “Who would even does a heavy mental breakdown in the middle of the night? At three 3 am?”  said in a tone of both disbelief and worry by the unknown weird person on the other side of the door. With furrowed brows and a confused face plastered on her face, she opened her door and can’t help but ogle at tall good-looking man standing in front of her door, wearing what it seems of a black hoodie and pajamas. Sleep, worry and something else she can’t quite decipher written all over his face. “Are you seriously staring at my face right now? We have other issues, woman!” disbelief laced in his tone as he barged into the said apartment. “I.. uhh.. umm… well… WHAT THE? WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU BARGING INTO MY FLAT?” she exclaimed, angrily following the man into her flat. She gasped when she sees him holding a plastic bag holding two large buckets of ice cream. “My name’s Keith and I live next door to you by the way and the reason i’m inside your apartment because apparently I heard someone crying over….. perhaps her ex ? I don’t know for sure but that definitely came into my concern so here we are! I don’t want to see nor hear anyone having a hard time, people should have someone or anyone in that matter to comfort them.”-- having to be raised by a rather tight family, Keith’s used to being a child loved by everyone and he vowed to himself that he will help anyone who is need when he once saw his little sister crying and didn’t know what to do, he felt so helpless that day and that vow to himself was made. “Seeing that you have no one, I gladly accept that position!” he says cheerfully for a person at 3 in the godforsaken morning while removing the ice cream from the plastic bag. “I don’t need anyone to comfort me. I am comfortable by myself and ok as far as i'm concerned, thank you very much.. Keith.” Celestine isn’t really a person who would let someone just barge into her home and tell them her deepest emotions. She thinks it utterly impossible to have someone do that anyway but well, that proved her otherwise tonight. “Oh trust me, you do, darling. And it’s okay, we can go slow and take our time, we have all night anyway. Or perhaps, the whole day?” he chuckled, and Celestine never knew someone’s chuckle could be that cute. Anyways, going back to this weird attractive guy, Celestine is actually thinking through this. What more could she lose, right? And the boy actually seems very trustworthy anyway. Speaking of the devil, he interrupted her thoughts just in time. “What flavor do you want? Mint Chocolate or Cookie Batter?” “The cookie one” she grabbed the cold ice cream with both hands and wrapped a towel around it, to prevent her hands from getting cold. Whilst scooping from her ice cream, she started to open up to this strange neighbor, “Well I used to have this boyfriend for how many years and…”. The night was spent like that, Celestine opened up and Keith dropped few remarks here and there on how awful the break up was and soon after, their conversation moved to other things like how they have mutual interest on contemporary art, Durant, their insights in the latest episode of How To Get Away With Murder and how Keith almost had a criminal offense of vandalising in their college campus’ pristine white walls near the dean’s office and rather in front of the whole football field, showing it on display for the whole campus to see. That night became from one depressing evening of Celestine to somewhere between having a new friend and achieving happiness after a whole month of crying over someone who hurt her.

Few weeks past, bearing with the break up became much more easier with Keith around. He helped her get over him with their Friday movie nights --usually alternating on whose place they will hang out and their ice cream shenanigans in an ice cream shop just a block away from their apartment building. She’s slowly recovering, becoming more of herself and is finally trying to focus and love herself.

During one of their Friday movie nights in her place, Keith noticed something. While she was boringly scrolling through the featured section of Netflix, the television’s light illuminating her face, her hair softly falling from the its previous place behind her ear and her soft grunts and constant complaints of, “I don’t know what to choose! All these movies are  all either about love-sick couples or a dumb person trying to escape a haunted house” with a stupefied expression, Keith stayed motionless in his position. He’s suddenly attracted to this beautiful girl sitting next to her. His thoughts surround the fact that it can be possible and it’s not morally right since she just had a quite awful breakup just months ago.“But it can’t be. I’m probably just joking myself. I don’t like her, I just care for her. It’s what i’m here for and what she needs right now, right?” -- he always believed that people sometimes get attracted to chaotic, untimely things and he thinks this is just one of those.

Celestine’s life is actually pretty normal. Being an aspiring writer that hardly gets any acknowledgements on her stories, novels and poems, she had to work in another field for a secured source of income to support herself. That work being said is just being an average corporate staff working eight hours a day. She works as a journalist in one of the most famous magazine and entertainment company that mainly focuses on celebrity news and drama -- the so called “tea” as the millennials and Gen Z people would say. After a tiring day of work, well tiring is actually an understatement. A co-journalist got fired, one A-list celebrity became the most talked about because of their magazine’s latest scoop of the celebrity’s scandal and a famous fashion designer was murdered in front of his house that day, resulting her and the team hurriedly going to the scene for the latest scoop of the happening and to inform the eager netizens about it. All that could be said was she has had enough of that day and just wanna relax in a warm bubble bath with her favorite bath bomb, smelling the relaxing aroma of lavender oil and listening to her favorite R&B playlist. Needless to say, she was met unexpectedly by Keith’s car in front of her company’s building. The car was nice -- more than nice actually, it was a sleek gray SUV with rich and class written all over it. “Do you mind if we catch dinner together and go home?” Keith asked her through the window of the passenger’s seat. “Yeah, why not? I would die for some god-tier food right now” while approaching the vehicle, she noticed pink and red  flower petals, daffodil to be exact, scattered along the floor of the car but she just paid no mind to it. On the ride going to the restaurant Keith picked, he kept on talking about this one music artist he just found out recently and how one of that artist’s cover art is of Icarus and he then went on and on talking about greek gods and goddesses and how problematic they are. In that sudden moment due to Keith’s non stop blabbering about greek mythology, Celestine was vastly inspired to write a story that she think would really be acknowledged by the public. Her story would then be about the reincarnations of greek gods and goddesses in the present time, here in 21st century. She hurriedly got her phone out of her pocket and started typing out ideas and the plot of her upcoming story. Little does she know those daffodil petals hold a huge meaning.

It was two weeks after that Friday night where Keith denied himself of falling in love with his neighbor that he started to weirdly cough up flowers. Weird. He thought, “Ah! Maybe I accidentally swallowed some at the flower shop earlier.”. But then, it didn’t stop there. It occurred frequently, especially when Celestine enters his mind or whenever he tries to see her (but he fails anyway, because of his current situation of coughing flowers). And so, he went to a doctor to find out what is happening to him. He found out that he is having a condition called Hanahaki Disease and it is quite deadly. The root cause of this disease is unrequited love, the person who has Hanahaki definitely is experiencing unrequited love. Flowers bloom in the patient’s lungs and the harder the patient falls in an unrequited love with someone, the more it congests in the lungs and making the patient cough it up. If it gets worse, the congestion of the flowers blooming will cause the death of the patient. This disease entails unrequited love and will be the inevitable cause of the person’s death. Knowing his condition, he continues to be by Celestine’s side -- as a friend who needs him and as someone who loves her secretly.

[tumblunni]

also wtf who designed rune factory 4 this way THIS IS MY ONLY COMPLAINT IN AN AMAZING GAME why are all the romance routes entirely random?? even after youve reached the relationship milestones its COMPLETELY RANDOM whether the event will start every day same for every friendship event and town event and even some plot events you just have to sit there at your bed constantly skipping days for multiple years til the random number god gives you the marriage scene you did EVERYTHING to earn this marriage scene and you have nothing left to do but wait and youll never see any new events with that character until it happens, and you have a very limited amount of dates to go on while youre waiting, and they all do NOTHING except raise the relationship bar over maximum which does nothing. doesnt even increase the chance of the random event?? why even LET me increase it over maximum if it does nothing? thats just tricking me into thinking i havent unlocked the marriage event yet! when I HAVE and i just need to WAIT A BAZILLION YEARS OF RANDOM

anyway i finally got Leon’s random marriage quest and it was Awesome and So Many Tears and now im even more conflicted on who to marry gahhhhh its such a shame you cant resolve everyone’s plot unless you date them, i feel so bad dating all these people when im not able to marry them all, just cos i wanna fix their lives and make them happy but then theyre gon be sad that we didnt get married aaaa

and Leon is especially saddddd

now cos his whole plot is that he had a depressing scenario with a friend as a kid. She loved him but he saw her as just a little sister, and he jokingly promised to marry her once when they were too young to understand. And he didnt know she took it seriously until after he DIED and reincarnated as a fox monster person centuries later too late to do anything about it. And he’s crushed full of guilt that he somehow led her on, and he was never able to apologise, and he’s scared she spent her whole life waiting for him to come back. and then you get this very cool series of sidequests thatre a realistic look at translating languages, and its really motivational how leon is able to help bring knowledge of a dead language back to life and preserve the ancient culture that people thought was lost BUT THEN ENDLESS FUCKIN TRAGEDY kiel accidentally finds an old diary of leon’s friend (WHAT ARE THE ODDS) and he has frickin detailed anxiety attacks unable to even hold the damn paper cos he’s shaking so much and you go on a big treasure hunt to find all the pages and he’s just CRYING SO MUCH mr playboy man! mr flirty asshole! mr stoic! he’s fuckin crying and he cant hold a book without your help and aaaa and his whole story is about how he isnt really the negative stereotypes of a flirty character, he really REALLY values love and he feels depressed he cant love everyone who loves him, so he tries to fake it. And he tries to push people away whenever it seems genuine, but also like... entertain them enough that they dont feel he doesnt love them, i guess? and no matter how promiscuous a person is, they still cant love EVERYONE, you cant just force a relationship on them and say they must be asking for it cos they date other people and enjoy sex. its so depressing that he considers his biggest flaw that he wasnt able to force himself to love someone he didnt, especially when he did care about her, just as a best friend instead! if theyd just talked about it, it would have saved all this heartache for both of them! so then we start piecing together this book and it looks like his worst fears are confirmed, she spent her whole life waiting for him and hating him and its really fucking EXPLODINGLY SAD and then the quest is a bit confusing so i spent several days stuck on this point not knowing who to talk to next, going through random dungeons in case that somehow helped. turned out i did find the right spot but the quest just doesnt progress until you talk to the right person first GAH! stuck for five days on crying leon scene!! NOOOOOO but I finally got past it and CLIMACTIC HAPPY END or bittersweet end more like we find out we mistranslated one bit which was actually PAGE NUMBERS, and we were missing a page all along! and then the final page reveals that she actually moved on and found a new love and had a happy family and grew old together, and her only frustration with leon was imagining that he couldnt find the same thing, worrying that she’d betrayed him. So this wasnt a diary, it was actually a letter she wrote for him to find, having confidence he’d wake up someday and have another chance at happiness! She just wanted him to know that she kept his memory alive and she’s sorry and she was happy and AAAAAAUUUGH im tearing up again the bit that really got me was that we find out that leon’s favourite romance novel was actually written by her. It was so popular it survived into the modern day as a literature classic, and it convinces him that she really was happy with her new boyfriend if she could write something as beautiful as this. And he wants to embody the spirit of the book with you, and keep his new promise to her to have a happy family of his own :) ... AGHHHHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH why cant i marry everyone why do so many of them have plots where it seems like they wont be happy unless i love them... even now i dont really think the leon pairing is my favourite, i wish i could have had this plot as a friendship route! i think it would have resonated just as much since the whole backstory is about him being friends with someone who had unrequited love for him. i wanna be leon’s bestie and ultimate wingman! I like him a lot but I dont really think i wanna marry him! IM SO SORRY LEON AAAA he’s such a soulful beefcake dammit I’m sure he’d find a bazillion better lovers! I’m sure a lot of players did marry him! WHY DO I FEEL SO GUILTY AAAAA its not fair, aaaa arthur was the first one i dated and i also really care about him but in his case his way of acting in the romance isnt very different to when youre just friends so i dont think i wanna commit to that relationship maybe? it might change when i see his final random event but i dont get much ‘he’ll be happy with you’ vibes, its just strengthening their powerful brotp that they had from the start of the game. he feels like someone protagonist would indeed date, but theyd part again on friendly terms after it didnt work out, and then be amicable exes who still care a lot about each other. and I just feel like I wanna marry dylas even though he’s had the least tragic events so far. gahhhh! he just seems SO HAPPY dating you, and has loads of character development since it started, unlike the other two ive seen the dates for. he feels like he’s actually getting something out of this that he wouldnt if we were just friends? its so hard trying to weigh up the pros and cons of romance options in games when im inacapble of actually being attracted to anyone, its just ‘i care about you all and i wanna give you the best possible ending’. I haaaaate when games have it so that romance is always the best possible ending for every single character and they all suffer forever if you dont pick them :P and I havent even seen the romances with the other three dudes yet! GAHHHHH!! Theyre all the ones I wasnt immediately interested in dating, but that opinion could totally change, i could end up with a six way tie :P ... ALSO RANDOM BUT is anyone else really uncomfortable with the queerbaiting in this game? there is a LOt, a LOT of ‘lol maybe gay’, sometimes so clear that it seems the game is outright canonically stating this character is gay or bisexual yet you have no option to marry them unless youre the opposite sex. It gets REALLY uncomfortable with Dylas, he just,,, does not express any interest in women at all unless the player pursues him. And his mutual crush with doug is CONSTANTLY REFERENCED, and called out very clearly for what it is. IOf the game didnt keep pointing it out i would have been able to shrug it off as just accidental chemistry from a failed rivalry plotline or something, but we have EVERYONE saying ‘oh a lover’s quarrel’ and ‘be honest about your feelings’ and ‘i bet you wanna see doug in a swimsuit’ and ‘gee i really wanna see doug in a swimsuit’ and IT CANT BE ANY MORE CANON THAN THIS. And.. like.. Dylas even says he DOESNT wanna see women in swimsuits, he’s just here at the beach cos Doug might come along. He does not express any interest in women at all except the protagonist! It makes me feel SO uncomfortable! it feels like he’s actually gay, when with most other characters they seem bisexual?? I dunno how to explain it, thats just how it comes off to me. Why is there no option for him and doug to date, why cant i date him as the male protagonist?? His romance route is so totally gender neutral, i did the postgame protagonist swap cheat and it just feels more in-character for him this way. if im gonna steal him away from Doug i dont want it to be a weird gay conversion therapy type thing, it just feels so WEIRD. The one and ONLY stated crush he has on another character, and its gay, and theres NO OPTION FOR IT TO HAPPEN and then he suddenly becomes 100% straight and never talks about doug again if a fem protagonist dates him. SO WEEEEEIRD... I’m just gonna sit here on the non-canon bonus feature dylas x male protag train and never leave. If you cant have doug you shall have the transitioned me! Its funny cos he’s like the only batchelor i very vehemently cannot ship with fem protag, yet do with male protag :P but GAHHH leon deserves a family and i could give him a child and aaaaa SO HARD TO CHOOSE also i am sad that the postgame cheatmode lets you switch to any character but if its not one of the two protags its only your overworld model and not your face portraits. Its weird because every batchelor and batchelorette has the exact same full set of emotions and costumes, so why cant i access that?? its also a shame cos it means i cant roleplay my doug and dylas marriage properly :P CMON MAN WHY U EVEN TELL ME THEY IN LOVE IF THEY CANT BE IN LOVE :P they have the best portmanteau ship name too! douglas! :P