#so i guess im just gonna wait around a few hours and find out. sheesh

[a9saga]

what about that episode of the golden girls where blanche's daughter wants to undergo artificial insemination because she wants to have a baby even though there isn't a man or anyone she wants to have one with, meanwhile dorothy's mother sophia is trying to avoid going to the doctor against dorothy's wishes. and it takes some time for blanche to come around on the idea of her daughter having a baby alone, but when she finally comes around to going to the sperm bank if the gals will go with her, sophia's like "ohhh boy we're goin to the sperm bank 😈😈😈" and dorothy's like "you're not going anywhere if you're not going to the doctor first" and sophia huffs like "😒 all right fine! I'll go to the doctor but this better be one great sperm bank 😤"

[poppyknitt]

Adaptability- A JSE Egos Fanfic

Recap: Marvin and Jackieboyman were trying out a spell Marvin had been studying for a few months, trying to make a few plants large enough to be stable perches for Jackie’s new sidekick, Ferris, a juvenile Peregrine Falcon. Something backfired, however, and they found themselves with two new, plant-like additions to the family- Chomp, a comically large and mutated purple lily, which looks a bit like the Piranha plants from the Mario game series, and Thorn, a slightly oversized Venus Flytrap with a personality and smarts similar, if not slightly greater than, a cat’s (which is saying something, given its size and dopey, yet cute, appearance). Chomp is clearly more mouth and stomach than intelligence and beauty, while Thorn seems to be the smarter of the two, and refuses to leave Marvin’s side... er, rather, shoulder.

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[November 3rd, 2016, our time]

Henrik hummed quietly to himself as he walked along the street, wearing a grey hoodie because he’d been off work for the day, and didn’t need to wear the typical uniform he was seen in during videos. He was keeping his eyes peeled for any wounded animals on the streets, because, even though they weren’t all that common, he still somehow managed to find one every now and then. One of his favorite hobbies was helping injured stray or feral animals get back to full health, and return to the streets. Of course, there were obviously a few that would never be able to survive out on the loose again, so those ones were the ones he usually gave away to a center made specifically to help them, or to a person looking to adopt an animal in need. The most common cases of animals that wouldn’t be able to go back to the wild were usually birds or bats that broke or lost a wing. Their wings were fundamental to their survival, so without the ability to use both, they would probably starve, if they didn’t get eaten right away. Recently, he’d given a fox with three and a half legs to the local zoo, since he knew it wasn’t going to be able to adjust very well to being returned to the streets. It had apparently been ran over by a car, but was lucky enough to only have to have one of its legs amputated. The other front leg was broken when he got to it, but it healed back stronger than it originally was, with his and the local veterinarian’s help. Since he worked with humans, he always made sure to get regular checkups with a veterinarian for the animals he was helping, because they knew more about helping animals heal than he did.

He arrived home, having found no injured animals, unsurprisingly. He went upstairs, and into his bedroom, where he sat down at his desk and started working through paperwork of some kind.

A few hours passed, and nothing special happened. The sun had begun to set, and Henrik was taking a break from his work, knowing Seán would nag him if he saw that he hadn’t done anything but work since he got home. And then, it happened.

th-kSSSH!

The sound of something crashing into a glass window erupted throughout his room, making his hands instinctively shoot up to cover his ears. He removed them, eyes wide, as he stared at the wide trail of glass draped from the window to a small, dark lump on the floor, and his eyes widened, as he realized what it was.

A bat? Why on earth would a bat be out so early? The sun’s barely gone down! He blinked, as he studied it more carefully, looking for injuries. He immediately jolted from his chair when he saw a small pool of blood around it, scooping the little creature up, and bolting downstairs.

“Hey! Schneep! Wait! What’s going on?!” Jackie yelped when he saw the doctor running past him.

“No time! Must get this little one to the vet, soon as possible!” He responded. Jackie let out a partly audible “oh shit”, and vaulted over the chair he was in, helping Schneep get the bat safely to the car. They got there fairly quickly, and Jackie nearly had to hold Schneep back to keep him from crashing into the veterinarian’s office in almost the same way the bat had crashed into the doctor’s room.

As soon as Schneep managed to explain what happened to the clerk at the desk, which, admittedly, took a few tries, because he was speaking quickly, and he wasn’t exactly fluent in English just yet, the vet that usually came to help with whatever animal Schneep had with him, Doctor Lewis, was rushed in, and took the little bat into their emergency care room. Schneep opted to come with, but was told it would probably be best if he just stayed in the waiting room.

~~~

Henrik thanked the doctor once he paid the bill, and left, the bat gently cradled in his arms as he went back to the car, where Jackie was already waiting for him. The drive back home was much calmer, since they didn’t have to worry about a potentially dead or dying fruit bat this time. Schneep made sure to memorize the instructions he’d been given on how to help the bat heal as best it could, his heart still a little heavy, knowing that with its wing broken, it wouldn’t be able to survive out in the wild ever again.

“... So, Jackie, you mentioned a fiancé earlier, yes?” Henrik finally decided to fill the awkward silence with a conversation.

“Oh! Uh, heh... Y-Yeah. I... I proposed to my girlfriend, Ava, on the 28th of October... It was our four-year anniversary, so I-I figured it was time I, uh, sealed the deal, y’know?” He laughed nervously, his cheeks a little bit red as he spoke about it. Henrik couldn’t help but to feel happy for his brother; He would be starting a family soon, right?

“Yes, it would be a good time for that, wouldn’t it? Any plans for what will happen afterwards?” He didn’t want to push the topic of kids on his brother, knowing firsthand how annoying it was to have people constantly bothering you about such things.

“Yeah... A-Ava’s due to give birth soon... I’m really excited for it. The doc we’ve been seeing for things like ultrasounds and prenatal care thinks it’s gonna be a boy.” Jackie’s eyes lit up as he spoke, the hero obviously being excited for fatherhood.

“What? And why have I not heard of this until now, dear brother?” Schneep’s eyes also lit up at the news, and he sat up straight in his seat.

“Well... we were gonna keep it a secret... But, I-I just can’t help myself! I’m... I’m really excited for this, and, well, you know me! I-I can’t keep a secret for six months, let alone nine!”

Henrik smiled, laughing a bit as he spoke, “Ah, that, you cannot, my friend.”

~~~~

[January 2nd, 2017, our time]

Jackie held up a little slice of an apple to their new bat friend, hoping to get him to eat some. The little creature just shrunk back from him, obviously not wanting to eat.

“Schneeeeeppp!” Jackie whined, giving up, “Your dumb winged rat won’t- Ow!” He dropped the apple slice as his hand snapped to cradle the back of his head, after Schneep socked it pretty hard.

“Do not insult him for refusing to eat, Simon!” He snapped, his tone making Jackie shrink back in surprise. Jackie was well aware of what it meant if Henrik were to address him with his secret identity instead of his hero name, but that didn’t mean the tone was any less shocking.

“Sheesh! Calm down, will ya? I was just joking! Listen, can you just... do the thing?? I can practically hear the little guy’s stomach rumbling from all the way in the living room!” He complained, earning a glare from his brother.

He picked up the slice of apple Jackie dropped, and held it out to the little bat, “Fine. Is about time he got his third meal of the day, anyways.”

The bat squeaked quietly as the apple was held out to him, and happily grabbed onto it, using his good arm to nibble on it.

“See, brother? Is not that hard.”

“Yeah, well, you have a knack for this kind of thing. I don’t.”

~~~~

[April 14th, 2017, our time]

Chase, the newest addition to the family, stared at the little bat with intrigue, his eyes almost unblinking as he stared back.

“You know you can ask me whatever questions you have about him.” He stated flatly.

The younger ego turned and looked at him, eyes still a bit wider than normal, “What’s its name?”

Henrik blinked, having not considered naming it before, “... What?”

“Name, doc. What’s the lil’ guy’s name? He is your pet, right?”

“Well, at this point, I suppose is only fitting to call him my ‘pet’...”

“Okay, so, name, then?”

“He... does not have a name. We were not aware that he would stay very long.”

“Man, you guys are boring. If none of you are gonna name ‘im, I guess it’s up’ta me, then.” Chase had a big grin on his face now.

“Wait, what-?” Chase interrupted him before he could say any more.

Chase turned to look back at the bat in front of him, “You, my friend, will be called Nectar, from here on out.”

“Why?”

“‘Cuz he’s a fruit bat, and fruit bats like nectar.” Jackie could be heard muffling a bit of laughter.

“... Do not laugh at me, Jackie. Is surely not so funny that you have to cover your mouth.”

“Sorry.” The hero grinned, holding back more laughter, and earning another glare from his brother. Rogers, the cat that Henrik had been nursing back to health for a few days, which lost its eyesight to a fight with another cat, jumped up onto the table, purring, and affectionately pressed its head into Chase’s shoulder, making the young ego laugh, and ruffle its fluffy fur.

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WorldView AU Prologue: Part Two

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blind kitty may or may not somehow have the mind of a dog :v

@antis-loyal-puppet

@tiny-septic-puppet

@septic-dr-schneep

@chaoticcrimsonrose