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scholar-of-yemdresh · 5 years

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Hey Fandom What the H*ck

Im not the only one who's noticed fandom's tendency to discard actual representation in favour of fan ships and headcannons. It's beyond frustrating we clamour& beg so hard for representation and when we finally get it? Pushed to the way side. It's not even that's complementary to the canon rep, it substitutes it. An example in terms of race; The BatFamily y'all are so keen on drawing/writing east asian! Stephanie Brown and Black!Jason Todd... while conveniently frogeting Cassandra Cain and Duke Thomas exist. You are also aware Dick Grayson isn't white? Same goes for Damien no matter how much DC whitewashes them. You don't have to racebend your white favs there's already POC rep in the bat fam you dont need to pretend they don't exist.

Now queer rep. This is even worse. When we get unambiguous queer characters and relationships aaaand Fandom is shipping the two (unambiguously) straight guys(/girls) together and creating more content of that because of course. Oh Cool beans trans characters!... oh yall just going to headcannon 100% CisDude Daniel as trans and hyperfocus on that and throw actual Transguy Tristan under the bus? Cool cool. Hey (non romo)asexual characters sweet! Oh lord you're discarding their orientation,shipping them, producing smut of them, and after doing that the 100% allo character is HC as ace. Lovely.

Diverse Media: Look at all this positive representation we got unambiguous Ls Gs Bs Ts As Qs Ps etc. They are well written treated with respect and theyve got MAGICAL POWERS!!! Pretty cool huh?

Fandom: that's nice but we'll just fanon the cishet characters as queer and push the actual queer ones to the side. UwU

And no I'm not condemning racebending or queer ships/headcanons. Especially when it's for some of the most Cis straight white media *coughHarryPottercough*. Have at it, make your pansexual genderfluid demigirl Ron Weasle to your heart's content. It's just annoying , where wider fandom insists on staning/propping up fanon rep and ignoring canon representation. Never acknowledging it[representation] beyond some news articles and a handful of fanwork.

And you can give all the reasons for why the ship with the two DEFINITELY straight guys is more popular than the canon gay couple. E.g. knowing more about aforementioned str8 dudes, the book/show/movie focusing more on the straights etc. And to that i say "McHanzo" it's worse than them not having chemistry they haven't fucking interacted in the Lore. The only reason we know they know each other exist is one or two voicelines say basically " He a pretty okay dude" that's IT. So dont give me your weak excuses when the (arguably) premiere ship of Overwatch is two possibly straight guys who've NEVER interacted with each other.

And at this point i have to ask do any of you care. You know beyond woke points. Beyond just saying you stan a Diverse/inclusive piece of media? Because it looks like you want to go back to the cis straight white everything. Why should creators even bother adding actual diversity to their work. After all you can just subsist on headcannons and leave it at that.

This whole rant was brought on by my frustration with a particular fandom where there's a canon gay couple but their content is miniscule compared to the gay ship involving two(probably) straights.

#fandom wank #representation #diversity #fandom discourse #yeah im petty enough to vauge an entire fandom

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moidse · 4 years

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bro-- long time no chat!!

things have been better good lately between me and the partner. a few weeks ago- well probably more than a month ago now... i read a tweet that hit me about loving someone fully-- i felt like i was holding back because they are moving away, and so i was shutting them off slowly to protect myself instead of loving them fully-- because i had already made the decision that we wont work out when they move, and i realized that isn’t true necessarily. the future is malleable. And plus reading their ish about me sending emails had me stop cuz i was like ah. lol. but idk i have been feeling like im in a new funk lately

I just miss having good sex. I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I’ve gained a decent amount of weight in the last 6 months and I feel significantly less attractive. I feel bad I’m not having good sex and I do not feel confident that I could attract someone and have better sex with where my body is right now. I also feel uncomfortable to be on camera because of my body weight and I am too big for my cute outfits from last year. I also partly feel like I gain more weight when im with someone and when im single i push myself more to be fit to attract people and to feel more confident going on dates. I almost think I need a pause from hanging out with my partner until I have my workout routine down and i’m taking it seriously, because I know going to their house and doing nothing isn’t what I want to be doing anymore. I want to be working out and losing weight. I want to be working on my creative projects. I want to be moving forward. I need to continue creating content.

I am missing having good sex again. which is a feeling that seems to swing like a pendulum. it comes and goes every month or 2. The past few times has been me wanting to top and touch my partner and they were like okay i’m cool with that now. and even before that it was about them touching me and why wont the go down on me and then after i complained they just did it, even though before they said they were too nervous. And it is amazing to think of, in the past,, idk 6 months how far they’ve come. They literally didn’t even want to be naked around me, didn’t want me to touch them at all-- and for the first time recently they are asking me to touch them now... but it still doesn’t hit right.... like when i have sex with them the orgasms are soooo small... i cum harder when im alone. which is the sad truth.

This has all made me better realize how sex is something very important to me in a relationship. I feel like at first I was hesitant to say something like that because I’ve had people in the past act as if all I care about is sex and i’m a fuck boy... which, sex isn’t the only thing I care about but it is something I do care about and matters to me when it comes to dating and there isn’t any thing wrong with that. It took me years to except my sexuality and I learned there is no reason to hide my sexual wants and desires and I feel like people have acted like im some super horny sex freak when I just learned not to be ashamed of my sexual desires, literally like how must white str8 men are, but because im perceived as a black woman, i’m the one who is being deviant.

It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, and then it took me even longer to accept my sexually kinky bdsm desires. It took me so long to learn that there isn’t any reason to be ashamed of wanting to be dominated. I’m allowed to be more masc presenting and be a bottom. Like i really was so embarrassed about that for so long-- probably because I hung out with only str8 white cis men who would find it embarrassing if they wanted to be dominated, because they can only be dominate in bed otherwise other people might judge them... anyways im so glad i do not hang with any str8 cis white boys anymore, they really had a bad influence on me when it came to my views on dating, sex, and women. they all talk about it like women are real people and i also was guilty of that. i’ve grown a lot since being in college. It was when i was half way through college i started accepting the fact that i like the idea of being sexually dominated. i like tall women. i love muscular women. i love people who are tops, dominate, who want to be called daddy. I love all that shit. and when i would mention it to my white str8 cis dude friends they would react in disgust. and honestly it taught me if ppl react that way to my sexual desires that have taken me so long to accept, then they have no space in my friend circles. im basically done being friends with str8 white cis people. they are exhausting to be friends with.

but anyways, last year,,, ehhh it always feels like it was last year but i guess it was two years ago,, well partly last year.. idk ... anyways when i met o**** That relationship was the first time I was open with someone I was having sex with about being trans and my dysphoria and they honestly responded so well and fucked me in very affirming ways and it made me cry because i had never felt such joy before when having sex and feeling gender euphoria.

I always thought that I didn’t want to be in a relationship that was like butch/femme when i was a baby dyke. I used to not want a relationship that even resembled heterosexuality in anyway. but when i was with o**** i felt we had that dynamic of butch/femme. like when we went out it was clear who the “guy” in the relationship was and it was me. it was clear I was filling that role and they filled the other role and to my surprise i loved it. I loved having that dynamic. I loved going to the sex shop with them and the worker helping me get a masc harness and then assuming they want a femme one. I loved knowing that out in public people see me as the guy in the relationship-- because I want to be seen as a guy in general. Being with them opened up this whole side of gender euphoria I had never felt before. That relationship helped me better understand what I want and am looking for. Not to mention the sex was amazing, the best i’ve ever had.

When we first started dating I would top them and it felt great and amazing. Then when I opened up and said I like to be dominated too, they just slide right into that roll with little to no hesitation. And then they started dominating and topping me and found that they really like it. It was the hottest sex I’ve ever had. I’ve always wanted to be dominated and having a dominate femme is so hot. My sexual dreams were finally coming true. And because things were so easy for us sexually I think I just assumed it would always be that way.

Its unfortunate that o**** is such a manipulative person otherwise I’d still be talking to them/fucking them. I still think about approaching them with the idea of just having a sexual relationship and not romantic and see if they are interested. but now isn’t a good time with rona. but anyways, Things working out with us so well sexually I assumed that would just be how it is if I open up and share my wants and desires. I didn’t want to be dating o*** I just wanted to be dominated again and I had gotten it out of my system and they confessed that they still see me as the love of their life, which is the opposite of how I felt so it felt like things should end here. But lets be real, I str8 up dropped them, ghosted them, because I no longer needed their fuck because I had found someone new k****. As soon as k**** said they thought I was cute back I was like BINGO and I legit just dropped o****. I felt like a beast. I felt like a boss ass bitch. Like damn, I have never gotten back with someone to have a good time to just drop them once I found someone new that maybe has potential.

But me feeling like a boss ass bitch came to a halt when like a day later or something k**** was like im really busy with pride and then im leaving for the summer. I was like wow great. I really didn’t want to take this L so I went out of my way to hit on them constantly at cpride as much as I could. Then I finally got them to agree to see be before they leave. it went well. then over the summer I was soooo anxious about every email. I just didn’t want them to lost interest in me and also it was hard to respond to their emails because they were boring lmao. I also was stressed because there was like zero flirting going on and every time i’d try to move the conversation there they would take two steps back. This made me even more insecure and not sure if they even liked me. And I made the stupid move of not trying to hit on anyone else out of fear of them coming back and me having to pick one or explain and shit. meanwhile they were dating other people. its so annoying. its so annoying that im the one not satisfied and they got to date and be with other people... but i guess thats just cuz no one else wanted to be with me......I was literally only okay with it cuz i thought s***** liked me and they didn’t... they lowkey played me... but also i should’ve taken the mixed signals as a no, but i wanted to believe it so bad, and it was confusing when they said they want to make out with me more. i thought i was in... oh well... it happens... it just sucks to be rejected. i always feel like the people i want the most never want me, or like the hottest people, cuz i didn’t really like them deeply just mostly sexually. it just sucked because they were giving me every thing k**** wasn’t. being lovey and affectionate towards me.... and we never fucked but they were very open about being a top and wanting to dom and so i was like *tongue out emoji*

bleh... i just have been missing being dominated lately... i mean i fuckin had a dream about s***** topping me... askvask it was good in the dream....but there is something depressing about k***** having like zero daddy energy. like i really didn’t realize this was gonna happen... like i was str8 up gooped when they casually texted me saying they don’t fuck... i was like wait what?? i felt played that they waited months of us talking and emailing to say that. And I stuck by them cuz I had already formed an emotional bond-- but i’m realizing the tricky part about this is that like having to wait to have sex with someone,, like I never knew if we would be a sexual match and honestly neither did they but it wasn’t a deal breaker for them.. i just feel bad to like help them come out of their shell and feel autonomy with having sex for the first time and shit and for me to be like well you aren’t my type sexually. but it is the truth. they aren’t my type sexually. like the other day i mentioned wanting to be dommed and they were like i dont do that... and i was like ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... i need to be more upfront and say im looking for a top/dom/daddy, or someone who switches and is down to play that way some of the time. cuz this none of the time shit stank.

I mean, they look hot, don’t get me wrong. they look so good in their little body suits and they really make me wanna top them, but its like they have no confidence in being a bottom too. I feel like that’s why this shit really stank. at first they was like yeah i’ll touch you but dont touch me. But also I am not into being a top/dom. but also you can’t touch me so this is all you can get. Me, unenthusiastically rubbing you off. but now that they do let me touch them, it’s like i want the whole bottom experience. like shake ur tiny ass for me baby. run ur hands up and down ur bottom. show me how far you can stretch ur leg. I want a sloppy slutty bottom. I want them to shake their ass on my d and bend over for me. Tell me how good it feels. I want our sex to be so hot we can’t keep our hands off each other. We have phone sex and send voice memos because we just need to hear each other cum. I want them to want to ride my d.

I feel this way every 2 months or so... idk what to do about it. I don’t want to break up with them and be alone. I do want to be having sex with someone else... I just dont have any prospects.

lets hypothetically think about the idea of bringing up to them that I want to fuck other people. lets say we have that talk and they are okay with it. My worry is if i meet someone nice who fucks me good i will just leave k****.

i just miss being topped and I dont think I will ever be sexually satisfied in the relationship I’m in and it’s just unfortunate because I was very patient with them and waiting like 8 months before I could even touch them and they seemed comfortable having sex with me and it’s like, waiting that long i was never sure if we were sexually compatible and we just aren’t. And i understand they mostly have been with asexual people and it hasn’t been an issue but i think this wouldn’t have happened if in the beginning we had a conversation about sex to see if we are sexually compatible.

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years

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i'm a LITTLE bit joking about my war on romance, but not really. its the isolating construct and its justification/advertisement in pop culture that i dislike, not anything about the existence of two people who want to be together because their lives are enhanced and nourished by their relationship. even if they fit the nuclear family. i love that people love each other and want to be together and i hate that there is no alternate way to briefly refer to this without calling it "romantic" and also i hate that even words like love and everything referring to the desire for and process of building such relationships is loaded with association with romance(tm), such as dating/crushes/marriage whatever etc. i mean, i don't love straight relationships no matter how against the norm they are because who does, but i dont want even those to be poisoned by the smothering crush of proper "romance." i dont want any relationships to be that way on account of it just brings guilt and shame and damaging self-denial and you know, isolation i also have a horse in the race as someone uninterested in a lifelong relationship with a single person, or even a relationship with any number of people where we get all emotionally intimate and stuff. i know life is unpredictable but luckily, even though if this was cishet romantic propaganda i'd learn the error of my ways by finding a charming [individual of the other cis binary gender] who wins my headstrong heart, i'm a gay so i cant contribute in the cishet narrative. but this goes along with the part how it doesnt matter if i do find and enjoy such a relationship in the future, as the present such-relationship-less version of myself is just as legitimate (also if a future self was in any relationship that any rando fuckin herbs were like "oh but that could be considered equivalent to a romantic relationship according to certain elements so just call it one" i'd introduce them to a swing or two. youve got cis people thinking their ideas are transcendent going "well if you define the binary genders this way or that way, everyone could be considered cis" and thats an infinitely dumbassed thing. unfortunately "nonromantic" is supposed to mean superfluous and no-kissing and of limited emotional scope/investment etc etc. and the idea of relationships is different from the idea of gender so) most of what bothers me is that as someone without a romantic relationship who can't be satisfied by considering myself as waiting/looking for a romantic relationship (which isnt a valid substitute anyhow for everyone being able to feel secure, supported, and content with whatever forms of relationships they have at any stage in their lives) then again i can be considered any number of the following: 1) having an inherently deficient life, 2) possibly having a pointless life, 3) being an inherently deficient person, 4) required to be of greatly reduced importance to everyone who has/gains a romantic relationship (supposedly literally everyone), 5) inherently disposable, etc. i have to resent that, and resent that any grievance with the idea of everyone pairing off and leaving it at that can only be resolved by accepting it. i dont want to feel like romance is attainable for me, but i would like to feel like im not doomed to being on the peripheral of the lives of everyone i interact with as a convenient source of interest instead of someone of value. you are inherently inferior and worth much less time/energy/love/attention if you can't be someone's romantic partner you know. like i'm not even saying that all relationships in anyones life have to be equal and interchangeable. just that its crap that there's meant to be only one relationship between adults which takes all precedence and is defined by whether you can eliminate all other relationships from your life in favor of it. that shit is not only bs for stuff like my case when you're not even about being with someone, but also people who do want to be with other people but aren't, and also people who are with other people. coz that is a nightmarish definition that doesnt even focus as much as what good things you find in a relationship as much as what other good relationships you could damage. god knows not everyone has infinite time but its ridiculous to think that friendships and any relationships with any level of intimacy can just continue without being given any effort or valued as something that can only exist 100% at ones convenience. and the isolating definition of romance is bad to feel one needs to adhere to coz that shit is gonna keep ppl from having a full life and require them to deny basic needs. thats just healthy sacrifice lol more like nah, not being selfish in a relationship is different from hurting yourself for the sake of the relationship Fun Fact I Forget: interestingly, re: how i complained about how i have to essentially define intimate, loving relationships (which can include friendships but according to romance friendships = limited importance, limited intimacy, no sex, no formal commitment, very limited physical affection, is the only other format of relationship besides romantic; aka why even "platonic" doesnt work as an alternate label bcoz the scope is so wide and its the idea of platonic sex/kissing/cohabiting becomes laughable when "platonic" = "not romantic") my own personal slang quickly evolved a substitute would-be equivalent to "romance." not so much anymore but i used to get a few confused asks about why i was calling a pairing between a boy and a girl "gay." and the answer is in part because bi ppl can call themselves gay and a bi relationship isnt straight just becoz some rando thinks it looks str8, but the realer answer is becoz i started using "gay" to the kinds of relationships that You Know Which Kind I Mean But I Have No Term To Refer To It As. like how "gay" also means any synonym of "good." it doesnt confuse people becoz often i am referring to obviously gay relationships as in not hetero, because those are better, but im also genuinely using "gay" as an alternate to "romantic" because i have to invent a word when romantic is practically synonymous with relationships and i dont want to invoke that construct. someones gotta do it. maybe i'll come up w/ another word, but "gay" became that word a year or two ago

#linguistics in progress here #long post ////#ive already forgot what i wrote. where's the memes

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