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brainmaniaman · 3 years

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2019 Kia Soul (Bertholdt Hoover/Reader Smut)

PAIRING: Bertholdt Hoover/Reader, mentions of Eren Yeager/Reader AU: my own personal toxic!roommate eren/reader/stoner bertholdt hoover au PLOT LINE: your toxic roommate eren has been telling everyone that you've been official for nearly a month now, despite only having what you thought to be casual hookups. you decide it's in best practice to flex your freedom as a single woman and fuck one of his friends. bertholdt was always nicer to you, anyways. BACKGROUND: basically . . . like my friend and i came up with a toxic eren / reader alternate universe but i am too lazy to actually put it into an actual cohesive storyline so i'm just going to make different works of fiction and put it in the same cinematic universe ig. idk my friend basically said "i feel like bertholdt would have so much anxiety in a modern au that he'd self-medicate with marijuana and become a major pothead" and like, idk i fell in love with it. i literally do not care if you don't like toxic eren because he is the love of my life and that's just how it be. there's actually a cohesive storyline it'll come together somehow it's just not in sequential order. TAGS/WARNINGS: NSFW, recreational drug use, sex while high, reader is definitely topping bertholdt i'm not sorry, car sex, dry grinding, top!fem reader, bottom!bertholdt, light toxic! eren/reader, lots of exposition WORD COUNT: 5,436

JANUARY 23RD, 2021

Even though you loved Historia, you hated parties. It wasn't that you thought you were better parties - in fact, you could see why people enjoyed them. Even so, there was something about the noise and the strobe vicious lighting that assaulted your eyes. Despite this, Historia's parties were always incredibly fun - something about the overall vibe of her parties was excellent simply based on the fact that they weren't normal. Sure, the atmosphere was normal. Drunk people still stumbled and fumbled all over the lawn, laughing as they danced and toppled over each other. It was no different inside, either. All sorts of people stumbled up and down the large bannister inside of a very large home. (One might even call it a mansion, but for some reason - you hated the word mansion. It just felt pretentious. )The only difference? Everyone was dressed to the absolute nines. Those who weren't in suits or small dresses were in outfits branded with all sorts of designer logos - some so high-end that you couldn't even recognize them. In all honesty, it felt like something ripped straight out of The Great Gatsby. For a second, you surveyed your surroundings. Despite it only being 10pm, you could already pinpoint a few people who were passed out in the front yard. "(Name) -" Historia had practically bound down the front steps of her home, waving at you with a big smile. Trailing lazily behind her was her girlfriend Ymir, who defied the dress code of the party by simply wearing jeans and a nice top, with her hands shoved in her pockets. "So good to see you!" A few guys dressed in very nice, but now very crumpled, suits pushed past the three of you, though only made it a few steps before leaning over to hurl. "Wonderful . . ." you muttered to yourself. "Good to see you, too" You leaned down and exchanged a hug with Historia. For a second, you and Ymir shared a tense moment - but both of you relented, simply nodding in each other's direction. Given that the two of you had a somewhat intense relationship, one that was characterized by constant banter and quips, simply acknowledging each other's existence without bursting into flames was a great step in the right direction for the both of you. "You look good!" Historia complimented the very tiny red dress and very high heels you donned. "Thanks." was your short response, unsure of how exactly to proceed with the conversation. What else were you supposed to say? There was a silent pause. "Look - there's Armin!" Historia broke the silence, desperately grasping for any form of conversation. She raised herself onto her toes, waving at Armin above the crowd. Armin waved back cheerfully, uncharacteristically happy to be at the party; perhaps it was because he was content being surrounded by his friends. "And don't forget (Name)'s boyfriend, Eren" You almost choked on your spit. "Excuse me?" You interjected, your head creaking in Ymir's direction, clearly in a state of shock and disbelief. "Your boyfriend, Eren." Ymir repeated, this time slower - as though you were stupid. "I don't know what you see in that asshole, though" You turned your head towards Eren, who stood several feet away from you, seemed clearly pleased - you could tell by the way that the corners of his mouth turned upwards in a slight smirk. He even had the audacity to send you an arrogant little wave, his fingers wriggling playfully. I'm - you thought, I'm going to suffocate him in his sleep - "Oh, hush" Historia interrupted, "You don't know what their relationship is like - besides, Eren isn't all the bad. I'm sure the two of you have quite an interesting dynamic going on between you . . ." Ymir scoffed at Historia's comment, ". . . one that isn't any of our business!" ". . . right, because Eren is the world's best boyfriend. . ." Ymir wasn't convinced. For a bit, you were too stunned to speak - but after the three of you fell into another uncomfortable

silence, the anger radiating from you being so thick that you could cut it with a knife, you finally spoke up. "Who . . . who the fuck did you hear that shit from?" You were livid. "Whoever told you that . . . was a fucking idiot and you're a dumbass for believing it" "Woah, what the fuck?" Ymir responded quickly, "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but it's sure as hell not me. Why don't you take a couple steps and calm the fuck down? Eren told everyone last month's game night at my place that you two had been at it for a while and were now a thing. Maybe if you actually came to a game night, you'd know what the fuck is going on -" "Ymir." Historia breathed out a word of caution, a slight edge in her voice. "That's not -" "For Christ's sake, Historia? You're just gonna let her talk shit like that? Man, fuck this - I'm not going to sit around and let someone talk to me like this, I'm going inside." It wasn't like Ymir to leave Historia's side, but the reality was that she was beyond pissed; that and she had the confidence that Historia would follow shortly after - which she was right about. "I'm sorry" Historia let out a flurry of apologies. "We all thought it was kind of weird, given how tough your housing situation is . . ." "No," You responded sheepishly, "I should apologize . . . I shouldn't have lashed out like that" You rubbed the back of your neck nervously. "I should probably apologize to . . ." "Now probably isn't the best time . . . maybe later?" Historia answered honestly. You nodded a bit, the palm of your hand still resting on the back of your neck. "I don't want to leave you here alone, but . . ." You were about to interrupt Historia and tell her that you would fare fine, but her expression seemed to light up a bit as she saw Armin approaching. "Oh, perfect - Armin is this way! I'll let you two talk a bit while I go see where Ymir went off to . . . talk to you soon!" "Talk to you soon . . ." "Hey!" Now you were face to face with Armin, who was beaming straight at you, only looking away for a split second to exchange a quick hello with Historia once moer. However, his smile faded a bit when he noticed the frown that was curling at your lips. ". . . are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm uh . . . fine" You were scratching nervous rash into the back of your neck by now, "I like your new haircut. It looks nice on you." "You think so?" Armin ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling it around a bit, though was clearly happy with the compliment. "Eren suggested it . . . said my hair was getting too long . . . kind of ironic, considering his hair is so long he keeps it in a bun - right?" "Right . . . right . . ." You trailed off a bit. You wet your dry bottom lip with your tongue, clearly uncomfortable. "So, uh . . . speaking of Eren . . . did he, uh . . . he hasn't said anything about us being like, a thing or anything right?" What little smile was left on Armin's face completely disappeared. "Uh - you're not dating?" "Nooo . . ." You drawled out the o's, so embarrassed that you couldn't even make eye contact with him. ". . . well, this is awkward." Armin pinched the bridge of his nose. As far as he had been concerned, both you and Eren had been dating for nearly a month now. "Yeah . . . it is. It's just . . . well, he said at the group game night that you two were . . . you know, a thing, and . . . well, we just assumed because the two of you live together and you're . . . well, you know . . . you've -" "Had sex?" Armin's face turned red at your statement. "Well, yeah - but that was a mistake on our part." "Clearly." He was growing increasingly more nervous. "I - I'm sorry" Armin sputtered out, wringing his hands together in front of him. "It's not your fault." "I know - but -" Armin pressed the palm of his hand to his forehead, clearly very stressed out. " - I'll fix it. Just

stay here."

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You did not stay in your place. In fact, mere seconds after Armin had disappeared into the crowd to find his friend and sort out this awful situation, you found yourself awfully angry, bored, and alone - and there was nobody around you to take your mind off the fact that your roommate wasn't only an asshole but he was also a liar. Of course, that was before you saw a very familiar figure huddled over the fence at the edge of the property, holding in his hand what was very clearly a blunt. Much like Ymir, he was very casually dressed - except unlike Ymir, he hadn't even bothered wearing a nice shirt with his jeans . . . simply his standard, oversized, blue sweater with the white collar of his shirt folded over the edges. Excitement bubbled in your stomach at the sight of Bertholdt - someone you actually liked. "Hey - Bert - !" You were waddling in your heels over to him, desperately trying to keep your heels from sinking into the dirt, "Don't finish that blunt! Save some for me!" He looked over his shoulder, his eyes locking with yours. For a second, it seemed like he didn't recognize you. You tripped over your heels, stumbling forward. It wasn't until he caught you, hoisting you up by the elbows back onto your feet, that he realized who you were. Bertholdt's gaze moved from your eyes to your chest and his face exploded red before he respectfully shot his eyes in a separate direction out of sheer panic. "Don't be stingy -!" You exclaimed, pointing your index finger to your lips, "Put the damn thing between my lips! I know you keep like, an ounce on you at all times - so you can miss me with that but this is my last joint shit" Bertholdt seemed beside himself by your sudden demands. For a second, it even took him quite a bit to process what the hell you were even saying. "Eh -?" "Are you too high to understand me?" You teased. "Weed. Lips. Now." "I don't know . . . last time you smoked, you didn't seem too good . . ." Bertholdt responded slowly. You frowned at the comment. He wasn't wrong. The last time he had seen you smoke, which was the first time you had ever smoked, you had become a bit paranoid and out of it - reacting rather adversely to the weed. However, you and your special roommate had become quite frequent smokers. "Well, the last time you saw me smoke was the first time I had ever smoked in my life. It's been a month since then, and I've smoked more since then. Also, last time I was drinking and smoking - a lethal combination, you know." The irritation in your voice was quite obvious. The last thing you wanted right now was to be judged by someone. Bertholdt grew somewhat anxious, growing more nervous and anxious as he became increasingly more aware of your frustration. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to, uh -" Bertholdt scratched the side of his face uncomfortably. "Offend you . . ." Now that he wasn't hunched over you and his shoulders were pulled back, it was apparent just how much taller he was than you. "Well, I suppose if you promise not to drink . . . I can let you smoke" He offered you a rather meek smile as he tried to crack a joke. Once he could tell you had received the joke well, his shoulders relaxed a bit. Once more, he leaned against the fence - adjusting himself down to your height. "Here -" He held the blunt in front of you. Without second-guessing, you leaned forward - wrapping your lips around the end of the blunt tightly and taking a few puffs. Bertholdt grew silent - his cheeks flaring a bright red. "You know, I don't know why you do that?" You pulled back, coughing up a bit of smoke. "Do what?" "You don't grab your own blunt, like -" He brought the end of it back to his own lips, finishing off the end of it. He dropped it into the dirt, smudging it out with the toe of his shoe. "- you just smoke it straight from someone's hand. And by someone's hand, I mean -" He wanted to finish his comment with Eren's

hand - but the sharp look in your eye warned him not to. "It's just, you know - you act strong, and in many respects you are . . . but you know, for someone who claims that they don't rely on anyone - you sure rely on someone a lot -" "I didn't know you liked to get into other people's fucking business when you're high -" "Hey, hey, hey -" Bertholdt held his hands up in defense, as though he were trying to pump the breaks, "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Relying on someone isn't bad. I rely on Reiner and Annie regularly . . ." He bent his neck backwards, his lips parting in the cold air as his adam's apple slid up and down his throat a bit nervously. ". . . we're not meant to be alone or anything. But, I should say . . . you might want to find better people to rely on, you know?" "We're not the same" You blurted out in the spur of the moment. There was an awkward pause of silence. Man, it seemed like tonight was full of awkward pauses. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to come off like a bitch . . . like, you can depend on whoever you want just . . . don't go projecting your shit on me, okay? That's between you and your friends." You turned your head away from him, watching as strobe lights lit the night sky. "You can be dependent on whoever you want . . . I'm just not like that." It was a lie, of course. You depended on people more than anything. Eren, your next door neighbors Erwin and Levi, Armin, Mikasa . . . you just hated to admit it. "Alright" Bertholdt laughed out loud, "So you come over here and demand me to share my weed and you can't even pretend to go along with what I have to say? I see how it is" He jested, nudging you in your side lightly. Relaxing a bit, you let out your own laugh. "I'm a bit uptight, aren't I?" Bertholdt made a small gesture with his thumb and index finger. "Just a little bit" "It's okay, you can say a-lot-a-bit" You poked your tongue out from in between your lips, the familiar pressure of the high building up in the front of your head. A few moments of silence passed by as both you and Bertholdt watched strangers stumble by, tripping over their laces. "So are you . . . actually dating Eren? When we first met, you and Eren didn't seem to be exactly on . . . the same page . . . you know?" You let out a hefty sigh. He felt like he was walking on eggshells. "Well -" you began to answer his question honestly, but were interrupted by a few girls in the distance whispering. "What the hell is he wearing? Is he seriously wearing that sweater at a fucking party? Isn't that the guy who hangs out on campus and drinks monster like, every day?" Bertholdt pulled at the collar of his shirt, as though he were trying to relieve the choking feeling that was building in his throat. "And what about that girl next to him?" the other one chimed in, "Isn't that the girl that like, got so fucked at a party everyone had to leave and go home?" "Isn't she supposed to be Eren's girlfriend?" the first one scoffed, "What's she doing hanging out with some other guy what a -" "What a what?!" You let out a loud holler, practically ready to throw hands, "Come on! Finish the damn sentence -!" You were about to speak out more until you felt Bertholdt's hand grip gently at your upper arm, tugging you in the opposite direction. "Let's go sit in my car. It's quieter - which will probably make it a better place to talk about . . . you know, this whole debacle"

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Sitting in the passenger's seat, you couldn't help but squirm a little bit. "You didn't strike me as the kind of guy that drove a 2019 Kia Soul" You spoke, leaning your chair back as far as possible. "What did you expect? A 1999 Honda Civic?" "I mean . . ." You trailed off a bit, "Yeah . . . you know, it's a classic stoner car." "So you're stereotyping me?" He laughed, leaning over and opening the glover compartment. He pulled out the fake bottom, revealing a few more pre-rolled blunts underneath it. "Jesus - how much do you smoke?" You inquired, somewhat surprised. "A lot. And you would, too, if you lived the life I did." "Someone's moody." "I'm just being honest" He retorted, placing the pre-rolled blunt between his lips. For a second, the only sound that filled the air was the steady clicking of his lighter as he struggled to light the end of it. Upon finally lighting it, Bertholdt reached beside him - pulling at the seat's lever and sliding himself all the way back. As he puffed on the end of the blunt, smoke began to accumulate and fill the entire car. "You know, during moments like these, I wish I had a sunroof." "So everyone can smell the weed coming out of your car?" You asked sarcastically. He turned his head to face you, his eyebrows furrowing. When you squinted, you could see the red lining the whites of his eyes - indicating just how high he was climbing. "No, so I can see the stars." He answered bluntly. "I would have never guessed." He chuckled. "So . . . you aren't actually dating Eren?" Bertholdt asked, passing the blunt over to you. "No." You took the blunt from his hand, holding it between your index finger and thumb before bringing it to your lips. "In all honesty . . . I don't blame anyone for not asking you. To go around lying about dating someone . . . you'd have to be . . ." Bertholdt coughed as more smoke began to accumulate in the car, ". . . well . . ." "Insane?" You finished his sentence. "Yeah." More silence filled the air as the two of you passed the blunt between each other until he finally reached its bitter end. Bertholdt finished the end of the blunt, as you weren't a big fan of the way the last little bits of weed mixed with ash made your throat burn, before putting it out in the ashtray he kept in the car. "It wouldn't surprise me if he was a clinical psychopath" Bertholdt said. He paused for a second, staring up at the ceiling. The silence became deafening again as he furrowed his eyebrows in thought, his hands folded over his abdomen. "Are psychopaths the ones who don't have feelings? Or are those sociopaths?" Bertholdt appeared genuinely confused. "I can't remember." "Fuck if I know." You shrugged. "A sunroof would be pretty cool . . ." Your gaze lazily slid from looking outside of the passenger's window to staring directly at Bertholdt. "Either way, he's a complete mental case . . . hasn't really been the same since . . ." He squinted, ". . . since that thing in his life happened. But he wasn't always like this, you know - and he's not really a bad guy. Just . . . has a lot of baggage. He used to be really nice, just very angry and loud. Now he's just . . . very angry and quiet. Don't know what clicked in his brain." "Can we change the subject?" You asked, "This talk about Eren is really ruining my high." "Oh. Uh. Yeah. Sorry." His movements and statements were slow, primarily from the weed. Turning on his side, Bertholdt stared rather intently at you. "What are you looking at?" You asked him rather lazily. "You got -" Bertholdt reached his large hand out, gently pressing his index finger underneath your eye without a thought, "An eyelash." He also took the time to tuck a few stray hairs of yours behind your ear. You could feel your body temperature rise.

"Uh . . ." Bertholdt was beginning to panic a bit, suddenly aware of what exactly he had just done. "Sorry . . . I just . . ." He swallowed hard, suddenly jerking onto his back again and stared at the ceiling - his arms rigid at his sides. "I shouldn't have -" "When's the last time you had sex?" You asked bluntly. "E-Excuse me?" "That was really blunt. I'm sorry. It's just, you seem constantly anxious, which is ironic considering how much weed you smoke. Isn't weed supposed to relax you?" "Well, it does . . . most of the time. But

sometimes it can cause a bit of paranoia, you know . . . but for the most part, it kind of helps not think about some of the things that stress me out . . . but that's . . . that's not really important . . ." "I can fuck you, if you want. Like friends do." "L-Like friends do?!" Bertholdt practically choked. "Friends fuck? - I don't think -" "You can say no, if you want. I just thought I'd ask you because I thought it'd relieve you of some of the anxiety." A few months ago, you wouldn't have thought to ask a question this bold. However, in your string of hookups with Eren - you had learned firsthand that sex could be rough and even emotionless. But you imagined that with Bertholdt, it'd be different. For starters, the two of you actually got along - and he was nice to you. And if someone was nice to you, then you were nice back - right? And what was nicer than sex? You probably needed therapy. "Look honestly . . ." He was staring intently up at the ceiling now, squinting, "I'd love to . . . I mean I feel comfortable with you, I like talking to you, we get along . . . but . . ." He became a bit more nervous. How did someone even say that they were a virgin? It made him uncomfortable. "I haven't - you know - like I've done bits - but not -" Bertholdt let out a sign of defeat. "You probably think I'm a loser . . ." "No, I don't think -" "Oh, God!" Bertholdt propped himself up on his elbows, becoming increasingly more frantic as something in his brain seemed to click. "I don't want you to think that I brought you to my car just for sex! Please don't think of me like that - ! I'd never take advantage of someone -" "Hu?" You asked, raising a lethargic eyebrow, "Uh - no. I don't think that you're the type of guy to take advantage of anyone. I was the one who asked you" You were struggling to crawl over the console now, fumbling a bit. Bertholdt's hands came out to grab you by the elbows in order to give you better balance. Once you found your equilibrium, you pulled yourself over into his seat - straddling him. "You're just -" You dipped your head downwards, brushing your nose against his. "You're overthinking it. Don't overthink it." "Oh . . . okay . . ." He laid on his back, looking up at you. Anxiety dripped on his face and he couldn't help but reach upwards, resting his hand on the side of your face. "I just . . . I don't want this to be a high mistake, you know? Like I don't want this to be something where you have sex with me because you're upset. I don't want to be your mistake" "You -" Your dress was hitched up to your thigh now and when you shifted against his dick, he couldn't help but let out a frustrated groan. "- you're not a mistake" Your breath fanned against his face and he could feel his heartrate quickening in his chest. Tilting your head, you leaned forward - placing a very gentle kiss to his lips. - When your lips met his, Bertholdt felt as though a fire had been lit in his stomach. It took him a second to adjust, but soon he was lifting his head upwards - both hands on the side of your face as he returned the kiss with the same fervor. His hands slowly moved from the sides of your face, to your neck, and very hesitantly gripped at your ass. When his long, thin, fingers did grip at your ass, you couldn't help but grind down against his hardening dick in response. In all honesty, this wasn't how he planned on losing his virginity. In fact, he always somewhat hoped and assumed that the first time he had sex, it would be with Annie in a really nice hotel room after a few months of dating. But this? This was pretty fucking great, too. Your hands gripped at his face, pushing him back down in the chair as you slowly slipped your tongue between his lips, using it to push against his own tongue before biting the bottom of his lip and pulling it gently between your teeth before letting it ping back into place. The man looked obviously starstruck by the mere fact you were even touching

him. Your hips, which sat heavy on him, pushed downwards slowly and rocked. His breath hitched in his throat as you rocked against his dick, which was growing uncomfortably hard in his jeans. Instinctively, he rolled his hips against you - albeit a bit awkward and clunky. Is this really happening? he thought to himself. Man, Reiner was not going to believe this - and if he did, he was going to absolutely lose his shit. Your fingers trailed up underneath his shirt, trickling against his skin - causing him to shudder. Small gasps, sighs, and moans left his lips as you continued to grind against him. Dipping your head downwards, you stole another kiss - swallowing his moans in your own mouth. Soon, you broke the kiss - taking the time to drag your tongue down the right side of his neck, biting and sucking on the soft skin. When your mouth hit the crook of his neck, your lips latched themselves onto the skin - sucking and biting the same spot as you continued to grind down into him - the only thing separating you being the fabric of your very thin panties and his jeans. "Christ -" He breathed out. This man was going to go crazy. Soon, you became impatient and unzipped his pants, struggling a bit to push his jeans down. "Here -" He exclaimed excitedly, "Let me help -!" Bertholdt had lifted his hips a bit, shimmying his pants down his hips slightly but quickly became incredibly self-conscious when he realized that his dick was hard and pressing against his boxers. You palmed his dick, rubbing your hand gently in a back and forth motion against him. Bertholdt let out a moan that was so guttural, it startled him. "I bet you'd feel wonderful inside of me" You cooed. His face turned red and he turned his head away in embarassment. You captured his chin in your right hand, your left hand still palming him. "Look at me." You breathed out, "I want to see every expression you make." Bertholdt's eyebrows furrowed together with embarrassment as his lips parted involuntarily, his chest rising and falling at an accelerated rate. You couldn't help but mimic the mouth movements he was making, your mouth forming into various shapes as his did. "Keep eye contact with me." You breathed out. You were pushing down his boxers down, now, bringing them down to his upper thighs. Your eyes slid down to look at him. His dick was very clearly larger than average. Despite being long, it was fairly average in girth - cautioning on the skinnier side. It was only half-erect, pre-cum dripping from the tip, which seemed to fluster him even more. "I'm sor-" "Let me help" You interjected. Gently, you wrapped your hand around his cock - your hand gliding from the its base to the top. When your thumb gently rolled against the tip of his dick, his eyes practically rolled into the back of his head. He was wriggling and shimmying beneath you as you continued to stroke at his cock. "Good boy" Your purred. He wasn't sure what it was about good boy but something about it drove him wild. His fingers curled against the palms of his hands before stretching outwards. As you used your free hand to move some hair from his forehead, Bertholdt nervously reached his hand up, letting it hover over your breast. "Can I -" "You can touch me." Hesitantly, Bertholdt pushed the strap of your dress down underneath your breasts and let gripped at the flesh, the entirety of his hand covering your entire breast. Nervously, his index finger and thumb pinched and pulled at your nipple. You couldn't help but moan yourself. "you . . ." Bertholdt found himself growing more confident, ". . . like that?" "Christ -" You breathed out, "I want to ruin you -" His dick grew fully erect in your hand at your statement.

"I'm gonna -" With your free hand, you began to work your underwear off your body. Eager to help rid you of your panties, Bertholdt helped guide the fabric off of you as well. You guided the tip of his cock to your entrance, "Are you ready - don't want to back out or anything?" "Back out?!" Bertholdt exclaimed, almost desperate, "God, no - please don't stop - " That was confirmation enough for you. When you lowered yourself onto him, Bertholdt leaned his head back. The hand stuff? That was pretty great. But this? Being inside of her felt so good he was pretty sure he could base an entire religion around how fantastic your slick pussy felt around his hard dick. As you slid up and down against him, Bertholdt let out small whimpers and whines - his hands gripping at your hips almost desperately. "You're so pretty -" He whimpered out, "You feel so good - keep going . . . please." Bertholdt's whimpers only encouraged you to bounce up and down faster, the sounds of how slick and wet both of you were filling the car alongside his whimpers, moans, and pleas for you to keep going. His hips rolled upwards to meet your in a way that was clunky and awkward, but cute nonetheless. Your fingers curled around the side of his neck, gripping his flesh gently. Surprisingly, he found that he enjoyed the way your small hands curled around his neck. In many ways, it made him feel like a toy beneath you meant to be used for your pleasure only - and admittedly, he liked that. When you squeezed his neck gently, he couldn't help but sputter a bit. Soon, you found your fingers slipping into his mouth - his sliding and wrapping around the appendages, sucking on them without a second thought.

He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing everything in. The heavy high that kept him rooted on his back made it more excellent. As he continued to climb his high, his brain clouded by both pleasure and the extreme amounts of dopamine from his high, Bertholdt ran his hands over your body, pushing your dress further up your body. His heavy hand gripped at every bit of skin he could and you groaned as his hand ran up your abdomen.

"Sex while high feels like watching TV in 4K" You breathed out. He couldn't help but agree with and laugh at your comment. However, his laugh was swallowed by more moans as you began to pick up your pace, becoming more and more needy as you slid up and down his cock. "Smoking certainly does make most things b-better -" His statement was cut short as his body jutted dramatically "I'm -" He could feel a tingling sensation build up in his body, his legs beginning to twitch just a bit, "Close - are you -" Despite the immense amount of pleasure that was pooling in his body and his absolute inability to spit out a full, cohesive, sentences due to three of your fingers pressed into his mouth - he still found himself heavily concerned with your own pleasure. "Yeah -" Your choked out, feeling pleasure pool in your abdomen as the tip of his dick thrust into that perfect gummy spot inside of you. You dropped your head back, breathing heavy and accelerated as his thrusts upwards became sloppier and more desperate. As the smoke began to clear in the car, he finally reached his climax - his body tense as he came into you - spilling onto your thighs and the driver's seat of his car, which was now probably ruined. Shortly after, you reached your own orgasm - your wetness dribbling down his cock and dripping onto both your thighs and his own. There was a moment of awkward silence as you pulled yourself off of him and the two of you spend the next couple of minutes desperately trying to clean yourselves up. "That was -" You began. "Amazing." Bertholdt interrupted. "Yeah." You couldn't help but crack a smile. Bertholdt couldn't help but think to himself -

I can't believe I just lost my virginity in my Kia Soul.

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taste-in-music · 5 years

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Strap in folks, we’re going to Cape God.

It’s here, folks! Allie X is keeping us well fed with new content. Ever since stumbling across the “Paper Love” video on YouTube a few years ago, I’ve been in love with Ms. X’s moody, eccentric brand of electropop. The singles for this album have really sucked me in and I haven’t done one of these longer reactions to an album in months, (I think the last official one was to Charli?) Listen to album along with me if you want, and let’s get right to it.

Fresh Laundry

We’re starting off with a single I see.

I love the spare, bass-heavy production on this track. The way the bright synth riffs and swarming backing vocals cut in and out builds such a creepy, tense atmosphere.

God I love it when she does those little shouts of “hey!” in songs. It’s one of the reasons I love “Good” off of Collxtion I so much.

Devil I Know

Not gonna lie, I’m not too hot on this track. Not that it’s bad, it’s just kind of bland. “You are the devil I know / Better than a devil I don’t” just isn’t a strong enough lyric for me to fully get behind.

But dang if she doesn’t sell it. Her vocals are great on this track.

Regulars

This was probably my favorite single leading up to the album. The groove is so tight, it balances a propulsive quality with a chillness at the same time.

In short, it’s a bop to slit throats to.

THE BASS LINE ON THIS SONG IS SO GOOOOD. I’m seeing her in concert in a few months and I can’t wait to hear this bass line rattle my ribcage live and in person.

The way the instrumental builds up with the glittering keys and snare under Allie’s vocal gymnastics? Art.

Sarah Come Home

We’re getting our first non-single! I’m so excited.

The chorus comes out of nowhere. It did not have to go that hard. And yet it did.

Whistles! Record cracks! Flutes! Fluttery backing vocals! I’m into it. It feels like I’m in a haunted pound cake commercial from the 1950s.

This song is giving me flashbacks to the bubbly feel of Collxtion I a bit. It’s a switch-up from the first three songs in the best kind of way. It’s such an upbeat bop.

Rings a Bell

We’ve got another single here.

The several crackling percussive elements in the mix, (especially the clave,) are amazing. Matched with the low bells, glistening chimes, and churning bass, it all comes together for a creeping, cryptic tune that never stops marching forward.

This song slaps with headphones on. The whispers on the bridge are heaven.

June Gloom

This song charges right out of the gate. It knocked me clean off my feet with the first note.

There are so many things going on in this song. There might be a saxophone? I’m not sure.

I have no clue how I feel about this song. It might be a mess, but I also might love it. I’ll have to give it several more listens in order to collect my thoughts.

Love Me Wrong ft. Troye Sivan

I always found this song a little dull, but it does its job as a ballad. The build in dynamics with the distorted synths help pick up the pace.

If there’s anything to praise about this song, it’s the performances. Allie and Troye sound lovely here, and they sound lovely together.

Allie’s range really gets to shine. She’s hitting the high notes. She’s hitting the low notes. She’s hitting me right in the heart.

Super Duper Party People

Let’s cut to the chase. Allie X is doing slam poetry about “a lady in a hat with a Siamese cat and a really, really bouncy butt” over a disco loop.

Fun fact: Allie X actually had to change recording studios midway through making this album because the beat to this song was so fire the studio burned down.

This song is like if you asked Brooke Candy to write “Here” by Alessia Cara. It’s so absurd that it loops back to being great.

Susie Save Your Love ft. Mitski

There is no song on this album I am more excited for than this one. There is no collaboration this year I am more excited for than this one.

THE BASS. God help me.

MITSKI IS HERE. I am ascending. I wasn’t sure how the two would sound together because their bodies of work are so different, but Mitski’s cooing, more grounded vibe works very nicely in contrast with Allie’s brighter and otherwordly tones.

IDK how I feel about that distorted guitar. Everything else is really good. This didn’t disappoint!

Life of the Party

Okay, pick up the pace! I’m getting some 60s vibes from this.

I was grooving along with the beat but oh my god these lyrics... they’re so troubling and dark. I’ve always said that putting sad lyrics over dance music makes them all the sadder, and well, this song proves that sentiment true.

That slurred, autotuned bridge hits hard. Wow.

Jesus, this song turned out to be an emotional gut punch that I did not expect.

Madame X

We’re getting a ballad moment here.

Those sparkly synth arpeggios in the mix. It’s straight-up ear candy. The audio equivalent of Sprite.

So she’s singing to a “Madame X...” Is she talking to her stage persona? To herself? Someone else? Is it a clue into a new era? Lots to think about with the lyrics here.

Learning in Public

Oh this is a total driving jam. It’s just the right balance of relaxing and energetic that keeps you chill and alert at the same time. I can practically see the open highway in front of me.

Not only that, but it’s all about being insecure in social settings. Same Allie. Same.

I love how the first lyric is “I want to be near fresh laundry / It’s been too many years of not folding“ and the last one is “Everything I thought I wanted / I changed my mind and I forgot it all.” Okay recurring themes! I love it when albums do that.

This might be one of my new favorite tracks.

My Thoughts Summarized: If there’s any one thing this album is, it’s cohesive. It takes you to a place and keeps you there, even as it explores different sonic textures and emotions. I loved how the solid mix of uptempo and downtempo tracks this album had, with both bops and ballads. While the production can feel a bit crowded at times, it also has moments where its lush, energetic, and memorable. Overall, this album marks a clear evolution for Allie X, but it’s also so viscerally hers. I can’t imagine anyone else making it.

God I love the visuals for this album. The whole couture private school meets feral goth forest nymph aesthetic drives me bananas, I’m obsessed. Major props to photographer Brendon Burton, who she worked with for the promo photos during this album’s roll out.

What did you think of Cape God? Agree or disagree? Comment or reblog with your thoughts, I’m excited to hear what you think.

#music #album review #allie x #cape god #taste in music

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em-be-lievable · 6 years

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Hello!! Whereith thou get thee cool punked clothing? Ith would like to dress as cool as thou

Y’all gotta stop enabling me with my special interests- I WILL write you novels.

This is gonna be a whole thing, so sit your butt down and prepare to listen to me yell for ten years.

This question is literally different depending on what I’m wearing- but my clothes fall into three schools of fashion which I’ll refer to ‘Statement makers’ ‘Essentials’ and ‘Accents.’

THE STATEMENT MAKERS:

These are the pieces that make strangers want to start arguments that they can’t win on the streets with me XD I have 4 in total: Though each one is a work in process. “Where does get one of these fine pieces?” You may be asking yourself? “Surely there is a hot topic-esque store that must provide such items!” The long and short is no, there isn’t. You gotta make these yourself.

So how you do that?

Step one: Start with a base.I like to keep these relatively cheap bc A: I’m broke, and B: This way I can put a little more money into ‘accents’ (which I’ll explain more about later) First you need that base- a good garment that will hold up to your daily life and tolerate the abuse you’re about to put it through. What I do is go to my local thrift store, or good will (not salvation army. F*ck the salvation army) and get one second hand. The vest and the leather jacket above ran me a total of 20$ instead of the 100$ you’d waste if you bought it from Big Business (and also f*ck them too for killing the environment and the economy) Be heckin’ thrifty and crafty with it- you’re essentially purchasing your canvas so don’t be afraid to scrounge.

Step two: Gather your men.And by men, I mean the sh!t you’re gonna adhere to this beast. A good place for pins/patches? Etsy. Theres literally millions of options you can get from small businesses and independent artists all over the world and they’re usually pretty cheap: Ranging anywhere from 1$ (plus shipping) to 15$ for big back pieces. Literally every single patch that wasn’t gifted or I didn’t make was purchased via etsy. Which brings me to my second option for pins and patches: Make them. You can get a button maker if you’re feeling frisky- or just go to a f*ck ton of rallies and accommodate them from there. Patches can easily be made with a scrap of black fabric and some white fabric paint. At my local WalMart a yard of plain black cotton fabric will run you about 3$ and will get you 10-20 patches depending on the size. The paint will run you about 1.50$ and an afternoon of your time just grinding away at it.

And if you’re Extra Edgy™ like me- you’re gonna need some heckin SPIKES. Spikes are surprisingly easy to come by and add to your pieces- I get the little screw on ones: on Etsy it’ll run you about 10$ for 100 of them- or if you’re okay with it, use amazon and get 500 for 8$ (As much as I’m not a fan of big business, I can understand the need to go with the cheapest option.)

Step three: Just literally throw that sh!t together.This is the fun part: Making it your own. This way no one has the same sh!t as you and you can wear your pride on your sleeve, back, chest ect-Small words of wisdom: -Iron on patches are weak. They’re not going to stay on for long. Just surrender to the fact you’re going to have to sew that sh!t on now and save yourself the heartache. -If you get/make flimsy fabric patches, you’re gonna need interfacing. You can also buy this at walmart for around 4$ a yard and it’ll save you so much goddamn trouble. -There is no way in the freshest of hells you’re going to be able to sew on a patch to a leather jacket. Just scrap that notion now- it’s not going to happen. So what can you do? Aleene’s super fabric glue. Literally the jaws of life aren’t gonna be enough to rip that patch off your jacket if you use it. Idk who Aleene sold her soul to to get such sticky sh!t but I stan her for it forever. -Don’t be afraid to paint directly onto your items. It’s so much f*cking fun. Just do it.-If you’re gonna make this a whole hobby/lifestyle you might want to consider investing in a sewing machine. You’ll never know true agony until you spend days hand sewing on a back piece stitch-by-stitch only to realize it’s crooked when it’s done. At least if you use a machine it’ll be 5-10 minutes of work lost as apposed to literal hours.

THE ACCENTS:

This is where you’re gonna throw the money you saved by thrifting your statements. These are the splurges, that one shirt with the funny logo you have saved in your bookmark bars, that impulse buy at the mall. The pricier things that you’re just not gonna be able to make yourself and would rather ask for for your birthday/christmas/whenever you’d be receiving presents.

So, as for MY guilty pleasure spots:

WildBlackSheep on Etsy. What can I say? I love an independent bish. And their shirts are just so witty and funny, I love them to death and back. Not to mention the customer service is UNREAL. 10/10 would recommend to a friend.

WickedClothes.com. I’m just a dead ringer for combining that 80′s cartoon style with my morbid sense of humor. The ‘Let’s Have A Seance’ ringer tee is one of my favorite shirts.

JohnnyCupcakes. Literally theres like one design, but it’s a design I love. If the cupcake with crossbones doesn’t convey who I am as a person, idk what does.

BlackCraftCult.com. Now, I’m not a satanist- but I’m extremely supportive of the ideals that neosatanism has. (Which is essentially just believing in yourself and not being an assh*le) Plus, satanist or not, the designs are dope.

angryyoungandpoor.com. So, you want a particular piece of ‘punk’ fashion that can only be bought, but you don’t want to pay full price for it. This is your stop. It’s discount classic punk fair to find all your favorite brands at not full prices, plus more. The website can be like a goddamn maze but I’m sure every punk will find something they like there.

And theres so much more, but I’ll be here all day just getting down EVERYWHERE I buy clothes XD These are just my favorite brands, and the ones I frequent most to treat myself.

THE ESSENTIALS:

Now for last, but not least- literally the staples. The basics. The things every person who ever wears clothes ever needs. The foundation to lay all your accessories and statements upon to get a good cohesive look on you and have you feeling completely punkified. Find these literally anywhere that works best for you: Goodwill, Target, Walmart, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as you have these staples to build upon your punky exterior.

The shopping list:

-Black pants. Everyone and their mother needs just one good pair of plain black pants. They just go well with literally anything and are a dope addition to an edgy exterior. If you’ve got the funds and the time, I’d highly recommend finding one pair that fits you well and buying two of them- Keep one as normal but then take a couple of serrated knives and sandpaper to the other and give yourself some distressed pants. (Afterall, why on Gaia’s green earth would I buy PRE RIPPED JEANS when I’m the proud purveyor of my own destruction?)

Jeans.Same as the first for better or worse: You need a nice pair of jeans. I’d recommend doing the same shtick with the black pants and getting one pair to keep and one pair to rip up.

Plain black t-shirt.Literally get your butt to a dollar tree and get yourself a plain black t-shirt or two. You have no idea how useful it is to pair with your clothes. Just do it.

Plain white t-shirt.See above.

Boots.Combat boots just make the outfit. You may want to invest in a nice long-wear pair since shoes can be kinda expensive and you want a lot of milage for your buck. I’m a big fan of classic Docs bc they last FOREVER and are just good shoes. And if you’re not big on animal made items good news: They come in Vegan now.

Converse.They’re just good shoes what can I say? It’s classic, it’s comfortable, it’s always been around and it’ll always be around. You can get them in all kinds of styles and colors- like why do I even need to explain to you why converse are a good idea? I bet 5$ you already own a pair! They’re also great running shoes in case you need to flee from cops if need be, in my experience.

And from there you can mix and match with jewelry (in the face or otherwise) and hair to get a whole look! Hope this helps my darling!! Best of luck with punking it up!!!

#ask em #fashion stuffs #y'all are a bunch of enablers #don't say I didn't WARN YOU

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felicityb-reviews · 7 years

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Seventeen “Director’s Cut” Special Album Review

So like...

Who else saw it coming?!?!?

Hello loves!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and welcome to my first album review!! And of fucking course, it's on Seventeen's repackage (sorry, Special Album™) - Director's Cut!! Anyone who knows me knows that I'm complete and total Svt trash (I might have cried watching Thank You for the first time), so I am *very* excited to be doing Seventeen for my first ever album review.

I might have had plans to do a Teen.Age review as my first post on Felicity B Reviews. No one can prove that, but it might have been a thing!!

1. Thinkin' About You

Thinkin' About You is Classic Svt™, kids.

You can expect three different types of tracks to be present on most (if not all) Seventeen albums

Gay up Straight up, balls to the wall Funk that has a ridiculous ass routine and looks amazing performed live (Boom Boom, Very Nice, Clap).

A soft Radio Ballad type song that would make the perfect intro track at a concert (Beautiful, Without You).

An acoustic(-sque) ballad that makes your heart go pitter patter (Smile Flower, Campfire).

I told y'all I was complete and total Svt Trash.

Thinkin' About You is a Funky Disco Pop number that combines the first and second Svt archetypes (tropes, if you will), and I fuckin' love it. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's no way I could ever *not* like this type song from any group, much less Seventeen. There's just something so Right™ about Seventeen doing high energy, pure pop numbers. Most boy bands outchea are trynna act like they're all badass and what not (not that Seventeen isn't), but Seventeen know what the fans want.

I know I said above that these type of songs would be perfect for opening a concert, but I actually think Thinkin' About You would be great to close out one?!?! Or for an ~encore~ stage. It's interesting that they chose Thinkin' About to open the repackage (*ahem* Special Album), because there's an element of finality to it. It does its job well enough, but it'd be interesting to hear how it'd sound if they had placed this at the end.

2. Thank You *title*

The ugly tears I bawled watching the video for the first time, y'all...

Firstly, whomstever leaked the original draft of my Teen.Age review??!? Yeah, ya mama's a heaux. I (very jokingly) complained about Clap not having enough Jisoo, and only did they come out with that ~remix~ of Clap that's literally WonSoo looking hot to a trap beat, but Thank You has an explosion of Jisoo.

It's too much.

Thank You is an EDM track that I'd usually expect from Performance Unit. And that's not shade, cause I fucking love Thank You. But sis, y'all could put ha next to Dance of the 13th Month and HIGHLIGHT, and it'd be a trilogy of slayery.

I don't actually recommend doing that unless your edge control is blessed by God, cause you will look a hot ass mess afterwards.

The best way to describe my thoughts on Thank You is "When will your faves?". All of my feelings on this song boil down to that question. Jisoo told us to be ready, but once the teasers hit, I had accepted my fate. My edges will never be the same, just like consequences. I will never stan another like I do Seventeen. How could I when they deliver such high quality, forward thinking songs that are still true to their brand of public friendly pop bops like Thank You??!?!?!

Dramatics aside, Thank You is just a really nice, really healing type of song. This song feels like renewed hope in a jar. Thank You doesn't make me feel like I can conquer the world, it makes me feel like I can live for another day. It makes me feel like I haven't struggled and fought in vain. And as someone who has had many a depressive episode that's left her feeling like complete and total trash, that feeling is not to underestimated.

3. Run To You

Sis, tell me how Seventeen delivered a J-Pop style track, while also making the song sound distinctly theirs?!?!?! I'm very sure if another group performed this, it'd still have that patented Svt feel to it.

Legends only.

Let's get the obvious out of the way - Run To You sounds like an anime theme song. A very nice anime theme song, but an anime theme song nonetheless. I'm a little confused as to why they'd include a song like this on a Korean album, because this style is very hit or miss when done in Korea. My thoughts on Run To You tie very heavily into how I feel about Director's Cut as a whole, but I'll get into those later.

Run To You has a grit to it's severely dulled by the mixing and mastering process, and it makes me wanna hear it live. This is exacerbated by the Svt's very clean, very pop style mixing, but to be fair, it is a complaint I've had about pretty much every Korean rock song with high production values.

I really would not mind if Seventeen ever decided to do a punk/pop sub-unit. Yes, I do realize Run To You isn't punk/pop, but that could easily be fixed. Seventeen gave us MCR inspired aesthetics with the Teen.Age teasers, and I was A Fan™. And several of the members play instruments (I'm having war flashbacks to their KBS Song Festival stage). It wouldn't be hard for them to pull off. It'd be a super cool foil to their power pop/Boys Just Wanna Have Fun™ group concept.

PLEDIS!! MAKE IT HAPPEN!!

4. Falling For U (Jeonghan and Jisoo)

In case anyone is interested, I prefer to use Jisoo's Korean name over his American one (even though he uses that as a stage name), because Joshua is my deadname. And it's really uncomfortable to call one of your biases a name that has the potential to make you extremely dysphoric.

Moving on.

Falling For U is Svt archetype number three. And even though I have love for every song on Director's Cut, Falling For U is my clear favorite. Outside of featuring 2/3 of my Svt biases (I am a gay trash can, leave me be), it's an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo.

And y'all know how much my gay ass loves those.

It's missing the RnB overtones you typically hear in this type of song, but it's still pretty rad.

Falling For U is another really nice, really healing song. She sounds like springtime dates with bae. Like you're in that Honeymoon phase and you just wanna be all gross and sappy all the time. Falling For U also gives me the feel of a couple that's been in love for a while now. Everything feels easy in that moment, because you're just so in love. It's a nice feeling.

I frequently talk about how K-Pop fans need to unplug every once in a while because they be sippin' the Kool Aid a lil bit too much, but sometimes, I just wanna listen to a cute love song by a cute boy (or cute boys #GayTrashCan).

And speaking of cute things by cute boys, HanSoo's cute rap during the bridge. Sis, my heart exploded with feels. Jisoo has such a nice lower range (you wouldn't know it by how high his vocal parts are, but he's got a lil oomph to his voice for a lyric tenor) and Jeonghan has rasp for D A Y S.

I wanted it to be longer, you guys.

Overall And Final Thoughts

Director's Cut does what a repackage/special album is supposed to do - extend the life of an previously released album cycle with a new look and some new music. I liked that three/four of the songs featured here are group tracks as opposed to unit ones; Teen.Age was a great showcase of Seventeen as individuals, but it felt more like a singles collection than an album because of it. The tracklisting was a hot mess that exacerbated the problem, but the root was how varied the sound of the album was. Adding in the group tracks definitely helps make the album feel more cohesive.

I mean, there's the task of actually integrating the tracks into the body of the album, but that's the beauty of the Digital Revolution.

At the same time, I almost wish they'd waited to release these songs?!!

I've heard that Seventeen are planning a Japanese debut soon, so why not save these songs for that album. Most groups release a remake of a Korean song as a debut single in Japan, but Seventeen could have released Run To You. If there's a few thing sI've learned about successful Japanese campaigns for K-Pop groups are, it's that groups a) need to be proficient (at the very least) in the language and b) you gotta tailor your sound to the market. And what do ya know, Run To You would have Perfect™.

Idk, I'm very happy with this comeback because it breathed new life into an already amazing album, but at the same time, I think Seventeen's first release in 2018 should not have been a repackage. Especially one with a tracklisting this poorly thought out. Seventeen's albums have always had iffy tracklistings, but Director's Cut takes the cake, sis.

It doesn't take away from the quality of the music, but it makes you wonder where their management's priorities lies.

#Seventeen #Director's Cut #Review #Album Review #Felicity B

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