#so if you’re reading this mob wants you to know that you’ll be okay :>

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Safest with You (Ch. 21 - The Way to Get Over Someone, Part 2)

11.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Despite Din's attempts to be evasive, you learn the truth about your break-up, and make some decisions about what you are and are not willing to accept going forward.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Angst, pining, longing. Nicknames as usual (pretty bird, baby). Some smuttiness but won't spoil.

A/N: Well, we're here: the penultimate chapter (if you don't count the epilogue) - sorry for the word count! 😱 Thank you to everyone who's read up to here - I can't tell you how much it means to me! I know some of you have some strong feelings about Din's actions/dumbdumbness and that's okay!! If you feel like regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be forgiven/can't be redeemed, I invite you to read up until the paragraph that ends with the blue heart dividers 💙💙💙. I hope that where it ends provides a satisfying conclusion for the series for you and thank you, thank you, thank you again!

All dividers by @saradika-graphics / Series Masterlist

You don’t know how you get through dinner; you must have gone on some kind of small talk auto-pilot because if Mark knew just how much your mind was preoccupied by another man while he was being nothing but genuine and engaging, he probably would have thrown a glass of wine in your face.

Outside of the restaurant, Mark gives you a shy look and asks if you want to get ice cream for second dessert.  Oh man, he really is good guy.

“Oh Mark, I really cannot believe I’m turning down ice cream, but I have something to confess to you,” you look apologetic and hope he’ll let you say what you think he deserves to hear.

“Honestly, Mark – you’re a dream date.  You’re smart and funny and Jen was so right, you’re a fucking catch.  I can’t tell you how guilty I’ve been feeling because I don’t think I’ve been reciprocating the energy and effort that you deserve.  I don’t know if Jen told you, but I got out of a relationship a while ago and I thought I was ready to date again – but being with you tonight… I realize I’m completely out of my element.  I don’t have any business going out with a great guy like you – not right now anyways.  I’m so sorry.”

Mark looks surprised, but his tone is understanding, “Oh!  Wow.  Jen did say something about that – I’m sorry about your last relationship.  It sounds like it really did a number on you.  If it makes you feel better – I had a great time.  I didn’t in anyway feel like I was carrying the date or anything.  And if tonight was you not feeling like you’re up to dating again, then I can’t quite imagine what it would be like to date you when it’s something you’re ready to put your all into.  Thanks for being honest.  When you feel like you’re ready to give dating another shot – think of me?”

It’s a generous and gentlemanly response; you really couldn’t ask for anything more.  The two of you part ways with a light hug outside the restaurant; Mark offers to call you a cab, but you let him know you’ll be fine, and wave appreciatively as he drives away in the car the valet brings him. 

Sighing a heavy sigh, you’re just thinking it might be best if you send Jen a message to let her know how the date went before Mark does when you hear a crash coming from the alleyway next to the restaurant.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you walk over to the side of the building and peek around the corner; there in the alley is the occupier of all your current thoughts, Din, kicking garbage cans in frustration.  When you see him punch the brick wall of the building and shake out his fist, your legs carry you to him as if on instinct – unable to see Din hurt without the urge rising to comfort and soothe him.

Din has both of his palms up against the wall when you close in on him, leaning his weight against his hands with his eyes closed, breathing heavy.

“Din?  Are you okay?” you ask softly, not wanting to startle him.

He looks up, surprised at your appearance – eyes stormy, the rich browns of his irises full of emotion, “I’m okay, pretty bird.”

Pretty bird.  Your heart swells at the familiar term of endearment that you thought you’d never hear again.  It’s like music to your ears.

“This doesn’t look okay,” you gently pull the hand that you saw him shake in pain away from the wall, turning it over and cradling it in your hands - gasping a little when you see his knuckles scraped and bleeding.  Din watches your pretty face cloud with concern as you take a handkerchief from your purse and delicately wrap it around his wounded hand; tying it snugly against his palm before turning his hand over and bringing his knuckles to your lips, pressing a tender kiss against the makeshift bandage.

“Thank you, baby.”

You’re looking at him with such a sweet expression that Din’s heart starts to ache again; he has to remind himself that your concern isn’t really for him particularly – it’s just your kind nature, “Where’s your date?  Did he go and get the car or something?”

You shrug good naturedly, “I sent him home.  Would you mind putting me in a cab, Din?”

“Of course.” As Din walks with you back towards the street, his injured hand rests protectively on your lower back and the gesture causes a chill to run up your spine.

It’s not in uncomfortable silence that the two of you wait on the curb, but Din is afraid that if he doesn’t engage you in some type of conversation, you and this moment will disappear before his mind registers it as being real, “Why did you send your date home?  Did he try something?” His eyes darken.

You shake your head lightly; Din’s protective nature is exactly as you remember - you’ve missed it, “No, nothing like that.  He was fine, really.”  You can’t deny it any longer, you’ve missed him, “He just wasn’t… you.”  With this admission you look up at Din and search his eyes – does he miss you too?

“Oh, pretty bird,” Din manages to breathe out before he descends on your mouth, kissing you fully and so full of longing and desperation he’s afraid he might actually break you.  Your arms fly up of their own accord and wrap around Din’s neck, pulling him closer, closer, closer; your fingers thread and tug at the loose curls at the nape of his neck and you long to run your hands through his hair again - you refrain, not wanting to mess up his hairstyle.  He’s yours and you’re his again in this kiss – every brush of your lips, every step in the dance of your tongues a testament to how much you’ve missed each other.

You’re melting.  Melting into Din’s strong arms and the safety of his hold, reveling in the warmth of his affections.  It’s like you’ve never left, his body molds to yours, fitting so right – pressed flushed against Din, you dare anything to try and get between the two of you right now.

Parting reluctantly when you hear the slow crunch of tires coming to a stop next to you, Din kisses your forehead gently before seeing you into the backseat of the cab.  When you see him open the passenger side door and speak to the driver, you recall with a surge of affection that cab ride after Katie’s birthday when you and Din reconnected after your brief separation.  Once again, Din tells the driver your address and emphasizes the importance of getting you home safely, punctuating his point with an overly generous tip.  Your heart swells at the memory – the déjà vu driving home how everything about your relationship had been real.

When Din comes back to see you in the backseat, your eyes are bright and full of feeling – he’s here, the sweet man who always takes care of everyone, who only every wanted to take care of you; he’s right here in front of you again.  Bringing your hand up to Din’s cheek, your heart soars when he leans into your palm with a smile; the soft feel and weight of his face familiar and comforting.

“Din, I know you didn’t sleep with Vanessa,” you say simply with no room for argument – a simple fact.  Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems so fucking obvious.  How could you have ever believed that this man could have been capable of such a betrayal?

Simplicity and truth are all that Din can afford as well, “Of course not.  How could I ever want anyone else when I had you?  The perfect woman.  You’re the love of my life, pretty bird.  Would never cheat on you.”

The sincerity of his words brings tears to your eyes, “Then why, Din?  Why would you want me to think that you had?”

You look so confused and sad; for the billionth time, Din chastises his past self for his dumb decisions, “Needed you to hate me, pretty bird.  Needed you to stay away from me.  It’s the only way to keep you safe.”

Though this answer is vague, your response is relayed with certainty; hands cupping Din’s face, “I’m safest with you, Din.”

The kiss that Din presses to your lips at this declaration is achingly desperate, as if he’s trying to brush away all his past mistakes and wipe clean the hurt he’s caused.  He loves you.  You can feel it in every stroke of his tongue over yours, and in the way his teeth nip and nibble at your lower lip.

You’ve missed his mouth, his touch, and everything Din – and judging by the way his hands cradle your face and the deep emotions swirling in the richness of brown eyes, Din’s missed you just as much.  The two of you hold each other, foreheads pressed together for closeness, breathing in the other’s air as you soak in this togetherness that neither of you ever thought you’d experience again.

Finally, remembering what that last cab ride led to, you whisper, “Din, will you come over tonight?”

There’s a pause as Din’s brows furrow and his eyes squeeze shut.  This moment of tenderness with you, one where you don’t hate him, has been more than he deserves.  But it’s a fantasy, a mirage – the reports of escalating violence he listened to during tonight’s meeting still fresh in his mind, Din shakes his head in frustration.  Based on what had been disclosed in the meeting, he can’t help but think that it’s working – everything he’s done to remove the target on your back is working; he can’t throw away your safety just so he can have this feeling again.  That would be too risky.  Selfish.

“Pretty bird, I can’t do that.  I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand, Din,” your voice breaks at his latest rejection and the sound tears Din in two.

He lifts your chin with his fingers so that you’ll look at him though the tears that are already starting to form in your beautiful eyes, “Baby, please understand.  We can’t.  We can’t be together – you deserve better than this, than me.  Being with me puts you in unnecessary danger.  My deepest fear is that you get hurt and I can’t… I won’t let that happen.”

“You’re hurting me right now, Din,” your voice small, sad.

Din knows he is, but he has to stay strong and resolved for your sake, even if this short respite from the dull ache of his everyday existence has been a heaven beyond his imagination, “I’m sorry, pretty bird.  I really am.  I love you, I love you.  But you deserve better.”

You say nothing but the few tears that roll down your cheeks speak volumes.  With great difficulty, Din says a wordless goodbye with kisses to your hair, then both of your hands before letting them and you go.  He knocks on the top of the cab to let the driver know he can leave; as the taxi drives away, he sees your hurt face looking back at him and it nearly brings him to his knees. 

Pressing the heels of his palm to his eyes, Din lets out a loud growl of frustration.  Taking several deep breaths before going back in to rejoin the Family meeting, he repeats to himself a mantra that he has to believe – This is the right thing.  The most important thing is that she’s safe.  Staying away from her keeps her safe.

---

Din’s resolve lasts exactly two days.

---

It takes you only the duration of the cab ride home to get over the sting of Din’s rejection.  Yes, the emotional whiplash of having him tell you that he loves you only for him say that it doesn’t change anything between the two of you hurt, but by the time you’ve taken Al out and finished getting ready for bed, your hurt feelings have been replaced by fresh purpose and determination. 

You finally have some answers.  Somehow Din has convinced himself that being apart from him is for your benefit and he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness for it.  The problem for you is that he’s also willing to sacrifice yours. 

There’s a part of you that is livid about this, but you’re keeping this particular emotion at bay for the present moment with your newfound conviction to get to the bottom of what’s going on; you’ll get the answers you seek before you decide how you’re going to feel about it all.

You spend most of the weekend turning over the events of the last five months in your head, looking at them with a new perspective after the revelations from the past four days; mentally preparing a list of things that Din owes you explanations for and talking yourself in and out of how you’ll demand them of him. 

By some twist of fate, your regular Sunday brunch has been cancelled for the first time in forever, with several of your friends unable to make it – you can’t decide if this is in your favour or not.

On one hand, you could really use their opinions and a sounding board for your rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions; on the other hand, you suspect that Din is currently not your friends’ favourite person and you could probably do without the barrage of insults that would inevitably be thrown about as a reaction to his and Vanessa’s confessions from this past week.  Not that Din didn’t deserve them, but rather they wouldn’t help you work out what you need to do next.

By Sunday afternoon you’re sure of a few things:

Din loves you.

He has always loved you and he never stopped.

You love him, too.

He truly believed that being with him put you in danger.

What you didn’t know:

How could it be that he loved you so deeply but could so readily leave you?  Not just initially five months ago, but again, not two days earlier?

What gave him the right to decide what was best for you? 

Did he really think it acceptable to keep you in the dark about things that he clearly believed impacted your life so significantly?

The details of what prompted Din to act the way he did don’t interest you as much as why it led him to behave so unsympathetically for the past five months.  The more you think about it, the harder it is for you sit still and wait out the indetermined amount of time needed before you get your answers.

On Sunday night, you make the decision to head down to Mando’s yourself after work one day this week.  Feeling confident in your decided course of action, you’re as satisfied as you can be with the situation when you hear a knock on your door.

---

This is too easy.

Din mutters to himself as he walks through the parking garage beneath your apartment building undetected.  It was entirely too easy for him to gain entry into the garage and avoid the security cameras on his way to the internal stairwell.  He makes a mental note to talk to Paz about this gap in security as he’s taking the stairs two at a time up to your floor. 

He had tried to stay away, he really had.  But just as Din had always known, without the deterrent of you hating him and the surety that you would push him away, he had only his own self control to keep him from seeking you out, and that had crumbled under your loving touch outside the restaurant on Friday.

It had been too long since Din had gone without the feel of your soft lips pressed to his or basked in the warmth of your soft gaze and he had positively melted from both when he saw you after your date.  Like an addict in recovery, the high from his relapse was too intense to ignore; he simply could not be kept from you any longer.

He barely recalls what happened after going back into the restaurant on Friday and finishing the Family meeting.  Or how he got through Saturday at the gym, trying to slog through this month’s invoicing and attempting (unsuccessfully) to concentrate on Jimmy’s training.  Don’t even ask him what he did today.  All he knows is that after nightfall, his body drove his truck over to your neighbourhood and his feet carried him straight to your door.

Unsure of what type of reception he’ll receive if you open the door, Din doesn’t even know what he expects, only what he wants: you.

Your door opens with you already ready for bed, blinking at him with an unreadable expression.  Din thinks he should speak first and lets Al buy him some time when he noses out, nuzzling his snoot into Din’s large hands.  After giving your happy pup a few head rubs to show him how much he’s been missed, Din straightens up to look at you again; he opens his mouth to say something, though he doesn’t know what - and he never finds out because you kiss him.

You hadn’t expected to see Din before your planned confrontation, and you certainly didn’t think you’d see him at your door looking so soft and vulnerable.  After he had dispensed some love to Al, the expression in Din’s eyes when he raised himself back up to his impressive height was that of a much smaller man.  One who was unsure, ashamed.

To see Din like this takes all the wind out of the proverbial sails you had hoisted high over the last two days, the ones you had readied in anticipation of the fight you were bringing to his doorstep this week.  And just like before, when faced with seeing Din in distress, your mind, heart and body ache to soothe and calm him - so you do what comes naturally and press your lips to his.

Din’s lips never leave yours.  Not when you walk him inside your apartment and close the door, and not when he familiarly navigates the layout of your living room to sit on the couch and pull you down onto his lap.  He won’t stop brushing his desperate mouth against your perfectly plush pout, the one he dreams about regularly, even as he murmurs the only two phrases he needs to know you understand:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

You match Din kiss for kiss, “I know.  I know, Din” as you undress first yourself, then the man whose touch you’ve been yearning for for nearly half a year and whose weight you long to be under again.  Your body cries out, remembering the feel of the corded muscles of his strong arms and the comfort of his hard chest; your hands molds to Din’s body as they roam and explore, afraid if you release him he’ll be ripped away from you again.  On Din’s part, even as his mouth becomes more insistent, his touch on your body remains gentle, reverent – where you’re urgent and possessive, he is worshipful.  And still, he recites:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

With Din owning your mouth, your moans of I know, I know, I know are swallowed and vibrate down into his chest - setting his heart on fire and quickening his pulse even as he kisses deeper and steals all your air.

Feeling him lick into your mouth, you whimper ‘Din, please’ and the sound of his name once again on your lips makes Din’s dick jump.  He grabs you tight around the waist, holding you to him to continue fully exploring the open, moaning cavern of your mouth, conveying his devotion with each caress and massage of his tongue.  How could he have ever let you go?  You show Din that you don’t want him to do so ever again by meeting his every touch, every kiss, every guttural needy noise with a hungrier one of your own.

It’s been too long and your hearts and bodies have missed each other too much; Din is already hard and throbbing against where you’re wet and wanting.  Everything is hurried, messy, and inelegant.  You need each other and that’s all there is to it.

Overcome with your own greediness, you murmur, “Need you inside, baby.”

As Din’s entire body melts into a puddle at your words, every muscle in his broad frame relaxes and all his power and control evaporate in the face of his one and only fantasy coming to life; only snapped out of his euphoric state by the sensation of you smearing his leaking precum over his length with your soft hands - Din thinks he might come from this alone.  He’s craved your touch every moment since that fateful night outside his apartment, but he holds back for the heaven he knows is to come when you line him up to your entrance and slowly sink down.

It’s really has been too long – Din’s too big and you’re too tight and there hasn’t been enough prep; it hurts.  But somehow it’s welcomed - both of you needing it to hurt, wanting it to hurt, so you know it’s real.

“Nggghhhh – fuck, Din, so big,” you whine as he stretches you out - he’s bigger than you remember.  He feels better than you remember.

“I know, pretty bird.  But it’ll fit,” Din hums, “because you’re made for me.”

His sweet words belie the sting to your tight channel, but the joy that overflows from your heart straight to you core soon drowns out the pain; this is how it was always meant to be: you trusting your body to Din, and Din taking care of you.  Slowly, slowly, your sheath yourself onto Din’s cock – fitted so close that you feel every thick vein and groove along your warm walls. 

Din’s kisses are gentler now, tender and reassuring like his words, “Doing so good for me, pretty girl,” “You feel so perfect around me,” “Love this tight cunt, missed her so much.”

His praise causes your pussy to gush and your hands card through his soft curls appreciatively.  Gazing into Din’s eyes lovingly, you coo back your own song, “Feels so good, daddy,” “God, I’m so full,” “Noone wrecks this pussy like you, baby.”

When you’re finally fully seated, with Din bottomed out inside you, his balls nestled perfectly under your ass, the two of you simply just rest.  Countless minutes go by so you can relearn to breathe and Din thanks his lucky stars for the privilege of praying at your altar once more.

Fully blissed out and body trembling upon remembering its rightful place on Din’s cock, you whisper, “Din, please move.” And move he does.

Slowly and with the restraint of a saint, Din thrusts up to meet your tentative downward movements, dragging his cock deliciously in and out of your tight cunt, letting her suck him back in of her own volition.  You wrap your arms around his neck and feel Din’s sensual kisses on your lips, down your neck, and at the hollows of your throat; the wet trail his mouth leaves behind causes an electric chill to run throughout your entire body, your hips bucking a little harder, a little more ambitious in response.

There’s no rush, the two of you have all the time in the world to enjoy your reunion, and yet there’s an urgency - a hunger to devour as much of one another as you can, both starved from your time apart.  The need to make up for lost time takes over; every kiss of skin on skin is an apology and a promise, your declarations of love becoming louder and more unabashed, movements more fervent, frantic.

Din groans into your skin, “Pretty bird, not going to last.  Missed you too much,” as he starts to punch up with an impressive force, driving his cock deeper into your cunt and reaching that spot that only he’s ever been able to find.

“Give it to me, daddy,” you mewl, barrelling towards to your own orgasm faster than you had expected, “Need it.  Need you.  I love you, I love you, I love you.”  This is the first time you’ve said it back tonight, and the only time Din’s heard these sweet words in the musical lilt of your voice in last five mouths – this alone sends him on the fast track to the edge.

He snakes one hand between your bodies to find your already pulsating clit and starts to pen a long overdue love letter with his thumb.  Din’s other arm pulls your body as close to his as possible, so you’re now pressed flushed against his warm chest, moving with him as one.

I’m sorry, baby.  I love you, pretty bird.  I love you.

I love you, Din.  Missed you so much.  I love you.

You come - teary eyes locked onto Din’s as he signs over his fate with an elegant signature on your clit.  Your slippery nub kisses his thumb back just as hard, crying and begging for relief as you clench down from the onslaught of pleasure that only Din can give you.  Din spills deep into you as your pussy chokes him, milking the euphoria of his release for all it’s worth.  He’s in heaven.  You’re his heaven.

Wordlessly, you and Din exchange soft smiles and besotted looks as you clean-up after; a string of never-ending tender kisses lead the two of you back to the couch where you lay down in Din’s arms, sated and pliant, soaking in the strength and sureness with which he holds you, “Din, we need to talk.”

“I know, pretty bird,” he’s ready to tell you everything, lay it all bare for you. 

Propping yourself up on your elbow so you can look Din in the eye, you implore him to be honest with you, “You said you needed me to hate you.  That it was the only way to keep me safe.  What were you talking about?”

Din tells you about the photos that the Family received which had been received as threats and the various confrontations and incidents of harassment in the months following that confirmed them as such.  He tells you how scared he’s been for you, and how guilty and sorry he is that you were ever caught up in his world in this terrifying way.

Forcing himself not to look away from your pretty face when he sees it line with fear, Din tells you that he never wanted you to feel frightened or for your life to be interrupted, “You’re safe, pretty bird, I promise.  You’re well protected - the entire Fett Family is looking out for you.  They love you as much as I do.  The Family would never abandon you.”

“Just you then?” It wasn’t meant as a sarcastic or passive aggressive comment, but you just honestly can’t see what this had to do with why Din left you.  If anything, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to stay by your side?

Regardless of your meaning, Din looks pained at your question and averts his eyes in shame.

“I understand that you were afraid for me because of the threats, but if the Family was willing to protect me, I still don’t understand why you would need me to hate you to be safe?”

“You should never have been in danger at all, baby.  The reason you’re a target is because of me.  Whoever issued the threats only targeted you because… because, they knew how much you mean to me.  How much I love you.  It wasn’t enough just to protect you from the threat, I didn’t want you to be under threat at all.  That’s the only way to guarantee you would be safe.”

You stroke Din’s face with your hand, and he leans in to your comforting touch and closes his eyes.

“If you hated me, then you would no longer be a worthy target.  The person they really want to hurt is me, and if we weren’t together anymore, they can’t do that through you.”  Din sighs, “But I’m so sorry, pretty bird.  The way I went out about it was all wrong - hurting you like I did is inexcusable and it shattered my heart to do so.  You didn’t deserve to think I cheated on you.”

Your heart softens and you lean in to lay gentle, sympathetic kisses to Din’s soft lips.  Finally, finally you understand.  Though you don’t excuse the hurt he caused, you can understand Din’s fallacious reasoning; in an odd way, it’s a relief to see him so unchanged – his actions ever consistent with his self-sacrificing nature and his conviction to take care of those he loves, to keep them safe.  The only thing is, his was not the only heart he had sacrificed.

“I thought you never loved me,” you say in a small voice, “when I thought you had cheated on me, it made me question our entire relationship.”

“Oh, fuck, baby,” Din’s shame and self-anger triple upon hearing your words.  He had expected you to be angry, to hate him for the lie he had you believe, but he never considered that you would have doubted what he felt for you prior to that horrible night.  Secure in the depth of his own devotion and the truth of just how in love with you he was, Din had thought what was unshakeable to him would be the same for you; but of course, now that you’ve said it, it makes complete sense and he adds this egregious transgression against you to his long list of regrets, “I’m so fucking sorry.  I never thought- oh, fuck.  It never crossed my mind that you might ever doubt how so completely in love with you I’ve always been.  From the moment I met you it was over for me, baby – you became the single most important person in my life.  I live for you, pretty bird.  I’m so sorry I ever made you feel any differently.”

Din looks at you with so much sincerity and desperation, you heart is unable to do anything but believe him.  You know without a shadow of a doubt that Din loves you and moreover, that everything he’s done has been in the name of that love.  And though you trust in his pure intentions, they’re misguided in a way that you have to make him understand.  If the two of you are to have a chance again, you need honesty and openness, and Din has to have faith in that same love when things get tough.

You’re lightly scratching Din’s facial scruff the way you know he loves, wanting to just enjoy this affectionate moment a little longer before you dive into the more serious things you need to talk about when you both hear Din’s phone start to buzz incessantly. 

Din reaches his long arm off the couch and easily finds his discarded pants and pulls out his phone, frowning when he sees the multiple notifications on his lock screen.

His entire body tenses as he reads Paz’s messages.

Hutt movement three blocks away from Lil’ Lady’s.

Woves confirms the group is growing.

Mods say traffic cams show more on the way. 

Din feels a stab of fear tear through his chest before the horror of what he’s done settles like a boulder in his stomach.

For the five months that Din had left you alone, there hadn’t even been a hint of suspicious activity anywhere near you.  No appearance of shady characters or any incidents of malfeasance, not a single one.  You had been safe.

What had changed tonight?  What could have possibly happened to incite a flurry of rival gang activity so close to your home when it had never previously been an issue?

It was him.  What had changed is he had been weak.  He had given in to his need for you, selfishly putting you in harm’s way.  Din realizes he had been right: staying away from you had been keeping you safe.  He gets up suddenly, the need to rectify his mistake overwhelming.

“Din?”

Din’s hurrying putting on his clothes and doesn’t answer you.  He doesn’t hear you get up from the couch after him and grab a house cardigan from the back of one of the dining room chairs to throw over yourself, watching as he carries on to leave without saying a word.

“STOP!!”

You hardly ever yell.  And you never slam your hand down on your dining table so hard and loud it hurts, but you need to get Din’s attention somehow.  It works - Din’s shocked out of his automated movements and turns to face you.

“What are you doing, Din?” you look distressed, confused, but most of all, frightened by what you think you already know is happening.

“This was a mistake, pretty bird.”

His words cause you to recoil; your voice comes out tight, bordering on bitter, “What was a mistake, Din?  Telling me you loved me, that you lived for me?  Or sleeping with me?  Tell me, which mistake do you mean?” 

Din rushes forward; he’s fucking up all over, he can tell, and hurting you again is the very last thing he ever wanted to do, “No, baby – none of that was a mistake.  Being with you tonight has been a happiness I never thought I’d feel again.  Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved it and still don’t think I do.  The mistake was me somehow thinking that everything was behind us.  That I wouldn’t be putting your safety at risk by coming over here.”

He can’t possibly be doing this again, you’re incredulous, “You’re doing this again?  You’re going to leave?  And I don’t get a say in it?”

“Pretty bird, you don’t understand.”

“Make me understand, Din.”

“There’s something happening right now, a danger that’s closer to you than should ever be allowed.  And it’s because I’m here.  This is proof that I’m no good for you baby.”

“Din, how can you say that?  I love you.”

“And I have to keep you safe because I love you, too.”

“What you’re doing is breaking my heart, Din. This isn’t the only way - you have to trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust, pretty bird, it’s about your safety.”

“Of course it’s about trust, Din!  You don’t trust me to be able to handle some of the things in your life – things that you think I’m too delicate or ‘good’ for, whatever the fuck that means.  You don’t trust me so you don’t tell me anything or let me make any decisions, and that’s really fucking condescending and hurtful.  You have to trust me, Din!  You have to trust that you can show me parts of yourself and your world that maybe aren’t perfect or you aren’t that proud of and that I’m not going to leave!  You have to trust that I love you enough!”

The silence between the two of you is punctuated only by your shallow breathing from finishing your speech and the electric tension that now hums in the air.  Something in Din’s brain is awakening, yelling at him that there’s a truth in your words that he hasn’t had the courage to face – that other than your safety, he’s been worried that bringing you fully into his world and telling you everything, sharing in all the fears and dark parts, would scare you away.  That he’s been afraid that you would walk away, so he did it first.

Din doesn’t know if he’s ready to face this realization or its implications out loud, not when you’re looking at him with so much disappointment and anger.  Not when the phone in his pocket continues to buzz non-stop.

You’re at your wit’s end and throw out ludicrously, “So, what?  We stay apart until you deem it safe again?  Then what, we’re allowed to date until the next time you think it’s safer for me if you leave?  And then we just repeat this pattern forever?”

Din’s exasperated too, frustrated with the unexpected turn this evening has taken – at himself.  He throws his hands up in the air, “I don’t know, okay?  I just know it’s not safe for you to be my girl right now.  And as for later?  May not then either?  Maybe you just don’t wait for me.”

You freeze, the retort on the tip of your tongue that you’re supposed to be a team and that Din doesn’t get to choose for the both of you, dissipates from your shock at his last words, “Wait. What do you mean ‘don’t wait for you’?”

Din doesn’t immediately clarify so you press on, “You would be okay with that?  If I moved on with someone else? Is that what you want?”

Din wants to reassure you; it’s not what he meant, of course.  His heart would shatter if you were with someone else; he had only meant that he knew it was terribly unfair for you to have to wait for this situation to resolve itself, and he didn’t want to force you to be or assume that you were okay with it – but it had come out wrong.  He stops himself from explaining though; realizing with a punch to the gut that he could use this to give you a clean slate, a clean break from him.  You would hate him again – but it would remove the temptation to come see you in secret like tonight, endangering your safety every time he was too weak to stay away from you.  So, he says nothing.

You take his silence the way he intends, as confirmation that Din doesn’t want you anymore and your tears come fast and threaten to overflow.   You’re angry, confused, and hurt.  Again. 

The barrier you had put up earlier when you so logically decided to figure out your feelings once you figured out the truth comes crashing down and you think you’re going to drown in the tidal wave of emotions that swell and rise with being so casually tossed away again.  You feel like a fool, letting Din toy with your feelings (and your body) over and over.

“Din.  Is that what you want?  Do you just want us to be over?” you choke out.

Din’s expression is unreadable and he won’t make eye contact with you - but when he sighs, it’s the most devasting sound you’ve ever heard in your life. 

Your cheeks are wet and you feel yourself shaking.  The words that are blabbering out now hardly make sense and you don’t think you even mean half of them, but you aren’t thinking straight - you just know these words will sting and make Din feel as bad as you do right now, “Why did you come tonight, Din? For an easy fuck?  You knew you would find guaranteed pussy here, didn’t you?  I can’t blame you, I guess. I mean, if you know you always have a desperate slut you can use, someone who’s stupid enough to buy whatever lies you tell her to get her to give it up, why not, right?”

Suddenly aware of how exposed you are, you pull your cardigan tighter over your body and shrink away from Din.

Din reaches for you - this, he cannot have.  He cannot have you reducing yourself to just a worthless fuck when you’re his sun.  He loves you more than anything, would hang the moon for you; you’re the most incredible and precious thing in his life, “No, no… that’s not it.  Please, pretty bird, don’t…”

You pull away from his outreaching hand and say in a flat, dead tone, “I’m not your pretty bird anymore.” 

Even Din can see that he’s hit your limit - hurt you beyond repair and now you’ve shut down.  Shut him out.  Fighting ever fibre in his body to go to you, soothe you and try to  reassure you of his love, he hangs his head, “No. You’re right… you’re not.”

The two of you stand in silence, facing each other but worlds apart, for what is probably only a minute but feels like forever.  Finally, Din turns to the front door to leave; pausing just after turning the handle, he whispers, “I’m sorry”, before exiting your apartment and closing the door behind him.

Once in the hallway, Din hears the lock turn immediately, followed by the most devastating sound he’s ever heard.  You’re sobbing, loud enough that he can hear it through the door and he wants more than anything to kick down the door and sweep you into his arms, take it all back - comfort you with kisses and lightly chastise you for even considering for a moment that he could ever stop loving you. 

But he doesn’t.  It’s better this way, Din tells himself. 

The sound of your sobs follows Din as he races down the stairs, towards the danger that lurks too closer for comfort.  He’s more than ready to take out his distress on the bastards who had deigned to look upon you as someone to threaten, to hurt - or just some unfortunate Hutts who found themselves in the wrong neighbourhood tonight.  Din doesn’t much care.  Blinking back his tears and steeling his resolve with clenched fists, all Din knows is you won’t be the only person he hurts tonight – you’re just the only one who doesn’t deserve it.

Exactly one week later, you storm into brunch still angry, exhausted and hurt from your altercation with Din the Sunday before; hot tears brim along your lash line from the humiliation of having slept with Din only for him to leave you again, and your frustration at his dismissal of any attempt to talk out your issues.  The only sure-fire thing you’ve decided is that there will be no more secrets - no more half truths, no more protecting people from hard and ugly realities.  Sure, you would have much preferred if this was the road upon which you and Din were embarking, but in lieu of that, you decide that you can come clean with your friends.  You tell them about the Fett Family and Din’s old role, and what he seems to still do for the Family.  You tell your friends about Poe, Boba, Cass, the Hutts and the Pykes, and the Mandos and the Mods.  You tell them about all the security incidents from earlier in the year and the threats you only just learned of and about Din’s and your place in it all.  You tell them about your run-in with Vanessa and how your date with Mark went and about sleeping with Din last week.  You tell them everything that’s yours to tell and even somethings that aren’t because you’re done with pretending that these secrets are worth keeping and somehow worth your happiness.

Your friends are speechless; all the food, and shockingly the drinks, are untouched as you talk and only after you indicate you’re done with your recollection of how Din left you crying in your foyer, do they descend on you to offer their kind supportive words and loving hugs.  Once everyone is settled back in their seats and people’s emotions have leveled out a bit, Rory asks,

“Do you still love him?”

It’s not the question you expected from her, or from any of your friends really, and it truly deflates you as you lean back in your chair to contemplate your response.  The last week saw you primarily cataloguing Din’s transgressions against your heart; it’s a long list and it had kept your mind and heart fairly preoccupied.  You’re furious at him… but did his foolhardy actions change the man you believed he was?  The man you had loved?  You answer only what you’re sure of,

“It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t seem to matter to him what I think or feel.  Din just does what he thinks is best.”

Your friends nod sympathetically, understanding you’re already fighting a seemingly endless battle between your head and your heart.  They thoughtfully put forth their opinions in between bites of their now cold dishes:

“No matter what his reasoning is, it doesn’t give him the right to jerk you around in the name of ‘your safety’.”

“Does he have a point though?  Is it dangerous to be with him? Are you scared?”

“Won’t the Family protect you?  Why is he acting like he’s the only one who cares about you?”

“I don’t like that he hurt you on purpose with that Vanessa nonsense.  That lie was so elaborate.”

“How many times does he think he can do this to you?”

“You deserve someone who is honest with you.  Someone who will treat you like an equal partner in everything.”

“He loves you so much.  It’s always been clear to us that you’re his whole world, babe.”

You agree with it all – these same thoughts have been running laps in your mind since the night Din closed your door behind him.  Din’s martyr-like approach to your safety did not sit well with you, especially when it sacrificed the wellbeing of your heart without so much as a consultation of your feelings; it’s crystal clear to you now that entirely too many lies and secrets had been justified and tolerated in the last several months and even your relationship prior.  Yes, you know how you feel about what Din did.

But how do you feel about him?  To a certain degree, you know you still love Din, but things just aren’t that simple anymore.  Given everything that’s happened, how can you feel about him?  You don’t know.

6 months ATN

Waiting until there’s a break in the traffic, you cross the street quickly, heading straight for the bookstore across from your office building.  Right away, you spot the display you’re looking for: the centre table for “Current Hot Reads” with Bea’s book right in the middle - you can’t help but grin widely.  Picking up four copies, you busy yourself for a few minutes straightening up the display - strategically stacking and propping up copies of your friend’s book so it stands out in a pleasing manner amongst the other titles.  When you stand back, satisfied, to review your work, a kind voice behind you says, “Are you the author, dear?” You turn to see an older woman in a delightfully ostentatious fur coat smiling at you.

Unable to keep the pride out of your voice, you beam, “Ha ha ha!  No, one of my best friends is!  I’m actually buying these as gifts to give out to our mutual girlfriends at dinner tonight!”

“Oh, that’s so lovely dear!  What a good friend you are!” the lady smiles, “What is the book about?”

“It’s a modern romance, childhood best friends turned lovers.  The first in her series!” you gush, ready to talk Bea up to the high heavens.

“Oh lovely!  My granddaughter loves romance novels, maybe I should get it for her?”

For a moment you simply imagine what the granddaughter might think when reading the smut her sweet nana bought her and you do your best to hold in your chuckle, “Tell you what.  I’m going to buy an extra copy and leave it at the cashier for you.  If you decide you don’t want it or prefer to buy a copy, just tell the cashier to pass it on to the next person who’s interested.”

“Oh dear, you don’t have to do that!”

“I know!  But I want to!  I can’t tell you how much it delights me to support my friend.  Please ask your granddaughter to help spread the word about the book and the author.  I know she’ll love it, it really is just that good,” you enthuse.

The older woman squeezes your hand in thanks as you pick up a fifth copy of Bea’s book; leaving her to read the jacket summary as you head to the cashier.  After giving the cashier the instructions for the last copy, you give the display another quick once over before leaving the bookstore, heading directly to dinner with a spring in your step.

---

Din sees you the moment you walk in.  For some reason, maybe a sixth sense, he had looked up at the bookstore front door before it opened, and there you were.  He hasn’t seen you since the night he left you crying in your apartment, the same night he sent half of the Hutt enforcements to the hospital; when he accepted this surveillance post for the day, he had half hoped he would see you.  You’re just as stunning and bright as the you he keeps in his memories, if not more so.

He had also seen the display of Bea’s books when he walked in and already picked up a copy to buy in support; he figured he would give it to Lisa.  Din watches you rearrange the display from behind the shelves, trying not to be a creep but unable to take his eyes off of you – wistfully, he recalls seeing you do the same thing on the day you first met; it’s no less charming now than it was then.  Listening with a smile as you talk excitedly to the older lady about Bea’s book, Din’s heart swells when he hears you offer to buy her granddaughter a copy.  You’re still you.  Sweet, generous, unassuming, and unflinchingly kind.

God, he misses you.

He’s been trying to put you out of his mind, of course; positive that he’s eradicated not only any goodwill or affectionate feeling you may have held for him a few months ago, but also any chance he had of ever being with you again.  Whereas before he kept away for your safety and his own self punishment, he does so now out of self preservation.  To steel himself for his future without you.

Din does, however, allow himself one photo of you.  It’s one that Paz took the night of the fight with Rotta Hutt.  Taken right after he’s scooped you up ringside, the shot shows only the back of Din’s head, but your face is on full display, filled with joy and adoration.  He looks at it everyday; trying not to long for you more than he already does, Din comes to regard it as motivation of sorts – this is what makes all his misery worth it, he thinks to himself.  You.  Happy.

And while he can’t bring himself to delete his photos of you off his phone, or even erase your old messages, Din never looks at them either.  He doesn’t deserve to.  Especially not the dirty texts and photos; he doesn’t have a right to see you that way anymore - as much as he misses you, Din won’t violate your privacy.  But on the days when the pressure, stress and Din’s own loneliness lead him to release his frustration while in the shower, he imagines a soft hand touching him and knows it’s yours.  The voice that he hears telling him how good it feels, he knows is yours.  The moans that ring in his ears as he furiously fucks his fist can only be yours.  And when he comes, choking out broken pants of I love you, I love you, I fucking loving you so much, those words are for you and you only.

Seven months ATN

Opening your guest room closet, you sigh to yourself. 

It’s time. 

You’ve been avoiding doing this, but not only is it long overdue, you’re also embarrassed at how anxious you’ve been to attempt this task.  It’s been two months since Din left you crying on your knees in the front foyer of your apartment and seven since you fled his apartment after believing he had cheated on you.  In that hazy first week, you had gone around the apartment grabbing anything that belonged to him and stuffed it into what ended up being an overflowing bin that you then shoved into the back of the guest room closet.  Out of sight, out of mind.

But you have guests coming to stay next week, and moreover, it bothers you how rude it is to have kept these belongings that aren’t yours.  It was one thing when Din had been a lying cheating bastard; but now that you know he hadn’t had any ill intent and was as much of a victim of his poor decisions as you are, it doesn’t feel right to hang on to these items.  Bringing home some flat packing boxes from the work mailroom, you assemble them first, trying to prolong actually having to go through your ex’s things.

Stop being a chicken shit, you chide yourself, it’s been months.  Get over it and get it over with. You pull the bin out of the closet and his smell, Din’s smell, immediately hits you when you when you start to take out the clothes.  You close your eyes and let yourself breathe in the familiar scent.  It’s as inviting as you remember and immediately brings his handsome visage to your mind.  When you open your eyes, they’re filled with tears.  Dammit.

You force yourself to work through your tears.  Fighting it at first but eventually allowing yourself to recall memories associated with Din’s items, you feel and expunge all the emotions you had hidden away like you had these belongings.  It’s cathartic and freeing, and once you’ve shed the tears you need, you make quick work of the task.  When you’ve filled the last box, you write a short note apologizing how long it’s taken to return these items and quickly tape up the boxes so that the contents are once again out of your sight.

---

The following weekend, you and Katie take a cab with the boxes to Din’s neighbourhood.  You don’t think you’re ready to see Din in person, but you think you can handle dropping off the boxes… at Peli’s.  Katie helps you carry the boxes from the taxi into the drycleaner’s and you ring the little bell Peli leaves out when she’s in the back working with the machines.  You see her bushy crown of curls before you do her inviting face, the smile she smiles when she sees you is brighter than the sun.  You feel warmed just seeing her again.

“Well, look who it is,” Peli grins, eyes full of genuine cheer and relief, “long time no see.”

Nodding, your heart feels a tug with how much you’ve missed Peli and all the other friends you made through Din who you haven’t seen in months, “Too long, Peli!”

“Glad you can admit you missed me,” she teases, holding absolutely nothing against you, “what can I do for you?  Don’t tell me those boxes are full of drycleaning?”

“Oh… no.  Could I ask you for a favour?” sheepish that the very first time you see Peli after such a long absence, you’re asking something her.

Peli’s good nature isn’t phased for even a second, “Of course!  Anything for you, love.”

Then as if some higher being heard your request before you had a chance to speak it, Paz walks through the front door of the drycleaners.  He’s just as surprised to see you as you are him, but readily leans in to give you and Katie welcoming hugs.

“Hi Lil’ Lady.  Whatcha doing here?”

You gesture to the boxes and look between Peli and Paz, “Just wanted to drop off Din’s things but…  I didn’t feel up to going to Mando’s.  Do you think I could trouble you to get these boxes to him?”

Peli looks shocked, and for a moment you wonder if it’s possible that she didn’t know that you and Din haven’t been together for over half a year now.  Paz saves you from the potentially long and awkward explanation by nodding with some sympathy, “No problem, I’ll carry them over.”

“Thank you, Paz.”

“No problem, Lil’ Lady,” Paz gives you a smile that looks regretful, maybe even sad.

You turn to go, but suddenly feel compelled to make one last request, “Please don’t tell Din you saw me?  I don’t want him thinking about me anymore.”  You say this without any malice or bitterness, though you’re not convinced it comes out that way.

When going through Din’s belongings, you were initially hard hit by the waves of sadness and grief from the loss of your relationship; but after letting the ache of your heart dull, you had surprising found comfort in a barrage of happy memories:

Din’s favourite basketball team shirt you slept in.  You had teased him mercilessly for how often he wore it, but showered him in compliments at how good he looked in those loud team colours every time.  When you explained to him what Pima cotton was and delighted in a sports shirt feeling so luxuriously soft, you noticed that Din started leaving it for you to wear for sleep – first only at his apartment, but before long, he “allowed” the shirt to migrate to your place.

That lime green sweater he wore the first time he was invited to girl’s Sunday brunch.  Bea had wanted to introduce the new guy she was dating and thought that having another boy at the table might make it less intimidating.  Din had gone and immediately clocked Gideon to be an asshole, but somehow managed to convey a polite, yet protective vibe throughout the meal.  When Bea broke up with that odious man a few weeks later, Din, invited back to brunch and coincidentally wearing the same sweater had been so supportive (“You deserve better than that self-absorbed blow hard”), even offering to “take care of him” for her.  You had quickly refused on Bea’s behalf, knowing what “take care” might actually mean, but it had cheered her up so much nonetheless.

His cozy oversized patterned jacquard cardigan that Din wore whenever it was nippier out than usual.  Large enough that it could envelope you while being worn, Din took every opportunity to do so - pressing you against his hard chest while wrapping the front around you to keep the chill away when you were out at the farmers’ market, waiting for the subway, or just standing on the sidewalk while Al finished sniffing his favourite spots.

And more – all the clothes and items you packed away had at least one memory associated with Din where he had made you feel warm, cared for, cherished.

How grateful and lucky you were that Din had loved you the way he did.

Yes, he had broken your heart, but you know that he himself didn’t get away unscathed – Din had also been destroyed by your breakup.  Having long since recognized the immature and empty things said during your last fight as your own emotional lashing out, you saw with more clarity how your own hurt and pain had sliced through Din’s already battle damage armour.  To be honest, you regret your words and how you left things with Din; though the way he did it was all wrong, Din had only ever loved you, cared for you and put you first in the way that he believed matter the most.  And he did so without fanfare, pomp or circumstance - expecting neither accolades nor acknowledgment, or even a hint of self satisfaction.

Your heart truly goes out to Din.  He so willingly carries the weight of the responsibility to take care of others, to put their well being over his own wants and desires; he sees it only as his duty and a mark of his honour to put himself last.  Din never gives himself leave to be selfish, despite being the most deserving for exactly that reason; as long as others are well taken care of, you know that Din would never complain or wish for more for himself.  And while your heart has done its share of mourning for yourself, it also breaks for Din – you know with certainty that he’s as devastated as you are, and yet, he also bears the guilt of having been the cause of your respective heartbreak; likely believing himself undeserving of any sympathy or comfort.

You remember what Boba had once said of Din, that he’s a caretaker through and through.  He attends to the needs of those around him and always has – thinking of the betterment of others, sometimes, and possibly even often, at the expense of his own.  But Din’s always done so happily - it was his duty and he performed it consistently, admirably.  And you remember that you had promised Boba that you would take care of Din right back.

Refusing to add to Din’s already heavy burden when it came to your breakup, you don’t want him to think about you more than he has to when he gets his belongings back; you know he will only spiral into more self blame wondering if you’re still mad or how much you hate him.  He will undoubtedly think about how you might be hurting, and then feel regret and guilt, disappointment or whatever else that eats at him.

So, you make Paz promise not to tell Din that he saw you, to say that Peli had called him over to get the boxes and you were already gone when he arrived.  The fierce look in your eyes tells Paz that you won’t relent and he acquiesces – you were prepared to fight him if necessary, the urge to protect Din where you still can burning brightly within your heart.

Quiet and heartfelt goodbyes are said and longer than needed hugs are dispensed before you and Katie leave Peli’s, arms now empty.  As the cab pulls away, you wave what you sadly think might be your last goodbye to two people you’ve also come to love and will miss terribly.

9 months ATN

Seeing Peli and Paz at the drycleaner’s is the last contact you have with Din’s world.

After nearly the better part of a year, it no longer feels strange that there are facets of a life you had come to embrace, that are no longer familiar - like bringing baked goods down to Mando’s, or being part of the celebratory group when a Mando’s boxer wins a title.  Making a normal portion size of garlic knots is once again the norm.

Periodically, it might feel unsettling when you remember that you are or were, at least at one time, under threat, and that there are unseen eyes on you, both friendly and unfriendly.  But you never see anyone or any actual evidence of this so there’s not much you can dwell on.  Who’s to say the circumstances of the situation haven’t changed or if you’re even on anyone’s radar anymore?  It’s likely you’ve been forgotten by now and you leave these thoughts at that.

With time, you go from thinking of Din constantly, to less frequently, and now only periodically.  You don’t think you’ll ever quite forget Din.  He had loved you fiercely, of that you were certain, and in turn, you had loved him back just as hard.  He was undoubtedly, a great love of your life.  You don’t think that type of connection is easy to find, nor would you attempt to try and do so again – the way Din had seen you so completely and how you had felt being his was not a feeling you think you’ll let go of any time soon. 

But the price for that type of love was one that you hadn’t been prepared to pay – adherence to some creed or code of honour that was willing to sacrifice your heart wasn’t something you could open yourself up to again.  Not even for that kind of love.  But it didn’t mean you couldn’t look back on it with fondness and remember Din as a man you admired adamantly and would continue to hold up as one of the best men you’ve ever known.

He was kind.  Protective.  Caring and loyal. 

The strength of his character and his generous nature live on in your grateful heart.

Some of your happiest memories will always be ones that you shared with Din.  He had, as was his highest priority, made you feel safe and cherished; despite how it all ended, you knew his motivations and the intentions of his heart to be pure - he had only ever wanted the best for you.  Din’s easy way of making you laugh, supporting you in all your endeavors and of lightening your mental and physical load, all while making you feel like the most special person in any room, were not easily forgotten.  Nor his integrity, considerate nature and the gentleness of his touch.  A lover and a fighter – Din was a rare combo indeed.

You think you’ll love Din until your dying day, but you can’t pine for him anymore.

Had you forgiven him?  Hardly.  But forgiveness wasn’t necessary. 

Forgiveness implied that you needed something to change, to be acknowledged, in order to move forward, and that just simply wasn’t the case.  You neither forgave him or were looking to forgive Din; you didn’t expect there to be a continuation of your story and so, as far as you were concerned, neither of you owed anything further to the other, including forgiveness.  You’re at peace with where the pages of your love story have permanently fallen open; having reread those finally passages a million times, you’ve worked through your grief of having to put Din and your relationship behind you - what remains is only a nostalgic sort of affection and maybe wistfulness.

Your life has gone on without him, but it had always been full before you met Din and it remains so after him: full of friends, hobbies, Alfredo, accomplishment and pride in your work, and everything else your undoubtedly privileged life has to offer.  That’s probably the best word to describe it.  These days, when you do think of Din, it can be without bitterness or disappointment, because you do so only with genuine gratitude; not everyone will have the good fortune of being loved so wholly, so generously and so fearsomely, albeit it had only been for a little while.  Yes, it takes no great effort to admit: it had been a privilege to be loved by Din Djarin.

It’s been a good day.  Great even.  All your meetings finish on time (!), and no one on your team, yourself included, had extra work assigned at the last minute – you’re all able to leave ON TIME.

Stepping out of your office building, you can’t quite believe it – you haven’t seen this side of 5:30 since… you were a junior?  No, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s been a long time for sure.

You and your colleagues exchange excited hugs, marveling at your luck; a few even joke that you should all prepare to pay for this tomorrow before laughing and each going in your separate directions.

Pausing for a moment where you stand, you contemplate maybe popping into the bookstore across the street before heading home when your eyes are drawn to a hulking figure that sits on one of the courtyard benches directly facing your office.  Despite his size and striking profile, the man’s presence isn’t terribly imposing, but it is a wonder that you hadn’t notice him until now.

You lock eyes with the man, not ready to believe he’s really there, when he gives you a tentative smile along with a small wave of the bouquet of peonies that he holds in his hand.

Din.

Thanks so much again to anyone who has read this far in the series with me - I love you all so much! Your kind words and encouragement really motivated me to finish this chapter a bit earlier than I had anticipated! I'm still on the cruise, so I'm just posting this when the ship's wifi is strong 🤣 so adding a few tags for those who have expressed an interest in the story (if you don't want to be tagged, please tell me!):

@tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze @nerdieforpedro

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

@rarachelchel @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @jeewrites @sunnytuliptime @kulekehe

@bebsjo @yopossum @cartonkid1200 @rav3n-pascal22

[kaunis-sielu]

Dangerous Places: 6

When you’re done with the bathroom you slowly make your way to the door. Captain is still in the bedroom, when you open the door he’d looked up.

“Alright, food?” He asks and you stare up at him, “you’ve gotta be hungry. It’s almost noon.”

“Oh, um food would be good.” You look past him and out the window. You can’t tell that it’s daytime out there, it’s unnerving.

“Alright, come on up Bunny.” He says holding out his arms before he gently scoops you up. You’re not sure where to look, you can’t look at him but it’s weird looking the way you’re walking. You settle on looking at your knees, the little scar there that you can see from when you were a kid and banged it open on the corner of the stairs.

Steve sets you down back on the counter. The way he so effortlessly carries you around is kind of astonishing.

“What do you want? We have,” he pulls open the fridge and frowns, “some beer. Don’t these animals eat?” He grumbles. “Alright Bunny, what do you want me to order in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Too many options.” He murmurs to himself and you’re surprised because that’s exactly what it is. “Okay, do you want Italian or Asian?”

“Italian?”

“Yea, pizza, pasta, that kind of stuff.”

“Italian please.”

“Okay, pasta or pizza?”

“Um, pizza please. Just cheese.” You haven’t eaten in a while so you don’t want to upset your stomach.

“Alright, I’ll get some actual groceries in here for you soon.”

“Okay.” It’s weird that he’s treating you so kindly, after all he did threaten you and kidnap you and is holding you hostage. So maybe he’s not being so kind after all.

“Alright, let’s make a list so that you can have food you like. Do you like to cook?”

“Yes.”

“Anything you need.”

“Where is my stuff?”

“Should be here later.” He says dismissively and it kind of pisses you off. You don’t dare say anything but you do glare at the floor in front of you. “Look at me.” His tone is gentle when he gives the command and you comply. “Oh Bunny.” He says with a grin, “I like seeing some fire from you. What’s got you bothered?”

“I can’t just live here without my shit. I need my phone and some other stuff.”

“You can’t have your phone.”

“Then you have to take me back to my apartment.” He sighs heavily,

“Bunny, we have gone over this. It isn’t happening.”

“I’m diabetic. I need my sensors, reader and medication.”

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” He looks irritated as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t just as easy as snatching a woman out of her bed!” You snap, and he smirks over at you.

“Buck, I have some stuff I need you to get now. No, now.” He looks up at you, “Bunny where’s your stuff?”

“Pens are in the fridge and my pills are in the bathroom in the mirror. The needles and alcohol wipes are in the second drawer in the bathroom and so are the sensors, they’re in boxes. I have some lancets and another sensor in my purse.” You tell him,

“You hear that Buck? Good. I want that here in the next twenty minutes.” He pauses then growls, “No, I’m not fuckin joking. Get it here.” The power of this man is truly stunning, and a little terrifying. You’re starting to feel like he might actually be different than Crossbones, but then you remember his “business” he had to take care of before you went to sleep.

They’re all the same, all sharp edges and violence.

He texts someone else then looks up at you,

“What do you want to do while we wait for food?”

“When did you order?”

“I texted one of the ladies our order. I thought you might like having a woman around.”

“Oh.” You didn’t know he had women, your opinion of him was correct he’s just like Crossbones.

“So, movie? Tv? Reading? Just sitting here in silence looking at one another? What do you want to do?”

“I don’t care.” You say gently, you won’t be fooled by a mob man again.

“I want you to be comfortable here. I know this isn’t where you want to be but if I can at least make you comfortable I will.”

“Oh,”

“You said actions right?” You nod, “so you’ll see. Why don’t we go to the couch, we can eat there too.” He sets you on the couch before dropping down a cushion away. He turns the tv on and starts switching through the channels. There’s a knock on the door and he calls,

“Come in.” So Winter does and he has your supplies. He brings them to you and you pull out what you need to test, you have a feeling that you’re low, you put the lancet in then place it on your finger and push the button. You test your blood sugar and sure enough you’re low, even worse the number is going lower.

“How are you?”

“Fine.” You lie and Steve hums lowly,

“Try again Bunny. The truth this time.”

“I’m low, but it’s fine.”

“What do you need? Juice? Candy?”

“Juice works.” You tell him, “um, apple?” Steve looks at Winter who nods and leaves again.

“Bunny, when it comes to your health you tell me what you need.”

“Yes, Captain. Steve. Sorry.”

“Good girl.” He says and your gaze snaps to his, a slow smirk crosses his face. “I wondered if you might like that.”

“I don’t.” You lie and he chuckles,

“Your eyes tell me different Bunny.” You glare at him and he grins over at you. There’s another knock at the door, this one seems softer, less aggressive than Winter.

“Come in.” The door opens and a pretty red headed woman pushes open the door.

“Hey Cap, you wanted some pizza? Oh, hello.” She says seeing you.

“Hi.”

“Widow, thanks for picking that up.” Steve says and she nods putting the two pizza boxes on the table.

“How are you doing Honey?” She asks but you don’t say anything, instead you glance over at Steve.

“You can talk to her Bunny.”

“I’m fine.” You lie and she looks between you and Steve.

“Cap, out.” She demands,

“But pizza.” He practically whines and you stare at him in absolute shock.

“Oh take the damn thing with you you big baby.” You stare at her in astonishment, she can’t just talk to him like that can she? Steve groans softly but stands from the couch, grabs one of the boxes of pizza and leaves the house.

Tag list:

@andahugaroundtheneck @connie326 @also-fangirlinsweden @lumar014 @loving-life-my-way @pagina16ps @emdying @dumblani @valsworldofcreativity @blackwidownat2814 @vicmc624 @abschaffer2 @patzammit @inkedaztec @sophham

[n0v4t33z]

The Syndicate - Chapter 8 : Complications & Whiskey

Pairings: Choi San X Female Reader, Park Seonghwa X Female Reader, Ateez X Female Reader

Genre: Lots of angst, Romance, Crime Fiction, Psychological Drama

Word Count: 15.9k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Mentions of Illegal activities (i.e Kidnapping, extortion, assassination etc.), flirting, kissing (yk that cheesy stuff couples do) Mentions of San's past lover being not so cool. (Not edited properly, I'll come back to it when I can)

Nets: @newworldnet

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

Spotify Playlist🎵 | Series Masterlist📝

Author's Note 💌: Hi! It's been a while since I updated this story, unfortunately I had really bad burnout and kind of struggled writing this chapter. Luckily one of my readers reached out to me which really motivated me to finish this chapter. The beginning is a little bumpy but it gets better! Like always I hope whoever reads this enjoys this chapter and if you didn't keep it to yourself! Again, thank you for remaining patient! (It's 2 am and I'm tired but I still wanna post this rn because I need to get it off my hands asap so I can work on the next chapter) - N🌙

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How did this happen? How did he get my number? Did he bug the hospital room somehow? Maybe Chris’ phone? Fuck. There was a long silence of me trying to process what just happened then Captain Lee continues “I was just calling to let you know you’re more than welcome to come back to the police force.” My blood runs cold causing me to slightly stutter “So how’d you get my number?” He chuckles which gives me a horrible case of my whole body feeling cold “Ah, don’t worry about it Detective I have my methods.”

I nervously laugh and my grip becomes increasingly tight on my phone while I carefully look around making sure no one was watching. Making sure "he" wasn't watching. “Ah well, I’ll think about it Captain but I was just hoping you keep my anonymity since Aurora Syndicate is currently out looking for me.” I’m hoping he doesn’t suspect anything “Oh yes, Detective Bang told me earlier and don’t get me wrong I’ll grant it for you but I’ll let you know that I’m also aware that you know I worked with The Obsidian Dragon. So naturally, if you tell anyone I’m afraid I’ll have to get rid of you. So to keep tabs on you, you’re coming back to the police force whether you like it or not.”

I put my hand on my forehead and push my bangs back and hold back tears “What do you mean Captain? Why am I being forced into this? This is why I disappeared, to distance myself from this. I can't go back.” Captain Lee clicks his tongue a few times and says “Well, I’m sure you do know investigating these Mob bosses will get you killed so you should know that once you step into the world of corruption and ghost money your only way out is death whether you’re involved or you’re investigating it.”

He isn’t wrong, every single word he’s saying is right. I got myself into this mess and now I’m stuck. The only words that manage to leave my mouth are “Okay then, when do I go back?” I’m going to regret this. I could hear the smile in his voice “Anytime you want, preferably on Monday but don’t worry you’ll be doing desk jobs until you’re cleared. or until I feel you're good to go” I silently nod then I say in a very hushed tone “Alright, see you then Captain Lee.”

I hang up and clench my phone in my hand trying to blink back tears. I can’t cry here. I wipe away the stray tears before I buy the groceries. Once I've paid for them I put my phone on factory reset and throw it away into a trash bin outside the grocery store and head back to the tattoo shop. This is not good, I'm worried as to how he got a hold of my phone number. I didn't even give it to Chris. I'm terrified he probably knows more than what he leads on.

 When I arrive to the hideout I notice everyone was still asleep so I stand in the dark kitchen and silently cry for a few minutes. I know everything will change after this. They’re all going to stop trusting me, not that they trusted me much anyway but what worries me the most is San. I might as well enjoy the calm before the storm.

Once I start cooking I notice Seonghwa sleepily rubbing his eyes and says “Hey, good morning no wonder I smelled sauteed meat and garlic, you’re in the kitchen.” I smile and nod “Yes, you’re spot on. I decided to cook for you guys since your cook isn’t here. I’m afraid it won’t be as good though.” Seonghwa raises his hand and shakes his head “Nah, it can’t can’t be worse than Hongjoong’s cooking. At least what you're cooking smells edible so I’m sure it'll taste just as good as it smells.”

He washes his hands and walks over to me “Need a hand?” I shake my head “Oh no you don’t have to, I was hoping you guys wouldn’t wake up until I was finished” He pats my head “Hm, I’ll help you. I’m awake so I might as well make myself useful” I giggle “Alright, please peel the potatoes?” He nods “Yes, ma’am” after we prepped and cooked everything I exhaustedly sit on the couch then I space out.

I want to tell Seonghwa but I’m scared he’s going to get upset. How do I tell him? Seonghwa soon follows and sits next to me and looks over at me waiting for me to say something. Worriedly he says “y/n? Are you okay?” I look over at him “Hm? Oh nothing I just have alot on my mind as of recently. A Lot has happened.” He nods “I agree, that attack from the feds hit us hard but don’t worry. Everything will fix itself eventually.”

I sigh and reach over to nudge Seonghwa’s arm “Hwa, I need to tell you something. I know I need to tell San right away but I’m scared.” He furrows his eyebrows and looks at me with a huge concern “Did something happen?” I hide my hands under my thighs “Captain Lee called me out of nowhere when I was grocery shopping this morning and he told me I have to go back to the police station again to keep tabs on me or else he says he’s going to take me out. I honestly have no idea how he even got a hold of my phone number, I had no choice but to say yes. I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

I bite my lip to keep myself from bursting into tears while he silently stares at the ground for a moment then he cautiously looks back at me “No, no. This isn’t your fault, but you do have to tell San. This isn’t good at all. ” I nod  “You’re right, this can’t wait can’t it? I was going to wait until everyone finished eating. Forgive me please don’t tell anyone else about this I’ll tell San myself.” I get up trying my best not to start crying in front of Seonghwa. Before I even have the chance to walk away he stops me tugging on my hand so that I turn to face him. He looks up at me from his seat "Remember, everything is going to be okay even if it seems like there's no way out of it." I force a smile and nod "Right, thank you for being such an amazing friend Hwa." Seonghwa slowly lets go of my hand and nods. "Always." I'm grateful to have a friend as caring as Seonghwa, someone who will comfort me and reassure me when i'm in doubt. I just hope one day i'll be able to return the favor.

When I open the door to San’s room and slowly close the door behind me. I carefully sit down on his bed and gently shake him “San, I have something to tell you.” He quietly hums and sleepily turns to face me trying to blink away his sleepiness  “y/n? What’s wrong? Are you okay? You’re awake?” I shake my head trying to hold back tears. I’m so scared. He sits up and grabs my hand and gently kisses my knuckles “What’s wrong?” My lip slightly quivers “I have to tell you something. It’s something kind of serious.” He sits up and gently rubs the back of my hand with his thumb “Well, whenever you’re ready angel eyes.” I tighten my grip on his hand and put my other hand over his and take a deep breath then silently exhale “Well, Captain Lee called me and said I have to go back to the police station again or he’s going to kill me and whoever else knows about him working for The Obsidian Dragon and that he was the true reason why The Phantom died.”

San stays silent for a few seconds then in a low tone he responds “Why?” I stare at his hand then I look over at his body language and I could feel how angry he is right now which is what scares me the most because I know how impulsive he is. As much as I don’t want to look at how angry he is I look up at him meeting his eyes “He wants to keep tabs on me.” He lets out a long sigh and gently kisses my forehead “I promise you’ll be safe.” I look into his hypnotizing dark brown eyes “So you’re not mad at me?” His demeanor quickly changes and gives me his cute dimpled smile “Hey, why would I be? This isn’t your fault at all.” Part of me felt like it was, I feel like a burden now that I know Captain Lee is unknowingly threatening San with me.

“I don’t know, I just feel like somehow it was my fault because I told Chris about Captain Lee being corrupt. Despite that I know deep in my heart that Chris would never say anything.” San’s smile disappears and raises his eyebrow “Are you sure? How do you know it wasn’t him?” I bite the inside of my lip second guessing my previous statement now because of his serious demeanor. “Well, because I know him and he always keeps his word no matter what. That includes secrets. He'd never put me in harm’s way, he’s always protected me so it can’t be him.” He lets out a quiet sigh “Babe he’s a cop what do you expect? He’s going to open his mouth if it benefits him. Especially now since you no longer work at the police station that lead is probably a huge opportunity for a promotion.” I shake my head “No, he’d never do that especially not if it ended up hurting someone.”

He looks at me with a straight face almost like what I was saying is a bunch of nonsense  “I’m sorry, I love you but I don’t trust that partner of yours.” I frustratedly put my hands on my forehead “Hear me out, when I told Chris I specifically told him to ask Captain Lee not to release the news of me being alive and to grant me anonymity. Which yes, Captain Lee acknowledged and said he’d agree too if I went back to the station but another thing I told Chris was that Aurora Syndicate was after me and that I needed my anonymity because of that. Captain Lee didn’t know that and he never once mentioned it until I said something about it so if Chris did tell him he would have known that and would have mentioned it first.”

San's eyes slightly narrow “But what if he didn’t mention it on purpose? He’s a cop so he’s great at being able to convince someone with words by conveniently leaving things out.” Okay, as a cop this is embarrassing how I’m forgetting my own methods now. I sigh and lay back onto the bed “Ok you know what?" I frustratedly run my fingers through my hair. "Fine who cares how he found out, the problem is that he found out and now I’m fucking scared to go back knowing I’m only there because he’s going to wait until I fuck up so he could kill me. Even then I still don't want to lose you either.” A big knot grows in my throat, feeling the tears begin to sting my eyes “This is why I'm telling you, because I need your help. I don’t know what to do, and I didn’t want to leave without a word and leave you wondering whether I’m okay or not.”

San lays next to me and wipes the tears away then gently pulls me close to him “You won’t be alone I promise, Seonghwa will be my eyes. I have a plan but that will be all up to you if you want to do this.” I nod “Of course, anything.” He smiles and kisses my forehead “Good girl, the plan is you will be my informant on what the police department is up to regarding Aurora Syndicate. Of course you’ll be under observation so evreytime you do have Information I’ll have Seonghwa send over the information via burner phone and dispose of it after each use to lower the chance of us getting caught.” San gives me the most gentle gaze and gently kisses the side of my head “This is going to end soon I promise, even if you’ll be someone else’s temporarily.”

I furrow my eyebrows and give him a confused stare “Uh what?” He smirks and lifts up my chin “You’ll have to pretend you and Seonghwa are in a relationship because he’s going to be living with you, even though it pains me. I have no choice at this point than to fool Lee for a little while longer while we gather up a plan.” What is this? Again with the fake boyfriend? I look up in disappointment while massaging my temples lightly “Really? How can you be so comfortable sharing me with another man like that? Can't we just be roommates or something?” He shrugs “The thing is if he's not related to you in anyway at all people will start looking into him a lot more, your supposed relationship to him might be a good distraction for them and much more convincing.”

He's really trying to sell me this, it's not a horrible idea but I don't know.. Kind of awkward after what happened between me and Seonghwa last night. “Besides when you went to your funeral with him and he brought you back home safely didn’t he?” I roll my eyes and jokingly retort “Yeah, what if I fall in love with him? Then what?” He smiles and takes my face in his hand “Hm, well then I’ll try to win you back no matter how many times it takes because like I said in the end you and I both know you’re mine. I know my place in your heart and you know mine, we are one. So, no. I’m not worried I'll lose you to him because I know it’s not going to happen. You’ll always be mine in one way or another.” Never have I seen a man so sure about how he feels towards me. How... Nice.

“You really feel that way?” I ask while I gently run my hand along his white t shirt clad chest. “I mean, do you? Because, I do.” he chuckles and raises an eyebrow giving me a dimpled smirk while I try to keep myself composed and nod “Of course I do.” he pulls me in a little closer and kisses me while he gently tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “No one will hurt you.” I poke his small dimple “I know, I believe you. I’ve seen what you can do.” San smirks devilishly hovering his lips over mine “I can do that and much more, just for you.” I giggle and clear the few stray pieces of hair from his face. His cat like eyes making me dizzy, for a second I forget how lost in his gaze I am until he leans in and kisses my forehead "My angel."

In response I rest my forehead on his shoulder and sigh "I'm tired of all of this San. I want this to stop." He gently presses his lips on the top of my head whilst he holds me close "I know you do baby. I want it to stop too, I want to be happy with you. Soon, okay?" Feeling a tinge of guilt, I bite my lip trying my hardest not to cry despite the huge uncomfortable knot in my throat.

San rolls onto his back and pulls me onto his chest "Let's lay here for a bit." I look up at him "So that's it?" San raises his eyebrow and hums "What do you mean? Was I supposed to say something else?" I shrug "I don't know, you don't seem shaken up over Lee's threat towards me." San runs his fingers through my hair "Well, how do you know I'm not scared?" He's right, maybe he's trying to keep me from freaking out. "Well, for one we moved on from this conversation way too quickly." He quietly stares up at the ceiling for a few moments his fingers now gently massaging my scalp until he finally speaks again. "Hm, well I am scared. I'm also angry and bloodthirsty, but I can't show you that part of myself. I don't want to scare you, I don't want to fuel your brain with ideas of me that might make you not trust me at all."

Okay so I guess I was right, he knows he still scares me to some degree despite loving him so much. I hate how conflicting this is. "I see, so you're trying to spare me from freaking out then?" He smiles gently booping my nose "You got it." I rest my head on his chest and sigh.I hate how my "fake" death ended up becoming pointless, and unfortunately it's probably something Captain Lee will end up blackmailing me with. I thought I was going to catch him by surprise but no, now I'm hoping I can find a way for Captain Lee to get blindsided while still under his observation.

I look up and notice San staring up at the ceiling again then I bury my face in the crook of his neck holding onto him tightly. He turns to me and gently plants a kiss on my temple then rests his head onto mine. “I really am going to miss you.” I lace his fingers between mine “I am too honestly. I wish we could stay like this forever.” Letting him go now seems like a crime, why is it that he terrifies me but yet makes me so happy? “I got so used to having you at my side for so long that I forgot what it felt like to not feel so- I don’t know, alone?” I giggle “That’s a nice way of putting it because I feel the same way.” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear and shows me his dimpled smile “Yeah?” My ears get hot and I bury my face in his chest causing him to quietly laugh “I swear you’re so cute when you get shy. I’ll miss that too.” I peek and look up at him “Hey, don’t be sad. I did a surprise for you and the guys this morning but I think maybe the food has gotten cold by now.” HIs eyes light up “Wait, wow. I get to try your food?” I nod and awkwardly smile “Yeah but if you don’t like it it’s okay. I honestly hate my cooking but my family strangely seemed to love it so I just wanted to cook for you guys because I trust my family’s opinion on it despite personally not really being a fan of what I make.”

San gives me a dimpled smile “I’m sure it’s delicious angel eyes, I know I’m going to love it so don’t worry. Also, I think we should go eat. I’m sure after everything this morning you’re probably really hungry.” He smirks and winks at me causing me to cover my eyes. Why is he always making my heart feel like it's going to jump out of my throat? “Stop it. Stop doing that thing with your face again!” He removes my hand from my face and chuckles "Wait, what's wrong with my face?" I shyly look in the other direction avoiding eye contact while my voice slowly trails "Um, nothing. You just.." San turns my face back in his direction "You what?" Stunned, I simply blink back in response until he chuckles and pulls me into a chaste kiss. Once he pulls away he gently runs his thumb along my bottom lip and for a few moments I recalibrate my brain until I finally respond "You're handsome...That's what I wanted to say." San hums and pulls my hand up to his lips gently pressing it onto his lips. "So sweet aren't we baby?"

When we walk to the kitchen we notice most of the guys were in the living room except Hongjoong, Jongho and Wooyoung who were in their respective rooms. I look over at San awkwardly knowing full well that some of them aren't too keen on me. I clear my throat trying to lightly bring their attention “So uh, is anyone hungry?” Yunho looks up from the game he’s playing “Hm? There’s food?” I nod “Yeah, I woke up early this morning to make it mostly because I couldn’t go back to sleep. Do you mind getting the others? I’ll bring Wooyoung’s breakfast later when he’s woken up.”

Yunho nods and walks over to go fetch the 2 others while everyone else takes their seat at the table meanwhile Seonghwa and I set the table while evreyone talks amongst themselves waiting for the others to come. Eventually Jongho, Hongjoong and Yunho sit down at the table with the only person missing being Wooyoung. Seeing everyone here except Wooyoung felt odd considering he was always very much present in the conversations but now that he wasn’t here the table was more at peace or so we thought. Seonghwa looks over at me and San “So uh, why are we here all together?”

San laces his fingers together “Well, something happened this morning.” Hongjoong narrows his eyes "The feds know where we are?" Jongho glances at San "Did they?" San shakes his head then pushes his glasses up "No. Captain Lee contacted y/n about going back to the police station. Of course he knows she’s alive now but blatantly threatened her to come back to the police force because he knows that she knows about his involvement with The Black Obsidian. He says he wants her working there to keep tabs on her which comes to my next statement. We’re starting a very important assignment regarding this issue. Of course the person who’s going to actually be joining y/n will be Seonghwa.”

Everyone is silent then Mingi slowly raises his hand “So it’s just him? What are we supposed to do then?” San nods “yeah, the reason why he’s going is because he’s the only one that that has no file under his name in the NIS data base” Hongjoong looks at San “Neither does Yeosang though.” San looks over at Hongjoong and smirks “That’s the thing, I’m sure Yeosang is not going to want to pretend he’s y/n’s lover. I also know y/n is definitely not comfortable with him either.” Yunho looks over at Seonghwa whose ears were a bright pink hue then back at San “Wait so are you saying Seonghwa is going to go with y/n and pretend he’s her boyfriend? Why though? Is it to keep an eye on her?” San nods then Seonghwa uncomfortably shifts in his seat “Yep, Seonghwa is also going to be the one communicating to us what’s going on at the station since I’m sure y/n won’t even have the chance to since she’ll be under a microscope with Lee.” 

Yeosang frowns “So what does that have to do with us? Isn’t it just going to be a mission just for them?” San takes a sip of his warm tea and continues “No, it’ll involve you guys as well but that means you’ll have to lay low. Some will be tailing Lee and other officials working for him that includes y/n’s partner Detective Chris Bang, some of you will also be keeping watch the security cameras at the police station and the cameras near and around where y/n will reside in case anyone is sent by Captain Lee.” Everyone stays silent for a while then Jongho says “Wooyung isn’t part of any of this right? He’s still recovering from that punctured lung.” San bites the inside of his cheek “Yeah, he’s not. I just want him to get better and that means he can’t strain himself so please no one speak to him about this. Obviously I don’t know how long this will take but until he gets better please don’t say anything you all know how he is.” Hongjoong cocks an eyebrow “What about when he asks about y/n? You know how he is with his questions.” Yeosang then says “Just tell him she voluntarily left on her own because Lee found out she was alive.”

San leans back onto his chair “There’s your answer, with Seonghwa just say he went on an assignment abroad. Everyone understand? ” Everyone agrees and say in an untimed unison “Yes boss.” Meanwhile Seonghwa silently stares at the table then he looks at San “So you trust me enough let me pass off as y/n’s lover?” I look over at Seonghwa and can tell he’s probably not comfortable going through with this. San gives him a smile clearly showing him how much he trusts him “Of course, you’ve taken such great care of her when I wasn’t able to. Besides this is all fake anyway.” He understandably nods and says “Alright, I’ll do my best to make you proud again.” Seonghwa catches me staring at him and gives me a sweet smile “I promise I won’t let anything to happen to you.” I nod and try to act as nonchalant as I can “Thank you, I appreciate it.” Meanwhile San pats my head and says “Alright everyone can resume eating now, I heard y/n cooked this for us so let’s not leave anything on our plates.”

Everyone begins to eat and after a few moments I notice a few of the guys nodding in approval. Yeosang then looks over at me and says “Thank you for the food y/n.” Shocked he even complimented me I vigorously nod “Thank you so much but it wasn’t just me, Seonghwa helped me as well. I’m sure if he didn’t help the food wouldn’t have been as good as it was.” Could it be that a way to get to a cold man's heart is food? It's starting to ring true now. Seonghwa chuckles “I only peeled the potatoes and made the rice, it was all you y/n.” With his cheeks stuffed with food mid chew Mingi says “You’d honestly make a great wife, your cooking is immaculate and reminds me of my mother’s” San gives Mingi a stare and I nervously laugh “I’m sure your mother’s cooking is way more delicious Mingi” Jongho gives me a comforting smile “Honestly your cooking is amazing, even if you don’t feel that way. I’m saying that because these guys are so picky that the in house chef we had back at HQ quit after about a month of being there.”

I cover my mouth trying to cover up the big smile on my face then I say “Well, I guess I’m lucky to have such picky eaters like my food.” San puts his hand on my thigh and gently squeezes “See? Don’t forget to give yourself some credit sometimes.” I give him a small smile and nod then I look in the direction of the rest of the table “I know this is random but I just wanted to let you guys know I won’t be outing any information regarding the Syndicate if that’s what some of you are worried about, I’ll take that to the grave.” Jongho sets down his coffee mug onto the table “Don’t worry, I trust you. I’m sure the others do as well to an extent they just don’t want to admit it but I believe you y/n.” Yunho and Seonghwa both nod then Yunho responds while looking directly at Yeosang and Hongjoong “Even then for the ones who still don’t trust you they’ll see you’re not a bad person and you’re worth trusting.” Hongjoong tilts his head “You must be talking about Yeosang and not me. If I didn’t trust y/n I wouldn’t have let her touch a computer and much less suggest to San to let her have her own.”

My lips slightly part looking at the table then I look back and notice Hongjoong’s usual annoyed look replaced with one of a small smile “But also how could I not trust someone who likes Spongebob?” I giggle then I turn to Yunho “He’s right, he’s actually been very nice to me so no worries about that.” He continues looking in Yeosang’s direction “I’m glad to hear, although I was mostly referring to Yeosang here considering how many rude and tasteless things he’s said to you and that doesn’t even include the things he’s said while Wooyoung instigated.” I shake my head “Ah, no that’s okay don’t worry. I respect his reasons.”

He silently nods for a few seconds as if he was unconsciously doing it to calm himself down “You’ll see she’s not a horrible person, and when Wooyoung comes back he’s going to see for himself too.” Yeosang sits there staring at Yunho for a few seconds then stands up silently and walks to his room leaving everyone in shock. Why do I always cause these things, if someone isn’t getting upset over something I did someone else is getting upset over something someone did to me. I wish this wasn’t the case, it only comes off that I’m the one causing problems.

San glances at Yeosang’s empty seat then back at me “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine he just can’t stand being wrong.” I silently nod then San smiles and says “Everyone is dismissed for now, we’ll talk about everything in detail later…” A few moments later San’s cellphone rings and hurriedly gets up and says “I’ll be back, I’ve got to take this call..” Eventually evreyone finishes eating but San never comes back so once everyone leaves, I stay behind to clean the dishes while Seonghwa clears the table. He silently walks over to me holding a few plates gently setting them down onto the sink and walks back to the table to retrieve more. He’s awfully quiet.

Should I say something? I stare down at the bubbly water in the sink until I finally speak “Why’d you stay? I would have cleaned up, it’s fine.” Without turning in his direction I could hear the slight clinking of the glasses as he steps in my direction again. “I wanted to, besides it didn’t sit right for me not to clean up after myself.” I dryly laugh “You mean after your friends?”  I turn to Seonghwa who walks up next to me and sets down the glasses next to the sink and gives me a smirk “Exactly, you need my help. Scoot over.” I roll my eyes and scoot over, giving Seonghwa room to stand next to me and begin to dry off the plates I've already washed. For a while he and I clean together in silence until unexpectedly I hear “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting the call to be this long but something came up.” Both Seonghwa and I turn to San and he continues “I know this is very short notice but do you mind coming to something with me tomorrow night angel eyes?” I glance at Seonghwa who looked just as confused as I then back at San who was standing at the entrance of the kitchen waiting for a response “Aren’t we supposed to lay low?”

I ask slightly unsure, San gives me a reassuring smile “We’ll be okay. I just wanted you to meet my mother and sister, you know since Seonghwa here knows them I think it’s a good idea you meet them as well. I’m almost positive you three will get along.” I can’t meet his family, what if they don’t like me and they send for me to get killed? Especially if they find out I’m a former cop. Seonghwa glances at me slightly concerned “What if she just stays home and rests? She’s been through alot these past days.” San lets out a sigh and pats Seonghwa's back turning his attention back to himself. “Jongho, you, and the rest are coming so we’ll be fine. Besides, if she doesn’t want to go she's more than welcome to stay home.” Well, I guess I have a social affair to attend to now. At least now I'll get to do a little familiarization with San's family.

"I'll go..I don't mind sounds fun. I'm kind of tired of being couped up." San gives me a small smile "There you go, you heard the lady. She's going." Seonghwa quietly washes a glass under the warm running water while I dry off my hands on the hand towel next to the sink “What exactly is this thing we’re going to?” San walks over to me holding back a big smile “It’s my sister’s birthday” He gently rests his hand on my uninjured shoulder “I wanted you to join us. I know you’re supposed to be resting right now but Jongho will be there, so I promise you’ll be okay. Besides I figured you'd like to know who works for us and how deep our business runs. ” I slowly nod “Okay sure, but what am I supposed to wear? I didn't bring anything with me, much less anything that covers up what happened on my shoulder..”

San shakes his head “Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of everything.” He glances over at Seonghwa and says “Make sure my mother doesn’t find out about the specifics with the police, I don’t want her to worry. There’s also a small job I need you to do for me. Mingi will be joining you.” Seonghwa nods obediently “Noted, but what happens if she asks why Wooyoung isn’t there? She knows he’d never miss anything like this..” San stares off into the distance for a moment “He had a family emergency and he wasn’t available.” San seemed to have become a bit haste to which Seonghwa seemed to pick up on and responds “Oh, okay that seems plausible.” San motions him in the direction of the living room “Mingi’s waiting.” Seonghwa sets down the dishes, wipes his hands dry on the hand towel next to the sink and excuses himself.

I notice there’s this weird tension between them but I can’t put my finger on why they feel that way towards each other or if it’s mutual. “You remember Nari? She’s coming over to get you ready for tomorrow.” Oh, it’s the same woman that did my hair and got me dolled up for my funeral. I guess it makes sense, she’ll probably know what the family approves of. “Sounds nice, she was nice..” I look down at the ground not wanting to meet his eyes. San gently turns my face in his direction with his eyebrows softly furrowed “What’s wrong angel eyes? Are you okay?” I sigh and lean into his touch “I’m scared. What if they hate me?” San gently caresses my cheek with his thumb “Babe, I promise they won’t hate you. I’ll just tell them you’re not involved in the business so they won’t ask you any questions over who you're affiliated with and who you work for.” Wait, does that mean he’s going to tell his mom about us? “Wait, why would you tell your mom that? Are you going to tell her about us?”

He nods and takes both my hands gently bringing them up to his lips “Of course, but I’m still going to tell her not to speak on it to anyone and to pretend you and I are simply colleagues in the eyes of others but she’ll know.” San lies alot, which worries me. If he easily lies over the smallest things like this does that mean he’ll easily lie to me? “You’re lying again.” He dryly laughs and pulls me closer to him “My mother won’t speak I promise, if she was able to keep my dad’s deepest darkest secrets I’m sure she can keep our relationship a secret. I felt like it’s something we should do before you’re gone, I want at least someone to know about us..” if only he knew that someone does know, just not who he thinks it is. He leans in and gives me a quick peck making sure no one was around then gently pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear “You trust me right?” Stupidly enough, like always my brain decides to completely betray me and respond without thinking “I do.” He gently kisses my forehead and softly says in a low voice “My beautiful angel.” Everytime he calls me that it makes me melt, and I think he knows that.

“I’m going to give you a more dramatic look today, obviously still within the likes of Mrs. Choi” Nari gently works in some sort of eye primer on my eyes using a soft brush and begins to work on my eye makeup. After a few minutes of her working her magic I have a sudden urge to ask her a question “Nari, I have a question..” She softly hums and I clasp my hands together  “Do you know Mrs. Choi and San’s sister?” I concentrate on the gentle brush strokes to calm me down for some reason slightly afraid of her answers “I do, they’re very sweet. I work with them quite often actually. I just saw them this morning.” I quietly hum then Nari continues “How come? Are you worried about something?” I let out a soft sigh “Well, I’m scared they might not like me. I heard what the mother did to one of San’s exes and ordered for her assassination.”

The older woman clicks her tongue “Well, do you know what happened?” What happened? What does she mean? Does she mean that woman did something to upset San’s mother? “Uh, I mean no. Not really that’s honestly all I could dig up, besides San’s never mentioned any of his exes so I genuinely don’t know the full situation” Nari pops her gum followed by the smile in her voice “I can tell you, I’ve been working for the Choi family for years…” I softly gasp and open my eyes “Wait, for how long?” Nari gives me a soft smile “ I was hired personally by Mrs. Choi ten years ago, ever since then I’ve been doing her and her daughter’s makeup for public events..”

Nari gently has me close my eyes again and continues “Anyway, as you know her name was Hae Jihye she and San dated for a few years. I believe it was about 5 or so years but they eventually became engaged, both were pretty young but since the Choi family was so well off Mrs. Choi encouraged them to get married. She was very fond of Jihye up until San found out she was secretly seeing another man and stealing money from him and ordering shady dealings without double checking these were allies and not possible undercover cops. Up until her death she always said it was because San never gave her attention and because she felt lonely but everyone close to the Choi’s know he treated her like his princess. He would have brought her the moon if she so wanted, he gave her everything. Open.”

I open my eyes and see Nari begins to fill in my eyebrows and continues “Anyway, it so just happened the real reason was that she thought San was a huge pushover and was only planning on marrying him for his money and the Choi’s heavy influence. She wanted to be someone important since she came from a poor background.” Poor San, he gave his heart to this woman and she stomped all over it… “So when Mrs. Choi caught wind of it thanks to San’s best friend Wooyoung she began to conspire against Jihye. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..” Nari smooths out some sort of face primer on my skin, her hands being gentle against my skin then quickly begins to work on my base “She got Kang Yeosang, one of San’s associates to carry out the assasination and right as she was exiting the beauty salon she was shot and killed. Just to add insult to injury Mrs. Choi sent the hand of Jihye’s secret lover to her grieving family along with a note that read “Hope you enjoy this small gift!” and that was that. ”

I look at Nari giving her a very unnerved expression “Wow that's…heavy.” Nari nods while gently powdering my face “So lesson of the story is don't be an opportunist and Mrs. Choi will be kind.”  I know Nari and San said Mrs. Choi is nice but I can't keep myself from thinking she's going to find something she doesn't like. What a great time to overthink. “Actually, San doesn't want to tell her about me being a cop..” Nari begins to gently apply my lipstick with small gentle strokes “Sweetheart I think you should just be honest, I mean you've been all over the news recently. I'm sure Mrs. Choi knows exactly who you are.” Oh my gosh how could I forget about that?! She's right, it's going to be a horrible look if I lie to her right from the start.

“I should let San know, you know like about me not wanting to lie to his mom not what happened with Jihye. I'll definitely never mention her ever.” Nari then raises her eyebrows “So, are you going to tell his mom you two are thing?” Her question catching me off guard I almost choke on my own saliva causing me to swallow quite hard. For a moment, I struggle how to answer until I finally but hesitantly respond “Well honestly, I think it’s a bad idea that I tell her we’re together especially if she knows I'm a cop. Despite how nice she is, she has too much history between my previous boss and her family, not the good kind either. Knowing she’s willing to kill I think I’m going to steer clear from her radar as cowardly as it seems.” Nari rests her hand on her hip “So, what do you plan to do?” I sigh “Well, continue to keep it a secret.”

Nari furrows her eyebrows and crosses her arms in front of her chest “But for how much longer? You know, Mrs. Choi isn’t getting any younger and eventually she’s going to ask San to marry again. You do understand right?” She’s right, Mrs. Choi is definitely going to ask San to marry only it makes sense for him to marry of someone of his status and the same lifestyle as his. As much as I love and I’m in love with him, we’re too different to be in each other's life in the long run and only confirms what I've been thinking this whole time which is to just enjoy it while it lasts. “I do, which is why I'm going to backtrack telling her about our relationship but not who I am. That I can't lie about, as scary as It is.” gives me a soft smile “Well, it's settled.. Also, we should get started on your hair. Your dress should be arriving sometime soon!” I nod and let out a nervous sigh. I have to brace myself for everything. I will try my best to look like a good person.

Later after Nari is done with my hair, makeup and dressing me I look in the mirror and honestly just like the first time I'm not disappointed in what I’m seeing just a little weirded out that I can look this good. My hair was loosely curled, like those gorgeous movie stars on tv, the makeup was light (For my taste at least) so that it complimented my features. Meanwhile the dress that was picked out for me was a satin strapless asymmetric neckline dress with a high slit on the right side of the dress luckily it was a long dress so it covered my legs really nicely and it wasn’t as showy as I thought it’d be considering how high the slit is. Finally to cover up my wound Nari carefully drapes a gorgeous white fur wrap over my shoulders. Nari steps behind me and hands me a black pair of designer high heels. It’s those shoes that movie stars wear, the ones with the red soles. I let out a gasp and carefully take the shoes as if they were made of glass “Nari, are you sure?” Nari smirks “Of course I’m sure, you’re wearing vintage Mugler.. You can’t just wear any old pair of shoes.” I give her a nervous smile and carefully put on my black high heeled shoes. Nari then steps back and gives me a proud smile “You look amazing y/n, I hope you feel as pretty as you look. “ I smooth out the soft fabric beneath my fingers and nod “I do, thank you for everything..” The older woman smiles and shakes her head “Thank San, he asked me to do this for you.”

Of course he did, this man is all about the details. Now it was about that time I look for San so that I could talk to him about what to say to his mother. Right after exiting my room I'm soon greeted by a dressed up Jongho who’s jaw immediately drops “Wow, you look amazing y/n. I uh- San is waiting up front, he asked me to guide you into the car.” I give Jongho a smile and tease him “You might want to pick your jaw up from the floor or a fly will go in there.” Jongho chuckles and leads the way while I silently walk behind him. Awkwardly enough I had to walk into that tattoo shop dressed like this but unlike before all eyes were on me which made me alot more nervous so I gently hold onto Jongho’s arm so that I wouldn’t risk embarrassing myself in case I trip over my dress. Once outside I realize it was beginning to get dark out that’s when Jongho opens the door to the expensive looking car and lo and behold San was there.

His hair was now cut shorter than before with a small strand of hair framing his face, whilst he wore a white dress shirt with a few buttons undone and a buttoned up black vest, a back blazer, with matching slacks and shoes. He looked so immaculate and perfect, that In the moment I think I almost forgot why I was even there to begin with until San gently grabs my hand and gently tugs on it. I blink a few times and it’s like I rebooted remembering where and why I was there. San gives me a small dimpled smile and I get into the car sitting next to him. His cologne slowly bringing me back to reality “You look gorgeous angel eyes.” I glance over at him, his eyes looking at me like he was devouring me with his gaze which was making me painfully shy, that is until I remember I needed to tell him something. San gently reaches for my exposed thigh and gently squeezes causing my ears to begin to burn and I mindlessly respond “And you look handsome Sannie..”

San leans in and gently kisses me whilst his hand squeezes my thigh a little harder leaving me to let out a soft sigh whilst he deepens the kiss. I only allow myself to indulge in the kiss for a few more seconds until I gently pull away while gently pushing him away. He gives me a confused look then furrows his brows “Angel eyes are you okay?” I nod and gently smooth out my dress “Yes, I just wanted to talk to you about something before we arrive at your sister’s party.” He gently takes my hand and nods “Sure, what is it?” I glance over at San whose eyes were soft again, a complete one eighty from a few seconds ago “We should just tell your mom that I’m a cop, you know it’ll be much easier than lying” San looks at me slightly worried and looks down gently rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand “Um, I don’t know about that..” I tilt my head “How come? Is it because I’m going back to the station next week? You know she’s probably seen the news..”

San lets out a sigh and stares down at my hand for a few moments before he briefly glances back up at me me then says in a lower almost worried tone “That’s why, because I’m sure she’ll like you but once she realizes you’re a cop she’s going to bombard you with questions..Assumptions.” I reach over and take San’s handsome face in my hands gently caressing his soft skin “And that’s okay, it’s valid on her part considering the previous history between cops and your family. I understand.” He gently takes my hand in his lovingly squeezing it “Are you positive you’re going to be okay with the questions?” I nod giving him a reassuring smile “Of course Sannie, let’s just be honest for once. This is something so important to me that I want to be honest out of respect to your mother and our relationship, please. Just this once I don’t want to lie about something I can’t hide. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not even if your mother ends up hating me for it, it’s the risk i’m willing to take.”

San gives me a dimpled smile, takes my hands from his face and gently kisses them “You really do have a heart of gold angel eyes.. No matter how hard things get your intentions are always well intentioned.” I look down and press my lips into a curt smile “One more thing.” San gently turns my face to face him "What’s that?” Not wanting to meet his eyes I look down at the collar of his shirt “I thought about it and I don’t want your mother to find out about us.” San gives me a confused look “Wait- but..” I nod “I know, I just said that I didn’t want us to lie but I was talking about things I can’t hide.. Besides we’re technically not lying if you just don’t mention it.” slightly upset San takes my arm and tightly squeezes it but only enough to get my attention “But you agreed with me yesterday, why the sudden change of mind?” I shrug “I don’t know I just did a lot of thinking and it doesn’t make sense to come clean right now, it’s too soon.”

San lifts up my chin to meet his eyes while holding on to my arm, they were sad with a hint of anger. He looked genuinely hurt, but now it’s complicated. I need to see how his mom will react to the news of me being a cop, then I’ll know my answer. I need to tread lightly with this family because I truly don’t know their intentions. For all I know this is all a part of San’s plan to get me to trust him then get me killed once I do. Even then I doubt San will hold on much longer, Nari is right his mom is probably looking for someone he could marry right this moment which is why he wants to tell his mother. “As much as I strongly feel the complete opposite, I'll respect your wishes. I understand you’re nervous.” I sigh “I’m sorry but can you blame me? Any regular person would be terrified considering how powerful your family is. I don’t want to fuck up.”

San loosens his grip on my arm “I’m sorry I’m forcing you to do all these things so fast. It’s just-” He shuts his eyes and rests his head on my shoulder and lets out a long sigh “It’s my mom, she’s been looking into having me marry the Iceman’s daughter, Jisu.” I furrow my eyebrows “Why?..” He stares down at himself gently squeezing and holding onto my forearm “Business.. And because she’s close friends with Iceman’s wife.” Wow, yeah. I think involving myself even more will be a death sentence. What if she has me killed because she wants San to marry into her friend’s family? “Ah, I see.” I stiffly nod. I knew it, his mom already has eyes for someone. San raises his gaze and looks at me with concern painting his features “You’re upset aren’t you?” I shake my head and fake a laugh “No, I mean I saw it coming. I understand.”

San gives me a very unamused look  then the driver driving our vehicle clears his throat and says  “Sorry for the interruption boss, but we’re here.” San nods slightly detached still fixated on my expression “Yeah, okay. Thanks Woosik.” I feel horrible pissing him off but I think this is it. I’m so cowardly. Almost as if a switch went off he gently takes my hand and kisses the back of it “I’ll introduce you as a colleague okay? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable let alone feel like i’m forcing you to do things you don’t want to..” I nod and lean in to gently kiss his cheek then I give him a soft smile “Thank you..”

San’s expression brightens up a bit and gives me a small dimpled smile “Are you ready angel?” I nod and he gives me a sweet smile. Next to me the door opens and a very well dressed man helps me out of the car and soon after San steps out right behind me. He then gently rests his hand on the small of my waist and gently guides me to the big mansion, that house.. It’s huge. The Choi family is loaded. It’s everything you would have imagined in a mansion: the fountain, the gates, the two sculptures near the entrance, the beautiful decorative trees adorning the front of the house.

The times I’ve been to houses like this is usually when we’re going to arrest someone or when we’re investigating the murder of a high profile person which isn’t very often so to see this gorgeous house and being dressed in designer from head to toe, it makes me feel like I'm in some sort of movie. Once we’re inside the faint sound of classical music fills the air along with the high class ambience immediately making me straighten up my posture. All the people here look expensive, it also kind of freaks me out knowing that 90 percent of the people here are more than likely white collar criminals. I look over in San’s direction slightly worried only for him to give me a small reassuring smile. ”Follow me.” I grab onto the sleeve of his blazer following behind him quietly whilst he makes his way to presumably his mother. 

We approach a gorgeous older woman who obviously didn’t look her age but could tell her age based off of what she was wearing, which was a long semi fitted dark blue dress with a high neck “Mother, I’m here.” The woman turns her attention away from the woman she was speaking to and gasps “Sannie, you made it..” San pulls the shorter woman in his arms and hugs her tightly “You know I’d never miss my sister’s birthday.” She pulls back gently cupping her hands on his face with a smile. “My son, my strong handsome son.” Both him and his mother chuckle then she pulls away and looks around us “Where’s Wooyoungie sweetie? Last time I talked to him he said he’d come..”

San takes Mrs. Choi’s hand “Ah, yeah about that. Wooyoung couldn’t make it tonight he had a personal emergency.” Mrs. Choi worriedly furrows her brows “Oh my- Is he okay?” San nods giving his mother a reassuring pat “He is he’s fine, he’s just dealing with a few private matters that couldn’t be postponed and were very last minute.” Wow, he’s good at lying to his own mother too that’s actually scary. He’s not even hesitating. The mother understandably nods “Well I hope whatever it is I hope he sorts it out soon..” Mrs. Choi then turns  in my direction, for a few seconds she examines my face then she says “Oh hello, wow who is this gorgeous girl Sannie?”

I reach out and shake his mother’s hand politely smiling “Hello Mrs. Choi I am Detective y/n y/ln, I’m one of Mr. Choi’s current colleagues. His connection to the Ulwood PD. ” His mother’s eyes widen slightly then quickly composes herself before San says “She’s been a great help helping me track Lee and his other people..” For a few moments San’s mother stares at me “Are you really working for the Aurora Syndicate? Are you sure you don’t secretly work for the police to turn my son in?” San chuckles gently patting his mother’s back “She’s fine mother, I made sure of it. Besides she has her own grudges against Lee, I promise you she won’t betray us.” Mrs. Choi nods “You’re that detective that was found dead aren’t you?” I nod and lightheartedly chuckle “Yeah, that’s me. So you have no worries about me turning on anyone.” Mrs. Choi looks over at San and smiles “Look at you, giving that old bastard a taste of his own medicine. You’re definitely your father’s son.” San nervously laughs “Mom..” 

A gorgeous long dark brown haired woman approaches us, her eyes were sultry and had a very mysterious and intimidating energy surrounding her. Her gaze looking straight at San, almost like he was some sort of target to her. “Hello, how are you on this lovely evening?” Mrs. Choi turns in said woman’s direction and smiles “Jisu sweetheart, hello how are you? I’m glad you could make it!” Jisu smiles and reaches for Mrs. Choi’s hand and gently pats it “Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I’m glad I could be here for Haneul’s big day.” Mrs. Choi smiles “Thank you” Jisu looks back at San and smiles in his direction “Is this the infamous Choi San?” Mrs. Choi chuckles and gently pats San’s shoulder then San responds slightly hesitant “Yeah, you must be Jisu. My mother’s mentioned you before.” Jisu reaches over to shake San’s hand and for a moment her hand shake lingers.

A bit shocked she’s holding onto his hand and not letting go until he pulls away his hand and puts it in his pocket. Mrs. Choi looks at both San and Jisu “I did, did I also mention you’re both the same age? I’m sure you two would get along very well.” Jisu looks in San’s direction tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear “Of course we will, San seems like a person I’d get along with perfectly. He’s so hardworking and it shows.” Jisu smirks then shifts her gaze over to me where her smirk slowly disappears then she softly laughs “Oh my- I’m sorry hello, who are you?” I give Jisu curt smile and extend my hand “Detective y/n y/l, I’m currently working for Mr. Choi.” She raises her eyebrow “My, my I didn’t know San was willing to be risky, you feds are hard to trust. Nine times out of ten you have ulterior motives.” I chuckle feeling the venomous intent behind her words. “Well then I guess I’m the 1 out of 10 who has no ulterior motives. Mr. Choi knows he’s in good hands trusting me. Am I right Mr. Choi?”

I turn to him giving him a small smile. San immediately picks up on what I was trying to do and responds “Of course, she’s shown me her loyalty multiple times. At the end of the day we both have the same goal so why not team up with someone like minded.” Jisu hums then shrugs “Well, as long as you’re confident that’s all that matters.” Mrs. Choi gently takes my arm and says “San, I need to have a word with Detective y/ln. Do you mind keeping Jisu company?” San looks at me sympathetically then back at his mother “Ah, yes mother.” Jisu looks in my direction, smirking almost like she knew this was something I couldn’t get myself out of. Almost like she expected the worst. I’m worried. Did I say something wrong? 

Mrs. Choi quietly walks me out of the room the party was being held in and once outside in the hallway she lets go of my arm. Expecting her to maybe say something she continues walking in silence unnerving me even more as the seconds go by. I walk behind her until we enter the big marbled floor living room, she motions me to sit down on the expensive looking velvet couch which I oblige. She walks over to the small cocktail table and serves us both drinks, I'm presuming whiskey. At this point I’m beginning to get very impatient. What exactly was the reason I was pulled away from everyone else. What is she going to tell me? She sets my drink on the coffee table then sits across from me while she holds her whiskey in her hand. I clear my throat running my fingers along the soft fabric of my dress “So, uh what did you want to talk about Mrs Choi?” She takes a small sip of her drink the gently rests it on her lap ”So you said you work for the Ulwood police department correct?” I nod carefully clasping my hands together and gently resting them on my knees “Yes, correct ma’am” She swirls her drink in the heavy crystal glass whilst I carefully reach for my drink on the table “In the police department? I work under Captain Steven Lee Ma’am.”

She’s not going to like this..I know it. She slightly raises her eyebrow “Very interesting…You do know your Captain killed my husband right?” I nod looking down at my drink slightly bowing my head “Ah, yes Mrs. Choi I was the one in charge of the case. We arrested the people who were involved in the murder.” Like San, his mother has a very intense stare only this time making me very more nervous knowing the lengths his mother is willing to go for her son so I can only imagine what she'd do for her husband. “That you did. Unfortunately you missed the main culprit.” Her words felt like swords stabbing right through me. Words that immediately make my stomach drop.

“I’m aware Mrs. Choi, unfortunately when San showed me what Captain Lee was really up to everything finally made sense. He purposely would steer things away from anything that he thought would get him caught, at the time my partner and I didn’t really understand why he wanted to be so heavily involved in the case since usually he’d be the one to usually just assign them and just stick to focusing on the department’s strategy. So I assure you I didn’t know anything until I met San.” Mrs. Choi stares at me unmoved, a complete 180 from when she was with San and Minia. “I understand, I'm sure that bastard has everyone back at the station fooled..” I nod respectfully agreeing “Yes, unfortunately even the best one among us got fooled. Which is why I’m working with San to put that man down.”

God, I sound so pathetic saying it like that. “So what’s your reason for helping my son? What did Steven do to you?” There’s the question I was waiting for. I let out a long sigh then I meet Mrs. Choi’s eyes finally lifting my gaze to meet hers “Well, San kidnapped me to get Captain Lee back but unfortunately he gave up trying to get me back once he realized he was going to have to expose his crimes to everyone so instead he left me for dead in hopes San gave up threatening him and I’d get killed. Luckily San did the opposite and instead had me pretend I was dead, which unfortunately caused me to lose everything I had; friends, family, career, my home..” With the last words quietly being trailed off from my throat growing a huge knot. Is she going to sympathize with a cop? Someone who works under the man who killed her husband?

Mrs. Choi’s gaze grows a bit soft and sets down her half filled glass on the arm rest of her seat “I am so sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine how many more people are suffering at the hands of Steven.” She’s right there are probably quite a few people getting blackmailed to do his dirty work for him. No doubt. “I just want to make sure you mean well working with my son, because if your intentions are not pure- and please do not take offense but a mother will do everything in her power to protect her son no matter who it’s against.” Ah, just what I was dreading. Nice. “ I understand Mrs. Choi, you have my promise there will be no moves on my part against San. I’m fully on the Aurora Syndicate’s side, you have my word.” Mrs. Choi Smiles “ I have one last question for you y/n.” I nod, taking a sip of my drink, the warmth slowly trickling down my throat and to my stomach. Yep, definitely whiskey. “Sure Mrs. Choi go ahead.”

She gives me a mischievous smile her finger tracing along the rim of her drink “So y/n what do you really think about my son?” I run my finger under the crystal glass trying my hardest to stay calm “Hm, like as a person?” Mrs. Choi warmly smiles clearly trying her best to get me to open up “As a man sweetheart.” My throat tightens causing me to clear my throat. “Oh, uh I mean he’s very handsome, and of course very kind.” Wait, why is she asking me this? “He definitely is, he takes a lot from his father…” Wait that’s all she was going to ask? I mean yeah it’s kinda weird but that’s it? “There’s one thing I will tell you is that my son tends to be quite flirty sometimes and I want you to pay no mind to him” No mind to him? Like ignore him? “Uh- Could you elaborate Mrs. Choi?” She sighs “To be frank, I don’t want you to get involved with my son. I understand you’re working with him but just leave it at that. Nothing more.” Is she really starting to pin this on me? Like I know it's true but oh my gosh how does she know? What gave it away…I need to convince her otherwise or I'll be in big trouble.

“My apologies for asking Mrs. Choi but why?” Mrs. Choi scoffs then retorts in a venomous tone “Because I don’t trust you. No matter what Steven Lee did to you, you’re still working under him. I don’t want San to fall for the same bullshit my husband fell for with Steven. That tragedy is not going to repeat itself again.” I carefully set my glass back onto the glass coffee table and I shake my head “I assure you that’s not going to happen Mrs. Choi. San and I have grown to be very close friends from sharing the same hatred for one person and the last thing I'd ever do is betray him. If anything I owe him my life.” Mrs. Choi seems unconvinced from my plea. “Then know that your place here which is only to help my son get rid of the man who killed my husband and not being romantically involved with him.” I drink the remaining whiskey in my glass in one go to prepare myself “Again, my apologies but I never explicitly stated my feelings towards Mr. Choi. I only really said he’s good looking and has a great heart.”

The woman rolls her eyes at me like just told her the stupidest thing on Earth “You were the one my son was shopping for. I asked you if you were the deceased detective because my son was telling me he was shopping for someone special. The problem is one of his associates let it slip that the girl he was shopping for was “the detective” After a bit of pondering I put two and two together. The last time my son went out of his way to spoil someone like that he was engaged to his former sweetheart.” I’m guessing San is not the type to gift just anyone, they have to be special to him. In that case, I'm special to him.. Wow. “You’re not wrong about your son getting me things, that’s true. That’s only because I needed them. What’s not true is my relationship with him. We’re simply friends.”

Without hesitation Mrs. Choi throws her drink at my face and gets up looking down at me “Don’t get smart with me, stay away from my son.” Her heels clack away little by little becoming more faint while I blankly stare down at the marbled floor in disbelief, my eyes blinking rapidly from the alcohol burning my eyes. She really knows. It's like she stays out of San’s business in front of him but behind his back she gets rid of people she deems useless for her son.. It’s probably why San is insisting of only a few people knowing his true plans. Unfortunately I understand her fear of trusting a cop, it’s completely validated. The thing is I’m not liking how this played out, we’re off to a bad start. Judging from the small things San would tell me about his mother, she seemed nice but now not so much. At least not when you get on her bad side. 

Eventually I manage to clear my eyes, my face and ears are burning out of embarrassment. My lap and chest wet from the whiskey, once I manage to stand up I walk back into the party.  I let out a long sigh and look around, trying to ignore the wet dress against my skin and my hair and makeup feeling gross. Maybe I should get San out of talking to that girl. He didn’t seem too comfortable with her. I walk around looking for San not really paying attention ahead of me until I accidentally bump into someone with my shoulder causing me to hiss in pain tightly clutching onto my wounded shoulder. “I’m sorry, are you okay? y/n?”

I look up and notice a worried Seonghwa staring down at me whilst the other people he was talking to just silently stare at me. Gosh, I’m so glad to have found someone I recognize. Walking around with a bunch of people I don’t know was starting to make me really uncomfortable considering how horrid I probably look. “I’m fine, sorry I was looking for San. He was with a girl.” Seonghwa raises his eyebrow then he excuses himself from the people he was talking to and walks a few steps away from them pulling me aside “A girl?” I nod looking around trying to see if maybe San was anywhere close by. “Yeah, her name is Jisu, really pretty, looks like a model.” Seonghwa slowly nods “Ah, yes. His mother is trying to set them up..” He looks around and steers me in the opposite direction I was walking “I think for now it’s best you don’t interrupt them, you don’t want to upset Mrs. Choi.”

I glance over at Seonghwa and scoff looking away, feeling the tears in my eyes making them sting “I already did that, can’t you see my makeup is all runny?” Seonghwa turns my face in his direction and slightly squints, gently pushes a lock of my hair behind my ear inspecting my face “Your makeup is fine surprisingly, your hair though. It’s a bit-” I look down clearly embarrassed “I know, ugly..” Seonghwa warmly smiles and takes out the handkerchief in his breast pocket gently patting my face and hair dry “No- I mean your hair looks wet.. What happened?” I close my eyes for a bit to force my tears back into my eyes when I open them I pull his hand towards the exit “I can’t say it here.. Can we go outside?” Seonghwa gently rests his hand on my uninjured shoulder “Before we go, are you hurt? Do we need to get Jongho?”

I look under the fur wrap at my wound and shake my head “No, I’m fine. I just bumped it a little.”  He reaches over and links my arm around his “Alright good, this is so you don’t fall by the way. Those shoes look like an accident waiting to happen.” I roll my eyes and laugh “You do know I wear heeled shoes to work sometimes, I have no issues walking on high heels.” He shrugs stifling a laugh “So? What if you fall? In front of all these people..”

Well he’s right, that would be embarrassing and I’ve been embarrassed enough tonight “Okay fine..” Seonghwa starts to guide me out the door until we step outside the chilly evening. “Geez, it’s kind of cold.” I slightly shiver and hug myself standing behind one of the statues at the top of the stairs leading to the door. Seonghwa unbuttons his blazer about to take it off before I panickily mumble “No please, it’s okay…” Seonghwa looks at me for a moment and asks “Are you sure? I don’t want you to catch a cold..” I shake my head forcing a smile “I won’t I promise.” He stands next to me clearing his throat “So, what happened?” I look down and let out a soft sigh and for the first time tonight I begin to really process what happened making my throat grow a knot again. For a few moments I struggle to get the words out until I finally blurt out “San’s mother, she hates me.” Seonghwa gives me a very concerned look “What? Mrs. Choi? How?..” Slightly frustrated I hug myself tighter, tears now rolling down my cheeks “ She found out about me and San, she doesn’t want me to be romantically involved with him because she thinks I’m going to get into his head and basically be the downfall for their business..”

Seonghwa lets out a sigh and pulls me into a hug “I’m so sorry y/n. Did she find out through you or-” I sniffle and pull away looking up at an uneasy Seonghwa “I tried to deny it, but she found out through a slip up with one of the associates, not sure who it was but they referred to me as “the detective” when talking to his mother over who San was shopping for..” Seonghwa lets out a long sigh and rubs his forehead slightly frustrated “San’s going to get pissed..” Once he lets out his small frustration he gently pats my head gently pushing it back onto his chest “Do you want to leave? We don’t have to stay here if you’re uncomfortable.” While my head gently rests on Seonghwa’s chest I look at the entrance for a few long seconds “I don’t know, I feel like maybe I need to go tell San over what happened with his mother. He seemed pretty worried when she asked me to talk.”

Seonghwa gently clears the stray hairs on my face “San will understand, don't worry. I can call him and let him know that I’m taking you home.” I worriedly look at Seonghwa “Are you sure? You don’t have to, you can just give me the keys and I can drive myself.” He chuckles and gently pats my head “It doesn’t bother me, I promise. Besides I can’t let a girl looking as pretty as you drive herself home alone.” Seonghwa pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and scrolls on his phone for a bit then puts his cellphone to his ear, where you can faintly hear the dial tone until you hear San’s voice “Hey, y/n isn’t feeling too well. I’m taking her home.” San’s voice responds but I can’t make out what he’s saying, only that he sounded a bit annoyed. Seonghwa then responds “She’s not feeling too well being here-” Suddenly Seonghwa stops talking while San says something to which Seonghwa tensely responds “Ah, okay then we’ll be out in the front waiting.”

San curtly responds then the call ends rendering Seonghwa to awkwardly let out a sigh putting his cell phone away then slowly pulls back and looks at me forcing a smile “Change of plans, San’s going to take you instead. He asked me to stay and talk to some investors.” I raise an eyebrow “What? I thought he was busy.” Seonghwa gently pats my head and chuckles “Well, I guess he’s not too busy for you. Which is good, maybe he’ll learn to take time to himself instead of working all the time.” Seonghwa looked kind of upset now, although he’s really good at hiding it; his tense body language and his faint darkened mood replaces his usual warm and caring demeanor which is what gave it away. “I’m sorry, for bothering you Hwa.” Seonghwa gives me a faint smile then turns to look at the horizon.

The sky being painted a beautiful shade of sparkly dark blue now as opposed to earlier. “You don't need to, if anything I'm glad we bumped into each other. You needed someone after that encounter with Mrs. Choi, I know right now you’re holding back trying not to cry as much as you’d like.” Unfortunately he’s right, I can’t bawl my eyes out like a child here. Not only would that be embarrassing for me but I know it’ll be embarrassing for San as well. “Yeah, considering what my job is, I kind of have to keep it together even if I am a crybaby when I’m alone.” Seonghwa glances over at me “Just know with me you never have to hold back, I know we still don’t know each other very well but I’m here.” Seonghwa has always been very kind, although I feel weird confiding in him now considering how we’ve gone through the unfortunate situation of him seeing my true relationship with San. I guess it’s nice knowing I have a friend in these situations “Thank you, it means a lot.” Seonghwa gently nudges my arm “So are you going to tell San what happened with his mother?”

I stare at the ground for a few good seconds, before I’m even able to say anything the front door opens followed by “y/n are you okay?” I glance up and it’s a worried San hurriedly walking in my direction, Seonghwa steps aside letting him stand next to me where he reaches over for my arm. “Uh..” Seonghwa looks at the both of us then slightly bows in San’s direction “I’m off, I hope you make it home safely y/n” I give him a reassuring smile then Seonghwa looks in San’s direction  “I was keeping y/n company but now that you’re here-” San pats Seonghwa’s back turns him towards the door “Yeah I’ll call you if I need anything, thanks for keeping an eye on her.” Seonghwa forces a smile and excuses himself without saying anything else. What was that? 

“Why didn’t you let Seonghwa just take me home? Weren’t you on a date?” San dryly chuckles “What? No.. I mean I was with Jisu but I promise you it wasn’t a date. I was just appeasing my mother since I really didn’t want to upset her here.” San takes my hand gently pressing his lips onto the back of my hand  “Enough of me though, what happened?” I let out a long sigh and start walking down the stairs “We have to get out of here, I’m not risking anyone overhearing us no matter how “Safe” it is here. “ San follows behind not letting go of my arm “Wait, is it really that bad? Was it some asshole that said something to you or was it my mother?” San’s last words render me to make the knot in my throat break knowing damn well I wasn’t going to make it without crying. “Baby?” San stands still causing me to be pulled into a complete halt “Look at me, it’s okay. I’m here, I'm not going anywhere.” He pulls me into his arms where he gently presses his lips on my shoulder “Don’t cry, please. We’ll go into the car and talk about this okay?”

San digs into his pocket where after a few moments I hear the sound of his car beeping which was luckily nearby. He pulls back cupping my face looking into my eyes, his usual intimidating gaze is now soft trying his hardest to comfort me “Come on baby, car’s over there.” He grabs my hand and we walk to the car whilst I quietly sniffle behind him. When we finally get to his car he opens the door to his expensive looking car and lets me in.  Surprisingly it wasn’t a sports car but a luxury car that looked like it cost more than the average person’s yearly income. I better not let any tears fall onto the seat if that’s the case. Once San enters the car and closes the door behind him he turns in my direction and reaches for my hand “Okay, now tell me what happened?” Still teary eyes and without even letting silence run by that long I blurt out “Your mother knows about us San, the thing is she’s not happy about it.” San furrows his eyebrows “Wait? What? How?” I shrug blinking back my tears “From what she told me is that one of your associates let it slip.” San’s gaze darkens which is the look I was most afraid of seeing. “Who was it, I need names y/n..”

I shake my head my tears running down my cheeks while I slightly stumble. “I don’t know that’s just what she told me, she specifically said he referred to me as “the detective” and of course she pieced it together saying that you don’t usually go out of your way to gift anyone anything especially if it’s a woman. She said that when you asked her for advice on how find a dress she asked you who you were shopping for to which you simply responded “Someone special” which gave her a hint of what type of relationship it was” San stays silent gently rubbing his thumb on my hand whilst he listens. “She also said she didn’t want anything between us because she doesn’t want a repeat of what happened to your father which I understand and I guess to explain my wet hair she kind of threw her drink at me.” The air changed, he’s upset. I can feel it. 

He clenches his jaw while he bounces his leg trying to dissipate the anger. He sits there in silence for a few seconds before he finally gets up and exits the car angrily. Terrified of making it worse I get out of the car and speed walk behind him “Please, don’t tell her anything..” He silently walks in the direction of his home most. I speed walk a little faster finally catching up to him immediately reaching for his hand with tears blurring my vision. “San! Please!” He comes to a halt once those words leave my lips and halts glaring at the Choi’s property, his eyes seething with anger. I stand in front of him and tighten my grip on his hand. “Please, let’s just go. It’s okay, I just need you to be with me that’s all..” San’s gaze stays fixed to the house in silence until he finally utters  “I really am sorry y/n, I’m so sorry my mother treated you like this. You didn’t deserve this at all, you have no idea how much it pisses me off. I could have avoided this happening to you had I gone with you instead of obeying my mother. I trusted she wouldn’t pull something like this..” I walk into his arms, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out. We don’t want to ruin your sister’s day do we?” San’s eyes remain angry and cold while holding onto me.

Once I manage to get him to get back in the car San practically glares ahead of him then turns on his car anger seething through him. “Put your seatbelt on we’re getting the fuck out of here.” Obeying him I immediately pull the seatbelt over myself clicking it into place “Where are we going?” He grumbles “Somewhere that’s not here.” He pulls out of the driveway and the tires screech as we drive through the gates and back to the long pathway leading out of the Choi’s property. I notice San’s tight grip on the shift gear making the veins in his arms pop out that’s when I reach over and rest my hand over his  “I’ll be fine, it hurt but I’ll be okay. I’ve been treated much worse.” San looks ahead keeping his eyes on the road but still very clearly upset “You don’t understand y/n , all my life my mother’s been like a saint to me. In my eyes she could do no wrong because that’s how much respect I have towards her. The thing is this time she’s wrong, you’re nothing like Lee, you’re a godsend, someone I was so happy to have met even if they were all under the wrong circumstances. My angel.” I gently hug San’s arm whilst holding onto his hand “See? All it matters is that you recognize it.” I still hate that his mom ended up hating me, but I saw it coming. “I know, I just wish she saw what I see in you, the sweet, hardworking and strong woman that I fell for.” I gently squeeze his hand on the gear shift and kiss his cheek “She will.” She won’t, and I know that because I know you’ll go on to marry someone who fits your lifestyle. 

“So Mr. Choi, where are we going?” He gives me a dimpled smile while keeping his eyes on the road “Hm, is there anywhere in particular you want to go angel?” I hum watching the cars ahead of us pass by “I’ll go wherever you go Sannie, just being with you makes me happy.” He quickly leans in and kisses my forehead before he says “Take a nap baby, you had a long day. I’ll wake you up when we get there hm?” I adjust in my seat resting my head against the head rest and cross my arms in front of my chest. As soon as I close my eyes close San lets out a groan “Why’d you let go of my hand?” I open my eyes and look over at a pouty San “What? I was going to leave you alone so you drive comfortably”

He lets go of the gear shift and takes my hand lacing his fingers between mine “Who said I wasn’t comfortable?” I giggle “Okay fine, my mistake my pouty boy.” He feigns a pout trying not to smile but completely fails. “Ah, look it’s your dimples! Look, you're smiling!” San chuckles “No I’m not!” I reach over with my free hand and poke his dimple “Oh but Mr. Choi you are look I just poked your dimple..” San keeps his eyes on the road then gently brings my hand up to his lips and kisses my hand “Go to sleep detective or I'm afraid I’ll end up crashing this car if you keep distracting me with your antics.” I slowly nod stifling a laugh “Fair enough I’ll sleep, it better be good.. ” I close my eyes and pull San’s hand onto my lap, until the car’s movement lulls me to sleep.

“Wake up angel, we’re here.” San gently strokes my arm while I slowly stir awake, the distant sounds of the ocean waves crashing against the shore. I open my eyes and see a smiling San by now he had removed his blazer now leaving him with his vest and dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up like usual while resting his forearm at the top of the car door way “Ah, look at you. Such a beauty..” He looks over at the sand then back down at my shoes “Hm, I think you might want to take those off.” I kick off my high heels and throw my fur cover up in the back seat. “You’re right high heels in sand aren’t fun.” He gently leans in and and kisses my forehead before he helps me step out of the car. “We came to the beach..” He nods gently squeezing my hand in his “We did, do you like it? I know it’s dark right now but you can still see pretty well from the lights” I look at the waves being delicately illuminated by the soft glow of the moon.

“I love it, but why exactly are we here?” San brings my hand up to his lips and kisses my hand while we both walk towards the beautiful ocean “I wanted to cheer you up, what happened tonight was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you go alone with my mother so I wanted to make up for it somehow even though it doesn’t undo everything that happened.” I stop us a few feet before the shore and I turn to face San, he looks down at me gently running his thumb along my cheek. I lean into his touch and hold his hand onto my face “Don’t worry. Whatever happens, happens. I’m used to hatred coming my way.” His brows inch together “You shouldn’t say that though. You should always have love coming your way because you deserve to be loved.”

I look up at him and examine his face, he’s so beautiful, just like his words. “Your words are so pretty Mr. Choi, you always manage to remind me why I love you so much.” San nervously chuckles then cups my face with one hand and pulls me close with the other “My words are only pretty to resemble the one who receives them.” He leans in and kisses me, his soft lips very tenderly latching onto mine whilst he holds me close to him. My hands slowly run up his chest while my feet slowly sink into the sand below me so I tip toe to reach around his neck, San notices this and breaks the kiss. “Having trouble baby?” I pout feeling a bit embarrassed “No..” San chuckles planting a kiss on my cheek “You’re so cute..” I pull the front of my dress up “I bet you can’t catch me..” He raises his eyebrow and smirks “I think I can.. Go ahead and get a head start..”

I stick my tongue out at him and run ahead along the beach as fast as I can while giggling knowing he was dumb enough to give me a head start. Just as quickly as I ran a gap between us he quickly catches up to me and carefully throws me over his shoulder as to not hurt my injured shoulder and slaps my butt. I loudly gasp playfully smacking his arm “San, stop!” He chuckles and slaps my butt again and defiantly squeezes it “This is fun actually. So soft.” Catching me off guard I squeal and cover my mouth embarrassed that someone might see us and pat his back. He gently lays me down on the sand the crawls on top of me and places his soft lips on mine.

We kiss for a few moments before he lays next to me and lets out a soft groan. I reach over to hold his hand and we both look up at the beautiful glittery sky where he says “Are you happy with me y/n?” I turn to look at San who was looking up at the sky his lips pressed together anticipating my answer. “Of course I am. You have no idea how happy I am every time I see you. Although we can’t really hang out like a normal couple I still really like being around you.” He holds back a smile and nods, kissing my hand for the nth time today.

“Good, because I wish you were with me a little longer. I don’t want you to go.. You’re the only one who doesn’t force me to wear the mask I have to keep on every single day since my father died.” I bite the inside of my lip and silently stare up at the sky, for a moment I don’t know how to answer. How can I? So I stay silent for a bit trying to figure out what to say, maybe.. “So, are you finally admitting that San likes to be San and not an evil criminal?” San chuckles and lets out a soft exhale “Yeah, I do like being San even if I try to hide it most of the time, it’s better than having enemies you didn’t know you had and having to keep your guard up every time you meet someone new.” I’m surprised he’s not a paranoid mess all the time with the amount of people constantly going after him.

“I’ll be your safe space. Always, just find me when you need me.” He lays down on his side propping his head on his hand “Be careful, I might kidnap you from the station and this time I won’t return you..” I boop his nose and giggle “You have to return me silly, or we won’t get rid of our mutual enemy.” He pulls my face close to his and before he pulls me in for a kiss he says “Screw that man, I want my girl by my side..” He kisses down to my neck burying his face and letting out a soft sigh. I gently stroke his now shorter dark hair without messing it up too much “You know what’s funny?” San lets out a soft hum and I continue “This dress is a vintage Mugler and I got whiskey on it and now a bunch of sand is all over it..”

San lifts his head and looks up at me “So?” I scoff and a dryly laugh “It’s ruined..” San gives me a dimpled smile “Don’t worry about it, I’ll buy it. As long as my angel is happy I don’t mind.” I blink in confusion and shock “But it’s expensive-” He gently covers my mouth “It’s fine, I promise. Besides it got ruined because of me so don’t feel bad.” He kisses my neck one last time before he lays his head back down on his arm “So, do you want to go home?” I exhaustedly hum and he gets up “Come on, I’ll carry you to the car.” I shake my head “No wait, it’s okay. I want to hold your hand again.” San helps me up raising his eyebrow “You really are a softie Detective..” I roll my eyes and lace my fingers between his. “You like it though.” San sucks his teeth “I do. Alot. Do it more often.” I glance up at him, the moonlight hitting his features at just the right angle making my heart skip a beat. “Yes Mr.Choi..” I got whiskey thrown in my face today but somehow San made me feel better. 

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[writerscafehub]

𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀: 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

@eulalielatibule

From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

Hmm I'd say I'm like, 2.8? I'm pretty basic and don't do much editing but my stories are good and I'm proud of them!

2. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I think I excel at fluffy family fics. I just love writing good dads being sweet with their kids, especially daughters. Another thing that makes me stand out is how I write autistic!reader. I haven't seen anyone else write that for the Chris Evans fandom (not including Steve) so I'm proud to be the one to do it.

3. Are there any writers that inspire you?

Everyone in the server is so talented and they all inspire me in different ways. @a-lumos-in-the-nox puts out story after story with her OC and Ron Weasly and I just love that! Especially as someone who wants to start writing more OCs. @flordeamatista’s writing is so poetic and beautiful and I admire it so much

4. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

I'm pretty proud of my Suburban Dad Sunday verse. It's done so well but it's also just very fun for me to write and it's letting me explore characters that I hadn't written for previously.

5. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write and which do you find most difficult to write?

Jake Jensen is definitely the easiest. Idk he's just so sweet and fun and the vibes are immaculate with him! The most difficult would probably be any dark character

6. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

I write a lot about Jake and fluff/hurt and comfort.

7. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about!

I have a Lloyd Hansen fic with a living music box ballerina. It'll be a giant/tiny fic which I know isn't super popular but I find it so comforting and I'm excited to share it!

8. First fandom you ever wrote for?

I believe it was Phantom of the Opera 🙈😂

9. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

I can't think of any tropes, but I do love reading daddy kink fics lmao

10. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

I mean never say never, but I do not like enemies to lovers. Idk why, I just can't get behind it. I also will likely never write a mob au.

11. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

Probably my most recent one with Jake Jensen x Reader x Ari Levinson. H-O-T-T-O-G-O was my first time writing a throuple and it was interesting!

12. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

I love writing Lloyd Hansen and his Reader for SDS. He's just so funny and petty and it's fun to see his shenanigans!

13. Do you listen to anything while you write?

No, I get too distracted. I need it to be quiet while I write. I do have playlists to help me get into the right headspace or to help with muse.

14. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One shots all the way

15. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

All the time! Although I feel like most of my fics are little side quests to one big story/universe. I want to do more with The Purrfect Pair- Kitten is so cute and there's lots of potential for mischief with her and Wanda.

16. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

Soooo many things. I want to write a smutty series but smut is just so hard for me to write for some reason. I admire those who write it so effortlessly!

17. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

There are many comments that I hold near and dear to my heart. Recently I got a comment from @thezombieprositute who said my ability to turn simple prompts into heart warming stories was a testament to my skills and it really made my day.

18. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

A long time ago I wrote a Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers Halloween fic. It was on my old account so it isn't around anymore, though I might repost it here. It was definitely a challenge as it was more involved and took a lot of world building. It turned out okay, but maybe I'll revisit it and do some editing!

19. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

Fluff, all the time.

20. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

Do I?? I have so many. Thank you for the time to infodump about some of my favorites lmao

I have Eloise Montgomery who is a sexretary for Pete Brenner. Her face claim is Sydney Sweeney!

There's also Charles Randolph who is similar to Ransom in that he's a bratty rich boy who I pair with Ari Levinson. His face claim is Logan Lerman.

I have soooo many but they are my favorites!

21. If you could enter the universe of any one of your fics, which would it be and why?

Oh gosh, that's hard. Probably my The Purrfect Pair au. I want to live in a cottage with Wanda Maximoff more than anything!

22. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I can't think of anything in particular. It just takes me a while to write because of burn out and stuff but I love it and I love sharing it with everyone 🩷

23. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Oof this is hard for some reason but I do like this from Pine-ing For You

One time when you both were drunkenly singing All I Want for Christmas is You, he pulled you over to the plant hanging from the ceiling and kissed you straight on the mouth. It was a chaste, puckered lips type of kiss and yet it still made your heart flutter from excitement. You both carried on as if nothing happened, never brought it up when you were sober. You eventually decided the incident was merely drunken shenanigans and nothing more, although a part of you wanted to feel his plush lips against yours again.

24. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I'm excited for all that I have planned this year and I hope I can venture into some new territory with my fic writing. I appreciate everyone's support, you all mean the world to me! 🙏🏼 

[justagirlinafandomworld]

June was buuuuuuusssyyyy, I'm still recovering. While I didn't get to read as much as I would have liked, I'm still very thankful for all you wonderful writers for being here, for providing all this great content. My life would suck without you.

Please show some love to your fav stories! I think I've collected quite the variety for you to peruse.

Happy Reading!

2023 reading list | fic rec masterlist

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

Marvel

Picking Up The Pieces by @gogolucky13 Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers x Female Reader (briefly) Summary: Bucky chooses to stay in his tumultuous relationship knowing you’ll be there to pick up the pieces, until finally you’re not. [Modern AU] 3 Parts. Warnings: Angst. Cheating. Smut (not explicit). Swearing. Mentions of alcohol. (18+ only please).

To Have and to Hold Chapters 4 & 5 by @indyluckycharlie Bucky Barnes x Reader: Mafia AU Chapter 4 Summary: "She wore a thousand faces, all to hide her own" -atticus Chapter 4 Warnings: Dark themes Minors DNI. Also, if you ended up here by accident and haven't read the previous parts, go back! Angst, angst, angst (tra-la-la) Threats of and allusions to violence. Abusive and controlling behavior. Forced relationship. Light nonconsensual touching. Coercion. Hints at cheating that isn't really cheating. Swearing.

The Animal Within by @navybrat817 Shifter!Bucky Barnes x Shifter!Female Reader Summary: Bucky can't help but follow you when you go through his territory. Warnings: Shifters, flirting, background character death, mention of blood, slight possessive behavior, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

Bound to You by @flordeamatista dark mob Bucky Barnes x Stewardess Reader concept: Like clouds dancing in the air giving the setting sun a reason to live, that is how you came into his life.  warnings: possessive Bucky, dark Bucky, dub—con/non—con, kidnapp—ing, drug—ing, desire,lust, p— in-—v, mile high club, man—ipulation — d-ubcon/non—con, mature themes, edging, fing—ering, nickname ──(Princess, Sweetheart)

Through These Crazy Times by @girl-next-door-writes Clint Barton x Reader Summary: You and Clint have been keeping your new relationship a secret from the rest of the team, but a slip up leads to Clint deciding he doesn’t want to hide any more. Warnings: Fluff, otherwise none provided

Supernatural

Not Moving by @lost-between-letters Sam Winchester x Reader (she/her) Summary: Sam doesn't want to move. Warnings: death, angst.

Go Easy by @negans-lucille-tblr Sam Winchester x Y/N Summary: Sam’s hiding a part of himself from his new, inexperienced girlfriend, but maybe he doesn’t have to.  Warnings: teasing, flirting, mentions of virginity, mentions of liking younger women, angst, mentions of BDSM, Dom/sub vibes, mild BDSM, bondage, fingering, p in v

Waiting For A Love Like This by @girl-next-door-writes Sam Winchester x Reader Summary: Sam has been in love with his best friend for so long that loving them is like breathing. He has successfully kept the depth of his feelings hidden, but there’s only so long you can hold back those three words before they find a way to escape. Warnings: none provided.

Yours to Hold by @princessmisery666 Dean Winchester x Unnamed Female Summary: Dean lives in a fantasy that isn’t that far from the truth.  Warnings: angst.

Love Misunderstood by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior Dean Winchester x Y/N Summary: The moment came and went so fast, but Y/N has regretted it ever since. Warnings: None really. Brief mention of sexy times. Angst.

His Omega by @negans-lucille-tblr Wincest Anon Prompt: Sam and Dean are getting ‘married’ in a private ceremony of friends and family that involves Sam publicly claiming Dean BUT, dun Dun DUN - Becky wedding crashes by dropping through the ceiling while Sam is about to fuck Dean and she falls on his dick instead and Sam is bound to her 😳😳😳 finger gunsWarnings: fluff, alpha!Sam, omega!Dean, A/B/O, public claiming, mentions of public sex, sex, mentions of anal, that bitch Becky

Other Characters

Offer by @softlyspector Din Djarin x Gender Neutral Reader Summary: Din is absolutely sure that you know that he’s courting you. He wants to makes the offer formally anyways.  Warnings: pining, absolute FOOLS in love, bit of grumpy x sunshine, Din thinking he's being so obvious while not showing a single emotion, self doubt and insecurity (Din), lil angst, probably incorrect lore, fluff, Mando'a (translations at the end)

A Sweeter Place by @flordeamatista Neighbor!Joel Miller x Reader concept: The world dims when our lips meet, our hearts beat faster, and time stands still. warnings: poetic loving in the sunshine morning, kitchen table s-mut, finger-ing (tiny of cum  play) ,pure poetic fluff, soft kisses, o-ral (r receiving), nickname ──(Sugar, dirty girl,)

History Repeats Itself by @hoboal87 Unnamed Male Alpha x Female Omega Reader Warnings: a/b/o dynamics, mentions of / implied sex and knotting, implied unprotected sex, angst, ambiguous ending

This Hope in My Heart by @princessmisery666 Robert 'Bob' Floyd x Reader Summary: Sometimes having hope can hurt, but in the end it all works out.  Warnings: slight angst, fluffy fluff.

RPF

Please Don't Leave by @princessmisery666 Jensen Ackles x Reader Summary: Friends to lovers to friends, that can work, right?  Warnings: angst, fluff, Jensen in his thicc Soldier Boy era (that’s a warning in itself!)

[wiypt-writes]

Brothers In Arms

Part 7: Music’s Too Loud Without You

Summary: Ransom learns of your pregnancy, but when he returns home, there’s another surprise waiting for him…

Warnings: Bad language words. Smut. Violence…angry Ran and angry Steve.

Pairing: MOB (darkish…sorta) Ransom Drysdale x Reader /MOB DARK Steve Rogers x Reader

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar reader and any other OCs that may or may not be mentioned. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: This is a VERY Ransom/Steve heavy chapter...the reader doesn’t feature much, and won’t in Part 8 either. After this we’ve only 2 plus an epilogue to go...eeeeek! Huge thanks to my beta and constant source of love and light @spectre-posts​

W/C: 3.6k

Brothers In Arms Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 6

Silence stretched between the two of you as Ransom looked down at the test which now lay in his hands. You watched as his expression never changed. His eyes remained focused, nostrils flared a little as he took a deep breath, the nerve was still twitching in his jaw. So, it was a surprise to you, when the inevitable question came in such a quiet and meek manner.

“Is it mine?”

You licked your lips, swallowing as you blinked back tears. “I don’t know. And I…we never will.”

“What do you mean?”

“A paternity test would be useless.” You spoke, a little sadly. “You, and…him…I mean, identical twins…you share DNA.”

Ransom opened his mouth as if to speak, but he shut it again as he gently handed you the test back. “No, I guess you’re right.” He spoke softly, before he then shook his head, almost as if he was trying to dislodge whatever thought or image he had in his head. “But…it’s gotta be mine, right? I mean…we had…a lot of…” he waved his hand, “and you, you and him…it was once, so…odds on…”

He trailed off as you looked at him, a pang in your chest. There was no malice in his tone, no accusation, no bitterness. In fact, it was almost as if he was pleading. Pleading with you to tell him what he needed, or wanted to hear.

“Ransom…” you wiped your eyes, “I don’t…I mean, okay, the mathematical probability would likely lean towards you but…it only takes once and I can’t…” you looked at him, fresh tears stinging your eyes and nose, “I can’t say for sure.”

You saw the film of mist cover his eyes and you looked away, giving him a moment to compose himself. He cleared his throat, but when he spoke, his voice was thick. “Are you gonna keep it?”

“I don’t know. I need time to think about it.” You blinked back more tears as Ransom glanced up at the ceiling, almost as if he was hoping to find the solution to all of this up there on the clinically white suspended tiles.

“Whatever you want…then…I’ll help.” Ransom’s gaze returned to you, “If you keep it, I’ll support you. I’ll do whatever, be as involved as a father or as not involved as you want, but you’ll want for nothing. Either of you. Whatever you decide…”

At that point the door to the bathroom opened and you turned to the door, Ransom automatically moving so that he was stood in between it and you.

“Boss…” Natasha spoke, her voice gentle, “we don’t have a lot of time.”

“No…” Ransom looked down at his feet, “no we don’t.”

You weren’t sure if he was talking about the fact that any moment now the temporarily incapacitated security detail would be waking up, or the fact that you would soon have to come to terms with a decision about the baby currently residing in your belly. You raised your head to look at him, and he took a deep breath before he turned to Natasha. When he spoke, his voice was back to normal, business as usual.

“Y/N has agreed to my proposal. You’re to stay with her, keep her safe. There’ll be no contact from or to me unless she explicitly permits it.” Natasha nodded.  Ransom took another deep breath, before he looked back at you. “if you need me…you have my number.” And with that he gave a jerk of his head, and swept from the room.

You nodded, before you turned away, and then you could hold it no longer. Your shoulders began to shake as you started to cry.

“Oh…hey…Y/N…” Nat’s voice was a little shocked, awkward almost as you felt her arm gently touch her elbow. “Hey, what is it?”

“Everything…”You managed to croak out between your shaking sobs, “I ruined everything…I should have never gone to that damned party in the first place, I should never have lied…and now…now…my brother is out there fighting for his life and I’m…well, I don’t know what I’m doing with mine.”

“Well, how about we focus on right here, right now?” Nat spoke softly, “let’s get you calmed down, freshened up and then we’ll head back to your brother’s room. See how he is.”

You nodded. “Yeah…”

“I’ll be outside, most likely arguing with Harlan’s goons.” She gave you a little smile and you watched her go.

You turned to look at yourself in the mirror, and as you stared at your pale and drawn face, your hands both gently came to a rest on your stomach. You stood there, trying to get your head around all of this. Did you want this baby? More so, could you have the baby knowing that there was a chance it could be Steve’s. What if he found out? He’d been so clear about the fact he wanted you, you were sure that there was no point he’d simply leave you alone if he knew you were pregnant. Maybe you could run away…Ransom had said he’d help you in any way possible, so maybe he would give you enough cash to get you out of the country, and a new life somewhere else…

Loud voices drew you from your contemplation and you had to give a little snort as you realised Natasha had been right, she was arguing with your newly acquired bodyguards. Right now, this wasn’t about you. It was about Ari. So, you took a deep breath, summonsed all the composure and self-assurance you could muster, and yanked the door open.

*****

Ransom blazed through his mansion, barking orders and dismissing everyone he came across, including Langley. He wasn’t in the mood for his best friend or dealing with business today, he could think about nothing other than you, and the unborn baby in your belly. A million and one feelings were brewing inside him, and he couldn’t really identify any specific one with the exception of fear. Fear that, if Steve found out, it would put you in even more danger than you were. No, it was imperative that his asshole brother never found out about this.

He poured himself a scotch and drained it in one, wincing a the burn in his throat. He refilled his glass and sank into the chair behind his desk, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. If only he knew what it was that Levinson had uncovered. If he could prove to his shit head brother that it wasn’t him who had ordered that fateful hit which had gone wrong then maybe Ransom could buy himself enough time whilst he figured out how to kill the fucker. Because, that was inevitable; Steve Rogers would die. His fate had been sealed the minute he’d fucked you.

It didn’t escape Ransom, however, that even if he managed to kill his brother, Steve had achieved what he had wanted. He’d taken you away. You, the person who Ransom loved most. The person who he would have single handedly faced the devil himself for. Killing Steve wouldn’t repair the broken fragments of your relationship, it wouldn’t wash away what Ransom had done to you, but…

“It’ll make me feel better.” He necked his drink again, standing to refill the glass, his hands clutching at the neck of the crystal decanter. He knew he was lying to himself, nothing was going to make him feel better. Nothing other than having you back where you belonged. Back in his arms, in his bed. He wanted to watch you do that adorable little twitch of the face as you woke up. He wanted to argue with you over getting a dog. He wanted to play fight with you over what movie you put on. He wanted to see you in his clothes, fluffy socks on your feet, hair tossed up in a messy bun as you sat on the sofa surrounded by junk. He wanted to see your belly as it grew with his baby, see the other changes that brought to your body. He wanted to hold you, yelling as you squeezed his fingers so hard they felt like they were going to break as you gave birth…

Tears welled in his eyes and with a loud yell of anger, frustration, and downright devastation, he launched the crystal decanter at the wall where it shattered into a million pieces.

As much as he solely wanted to blame Steve for this mess, Harlan and Levinson were right. This was his doing as much as it was his brothers. And he had no fucking idea how to fix any of it.

“And now I’ve got not fucking scotch!” He yelled. He took a step to the right with the intention of yanking open the door and shouting loud enough until someone brought him some more, but he stopped dead as something caught his eye. He glanced back down at his desk and spotted, for the first time, an A4 sized envelope. It had clearly arrived in the post, and he assumed it had been that morning given the date stamps. He picked it up, it was flat but card backed, the type of envelope that normally contained things that the sender didn’t want bending.

Temporarily, all thoughts of you and alcohol flew from his mind. He reached for the letter opener, slit the envelope from left to right along the top, and then turned it upside down.

Two photos fell out, one landed picture down. With a frown, Ransom tossed the envelope down on the desk and glanced down at the photo which was the right way up. His brow furrowed as he saw Rumlow sat at a table at the country club with a large bulky envelope in one hand, and a bound wad of notes in the other.

Ransom’s mouth dropped open as he realised what this was. It was a payment, and more specifically, he knew that the only reason anyone would send this to him was that it was the payment which had sealed Peggy Rogers’ fate. This was the deal that was made when Rumlow was supposed to shoot Steve. Which meant that, the other photo which still lay with its blank, white back facing upwards, was about to show him who had arranged it.

He swallowed, suddenly feeling hot and clammy with anticipation. The blood was thumping around his head and ears as he reached out, and turned it over. His eyes widened as he saw, for the first time, the person who had been responsible for the hit, the reason Steve hated Ransom so much, the reason he’d gone after you to seek revenge on the wrong person.

And he knew the man. He knew the man extremely well.  

******

“Boss?”

Steve looked up to see Bucky in the doorway. “What is it, Buck?”

“Your brother is here.”

Steve’s brow furrowed, before he gave a little huff. “Well, show him in.”

A few minutes later, Ransom bustled into the room, the back of his long, tan coat flapping a little.

“Ransom, what a pleasant surprise.” Steve drawled. Ransom merely glared back at him. “Gun on the table,” Steve tapped the surface of this desk, “if you’d be so kind.”

With the filthiest look Ransom could muster, he reached into the waistband of his trousers and pulled out his weapon. He tossed it onto the desk.

“You packing anything else, no knives in your socks?” Steve arched a brow and Ransom scoffed.

“Knives ain’t my style.”

“Ah yes, never been one for getting your hands dirty.” Barnes chuckled from behind him and Ransom twisted his neck a little to look over his shoulder. “Tell me, how is Levinson?”

With a snarl, Ransom spun round. “You best hope he pulls through, because if he doesn’t…”

“You’ll do what?” Bucky stood still, not so much as flinching.

“Okay, boys, that’s enough.” Steve spoke, humour lacing his tone. “I’m sure we can all agree that what had to happen to Ari is…regrettable.”

“Regrettable? You did it, you stupid cunt. And for no reason.” Ransom tossed the package he was holding on the desk.

“What’s this?”

“An envelope.” Ransom deadpanned.

“Hilarious.” Steve rolled his eyes. “What’s in it?”

“Look and see. Or are you blind as well as fucking dumb?”

With his eyes still on Ransom’s, Steve reached for the envelope and pulled out the photos inside. Ransom watched and saw his brother’s eyes narrow, before they widened.

“Is this…”

“Yeah.” Ransom nodded

“What is it, Steve?” Buck asked as he walked round the side of the desk

“That is a picture. Well, two to be exact.” Ransom answered for Steve as Bucky took them. “Showing, what I believe, to be the meeting which set up the hit that was taken out on Steeby. The hit that killed Peggy.”

At the last sentence, Ransom bowed his head a little. Despite everything Steve was, he’d loved Peggy. Worshipped the ground she walked on and would do anything to keep her safe.

As he did and would with you. And your...

At the thought of you, and the baby in your belly, Ransom felt a stir of anger and his eyes returned to his brother who was now, he was both pleased and amused to see, looking utterly dumb struck.

“I told you it wasn’t me that organised it.“ Ransom spat, “you came after the wrong guy…and you…”

Steve looked at Ransom, his eyes locked onto his as he shook his head. “What do you want, an apology?”

Ransom snorted, “even now you can’t admit-“

“This doesn’t prove anything…” Steve waved the photo.

“You’re right, it doesn’t. And the one person that could confirm this is currently lying in a hospital bed because your guard dog couldn’t wait to get his knives out.”

“Levinson was tailing-“

“Because of what you did to Y/N!” Ransom snarled.

There was a moments silence, before Bucky cleared his throat. “Boss…I think…I think you should give these some serious consideration. I mean, why else would he-“ he jabbed his finger at the photo, “be meeting with Rumlow, huh? Who else did he want to have shot?”

“And why would anyone send it to me?” Ransom added.

“But why?” Steve frowned, “it makes no sense.

Ransom popped a shoulder. “He’s always been a jealous prick. Maybe he snapped, wanted to clear the path for himself, I don’t know. But we won’t either, not for sure, until we confront him.”

“If it is true…” Steve looked at Ransom, “I will kill him.”

Ransom popped a shoulder, “I ain’t gonna stop you.”

Steve took a deep breath, “Ransom…”

Ransom stood, waiting, his arms folded. But nothing came. Eventually he scoffed and reached for his gun.

“Save it, let’s go confront the son of a bitch. The sooner this is all over…” he trailed off. He was about to say the sooner this mess was dealt with, the sooner he could get back to putting things right with you. But, well, that wasn’t something he was sure would happen.

He tucked the gun into his waistband and then stood tall, brushing his hand through his hair. “Now, are you organising the flight to Boston, or shall I?”

**********

“Something smells good.”

“Pumpkin and Gingerbread cookies.” You grinned, turning to face him. “Shaped like…”

“Spooky stuff…” Ransom chuckled as he saw the array of different shaped cookies.

“Thought I’d do a test batch for Halloween.“

“You do know I booked catering for the party, right?” His arms circled you from behind.

“Yeah but I wanted to do something…”

He kissed your cheek, “so come on, let me test one.”

You grinned, and held one up over your shoulder for him to take a bite. He chewed, made an appreciative noise and swallowed.

“They’re good. Real good. Taste almost as good as you.”

You laughed and slapped his arm lightly. “Are hungry? I wasn’t sure if you would have eaten…”

“Starving…” he nipped at the skin behind your ear.

“I made lasagna,” you closed your eyes as his lips moved down your neck.

“Hmmm…rather have my dessert first,” his lips caressed your jaw.

“You can’t…”

“Says who?”

“That ain’t the way it’s done.” You mumbled and then giggled as he spun you to face him.

“I can do what the fuck I want,” he grinned as he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. “And right now, I wanna do you.”

He lifted you easily onto the kitchen counter, his hands gripping the bottom of your sweater. You bit your lip as he pulled it over your head, groaning as he realised you had no bra on underneath.

His lips pressed to the hollow of your throat, before he kissed the swell of your breast. Then, his lips pulled in your nipple, teeth gently grazing the sensitive nub. You groaned, arching into him a little, your hands in his hair, nails scratching his scalp.

It wasn’t long until your leggings had been discarded, along with your panties and he was stuffed inside of you, your legs round his waist, ass perched on the edge of the counter. Your nails dug into his shoulders as he thrust into you, over and over again.

“Fahk, princess…” his lips pressed to yours, swallowing your groan as he could feel you squeezing him. “You gonna cum, baby?”

“Yeah…yeah…oh…oh,  god…Ran…”

With a moan, you tipped your head back, and Ransom grunted as he felt your heat squeezing him, pulling him in further…god, you were just exquisite. He loved you, with everything he had…

Ransom shifted in his seat, his eyes closed. It seemed a bittersweet curse that his dreams were always filled with memories of you. Maybe that was his penance for the way he’d treated you…

He popped an eye open and saw his brother sat on the other side of the jet, a scotch on his hand. He was contemplating something. In a way that the twins has always been able to do, Steve sensed Ransom’s eyes on him and turned to face him. Ransom looked away.

“So, humour me, Ranny…”

Ransom growled and looked at him, “what?”

“I’m curious. I mean, you know now, that Y/N wasn’t completely aware it was me at Stark’s party but…did you know she arranged to meet me?”

“Yes.” His reply was curt.

“She backed out.”

“I know.”

“I mean, if she’d gone through with it…I’d have sent you the photos anyway but…”

Ransom growled, “shut up.”

“But…back to my point. You know all of this…and yet you’ve not got her back yet…why?”

“None of your dammed business.”

“Ahhh, it’s not your choice, I see. She pissed you didn’t believe her?”

Ransom clenched his jaw, “keep talking…go on.”

Steve simply smirked and sat back, “I mean, your relationship can’t have been that strong if you didn’t believe her in the first place. How many other-“

He was cut off as Ransom shot out of his chair and gripped him round the neck, closing his fingers tightly.

“You don’t mention her. You got that? She’s nothing to do with you.”

Steve nodded as Ransom let go, sitting back down.

“You’re going soft.” He chuckled.

Ransom sighed, “shut up, Steve. You’re boring me now.”

“I mean, you have been threatening to kill me for weeks and here is your perfect opportunity. No one here but me and you.”

“Well, call me old fashioned but I think you deserve revenge on the man who really ruined your life.”

“And then…then what?”

Ransom shrugged.

“He ruined yours too, remember?” Steve sighed, “if he hadn’t organised that hit…then…I wouldn’t have…”

Ransom turned his head towards his brother and opened one eye. “Is that an apology?”

Steve simply smirked, “if you wanna call it that.”

“You never were any good at them.” Ransom closed his eyes again and let out a deep breath. “Even as a kid sorry never formed part of your vocabulary.”

“Wasn’t part of yours either.”

“Touche, Steeby, touché.”

The rest of the flight was spent in silence, and before long they were pulling up outside their Grandfathers mansion. The driver, who Harlan had sent for them both, had barely pulled to a stop before Steve was out of the car.

“Steve, hey…” Ransom hurried to catch him, gripping his shoulder, “just…wait…”

“I’ve waited long enough.”

Ransom looked at his brother before he sighed, “fine, have it your way.”

Steve stormed through the mansion, Ransom simply swaggering behind as they made their way to Harlan’s office. Not bothering to knock, Steve fling the door open and their grandfather didn’t flinch as he looked up.

“Ahh. I though I had heard you had arrived. I also heard from my security at the hospital, I told you, Ransom, no-”

He stopped mid sentence as Ransom simply tossed the envelope down on the desk and Harlan looked at it.

“What’s this?”

“Photos. Photos of Rumlow with the…” Steve took a deep breath, “the person who really organised the hit.”

“So this is what Levinson found out?” Harlan reached for it. Ransom nodded.

“You ain’t gonna like it.” He warned.

Harlan opened the envelope and pulled out the photos, and he groaned. “Oh you stupid….”

“Where is he?” Steve demanded.

“He’ll be at the publishers.”

“Fine…” Steve turned to go.

“Wait!”

“I can’t and won’t do that.” Steve shook his head. “I’m going to kill him, he’s been in the business long enough to know how this goes…”

“And so have I.” Harlan sighed, sadness in his tone. “I can’t and I won’t stop you...not after...” he sighed and shook his head. “But let me call him, get him to meet me at the warehouse. It’s…it’ll be empty today, and I don’t want this anywhere near our legitimate front. Plus…I’d like an explanation. He is…he is….”

Harlan seemed unable to finish his sentence and he merely trailed off. Steve looked at Ransom who popped a shoulder.

“Okay, fine.” Steve consented, “but tell him to make it quick.”

Harlan nodded and picked up his phone. It was about five seconds or so before he took a deep breath. “I need to see you.”

******** 

Another cliff hanger...yeah I’m evil...but WHO do YOU think it is???

Find out in Part 8

[newtonsheffield]

Can we see more of Neddy and Anthony together in the Mob Au?

Okay but imagine Anthony picking up Neddy for his first visit, knowing that Kate’s going to follow behind him with Edwina in case there’s any trouble, or Neddy just wants to go home. And it’s fair, he supposes, after all: He’s got Benedict pretending to be his driver.

Imagine how nervous he’d be when Neddy looks up at him and murmurs something in rapid Tamil to Kate who nods, crouching in front of her son, running her fingers through his hair.

“Of course, sweetheart. And Mummy loves you, remember.”

“Love you, Mummy.” Neddy said, kissing her cheek before he turned back to Anthony, holding out his hand for Anthony to take. “I’m not allowed to go out without holding someone’s hand. Either my Mummy’s or Auntie Eddie’s or my Gramma Mary. Sometimes my Sophie.”

Anthony has absolutely know idea who his Sophie is but he nods, his hand shaking as he takes his son’s hand for the very first time. “I can- I can hold your hand, Edmund.”

“No one calls me that.” Neddy said curiously as he clambered into the back of the car, Anthony scurrying in after him. “I’m Neddy.”

“Sorry,” Anthony cleared his throat, his cheeks burning.

“That’s okay. You’re new at being a Daddy, my Mummy said.”

“Yes.” Anthony nodded, still holding Edmund’s hand, his heart hammering in his chest as he looked at the tiny boy he already loved. “I’m new at being a Daddy. But I used to love going for ice cream with my Dad when I was your age: and I thought we could do that.”

Neddy’s face lit up, “Yes! I love ice cream!”

“Great, me too.”

He sat with his son all afternoon, holding his hand at the ice cream parlor, hardly feeling guilty for the fact Neddy had somehow managed to get him to buy him three scoops.

“And I’m the best at reading in my whole class.”

“You like reading?” Anthony stared at him, hardly able to get enough.

“Yeah! I love reading stories.”

“Do you have a Favourite book?”

Neddy nodded, ice cream all over his face, “It’s called Woof! And it’s about a boy who turns into a dog.”

And the smile nearly slides right off his face. Because Kate had told him once that that was her Favourite book as a child. And they’re so alike, he nearly bursts into tears.

“That sounds like a great book. What else do you like?”

“I like going to the movies. And playing football, and sometimes My Poppy Tharman used to take me before he died.”

“Maybe-“ Anthony cleared his throat, “Maybe I could take you to the movies, and I go to the football with my brothers, you could come with us if you like.”

Neddy stared up at him a little apprehensive, “So you- You want me to be your boy now? Like a real Daddy? Like… you’ll take me out with your family and stuff, and like… tell people I’m your boy?”

Anthony’s heart stopped, the guilt rising in his chest again, “I- Of course I want you to be my son, Neddy. I’m really sorry that I had to go away but I’m back now, and I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Neddy stared back at him, his little feet dangling over the bench, “could we go this weekend?”

“To the-? To the football?” Anthony stammered.

“Yeah. With my- with my uncles.”

“We can absolutely go.” Anthony grinned, relief washing over him. “As long as Mummy says yes. You can come with uncle Ben and Me.”

“Great! I’ve never had an uncle before, only Auntie Eddie.”

Anthony eyed the woman standing six feet behind them, glaring angrily at him. “Is Auntie Eddie… is she very scary always?”

Neddy giggled, the sound making his heart flutter, “Auntie Eddie’s not scary.” Anthony was sure quite a few people would disagree, she had a reputation even in his circle, “She makes walrus teeth sometimes!”

“Well, that sounds great.”

“It is! It’s great.”

“Yeah, it’s great.” But Anthony wasn’t talking about Edwina.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

(Part two! Enjoy! ~ Belgianon <3)

The more Evan spent time with Amelia, the better he found he felt. They had gone to that bagel place Amelia had mentioned for lunch while in Brussels one day, and he’d enjoyed the fact that he hadn’t immediately been mobbed as soon as they’d walked in. Amelia scanned the menu, choosing a chicken and feta bagel with honey and tomatoes. Evan was grateful for her translations, and went with a salmon and cream cheese one.

“You’re going to order, right?” Amelia smirked, looking at him. Evan paled. “Come on! You know the French!” The line ahead of them was long. “Go on – practice. I want?”

“Amelia, I can’t!” Evan said, laughing. “I barely know bonjour!”

“Come on! I want?”

“Ugh.” Evan thought for a moment. “Je… voodrays?”

“Yes! Je voudrais…” she gestured to the menu. “un…”

“Je voudrais… un… bagel… de… um… sall-mon et… crème fresh?” He looked down at her, nervous.

“Yes! And then do mine, too.”

“Ah, fuck, er… okay – un bagel de salmon et crème fresh, et… un bagel poolette et… what’s that? Mile?” Amelia chuckled.

“Mee-el,” she corrected gently. “You’re so good! I dare you to do it.”

“Alright…”

They approached the cashier, and Amelia grinned and gestured to Evan, who looked absolutely adorably sheepish. Only two months on Duolingo and listening to Amelia speak French, but he had no clue what he was doing.

“Bonjour monsieur!” the cashier beamed.

“Hi, um… un bagel de salmon et cream – er, crème fresh?” he looked at Amelia, who grinned encouragingly. “Je voudrais, sorry… et je voudrais un bagel poo-lay et mee-el…”

“C’est sur place ou à emporter, monsieur?” The cashier looked at Evan expectantly.

“Er… I never learned that far!”

“Sur place, s’il vous plait,” Amelia replied. “He just asked if we’re eating in or taking away. I said in.” Evan gave a nod.

“D’accord, et des boissons?”

“Drinks?” Evan’s face lit up. “Comme boisson?” Amelia beamed again. “Er… je veux un coca cola, see voo play, et… un… eau?”

“D’accord, monsieur, et pour vous madame?” the cashier was grinning too.

“La même, s’il vous plaît.” Amelia pulled out her bank card. The cashier grinned at Evan some more.

“Vous apprendrez le Français?” he asked. “You’re learning French?”

“Oh – yeah, sorry. I’m not very good.”

“Nan, you do very well! You’re good, hein! Keep going!” The cashier handed Amelia a table number and a receipt, and Evan felt himself colour a little. “Bonne journée monsieur, madame!”

“Bonne journée,” Evan replied. He couldn’t stop smiling as he followed Amelia to the table. “I understood him!”

“Of course you did! You’ve been surrounded by French and Duolingo helps.” Amelia settled into a chair, and gazed at Evan with pride. “You’re doing great, love.”

“Love?”

“That’s Northern English. You’ll be trilingual in no time.”

“Trilingual?!”

“Yeah.” Amelia leaned forward. “American English, correct English with a Northern twist, and French.”

“Get out of here!” Evan laughed, shaking his head. Amelia watched him. His laugh, his smile…

“You’ve stopped hiding them,” she murmured.

“What?”

“Your laugh and your smile.” She sat back as a waitress fetched over a litre of water for the two of them, and two cokes with four glasses.

“I… didn’t realise…” he sighed. “I don’t like… I mean, my… it’s not… it’s a bit much, you know?” not his sentiment. An echo of a sentiment that had been hammered into him by partners who’d once loved said they loved his smile… Amelia worked her jaw.

“Evan, whoever hurt you, I really just wanna have a really quick little chat with them.” Evan looked at her through his eyelashes.

“Why?”

“Because,” Amelia began. “When we met doing the Zoom reads, you were professional. Cold and professional. And then we did some choreography in person, and you were reserved, and professional. And then on that first day of set, you were timid. Shy.” She leaned forward again, resisting the urge to take his hand. Touching would always be on his terms, given how he’d reacted in the past. The flinches had broken her heart more times than she could count. “But I noticed you’d hide your smile. You’d cover your mouth or look down, and quieten yourself. And you always put yourself down…” Evan looked like he was being scolded. “I’m sorry, Evan, but the person I’ve come to know you as is far too sweet and kind and good to be hiding away the best parts of you like that.”

“I guess when you’ve heard so many times that you’re a bit much, you try to become less.”

“You’ll always be a bit much for the people who can’t handle the best.” Amelia moved her hand a little towards him, on the table. “Always. And your boundaries will always be ridiculous to those who are afraid of losing their control over you. But for the person who can’t get enough of you? Well, there’ll never be enough of you.” Please for the love of God ask me if I can get enough of you… Amelia fought to cool herself off. She wanted to scream it in his face. Evan looked at her, stunned.

“Well… my exes have all been pretty… rough, to put it politely.” He pressed his lips together. “I don’t know how much you know, but my longest one was abusive. Like, really abusive.” His voice was tiny. Like he didn’t want to talk about it. “The one after that was rough because she was a huge fan of mine, and expected me to be a certain way, but I was too broken and not what she expected… and then a couple short term things that I couldn’t get into because while I didn’t wanna be single, I couldn’t attach properly…” He sighed. “And then the last long term thing I had, I think she was just using me to get somewhere in the industry.” He kept his eyes firmly on the table number in front of them. “But every single one of them had expectations of me I could never hit. Never said the right thing, or had to get it right first time without them telling me what to say… didn’t like my jokes, didn’t appreciate that sometimes I just want to sit in silence and read or think or whatever… sorry – I know this is ridiculous.”

“Not even a little bit,” Amelia said softly. “They’ve wanted you to be something you’re not, by the sounds of it. A version of you that exists maybe in front of the cameras, but behind closed doors…” Evan looked up. “Like a mask that you wear for the public, but then as soon as you’re off… mask off, sweats on, cuddle pile, chill.”

“Right! Right… exactly that!”

“Evan, you deserve the world. You deserve to grin and be happy and laugh loud and you deserve someone who derives so much joy from that…” she smiled at him, turning on The Eyes just a little bit.

belgianon has returned 🥹💗

[wickedlittlecritta]

Psst psst psst. you wanna read this little interlude between stories 2 and 3 in my nano project?

You’re about an hour east of Flagstaff when you all stop at a diner, and you see the payphone. It looks like it still works, though the little shelter around it has been heavily layered in graffiti.

It asks for only fifty cents for a call still, and you find two quarters in your jacket pocket.

It feels like a sign from God. You’re not sure you believe in God anymore though.

“I’ll be a second,” you tell Fox. “I gotta take care of something first.”

He looks at you. Not with suspicion, though you think maybe he should. Just with concern. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I just need a second.”

He nods. When you were in high school you used to think you couldn’t possibly be in love with him, because love seemed like a fickle, impermanent thing, and whatever the two of you had was much deeper. But you’ve learned that that’s what love is supposed to be. Everyone else had it wrong, not you.

You are not used to being right. Not about the important things.

Fox heads inside the diner, and you miss him even though he’s just right there.

You could change your mind. You can’t.

You walk across the lot to the payphone, sitting forlorn by a bus stop sign, and put the fifty cents in. The dial tone hums in your ear as you press those old, clunky buttons down satisfyingly in the familiar rhythm of your parent’s landline number.

You hope they haven’t gotten rid of it since you left. They were talking about it. Only scams and solicitors calling, your mother said.

Do you hope more for your mother to pick up, or your father? Both will ask questions you can’t answer. You miss them both terribly. But you get along with them better when you miss them, you've found.

The phone rings. It keeps ringing. You wonder if you’ll go to voicemail. You wonder if they did disconnect their landline, and the payphone will simply ring forever, hopelessly hopeful.

Maybe voicemail would be best.

There is a click as the phone is picked up. “Chevalier residence,” your mother’s voice says. You adjust your hold on the phone.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Marcel? Marcel! Honey, are you alright? Where are you?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I’m fine. I’m with Fox.” You don’t tell her where you are. It’s safest if she doesn’t know.

There is a brief moment of silence. “Honey. Did you elope with Fox?”

You startle. “What? No.”

“You know we like Fox, you could come home and—”

“Mom, we didn’t elope. We…” You don’t want her to worry. She’s going to worry anyway. “We maybe. Got into a little trouble. With the mob.”

Silence again. “Jesus Christ, Marcel.”

“Nothing bad has happened. We’re just being careful.”

Your mother sighs. You feel bad. “I’m sorry,” you say.

“You should know better than get involved in anything like that.”

You don’t answer. How can you? You’ve known better your whole life, but you just keep making bad choices. Leaving Fox. Going into the Navy. Robbing the MFA with Fox. You knew better every time. It’s like you’re punishing yourself, only you’re not sure exactly what crime you committed to deserve the things you do to yourself. Being born, maybe. Feeling like a loose gear that’s never fit in the machine of life, probably.

“I’m sorry,” you say again. “I’m sorry I never figured out how to be a better person.” You hope you don’t sound bitter. You aren’t. You’re just a little confused. Why do you always feel so confused when you talk to your family?

“Marcel,” your mother says.

“I love you,” you tell her. “Tell Dad I love him too, okay?”

“Marcel, I don’t know what’s going on, but we can fix things. Come home.”

“I promise I’m going to stay out of trouble,” you lie. It’s possible to lie to your mother over the phone, if you try hard.

“Marcel! Don’t—”

“I love you,” you say again, and hang up. You think you feel worse than you did before you called. You stand in the thin band of shade under the payphone cover a moment longer. The desert in winter is comfortably warm. You’ve been in other deserts, far away, but the smell of greasy fries from the diner is keeping them from encroaching, like a sandstorm in your mind. There’s no sandstorm of memory today. There’s just you and your big boots and feet sweating inside them from your wool socks that are too warm for the weather. You take a big breath and head inside.

The diner is one of those long steel buildings with big neon signs outside, and chrome and red and turquoise inside. Elvis is playing on an old jukebox when you enter, just audible over the sound of chatter. Most of it’s coming from the middle of the diner, where three tables have been pushed together so that Paddy and Carmen and Chela and Fish and Fox can all sit together.

There is an empty chair across from Fox, with a plain white ceramic coffee mug siting at it, full of coffee with cream, waiting for you. You sit at the chair left for you, and pick up your coffee. Fox loves you; he knows how to make it just right.

“Is everything okay?” he asks you again, studying your face. He was never pretty, back when you both thought he was a girl, and he’s not handsome now, with his angular, pointy face, but he has the softest brown eyes.

“Everything is perfect,” you tell him. And you mean it.

[not-my-final-account]

(Always getting more things added)

I present to you: Anakin Emotionally Unstable Skywalker

The Clone Wars Edition

Anakin: *furiously reading datapad as he sips caff* *leg is bouncing so fast it’s a blur* *getting increasingly tense and angry/frustrated* *hand gets so tight he shatters the data pad* OH FOR THE LOVE OF-

Anakin: my motto? More espresso, less depresso *sips caff*

Anakin: *clearly hasn’t slept, ate, or drank in force knows how long, we’re talking: eye bags, sharp cheek bones, clothes slightly loose, hair is a hot mess* the battles over *nearly passes out* *wheezing* I’m fine

Anakin: *looking concentrated and angry/ire and somehow bored at the same time with his hand twitching every now and then* I’m pushing senators out of their pods when -insert name here- make a hand movement so that they have an angry mob of Jedi following them and demanding to know why their doing it and how they kept their force-sensitivity hidden for so long

Ahsoka: uh helloOo, Commander Tano to Skyguyyyyyy. You’ve been staring at that wall for two hours now, please stop you’re scaring the shinys.

Anakin: *sits angrily and in concern*

Anakin: *to the magic school bus tune* *looking at least a little happy* driving off down main street you’re relaxed and feeling cool, next thing *opens eyes with a forced smile and his irises start to glee red* thAT YOU KNOW- OOOOOH FIVES IS IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD

Anakin: *also to the magic school bus tune* how many people have I killed? You’ll never knoOOoOow

Anakin: *deadpan* bloody murder

Anakin: *in mocking tone* oh no! I don’t want to die!

Anakin: Fives I love you but please stop

Anakin: *ranting to the walls* *the walls know SO MANY swear words* *theres a lot of just straight screaming* *the walls know a lot about Fives and Ahsoka* *the walls have been punched* *dented walls* *rants have probably been about a god at least once*

Anakin: *starts to glow red with a wavering and forced smile and wides uncomprehending and RAGING eyes*

Anakin: *eye twitching* I am THIS not okay *teeth clenched and in a singsong, warning voice* and you know it

Anakin: *with destroyed clankers in the background and bleeding knuckles* its therapy

Anakin, blood dripping down half his body, eyes filled with tears and a quavering lip, looks his age for once/looks like a little kid, as someone (probably Padme) patches him up: I’m sorry *crying*

By the way Vaders response to this when it gets brought up was ‘It was before I bothered to hide my feelings’ and everyone thinks he means that he smiled once a while and joked around but alas no

[604to647]

Safest with You - Ch. 3 (The Drycleaner)

3.2K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: You listen to a sign from the universe and it leads you to Din.

Warnings: Some pining and then more fluff 💕 although Reader is a bit of menace as she straight up ogles Din like a piece of meat 😂, brief mention of female masturbation, reader is described as shorter than Din, first use of pet name “Pretty Bird”.

A/N: The series is slow but sometimes falling in love be like that. I pinned a series masterlist, so you can always jump to the smutty one shots that happen later in the timeline when these two are in an established relationship if you need a fix. The fact that Din boxes is 100% attributed to @djarinsbeskar's Boxer!Din AU which was the very first Din fic AU I ever read on Tumblr and remains one of my favourites and one I revisit often; making Din a former boxer/owner of a boxing gym is my small but humble homage to Rachel's genius. Also from that same AU is this piece of art from one of my favourite artists, @kate-komics that I think about often also. Thank you both for the inspiration!

“He bought you books?!?”

“Well, technically, he bought us all books.”

The whole table laughs; your friends were delighted when you handed out the books, but they’re entralled at the background story that comes with.

“And he didn’t leave you his number or anything?”

“No! Told the cashier he didn’t want to want me to feel ‘obligated’.”

“It’s okay, babe.  We’ll find him,” nods Katie, whipping out her phone. 

Bea starts typing on her phone as well, “Right.  He said his name is Din?  How do you spell that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it short for something?”

“I don’t know.”

“How old is he?”

“I don’t know.  40s?  He’s greying,” you picture Din’s soft curls and bury your face in your hands, “it looks so fucking good on him.” 

“Where does he work?”

“I don’t know.  Not downtown.”

“Well, what does he do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Babe. What do you know?”

“I know his coffee order is Ice Quad Expresso in a Venti cup with extra ice and six shots.”

“Ok, so we know he probably has a heart condition.”

Everyone bursts out laughing.  Your friends have good reason to be so enthusiastic – it’s been ages since someone has caught your eye.  You don’t date a lot, and that’s always been your preference.  You have a picky temperament to begin with, but the truth is, you’re happy and at peace with the way your life is now after years of hard work.  There simply hasn’t been room or a need for a partner, and your friends don’t push you to date (except Jen who always reminds you that there’s a guy at her firm she wants to set you up with, but even that’s more in good fun than anything).  But right now, you look flushed and besotted over this stranger; positively smitten.  They love it for you.

After a few minutes, no one has found anything on social media, any dating apps or Google – admittedly, there wasn’t much (anything?) to go on, but you’ve seen these girls work internet detective miracles before.

Oh well. 

You sigh, “I need to get drunk and forget him.  Or painfully obsess over every detail I can remember.”

And you all cheers to that.

---

Huh.

A week later on the Saturday, you’re out running errands, and you find yourself standing in front of your drycleaner which has unexpectedly closed.  A handwritten sign in the window reads: “Emergency Closure.  Reopening to be announced.”

The drycleaner’s is supposed to be your first stop of the day and you don’t really feel like carting your dirty clothes with you to run the rest of your errands.  Moreover, you’ll need a few of the items in the coming weeks.  You take out your phone to look up other drycleaners in the area when something in your mind clicks: Peli’s Drycleaning on 14th.  You search it and see it actually exists, and has a pretty good rating to boot.  But, it’s sort of out of your way, not really in the same area you’re in at all.

You shouldn’t go.

Should you go?

And what if you do?  Do you… ask about Din?  That’s weird. 

But you’ve been thinking about him non-stop all week: daydreaming about his soft smile during your work commute, remembering the flex of his strong hand covering yours as you answer emails, getting lost in thoughts of his big brown eyes while out walking the dog.  You flush at the memory of touching yourself in bed while recalling his deep and rich voice.  Every attempt to forget your handsome Quad Ice over the past week has utterly failed.

Eff it. What are the chances that you unexpectedly need a new drycleaner, and it happens to be the only thing tangentially related to Din that you know? Maybe the universe is trying to help you out.

Before you can characteristically overthink it, you flag down a cab and give the driver the address you looked up; your heart pounds the entire ride over.

When you step into drycleaner’s, a little bell above the door jingles to signal your arrival, and a short woman with a huge amount of curly dark hair appears from the back.  You think she might be Peli, but you can’t be sure; she gives you a huge smile and gestures to take in your clothes.  Finding her to be super friendly and chatty, the two of you make easy small talk as she neatly lists out your items by hand on her notepad.  When she gets to the coffee stained skirt, she lets out a low whistle, “Oof.  Been there, done that!” she quips.  You decide this is probably the best opening you’ll get, “Actually, that coffee stain is probably why I’m here.  Someone saw it and recommended your place.”  Peli raises her eyebrow as you press on, “His name is Din, he said he’s a friend of the owner?”

This gets her attention; the woman stops what she’s doing and studies you with great interest.  Her face breaks out into an impossibly wide smile and she exclaims loudly, “Din sent you, eh?  And he said we were friends?”  she lets out a deep belly laugh, “Babysat him when he was a kid, but yep we’re friends. Ha!  Hi, I’m Peli!”  She shakes your hand as you introduce yourself. “He said to mention his name and you would try harder not to lose my clothes,” you joke. 

“That scamp!” chortles Peli, “Don’t worry!  We’ll take good care of you!  You know… because of Din.” She rolls her eyes good naturedly.

“Of course.  Because of Din,” you grin back, “So…does he send a lot of… people who need drycleaning, your way?”

“Nope!  You’re the first!  And honestly, now that I think about it, why hasn’t he been sending me more business?”

You figure it’s now or never, “Do you know where I could find him?”

If possible, Peli brightens even more at your question, “Oh yeah, for sure!  At this time of day, he’ll be at his gym.  It’s about 2 blocks that way,” she points in the direction for you, “can’t miss it!  Big sign that says ‘Mando’s Gym’.”

Peli finishes taking down your information for the clothes and lets you know when everything can be ready.  You give her an enthusiastic thanks; when opening the door to leave, you have a moment of hesitation, but looking back, you find Peli already pointing in the direction of the gym.  You give her a smiling nod and head that way.

---

Peli was right.  You can’t miss the sign; it sits atop of a standalone three story building that’s set further back on its lot.  The front area of the lot looks like it might have once been a driveway of sorts, but is now used as a parking lot; a handful of parked cars lets you know the gym is fairly busy today.  The front of the building has giant windows that look like garage doors and makes you think that the building might have once been a mechanic repair shop; from the little of what you can see inside, you think the gym occupies the first floor of the building and possibly the second.  The big set of garage door windows are separated in the middle by an entry way that you walk through, slightly nervous.  Once inside, you see a reception but currently no one behind the small desk; instead, you peek around the partition wall behind the desk and see that the space opens up to a clean, spacious room that has about 8-10 people working out on various machines and punching bags lining the walls, all leading to a larger group of people clustering near the boxing ring centered at the back of the room.

You’re making your way towards the back, scanning over the group looking for Din when you spot him, right in the middle of the ring.  He’s got his gloved hands up, blocking part of his head, but you can still tell it’s him; when you hear him shouting encouraging words to his sparring partner, his familiar voice sends a shiver up your spine.  He’s wearing a sweat drenched grey t-shirt and his hair is messy and wet from his work out, but he looks even better than you remember.

Actually, he looks fucking delicious.  From this angle you can see the cut of his jawline and how it tightens as his grunts and pants.  His arms are flexed from his forearms up to his biceps, and are so muscular they’re straining hard against his shirt sleeves.  You must be straight up ogling him because you don’t even realize when Din notices you; you’re too busy looking at his legs and admiring how his thighs fill out his navy blue shorts so snugly.  You only look up when those same legs start walking in your direction and come to a stop at the edge of the ring.  Din is leaning towards you against the rope with a heart-stopping smile, “It’s you.”

“Yes, it’s me,” you grin, repeating back his words to you from the bookstore.

Din thinks he must be dreaming, or maybe he’s been knocked in the head one too many times today.  He had just paused the fight to show Jimmy the new combination again, when he looked over to see the prettiest sight.  You, standing in his gym, soft and dainty, with a wide eye expression on your face.  You’re looking in his direction, but when you don’t make eye contact with him immediately, Din allows himself the smug thought that you might be liking what you see and puffs his chest out a little before making his way over to you.

Now you’re looking at him with that same pretty smile that he hasn’t been able to get out of his head for the last week, and he can’t wait to talk to you again, “Are you okay to wait for 5 minutes?  We’re just finishing up this training session.”

You nod agreeably, “Sure, I can wait.”  There’s a bench running along the right side of the ring where you take a seat to better enjoy the show.  You’ve never seen boxing up close before, so you don’t know what to expect, but you find yourself mesmerized by everything Din is doing in the ring.  All his movements are intentional and graceful; he’s in total control of every motion he makes: ducking, blocking, punching.  His muscles are all flexed and his shirt stretches tight, barely containing them as if Din himself is an extension of the explosive power harnessed in his fists.  The legs that you were drooling over earlier are quick and agile; it’s true you don’t know his age but his sparring partner looks to be in his mid-20s and Din is having no problem out maneuvering him.

As he circles the other fighter, you think you spy some ink on a flash of some exposed skin and the idea of exploring what’s underneath Din’s shirt has you swallowing hard.  In short, you can’t take your eyes off of him. 

The 5 minutes is action packed and over before you know it.  In one continuous smooth motion, Din ducks under the rope, jumps down and grabs a fresh towel from a stack on the other end of the bench you’re sitting on before sliding over to sit next to you.  He looks at you almost bashfully as he towels off his hair and wipes the sweat from his brow and neck.  You think you could get used to seeing him like this: cheeks pink from exercise, bright eyes glued to yours and a grin so wide it reveals a deep dimple in his right cheek that you’re discovering for the first time.  He’s taking your breath away and you haven’t even been back in his presence for more than 10 minutes.

“What brings you to this part of town today, pretty bird?”

If anyone else had bestowed a pet name on you so soon after having met, you would have immediately gotten the ick, but the endearment rolling off Din’s tongue sounds so natural and sweet, it has you melting, “Some handsome guy bought me a thick stack of books and then made it nearly impossible for me to thank him.  Tracked him down to this gym.”

“Handsome guy, eh?”

“Yep.  Real handsome.  And sweet.  You know anyone around here like that?” you tease.

Handsome.  You think he’s handsome. Din thinks his heart is in danger of no longer fitting in his chest.  He holds his hand up to his brow, as if to shield his eyes from the light, and mines looking around gym in an exaggerated manner, “Nope.  Just a bunch of smelly, sweaty ruffians.  Owner’s a handsome guy though, maybe you’re looking for him,” he says, eyes twinkling.

“You own this gym?”

“Sure do.  Used to be my dad’s.”

“Well, he would be proud of you and what you’ve done here, Din.  It looks great.”  You mean it, and you look around the gym with a renewed sense of awe now that you know Din is the one responsible for its operations.

Din’s not sure how you knew the exact thing to say to make his heart swell, but he knows without a doubt that you’re being genuine and he is reminded again of your kind nature. 

You look back to see Din looking at you with a soft expression and before you let yourself get lost in his eyes, you force yourself to pull it together, “Oh Din!  I can’t believe I didn’t say this right away: Thank you!! Thank you for the books.  It was so incredibly unexpected and sweet!  My friends also say thank you – a few of the books you bought were for them.”

“You’re very welcome.  Have you enjoyed the books?”

You’re warmed by how thoughtful Din is, and you let him know the books are turning out to be great and you and your friends can’t believe how long you’ll have to wait for the next instalment to come out.

“Do you have plans to read tonight, or would you happen to be free?”

Even though you had been hoping that Din would ask you out, your heart leaps into your throat now that it’s happening.  “I think I should be!  If I finish up this list of errands I’m supposed to get to today, that is.  Giving Peli my drycleaning was only the first item,” you lament. 

“Peli!  Is that how you found me?  Clever girl.”

You beam at Din’s praise.  You realize you haven’t explained how you knew where he was, “As luck would have it, my regular drycleaner was unexpectedly closed.  Nearly derailed my whole errand day until I remembered you mentioning you had a friend who ran a drycleaning business.  Something else I need to thank you for.”

“I’m glad I could help.  Well, if you have a bunch of errands you have to finish before you can go out with me tonight, I’m going to scoot you out of here right now so you don’t cancel. Scoot!”  Din adds a silly shooing motion with his hands as he says this, so you know he’s not seriously trying to get rid of you.  You giggle, but nod, eager to get on with your tasks so that your date with Din might come sooner.

Din asks you if you need a ride, but you tell him you’ll be fine and jokingly scoff, “Hey!  I don’t want you putting off your work and then backing out either, mister.”

“Not a chance,” grins Din.

As you walk together towards the front of the gym, Din lets you know how much he’s been thinking about you,  “I’m really glad you came to here today.  I was about to camp out everyday at the coffeeshop in the morning and then that bookstore in the afternoon until I found you again.”

“Who would have looked after the gym if you did that?”

Din looks around at the gym; some of the boxers and staff that had been watching the two of you look away quickly and pretend to busy themselves to avoid being caught staring.  “Shoot.  This place probably would have burned down.  Looks like you just saved the gym.”

You can’t help but giggle again and Din feels a growing sense of pride in being able to make you laugh.  “How about tonight I take you out to dinner as a thank you?”

Giving him an incredulous look, you answer, “I should be taking you out to dinner to thank you.”

“I don’t think so, pretty bird.”

The pet name shoots straight to your core again. 

Din stretches himself up to his full height and looks down at you with mock stern expression, cocking his eyebrow.

You can’t say you’re at all intimidated even though he towers over you; you’ve long since felt that Din’s company spelled safety.  But to play along, you counter by looking up at him with your biggest pleading eyes.  Din is instantly disarmed and knows in this moment that he will never be able to refuse you anything.

He suggests a compromise, “How about we go for dinner and fight about the check there?”

“Ok.  But just so you know, I’m not used to losing,” you challenge playfully.

“Me neither.” Din tilts his head slightly to draw your attention to the wall you’re standing next to.  It’s the other side of the divider wall you rounded when you came in, and you see that it’s covered with awards, certificates, and articles lauding Din’s boxing accomplishments.

Amazed, you skim over the honours and achievements, “This is you?  Wow – you’re incredible Din!  …9 times weight division champion? Oh man, now I don’t know if I can take you.”

“I bet you could,” from the look on Din’s face, you’re sure that the double meaning is meant as a tease, but you can’t help squirming a little.

Blushing, you relent, “Ok, you can pay for dinner.  But I still have to thank you for the books.”

Din is finding your persistence on this point to be adorable, “Your ‘thanks’ is enough.  No need to feel like you owe me; it was a gift.”

“I know.  I just have an outrageous sense of reciprocity.  I really do want to find a way to thank you somehow.”  You reach up and put your hand on Din’s shoulder to hold yourself steady as you lift up onto your toes and kiss him on the cheek.  Despite having just gone who knows how many rounds in the ring, he smells incredible and you can’t help but linger your lips on his cheek.  You exhale softly and hold Din’s gaze as you slowly lower down to your normal height.

Din looks as affected as you feel, “Remind me to buy you some more books.”

Both of you laugh, now giddy about the prospect of seeing each other again in a few hours.  You exchange numbers and Din promises to text you later with the address of the restaurant he’ll meet you at tonight.

Heading down the street, heart aflutter and fingers trembling with excitement, you take out your phone and text the group chat: I found him.

[kaunis-sielu]

Omg, I just read all of A Payment in one day and I'm DYING! It was so so good! I accidentally fell into the Steve Rogers (specifically mob boss au) rabbit hole and I hope I never come out XD

I have a minor hc that Steve has a greenhouse where he grows a bunch of his own vegetables and herbs and some fruit. Like, idk why that popped into my head but it did and I'm obsessed

I’m so glad you loved A Payment. I loved writing that one! And as for your little hc… this may have happened…

“You want a what?” You ask and Steve doesn’t even look over at you he’s so deep in his research.

“A greenhouse.”

“You, what do you wanna grow?”

“Plants?”

“Like?”

“I don’t know Baby. Just plants.”

“Weed? I will not have drugs grown in my home Steven.” This seems to get his attention, he looks up at you in confusion.

“What?”

“No drugs.”

“Oh,” he chuckles softly and wraps a hand around your ankle gently pulling you toward him. “I wanna grow flowers, and trees and bushes and make it smell beautiful.” He slowly slides you closer to him, “I want a place where we can be in nature all year round, something with some grass where we can have picnics and where I can love on you in the middle of winter.” Steve says drawing you into his lap, “I want the fuckin tropics in February.” He says kissing you and god it sounds real nice being able to go read a book in the grass in the middle of winter.

“Yea okay.”

“Yea? You’re good with it?”

“Yea, of course. This is our home. If you wanna have a greenhouse you should. Can I make a request though?”

“Hmm?”

“A water feature. They’re so peaceful and beautiful.”

“Whatever you want Baby.” He agrees and you kiss him this time. Your new house is nearly done and you cannot wait to be out of the hotel, despite being in the owner’s suite, you’re ready to be home. Some of the things you wanted done were taking a bit longer than a normal house. Bullet proof windows, a state of the art security system and most importantly a sprinkler system.

You’ll never be victim to fire again.

When you move into the house three weeks later the greenhouse is the only thing that isn’t done. But Steve has been painstakingly working on it. He’s picked out some plants, with the help of a master gardener, and has built a water feature that is some form of mastery that will water the pants or something. He’d lost you in his explanation but he’d been so excited you couldn’t break it to him that you’d been confused. You can’t wait for it to be done, from the drawings he’d done it was going to be stunning.

[sixpossumsinatrenchcoat]

game over

In the wake of the worst end, Aubrey & Kel confront their regrets.

When Aubrey gets home from work, she finds Basil stretched out across her bed.

“Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey!!!” he gasps, flitting to his feet. Like it’s some huge surprise, finding her in her own apartment. “I’ve been waiting!!!”

She doesn’t answer.

…What? It’s not mean. It’s not like he can actually hear her.

Aubrey isn’t crazy, okay? She knows he isn’t real. He's just some stupid memory that her stupid brain spat out after all the guilt and shame finally shoved her off the deep end. There’s no such thing as ghosts. If there was, she wouldn't have had to miss Mari so much, and none of this awful shit would even have happened.

He’s not even a very convincing daydream. Even if Basil wasn’t dead, it’s been years since he looked at her like that. His whole face shining with hope and adoration. Like she was—someplace safe.

“I’ve been soooo bored,” Basil burbles, trailing after her like a baby duck while she shrugs off her jacket and wings it at the couch. “I read all your books again but, Aubrey, you r-really don’t have very many books!! What do you do when you get lonely without any books to keep you company??”

Aubrey doesn’t have that problem, because Aubrey doesn’t get lonely. And she definitely doesn’t need company. Not anymore. Lesson learned, bridges burned, etcetera etcetera. The whole friendship game is a lot more trouble than it’s worth. Aubrey could take it or leave it.

It’s not like she didn’t try. She found a family once. Then they threw her away. Then she tried to make her own family, only she got the math wrong, and wound up with a mob of fucking murderers. A pack of bullies who would harass the world’s most pathetic little squirrel until he was ready to die just to be free of them.

(…Free of her.)

She’s not just talking a palmful of pills, either. Basil was so hungry to die, he was willing to do it in the dumbest, messiest, most painful way imaginable.

Can you even imagine driving a pair of pruning shears through your gut? Aubrey can. She tried it once. Not to kill herself, obviously—Aubrey’s not a quitter—but just to see how it would feel. Spoilers: it felt pretty fucking bad. She barely broke the skin before she lost her nerve.

And Basil was always reading those nerdy old paperbacks. Swords and magic and brave little nobodies who went on to accomplish great deeds. With all the bloody pre-industrial warfare he’d read about, he would’ve known that a gut wound is one of the worst ways to go. And somehow, that still sounded like a better time than living for another second with his own personal torturer asleep on his couch. 'Gee, I sure wish my old pal Aubrey would be a little nicer! Guess I’d better drive a pair of round-tip scissors through my fucking chest! Will I bleed out before I’ve finished digesting my organs? There’s only one way to find out!’

“A-Aubrey,” Basil sniffles. He’s still trying to smile, but she can see his eyes reddening. “Wh-Why are you ignoring me?? D-Did I… do something wrong?”

Fuck. Fuck her, she can’t fucking do this. She is so fucking pathetic.

“...Course not,” she says gruffly. “Sorry. I’ll… get some new books?”

His face lights up. It’s cute. Basil was always so cute, before she ruined him. “R-Really?? Oh, wow!! Oh, oh, can I make you a list? There’s this one series I want you to read, and—b-before you say anything, I know you don’t usually like fantasy, but—! I think you’ll really relate to the heroine!!”

You’re a splinter of a broken mind, you stupid nerd. What could you tell me that I don’t already know? “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah!!! She went through a lot, but she trained and trained so she could protect everyone, to make sure no one else would ever have to hurt like she did. She’s soooo cool and strong, and she always does what’s right. Just like you!!”

“Hah. Yeah. Sure.”

Read the rest here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46429294/chapters/117015964

[dyinglikenarcissus]

Love Finds A Way

Warnings: This is a 18+ series. Smut, oral, hand jobs, fingering, vaginal sex, over stimulation (I’m back baby!) language, more grief and grieving, the other Chris makes an appearance in this one I have to somehow get Chris pine into the next chapter . And that’s it.

Please don’t copy or repost my work, thanks! Plagiarism is rude

Comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated ☺️

10k words 😰

Previous Chapter | Master List | Next Chapter

“Good morning, sunshine,” Natasha greets, jumping on your bed. “Special delivery from your ‘not’ boyfriend!”

You mumble something incoherent as you rub the sleep from your eyes and attempt to turn away from the assault of tickles.

“The note says to be ready at 10 so you better get up,” Wanda chirps from the door. You’re not surprised in the least that they read whatever was sent to you and it was probably from Steve with the way they’re acting. But your bed was so warm and you were having the most wonderful dream.

“Don’t you know it’s bad luck to ruin people’s best dreams?” you mutter and attempt to push Nat off of you.

“What were you dreaming about? Sucking Stevie’s giant cock?”

“No!” You shriek as your face heats. “And I shouldn’t talk about it or it won’t come true.”

“What are you? A Disney princess?” The red head chuckles and gets off the bed.

“Well, whatever it was, you were moaning like porn star,” Wanda giggles as she enters the room and places a bouquet of sunflowers on your bedside table.

“They’re gorgeous,” you whisper and touch a petal lightly. “Okay. I’m getting up,” you groan.

You shiver once the blankets are off. It’s starting to get colder in the mornings. But your sunflower dress is too perfect for this occasion so you grab a sweater to wear over it and some thick stockings to keep your legs warm and booties for your feet. You make sure to clip one of the sunflowers and tuck it into your hair.

“Hey, princess,” Steve greets you at the door promptly at ten. He brushes the flower in your hair making you giggle softly. “Beautiful,” he mutters. You kiss his cheek and let him open the car door for you. “So, I got you something but I’m a little embarrassed about it,” he starts once you’re both seated.

“Why? What is it?”

“That’s just it. I have to take you there to show you.” You nod, knowing you’d follow this man to the edge of the earth if he’d let you.

Forty five minutes later, he parks in front of an extremely minimalistic home in the suburbs of the city. It was basically a box made of windows but it looked partially abandoned: weeds sprout through the driveway and walkway and a couple of the windows are boarded.

“Before you say anything, I got a great deal on it. It needs quite a bit of work but I was hoping you wouldn’t mind. You can make it your own and it’ll feel like a brand new house.” He’s so excited but you’re not entirely sure what’s going on until he unlocks the front door.

“You bought this?” You finally ask, standing just outside of the entryway as he holds open the door for you.

“I got it for us. I want you to move in with me.” Your face must read all the confusion and disdain you’re feeling at the prospect. “You’re graduating soon and you’ll need a place. And this place is huge. You can have your own side of the house if you want. I just want you close.”

“Close,” you whisper and nod at him before taking his hand and letting him lead you inside.

It’s gorgeous. The previous owners must have been loaded. As you walk in, there’s a giant chandelier over the entryway flanked by two grand staircases on either side. Just this must have cost a fortune. But you can tell there’s obvious disrepair. Wet patches in the ceiling, holes in the walls, broken tiles. Are those blood stains?

“What happened here?” You whisper and grip Steve’s hand a little tighter.

“Apparently the old owners were in the mob or something. There was a big shoot out here and the cops got involved. They’ve been in jail for years but they held onto this place up until a couple months ago.”

“Wow! The mob?” You ask excitedly. “Did people die here? Is it haunted? You think there’s a hidden vault somewhere?”

He chuckles at your enthusiasm. “Maybe. It’s yours to explore.”

“You really got this for us?” You ask halting his tour.

He lets out a soft sigh. “You know, you’re unpredictable and almost impossible to impress. I don’t know what Bucky did to you, but apparently he ruined you for all other men. I tried replacing him. I tried making you jealous. I tried just leaving you. But you’re relentless and I can’t let you go for the life of me.” He leans against a clean wall and crosses his arms over his chest as he watches your emotions swirl in your eyes. “You gave a waiter who knew you for all of ten minutes more attention than you’ve ever given me because he did something Bucky would do. So I’m trying something Buck would do.” Your eyes widen as you stare up at the blond.

He really does like you.

He really does want you.

“I’m an idiot,” you whisper with a disdainful laugh.

“No, you're not,” Steve insists. “You’re grieving and you’re hurt but you’re far from an idiot.”

“I am! Everyone kept telling me you liked me but I couldn’t accept that. I insisted that you just hang out with me to keep a promise to Bucky. But you actually like me, don’t you?”

“Sweetheart,” Steve sighs and cups your cheek in his hand. “What more can I do to show you how much I love you?”

A soft sob escapes your lips as you fall into his arms. He holds you tightly while you cry. God, you’ve been an idiot. You grip his shirt and hope he never lets go.

Because you’re not letting go ever again.

It still feels too raw to have a full on relationship but you try harder. You do a little more than cuddle and steal kisses but part of you still feels like it belongs to Bucky and you can’t give him that just yet.

“Oh, god, sweetheart! You’re doing so good!” Steve commends you from above as you gag on his dick. “Such a perfect mouth.” You look up at him with glassy eyes, tears staining your cheeks as you force him down your throat. He keeps his big hand tangled in your curls, keeping you at a steady pace. Your own hand wraps around the base of his dick, taking on what you can’t reach while the other massages your own clit. You moan against his dick making him growl over you. “I’m so close, sweets. Where do you want it?”

When you don’t let up, that’s the only answer he needs. He buries his cock in your mouth and releases down your throat, hips jerking against your lips as he finishes.

“My perfect girl,” Steve praises making you preen as you struggle to swallow all of his essence. “Open,” he instructs and you show him your empty mouth. “Such a good, good girl. Come here.” He pulls you on top of him to meet his lips fiercely. “You’re still not ready for that, are you?” Steve asks, noticing your fingers buried in your core. You shake your head softly before he kisses you again. He adds a little bit of pressure with his own fingers and you whine at his touch. It feels so good for someone else to pleasure you but at the same time this pussy is practically branded with a giant ‘B’. “There you go, sweet girl. That feel good?” You nod and gasp out his name as your body arches. “I’m right here,” he assures you, pulling you close. “You’re so close, aren’t you? Gonna make a mess all over my fingers?” You nod, unable to answer him as you let his hand take over for yours. He’s so much better at getting you off than you are, anyway. You cling to his shoulders as he presses his lips to yours. “My good girl,” he mutters against your lips. “Cum for me.” You release at his command and you almost cry at how quickly the spring inside you snaps. You writhe against him as he holds you, keeping pressure on your clit as you come down from your high. “You okay, sweets?” Steve asks running his hand over your hair. You nod and kiss his chest and neck. “Yup, it’s definitely big enough to have sex on. Good choice,” Steve jokes as he looks across the new couch that was just delivered. You giggle and meet his lips once more before sitting up.

“Come on, handsome. We’ve got a bunch of other furniture to unpack.”

“The dining table came today, too, didn’t it?” He smirks.

“No!” You cry playfully and jump away from him.

“Oh no you don’t,” Steve chuckles and grabs you from behind as you attempt to run up the stairs. “It’s still covered in plastic. We have to take advantage of that.”

“Stevie! We’re never going to get this done at this pace.”

“Good. I’m having too much fun building a house with you,” he smirks and sits you on the brand new dining table.

“More like christening a house.”

“However you want to spin it, sweetheart,” he grins and presses you down on the table before sinking between your thighs. Despite today’s setback, the house was moving pretty quickly. You put up wallpaper and backsplashes and had people come in and redo the more gaudy aspects of the home to something a little more aligned with your taste. You couldn’t deny that it was a lot of fun. You loved going to the hardware store and picking out finishes to send pictures of to Steve for his approval but he always said yes.

And with his new international routes he enjoyed sending you surprises. Silver nobs and handles from Mexico, artisanal tiles from Egypt, furnishings from Italy. You came home to a new surprise every week.

You had countertops coming in from Greece and that was the only thing keep him from bending you over the sink and eating you out. “Oh god, Stevie!” You cry, squeezing one of your breasts as your back arches against the wood. “Right there! Uh-huh!” You whimper as his lips wrap around your clit so perfectly and his fingers brush against that spot inside you. “Ngh-need you!” You cry as your hand tangles in his hair. “Please, Stevie!”

“‘Please’ what?” He husks into your thigh, his fingers still rearranging your insides so perfectly.

“So close! Need you!”

“I’m right here, sweet girl. Tell me what you need.”

“Need to,” a cry bursts from your lips as he grinds into that spot leaving you panting and jumping against his hand.

“Need what?”

“Need to cum!”

“Good girl,” Steve mutters and attaches his lips around your clit once more sending you tumbling over the edge once more. “You have one more for me?”

“No!” You shriek and attempt to push him away.

“None of that,” Steve sighs and holds both your hands in one of his. “Open up. I’m still hungry.”

Graduation came right before Christmas break. Everyone showed up to watch your little group of friends that had quickly become family walk across the stage one cold snowy morning but you were just happy to be done. The after party at Stark Tower was just a bonus.

You already had a position lined up at the Bronx zoo so you had until the second week of the new year to get settled into your new home but it didn’t even take you that long. You were all moved in by the day before Christmas leaving you and Steve to celebrate your first Christmas in your new home. He got a giant tree and you spent the evening drinking spiked cider and decorating. It was a little unconventional considering you didn’t have a fireplace but you hung your stockings under the tv and played a Yule log video on loop with jazzy Christmas music in the background.

“Our first Christmas,” you smile as you stand on your toes to meet Steve’s lips, your fingers brushing up his bare abs, feeling the divots in his porcelain skin.

“I hope it’s everything you dreamt of,” he whispers against your lips and takes the star from your hands to balance on top of the tree. “Look good?”

You wave your hand to the left a little and he pushes it over carefully before giving him a thumbs up.

“You getting hungry, cutie?”

“I could eat,” he smirks before spanking you lightly making you giggle. You pull down the hem of Bucky’s sweater in an attempt to hide your underwear clad bottom and check you phone.

“Uber Eats is almost here. Maybe put on a shirt,” you smirk at his muscular physique but he only groans. “Or don’t. I’ll get it. Your poor defenseless woman who’s been drinking all night left to answer the door to some stranger,” you swoon.

“Enough,” Steve laughs and snatches the flannel button up he left on the couch. “You’re lucky I love you.” Butterflies still flutter in your stomach at his words even if he’s teasing you.

“I love you, too, Stevie,” you goad and skip into the kitchen to gather plates and silverware. You return to the living room to find a bag of Chinese food on the coffee table and Steve cycling through the Christmas specials on tv. The two of you cuddle under a blanket on your plush rug and watch Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. Steve inhales his food as usual and spends your time eating teasing you. He runs a gentle hand up your arm while pressing kisses to your shoulder.

“How many of those have you had tonight?” He asks gesturing to your drink.

You hum in thought. “That’s my second one, I think,” you muse. You lift your chin so he can nip at the sensitive flesh on you neck and you attempt to bite back a moan.

“Good,” Steve mumbles against your skin. “Then you’re sober.”

“You know how much of a light weight I am though,” you joke.

He hums and the vibrations strike right to your core. “You’re right about that. But I’ve seen you drunk. You get flirty.”

“Why would I need to flirt with what I already have?” He groans at your words making you smile. “Stevie,” he hums, his fingers roaming under the hem of your sweater to brush against your flushed skin, sending radiating heat through your body. You want him. In every way you want him. And you especially want to make him happy. “I think I’m ready.”

He gaze snaps up to meet yours. He searches your face for a beat before shaking his head. “Think it over with a clear head, sweetheart,” he requests before tucking his face back down to your shoulder.

But you only shake your head adamantly. “I’ve thought about it. I’m ready.”

“I just don’t want you to wake up and regret it,” he sighs.

“I won’t. I need you. Need to feel you.”

“Yeah?” The blond asks, curling over you, pressing your back into the seat of the couch.

“Yeah,” you confirm softly and his lips meet yours. A soft moan escapes from between the two of you as his hand splays across your back, pressing you closer as your hips grind against his.

For the first time.

He pulls away slightly to let out a soft hiss.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he requests softly.

“But-“ you look at the spread of food on the table.

“We’ll get it later. I need you. Now.” You nod and take his hand to help you stand and follow him up the stairs to his bedroom.

You insisted he take the master since he bought the house but you’d yet to sleep in your own room, preferring his king sized bed over your queen. It was the one flat surface you’d yet to break in despite there being ample chances. You both felt like it needed to be special.

He opens the door for you but you pause for a moment before entering. You’d slept with him in this bed since the day you officially moved in. Your things covered the bedside table. Your toiletries were in the bathroom. So, why did it feel so different?

Steve notices your hesitation because he knows you almost as well as you know yourself. “You sure about this?” You meet his ocean blue eyes and nod before pressing a kiss to his lips.

“I love you,” you whisper.

“I love you.” His hands run up your hips to pull the oversized sweater off. It’s far from the first time he’s seen you naked but every time feels new. He presses your panties off of you and you stand before him completely bare. “I’ll never get over how gorgeous you are. My perfect girl.”

“Yours,” you smile and step close to press his sweatpants and boxers down his hips leaving you both bare.

“All mine,” he mutters into your hair. He leads you to the bed and pulls you into his lap. “No condom?” You shake your head ‘no’. You take a deep breath to steady yourself. You knew his cock so well by now. A little longer than Bucky’s but not as thick. But you hadn’t been penetrated in so long you almost whimper when you feel his length slide across your folds. “Can I taste you first, princess?” You nod and let him lift you up to the head of the bed and press your legs open. He licks one strip up your core before sucking your clit and eliciting a high pitched whine from you. “You always taste so good for me, sweet girl.” He hums and presses a finger into you. You tremble in anticipation under him. You know he’s warming you up but you want him so badly it’s hard not to fall apart as soon as he touches you.

His free hand reaches up to massage your breast, pinching the nipple between his fingers and forcing it into attention. He does the same to the other nipple and you’re almost coming undone for him. “Yes, Stevie,” you moan, pressing his face closer to your core. “‘M so close.” His tongue flicks quick circles around your clit and you scream his name as you cum flooding into his mouth. He hums proudly and flicks his tongue across your core a few more times for good measure.

Steve pulls away to watch as you come down from your high, hips writhing against the plush bed.

“Stevie,” you whimper reaching for him.

“Just watching you, sweets. You’re so beautiful when you cum,” he mutters before climbing over you to meet your lips. You can taste yourself on his tongue as his lips dance against yours. “You ready for me?” You nod desperately, clinging to him with everything you have left. “God, I can’t wait to fill you up,” he groans, his tip sliding over your folds so perfectly until you let out a high pitched keen as he presses into you.

“Jesus-fuck!” Steve curses as he completely sheathes himself in you.

“Stevie!” You gasp, framing his face between your hand to get a proper look at him. You’ve never heard him curse like that before.

It was kind of hot.

“I’m so sorry, princess,” he pants, lust blown eyes flutter open to meet yours. “I’ve waited so long-wanted you for so long. You just feel so amazing,” he moans making you smile.

“I hope it’s worth the wait,” you say and pull him into a kiss.

“Sweetheart, I’ll wait until the end of the line for you.”

You feel your eyes sting with unshed tears. “Steve,” you whisper and cup his face with one hand, the other slipping over his shoulder.

“Hey. Don’t start crying on me,” the blond commands making you smile despite yourself. This man proves he loves you more and more everyday and everyday you have to relearn it.

“I love you,” you grin before biting your bottom lip.

“I love you,” Steve repeats before bending to suck your lip out of your mouth. You whimper into his mouth, your hips rolling involuntary into his making him smirk. “Already squeezing the shit out of me. I think you’re ready for me.”

You nod with a giggle, “I’m ready for you, Stevie.”

His hips pull back leaving just his tip inside of you. You cry out when he finally presses back into you. He groans into your neck making your core flutter around him. “Fuck, Steve,” you whine as he presses into you aiming for that soft spongy spot inside of you. Your breath shutters as he pulls you closer to your release.

“Hey!” Steve grunts spanking your ass harshly making you squeeze him once more. “Language.”

“But, Stevie,” you pout.

“You know better,” he smirks, rubbing his large hand against the spot he just abused. “Keep that pretty little mouth clean or I’ll have to clean it out for you.” You clench around him again at his threat knowing ‘cleaning it out’ involved his dick choked down your throat. You need him to cum in you too badly to even entertain the thought so you apologize weakly and hope he won’t punish you too harshly.

“You’re lucky I need this as much as you do,” he sighs against your lips before kissing you once more.

Then he thrusts again leaving you moaning into his mouth. “I love when you make that noise,” Steve mumbles against your skin. A breathless smile breaks across your lips.

One big hand splays across your back, pulling you closer to him, while he used the other to hold himself up.

“You’re so tight and perfect wrapped around my cock.” You whimper at his words and attempt to pull your body tighter to his.

“More, Stevie,” you beg praying he’ll go faster or harder or whatever else you need.

He knows exactly what you need.

He proves it as his hip piston against yours, lifting you just right hit that- “Oh god!” You groan as you feel something you haven’t felt in an extremely long time.

“Right there?” Steve exhales. You can barely think straight to respond. He lets out a breathy chuckle. “Right there,” he confirms and meets that standard over and over until you’re screaming for him. “You’re close,” he grits out as you attempt to squeeze the life out of him. “Gonna get you there, princess.”

“Ahh-Ste-ahhhh!” You cry as your vision blanks and you cum around him.

“That’s it, sweet girl. Let it out,” Steve groan, his hips rolling slowly over yours so you can feel everything. “Good girl. So good for me.” You whine when you feel him press into the spot again and attempt to press him away but his big hands stop you. “One more,” he insists and you almost burst into tears.

“I need one more from you.” He continues to fuck you as your senses ride an impossible high. Your mouth opens to cry out his name but nothing comes out. “I’m so close just a little more. Please, princess.” Your core clinches around him again but he doesn’t even slow. You feel so raw and open and beautiful as he stares down at you like you’re the most precious and beautiful thing in the world. Pupils completely lust blown, eyes hooded in ecstasy, and hair wild, Steve is completely perfect. You can’t possibly deny him. He won’t let you with the way he’s driving into you.

“Steve! I’m-ngh! Ah!” You cry as you come once again. You groan and just a couple thrusts later, you feel his essence fill you to the brim.

Moments pass as he empties himself into you before he finally collapses, face pressed into your neck as he whispers praise.

“So perfect. My beautiful girl. I love you. I love you. I love you,” he repeats making you smile and wrap your arms tighter around him.

“I love you,” you whisper and kiss his shoulder.

He makes himself more comfortable and pulls you into his embrace.

“How do you feel?” He asks so quietly you almost miss it.

How do you feel? “I feel…a lot,” you admit. You felt amazing, and light, and satisfied, and so comfortable. The last man who made you feel like that was long gone.

But it didn’t feel wrong.

“Mostly, I feel loved, Stevie.” He lets out a satisfied hum. “How do you feel?” He pulls away to meet your gaze and you reach up to kiss him once more.

“I feel perfect, sweetheart.”

You wake without Steve’s warm presence at your back and you instantly wrench your eyes open. “Don’t move,” you hear his honey tone call from somewhere behind you. “Not yet. I’m almost done.”

“I kinda have to pee,” you yawn and attempt to make yourself as comfortable as you were when you were still asleep.

“Well, hold it,” he chuckles and making you giggle in turn. “How did you sleep?”

“Perfectly,” you sigh. “And you?”

“Like a baby.”

“You always sleep so deeply. Nothing phases you.”

“I always wake up to you grinding against me so something definitely phases me.”

You gasp in shock and almost whip around to face him when he lets out a sharp, “Don’t move.”

You huff out an irritated breath of air. “I do not!”

“You do. Bucky used to sleep with his cock in you? That’s probably why. Do you need to be filled to sleep, princess?” He teases as the scratches on his sketch pad start to subside.

“Stevie,” you whine in disdain.

“I’m right here,” he laughs and you feel the bed shift as a warm hand caresses your side. You feel a soft kiss to the back of your shoulder before his arm wraps around your middle. “Merry Christmas, beautiful,” he whispers.

“Merry Christmas,” you smile despite your slight embarrassment.

“Go to the bathroom so we can open presents,” he instructs before pulling away but not before pressing a string of kisses along your neck.

“Do I get to see this one?” You ask sitting up to stretch finally and you get a brief glimpse of Steve’s line art on the edge of the bed.

“When I’m done with it.” You finally turn to face to the blond and meet his lips with yours. God, he looks perfect like this. The early sun lighting up his golden hair and the white sheets bunched up around his waist. Knowing he’s completely naked with you in this bed brings heat to your cheeks but you push it down as you turn to use the bathroom.

You tug on the shirt of the matching Mickey Mouse pjs you and Steve got just for today and just a pair of red panties. You wonder downstairs to find Steve making a pot of coffee in just the pants of his pj set.

“We could’ve just gotten one pair of pjs and split it,” you smile. “Saved $30.”

“My shirt would’ve been huge on you. I’d never get to see your cute butt. That’s all I really want for Christmas,” he smirks and smacks your ass making you giggle.

“Then all my shopping would’ve been for nothing.” You pour both of you a cup and make one to Steve’s specifications before making yours and following him back to the living room.

He must have cleaned everything up last night after you passed out in his arms. And you can’t help but notice a couple extra gifts under the tree that weren’t there last night. Steve turns on the Christmas parade on the TV while you take your spot on the couch.

“Ladies first,” he smiles handing you a silver wrapped box.

“Thank you,” you whisper and untie the ribbon carefully before working on the wrapping paper. You never kept it, but you were incapable of ripping gifts open and messing up such beautiful paper. “Oh, Stevie,” you gasp at the contents of the box. “You’re giving them to me?”

“I want to be close to your heart, with Buck.” He pulls out the silver chain with two dog tags and places it over your head before pressing a kiss to your lip. “Keep ‘em safe for me?” You nod, lifting one to read his name and designation, so shiny and untouched.

He didn’t even give them to Peggy to wear.

You tangle Steve’s with Bucky’s and make a note to consolidate them to one chain later. But right now it’s your turn to give Steve a gift and watch the delight when his eyes widen in surprise. It’s so domestic and intimate. It makes your heart hurt a little since you never spent a Christmas with Bucky but Steve makes you so happy. You’re allowed to be happy. You press back tears and exchange gifts and finally make breakfast for the two of you.

You both eventually fall back asleep and wake up and eat leftover Chinese food, thankful for peace and time together. It’s lazy and not stressful and you’re allowed to create your own traditions in your safe little home with your Steve.

———

You and Steve roam the aisles of the grocery store for enough sustenance to keep you going for his week at home for his birthday. Neither of you had any intention on leaving the house. Just spending some off time streaming movies and in the gym and fucking like rabbits. Sam invited you both over for a bbq with his family on the actual day. You two were still debating on if you actually wanted to go but in the meantime you’d get some quality bonding in.

“You want caramel or movie butter?” Steve asks holding up both boxes with a grin.

“Both,” you answer at the same time. He knows you so well. He pushes the basket while you go over your mental list

“Oh, shoot,” you mutter and sigh, cursing having to walk all the way back to the other end of the grocery store.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Steve asks.

“Forgot the almonds. I’ll go grab them. Do you need anything while I’m over there?”

“I’m doubting the amount of beer that I got,” Steve muses giving you a pleading look.

“You got it, handsome,” you smile and rush off to the other end of the store.

A fairly painless if not long trek. You grab a couple pouches of almonds because Steve always claims he doesn’t want any then eats half a bag in one sitting. Then to the domestics. It’s pretty crowded due to the holiday but you weave around the carts to Steve’s favorite. You reach out to grab a case at the same time as someone else.

“I’m sorry,” the voice replies in a deep accent and pulls away. “Ladies first.”

You blink and look at the man addressing you.

Wow.

Long blond hair is pulled into a bun while a strong beard covers most of his face but he’s tall. Probably taller than Steve. And big. A rust red t shirt is stretched over his rippling muscles. He looks at you sheepishly and gives you the go ahead to go first.

“You're gorgeous,” he grins while you stare up at him in awe. You just open your mouth and gape before remembering yourself.

“Th-thank you,” you squeak.

“Thor,” the man introduces himself holding out his hand. You take it noting how strong his grip is. According to Bucky and Steve, he’s trying to assert his dominance. You bite back a smile at the thought and reply with your name.

“Are you having a party or something?”

“Um, no?” You question not really sure how to answer his question.

“Then you’re free. How about I take you out for some of that on tap?”

You instantly start giggling. He’s asking you out? Oh my god, he’s asking you out.

“I’m sorry. I’m-“ You’re what? Married? Grieving? In an extremely complicated relationship with your dead husband’s best friend that neither of you have bothered to flesh out because you’re both in extreme denial?

Oh god. Bucky’s really gone, isn’t he.

“I’m with someone,” you answer. Your mood souring slightly.

“Lucky guy,” Thor sighs. You grab the case of beer and hold it to your chest.

“It was nice meeting you, Thor,” you mutter.

“Likewise, little one.” You rush back across the store to where you left Steve. He hasn’t gotten much further. Standing there like a Greek god having a chat with the deli guy while he cuts up some fresh ham and turkey for the two of you.

“There she is,” Steve smiles seeing you and your mood instantly lifts. He rushes over to take the case out of your hands. You smile up at him and stand on your toes to kiss him softly, not being able to help yourself. He lifts a brow at you before kissing you back. You’ve never shown affection in public. He’s never asked you to or forced you to. It was just one of those things you never did. He just gives a satisfied hum and leads you back to the cart.

But he doesn’t let it go.

“We gonna talk about that kiss?” Steve asks after the two of you finish putting away groceries. You bite your lip as he leans back against the kitchen sink to watch you. “What’s going on in that head, princess?” You step over to him and fall into his embrace. You don’t want to talk about it. You just want him to hold you. And kiss you. And put you on the counter and eat you out until you’re screaming and forget all about your mental turmoil.

But that’s how the two of you got here: in a non relationship relationship.

You don’t even know how to tell him what you’re thinking.

You don’t even want to process what you’re thinking.

Tears sting your eyes at the realization of what is going on in your head. You feel your body rack with a sob and Steve holds you closer, shushing you softly.

It’s been a long time since he held you while you broke down in his arms.

“Talk to me. Please,” he begs lifting you by the backs of your thighs and placing you on the island. He pulls away so he can meet your gaze. Those beautiful blues specked with green feel like they’re looking into your soul and you hope he can’t see what’s upset you before you can voice it yourself.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him back to you. You don’t want to say it.

“Oh, princess. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Steve sighs as he rubs your back. “Did something happened at the store? Did someone say something you didn’t like?”

You nod then shake your head not knowing which question to answer or how to answer it.

You take a couple deep breaths but it doesn’t help so all you can manage is a choked wheeze: “He’s gone.”

Steve doesn’t respond. He doesn’t need to. All this time he’s been prepping for this inevitable fall. Keeping you close. Keeping you loved. He just wraps you in a tight embrace and lets you cry it out.

At some point, you make it to your bed, Steve curled around while you rub your burning eyes. You’re all out of tears. You’re all out of pain. You just feel him keeping you close.

Keeping you loved.

“I love you, Steve,” you croak. It’s the first words you’ve spoken since the start of this.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” he replies without missing a beat but you pull away from him.

“No, Steve. I love you.” Your voice can’t reach much higher than a whisper but you need to get this out. You need to tell him. “You’ve been my rock since Bucky left. Always by my side. You’ve never doubted me. You’ve always been there. At first, I thought it was loyalty to your best friend but this goes far beyond being loyal. You really love me. I know that but it’s taken me so long to internalize it. I’m sorry it didn’t happen sooner.”

His blue eyes bore into you for a moment before a soft smile cracks his lips. “It was never just about loyalty,” he sighs shaking his head. “I fell hard for you when I saw you on that concrete. But I knew I couldn’t push you any harder than you’ve already been pushed. I just stayed close. And if we have to live in this limbo of Bucky still being somewhere out there and us patiently waiting for him, I will gladly stay as long as I’m with you.”

You exhale a soft relieved laugh.

“I’m so sorry, Stevie. I guess I thought that if Bucky wasn’t coming back, you wouldn’t have a reason to stay with me.”

Steve pulls you into a tight embrace. “It was never Bucky that kept me close to you. I always wanted to be close to you. I always will.” You cling to him tightly unable to muster up the relieved tears you feel. “I love you, little princess. You’re stuck with me.”

“I love you, Stevie.” You reach up to kiss him and your lips meet over. And over. And over until you have him pinned under you. His fingers reach up to trace your jaw and tangle in your hair as he pulls you close. The other massages your hip until you feel him stir under you. You smile against his lips. Even after crying in his arms for hours, you still turn him on.

You pull away slightly to watch him. His ocean eyes flutter open to meet your gaze.

“Hey, sweet girl,” he smiles. You return his smile shyly suddenly feeling self conscious about being on top of him.

“Hey, beautiful boy.”

“You wanna do something about that?” He glances down at where your hips are pressed against each other. You giggle and and nod. You sit up and and unbutton your blouse, showing off the lacy blue bra he picked out for you. “God, you’re beautiful,” he sighs gripping your hips with both hands.

His hands roam to the front of your jeans, tickling the area under your stomach. “Steve,” you exhale a soft laugh.

“What? I’m taking off your pants for you. A ‘thank you’ would be appreciated,” he jokes and unbuttons your jeans. He presses them down your hips and off your body as you start unbuttoning his shirt to press it off his shoulders. You move onto his jeans, unbuttoning them and pulling both his jeans and underwear down slightly for his erection to spring out. Your mouth instantly waters at the sight of him, a little drop of pre cum pooling at the tip of his swollen head. You pull his jeans down the rest of the way revealing his strong thighs. You trail kisses down his chest, following the line of muscles down to his abs. You find that same ticklish spot he just stimulated on you and nip at the taunt muscles there. He groans, his body shuttering under you in an attempt to suppress a laugh. You only giggle and lick a path to the coarse hair at the base of his cock. Your lips meet the base of his thick rod, sucking softly at the skin there. He groans again when you finally make contact the sensitive spot. His fingers trace your shoulders, massaging your back and you know exactly what he wants. You shift so your body is perpendicular to his and his hand slips down your back to massage your ass. You moan as his big hand palms your cheek, strong fingers squeezing into the soft skin.

Your lips travel up to the tip of his dick, sucking softly at the skin along the way. You finally wrap your lips around his weeping tip, tasting his unique mix of salty musk. Both of you moan in tandem. “Good girl,” Steve sighs, his hand rubbing across your ass before spanking you lightly. A soft whimper is muffled by the cock in your mouth as you lift your hips to press against his hand. “You want more, sweet girl? You want me to play with your pretty little pussy?” You nod looking up at him. “Show me how much you want it.”

You flatten your tongue against the bottom of your mouth and suck gently at the pulsing rod. You hear him hum in satisfaction as you continue to suck. You collect as much saliva as you can before bobbing your head shallowly, taking on a little more bit by bit. “That’s it, sweet girl,” he groans above you as his fingers inch their way toward your core. “Take all of it,” he commands, lightly pressing your head down with his free hand. You relax your throat as your lips stretch around his girth and swallow around him. Your eyes start to tear as you gag on him but you refuse to let up until he’s satisfied. “So good for me,” he exhales and finally circles your clit with a finger. Your hips buck as you stifle a gasp, his heavy dick stopping any sharp intake of air. Your nose meets his pelvis and he slides a finger into your core. You whimper, wiggling your hips. You need more. He knows exactly how to give it to you but he’s teasing you while you can’t protest it.

“You’re soaked, sweet girl,” he chuckles softly. “You needed me to play with you?” You nod as much as you can while keeping a steady pace. He turns his wrist so he can stroke that spot inside of you leaving you a whimpering mess but stops as soon as you let up on his dick. “Did I say you can stop?” He presses your head down until he’s fucking your mouth, hips snapping up to meet your lips roughly. Tears and drool stream down your face, pooling around the base of his cock as he uses your mouth for his pleasure. His fingers pump into you relentlessly now, keeping pace with your sucking. You feel that tight coil bunching up in your stomach until you feel like you’re about to break.

“I’m close,” Steve grunts. You double your efforts, gripping the base of his cock with your hand so you can focus on his sensitive tip. “Christ, sweets,” he moans. You glance up to see him watching you intently making you clench around his fingers. You love when he watches you struggle to take his fat dick. You feel him twitch in your mouth and know he’s about to release.

You stuff as much of him in your mouth. He lets out a soft shout as he releases down you throat.

You swallow as he continues to spurt down your throat. “Drink all of it,” he commands, gripping the roots of your hair harshly. You whine around his cock but continue to suck down everything he gives you before licking his cock clean, sucking on his tip before releasing it with a pop. “So good for me,” he sighs while still stroking your insides lazily. “Come here.” He grips your forearm and pulls you up to meet his lips. You’ll never get used to his kisses. His tongue explores your mouth, licking you into whining mess. He pulls away slowly, his kisses getting sloppy as they run across your jaw and down your neck leaving a hot wet trail in their wake.

He slides down your body, butterflying kisses across your chest, suckling your nipples playfully, before sucking the skin just below your bellybutton.

“Look at this pretty little pussy,” he groans, pulling your legs further apart. “Keep ‘em open for me.” He places one kiss on your sensitive clit and you’re already shaking. Then his tongue starts to work it’s magic circling your clit while two fingers pump into you relentlessly. You’re a whining mess above him as you struggle not to crush his head between your thighs. “Taste so good, sweets. Can never get enough of you,” he mutters into your thigh before diving back in. He sucks your clit and your can’t stop your thighs from snapping shut.

“I said keep ‘em open,” Steve growls and smacks your inner thigh. His strong hands grip your thighs and press them down into the bed. You groan at the stretch he’s forcing you into but then he’s back to attacking your clit and you’re in pure ecstasy.

That coil is back to a taunt press as you fight the oncoming orgasm. “Cum for me, sweetheart,” Steve mutters and you obey almost instantly. Your back arches and a soft cry escapes your lips as your senses wrack with pleasure. Steve continues to suck you through it keeping your sense overstimulated and on edge.

“Mmn-no more,” you beg and attempt to press out of his grip.

“One more,” he insists and gets back to work on you, releasing one thigh to curl his fingers into you and hit that spot once more.

“Oh, god,” you groan tossing your head back against the pillows.

“That good for you, sweet girl?” He chuckles and continues to pump into you, peppering kisses over your inner thighs and tonguing your clit until you cum spilling for him again.

You whine as your body goes limp under him, feeling flutters of pleasure pulse from your core.

Steve hums happily at the state he’s left you in. “You look so pretty when you cum,” he smiles making you laugh breathlessly and look down at him, arms crossed over your hips so his head can rest on them and watch you.

“Come here,” you whisper and beckons him into a kiss. You can taste yourself on his lips as you moan into his mouth.

“I thought you were done,” Steve jokes, pressing his body between your legs.

“I was-I am,” you insists but your body is definitely giving him contradictory signs as your legs wrap around his and you grind against his hardening dick.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart.” He uses one hand to hold his body above yours and the other to guide himself into your waiting core. You whimper at the stretch he gives your overly sensitive pussy but continue to pull him closer all the same.

“Are you going to make a mess all over my cock?” Steve teases as he pumps shallowly into you.

“Y-yes,” you whimper arching your body off of the bed. “Need you.”

“Tell me what you need. I’ll give you anything you want. Just tell me.” As soon as you open your mouth to respond he hits that spot inside of you causing you to cry out in pleasure. “I need words, sweet girl,” Steve insists as if he isn’t the one doing this to you.

“H-harder, Stevie, please! Faster!”

“Was that so hard?” Steve chuckles before tearing into you. He lifts your hips into his lap so he can better plow into your quivering core. You attempt to smoother your cries in the sheets under you but Steve is having none of that. “I want to hear you,” he commands directing your face back to him. A high pitched scream rips from your throat as you clench around him, fighting your orgasm. “Cum for me?” He asks but it’s not a request when he’s the one dragging it out of you. You nod and cry out a ‘yes’ as you force yourself to make eye contact with him. “There’s my beautiful girl,” Steve grins and bends over you to meet your lips. “Cum with me?”

“Yes, Stevie,” you moan. His efforts double and a hiss turns into a long groan as your body finally releases, blacking out your vision for a moment as Steve spills into you.

He hums into your neck as he holds you and you both come down from your orgasms. Pillowy lips pepper kisses across the sensitive skin there before he nips at you making you jump in his arms. He lets out a soft chuckle at your action before soothing you back down.

“I’m gonna grab you a towel,” he finally announces after cradling you half asleep.

“No. Don’t go,” you whine, grabbing his arm possessively.

“Let me clean you up. Then we can cuddle.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

You spend almost the entire week cuddled in his embrace. Wake up, fuck, eat, go to the gym, fuck in the gym, eat, fuck, sleep, repeat. It was the honeymoon you’d missed with Bucky and it was perfect. The only thing you were dreading was Steve’s impending birthday.

Sam convinced him to come to Louisiana then Steve convinced you and you begrudgingly agreed.

Was it so bad to just stay at home and continue fucking like it was going out of style?

You really didn’t have a reason to object to the party. All your college friends would be there. You haven’t been out of New York in far too long. You were beyond excited to finally see wild alligators, Sam said they were everywhere in Delacroix. You hadn’t had good catfish in years. The only thing stopping you was officially coming out as Steve’s girlfriend.

The two of you talked about it and actually dating was the next logical step in your odd relationship. You weren’t scared of being with him. You were scared of what they’d think. Natasha didn’t want you with Bucky in the first place and now you were dating his best friend. Would Sam think you were just going down the line? Would Maria finally confirm her notion that you just have a thing for patriotic blonds? And Tony would be there!

You groan into your body wash as you transfer it to a small travel container.

“Hey,” Steve frowns hearing you from the bedroom. “What’s wrong?”

“I just hate packing,” you lie and that gets you a scowl from your boyfriend.

“You know how much I hate lying,” Steve warns. “Do you need an attitude adjustment or do I need to ask the question again?”

Your core clinches at his words but you know better. He’ll edge you until he gets what he wants out of you and then a little bit longer to make a point. “Neither,” you sigh, rubbing your thighs together and putting the bottle on the counter. “I’m just worried…about showing up as a couple in front of our friends. I just…I don’t want to be judged.”

“Hey,” Steve’s voice softens almost instantly. “These are our friends. No ones going to judge us. I know we started out a little unconventionally but we’ve had very unconventional lives. No one will judge you for that. At least no one that matters.” You nod slightly and fall into his embrace. “Love you, sweet girl.”

“Love you, too, Stevie.”

The flight is quick and uneventful. The hotel is cute but you miss home. The people are so nice here but it’s hard to trust anyone outside of your small circle. But the food! Oh my god! Steve took you to this gumbo place your first night there and you were sure you died and went to heaven.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you smile since we got here,” your blond beau smirks from across the table.

“I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” you mutter stirring your drink.

“You’re not the only one in this relationship, you know?” Steve sighs and your eyes instantly meet his. He reaches across the table to stroke his fingers over yours. “It’s not normal to start dating your best friend’s widow. Maybe in those military romance novels but not in real life. It must look terrible on the outside: like I waited until he was out of the picture but I wouldn’t change anything when it comes to you.”

“Stevie,” you whisper and grip his hand. You hadn’t even thought about what he might be going through. He always put on a brave face and faced every challenge head on. He was your super soldier.

But even super soldiers need someone to lean on.

“We’re going to face this together,” you assure him. “I’m always with you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

The next morning you leave for Sam’s family home. You aren’t the first there but you’re still early. Steve and that soldier mentality. “Wanda,” you cry seeing the strawberry blonde. She gasps and pulls you into a tight embrace. Well, as tight as she can with her baby bump in between you. You both cry about how much you’ve missed each other while Vision hovers in the background. Steve quickly left you to find Sam and it suddenly felt like you’d been transported back to college. Wanda invited herself early to help with the food and to sneak some time in with Sam’s nephews. With twin boys on the way, she needed all the practice she could get. Sarah gladly accepted it. Vision did his best to stay out of the way. It probably would’ve just been you, Steve, and Sam and his family but Tony invited himself to his “best friend’s” birthday so Vision felt obligated to go and Wanda wanted to come anyway. Bruce on the other hand felt zero obligation to follow his best friend’s self invite but Natasha insisted on coming once she heard Wanda would be there. Once Carol heard there was a party, she was there. “As long as there’s free beer,” she texted in the group chat. It quickly turned into a mini reunion that Steve really didn’t ask for but he wasn’t going to be the one to say ‘no’.

Soon everyone filtered in and you and Wanda and Nat huddled together like lost penguins far from the rest of the group as you gossiped about people from school and work.

Steve eventually called to you from across the lawn to join the rest of the group. The three of you begrudgingly broke rank and trudged across the grass. “Why don’t you show Cass your babies? He’ll love that. Join the party?” He added quietly and pressed a kiss to your temple. You smiled at the toddler at your feet and bent down to his level.

“Do you like otters?” You asked the boy excitedly and he gave a shy nod as you pulled out your phone. “This is Jenny. She’s two months old.” You showed the boy a video of a baby otter barely getting her fur wet in her enclosure.

“That’s your baby?” The boy asks skeptically.

“Well, I didn’t give birth to her. I rescued her. She lost her mom when she was only a few days old. I raised her. She’s still figuring out the whole swimming thing. Can you swim?”

“Yeah!” The boy answers enthusiastically. “I can keep my head underwater for five minutes.”

“Seconds!” Sarah and Sam correct from different sides of the yard making you laugh as you show him a video one of your colleagues took of you floating on your back with the baby otter on your stomach.

“And this is Bruce.” You scroll to the great white you were currently helping to rehabilitate.

“Did he lose his mom, too?” Cass asks.

“No,” you smile. “He’s about five. Old enough to live on his own and pay rent. He was hurt by a boat and lost one of his fins. He now has a prosthetic one so he can swim.” You point at the 3D printed fin as the shark swims by. “He sadly won’t be able to live on his own but he’s very happy in his new enclosure. Maybe your mom can bring you to visit him one day.”

“Mom!” The boy shouts running to find the Sarah. “Can I go visit Bruce?” You giggle and stand up earning an odd look from the human Bruce nursing a beer with Vision.

“God, you’re so good with kids,” Steve grins and wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I try,” you smile and accept a kiss on the cheek before turning to meet his lips. Your second ever public kiss. At some point you’ll stop counting them but right now they feel so new and special.

“I know you and Buck talked about kids. Do you still want some?”

You nod. “One day. Not right now though. I’m enjoying my time with you.” His gives you a satisfied hum and presses his lips to your temple once more. He only releases you when Tony calls him over.

“What was that about?” Carol asks from behind you.

“And how long has that been going on?” Maria seconds.

The first test of your resolve. They were the only ones to notice your little exchange and they knew as well as everyone else that you weren’t an item.

Until a few days ago.

“Um,” is all you manage before Pepper bombards you with another baby.

“Watch her for a minute? I have to put out another one of Tony’s fires,” she sighs and stalks away from the group, entirely overdressed for a Fourth of July birthday bbq but that was Pepper. You can’t help but admire her entirely white outfit while caring for a five month old. Actual super mom.

“Hello, baby Morgan,” you bounce the child softly before finding a seat next to Wanda as she attempts to keep AJ calm. The little brunette baby laughs and pulls a handful of your braids. You can’t help but smile as you lay her on her back across your lap.

“How’d you get the calm one?” Wanda scowls as she tries to stop AJ from running after his brother.

“Girls are simply easier,” you insist with a sigh as you entertain the baby with your bracelet.

“Sit down. I got him,” Carol sighs as she corrals the wiggly toddler.

“How does she wear all white with that thing? She’s drooling all over you,” Natasha frowns and hands you a napkin. You really don’t mind. You knew you’d be surrounded by children today so you didn’t dress up. Just a simple sundress and kitten heels.

“I was just wondering the same thing,” you laugh and wipe Morgan’s face. “How does your mommy wear all white around you?” You coo as her face scrunches from the napkin.

“You thinking of having one, too?” Sarah asks joining the group.
“One day. Not anytime soon, though.”

“Good. Think really, really hard about it,” she advises making you laugh. “Steve would love a little version of him to chase after, though,” she hints with a sly look.

“Ignore them,” Nat warns with an eye roll. “They aren’t actually together. They just like to play house.”

“We do not,” you defend.

“Show her the picture,” Natasha demands of Wanda. You outwardly groan and focus on the baby in your arms.

“I went to their place one day and I didn’t set this up, I swear,” Wanda insists as she pulls out her phone. “They just live like this.” You know exactly what picture she’s showing them. “It was like stepping into an episode of I Love Lucy. She was all dolled up in her pearl necklace cooking dinner while Steve sat at the table reading a physical newspaper. Where do you even get a newspaper?”

“They deliver it every morning,” you attempt to defend your boyfriend.

“Let me see,” Pepper requests. “Oh! Is that your kitchen?” You nod. “I’m going to need your interior designer. We’re building a cabin on a lake and my guy moved to California.”

“Actually, I designed it,” you reply sheepishly.

“And you spend your days playing with animals and dressing like a housewife? You’re in the wrong field.”

“Well, thank you. I’d be happy to help. Just let me know when.”

“I’m scheduling you right now. How’s the twentieth? I’ll have you meet with the architect and get you the blue prints.” You nod with a smile as the blonde taps away on her phone.

“So, do you just dress like this at home?” Sarah asks pointing to your attire. You nod. “You have on a petticoat.”

“For volume,” you insist.

“I know Steve likes to dress like an old man but you’re free to dress how you want,” Maria chuckles pointing at his cardigan in the photo.

“Bucky liked when I dressed like this,” you shrug. It felt like you can hang on to a part of him. Just in case he comes home, you’d be in something he likes.

“So you don’t dress like that for Steve,” Carol starts. “But there’s something going on there and I’m getting it out of you.”

“I told you, they like to play house,” Natasha sighs and rolls her eyes.

“I’ve seen them play house,” Maria laughs. “That little 40s cosplay thing they do is playing house.”

“But we just saw them kissing and we’ve never seen them kiss,” Carol concludes making Nat send a killer glare at you.

“Is there something you’re not telling us?” Wanda asks with a frowns.

You take a deep breath and look at he group of women around you. “Don’t be mad,” you plead mostly to Wanda and Natasha, “but we officially started dating this week.”

“And we’re just now learning about this?” Wanda frowns.

“Some ‘best friend’,” Nat sighs and crosses her arms.

“Officially?” Carol laughs. “What have you been doing all the rest of this time?”

“We’ve been…sleeping together.”

“What?” Natasha frown somehow becomes deeper.

“Called it,” Maria laughs.

“But just as friends,” you insist holding up your free hand.

“People don’t sleep together ‘as friends’,” Nat spits. “We don’t sleep together.”

“How long has that been going on?” Wanda asks, her psychiatrist tone coming out.

“A while,” you shrug, “more than a year.”

“A year?” Pepper gasps.

“Since I moved in with him.”

“You two have been in a full fledged relationship and no one knew?” Sarah scoffs. “Sam would’ve said something if he knew about this,” she muses.

“Tony didn’t know and he somehow knows everything,” Pepper sighs. “That guy knows how to keep a secret. Does he need a PR job?” You shake your head with a smile at the offer.

“Do we have to plan another shot gun wedding or are you two going to do this thing right?” Natasha ask, staring up at the canopy of trees.

“No. No last minute weddings. No sudden deployments. We want to take our time.”

“Just don’t make him wait too long. I’ve never seen that boy this happy,” Sarah grins.

The part you dreaded about this whole trip was now behind you. Wanda was glad you both finally moved on. Natasha was pissed. But mostly because you’d kept this secret from her and she’s the trader of secrets in your group. Once she got over it, she seemed genuinely happy you’d found someone; sending you secret smiles as you shared dessert and perched on his lap for fireworks. Tony made a joke about you sleeping your way through the ranks but it actually made you laugh.

The two of you enjoyed your time, lamented that you didn’t do this more often, had a little too much to drink but for the first time in an extremely long time, you didn’t think about your late husband. You never thought of how much fun he would’ve had or how much he would’ve hated being around this many people. You didn’t think about what your kids would’ve looked like while you watched AJ chase Cass around the yard. You didn’t lament doing more for him as you watched Wanda make Vision a plate of food. And you didn’t think someone was missing when you caught Sam and Steve joking and laughing over the barbecue.

And most importantly, after you said your goodbyes and returned to your hotel room, after you sobered up, after you woke up in Steve’s arms for the hundredth time and watched him sleep for those few glorious moments before he woke up and slowly blinked those those ocean blue eyes at you, you didn’t regret it.

You didn’t regret that Bucky hadn’t crossed your mind once.

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Brothers In Arms

Part 3: Tears On My Pillow

Summary: You head to a hotel to meet Steve, but the question is, can you go through with it?

Warnings: Bad language words. Smut. Non-Con…(NSFW 18+) Contains Dark themes which may or may not be triggers.

Pairing: MOB DARK Ransom Drysdale x Reader/ MOB DARK Steve Rogers x Reader

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar reader and any other OCs that may or may not be mentioned. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: Its going dark folks, you have been warmed...

W/C: 4.7k

Brothers In Arms Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 2: Can’t Get You Outta My Head

“I’ll be back tomorrow lunchtime,” Ransom smoothed down his tan coloured camel coat. “Where did you say you’re going tonight?”

"I have a dinner meeting."

“Aah, yes. College friends.” Ransom wrinkled his nose, “are you staying at the hotel or coming home?”

"Uh, probably there. We'll see how the night goes." You were doing your best to lie.

“Okay, well keep me posted, please. And ensure Natasha knows where you’re going.”

“I don’t need babysitting,” you rolled your eyes.

"It's not babysitting, it's protection, and it's not up for discussion."

“Fine,” you groaned.

Ransom leaned in for a soft kiss, his thumb to your chin, "I love you, Princess. I promise I'll make it up to you when I get back."

And that was all he said, he turned on his heel and headed down the steps towards his car.

You headed back up the steps into your mansion and turned to see him driving off, Carter in the passenger seat. Clearly, he was in the mood to drive today, but that was Ransom all over; what he wanted, when he wanted.

With a long sigh, you set about your day, finishing some things for work, looking over a contract or two that had been left for you and by three you were through. You down the hall to the large den, the dark wood panelling mirroring your mood as you poured yourself a large scotch.

You had to be very careful how you played the night. If Nat was your shadow, you had to either shake her or let her in on what was going on. Both proved problematic. She was loyal. Very loyal. No doubt she'd report back to Ransom what had transpired and that outcome you feared. You just needed to okay this ridiculous and dangerous game enough to spin Steve deeper until he got caught. He was bound to fuck it up, but when was the question on the table. He was as good as his brother. Nastier if anything, more vile and ruthless.

You took a deep breath, and headed through the house, finding Natasha in the study as she was reading through some paperwork.

“Natasha? You have a moment?”

"Of course," she looked up and smiled. Her red hair was pulled back off her face, eyes bright as she awaited your conversation.

“So, erm, has Ransom told you that I’m heading for dinner tonight?”

"Yeah, I'm to follow and give you the space you need with your friends but to remain vigilant." Natasha set the papers down on the table in front of her.

“Okay, well, the thing is, Ellie has had an emotional crisis so I’m thinking of changing it up and booking a suite,” you lied as the idea formed in your head, “and some in room pampering, room service…so I think I’m going to stay after all, what do you need me to do?”

"Uh, okay, well, that changes things entirely. I can stand outside or wait in the car. I have to be on premises, Y/N, you know the rules."

“I know, that’s why I’m asking. I’ll phone Ransom in a moment but if you wanna sweep the room and stuff before we check in you can, just can I ask you to do it before my fiends arrive? They don’t really know the extent of what Ran does, and I don’t want them to.”

"I think I can manage that." Nat nodded.

“I’ll get you a room as well, at least you’ll have somewhere to stay and be comfortable. You could even join us if you like?”

The last question was a gamble, and you were praying Natasha was going to remain as professional as she always did.

"If you don't want your friends to know what the boss does then it's probably not the best idea this time. We're friends, Y/N but I have a job to do and I have to draw the line."

“No, of course. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

"No offense taken," she held up a hand with a wink. "Rain check on the pampering?"

“That’s fine. I’ll go make the arrangements and then I’ll let you know what time we should leave. It’s a good hour into Manhattan so I suspect it will be about four? I’m packed anyway so…”

"Alright." She nodded with a look of dismissal.

Problem one dealt with, you now had two left.

You nodded and headed out, calling Ransom as you did. When he didn't answer, you left him a message, detailing your new plans and assuring him that Nat would still be around. There would be no doubt he was fine with the plan and so there was your second "problem" dealt with.

Now for the third.

You scrolled through your phone, looking for the number you had saved under Ellie’s name as her works number and dialled.

Unlike Ransom, this bastard answered.

"Well, hello Doll," he annoyingly cooed

“I’m not your Doll.” You spat, and Steve chuckled.

With a tisk of his tongue he spoke, "now is that any way to speak to your date?"

“Shut up and listen to me.” You snarled, “we have a problem.”

"Let me guess, that bulldog dyke of my brother's is your watch hound for the night?"

“Don’t speak about her like that.”

"He's so fucking predictable. Knows I'm out and sends a babysitter in. Fucking idiot." He chuckled darkly. "I trust you took care of it?"

“Yes. I’m booking a suite under my name, and he thinks I’m with my friends. So you and whoever is no doubt with you need to stay away until I tell you it’s clear.”

"Isn't this exciting?" He sarcastically and sadistically purred. "Secret meetings and room sweeps, using back doors and no doubt fire escapes all for a night with me?"

“It’s blackmail, pure and simple.” You replied, your voice shaking.

"We'll see."

“Fuck you.”

You hung up on his as he manically chuckled with the last words you heard being 'count on it'.

You gave yourself five minutes to calm down, with another large scotch before you headed to your room to check your case. You called the hotel, booked the rooms and then dialled Ellie, the last person you needed to speak to, and put the phone on speaker as you tossed the reaming things you needed into your bag.

"What's going on?" She could hear the distance in your voice and not because you were on speaker.

“I need a huge, huge favour, El.”

"Okay," she waited for you to explain.

“Listen, erm, I need to just get away for a night. Things with Ransom’s family are bat shit and it’s fucking my head. He’s out of town on business and I’ve booked into The Plaza for a night so I can use and abuse the spa but I’ve told him I’m with you…”

"But you're not with me, are you? Oh Jesus, Y/N, are you okay?"

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine and it’s not what you think,” you lied, “I’m not with anyone else I just want a night away from the madness.”

"Okay, I'll cover for you," she sighed. "But, you're okay? Like he's not, he hasn't hurt you has he?"

Ellie didn't know Ransom's profession, rather just that he was in business, but there were rumors and rumblings of a heavy hand in his dealings, one you'd never been on the receiving end of.

“God, no.” You assured her, “he’s never laid a hand on me, never would.”

"Alright, good."

“I’m sorry to ask you, and it’s unlikely anyone will even check.”

She gave a sigh mixed with a chuckle, "it's okay. I've got you. Just... enjoy the break, okay?"

"Thanks, I owe you big time.”

"It's all good," Ellie protested. "Talk soon, let's do brunch next week."

“Yeah, absolutely.” You assured her, abs with a quick goodbye you cut the call.

No sooner had it finished, Ransom’s number flashed up.

"Hi."

“I got your message,” he drawled, “what’s happened now? That dickhead boyfriend dumped her again?”

“I have no idea.” You sighed, “but I have no doubt I’ll find out. I take it you’re okay with the revised plan? Nat was fine, I’ve got her a room sorted and she’ll sweep the place before hand.”

"Of course, Princess," he spoke quietly, "I'll send up a couple of bottles of fizz for you all."

“It’s just the two of us,” you replied, “everyone else kinda cried off when they found out she’s having one of her moments.”

“Okay, I’ll still have the fizz sent up. Charge it all to your Amex, whatever you want.”

His gesture ate at your heart, the bile in your stomach turning your insides ill. "Okay, thank you."

“I’m sorry, baby, I need to go. I’ll call later.”

“It’s okay, erm, I’ll probably be having my ear bent by Ellie. I’ll message you though?”

“Okay, have a good evening. I love you.”

"I love you too," you said with a whisper and such promise. You hoped he knew just how much. And just how much you were trying to spare him with tonight.

**********

“Okay, it’s clear.” Natasha walked over to where you had been sat at the bar and handed you the key to your suite. “If you need anything, call me.”

"Will do, thanks Nat."

“Have a good evening,” she nodded as you left her.

You took the elevator up and headed to the relevant floor. Your bag was already waiting for you, as was a bottle of champagne. You wasted no time in snatching up one of the bottles of premium and obscenely priced bottles of vodka that lay on the room bar.

You flopped onto the bed, the sick feeling in your stomach overwhelming you. What the hell were you doing? How had you gotten here?

You took a drink of the spirit directly from the bottle and winced as it burned on the way down. The issue was, now you started to think about it, you didn’t know if you could go through with this. The first time Steve had violated you, you’d had no choice. You hadn’t known. He’d tricked you, completely. But now…now you did. Whilst not entirely willing, you had arranged all of this. The web of lies you had weaved just to get into the hotel so the bastard could have his way with you… it was gross, disgusting, and it broke you.

But that was nothing compared to what it would do to Ransom.

With a choked sob you dropped the bottle of vodka on the bedside table and shook your head. You'd made up your mind, you weren't staying. But you had to act fast as your guest was due to show up fairly quickly and you needed to get out before that.

You hadn't even opened your bag, so you quickly grabbed it by the handle, grabbed your personal bag and threw open the door only to find Nat ready to knock.

"We have to go. I was scanning the floor and Barton was down the hall. That only means one thing, Steve is here and you're his first target."

“Oh, erm, I was gonna leave anyway, I was just about to call. Ellie isn’t coming.”

"Yeah, explain on the way, we gotta go." Natasha grabbed your case and hurried you to the side elevator for staff. It was The Plaza after all.

You followed behind, not saying anything and soon you found yourself in the underground loading bay. Natasha led you through another door which opened into the parking lot and ushered you towards the black SUV, all the time her hand on the gun at her hip.

Once within the safety of the SUV, your driver was on his way out and Nat was on her phone.

“Okay, boss.” She nodded after a little while and handed you the phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

With a shaky hand, you reached for Nat's phone, "R... Ransom?"

"Sweetheart, I’m coming home.”

"No, you don't... I'm fine, it's fine. There was nothing.... I didn't even know until I was leaving."

“Not up for discussion. If he was there, it means he knew you were, which means he’s following you.”

Your stomach lurched and you swallowed, "okay."

“Have you noticed anyone, anything at all?”

"No. Nothing," you whispered. "Swear it."

“Stick with Natasha, do what she says and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

"Okay." You handed the phone back to Natasha and watched as you were leaving The Plaza and Manhattan behind.

You leaned back in your seat, and reached for your phone. You had eight missed calls and a text. With a shaky hand, you opened the message.

'Oh, Doll, big mistake.'

You sniffed, tossed the phone back in your purse and closed your eyes trying to stem the headache brewing behind them.

*****

“Any idea on how he knew where she was?” Carter asked as he and Ransom headed towards the car which was waiting to take them back to the private air field outside Washington.

“No. But I want you on it. He’s either watching her or…or we have a rat.”

“I think it might be the former.” Stark spoke loudly, making Ransom pause.

“What?”

“I think he’s watching her.”

In a flash, Ransom had grabbed Tony by the lapels of his suit and slammed him up against the car. “What the fuck do you know, Stark?”

"I have a theory and I think I know enough to give you a little looksie." Stark pressed down on his attacker's arms. "I need my phone to share and for that you're going to have to let me go."

With a final glare, Ransom let go and stepped back, his lips curled up in a snarl. Tony pulled his phone from his pocket.

“Halloween ball. You were out of town, right?” He spoke as he tapped the screen, before swiping is fingers across as he scrolled through his phone.

“You know I was.”

Tony nodded, tapped on the screen and handed it over.

Ransom frowned as he watched the footage, and felt a cold feeling of dread, laced with a white-hot lance of anger as he saw his brother on the screen. He was wearing a mask, but he’d know that face anywhere.

He saw it in the mirror every day.

“He was there?”

"Well, if it wasn't you...."

“Fuck…” he felt the nerve in his jaw tick. “So, he could have been following her…”

As he spoke, he tailed off as he remembered you coming home that night. You’d been furious, accusing him of leaving you there, even slapping him for it…

Fuck, you’d seen him…

“Drysdale, what is it?” Tony frowned.

Ignoring Tony, he looked to Carter, "I want the car there and ready the minute we land. Have Natasha make sure Y/N goes nowhere."

With a sinful stride he took to the private plane's stairs and said nothing more.

He brooded all the flight home. Why hadn’t you mentioned you’d seen his brother? Had he put the frighteners on you, because you sure as hell hadn’t been yourself tor the past fortnight. A lot was adding up but there were pieces missing and for those he needed answers.

Even upon landing, he said nothing. A pure look of intensity and purpose stalked his chiselled features as he climbed into the awaiting car with his camel coat and now leather gloves. Carter made mention of speaking and all Ransom did was peer from the corner of his eyes as he turned his head to glare. He was not in any mood for conversation.

"Natasha just checked in, Y/N hasn't left the house since her return from the city. She's kept to herself and stayed in your room."

With not even a nod of acknowledgment, Ransom turned back to stare ahead as the miles back to the estate grew smaller.

It felt like an age till they were pulling through the large wrought iron gates. As the black Mercedes pulled to a stop, Ransom flung open the door and stalked inside.

Taking the spiral stairs two at a time, he found you in the master suite, dressed down and staring out the floor to ceiling windows across the property. You turned to look at him as he moved toward you. And he saw your face pale as you clocked the look on his face.

“R-Ransom?”

“Halloween, the Ball…you saw my asshole brother, didn’t you?”

He watched as your face fell and you gave a small nod. “Yes”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

"I couldn't."

“Did he threaten you? Hurt you?”

Your lip quivered as you swallowed hard. What the hell were you going to say? Do? Steve was no doubt going to somehow, someway expose himself and what happened because you left him behind tonight. That much you already knew.

"Answer me, Y/N."

"Yes."

“Fuck!” Ransoms hand slammed the wall just to the left of your head, and you jumped a little, the tears now pouring from your face. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

As you struggled for words, Ransom let out a growl as his phone rang.

“Don’t answer…” you begged, grabbing his arm but he shook you off.

“I have people looking for him, I have to.” He snapped back, reaching for the phone. His eyes still trained on you, the muscle memory made his hand swipe to answer.

“What?”

“Tut tut, Ranny, that anyway to speak to your twin brother?”

Ransom's eyes grew cold in his stare and your blood ran through your veins like ice. You knew it was Steve.

"I'm gonna kill you," Ransom threatened.

“I’m sure you’ll try,” Steve lazily drawled back, “didn’t quite manage it last time though, did you?”

“I told you before,” Ransom snapped back, “Rumlow wasn’t hired by me, I have no idea who it was. Trust me, I wouldn’t have sent someone, I’d have done it myself. Just like I'm going to this time.”

Steve sighed in amusement, "oh brother, such threats. You see, I'm not the one you have to worry about." He tisked. "If I were you, I'd be more concerned about that little bird in your nest, right now."

“If you’ve laid a finger on her…”

"Fingers, tongue.... my cock," his chuckle was sinister, "it's all the same isn't it?"

Steve cut the call and Ransom choked. In his hand pinged a message from the same number that just rang.

“Ransom, please…” you sobbed as he opened the message and then you closed your eyes as you heard the sounds of your moaning, coupled with Steve’s lewd dirty talk and grunts.

You dropped to your knees as the realization hit that everything you'd tried to hide to spare him had now come to light. There was a loud yell, then the sound of something breaking as Ransom hurled his phone against the wall.

He turned to go but you were quickly chasing after him.

"Please, please, listen to me," you sobbed uncontrollably.

Quickly he spun and with a hand to your throat he backed you into the wall nearby, "you lied to me," he snarled through gritted teeth.

There was no anger in his eyes, not the type you'd seen many times before as he delt with problematic issues. No, what you saw as he squeezed a little was hurt, trauma, pain, emotional distrust. Welling blues that burned into your memory forever.

“I thought…” you swallowed, the lump in your throat hard against his fingers as he squeezed a little more, “I thought it was you, he said it was. He had a mask on, same suit you have… I didn’t…”

"You let him touch you," Ransom breathed harshly. "Fuck you."

"Please, baby...." you struggled.

A squeezed harder. "Don't you dare."

“I thought it was you!” You repeated yourself, “he set this up… he’s been blackmailing me. Telling me if I didn’t meet him again he’d tell you and-“

“You fucking whore! That’s why he was at the Plaza!” Ransoms eyes widened as a look of disgust and hurt etched itself across his face. “You were meeting him!”

You nodded as much as you could given his hold on you, as a tear left his eye and trickled down his cheek, dropping from his chiselled jawline into his forearm.

"I'm sorry," you choked.

“Yeah, well, so am I.” He sniffed, “sorry I ever met you. You know, my parents warned me about you. Said you’d be nothing but a gold-digging slut. Turns out Richard can be right once in a blue moon.”

"No."

“And the best you can come up with is your thought he was me? Jesus, I know you can be dumb at times but that…”

"I...he... I would never," you cried.

"After all this time, you don't know the difference between me and my fucking brother?" He yelled in your face with such anger and pain.

“I was drunk, I…” you stuttered, “I’m so sorry, I love you.”

"Shut up," he growled. "Just shut up."

"Please forgive me. Please, baby, I...."

He squeezed hard this time and you felt the air constrict in your chest. "I said shut the fuck up, you little whore. You fucking dumb vicious little bitch. I'm gonna show you the difference between my cock and Steve's, yeah that's what I'm gonna do."

“No, Ransom, please…”

With relief he let go of your throat but in the same quick motion, he spun you around with force into the wall.

"You let him take you like this? Watched as he fucked you," Ransom pressed into from behind, his hand in your hair as he wrenched your neck. "You know I like watching you cum, watching your face as a I fuck you." He gripped your hair harder and pulled, "that was your first mistake."

You cried out as his hand tightened, pulling your hair so yard it yanked your head back onto his shoulder.

"You liked it when he did that huh, you like it when I do it?" He bit at your throat.

“No, I…” your chest heaved, “Ransom… don’t do this…”

"You're gonna know the difference, Princess." He uprighted you but didn't relent on your hair as he dragged you to your shared bed. With force he tossed you into the mattress and stripped of his coat. Your body was pinned between his legs as he locked you against the down duvet.

You tried to speak, to beg, plead your case again but the words stuck in your throat as he tore the black tights from your body, rucking up your sweater dress.

The buckle of his undone belt clanged as he messed with the zip and button of his slacks. Before his cock sprang from his boxers, Ransom flipped you aggressively to your belly and ripped your tights off, your thin panties going with them. There was a pause and you thought he'd given up, but his body still held you against escaping. His hands gripped your waist brusingly and pulled you over the edge of the bed, the balls of your feet hitting the luxurious carpet.

"You'll know the difference," and without warning he buried into you, a groan emitting from his chest. "You're soaked, I knew you liked it rough."

He was taunting you, as you were far from soaked. In fact, the sudden intrusion had burned and it made you scream out in pain.

“Ransom… you’re hurting me!”

"You fucking hurt me!" He growled as he pulled back and thrust with speed right back into you.

You cried out again, as his hand curled round your neck from behind, pressing your cheek into the soft duvet cover.

You sobbed as he railed you with an intensity unrivalled to anything he'd ever given you before. The slapping of skin on skin, punctuated by your noises of distress filled the room along with the odd grunt from Ransom. There was no dirty talk, no encouragement, no telling you what a good girl you were or how good you felt.

"Know the difference yet, you little whore?"

“Ransom…” you managed a whisper, as a tear trickled from your eye, and you repeated the two words you felt you’d said a million times over. “I’m sorry.”

"You're gonna be." He grunted as he pulled out and flipped you over, a mild relief coming to your body as he tore his shirt open, the buttons popping from their stitches. His tattooed skin spoke with each twitch of his built frame.

He grabbed your arms as he kneeled over you, pulling you up so he could rip your dress off over your head. His eyes were red and glassy, their color completely gone. Then your bra was snapped open at the front and you were naked beneath him, your tights mere threads. With one hand around your wrists above your head, the other stroked his shaft and rubbed that velvety head over your irritated folds. He bumped your clit and you shuddered, the sensation spreading through your body and be curled his lip up in a sneer.

“Like that, huh?” His face buried into your cleavage before he moved to a nipple, roughty grazing his teeth around it, causing you to shudder again.

"Ransom…please,” you sobbed. For a moment, something on his face softened, his nostrils flared as he took a shaky breath.

“Oh, Princess, I’d have burnt the world down for you.”

Your face scrunched up and you choked back, "I know. I love you.”

He scrunched his eyes shut, shaking his head. “Why did you have to ruin everything?”

"Steve did."

And just like that, the mere mention of his brother snapped him out of his moment of softness. His top lip curled, and he thrust back into you, both hands now pinning yours above your head. With devilish speed and pristine accuracy, Ransom pistoned into you, chasing a relentless end.

Despite everything, your body reacted to him, like it always did. You could feel the heat lurking in your belly as his cock stroked that spot inside you over and over.

"Fuck," you gasped as your insides began to tingle.

“Bet he didn’t fuck you like I can, huh?” Ransom looked at your face, “He doesn’t know you like I do, doesn’t know what you like-“ a harsh slam into you made you cry out, “what you want-“ another slam, “what leaves you begging for more.”

You came with need, a cry of his name on your lips as your body curled up to feel him against you more but he pulled away. His grip on your hands tightened as he forced himself away. His fingers released your wrists and crawled into your hands, threading those digits between your fingers and he gripped your hands painfully, as with a stutter and a choked groan he came.

His arms trembled as he kept himself above you, the distance between your bodies felt like miles despite the fact he was burried inside you.

More tears slid from your eyes and then with a sigh and a sniff, Ransom slowly lowered himself down, his face buried into your neck. You felt the wetness of his tears against your skin, and then the fingers of his right hand moved to let your left hand go.

And you gave a sob as you felt the metal of your engagement ring sliding up over your knuckle and off the end of your finger.

"Get out." He spoke with venom in your ear. He leaned back and pulled out of you, not even a slight glance back over his shoulder as he headed for your ensuite.

You lay there, in utter shock, tears pouring down your face as you heard the shower turn on.

It took everything you had, but you managed to push yourself off the bed. You dressed quickly in a pair of jeans and a sweater, stuffed a few additional things into your still packed bag and made your way downstairs.

Carter emerged from the study, and the look on his face told you he had heard at least part of what had gone down. “Miss?” He spoke to you not unkindly and you wiped your eyes and set the keys to your Mercedes SLK down on the side. “You can’t drive like that, I’ll take you.”

“I’m not going to.” You shook your head, “I’m not taking the car, he bought it. I….”

“Come on, l’ll give you a ride. Where…”

“My brother’s.” You sniffed, it was the only place you could think of.

With a nod, Carter picked up your bag and you followed him out to the black BMW SUV.

You settled in the back seat, reached into your purse and with a shaky hand you dialled your brother.

“Hey, Booger.” His soft drawl spoke your nickname and you silently cried at the sound of his voice, “you okay? It’s late.”

“Ari, I… I need you.”

**** Part 4: Put Yourself In My Place

[spideychellesecretsanta]

Welcome to the Spideychelle Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2022!

Hello again! Welcome back for year four! It’s hard to believe we started this back in 2018, but here we are! It’s been so much fun, and I’m excited to get this started! If you’re interested in participating, keep reading!

HOW IT WORKS

To sign up, fill out this form.

If for some reason that doesn’t work, feel free to send a DM!

You’ll need to provide an email, but if you are uncomfortable sharing that, you can create a temporary one just for this event

Sign ups will be open until September 30th 11:59:59 PM EST. After this day, SIGN UPS WILL BE CLOSED.

You’ll receive your assignments the week of October 2nd in an email! That email will contain a link to the Secret Santa Discord server! Here, there will be announcements and other things related to the event.

Once you’re in the server, you’ll find a link to a Google form to create a wishlist! This will be sent to your Secret Santa, and your giftee’s will be sent to you! You can also snoop around on their (your giftee’s) blog in the meantime! Get the inside scoop!

If you’d like to make things a little easier for your Secret Santa, enable anons here on Tumblr.

Beginning on Dec. 25th, we will start posting through the week until January 1st!

If for some reason you are unable to make that deadline, don’t hesitate to DM me.

NEW THIS YEAR: Dedicated Pinch Hitters!

Pinch hitters are there to create a gift for someone if their Secret Santa drops from the exchange. In the past, we’ve done this by asking those already taking part if they’d like to volunteer. This year, however, pinch hitters are going to be volunteers from outside the exchange! So, if you’re wanting to sign up to be a Secret Santa, you will NOT be able to pinch hit. They are two different things. 

That being said, if you’d like to volunteer to be a pinch hitter, fill out this form!

Pinch hitters will also receive a discord invite!

Pinch hitters can sign up until the week before Dec. 25th!

WHEN YOU POST

Tag your giftee!

Tag @spideychellesecretsanta​

use the tag #SpideychelleSecretSanta2022

Post on the AO3 collection!

THE WISHLIST (form)

The deadline for having your wishlist form completed is OCTOBER 9th.

You won’t have to worry about this until after you join the discord, but keep it in mind!

Think about...

What genres you like (fluff, angst, etc.)

What tropes you like (fake dating, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, etc.)

What AUs you like (Mob!AU, College!AU, etc.)

Specify whether or not you’re okay with receiving smut/n*fw art.

A NOTE: if you are an artist/writer and you are not comfortable drawing/writing smut, then you are not obligated to, even if it’s on your giftee’s wishlist. This is simply just so that the Secret Santa’s that are comfortable know what their options are.

RULES

This is pretty self-explanatory, but DON’T TELL ANYONE WHO YOU HAVE! It’s not a secret if you do! Keep it secret! Keep it safe!

Remember that this is an exchange. If you are expecting to receive something, you must also expect to give something in return.

Dropping out, no matter how last minute, means that you will not receive a gift.

Know that you aren’t guaranteed a specific gift, even if you specify it in your wishlist. So be kind!

Depending on who your Secret Santa is, you will either get a fic, art, a moodboard, or some other creative work.

If you put that you are comfortable with smut/ns*w fanart, know that there are minors in this fandom, so give other ideas, too! Don’t just ask for smut!

THAT BEING SAID, Secret Santa’s, please be sure that your gift is tailored to your giftee’s wishlist. Of course, put your own spin on what you create, but the gift should be something your giftee wants! Make them feel special! 

Along that note, GIVE FEEDBACK!! Someone created something to make you feel special! 

No talking about your gift/giftee publicly. This is supposed to be a secret!!

For writing fics, shoot for around a minimum 1-1.5k word count.

and the biggest rule of all DO NOT FORGET THIS:

HAVE FUN!! <3

You made it to the end! If you read all of that, and you’d still like to sign up, fill out this form (potential pinch hitters, fill out this one!) If you have any more questions at all, feel free to send me a message or an ask! 🎁