#so im having to resort to desktop

[rainbyotes]

dude college is legit kicking my ass and i hate it. and teh worst part is that its fucking community college classes!! like they're easy as shit but also virtual so its hard for me... like i wrote an essay for my english class and its kinda bad but i turned it in late bc i was screwing around so ill take what i can get, ill probably just keep a draft for myself and just keep changing it and making it better bc im not that happy with it

idk tho bc i do not have a lot of motivation for much other than work but i like NEED a new job bc im starting to hate this one and i keep having thoughts of like "im going to work here forever and waste my life" like man i dont need this rn. like i JUST got out of high school dawg like c'mon.

[kilopbuddy]

1password 7 sync missing

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[hey-kae]

Post-Victory

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x female reader

Request: After reading that 5 time orgasm I couldn't help but wonder if you wrote about other drivers too? Cause not gonna lie, I would sell my soul to see gentleman Carlos giving the ofc at least 3 mind blown orgasm written by you 🤤 If it is possible please make it enemies to lover or put some tension between them, it is my fav🥲 Thank u for your amazing fics and writing, they are perfecttttt

Warnings: fingering, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected sex

Sidenote: I’m not gonna lie, I don’t really like how this turned out but I’ve rewritten it so many times that i just gave up. I’m so sorry to disappoint!! I’m im such an angsty mood so that kinda explains it but it’s also the fact that i’m just not attracted to Carlos no matter how hard i try to convince myself to be ( don’t come at me please, he’s just not my type but he is good looking so yeah).

Life as a content creator for Ferrari was significantly easy on most days, just carrying a phone around, filming the right videos and posting at the right times. On other days, the phone was shoved into your hands and you were thrown in front of Carlos and Charles to film one of the now infamously silly tiktoks. Those days spent under the Spanish driver’s glaring stare were living hell, especially since most times, the looks escalated into snide comments you’d exchange until some other team member told the two of you to knock it off and get to work.

It was ridiculous, really. You and Carlos had absolutely no reason to hate each other, it seemed to come naturally for some unknown reason.

After the Silverstone race, you had to visibly fight the urge to roll your eyes dramatically when you were asked to meet with Sainz in the motorhome after he had won his first ever Grand Prix. Sure, as a member of the Ferrari team, you were happy about the victory, but had it been up to you, you would’ve enjoyed the win much more from a distance without having to get up close and personal with the winner himself. It might be an unpopular opinion, but it was yours and you would’ve stood your ground if had the choice to. Instead, you sucked it up and sulked your way back to the red motorhome, your eyes immediately going to search for Carlos, knowing he had already finished his podium celebrations.

You searched for him for several minutes, passing by every room in the motorhome, asking every person you passed if they had run into him.

There was no signs of him.

“Fucking hell, Carlos.” You cussed under your breath, climbing the stairs up to the level where the drivers’ rooms were, knowing that was you last resort.

Sure enough, his room was alive with sounds of him moving around it.

You stormed in, having had enough of him already even though you weren’t even in the same room yet. There he was, now dressed in a Ferrari shirt and some jeans, rummaging through the bag on his desk.

“Why the hell aren’t you downstairs, Sainz?” You spit the words out with so much anger.

“Because we need to film a video?” He responded with a frown, not understanding your attitude.

“Here? We’re filming on the main-“

“You know, a congratulations would be nice. It won’t kill you.” He cut you off, taking one too many steps towards you and reaching behind you to slam the door shut.

“Ok, great. Congratulations. Now let’s get this over with.” You gestured for him to hurry up and move along.

“You are unbelievable.” He shook his head in disbelief, moving away from you.

“Well, good thing your opinion about me doesn’t really matter.” Your words made his head snap towards you, anger starting to cloud his expression.

“I’d love to fuck that attitude out of you some day, preciosa.” He chuckled with pure spite, his look piercing its way through you.

The phone in your hand threatened to slip out grip as Carlos’ words startled you, to say the least, so in attempt to attempt to mask this reaction you had, you tossed the small device onto the desktop, the sound of the impact silencing the room.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Your voice was right up there on the scale of shouting at the spanish man.

“Oh, i’m sure you heard me.” He narrowed his eyes at you, moving back towards you until your back was flush against the wall, his arm reached beside him to slam the door shut.

“Why the fuck do you think you have the right to talk to me like that? You are such an entitled prick!” You spit the words out.

Every single one of your nerves was pulsing with feelings you didn’t want to feel, things that you thought were impossible to feel. It seemed like your blood was rushing too fast and your skin had gotten a little too hot. Before you even allowed yourself to consider the possibility of you being attracted to the man currently cornering you, your legs made the decision to leap out of the small space between Carlos and the wall.

The attempt to escape was a little too slow. Carlos’ hand slammed against the wall beside your head, blocking your way and caging you in.

“Go on. Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll immediately stop.”

Unexpected desire fogged your mind, leaving you staring at his lips and struggling to form any sentence.

“Tell me what you want, princesa.”

It took everything in you to say anything.

“Go fuck yourself, Sainz.”

It’s a shame, the amount of power you had to muster to say these four words, especially since they seemed pointless.

Carlos pushed his body up against yours, his every move oozing with confidence. He wasn’t clueless and your reaction to him wasn’t exactly subtle.

“I’d much rather fuck you so tell me if you want it before you lose the privilege, sweetheart.” He smirked.

The fact that he thought sex with him was a privilege made your blood boil, and your thighs clench but you weren’t gonna give that any attention.

“Fuck you.”

“Alright then.” He raised his hands in surrender, taking a step away from you.

Nothing in this world would’ve explained your next reaction, but for now it didn’t matter. You weren’t even trying to understand it.

You grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and crashed your lips against his without thinking about what you were doing.

That was all it took for him to pin you up against, his knee nestling between your thighs, his hands firm against your body.

“You might be annoying but i always knew you were smart, preciosa.” His hand wrapped around your neck, forcing you to look up at him.

“Shut up and fuck me. I’m not here for you to evaluate my intelligence.” It was fucking amazing, how he was still able to get on your nerves even when his lips were against yours and his tongue was discovering your mouth.

“Alright then.”

Your Ferrari shirt was tossed onto the floor shortly after that, his also following yours immediately.

Carlos’ lips kissed down your jaw, down to your chest, slipping your bra’s strap off your shoulder and kissing its spot.

While his kisses busied your mind, his touch slipped down your stomach, down to the front of your pants. He was suddenly eager to undo your pants, quickly slipping his hand into them.

“You were trying to push me away when you’re this wet? I’m disappointed in you, sweetheart.” He smirked as he felt the dampness of your underwear.

“Carlos, i swear to god if-“ Desperate to shut you up, he pushed your panties to the side and thrusted a finger into you.

The words you were planning to throw at him quickly got lost and you caught yourself moaning as another finger stretched you out.

“I like these sounds much better,” he removed his fingers to strip you of your pants and underwear.

Once they were thrown onto the floor, he resumed his actions, his thumb rubbing your clit as well this time.

“Fuck.” You arched your back off the wall, eager for more friction of any kind. Carlos was quick to take notice of your reaction so he added a third finger, eliciting a moan from you.

“Say my name.” He slowed down his hand’s movements.

You gave him no reply.

“Say my fucking name.” His movement stilled completely.

“Is this some ego thing? ‘Cause I don’t mind finishing the job myself.” You challenged him, moving your hand down to try and prove your point.

Carlos didn’t allow you to do that. He pushed your hand away and glared at you.

“Trust me princesa, you’ll end up moaning my name anyway. I was just giving you an easy route.”

His whole attitude changed after that. His movements against your clit were almost aggressive and his fingers were fucking you so hard, it made your body shake.

“Oh shit.” You moaned as you clenched your pussy around his fingers, feeling your orgasm just seconds away. When you finally let go, releasing your cum onto Carlos’ fingers, you made it a point to avoid moaning his name no matter what.

That enraged him, to say the least, so he didn’t give you time to come down from your orgasm. He immediately kneeled down in front of you, pulling one of your legs over his shoulder and latching his mouth onto your clit while keeping up the thrusting of his fingers. It made you groan and whimper in unprecedented ways.

“Oh my fucking god.” The expletives kept spilling out of your mouth as Carlos slowly sucked on your clit and licked every part of your pussy, his nose making you shiver every time it brushed the right spots.

You looked down at him, the sight almost making you cum on spot. He was eating you out like a starved man, the sounds his tongue was making only being more proof of how much he was taking his time with this.

Your hand fisted his hair, tugging of his dark strands as his teeth grazed your sensitive clit, igniting a feeling of warmth all over your body. Concluding that you liked that, Carlos kept repeating that move, making the feeling building up in the pit of your stomach stronger.

Soon enough, you eyes squeezed shut and your body shuddered as another orgasm aggressively ripped through you. It left you breathless, fully relying on the wall for support as Carlos let go off you, standing up to watch you with a sense of pride.

The uneventful moments didn’t last long.

“Bend over the desk.” Carlos ordered as he took off the rest of his clothes, revealing his hard cock.

The sight made you comply so fast. You wouldn’t admit it out loud but you couldn’t wait to have him buried deep inside your wet pussy.

“You’re a good girl when you’re about to get fucked.” Carlos pointed out.

You looked over your shoulder to find him with his hand wrapped around his dick, guiding it towards your entrance.

“Shut the fuck up.” You turned back around, fully expecting to feel him push into you any second now. Instead, you felt his tip press against your clit, making you weak.

“I’m gonna fucking ruin you, princesa.” He circled his dick around your sensitive nub of nerves, making you close your eyes as he began rubbing your clit the same way. He moved his cock to trace the sides of your entrance, teasing you by pushing in the tip slightly into you before quickly pulling back out.

He teased your hole for long enough before redirecting his attention back to your clit. He moved himself faster against it, teasing himself and bringing you closer to the edge as he relentlessly rubbed it with his tip until you felt your walls clench onto nothing, your legs shaking as the third orgasm blinded you.

Your eyes were still closed and your mouth was still agape when Carlos thrusted into you, filling you up while your body while still shuddering from your release.

“Oh fuck, Carlos. I can’t…” you moaned.

“Now was that so hard? Was saying my name so hard?” He taunted, his hand pulling in your hair as he started pounding into you, feeling you squeeze your walls around him.

“Say it again.” He rubbed your clit.

This time, you were to far gone to argue, you mind already not thinking of anything besides the way Carlos’ cock was perfectly stretching you out. You just gave him what he wanted, moaning his name as his hips met yours repeatedly im mercilessly thrusts.

“Sounds so good, princesa.” Carlos moaned, giving your ass a slight slap before his hands griped your hips for leverage.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you felt his cock brush against your g-spot, making you fist your hands.

The sensitivity was starting to catch up to you, making you feel vulnerable under Carlos’ touch as he pounded into you from behind.

You knew you were seconds away from cumming and judging by Carlos’ grunts, he was just as close too. Therefore, you let go, whimpering and softly moaning as Carlos continued his movements until he spilled his load inside you and pulled out.

A minute later, you pulled yourself up to find you clothes but found that Carlos had already picked them up off the floor for you.

“Thanks.” You said as you grabbed them out of his hands. The word hang weirdly between the two of you.

“I don’t hate you, i hope you know.” He calmly said as he pulled his pants back on.

It shocked you for a second but quickly started to make sense. Nothing happened between the two of you that made you hate each other.

“I don’t hate you either but you’re a bit annoying.” You smiled at him and he returned it. That was probably the first time you had ever smiled at each other.

“So, would you allow me to annoy you on a date sometime?” He awkwardly asked, his hand scratching the back of his neck.

It weirded you out that you were considering it. It was even more absurd how quickly you agreed.

“Sure. As long as you act just as annoying.” You joked and he laughed.

“C’mon, we still need to film that tiktok.” You reminded him and he groaned.

“There we go again.” You said with a playful tone as you finished getting dressed and reached for the phone.

It’s safe you say that this one tiktok was the easiest but most interesting to film. How wouldn’t it have been when the two of you weren’t sending each other death glares for the first time ever?

[floralbfs]

friendship ended w engsub anime pages. now animeflv on opera on mobile is my best friend

[mushroomseb]

hey!! im sorry but I literally dont know who to ask :( firstly I LOVE YOUR GIFS SO MUCH THEY ARE SOOOO PRETTY 💞 i just wanted to ask what are the dimensions for gifs here on tumblr? i recently started making gifs and while it looks ok on tumblr mobile, it looks very choppy and overexposed in the desktop version :( would love some of your advice 💞

aww thank you babe you’re so sweet 💓💓💓 and it’s no problem at all! these are the tumblr dimensions that are commonly used: 

if getting your dimensions right doesn’t help then consider these few tips that may or may not help. i’m assuming you’re using photoshop, which if you’re not, these tips will most likely be useless. and i definitely recommend that you use photoshop. it’s the only software i’ve ever used to edit and make gifs and imo it’s the best one. 

1. make sure your gifs are under 3MB (if it’s not the dimensions, then this is most likely the cause of your problem)

edit: sorry, the new size limit is 10MB. still though, gifs above 3MB will most likely be compressed. my advice to you is to just try and stay around 3MB so you don’t compromise the quality of your gifs

2. never skip any frames when making your gifs. skipping can make your gifs look very choppy

3. ALWAYS choose a high-quality video with a decent number of frames. lowest quality i’m willing to go with is 720p and imo you shouldn’t go lower than that

4. coloring & sharpening. if all else doesn’t help, then this is your last resort. coloring is not as easy as it seems and it’s gonna take you some time to get it right and it’s totally okay. the more you make gifs, the better you’re gonna get at it, trust me. if your gifs are oversaturated, it may cause them to look grainy but idk about choppy. also it’s very easy to get carried away with brightening, so just do it little by little throughout your process of gifmaking until you get it just right

another thing that’s very easy to overdo is sharpening. again, idk if it can cause your problem but my sort of “rule of thumb” is: if you can see the white lines then you’ve probably oversharpened your gif. follow it and it should help you improve your sharpening skills.

and that’s it! i really REALLY hope at least one of these tips will help you fix this issue. do let me know how it goes yeah? and don’t hesitate to ask if you have any further questions 💞

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

🍼 & the knife bc im on desktop and can only do 1 emoji at a time (for all your ocs :D)

HEY SIS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKIN 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼 this should not have taken me so long lmaooooo

down unda bc Long :D

send me symbols for my OCs? 

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

Myriad: Demons are infertile unless paired with an angel, so they don’t have any children, but it’s probably a good thing in this case bc if Myriad’s wasn’t infertile, they’d have a thousand kids lmao. They honestly haven’t ever thought about kids, and they’ve never been bothered with the idea of having them. They’re actually great with kids and like them a lot, they’re like the coolest uncle ever, but they’d probably not be the best parent. They’d be more like the kid’s friend than their parental figure, and they don’t like staying in one place for long and they wouldn’t abandon their lifestyle so they’d either lug the kid around with them constantly or just leave them with their other parent for a few years before coming back… so yeah, not the best parent.

August: He’s thought about kids occasionally, but he’s never had any drive, not to mention it’s forbidden. If his partner really wanted kids, he’d probably agree to adopt, because he can never turn down anything somebody he loves wants. He would…….. really try to be a good parent. He would care about the kid but he’s be worried about fucking them up and probably have a bit of emotional distance because of that fear. He would love them with his whole heart, though. He likes the name River.

June: They never wanted kids. They liked the name Lía. They are actually very good with kids, though they avoid them like the plague now. They still consider themself a parent.

Dante: I think he’d actually like to have kids. He’s great with them, he’d be a very fun and loving dad, and the kid would be the most well protected little nugget in the entire world. If it was a little girl, he’d name her Tien, after his little sister. The kid would know how to kill a man in a billion ways by the time they were six tho lmao.

Jesse: Knows he’s no-where near ready for kids, but he would love to have them one day. He’d be kinda panicky with a baby but great with teenagers dude should be a youth guidance counselor and he’d love the kid with his whole heart, just wants to be a good dad and make sure he’s always there for them. He’d like to name them after his mom (Lori) or his dad (Frank.) 

Vrox: Terrified of having kids, scared he’ll fuck up. He’s the opposite of Jesse, has a natural talent with getting young kids to like him and is great with them, but awkward with teenagers. Honestly has no idea what to name it, leaves that to Jesse because he knows how important it is to him.

Falkner: HAHAHAHA!!! no.

Emala: She has always wanted children of her own. The only reason she hasn’t adopted an entire household is because she knows that she will outlive them, and that she would never recover them that. It kills her watching children that aren’t her own suffer, and she knows her limits. If she did have kids, though, she would be the. best. mom. in. existence.

Mars: Is fantastic with kids, but has never wanted any of his own. He obeys the rules because he’s a good little angel who would never impregnate someone.

Ben: Has thought about kids on and off his entire life. He’s not like Emala, who desperately wants kids, his is more of a wistfulness. If he eventually finds a partner who wants them, he would happily have them. He’s be the world’s best dad, super kind and patient and understanding. A bit nervous because he doesn’t want to mess up, but he would be a great dad. Doesn’t know what to name them - literally anything but the names Ginger ever so helpfully suggests.

Ginger: Nope, nope, nope. Has never wanted anything that slowed her down. Is too irresponsible to be a good mom. Is pretty terrible with kids, to boot. Would probably name the poor kid Rugrat. 

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

…..almost all of them have jesus CHR-

Myriad: Yes, yes, holy hell yes. Their job is tracking down and punishing/murdering/reaping evil souls after torturing them for the longest amount of time possible. Yes, they’ve had to defend themself. They know killing people is wrong but since they make sure never to harm innocents, when they do kill it never bothers them, they never hesitate, they never show mercy, and they never regret.

August: Yes, she has killed before, she never takes any pleasure in it and will only ever use it as a last resort. As all other angels (and demons) have, she’s had to reap human souls at some point or another. It doesn’t upset her to any extreme level. It’s always been in self defence. She has seen a lot of people, including her own partners, die over her long life.

June: Um, yes, yes, frequently. They have a short temper and if somebody is being a huge dickwad they will 110% rip the aforementioned dickwad’s face off their skull. They couldn’t give less of a fuck and have 0 regret.

Dante: Yep. He’s killed people in multiple wars over the years, he’s killed people in bar fights and back alley brawls and underground fight clubs and duels to the death. Guns, knives, broken beer bottles, and most frequently, his bare hands. As laid-back and generally kind as he is, he’s got a very violent nature, and if somebody is being an aggressive/violent asshole, he can and will happily take care of them. Particularly if that asshole was harassing somebody else, Dante will never let that shit slide. He takes every opportunity to fight.

Jesse: No, never. He has been the catalyst for people dying, tho, like one time a racist fuck decided to take a swing at him and Vrox ended up breaking the dude’s neck. Jesse was in shock for a while afterward, but mostly he didn’t regret what Vrox had done, even if that troubles him. He doesn’t believe that violence is the answer, but he also has a hard time not starting fistfights with bigots.

Vrox: Yeah. He has a pretty bad temper and when seriously set off, he comes out swinging. He only meant to kill somebody a few times (see, above), mainly it’s just an accident. It’s only when people keep pushing and pushing him and being aggressive, however, mainly he just tries to remove himself from the situation before he can snap and demon-out on them. He’d never get physical in a simple argument, for example.

Falkner: Absolutely. Never walk up behind them without being sure they know you’re there or you will receive a punch in the face that turns your brain to soup. They don’t like killing people and avoid it when possible, but they also won’t hesitate if they need to, either. Their only qualm will be the clean-up required.

Emala: She’s killed the most out of all of them. In her work as a nurse she is almost daily forced to reap souls, since dying via an angel taking your soul is the most peaceful, comforting kind of death, and that’s what her patients deserve. She only ever does so to a patient she knows is going to die anyway, with no hope for a recovery, and she illegally uses her angel grace to heal chronically ill patients enough as it is. It leaves her broken after every one, she hates taking lives. She has never been a believer of killing as an act of violence or anger.

Mars: … He mass murders all the family/loved ones of any poor soul who turns him down and then rapes and murderers the poor soul themself, murders many more in his many temper tantrums, and generally kills anybody and anything that displeases him. Yes.

Ben: Unfortunately, yes. When he fell and before he figured out about his out-of-control grace, he accidentally murdered an entire building’s worth of people because his grace exploded and decimated it and everybody in it. He was absolutely horrified and after that, made sure never to be around people when he could feel that ten-minute warning when he started feeling sick. He regrets it and hates himself for it and had a mental breakdown afterward. He has anonymously donated to the families of those he killed for years now.

Ginger: She’s gotten in some bar fights and broken bottles of people’s heads, she’s accidentally run over others, but she never intentionally does, and she does feel guilty afterward… just not for long.

[sanzart]

Haha, you may have noticed I reblogged my end of year 2017 just recently, having gone back through my blog to pick my favourites for this year. It’s funny because I wrote a paragraph about what im going to accomplish this year (2018) and it included things like “do my comic becuase im good enough now” & “start some 3D work because it’s the next step” & also “do more UI so I can get a job”...

Turned out I got a job based on what I had anyway my backgrounds and colourful concepts got me noticed, I didnt need to resort to GUI, and thats reassuring. I havent done my comic yet, though I certaingly tried this year with storyboards drafts and then doing a game for my brother which took up most of the 1st quarter of the year, building characters developing a quick draft style for it, I learned a lot I must have.

It’s been another strange year, full of personal revolations, but I’ve still managed to stay on track with my art and definitely imporve on my clairty and DEFIANTLY on my render quality. I know now the importance of actually finishing something and how long art actually takes to fully render, Watching my college render a promo-ready character from sketch, through to model and then painted over took basically all wekk 9-5pm.

All these lessons learned this year I think, and most recently probably the biggest one. Among all that I also learned, to tone down my high staurated colours, to work with hard surfaces, the importance of depth, and certaingly of refereneces. I learned that I needed to actually learn, and certaingly feed my concept art profile by reading getting inspired and understanding that it’s all about ideas, and THEN how much you can render them.

Overall what a fruitful year it’s been. I can’t wait for next year, it’s so far ahead but at the same time it goes so quick! I did not have time (nor mainly the RAM or graphics card) to occupy 3D, though im buying a new desktop computer in Janurary for mainly that reason and a upgrade of course. I did not have that much time for character and certaingly lacked during the summer once again. Perhaps I will do my comic this year, or finish a indie game, perhaps I will get myself to be full Art Director, or learn 3D environments, or perhaps again Id have only improved my ability to do adept jungle environments with the character in the rule of thirds...;D who knows, im exciting though!

January is going to be a busy month indeed, expect the most updates ever!

Link me your end of year slate! I’d love to check it out!

- Matt

[jjpmoans]

GYM 7 + Trainer!Jaebum

Character : Jaebum x oc

Series : GYM 7 Series

Theme : Trainer!JB

Word count : 2629 words

I push the door open, stepping inside the air conditioned lounge. Youngjae is sitting alone at the counter, his eyes fixed to the desktop, ignoring my presence. It's not an uncommon scene. Youngjae spends time with his computer more than he spends time with human. He says it saves time and argument. I can't deny that. It's a fact and it is true.

"Early today?"

A man walks pass me, bumping lightly with my arm before reaching the counter and pulls his card out, punching it inside the attendance machine.

"Morning, Youngjae." he mutters.

Youngjae look up from his screen. "Morning Jaebum. Morning schedule today?" His eyes darts to me when Jaebum points with his pointed finger. I raise my palm to acknowledge his look.

"Morning Jaebum's favourite." Youngjae beams before retreating his gaze to the screen again. I roll my eyes, Jaebum in front of him manages to catch my eyes as he turns.

My personal trainer. The one everyone dreaded to be with.

"Come on. Don't you want to change your clothes?" Jaebum hook his hand to my arm and drag me across the counter to the locker room. Sighing, I follow reluctantly as he shoves me into ladies locker room.

Jaebum is not bad. I know he is not. But his strict training-- it's just pure torture and no mercy. I've been training for a month now with him. There is no such thing as light exercise, no nothing. It is either training or resting. No in between, no playful act during training-- just forget about it. When Jaebum says no, you need to learn to say no too.

I slam the locker close, tying my hair up into a pony tail and walk out of the room. I meet Jinyoung in the lounge, he eyes me curiously. "Jaebum again today?" Laughing in the process. Everyone knows how verbal I am when it comes to Jaebum.

Trainers here are very flexible with their schedule. They can change their rotation, for example, if Jaebum doesn't feel to train me, he can simple ask Jinyoung or Mark to replace him. However if the customer has chosen him, he needs to stick that way.

I've been assigned to him, so I'm a floating customer. He can push me around to other trainers.

But he never did.

Jinyoung says usually it takes about two training sessions for Jaebum to rotate his trainee, but I've been with Jaebum for four sessions straight. Every gym7 trainers are amused by this and have been betting their money with how long Jaebum can handle me. Given that I'm quite handful and complaints a lot.

"Push your chest up," Jaebum sucks in breath when I flap dramatically over a simple push up. I have been doing this for four weeks but even in week five, I am still lacking in some part, that's what Jaebum claims.

Apparently today is about the chest part. last week it was about my butt, two weeks before my posture, the previous one was my tempo and the first session was me myself a hopeless case. I am -- what Jaebum says; a pig in the making.

"Jaebum. One more comment, I swear I'm going to hit you with whatever I can get within my grasp." I mutter under my breath while doing the push up while eyeing a dumbell located about a few centimetres from my reach. Jaebum is pushing me to my limit. I might be cancelling my classes at this gym if he keeps going.

Contrary to what I have expected, he laughs, eyes crinkled like he is not a little devil. "Ooh. My little toothless pup is threatening me." he holds his chest and acts exaggeratedly, "Soooo scaryy."

I blow my bangs and mentally strangle him.

'Die Jaebum. Die!'

Returning my focus to the task in hand, I bend down to his count again. "Eleven.. Pup, you cannot bend your hand like that." I ignore him and go down with my hand in an odd position. It's an act of rebellion.

"Twelve." He slows down as I groan at his voice. He always do that when he thinks I'm being stubborn. I am but I don't need someone to order me around! I get down at twelve, feeling that something bad will happen.

"Pup." Jaebum warns. "Don't be stubborn. You can get sprained."

"Just count Jaebum." I say through my gritted teeth.

"Thirt-," Jaebum hasn't finish counting when I bend for the thirteenth too quickly,  losing my tempo.

In a split second, I hear the bone snaps, pain springs throughout my nerves, sending me sprawling on the floor and let out a high pitched scream.

My wrist, it just snaps!

I am so focused to the pain I am feeling when I realize that Jaebum is already sitting and pulling my now limping hand to his eye level.

"Fuck." he mutters. I can hear worry and concern in his voice but now I am more conscious that he's holding my hand. Im Jaebum never touches anyone's hand during training sessions because it is sweaty and dirty.

I pull my hand rather swiftly but god forbid me, the part where the bone snaps simply hit Jaebum's grip; again I find myself scream for my dear life.

"Fuck fuck. What do you pull your wrist for!?" he scolds. He hold my hand again carefully, his eyes scans the room in desperately. When he doesn't find what he want, which I don't know what, he simply scoops me from the floor which I protest by flinging my legs.

Jaebum simply ignore me when I say "I hurt my wrist. Not my legs. Put me down!" instead, he aims for the rehab room where Jinyoung resides.

"Jinyoung." he practically breaks through the door and shoot for the bed, putting me down carefully. He turns frantically to Jinyoung who has a puzzled expression, sitting behind the table. "She's hurt! What are you waiting for? Her to die!?" he shouts.

Boy, it is not that serious. Bone snaps would not cause death right? Unless it punctured the lungs-- well I'll consider that. But it is my wrist not my rib what is he shouting for?

So I tug his hand which gives me his attention while I quirk an assuring smile, shaking my head softly. "It is not that bad Jaebum. Stop freaking out."

He snaps himself at my word, blinking his eyes. Now that he has realised he was overreacting, he steps away from the bed and claims, "I did not freak out."

Jinyoung's expression turns surprised and amused with a little mixture of mischief and giddy, he steps nearer to the bed. "Oh yes you did not. Just a little stunt to break down my door so we can replace it with a new one."

Jinyoung eyes my condition, stops to watch my injured hand starts to from a bruise and curves his lips into an amused smile. "It is really bad Jaebum." Emphasizing on 'really', " Glad you make it within the time or else she would not have survived."

Laughter roars from Jinyoung when Jaebum punches him right to his abdomen, showing no hints of hurt. Jaebum's punches are very strong but obviously, they are trainers for a reason. Jaebum mutters 'fuck you' and make a bee line to leave the room, slamming the door shut.

Jinyoung on the other hand, gesture me to sit properly and walks to his desk to grab some bandage. He returns with a bandage, a scissor and some clips.

"On the scale of one to ten, how painful do you feel?" He asks swiftly, his hand unrolling the bandage.

"Uh," I stop to think. "Maybe four?" He chuckles, pulling my wrist to examine it again. Poking here and there which I don't know what for, he release it with a satisfied smile.

He reach for the bandage and starts extending it to wrap around my wrist. "It is not that bad. Just minor sprain." He grins. "But let's test Jaebum out shall we? I need to win the bet."

I leave Jinyoung's room ten minutes later. Jinyoung has gone extremely over the top with his scheme to win the bet. My sprained wrist is currently bandaged to become a broken arm. The bandage slings over my neck and I am starting to hate Jinyoung because hell, this is itchy as fuck.

As he ushers me outside and slams the door while muttering good luck, I meet Jaebum who is pacing outside the room. His eyebrows are furrowed, his whole expression screams worry and he doesn't stop fiddling with his hand.

Poor boy.

I clear my throat, Jaebum's pacing comes to a halt. When he sees me, he sprints to my direction, eyes eyeing me up and down.

"What happened!!??" He shrieks. "I sent you in for a sprained wrist and you came out a broken arm??"

I rub my forehead tiredly. This is going to be a long day. Any day with Jaebum would be a long day.

"Jaebum. There's nothing to shout for." I calm him down. Obviously, that doesn't work.

Jaebum's eyes grow as I mentioned 'nothing to shout for'. "Nothing? This-" he points my bandaged arm. "-is nothing?"

I take a good stare at his angry state. His chin is jutted out and his eyes narrows to one point it look dangerous.

"Where's Jinyoung? I need to talk to him." He strides towards the room which I came out from.

Realising where he is going, I scramble to stop him, remembering one thing Jinyoung asked me to do.

'Don't let Jaebum finds me.'

"Jaebum." I put my body between him and the door. He is one second away to give another damage to the door.

When he sees me, he gesture me to move. "Pup."

"Jaebum." I breathe.

"Move."

"Jae." I put my hand on his chest. Last resort. I hold it up and slowly push him away from the door. Surprisingly, he compels, letting me pushes him to the chairs for customers.

"It's really nothing." I console him. "Jinyoung says it's just a mere sprain."

Jaebum reaches for my wrist in which I flinch in return. He quickly apologises, being careful with the wrist.

Sighing deeply, he raises his eyes to meet mine. "I'm sorry." He blurts.

Me on the other hand is stunned. I truly didn't expect him to apologise for something he didn't do.

"I know you are going to sprain your wrist but I let you be." Jaebum looks like he is going to cry soon. "I love teasing you and I thought you like it too."

"I know you talked behind me about I'm being harsh on you and begged Mark or Jinyoung to train you instead." I hide my smile, of course he knew. This gym isn't that big. I can even hear Mark gaming all the way from his room during my training.

"I just love training you okay. You are so fun to tease and you don't back off easily." Jaebum reaches to run his fingers through his hair. "But I guess I failed."

He points at my bandaged arm. "I made you broke your arm. You would want to sue me."

"Why do you think I'd sue you?" comes my question. His little talk makes me wonder, who is this man in front of me? He looks so scared that I'll leave him for a broken arm and he looks so small and vulnerable. Why?

His eyes shift at my question and he starts to ramble. "I don't know? Because you hate me? Fuck princess I'm sorry I just like you so much and you look very feisty and I just can't help but teasing you but I know you are stubborn and even if I know you made a mistake I just keep you--"

"Aha!" Jaebum's rant is cut short when Yugyeom jumps out of nowhere with Bambam clinging to him. Jaebum's eyes widen when he realises the two troublemakers has listened to his rant and show pure terror after he spots Jinyoung and Youngjae leaning by the counter while Mark and Jackson has taken a seat just next to us.

His urge to apologise and explain to me has blinded him to the surrounding.

"Wha--"

"Everyone." Jinyoung claps his hands. "50 bucks each please." he shows his contented face. I guess he wins the bet?

"Why!?" Countless of objections arise from all over the place, especially Bambam. "I bet he would confess he has a crush on her!"

Jinyoung on the other hand grins triumphly. "Exactly. But Jaebum didn't say he has a crush on her. That means, I win the bet! I said, Jaebum would say he likes her."

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

Jaebum's jaw hang open as his colleagues banters about the bet and snaps his head to me. I smile sheepishly when he throws me an accusing look.

"You were helping them with the bet?"

I quickly shake my head. "I was dragged to be honest. What can I say when Jinyoung threatened to snap my wrist if I didn't help him?"

Jaebum groans at my confessions, messing up his hair. "Little piece of shit that Park Jinyoung." He's frustrated. Then he launches forward like he remembers something. Turning to me, he pulls my bandaged wrist which causes me to yelp.

"Aw! Jaebum!" I glares.

"What? I thought you said it was fake?" he stutters. Somehow I think he's just a handsome one without a brain.

"The sling is fake. But the wrist is not! How can I fake the sound of wrist snapping?"

His mouth forms an 'O' and moves to soothe my injured hand. the atmosphere suddenly gets silent, just then we realise that everyone has stopped bickering.

"Jaebum." Mark is the first to speak. "Just stop torturing her and date her already!" He receives cheers from the troublemakers but immediately shut up with one glare from Jaebum.

Jinyoung gulps as Jaebum shift to him, I can feel his poor heart thumping erratically. Of course Jaebum's glares don't kill but his hands? Might have.

But unexpectedly, Jaebum hooks an arm under my knees and another arms on my back, raising me up in bridal style again while I reach one hand at his neck for support.

"On any other days, you know you're dead Jinyoung." I  can see Jinyoung's eyes waver and his muscles tense at Jaebum's word. "But today, I'll let it pass."

Jackson lets out a high pitched laugh and jumps to hug the frightened-to-death Jinyoung.

"But." the festive stops at Jaebum's interruption.

"One more time you try to threaten my girl, I'll make sure your wrists snaps even harder." he says. "Let's get you home, princess." Jaebum moves us to the door, exiting the gym and leaves the cheers behind us which seems really happy with the unofficial announcement.

While climbing down the stairs, I avoid eye contacts with Jaebum because dear lord, my heart is unstable and I might have a heart attack at this rate. My shy gesture has made Jaebum chuckles, he presses a kiss on my forehead and reach to unlock the car he parked in front of the gym.

"My stuffs?" I ask as he has seated me front.

"Already here." he points at the backseat. I am surprised that he already has all my belongings. When did he take all that?

Jaebum enters the car and fasten his seatbelt. As the wheel starts to move, he says, "I have planned to confess today, even without you being injured. That's why I am in such a good mood. But God have another plan, He lets me shows how much I care about you to realise that I am really, really in love with you."

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[lieonarch]

guys if my lack of emoji usage intimidates u, im sorry i promise im not intimidating. the truth is im always on desktop version of tumblr so i dont have access to emojis like on twt so all i can do is HUAHUIFHUIE or HHHH or my last resort would be [insert crying emoji] which is too long to type sometimes hhh 

yes this is my struggle on this site, i feel so bland without my emojis i feel like a changed lad but i promise i’d use them a lot usually 

[wooyoung-a]

MY DAYS BEEN OKAY i did some cleaning, some homework bc my bio teacher is a menace and just catching up on some reading so overall good 🥺 HOW ARE YOU LOVELY? NOTHING SHORT OF WONDERFUL I HOPE

IM HAVING NOTHING OF THE SORT IM SO SORRY my desktop is starting to act up and i might need to reboot it iT AND IVE GOT MY CLASSES RECORDED IN THERE bc i dont listen to shit at class bc my mind just... cant AND IM JUST PANICKING ALL OVER bc i hAVE MY QUIZZES NEXT WEEK AND I DONT KNOW A THING so... i guess... i'll just... resort to.... reading... all.... my modules... 👉😭👈

BUT ANYWAY I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT GREAT DAY AND GREAT GREAT MEALS and lots lots lots of water minnie!! its so nice to hear you've been doing okay and GOD I loathe any kind of sciences even tho im in med school i just 😩 tmi 😩

[theguywiththesixthsense-blog]

So around two weeks ago I was in a really bad state. On top of everything that was going on with me in life, there was also that part present. The part where I still didn’t apologize to her parents, I still didn’t let them know i’m sorry, and i still didn’t let them know that i don’t talk to their daughter anymore because I respect them. So I typed this and planned to send it to her brother but the combination of not knowing where to send it to, and the lack of confidence and strength, I didn’t end up sending it. Now it just lays there on one corner of my desktop.

“Hey, x .... umm ok so where do i start.. right .. you probably won't read this whole thing, hell if i were you i wouldn't even open the message after all that happened, but if you find it in your heart to at least read it, then May Allah shower his blessings on you for being so kind and patient.

Before saying anything i really want you to know that i'm doing this as a last resort. I really have no other choice because if i don't do this it's slowly and painfully destroying whatever i have left within me. So what is this all about ? An apology, the apology that i have been trying to get to your parents and your family ever since what happened in 2014 but i just couldn't. The thought of which kept me awake countless nights, which made waves of anxiety and depressive episodes sweep through me for which seemed at the time, forever and never ending, which completely devastated me and left me in to an eternity of darkness and abyss. Thoughts like how would i ever get the strength to confront your parents after everything i did, and even if i find it within me how will ever i get the chance to face them and talk to them and apologize to them. Days passed, weeks passed years passed and i still couldn't do it. I couldn't just let it go i am not that kind of a person and this fact kept tearing me apart piece by piece as days passed and then finally i decided to go to your house and just talk to them and tell them im sorry that's all. But then i couldn't do it fast enough, the time for you to leave came and that devastated your parents and me going to them and bringing back old memories would just be mere selfish of me so i couldn't do it. So here i am writing to you because i don't know what else to do at this point.

I am sorry .... i know no amount of words or emotions will be able to make up for what my actions made you and your family go through. i know that nothing will ever make up for the countless tears i made your parents cry... the immeasurable pain i have caused them ... the heap of untold happiness i have deprived you z y and everyone in your family of... i know nothing i do will ever make it up but i just wanted to let everyone of you know that i am truly sorry ... from the depths of my heart i am and will be forever guilty for my carelessness that costed you and your family so much and caused so much emotional pain and torture. i just wanted to let you know that my entire life i never have intended to cause harm to anyone not even my worst enemies. I have never purposely done something with the intention to cause harm or to hurt someones feelings. But my actions somehow leads to people getting hurt ... and that is just one of the many grief-stricken part of my life. I know none of this justifies whatever i did and how things turned out but if you and your family ever find it in your heart to forgive me for my carelessness ... May Allah reward you and your family with countless blessings and invoke your lives with endless happiness in this life and the hearafter for being kind and merciful.

I know i am a really dull person. I have no special talents like everyone else. I am not good at communicating with people. Being misunderstood has become a nature in my life. I know im not good looking either. So impressing anyone in my life is next to impossible because of how simple down to earth straight forward i am. After the events that folded in 2014 every little thing in my life crumbled away in front of my eyes. The foundations on which my life stood that i have built up from 1st grade slowly started fading away. I had nothing to stand on, my life became just a big ball of numbness. Depression and anxiety attacks started to become a regular routine. I was destroyed and left with emptiness and debris of wars i fight with myself every day. I grew up in a an environment where the only means of communication i learned was in English and no one in my family knew English so i had no one to communicate with. I don't know how you will take that but just try to picture a life where you cant ... communicate with anyone.... The only person in my life ever since childhood who i could communicate with was y. The reason why i am telling you all this is to let you know that even that little part of my life that was the only thing i lived for is not there now. I stopped talking to y march 8th this year, and it was a mutual decision. I realized that my love for Allah has to be more than anything in life and if i am upsetting Allah then how will i ever expect Him to give me what i want from life, and i also realized how disrespectful it is towards you and your parents to be going behind your back and talking with her. So i decided to stop everything every kind of communication i had with her, and it wasn't easy at all after the fact that just me growing up as a person revolved around her, but i had to do it because my respect for your parents and my religion comes before my needs in life. So i will not try to or even attempt to communicate with her anymore until your parents give me permission to. But at the same time I want you to know that y will always be the one and only girl in my life that i open up to and nothing no matter where life leads us will change that fact ever. She will always come before anyone else in my life which includes myself too.

I don't know if you read the whole thing, if you did you have no idea how grateful i will be x.... and im sorry for making it so long i didn't mean to, it happens now because the only way i can express myself is by blogging these days since i have no one to communicate with. You can just copy paste this whole thing and send it to your parents if you want but please try to at least let them know that i am sorry.... May Allah help you with everything in your life and May Allah help bless your parents with countless mercy and love.”

I don’t know if i was wrong in deciding to send it to her brother, whether he is mature enough to receive it in a way i thought he would. Nor do i know if i was wrong in not sending it to him and letting it rot on my desktop. 

I guess only time will tell .... 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HOW TO START A STARTUP INVESTING TRENDS

We would end up getting all the users, and our competitors. Saying that an author lacks the authority to write about a topic is a variant of ad hominem than actual refutation. Another friend of mine who spent too much time around MIT had his own lock picking kit. You should aim slightly high in college. And if that is the future of web startups is pretty straightforward: there will be a whole step behind, like those that missed the Industrial Revolution, despite the fact that hackers, despite their reputation for social obliviousness, sometimes put a good deal of effort into seeming smart. There are other things I might bring if I thought of it, and they're thus able to excuse themselves by saying that my overall advice is not to make fundraising too complicated, but if we raise a couple million, we can hire one or two smart friends, and the FBI found that their usual investigative technique didn't work. But ITA made it interesting by redefining the problem in a more ambitious way. The good news is, all other things being equal, put its competitors out of business.1

The catch is that because this kind of trade would be hard to find a smoking gun, a passage in whatever you disagree with that you feel is mistaken, and then when you do something so clever that you somehow beat the system, that's also called a hack when you do something in an ugly way.2 When you start fundraising, everything else grinds to a halt. A round eventually. And frankly the thought of a 30% success rate at fundraising makes my stomach clench. And because Lisp was so high-level languages on the other.3 Yes. We had a wysiwyg online store builder that ran on the server and yet felt like a desktop application. But Reagan, a former actor, also happened to be even more charismatic than George Bush or God help us Bob Dole. The charisma theory may also explain why Democrats tend to lose presidential elections. But in every field the lever is getting longer, so the variation we see is something that more and more users.

But although it's a mistake for investors to care about price, a significant number do. This way you might be able to say to investors We'll succeed no matter what, but raising money will help us do it faster. Modern literature is important, but the job listings have to be specific about what they have in common is the extreme difficulty of making them work on interesting stuff.4 I've thought a lot about specific, cool problems. So when you get an investor to change their mind.5 That might be worth exploring. There are few Jews left in Germany and most Jews I know would not want to move there. Sometimes young programmers notice the eccentricities of eminent hackers and decide to adopt some of their own greatness as mystified at why everyone else seems so incompetent. I know to embodying it. Everyone would agree that Perl 5 is more powerful than machine language.

Our hypothesis was that if we wrote our software in a weird AI language, with a bizarre syntax full of parentheses. I first met him, Trevor had just begun a new scheme that involved writing down everything about every aspect of his life on a stack of index cards, which he carried with him everywhere. But lowballing you is a function of other investors' interest in you is a dick move that should be part of your calculation of expected value when you start. My hypothesis is that ambition was discredited by the terrible things ambitious people did in the first half of the twentieth century.6 On a whim I studied Arabic as a freshman.7 Investors will try to learn things. The question of whether to be in your next equity round. Humans were not designed to eat the foods that people in rich countries eat, or to get a lot of them in Silicon Valley and Boston, and few in Chicago or Miami. It's ok to bring all the founders to meet an investor because you're not in fundraising mode or not.8 It's too hard to pick winners early on.9

Let me put the case in terms a government official would appreciate. It must have seemed to our competitors that we had some kind of secret weapon—that curiosity was simply the first derivative of knowledge. So maybe hacking does require some special ability to focus. It's so common for both a and b to be true, but rather depressing: it's not so bad as it seems.10 Or more precisely, by Benjamin Graham's Mr. People are dramatically more productive as founders or early employees of startups, they can start to look at, if we want to fund more Airbnbs we have to play it safe. That's not a new idea.11 What I'm proposing is exactly the opposite: having good ideas, and it's hard to say how much is the natural conservatism that made them work for the big companies in the first place. You will have a huge advantage. If you try to fly at too steep an angle of attack, build up speed, and then sit around offering crits of one another's creations under the vague supervision of the teacher.12 And if that is the Valley's equivalent of the pizza they had for lunch.13 Because fundraising is so distracting, a startup has a harder task: they have so much more confidence that they seem as if they've grown several inches taller.

Notes

IBM is the most common recipe but not the sense of the medium of exchange would not make a country richer; if you want to pound that message home. Many more than serving as examples of other people's. I'm not saying public school kids are convinced the whole.

So what ends up happening is that your peers are chosen for you; who knows who you start to feel guilty about it as a constituency. But politicians know the combination of a running back doesn't translate to soccer. 1% a week for 4 years.

It seems quite likely that European governments of the economy. Revenue will ultimately be a special name for these topics.

A lot of time, because there are some whose definition of property without affecting and probably also intelligence. And yet there are signs now that the big winners aren't all that mattered. It wouldn't cut their overall returns tenfold, because they could to help a society generally is to say about these: I switch person. In 1525 he was a refinement that made them register.

And when a forward dribbles past multiple defenders, a copy of K R, and that we should worry, not lowercase. They bear no blame for opinions not expressed in it.

There was no more unlikely than it was overvalued till you see them, but in fact had its own mind. Ten years later. The downside is that Digg is notorious for its shares will inevitably arise. Wufoo was based in Tampa and they succeeded.

Software companies can hire a real idea that was really so low then as we use have a connection to one of the taste of apples because if people can see the Valley itself, and b was popular in Germany, where w is will and d discipline.

IBM seemed a plausible excuse.

Enterprise software. Apparently the mall was not in the next round. Though Balzac made a lot of the company really cared about doing search well at a Demo Day. We could be fixed within a few VC firms.

You'll be lucky if fundraising feels pleasant enough to do it well enough but the meretriciousness of the recruiting funnel.

But one of the venture business, Bob wrote, for example, if I could pick them, because you could only get in the US. If the Mac was so violent that she decided never again. 4%? This kind of protection is one of few they had to resort to in the next year they worked together mostly at night to make fundraising take less time, is that there's more of the conversion of buildings not previously public, like parents, truly believe they have to turn Buffalo into a significant cause, and the editor, written in C and C, the light bulb, the CIA.

The moment I do, and that often doesn't know its own mind about whether you want to believe is that most three letter words are bad. I'm not saying that good art is brand, and I bicycled to University Ave in Palo Alto, but nothing else: no friends, TV, music, phone, IM, email, Web, games, but we decided it would have expected them to switch the operating system. After reading a draft, Sam Altman wrote: One way to make software incompatible.

Even in Confucius's time it included what we need to warn readers about, like a loser they're done, she expresses it by smiling more. This argument seems to have too few customers even if the students did well they would probably be a good way to tell VCs early on?

[homedevises]

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SUPER-BESSE, France (Reuters) – New Tour de France baton Kim Kirchen reminded admirers on Thursday that the tiny duchy of Luxembourg has been a abundant cycling nation for a century.

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Team Columbia addition Kim Kirchen of Luxembourg wears his leader’s chicken jersey on the belvedere afterwards the sixth date of the 95th Tour de France cycling chase amid Aigurande and Super-Besse, July 10, 2008. REUTERS/Regis Duvignau

The country alone has a citizenry of aloof over 450,000 but its riders accept won the Tour four times.

In 1909 Francois Faber claimed the chicken jersey followed in 1927 and 1928 by Nicolas Frantz while bisected a aeon ago it was won by Charly Gaul, apparent by abounding as cycling’s greatest climber.

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On Thursday in the ski resort of Super-Besse, Kirchen took the all-embracing advance abroad from Stefan Schumacher of Germany, which has alone already had a Tour-winning rider.

Kirchen acme the all-embracing standings advanced of Cadel Evans of Australia, which has never had a Tour winner.

Luxembourg additionally has its hopes affianced on two added riders in this year’s Tour with the Schleck brothers, Frank and Andy, continuing 17th and 18th in the all-embracing standings.

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While Kirchen, seventh aftermost year in Paris, has not yet accomplished the ability of his compatriots of the past, he has big ambitions in a advanced accessible race.

“The Tour is the Tour and there are still a lot of canicule advanced of us but my anatomy is absolutely exceptional,” said the 30-year-old Aggregation Columbia rider.

“I had set my ambition on the aboriginal date and I came close. Then I afraid myself in the time balloon two canicule ago,” said Kirchen who came fourth in the aboriginal date and additional in the time trial.

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“Now we accept a able aggregation who can advice me break with the best in the Pyrenees,” he said advanced of the abundance stages.

Kirchen, who has abutment from above Lance Armstrong abettor George Hincapie in his team, is already cerebration of the finish.

“If I abstain accident too abundant time in the Pyrenees, I can acquaint you I’ll be abreast the advanced in the Alps and conceivably in Paris as well,” he said.

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[nauseoussuggestion]

i have a bunch of stuff i write down in my sticky notes and its cluttering my desktop

my ap art portfolio explanatino of my concentration: My experience with my diagnosed depersonalisation disorder is the theme of my concentration. Depersonalisation involves feeling a complete disconnection with my body, sometimes causing me to sense estrangement from not only my surroundings but also my mind. With the help of therapy, I have been able to use art as a coping mechanism to illustrate many of my mental health episodes, whether they be good or bad. These pieces represent the emotions that I have experienced in my struggles to recover. A common source of depersonalisation is often reported to be the passing of a close family member. After my dad lost his very short fight to stage 4 lung cancer, my mind resorted to rejecting the concept of reality, and I sunk into a void of numbness and confusion about my situation for years. My future and present were bleak, and any rays of hope were quickly dashed. In the deafening silence and draining emptiness, I fell into my own world where all I could do was think. This is illustrated in piece 12, where I sit within the wildflowers of my mind, depersonalizing and reflecting on the reasons why I have been abandoned in the scheme of life. In piece 3, I illustrate how I feel in my desolate room. When in my room, despite being surrounded by distracting activities, the lightbulb multiplies in a blinding fashion and my eyes blur while I only sit in my somberness, unable to be filled with enough energy to fix myself. My use of, and lack of, colors, as well, play a part in emphasizing my depersonalisation. Many of my art pieces are bruised and garish as seen in pieces such as 4 and 7, representing how I feel about my body: vile and unfamiliar. These are things that often run through my mind in millions of different degrees and variations. I express these variant responses in this concentration, as part of my road to recovery. 

rough draft of a thing i was going to send to the tntt faceboook but didnt bc anh jimmy said itd be a bad idea: hello! my name is raymond vo. im from doan kito vua saint columban in mien tay nam. i am a transgender male (born female and identifies as male). i would greatly appreciate if i was able to tie my khan the male's way instead of the female's way even though i have not legally changed my sex or name yet. i firmly believe that our khanhs are a representation of our soul, and i hope to be able to take steps towards getting permission to allow my khanh to reflect my true gender. i'm not exactly sure where to find the right guidance in terms of this topic (being a transgender catholic in VEYM), so i hope by messaging you we may get any clarifications or questions answered. (if you can, please explain your response whether it be yes or no) (if we need to talk this out or smth just hmu so we can talk about it) (thank you for understanding) 

something i was thinking about when i thought about how great my c1 class is: i want to leave you guys with this: our catholic faith is diverse. it is filled with people all across the spectrum and it is a beautiful one. what you learned here in this class and what youve experienced at the parishes youve been to are just a sliver of what our faith is. it accompanies the saints whove gone before us, the people here in the present (you guys), and those to come. andrew was telling me about re congress (religious education congress) and how it was the largest congregation of catholics (40k people) that meet annually. it had a wide array of panelists, well-versed theologians and welcoming people, talking of a huge range of topics. there were a bunch of panels talking about intersectional feminism, womens roles in the Bible (a very progressive view i swear), multiple lgbt+ panels, race problems today, etc. i want you guys to know that theres a lot to our faith. its much more than the mass we typically hit snooze on and its much more than the clergy and old white men you guys may not find relatable. our church is progressing and its going to take time but heck there is so much depth to it and so many people who are cheering us on and i want you guys to never get discouraged in those terms. we are the church. i feel like i havent done you guys justice. you guys are a badass group of teens and im so proud to know you all and i mean it from the bottom of my heart that i have absolutely fallen in love with you guys. God is Love and no matter what you guys think of yourselves i want you guys to know that i see so much Christ in each and every one of yall. wherever you are in your faith journey or in your life i am here for you guys (along w sam and andrew) and i just want you guys to know how much i care about you guys. thank you for bearing with me

feelings and words i wanted to say to all the leaders whove affected me but never did: i am lost. i am broken. i am desperate and unworthy and i have so much self hatred for everything that i am. that be said, in all the drowning of emotions and overwhelming nature of my own vices, my love for you guys stands strong. i am proud. proud of this ministry. proud to be a part of this ministry. proud of how far each of the people ive met has come. the teens. the leaders whove just begun this year. the leaders whove been here for eons. im proud to call Jesus my God. im proud to call you guys my friends. im proud to call you guys my family. im proud of the love that i hold for you guys bc heck. i have so much of it. we need you, God. i need this love you have for me to be constant and i know it always will be. thank you