Mammon’s first kiss
The first time MC kisses Mammon in the original timeline, he chases after them and demands more. He lets his greed take over. But the first time they try to kiss him in Nightbringer, he pulls back. It’s not like he doesn’t want to kiss them! He does, case in point, his intimacy level goes up. It’s just…that you can’t go stealing his first kiss just like that.
The Mammon we meet at the beginning of the exchange program loves to party; he has been around and he has experience. He can get adorably shy, sure, but when it’s just him and MC all alone, all farse and pretence come crashing down and his confidence and charm shine through. But by the time MC magically pops up in the would-be-council-room for a second time, Mammon has only been in the Devildom for a year. A year that he spent trapped in the Demon King’s Castle. A year he spent being shunned by the pure blooded demons who saw him as nothing more than a lowly traitor of an angel. It’s not like he had much of a chance to date during that time. Not to mention that angels are meant to love humans, but not like that. So, it’s not like he got any experience during his time as an angel either, especially because he would have been taught it was a sin.
Thus, when innocent, unexperienced Mammon finally gets a taste of freedom only to have this “demon” be so forward with him, he short-circuits a little. It doesn’t help that this is the same person that, unbeknownst to him, he is fated to love.
A love that transcends space and time. A love that starts off as a little flame, only to turn into a raging inferno in his chest every time he meets them. Whether they are an angel, a human or a demon…they will be loved. Mammon loves their very essence, one that has etched itself so deeply into his psyche that he cannot help but feel this warm sense of familiarity every time he meets this mysterious stranger. He doesn't love them yet, not by the time they try to kiss him, but he'll be damned if he doesn't feel a spark of...something!
MC is Mammon’s soulmate, which is why he takes so much pride in being their first. But now it’s their turn to be his first! And Mammon can’t help feeling bashful, elated, and likely even a little terrified. He has fallen in love with their every iteration, but they have also fallen in love with his every facet. They love him in a way that leaves him vulnerable, all of his insecurities exposed, and that's horrifying. But it's also so much better than Goldie and all the Grimm in the world. So Mammon pulls back once, but he will not do it again. He cannot do it again, because he is oh so entangled in this all consuming love.
They are soulmates, your honor.
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“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”
— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)
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I love how unsanitized The Terror feels. Like there’s grime everywhere. You can tell those men smell bad. When they do surgery you can hear the bone being cut, when they get sick they look genuinely ill. The main character’s actor even has pockmarks, he LOOKS like he could be from the 1800s!
And idk, I think it’s cool that we’re so aware of the characters’ carnal desires. They’re hungry, thirsty, freezing, etc, and it is so obvious that they have a body with needs!!
I think this also accounts for how horny the show feels, even though everyone is bundled up 90% of the time and there are no real romantic subplots. Besides the fact that it’s a very carnal show, it just has the intimacy and grime of true horniness. Is this thing on
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"People cry out of fatigue. But how horrible it is to hear someone say, ‘she’s just tired.’ Tired, yes, certainly, but just? There’s nothing just about it."
– Heather Christle, The Crying Book
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it’s been almost a year now… is the bg3 fandom finally ready to talk about how gale’s “hubris” is the sole product of actively feeding his insecurities further and straight up denying him help & guidance when he was at his lowest and needed it most. it’s not one of his core traits and never was. he isn’t some closeted power hungry monster that is just waiting to be enabled. what he wants is admiration, recognition and acceptance. which is also what he sought from mystra before the orb disaster happened. he had no desire whatsoever to become a god himself or challenge her rule, he simply wanted to be seen as sufficient in her eyes (“to serve her better”). to be as equal as he could possibly be in a relationship with a literal deity. he has a deep passion for magic and knowledge that affects almost all areas of his life and enjoys the display thereof. he wants to be the smartest person in the room and enjoys when his work is recognized. he may be perceived as arrogant when it comes to his skill, but he IS NOT hubristic. it truly takes so little for him to be wholly content.
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one of the things that feels so clear on rereads but so many people miss the first time they read the way of kings is shallans PTSD. I think part of it is the way it gets overshadowed by the constant unending tragedy of kaladin's story, its easy to slot shallan in as the young naive rich girl and not look much deeper. Part of it also is the way shallan drastically understates her own trauma. she says that she's timid, she doesn't like confrontation, she talks about her father's temper, but she was the lucky one because it was never directed at her. There are so many things in her first few chapters alone that are textbook PTSD, the way she freezes and shuts down any thought process that gets too close to her father's death, the flashback when jasnah gets angry at her, how she dissociates when she draws. It's so obvious if you know what you're looking for, but just subtle enough, especially when it's compared to kaladin's trauma, that a lot of people miss it at first. anyway I would defend shallan davar with my life.
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