#so just fyi none of what i've said gives much of anything away

[mieczyhale]

The problem is.. when you think you've been without monsters for so long sometimes you forget what they look like. What they sound like. No matter how much remembering your education urges you to do.

It's not the same when the monsters are gone.

You're only remembering shadows of them. Stories that seem to be limited to the pages or screens you read them from. Flat and dull things. So yes, people forget. But forgetting is dangerous. Forgetting is how the monsters come back.

-"Pet" by Akwaeke Emezi

[sortasirius]

"Ashes, Ashes" and the Ashes of the 118

Good grief.

(I do talk about suicide in this so please take care of yourselves first <3)

FYI, I'm making an entirely separate post on Eddie. I had too much to say to keep it all in here.

At least they all got their moment with their awards it's fine I'm fine.

I know I sound like a broken record here but I just love Bobby Nash. I just love him. I know he doesn't think he deserves the life he has, that he deserves to be recognized, that he got that medal and immediately thought about his father. I know he believes he's a worse version of him, but he's not. I know we know this, but I just have to say it.

RAVI APPEARANCE!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU RAVI!!!!!!

Hey guys, just fully fucking missed on my first watch that Gerrard calls Tommy a fairy. What the actual fuck. What the fuck.

"Whenever I see some filth I think of you." Chimney Han is the greatest man to ever live, no one else even comes close.

I've got to give the actress who plays the councilwoman her flowers because you could immediately feel how off and sinister her energy was. And the casual "I thought you only had a son." EVIL!!!!

Bobby is so desperate not to have this award that he wanted Athena to be included on it...he truly does not think he deserves the life he has at all. This thing with Amir has brought back those feelings of not deserving to be alive because of how many lives he's ruined...I'm so fucking emo.

Him retiring is the beginning of him self destructing. I'm being dead serious that I immediately understood that he was going to attempt suicide. The retirement, teaching everyone how to do his job when he's gone, giving things away?? I know he told Athena that he wouldn't do that to her but...I think he was going to before she called him out on it.

"I don't have anything more to give." Heartbreaking. Soul crushing, even.

I'll get into the Eddie/Kim...debacle in my other post, but suffice it to say this man was asking to get caught at every turn. Learn to cheat better, my man.

I really don't think Amir had bad intentions in the beginning of the ep. I think he really did want to help Athena, I think he's a good nurse and wants to help people, and would have if he hadn't seen those photos. Those photos that, to him, prove the "happy life" that Bobby has, not knowing how much he's hurting.

"Those aren't the only kids you're raising, Mother Hen," and gesturing to Buck and Eddie......

Yeah okay, they're the youngest, been with the 118 the least amount of time, but then why not Ravi?

Why the character that, just four episodes ago, Hen said "it's about damn time" when he came out to them? Why the character that's so deeply struggling with who he is, what he wants?

I think we know.

I'm just clinging to the 118 family dinner scene because I am terrified that we'll never get another one with everyone.

"You going to see Tommy?"

"Listen...I know we haven't really...talked about him-"

"What's there to talk about? Tommy's good people, he's good for you."

"How do you know that?"

"Because we haven't had to talk about it."

It speaks volumes to me that we don't see Buck talking to his parents about Tommy at all, other than the soot face scene (my beloved). Because they really aren't parents to him. But Bobby? Bobby is.

I've talked about it before, but Buck's journey with his bisexuality is being handled in such a loving, gentle way. This is another thing that all queer people should be able to experience: an accepting and loving conversation about who they are/who they're seeing from a parental figure. And Buck gets to have that. With all the other drama and all the fear and heartbreak going on, none of it surrounds this journey for Buck, and I think that's so, so important.

"Hey Cap? Thanks...for everything."

"It's been my pleasure, kid."

I've been speared through the heart, actually.

The fact that Kim just SHOWS UP to the firehouse? And that BUCK is the one that sees her?????????????? Jail for all involved.

The emotional whiplash to go from the Buck/Eddie scene to the Han/Buckley and Wilson dinner party???? I think I aged 15 years watching this episode.

"Meet me in the kitchen in ten minutes." Pushover dad Chim I know that's right!!!

MARA AND DENNY SIBLINGS SO TRUE!!!!!!!

Sadly this situation with Mara is such a reality. People in power can do whatever the fuck they want, even for a personal vendetta, and no one will say anything against them. Councilwoman you are my fucking enemy.

"You have a beautiful home" AMIR PLEASE DON'T DO THIS BRO I KNOW THIS ISN'T YOU!!!

DAVID AND MICHAEL GOT MARRIED!!!

"Well he's a lucky man. Looks like he's found a great life for himself."

Part of me does think that Amir's potential arson could be a red herring. I do think it's entirely possible that he DID set the house on fire, and maybe it's just me clinging to the idea that he isn't that bad, but it feels...very obvious. Which who knows! Maybe it's meant to.

This scene between Bobby and Athena just reminds me that we really have ANGELA BASSETT and PETER KRAUSE on this show. Insane. Absolutely insane.

"And you're standing on the ledge of a building again Bobby."

You can tell Athena is terrified. She absolutely terrified of losing him.

"I threw it in the trash on our first date."

Hey guys, is it normal to feel like you really know these fictional firefighters and feel like they're a real and huge part of your life? Asking for myself.

Again I want to commend this actress because the general disdain and frightening way the councilwoman acts is incredible but also i HATE HER so jot that down.

"You think very highly of yourself, don't you firefighter Wilson?"

I have to crawl through the screen someone get me IN THERE.

I know the point of the councilwoman bringing all these calls up is to show that she doesn't know and doesn't care about the nuance of the situations, that she's a suit behind a desk that couldn't imagine doing the job that Hen does. She's out for blood and she doesn't care who gets hurt in the process, but boy did it make me mad anyway.

"I think you may want to take that call." EVIL!!!!!!!!

I feel so bad for Mara, and Denny pushing the social worker "don't touch my sister" I burst into tears.

"We are still a family. Even if we aren't under the same roof."

They've fought so hard for Mara, and MARA has fought so hard, only to have one awful person tear her away from a real loving family. GIVE ME A LANDSLIDE OR SOMETHING TAKE THE COUNCILWOMAN OUT SHE NEEDS TO DIE!!!!

And Bobby's horrible dream, of his father, of the medal around his neck being too heavy and painful to carry (I saw someone on twitter say that the weight on his chest was a symptom of his heart attack and I may as well die now).

"I was supposed to save you, kid. Now you've gotta save yourself."

Strangely enough, it was this line, more than anything, that made me feel like we weren't going to lose Bobby next week. It's a mirror to Buck's episode after the lightning, he had to figure out his purpose to wake up, and I feel like the same may be true for Bobby.

Why were there no smoke alarms?????

The burning of the Grant-Nash household felt personal to me, I'm still clinging to the delusion that it was a dream Bobby was having.

Idk y'all that was the most stressful five mins of my life and then BOBBY COLLAPSING FROM A HEART ATTACK??????? I NEED THESE WRITERS TO GO TO JAIL!!!!

That promo? Also some of the most horrifying footage I've ever seen I CAN'T LOSE HIM.

I really do think a major theme of these last two episodes is how we deal with grief. Some of us push it to the side until it all comes bursting out (Eddie), some of us blame ourselves and try to pay penance, whether everything we blame ourselves for is warranted or not (Bobby), some of us throw ourselves into work to try and be better (Amir), sometimes we let the anger get the better of us (Amir again), some of us get so angry that we seek revenge, even if the person we lost was the one really in the wrong (the councilwoman).

In some ways, it feels like the show is saying that grief is inescapable, or maybe that the way we deal with grief is up to us, even if the grief itself isn't avoidable.

I'm hoping and praying that we don't lose Bobby, that he comes out on the other side of this and learns to move forward with his grief.

It's gonna be a really, really long week.

[junjunsart]

This is a rant on my current feelings about something that's happening irl just fyi

•

•

•

•

Honestly don't know why I'm so upset that we can't go back to the way things used to be I should be over it but ig not...

Here comes another crying session

Yippee for me🤩

Ig it really is bad to look at the past when it hurts to know how much things have changed... I get so sick anytime I think about it... It's not good for me.... Your not good for me... Your really not.... But I can't say that or else you'll find a way to criticize what I say about you

Or you'll get mad for "not telling you sooner"... Sorry I over think but I can't do that can I...? Idk why I'm crying over someone who obviously has hidden motives... I mean... I've only known you for a year... And yet I already feel like a shit person because of what I think is right and wrong.... I mean hell I try to act like your friend even after everything that happened and I mention one wrong thing and then you stop talking to me get mad at me for stupid reasons that aren't related and then think you know everything about me... You don't... You really don't... And hey maybe now you believe me when I say I'm not a good person... You really should've fucking listened

But hey it's fine right? Anything I say you won't ever hear unless you see this

Even then you probably will get mad and pissed off for me venting and not telling you

But how am I supposed to do that? Really how?

You know how you said you were scared of someone spreading rumors about you to the friend group?

Guess what

I'm scared of you doing that too me

Got a problem with it?

Fine by me

Fuck I can't believe I started crying over our old messages I mean why would I cry for someone who I believe doesn't fully fucking care

I don't know why I still care about you I don't know why I cared at all

My biggest regret is dating you... Maybe if we didn't date none of this would've happened maybe I should've kept my mouth shut and just treated you like a friend...

I should've done exactly that but... I was willing to fully feel something I hadn't felt before but... It never worked out..

I dreamt of us together so much too but... I guess I was giving myself false hope... I just... I can't do it anymore...

I can't pretend that I'm ok being near you when we have such a big fight like this... I can't... It's giving me anxiety and inner Turmoil..... I... I just fucking can't do it anymore...

I can't be around anyone anymore... I just.... I can't having the fear that you might say something... I probably won't talk to anyone next year... I'll be distant.... Very distant... I just... I can't mentally do this rodeo anymore... I'm tired and I'm fucking exhausted

It's so bad that I'm afraid of talking to C and W.... If I tell them something will they tell you? Or tell me what you told them? I don't know anymore.....

I'm so done with feeling like this.... I don't think I'll ever come back to the friend group after this.... But it's fine... The internet is my safe space.... So is my room and the walls of my home.... Away from anything and anyone...

Maybe one day I'll find the courage to reach out again but I can't anymore... Not when every time we have a fight I get this feeling of dread in my stomach letting it pool into it like it's being filled with it until I make myself physically sick from it... I hate feeling so much fear in my own body that I can't function like normal... Guess I'm afraid of you.... If you wanted that good job... You fucking achieved something even my dad hasn't gotten too....

I guess this is my last good bye to you... Maybe.... I'll probably forget about my feelings by tomorrow as a self defense mechanism but.... Well see...

[charles-rxwlands]

the aftermath of 'i love you.'

this is the sequel to my fic how kaz would react to 'i love you.' which was basically all angst. spoiler alert: this is all angst, too.

pairing: kaz brekker/reader but not exactly (??) cause they've broken up so uh

rating: teen

word count: 1.5k (rounded up)

summary: what happened after you said 'i love you,' to kaz

tags: gender neutral!reader, angst, unhappy ending

warnings: swearing, self-deprecating thoughts, and i think that's it? but pls lmk if anything else is needed

read on ao3

a/n: the writing quality of this really went 📉📈📉 but in my defense i wrote most of this while my brother watched tommy innit videos at full volume so ofc i was distracted.

and fyi muzzen is not an oc, he's one of the minor minor characters in soc!

once again, feedback and reblogs are appreciated! hope you enjoy reading <3

Kaz's pov

He watched you from the other side of the room as you blatantly flirted with Muzzen. He had his glass of kvas (Jesper had begged for the club to order the ravkan mead for weeks) in a death grip. You ran your fingers through your hair, and smiled at something Muzzen had said. He tugged lightly on the collar of your jacket, making you laugh softly. Kaz's heart tightened, jealousy settling in his chest.

You looked happy, even as you conversed with the brainless bodyguard who probably couldn't count up to ten. Kaz hadn't been able to make you happy like that. But you had loved him anyway, and he had 'fucked you over', as you'd put it.

I love you.

You're a coward, Brekker.

Kaz let out something in between a sigh and a frustrated grunt. He drained the rest of his drink in one go, and set the glass down more violently than he'd intended. His scowl deepened, if that were even possible, when he sensex Inej slide into the seat next to him. He waited for her to speak, because he sure as hell wasn't going to initiate the conversation. What was there to say? You and him were over. And it was all his fault. 

"Kaz," Inej said. Her tone of voice was gentle - too gentle. He didn't want to be pitied, for fuck's sake. 

"What is it, Inej?" he snapped. 

"Tell me what happened between you and Y/n."

"Nothing to tell." He shrugged. 

Annoyance flickered over her face. "I care about you both, you know," she said. "I don't like seeing you two like this."

He gave her a withering look, if only to disguise the ugly feeling that flared up within him at her words. 

Don't care about me.

Don't love me.

You can't.

Kaz bit the inside of his cheek and hung his head. He studiously ignored Inej for a solid minute. At some point, he noticed that you and Muzzen had abandoned your corner table, most likely to go suck each other's faces off. The thought sent jolts of jealousy through his heart. 

"For Saint's sake- did she break your heart? Is that it?" she demanded, apparently having had enough of his silence.

He 'tsked' in annoyance, standing up abruptly. He snatched up his cane. "Maybe I broke hers," he muttered before walking off. He didn't want to answer questions today. Or ever.

Inej didn't follow him, and he was thankful for that. He trudged up the stairway, the rickety steps creaking under his weight. Emotions swirled within him, brewing up a storm. It was just a matter of time before he exploded, because as much as he hated to admit it, he was still human. Especially when it came to you. 

You had been one of the first people to see his humanity, and the last thing he wanted was to become another monster in your life.

But then again, maybe it was too late.

Suddenly, he bumped into someone. He hissed, flinching backwards. "Watch it-," his next words died on his tongue when he looked up, and came face to face with you. For a few, painfully awkward moments, the two of you held eye contact. Your face was stony, but your e/c eyes betrayed some kind of emotion that Kaz couldn't be bothered to decipher right now.

"Sorry, Brekker," you apologised. Your tone was flat. "C'mon, Muzzen," you gestured for him to follow you back down with a jerk of your head.

His hand twitched at his side as you left, almost as if his body yearned for your presence. Your shoulders nearly touched - missing each other by less than a centimetre. He couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. 

Letting out another sharp breath, Kaz resumed the walk back to his room. His footsteps grew quicker and more urgent. Your name echoed in his mind, as well as the three words that had haunted him for days now. 

Y/n. Y/n. Y/n.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

He slammed the door behind him when he finally reached his quarters. His cane fell to the floor, although his gloves stayed on. He stumbled into the cramped bathroom, bracing two hands against the rusty sink. He twisted the tap open, ignoring the squeak of the old mechanism that would have otherwise annoyed him. A gentle stream of water flowed from the tap head, and he splashed some on his face. 

No, he thought stubbornly, I am not going to break down because of Y/n.

The despair that rattled inside of him said otherwise.

f only he had reacted better when you'd told him you loved him. If only he hadn't yelled at you and called you all those horrible things that weren't true about you in the slightest. You weren't selfish at all. You were the exact opposite. You were kind, and thoughtful, and understanding - so, so understanding of him and his endless baggage. And he had- he had ruined it all, because of his own cowardice.

You're a coward, Brekker.

I know, he thought, not for the first time. I'm sorry. 

· · ─── ·𖥸· ─── · ·

Your pov

"I- I'm sorry, Muzzen, but I think I'm gonna turn in for the night," you said to the bodyguard, smiling sheepishly. "I've got a bit of a headache."

"It's alright," he said, giving a half-hearted smile back. It was clear he didn't believe you. You didn't know if that was because your acting skills weren't as up to par as you thought, or because the bodyguard was smarter than you made him out to be.

You all but ran up the stairs, nearly sagging in relief as the door closed behind you. You suddenly couldn't stand the feeling of the fabric of your coat on your skin and shrugged it off; Kaz had bought it for you, because of course the reminder of him lingered everywhere you went.

Your room wasn't anywhere near big, but it was a good way away from Kaz's, and for the first time, you were grateful for that. You couldn't deal with him at the moment.

Wait, no, that came out wrong. It wasn't him specifically that you couldn't deal with, it was the bad memories (or, rather, memory, as there was one key shitshow that had ruimed everything) that came with him.

Oh, Saints, why, why, why had you told him you loved him? Things had been going so well! And then you- you fucked it up. Yes, you had blatantly blamed this on Kaz the day of the argument, but deep down, you knew you were the one at fault. 

Your heart ached every time you thought of him. You missed Kaz. So, so much. It hadn't escaped you how he had been eyeing you and Muzzen earlier in the evening. You could only hope that he was staring out of jealousy, and not devising some foolproof plan to get rid of you.

What would it take for Kaz to forgive you? Or had you fucked things up beyond repair? 

"Shit," you whispered, leaning your head against the wall. Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. "Shit." You didn't know what exactly was 'shit'. Maybe the decision you came to moments later.

I'm going to apologise to him," you said to your empty room. "I will."

With a sniffle, you cracked open your door and slipped back outside. You had left your coat in a pile on the floor, making you vulnerable to the cold that pierced the empty areas of the Crow Club. Your feet carried you to Kaz's room naturally. You barely had to think about where you were going. Instead, you thought of Kaz himself. 

Kaz. Your fallen angel, you used to call him in your mind. You couldn't express how sorry you were. You didn't even know what you were sorry for. Loving him? Loving him, and saying it aloud? Loving him, and saying it aloud, because you were so sure he felt the same way? 

You had been being selfish. Kaz said so himself. Selfish and stupid. Of course Kaz didn't love you.

At last, you were in front of his door. You raised a fist to knock. Opened your mouth to call out. Except you did none of those. You just stood there, tears welling up in your eyes once again, a familiar pang of sadness in your chest. 

He wouldn't want to see you. How could he? This was your fault, wasn't it? It was your selfishness, and your wishful thinking that had gotten you two into this position. You missed him, but you wouldn't go as far as to think he missed you, too. If you attempted to apologise… would it really be for him? 

You wouldn't be selfish. Not again.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. 

You turned around, and walked away. 

[amenomiko]

HI DARLINGGGG 😍😍😍😍😍💕💕💕💕💕💕! Thank you for the request HEWHEW I LOVE this kind of storyline 👀👀👀👀💕💕💕💕💕! Oh, FYI, I made this story into two parts! Turns out that my story is too long to the point I have to split it 🤣 @ikemen-girl

Retrieve That Smile Again (Part 1)

Pairing: IkeSen Ieyasu x MC (Reader)

Type: One Shot

Rated: Angst + Fluff

❤💛🧡❤💛🧡❤💛🧡❤💛🧡❤💛🧡❤

SLAP!!

"..Don't touch me with your filthy hands."

Frozen ice.

That is the best word, the perfect word to describe the air within the council hall right now.

His fellow warlords, even his lord, were utterly speechless with the scene in front of them. Her, in the middle of the room, staring down coldly at him, whose cheek is burning from her slap; a slap that is... No, it is an unexpected thing that caught him off guard, enough to make him lose his balance and stumble backwards from the impact.

"Enough with your contrary words; nothing but a mere facade-- there is no need to proof anything anymore, with what you have caused, with what you have made me the way I am right now."

Her grimness changed impromptu the moment she turned to Nobunaga, "Now, if you would excuse me. I would like to begin my journey to Kasugayama, Nobunaga."

She walked pass him, the bewildered Ieyasu, before Nobunaga give his approval.

......

"Ieyasu.. Are you.."

Hideyoshi stops himself, clenching his fists tightly until it turns white. "She.. Has really changed."

"Our pure, lively Chatelaine. To a cold, ruthless Princess." Mitsuhide added, shrugging to his lord, "She, someone who hesitate to end one's life, wouldn't think twice to do it now."

"...It's my fault." Ieyasu started, gritting his teeth. "For pushing her away back then."

"Indeed you are." Nobunaga scoffed, "It has damaged her so much on the inside few months back."

Really.

She was broken back then.

----

"I know I am just a nuisance to you- n-no- I AM a nuisance, even from the beginning.. But- Ieyasu, I--"

She pursed her quivering lips, hands clenching on her kimono tightly as she continued, "M-my feelings are true. This is not for the spur of the moment, just because you gave me that earrings back then, f-for my reward in practising archery of course..! A-and-"

"....Can you make it quick? I don't have all day." He huffed, rolling his eyes and look away from her, making her more flustered than ever. "I- I'm sorry..! What I'm trying to say is..!"

She can do this..! She can do this..! She chanted the spell within her thumping chest; this is the hopeless feelings that she had bloomed for him. To her, Ieyasu had done a lot for her, and love has slowly emerge to the surface, of where, it had been born just from feeling greatful towards him.

She have been in love with him, oh for how long. She even choose him over her future in her era, just to be with him. She even stayed until the end, until Nobunaga's army make an alliance with Kenshin and Shingen. So she must do this..! This is the main purpose of why she chose to stay..!

"I- I love you..! From the bottom of my heart..!"

A sniff escapes from her lips-- finally she said it..! After all this time..! She had successfully gather the last bit of her courage to--

"...Are you done?"

....Eh?

"...H-Huh?"

"...I'm asking. Are you done?"

None.

There is no single, positive expression curved on his face. Nothing but a bored look, a tired, bored look that has been forced to do something out of his willingness.

"If there's nothing else, I will leave now."

"W-wait..! Ieyasu..! What do you think of me? What is your answer?"

"Answer? What are you talking about?"

"But I just-"

"Just what?"

No.. Please. Even if he is the type to say the opposite of what he really means, this is not really the time to act that way.

"What..? An answer to your confession? What do you want it to be?"

"I didn't mean it like that, I--"

"If you expect me to say 'Thank You', or 'Yes', you are wrong. Even if we have gained an alliance, I don't have time for love right now."

"Oh- of- of course." Of course..! Just what she have been hoping? He is a warlord, of course he wanted to focus on nothing but the future just like what Nobunaga wanted. Still..

Why does it hurt so much..?

Especially when..

He is smiling gently to the Princess from neighboring country? His hand wouldn't hesitate to hold hers, to guide her in the steps of the garden, to pardon her when she accidentally fell on his chest?

Ah, of course..!

He is showing a courtesy. For the sake of Nobunaga's image. Even if.. He..

Kissed her on the cheek, rubbing it after and hold her close to him, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder-- and--

And--

"Mmmf..!!"

"MC..!"

Hideyoshi caught her in his arms as she fall to the side. "You..! Get some medicine from Ieyasu..!"

"No."

She immediately stop the latter from doing so, shaking her head with a wry smile. "I'm good, Hideyoshi. It's just.. I'm not feeling well, that's all."

"...You are, so much."

She had... Unconsciously refuse any intake within her body ever since then. The stress has been piled up, until her body rejects to almost everything. She even force herself to eat, but then again, her fingers made its way to her throat, shoving it by force until her knuckles were injured from her own teeth, so she can push the thing that she has eaten out from her body.

It's an endless cycle, she had stop seeing people altogether as well. She had been crying, sobbing into the night; into her own world, and she would sing to herself, repeating the same words over and over again;

"Why would you bring the good memories in my life when you pushed me away like this?"

Then she will cup her face, brimming her cheeks with endless flow of tears. Again, and again,.... And... Again, and again.

Until one day,

She had stepped out from the room, her tears is no longer there, her sadness has faded away, and.. It is as if she had been born once again.

MC cut her hair, filling her days with constant training, and mastering both long and short range weapons, as well as following the lords to battlefield.

Of where,...

Her ruthless side has surfaced.

She wouldn't hesitate to kill. She wouldn't think twice to give mercy, and there is no single tears nor pity for her enemies anymore. It is up to the point she made them terrified of her, especially when she bravely pointed a sword to any of the warlord's neck.

This matter had reached to Ieyasu, and he himself were astonished to her sudden change.

There was.. A lot of misunderstanding truthfully. But it was too late.

Though,

No matter how late it is, he must do whatever he can to stop any further unnecessary killings in the future.

Hence why, when he had tried to approach her, she had treated him to how he treated her.

Yes, she had changed.

...For the worse.

-----

"A misunderstanding, you say?" She snorted. "My, who would've thought our contrary lord would lie. A bad one at that."

She said it, not even bothering to lift her head and look at him. Just like how she used to be. She.. Always has this.. Sparkles in her eyes whenever he is talking to her. Sometimes he find her staring ahead, into the clear blue sky, taking all the ample time in the world while her long hair gently blown by the soft breeze. Then, when her name is called by someone, she would immediately turned her attention to them, curving a soft smile on her lips, and eyes will see nothing but that person.

She used to be like that, especially for him, someone that she had sincerely pour her hopeless love to. She sees him as if he is her everything, he is precious, and hold everything that she have in his hands; her heart.

And yet he broke it.

Therefore right now, he must save her. From the old pain, and herself.

"I was a fool."

He finally gets her attention.

"I pushed you away.. Yes, at that time I see nothing else but to seek for strength. More power, for myself. Love was never my priority nor focus-- it's not important for me. I think that I am weak, not enough to protect someone with my abilities."

"And-- if you think that I have a special relationship with the neighboring princess, you are wrong. I was the only suitable person to act as a decoy for her back then-- she was-- here, to escape from the arranged marriage she was appointed to. Her fiancee is too old for her, and so, in order not to rouse suspicions, and to make the fiancee believe it, Lord Nobunaga had agreed and chose me to act as her lover-- that is a-"

"..Are you done?"

What..?

"I said, are you done?"

"Are you done?" That is the same line he said to her at that time.

"I--"

"Alright, finally. Now if you would excuse me."

"Wait..! MC!"

He caught her by the hand, pulling her to face him again, "I know you won't accept my apology right now, and I know you are not fully healed from what I did to you, but please..!"

"....."

"Don't kill. Don't touch those weapons again. It's not for you. Those blood that were stained on your hand is not meant for you. For you to change drastically-- because of me-- I--" He grit his teeth when the whole reasons sinks into his heart, "Please just.. Stop."

"Easier said than done."

"MC--"

"What has been done is done. There is no point to return to something that is empty like a nuisance shell to everyone around her. Well, if it isn't anyone but me." She curved a smirk, yanking her wrist away from him, "It is a path I've chosen for myself. You see, Ieyasu.."

He watched her brush her growing hair to the side. Finding himself speechless to the grim in her orbs, "I was a fool too. I chose this era, and I promise that I will even kill for you. Just to be with you. But now," A chuckle left her, "I don't need to do for the sake of being with you. I'm sick of my past that is weak and a huge weight to everyone, so I decided to kill, even. without. you."

"....." He clench his fists, swallowing the lump in his throat,

"It's for the sake of one's survival, Honey." She winked before tapping his nose and walk away.

He was left alone at the castle gate, he could only see her go, and watch her from her back. The back that represents the fragile girl, and were replaced with a back of a warrior.

"...Then so be it."

[realityshiftingandblogging]

Can I just say that I appreciate your post on r-spawning so much? You're the only person on tumblr who I've seen who isn't being a complete asshat about it. As someone living in an abusive environment and has been struggling with a lot of mental health issues, I despise what I can only call "forced-lifers" who try to ram their "you're meant to be here! pull up your bootstraps and stick it out" agenda down ppl's throats. Jfc. 🌹

I'm glad you appreciate it <3

I won't ask who you are and I hope your home life gets better, I know how it feels in away. Not exactly because I'm not you. But it's tough, really tough. And I'm proud of you for getting this far.

------------

Cw it gets long winded from here! Just skip to the bottom if you want.

I agree it does seem forced though I don't give it a name. I tend to just ignore it. For me, I don't ever want to come across as, or be, someone who is hateful towards respawners or other subcategories of shifting. I'm kind of in a middle lane, I don't want someone to die physically but is it really my right to decide? No. Nor can I stop it, so what's the point of excluding others? There is none. I fully acknowledge it can trigger other people, it can be confusing, or a touchy subject. That's totally valid! But having a forced attitude to "stay" isn't right in general.

For example, if a friend told you they wanted to end their life and you told them "no you must stay, you're not welcome to talk to me, don't speak to me, etc" then there's something wrong there. It's not necessarily the "staying part" that's the issue, in my opinion. I see it as the more of the forceful and low-key hate that's a result if you don't listen to them when you refuse to stay. It's really rude and disgusting in general. If they claim to want people to stay and live but then have a forceful and hateful attitude then W H A T . (And no I'm not pointing fingers, I just see it pop up every now and then.) If they truly want to "help" (as they say) then they shouldn't push someone away immediately just for saying it. It's not right.

I fully acknowledge, again, it can trigger some people by the mention of death. But in no way should someone completely exclude someone but then say they support anyone who wants help. (Unless you're triggered by the mention of death but even then please ignore the topic and take care of yourself. Triggers are hard to deal with but it's also hard on the other side too.) Respawners aren't mentally ill (And, FYI, mental illness shouldn't be treated as an insult.) And respawners don't always "need help." To be clear, there are different types of respawners. There's people who want to respawn to not come back (which can be done with shifting as well), there are people who respawn for spiritual reasons which has been a practice for years, and so on.

I think the only time I have a problem with Respawning is when it turns dangerous. For example, someone doesn't care if they shift or not in the process. Which is a different type of respawner entirely. And again, I don't support the action when it turns into that but I will fully support the person. Life can be really tough and when someone doesn't care if they shift or not in the process is when I really want to go to their house and violently care for them. Obviously, I can't because 1) Social distancing 2) I'm not allowed on social media so it would be hard to explain JDBSJDND 3) I'm not sure they would consent to me coming to their house 4) Caring or loving someone doesn't solve the issue 9 times out of 10.

BUT, back on the topic. What I'm trying to say is when someone is like that, don't push them away. Respawners are still people. People will emotions. Pushing someone away isn't really helping their "you should stay" point. Because it just makes them look rude or with a goodie goodie attitude that really isn't goodie goodie.

------------

Another thing, I'm sorry that you've gone through that and honestly the behavior is beyond rude. I'm not saying I should force people to accept eachother because obviously it's 2021 and it's the internet, no one is going to get along completely. But I would like the community to AcTuaLlY do some effort into accepting respawners OR AT LEAST accept that they are also a part of social media and excluding them isn't going to do anything. It's the internet.

Honestly, I won't ever understand what you've been through because I'm not you. But if you're really sure Respawning is for you then I won't object. Like I said, I'm in the middle lane right now because that's where I want to be - but I'll support you as a person and, again, I'm really proud of you for getting this far and actually choosing to go find another life. It's a difficult decision for people in abusive situations to choose a new life. It often comes with guilt, questioning, and worry (and I'm sorry in advance if that's not your case and I'm assuming.) But to put it short, I'm really proud of you for choosing to have a new life instead of just ending it without any plans. Yeah I know Respawning it technically death but I'm proud of you for at least choosing it instead of leaving entirely without it. You're worthy of a new life and I'm still very proud of you for making it this far.

[yandereshit]

"See, I've stalked you for some time before snatching you up!" or "I usually like to get to know my victims a little before I kill them." for Izaya Orihara please! I figured they fit him perfectly and I'm in such a dark mood so I'm down for whatever you want to throw at me! I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶n̶s̶e̶ ̶p̶s̶y̶c̶h̶o̶l̶o̶g̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶~̶

FYI I have NO CLUE how long has this been lying in my drafts but I noticed it like now oasihfoiasdhoias

Izaya Orihara x Reader: relatively innocent.

Warnings: mentions of death, mind games, torture.

˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

A simple, textile bag had been torn off your head, and your sight finally returned, giving you a very short-living sense of relief.

Your wrists were tied tightly behind your back, and you were sat on some sort of chair. Your head was still dizzy as you moved, trying to get a hold of your surroundings and the situation you found yourself in. The room was dark, with only two bulbs to allow you to see anything, yet their light being not strong enough to let you make out the exact contours of the room.

Undoubtedly, you weren’t in the room alone. On the wooden chair opposite of yours, a silhouette sat, holding the bag and staring forward at your terrified self, not bothered much by the tears that showed themselves on your face, having flowed down your cheeks sometime ago and then dried out. Maybe if the lighting was better, he could actually see them clearly. But your quiet sobs were enough of a proof, and your face didn’t have to be visible for anyone to know what state you were in. 

You wondered about his own face, but it was too dark for you to make out anything specific. But the man didn’t seem to want you to memorize him, and you had a feeling that it’d be safer for you if you didn’t. 

Once your sobs calmed down a little, his voice echoed in the room, making you almost jump when it rung out of blue, after such a long silence you’ve been stuck in.

“I suppose you’re good enough to talk now” he announced. He was smiling, that much you could tell from his tone alone, his white teeth only slightly visible, giving you a brief image of how he grinned.

“What do you want from me?” you snapped, but your voice betrayed you, clearly trembling through the whole sentence.

A short silence fell upon the two of you, and as soon as the man spoke again, you wished he never did.

“I usually like to get to know my victims a little before I kill them.”

You could swear your heart stopped beating for a second, and you stared dumbly at the other, waiting for him to continue, to explain what exactly he meant, clearly still not believing in such words, because how could you - it sounded too simple, too straightforward to be true, didn’t it?

It didn’t.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you were starting to make out the contours of your surroundings, and your kidnapper’s wicked smile was one of them.

What kind of psychopath was he…? What did he want to do with you? Just why, out of so many young women or people in general living in the crowded city of Tokyo, you were the one who’d been chosen by this man, a complete stranger you’ve never seen or heard of, even after having been raised in the comfort of knowing Japan as the safest place to live on the earth?

“Who are you…?” you finally uttered, your voice weak, still disbelieving, still unable to proceed what was happening.

“Me?” The man seemed genuinely surprised with your question. “I assure you it’s meaningless right now. I’m no one you should be concerned about. For your information, I’m not your enemy. You’ve never done anything to me or anyone I know. So don’t try to make up any reasons, because there’s really none.”

Out of all the people in this forsaken city, you were the one who fell victim to this man. No reason, just… lack of luck, it seemed.

Yet, how could you just accept it? It was your own life that was on line here, and the perspective of losing it out of a mere accident was not what you’ve aimed for ever in your lifespan.

A quiet, frustrated sob escaped your throat.

“W-what do you want?” you asked again. “W-why would you… want to…” The words wouldn’t go through your throat, their weight - suffocating.

Not waiting for you to finish, the man shrugged, unbothered.

“Absolutely no reason. I just thought, why not? I can kill someone without getting caught, so why not do it? Oh, look, there’s that girl passing by. Wonder what she’s up to. Wonder how she’ll react if I take her, will she be scared? She sure will. Will she start yelling at me? Screaming for help? Beg for her life? Try to bargain me in some way? I was just so, so curious about her.”

His words wouldn’t make any sense in your head. Just what kind of person does that? Just what kind of person is he? Even criminals have their reasons. But this one? He seems to not have any greater purpose, other than his own twisted thoughts or desires. 

“F-fine!” you exclaimed in a shaky voice. “Just kill me, then!” you yelled, more of emotions than any sort of actual wish. 

“So quickly? Come on, we still have so much time. At least I do, I’m not hurrying anywhere. Seriously though, I haven’t even hurt you yet, and you’re already begging to be killed?”

“Just tell me what the fuck you want from me!” 

A short silence fell upon you two, the air filled with your emotions, so strong and vivid, your fear mixed with anger, impatience and annoyance. You were like a wild animal caught in snares, still dangerous to whoever would want to set you free. 

In the meantime though, the man seemed terrifyingly calm and composed. He crossed his legs elegantly, observing you with a small, polite smile on his face, completely unbothered with your rage, as if you were nothing but a random show on TV, unable to harm him in any way, and meant to be only watched until its end, and then probably forgotten.

“Let’s play a game” he suddenly spoke, smiling politely. You tried to, but couldn’t make out any more of his face features, and you came to a conclusion he just really didn’t want you to be able to see him well. Maybe you could recognize him if you did? Yet, he seemed unfamiliar. The aura he gave was nothing you’d recall, yet, along with lack of opportunity to see him whole, it added to the terror and uneasiness he caused in you, your primal instincts just screaming to run away from him - as if you could.

“What game?” you decided to ask, although your voice was quiet and weak at this point. 

“Well, I’m going to ask you three questions. If you answer all of them, I’ll release you. If not - I’ll kill you. Any questions?”

“You’re insane.”

“It’s not a question, it’s a statement.”

“A pretty fucking accurate one” you snapped. 

The man burst into laughter, pretty much confirming to you what you just said. But he didn’t seem bothered, instead continuing his previous monologue.

“Okay then, seems like you’re ready. Don’t worry, there’s no time limit, you can take as much as you need to reply.” He cleared his throat, switching his position a little to get more comfortable. You stared at him uneasily, focusing as much as you could on whatever he’d have to say. “First question! Who’s the prime minister of Japan?”

Was that it? It sounded simple. The name instantly appeared in your head, but then you thought - what if it’s wrong? Your life was on the line, you couldn’t afford yourself to be mistaken. Could you just trust your instinct? Maybe you should think more about it?

“Come on, this one’s easy, everyone knows it” the man said, laughing in a manner that could go as genuine if not the circumstances it was done in.

“Shinzo… Abe?” you answered, the end of the reply hitching in question though, as if you weren’t sure of your own words.

“You see? It was a simple one! I made it easier for you on purpose, so that you wouldn’t feel too scared. Hope it worked!” He smiled widely. “Second question. Who am I?”

Your breath got stuck in your throat for a few seconds, and there was a tense silence, the one you forced yourself to break a moment later.

“H-how am I supposed to know that?! You said it yourself, we’ve never met before! How can I answer your question?!”

You could have predicted that. The first question was too easy, to give you a false impression that he’d really go easy on you. But he wouldn’t, he never planned to, the questions he picked weren’t the ones you were supposed to know the answer to.

An unwitting sob escaped your throat, and tears streamed down your face once again.

“I-I don’t know…”

“Should I take it as, you give up?” the man asked, his face twisting in displeasure. 

“…No…” you added quietly. You couldn’t give up your life, you were sure of that. You fixated your eyes on the floor, biting on your lip. “…My kidnapper. That’s whom you are to me” you finally announced, dreading for his reaction, yet fully aware that there’s nothing else you can say now. It was the only thing you knew. And it was… 

“…Correct.” Said kidnapper chuckled, tilting his head. “You’re definitely correct here. I won’t break my own rules, will I? I didn’t specify what kind of information I demand from you. You’re correct.”

Your eyes blurred with tears and your breath got heavy. For a few moments, no sounds would reach you, but you couldn’t tell if the man was saying anything, you felt like your consciousness slipped away for these few brief moments, the rush of adrenaline, stress and anxiety making you pass out for seconds. 

When you came back to your senses, everything was right as you remembered it. The man sat in front of you, observing you calmly, patiently waiting for you to be able to proceed. And once he was sure you were listening to him again, he also spoke.

“Last question. We’re almost there, you see? Only one question, and we’ll know what happens to you. Ready?” You sluggishly nodded your head, to which the man grinned. “So, what’s the length of Congo River?”

 “What…?”

It took you a few moments of complete bewilderment, during which you only stared forward, absolutely dumbfounded. 

The length of some river you recognized as African sounded like common knowledge. Probably more people knew of Congo River’s existence than they knew the name of Japan’s Prime Minister. 

Yet, you didn’t know the answer. Your mind went wild, and you thought vividly of all the possible comparisons you could find. But you couldn’t even place the river anywhere on the map to even compare the lengths, and was it a long river? It had to be, since you’ve heard of it. What was the longest river in the world? How long was it? You surely had to be told it before, during geography classes. The longest river in the world… Around… eight thousands of kilometers? Did it make sense? It sounded like it did. Or maybe not… Five? Five, it had to be five.

Congo River had to be shorter, but how much? You had no clue. It wasn’t that known, the difference had to be meaningful. Half of the longest river? More? Less? Maybe less. Two thousands? He definitely didn’t expect you to know the exact number, but maybe you were remotely right?

And maybe no matter what you said, he wouldn’t let you go, anyway?

“T-two thousands kilometers” you finally voiced, staring at him intensely, waiting for him to either confirm your words or to bury your last hopes for freedom.

The man took out his phone, and the light for a short time highlighted his features, but then he turned down the brightness and you were left in almost the same darkness as before. 

After a few seconds, he spoke.

“The Congo-Lualaba-Chambeshi River system has an overall length of 4,700 km.”

The breath escaped you and your head fell forwards, sobs wrecking your body and your head aching, your heart beating so fast you felt like you would die from a heart attack before the man would finally end your sufferings. 

Without hurry, he stood up. You didn’t dare to return his gaze, but in the corner of your eye, you saw him pull out a small knife. Your heart only beated faster as he approached you, and then stood behind you, disappearing from the range of your sight. But maybe it was for the better, you thought. Maybe it was better you didn’t have to see him.

Would he make it fast? As painless as possible? If he sliced your throat, the agony would only last a few minutes, before your body would go completely numb from the bloodloss. Maybe it’d be worse if he cut through your windpipes, you wouldn’t be able to breathe, but wouldn’t it make it last even shorter? You hoped it would. You didn’t want to die in agony, but the shorter it lasted, the better. 

What was afterlife like?

“Here.”

You heard a sound behind yourself, and soon enough, you felt the blood rush back into your hands, the rope that kept you tied to the chair falling to the ground, leaving you confused and dumbfounded. 

You panted in a newfound sense of panic. Would he take you somewhere else? Make you suffer in another way? Take his time bringing you to your promised death?

“The door’s on your left” the man announced, his voice echoing in your ears for how close he was to you, standing right behind you, way too close for your comfort, if there was any of it left.

“W-what…?”

“Just go, I suppose you have other plans for today” he shrugged, pushing the blade back to his pocket and going in the door’s direction himself, as if completely uninterested in whatever you’d do.

“B-but why…”

His frame shook in a silent laughter as he stood by the door, barely visible, but apparently ready to leave the room, to - finally - leave you alone.

“The game’s rules said, I’ll release you if you answer all the three questions. You did it, hence why you’re free. I never specified I want the answers to be correct, though.”

The light of the outside world blinded you for a few seconds when the man opened the door, stepping into the outside world. The door never closed though, and you were positive by now, that it wouldn’t.

And it was never supposed to, because for all Izaya Orihara was, he definitely wasn’t a killer. A kidnapper - yes, but a relatively innocent one.

 ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Nancy

Edie: here then is it? Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Do you wanna see some pics? Edie: nah Edie: saw the socials Nancy: They're both okay, like Edie: Obvs, McKenna, reckon they'd bother to hmu if they were dead Edie: cheers then Nancy: There's a huge difference between alright and dead Nancy: I'm just saying Edie: not to me Nancy: Do you want me to tell anyone anything or? Edie: do what u wanna Edie: everyone busy Nancy: They aren't that busy Nancy: It's a baby not a bomb threat Edie: she ain't that special Edie: least they were expecting that alien looking thing this time Edie: progress Nancy: Barely but you know Nancy: Feels like a giant step back if anything Edie: 🙄 Edie: gutted for you Nancy: No you aren't, so don't bother with any of it Edie: obviously not Nancy: Is there anything else you actually wanna know/say 'cause I'm not good at this Nancy: Let's not pretend I am Edie: you rude as fuck Nancy: And what, you're the only one allowed? Edie: i ain't done anything to you but nah feel pressed Edie: u love it Nancy: You've disappeared and everyone is worried. You don't care about that but I do Nancy: So sorry if I don't wanna indulge it, like Edie: only got time for your sads? Edie: joke Nancy: I wish Nancy: We'd all love to run away Nancy: But some of us have to actually stick around Edie: boohoo Edie: dry Edie: what good u think u are mckenna Nancy: Go away again, Edie Nancy: I don't need this Nancy: Nobody does Edie: 😂 Edie: u ain't got nothing but problems you made up cos ur boring Edie: same as her, fucking drew the only excitement she ever had Nancy: Thanks for the therapy session Edie: mommy issues, next Nancy: You're such a cliche Nancy: At least give me one I haven't heard a million times before Edie: ok miss i want my teacher to pipe me Edie: act superior some more it funny Nancy: I'll be here all week Nancy: And longer Edie: whatever Edie: no u wont but run your mouth all u want Edie: u all talk a big game Nancy: Some of us do bother to say what we mean Nancy: Shockingly Edie: nah Edie: you out in a few months max Edie: the only one that always here is him and he always will be Nancy: Going to uni doesn't make me a ghost Nancy: Keeping in touch is easy if you want to Edie: like u ain't already Edie: oh babe Nancy: You don't know me Edie: who wants to Nancy: Plenty of people Edie: yeah like i say Edie: making up problems done wonders for ur cred Edie: least they talking yeah Nancy: Like I said, you don't know me Edie: u wish Edie: transparent Nancy: I really don't Nancy: I've dealt with enough bitches already thanks Edie: 😥 Edie: nawh Nancy: You wanna talk shit to me some more, go ahead Nancy: Nice to know you're still alive at least Edie: always with the self-pity, ain't a good look fyi but go off Nancy: You'd know Edie: i'm the only one celebrating this thing birth not comiserating Edie: poor fuck Nancy: Congrats, like Nancy: Go do that and leave me alone Edie: nah Nancy: I'm ignoring you now Edie: sure Edie: like u can Nancy: Literally always have Edie: yeah why u had to run here init Edie: so strong Edie: so like ur mummy Nancy: I'm not strong and it ain't news Edie: hoping playing damsel get u some Edie: who ain't Edie: cute Nancy: No, I just know myself Nancy: You can't hurt me by pointing out my flaws, babe. I'm aware Edie: who trying Edie: no need Edie: ready to cry over nothing always Nancy: Keep talking like you know about it Nancy: It just shows how much you don't Edie: so mysterious Edie: so guarded Edie: now u wishing Nancy: You're just putting words in my mouth now Nancy: You wish you knew me well enough to call me out Nancy: I'm not my brother, sorry. I don't wanna flirt with you Edie: i already said Edie: no one tryna know u babe Edie: least of all him Edie: comorbidity with ur mommy issues is ur twincest moment obvs Nancy: You're so wrong it's just awkward Edie: u brought up flirting w him Edie: that's awks Nancy: I brought him flirting with you, actually Edie: not rio Edie: why u jealous Nancy: Gross Nancy: He loves her, he entertains you Nancy: Not the same thing Edie: we all pretending that ain't fucked up then but this drew situ omg defcon1 Edie: this family 😂 good for the craic if literally nothing else Nancy: Nobody's pretending it isn't a mess Nancy: They just aren't being as rude as you Edie: oh no Edie: they'd NEVER do that Edie: 'cept they let joe pipe his own sister, drew fuck his way through this entire fam, gonna let them get married Edie: yeah Edie: the last thing you all do is turn a blind eye 😂 Edie: keep posting them pics like it's cute Nancy: Live in the past some more like it matters Nancy: It's done Nancy: I can't personally change it for you so Edie: past? Edie: bitch this happening right now Edie: jokes too miss imma have a victim complex cos the rich girls didn't wanna play nice with me Nancy: What's happening right now is being dealt with right now, Jesus Nancy: You'd know if you were here Edie: too late as per Edie: let it become a problem then we can all feel so sorry for ourselves aw Edie: let the skeleton raise the abortion go off Edie: slaying it Nancy: What's your solution? Nancy: We can't tell her what to do Edie: get the bitch hospitalized Edie: duh Edie: she isn't fit to be in her job or be a ma Edie: let her fuck this one up tho, join the ranks Nancy: If I could, I would Edie: sure Nancy: What you think you're the only one who's just had that oh so original thought? Nancy: Please Edie: please, like ur the only one acting as if your hands are tied Nancy: Mine are Nancy: What the fuck do you think I can do, Edie? Edie: grow a pair mckenna Edie: the act didn't work Edie: miss didn't wanna fuck u, mommy ain't coming to rescue u either 'cos u ain't her fave Edie: try something else, be original, christ Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: And do what? Nobody's gonna put Ro in hospital 'cause I say so Nancy: Or take the kid when she technically hasn't done anything wrong Edie: ring the social Edie: christ got an in Edie: like nan ain't been knew since she took the bitch in she ain't right Nancy: You know they'd investigate and do nothing Nancy: You aren't that stupid Edie: u know u too pussy to do it Edie: everyone in this fam and they wanna front like they anything but Nancy: Bullshit Nancy: Lord, I wish everything was as black and white as you're convinced it is Edie: here we go again Edie: woe is the tragic clan Edie: newsflash, normal people aren't beset by all this fucking drama and actual bullshit Edie: cos they don't roll around in it and revel in the fucking stink Nancy: None of us are normal, get over it Edie: u reckon u ain't wait for all the inbreeding kids ur gonna have to pretend are cute Edie: snap snap Nancy: Again, what do you want me to do? Nancy: I can't stop them being together Nancy: It's not like I want them to be in love or get married Edie: sure no one can we're all so helpless Edie: enough people had the balls to say nah it's fucked Edie: then rio would stop, end of, we all know it Nancy: Or they'd run away like you have Nancy: That's made everyone really happy, like Edie: yeah ur welcome Edie: more drama to jack it to Nancy: You're so selfish Edie: what, and you're the only ones allowed? Edie: gasp Edie: everyone is out for themselves and harps on the others for doing it too Edie: keep up Nancy: That's how you see it 'cause that's how it suits you Edie: that's the spirit Nancy: Your mum had a good birthday, by the way Edie: didn't ask Edie: but unsurprised Nancy: I knew you wouldn't Nancy: Doesn't mean you shouldn't know Edie: that the best u got like Edie: i been knew she's the worst of all Nancy: You wish Edie: yeah i love having a cunt for a ma hbu babe Nancy: You do though Nancy: You love thinking you do anyway Edie: yh buzzin Edie: got it in one Edie: u really aren't the smart 1 damn Nancy: I've never tried to say I am Nancy: You've got the wrong twin there Nancy: I'm the stupid one, and again, aware Edie: 😥 Edie: good ting i ain't here for ur wisdom Nancy: Fuck knows what you are here for Nancy: Please go Edie: the craic Edie: i told u Edie: so funny Nancy: If I'm the best you've got Nancy: Poor you Edie: fucking hell mckenna Edie: no one ever gonna wanna fuck u with an attitude like that Nancy: The good thing about fucking is that you don't have to talk Edie: pillow princess Edie: figures Nancy: Oh so you like to be chatty with it? Okay Edie: just a suggestion Edie: u ain't all that to look at either wanna give 'em something to keep interest Nancy: I don't want them to stick around so it's fine Nancy: But you do you Edie: oh and i'm selfish Edie: just like ur brother Edie: cute Nancy: Didn't you get the memo Nancy: He's changed Edie: least he might be worth the ride now then Edie: good for him Nancy: Gross Nancy: I hope you don't want me to pass that message on Edie: keep it to yourself if that's how you vibing girl Nancy: I'd rather not hear it but you didn't ask Edie: just meeting your expectations Edie: i'm rude yeah Nancy: Like you're so offended Edie: 💔 Nancy: I think you have to have one, babe Edie: ya 'bullies' school you that zinger Edie: knew it weren't that bad Nancy: They were more about the homophobia Nancy: Unlikely to work on you Edie: it ain't the 70s who does it Nancy: If you wanna go to London and tell them Nancy: Still probably something they could do with learning Edie: how you know i aint Nancy: If you were in Chelsea you'd have more to laugh at than me and this conversation Edie: dun think we share a sense of humour Nancy: I can't say that 💔's me Edie: aw ain't it nice to find something that don't get you 😥 Edie: love that 4 u Nancy: Okay Edie: it's been real Edie: laters Nancy: I hope not Edie: dry Nancy: Honestly you'd be better off speaking Irish to me Edie: dryshite then Edie: 🍀 enough for ye Edie: like u local Nancy: At least now I don't have to pretend I know what you're talking about Nancy: Thanks Edie: just claim ur dyslexia like ur tryna cash ur giro Nancy: Yeah Edie: wonder if u can park disabled Nancy: I can't drive so I can't tell you Nancy: If you wanna try and claim it though, they'd likely believe you Edie: hahahaha u calling me disabled now for the punch of it Edie: victim complex strikes again n the bullied becomes the bully Edie: u easiest to wind up ever imma do this more Nancy: I'm calling you an idiot Nancy: And I'm blocking you so good luck Edie: aw dont do urself like that Edie: nother thing for u to feel sorry bout when i die n i was tryna reach out for help Nancy: Like you said, if anyone dies we hear about it Edie: too little too late mckenna Nancy: For you yeah Nancy: I'm not the Samaritans babe I can barely send a coherent text Edie: yh i heard Edie: her cousin goes to my school tried coming at me fore i left like i care bout u being a tick Nancy: Okay Nancy: I don't wanna talk about her with you so bye Edie: ooooooooooo Edie: touched a nerve Nancy: Obviously Edie: bah why Edie: thought u dont want em to stay Edie: such a bad bitch Nancy: Shut up Edie: hahahahaha Nancy: Seriously Edie: get a grip mckenna Edie: she ain't even a ride Nancy: I'm not doing this Edie: you're a joke man Edie: u don't care bout none of ur family enough to shut me up but i wanna chat on this shtate Edie: and suddenly u got a dick Edie: lmao Nancy: That isn't news either, keep up like Nancy: I can't shut up about them 'cause you've got a point Nancy: It doesn't mean I don't care Edie: 'course not Edie: put it away Edie: she got a real gf now Nancy: I know Nancy: She's had several actually Nancy: You're out of the loop Edie: what a slag Edie: have to be to let u when u ain't bringing nothing to the table by ur own admission Nancy: Thanks Nancy: Homophobia belongs in the 70s but this doesn't, the world according to Edie Mckenna, okay Edie: oh shut up germaine greer Edie: i ain't tryna get in ur pants u don't need to impress me with ur regurgitated feminism 101 from ro n my mother of all people Nancy: You're the one who's still talking and staying in my inbox past your welcome, like Edie: cos i can handle it Edie: u the one getting heated baby Nancy: Well done, you Edie: aw thank u Nancy: Good thing you don't need to impress me either Edie: by pretending it don't make u a bad person to drop your knickers quicker than u can pull up the last? Edie: original Edie: get ur own personality Nancy: We've established I do Nancy: And gone into all its flaws Nancy: Again, keep up Edie: lmao u think thats urs Edie: okay when uve stapled together pieces of every bitch u want to love u Nancy: If you say so Nancy: It must be true Edie: duh Edie: see it as a chance to be better Edie: u ain't loving this Edie: n no one else is Nancy: Yeah 'cause I really wanna improve myself based on your standards Edie: who said anything bout me Edie: ill never fuck w u mckenna Edie: u still gonna be dry whatever u do Nancy: You're the only one telling me to be better Nancy: So you are Edie: well ur rents gave up on that dream didn't dey Edie: pin all dat on ur bro Nancy: Yeah they did Nancy: Tell me something I don't know or shut up Edie: poor poor baby Edie: hit up sugar town, ur namesake was on to something w that one Edie: drew good for some lsd always Nancy: That'll really help, thanks so much, babe Edie: howd u kno Edie: pussy Edie: aint even fuckin right Nancy: I know that I've got a fucked up enough brain already Nancy: Not gonna disable myself more Edie: yh well they use it to treat depression so try it Edie: stop u whining so much Nancy: There's plenty of other ways if I was so inclined Nancy: So thoughtful though Edie: obvs Edie: u love it Edie: when u got nothing else babe Nancy: Whatever you say Edie: 😥 Nancy: I've gotta go cry now, obviously Nancy: So Edie: damn u cant multitask Edie: really out here strugglin' Edie: ttfn babe Nancy: Not the way I do it Nancy: I have to go all in, of course Nancy: So much sadness Edie: nah u about the most half-arsed of all of 'em i reckon Edie: really do better Edie: i believe in u Nancy: No you don't Edie: sure i do Edie: know dat dnt sit right w ur whole victim schtik but Edie: unlucky Nancy: It doesn't sit right with anything about you more like Nancy: But okay Edie: lmao yh Edie: u 1 of a kind Edie: so special so misunderstood Nancy: By you yeah Nancy: But that's fine by me Edie: bitch we know Edie: live 4 it Edie: get it Edie: anything to feel like u better than the rest Nancy: You're ridiculous Nancy: When's the last time you even spoke to me before this? You don't know anything Edie: whens the last time u spoke Edie: dont mean u an enigma Edie: no one as thick as u tryna paint me especially not me Nancy: It means I'm shy, bitch Nancy: That's all it means Edie: yea yea Nancy: Yeah well Edie: u should talk more Edie: fun Nancy: For you but Nancy: I don't like you so unlikely to happen Edie: 💔 Edie: who does Edie: even u aint that fucked up n lookin for the sympathy Nancy: Most of this family, more fool them Nancy: Something else I can't do anything about Edie: Tragic Nancy: Yeah Edie: that's what happens when u don't get out the clothes hanger, like Edie: hey ho, 'nother bastard for the pile Nancy: 💔 Edie: yeah gonna find it well jokes when its one u actually care abt Nancy: Sure Nancy: By your reckoning I live for the misery so I'll be thriving anyway Edie: only yr own Edie: gonna get in yr way Edie: can't really verbally smackdown a kid when you've had a few Edie: 'less you wanna be that, currently without a drunk in the fam so Nancy: Also according to you I won't be here Nancy: So feel free to take that role on Edie: i ain't a virgin Edie: drinking ain't even good craic Edie: keep up, mckenna Nancy: I don't care if it brings you joy or not Edie: 😂 Edie: ooh Edie: savage Nancy: I've already told you I don't like you Nancy: Keep up yourself Edie: i told u ion care Edie: why Edie: u reckon i shuld Nancy: No Nancy: I'd rather you didn't Edie: good Edie: how u got it baby Nancy: Yay for me, like Edie: 😂 Edie: christ Edie: crackin a smile rlly wud break u yh Nancy: For you, yeah Edie: just bitches who ain't into u Edie: rejection rlly hittin that spot i c Nancy: No, just you Nancy: You're enough of a bitch Edie: ray of sunshine Edie: everyone always be saying it Edie: honestly u lost ur point a while ago Nancy: That's what I do babe Nancy: Dyslexia 101 Edie: so sad Edie: enough brain training for today then sugar, peace Nancy: At least my lack of short term memory means I can forget this convo Nancy: Bye