#so like if you took him out of 3H's story he would no longer have them since they only exist to serve his story

[butwhatifidothis]

🔥 Dimitri

Hmmm... I guess my hottest take for him is that I often wonder what it'd be like if Dimitri had like... an unendearing flaw? Like a consistently Not Perfect aspect about his character that visibly and noticeably makes other characters upset/annoyed with him that aren't a result of a staggering amount of untreated and exacerbated mental trauma.

Don't get me wrong, the arc he goes through makes it to where he doesn't necessarily need a flaw to still make mistakes (since the making of mistakes and the overcoming of them are often what makes a character arc impactful) and he's a fine enough character as is. It's just that, hm... I'll use Claude for an example of what I mean right? Outside of his arc of learning the truth and opening up to others, he's a guy that (using one flaw) tends to cross boundaries with people and has that be a trait of his that crops up in multiple areas. And it's something that does noticeably make others uncomfortable when he does this (Marianne's supports being the best example of this), so it's undeniable that this is meant to be a flaw in his character. It's also not a flaw that is meant to endear you to him the same way, for a classic example, being clumsy would be.

It lets me know that it's not just because Claude has to go through his character arc that he exhibits flaws in his character, which... kiiiinda isn't really the case with Dimitri? He only makes the mistakes he makes because the narrative decided to shit in his cereal - if they didn't have a driving narrative force causing them to go through growth through the making of mistakes (think those boring-ass No Powers Modern Day College AUs), Claude would still be nosy-to-a-fault and would still have to work on that outside of a grander narrative, because he as a character independent from a grander narrative has this flaw.

Dimitri on the other hand is never violent, dismissive of others, withdrawn, etc., until an outside force meant to forward the narrative pushes him to exhibit these flaws - which again! This is by no means a bad thing! Dimitri is still a pretty good character, in large part because of this role in the narrative he has! I just sometimes wonder what it'd look like if a character got annoyed/upset about a flaw of his - or if he otherwise just showed off a flaw of his - in a more... casual setting? Like it didn't have to do about death or vengeance or trauma, but just "Hey man I didn't like that you did that mind knocking it off?"

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

You know, I can almost understand the decision to make Hopes "unsatisfactory" in order to not step on 3H's toes (I say almost because the choice to make a fanservice game unsatisfactory for the fans is um... a choice that exists), but then you look at SB and like. Realize that nothing really unsatisfactory happens to Edel/gard?

Like she gets basically everything she's ever wanted in SB. The Kingdom is on the ropes, the Alliance either falls upon Claude's death or is flat out helping her get what she wants, all of her friends live (Randolph is a mook not a friend lmao), and she doesn't even have to dirty her hands trying to kill Rhea and Thales because they kill each other for her. You can even argue that on GW she also gets pretty much everything she's ever wanted, because Clyde gift-wraps and hand delivers her Fodlan by the end of the route. AG's the only route she ever faces struggles (without someone bailing her out of trouble that is COUGHclydeCOUGH) which is a bit different than what the other two lords got.

Makes Hopes look less like an AU where the lords have to make do without Byleth and more like "what if Edel.gard was allowed to get away with starting an imperialist war" :/

I think the most unsatisfactory thing that happens with EdeIgard is more that she can't defeat the Kingdom or Alliance, thus can't conquer Fodlan. Technically she doesn't defeat anyone in this game, because Thales and Rhea took each other out. Even with the help of the Alliance they couldn't really take out the Kingdom, and its top two most important people are still standing (Rodrigue died in SB but Felix didn't, and Felix was the current Duke so they didn't actually do as much as damage to Fraldarius as they did in Houses when he dies in the third to last chapter in CF).

As far as her not having anything bad happen to her, I guess you could argue it's really only Claude who gets a bad ending. If EdeIgard ended her war post the final playable battle there would definitely still be huge issues in Fodlan's political landscape and it would still be a mess with trust in each territory, but she kiiind of got something she wanted I suppose, i.e. Thales and Rhea dying.

Dimitri has a pretty happy ending and is really the happiest ending if you have Rodrigue alive, because the truth of Duscur was concluded and everyone in Fodlan was allied, and all their enemies defeated (save EdeIgard who was just in no state to fight anyway). Chances are pretty good that AG Claude wouldn't have bothered fighting Rhea because there was no need for violence with the war over, and he was definitely much more in a negotiating mood in AG.

For Shez, even though Arval disappears, Shez did get a pretty good ending in all the routes, and if Byleth survived then Byleth fans get a pretty good ending overall too. The mercs are no longer solitary fighters, have friends, and helped their new leader reach their goals in Fodlan (though yeah, Claude's goals are kinda ??? ??? ??? very confusing and don't make sense based on what he says/does).

Teeeechnically Dimitri did bail EdeIgard out of trouble when Thales showed up and attacked her, but you could argue he had pretty legitimate reasons for that. Duscur is a personal thing for her, yeah, but it affected and related to a lot of people, as well as his army's current situation (i.e. having Duscur as allies helping his army, and clearing their name is a huge goal for him as king).

I do agree EdeIgard didn't face repercussions though, so while she didn't get everything she wanted (reminder she could never get past Arianrhod in any route. In AG that's when she got attacked by Thales, in GW that's when she needed the Alliance to save her neck, and in SB wah wah, I am sticking to my joke that Miklan didn't show up in that route bc he was too OP to be defeated in the other routes so they had to stay consistent and thus couldn't show him in SB or you could simply never win and move on in the story lel), she did get some of it and was generally happier according to the devs.

I don't really count AG as a "repercussion" for her for the war itself either. That was more because she betrayed Thales and he retaliated accordingly. If it was war based, I'd say something like maybe she survives but loses her position as emperor or something. AG did a good job showing what would happen to her if she betrayed Thales (at least so outright).

Generally I think it was largely unsatisfactory for SB because it was just a retelling of CF, except that I think they were trying to cater more to Dimitri and Felix fans because they're both so popular, hence why they both survived. Claude can die in CF or SB, so that just stayed the same, even if the lead up to it was a lot different. A lot of people are also annoyed at SB for having none of the characters really debate EdeIgard on her goals.

For me personally, it was the altering of characterizations that made SB annoying rather than simply unsatisfactory as a story. Them changing Ferdinand's whole character and relationship with her was a huge negative point for me. Like, while I could argue Dorothea is just CF Dorothea (versus AM/VW Dorothea), I can't argue that Ferdinand is anything similar to his Houses counterpart. Pretty much all the characters in SB that you're allied with are adoring of EdeIgard and never call her out (re: Ferdinand especially).

Honestly, I find Hopes to be a mixed bad for how they handled her because on one hand, they did actually have Dimitri remain the same with calling her out and being on the reasonable side of their arguments/fights, so the game did still say "what she's doing is unjust and there's someone to tell her as much".

On the other hand, this game definitely caters more to her in the sense of her happiness and wellbeing, as well as the overload of "she's the best thing ever" to her allies and people being unreasonably willing to love her, respect her or in Claude's case, save her life when reasonable mister Lorenz outright said the plot we should've gotten.

I do agree for sure though that she gets away with everything in SB and GW. I know they did it for her popularity, but I definitely don't like the way IS focuses more on her popularity than a coherent story. It wasn't as messy as GW, but it was just... kinda... dull. It just wasn't anything new.

The only reason she does in AG at least is because Thales already did his damage, so by then for Dimitri there was just no point in continuing anything because she was effectively out of the picture. I guess that's why AG's ending doesn't bother me as much as GW's, because it does feel like an at least complete story with a proper ending. Loose ends were tied and I think it was a good way to incorporate the whole Empire versus Kingdom versus TWS, because the ending still had a piece of TWS' effect on everything even with them gone. It felt like a three way fight with a three way result, if that makes sense. When you have a battle like that, it makes sense that there's an outcome caused by all involved groups.

[lady-byleth]

Okay, now that I'm too tired to think 7 things at once I'm gonna try and review Engage seriously

After finishing the main campaign I can divide the game into several categories to judge so let's get to it

Quick info at the top here, this entire thing is me rating Engage as an entry of the series. I'll add a small comment about how the game would do as a stand-alone at the end. Also, this is all my personal opinion, even if I do try to be as "professional" as possible

Actual review under the cut so I don't clog up your dashboards

Story: 4/5

let's start with the basics, which is what this story essentially is. A fairly basic Fire Emblem story of the evil dragon you have to stop from wreaking havoc. Just how it sounds, it's fairly basic and not especially out there. That being said, the execution of it and the different twists and turns it takes help keep it from being too like the previous games. The plot twists are well executed and sufficiently foreshadowed, though there may be a few too many for some people so keep that in mind. There's also the ending that SPOILERS sees the Emblems disappear for some reason that was never hinted at before so it has some weak points as well SPOILERS END. Due to the length of the game and completing skirmishes being pretty much mandatory to progressing through the story chapters it can drag on at some points before picking up again.

The story beats themselves are well executed however and Alear carries the emotional weight of it pretty well.

Combat: 4/5

This game goes back to requiring more tactical thinking than Three Houses did. Where 3H let you off fairly easy with Relics and Crest powers even after the time skip, making mistakes in Engage is more punishing and will lead to you ending up with fewer units pretty quickly. This is not a bad thing since Fire Emblem is supposed to be about using your head and not about letting Byleth and Dimitri mow down enemies like they're grass. The maps offer some interesting variety, such as enemies that manipulate the environment or attack in wider areas than before. One even teleports around and hides in the shadows, forcing you to find him before you can actually fight him, which I personally enjoyed a lot. However, some map layouts are needlessly complicated, which makes certain fights drag on for longer than they're interesting and stops the flow of the game in its tracks. Besides this, to effectively level your units or collect funds you will have to fight skirmishes until they come out of your ears so if you want to get into a nice flow between fighting and story, this too will slow you down. Additionally, after every battle you'll get the opportunity to explore the map you just fought through, for the tiny benefit of a few ingredients for cooking and some animals you can adopt but not interact with, meaning this too will hinder the game from flowing.

That being said, the engage feature is fun to use and looks awesome, making it a good addition to set this game apart from the others

Quality of Life: 3/5

While the game clearly took some pointers from Three Houses for this, it didn't execute it quite as well as its predecessor. Somniel, while visually more elaborate than Garreg Mach, doesn't offer as much variety as the Monastery did. You will not spend as much time fishing or spending time with your allies over lunch because the benefits of doing so are too little to care about. There are no side missions from your allies to complete, so even though you will end up spending a lot of time at your base you will do so with little to do except collect resources and feed Sommie for again very little benefit...except that he will start following you and his steps make the cutest little sound.

Once every visit you can make Alear take a nap that one ally will wake them from in ways that range from funny to heartwarming, though this will not give you anything but a short laugh.

Characters: 3/5

While the characters themselves are enjoyable, though at times a little flat compared to former games, it is the sheer number of them that once again pulls the game down. You will gather allies in one kingdom and then immediately move on to the next kingdom to gather more, effectively removing everyone you just met who isn't an heir to the throne of their home country from the story. While I don't want to keep comparing this game to Three Houses I will have to do so again because while the branching story paths were not the most popular thing, it did allow for the different houses to get story focus so that none of them felt unimportant. By once again throwing them all into one big group and not giving them paralogues or any input in the larger story we ended up with a handful of characters and a bunch of party fillers.

By the removal of S Supports and paired endings, the game shot itself in the foot by taking away one of the few opportunities for the player to more directly engage with the large ensemble cast. While the system of supports were always awkward, they were not bad enough to completely ax S Supports and paired endings from the game without adding a replacement. It removes a way for the player to have a hand in shaping character relationships since the endings are essentially predetermined and give you no input.

While we're on the topic of characters, can't really not talk about Alear. Like Corrin before them, the story revolves mostly around them and their journey. An unfailingly gentle and polite person thrust into a war they know absolutely nothing about anf forced to confront many uncomfortable truths about the world and themselves in the process. Unlike previous avatars, Alear is not the kind of person who feels comfortable in their role on the battlefield but struggles with actually performing their role for a good part of the story. Their outlandish design has story reasons that I will not get into here but I found quite charming...

Unfortunately Alear is also the embodiment of the Universally Beloved Leader, with characters fawning over them left and right. Their kindness is constantly praised, even when they spend a lot of time spent with the character doing it was mostly Alear being wishy-washy about issues, the number of characters who admired their beauty could not be counted on two hands, which quickly becomes old.

What also takes away from the characters in general is the animations, which have become so exaggerated as to be goofy. Seeing someone make a dramatic speech while gesturing as if they're about to start dancing ballet ruins the mood a bit. And while the character models themselves are pretty, the gesturing of especially the female characters (and Rosado) are so over the top that appreciating their designs can be tough.

As for the Emblems, for being such a heavily featured part of advertising they don't actually do much except give the excuse for the engage mechanic and shoveling more pain on Alear. While seeing some beloved faces again certainly has its appeal, much like the secondary characters most of them fade into the background as soon as they appear. Not even their bond conversations gives them much to do, the C and B supports all consisting of exactly two lines. Only Marth gets significant focus (let him rest Intsys) and Sigurd gets to do stuff too, but the others are mostly just there. That Intsys couldn't even be bothered to let us choose Corrin and Byleth's gender and just cut off the branches entirely, contrary to every spin off game that had the avatars appear, just adds insult to injury here.

The characters deserve better...

Music: 3/5

Not much to say here, except that there have certainly been better soundtracks in the series...

Overall as Franchise Game: 3.4/5

Overall as Standalone: 4/5

I'm actually surprised by how low the overall score ended up being considering I did enjoy the game enough to actually write this. I should however mention that I purposefully removed the localization from this because it would've dragged the score down to a level I was not comfortable with.

In conclusion, Engage is a good if flawed game that tried too hard to combine old with new and ended up getting lost somewhere in the middle. While it's not groundbreaking it has enough good qualities to be enjoyable and keep you entertained for a long time.

From where I'm standing a lot of its issues stem from it being a main game that's coming on the heels of what many fans and critics consider to be one of the two best games in the series (namely Three Houses), which is just bad luck

[lochnessies]

I feel like 3H discourse gets fucked over a bit by people not taking into account that characters will say inaccurate information (without it having to be a plot hole). Perspective is a huge theme in Three Houses and characters are going to make, sometimes, dramatic actions based off that misinformation.

yeah

Like, Dmitri accuses Edelgard of being involved in the Tragedy of Duscur, but, she was like, 12 when that happened. It’s a lot more likely that Edelgard was being experimented on or recovering from experimentation during that point in time considering that the Tragedy happens not long after Edelgard and Dmitri last see each other.

do i think edelgard was involved? nah. it’s one of the few things i genuinely believe her on. however, it isn’t unreasonable for dimitri to think she was somehow involved. i mean, faerghast is pretty standard medieval when it comes down to fighting. was sent to quell rebellions at like 14. that’s really young. and in the middle ages the standard age that boys trained to be nights was at the very least seven (glenn was 15 when he was full on knighted). felix says he learned to fight before he could write his own name and dimitri was already swinging swords at nine. not to mention she was in the kingdom and then not long after she leaves the tragedy happened. so it could also look like she was a spy even if she didn’t set lambert on fire herself.

then there’s the whole shit of her saying nothing. a whole nation gets wiped out and she has no plans to ever vindicate them. hell, even dedue says that her being involved in any way is unacceptable and he’s fucking pissed. is he delusional? is he being irrational and unfair to edelgard? she isn’t the victim here, dedue, his people, the kingdom royals and co. are.

Likewise, Setheth accuses Edelgard of trying to become a false goddess when that’s not even remotely close to her goals.

ok this part right here is the reason that this fucking thing took forever to come out (sorry anon). i have so much to say and i wanted to write it all but i decided to put in my edelgard essay instead. i then waited to post this answer but sadly it’s taking longer to edit than i planned and i feel bad so you’re going to have to wait for this bit. so if you stick around i’ll talk about that in depth in the essay but just know that i disagree with the op very much.

Edelgard makes a ton of false accusations and misconceptions about Rhea. She accuses Rhea of being a power hungry inhumane tyrant who has no regard for life outside her own when that just isn’t remotely accurate.

And then there’s Claude, literally the only major faction leader that cares to uncover the truth and nuances of everyone’s decisions. He’s literally the only faction leader to not act like his version of events is the definitive truth. He acknowledges that he and Edelgard are fighting for similar things: a system overhaul of Fodlan. He also doesn’t oppose the Church because he’s learned enough about it to want to keep it’s institution in place. That’s why he’s the only faction leader that can survive in every route (I’d consider Seteth and Rhea to share the role as Church Leader since Seteth leads the Church Route but Rhea’s the one actually in charge of the Church). Claude is also the only leader that doesn’t make any false claims about other factions. I said a while ago that Claude would make the best ruler and this is why.

ok this is fine

But going back to what I said earlier about discourse, this impacts discourse drastically because people can just pick whichever version of events they prefer and there’s probably a character who claimed it went that way. The plot also doesn’t seek to clarify events one way or the other in any route. So even if you’ve played every route, it’s up to the player to make judgment calls on who’s speaking out of their ass.

except it’s literally not. we are told what routes have correct information from the devs themselves. and unreliable narrators can be proven and disproven when you put their words against everyone else, their actions, and the lore.

Between all the relevant character and plot details the game hides behind supports, endings, and other easily missable content and the fact that no two characters interpret the series of events that happen in the plot the same way (due to coming from various background, being present for some stuff but not others, having different priorities and biases that will cause them to interpret different things in different ways, etc.), no two players are likely going to interpret the events of 3 Houses the same either.

just because two characters interpret the events differently doesn’t mean they’re right. for example, the agarthans think the crest experiments are good but edelgard and lysithea would say otherwise. but you wouldn’t say that twsitd’s perspective is valid just bc they see things differently.

and when i see players trying to excuse some of the most horrific things bc they don’t want their fave war criminal to look bad yes i will judge them. you can like whoever but don’t excuse shit like imperialism and racism and we will be fine.

So, if you want to talk 3H, please acknowledge that none of the characters should be taken solely on their word, especially when describing major things. With the examples I gave earlier of misinformation in the game, it makes sense that Dmitri would place the blame of the Tragedy of Duscur almost entirely on Edelgard because he doesn’t know about the Agarthans or Edelgard’s history with them.

ok but she’s still complicate if nothing else. that’s still terrible. like if she was planning to clear duscur’s name that’s one thing but she isn’t. the only way to do that is to reveal twsitd and we know she doesn’t since it is a shadow war that the people don’t know about since that would reflect badly on her for working with them.

It makes sense that Edelgard has a lot of misconceptions about the Church because once you start completely rewriting and erasing history (and the Church does openly censor literature, which is shown in Claude’s route), any possible “true story” is more likely than the story you’re giving. Alongside that, Edelgard is getting most of her information from the Agarthans and a very private source only accessible to the Imperial Family.

fair but choosing war at like 13 is an extreme jump. maybe wait till your brain fully develops and you have a better picture of the world around you

It makes sense that Seteth might assume that Edelgard is trying to become a false god because he’s been helping lead a religion based on lies for centuries.

she is. also the religion isn’t based off of lies. sothis exists. she’s in your head. a few details were changed to hide nabateans from a red canyon massacre 2.0. however, the values are the same. also he came to the monastery 20 years ago not centuries.

When you’re trying to understand some part of Three Houses, you have to think about where that information came from, what factors might be biasing that information, and that there might be some detail that shines a new light on that information somewhere else in the game that you’re missing. And that’s generally a good philosophy to have when processing any information.

yeah

That’s something I like about Three Houses. I like how you have to sort through a ton of biases and misinformation within the game to understand the story. If you let your own biases get away from you too much, you’re going to miss the larger picture. The game let’s you know exactly where everyone is coming from in some way and (almost) everyone is given a sympathetic eye in at least one route. And (almost) everyone is viewed as irredeemable in at least one route.

the only people who are portrayed as irredeemable are edelgard and rhea (and maybe dimitri if you count edel’s contempt for him in cf).

[lonely-xplr]

I'm 22 years old and I never ever had a romantic relationship with anyone. I never kissed someone or even held hands. I had a few crushes on guys, but I would not act on it bc I felt like I they were out of my league. In 2018 I moved away from home for college and in with a guy I didn't know before. In the beginning I didn't even see him as a love interest for me, bc he wasn't exactly my type. However, I still caught feeling somehow after a few months living together, bc he was the first guy who would actually talk to me about other things than school. I'm like this meme with the butterfly where it says someone is nice to you ohh he must like like me. I know it's pathetic. I also never acted on my feelings, bc firstly I didn't want to ruin things and move out bc I liked my place and I guess I'm scared of rejection. He moved out last year anyway bc he finished college and got a job somewhere else, I think he knew I liked him bc sometimes I can't be subtle enough. He never said anything tho, he promised to stay in touch but I never heard from him again. I knew that would happen bc he's a horrible texter and idk if we were even friends. Like I said I'm kinda pathetic. I guess I'm just afraid to get in a relationship bc I already think about the end before it even begins. I don't want to get my heart broken, plus I'm not ready yet, I have to take care of myself first. But yeah I feel rather lonely most days especially now at this time of the year and with Christmas coming up. Maybe there's also something wrong with me idk maybe. I know it sounds bad but for example my friends have all those crazy guy stories every time they go out bc they get catcalled, this also never happened to me and then I think I'm not even pretty enough to get catcalled so no wonder why no guy likes me (like I said it sounds so absurd). Or another time at my prom (well not technically prom bc we don't do this where I live). I had to ask a guy to be my dance partner for the opening dance bc nobody asked me. It took me 3h to get ready I felt really pretty when I left my house but when I arrived everything was horrible. The guy ignored me the whole time he only complimented my friends, while I stood next to them. Needless to say I wanted to go home asap, it's been years but I still think of that.

Idk if this is even helpful to you I guess I just wanted to rant (you don't have to answer this)

i’m totally fine with rants and i appreciate you sharing this. i can relate to a lot of the same feelings and i’m sure a lot of other people can too. you know, when i was in hs, i was so afraid of rejection and opening up romantically that i would self-sabotage. it didn’t happen often, but if a boy told me he liked me or asked me to a dance, i’d say no even if i liked him back. those were my first experiences with having mutual interest with guys, so i was scared out of my mind!

in freshman year, i had a small friend group and i liked one of the guys. i didn’t think he felt the same, but one day he asked me to homecoming. i was happy and wanted to say yes, but fear got in the way, so i said no. after that he stopped talking to me and found a new friend group; that hurt because i really cared about him and enjoyed his company. it was only until the end of senior year that i opened up to a guy and we dated for a few months, but that ended up being a bad relationship (if you’d even call it that lol.)

anyway, i know what you’re feeling, i’m 22 and haven’t had my first kiss either. sometimes i wish i could just get it over with, but when i really think about it, i’m fine with waiting. i don’t want to give into societal pressures with something that means so much to me (i’m a hopeless romantic 💀). i tell myself that we all have our time; there’s no rush to find love. it should come naturally and it’s worth the wait. we’ll all find our partners one day; some of us just have to wait longer than others, and that’s okay. 🙏🏼🖤

[blueoswin]

La lune à 3h du mat

Summary :When he was little, around three years old, Lucas watched, fascinated, his mother writing diligently in a little notebook, humming contently,a peaceful smile on her face Only years later did he stumbled upon the new addition in the notebook. “ I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people” He hadn't fully comprehend it at the time but it felt important somehow. The quote comes to his mind now, caught in an argument with Eliott,  in their tiny apartment,the summer heat clinging to their skin along with their frustration

. Lucas jolts awake, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, only then he hears the noise of his annoying ringtone. Still in a daze he answers.

“ Lucas baaabyyyyy I miss youuuuu!” 

Or : Lucas and Eliott got into a fight and Eliott drunk calls him.

//

"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people"

When he was little, around three years old, Lucas watched, fascinated, his mother writing diligently in a little notebook, humming contently,a peaceful smile on her face. She looked so close yet so out of reach in moments like this,the setting sun shining on her blond hair, casting a golden halo around her. Years later, his curiosity getting the best of him, he opened that notebook. He didn't know how to read but little Lucas wasn't dumb. He could recognise beautiful words when he saw them. After all he was a grown up now, 5 years old are almost adults. Yann told him ! But it didn't stop the feeling of guilt expanding in his chest when his mom caught him, standing up on a chair to reach the desk, notebook open to a random page in front of him. However, his mom didn't scold him like he had expected ( he had already been making up apologies in his head), no his mom only let out a little huff, sparks of amusement dancing in her eyes as she watched the scene unfold from where she stood, leaning on the doorframe. He had watched her come closer, eyes round, heart thumping loudly  in his chest. She ran a soft hand through his hair, taking his little body in her arms before sitting on the chair Lucas was previously standing on. Sitting on his lap, he was mesmerized by the sight of her long fingers caressing the thick paper of the notebook.

“You chose a good page darling”

She smiled at him proudly, adoration shining in her eyes, one hand still running in his hair. Lucas was happy, laying his head on his mom chest, listening to her heart beat steadily, her soft voice washing over him in a soothing wave.

“Do you want to know what is written in that notebook?”

He nodded eagerly, his curiosity peaking once again, his little legs kicking a bit in excitement. His mom chuckled at his antics.

“Look love” She put the notebook on his lap, the weight of it making him keep his legs still. Her hand went to cover his. “ I write words or phrases I love in it, memories, quotes, lyrics... Words are beautiful baby remember that. Letters upon letters assembled together to form words, once again put together to form sentences destined to make you feel. There is nothing purer than words.” Seeing Lucas was still listening intently, looking up at her with wonder, she goes on, smiling. “Do you want me to read you some of those quotes?” Lucas nodded again, not able to talk, fearful the magical moment would stop otherwise when his only wish was that his mom keep speaking, he wanted to hear her stories.

She took his fingers in hers, putting it under a written line. His mom had a beautiful handwriting, cursive intricate letters joined by graceful loops. She leant her head on his shoulders, whispering soflty in his ear, her breath tickling him,making a giggle escape him from time to time .

“We live in a rainbow of chaos. This one was written by Paul Cezanne, a famous painter.”

She looked over the pages, selecting the quotes that spoke to her the most in this moment.

“I like this one : “ Every story ever told really happened. Stories are where memories go when they are forgotten”

Lucas gasped, stars in his eyes.

“So fairytales are true? Princess Anastasia is real?”

His mom chuckled, amused.

“Well, yes she is. Just because you can't see her it doesn't mean she doesn't exist. I'm sure she is living her life happily ever after somewhere in the world.”

“So mermaids exist? What about dragons? Knights and wizards? Princesses, elves and talking animals? “

“Yes, they exist baby. As long as they live in your heart they are alive somewhere”

Lucas's mouth went slack in astonishment, not quite processing this new piece of information yet. His mom chuckled fondly.

“Do you want to hear another quote?”

How could he say no? He had a whole new world to discover in front of him. So the night went on like this, way past his bedtime, his mom reading quotes upon quotes to him until he fell asleep on her lap. Every night for the next months, they would sit at the desk, his mom teaching him how to read bit by bit, until he was able to read the quotes to her out loud, and then in his head when he read the notebook alone.

He was alone when he stumbled upon the new addition in the notebook. “ I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people” He hadn't fully comprehend it at the time. But it felt important somehow, so he read it again and again until it was imprinted in his mind.

He was 15 when his dad left them. He understood the quote better now, as he watched his parents marriage fall apart until there was nothing left but shreds. The quote resonated even more with him when his mom starting drifting away and he couldn't do anything to help her. He was 16 when his dad sent his mom away in a clinic, under the pretext that she was unstable, it was the worst day of his life. He was also 16 when he moved out of the now empty house, too big for him alone to join the coloc. Sixteen and no parents in sight would have been a fucking dream for a lot of teenagers. Not for him. He was scared and lonely and confused and he missed his mom and he was terrified of the future. He was 17 when he met Eliott and his fear of the unknown no longer left him paralyzed in fright. It was still there, but it was easily forgotten with Eliott by his side.

He's 18 now, living with the love of his life, who is doing amazing in college when the fear comes back stronger than ever. He is rummaging through boxes left unopened in the back of their closet from when he moved in. His hands stumble across a hard cover. He takes it out of the box, sitting on the wooden floor with The notebook on his lap, as if he was still a little child. He brushes the deep purple coloured cover, not believing his eyes. He doesn't even remember taking the notebook with him when he left the house. He should give it back to his mom the next time he'll visit. And all of the sudden he remembers all the quotes his mom wrote in that book. Every single one. Especially the one he learned by heart. That's how his fear comes back. Because of a fucking quote that shook him to his core when he was younger, long before he could even grasp its meaning.

Eliott is not home, not yet. He's been working on a project consuming all his time lately. Lucas is left alone in the apartment almost every nights now, eating alone, falling asleep alone, Eliott coming back in the middle of the night, exhausted, waking up early only to be gone when Lucas wakes up. So loneliness strikes once again, he misses Eliott, not having spent time with his boyfriend for too long has taken a toll on him. It's Sunday afternoon and he promised Lucas he would be there so they could spend some time together. Lucas is already frustrated enough after a talk with the man who has the audacity to call himself his father, and Eliott is not here. One look at the clock on the wall indicates it is nearing four. Eliott promised when he left this morning that he would be done by two. And his calls are left unanswered ! Lucas is worried, tapping his phone in his hand while pacing the living room, stopping sometimes to look through the window in hope to see his boyfriend finally come home. He is this close to calling Idriss when the sound of the lock startles him. Lucas rushes to the door, hugging Eliott to death as soon as the door opens. He feels his body stiffen in surprise underneath him before strong arms tug him closer by the waist. After long minutes , they go back inside the flat, Lucas relief leaving him to be replaced by a dull annoyance. Eliott looks exhausted, dark bags under his eyes, his cheekbones even more prominent, a ghost is would look tanned in comparison. Lucas keeps him close, worried Eliott might faint if he takes a step back. He cradles his face in his palm, running his thumb over the growing stubble on his chin.

“What happened? Where were you? Why is your phone dead?” He asks in a worried tone.

Eliott only sighs, nuzzling in his hand.

“I was at Lucy's” Lucas only gives him a quizzical face. “ The girl I was partnered with for the project.” He heads toward the kitchen, looking into the fridge to find something to eat, Lucas follows him diligently.

“Okay, but why didn't you answer my call?” 

“I ran out of battery.”

Lucas frowns, not really believing Eliott's evasive answers.

“Doesn't Lucy have a charger you could borrow?”

“I didn't think about it” Eliott feels himself getting increasingly annoyed. “ Can we not do this now? I'm tired and hungry.”

“Well you wouldn't be if you had come home earlier to eat." The tension around them build up. " I was waiting for you, you know. It's the only thing I seem to be doing these days.” He utters the last part under his breath, hoping Eliott wouldn't hear him. The universe is against him it seems. Eliott stands up, closing the fridge.

“Sorry what did you say?”

“Nothing.” Lucas looks up at the ceiling. Perhaps if he stares long enough they will drop the topic. Perhaps.

“No you said something and I'm afraid I didn't understand.”

Eliott comes closer, at arm's reach. Lucas scoffs, he brought this on himself no need to put his head in the sand now.He inhales, pinching the bridge of his nose, his foot tapping rhythmically against the wooden floor.

“Okay you want to know? I said that the only thing I do lately is wait for you. Wait for you to reply to my text, wait for you to come home, wait for you to even acknowledge my existence.” He huffs, crossing his arms.

Eliott blinks owlishly, not quite understanding.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me damn well Eliott.It feels like I don't even have a boyfriend anymore.”

He regrets that sentence as soon as it leaves his mouth. Seeing the betrayed look on Eliott's face makes him feel even worse. 

“Do you know how unfair that statement is? I'm working my ass off to pass my exams! And I miss you too Lucas, so fucking much it hurts! I'm sorry for spending so much time away from you. It's only the matter of a few weeks!

Lucas only rolls his eyes 

“Pff, you already said that two weeks ago Eliott. And today you promised you would come back early but you didn't.”

“So that's what it is about? Me coming home late? Are you doubting me Lucas? “

“Of course Eliott! I was fucking worried about you!”

“Because you think I can't handle myself?”

Lucas mulls over his next sentences.

“Absolutely not. Because you're not the type to break a promise and something could have happened to you, that's why. Sorry for caring about you! It would be easier if you answered your fucking phone you know.”

“So now I have to answer every time you text? You are not my mom Lucas I don't owe you anything”

 Lucas tried to calm the situation but Eliott is being childish, he might as well let it all out.

“I don't ask for much, just one fucking text to tell me you're okay!”

“Damn it I can't believe it." Eliott paces around the kitchen counter, running a hand in his untamed hair, making wild gestures with his free arm as he speaks. "I can't believe it! You're just like Lucille. Why are you so fucking clingy?”

Lucas opens and closes his mouth like a goldfish, unable to speak, too hurt by Eliott's word. This went too far. When he speaks again, his voice is shaky, trying to calm down.

“Sorry for caring about you Eliott. Sorry for loving you.” The words are whispered, their weight heavy between them.

“Luc I'm...”

“Don't” Lucas raises his hand to stop Eliott from coming closer. He swallows back the lump in his throat. “If I speak I'm going to say something I will regret later, so for now I am going to the bedroom. Don't follow me, I don't want to see you right now.”

Lucas turns around, wiping away the falling tears as he sits on the bed, hugging his legs with his arms, screaming his frustration in a pillow. Hours have gone by, he went through his mom's notebook again in an attempt to calm himself. It worked for some time, until he heard noise in the apartment, reminding him that Eliott was here and he was the reason he was crying in the first place. It didn't work anymore afterwards. His heart aches, his body feels heavy, his mind is fuzzy from crying so much. Lucas needs to get out of here. He can't be around Eliott for now, it's too much for him. His decision made, he grabs the duffle bag hidden in the back of the closet, putting clothes at random in it, not really caring about what he's taking with him. He can always come back another day since Eliott is so busy.

Lucas opens the door, almost colliding with Eliott in the process. The latter was behind the door, his fist still hanging in the air in a failed attempt to knock at the door. He looks miserable, like a reprimanded puppy but Lucas doesn't care enough in this moment to feel guilty.

“What the fuck Eliott? I told you I wanted to be left alone!”

He goes to the living room, checking for something he might have forgotten, such as his phone on the piano. He knows Eliott is following him, with more distance between them than usual but he is trailing behind.

“Where are you going?” He asks in a daze,  his eyes not leaving the bag in Lucas's hand.

“I can't stay here for now, I'm crashing at the coloc tonight, and maybe for the next week. I need time apart from you.”

“So you just leave instead of talking it out? Very mature of you Lucas. Fantastic.” Eliott applauses mockingly

“ Eliott please stop, don't make the situation worse”

“I'm not the one running away.” He bites his nails, looking everywhere apart from Lucas.

“But you are being childish and petty.”

“Right. You're the one who started this remember? Just pack your things and go since that's what you want." Eliott turns his back on him. "You think I need you Lucas?”

His mom told him there was nothing purer than words, there is nothing as vicious either. Words cut deeper than a knife, Lucas is starting to realize that.

"I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people"

The quote comes to his mind now, caught in an argument with Eliott,  in their tiny apartment,the summer heat clinging to their skin along with their frustration

Eliott is pacing like a wild animal in a cage in the living room, pulling his hair out by the roots, venom dripping from his mouth. He is a storm, has always been, ever since Lucas met him he was swept up off his feet, swirling in the wind, breath always knocked out of him. The eye of a storm is the safest place to ever exist so they say. Unfortunately Lucas left the peaceful eye to throw himself in the roaring thunder as soon as Eliott came home. Hearing the poisonous words hurts him more than he thought was ever possible, especially because the truth dawns on him : Eliott has left him. Right here, right now, in their shared apartment, he is physically here, but his heart no longer belongs to Lucas. So he leaves, with a watery “ Goodbye Eliott” he is sure the other one didn’t hear, shutting the door a bit too loudly behind him. 

Passersby stares at him, concerned looks on their faces. Lucas doesn’t care, too caught up in his head to control his body’s reactions. He doesn’t know the road he’s taken to arrive at the coloc, his body acting on autopilot. When he knocks on the door, he watches Mika’s smile fall off his face as he takes him in, pulling him gently into the flat, engulfing him into a giant hug when the door closes. Lucas lets himself be hugged, too stunned to return the warm embrace. Only then he bursts into tears.

//

“Lucas answer your goddamn phone I need my beauty sleep!” Mika screams from somewhere in the coloc.

He jolts awake, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, stretching his back, aching from sleeping on the couch for a week. Only then he hears the noise of his annoying ringtone. Still in a daze he answers, wondering who could call him at three in the morning.

“ Lucas baaabyyyyy I miss youuuuu!” He winces at the loud voice, putting the phone away from his ear.He hears a giggle in the background, covered by loud music.

“Eliott? Where are you?” He straightens up in the makeshift bed.

“Don't know” He hiccups. “ Why do you care?”

His words are slurred, making it hard for  Lucas to understand him completely.

“How much did you drink? Is there anyone with you?”

A moment of silence passes where he puts the phone away from his ear to check the line isn't dead.

“Sofiane...” A hiccup.” And Idriss were there but I lost them.” Another hiccup. “They are gone.” Lucas frowns. Is Eliott sniffling? He internally curses his friends for leaving Eliott alone in this state.

“Baby can you send me your location? I'm coming to get you home.”

“Noooooo I don't want to go home if you aren't going with me.” Eliott utters between sobs, if he wasn't crying before he sure is now..

Lucas can feel his heart beating in staccato in his chest, he has to get Eliott home safe. He wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't.

“I'll go home with you.” He says softly, the ghost of a smile grazing his lips.

“Promise me?” The sniffling has died down a bit.

“I promise.”

Lucas can almost see Eliott nods. The line is again silent for a few minutes before a feeble okay  can be heard. He hears his phone pings with a text right away.

“Don't move Eliott I'm going to get you”

Lucas hangs up, throwing hastily on the first pair of jeans he can find, almost losing balance when he puts on his shoes. Grabbing his keys, he bolts out of the coloc into the chilly night.

Thirty minutes later, Lucas finds himself looking at his phone, squinting his eyes against the bright light to double check the location Eliott sent him. The garden of the house he is standing in front of is lit up by fairy lights, scattered on the grass or tangles in tree branches. His heart is pounding along with the rhythm of the loud basses sounds. There are a few people chatting in the front yard, drunken laughs echoing in the silent, someone is vomiting near a tree. Lucas inhales, in hope it will give him some sort of courage to find Eliott. He pushes past grinding bodies, the mixed scents of spilt alcohol, sweat and the lingering heat  makes him dizzy.

 Eliott is nowhere to be seen. He is on the verge of giving up when he catches a glimpse of a golden brown mop of hair standing in the kitchen, hands behind his back, resting on the counter. His heart soars in relief, at least he's found him, he is safe. Lucas slowly approaches, coming to a halt when he takes in the sight in front of him. Eliott is indeed safe, it looks like he's having the time of his life even, head thrown back in laughter, a pretty girl looking at him with hunger in her eyes, biting her lips, her hand travelling teasingly up and down Eliott's chest. She gets tentatively closer, her eyes fixed on his lips. Lucas's heart shatters , his eyes water. Everything happens in slow motion, the fast-paced track in the background doesn't reach his ears anymore, people drunkenly bumping into him doesn't make him turn his head, too transfixed on Eliott. He sees her lips part, can almost guess how fast her blood is pumping in her veins from the excitement of what she's about to do, their lips are millimeters apart when Eliott, in his inebriated state, catches up to what's happening. Lucas watches as he mumbles something close to a “ no thank you”. He slowly comes closer, wanting to know what's going to happen next.

“Why? You liked the first one....” He hears the girl speaking in a husky voice and refrains himself from scoffing bitterly.

At her new attempt at kissing, Eliott turns his head fast, his eyes widening in shock when they fall on Lucas, shoving the girl aside quickly before swaying in his direction. Lucas stands still, not able to move, it's becoming increasingly hard to breathe. He only remembers what he was doing here in the first place when Eliott drops a hand on his shoulder, squeezing a little to keep his balance. He goes for a hug, only to be rejected, Lucas shoving his hand off his shoulders, pinning him down under his stare, only muttering a short “ I'm taking you home” before turning away, guiding Eliott through the house by a firm grasp on his wrist. They part the crowd, ignoring people calling them, only stopping once outside to breathe fresh air. Lucas prevents Eliott from talking, he doesn't want to hear anything coming from him tonight, doesn't have the energy to deal with another fight. He only makes a small gesture with his head, asking him to follow him, their steps synchronizing along the way.

 The walk back home is uncomfortably silent, the two boys unable to utter a single word. Lucas hopes that by the time they make it back home, Eliott has sobered up enough for them to talk.

//

The door shuts behind them in a loud bang.

“I swear Lucas I didn’t kiss her! It was a stupid dare and it meant nothing to me! And then she came onto me and... I don’t know I was drunk and upset after our fight so I let her.”

“Can't you see that’s the problem Eliott ! You lead her on! Who knows how far you would have gone together if I didn't come to get you.”.

Eliott runs a hand down his face, dark eyes hardening.

“Do you really think I would cheat on you Lucas? Is that what you think of me?”

“Well I certainly don't want a repeat of the Lucille incident” He snaps, crossing his arms angrily.

“For fuck sakes Lucas it was once and we weren't officially a couple! Will you ever drop it?”

“Maybe it happened once but you were inebriated tonight Eliott, and you know you tend to get flirty when you drink, you can't blame me for being a little suspicious.”

“So you don't trust me. Great.”

“I didn't say that...”

“You didn't need to Lucas.”

They stare at each other defiantly, fire in their eyes. Lucas is the first one to look away, he sighs tapping his foot against the floor rapidly.

“ You know what Eliott, it's late, you're drunk and we're both tired. We'll talk in the morning if you're well enough. For now go to sleep.”

He turns around, not wanting to see the look on his face. The anger and the hurt he's been feeling for the past week are still burning underneath the surface, ready to be ignited again. Lucas closes his eyes, listening to the quiet surrounding them, he can hear the floor creaking above his head. One of their neighbors is a night owl, good to know. A soft hand encircles his wrist, not squeezing, just laying there. A weight falls on his shoulder, he can feel Eliott's breath on the back of his neck, nuzzling there. He suppresses a shiver. His hand goes up his arm slowly, so gently the featherlike touch tickles him. The touches stop once his hands rest on his shoulders, bringing them closer together. Nothing can be heard, only their synched breathing.

Every contact on Lucas's skin prickles him, lighting his skin up in anticipation. How he has craved Eliott's touch during their week apart, tossing and turning on the coloc's couch, feeling cold, having no one to cuddle him, encircle him with his arms in a protective hold. But nothing has changed, they have to talk at some point, about tonight, about them, about where they are going, about what Lucas is the most afraid of. They both said hurtful things, things they regretted as soon as the words were out. Apologies are long overdue. Eliott whispers muffled words against his skin like a prayer, barely audible.

“I'm so sorry love. Come to bed with me. I missed you I missed you I missed you...”

“I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible”

Lucas wants to give in, his touch-starved body wanting nothing more than to melt into Eliott's. His battered heart however can't handle being too close, in case one of them decides to pull away again. Eyes tightly shut, he wipes away the tear beginning to fall.

“You'll understand why storms are named after people”

“I can't Eliott” His voice cracks up. “ I miss you too but it's too soon. You really hurt me,  I need time. Go to sleep, I'll take the couch.”

He feels more than he hears the deep sigh behind him, the loud exhale leaving goosebumps on his skin. Arms hold him tighter, squeezing once before letting go, leaving him feeling cold, alone in a dark room.

“Goodnight love”

Lucas can't look at Eliott right now or he'll cave in. His will is already wearing thin.

“Goodnight Eliott”

He doesn't see the sweet smile faltering nor the sorrow in his eyes. Lucas stays a while longer looking through the window at the deserted streets, listening to the faint noise of the parisian nightlife. Only when he's certain Eliott won't return to the living room he lets the tears pour. Crying silently on the living room couch, his thoughts run in circles, making him imagine the worst case scenario over and over again. As the sun rises and the birds start chirping he falls asleep, too exhausted to keep his red eyes open.

//

NB: Hi I hope you enjoyed! So I just wanted to say that the pics aren’t mine ( except from the bottom right one) I found them on the Internet so if one of your pic is in there just let me know and I’ll credit you! Also the quote is from Caitlyn Siehl and the title of this fic comes from a song called “ La lune à 3h du mat”  (duh) written by French artist Maxenss, go check his work out his songs are awesome! ( really angsty for some though). Okay I think that’s all thank you for reading and have a good day! Love you all and see you next time! 

[yorukamiko]

Vampire AU

I’ve been toying with this idea for a while, so here it is in writing.  Julian, somewhere between the fateful Masquerade and the beginning of our story. On the run. We more or less know his route: getting away from Vesuvia with Mazelinka, getting on a ship to Macawi port in the South, then going back to Vesuvia. But the Masquerade was three years ago, and Portia started working at the Palace a year ago, probably shortly after she got to Vesuvia, which leaves us with two years of Julian’s journey. What has he been up to, then?

EDIT: I started writing this 3h ago and just wanted to get stuff out of my head. I guess stories live their own lives, so it became WAY longer than I expected. Oops. It’s 3:30am and starts getting NSFW. Part two will happen when I get sleep. Alas, beware of typos and other mishaps.

Also TW: human trade 

Here an idea:

The ship Julian’s on is attacked by the pirates. Not Mazelinka’s crew, but a more nasty type. Julian tries to make his way out of the situation by telling them he’s a doctor, but they don’t need one on their ship - instead, they decide to make a pretty penny selling him to someone on the coast.

As they arrive to a small port, Julian is escorted straight to the market. There, a young lady dressed in finest lace buys him and a few others. She seems very well educated and rich, but not very kind. She haggles well, not about the money, though, but about additional people for the same price. The handler seems to be cautious with his words, as if afraid of her, and finally agrees. When she’s done, she drives away in a carriage, while Julian and the others make their way to the estate on foot, with a few guards.

The residence is a beautiful place by a river, with a garden smaller, but no less amazing than the Vesuvian one. They pass the fields and the meadows on their way there, and Julian takes a good look at the people working in the fields - there are no guards, and some people are resting in shade, drinking and laughing. They seem.. relaxed.

Upon their arrival to the house, the ropes are taken away and they are offered a bath and a fresh change of clothes. Julian’s clothes are simple and plain, but kind of nice. He washes up in a small tub of warm water, and heads to the dining area.

The lady who sits at the head of the table is the same lady who was there in the market. She’s way nicer now, welcoming them in her house and asking them to enjoy the meal. Everyone is a bit reluctant, but she takes the first few bites and that gains her enough trust among the newcomers. Even if this is all extremely odd, they are hungry.

After the dinner is cleaned out from the table, she announces that they are by no means obliged to stay, and they are all free to go the next morning. However, if they would like to stay, she offers her employment. A roof over their heads, food they will grow with their own hands, freedom to come and go, a fair wage, and her protection - under two conditions. There will be a small donation of blood required every now and then, and there will be her reputation to upkeep. There is a murmur among the guests, but she cuts it off, saying she would like them to go meet the servants who decided to stay, before they make the final decision. 

The lady of the house takes time to chat with those who stayed in the room, and finally makes it to Julian. Unsure what to do, but utterly intrigued, he decides to accept the invitation and stay for some time as a physician. If nothing else, playing by their rules can make an easier escape later on.

The next morning he is asked to move to a long building closer to the servants quarters, where he is given an office and an adjacent room in which he can live. All of it is rather simple, but sufficient. There are no decorations, but there view out the window is pleasant. Way better than his office in the Palace dungeons. He shivers at the thought, but pushes it far away. He is safe now. Everyone dear to him is safe and away from Vesuvia. Mazelinka has reached Portia by now and passed the news of his escape. All he has to do is to lay low for a while.

There is a knock on the door and a young boy with a little girl attached to his leg walks in. Julian smiles and puts on a “kind doctor” face, then throws himself into work.

Weeks pass by and Julian is well-known and liked among the people of this weird place. His initial distrust slowly vanishes. He can see that the people are indeed free to come and go, they are paid, fed, and happy. They work for themselves, mostly. Some work in the fields, some with the animals, others sew clothes or build furniture. There’s a carpenter, a blacksmith, and now him - a doctor. It’s a self-sufficient little town, all under the protection of this young mysterious lady with a bad reputation on the outside. Whatever they have in abundance, they trade away in the port. Julian goes with them once, and plays along when he is told to put on shackles and look miserable. He knows a reputation can save one from the fight altogether, and he is well aware that if those pirates knew the place wasn’t cursed, haunted, and controlled by a powerful witch, it would get raided in no time. 

As they return back to the estate, they joke and laugh about all the silly stuff they saw pirates do - spitting over their shoulders, sprinkling salt, or murmuring anti-hexes while avoiding their gaze. Julian loves it, mischief and drama is something he lives for, and he offers a few new scenarios and tricks to play on the pirates the next time they go to town.

But even before they reach their houses, someone stops them, visibly shaken. They say that there has been an accident and the doctor is needed immediately. Julian rushes back to the estate, where the injured is being taken care of. 

A child is laid on a cleared table in the main hall of the house, pale and motionless. There is a family gathered round them, sobbing and comforting each other. Julian is afraid he’s too late, but the child is still alive. Their breath is rugged and bubbly. A close examination shows there’s a lung pierced and some external bleeding. As much as Julian wishes, he’s way under-equipped to perform a surgery. Instead, he removes his gloves.

The room falls silent as his mark glows. With his head tilted backwards, he sees a movement at the top of the staircase. Then, he folds in half as his own ribs crack and bend inwards, piercing his lung. He gasps for air, but he’s drowning, yet he does not move his hands away until he sees the child gaining back consciousness. He collapses to his knees. Last thing he sees is blood on the floor and his hands as he coughs it up. 

He wakes up sore, in a strange room. It’s dark, with curtains drawn. The door opens and a servant comes in with a tray full of deliciously smelling food and a lit candle. She smiles at him, sets the tray and begins to light the candles. She seems like she wants to say something, but she only utters “thank you, thank you so much” when she’s about to leave. 

Only now Julian realises there’s someone else in the room, sitting in an armchair. The stranger walks towards his bed and Julian can now see a tall, lean figure with a storm of dark hair surrounding her perfectly beautiful face. She looks like a living sculpture, her skin dark, eyes golden. Her entire shape screams elegance. She sits at the foot of his bed and smiles an all-knowing smile.

Julian is too hazy to ask the right questions, and he is starving, so he lets the stranger speak as he ravishes his dinner. The woman seems completely comfortable in his presence, as well as fascinated. She introduces herself as Mistress Zoe, the real lady of the house, and tells Julian she is impressed with his magic, but also a bit hurt he haven’t mentioned being a magician earlier. Julian explains between bites that he is not, in fact, a magician, thank you very much, but he has been cursed by one. She laughs, and asks how possessing an ability to perform miracles and save lives is a curse, to which Julian mumbles something in response, blushing at the compliment.

Zoe asks him to be completely honest with her from then on, and offers the same in exchange. In fact, she would like to start.

She created this whole place, because she dislikes how violent the world has become. There’s no joy for her in hurting and killing, and hurt she must - to feed herself. Now here lies the real curse. She cannot step in the sun, she cannot eat or drink what the others can, she needs to feed on blood. For years she tried to cope with her situation, on her own, with no one to guide her. She did horrible things in her youth, hurt many, just to stay alive. Killed some, yes. But seeing she lived longer than any man she has ever met, she decided to make a difference. That’s why with all her accumulated wealth she bought the estate and surrounding grounds, and created this safe haven. Julian nods and asks about the reputation and Zoe smiles. Well, yes, it’s a repellent for those who would want to attack her, but some of it is true and had the need arise, she would be able to protect her people.

“And the blood donations?” Julian asks. Ever since he took on the physician’s job, he had been tasked with drawing blood from the volunteers. She looks away with poorly hidden disgust. She knows she can draw a little blood from a lot of people to sustain herself and not harm them, but honestly, it’s like taking a bite of every possible dish at the same time. Feeds you, but it’s awful. It’s the closest she’s ever been to being fair with her people, so that’s her way now.

Julian furrows his brows. If she’d let him, he would very much like to examine her. She laughs and it takes a moment until he realises how he sounded. He flusters and tries to explain himself, but she’s having none of it. She teases him and makes him blush even more. Eventually, she lets go and tells him that yes, that is possible, but now she wants to hear his story. Julian obeys, and tells her the most dramatic and entertaining tales of his adventures.

They stay up all night and when the sky behind the drapes starts getting lighter, Zoe decides to bid her goodbyes. She thanks him again for saving the child, and for their time together.

Over the next few days Julian goes back to his routine. He is now treated like a hero, but there’s a bit of distance in how people interact with him. Rumours of magic is what they were laughing at together just a few days ago, not knowing he possessed any abilities. What if he didn’t like their jokes back then? They know he can keep a secret, so maybe he holds a grudge now? Better not get too close with him, better leave him a small gift at the windowsill, just in case. Julian is a bit frustrated by this behaviour, but he can’t blame them - he himself is distrustful towards magic. 

His thoughts, however, go back to Zoe and their night together. He felt so good in her presence. She’s bold, and funny, and she seems to like him, too. And gods, creating all this? That takes some guts.. and kindness. He’s sure she could put a lot less effort into it if she hunted.

The next time volunteers come over to donate blood, one of the house servants informs him that he has to deliver the blood himself. After he closes the clinic for the night, he gathers his journal, and a small basket of vials, and goes to a room upstairs. Zoe is already there, behind a room divider, taking a bath. She invites him to sit in a chair next to her tub, completely unashamed. He passes her the vials and she downs a few of them right away, her irises dilating as she drinks. She rests the back of her head on the edge of the tub and he can see her fangs. He opens the notebook and writes down his observations. 

It takes her a while to come back to her senses. Her throat bobs up and down and she sits upright. “It’s a very vulnerable moment for me,” she says, “when I feed. It’s even worse when I was feeding off of a living human. You know how lone predators drag their prey into hiding before they start to eat? I had to go to hiding, too. I usually lured them into a safe place, and only then fed. When I quench that thirst, I’m completely helpless. I can control myself, but as for anything going on outside - I’m done. So much for a great predator” she laughs. 

Julian sits there, taking notes, asking questions, and trying not to stare. The way she moves, the way she talks, the way her lips curl, her brows furl, her nose wrinkles.. Everything about her is perfect. He is enchanted by her voice and her scent. He blushes, when she catches him drifting away. “Guilty as charged, I was not listening, sorry, you’re just too beautiful” slips his lips and his eyes widen, while his cheeks burn. He did not mean to say it out loud. 

She just smiles, a wide predatory grin. Well, of course she is beautiful, but it’s nice of him to notice. Perhaps he would like to put the notebook aside and pass her the towel?

Julian blinks rapidly, then reaches for the soft cloth hanging on a hook and hands it over to her. He wants to turn around but she stops him. He’s welcome to look, in fact, she would very much enjoy it. He doesn’t need another word. He sits there, transfixed, biting his lip, as she puts on a bit of a show for him, slowly drying herself down, giving him all the right angles. 

He hasn’t been close with anyone since... since that damned witch. He enjoys Zoe’s company, and she apparently enjoys his. She seems dangerous and alluring, a sweet combination he always had a soft spot for.

She steps out of the bath and bends over, putting her hands on armrests, so their faces almost meet. “What’s your poison, then?” She asks. Julian smiles, eyes full of mischief. “I love pain and servitude, Mistress. Bind me, use me, deny me, hurt me - I’ll take it all. I heal well” he teases. Zoe’s eyes light up at that, she licks her lips, slowly. “May I feed on you?” She asks. Julian swallows, hard. “Yes, please.”

[slytherinspage]

So I guess this is going to be the story of me and my LDR (long distance relationship).

Before the actual story begins I wanna apology for my inability to tell stories, I don’t know why but all my friends seem to be great at telling stories, making them really thrilling and mine sound boring all the time although they weren’t when I was living them?? But anyway, let the story begin.

So it was on April 8th when we first started texting. The app we „met“ if u can say so is called ACEapp. Ironically I didn’t get the app because I was hoping to find my soulmate on there. I was just bored and thought texting some strangers would be a nice way to kill time. I don’t even identify as asexual since I‘m not labeling myself. So I texted pretty much everyone on this app within the first 48h. I had some great conversation but everything seemed not to last for longer than a day. One of the people I texted is now my boyfriend. What I know from what he told me is that he got the app because he felt lonely that night. He got plenty of messages but didn’t respond to any of them except mine. (Which is funny init because my first message was literally „how did u manage to only put one sentence in your bio“. I didn’t even say hi, haha). Plus he told me that he wouldn’t have responded if he wasn’t drinking with his friends and bored because he didn’t wanna talk to anybody who’s not from the UK (because of the distance). (Fun fact: They all shaved their heads that night, aha). So we started talking and I believe after an hour or so we switched to snapchat, which is probably why we continued talking.

It was different with him than with other people because whenever a conversation seemed to be dying we (mostly him at the beginning) just started a new one so we wouldn’t stop talking. He was really sweet from the beginning, sending me messages when I was asleep. I think that’s what made me realize his different and I can’t ever let him go again. The remarkable thing is that he went through a really rough time back then. (I don’t wanna go into detail since I feel like that doesn’t belong on this blog. But he told me more than once that if he haven’t met me, he probably wouldn’t be alive no more). But although he had so much stuff going on, he always stayed kind and caring, trying his best to make me feel like i matter and like everything I have to say matters. That’s probably why and when I started falling in love with him although I probably had no idea back then.

At this point I feel like maybe it would be interesting to have his side of the story as well, how he experienced it. Maybe I‘m going to ask him to write a paragraph himself at some point. But he probably cba to do so, haha.

So I think two weeks in was the first time we called. Drunk. I was too scared to do it sober since I wasn’t confident with my English. (I‘m Swiss and he‘s English). We called drunk for about 3-4 times. (I can‘t remember it exactly). One day I called him sober. Out of nowhere. It was awkward since I was so nervous. But then some days later I called again. For 4h this time. It felt like 20 minutes. And it went so well. I mean texting him was great but calling him was even better. (Edit: We made a deal to call and send a photo at least once a week. But after the first week there was no use for this deal no more). At first it was every few days, then daily. And after like a week we stopped ending calls when we went to bed. We called overnight and on the way to work. He got up earlier only for me. At some point I just switched to video call. Which he wasn’t happy about because he isn’t very confident about his looks. (So am I tbh). But he’s very good looking, believe me guys. Anyway luckily he played along.

I couldn’t remember who said „I love you“ first. Had to ask him. So we think it was me who said „ly“ first but over text early on but more to make him feel loved then to like confess feelings that probably weren’t even there back then. He texted „I love you“ first but when he was drunk and back then I don’t think he meant it like that. He said „I love you“ first on call, on our 3. call we did sober. It doesn’t seem like such a big deal so..you should know that he was very scared of falling in love and being hurt and thats why he didn’t wanna confess to himself he liked me.

So we decided pretty early that we wanna meet up. But it was me having a week of in September and wanting to go on holidays and not me wanting to meet up with him because I thought we could become a couple or something. We wanted to go to Greece. Changed plans later tho. The new plan was I would come and visit him so we could save money. It wasn’t till June tho when I finally booked. My flight was supposed to take off on August 30. I feel like towards the end of June, beginning of July things started to get more serious, the feelings got more serious. In the end of June I ordered him a birthday present. A sweater. He also ordered me one. I got two presents tho because my birthday was after his and he got me one to open earlier so I wouldnt have to wait that long. Mine was a hp themed pillow. I got mad so I ordered him a second one for his birthday. A spiderman funko pop. So I believe up till July he was always reminding me that we’re not together (thank you at this point boo, that wasn’t needed X) but at some point that change and he was asking if he could ask me out if things go well. I said yes but if he wants to make it official on a specific date he should choose a good one like the 1.9.19. (which would have been my third day at his). We also talked about stuff that comes with a relationship like kissing and sex. (On call btw). Because I am very afraid of failing and I‘ve never like kissed anyone or had sex because I have always been so scared. But everything was fine for him. Another reason why he was on the app was because he wanted things to go slowly this time. (Which they didnt really). So he would have been fine with just holding hands and we didnt think we would have sex before like 5 years into the relationship. (No spoilers but oh boy where we wrong, ahahah). So it was July 15, his birthday. I was at work when I realized I got 6 days off before I‘m going to a festival. And his birthday sesh would have been on July 20th and I was lowkey upset that I can’t be there. So I told him about it, told him I could book a flight on the upcoming friday (July 19th). At first he didnt want me to. It was a lot of money. But I booked it anyway. And suddenly I had no time no more to emotionally prepare myself for meeting him. There was no time to think about what could go wrong or what I‘m afraid of because I was at work all week long till I would fly. Also it was a big risk since I‘ve still had the other flight booked for September so if we wouldn’t get along, I would have lost money.

So the day before I flew we called overnight and he wished me a safe flight. I called him again before the take off. The next time I called him was when I was on the train to him in England and he was on the bus to come and pick me up. Everything was normal. Then we ended the call. And I can tell you guys not everything always goes perfectly at first. Our first meeting was horrible. I got off the train and didnt see him. He went up to me and hugged me. I wanted to hug him for longer or go in for a second hug but he turned me down. (Thank you very much boo, again X). He was shaking and talking very fast and high pitched because he was so nervous. Which made me nervous and I didn’t understand anything he was saying and I was so confused because I understood him perfectly on call but just not in person. Later he told me another reason he acted so weirdly was because he thought we were late for the bus. I carried my suitcase because I felt uncomfortable. We were sitting at the bus station, talking about random things I cannot remember. It was weird and awkward. We got on the bus. Stopped talking. He wouldn’t take my hand or anything. I saw my face in a mirror and felt so ugly. I started crying because I thought now he saw me in person, thinks I‘m ugly and doesn’t like my personality and well doesn’t like me no more. And now I have to spend 6 days with him and I still like him and it hurts. He hold my hand when I was crying which made me feel better but as soon as I stopped he let go which made it worse cos I felt like he was only holding my hand because I was crying not because he liked me. So we got off the bus and walked to his. He wanted to carry my suitcase but I wanted to do it myself because I thought he wouldn’t like me and I didn’t wanted him to do it because he feels bad (which is a. a stupid reason and b. stupid cos I got asthma). So after a while he took my suitcase anyway. We got to his and I met his dad briefly. I was very tired so I laid down in his bed. He asked me if he should lay down with me. I said that I don’t care. (Because I still thought he didnt like me). He then said but ob call I asked him to do so and then he laid down. And he asked if he could spoon me. Which got me really confused so I went like „do you still wanna spoon me then?“ And he said like ofc he want to. So we laid down for like 3h and all the awkwardness kinda disappeared. I felt comfortable.

We then had to go because on that day there was a charity event of his family. Which definitely didn‘t gave me anxiety at all. I met his mother, his siblings, aunts, cousins and all his friends. Luckily there was a bar in this building, haha. I can’t remember if we were holding hands or anything. Obviously a lot of people had questions and were wondering if we were together. (I still thought he doesn’t like me and just accepted it). Because it was the 19.07.19 and I said I would also consider that as a date cos there are two 19s in it. But when someone asked (I don’t remember who) I think he asked me if it would be okay for me and then he told them that I am indeed his girlfriend.

The next day we went on a walk in the morning. (He lives by the sea). Almost no one was there besides some people walking there dogs. Felt like nintendogs in real life, aha. He later said it was the most romantic walk he ever had. Later that day there was his birthday bbq at his. I went to bed at some point because I was so tired. Then we went out with his friends. We went to three bars. Up to this point no kissing or anything. Only cuddling at night. He was drunk and I was maybe a little tipsy. He said something along „If there weren’t so many people and you were comfortable I would kiss you right now.“ We went to a club. I felt a bit sick which was why I wanted a glass of water and to sit down. Everyone else was dancing but we were sitting there talking. Unfortunately I can’t remember what his exact words were but I think he asked me if he could kiss me or just go for it. He thought I would turn him down but I kissed him back. Also maybe my hand went down his pants but who knows. We then went home. He stared at me for the whole 30min walk. It was almost scary. I remember telling him I‘m sorry but I can’t do this. By this I mean wanking him off or giving him a bj. (Btw could my post get flagged?? I hope not.) Although I‘ve liked tried it and for a girl that has never kissed someone, never kisses someone with tongue, never touched a dick or had one in her mouth I feel like I‘ve done a pretty good job doing all that in one night, on my second day with him. And I was almost sober so. Anyway at this point I got anxious again. But I took my shirt of (when spooning) and told him but we can do this and took his hand, placed it on my boob. But then I started kissing him again. We didn’t have had sex that night tho. He was too drunk.

The next morning we showered together. (Which was my idea). And from that day on we always showered together. I think that day we went to the cinema with a friend of his. We didn’t do a lot when I was there just because we have a lot of things planned for September, the first two days were very stressful and we wanted to use the time to get to know each other. So that day we had sex and were sober. But apart from that we spent a lot of tim cuddling and watching films. Nothing too exiting but we never got bored because somehow we never get bored when being together and we can talk for hours or just be cuddling. I was so happy being with him, I don’t regret anything and I can’t wait to see him again in 33 days.

So there you have it. The story with the happy ending. Let’s hope the happy ending lasts forever.

[gotravel2fly]

Adventures in Colombia

repost from 28th January 2019 on gotravel2fly

It is interesting in these well-known places how you get to meet people from around the world and the coolest skill here is to be able to speak many foreign languages. Sometimes knowing English might be enough if you travel to Europe, India, Australia or New Zealand, because it is a very global language. But in Latin America, not so much. Here people speak Spanish and only rarely they can speak English, so it is good to be able to communicate with local people. On the other hand, there are many foreigners but not all of them speak English. So here I have practiced my English, French and Spanish and the fact is that people are very curious to know about Romanian. All of them are very surprised to find out that this is a Latin language, spoken in a country surrounded by Slavic and Hungarian speaking countries.

In fact, people in this sport are very open-minded, there are people that travel a lot and see lots of things and that helps them understand differently the world around them. And it is not only about paragliding, it is about what happens when doing this, how you get back home after landing in a very remote place (which can be an adventure even in your home country), how you interact with the other pilots on the take-off or after landing, how people make groups for traveling or different adventures, etc.

About adventures, every day is a new story. The day it really rained a lot since we’ve got here, we decided to rent a motorbike in the afternoon. The weather seemed ok at that hour and we decided to ride up to the take-off and that area, on a paved and steep road. However, the rain started again so we made two stop-overs because we were all wet and we could not see forward. It was a cool adventure, but I wouldn’t ride again if raining.

One of the days I flew to the South but I landed near Bolivar because I couldn’t get back. A guy on a motorbike stopped near me trying to make a conversation but I couldn’t understand what he was talking about so he left. He got back with a cold bottled lemon juice and he understood that he has to use simpler words in order for me to understand Spanish. The retrieval was fast, Don Fernando took me by car, a very nice elder man with whom I talked about Medellin, Cali and Cartagena which he recommended to visit.

On 13th of January was the first day of the Colombian National Championship and I thought that it will last longer till we could take-off because of the 70+ pilots registered in the contest. But in fact it was ok, we waited longer because of the rain, but after that, I made a nice flight with Vladut.

The day before leaving in the trip to the north, I landed on a field and then a guy from the USA landed there also. I waited for him to pack his equipment and we headed to the gate, but it was closed so the only way out was climbing over the gate. So this is what he did and when I tried that, a piece of the metal gate broke, entering in my right foot. Since I don’t really react ok when I see blood, I had to sit down for a minute. Thank you Steve Mcbee for having and using your first aid kit!

So this is how I ended up in ER in Roldanillo, where I got an antitetanus vaccine and some stitches, with the recommendation to use antibiotic for 7 days and no entering the water with the wound (just before leaving to the seaside). My experience in the Roldanillo hospital was pretty good, it didn’t last that long, the doctor was very young and careful and although he couldn’t speak English very well, he used Google translate for easier communication.

Later edit :

Even that Roldanillo is a very well-known place for paragliding and so many pilots come here this time of the year for free flying or contests, the retrieval in case of emergency is very late and there are many things that can get better in this community related to this thing.  Accidents happen and paragliding is not the least dangerous sport ever, so the local authorities should mobilize to do something about this, with the help of local pilots and the ones that come here often for flying because I think it is completely unacceptable that a rescue from the mountain to take 6 hours. There is a lack of information at the take-off and in the city of Roldanillo, there is a lack of interest to solve these kinds of problems that often occur. People are not prepared to help the pilots who suffered an accident and even if they want to help, they don't know the procedure if there is one.

About 3 weeks ago I witnessed a bad situation with a flying mate, which eventually ended up ok-ish, but still... After an early take-off,( because the week before was British open so every day we took off after the competitors) that day I had one of my bumpiest flights, with lots of asymmetric collapses and a cravat, that made me land pretty soon. But I landed OK.  The thing is next second I heard a colleague of mine saying in the radio station that she landed on the mountain and her foot hurts. So I asked her location and tried to help by calling the ambulance. I didn't know the number but I asked people in the village. They called the hospital but no answer, then a taxi came and he called the hospital and they said that if the patient is on the mountain, we should call the firefighters. No-one knew the number so the taxi driver took me to the HQ, where they said that another department is on that accident, the Civil Defence. So the taxi driver took me there and they were like... Ah OK, we will come. I had the location so I took them there in the village and then we hiked up for like 1hour to get to the patient. Meanwhile, her boyfriend was already there with her and also the kids from the village. The retrieval from the mountain took 3h to get her in the village, so a total of 6h since when she called her accident until she got to the hospital. Her foot was broken and she needed surgery. That s bad, but actually not that bad... If there had been a blood loss, the patient would have been dead probably in 6 hours. That is bad. That is bad structure, I did not know the procedure if they had one.. And the people here working in different departments have no clue what to do and who to call. That is bad... Bad news actually because it was not the first accident here. Another friend had a back injury a week before and the ambulance came, took him to the hospital in Roldanillo and they sent him home... And he actually had his back broken and in need for back surgery and he was walking around for a week without knowing that because the hospital sent him home. And after a few other tests and CT, he found out that he should have not left the hospital like that. They should have sent him to a more competent hospital if they were too small or unprepared or unqualified... This is what I was talking about... This is a bad-organized community, the Roldanillo authorities and the flying community also. Before these accidents, I had no idea of who I should call in case of emergency, there is no number written at the take-off or in the city center or elsewhere. You can check over the Internet, but Colombia has a bunch of different numbers because every institution has its own line for emergencies and they do not communicate among them.

This is something I don’t get... paraglider pilots come here for 20 years and this small town earns lots of money from these hundreds of pilots coming here every year in full season. I’m not saying that people won’t come again, but I think that there are a few things that should change around here, for people safety.

con Don Fernando after retrieval

on our way by motorbike

at the take-ff during Colombian National Paragliding Championship

a local finca