#so this is probably my body's last huzzah before it collapses

[cross-my-heartt]

sometimes I post like a normal person and sometimes I've had my decaf with a spoonful of sugar and I make it everyone's problem

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[rendiggitydog]

The gang’s all here!

"Welcome every-hermit! To the annual Partner Problem event! This is our first year getting everyone to play, so welcome!" X smiled as the crowd of hermits below him cheered. "I'll explain the rules for the newbies."

"I will draw two names out of a helmet. Those two people will be fitted with curse of binding boots, which magically link the pair. These boots will force you to stay within 3 meters, or 10 feet, of each other. You will wear the boots for 24 hours, and then the spell will dissolve. Make sense?"

Heads bobbed in agreement.

"Then let's begin!" X picked up the helmet at his feet, shuffling the papers inside. "Zedaph..."

Zed jumped, excitedly looking around for who his partner might be.

"...and Welsknight!"

There were assorted congratulations as Wels and Zed found each other, grinning excitedly.

"Alright, quiet down! Next up: Tango and Iskall!"

Laugher and groans. The two pranksters high-fived, already whispering mischievously.

"Stress and Grian! False and Jevin! Scar and Python!" X rattled off the names, each greeted with excitement. "Me and Cub! Cleo and Mumbo! Impulse and Joe! Docm and biffa! Rendog and TFC! And that's everyone! Line up to get your boots, and thanks for coming out!" X glided down from his make-shift pedestal, throwing open a chest full of glowing leather boots.

The hermits filed through with their partners, pulling on their new boots and testing the limits. Slowly, the plateau emptied, everyone heading their ways for the day.

—

"Work with me here, love!" Stress laughed, trying to pull Grian away from the store window.

"Sorry! They made a new tnt, and this one is player-friendly!" Grian hopped up, beaming as he returned to Stress' side.

"We can check it out after I return Impulse's backup elytra he let me borrow. It's been a couple weeks and I need to return them!"

"What ho, and salutations!" Joe waved as he and Impulse appeared over the ridge.

"Hi Joe! Impulse! How are you doing?"

"Really well! We're taking turns picking the pass time, so it's been fine."

"We were just on our way to Impulse's home behind the sea foam." Joe gestured in the direction of Impulse's bay area.

"How delightful! Well, I just wanted to return your elytra I borrowed. Thanks again!" Stress handed over the wings, which Impulse accepted gratefully.

"I was wondering where I left those, thanks!"

"Okay, can we go look at the tnt now?" Grian shifted back and forth, glancing back at the tnt.

"Fine. As long as we can go ice mining later for my castle." Stress threw a humorous look at Joe and Impulse as Grian rushed back to the storefront. "Bye!"

"Those two must be having a ball." Joe remarked as he and Impulse calmly continued their stroll.

—

"So this is the vault, huh?" Ren gaped as TFC led him down.

"Sure is."

"Wow... It's so big..."

"Thanks, I've put a lot of time into it."

"Tin, how did you find the time to do all this?" Ren peeked through a door, taking everything in.

"I've just cracked down and worked hard, that's all." TFC pulled some stone out of a chest without slowing his walk, heading for the next room he needed to finish.

"Woah, that was slick! You didn't even stop walking, you just grabbed that stone, like Whoosh!" Ren exclaimed, swooping his hand through the air.

"Oh, you know it. This way."

The large vault narrowed to a corridor, which the two squeezed through, reaching a decent-sized room, half excavated. Tin set right to work, mining at the wall with one hand and picking up the stone with the other. The older man relaxed in his element, killing a zombie without hesitation when it crept up on him. Ren simply watched in awe at the grace. He was startled out of his trance, however, when TFC tugged on their binding boots.

"I gotta put some stuff away, come on."

Ren followed slowly. "That was crazy. Like, you were just mining, but it was like a dance! Does that make sense? We don't need to go to my base later, we can just stay here for all 24 hours! Can I help?"

Tin rubbed his temples as he tossed the last of the stone in a chest. "You can have the most important job of all."

Ren perked up. "The most important?!"

"Hold these." Tin shoved a bunch of shulker boxes into his arms.

TFC set back to work, tossing the stone into the boxes as he went. Ren didn't mind holding the stone- he was just glad to be part of the process.

"This is fantastic! Why don't we hang out more often? You're so cool Tin!" Ren babbled on in excitement over the menial labor.

"Hey Ren-" TFC quickly cut in. "If you don't talk, I'll do something cool."

Ren gasped loudly, and sealed his lips. Tin shook his head, silently laughing as he dual-wielded a second pickaxe, blowing Ren's mind.

—

Well hullo!" Cleo and Mumbo waved as they approached Scar and Python. The two were sitting in the grass outside Scar's terraforming shop, flower crowns and necklaces all around them.

"Heya! How are you two?" Scar greeted as Mumbo and Cleo sat next to them.

"Pretty good! Neither of us had a whole lot to do, so we're visiting everyone else. What are you doing?" Cleo picked at the grass.

"We've been making flower chains! Wanna learn how?" Python displayed the chain he was currently working on.

"Absolutely!"

The four hermits soaked up the sun as they weaved flower crowns, half-asleep from its warmth and sweet aroma. At some point, False and Jevin stumbled by, tears of laughter streaming down their faces.

"How's it going?" Scar giggled, already knowing the answer.

"Could be better-" False wheezed, wiping her tears. "May we-?"

Jevin and False tripped over each other and collapsed in a pile of giggles. The group talked and laughed for hours, while the sun slowly fell. The stars twinkled into sight, and they fell asleep stargazing.

—

"Alright," Tango breathed. Iskall nodded, and they slowly dipped their wings in sync. After practicing all day, they were finally coordinated enough to cause some mischief.

Two glowing dots walked the grounds outside the newest ConCorp studio- two hermits holding torches in the night.

"Cub and X?" Iskall whispered into the dark. Tango nodded, pulling out a stack of eggs.

"Ready... GO!"

Cackling loudly, Iskall and Tango pelted the ground with eggs, watching X and Cub dance away from them. One figure glanced up, spotting the pair in the air, and shook their fist dramatically.

"You're not even Poultry man!" X's voice called after them, but they were already flying away.

"Fan-frickin-tastic!" Iskall howled.

"They thought we were poultry man!" Tango slapped his leg. The wild excitement distracted him, and Tango wobbled before plummeting to the earth.

"Gah!!" Iskall spammed rockets, desperate to stay in the air. However, Tango's limp body dragged him down, and the two splashed into the water violently. The sounds of drowneds instantly lit a fire under them, and they paddled tiredly to the shore.

"Hehe, worth it." Iskall wiped his hair from his face, sand getting everywhere.

Tango panted as he collapsed on the sand. "Absolutely."

—

"Huzzah!" Zedaph triumphantly held up the blue parrot. He and Wels had been searching the jungle for hours, and this was the first bird they found. They were tired and bruised, but it was worth it.

"Did you hear that?" Wels whispered.

Zed rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Wels, it was probably an ocelot. We can sail home if you'd feel better about it?"

"Yes please!" Wels sighed in relief as they made their way to the shore. The rustle of leaves behind them made Wels jump again. "Let's go." He glanced over his shoulder as he pulled out a boat.

"SNEAK ATTACK!" Doc and Biffa lunged from the bushes, diamond swords drawn. Their armor and faces were coated with mud and leaves, their binding boots streaked with war paint. Somebody screeched (cough Zedaph) and everything happened all at once.

Suddenly, the attack was over as soon as it started. Biffa ran too far ahead of Doc, and the two tumbled into the sand at Zed's feet.

Doc looked up bashfully, his helmet falling from his head. "Fancy meeting you here.."

Zed blinked. "...Well now I don't think this is a coincidence, us meeting in the jungle like this, you crying Sneak Attack!! But okay!" Zed laughed, releasing his tension.

"I suppose our mission was a failure, then?" Biffa sighed with a grin.

"I suppose so- but you did scare Wels pretty well!" Zed patted Wels on the head, as he had fallen over in his freight.

"I told you so!!"