lyric of the day ˚♫⋆。˚ ⋆
"now, now, you need to calm down
does she still think of me?
say my name in her sleep
i thought you knew her better than me"
oh yeah, you gonna cry?
lovejoy
**EDIT:** i did not mean to have such horrendous timing considering yesterday's tomfoolery as i had no idea. twas but a cruel cruel coincidence
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Its so weird to see ppl actively posting ab the p/jo show rn especially since theyrea bunch of the people who made a big hubbub ab people reading h/p. Like i dont want to be the morality police it just seems a little. Transparent. idk.
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at the risk of sounding like the "JUST LIKE BIDEO GAME" meme. i did just figure out a great analogy for how i feel abt most health tips
it's really really really really really hard to do things. to the point it feels impossible. and most people would just say "hard is not impossible! that means there's still a chance!" but like. you know how in some games you can speed to the final boss from the start, or start a certain section of them when you're underleveled and have no gear? it's like. technically, you can do it. it's not impossible to do these battles. look how many people finished the game and did it already! yes, they were a higher level, yes, they had all the right gear or they looked up some guides on the perfect build to beat them, but they did it! that means you can too! you being underleveled makes it harder, but it's not impossible!
like. do you see where I'm getting at here. certain disabilities and mental illnesses make it so you're permanently underleveled. and you can't level up. at most you can find some gear (meds, mobility aids, painkillers etc) or party members (loved ones) who can help you, but you can't do much damage yourself, and one hit will make you go down. some people can do it. some people like you can still pull off some perfect combo and beat the boss. but most people, in this state, can't.
and like. you can go do the easier parts, ofc. you can do low level missions and beat low level areas. but you can't level up, so you can't proceed (best way i can put it is. these areas simply don't give enough xp for that. your game has this weird glitch that only goes away after you pass a certain part of the game - that's a way higher level than you are - so just make sure to get through it and you'll be fine!). or maybe you have the perfect build and gear to beat some high level bosses you run into, but none of the others. like. you bought the game and you can play it. you just can't really do much in it and it all becomes very repetitive at some point. every time you try to step out of those missions you're used to, you get decimated, and eventually it just starts being honestly scary to try.
I'm mostly talking about my depression here, tbh. i think the most despair inducing part of it is seeing how some people still manage to proceed, pass that glitched out area, and are able to level up and even finish the game, while you still can't bc you, fuck i dunno, don't have fast enough reflexes to pull off some perfect combo you need to get through it. you go online and see how people keep praising the game and how fun it is but you literally can't see it
and this analogy applies to p much every single task, every single thing you need to do in order to get better. technically, it's possible, but it's so hard it might as well not be. and most people see it as super basic, super easy, even other people who were in your situation don't seem to remember how hard it was now that they're past it, because managing to do it somehow shattered that feeling of impossibleness they may have had (and tbf, they probably had to be very persistent and try time and time again. and. i really don't have that quality in me tbh)
idk it's probably very silly. if you read it then thanks, hope i didn't put you off with that lol. if you relate (not just about depression, but anything that can be disabling you may have going on) then I'm glad you can feel seen by this and also I'm sorry you're going through this 🙏 if you don't relate then I'm happy for you 🫡
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