#so. desperately hoping my week is full of quick recoveries cause i am very scared and have to pretend i am not lol

[sapphic-luthor]

Good Morning Happy Sunday!! Have you done any cool jigsaws lately? My friend introduced me to this company that makes all their puzzle pieces individual shapes instead of the normal buddies and I can’t decide if that’s better or worse. Hope your week ahead is restful and calm when you need it to be! Sending lots of good vibes your way! - SMA

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE COMPANY ANON

[elsanna-shenanigans]

February Contest Submission #2: Quo Vadis

words: ca. 6000 setting: Ancient Rome AU lemon: no cw: Blood, violence, injuries, death, swords

Quo Vadis - Part 1 [abridged] 

—

“Aut viam inveniam aut faciam tibi,” Anna said.

She heard Elsa sigh and turned to face her, the older woman stood with her arms folded over the stomach of her simple toga. They were standing in front of the gladiator dorms. A small dirt patch surrounded by small apartments jammed into a corner of Rome not far from the Colosseum. The true training area was in a city further south.

“Must you become a gladiator?” Elsa asked her.

“I’m a good fighter already, this would be an easy way to earn us money.”

“You could die, Anna, did you even consider that?” 

“I’m quick on my feet Elsa, I would be amazing with a blade.” 

“You do realize this is selling yourself into servitude?” 

“How is that different from what you do now?” Anna asked, referring to Elsa’s job with a local shopkeeper. She was stuck working with this man till her debt was paid. Thankfully he was a kind soul with a large family and just needed someone to help with the day-to-day. He afforded Elsa a lot of freedoms and she was careful to never abuse them. 

“I’m not risking my life for entertainment,” Elsa argued back. 

“Elsa, when was the last time you saw a gladiator die?”

“Last week…”

“The emperor gave the thumbs down, it happens.” 

“And that could happen to you!” 

Anna shrugged, “Then I will die like a Roman, not a poor coward.” Anna folded her arms across her chest. “I’m signing up.” 

At that, the two men standing behind the nearby table perked up. One had been watching them intently, the other was busy picking at his nails. Both had whips, a stark reminder that however well the gladiators were treated and however much they were loved by the masses, they were still locked into contracts of servitude. Just like Elsa, but much more dangerous.

“What do you want, woman?” the one who had been watching asked.

“To sign up!” She answered, trying to project as much confidence as possible.

“A woman, willingly signing up? Now I have seen everything.” 

“Do you know what you’re getting into, girl? You do not fight like the men, you are just entertainment,” the one picking his nails asked.

Elsa looked desperate and scared, she reached out and grabbed her arm. “Anna please, please just think about this,” she begged 

“I have,” Anna replied and then looked at the men “If no one watches, I will make them watch!” 

“I love you,” Elsa choked out, a common phrase. 

Anna looked over her shoulder as she walked away and casually threw back a response, “I love you too.” 

“How sweet,” the nail-picker remarked. “You are in a 5-month contract, you renew unless you are with child. I am Mattias, I am your lanista, tomorrow you will fight.” 

“Tomorrow? Don’t I get any training? Or a room?”

“No, women do not train and thus do not get dormitory space unless they are a fugitivus. You are not, so go home. If you do not return, I will have you killed or worse.” 

***

The first thing she noticed was how loud the Colosseum was. People shouting and cheering above the sound of clashing swords and metal on metal. The second thing she noticed was that she was one of four women. All prisoners, Anna was the only one who had signed up willingly. 

She watched one named Megara select a trident and net before sitting down on the bench with the other two women. Roman soldiers stood at the entrances, looking bored. 

Mattias had been watching stone-faced from the wall. Once Megara had selected her weapon he turned to Anna. “Pick up a sword and shield, you’ll fight her.” 

Anna did as she was told. She was surprised at how heavy the shield was and she struggled to secure it to her arm. Mattias just turned up his nose, it wasn’t his problem. He felt getting stuck with the women was beneath him, something he said frequently. Anna had only been here for an hour and he had already mentioned it seven times. 

“Let me assist,” the woman named Mulan said in broken Roman. Anna hesitated then held out her arm. 

Once the shield was secured tightly to her arm Mulan smiled before sitting back on the bench again. Megara rolled her eyes and spat on the floor. 

“It is dishonorable to fight for the entertainment of others. I view this as sparing, training if you will,” Mulan added. 

“Whatever,” Megara muttered and put her helmet on. 

Anna copied her, the helmet she selected was big and moved around on her head. 

“Doesn’t matter, loose, tight, it’s all for show, we never fight for real.” 

Mattias pointed to the door. Megara stood and walked through it, Anna followed. It was a long hallway that sloped upwards and ended in a closed gate, beyond which was the arena.

Anna’s heart pounded, she was nervous. Next to her Megara yawned audibly. 

“Hope this is everything you signed up for. Some of us didn’t have the choice,” Megara said, her tone dripping with venom. She continued before Anna could reply. “You walk out first, I’ll come running. Doge the net, I’ll always swing it to your left. Hit my trident, I’ll drop it, then I’ll net you, take your sword and win. Got it?” 

“Wait, you mean we’re not going to fight?” 

“No, idiot. Just go through the motions, no one gets hurt, we get food and go home. Now go!” She shoved a confused Anna forward as the gate opened. 

Anna stumbled out into the sunlight and squinted. She looked around the arena, Mattias and Megara weren’t kidding, no one was watching. People were milling around, eating, or having conversations. They paid little mind that she was even in the arena. The loudness she had heard earlier was now a dull roar of sounds not unlike the market on a busy day. 

Quick footsteps behind her made her turn to see Megara running at her with her net spinning. Anna held her sword and shield at the ready like she had seen other gladiators do. In the back of her mind she knew this wasn’t a real fight but her adrenalin took over. 

Magara’s net hit the ground to Anna’s left, causing a cloud of dust to flare up.  

Anna hid behind her shield and heard Magara grunt as she swung again, the net flaring out in a wide arc to Anna’s left. Magara was watching it fly and not looking at Anna, it left her open and vulnerable. 

Some kind of deep-seated instinct took over. Anna planted her right foot and lunged forward leaning into the shield so it carried nearly all of her weight. She connected with Megara and sent the other woman flying backward. 

Anna held her footing and crouched low, she gripped her sword tightly and held it to the side of the shield. She watched Magara stand up, her muscles and actions stiff. She was mad.

“Bitch!” she yelled and came running. Her net was gone. She charged with the trident. 

Anna sidestepped the charge, slashed with her blade when the other woman passed. It easily cut into her thin leather armor. It wasn’t enough to go all the way through, but enough that she must have felt it. So much for dull weapons. Megara pivoted on one heel and shouted, thrusting wildly with her trident. Anna blocked each jab with her sword. Her shield was old and wooden — she wasn’t sure if it could withstand an attack. 

An opening presented itself and Anna repeated her shield bashing but Megara was ready this time and kept her footing. Landing one pong of the trident in Anna’s arm. It stung but Anna didn’t have time to think about it as she swung her blade at Magara’s throat. 

Her lack of training showed itself and she missed the throat and buried her blade into the flash of Megara’s bicep. Both girls now sporting arm wounds, disengaged and stepped back, circling, waiting. 

Megara made the first move, taking a running charge at Anna, her trident held forward like a battering ram. 

Anna ducked behind her shield again and braced, the trident made contact and sunk into the wood. Anna took a gamble that Megara had a bad grip and moved her shield arm down and away. The trident came with and Anna delivered a kick to Megara’s midsection. 

Somewhere in the stands, she thought she heard a gasp. 

Anna stumbled a bit on her recovery, the trident was heavy and threw off her balance. She tried to shake the shield off her arm but Mulan had secured it too well. 

Megara came running at her and Anna couldn’t swing the heavy shield/trident combo fast enough to block her. The other woman tackled the redhead and sent them into the dirt. Her too-big helmet flew off and the impact dislodged the trident but it didn’t matter. Megara straddled Anna’s hips and held down her shoulders. 

“You know if you didn’t just completely disregard everything I said and tried to kill me, this would be very hot,” Megara said, so close that Anna could see her eyes through the helmet grate. She meant her words. 

In an arena full of strangers, Anna felt embarrassed and flushed and awkward. It left her open in a way she had never thought to prepare for and this time Megara took advantage. She grabbed Anna’s head and smashed her own helmeted head into it. Hard. 

Darkness. 

***

“I think she’s waking up,” came Elsa’s voice.

“Oh joy, guess I’ll cancel the elaborate funeral plans I made, praise the gods or whatever,” Megara replied.

They both sounded very far away. Anna brought a hand up to touch a knot on her temple. 

“Ouch,” she mumbled. 

“Oh you’re fine softy, just shake it out. You’ll have a headache today, it will be gone by tomorrow. Serves you right for trying to kill me,” Megara said, sounding annoyed. 

“Thank you for bringing her home,” Elsa said, her voice lacking any discernible tone.

“Don’t mention it. And don’t expect it again, I only carried her here because it was her first day.” Megara didn’t wait for more conversation and left abruptly, leaving the sisters alone.

Elsa was watching her. Which felt welcoming until she saw her worried face. Then the guilt sat in. 

“Anna.” She touched Anna’s face with gentle fingers and Anna felt herself leaning into her hand. 

Today felt long and Elsa felt comforting. 

A single torch burned on the wall. It was late afternoon yet inside their small home it was dim. Anna found herself thankful, maybe Elsa was distracted by the slash across her face and didn’t notice the bruise now forming on her head, or the wound on her shoulder, or the mess that was her back. 

Elsa saw because of course she did. Anna watched her light the room more. They were lucky that, although a lower class, Elsa’s employer-provided them with a space behind and above the shop. The lower floor had a small table, a hearth, and a water basin crammed near the entrance. The rest of the space was storage for the shop itself including an area where Elsa mended cloth goods. A ladder next to the table went to a loft with two beds. There was little in the way of privacy, but the shop owner never entered the loft. He was an old man and the ladder was not stable. 

“I thought you said you wouldn’t get hurt,” Elsa mused now, seemingly satisfied that Anna was alright. 

“Yes well, it is just the first day, I’m finding my footing, my style,” Anna boasted, earning a frown from Elsa.

“I still don’t like this, you know.” 

“I know.” 

Elsa leaned down, glancing quickly towards the passageway to the shop front, and kissed the cheek without the slash. “Promise me you’ll be more careful,” 

Anna felt a warming comfort wash over her body, Elsa always doted on her but something about that touch felt different. First Magara and now this, maybe that hit to the head was messing with Anna more than she thought. 

“I’m going to lie down,” she announced, standing up slowly, a little off balance. Elsa eyed her but said nothing. 

Elsa followed her upstairs and covered her with a blanket. This one she had stitched a small flower in the corner that Anna always pulled up to her face to sleep. 

Elsa brushed Anna’s bangs aside, her hand lingering on Anna’s face. She was staring right into the redhead’s eyes. Sky blue locking with the sea. “I love you,” she whispered 

And Anna knew she meant it. 

*** 

The next few months passed without incident. Anna only fought once a week. To call the activity a fight was being generous. They were more of a dance, a flashy show with no stakes or consequences. Even so, Magara always seemed to hit a little harder than she needed to. Anna suffered no deep wounds but on days she fought Magara she would always return home with small cuts and bruises. 

Part of Anna didn’t mind because Elsa would always tenderly care for her on those days. Anna did notice though, that her touches lingered longer, her proximity was closer, her eyes seemed to look directly into Anna’s soul. Anna took it for increased concern and nothing more. Even if the back of her mind screamed otherwise. 

On her off days of fighting Anna cleaned the blood, sweat and who knows what else off the men’s armor. She found herself growing increasingly more jealous of them every day. The men had more action, the crowd actually cared what happened. A hard hit was met with thunderous applause no matter if it was against armor or into flesh. 

Others often turned away from the wounds, but Anna looked and studied; tried to imagine what led to a slash on the thigh or a jab to the ribs. Had they not blocked? Did their opponent have a longer reach? She wanted to know more, needed to know more. 

When the opportunity came up to work in the ring, collecting discarded weapons or other objects between matches, Anna took the opportunity. Mattias himself suggested it, because Anna was terrible at cleaning, much too distracted. 

From the arena side, she studied the matches, the styles of fighting. The popular gladiators knew what they were doing with their weapons, their feet working in coordination with their swings. Newer gladiators or perhaps those less skilled stumbled around. Throwing their whole weight into a swing or a block, leaving them open and off-balance. She loved the sword and shield battles the most — the Secutors, Provocators, Murmillo fighters. She made sure to watch them all intently. 

*** 

The dorms were nearly empty except for a pair of young boys—of noble descent based on their clothes—bashing sticks together and shouting. Anna paid them no mind. She walked to the small storage room where the tunics were kept and tripped over something on the floor, spilling the clean linens she was carrying. 

“Ow!” came a man’s voice

Anna spun around to see a man half laying on the floor, his shoulders propped up against the wall and his arms and legs sprawled out on the floor. She recognized him as the smaller man who was defeated earlier and spared, and lowered the fist she just realized she had raised on instinct. 

“What are you doing here?” she demanded 

“Hiding,” he answered.

“A Roman doesn’t hide—” 

“I’m not a Roman,” he said, cutting her off and holding up his hand to show the branding there. 

She sat her mouth in a thin line and looked at him. He was small, lacking in much muscle definition and boyish features to his face overall he looked defeated and empty. 

“Who are you?” she demanded, not having caught his name before the fight. 

“Kristoff.” He sighed and sat up straighter. “I was a soldier once from a land far from here. Now I am just another body for the arena till they finally put me out of my misery.” 

“I saw you today, why do you not fight? You were a soldier, you must know how.” 

“There is no glory in these fights, everything I’ve ever known was taken from me. What am I fighting for? The praise and respect of people from the land who burned mine?” He looked her right in the eyes as he spoke. His brown irises, the color of drying mud, held no secrets. 

And Anna felt pity for him. Her life was merely half a step above his and only because she wasn’t branded slave. She did, however, still love her city and her people, and she hated how he was in a position to fight for the respect of the masses, the honor of being a Roman. He was living the life she thought she wanted, yet he wanted to throw it all away. 

Then all at once, an idea washed over her. Elsa always said she got ideas like she was struck with an arrow. And Elsa was going to hate this. 

“You don’t want to be a gladiator.” It was more of a statement than a question. Even so, he nodded. “And I want to be a gladiator.” 

He tilted his head. “I’ve seen you, you are a gladiatrix.” 

“I’m a puppet in a play.” She knelt to his level. “What if we work out a deal. You train me, I fight using your name and we split the winnings.”

At this, he laughed, a full-bellied laugh that caused him to throw his head back against the wall. “A woman who sold herself, lowered herself for a few coins, now wants to fight as a man. Wouldn’t it be easier to just sell your body to lonely souls?” 

She slapped him and he stopped laughing, choosing instead to rub his face and glare at her. “I’m serious,” she stated. 

“I can see that, you’re stronger than you look, that hurt.” He paused for a moment then added, “You could die, either by the blade or when they find out you’re not me.” 

“I’d rather die by the blade like a Roman.”

He sighed, “I’ll help you train. Mostly because I don’t think I can change your mind. And, if I’m honest, not fighting in the arena is ideal. Tell me though, what about the armor issue?” He placed a hand on his chest then gestured vaguely at hers. 

Anna had seen him fight, he was billed as a Provocator but dressed more like a Secutor for some reason. Meaning he had previously fought bare-chested.  Provocator gladiators were newer to the game, less popular, and typically only fought each other, they also happened to wear a breastplate.  

“You have your full armor right?” she questioned. 

***

“You’ve been coming home late,” Elsa said. It was more of a statement than a question.

Anna looked up at her, the torch lights dancing in shadows across her sister’s face. It made her look older, more serious. Anna wondered if she was mad or just tired.

“Mattias, has me doing more.” 

Elsa stared at her, icy blue eyes seemed to be cutting right through. 

“You seemed to have gained some muscle and you’re eating more. When we go to bed you’re out as soon as your head hits the pillow. Whatever he’s having you do must be some hard labor.” Elsa reached across the table and grabbed one of Anna’s hands and flipped it so the younger girl’s palm was facing up. She watched in silence as Elsa traced the outline of blisters with cool fingers. 

“You’ve been fighting more haven’t you?” she asked.

“What? No, just training.” She placed her free hand on top of Elsa’s. “I promise.” And it wasn’t a lie, she had spent nearly all her free time training with Kristoff in his tiny single room in the gladiator dorms. People assumed the wrong thing with her going to his room followed by the sounds of grunting. Let them think that, as it was as good of a cover as any. 

Elsa leaned in and moved a copper strand of hair behind Anna’s ear and she felt her breath catch. “You never tell me about your day anymore.” 

She was so close, Anna could almost taste the mix of smells from the shop still lingering on her skin. And she wanted to tell her everything, tell her about the training with Kristoff, about her plan to fight in his place, about her first fight tomorrow, about splitting the money, about how Megara seems to keep flirting with her, about how much she likes Elsa being this close.

She couldn’t do any of those things because, above everything else, Anna didn’t want Elsa to worry. So instead she smiled and said, “My days are boring, I cleaned a sword, I shined a helmet, none of that makes for a good story.” 

“None of your stories are boring to me.” Elsa leaned back again and Anna felt herself moving forward to keep the closeness before she caught herself. “I have the day off tomorrow, I’m going to come to watch you fight.”

Anna panicked, her eyes wide, and she clenched a fist “I do–I–I mean I don’t fight tomorrow.” she lied 

Elsa narrowed her eyes, “Is that so?” she challenged. 

Anna stood abruptly, she had to get out of Elsa’s gaze, it felt suffocating. Of course, she fought tomorrow but not as herself. “I’m going to bed, goodnight.”

“Anna wait,” Elsa grabbed her wrist and held Anna in place with the lightest of touches. “What are you hiding? What are you not telling me?” 

Anna’s free hand was wrapped around one of the rungs of the ladder to the loft. She clenched and unclenched her grip, stalling. A million things were running through her head as she weighed her options. Then a single thought drifted down like the first snowflake of the season, till it settled in the forefront of her mind, spreading out and taking over. It was a stupid idea, it would change the subject completely but it was so incredibly stupid that she considered bashing her own head against the table instead. 

She turned to face Elsa. The older woman didn’t look mad or upset, more so worried and confused. She was about to become even more confused. 

A leap of faith disguised as a step and Anna was there, the distance between them narrowed. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t pause, before she closed the gap entirely, capturing Elsa’s lips with her own. She felt her sister gasp and Anna tried to pull back but pale hands anchored her. To Anna’s surprise, Elsa deepened what was supposed to be a quick peck. 

The kiss was like a flower, finally blooming after a long winter, bursting with new life and exploding with colors. It was so vibrant that it frightened Anna, so she pulled back abruptly and put a few steps between them.

“Anna I—”

“I’m going to sleep.” She turned and scurried up the ladder, leaving Elsa alone downstairs. 

  ***

Anna arrived early, to avoid Elsa and to make sure to change into Kristoff’s armor when no one was around. She was, thankfully, one of the first fights of the day. She felt uneasy as the other gladiators started to populate the space, the air turning into a mix of leather, sweat, and iron. A few of them gave her a weird look since she was sitting on the furthest of benches, full armor, with a helmet on, while the rest of them were considerably dressed down. Some weren’t even dressed at all. 

She had seen naked men countless times. Still, it never got easier. They looked so rough, all hard edges, hairy, and solid in the wrong places. Not soft like the women she fought with. Not soft like Elsa. 

Her mind drifted back to the previous night, her thoughts twisting into a mix of confusion and shame. She had heard of family being together, always a brother and sister. Not two sisters. Not them. How was she to further Rome’s population if she were to be with a woman? This was of course all assuming Elsa wanted anything to do with her. 

Foolish thoughts that did nothing more than distract her. She pulled on the linen wrapped around her hand, concealing her skin that lacked the mark Kristoff had. 

“Provocator! I see you dressed correctly today,” a well-dressed man said. He walked towards her, his toga held across his arm so as to not drag on the ground. “Cloth around your breast? Does the armor hurt you? Is that why you do not wear it?” He seemed genuine in his concern, this must be the man who owned Kristoff. It was in his best interest that his gladiator was comfortable and able to move well. Even so, the fact he was looking that closely worried Anna, and she knew she could not verbally answer. 

Instead, she nodded and proceeded to twist her torso back and forth to show the ease of movement. This seemed to please the man. 

“Well if you only need simple cloth to wear your armor correctly you should have mentioned it sooner! Nevertheless, do try to win today. You’re embarrassing me and I am beginning to lose my patience.” 

Anna pounded her chest with a fist and nodded. This also pleased him and he smiled, and just like that he was gone. An empty man looking over his cattle for slaughter.

It wasn’t long till Anna was standing at the gate, waiting for it to open and the battle to begin. Her heart pounded so hard it sounded like someone was knocking on her helmet. She checked her arm straps on her shield once more and rolled her shoulders. She was nervous but she had to focus, this wasn’t a dance, this was real. 

The gate rose before her and she stepped out into the bright sun. The noise of the crowd picked up as it always did when a new gladiator entered the arena. She spotted her opponent in the middle of the field. Another provocator, his helmet had two circles of latticework much like hers, only he sported two tall blue feathers that matched his loincloth and shield. 

She approached him and the match began. He pushed forward with his shield and swung weakly with his sword. Anna met his attack with a loud bang as shield hit shield. He stepped back and lunged forward with his shield again, Anna blocked and tried to swing her sword into his elbow. He responded by rotating his shield, blocking her swing but leaving his legs open. Anna disengaged then stepped forward into a lounge, he parried by stabbing with his shield, throwing off her momentum. 

A few more lounges and blocks and it was clear that he favored his shield to his blade. So much so that he often left his sword arm completely open. It was covered in thick heavy armor so she knew she couldn’t easily land a hit but she could force him to block differently. He came at her again and she slashed at this armor. To no one’s surprise her blade did little more than scratch the leather. The crowd loved it though, roaring. 

The man wasted no time in trying to hit her exposed kneecap with his shield, a move she had seen him do on another opponent recently. She jumped back and he followed with his shield. Again, she went to slash his blade arm. This time he rotated his shield to black, leaving his stomach completely open. Anna maneuvered mid-swing, her blade cutting a Z shape in the air before she sliced deep into his surprisingly soft flesh. She followed with a shield bash and a stab into his leg.

The man dropped his blade and grabbed at his largest wound, he pulled his hand up and looked at the blood before dropping to his knees and looking at the emperor with a raised arm. 

Anna could not believe he was giving up that quickly. All around them the audience erupted in boos. He had not fought well, gave up after two wounds. A better gladiator would have kept fighting. Thus Anna was not surprised when the thumbs down was given. 

She didn’t think, didn’t allow herself to. She approached him and grabbed his helmet. He grabbed her upper thigh, at least he was willing to die an honorable death. Through the latticework on his helmet, he looked her right in the eyes and she felt his grip tighten. 

“You are no ma—” 

His words cut off when Anna plunged her sword into his neck. The blade went in too easily, then stopped, and the awful sound would haunt her forever. He was dead; his lifeless body slumped to the side. 

Blood.

There was so much more blood. So much more blood being this close and not four stories up in the stands.

The crowd erupted into thunderous applause and Anna stood and stared at them, she rolled her showers back and puffed her chest, doing everything to look tough and victorious like she had seen others do. Thankful for the distance that they couldn’t see her shaking hands and more thankful still for the helmet that hid her tears. 

***

“My Beautiful boy!” the rich well-dressed man called to her as soon as she was back undercover. She had to give him credit for how quickly he moved. He stopped short of reaching her, obviously not wanting to get blood on his pristine toga. “I said win, not to kill the man!” he laughed. 

Anna grunted as deeply as she could in response. 

“Oh it is nothing, I’ll pay his lanista. Worth every coin my boy, what a show! The crowd loves a kill. Keep this up and there will be great things in your future!” The man walked away, not bothering to excuse himself. He was above Anna, above Kristoff, and had no reason to be polite. 

Anna continued down the dark hall till it opened to the dimly lit room. Thankfully her luck continued and the baths were completely empty. Most of the men liked to wait till the end of the day to trade combat stories over the steam. 

“You survived,” came a deep voice from a darkened corner, the torch on either side had been extinguished, casting a black shadow and completely concealing the figure. Even so, she recognized the voice to be Kristoff’s. 

She exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “I did, the other guy did not.” 

“You killed someone?” Kristoff stepped out of the shadow and gestured for her to take his place. 

Once she was concealed she removed her breastplate and handed it to Kristoff, who put on his own body. His only unique armor, decorated with his symbols, was his helmet and chest piece.

She had just handed him his helmet back when loud footsteps drew near. Anna pressed her back into the corner as much as possible when a man entered the baths. 

“Kristoff, why did you come all the way here in armor?” he demanded, he was another gladiator, not a lanista or guard, he was large with a long scar across his face. 

Kristoff hesitated to answer as Anna struggled to remove her leg guard.

“I wanted to bathe in my victory,” Kristoff finally said right has Anna got the guard off. The arm would have to stay.

“You’ll make your helmet rust, why is it so dark?” He narrowed his eyes and stepped closer.

Anna reacted quickly. She fell out of the darkness into Kristoff, giggling and hiding her armor-clad arm behind him. The man stopped and smirked.  

“Women love a man in armor.” He turned to leave. “Enjoy your victory bath. If she wants more, come find ME!” 

“That was too close,” Kristoff said once the footsteps had faded. 

Anna nodded. “We’ll have to be more careful next time.” 

“Next time? We nearly got caught this time.” 

“No, we just didn’t have a good plan, people already think things about me going to your room every day, so of course I would meet you here too. Let’s play up that story.”

“I don’t like that plan,” he said, helping her out of her arm guard. 

“We’re not actually going to do anything, just let them think we are so they leave us alone long enough for me to change.” 

He grumbled something under his breath and she leaned close to him without thinking much of it. Anna heard his breath hitch when she accidentally brushed against his chest. She looked up at him and he looked down at her. His eyes were half-lidded, his pupils full. He tilted his head to the side with a wordless question. 

Anna felt nothing. 

She stepped back, letting the arm guard fall to the ground with a thud. Kristoff let out a sigh and climbed into the bath without removing his loincloth, defeated. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Anna said hesitantly and he waved her off, staring at a different wall. 

***

“I heard a gladiator was executed today,” Elsa said over dinner. 

Anna nearly dropped the chunk of bread she was holding. “What, how did you hear that?” 

Elsa didn’t seem to notice or if she did she didn’t say anything. “When the emperor gives the thumbs down, the word travels fast from the arena.” 

“Oh, yes it does.”

“However, I didn’t have to wait for the news, I saw it.” 

This time Anna did drop her bread, earning her a puzzled look from her sister. “You were there?”

“I told you I would be, I didn’t see you fight, however, just two other girls.” 

Anna could feel her staring but she refused to make eye contact. Instead, she picked at her bread, tearing off small chunks. 

“I don’t understand why you’ve been training so hard,” Elsa continued. “The fight between the women was barely a fight. Not that anyone would notice. Hardly anyone watched.” 

“Yes, no one cares. We just fill the time, there’s hardly a point,” Anna replied. 

“So why all the intensive training?” 

“To uh… get better, to make it look more real.” 

Elsa didn’t buy it. Anna risked looking at her face and saw the distrust. Her sister knew she was up to something. How do you tell someone you’re breaking countless laws just for the thrill of combat? And what a thrill that had been. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so alive. 

Well, she could. It was the other night when she kissed Elsa. 

“Seems like a fruitless task.” Elsa stood, cleaning the remains of her meal. “Please tell me the next time you fight, I wasted a lot of time at the circus today. I need to get up early tomorrow to make up for it.”  

She started to walk towards the ladder when Anna reached out and grabbed her wrist, Elsa stopped and looked at her. Really looked at her. Behind the tired icy blue eyes, Anna saw pain and that in itself made Anna feel guilty. 

“I thought you had the day off?” 

“You and I both know I never really have a day off.” Those same eyes flicked down to Anna’s lips and lingered there for perhaps a beat too long before looking back to the ladder. She tugged her arm away and Anna let her go. Neither of them was ready to acknowledge the other night.

Once Elsa was up in the loft and Anna was left alone, the weight of the day finally came crashing down on her. 

She had killed a man. 

Shoved the sword right into his neck and watched his crimson blood spill out onto the dirty sand. What if he had a family? A lover? A life had been cut short by her blade. Back in the arena, she had justified the kill because he had fought without honor. But wasn’t she also fighting without honor? She wore the mask of another, she deceived Rome — yet killed in its glory. 

She felt sick and leaned forward till her head rested on the cool surface of the table. Closing her eyes she breathed slowly in and out till the pounding in her chest subsided. She wanted nothing more than to talk to Elsa about everything, but she couldn’t. Desperate, broken, and alone, she mumbled into the darkness; “Aut viam inveniam aut faciam tibi.“