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sparkles-oflight · 7 months

Text

Bele Sanje

Hello everyone, it's BoKris time.

This is actually a re-write of part of a fanfic I wrote a while back and deleted.

Thanks @anxious-witch for the much-needed proofreading!

Synopsis: My take on Martin leaving the band (highly inaccurate)

Disclaimer: Please think of these as characters and not the actual people. I don’t encourage anyone to send this to any of the actual JO members nor do I encourage people to force any type of relationship between anyone.

Sensible subjects: you read the title didn't you? Weed and pain :D

It was an unusual meeting... The band was planning to rest for a couple of days, but Martin wanted to talk to everyone, so Bojan sat down next to Jure and listened.

- I decided to leave the band. – he announced.

Bojan looked at him in disbelief.

In a year and a half, he lost not one, but two members of the band, and this time it was his best friend.

- No, you are not… - Bojan said as Jure squeezed his hand.

- I’ve been trying to think about my future. All of you have already finished your degrees and I don’t have a plan B. I don’t think I can do music and study at the same time.

- Yes, you can!

- Bojan-! – Jure tried to snap him out of it.

- Shut up! – but he yelled back at him before turning to Martin again - You can! We all did! Martin, you are so smart and organized, you can do it! Music is your passion!

- What if it isn’t, Bojan? – he put on a gloomy face.

- What do you mean?

- What if music isn’t my passion? What if I followed you without knowing what I actually wanted?

“So…it’s my fault”, he thought.

- Martin…

- Bojan, please. Understand what I’m telling you.

- I understand, I just can’t accept it.

- Will you force me to stay and do something that I don’t feel fulfilled in doing?

- I…

His throat was killing him. He felt a lump. This was his best friend since they were children... How can he just leave?

– No. – Bojan forced it out of his throat.

Martin hugged him tightly for a while.

They talked every day of their lives since they were kids... He was his best friend, he lived with him. Martin wasn’t going to leave Bojan, but, even so, he felt so hurt as if he had been betrayed. There were tears running down his face like a cascade.

- I love you. – Bojan told him when Martin grabbed his head to look into his eyes.

- Bojan, we live in the same house. I’m not going anywhere. – he joked.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot. You are my dear wife.

- I thought I was your wife! – Kris complained.

- You are my mistress.

- You are cheating on me? – Martin gasped.

They shared a laugh as Bojan wiped his face.

- Thank you, everyone, for having me around all of these years and I’m not going anywhere! I’ll stick around and make sure Bojan’s ego doesn’t take over the band.

- Hey! – and Martin kissed the small singer on the hair.

They all decided to go home, but, Kris, oddly, fell asleep on the couch, so Bojan also chose to stay behind. There was no way he would go home with Martin before having some time for himself, and, for that, he used Kris as an excuse to stay behind.

- Sleepy Beauty truly looks like a princess when he hugs the pillow. - Bojan commented.

He sat down and looked through his bag. He looked for some of “the good stuff”- as his dorky ass likes to call weed - to smoke.

Kris woke up to the smell eventually and crawled to him.

- What are you doing here? – he asked.

- I have the keys today. I was waiting for you to go home.

- Why didn’t you go home with Martin and leave the keys here?

- I didn’t feel like going with Martin. Want some? – he offered.

- Reminds me of the scent of Amsterdam. – and Kris accepted his offer, sitting next to him.

They met each other’s gaze. They looked for a while before pressing their heads against each other, reducing the gap between their noses.

Eventually, they smiled.

“This shit is kicking in.”

- Umazane Misli? – Kris asked him.

- More like… Ne pozna – “she doesn’t know” - Smeha, ki mu solza ne sledi – “the laughter that isn’t followed by a tear”.

They closed the gap between their noses completely and quoted their song.

- Dneva, ki je lažji od noči – “A day easier than night” - Njen utrip se redko umiri Nima mej – “Her heartbeat doesn’t calm down often”.

- Ne ve še kam beži, a gre naprej – “She doesn’t know where to run, but she runs forward” - Spet v loop ujeta prej al slej – “Sooner or later she’ll be caught in a loop again.” - Če je nesreča orel je ona Prometej – “If misfortune is an eagle, she is Prometheus”.

- That’s a genial line. I wonder who wrote it. – Bojan smiled.

- I wouldn’t call the writer a genius, I actually don’t get along with him.

- Me neither.

Bojan just needed someone close to him right now.

- Are you crying? – Kris asked Bojan, laughing with his red cheeks and small eyes.

- No. – the other laughed too, barely being able to make out what was going on.

His mind was out - totally out of there. He was trying to escape from reality, but the tears kept falling down, and then a pain bigger than he had ever felt seized his chest.

- Kris! – Bojan hugged him tight as he felt his heart speeding up and he grabbed tightly onto his shirt.

He was hyperventilating. It had never been this strong before. He felt like he was dying, deprived of oxygen.

- Bojan – Kris caressed his cheek. – Look at me. Calm down.

- Kris, I’m alone. Again. Martin left!

- Martin didn’t leave you. Martin just isn’t in the band anymore.

- The band is important to me!

- And he knows that.

- Then why do I feel betrayed!?

Kris slowly lifted Bojan’s chin and tucked his hair behind his ear.

- Because Martin is your best friend. Because… - he looked up to think – you always followed Martin. Because Martin was always there. And now…you don’t know what is like to not have Martin around all the time.

- I know…

- But, Bojan... You’ll be fine. You already annoy me all the time without having to ask Martin for permission! – he laughed.

Bojan took a deep breath and followed Kris’ calm breath until he slowly started to calm down.

- Thank you, Krisko. – he said once he regained the strength to talk.

- Any time. - Kris hugged – Also, can I put my “stoned” playlist on?

Bojan nodded and stupidly laughed at him.

Bojan liked Kris because Kris validated his feelings. Sure, he can be a bit of ass some days, but he’s the one whose shoulder he’ll cry on when he needs it the most.

And yet couldn’t help but feel guilty. The day Martin officially announced his departure online, he saw him talking with Kris. They were both smoking outside, and Bojan was going to join them��but he overheard something...

- How did he take it in? – Martin asked Kris.

- How do you expect? – Kris acted coldly towards Martin - Badly, but I calmed him down.

- I see. – he breathed out the smoke out of his lungs – And you?

- I’m not the one who’s important right now.

- Kris, how are you doing?

Kris wiped his nose.

- I’m fine.

- You are crying.

- It’s the cold, man. – he avoided looking at Martin.

- Kris.

- I’m sorry, okay!? – he lashed out at Martin – I’m sorry that I can’t be weak right now!

Bojan saw emotions in Kris’ expression he thought he would never see towards Martin: anger and pain.

- It’s not your fault! – he continued – First it was the pandemic, then Matic and now you! Things are changing! We are growing up and I…I don’t know whether we should give up on these childish dreams. Is music really what we want!?

He threw the cigarette wet from the tears on the floor. Martin hugged him strongly as strong sobs and snot came from Kris.

- I don’t know what I want to do! – Kris exclaimed – I should have my shit figured out by now…!

After that, Kris was empty for the next couple of days… His cries resonate in Bojan’s head to this day… He sounded so scared back then...

But moving forward was the only way.

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩

Afternote: I'm emotionally drained from today, I don't have anything funny to write.

But...I might write about this event from another perspective :)

Polaroid Photos Universe | Recommended next: Bele Sanje - in another Room

#joker out #joker out kris #joker out bojan #kris gustin #kris guštin #bojan cvjetićanin #bokris #joker out fanfics #fanfics #writings #polaroid photos universe

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m00nl0v3k1tty · 1 year

Text

I povtorno sam...

Cekam da se stemni za da izlezam

vozduh da me fati, malku jas da prosetam

da posedam na nekoi mesta

kaj sto ne sum bil odamna

zasto ne sum mozel da gi podnesam

site sliki sto me teraat da zaplacam

koga na tebe mislam, ne mozam vaka

umiram, ne smeam, premlad sum

tebe da te baram, eve paga mrak

denje gubam takt, mislam davas znak

mi velis bidi jak, bidi

ona sto ne bev jas

koga trebase da sopram a zemav pak...

REF:

Vo tvojot pogled bev

bezgranicno izgubena

za prvpat svativ sto

znaci da sum vljubena

na mojot obraz nocva edna solza blesnuva

srcevo moe kako Isus te voskresnuva.

Devojki, dobri pesni, jaki koli, motori

mi bea mene vo glavava uvrteni,

pa se vrtev jas po niv

bev mnogu div, no nikoj ne mi e kriv

Tebe,

tebe pijanici,

delikventi, narkomani, dileri

ti bea bogovi na koi se pokori

koi te ucea vo sto se najdobri

gi stigna site, a mene me

ostavi da te gledam kako tones

kako propagas, bez da

mozes raka da mi podades

a jas se od sebe pravev da ti pomognam

ko site sto te sakaa tebe

REF:

Vo tvojot pogled bev

bezgranicno izgubena

za prvpat svativ sto

znaci da sum vljubena

na mojot obraz nocva edna solza blesnuva

srcevo moe kako Isus te voskresnuva.

Da veruvasevo vo sebe ne ce bese vaka,

ti ce bese megu nas dete sekoj sto go

saka, zasto ti bese bestrasniot toj,

onoj koj stalno velese deka

ce proba se vo zivotot svoj

pa dobro de koj te terase da

prodolzis taka i dali morase

da zavrsis so spricot vo

raka zarem ne znaese ti sto

zad grb te ceka i kolku jako ti se vraca

ona skapo sto se placa posledna noc,

vinoto ne faca, na ulica do zori kako

pijani braca, izgrejsonce

kon doma nas ne praca

a ti ce bockas dur jas gledam

nova zvezda kako paga...

REF: x 2

Vo tvojot pogled bev

bezgranicno izgubena

za prvpat svativ sto

znaci da sum vljubena

na mojot obraz nocva edna solza blesnuva

srcevo moe kako Isus te voskresnuva.

Vo tvojot pogled bev

bezgranicno izgubena

za prvpat svativ sto

znaci da sum vljubena

na mojot obraz nocva edna solza blesnuva

srcevo moe kako Isus te voskresnuva.

#personal

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