#some people think you can completely detach a work from the creator's intent but others would disagree with that

[stairset]

For the record I’m not gonna add more to that post cause internet arguments are dumb and pointless especially if it’s about Star Wars and normally I just avoid them but I’m tired and got annoyed but I don’t wanna keep bothering that person nor do I want them to keep bothering me but just know that they got to the point where they started blatantly contradicting themselves and couldn’t even decide which canon they’re talking about which means I automatically win

[c-optimistic]

for your happy prompts ask, perhaps kara is a documentary film maker who follows ceo lena around for a doc and ends up falling in love with her by learning a bunch of little things she finds out during filming? also p.s. i absolutely adore your writing even when it tugs at the heartstrings. thank you for writing what you do! it makes my day everytime i see an update or get an email

She wasn’t allowed to see Lena Luthor until she’d signed so many papers that, if stacked together, would be taller than she was. She wasn’t even allowed to touch her camera around Lena Luthor until the woman herself, CEO extraordinaire, had personally vetted Kara out.

“You know,” Kara said as casually as she could, finding herself nervously adjusting her glasses when Lena’s cold gaze fell on her, “I usually have a whole team with me when I do this.”

“And I agreed to this on the condition that only one nosy filmmaker follows me around, not a whole team.” Lena’s reply was like everything else Kara had learned about the CEO thus far: she was blunt, a little harsh, tone and eyes cold and emotionless. She gave nothing away, not in her walk, in her mannerisms, in the ridiculously healthy food she ate, in the way she spoke to her employees or board members. She was cool, detached, wickedly smart, and utterly composed. “And I must approve the final result,” she added, gesturing to the mountain of paperwork Kara signed.

(Kara sighed internally, a tiny part of her sure Lena was a robot.)

“But it’s everything, right?” Kara clarified. “A total look into your life, no holding back?”

“You may follow me around to your heart’s content,” Lena said, leaning back in her desk chair, studying Kara intently.

“May I ask, Ms. Luthor, what made you agree to this, when you’re usually so distrustful of the media?”

Lena gave Kara a smile that didn’t touch her eyes. “What made you ask to do this when you know I distrust the media?”

Lena hadn’t answered, so Kara knew she didn’t have to either, but she felt it was important to establish some kind of rapport with the woman she’d be following around for the next few weeks. “I’m of the opinion that things are rarely as simple as they seem from the outside, that’s all.”

“Well,” Lena said, looking pleasantly surprised and offering Kara a grin (a real one, one that touched her eyes and transformed her face), “perhaps that’s why I agreed to you doing this.”

x

“You’re one of Ms. Luthor’s closest friends, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“Since before your daughter was born?”

“Yup.”

“So would you say you know her quite well?”

“Sure.”

“Do you plan on answering any of my questions with more than one word?”

“Nope.”

“Okay. So, in one word I suppose, how would you describe Ms. Luthor to a stranger?”

“Flawless.”

x

The rules of her arrangement with Lena were rather simple. For the next several weeks, Lena consented to having Kara around from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to sleep. In return, Kara was not allowed in certain meetings at L-Corp, was not allowed to bring her camera with her at all when Lena went down to R&D, and if Lena asked for her to stop filming at any point, Kara was bound to immediately do so and erase any footage she may have inadvertently captured.

For the first two days of the arrangement, it was actually rather boring. Lena was awake before the crack of dawn, she didn’t acknowledge Kara’s presence as she made coffee and toast (though she did push a cup and a plate towards Kara), and then spent the next fifteen or so hours in her office, sifting through papers, answering phone calls and responding to emails, and forgetting meals. It wasn’t until the third day that Lena’s routine changed slightly.

She received a phone call at breakfast, and whoever it was caused a bright red blush to bloom on her cheeks. Kara zoomed in slightly on Lena’s face as she answered the call. “Now’s not really a good time, Sam,” she began, falling silent at whatever this Sam was saying on the other end. Lena’s eyes flitted over towards Kara, but to her surprise, she didn’t ask for Kara to shut off the camera. “That sounds terrible,” she said, sounding truly apologetic, something about her countenance changing. She seemed softer, more open, calmer than Kara had seen her yet. “And Ruby was so excited too.” Lena fell silent once more, nodding almost as if unaware of it. “I agree with her,” Lena suddenly laughed, still nodding, “it’s not fair at all. But there’s no way I’m not going to visit. Do you want me to bring anything?” Lena laughed again, and Kara wondered if her camera was capturing the change she was witnessing with her own eyes. “As if I could forget Ruby’s chocolate.” A pause. “Give her all my love.” Another pause, a tiny smile on Lena’s lips. “All right, I will. Bye.”  As she hung up, she looked over at Kara, as if daring her to comment, everything about her shuttering at once.

“Who was that?” Kara asked, not really expecting an answer. To her surprise, however, Lena’s eyes flitted to the camera and she let out a soft, resigned sigh.

“That was my CFO, Sam Arias,” she answered, her tone a complete 180 from what she was using on the phone. She studied Kara for a moment and must have read something on her face, because her shoulders deflated and she motioned towards her phone. “Sam is my best friend. Her daughter, Ruby, is my goddaughter. We were supposed to go to the animal shelter today.” Lena smiled softly, almost as if unaware of it. “She’s finally convinced Sam she’s responsible enough for a pet. It’s actually—” Lena stopped suddenly, her eyes shifting to the camera once more, any warmth that had managed to leak out dissipating at once. “In any case, she’s sick. So we’ll have to reschedule.” She waved her hand towards the camera. “Can you turn that off, please?”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” Kara said quickly, making a show of turning the Camcorder off and setting it aside. “Is something wrong?”

Lena shook her head, leaning against her kitchen counter as she eyed Kara with something like curiosity. “You know, I’ve seen all of your other work,” she said after a moment, frowning at Kara like she was a puzzle she couldn’t figure out.

(Had she? Seen all of Kara’s work? A part of Kara was curious as to how, after all, most of her stuff was tucked away in a closet back in Midvale, waiting to be opened up and viewed during Christmas, when Alex would laugh at the films she’d made in high school about how the boys’ sports teams were unfairly given more attention than the girls’. The others were projects for her degree and one or two failed attempts to get a real production company to take the risk on her.

In fact, if not for Cat Grant’s decision as ‘The Queen of All Media’ to get involved in filmmaking, funding a project from a no-name creator, Kara wasn’t even sure she’d have the film she was making now.)

“Oh,” she said inarticulately, not quite sure how to word what she was really thinking. How rich did you have to be to be able to bribe anyone into giving you anything?

Lena nodded carefully, her face a perfect mask. If not for the way her eyes followed Kara’s every movement, Kara would’ve even thought that Lena was bored. “You’re very fond of certain themes. Hope. Love. Endless optimism in the best of humanity.” She said it like it was a bad thing. And it was suddenly Kara’s turn to lean forward on the opposite end of the counter, feeling her head tilt to the side questioningly.

“Is that what you got from my films?” she asked, genuinely curious.

Lena seemed wary of the question, standing up straight and crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “Isn’t that what you intended?”

“You know,” Kara said slowly, “I don’t actually believe in all that creator’s intent nonsense. I think we search for parts of ourselves when we consume art. So if that’s what you got from my films, that says more about you than it does about me.”

If anything, this seemed to offend Lena. “So you’d deny having any sort of intent with your work? What about making something with meaning?”

Kara laughed, shaking her head. “That’s not what I mean, and besides, who says art has to mean anything?”

“Of course art means something,” Lena argued, narrowing her eyes at Kara. “What’s the point of doing it if it doesn’t mean anything?”

Kara shrugged easily, giving Lena a small smile. “I disagree. I think art says something. But meaning is up to the people who consume it.” She picked up her camera and pointed it at Lena without turning it on. “Doesn’t matter what I intended to say with my films, you got meaning from it. So I’d say there was a point in making it, don’t you think?”

Lena eyed her for a moment, apparently not liking that Kara wasn’t giving her an answer, wasn’t telling her what she was trying to say with her work. But then, after several long seconds, she relented, letting out a chuckle and shaking her head. “Well, fine,” she said, her smile touching her eyes. “As long as you don’t try to say anything silly like hope, love, or endless optimism in the best of humanity with this film.”

“I’m afraid I can’t change who you are, Ms. Luthor,” Kara said softly, turning her camera on and effectively cutting off any response Lena may have had.

(And when she looks at the footage weeks later, she’ll freeze that frame, breath catching at the look on Lena’s face: the softness of her eyes, the curve of her lips, and the pleasantly confused crinkle between her brows.)

x

“Do you spend a lot of time with your godmother?”

“Oh yeah, loads! She’s great.”

“What sort of things do you do with her?”

“I mean, normal stuff? She takes me to get ice cream all the time. The other day, she rented that new horror movie that came out and watched it with me when I stayed over. My mom went nuts when she found out.”

“So you like her?”

“No, of course not. I love Lena. She’s my aunt, you know? She’s family.”

“And if you had the chance, what would you want the world to know about her?”

“That she cares, so much. And that she’s funny and super smart and helps me with homework and after my mom she’s the very best person I know.”

x

The visit to Luthor Children’s Hospital was, as far as Kara was aware, unplanned and in fact gave Jess a great deal of anxiety. For her part, Kara was mostly frustrated and annoyed, wondering if this film was worth it at all. Because Lena Luthor seemed to be asking Kara to turn off the camera more and more, especially when her day deviated at all and she was forced to leave her office.

(Walks in the park, lunches with her goddaughter, a touching moment with the child of one of her employees...all locked away somewhere in Kara’s memory, but destined to remain there instead of on film, where it should be.)

She huffed a little bit as she leaned against the wall, watching Lena walk quickly towards the group of nurses and doctors. She didn’t say anything when Jess joined her, a contemplative look on her face. “She always does this,” Jess told Kara after a long silence, rolling her eyes fondly. “She’ll cancel meetings last minute because she heard one of the kids in the hemoc ward has finished treatment or that they’re out of toys to give to the new patients.”

“Why isn’t there any press if she does this often?” Kara asked, turning to Jess but watching Lena out of the corner of her eye. She was talking to one of the doctors now, looking comically out of place with her designer clothes while surrounded by colorful artwork by kids that littered the walls of the Children’s Hospital.

Jess fixed Kara with an unimpressed look. “You’ve met her, right?” she asked rhetorically. “She goes out of her way to hide these visits. She says that she has to keep it under wraps because she wants to keep it about the kids and not her. But I think the truth is she’s just worried people would mistreat the kids and their families for allowing a ‘Luthor’ within ten feet of them.”

“Oh,” Kara said dumbly, a little stunned by the new information, and feeling guilty for her thoughts earlier. “That’s...awful.”

“I’m not telling you this for nothing, you know,” Jess continued, frowning at Kara. “She’s been avoiding lots of her usual charitable work since you’ve been around. The whole point of this was to get everyone else to see the real Lena Luthor, but she’s ruining it by being humble and noble.”

(Kara wanted to groan, roll her eyes, or better yet go over to Lena herself and shake her until she understood what Kara’s job was.

How was she supposed to make a documentary about Lena Luthor if Lena Luthor was so determined to hide herself away from the world?)

“What would you have me do?” she asked, not voicing her frustration, though it seeped into her tone anyway. “We have a deal, and she doesn’t want me to film these things.”

Jess shook her head, looking terribly unimpressed by the answer. “Don’t you have artistic integrity? Would you allow anyone else to boss you around and tell you what you could and couldn’t film?”

Kara looked over at Lena, who was now smiling at a young boy who had ambled up to her with his mother and infusion pump stand in tow. She watched as Lena actually dropped to her knees to talk to the boy, nodding vigorously at whatever he was saying. After a long moment, she turned back to Jess and shook her head. “No,” she said finally. “I guess I wouldn’t.”

And after Jess had given her another significant look before walking off, Kara raised her camera and began to film.

x

“Mr. Spheer, you’re an ex of Lena Luthor’s, right?”

“Ah, I see this documentary is quite personal. Are you sure that Lena is okay with this sort of thing going into her movie?”

“Well, it’s my movie. But she’s free to ask me to take things out.”

“Fascinating. Yes, I am Lena’s ex. I was quite brokenhearted when she broke it off to move to National City.”

“Oh, she broke it off?”

“So curious, Ms. Danvers. Perhaps you’re interested in something beyond a mere film?”

“W-what? No, that’s—please be serious, Mr. Spheer—”

“It’s Jack to you, my dear. What else do you need to know about Lena? Her favorite flowers are plumerias, her favorite food is—”

“—oh that’s really not necessary. If we could just focus on who Lena is as a person. A friend. A former girlfriend?”

“Hmm, yes. Well, just imagine your perfect woman, Ms. Danvers.”

“Oh, um, I—”

“—exactly, you see Lena. That’s an universal experience, I’m afraid. Lena is simply...too good for this world.”

“So you’d say the treatment she gets by the public is unfair?”

“It’s unfair how much people attack pineapple on pizza, Ms. Danvers. The way they speak of Lena without knowing her? That’s a pure travesty.”

x

They were about ten days into filming when Kara saw Lena relax for the first time.

She was using the word ‘relax’ rather loosely, of course. Lena didn’t do what Kara did after a long week—put on a pair of sweatpants, order loads of junk food, and watch so much Netflix that it eventually felt the need to ask her if she was still watching. In fact, Lena’s idea of relaxing was more work. Just, fun work.

She was dressed in jeans and a blue shirt, knees pulled up to her chest as she sat at her desk, mumbling under her breath as she did whatever she was doing. (She hadn’t bothered to explain to Kara, had just sighed and acquiesced to the presence of the camera in her home office.) Perched precariously at the tip of her nose were a thick black pair of glasses, her hair falling to her shoulders in gentle waves.

She looked different. Softer, somehow. Gone was all the trappings of a badass CEO, and all that was left was a clever (and beautiful) young woman, working on the things she loved in her spare time.

Kara zoomed in slightly, focusing on Lena’s face, on the furrow between her brows, her lips twisted in concentration. There was something there, something different, and Kara just wanted to—

“Is that camera heavy?” Lena asked, looking up suddenly, a curious expression on her face. She was good at that, the polite looks, gently asking for more information. Tiny eyebrow raises, nearly imperceptible softening of her eyes, lips quirked the slightest bit, all intended to disarm her quarry, making them drop their guard long enough that they give everything held close to their chest away.

“Not really,” Kara answered, grinning at Lena. This made the other woman blink in surprise, clearly not the response she was looking for, that expression on her face shifting suddenly, becoming more calculating. “I work out,” Kara went on to explain, shrugging easily, careful not to jostle the camera. “Besides, it’s not that heavy, I think about five pounds.”

“What kind of camera do you use?”

“Oh, it’s a Panasonic AG-HVX—” she cut herself off. “It’s not that interesting.” Kara adjusted her glasses and made sure Lena’s face was still in focus. Somehow, this made Lena’s tiny smile reappear. She stood up and circled her desk, and Kara was forced to back away to maintain focus.

“You love filming, don’t you?” Lena asked, and Kara blinked, not quite sure where she was going with this.

“Ms. Luthor, as I’m sure you’re aware, this film is about you.”

If she thought this would in any way cow Lena, she was wrong. Lena just grinned, looking like she’d somehow won something.

“Do you know what I don’t understand?” she said with faux casualness, crossing her arms and tapping a finger against her elbow. “Why would you, someone Cat Grant speaks so highly of, be willing to agree to this assignment? Something most people wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.”

Kara frowned, not thinking as she responded. “It wasn’t assigned, Ms. Luthor. I pitched the idea. I wanted to do this.” Lena’s words sank in a moment later. “Wait. Cat Grant spoke highly of me?”

“Why?” Lena asked, no longer smiling.

Kara blinked at the change in tone. “Why what?” she asked, genuinely confused. This was, apparently, the wrong answer, because Lena chose that moment to begin pacing in front of her desk, looking more than a little bothered.

“I don’t get it,” she said as she paced. “I tried to figure it out, looked into you, into your work. I thought maybe you were doing this to build fame, but I’ve seen your work and even without a movie about the last Luthor, I have no doubt you’ll be very popular—”

“Oh, that’s nice of you, thank y—”

“—then I thought maybe you have a vendetta against my family and just want me to look bad,” Lena continued, barreling over Kara’s words and ignoring her entirely, “but the only connection between you and my family is your cousin, Clark Kent, and he’s the journalist who broke the story on my brother, so if anything I should dislike you—”

“That’s not exactly...Clark and I aren’t—”

“—so I really need you to explain it to me. Why did you want to make this film?” She paused her brisk pacing as she asked the question, meeting Kara’s eyes with a fierce look, one Kara was infinitely glad she was capturing on film. Because this, this glint in Lena’s eyes, was why Kara wanted to do this.

“Do you remember the speech you gave when you came to National City?” Kara asked, and judging from the way Lena’s eyebrows rose in response, she was rather thrown by the question. “Because I do. I watched it maybe a few dozen times. All those horrible questions, all the absolute certainty that you were like your brother, and you kept your head up and you promised to prove them all wrong, to make up for what he did.” Kara sighed, shutting off the camera and setting it aside gently. “I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I was...interested. I wanted to see more.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Did I meet your expectations? Disappoint you? What?”

Kara smiled, unable to help it. “Does my opinion on you really matter?”

“Do you always answer a question with another question?” Lena shot back, eyes narrowing.

Kara’s smile just widened and she began to gather her things, preparing to leave for the night. Impressively, Lena didn’t question her further, just watched her then followed her to the door, looking rather cross. Pausing briefly to adjust her glasses and the strap of her bag, Kara turned suddenly and met Lena’s eyes. “You exceeded them. My expectations, that is,” Kara added when Lena offered only a quizzical look in response.

For a moment, Lena didn’t react, then that same look from her office—the softness of her eyes, the curve of her lips, and the pleasantly confused crinkle between her brows—overtook her expression, and she let out a laugh.

“Well, good then.”

x

“You went to boarding school with Ms. Luthor?”

“I don’t think that’s public knowledge, how do you know that?”

“Um, Ms. Arias told me about you. She mentioned your relationship with Ms. Luthor is unique.”

“Well, Sam would know, wouldn’t she?”

“Ms. Rojas, if you don’t want to speak to me, you don’t have to.”

“It’s fine. Look, Lena and I have been estranged for a while now. I...I did something to break her trust.”

“So would you say that Ms. Luthor is difficult to get along with?”

“No, I’d say that Lena values things like honesty and trust, and—you know that Austen novel? With the man who says that once you lose his good opinion, it’s gone forever?”

“Pride and Prejudice?”

“Exactly. Lena is like that.”

“Ms. Luthor is like Mr. Darcy?”

“No, she’s classic. No matter what’s going on, she’ll endure.”

“So...you were the one difficult to get along with?”

“Have you ever thought about taking your work to a whole new level, Kara? How do you feel about virtual reality?”

“Oh, um, I don’t have particular thoughts? But I’d love to know yours about Ms. Luthor. For the film.”

“She won’t believe this, or that I’m saying it coercion free, but Lena is...a visionary. More than that, she’s just a decent person. Which is more than most of us can say, don’t you think?”

x

After their conversation, Lena opened up dramatically.

(Well, dramatically was a stretch, but considering how closed off she’d been before, the difference was rather drastic.)

Kara filmed Lena’s visit to an animal shelter, capturing the way her fingers gently ran over the fur of the dog that immediately trotted over to her, placing its head in her lap. Lena had then explained that she went to shelters often, just to volunteer, as she was unable to adopt for fear of not having time to give the dog the attention it deserved.

Later that week, Lena let Kara stay later than usual, putting on some music as she got to cooking, going as far as to teach Kara the basics of the dish, laughing when Kara admitted that her skill in the kitchen was limited to making sandwiches. At one point she grabbed the camera and set it aside, dragging Kara into the kitchen, giving instructions and lessons as she swayed her hips to the music.

(It was silly, it was lighthearted, it was fun, and Kara couldn’t help it.

She forgot she was there to make a film.)

And as the days and weeks dragged on, when Lena showed off her skills at the piano—apologetically explaining she hadn’t had time to really play in months—or when she told Kara about her very ‘nerdy’ stamp collection or even when Lena seemed to ignore there was a camera between them and she began to talk about her day and her hopes for the weekend, Kara forgot that it was a job. She forgot that she was supposed to be making something, paying attention to more than Lena’s smile or the way her eyes lit up whenever she mentioned work she was particularly passionate about.

Somewhere along the way, Kara cared more about the opportunity to spend time with Lena than she did the film itself.

More worryingly, that realization didn’t even bother her.

x

“Why filmmaking?” Lena asked one morning, pushing coffee and toast towards Kara with a tiny smile. The camera was still in its bag, untouched since Kara had arrived nearly an hour earlier. “Why not journalism like your cousin?”

“My cousin and I,” Kara began awkwardly, adjusting her glasses, “well, our relationship is a little strained, I guess.” She didn’t need the slight tilt of Lena’s head to know that Lena wanted her to keep going, to explain further. She let out a soft chuckle and rubbed her forehead with the tips of her fingers. “Um, so my parents died when I was twelve. And Clark sort of...left me? I went to live with the Danvers instead, and they bought me a camera for my birthday.” Kara grinned at the very memory, still able to feel its weight in her hand, the eyepiece against her eye. “It was one of those old camcorders, do you remember? The ones with the tapes? I drove them nuts, filming literally everything. I don’t think they ever saw my face for the first few months I was with them, it was constantly behind the camera.” She didn’t explain why she wanted to document every moment with her new family, but judging from the way Lena’s eyes softened, she understood anyway. “From there it became serious. I started making films. School projects, etc. Now I’m here.”

“Why documentaries? Why not something like...oh, I don’t know, action movies?” Lena prodded, looking curious, looking interested, looking like the answer mattered.

Kara just shrugged, suddenly not able to look Lena in the eye. “I guess there’s a part of me that wanted to take after Clark.”

x

“How long have you been working for Ms. Luthor?”

“Um, this December will make seven years.”

“As her assistant, you have remarkable access to her. What’s she like?”

“Driven, ambitious, works way too hard. I don’t think she’s ever taken a holiday or even a break...but um, maybe don’t say that in the film.”

“Artistic integrity, remember? She works hard, that’s clear. But what about personally? Her relationship with you and the other employees? What kind of boss is she?”

“She cares a lot. A few years ago, before Lex Luthor, well. You know. Before all that, LuthorCorp was facing serious losses. Mr. Luthor wanted to just get rid of entire departments, but Ms. Luthor said the research was vital, and more than that, the researchers were important. She convinced her brother to keep them on—she won’t admit it, but it was more than being persuasive. She paid for it out of her own pocket.”

“So you’d say she’s charitable?”

“No, she’s passionate. And she fights for the things she believes in. Ms. Luthor likes to say that charity implies pity, and she doesn’t do anything out of pity. She just does what’s right by people.”

“Some would disagree, they’d argue that LuthorCorp, and by extension its new iteration, L-Corp, don’t care about people, but about profits. Do you think that’s a fair assessment of the company you’ve devoted seven years to?”

“Look. I get it, people are suspicious of L-Corp because it used to be LuthorCorp. But it’s not just a name change. When Lena took over, she gutted her company. There’s not a single program left from Mr. Luthor’s time as CEO. L-Corp is all Ms. Luthor.”

“So if L-Corp is Ms. Luthor, who is Ms. Luthor?”

“She’s a woman who’s been hurt all her life, Kara Danvers, and whose only goal is to keep as many people as she can from hurting too. Sometimes I just wish she realized she doesn’t deserve to be hurt anymore either.”

“Oh.”

“Also, I don’t care about your artistic integrity, that last bit does not go in the film.”

x  

One afternoon, when Kara was dangerously close to dozing off on the couch in Lena’s office—camera turned off and set aside, not really needing more footage of Lena working at her desk—Lena suddenly jumped to her feet, an excited gleam in her eyes.

“They’ve done it,” she said, the smile forming on her lips so wide that Kara found herself smiling back.

“Done what?” Kara asked, fairly sure this would lead to Lena’s refrain of ‘that’s company business and I’m afraid you’re not privy to that information’ but instead, Lena looked at her appraisingly, then rolled her eyes.

“If I allow you to bring your camera in R&D, do you swear not to film my ongoing projects?”

“You’re going to let me film in R&D?” Kara said excitedly, jumping to her feet and grabbing her camera.

“Kara, do you swear?”

“Yes, yes, of course, Ms. Luthor. I absolutely swear.”

And the next thing Kara knew, she was filming in the one place she’d been told was off-limits, capturing the lab and Lena talking to her researchers animatedly about the advancement they’d made in gene therapy, not entirely surprised when Lena shoved the scientists towards Kara and urged them to brag about their achievement—while also warning them to be as vague as possible—and then sank into the background, clearly thrilled to have her scientists as the center of attention.  

And later, when Lena decided to actually take a lunch hour as a ‘reward’ for the great strides L-Corp had made, she took Kara along, bought three different appetizers, and smiled her wide smile before she said, “It’s Lena, by the way. Just Lena.”

Mouth still bulging with the three potstickers she’d practically inhaled, Kara couldn’t manage much more than a nod, but later—when she was alone—she tried saying the name aloud, and it sent a shiver down her spine.

x

“Mrs. Luthor—”

“It’s doctor, actually.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Dr. Luthor. You adopted Ms. Luthor when she was four, is that correct?”

“I’m afraid I don’t have time for this nonsense. I consented to this interview only to say one thing: Lena was always the more clever of my children, but she’s foolish and soft, and this silly film is yet another example of that.”

“You agreed to meet with me to just say...that. Okay. That’s um. Fine.”

x

As the weeks dragged on, Kara had little reason to continue filming. Her deadline with Cat Grant was fast approaching, and she had more than enough footage. All that really remained was editing, of putting the final pieces together. But she found herself filming anyway.

Every day, she’d make her way to Lena’s apartment, making flimsy excuses about how certain footage was no good, or had been corrupted, and that she needed retakes of Lena doing ordinary things (like reading the paper, cooking dinner, or talking about her day). She knew that Lena could tell her excuses were just that, but mercifully, Lena didn’t seem to want to call her out on it, merely gave soft reminders not to stay up so late every night to edit (the ‘you could just as easily stop wasting your time here and be editing during normal hours’ going unsaid).

(Jess had rolled her eyes when Kara came by L-Corp and Lena mentioned offhandedly that Kara somehow hadn’t gotten a shot of Lena entering her building in all the time she’d shadowed the CEO, and wasn’t that odd?)

But what Kara knew, what made her stretch out these moments as long as she possibly could, was that once the final product popped into existence, once she showed Lena and got her okay to send off to Cat Grant, that was it.

No more Lena.

And that terrified her.

(So she gathered more footage, fruitlessly hoping that the final product would never be ready, dragging her feet at every step.

She edited, studying Lena’s every expression, tried to pinpoint the exact moment she’d started to fall for the not-so-detached CEO extraordinaire, and wished it didn’t all have to come to an end.)

x

Two days after Kara had sent Lena the finished film, she got a curt email from the CEO herself with only three words: come see me.

Jess gave no indication about how her boss was feeling when Kara arrived, merely stared evenly at Kara and gestured with her head for her to just go on in. When Kara tried to ask her, Jess shook her head, pointed at the door to Lena’s office, and made a shooing gesture.

“It’s odd to see you without a camera,” Lena said when Kara sat down across from her, trying to keep her hands from fidgeting.

“It’s odd to be in here without a camera.” Kara took a deep breath. “Did you watch it?” she blurted, unable to keep it in. “What did you think?”

“You’re really fond of certain themes,” Lena said, then she raised her eyebrow. “You also filmed quite a bit when I had asked you not to.”

“Artistic integrity?” Kara tried, and Lena...laughed.

“I don’t know if I agree with the way you portrayed me,” she said slowly as her amusement faded. “You took a lot of liberties.”

“I was very faithful to the subject of the film, Lena.”

“What do you think you were trying to say?” Lena asked, waving off Kara’s comment.

“What meaning did you get from it?”

Lena studied her for a moment, as if she was trying to read Kara’s mind. “I’m not some selfless genius, Kara.”

“Is that what you think the film is saying?” Kara asked her, not rising to the obvious bait. “Like I said, Lena. I was very faithful to the subject of the film.” For a long moment, Lena didn’t respond, and Kara felt the worry she’d managed to push away since sending the film to Lena creep back in. “Does this mean you don’t approve of the film?”

“Hmm?” Lena said, distracted. “No, I’ve already sent it along to Cat Grant, giving my okay. Even though you broke our agreement, I can’t deny the final result was very favorable to me.”

“I wouldn’t have made something that wasn’t completely true,” Kara said, somewhat hotly, most of her irritation bleeding away with the knowledge that Cat Grant was in possession of the final product, that the rest was up to her.

Lena smiled, eyes soft, and she nodded her head almost incredulously. “No, you wouldn’t. I know that.” She cleared her throat, seeming a bit nervous. “But I was thinking. I’ve been missing our talks about your work, and I know you don’t like talking about what you’ve made, but perhaps you’d make an exception for me. Would you be willing to give me a private showing of your film? Give me all the insider secrets? I know your subject quite well, it would be a fun exercise.”

Kara’s heart slammed to a stop, the jump-started at the sight of Lena’s amused eyes, that tiny curve of her lips. “A private showing, huh?” Kara mumbled, feeling a little dazed. “I still won’t tell you what I was trying to say.”

“That’s completely fair.”

“But I suppose I could give you some insight on my thoughts.”

“Only if you wanted.”

“It may have to be more than one session,” Kara said, trying and failing to stop the spread of her smile. “There’s a lot of footage you know.”

“So it’s a date?” Lena asked, and Kara couldn’t help her eager nod.

“It’s definitely a date.”

[airbenderaf]

Azuma- Database Animals

Between this style of writing, the words they used, and how long this reading was, I barely understood this to be completely honest. I thought it confusing to try to get through but I think I picked up on some of the main ideas it was getting across. 

What caught my attention and what I found most interesting was the commentary on simulacra and how it now seems to be in culture that there is a real lack of originality anymore. From what we talked about in class, simulacra represents simulations imitating other simulations, rather than acting as an imitation of something in reality. We discussed how this resulted in a feeling or sense of reality just completely being lost, or not even existing to start off with, although I think the former is more represented by Azuma in this article. He talks about how Otaku culture has made it’s way into anime and the industry surrounding it, as so many people focus on making parodies and remakes rather than creating original content. He argues that particular characters are just reiterations of each other, as anime producers have become less focused on making original content themselves. This reminded me of how I’ve heard some people complain that they felt certain characters or styles in anime were too overdone or too similar to each other, although I do feel that we’ve hit the point where this is applicable to all kinds of genres in media.

I also enjoyed reading the author’s take on how the value of art changes because of Otaku culture, because it made me think about this in a way I hadn’t before. I believe that sometimes recreations of something can increase the value of the original more because you know that the true, “real” one but the author discussed how the very message and meaning behind the art can be diminished from this. This makes sense as art is so subjective that the real value behind the work lies in what the author/creator’s original intention was, and when it is constantly redone by different people it becomes detached from that original purpose in a way.

[natsubeatsrock]

Should Hiro Mashima die?

My answer is no. 

Though, this isn't about actually killing Hiro Mashima. Kinda got you with the title, though, huh? (This was originally going to be titled “Is Hiro Mashima dead?” and released on his birthday. You’re welcome.)

This post is about a widely debated topic of analysis known as the "death of the author." I've talked about this a few different times in passing in a few posts over the years. You could argue that this belongs in my series rewriting Fairy Tail and I considered placing it there. However, I feel that it's better that I keep this detached from that series. This topic concerns criticism of any series. Naturally, being a Fairy Tail blog, I plan on engaging this with the context of Fairy Tail's author being dead or not, hence the title. Still, this is helpful to think about for analysis of plenty of other series.

Again, though, my answer is still no.

Let's start with the origin of this term. The term comes from an essay by Roland Barthes called "La mort de l'auteur". Use your best guess as to what that translates to. I highly encourage you to read the essay as it's pretty short. It's about six or seven pages, depending on the version. There are three main points to his essay.

Creative works are products of the culture they come from and less original than people expect. 

The idea of the author as the sole creator and authority of creative works is fairly modern. 

The author's interpretation of a work shouldn't be considered the main or only interpretation of a work.

Of these three points, I'm sure you recognize the last point. But first, I want to talk about the other points. I believe it is important to understand the arguments being made as a whole.

The first point should be fairly uncontroversial. The vast majority of creative works use established language, tropes, and elements to create a new thing. I wouldn't go as far as Barthes does in this regard. Not to mention, this is somewhat weird to know considering his third point. However, I agree that creative works should be considered products of the culture and genre they come from.

The second point is a bit trickier for me. To be clear, the point is true. You only have to look at various cultural mythologies as an example. There isn't a single version of the Greek myths. There are several versions and interpretations of the various stories and myths. 

Even recent popular fictional characters have had several different interpretations. This is especially true with comics. There have been multiple different Batman interpretations, Spiderman runs, and X-Men teams that fans love. Fans even love and appreciate numerous forms of established characters like Frankenstein's monster and Sherlock Holmes. So, as a consumer and critic of art, I can understand this.

My problem is as a creator of art. I understand this being contentious when it comes to something like religious myths. But, if I create something, I want to get the credit for it. I want people to love my music or writing. But I also want people to recognize me for my skill in crafting it.

This is true even if you hold to the first point Barthes made.  Even if you believe that no art is truly unique, isn't the skill of synthesizing the various tropes and influences around a person worthy of credit in and of itself?

Then again, I am not without bias in this. Barthes says that the modern interpretation of the author is a product of the Protestant Reformation. As a Protestant myself, I get that my background plays no part in my view of this. Barthes also blames English empiricism and French rationalism, but personal faith is the biggest influence on me that Barthes lists.

That being said, there's also something Barthes completely misses in his essay. In the past, stories were passed down by oral tradition. As the stories were passed down from generation to generation, they slowly evolved and became what they are known today. Scholars today can gather a general consensus of what a story was meant to be and some traditions were more faithful about passing traditions down than others. However, you can't always tell the original author of a mythological story the same way we know who gave us stuff like the Quran or the Bible. 

As time passed, stories were written down. With this, it was easy to share single versions of a story and identify its creator. We know who made certain writing of works even before the 1500s. For example, we have the Travels of Marco Polo and Dante's Inferno and know their authors. We could tell the authors of works were before the Protestant Reformation. 

By the way, the Reformation happened to coincide with one of the most important inventions in human history: the printing press. Now you can easily make copies of an individual's works and you don't have to rely on word of mouth to share stories.

I can't stress how important an omission this is. The printing press changed the way we interact with media as a whole and might be the most important invention on this side of the wheel. And yet Barthes doesn't even mention as even a potential factor in "the modern concept of the author"? In his essay about understanding written media? That’s like ignoring Jim Crow in your essay about Birth of a Nation bringing back the KKK.

Now, we get to the final point. The author's original intentions of their works are not the main interpretation. This is understood as being the case after they create the series. Once the work is written and sent into the public, they cease to be an authority on it.

It's worth recognizing how this flows from the other two points. Barthes argued that works of fiction are products of their culture and our current understanding of an author is fairly modern. Therefore, the interpretation of the reader is just as valuable as that of the author. As Barthes himself wrote, "the birth of the reader must be at cost of the death of the author." 

At best, this means that a reader can come away with an interpretation of a work that isn't the one intended. With Fairy Tail, my mind goes to the final moments of the Grand Magic Games. My view of Gray's line "I've got to smile for her sake" has to do with romantic feelings for Ultear. I don't know of a single person who agrees with this. Mashima certainly hasn't come out and affirmed this as the right view.

It's good to recognize that a work can have more meanings behind it than the ones intended by its creator. Part of the performing process is coming to a personal interpretation of a work. In many cases, two different performances will have different interpretations of the same work, neither of which went through the creator's mind. At the same time, both work and are valid.

That being said, there is an obvious problem with this: readers are idiots. Not all readers are necessarily idiots. But enough of them are idiots. The views of idiots should have as much weight as that of the creator. Full stop. Frankly, I maintain that idiots are the worst possible sources to gauge anything of note. (At the very least, policy decisions.)

I know this as a reader who has not been alone in misunderstanding a work. I know this as an analyst who has had to sift through all kinds of cold takes on Fairy Tail. (Takes that are proven wrong simply by going through it a second time. Or a first.) And I definitely know this as a creator who has to see people butcher my works through nonsensical "interpretations."

At the same time, the argument Barthes made comes with an important caveat. He also argued that works are the products of the culture and surroundings of the author. Barthes isn’t making the argument that author’s arguments don’t matter.

As far as I can tell, Barthes doesn't take this to mean that those influences are worth analyzing. Doing so would be giving life to the author. However, there should be some recognition that a creative work didn't come to exist out of nowhere. There's a sense in which Fairy Tail didn't just wash up on the shore chapter by chapter or episode by episode. It came to be as part of the culture it came from.

Now, you'll never guess what happened. Over the years, the concept of "death of the author" lost its original intent. Nowadays, people usually only care about the third point. "Death of the author" is only brought up to dismiss "word of God" explanations of work, after its release. I'd venture to guess that most people using the term casually don't know anything about its roots. I honestly don't know how Barthes would feel about this.

I can understand what might fuel this view. A writer should do their best to write their intended meanings in a work. It would be wrong of a writer to make up for their poor writing after the fact. I don't love Mashima's "Lucy's dreams" explanation for omakes. I know Harry Potter fans don't love the stuff J.K. Rowling has said over the years.

At the same time, my (admittedly Protestant) understanding of "word of God" and "canon" is that they have the same authority. After all, the canon IS the word of God. It is a small section of what God has said, but it isn't less than that.

Of course, it's worth recognizing that nearly every writer we're talking about isn't even remotely divinely inspired or incapable of contradiction. This understanding should cut two ways. An author should never contradict their work in talking about it. Write what you want and make clear what you want to. On the other hand, writers can't fit everything they want to in a work. I'll get to this soon, but their interpretation should be treated with some value.

By the way, people will do this while throwing out the other arguments made by Barthes in the same essay. People will outright ignore the culture and context that a work comes from in order to justify their views. Creators are worshiped and praised for their works or seen as the sole problem for the bad views on works.

What worries me most about this modern interpretation of "the death of the author" is its use in fan analysis. People seem to outright not care about the author's intent in writing a story. They only care about their own interpretation of the work. Worse still, people will insist that any explanation an author gives is them covering up their mistakes. Naturally, this often leads to negative views of the work in question.

This is just something I'll never fully understand. It's one thing if you don't like something. If you don't get why something happened, shouldn't your first move be to figure out what the author was thinking? Instead, people move to the idea that it makes no sense and the writer's a hack.

If all of this seems too heady, let's try to bring this down to earth. Should Hiro Mashima die so that his readers can be born?

Hiro Mashima is one of many mangakas who were influenced by Akira and Dragon Ball. He considers J.R.R. Tolkien to be one of his favorite writers. Monster Hunter is one of his favorite game series. He's even written a manga series with the world in mind. 

It would make sense to look at Fairy Tail purely through this lens. You could see Fairy Tail as a shonen action guild story. Rather than seeing the guild as a hub for its members, Fairy Tail's members treat those within it as family. Rather than focusing on one overarching quest, the story is about how various smaller quests relating to its main characters threaten their guild. Adopting this view wouldn't necessarily be an incorrect way to engage with the series. (Mind you, I haven’t seen this view shared by many people who “kill Mashima”.)

Though, there's more to Fairy Tail than the various tropes that make it up. If you were to divorce Fairy Tail entirely from its creator, you'd miss out on understanding them. There are ways Mashima has written bits of himself into the series. Things that go farther than Rave Master cameos and references.

My favorite example is motion sickness. I often think back to Craftsdwarf mocking motion sickness as a useless quirk Dragon Slayers have. It turns out that its origin comes from his personal life. Apparently, one of his friends gets motion sickness. He decided to write this as part of his world.

This gets to the biggest reason I don't love "death of the author" as a framework for analysis. I believe the biggest question analysts should answer is why. Why did an author make certain decisions? You can't do this kind of thing well if you shut out the author's interpretation of their own work. Maybe that can work for some things, but not everything.

I've had tons of fun going through Fairy Tail and talking about it over the past seven years. More recently, I've been going through the series with the intent to rewrite the series. I've made it clear multiple times in that series that I'm trying to understand and explain Mashima's decisions in the series. I don't always agree with what I find. However, trying to understand what happened in Fairy Tail is very important to me.

It's gotten to the point that I love interacting with Mashima's writing. I talk about EZ on my main blog. I can't tell you how much fun I've been having. I'll see things and go "man, that's so Mashima" or "wow, I didn't expect that from him." HERO'S was one of my favorite things of last year and I regularly revisit it for fun. It's the simplest microcosm of what makes each series which Mashima has made both similar and distinct.

Barthes was on to something with his essay. I think there should be a sense where people should feel that their views of the media they consume are valid. This should be true even if we disagree with the author's views on the series. But I don't know that the solution is to treat the author's word on their own work as irrelevant.

There's a sense where I think we should mesh the understandings of media engagement. We recognize that Mashima wrote Fairy Tail. There are reasons that he wrote the series as we got it and they're worth knowing and understanding. However, our own interpretation of the series doesn't have to be exactly what Mashima intended. We can even disagree with how Mashima did things. 

I know fans who do this all the time. They love whatever series they follow, but wish things happened differently. Fans of Your Lie in April will joke about [situation redacted] as well as write stories where it never happens. You love a series, warts and all, but wish for the series to get cosmetic surgery, or take matters into your own hands.

And who knows? It's not as if fans haven't affected an author's writing of a series. Mashima's the perfect example. I've said this a few times before, but Fairy Tail has gone well past its original end at Phantom Lord (or Daphne for the anime fans). Levy rose to importance as fans wanted to see more of her.

Could Mashima have done that if we killed him?

Before the conclusion, I should mention another way “death of the author“ comes up. People will invoke “death of the author“ to encourage people to enjoy works they love made by messed up people. Given everything we’ve said up to this point, that’s obviously not what should be intended by its use. For now, though, I do think that we can admit that we like the works of someone even if we don’t agree with everything they did as a person. (Another rant for another day.)

In Conclusion:

“Death of the Author” is an imperfect concept, but it’s not without its points. I don’t think we should throw out the author’s intent behind a work. However, we should be able to have our disagreements with the author’s views without killing them.

[livinglikearoyal]

K-drama Recommendations: Nov. 2019

One of you asked for some K-Drama recommendations and here you are! Keep in mind that I watched some of these quite a while ago so the plot isn’t as fresh in my mind as I’d like. I tried to keep the list to K-dramas that are fairly easy to find either on Netflix or Hulu. I’d love to hear your opinions on these and any recommendations you have for me! Also, these aren’t necessarily in any sort of order...but I will say the top 10 that were described are ones that I will probably rewatch at some point because I enjoyed them so much.

Chicago Typewriter (Netflix)

Summary: This one is hard to summarize without giving away the storyline. It follows a group of three characters through two eras: the 1930s Japanese occupation of Korea and then the present timeline. The characters’ reincarnated selves are brought together seemingly by fate and struggle to find out the truth of the past lives.

Why I liked it: Netflix almost did me dirty on this one. The summary and preview that popped up were not intriguing to me at all. However, it said I’d be interested in this (98%) so I figured I’d give it a shot. Boy...was this a journey. I absolutely fell in love with the characters and I loved how there wasn’t a “weak link” in the trio. They all brought something unique and important to the dynamic of the show. The acting is spectacular and they really allowed these characters to grow. The storyline can be predictable at times...but how they get there is unexpected. The ending had me in happy tears. 10/10 will watch again!

Romance is a Bonus Book (Netflix)

Summary: This kdrama follows Kang Dani, a 30-something mother, and her journey to find herself after a divorce. She reenters the workforce after being a housewife and finds herself at a popular publishing company as a temporary worker (I believe it was an internship). This company just happens to have one of her childhood friends as one of the co-owners and editors-in-chief. That doesn’t make it any easier on her and the series follows her through the hardships and triumphs of finding her independence. 

Why I liked it: The title says it all. The romance is just the cherry on top for this storyline. It really follows Kang Dani and looks at all of the challenges that people of various demographics face: single parents, “older” individuals trying to find a job after a time away (and while competing with the younger folks), women in general, etc. I was going through a bit of a quarter-life crisis when I stumbled upon this...questioning my job, my love life (or lack thereof), the expectations that I was facing...and it really helped ease a lot of the anxiety. Plus, Kang Dani and  Cha Eunho are absolutely adorable working alongside each other. The ending credits of the final episode got me too. This is the one that I couldn’t help to rave about to my coworkers that have never watched a kdrama in their lives. 

Strong Girl Do Bong-Soon (Netflix)

Summary: Bong-Soon was born with superhuman strength like the other women in her family and she aspires to become a video game creator--making a game with a strong female character like herself. In real life, she tries to be more “girly” and “delicate” but it doesn’t always work. One thing leads to another and she finds herself hired as a bodyguard to the CEO(?) of a video game company and also tries to find a kidnapper that is threatening her neighborhood. 

Why I liked it: Strong female lead...duh! :) But in all honesty, I don’t remember all of the details from this one as I watched it a long while ago. I remember it being funny, sweet, inspiring and suspenseful. I loved the main three characters too! 

Hello, My Twenties  (Netflix)

Summary: A group of female college students learns and grows while living together. Each character has their own backstory, secrets, and hardships. The five bond through the various hardships, traumas, and successes that come their way. 

Why I liked it: 5 strong women finding their way in the world. They struggle with so many realistic things: temptations, poverty, insecurities in their love life, an apartment ghost, an attractive neighbor. It was a fun and heartfelt journey. Realistic. You can definitely learn something from this one! Once again, my single self enjoyed that it wasn’t relying on a love story to draw the plot forward also.

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (Hulu)

Summary: Kim Moo Young has lived a traumatic life and is rolling with the punches. He has also forgotten many of his childhood memories. When he happens upon Jung So Min, he doesn’t think anything of it. They grow on each other and eventually enter a relationship, much to the disapproval of her brother, a homicide detective. He believes Kim Moo Young is more sinister than he lets on. 

Why I liked it: Just looking at clips/photos/quotes from this drama still tugs on my heartstrings. This one made me an emotional MESS. Seo In Guk is PHENOMENAL as Moo Young. Absolutely phenomenal. His character is so cold and detached--flawed--but he still makes the viewer connect with him. The storyline could be cliche (amnesia, secrets, etc), but they execute it so well. Each episode is a cliff-hanger and you get so emotionally invested in the characters, Moo Young especially, that you just stay up all night binging it...knowing that you are on a train that is heading straight for heartbreak. I will definitely rewatch when I’m in my feelings. 

One Spring Night (Netflix)

Summary: Lee Jung-In is a librarian who happens to meet Yoo Jiho at the pharmacy where she buys a remedy to her hangover but forgets her wallet. He tells her to pay him back later and pays for a taxi. She is in a long-term relationship with a very well-off gentleman and is battling with pressure to get married from both her family and her significant other, but she has her doubts. This meeting with Yoo Jiho makes her question marriage even more as she begins to fall for him. Another issue, he is a single father and is looked down upon by their society and her family because of it. 

Why I liked it: I always love a show where they go against the norms. I fell in love with Yoo Jiho immediately and his son even more so. It is real. The conversations are thought-provoking. The love is sweet. 

Just Between Lovers (a.k.a. Rain or Shine) (Netflix)

Summary: Two individuals who lost their loved ones in a tragic mall collapse meet each other after there is news that a new mall is being built in the same location. Lee Gang-Doo was an aspiring soccer player when he lost his father (a construction worker) in the mall collapse and his legs were injured, ruining his dream. He has become a bit of a “bad boy”. Ha Moon-Soo was at the mall with her younger sister when it collapsed. Ha Moon-Soo survived; her sister did not. The two characters find out that their lives are more interwoven than they thought and work to figure out how they can stop another traumatic event from happening in the same location.

Why I liked it: It had mystery. It had trauma. It had love. These two main characters are complete opposites on the outside but their traumas bring them together and they make an awesome team. Another one that really tugs on your heartstrings! 

Black (Netflix)

Summary:  Black is a detective possessed by the Grim Reaper. Ha-Ram can see shadows of death. These two struggle to save the lives of people, breaking the rules of heaven. (from AsianWiki)

Why I liked it: It has been quite a while since I watched this one. It was my first Korean mystery show. This is one that you can’t watch when you are distracted...you need to have your eyes on the screen at all times or you are going to miss something important. It was suspenseful and interesting. I’m not sure if it is one I will rewatch, but it is definitely worth the first time!

Vagabond (Netflix)

Summary: This is a newer addition to Netflix. Cha Dalgun is a stuntman that has taken in his nephew after he was abandoned by his mother. Their relationship becomes strained as his nephew begins to see how much Cha Dalgun hadn’t wanted a child before him and doesn’t have the finances to live a prosperous life. When his nephew dies in a tragic plane crash alongside the rest of his soccer team, we begin to see how much the boy meant to Cha Dalgun. When some video clips shared on the cloud make Dalgun suspect malicious intent in the plane crash, our story begins. He meets Go Haeri, a member of the NIS, when the bereaved families fly in to collect their deceased loved ones. A story of political corruption, big business, terrorism, doubt, and crime-fighting ensues. 

Why I liked it: This one isn’t completed on Netflix yet so I don’t know the ending, but it is definitely suspenseful and you find yourself trying to figure it all out and cheering on or booing at the characters. The characters of Cha Dalgun and Go Haeri both won my heart early on and now I’m hoping their ship sails! Each episode leaves you on the edge of you seat. 

Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung (Netflix)

Summary: Goo Hae Ryung is still single in her late twenties and is seen as a sort of misfit as she seeks knowledge rather than a husband. She becomes a female historian in the Joseon Dynasty. Prince Yirim has been living a life away from society, writing love stories that are popular but forbidden by the government. The two happen upon each other in a book store where she speaks poorly of his writing/genre. As they come to be familiar with each other through their positions, they work to uncover the secrets that the rulers would prefer to keep hidden. 

Why I liked it: The cast of characters is spectacular. While Hae Ryung and Yirim are the leads, there are so many supporting characters that catch your attention and win over your heart or make you absolutely hate them. They also aren’t all the boring, simple, support characters. They are so complex that this seems more like a slice of life piece rather than a drama. The storyline is interesting, especially to someone with little to no knowledge about the Joseon dynasty, Hae Ryung stays strong and independent while also showing her vulnerability. Yirim puts off a clueless aura but is really a strong character. Did I mention the characterization is amazing? 

A Few Honorable Mentions...

Something in the Rain (Netflix)

Memories of the Alhambra (Netflix)

When the Camellia Blooms (Netflix)

Descendants of the Sun (Hulu)

Thirty but Seventeen (Hulu)

What's Wrong with Secretary Kim (Hulu)

[incarnateirony]

Hey, thank you for your very informative and interesting take on the whole destiel/queer representation subject. I'm trying to read different opinions and to stay level-headed on the matter (I'm old - it helps. I'm also a big romantic softy who just hopes they'll kiss and be happy - it helps less). I was wondering if you have a take on the whole johnlock debacle and how it can have had repercussions on representation in media? But no big deal if you don't have time to elaborate! Thanks!

Full honest, I haven’t watched much of Sherlock. A while ago a Nonnie prodded me to, and I went and took a peak but it just was so not even in the ballpark of Destiel the comparative watch seemed pointless. And I don’t mean that as a slight to Johnlock shippers, ship what you enjoy etc, but any comparative notes of Johnlock and DeanCas very clearly digressed sometime around Gamble era at best.

Now I do remind, Gamble is literally the one I’ve said *was* queerbait due to the methodology: Fuck over a demographic, realize you fucked yourself, bait them by trying to make it ultragay, never intend to go anywhere with it (and leave Carver holding the bag when she suddenly didn’t work there anymore for Reasons(TM) )

After the watch stint I did, I took a quick look at the fandom history. So first note: The creators were assholes to their LGBT fans, and I mean like, flagrant level assholes, never recanted and never changed their tune.

On the other hand, Sherlock comes out of the UK, who never had impacts like the Hays Code -- in fact, the UK was where a huge portion of LGBT films pushed through from DURING the Hays Code era because the MPAA couldn’t stop it, and ultimately they overturned it BECAUSE they couldn’t stop foreign films even if it continued to be silently applied in general premise.

So that said, JohnLock/Sherlock is a whole other playing field because it comes out of a different country, and while I don’t think it directly is personally going to dramatically change the playing field in any direction, it DID fall in to the queerbait claims.

Which, I can not emphasize enough: The concept of queerbait only exists in fandom. It is a valid concept. It is not a valid phrase in its application. If you even ask people who work in TV wtf queerbait is you’ll come back with different answers from all of them, but it generally falls down to the lines of “creating an episode with the explicit intention of exploiting fans without intention to follow through”, which is why I point out Born Again Identity as the actual queerbait in our history. Queer coding being subsumed into being called queerbait, when their actual intent is to take the story as far as it can be, even if it’s limited, is a new phenomenon largely caused by a mix of media/production blindness and a very understandable want for more visibility that all sort of fused into a big blob of a word that just kinda gets thrown around like confetti.

The *intent to fulfill* is the important part. If someone is writing a story with full intention of making it as gratifying as they’re humanly allowed, that’s still intent to fulfill, even if it’s not fulfilled as well as everyone wants, and this is the key part in the conversation that just whistles off into the wilderness.

That’s an aside, really. But important. Really, really important.

Ultimately I think JohnLock would qualify as queerbait, even if it was... noticeably... more... mute... than... SPN... currently. As the only way to put it. It was enough to badger and tease and then mock. And I think, to some capacity, it’s made people aware they can’t get away with that UK side, but that’s spitballing. I fully admit I don’t watch a lot of UK TV, but their media balances and battles are a whole other universe.

Realistically, JohnLock won’t heavily impact US discussion beyond any way the 1%ers might grumble about the Gay Kids Online and have a chuckle when they’re having martinis on a yacht somewhere, completely detached from the situation.

Beyond that I can’t say. I’ve never worked in or had particular access to any UK film stuff to really give an educated guess, even. Closest I ever got was the time I spent with Kevin McNally and while he’s british, that was *still* for a US show, so. Beyond that I’ll admit: No idea.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Pinehead Headcanons: Oscar’s Pumpkinhead

I know you guys have heard me chew your ear off about this headcanon before and… I know the likelihood of this becoming canon is slim. But I don’t care because I really, really and I cannot stress this enough, I REALLY LIKE this headcanon you guys. I really would’ve loved for there to be a Pumpkinhead character in RWBY tied to Oscar’s development and side of things. Like: 

Imagine if…Oscar became an apprentice under Dr. Polendina and through his teachings and guidance, Oscar unlocks his untapped talent as an inventor and creates PMKN  (as in Pumpkin)---a robot helper inspired by Marvellous Land of Oz character of Jack Pumpkinhead.

Hear me out on this one folks:

What if…Oscar built a little robot helper under the premise that he was designed to be a robotic farmhand/ assistant to help his Aunt Em and family back home on the farm in Mistral. Like imagine if Oscar still felt guilty for the way he left things with his family back in Mistral so as a means of making up for it, he was hoping to build his aunt a companion and helper to aid with the day to day working of the farm like what he used to

I know that sounds a little silly and unbelievable but I’d to think Oscar is a sweet enough kid to do something like that for his aunt and family, especially if he’s motivated enough. Maybe.

So PMKN is made and if I had to picture what he would look like, it’d be something like this:

Mind you, I am not very good at designing robots so pardon my squiggles. Remember how in Big Hero 6, Tadashi made Baymax and the way how Baymax was designed, he had a little portable charging station that he could easily inflate and deflate himself into.

Well for PMKN I picture a similar idea. I figured since Oscar designed him to be a helper around the farm, he’d give the machine a design that helps him blend into the rural surroundings back home. Hence the pumpkin-shaped design. I like the idea of PMKN coming in two forms:

 A smaller, more portable form that can easily be mistaken for a real pumpkin. In this form, PMKN can easily be propped anywhere like on top a table and he can use his long extendable mechanical arms to simple perform tasks such as hand equipment, serve food and beverages. I also like the idea of PMKN being able to store small objects inside of itself like a Scroll. No weapons unfortunately (unless Oscar smartly built his robotic creation with the intention of being a secret storage unit for the Long Memory).

PMKN can also move around in this form---similar to those robot vacuums that you can buy. He’s not his quickest in this form---but his movements are subtle enough that PMKN can get from one spot to another undetected. 

After all, who’s gonna be suspicious of an innocent little pumpkin sitting in the middle of the room that just happened to move from one spot to another all of a sudden. Nothing to see here right? 

Then there is PMKN’s true form---which is a tall lanky robot with pumpkin-shaped head. 

To achieve this form, PMKN’s bottom elevates to reveal an additional compartment that unfolds to form the bottom half of PMKN’s main robot body.

I like the idea of Oscar being smart enough to design PMKN under the circumstance that he could easily get blown apart or damaged. So as a counter to that, Oscar designed PMKN with the ability to detach himself into his different parts in the event that damage is inevitable. As a failsafe. Like for example, PMKN’s pumpkin-shaped head (which you see in his small form) is completely separate from his body so in the event that he lost his head, he could reattach himself with ease.

I just thought it would be cool if Oscar did something like that. Ozpin isn’t the only one who can be smart. 

Let Oscar be smart and brilliant too and one cool way that could be done is by…ooh I dunno, having him build his very own robot .

But here’s the thing about PMKN. 

Even though Oscar designed him to be a fully functioning machine, the idea I have was for PMKN to be a bit defective as an indicator that Oscar isn’t entirely a robotic genius. He has some growing to do in there as well and it’s highlighted by his own creation. Nonetheless, PMKN’s creation also highlights Oscar’s passion for the craft and how diligent he can be when motivated.

Besides PMKN being imperfect is my way of harkening back to how Jack Pumpkinhead’s intelligence varied depending on the amount of seeds he had in his head at the time.

I like the thought of Oscar’s Pumpkinhead not having all of his seeds (or rather screws) in the right place either.  Sometimes the robot pumpkin gets things done right while other times he messes up, much to Oscar’s concern. Best 2/3 times. 

But overall, PMKN is a cute little pumpkin-shared helper bot just doing his best and trying to make Papa Oscar proud of him.

 Speaking of:

The Marvellous Land of Oz story described Tip as being a sort of parental figure to Jack Pumpkinhead, or at least that’s how Jack saw young Tip as his creator. So I like the idea of that tying into Oscar’s treatment of PMKN.

Like picture Oscar treating PMKN almost like he’s his baby. Technically the little robot is the mechanical equivalent to Oscar’s child as the boy who invented him. So I’m just imagining Oscar acting like an overprotective parent with PMKN, being nervous about certain people holding his  surrogate robo-child since PMKN isn’t exactly to be a toy. At least not to Oscar.

 I even like the notion of PMKN calling Oscar ‘Father’ or ‘Papa’.  

Just imagine this with me ya’ll. Oscar and his tiny pumpkin-shaped robot-child. See the vision! Live in it. Drown yourself in it like I have and join me in loving this headcanon.

It may never happen in the canon but boy would it have been adorable to see.

Plus…to sweeten this theory pot for my fellow Rosegardeners, picture Oscar introducing PMKN to everyone and Ruby instantly being enamoured with the adorable pumpkin-shaped robot that Oscar built on his own. Picture Ruby being impressed by Oscar’s inventing talented. Picture Ruby liking PMKN and PMKN in turn liking Ruby to the point that the robot even asks Oscar if Ruby can be his mama since Oscar is his papa and PMKN knows Papa likes Ruby.

Let me…just let me have this one, okay. I’m sorry. Not sorry. 

 ~LittleMissSquiggles (2019) 

[lightlyscathing]

SOMETHING IS UP WITH BUTCH HARTMAN...

...And it might not be what you think it is.

(VERY long post/sort of essay, a lot more beneath the cut.)

TLDR: Butch is not the devil, he is flawed, and there’s almost certainly someone else behind a lot of what’s happening right now.

I’d like to start this off with saying that even though this blog is Pretty Empty and doesn’t have any other content from Butch Hartman’s shows (Danny Phantom, Fairly Odd Parents, etc.) on it, I watched his work as a kid and loved it. I’ve been a fan of Danny Phantom for years, and I’ve seen a lot of Butch hate.

Today I’d like to offer you another perspective on what might be happening with Butch, and why we should, I don’t know. Maybe lay off on the hate just a little...? He is by no means a perfect person, and has made mistakes, but the same can be said of any person.

After a friend of mine (@sarasanddollar) mentioned having mixed feelings about recent events (specifically, the OAXIS controversy), we had a conversation about it. She was coming from the perspective of someone who has defended Butch in the past, and I asked her about that as someone who has disliked Butch for a long time. I was curious to see what she had to say.

She made several good points, which I will summarize. You can also view the most important snippets of that conversation HERE.

One of the reasons many Danny Phantom fans (or Phans) dislike Butch so intensely is because of the terrible writing and overall execution of Season 3 of the show, especially the finale (Phantom Planet). 

Many Phans attribute this directly to Butch himself. And it’s true that he had a much heavier hand in Season 3 than the first two seasons! But he’s not the only one at fault here. As far as either of us could see, Nickelodeon basically axed his show (as they have with many shows), leaving Butch without most of his skilled team while creating the third season.

Butch is by no means the BEST creator or writer out there. His greatest skill seems to be in coming up with creative pitches for shows, and the execution of these ideas is best left to a team who knows what they’re doing. But that’s the thing: Butch had a team. Can you imagine suddenly losing the team you’re working with and trying to handle an entire animated show almost entirely on your own? No wonder it was a mess, that sounds terrifying.

Many people believe that Butch is anti-LGBT, and most of those people frame it as an intentional thing. That honestly seems unlikely, though.

Butch’s work has many scenes or even entire episodes that have sexist undertones or demonstrate a lot of toxic masculinity. Often, this is even the joke in and of itself. 

This seems to be more the product of the way he himself was raised than anything else, though. As far as either of us are aware, he’s never outright said anything for or against the LGBT community. Honestly, he’s not LGBT, so why should he?

Butch also seems pretty ignorant or uncomfortable when it comes to things he hasn’t directly experienced for himself, leading to comments like the one he made about introversion.

Beyond that, he allegedly kicked any people posting/liking LGBT content off of his Danny Phantom forums. The thing is, back then, almost ALL slash ship content was Pompous Pep (Danny Fenton/Vlad Masters). Making no comment on my personal feelings about the ship, it should be noted that this depicts an explicit sexual relationship between a 14-year-old boy and a man in his 40s. It’s understandable that Butch wouldn’t want explicit content of a pedophilic slash ship being associated with his show.

His way of dealing with it may have been excessive, but almost all of the LGBT content he was seeing was also pedophilia.

It’s also worth noting that almost all details about the Forum Days of the Danny Phantom fandom are now being passed around via word of mouth. Even in text form, people’s biases do change the tone of a situation.

Given recent events, many people are spreading around anything connecting Butch to religion. This deserves a closer look too, though.

Here’s something I didn’t know until Sara told me: Butch Hartman was not always a Christian. He wasn’t raised into it, “brainwashed” as a child and blindly following those values as an adult. He allegedly converted a year or two into the production of Fairly Odd Parents, well into his adult life. Before that, he was apparently an atheist. 

This man has one show about magic and another about scientists and ghosts. His shows have sexual jokes, witchcraft, violence, and all sorts of things you’d expect a super-conservative Christian to avoid. So why do we all act like he’s always BEEN that super-conservative Christian?

It may have something to do with how people tend to associate Christianity with the corrupt or incompetent white men who run a significant portion of the planet. The exact reasons are probably different from person to person.

This, of course, DOES NOT give Butch any reason to act like Christians are oppressed. He is not the “living embodiment of ‘one of these things is not like the other’” as he put it. 

That being said, it seems as if his shows are largely detached from religion (until now). They have morals, sure, but all Nickelodeon shows have lessons for kids, many of which also happen to be mentioned in some form somewhere in the Bible.

So it seems kind of fishy that Religious Values are suddenly such a huge deal for him... which leads me to the point of this entire thing.

When it comes to the OAXIS scam, we might not be the only ones who are being played.

It seems very likely that Butch Hartman himself is also being played.

Hear me out.

With the context of Giving The Children Jesus, some of the more confusing parts of the way OAXIS was pitched make more sense. But at the same time, I find it very difficult to understand how this man created so much content for children (and RAISED a child) with such a fundamental lack of understanding when it comes to how families and society work.

After thinking about it, I realized that this feels very familiar.

Someone I was once very close with had a similar experience about a year ago. For both of them, it seems to have gone something like this:

The person in question starts off not knowing/caring about a cause. At some point, they are introduced to this cause and join, but it does very little to change their work or public life. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they have a radical change in lifestyle and behavior, while screaming an extreme or radical version of that cause’s message from the metaphorical rooftops.

For the person I used to be close with, this “cause” was Isogenix. (For more information on operations like this one, consider watching this video.) For Butch, it seems like that cause is... saving young people with religious lessons and “pure” media.

With the person I knew, this whole process started when a group of people who were already working with Isogenix befriended her and gained her trust, then told her repeatedly how good Isogenix would be for her. When she started considering it, they told her it was about self-empowerment and pursuing her true self. This kept going until they’d pushed her into dismantling her circle of friends (anyone who wasn’t working with Isogenix), and the last I’ve heard about it is that she left her husband and children to dedicate herself to “self-exploration” and being a Good Example of Isogenix’s successes.

With Butch, it seems likely that something similar is in the process of happening, though with different results. I wouldn’t be surprised if he met and befriended someone (or several people) who believe that modern mass media is corrupting the youth, and that limiting their media intake to Christian-approved content will fix a lot of the issues in modern society.

I mentioned earlier that Butch seems to have a pretty limited understanding of things outside his own little sphere (based mostly on his unintentional sexism in shows, lack of understanding of healthy male friendships/physical contact, and complete misunderstanding of the 16-50% of the world that is made up of introverts). Considering this, it seems like he’d probably buy into this mentality pretty easily, especially if these people “spoke his language”.

While I personally have a lot of resentment for the people who fall for this sort of tactic, it’s not really the victim’s fault when they become the Face or Voice of the cause. The recruiters often know exactly what they’re doing. Most of them seek out people who are lost, desperate, low on self esteem, or somewhat narcissistic. People who want to make a future for themselves, and sometimes others, usually as “their own boss.” Sound familiar?

Some people are more than one of those things. Butch, given that he recently left Nickelodeon after working there for literal decades, could understandable be a bit lost on what his next step should be. And honestly, he’s shown narcissistic tendencies in the past (have you SEEN his self-insert from Fairly Odd Parents?).

So, as easy as it is to stay mad at Butch Hartman, there’s almost certainly someone else involved... which would also explain some things about his Kickstarter.

The way these things are pitched is designed to make the “victim” believe that it’s all their own idea. THEY took control of their life to make these changes, THEY are the brave example of the Future of the industry, THEY are a self-made person. And most of all, showing other people how they can succeed by joining the organization/school of thought is THE BEST THING EVER.

Which... to me, that seems like it’s a logical reason for Butch’s Kickstarter not actually mentioning anyone else, when he insists other people are involved. Someone likely took his already self-absorbed and narcissistic tendencies and intentionally built them up to make him into the Face and Voice of this project. 

Bonus points to them: they also picked the perfect person to use.

Butch is a well-off, reasonably well-known person. He has a pretty large following that is almost exclusively made up of young adults, teenagers, and even children (a detail many people cited as the reason his Kickstarter shouldn’t have worked at all). Many of those young people grew up watching his shows and seeing his content on social media, assuming that the loyal followers we’re talking about are the several hundred thousand people following him on social media platforms. Many of them would take his word as something more important than some random person they’ve never heard of, or so the theory goes.

With this context, his line makes perfect sense:

“You trusted me with your childhood, won’t you trust me with your future?”

He probably does honestly care about what happens, and he’s not trying to maliciously brainwash children with Jesus. It’s far more likely that someone else convinced him that he’s the person perfect for saving “lost” young people, given that many of them trusted him as children. He’s obviously the best person to show them Pure and Good content, away from the “poisonous” aspects of mainstream media.

Butch Hartman isn’t a demon. He’s not evil. He’s not... Trump, or anything like that. He’s a naive man with very little actual understanding of how the world works, who believes that he’s helping. 

Which is not to say he’s perfect at all. He’s made lots of mistakes, and he’ll continue to make them. 

I just seriously doubt he’s actually the “mastermind” behind this whole operation. He’s little more than a figurehead, probably. And from how he’s acted in the past, he seems to crave the attention and trust of young people. He needs to be someone important to them.

And the worst part of all this might be that he’s not going to get out of this without a disaster. I pity the guy, as much of a mess as all of this already is.

You don’t get out of this kind of position unless it falls out from under you. And when you fully believe and trust in what you’re doing, you’re not prepared for the fall. 

You hit the ground hard.

~Ren

[superseraphim7]

The Arcturian Group: It Is Time Dear readers, welcome to these times in which the birthing of a new consciousness both personally and globally is taking place. You are ready. It is time. You have paid your dues in preparation and were aware that a great deal of chaos would be taking place, yet you chose to come because you wanted to be here and be a part of it. Many others wanted to be on earth as well but were deemed not sufficiently prepared for the shift of consciousness now taking place. You came into this lifetime with the intention of completing anything unfinished from other lifetimes and tie up loose ends with regard to people and belief systems. Completing something left unfinished from another lifetime is often the reason two people marry only to discover that they have nothing in common. Relationships of this sort frequently represent the pre-birth intention of one or both to bring closure and resolution to something unresolved involving the person who is now the partner or others in the family group. When an individual feels spiritually prepared, he/she often chooses to be born into a family or situation that is enmeshed in the particular belief system or issue that he feels ready to clear from himself. By doing this, the energy of the issue that he still carries (strict religious beliefs, male domination, abuse,etc. ) is reactivated, and the person once again finds themselves a part of the particular negative pattern. However, now, having attained a higher level of awareness, he/she is able to see it from a new level, rise beyond it, clear it from cellular memory, and once and for all be free of something that may very well have plagued him/her through lifetimes. When some negative energetic situation that has been carried through family lineage for lifetimes is finally healed and dissolved in this higher way rather than just humanly repressing it, the lineage is broken and descendents will no longer inherit it. The particular issue or belief system can no longer exist in his/her experience because his/her awakened consciousness no longer holds the substance from which the issue was formed in the first place and so is no longer being created. This is why the best people to help others with some particular problem, are those who have been through and risen above that same problem. It is not unusual for an evolved soul to choose to experience and then rise above some three dimensional issue such as alcoholism in order to serve as a light for others. Remaining stored cellular memory from intense experiences of both good and bad are and have been clearing from your energy field for some time. A great deal of clearing takes place as you sleep and is often reflected in dreams. Some energy clearings manifest physically as unexpected aches or pains which can be intense and traumatic if the person is unaware of what is happening. Clearings of this sort usually just fade away (some more quickly than others) as their frequencies shift to new and higher levels. You knew and were prepared to do the required inner work before incarnating–work that would enable you to add the Light of your awakened consciousness to the universal three dimensional consciousness that holds mankind in bondage. Never doubt that you knew what you needed to do before coming and that you were also aware that some of it would be difficult. Experiences judged to be failures according to third dimensional thinking are more often than not graduations for the serious student of truth–experiences that are necessary in order to better recognize some false concept or belief they may still hold. Consider any so called “failures” to be simply notches on your awareness belt. If you are living the truth, then you are doing the work dear ones. Trust that you are right where you are supposed to be and that everything is proceeding according to plan because you as humans are not really running the show. Try not to despair or fall back into the hypnotism of three dimensional appearances, becoming enmeshed in the games of duality and separation that are being played out at this time even if those around you say you must be more practical. (According to their belief system) . The real essence of every individual regardless of appearances, is and can only ever be Divine Consciousness because that is all there is. Those who do not yet know this live their lives according to the false concepts and beliefs that make up third dimensional consciousness. Your job is to silently acknowledge the reality behind all appearances at all times and in all circumstances. A consciousness imbued with truth can actually shift another out of their illusions if the other is receptive. This is Light work. ONE WITH GOD IS A MAJORITY Many still think of Light workers as being only those who channel, are active in one or more healing modalities, or teach classes of spirituality, etc. Light work is nothing more than living out from (be-ing) your highest awareness of truth in each and every mundane and seemingly ordinary activity of the day. You are a Light worker when you silently and secretly acknowledge the Divine nature of the person serving your table at lunch, the person collecting your garbage, and your child’s teacher, as well as the CEO of some large and possibly corrupt corporation or your nosy neighbor. No one is more Divine than another in spite of appearances to the contrary, some are simply more awake than others. It is folly and separation at its finest to worship some person from the past or present simply because they know and live realities that are fully present within all. Like it or not, you become a Lightworker the moment you awaken to truth and cannot go back to the seemingly more easy life you think you had when spiritually asleep. The Genie of awareness can never be put back in the bottle although many try when life becomes difficult. Have you ever attempted to once again be the old you, the one you were when you simply believed what you were told and had many like minded companions only to have an annoying little inner voice say; “You damn fool.”? Everyone chooses to live on earth in three dimensional energy in order to gain wisdom and eventually remember their Divine nature through experiences of duality and separation. In order to do this, an individual must experience all facets of third dimensional living–being male, being female, being a warrior, being a king, being beggar, being black,white, red, brown, being homosexual, being heterosexual, being smart, being dumb etc. etc. The retarded person you feel sorry for may very well have chosen the experience and is not atoning for anything done in the past, as many believe. Experiencing a mentally handicapped life may well have been on the soul’s “bucket list” so to speak. Difficult lives are planned before incarnation with the help of Guides and input from those around the person who will be affected as well because they too will learn and evolve from the experience of being the parent, sibling, teacher, caregiver, etc.) Never categorize a person or situation because the reality behind appearances can never be fathomed. Even the most intelligent human mind is by itself very limited. There are the accumulated energies of hundreds of lifetimes and interactions playing out in most all human situations, much more than can ever be analyzed with three dimensional thinking. It is difficult not to judge and become angry as the darker side of humanity continues to be exposed. These times are especially problematic for those who have believed in and relied on falsehoods promoted by ignorant and un-awakened governments, religions, experts, friends, and family. At this time, the world of illusion is collapsing for many and they believe they have no where to go. Lightworkers do not ignore world problems nor does it mean they cannot assist those who find themselves floundering in the midst of their collapsing belief system. Rather, this is where and when Lightworkers silently, secretly, and sacredly do the work. Often the action of simply throwing out a tiny seed of truth, nothing more, along with love and gentle support, will serve to open a tiny crack that allows the suffering one to begin seeing life on a higher level. Some will plant the seed they have been given and others will not, but that is not your concern. Learn to live as an observer in these chaotic times, simply doing whatever it is you do from a level of consciousness that has learned to be detached from outcomes and does not give the power of spiritual reality to appearances. At this point you are aware that there is no death and that three dimensional situations can only exist as long as they are energetically fed. The material world you see and experience with your physical senses is in reality, the very real spiritual world being interpreted and viewed through the limited awareness of a third dimensional consciousness that consists of concepts and beliefs in duality and separation. Man, as an expression of the one and only Power and Reality, is a creator. What are you choosing to create? We have brought this up many times, but it must be reiterated because many, even some considered to be spiritually awake, believe themselves to be at the mercy of outside people, places, and things, and until they allow the truth they know to become their attained state of consciousness, they will be. Lower, denser, and heavier frequencies are unable to align with and enter into Light. Your defense and shield is always your enlightened consciousness. Trust your intuition always, and know that we are not saying that you can walk down some dark alley in an unsafe part of town with only an intellectual knowledge of this truth and expect no harm to come. We are saying that your state of consciousness appears outwardly as form. Never doubt that you bring your state of consciousness with you wherever you go because it is you. Entering a convent or monastery, or moving to another state or home simply to avoid some unpleasant situation will not eliminate the experiences. They may take a different form, but if the energy of them is still present, it will manifest. Consciousness always expresses itself. Learn to be the consciousness you are (I AM) rather than just bearing witness to it outside of yourself (separation). As you live each day from your highest level of awareness, more will be given. Truth flows energetically and increases as you allow what you already have to flow out. Consciousness can not exist as empty space, and the truth you live and allow to flow out immediately fills in with more. Truth is infinite. All third dimensional situations are temporary and many of you have reached a readiness to leave behind the things that may be holding you in bondage to something finished. You are ready to be free. It is time. We are the Arcturian Group! » Source » Channel: Marilyn Raffaele

[inazumafocus]

Fudou Akio analysis

Hello dearies! This is my first post on this new blog and I’ve decided that it will be a character analysis of Fudou Akio, hope you’ll enjoy!

Since I love studying characters I am often baffled by the lack of understanding when it comes to the ones that are a tad more complex than your regular everyday do-gooders. And when it comes to Fudou Akio I see a LOT of misunderstanding: he’s either an ass or a tsun tsun. Excuse me while I try not to barf. So, for the love of everything that I hold dear and my sanity, lets dive into a step-by-step analysis of the amazing character that is Fudou Akio.

We will start from the Inazuma Japan arch, hence him not being his true self in the Aliea Stone’s arch (everyone seems to forget how he too was wearing the stone and thus having his negative side taking advantage of him). Let’s go chronologically so we can all see how his true character unravels before our eyes and gradually morphs.

The first important scene they gave us and that we should pin point is during Ep71 “Raise the curtain! A challenge to the world!”. The coach gives precise instruction not to leave the building and for everyone to stay in their rooms, to which the general response is unhappiness and concern. Then we have Fudou, completely calm and slightly annoyed at the other’s antics “if you’re going to lose confidence just ‘cause you can’t practice for two days, then give up being a national!” as if he was full of confidence in his own abilities and while yes, he knows he’s good, we are showed a short sequence of him laying on his messy bed, with the wall next to it covered in ball’s marks and dirty clothes on the floor. It’s obvious that he was training until few moments ago, sweating like there was no tomorrow (and he probably was at it far before anybody else, since when the others are training, he’s already trying to rest).

Conclusion? He cares a lot but doesn’t trust anyone enough to show it. But why is that? Well the answer is very clear in Ep82 “The perfect strategy! Perfect zone press!”, his first official game against the Fire Dragon, and it’s given to us through a flashback. His father was a weak, inept man that left him and his mother struggling against debt collectors and his mother, although not with ill intentions, told him the one thing that would shape his way to see things and people: “grow into a powerful man so you can get back at people”. Saying this to a six years old child, whose father just abandoned and that basically lived on the streets, would obviously bring him to believe that “the strong feed on the weak in order to survive” as he will state during the match. It’s a twisted conclusion and surely not what his mother was trying to say, but his past, the things he had seen and the habitat in which he had to struggle not only to survive but to get to the top, surely didn’t help him grow into a trusting, happy pre-teen. And we have a confirmation of his untrusting nature in Ep83 “Get up captain!”, where Fuyuka states “I don’t think that person believes in anyone. That’s why no one tries to believe in him”. And here’s the interesting thing. It’s true that Fudou doesn’t trust others and it’s also true that he doesn’t care weather or not others trust him on a normal basis, but after seeing that his passes are not working because his teammates don’t trust him and his judgment on the field, then that’s a thing that really annoys him. He even looks kind of hurt.

And this is a situation we will see in several occasion (like during the match against Team K, when the Italy’s representative was having difficulties to follow his directions).

But back to ep83, we have the BIGGEST step forward for his character development! While he’s using some unorthodox methods to test and understand the rival team, getting a hand of what he’s after, Kidou decides to do the one thing he has to, in order to re-establish balance: being the first to trust Fudou. “His plays are trying to bring out the best of YOUR abilities too!” says a very clever Endou and his theory is proven by the first pass to Kidou going smoothly. “Maybe Fudou’s been working hard while we weren’t watching” that sure as hell is correct! Ever asked yourself what was he doing all the time you practiced together? Studying you, of course! So that he could lend the perfect passes and help the team wins. In the end he is still pretty detached from the others but they’re starting to slowly catching on: “what’s with that attitude?” “That’s Fudou Akio”.

So now Inazuma Japan is more prone to trust him during a match, but do they trust him as a person? Not yet. In Ep91 “Teikoku’s curse part2!” he is accused of betraying them and working with Kageyama, but what is his reaction? He laughs, without denying anything and that’s because, again, you can think whatever you want of him, it’s not his business and he seems pretty used to people not trusting him. That’s probably because to him the world works like this: no one should ever trust anyone in order to survive. He’s so used to it that when Endou says “I trust Fudou” he’s the most surprised by far.

Have you noticed anything suspicious tho? Like, for example, how easy it is to understand his true emotions just by looking at his face? It’s all written there: anger, disappointment, surprise, concern. He doesn’t hide behind a mask of indifference, he constantly shows genuine emotions through his eyes and here’s a piece of the article dedicated to him in the Animage September 2017: “He says more with his eyes. Fudou is a very blunt person but in actual fact he makes a variety of expressions. From a suspicious face, to a face full of contempt, to a shocked face – his expressions are more honest than you might think!” Is he aware of it? Does he not care? Are people always so blinded by prejudice that he thinks no one will ever notice?

Surely enough, after understanding how he wears (consciously or not) his heart on his sleeve, we can start to actually see how much he’s beginning to care for his teammates. The first indicator is the deep shock we can read on his face after Kidou “almost gets hit” by a bunch of wooden boards.

Later, on Ep92 “Terrifying! Another Kidou!” he tries to wake Kidou from his fear induced trance “stop being buried in the past already!”

(Here I would like to add how this phrase is probably referred to himself too, hence the following “you’ll be the one landing me a hand” muttered in response to Kidou’s help request “lend me a hand. Fudou, Sakuma!”. And related to this whisper of his, there’s an interesting thing his VA, Yuuki Kaji, stated in an interview on the Animage October 2010: “I had to record that line about ten times. This line in particular needs to be said gently, without any harshness”. And why should Fudou gently whisper something like this, hoping not to be heard, if he wasn’t talking about how he too was struggling to leave the past behind him and with it the old core of his existence: the hunger for power?)

Back to us! After stealing the ball from Kidou, thus helping him to weak up, he is again accused of betrayal. But this time… this time he answers. “And here I was trying to put an end to his plan by myself”. This phrase right here is another big step forward, he’s admitting that he was trying to work alone to destroy Kageyama and you could say “yes, because of personal revenge!” and the answer is: at 50%, yes. He really does want to beat him in order to move on with his past, but he is also furious with him for trying to destroy his team: “if Kageyama says he’s going to destroy Japan’s team, then I’ll bring him down with soccer!”

See? No one ever asked him to, no one expect for him to care that much, maybe not even you that are watching the show, but did you notice how he started to work with Kidou? Against Fire Drason first, then the private practice just the two of them, plus his constant watch over the other teammates, everything in order to bring the team to victory, not only himself. He is exactly what the creator intended him to be when they gave him his name. The name Fudou Akio (不動 明王), in fact, originate from Fudō Myōō (不動明王) which is the Japanese name of the deity Acala. Acalanātha means "immovable protector" and in Japan is also known with the name "Wisdom King Acala", he is invoked in Buddhist rituals to "frighten gods, titans, men and destroy the strength of demons", and he slays all ghosts and evil spirits. He is also oftentimes drawn with intense facial expression and demeanor. So, a fierce god with intense expressions, that protect others and is particularly used against demons, mmhhh does this ring any bell to you? Like, I don’t know, a certain someone always there to fight against anything and anyone ill willed? Someone with a brilliant mind? That helps others escape from the control of an evil spirit? And that will be very mad during a specific game against an army of so called demons? No?

Let’s move on.

Back to ep92 he is also very pleased when Kidou actually comes back to his senses, he even smiles and for the first time accept that working on his own just won’t do.

After that, in Ep93 "Strongest Confrontation! Penguin vs. Penguin!!" we are showed again how he looks down on his past self when Demonio goes “Commander has given us the power to fight against the world. If this is the price I have to pay for power then I can endure this level of suffering” and Fudou comments, almost as if the thought slipped through his lips, “Power, eh…” Demonio reminds him of how power hungry he was and it’s clear at this point that Fudou has bidden farewell to the words his mother said and it’s ready to close that chapter of his life once and for all after the match against Team K.  

Now we can really say that his character has reached at a turning point.

From the seemingly indifferent lone wolf that decided to come alive only during matches to a silent guy who’s able to smile with contempt alongside his teammates even off the field, like at the end of Ep95 "Desperate! Inazuma Japan Defeated!?" He doesn’t even care about victory as much as he wanted us to believe in the first episodes.

Then we got another insight on Ep96 "Fuyuppe's Secret" where he states, “looks like his leg injury wasn’t light anyway”, thus showing his close attention to the well-being of all the others and another fundamental thing! Why didn’t he tell anything to the coach if he knew Kurimatsu was injured? Well, because he respects him, his guts and his pride and in Ep107, "Grandpa's Last Note!", we have the confirmation of this theory when he is shown to have the “Heart #11: the heart to persist even if one hits rock-bottom, Warrior’s Pride”. So, being a proud warrior himself, he couldn’t, wouldn’t ever have outed Kurimatsu on something like that.

He is also making new friends aside from Kidou and Sakuma. In Ep105 "Decisive! Endō vs. Fidio!!" he high fived Someoka when switching during the match (and he also showed again just how much he trusts Kidou)

and during Ep110 "Demon Army Z!" he’s pretty pleased to have the helping hands of both Tsunami and Tobitaka while being the driving force against the hated “demons”. He is just so mad at them (*cough*ThinkOfHisName*cough*) he even takes one for the team, literally, by blocking a fierce shot with his body despite being hurt and full of bruises.

And if you’re still having doubts about him caring for the others, just watch at how he sneaks into Gouenji and Toramaru’s training to simply lend a hand and even quotes Sakuma! Also, Sakuma’s words may imply how Fudou is trying to hide his real feelings of affection for the team.

He’s gradually toning down, losing completely that poisoned tooth (even if he keeps his sassiness, thank god), when he’s around those that we can now call his friends. Because yes, they are, they know that he has that certain attitude and, as Hiroto states in Ep111 "The Devil's Decent! Dark Angel!!", “He shows what he means through actions. That’s Fudou Akio”, and this is fine by them, they accept him, even if he’s still so surprised when someone apologizes and is nice to him (but he’ll get used to it, he’ll eventually understand that he is worthy enough of affection).

It’s also important to state that when Coach Kudo calls their names during Ep122 "Inazuma Japan's Final Battle!", and everyone’s having a flashback of their first crucial step as better players, for Fudou it’s the moment when he decided to trust and cooperate for the first time, generating his first hissatsu with Kidou.

We can also see his changes by the enthusiasm he expresses after a victory. At first, he was distant, unaffected, then he started to smile a bit but while still keeping a bit of a distance, now, at the end of Ep125 “Final Truth! Number One in the World!!", he just run smiling with the others, happy as he should be and with no problem in showing it to the others.

He also shows up to the Raimon final match at the end of the graduation’s ceremony in Ep127 "Kick-off to Tomorrow!".

And finally, his speech to Tsurugi during “Inazuma Eleven GO Movie, The Ultimate Bonds Gryphon”: “Tsurugi, listen up! Friends are those you can depend on, and those who can depend on you!” This shows just how much he was able to change and mature over the years thanks to his friends!

And with this, my dearies, I salute you, hoping it was somewhat useful to you for a deeper, better understanding of an amazing character with a wonderful development!

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Vivisecting VKM 13

Whelp, this chapter is a quintessential case of the old adage “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Nothing like being handed everything I ever wanted plot progression-wise on a silver platter for the small upfront price of the last shred of integrity of the only character I still enjoyed. A faustian bargain if ever I saw one. Bad form, Hino, bad form.

For a great many reasons, it’s taken me this long to be able to address this chapter. I’m not sure how this post is going to go; I’m constantly vacillating between frustration, contempt, disdain, disgust, dismay, disappointment, detachment, self-mockery, and rage when I think about this chapter. I’ve lost all respect for Zero, and despite what happened this chapter Yuuki continues to fail to return to my good graces and my sympathy for her is all played out. All I’m left with is a deep sense of awe that a single creator is capable of destroying such a promising work with such brutal efficiency no matter what opportunities to salvage it come her way. It’s truly a wonder. 

The two prelude posts I wrote to help contextualize my review can be found here and here. If you haven’t read the chapter yet, a variety of scanlations are floating around the corners of the internet. Pick any one of them--they’re all roughly equivalent, give or take a line or two. Otherwise, let’s begin this debacle.

Note to the perpetually offended: This post is pure “zeki criticism” and I have tagged it as such for your convenience. Please blacklist accordingly or block my account to preserve your sanity and my patience. I’ve also tagged it “anti ky” for the sensitives from the other camp.

The Curious Case of Kiryuu Zero

Before I attempt to tackle this behemoth of a chapter, I want to address something first. My disappointment in this chapter isn’t due to the narrative or the reasons behind why the events unfold as they do--everything is completely within the realm of possibility as far as narrative trajectory goes. My disappointment stems from a more meta source: Zero as a character should be better than the behavior he displays this chapter. 

I understand why Hino has placed Zero in the position he’s in this chapter. There are various compelling reasons for allowing events to unfold the way they have, and I’ll get into them at the end of this post. 

However, as a reader who has been rooting for Zero’s happiness for nearly as long as the series has been running, I’m deeply, deeply disappointed in both Hino and in Zero, more so than in any chapter previously. Kaname behaving like a sex-starved potential abuser is one thing, but Zero behaving in the same manner is inexcusable and intolerable. 

Let me put this in context. When Zero was 14 he held off becoming a vampire despite the damage it did to his body. When Zero was 17, he bit Yuuki once in the midst of his first bloodlust and became suicidal over it. Even when Zero was falling to Level E, his bites were always restrained and controlled. This is Zero as a young vampire and a young man, a time period where one might expect him to have little self-control, especially given the circumstances. Even at this age and with everything against him and at arguably the worst point in his vampiric development (before he’d been stabilized by his brother and the myriad Purebloods he drinks throughout the series), he still behaved better than he does in VKM 13′s final scene.

Never once in the original series does he waste Yuuki’s blood. Never once does he gratuitously bite her all over her body, splattering blood everywhere like it’s worthless to him and like he’s entitled to do with it as he pleases. Zero has never been this kind of character. Yes, he’s a flawed person who bottles things up and gets angry over things. Yes, his pride gets him into trouble. Yes, he makes snap decisions that are at times detrimental to the people he loves. But he has never, ever, be the type of man to callously brush aside the woman he loves, not even when he declared them enemies. 

Yet here we have him now, not only callously pushing aside her worries and fears, but wasting her blood and biting her gratuitously just because he can and she lets him. The whole business is beneath him, and it flies in the face of all his development over the course of both series. It is a regression of a sort that is incomprehensible given even at his “worst,” he was always better than this. I’m completely flabbergasted by Hino feeling the need to drag him down to Kaname’s level like this when there are plenty of more in-character methods to show his jealousy of Yuuki’s attachment to Kaname and his own insecurities without resorting to turning him into the very person who destroyed his life. 

My fear with what Hino has done with Zero this chapter is that she’s seeking to tarnish him in order to escape having to hold Yuuki (and by proxy Kaname) accountable for their actions throughout the story. Moreover, Zero’s actions this chapter actually render him unpalatable to me as a reader. I’m no longer rooting for him. I’m rooting for him to get his shit together, to apologize for once in his life, and to move on with his life, but I’m not rooting for him to get a happily ever after. As far as I’m concerned, he no longer deserves it.

This isn’t about what Yuuki deserves per se, because she deserves whatever grave she’s dug for herself based on her own actions. My anger and disappointment are about how Zero should be better than this, and for the entirety of the story has been better than this. Before sinking to this level, he should have left Yuuki and broken off the relationship, and the fact that Hino won’t let him leave Yuuki shows she no longer has a good grasp on what this character’s main motivations even are. 

I sure hope Hino knows what she’s doing with this, because if she keeps writing Zero and Yuuki’s story the way she has been, she’s going to lose everything this last chance to right the wrongs of the original series has given to her. And she’s going to get cut. Again. Readers don’t trust her anymore, and VKM 13 is exactly why. 

What Lies Unspoken

So much for a sex scene. =P As expected, the continuation of VKM 12′s blood forcefeed is for Zero to deflect and get Yuuki’s mind off whatever was going on in VKM 12.

This first scene of VKM 13 in isolation is a wonderful scene, full of interesting subtext. Were it not for the final three pages of the chapter, I would have been completely satisfied with how this chapter unfolds--it’s right on track for the narrative trajectory I’m expecting. Unfortunately, the last three pages do happen, and those pages reflexively tarnish this scene in retrospect. We’ll get to all that at the end, though. For now, I’ll just take this scene as it is.

I do have to gloat for a minute, but goodness--what an extensive bed scene for a non-sexualized moment. =P Hino devoted far more panels to this scene than she ever devoted to Kaname and Yuuki’s sex scene or their post-coital scene. It’s quite amusing, and a bit gratifying after having to wait for so long for anything remotely similar. But that’s neither here nor there.

There is a lot of subtext going on in this scene, and the surface text has absolutely nothing to do with what’s actually going on with these characters. I’ll start with the surface read, and then we’ll delve into what’s actually going on.

Surface Layer: The surface layer read is fairly straight forward. Zero asks Yuuki what’s wrong, Yuuki talks about her worries concerning the Vampire King and the acceptance of Purebloods in general, Zero soothes her and teases her into a more positive mood and they both mutually sleep, Yuuki clearly still having some concerns but feeling better on the whole. On the surface, this is merely a cute fluff scene to show some Zeki skinship. 

If you’re only reading on the surface level, well, you’re missing out, in my opinion. There is so much going on beneath the surface. 

Subtext Layer - Zero

Zero first, since his reactions truly underpin the scene. Before we can explore Zero, we have to return to the earlier chapters of VKM and remind ourselves where Zero’s headspace currently is (as far as we’re aware--subject to revision of course).

As far as we know currently, Zero spent 50 years “waiting” for Yuuki to declare her intentions to move forward with him. When she does in VKM 9, he takes the opportunity to clarify with her in VKM 10 what she means by restarting. She dodges the subject, and they end at a stalemate where Zero may or may not bite her (we still don’t know). We then leave his headspace entirely from VKM 11-12, where we only see him from an objective viewpoint. In VKM 11, he appears to be playing the proper boyfriend card in public, but as soon as he and Yuuki are behind closed doors, he no longer touches her. In VKM 12, this trend continues further--he is stiff and tense around her and doesn’t respond well to her advances; on top of this, she has her butterflies spying on him and is clearly concerned about something regarding him. 

We know Zero desires to drink his fill of Yuuki from VKM 10, but we also know Yuuki seems to be so worried about him that she feels the need to forcefeed him, which implies he stops drinking from her after VKM 10 at some point (or didn’t actually drink from her during that chapter). So we know subtextually that something is going on between them regarding whether or not he’s taking in her blood. We just don’t know what that something is yet. 

This brings us to VKM 13′s opening scene, where Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeeding is a simple deflection. He catches her hand and holds it to his face (perhaps a reflex from Night 88?), and rather than kissing her or pushing any intimacy, he merely asks her what’s going on. 

Now, this next section is interesting and says quite a bit about Zero’s headspace. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Yuuki collapses and rests her forehead against his.

In the very next panel, we see Zero attempt to embrace her. This is really important. His first instinct is to initiate romantic contact with her. However, something bizarre happens after this. Hino doesn’t show us the panels, but his arms must fall back to his sides before the next panel, as when we see the two of them from a distance in the third panel, Zero’s arms are still by his side while Yuuki’s embracing his head. (See below:)

So we have a clear trajectory of: Attempt to embrace --> Stop for some reason --> No touch at all. Despite Yuuki’s behavior during the majority of VKM, in this scene she clearly doesn’t seem opposed to Zero touching her or having any intimacy with her. Which begs the question: why did he change his mind?

We probably won’t get an answer on that for a while, but it’s important to bear in mind that Zero is clearly restraining himself from initiating any kind of romantic contact with Yuuki (this is a key item of comparison we’ll return to when we visit the last scene).

At this point, Yuuki’s finally willing to talk, and Zero listens to her concerns with sleepy, hooded eyes. She asks him if he still feels that vampires have no option but to be the enemies of humans. He takes his time to respond--clearly her concern is something that he wants to deal with in a very particular manner. He gives her a simple, factual explanation of why vampires are a problem when unleashed willy nilly in human society. 

Hino chooses not to show Zero’s expression in this section--instead she focuses on Yuuki’s response. Zero sees his words didn’t make Yuuki feel any better, so his instinct is to pat her head and then ruffle her hair to distract her. It’s a tender, sweet moment--the most intimate one they’ve had probably since the original series, and the one most like their original dynamic that we’ve seen so far in VKM.

She stops him, of course, and receives a pained smile for her trouble. What strikes me in particular about his smile in this scene is that for all that it is the most genuine and natural we’ve seen yet in VKM, Hino still made sure to put a great deal of pain in the lines of his brows and the framing of his eyes. He’s pulling an Arc 1 Yuuki here--smiling for Yuuki’s sake. This moment of intimacy doesn’t make him float off to heaven; it’s purely to help her ease her mind. 

We can tell the moment doesn’t exactly touch him because in the following panels, his expression becomes grave again. This is partially due to the content of their conversation, but note that this gravity doesn’t extend to Yuuki’s expressions--the moment of intimacy lifted her spirits, but not his. This is also significant, and points to Zero putting on an act to try to help her in any way he can, despite it not being what he actually wants. 

Zero cradles her head on his shoulder, but doesn’t initiate anything else. Instead, he brings up the point that the suspect could be a former hunter or a disgruntled Pureblood, and that she should be careful.

He falls asleep, leaving her to watch him. 

What I see very clearly in this scene is that Zero’s still holding himself back in their relationship, but he’s still concerned about her well being and seeks to soothe her and help her be at ease. This is basically Zero holding steady to what was already established in VKM 11-12, and is similar to his behavior during the 70 or so years prior. Because Hino doesn’t put us in his headspace, and because his expressions are neutral and hooded for the most part, we likely won’t get to find out what’s stuck up his craw for a long time (if ever, lol). 

The big takeaway from this scene, in my opinion, is that Zero is holding himself back from romantic intimacy and trying to stick with the familial/platonic intimacy Yuuki’s comfortable with from their youth. This is a clear sign that Zero’s still “giving” more in the relationship than he’s receiving, and a careful reader should be hearing some warning bells from his behavior here. 

Subtext Layer - Yuuki

This is the first chapter where we receive a few hints about what’s been going on in Yuuki’s headspace this entire time, and they are in line with what I thought during VKM 12.

The tagline for the chapter is clearly from Yuuki’s perspective--she’s hoping that touching Zero will communicate the things she can’t speak. This is in line with both of them not talking about how they truly feel and living behind masks their whole lives--even after all this time, they’re both still doing this. It’s hugely detrimental to their relationship and as we will see toward the end of the chapter has some devastating consequences.

We know from VKM 12 that Yuuki has some unspoken concerns regarding Zero. We know this because she’s been spying on him, and because she didn’t want to talk about their relationship to her friends. We know she’s trying to convince herself that they’re fine, and that nothing can change what’s between them, thanks to her forced smile in VKM 12 when she’s trying to reassure her friends and herself that all is well. We know that her concerns about Zero go deeper than the arrival of the Vampire King--his arrival is merely an excuse to explore those fears for her. She uses the Vampire King to get Zero into bed with her, an invitation she’s clearly never extended to him before. But rather than initiating anything with him or telling him her fears, she lies still and stiff and holds his hand until he falls asleep. When he does, she tries to ask him a question, stops herself when she realizes he’s asleep, touches his face with a worried and questioning smile, and then randomly bites herself and forcefeeds him blood. All of this implies some deep set insecurities about Zero that she’s never articulated.

Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeed clearly doesn’t surprise her, nor does it please her. She stares at him intensely, but his lack of response breaks her and she gives up, leaning her head on his forehead. Whatever she was hoping to get from the forcefeed, Zero doesn’t give it to her.

So she changes tactics. Her tactics here are quite interesting--it’s clear she has a “concern,” but she doesn’t want to address it with him directly, so she’s testing various things disguised behind general concerns about the vampires to probe what his issues with her might actually be. 

We know Yuuki still has concerns about whether or not Zero loves her as a Pureblood, because in her confession in VKM 9 she asks him to date her if her being a Pureblood is okay with him. Clearly the fact that he’s stood by her side and waited patiently for her to return his affections all this time hasn’t been enough to ease her worries in this regard. So we know this is certainly a sublayer factor in her concerns about him, but I suspect this isn’t the real reason because she’s capable of talking about this--the real reason is far more likely to be related to the time she blew up at Ai in VKM 7 when Ai asked if Zero was angry about Kaname. 

But we’ll address all that at the end, because it’s relevant for later. For now, it’s only important to recall that Yuuki has some fears about how Zero feels about her as a Pureblood. This leads directly into her first test--she talks about how the Vampire King is scary, and uses this as an excuse to probe whether Zero’s feelings truly have changed about vampires--does he still see them as the natural enemies of humans, somewhere deep in his heart, despite everything he’s lived?

Zero’s response doesn’t immediately ease her worries, and we can tell by her half-lidded eyes as she’s listening to him. He confirms that bringing vampires out into the open can only cause trouble, but he doesn’t say it with any heat or anger--only grim practicality. He also makes an allowance for people who will act to make things better, but points out that in the end their efforts might not do any good. This is neither an affirmation of Yuuki’s fear, nor a negation, and she becomes despondent over it, a moody expression returning to her face. 

Now, what she’s despondent over here is left for interpretation. The surface level read is just that Zero’s words are sobering and make her concerned about him being in the line of fire in light of all the trouble bringing vampires out in the open will cause. But the subtext level read potentially says something different.

If Yuuki is using her questions about Zero’s feelings regarding vampires as a way to probe what’s potentially wrong in their relationship, then Zero’s words here will not be a comfort to her. If his issue was just that he’s still struggling with her being a Pureblood, that might be easier for her to deal with. But clearly his factual and deadpan answer shows he’s not having any issues with her as a Pureblood anymore--he’s capable of practically analyzing things. So basically what this does is cross out this issue as a potential reason for Zero’s behavior, leaving Yuuki with fewer options for why he might be pulling away from her. She’ll lose another option in the last scene--that of him perhaps not desiring her or loving her. That will leave her with the inevitable conclusion Ai brought up all those years ago in VKM 7--that this is somehow related to her feelings for Kaname and to her own inability to be a real partner for Zero in light of that. And perhaps this is the one option Yuuki doesn’t want to face, because she herself has spent 70 years running from reality. 

Regardless of what’s truly bugging Yuuki, Zero notices her troubled expression and immediately acts to soothe her. The distraction works, and she offers him the most genuine smile she’s had on her face in all of VKM--an affectionate, loving smile as she accepts his support and encouragement. 

The skinship between them works wonders on her mood--she suddenly seems to feel freer to interact with him and she goes so far as to flop on top of him. Her good cheer returns to her, and she offers him a genuine smile with questioning eyes as she says that she needs to do her best rather than just getting all down in the dumps. What’s interesting about this scene is that her expression is questioning--she’s looking to see if he’ll respond positively to what she’s saying. 

Rather than responding positively with a return smile, Zero instead cradles her head and reminds her to be careful since they don’t know who the culprit’s identity is yet. Her expression falls; he’s still not responding the way she wants him to (whatever that way is), and she tries to engage him again by asking him to be careful as well. 

But Zero ends the conversation by closing his eyes, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The telling bit, of course, is at the very end of the scene--her expression goes from a little sad to devastated. Why does it do this when she was genuinely cheerful moments before? Because whatever it is she’s afraid of hasn’t truly been addressed.

Now, the surface read here is pretty easy: she’s just worrying about him dying, which will be brought up again at the end of the chapter. But I don’t think that properly explains her expression becoming completely crestfallen at the end--it looks more like a woman who is afraid her lover is about to leave her, rather than worrying that her lover might die one day in the future.

Yuuki commonly hides her true worries “beneath” a different excuse. If her true worry was that Zero was going to die, she would have simply scolded Zero about how he’s not taking care of himself and work out tactics to keep him safe. It’s a fairly simple fear to address. Give him a Pureblood guard contingent, keep a butterfly on him, have him step back and lead from behind and rely on his hunters more, etc. Nor, if this truly was her deepest fear, would it necessitate her probing to find out if he still felt vampires couldn’t live with humans. We’ve got something much deeper going on here than what’s on the surface.

My thought is that Zero’s bizarre and erratic behavior since they’ve gone official is leading Yuuki to believe that he’s intending to leave her and she is trying to figure out why so she can address it before he does. Her response to Aidou, her insistence on their relationship remaining stable to her friends, her offering her bed randomly to Zero, her forcefeeding Zero, her wrapping probing questions within unrelated contexts all seem to be pointed toward the same outcome: she is afraid Zero is done with their relationship and is trying to figure out where she went wrong and how to fix it without actually asking him--and potentially triggering him to leave her before he’d planned. Likely she’s also afraid it has something to do with Kaname and her feelings about Kaname, just as Ai asked her all those years ago. But for reasons that are being kept “secret” for only heaven knows why, she can’t communicate her true fears to Zero, leaving us only able to piece them together thanks to her reactions. 

The big takeaway from Yuuki’s side of the first scene, in my humble opinion, is that she is deeply afraid that “something” regarding Zero’s feelings toward her has changed and that she will potentially lose him as a result. Perhaps what’s also going on is that she’s attempting to “fix” her behavior to please him enough to make him stay without having to actually address the underlying causes--the very things she needs to address to actually make her life better. 

The Knight Targeted

The second scene of VKM 13 offers a brief but welcome respite from the failing KM arc-redux of Zero and Yuuki’s current relationship. 

My favorite part of the chapter is the single page where Yuuki’s butterfly is clinging to Zero’s head while his coworkers have a good laugh at his expense. It’s a sweet, intimate scene which emphasizes the love and respect the people who surround him have for him. 

What’s interesting about Yuuki’s butterfly is how cheerful Hino makes sure to establish it being. In Japanese, you’d describe the screentones she uses as “fuwafuwa,” so fluffy and airy are they. They give off an aura of pleasure and delight rather than fear or worry--it very much reads as a Yuuki who was “pleased” by her boyfriend’s “performance” the previous evening, despite the fact that all he did was give her a little skinship like in the old days. 

More seriously, Zero is unmoved by the butterfly’s presence, and he himself is clearly not flying high or in any altered state of delight. This difference is key in clueing us in on his state of mind continuing from the previous scene--whatever Yuuki got out of their interaction, Zero didn’t receive a similar benefit. He remains his traditional stoic self. It’s important to note that we don’t get to see his expression, either. Hino is very careful to hide Zero’s expressions during the last few scenes of this chapter.

The focus of the scene, of course, is his coworkers’ antics. They attribute the butterfly’s presence to Yuuki keeping an eye on his office misadventures, and perhaps there is more truth to that than Yuuki would ever let on. On the surface level, of course, she is merely being hyper-protective of him for admittedly legitimate reasons. 

Regardless, it’s a nice little scene that demonstrates Yuuki does at least care in some sense for the man she’s been deliberately mistreating for 70+ years. It’s a short-lived moment, as Zero is called away to meet with an unregistered vampire who’s been brought in for questioning.

Zero’s first question establishes an interesting fact about this newcomer--he “let” himself be brought in without a fight. This implies he’s a plant of some kind, meant to perform a specific function. This’ll become more evident as the conversation rolls on. 

The vampire is quite an interesting chap. He begins by insinuating that Zero’s a fallen member of vampiric society--a vampire who won’t accept that he’s a vampire, a tamed dog of humans. He states he’s not working for anyone, nor is he the culprit of the original bombing the Hunters are investigating from VKM 12. 

Zero says the guy has a bomb and goes to check. Yuuki’s butterfly tries to interfere with Zero’s operations, but Zero pushes past it. As soon as Zero reveals that the vampire has a bomb grafted into his stomach, he instinctively moves to get the two detectives to safety as the vampire unleashes the bomb.

Before I move on to speculating who the mastermind of all of this might be, I’d like to do a little round of speculation as to what’s going on here:

Zero brought up an interesting fact in the first scene of VKM 13--that the culprit of the original bombing (and mastermind) might be either a Pureblood or a former member of the Hunter Association, perhaps a disgruntled one. (Zero doesn’t imply this, but it’s also possible it could be a team of these two, much like the original collaboration between Rido and the Hunter President during arc 1.)

Here are the basic facts we know:

We know that the first bombing “conveniently” happened near Ruka and Kain. By itself, this doesn’t necessarily indicate Ruka and Kain were targets, but given VKM 13 it’s highly likely they were chosen on purpose. 

We know that the perpetrator is spreading the rumor that he is the “Vampire King.”

We know the unregistered vampire in VKM 13 allowed himself to be caught and specifically waited (and perhaps even requested, though this isn’t stated) for Zero’s presence in the room before setting off the bomb. He didn’t have a message for Zero or any of the detectives--he only made sure to insult Zero and establish that he was an independent actor before setting the bomb off. This, coupled with the Ruka/Kain incident from VKM 12, tips the scales in favor of these attacks being targeted toward someone related to Zero or Yuuki in particular.

With these facts in mind, here are our potential mastermind perpetrators:

1.) An Unknown Disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s Murder Spree Days

The easiest and most obvious choice for a culprit would be something along the lines of a disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s murder spree days back in the original series who is now targeting Yuuki specifically because of her efforts to bring about equality.

This is potentially a good fit because:

Purebloods can manipulate lesser vampires easily, which would enable them to create a variety of servants to unleash on people Yuuki loves.

Kaname’s former activity created quite a bit of animosity that was never truly resolved.

The use of Kaname’s title “Vampire King” would mean nothing to most humans/vampires at this point--only Yuuki and Kaname’s former associates would be bothered by it.

The unregistered vampire in VKM 13 specifically waited for Zero, Yuuki’s current love interest.

The main problem I see with this possible perpetrator is that it’s nearly 100 years since Kaname became the forge, and the attacks are geared toward making humans upset with vampires (something that would not be advantageous to a Pureblood). 

The other problems I see are more related to the narrative itself. Hino doesn’t spend much time on politics unless they further the love triangle itself. The only reasons I can think of to have a Pureblood at the center of the conflict, especially a Pureblood who is a nobody as far as the original series is concerned (unless Hino is bringing back Touma or that mysterious woman from Night 91-92 who was leading the rebellion against Kaname) are the following:

It may force Yuuki to come to terms with the damage Kaname caused and her own role within it, that she’s been avoiding thanks to Zero’s efforts. 

It may give a platform for Hino to fully explore the Master/Servant bond between Kaname and Yuuki by using a Pureblood manipulating another Pureblood after becoming their master--which is something Hino put back on the table with the revisions to VKM 9. 

Other than the above two reasons, I think the likelihood that the perpetrator is merely some random disgruntled Pureblood is fairly weak. The activities of these terrorists seem detrimental to vampiric society as a whole, unless the Pureblood in question just wants to have a world where humans fear vampires and vampires have to continue living in shadows. 

2.) An Unknown Disgruntled Hunter who Dislikes Zero and Yuuki

Option two for our mastermind perpetrator is some unknown hunter who for reasons so far unstated dislikes Zero’s activities or Yuuki’s or both. The reasons in favor of such a character are as follows:

Zero specifically mentions the possibility of a former hunter being the culprit, which is the only “new” information we get out of VKM 13′s first scene.

The attacks lead to outcomes favorable to the anti-vampire society that’s sprung up in the wake of vampires coming into the light thanks to Yuuki’s efforts. Anxiety among humans is rising. 

The targets of the attacks so far have been vampires--Zero, Ruka and Kain are vampiric. As far as we know, no one has yet died from these attacks, nor have any humans been specifically targeted.

The perpetrator spreads the name “Vampire King” in order to draw the public’s anxiety toward vampires.

Even with all of these ideas, however, this possibility remains a weak one to me simply because an unregistered vampire is involved, and humans (even former hunters) would have no ability to compel free vampires to help with this activity--and certainly not to sacrifice their lives for it. On top of this, most of the humans Zero’s worked with would have normal human lifespans and would be old or nearing death (certainly the ones who knew Kaname would be). We also haven’t seen any hints that Zero has trouble with anyone at work--only VKM 11 hinted that Kaien did. As such, I don’t think a random disgruntled former hunter will end up being the true culprit.

3.) A Former Hunter/Pureblood Combination of Unknown Characters

This seems the most likely to me at the moment, both as a credible threat to Zero and Yuuki (another Hunter/Pureblood team) and from a narrative perspective. If the two sides are working together in order to perpetuate the war for their own nefarious purposes--the Hunter wanting to preserve tradition and the Pureblood wanting to prevent the humanizing of vampires, perhaps--this would work well with the narrative and would also be a nice counterpoint to Zero and Yuuki’s story because it would offer the necessary counter argument to Zero and Yuuki’s coexistence efforts. 

All the facts of the case fall into place as well:

People close to Yuuki such as Ruka, Kain, and Zero being specifically targeted fits with a Pureblood who disapproves of her efforts being involved.

The use of the “Vampire King” moniker and the curious absence of human casualties implies a former hunter who would care about human life is somehow involved.

The use of a “free agent” unregistered vampire who despises tamed vampires like Zero would fit better with a Pureblood perpetrator than a Hunter, as a vampire who despises humans likely wouldn’t be willing to work with a Hunter. 

Zero’s comment in VKM 13 highlighting both disgruntled hunters and purebloods would have significant relevance. 

Yori’s comments to Aidou in VKM 12 about how humans have as much darkness within them as vampires would align with this. 

Unfortunately, the downsides of this option for the culprit are the same as #1-2, mainly that we’ve never met any disgruntled Purebloods or Hunters, so we have virtually no investment in these new villains. Their threat seems hardly credible as we don’t have any idea who they might be. At the moment they seem more a menace or a nuisance than anything, which makes Yuuki’s fears seem overblown. Hino is usually better about establishing what her villains are up to, even during the admittedly failed Sara arc. So far we’ve never met anyone acting evil for the sake of evil within the current timeline of VKM. This lowers the reader’s investment in this plotline and doesn’t help for raising the stakes. 

Which leaves us with the potential fourth option for the culprit(s), which while on the surface is unlikely, may be the ticket to a successful story.

4.) Kaien (a former disgruntled hunter) and/or Isaya (a Pureblood)

I can’t take credit for this theory, as it’s @soulisthirsty‘s, but I think it has a lot of merit even though at first it sounds implausible. Before writing off the theory, please consider the following points:

On Kaien:

We know that during the original series Kaien placed Kaname’s life and safety at a premium above Zero’s and even Yuuki’s toward the end of the series, once Yuuki had taken Zero’s memories. 

We know that for some reason Yuuki “fell out” with Kaien because in VKM 11 he tries several manipulative tactics using his illness to get her to spend time with him. 

We know Kaien failed in almost all of his goals, including the ones that Juri had specifically requested of him. 

We know that Kaien calls Yuuki and Kaname by their first names, but calls Zero by his last name still. 

We know that Kaien “told” Yuuki in VKM 12 that he was going to do “something” for his love.

We know Kaien at least believes he is dying. 

We know the “attacks” began occurring right after Kaien mysteriously disappears. 

With all these facts in mind, however, what would Kaien’s motive be? Ultimately he’d need a reason, and in VKM 11 he seems to still care very much for Yuuki and seems relatively accepting of Zero and Yuuki together, right?

Well there’s where I think we may be assessing him incorrectly. Yes, Kaien loves Yuuki, but he also loves Kaname. This is purely speculation, but I feel the reason Hino chose to show VKM 11 was specifically to highlight the differences between Kaien and Zero, and to show that Kaien may have some animus toward Zero because of those differences. 

Consider the following:

Kaien met Juri after she and Haruka were together. He was forced to accept that they were “meant to be” and that his love would be unrequited. The “true love” Kuran pairing remained intact with no interference from Kaien.

Zero met Yuuki before she and Kaname were together. He was not forced to accept that he and Yuuki weren’t “meant to be” and in fact was the very reason for Kaname’s downfall and the “destruction” of the “true love” Kuran pairing.

Kaien’s sympathies with the Kurans and the Purebloods in general turned him into a pariah who was rejected by the Hunters.

Zero’s sympathies with Yuuki and the vampires had no effect on the respect his Hunter associates had for him, in fact he’s clearly beloved because he’s clear about his boundaries. (Zero’s even dating a Pureblood and openly associates with Nobles such as Aidou.)

Kaien tried to achieve coexistence with Kaname and failed.

Zero tried to achieve coexistence with Yuuki and so far is succeeding.

Given the above, and given Kaien’s propensity to push Yuuki and Kaname together, it is quite possible Kaien bears a great deal of animus toward Zero for “breaking up” his ship. I believe Kaien was projecting himself onto Zero and Haruka and Juri onto Kaname and Yuuki. Thus, Zero “didn’t know his place” and destroyed the very thing Kaien thought was sacred because he himself never tried to get between Haruka and Juri. The difference between him and Zero is that Zero tried (at least in Kaien’s perception). Not only this, but Zero also took Kaien’s “place” within the Hunters’ organization and achieved better results than Kaien. 

On top of all of this, Kaien’s beloved Kaname is “dead” for all intents and purposes and he along with Takuma are both invested in restoring the Kurans to glory, especially with Ai involved. Notice that Kaien did not invite Zero on the “dates” with Yuuki and Ai he envisioned in VKM 11--despite Zero being in the room and very clearly being at Yuuki’s side. 

If Kaien wants to restore Kaname and if he wants to put the Kurans back together, he needs to remove the obstacle--Zero. (This is quite an interesting theory in light of Ai specifically asking Kaien to be her ally.) The best way to do this is to create a scenario where Zero would be put in danger and killed without anything being traceable to Kaien. How is Kaien to do this? Well fortunately he has a friend who has always been a little dubious in the line of morality--Isaya. 

How Isaya fits in and why:

Isaya has shown himself to be more than capable of helping people with questionable motives if he gets something out of it. He was more than willing to go along with Kaname’s plan despite actually meeting Yuuki and talking to her prior to meeting with Kaname. He never once questions Kaname’s plan in light of what he knows of Yuuki. If Kaien brings to him a similar plan, Isaya has no reason to fight against it. 

Isaya, as a Pureblood, would easily be able to create servants or order regular vampires to set off bombs (remember, in the first attack in VKM 12 we have no idea who set the bomb or whether or not there was even anyone sacrificed--only the VKM 13 did a vampire kill himself over it). 

We also know that Isaya “disappears” thanks to the original epilogue of VK 93. This is pretty grey territory for his fate. It places him potentially in a good position to be an accomplice to Kaien.

Problems with the Kaien/Isaya theory:

There are obvious problems with this theory, of course. The first and most obvious is that both Kaien and Isaya are for the most part pacifistic--Kaien fights when necessary, but rarely does he instigate conflict, and we saw him working with Yori to help establish that vampires are no more dangerous than humans in VKM. Isaya also has been seen actively working with Yuuki in VKM itself. Causing strife among the vampires and humans would directly work against everything Kaien had previously been attempting to accomplish. 

However, Kaien does admit his life hasn’t been a success and he’s nearing the end of his life in VKM 12. This might change his perspective on his pacifism, especially with Kaname’s comatose state in the balance and the potential of Zero successfully “scoring” Yuuki rising now that they’ve announced they’re going official. If Kaien’s real issue with Zero and Yuuki is that he can’t accept a child between them because Yuuki is Kaname’s in his mind, then their relationship being official would be an extra push he’d need.  

Despite how far-fetched this theory is, I’d love it if it was true, as it settles once and for all Kaien’s place in the story and also gives us a genuinely credible villain for the VKM saga rather than some new faceless/nameless Purebloods/Hunters to contend with. This would seriously up the stakes for Yuuki and Zero as well, as it’s much harder to fight people you love than people you don’t even know. 

All this being said, we probably won’t know for a while, which means all options are still on the table (and perhaps there are more that even I haven’t thought of--actual humans maybe or nobles or regular vampires in revolt). But for now all we know is that the bombings are beginning to stir up some civil unrest and likely will have detrimental consequences. 

Inverse Reflections

Normally I would skip the side pairing sections, as I tend to find them tedious, but this time I think it’s important to take a look at what Hino’s setting up with these side pairings, and what they mean for the lead pairings that they mirror.

First, let’s talk a bit about mirrors. There are two kinds of mirrors--one that foreshadows the future of a pairing (a parallel) and a true reflection of that pairing (an inverse mirror). A reflection, as everyone knows, is a reversed image--left becomes right and right becomes left. 

As far as I can tell, most of the side pairings in VKM are being used as parallels to Zero and Yuuki as a couple--Aidou/Yori, Haruka/Juri, and Shiki/Rima have all been used to highlight aspects of the Zero/Yuuki pairing that either confirm the pairing is the intended choice of the author or foreshadow struggles and conflicts Zero and Yuuki will have to overcome in the future. 

Ruka/Kain are not meant to be Zero/Yuuki parallels--they are rather an inverse mirror. They are what Zero and Yuuki would have been had this story truly been a “Yuuki loved Kaname first and settled for Zero” narrative. All the beats they go through as a couple are beats Zero and Yuuki should be hitting if Yuuki is just settling for Zero. Yet every time Ruka and Kain hit an emotional or narrative beat, Yuuki and Zero fail to meet them, and often do the opposite. 

Here are some quick examples of what I mean, taken from previous chapters:

In VKM 3, Ruka admits to Ai that she loved Kaname and that he broke her heart. Kain steals her away from Ai and firmly tells her to cut out her moping and pay attention only to him already. If Zero and Yuuki were meant to be paralleled with this couple, this is what Zero would have done with Yuuki--however Zero does not. Instead, we see in VKM 9 and VKM 1 that Zero doesn’t ask Yuuki to stop pining and look at him; instead he tells her he’s fine with her love for Kaname.

In VKM 6, Ruka gushes over dressing Ai, and Kain tells her to hurry up and sleep with him already if she likes kids so much, for which he gets punched. Zero does the opposite--he says nothing at all about children and family to Yuuki. In VKM 3, Yuuki is the one apologizing to Zero for not being able to have a child with him. If Zero were truly in Kain’s position, he should be pestering Yuuki and putting a little pressure on her; she’s already settling for him, so he might as well get something decent out of it. The fact that he doesn’t puts another notch in the differences between him and Yuuki and Ruka and Kain.

In VKM 12, Ruka makes the mistake of thinking her situation with Kain is the same as Yuuki’s with Zero. She offers some solidarity, saying that it’s hard to move forward with someone you’ve been close to for a long time. Ordinarily, this would symbolize that she and Yuuki are meant to parallel each other. However, we see this isn’t the case with the remainder of the chapter. Kain gets hurt, and Ruka immediately demands they tie the knot. Zero being in danger doesn’t have this effect on Yuuki--instead, it just makes her spy on him more frequently. So if Yuuki’s meant to parallel Ruka, Zero being in danger should have been the “moment” that made her realize she needed to go ahead and tie the knot--they’re already dating, after all. 

Ruka and Kain don’t appear much in VKM, so I don’t have too many other examples, but I think we have enough to establish that they’re meant to be an inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki, a sign of what Zero and Yuuki might have been had the story gone the route of Yuuki truly loving Kaname and “settling” for Zero. 

I’m sure people will argue against my interpretation of Ruka and Kain, but as far as I can tell Ruka never had a moment where she legitimately “fell” for Kain. We know it is a fact that Ruka was romantically interested in Kaname, not Kain, for all of the original series, despite him breaking her heart. It’s clear she’s settling for Kain, and Kain himself accepts this and doesn’t seem inclined to fight it. She and Kain are close, of course, because they’re cousins, but that closeness makes it difficult for her to see him as a romantic partner. However, and this is what’s important about the fact that Ruka’s an inverse mirror to Yuuki, Ruka still moves on and lets herself be happy with Kain even though he is not the one she truly loves. Yuuki does not do the same. 

So, with that all established and out of my system, let’s take a gander at the Ruka/Kain section of VKM 13. =P 

The first scene is another inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki. Ruka is a super tsuntsun, but an obvious one. She proudly shows Kain where she wants their wedding to be held, but apparently never took the time to tell him she even wanted a legitimate ceremony. When Kain laughs and asks her if that’s what she wants, she gets flustered. At first she denies that she wants a ceremony with him, but then she quickly admits it and orders him to go along with it. Kain’s of course happy to comply, but he receives a tsundere response to his genuine affection. It’s clear, though, that Ruka is happy, even if this wasn’t her first choice. It’s a sweet, cute scene typical of happy couples. 

This is a clear contrast to Zero and Yuuki’s relationship, where neither of them can smile genuinely or goofe around for longer than a single panel, where Yuuki isn’t demanding of Zero, where Zero isn’t demanding of Yuuki, where neither of them are comfortable with each other enough to make these cute demands and boss each other around. Zero and Yuuki used to be like this, in their early days during arc 1, and that’s something Ruka and Kain do parallel a bit here, but Zero and Yuuki have lost that ability to just enjoy each other’s company without any care. Yuuki doesn’t honestly say what she wants, so she’s not a true parallel to Ruka, and Zero isn’t in a place where he can be even remotely as honest as Kain is--and Kain still holds back too, so that’s really saying something.

That being established, we then move into the wedding, where we receive an inverse parallel that’s foreshadowing a different future for Zero and Yuuki.

Ruka and Kain have their wedding, and it’s quite lovely (especially Ruka’s hair). However, there are a few things that are important to note:

This is the first wedding we as readers have been invited to. Although Aidou and Yori were married many, many years ago, we weren’t invited. This is likely on purpose--Aidou and Yori are a genuine parallel to Zero and Yuuki, and the very couple Zero aspires to be like in his future with Yuuki. We likely won’t get to see this couple’s wedding until Zero and Yuuki finally get to a better place. Thus, it’s fitting that the first wedding we see is the inverse mirror couple’s wedding.

Their wedding vows are horrendous. Seriously. They’re fitting for a pair not born of genuine love, and very fitting for a “settling” pairing. If Zero and Yuuki are meant to be a settling pairing, their vows should definitely be more in line with Kain’s and Ruka’s than regular vows (you know, with the whole “love, cherish through sickness and in health” variety).

Kain’s wedding vow is merely that he’ll protect Ruka. Not even that he’ll love her or cherish her. All he can “give” her that she’s willing to receive is protection. That’s kinda sad, and I hope Zero gets better.

Ruka’s wedding vow is even worse than Kain’s, if that’s even possible. She basically spells out in her vows that she’s settling for him and she hopes he can settle for her in return. All she says is that he’s been someone she can lean on who’s brought some warmth into her life, and she hopes she can return the favor. Surely the most romantic wedding vow in history (not). Not a word about loving or cherishing or anything remotely romantic. 

Seriously the “until we become dust” silliness sounds like a cult initiation more than anything. I know Hino’s trying to replace “til death do us part” but goodness. Also, I’m so grateful for that hilarious image Hino drew of Aidou bawling over the wedding--he looks like he’s facepalming more than crying. =P Perfect for my header!

I don’t want to knock the wedding too much--it’s quite lovely for what it is, and it’s meant to be a highlight of the chapter and bring a little fluff and romance into the what’s otherwise a heavy chapter. But my point in bringing all this up is to demonstrate that Ruka and Kain’s relationship serves to highlight where Zero and Yuuki should be in their relationship if Yuuki’s “issues” are truly just that she’s having trouble moving on from Kaname. So this should be a warning to anyone reading the story that way, that Zero and Yuuki aren’t following the same path--they’re on a different trajectory. 

Interlude: Yuuki’s Reactions

At this point, I will no longer being using images for my section headers because I have a distinct distaste for the remainder of the chapter (and Hino plasters speech bubbles all over the panels, making them unusable anyway).

But I want to take a little time to discuss Yuuki’s reactions in general and why her reaction this chapter is significant. 

Back when VKM 9 came out, I was furious because Yuuki spent 50 years dragging her heels and treating Zero like a blood bag babysitter and a general doormat. VKM 13 confirmed that I was right to be concerned about all of this. 

In VKM 9, Yuuki has several scenes where she gets mopey-faced, and Zero notices them. They’re from Zero’s perspective of course, in VKM 9. But all the mopey-faced scenes are deliberately drawn to be ambiguous references to Kaname. The first one is on the bench after Ai’s “teething,” and this is the “clearest” because Yuuki makes the face and starts crying right after talking about Ai being Kaname’s. The second, of course, is when Aidou grieving before Yori’s coffin in the same chapter, and Yuuki clutches her heart and then peeks at Zero. Because we’re in Zero’s perspective in VKM 9, he does not read her mopey face there as pro-Zeki--he reads it as pro-Kaname. The reason she looked down and clutched her heart is because that’s what she does when she thinks of Kaname (see VKM 3, VKM 8′s flashback, etc.), and the reason she peeked at Zero was (from Zero’s perspective) because she was checking to see if he’d noticed. The pro-Zeki read of this scene obviously is that Aidou’s words made Yuuki think of Zero, and that she looked up at him because she was thinking of him, but that’s not how Zero reads the scene (and nor how we should be reading the scene right now). We also know from VKM 7 that she makes a similar expression when thinking about Kaname while brushing Ai’s hair before the ball.

VKM 13 continues what VKM 9 began. During the wedding vows, particularly during the “until we become dust” sections, Yuuki’s expression shifts to her traditional Kaname-mope face and she looks down with a bittersweet expression. Now, there are two ways to take this, and one is the way Zero takes it and the other is the way pro-Zeki readers take it:

The way pro-Zeki readers would understand this scene is to take Yuuki at her word from later on in the chapter--she was sad that Zero might die and the words about becoming dust merely triggered that concern. Perhaps she was also sad about the fact that Zero could say such a vow, but she can’t because she can’t promise him to become dust together, as she’s immortal and he is not. 

The way Zero, Zeki critics, and pro-Kaname readers would take this scene is the way it’s likely intended given how consistent Hino’s been with this particular expression of Yuuki’s (every time I personally see it in VKM it makes my skin crawl, which is a tell tale sign it’s Kaname-related), is to see this as Yuuki thinking about Kaname. Whether she was moping because she was sad that she and Kaname never had the chance to make vows like Ruka and Kain, or because she and Kaname could never even get to the point Ruka and Kain did, or for any other Kaname-related reason, it’s anyone’s guess. 

As for why the pro-Zeki read likely doesn’t work in my opinion (despite what Yuuki says later, which I will address in the next section), Yuuki doesn’t look at Zero. She looks down and inward. She’s not seeing the man beside her, who’s alive and quite well. Instead she’s seeing something within her, which is more typical of her moping about Kaname than moping about Zero hypothetically kicking the bucket. Again, it is of course possible that Zero has her pegged wrong and she’s genuinely just been moping about Zero for 70 years for...reasons...even though he was right there beside her the whole time, but given her need to bring Kaname up even during her “confession” in VKM 9, methinks it be unlikely. However, for now we’ll leave it at the two possible interpretations--as far as the story currently goes, both interpretations are valid until further notice. 

Before I leave the wedding scene, I just want to say it’s pretty suspicious that Hino doesn’t show any Zero reaction shots and that the only panel we get of his feelings about weddings is a small panel where half his face is cut off. Hino’s pretty careful about keeping him out of sight, out of mind. We’re not allowed to see how much things bother him, or how he feels about his own prospects. (Seriously Zero just marry Aidou already; you both look so cute standing next to each other.)

And now, we’re ready for the grand finale. Hold on to your seat belts, friends; it’s going to be a wild ride, I’m sure. 

All Saints Must Fall

There is a lot to cover here, so I’ll be breaking it into subsections. Needless to say, if this scene had been removed from the chapter it’d have been a great chapter. But sadly this scene is here, and it is what it is, so what could have been a nice fluff chapter became...well, this little whirling dervish of controversy. Regardless, here we are, so let’s start by tackling the various ways the scene can be interpreted before getting into why I interpret it the way I do. 

The Surface Read

The surface read of this scene is sketch at best. It’s hard to take it seriously, but I’ll address it for the sake of completion. It reads as follows: 

Yuuki muses about the Ruka and Kain’s wedding being lovely. Zero comes out of the shower and initially asks Yuuki to have it out with him now. Yuuki is confused. Zero clarifies, informing her he noticed her moping at the ceremony. He then pounces on her, startling her, and demands she tell him. Yuuki admits that she was thinking about wishing for him to live on, that she always thinks this during funerals or key events, and that she believes it’s a curse to wish this upon him. She admits her wish is selfish but admits she’s afraid of him passing away.

Zero is surprised, but says that her feelings are something she’s cursing herself with. He tells her to give him her blood, and then bites her in several places, reiterating that he wants to grant her her wish. He asks her to be by his side at the end of his life and tell him she was happy. Yuuki reiterates that he should take her beastly blood in. Zero then curses himself and asks why her blood’s irresistible. 

The surface interpretation goes like this: Zero got bothered by Yuuki’s expression at the wedding and asks her what’s up. When she tells him, he is surprised. Her fears activate his own fears, and he tries to “reassure” her by biting her all over the place. Yuuki “consents” to this after he’s already done it, and he confesses that he wants her blood because his love is overwhelming him. 

Okay, this was quite possibly the most cringe-worthy drivel I’ve suffered myself to write in ages. But let me pick it apart at a base level before I move on to get to what’s really going on in this scene:

If this scene is truly just about Zero catching Yuuki’s fears and heightening his own fears in response to hers, his actions don’t make any sense. Why would he bite her all over the place irresponsibly to the point where she’s clutching her shirt to keep it from exposing her boobs if he just wants to drink her blood to alleviate either her fears of him dying or her own? After all, he’s been drinking her blood for years--drinking her blood isn’t going to save him from an explosion. 

Moreover, Zero has never been shown to be afraid for his life. Even after the conversation with Aidou in VKM 12, or after the explosion in VKM 13, Zero doesn’t appear afraid, unless he’s just hiding his fear under a poker face. Him merely “catching” Yuuki’s fear in this scene and overreacting doesn’t work as an interpretation simply because that’s not how fear works. That’s panic, and Zero doesn’t appear to be panicking. Fear is something that should be rooted deeply within him, and Zero’s never been particularly concerned about the lifespan issues--even back when Yuuki was genuinely worrying about them in Night 88, Zero brushed it off like it was nothing. 

If we’re meant to interpret this as Zero reassuring Yuuki that all will be well and her fears are unfounded, well, he’s not doing a very good job. Yuuki does not look reassured at the end of the scene--she looks depressed. Zero himself doesn’t look reassured at the end of the scene. He also offers not a single word of reassurance--he blames Yuuki for her own fears (her curse is of her own making, not something he validates), and he mocks her own phrasing when he demands her blood. This is not how we’ve seen Zero reassure her in previous chapters--VKM 5′s gentle reassurance, VKM 8′s confidence, VKM 13′s first scene’s intimacy. Zero knows how to reassure properly, and VKM 13′s final scene is not an example of that. 

On top of this, we have the idea that Yuuki “consented” to Zero’s treatment of her this chapter. She never once consented. Silence is not consent. I’m not one of those folks who thinks consent has to be verbal, mind you, but Yuuki lies passively in all the panels other than when she’s wincing in pain. Zero doesn’t ask her, he demands and takes. Yuuki never once smiles, never once reciprocates, never once touches him during the biting and even goes so far as to clutch her shirt to keep it from slipping--hardly an act welcoming of intimacy. In one panel it looks like she may even be trying to push Zero’s hand away from where it is on her exposed stomach. This is not an act of mutual passion or mutual fear or a mutual coming together to alleviate anxieties. This is a purely aggressive act on Zero’s part that Yuuki, for whatever reason, is not fighting--and note, Yuuki may have a great many reasons not to fight that have nothing to do with enjoying what Zero’s doing to her. (More on this later.) Yuuki’s expression when she “consents” after the fact is pained and unhappy, akin to her expressions during the Kuran Manor arc with Kaname. Hino even uses dark screen tones in that panel, and Yuuki insults her own blood. 

So basically, the “pro-Zeki” surface read of this scene is, in my opinion, grossly reductionist and fails to account for the basic facts. To hold this position, one would either have to be blind and unable to see the panels or read the words, or reading with rose-tinted glasses. This is why I can’t get behind anyone who thinks this is merely a “dark passion” scene, which I’d like to speak on presently before I move to deeper interpretive layers.

Romance vs. Dark Vampire Passion/Eroticism

I firmly believe that some of my fellow compatriots are misunderstanding the difference between genuine passion/romance and this “dark vampire passion”/eroticism. This I place firmly in the Kaname apologists’ court for creating this problem in the first place--they were the first to try to use “dark vampire passion” as an excuse for the abuse in their scenes during the Kuran Manor arc of the original series. 

“Dark passion” is nothing more than eroticism, which merely means “this scene is sexualized and meant to titillate the reader.” Almost every scene between Kaname and Yuuki is erotically charged, but very few of those scenes are correspondingly romantic. This is quite common in fiction about abuse and nonconsensual situations--you see it frequently in stories like Berserk, where dark situations have erotic panels. I honestly find this sick on the part of many mangaka, but I understand why it’s there--manga is a medium meant to be enjoyed, and rape/abuse aren’t enjoyable to a reader, so a little eroticism is added in order to make the scenes more palatable. 

The final scene in VKM is eroticized, which actually helps a reader to downplay the real harm this scene is causing to the heroine. Rather than looking at her expressions and paying attention to the pain she’s going through, the panels are drawn deliberately to evoke sexuality. This makes it easier to excuse for the reader, because the reader is not focused on the character’s pain--the reader is merely enjoying the erotic content in a voyeuristic fashion. In a sense, the reader is more sympathetic to the abuser when scenes are framed this way, and this I place firmly in Hino’s camp as far as blame goes.

Romantic scenes are framed and displayed differently than VKM 13′s final scene. Genuinely romantic scenes of course often have sexualized content and even erotic content in the case of smut stories from magazines like Cheese!, but the erotic content is very clearly mutual, consensual, and loving between the characters on top of being titillating for the reader. The only panel in VKM 13′s final scene that is even remotely romantic is the single panel of Yuuki stroking Zeros face when she confesses that her wish for him to live on is selfish. This is even before all the controversial content takes place. The following panels are merely eroticized. 

This is why I can’t buy the “dark passionate vampires” excuse for the scene, because we’ve seen this song and dance before, and it was used to do the exact same thing--allow the readers to ‘excuse’ the male perpetrator using “romance” as a shield, when really it’s just the reader being titillated by erotic posing choices by the mangaka. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the scene on a sexual level--everyone has some risque non-con content that they’ve enjoyed. But that doesn’t make the scene consensual, romantic, or loving just because the reader is titillated by it. 

And last, before I close on this, Zero and Yuuki are supposed to be a radiant, joyful ship. If they’re descending into eroticized “dark passion,” we have a problem. 

The Close-up Subtext Read

I won’t cover this read too deeply, as @soulisthirsty has covered this far more thoroughly on her @vampireknightmeta blog than I have the time or the inclination to address. For those interested in her perspective, you will find her posts on the matter here and here. 

This is the read I expect most Zeki-apologists will eventually agree with once they accept that their surface read of the scene doesn’t account for all the facts and is woefully inadequate. My own reading of the scene is from a higher meta perspective, but that also means I must make assumptions that the chapter-specialized read does not (giving the close-up subtext read more flexibility in case Hino goes off the rails). 

A quick recap of what the close-up subtext read breaks down to:

Zero has been stewing on Yuuki’s moping at the ceremony ever since he noticed it, all through his shower, and comes out of the shower ready to tackle the matter and already frustrated (we can tell by the creases in his brow, Zero’s tell-tale frustration expression). Whatever he’s been stewing on is unknown at the moment. 

Yuuki initially is confused, and Zero snaps at her, calling out the specific moment so that she doesn’t try to dodge the subject. When Yuuki is slow to respond, he pounces on her, demanding she tell him. Yuuki is initially startled, and Zero softens his approach but still insists.

Yuuki admits to him her wish that he’d live on, and that she thinks about it whenever a friend dies or a big event happens. She has a strange reaction to what she’s saying, and then she touches his face and tells him that her wish is nothing but a curse for him. Zero’s expression shows shock; whatever he was anticipating was her problem was not this. 

Yuuki goes on to admit that she knows she’s selfish for getting all worked up over Zero’s imminent death on her own. Zero then tells her that the only one who’s suffering under her curse is her, and that if that’s really what’s bothering her, she should go ahead and give him her cursed blood. 

He then goes on to bite her without consent in multiple places, pushing her shirt up. While he’s biting her and splattering blood, he reiterates that he wants to push “that day” far into the future if he’s the one who can do that for her. “That day” is left deliberately ambiguous so it could be interpreted in multiple ways--either Zero’s own death, or Yuuki’s death by turning Kaname. 

Zero holds Yuuki and asks her to be by his side at the end of his days and tell him she was happy. Yuuki says that if that’s what he wants, he needs to drink as much as he can of her blood. Zero’s response is that he’s unable to stop and that her blood is so delicious it’s irresistible. 

This interpretation boils down to a case of misunderstanding. Zero’s been stewing over “something” that’s clearly been eating at him for longer than the ceremony, but the ceremony is the first chance he’s had to address it. Yuuki on the other hand is getting herself all worked up over him dying because she’s afraid to be alone (as we know from VKM 9′s confession). 

In this framework, the reason Zero doesn’t reassure Yuuki is because her fixation on his death and her view of her own blood imply that she doesn’t believe he’s truly accepted her. His frustration and his mocking her in this context would be related to the fact that he’s done everything possible to show her he accepts her as she is and loves her as she is, and that he’s at a loss for how to ease her fears. Thus, the reason he goes overboard with the biting is more about him being frustrated that she’s not really even seeing him--she’s only seeing her image of him that has nothing to do with reality (this would be backed up by VKM 13′s earlier scene, where Yuuki brings up Zero’s real feelings about vampires in addition to VKM 9′s confession where Yuuki asks him if he’ll date her despite her being a Pureblood). 

This framework allows for this to be a simple misunderstanding--Zero perhaps thinks his feelings aren’t reaching Yuuki and Yuuki is so hyper aware of Zero’s fate that she can’t relax and enjoy her present with him. Potentially Yuuki’s obsession with brooding and dwelling on the bad is starting to get on Zero’s nerves with this interpretation, and he’s lashing out because nothing he does seems to help Yuuki view the world and their relationship with a more positive lens. 

As far as interpretations go, I think this is a fine one, and quite in line with this chapter in isolation. It’s also a safe bet right now, because we don’t have any future information to clarify it yet. As far as we’re aware, the only “issue” between Zero and Yuuki at this point merely is Yuuki’s fears about Zero’s death (confirmed by VKM 12 and VKM 13). So I believe this is a safe interpretation to have in light of where we currently are, though it doesn’t quite go far enough for me. However, it certainly lines up with the facts and there is no direct evidence to dispute its validity yet. As with the interpretations for the potential identity of the Vampire King, this interpretation has no holes as of yet. The issues between Zero and Yuuki may, at this current time, simply be about their lack of communication and their general character flaws. 

I wish I myself could get behind this variant, but alas, I must go deeper. For those who can’t follow me further due to the leaps I’ll have to make based on lack of information, I’d say stopping at this layer is a good place to rest, no matter what “camp” you’re in. @soulisthirsty makes a compelling case for this interpretation, and it’s easy to back up. 

But now it is time to delve deeper. I’d recommend leaving now if you’re the type to get triggered easily. But if you’ve made it this far, I’m going to assume you’re here until the end. 

Artistic Intent

The reason I can’t get behind the close-up subtext read is there’s far too much going on beneath the surface, and in light of other chapters, than what that read allows for in my humble opinion. But before I get into that, I’d like to discuss artistic intent before plunging headfirst into trouble.

Hino is a deliberate, filmic artist, more so than any other manga I’ve ever seen. Her artistic fundamentals are terrible (see her proportions), but she has a sharp sense of how to use the panels as if they were film shots, and to use them to great effect. She knows how to emphasize space and time, how to speed time up and slow it down, how to emphasize emotion or emphasize distance. To analyze a chapter without addressing this is a grave mistake, especially in such a carefully staged scene. 

In two previous posts, I discussed Yuuki’s flushes and Hino’s framing. These are two techniques Hino uses to convey tone. But there are other techniques Hino uses as well, and the one I didn’t mention in the posts above is the artful direction of dialogue bubble placement and coloring. 

If you look at VKM 13′s first scene, you’ll notice some interesting things about the bubble placement for the dialogue. Most of the panels’ artwork remains unobscured by dialogue bubbles, other than one small scene at the end where Zero is talking about who the perpetrator of the crimes might be. Otherwise, the reader is free to enjoy both the artwork and the dialogue, to fully see the characters interact and express themselves in each panel. This makes the scene easy to follow and understand for the reader.

Contrast this with VKM 13′s final scene and you’ll see the stark difference. Huge dialogue bubbles with oversized text are plastered all over the characters’ faces and expressions during an intense scene, adding to the confusion and havoc presented by the odd framing choices themselves. Key moments are obscured by dialogue bubbles, key expressions are cut off by them. This makes the scene hard to follow and understand for the reader.

Parsing a scene is an important feature in reading. If a scene isn’t clear and easy to follow, the reader has to work harder, and the writer risks losing the reader. For a writer to choose deliberately to make a scene difficult for a reader to follow means there’s something in that scene the writer wants the reader to pay attention to. The first VKM 13 Zeki scene is meant to be breezed through--the content is easy to assess and move through. The final scene is the opposite. It is meant to be pondered over and considered and reviewed, and it’s deliberately drawn to elicit feelings of confusion and chaos. 

Hino has her faults as a writer and an artist, but in this she’s flawless. She knows what she’s doing with scenes like this. But more on the contrast between VKM 13′s two bookend scenes later. For now, I shall present my own interpretation of the controversial last scene. 

The Bird’s Eye Meta Subtext Read

We’ve arrived at last. The moment everyone has likely been dreading. What, in GOTSB’s opinion, is going on in this scene?

By this point I’ve reiterated what happened on the surface more than enough. I won’t waste your time with repeating it. Instead, I’ll take you through the two reads: first Zero, then Yuuki. Just like what we did during the first scene in VKM 13.

Zero’s Jealousy and Outrage

Hino’s a sneak with Zero in the final two scenes of VKM 13. She doesn’t show us he noticed Yuuki’s downcast expression during the ceremony at all, nor how it affected him. Thus, we must make some assumptions based on how he behaves:

Yuuki starts talking to him the moment he exists the shower at the start of the scene, but she doesn’t face him. Rather than responding to her, he attacks first--”Let’s talk properly.”

The first words themselves are arguably just him broaching the subect, but the following words set the stage for why we can decipher what was going on in his head: “Didn’t we decide to start over from the beginning?” Why does this line matter? Because he’s bringing up something that has no relevance to what Yuuki was talking about (the wedding). He’s bringing up their restarted relationship and reminding her that “something” has changed because of that restart.

Yuuki goes “hmm?” Now, ordinarily one would interpret this as her just being confused that Zero’s demanding they talk when all she wanted to talk about was how nice the wedding was. But Zero does not interpret her words like this. His response to her is harsh and unusual for him--he basically tells her not to play dumb. We also get a close up of his face, and we can now see the tell-tale creases in his brow, demonstrating frustration.

He then says a few things that are quite interesting. He says there’s something she’s “always” wanted to say to him, and that he’s been waiting “forever” because he thought it was hard for her to talk about, but then she had to go and start brooding during the wedding. So in these two sentences, he implies a few things: 1.) whatever it is that he thinks has been bothering her didn’t just start at the wedding, 2.) her brooding faces bother him (and we can now confirm that her brooding in VKM 9 bothered him rather than making him feel honored as he tried to imply), 3.) he’s afraid of what she’s been meaning to say because he’s procrastinated asking her all this time, 4.) he’s finally caught her in a moment she can’t squirm her way out from and he can finally call her out on her behavior because they’re “official” now, so she can’t run away anymore based on her own decision.

He then jumps on her and slams her against the bed and yells in her face. When she gasps and freezes, he initially softens up, but then when she looks like she’s going to clam up he yells again. 

Before I move on, I want to parse this. I think it’s clear from the following scene that whatever Zero was stewing on ever since the ceremony, it has nothing to do with being afraid of his own death (Yuuki’s stated reason for why she herself was moping). This means what Zero was stewing on has to be something else. Process of elimination and analysis of previous chapters make this deduction simple: Zero has always been afraid the time might come when Yuuki will at last tell him that things aren’t working because she can’t move on from Kaname. Perhaps it is not this specifically, but his fear is clearly related to Kaname and to Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they mean for him. 

How do I know this? Because if he didn’t care about Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they meant for him in particular, he would behave more like Kain--he’d be trying to seduce her, reminding her that she was here in front of him, and teasing her into the present because he knows his place in her heart is forever Number Two and he’s accepted it. But Zero doesn’t react this way--he reacts like a man who expects to be Number One and doesn’t think he is. You don’t get mad if you’ve “accepted” being Number Two or Number Equal. And you certainly don’t get angry with your girlfriend for “moping” if you’re just confused about why she was moping. 

Of course, Zero is a coward and won’t bring up Kaname on his own, as we know from previous chapters. Thus he waits for Yuuki to drop the bomb on him. But the bomb doesn’t come. 

From Zero’s perspective, what Yuuki does in this scene is pretty terrible--she dodges his question and tries to use another excuse to cover up the truth. So, to break it down:

Yuuki gets all weepy and tells Zero she wants him to live on, and that she thinks this every time someone dies or something happens. She admits that she shouldn’t say this kind of thing, and that’s because in her opinion it’s nothing but a curse for him. 

Zero is shocked at first, which implies one of four things: either a.) he’s genuinely surprised and touched that she was thinking about him this time and not Kaname, b.) he’s shocked about whatever it is going on with her face itself in that panel where we just see her eye and all the screen tones, c.) he’s astounded that something this petty and ridiculous is the reason she’s been making both their lives continuously miserable, or d.) he’s astounded that even now his feelings still haven’t reached her.

Before I move on, I have to say, none of those above interpretations are positive for Yuuki. If A is true, then that means Yuuki hasn’t even remotely been showing Zero any kind of affection. If B is true, then something really bad is going on with Yuuki. If C is true, then Zero’s fed up with the relationship. If D is true, Zero has now confirmed that everything he has ever tried to do in VKM to help Yuuki has been pointless--she’s already decided how he thinks of her and nothing he says or does will change that.

But before we can find out what Zero’s expression really means, Yuuki goes and ruins it with her next line about getting selfishly scared that the day he’ll die is approaching. 

Now, before I go further, I want to say this: if Zero was genuinely touched by Yuuki’s concern about him, that should have stopped his anger even if he was still flustered about the fact that her concern is over the top. For surely nothing Yuuki says is all that terrible, other than the fact that she thinks Zero might be opposed to her wish. But even that just warrants perhaps a sigh on Zero’s part and maybe him sitting down with her and talking about it or perhaps just getting into a shouting match about how she’s not seeing “him” and is still stuck in the past. (Much like what Kain says to Ruka in VKM 3, something like that would be more appropriate if he’s just upset that nothing he’s been doing has been getting through to her, or if he thinks her fears are silly). 

However, there’s something in the way Yuuki phrases her line in the panel where she talks about being frightened that gets under his skin. She says she’s selfishly afraid, which implies that this is just an excuse she’s using to keep up her moping, and it also implies that she doesn’t care about the Zero in front of her per se so much as ensuring she has “someone” with her “forever.” (Leading us right back to the very reason Zero was starting this argument in the first place.

So Zero’s reaction to Yuuki’s selfish fear is not to soothe her or reassure her. Instead he mocks her. And it is here that Hino stops letting us see his full expressions and begins to cut him off using framing. We don’t see his eyes at all when he tells her that the only one suffering under her “curse” is her. But rather than stopping there, he then goes on further to demand her blood using the very same terminology she used herself. Note that his brow is furrowed when he says this, implying that this is not said out of love or appreciation. Most children know that the best way to annoy someone is to repeat what they said, and he’s mocking her here with her own words, much as Kaname used to do. 

Now there’s a couple of interpretations for this section. The first is the easy one: Zero’s upset that everything he’s done since the end of VK has been for naught and so he might as well just give in to Yuuki’s fears and give her what she “wants”, which is for him to drink from her. (As we know from her forcefeeding him in VKM 12). So in this sense, he’s just angrily acquiescing to her fears. And I would buy this interpretation, if not for the next few panels where he squanders her blood. So if this is just about him being generally frustrated that he’s not getting through to her, he should still be treasuring her blood, not squandering it. 

The second interpretation requires some assumptions, but I think it fits better with Zero’s actions. Zero is pissed at her for using him as an excuse to not talk about her issues and the ghost that’s between them, and this excuse is perfect because she can just use it every time she’s upset to deflect Zero from prying into her feelings about Kaname. Think about it: if she doesn’t want Zero to pry into Kaname, all she has to do is say “why, my love, I was moping about your fate!” and he has to comfort her and pity her and feel sorry for her and drop the subject. It is an invincible shield behind which she can hide forever, unlike their bench excuses, rendering him unable to ever corner her into confessing  about Kaname without actually bringing him up (which we know she runs away from direct conversations about Kaname as well, see VKM 3, 5, and 9). Zero knows that this excuse she will have forever because she is immortal and he is not. So Zero’s anger in this scene may have some of the “nothing I do will get through to her” interpretation in it, but I think the majority of why he’s so angry and brutal with her is because she’s made it impossible for him to ever address the real problem he has in their relationship. She can “play dumb” forever and ever, and he will have to just take it and suffer.

This interpretation I think explains the manner in which he treats her better than the first. If he was just frustrated with her for not seeing him “now,” I don’t think his bite style would change so severely. However, if he’s pissed at her for finding the ultimate deflection from them ever being able to address the issues he has with her, then yeah, he’s gonna unleash all that pent-up sexual energy he’s been holding back for 70+ years. So he attacks her, bites her over eight times all over her body, but doesn’t even stop to savor the blood. He clearly causes her pain and scares her--she feebly attempts to push his hand off her stomach and clutches her shirt to cover her boobs. Like seriously I can’t reiterate this enough--she’s not being sexually receptive to him at all in this scene. This outburst of sexually charged energy on top of the egregious biting all imply anger, not merely frustration. 

Basically, from my perspective, what it appears he realizes here is that despite how cleverly he trapped her this time (locating a precise moment and holding her to their restart promise), she found the one way out of an honest conversation. And this naturally is infuriating. He basically has it confirmed that she will never tell him what’s really going on. And that is why he becomes so bitter when he mocks her, and that is why he splatters her blood and invades her intimate space, and that is why he tells her to push “that day” in to the far distance. 

“That day” in the second interpretation can only mean the day she turns Kaname, the day Zero fears (because Zero has his own fears, which he’s never allowed to speak about thanks to Yuuki). If Zero’s life keeps her from making that sacrifice, then by all the hells he’s going to do everything it takes to grant that to her, because that’s all that’s left for him. I think that’s also why at the end of the scene he finally confesses what he hopes to receive from her--that at the end of all this insanity, she’ll at the very least tell him she was happy. He doesn’t even ask for her love because as far as he’s concerned, he’ll never receive it. He just wants her to be with him in the end and tell him he made her happy. 

Now if the scene ended here, I would say Zero’s made a pretty big damn mistake and he needs to fix it, but otherwise I would expect Hino to keep dragging out this shitshow until the end of the series. Zero’ll just have to accept that he’s never going to get to clarify whatever it is that bothers him about Kaname, and “be the bigger man” than Kaname was or whatever.

But Hino gave me a little tiny gift at the end, one that has me hoping for better things. At the end, Zero admits that he’s no longer able to stop himself. He curses, and then asks himself why her blood’s so tasty that he can’t stop himself. This is a direct parallel to Night 50, when Kaname asked Yuuki the same thing. 

Zero is confirmed to be unsatisfied with Yuuki’s blood. It’s still tasty because he still loves her, but he’s now beginning to shift into Rido/Kaname territory. This means, despite his anger about Yuuki deflecting this chapter, that the likelihood of him leaving the relationship has gone up exponentially. A confession like this usually comes before the end. And if this scene is what it takes for Hino to give me my Zeki breakup so that they can sort themselves out and find a better way, I’ll pay my dues and suck it up. All saints have to fall at some point, and Zero was due for a fall. 

To quickly sum up what I feel was expressed on the Zero side in this scene: Zero has been afraid for at least 50+ years that Yuuki’s issues about Kaname will never be “over.” Every time he’s tried to talk to Yuuki in the past about Kaname, she’s deflected in some way or clammed up. When he thinks he’s finally trapped her into having to talk about it, she brings out the biggest whopper of a deflection in history, and one he can’t beat, triggering one hell of a temper tantrum and leaving him indirectly confessing that she no longer satisfies him (and we know he was once satisfied by her, because he said as much in VKM 2). 

This puts Zero in a position to do one of two things: either a.) he has to accept that their relationship is what it is and this is the best he’s gonna get, or b.) he has to start deciding the best route for causing a chilling effect on the relationship, either by rebenching it or breaking it up entirely. More on this in the finale section. 

For now, I want to say that I fully expect Zero to apologize to Yuuki for his behavior here. I think he was wrong, no matter his circumstances, to treat her this way. I do think he was driven to this point by her behavior and by his own cowardice, which I’ll discuss briefly here shortly, but that still doesn’t excuse him. His behavior in this scene was abusive, although one instance of abuse does not necessarily an abuser make. At the moment, this is an anomalous behavior for Zero, but readers should be careful not to defend it too much because it could develop into a pattern of abuse in the future, and is, therefore, a red flag. If he continues down this path and develops a pattern of abuse, he’ll be no better than Kaname.  So I fully expect him an apology from him, a la Rhett Butler after The Scene in Gone With The Wind, and I expect some serious reflection on his actions and some serious narrative consequences. 

Now, before I move on to Yuuki’s side of this chapter, I want to talk about a few things that we can now extrapolate about Zero based on this chapter:

While he may not have been lying per se when he said he was “okay” with Kaname’s place in Yuuki’s heart during VKM 9 and VKM 1, it’s clear that he’s incredibly insecure about his own place in Yuuki’s heart despite what he says to her. I’ve always been firmly in the camp that he’s been lying this whole time, perhaps even to himself, about being “okay” with that. As Yuuki said once long ago to Kaname, he shouldn’t lie to himself and pretend it’s okay when it clearly isn’t (for fuck’s sake, Kaname destroyed his life). But Yuuki seems content to allow herself to be lied to now, so that shows you how much has changed since Night 49.

Zero’s been in denial about his prospects with Yuuki. Clearly he spent the 50+ years of pining in VKM 9 hoping that once they became official, things would get better. VKM 13 confirms that this cycle of Yuuki moping about “things” (re: Kaname) will continue in perpetuity. 

He is no longer satisfied with Yuuki’s blood as his only source of romantic connection with her, given how he treats her blood this chapter. It’s still tasty, but it’s not filling. 

His hope for a better future has died. This is evident by the fact that he says what he wishes from her when he dies here. He’s given up on them as a couple. What that means, of course, remains to be seen. 

Yuuki’s Deliberate Deflections and Insecurities

Now, we know less about Yuuki in VKM than we do about Zero. So unlike with Zero, it’s hard to gauge how much of what she says is “true” and how much is a lie or half-truth. As such, that makes it harder to interpret her and easier to give her a pass.

On the surface, Hino tries to paint her as this oblivious person who has no clue what’s going on. I would buy this interpretation if not for VKM 9 and if not for Night 66. Yuuki is a master at pretending to be obtuse when she knows people want something from her she’s unwilling to give, but she’s fully conscious of what she’s doing when she withholds and hides behind being “dense” and people forgiving her for it. 

Now there are two ways to view Yuuki this chapter, and I think both are valid until further notice. 

One is that she genuinely has been moping about Zero potentially dying all this time (even back when Zero thought she was moping about Kaname during VKM 9). In this scenario, she would have no clue that she’s just made it impossible for Zero to ever talk about Kaname, because she’s being honest with Zero about what she was thinking about during the ceremony. Thus her confession about how she thinks her wish is selfish and unfair to him would be in this case honest. And I think this interpretation is certainly valid, because the way Hino frames Yuuki in this scene is pretty open. The only “dishonest” aspect perhaps surrounds the panel where her eye gets weird, but that can be attributed to either her hyper-anxiety about losing Zero surfacing or something related to the master/servant bond with Kaname surfacing. This interpretation is also in line with VKM 9, where we see that after funerals she drinks excessively from Zero to the point that he basically calls it “funeral duty.” It would also be in line with her forcefeeding Zero in VKM 12 and her openly spying on him and her fears getting triggered after Aidou’s comment to him in VKM 12. 

In this interpretation, the fact that she does still genuinely believe wishing eternal life upon him is a curse for him shows that she isn’t seeing him properly and clearly still has some fears and misconceptions about him due to the original series. This is, as @soulisthirsty points out in her posts I linked above in the close-up subtext section, likely due to the fact that Yuuki has never talked to Zero about those final days of Kaname’s life and the terrible things she did--stealing Zero’s memories against his will, sleeping with Kaname, betraying Zero (we know Yuuki saw that as a betrayal of Zero because she says she and Kaname have no “right” to face Zero in Night 90). So this would set up a natural misunderstanding between her and Zero--she has spent the past 70+ years thinking she’s unworthy of Zero and wanting him anyway, while Zero has spent the past 70+ years thinking she doesn’t love him as much as her blood says she does. 

However, my problem with this interpretation of Yuuki is that it doesn’t account for her confession in VKM 9 when she clearly states she won’t let Zero go and won’t let their relationship move forward, implying she’s been fully cognizant all along of what’s bothering Zero. It also doesn’t account for her playing coy in VKM 10 when Zero tries to pin her down on what she means by “restart,” nor does it account for her suddenly “offering her bed” to him in VKM 12. 

So that leads us to the second potential interpretation of Yuuki in VKM 13, and that is that Zero is right--she is hiding behind her genuine fears about his life in order to not address her deeper issues. This interpretation includes the one above, but it also adds to it a new dimension--that of Yuuki being duplicitous in her attempts to keep Zero at her side but not face herself and Kaname. So her confession of her fears in VKM 13 by this interpretation would be true--she does think these things--but Zero is also right--at the moment he noticed at the wedding, she was thinking of Kaname or of something related to Kaname. 

This could be for a variety of reasons unrelated to “love” or “pining” of course--it could just be that wedding vows trigger her master/servant bond for all we know. The larger point is that clearly something “more” was going on there than just Yuuki innocently fearing for Zero’s life. Weddings shouldn’t make her fear for Zero’s life anyway--she should be thinking about her own marriage, which is what weddings do to single people. This would naturally make her think of the failed engagement to Kaname and perhaps bring up some “what ifs,” and it would also make her think about why her own relationship with Zero isn’t moving to this phase. 

But whatever it was she was actually thinking about, it wasn’t something she feels she can talk to Zero about. Zero knows it and she knows it. She never once contradicts him when he says her curse is her own. She well knows it. And she continues thinking so even after he bites her. Nothing changes in her perception by the end of VKM 13. Whatever she was moping about at the beginning is still there to be moped about. 

In brief, this is what I think is going on with Yuuki:

She hates herself for not being able to love Kaname.

She potentially resents Zero for being the reason she couldn’t love Kaname. 

She’s confused about whatever it is that’s going on with the master/servant bond. 

She’s still genuinely afraid of being alone and selfishly wants “someone” by her side.

She still does have some unknown feelings for Zero and genuinely is afraid that he’ll die before she can be able to have a life with him. (This is probably the true reason why she fears his death, rather than just general fear. That he’ll die before she can be free to love him.)

Based on how she was acting in VKM 12, I suspect she’s afraid Zero’s going to leave her full stop. Confessing she’s afraid of him dying may be a way to keep him with her a little longer and may stall his decision to leave. 

Now I mentioned up in section on the first scene that I think Yuuki might be testing Zero a bit to see if his issues are what she fears. She’s already checked off “hates Purebloods still” from the list. In VKM 13′s final scene, she checks off two other things: “doesn’t want to live forever as a thing he hates” and “thinks my blood is evil.” Zero basically tells her what she told Kaname in Night 49--go ahead and tarnish him, he’ll fall together with her. 

With this in mind, my interpretation of Yuuki’s final lines in the chapter are more about her accepting that Zero’s issues have nothing to do with the things that are easy for her to address or deal with. So she tells him go ahead and take all the things she can give him, because she still can’t give him anything else that he wants, so at the very least she can keep extending his life with the blood that has been nothing but a curse to him. And the curse she means, in my opinion, is that he loves her and she’s so deeply unworthy of him on every level. 

So basically, in the end of this scene Yuuki must face that Zero’s issues are about the things she refuses to deal with him honestly about--the events of the original series, her feelings, and Kaname. And this is why she’s in so much pain, because these are the very things she was hoping to avoid forever. 

Here are a few of the things I feel we can now say about Yuuki in VKM:

She’ll keep dodging to the end of time and picking up new excuses to avoid addressing the enormous elephant in the room.

She’s not interested in finding happiness or moving forward. Instead, she’s interested in punishing herself (and by extension Zero) for what happened to Kaname. Why this is the case is up for speculation at this point. 

All Yuuki has to offer Zero at this point is her blood. And with this chapter, he’s confirmed for her that soon her blood won’t be enough. As with Kaname in Night 66/67, Yuuki’s “restart” has begun to fail due to her own inability to open up the romantic part of her life to her partner. Zero subsisted on nothing but her blood for an entire human lifespan, and that’s clearly not enough for him anymore. She can no longer use it as a bargaining chip to distract him from the lack of intimacy.

Yuuki does not want intimacy with Zero. She tries to push his hand away from her waist and tries to keep her shirt from slipping. If she truly loves this man and wants to restart with him, why’s she being all shy? It’s not like she hasn’t had sex before. This is a red flag for their relationship.

Who’s More Reprehensible?

This is probably a weird thing to end this section with, but I wanted to briefly touch on who I feel, out of Zero and Yuuki, is the most reprehensible character and why.

I want it to be clear that Zero’s behavior in this chapter is absolutely reprehensible, and right up there with Kaname’s behavior in Nights 61 and 90. (I think Night 90 still wins, since it was in public, but that can be debated of course.)

However, Zero’s pretty much been driven to this by Yuuki. Now, interestingly, Kaname blamed Yuuki for driving most of his behavior in the original series, but actually Yuuki was mostly blameless--Kaname expected too much too quickly from her. That’s not the case with Zero.

Zero waits for her. Patiently. Without complaint. For nearly 70 years (4 years pregnancy, 16 years Ai’s youth up to VKM 3, 50 years post-VKM 3 until Yori’s death) Zero abided by Yuuki’s rules for their relationship and slowly clung to the hope that one day, somehow, they would be able to become like Aidou and Yori.

And then that day came, and nothing changed. Yuuki’s still becoming withdrawn and moody, she’s still withholding as a partner, she only offers her bed when it’s convenient to her and no actual intimacy. She rejects intimacy and doesn’t instigate it or invite it. Their relationship is cold; they might as well be roommates rather than lovers.

On top of this, Yuuki has never once said she loves Zero. She has never spoken her feelings to him, not during any of his confessions. She’s never corrected his assumptions about Kaname, at least not the ones he’s spoken to her. Even her restart confession basically outlined that Kaname’s first in her thoughts and Zero and Ai merely are bandaids “saving” her from thinking about Kaname forever. She doesn’t appreciate Zero openly (as we see from how shocked Zero is by Aidou caring about him in VKM 12). She deflects all his attempts to open their relationship up to be something more mutual.

She fully admits to stringing him along in VKM 9 and then offers him a candy bar with the restart only to give him more of the same. Zero has the patience of a saint, but he’s not a saint, and a 70-year-old virgin is eventually going to get pretty fed up that his lover isn’t interested in having a relationship with him. Especially not when she was more than willing to hop into bed with his enemy much sooner. 

We don’t know yet why Yuuki’s chosen to treat Zero like this. But most certainly Zero doesn’t know either, because Yuuki’s stopped communicating entirely and every time he tries to talk she shuts him down or clams up. Thus, despite Zero’s behavior being physically abusive this chapter (despite it being an anomaly in the 50+ years of his life during VKM so far), in my opinion Yuuki triggered its inevitability and brought it on herself by stringing him along for so long and continuing to do so even after the restart. She’s been unnecessarily cruel to him--even Ruka has been better to Kain than Yuuki’s been to Zero, and Ruka’s settling for Kain. Zero’s supposed to be the person who stopped Yuuki from truly loving Kaname, and the very reason Kaname got butthurt enough to rip out his heart in the first place. For a guy she’s supposed to love, she sure isn’t acting like she does. 

And before anyone accuses me of being a secret Kaname-apologist plant, let me assure you that I’m only pointing this out because this is a problem I see in Yuuki as a character, not because I’ve suddenly gained a liking for abusive relationships in my old age. I expect Hino to address the discrepancies here--why is she treating a man she’s supposed to truly love “worse” than a man she didn’t love? There needs to be something more to explain this than merely “master/servant’ bond and “Yuuki’s dumb.” And I expect that to be explored before I’ll be able to enjoy Zeki again. 

Parallels: VKM 13′s first and last scene bookends and Nights 49 & 61

I’m putting this in its own section simply because I want to highlight it and it doesn’t exactly fit above. There are quite a few scene parallels going on here because we’re still rushing through the Kuran Manor arc redux. First I’ll address the parallels between VKM 13′s first two scenes, then between VKM 13′s final scene and Nights 49 and 61.

The VKM 13 Bookends

Hino’s pretty good about bookend scenes. We’re clearly meant to compare/contrast VKM 13′s opening scene with it’s finale scene. Here’s what I found:

The first shot we see is Yuuki and Zero looking at each other on the title page. The last shot we see is them embracing but not mutually, nor are they looking at each other. 

Yuuki attacks Zero in the first scene, only to be rebuffed gently. Zero attacks Yuuki in the final scene, with no resistance from Yuuki. 

The first scene takes its time and slowly unfolds for the reader to give a sense of romance. The final scene rushes through what actually occurs over a long span of time to give a sense of chaos and urgency.

Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the first scene and he delicately and honestly handles them in the correct way, reassuring her of how his feelings have evolved by playfully tousling her hair. Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the final scene and he agrees with her and assaults her with no playfulness.

Yuuki comes away from the first scene more at peace with the situation than when she started it, though she’s clearly still concerned about something. She comes away from the final scene with no indication that she feels any more peaceful, and in fact she seems to feel worse. 

Zero responds to Yuuki’s fears correctly in the first scene and incorrectly in the second. 

A deliberate contrast like this in the same chapter is necessary to help people both recall that Zero’s generally a good man (and thus his actions at the end of VKM 13 are out of character and something to take note of) and to demonstrate that Zero and Yuuki can communicate in a more healthy way ordinarily. The parallels otherwise remain superficial, but the key takeaway is that things are “right” in the first scene and “wrong” in the last. 

VKM 13 vs. Nights 49 & 61

Several Kuran Manor arc parallels in this scene. I’m just going to list them:

Hino has multiple shots of just Zero’s eye in VKM 13, which is exactly like what she does with Kaname in Night 49. 

Hino eroticizes Yuuki’s expressions during the biting section of VKM 13, which mirror her expressions in Night 49 (also a scene where she “gave in” to a partner’s desires despite being upset/guilty herself rather than loving).

The blood splatters on Yuuki in VKM 13 mirror the multiple bites from Kaname in Night 61. 

Yuuki caressing Zero’s face and confessing her fears mirrors her reactions to Kaname in Night 61.

Yuuki’s weakened from the extreme blood loss in VKM 13 exactly as she was in Night 61.

Zero’s surface reason for egregiously biting Yuuki in VKM 13 mirrors Kaname’s surface reason for egregiously biting her in Night 61.

The parallels to the Kuran Manor arc are important because it shows that Zero’s behavior is wrong no matter the context. Kaname had “reasons” for treating Yuuki badly too, but those reasons aren’t excuses and shouldn’t be used as excuses. Just because Yuuki gives in to the abuse doesn’t make the abuse right. But that’s all I want to say on this subject for now, because this post is literally a novella now and I’m tired of writing it. 

The End Of The Line

So to sum up, this was in my opinion a horrible chapter and a blight on Zeki as a pairing and I expect Hino to clear it up immediately and stop dragging her damn feet. 

Otherwise, we’re going along quite well as far as narrative trajectory goes. I see one of two things happening: either a.) Hino keeps dragging this shit out and doesn’t let Zero leave or b.) she lets Zero leave finally. We may or may not get an apology, but if we don’t get an apology I will officially be done with the ship, though for personal reasons I’m not leaving the fandom until the end. Zero’d better apologize for this shit. It’s inexcusable; I don’t care how badly Yuuki’s treated him or how much she deserves it, I expect better from him. If I were his grandmother, that’s what I’d say to him.

@soulisthirsty mentioned to me that she thinks next chapter would be perfect for a Zeki breakup, as it’s conveniently the end of Volume 3. That would be the best Christmas present I could receive. This “restart” has been nothing but a joke and the sooner Zeki breaks up, the sooner we can have a genuine move toward a real relationship.

At this point, I feel that Yuuki doesn’t love anyone. I don’t think her actions imply she loves Zero anymore. I don’t think she loves Kaname. I think she’s a confused, unhappy woman who needs to sort herself out. A break up would do this for her--I think in order to actualize herself she needs to face her fears of being alone and overcome them. She’s been sitting on these fears since arc 1 of the original series, and in order to be a true heroine she’s got to overcome them to earn her happy ending.

Ideally, I’d like them to break up for 50-100 years. I’d like to see Zero actually try dating other girls, maybe even sleeping with them, maybe even having a family/kids of his own who are human. I’d like to see Yuuki try to live her life alone and lie in the bed she’s made for herself. I’d like to see her start appreciating the life Zero gave her. I could easily see Hino covering this span of time within 2-3 chapters if she wanted to (so in volume 4), then allowing the drama over the Vampire King to bring Zero and Yuuki naturally back into each other’s orbits, where they can fall in love naturally for the first time, both of them healed and whole.

But likely what we’ll get is a rebenching where Zero just uses the Vampire King as an excuse to put the relationship on cool down and have them go back to meeting at the bench. He’ll probably start looking for ways to revive Kaname, leading to the cure debacle. This will likely force Yuuki to have to at least deal with something regarding her feelings, whatever it is that finally makes her capable of sleeping with Zero to conceive Ren. *sigh* 

Zero, just realize that your true love is Aidou! Please! I beg you! *sigh*

Anyway, I can’t believe I made it through this monstrous chapter. I feel absolutely exhausted. Whoever makes it through this thing has my sincerest gratitude and admiration. But for now, I’m calling it quits. 

Until next time!

[i-write-things-sometimes-x]

Lone Wolf (Stiles Stilinski x OC) Chapter 7- Aftermath

Masterlist | Next Chapter | Previous Chapter

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x fem OC (Riley Lowe)

Summary: Riley Lowe was torn from her quiet life in Jacksonville, Oregon to move to Beacon hills with a friend when a terrible tragedy tore through her family. Once a happy, loving girl, Riley had now became detached and cold, letting no body past the walls she had now built so high, until him.

(kind of AU where the pack can be normal teenagers/ Werewolves can get drunk)

Warnings: Strong language, Explicit Content

Word count: 1,983

I do not own the Teen Wolf Characters or story.

I do not own any of the Gifs used in my stories, I usually find them on Google and Pinterest and all credit goes to the creators

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The party ended in the small hours of the morning. Stiles had left with Scott and the rest sometime during my last song. While I stayed until the very last group of people left, making sure everyone got home safe, and making a start on the clean up. It had been a couple weeks since the party, and ever since, Stiles had seemed to avoid me like the plague. I had even sat with the group sometimes for lunch as Lydia had pretty much insisted, dragging me out of my peaceful little bubble. And even though I didn't talk much either, Stiles went out of his way to avoid meeting my eyes and barely spoke a word to me, which is far from the Stiles I had observed since I met him. A part of me was disappointed, but the other relieved. I could feel myself beginning to catch feelings for him other than simply finding him attractive, and that both slightly excited and terrified me.

I sighed softly, absentmindedly strumming a tune on the acoustic guitar in the music class that I had now as good as claimed as my own, this time choosing to sit on the floor. I began humming along with the song, until I heard footsteps approaching the room. "Stilinski, surprised to see you here" I say without looking up from my fingers that were expertly gliding from one chord to the next. "How-" He said exasperated. I lifted my head, raising an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah, the werewolf thing- gotchya" He said before throwing his bag to the floor and lowering himself to sit opposite me, crossing his legs. My heartbeat beginning to quicken with how close he sat next to me. " Can I do something for you?" I say, half sarcastic, half genuinely interested in why he was all of a sudden not avoiding me. "Oh, uh-" he began, obviously becoming embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand which he seemed to do often. "I was wondering if it was okay to study in here with you, I genuinely don't know how much more third wheeling of Scott and Allison I can take. I mean they're cute and all but really, it's exhausting." I let out a chuckle "Damn, it must really be bad if you've resorted to talking to me" I smirk, it coming out more bitter than I intended. I watched as his face contorted with guilt. "Yeah about that- I'm sorry I just-" I stopped playing, and smiled. "I was just joking Stilinski, it's cool, just forget about it." In reality, there was nothing I wanted more than to re-live that kiss over and over until my lips were swollen and raw. However, I brushed it off, anxious that he may not feel the same way and that the kiss didn't actually mean anything. That he was just drunk and being a typical hormonal guy. He then forced a soft, awkward laugh. "Easier said then done" He muttered softly under his breath as I had continued to play, not catching his remark as I was back into my oblivious little bubble that I go into when I played, completely in my element. He then just sighed and listened contently, a smile playing on his face as he took out his study books and made a start.

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A few more weeks had passed and Stiles and I had spent every free period together like that since. It at first, started with the whole hour spent on the floor in a comfortable silence. Me in my bubble, completely engrossed in playing and singing, whilst unbeknown to me, Stiles spent most of the time laying down listening to me play intently, getting some studying done here and there, but usually too enamoured with my voice and watching my fingers glide effortlessly from chord to chord to get much done.  We also had the occasional discussion about comic books and movies, and I would sometimes help him out with anything he was stuck with as I had pretty much perfect grades. But as the weeks progressed, we had grown quite accustomed to being around one another, actually becoming quite good friends despite my constant efforts to distance myself, it had proved impossible with his incessant charm and adorable awkwardness.  We then progressed to talking for the whole hour whilst also doing our own thing, learning most of what was to know about each other. I learned about his mom, and how she got ill had passed away, how he loved star wars, and had a supernatural crime board in his bedroom, all of the things that he and Scott had been through, that his favourite takeout food was a burger and curly fries and how he dreamed of becoming an FBI agent one day. I however, had only told him small things up until now, like how my favourite food is basically anything Italian, the fact that I liked to draw sometimes in my spare time, the comics and movies that I loved that we both had in common and how I had a genuine fear of moths of all sizes to which he found hysterical. Until today.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So... the eyes?" Stiles said suddenly, looking up from his study book, which he lay next to on his stomach in front of me, breaking my concentration from playing. "do you have any theories about why they're purple? I mean, I've never seen anything like it and I have met many werewolves since I learned that you know- they actually existed." I let out a genuine laugh, to which Stiles met with a smile. Happy to see that I had started to lower the wall I had up around me.

Thinking about it, I then spoke, looking down at him from my seated position, guitar placed in my lap. "Well to be honest, I have no clue of the real reason why. I may have a theory but it's kind of stupid." I said averting my gaze in embarrassment. "Ri, it's me you're talking to", he said, a grin forming on his lips as he continued. "Nothing you say to me could possibly be any more embarrassing than a werewolf having a fear of moths." He said bursting out in laughter. The mere sound of that adorable fucking laugh causing those butterflies to yet again stir in stomach for the millionth time these past few weeks. "Ha, Ha, Ha" I said laced with sarcasm, playfully throwing my plectrum at him. He then feigned shock at the action that damn mischievous sparkle in his auburn eyes, a smile threatening to burst through his act. "Abuse" He said, a shit eating grin making it's way onto his face and I rolled my eyes. His grin then slowly faded from his face "No, but really, tell me" he said softly, encouraging me to continue. I sighed, debating on whether or not that I was ready to talk to someone other than Derek about what had happened.

"I tell you what, if you want, you can come over to my place tonight. I'll continue to help you study for the test tomorrow, and I'll tell you then." I said, knowing that there was no way that I wanted to delve into my past at school, not trusting myself to be able to hold myself  together. A look of pure shock was plastered on Stiles' face, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Y-you want me to come to your place?." I chuckled at him, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach that began to rage at the thought of Stiles and I actually hanging out outside of school for the first time, realising just what I had gotten myself into. "Yes, my place" I said with an amused grin. He then gulped then let out an exasperated chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck, his favourite thing to when he was nervous. This fucking boy just continues to make me like him with how adorable and dorky he is. "Uh- y-yeah sure, um what time should I come over?" He said a bashful grin on his face. "Um, is 8 okay for you? I just gotta help Derek out with some things first." I say nonchalantly, pretending that the thought of him in my bedroom didn't cause my heart to pound against my chest. Again, a massive grin made it's way on his adorable face. The bell then rang loudly, alerting everyone that it was lunch break. "Well, I'll see you then Stilinksi." I said with a genuine smile, picking up my bag and leaving stiles still grinning in the music room to go and spend the lunch break reading in blissful solitude.  

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After school I had helped Derek with grocery shopping and helped with putting it away. Also helping him to clean the apartment a little as most of the small messes were mine. "Hey kid, I'm not going to be home tonight, do you think you'll be okay on your own?." Derek shouted to me from the kitchen. "Yeah I should be fine, where are you going?" I asked intrigued as although Derek is usually gone for most of the night, he never actually ever left me home alone overnight. He then enters the living room, a rare genuine smile on his face, well dressed in some nice black jeans and a dark dress shirt. And I gasped slightly. "Well, you know the extremely beautiful girl that helped you pick your outfit for the party that worked in that store?" "Yeah?" I chuckled, an amused smile playing on my lips. "Well.." He said leaning against the door frame. "I may or may not have a date with her tonight and if all goes well.." He trailed off with a smirk. "Oh god D, TMI" I said chuckling. He let out a loud and amused laugh. "What about you? you have any plans tonight little wolf?" he said, amusement in his tone while looking in the mirror, adjusting the collar on his dress shirt. "Not really... just studying, Oh!" I said remembering that I had forgotten to ask Derek's permission. "Is it cool that Stiles comes over? I'm helping him study for a test we have tomorrow, the poor boy is hopeless at math." I said laughing, my tone softening as I talked about him. Derek then spun around, a smirk on his face "Stiles?" Causing me to roll my eyes playfully. "Yes Stiles, is that okay?" I laughed. "Sure kiddo, just make sure to use protection, can't have the little wolf having any littler wolves" He burst into laughter and my entire face began to burn up in embarrassment "Ha, Ha" I said throwing a pillow at his face playfully, trying to conceal how mortified I was. "Hey, watch the hair" He said, turning to fix his slightly ruffled hair in the mirror, a smirk still playing on his lips, obviously amused with himself. He then walked over and kissed my forehead, smelling of expensive cologne. "I'll see you tomorrow kid, i'm just a call away if you need me, I've left you some money to get some food, and the spare key to lock up is on the kitchen table." He said offering me a fond smile. A warmness spread through my body, the feeling of being loved, and cared for. Something I hadn't felt in a long while. Derek truly was my family, my big brother, blood or not, and I am infinitely grateful to have him. He then smiled and left the apartment, the door slamming quietly, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

[romancatholicreflections]

6th February 2017 >> 'Creation Is Dependent On God For Its Independence' ~ Daily Reflection on Today's Mass Readings for Roman Catholics on Monday, Fifth Week in Ordinary Time.

SCRIPTURE READINGS: [ GEN 1:1-19; PS 103:1-2,5-6,10,12,24,35; MK 6:53-56 ] Today, the Church invites us to reflect on the origin of life and this universe. When we contemplate on nature and creation, we are filled with awe at the splendor of this earth and the entire creation. Who could have engineered such a reality? The book of Genesis speaks of the beginning of creation and the human race in a primitive and unscientific way suitable to the people at that time. Yet what is at stake is not how the world comes into being, that is, the process but the origin and why of creation. The scripture is not a textbook on science but a revelation of the plan of God for humanity. The Word of God is concerned with the why, not the how of the beginning of creation. The Christian answer to the origin of creation is that God alone is the cause of creation and the why of creation. He is the primary cause and the efficient cause of creation. Hence our faith and creed begins with this declaration, “I believe in one God, the Father, the almighty, creator of heaven and earth, and of all that is visible and invisible.” This profession of faith that God is the creator of all that exists is not so much a scientific statement but a theological statement concerning our salvation. Unless God is in full control of the origin and destiny of creation, we will be living under the capricious laws of nature. Unless, God is our creator and therefore our origin, our destiny is not certain. Indeed, the denial of the existence of God as the creator has led many to lose their purpose in life. Those who subscribe to pantheism or process philosophy do not believe there is a creator. Life therefore becomes a cyclical process of dying and rising and being born again. There is no goal and no purpose in life. There is no destiny but simply a continuous and unceasing repetition of history. There is no goal except to enjoy as much as we can in this life because the time will come when we will die, and then we will be reborn again to the next life. It goes on and on for all eternity. It does not explain the origin and purpose of life but simply describing the process and the phenomenon as is seen. For this reason, the origin of creation is dependent on God’s revelation to us of His plan. For those of us who subscribe to God as the creator, we come to realize that we are totally dependent on God. Without God, we do not exist. Our absolute dependence on God from the first moment of our existence reminds us of our creatureliness. This does not mean that we are not independent. On the contrary, creation has a limited autonomy from God but the point remains that even the autonomy of man is dependent on the goodness of God. He loves us so much that He has granted creation some independence to manage itself. Indeed, being a creature and especially for us human beings, independence is an essential element of our creaturely character. But our independence is dependent on Him. In this way, we can speak of the freedom of the individual, and yet this independence is totally dependent on Him. This is what the creation story wants to underscore. Our dependence on God is through the bounty of God’s love. Indeed, the greatest sin of idolatry is to make ourselves the creator, which is what the scientific world is doing today. They think the existence of the world is dependent on them. Man, because of his achievements, has become so proud as to glorify himself instead of God. The implication therefore is that the scientific theory of evolution is not against the teaching of the Church on creation, so long as it maintains that God is the origin of all life and the efficient cause of all things in existence. Regardless whether it is the big bang theory or the evolution theory, these remain scientific theories and outside the scope of the intention of the book of Genesis. What we need to maintain doctrinally without compromise is that God is the primary source of life. This is the judgment of the author of Genesis when he ended each day by declaring, “God saw that it was good.” Only by recognizing God as creator, our origin and destiny, can we feel secure in this world, knowing that this world is under His charge and that all of us who are His creatures are oriented towards Him as the goal and destiny of life. We do not live only in this world and for this world, but the autonomy of creation means that we are called to share in the life and goodness of God. Thus, even in our independence we remain continuously dependent on God, for we cannot exist without Him. This independence of human beings cannot be misunderstood to exclude the creative activity of God completely, as science is suggesting. We must not fall into Deism, that is, into thinking that God has brought the world into its being and now has retired, leaving the world to operate on its own. To speak of our dependence on God for our independence means to admit that God is in our inmost core when we are acting. God acts in and through us. We must never imagine God to be a cause in the category of causes in this world. Rather, He is the cause in a transcendent manner, that is, outside the series of causes in this world. He is the primary cause of creation. He is not the first in a series of causes, like a woman giving birth to her child or a painter to a painting. Rather, He is the primary and sustaining cause outside of this world. We must therefore avoid falling into humanism, which suggests an absolute autonomy from God or more than that, a denial of God. It is fundamentally the sin of impiety which is the cause of all sins. When God is denied as the creator, man supplants the place of God. Instead of God creating man, man makes himself the creator of God. When God is banished from the face of the earth, we are left to ourselves to manage the world. Without any reference point to our beginning and a destiny, we live in flux, being swept by the changing values of the world, swayed by changing opinions. This is why today we are living in a world of relativism and pragmatism. Decisions are not based on eternal values but on changing circumstances. What is good for today will not hold for tomorrow. So it is a question of expediency that determines our values; not whether it is based on truth. For those of us who understand and accept that God is the creator, and recognizing our dependence on Him, we become truly free; more than the world. This is because we know where we come from and what our destiny is. Real independence and freedom is when we are rooted in God. The more we are connected to God, the freer we become. We know our purpose and meaning in life. We know that this life is but a pilgrimage to the fullness of life that lies beyond this earth. This awareness will prevent us from clinging to the things of this world and help us to be detached from the beauty of creation. We come to realize that the things of this world are meant to help us to employ them for the service of love. This enables us to enjoy this world and yet be free enough to give away and share the resources we have with others, for at the end of the day, what matters is love and relationship. At the same time, even though we are not a slave to the created things of this world, yet because they manifest the glory of God, we are careful to use them well to glorify Him and not destroy His creation. The psalmist invites us to recognize the Lord in creation. “Bless the Lord, my soul! Lord God, how great you are, clothed in majesty and glory, wrapped in light as in a robe! You founded the earth on its base, to stand firm from age to age. You wrapped it with the ocean like a cloak: the waters stood higher than the mountains. How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you have made them all. The earth is full of your riches. Bless the Lord, my soul!” Our prayer is that “the Lord rejoice in his works!” Thus, the protection of the earth is part of Christian faith not because we are pantheists worshipping the earth as god but because it manifests the glory of God and we want to use the things of this earth in such a way that glorify God by using it responsibly for the good of humanity. Let creation be the glory of God.” Just as creation is a miracle for us, this miracle continues even when humanity defaces and destroys God’s creation because of sin, especially of selfishness and self-centeredness. In the gospel, we have Jesus who continued the miracle of creation by exercising stewardship over creation. This is seen in the earlier episode when He demonstrated His power over nature by multiplying loaves for 5000 people. In the gospel, we also see Jesus’ power over nature by His healing miracles, restoring the sick to wholeness. Just as God created the world out of love and out of His goodness, He continues to act in this manner even today. We can be confident therefore, to turn to Jesus to restore us to wholeness when we are sick, spiritually, emotionally or physically. Jesus, who is the Lord of the Sabbath and of creation, can heal us of all our sins and afflictions. But this also calls for responsibility in that we must be respectful of creation, including the human body by not abusing it through the lack of sleep, the use of drugs and alcohol or to use it for selfish acts. Let us use our body to glorify Him for the glory of God is found in man fully alive. In this way, we show ourselves to be good stewards of God’s creation. Written by The Most Rev William Goh Roman Catholic Archbishop of Singapore © All Rights Reserved Best Practices for Using the Daily Scripture Reflections Encounter God through the spirit of prayer and the scripture by reflecting and praying the Word of God daily. The purpose is to bring you to prayer and to a deeper union with the Lord on the level of the heart. Daily reflections when archived will lead many to accumulate all the reflections of the week and pray in one sitting. This will compromise your capacity to enter deeply into the Word of God, as the tendency is to read for knowledge rather than a prayerful reading of the Word for the purpose of developing a personal and affective relationship with the Lord. It is more important to pray deeply, not read widely. The current reflections of the day would be more than sufficient for anyone who wants to pray deeply and be led into an intimacy with the Lord.

[timeflies1007-blog]

Doctor Who Reviews by a Female Doctor, Season 6, p. 2

The Doctor’s Wife: “Bigger on the inside” has been a feature of the TARDIS since the show began, but in this gorgeous episode Neil Gaiman manages to make it look like the show’s creators invented the concept with this story in mind. A love story between a man and a time-space machine has plenty of potential to go awry, but it’s achingly beautiful here, and it brings out the very best in Smith’s Doctor.

           I’m not especially enamored of the planet that the Doctor, Amy, and Rory land on, or of House as a villain, because disembodied voices don’t make for great antagonists even when they make cool special effects happen on the TARDIS. (I do like the name, though—it’s appropriate to have a villain named House in an episode that features an attack on the Doctor’s home.) While the eerie atmosphere is very nicely done, both on the planet itself and on the Ponds’ frightening dash through the TARDIS, when thinking back on this episode I mostly forget everything that isn’t centered on the Doctor and the TARDIS in human form.

I thought at first that the human embodiment of the TARDIS was doing a little bit too much of a Helena Bonham Carter impression, but I eventually find Suranne Jones’s performance to be quite distinctive and entirely appropriate for the character she is playing. Her speech patterns look like nonsense at first, but they’re very carefully ordered nonsense, and they proceed according to the kind of logic that a time machine might plausibly have. I can completely believe that tenses would be enormously difficult for someone who spends most of her existence shuttling back and forth across time, and watching her trying to figure out the right expression (“You’re going to steal me. No, you have stolen me. You are stealing me”) is possibly the most enjoyable sequence of verb conjugation ever on television. It’s tremendous fun watching the Doctor and the TARDIS go back and forth in their not-quite-lining-up dialogue for a while, but their interaction gets much more emotional as soon as they start to discuss the origins of their relationship: “Borrowing implies the intention to return the thing that was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?” says the TARDIS. They continue to have an adorably quirky exchange of perspectives on their long friendship, including the information that the Doctor has been pushing the TARDIS doors open for hundreds of years in spite of the “Pull to Open” sign. As entertaining as this is, her assertion that she “always took [him] where [he] needed to go” is the heart of their dialogue, and it’s true—as crazy as their adventures have been, she’s always brought him to the right places.

           As good as much of the episode is, it’s the absolutely transcendent ending that stays with me. While I don’t love House as a villain, he brings out the Doctor’s anger to a fascinating degree, and the Doctor’s response to House’s boast of killing hundreds of Time Lords (“Fear me, I’ve killed all of them”) is quietly chilling. The TARDIS’s destruction of House is beautifully done, and Gaiman’s script deftly makes the notion of “bigger on the inside,” function not as a description of physical space but as a description of a soul. Her definition of “alive” as something that is “sad when it’s over” already turns the scene into one of the Doctor’s most emotional exchanges ever, and then the scene manages to exceed even those heights as she gives the Doctor a tearful final hello. I think one could make a pretty strong argument that “I just wanted to say…hello” is the best individual line in the 50+ year history of the show; it encapsulates so perfectly both the quirkiness of the Doctor’s relationship with his time machine and the emotional ramifications of personal connections that don’t quite occur in the expected order. The conversations between the Doctor and the TARDIS have proceeded outside of any discernible order for the entire episode, so of course, once they have to part, their conversation concludes with its beginning. It’s not quite the last line, though, because if you listen very carefully, you can hear an “I love you” from the TARDIS, just as she fades away.

           The Doctor’s slight shift of his jaw right after she disappears is possibly the saddest he has ever looked, but the episode ends on a much more joyful note, as the Doctor tends to the TARDIS’s newly-restored machine form. (He also creates a new bedroom for Amy and Rory, this time without bunk beds, in spite of his insistence on the coolness of “a bed with a ladder!”) I completely believe his assertion that his attachment to the TARDIS, long after everyone else is gone, is “the best thing there is,” and the TARDIS gives an awfully cute little wobble when he does something with a wire. He looks sad for a moment as he wonders whether or not the TARDIS can hear him, but then she moves a lever on her own and his rush of joy as he whirls around the controls is the perfect ending to an absolutely glorious episode. A+

The Rebel Flesh: The title of the second part of this story is appropriate for the tale as a whole, as its characters almost seem like believable people. I sort of like Cleaves, Jimmy, and the rest of the group, but they never quite gel into completely convincing human beings. It is a huge improvement from the author’s first episode, “Fear Her,” but his writing has basically risen from bad to okay-ish.

The beginning of the episode is promising. I quite like the setting—the combination of the old monastery building, the Dusty Springfield record, and the futuristic technology is oddly appealing. The Flesh is introduced well, in an intriguing scene that sees a character casually grousing while being melted with acid before revealing that the dead body was a Flesh avatar. The use of the Flesh to carry out dangerous missions establishes an interesting set of ethical questions about what constitutes life, and the electrical storm allows these questions to come to the forefront in a meaningful way. The feelings of the Flesh creatures are also interestingly conveyed, particularly in a monologue that sees Jennifer describing her memories of an imagined second self during a childhood catastrophe; it’s a particularly intriguing choice because it sets up the character’s belief in multiple selves as existing even before the electrical storm made this a physical possibility. I don’t really like the Flesh, though, in part because the visual is just so grotesque that it distracts from my enjoyment. The image of Jennifer’s head at the end of a serpent-like neck is particularly disturbing, but there are a lot of moments in which I start to think “ooh, this is interesting!” and then my brain switches over to “nope, they look like yogurt on legs.” I get that this is a show about monsters, and they’re often slimy and unpleasant, but the sight of Flesh extending as the bodies destabilize just comes across as such a poorly-done special effect that I have trouble separating my interest in the concept from my irritation at how silly it looks. It’s an entertaining episode, but one that never feels very high stakes, with the exception of the cliffhanger about having a Flesh Doctor. Other than the weird visuals, there isn’t much to dislike here, but I don’t find it especially memorable. B-/C+

The Almost People: This is maybe a slight step up from part one, but it still never reaches the concept’s potential. I like having two Doctors around, and the Flesh people really do bring about some interesting ethical questions, but there isn’t a particularly imaginative response to those questions. The attention to doppelgangers is interesting as a component of the seasonal arc; you can see the wheels turning in Amy’s head as she remembers the events of “The Impossible Astronaut” and realizes the possibilities inherent in having someone who looks like the Doctor but isn’t the Doctor. The issue of a doppelganger’s humanity is resolved simplistically, though, because the end of the episode leaves us with just one surviving member of each human/doppelganger pairing. I was confused, at first, about why the Doctor was all right with destroying Amy’s flesh avatar after insisting on the humanity of the others throughout the episode, but if I’m understanding it correctly, the electric shock that galvanized the flesh avatars during the storm created a more permanent identity for those creatures, and since Amy was in a different point in the monastery, I don’t think that she got quite the same result. (This would definitely have benefited from greater clarity.) In the end, the response to the question of whether or not the Flesh counted as human boils down to, “I guess so,” which doesn’t give us a memorable resolution.

The minor characters continue to be interesting-ish without being quite as good as I want them to be, and the weird visuals put me off as much as they did in the last episode. (I do still like the monastery, though.) The interaction between the real Doctor and the Flesh Doctor is stronger than their interactions with the rest of the ensemble, but even this is not the best version of the multiple Doctors concept. The most noteworthy thing about this episode is the end, in which we discover that Amy has been a Flesh avatar for the whole season, and her real body has been held captive by Madame Kovarian and is about to give birth. The specifics of the process by which a human consciousness makes the flesh move are a bit unclear to me—the characters throughout the episode have seemed to be conscious of the fact that they are flesh avatars, but she doesn’t seem to be. That aside, it is a genuinely shocking development that I didn’t expect at all, and it works better for me than the sudden death of Rory did as last year’s mid-season twist. After an episode about the same memories being attached to two bodies, it is especially interesting to realize that Amy has spent this entire half-season being detached from her own body, existing as a sort-of embodied, sort-of disembodied avatar. The episode leaves us an in intriguing spot, but it doesn’t do anything remarkable on the way there. B-/C+

A Good Man Goes to War: Much of this episode feels like we might be in the wrong story. The Doctor’s dialogue, the violence, even the physical appearance seems more like a Star Wars-esque saga than the kind of story that we’ve come to expect from this show. This has a lot of potential to be off-putting, and I would say that there are moments when it is, but the episode is careful to set up exactly why this is happening, and to create consequences that are precisely tied to the behavior of the characters. The episode also manages to wring as much fun as possible out of this rather unusual tone; there is an exuberance at work here that holds the episode together even when some rather questionable things occur.  

           This episode is notable in part because of its inclusion of a variety of important minor characters. It’s our first introduction to Vastra, Jenny, and Strax, and while they’re not quite as fantastic here as they are in later episodes, they are an immediate joy. Vastra gets a particularly good entrance, having just eaten Jack the Ripper. Strax’s comedic nature is also immediately on display here; his opening scene features him telling a military man “I hope some day to meet you in the glory of battle, where I shall crush the life from your worthless human form. Try and get some rest.” Dorium is a fun presence, and I enjoy his self-centered reaction to the Doctor’s plea for help. Lorna Bucket…is a terrific name, but not a terrific character. I do enjoy her very sweet conversation with Amy, but otherwise she’s mostly in the episode to provoke the Doctor’s guilt by tragically dying, which is tiresome. (At least she’s not in a literal refrigerator, like Abigail.) Madame Kovarian, who has appeared for brief moments in previous episodes but steps into a larger role here, is a striking presence. Frances Barber does a great job with the role, and her enjoyment of her own victory is entertaining enough, but she never really acquires the depth that some other villains have. The Silence are such a compelling and interesting presence this season that they seem like the main antagonists much more than she does, and so she can come across as something of a plot device. If we’d seen a little bit more of the factors motivating her need to destroy the Doctor, that would have made her a much more interesting figure, but she gets too caught up in being the conventional evil figure and we never really learn very much about the actual beliefs underlying the Kovarian sect.

           This is especially sad because the power structure set up here truly looks fascinating, but we continuously get tiny bits of information, like the Gamma Forests being “heaven neutral,” without getting any kind of elaboration. I keep wanting to get more information about how this theological system works and where the Doctor fits into it, but the glimpses that we get of it are definitely intriguing. While Madame Kovarian lacks depth, she does set up a tremendously energetic plot, in which both of the warring armies put together a dazzling array of attempts to outwit their opponents. The Headless Monks are particularly creepy, and I like that there are patches of genuine intelligence throughout the cast of characters. The Colonel may wind up withdrawing at the Doctor’s command, but I like that he leads his army to disarm themselves immediately after the Doctor’s presence is revealed. It shows that he really has put thought into the kind of enemy he is facing, and he seems, for the time, like a relatively formidable opponent. The constant rush of information about what’s really going on—given to us through a variety of characters’ perspectives—is sometimes bewildering but definitely exhilarating.  

           The Doctor helps to build this sense of exhilaration, and until the end of the episode, he is pretty clearly enjoying his own efforts to track down and rescue Amy and her baby. With Rory’s assistance, he stages an explosive takedown of some Cybermen, and he clearly plans his appearance to the Headless Monks with its theatrical impact in mind. He’s certainly concerned about Amy, but he’s also doing a lot of swaggering and posing and making grandiose statements about his own need for rules. He has engaged in similar behavior before, such as his intimidation of the Atraxi at the end of “The Eleventh Hour” and his speech to the monsters in “The Pandorica Opens,” but this is probably the most gratuitous display of his ability to engage in spectacle. On both of those previous occasions, frightening the enemy was part of the objective, and so a certain amount of shouting and posturing was understandable. Here, though, he’s basically on a mission to rescue a kidnapping victim, which seems like something ideally accomplished by stealth. If he had snuck inside, he probably could have picked up Amy and maybe even Melody without causing too much of a stir, but he is so intent upon having revenge upon the people who hurt his friends that he practically puts on a Broadway show about how much they should be afraid of him. I sort of alternate between really enjoying Smith’s performance and just wanting to shout at the character for behaving stupidly, but it does seem consistent with the way the character has developed.

This continues until the episode’s memorable ending, which is remarkable in part because of the information that River reveals about herself, but, I would argue, even more so because of her explanation to the Doctor of the problems he has caused. The Doctor isn’t aware, yet, of some of the trouble he will cause for her, but this is the right point in her timeline for River to voice what he’s done to her. The Doctor is the reason why she is spending most of her time in Stormcage, even if she does break out on a regular basis, and his tendency to create a spectacle out of his own world-saving endeavors is the reason why the Kovarian sect felt the need to kidnap and brainwash her in the first place. This is River’s chance to tell the Doctor about what he has done to her, only she can’t really say very much at this point, because…well, spoilers. I was put off, initially, by the fact that “The Wedding of River Song” doesn’t give her the opportunity to express any sort of anger about how the Doctor’s fake death lands her in a very real prison cell, but the truth is that she does get that opportunity here, she just can’t give him the details of what is provoking some of her anger because for him, it hasn’t happened yet. She can’t tell him how much of her life he has uprooted, but she can tell him exactly where he’s gone wrong and just how much he’s departed from his ideals. This has to be an awfully frustrating moment for River, who can’t reveal most of what’s motivating her remarks, but I’m glad she at least gets an opportunity to articulate how many problems the Doctor has caused for her, even if she has to do it in a rather impersonal way. The relationship between these two has never been so thoroughly complicated by its lack of chronological rhyme and reason, and the need to avoid spoilers has never been quite so difficult.  

While she still has to withhold some details about future events, River does finally get to tell the Doctor and the Ponds who she is. The reveal of River’s identity works far, far better than it should; I think that many viewers had probably guessed who she was by this point, and I had seen spoilers so I knew for sure, but the lack of surprise has weirdly no impact on the quality of the scene. The Doctor’s delight at what he learns is so vivid and so infectious that it feels like a burst of knowledge even if you already knew everything, and there is something immensely satisfying about watching the secret come to light. River’s name appearing on the scrap of cloth from Lorna is a nice moment, and the soundtrack really is lovely here; the “ooh-ooh-ooh” vocalizations sound similar enough to material that supports Amy’s narrative in other episodes that it feels especially appropriate for her daughter here. It’s sort of a bizarre plot twist, and it could just come across as a shocking moment, but the interaction between the Doctor, River, Amy, and Rory is just so endearing that the scene comes across as charming rather than merely surprising.  

           The ending is good enough that it generally overcomes the frustrating bits of the episode. While I think that Lorna and Madame Kovarian needed some more development, the assembled cast of characters is generally entertaining enough here that they carry the storyline toward its major revelations in an enjoyable way. The Doctor’s behavior is fun at times, but also can get annoying; that being said, his arrogance is brought to an interesting point in his argument with River, and he is at least limiting himself to shouting at his enemies, rather than his occasional much more irritating tendency to direct his self-centered boasting at his allies. His sense of swagger has helped him to protect and comfort people before—in his very first episode, he pretty much convinced the Atraxi to leave permanently by inflating himself like a giant, bowtie-wearing pufferfish until they got scared. It’s understandable, to some degree, that he would come to rely too much on his own ability to function like a neon warning sign, but I appreciate the attention, here, to the ways in which it affects the well-being of the people around him. I appreciate even more that this ending sets up an exploration of this impact in a way that focuses on their feelings as much as his own. River having to censor her own anger for spoilers is one of the most interesting insights that we get into her experiences, this season, and, as the episode reaches its conclusion, Amy and Rory are finally aware of just how complicated their family is. Amy is clearly emotionally fraught, enough so that she’s willing to demand answers at gunpoint, and the episode ends just as she finally gets those answers. Amy’s general tendency is to assume that time is rewritable, but that confidence has never been so thoroughly challenged; once a timeline involves the kinds of complexities that River Song brings with her, it’s nearly impossible to rewrite. A-

Let’s Kill Hitler: The whole episode is basically a very high stakes screwball comedy, which is already sort of an odd concept and which becomes even odder when it is dropped into Nazi Germany. Major things are happening here, ranging from an attack on Adolf Hitler to the regeneration of River Song to the almost-death of the Doctor. There are pieces of this episode that are borderline disastrous, and others that are phenomenally good, and it’s not easy to figure out how to balance them against each other. I…like the episode a little bit, I guess?

           We continue the River-related revelations that began in the previous episode, this time with a focus on what her childhood was like after Madame Kovarian took her away from Amy. I don’t really buy the idea that “Mels is actually Melody, who is also River” is impossibly complicated; if you can describe a situation in a fairly short sentence, it’s not that reliant on convolutions. It does, however, introduce some complexities into the Ponds’ reaction to the loss of their child. Her role in their lives is a bit bizarre, particularly in the sense that she was present for the beginning of her parents’ romantic relationship, but it does at least give us a chance to return to young Amy, this time with the added presence of tiny Rory. Mels is right that, in one sense, they did get to raise her; the childhood sequences in this episode make her seem like a constant presence in their lives, so it’s really not the case that they didn’t get to see their child grow up, they just did so without realizing who she was. They also did so without realizing that she was being brainwashed by Madame Kovarian, and so they’re in the unusual position of finding out that their daughter is someone whom they know well while simultaneously finding out that they didn’t know her that well at all, really.

           Amy doesn’t seem like she quite knows how to react to things, which makes sense but also causes some difficulties for viewers trying to connect to Amy’s emotions. Several of the later episodes this season—“The Girl Who Waited,” “The God Complex,” and “The Wedding of River Song”—give us a really specific read on exactly what is happening in Amy’s mind and why it might not be translating into demonstrative emotions in a particularly conventional way. Because they are focused on why she is suppressing or ignoring certain feelings, it makes sense to show her being, essentially, silent about her emotions at this point. I would say that this episode and “Night Terrors” make sense in retrospect, once those later episodes point us toward the nuances of Amy’s psychological state, but both episodes can look sort of unsatisfying for the moment, because she currently seems to be underreacting and we don’t find out why until a couple of episodes later. This sort of delayed gratification isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, but I do think it would have been better if Moffat had found some way to signal the tensions within Amy’s mind at this point, so that viewers wouldn’t have already felt like they were being underplayed by the time the episodes that did flesh out her perspective came around.

           The rest of the episode is also a combination of some things that work extremely well and some things that don’t quite manage it. The Tesselecta are much more satisfying doppelgangers than the Flesh were earlier this season, and their cold, meticulous system of copying people in order to deliver punishment is terrifying. Their extremely clinical methods of transforming into other people, then miniaturizing them and leaving them to be killed by antibodies, are also brutal in a weirdly calm, organized way, which makes them even scarier. I don’t find doppelgangers to be the most interesting kinds of Doctor Who creatures in general, but these are, at least, a solid version of the concept.

           While it is, in some respects, a very scary episode, it’s also a story with some great pieces of comedy. I particularly like Rory punching Hitler and shoving him into a cupboard, and little Amelia as the matter-of-fact, pessimistic Voice Interface is really cute, as is Amy and Rory using their car to make a crop circle that spells out Doctor in order to get his attention. I would have liked to see a bit more interaction between the Doctor and River, but what we do get is fun, and the business with the gun and the banana is especially delightful. Her regeneration itself is an incredibly odd moment that generally fits quite well into the episode’s zany tone, although River’s immediate reaction to her new appearance is pretty ridiculously oversexualized. It’s sort of nice to see a character regenerate from a twenty-something into a body played by an actress who is nearly fifty and look pleased about it—I would definitely have been much more bothered if River had been lamenting her lost youth—but her raptures about her new body go on for way too long. (And we didn’t really need to know her plans about how much she’s going to wear jodhpurs now.) She has a good time running around Germany and causing chaos, though, and River’s effusive reaction to her own appearance aside, the episode generally does well when it’s giving us a fun glimpse into just how inherently silly time-travel adventures can be.

           When we get into more Serious Things, I’m somewhat less happy. The Doctor’s impending doom never feels like something that has any chance of happening, but I still like watching his efforts to cling to life. This goes on a bit too long, though, and so when River makes the decision to use her regenerations to save him, the whole thing feels rushed, and the emotional force doesn’t quite land. I can imagine this episode’s emotional structure actually working quite well if a few of the smaller pieces were more successful; it seems like the intention may have been to give us an unusually topsy-turvy world for much of the episode, and then pull the rug out from under that by turning toward a deeply emotional moment at the end. This is an interesting move, and one that has a huge amount of potential, as emotional revelations can hit even harder when they come out of nowhere and represent a sudden, massive shift in tone. This is a structure that requires a huge amount of finesse in order to pull it off, though, and River’s realization that the Doctor is important to her doesn’t quite create enough of a bridge between the episode’s general absurdity and its more sincere conclusion.

           This is an intensely difficult episode, far more so than the fun adventure that preceded it, and Moffat doesn’t quite pull it off. I really do like being swept up into such a madcap story on the heels of the last episode’s revelations, but it needed a lighter touch at the end. I can also imagine this being frustrating for viewers who watched in real time, as the long gap between the air date of this and “A Good Man Goes to War” would have built up a great deal of anticipation about how the characters would react to the revelation of River’s identity. I did not watch these when they first aired, and so was able to watch without the gap in time, but there is still a little bit of a sense of letdown, in spite of my general enjoyment of this story. B/B-

[leftt-unsaid]

For Mum

Dear Mum, 

The net curtains which line every window of every room in our semi-detached, have let in enough daylight in the early hours of this Tuesday morning for me to sit staring at a piece of paper. I’m starring at it as it lays awaiting purpose. This feeling is daunting but nowhere near as daunting as what I want to fill it with. 

I remember a time when life wasn't so hectic and because of it, much more memorable. When the little things were dinner table topics and lasted the entire meal. When the only conflict faced in the morning was what shoes I was going to wear or if you were going to put butterflies in my hair again, the ones that little boys laughed at me for once thinking they were real. Now it's more along the lines of whether I'm going to make it to places on time or if I’ll be able to wear my hijab without fear or confrontation. Not from strangers, but from my very own, very Hindu family. See mum, it's not just a phase like the other things that have gone and passed. It's something that came naturally, like breathing, but it's only now that I’ve been able to breathe.

Imagine that.

Not breathing.

Not living.

Or living completely for someone else. See Mum, I love you, more than I can and will love anyone else. You are my ray of hope and all other clichés that follow. I pray to become half the woman you are. The one I’ve known to be understanding and compassionate even whilst the world remains lacking.

My decision isn’t exactly one which is favoured given the current climate of worldly affairs. This warped view of an entire nation of people is not only unfair but fails to make sense. How can a religion that only insights peace become so hated? How can the actions of a fraction of a percentage of so-called “Muslims” speak on behalf of the masses? I know you share this view, that Muslims are inherently bad. But Mum, you know me, you know I’d never hurt anyone. I know you’ll worry for me too. The worry for whether I’ll make it home each day and remain untarnished from the brutality and hatred that comes from merely being apart of religion. But if I can be brave enough to accept the ignorant reality and live through it, surely you would support me. You did when I no longer wanted dance lessons or started wearing makeup, why is this so different?

Popular opinion dictates that you have failed as a parent, with three children who have strayed from the paths you have so mindfully paved. If failure is raising children who despite being brought up amongst violence, poverty, and discrimination, have still managed to find solace in themselves, then yes you have failed. But the thing is, your role as my mother was to raise me as a decent individual not a carbon copy of yourself. The life I’ve lived up till now has been a work of your screenplay, following every line and act has exhausted me mentally and physically. And all for what? To keep up with the frustrating expectations of our culture. But that’s where I have to draw the line. This is my religion, something I refuse to associate with my often pitiful culture. What would the community say, you ask? They would laugh and mock us I’m sure, but that would just be another limitation that comes in my way. Another excuse that just isn’t worth more wasted time.

I must confess, some of this is true but the decision was entirely mine. Not for the sake of acceptance amongst my peers or for a boy I once thought I loved but for the sake of something much greater, my creator and soul after this life. That’s the beauty of it, this decision was made with the purest of intentions, never to hurt you but to end my pain. Knowing that there is a force out there that’s greater than anything I’ve experienced soothes me, something out there is listening to my prayers and is watching over me. Not only have I opened this gate for myself, but now also for my children who won’t have to hide a beautiful secret. They will not have to tiptoe around in the early hours of the morning for Fajr prayer, rip the cloth from their heads upon arrival into their own home or spend a month in starved silence, alone.

The moment I submitted myself to God was immeasurable, I felt protected and loved all at once like a promise had been made and bound. It was just the beginning of a sacred relationship and that was truly amazing. I looked around me at the faces of sisters around me, some of which I had never met before, rejoicing in my transition.

I know you'll forgive me and accept me one day. I'd rather that sooner than later because I don't want to delay becoming whole. The only way I can make that happen is for you to understand that. Islam isn't something I found, rather Islam is the one thing that single-handedly saved me from the pettiness of this world. Islam built me up and still somehow kept me down. It humbled me, reminding me of who and what was important. There's a sense of innocence that was restored when I embraced faith - like I was born again with an extended family waiting for me. I know you hate it when I avoid the point and ramble but I just wanted you to know that I've made the best decision of my life (and for someone as indecisive as me, that's a bold statement).

I may not become the person that you set out for me to become, but maybe that's a good thing because I didn't know or like who I was becoming and that scared me. I know what you're thinking, and how exactly you're going to react and it keeps me awake at night.  It makes me sick knowing that I’m voluntarily hurting you. I wish I didn't have to put you through it, that I could leave without causing a scene because Mum, you deserve nothing but happiness, you've been through your fair share of shit and I shouldn't contribute to it.

Don't hate me, Mum, I wouldn't just be losing my best friend and first love, I'd be losing the best parts of myself, my drive, my compassion, my will to carry on. So please Mum, hear me out because there are no ifs or buts, I will have to do this even if that means without you, and that's a thought I can't bare to fathom. 

Yours, Nisha

[antonellafi]

TESTIMONIALS FOR LEVEL 1 AND LEVEL 2 COURSES I would just like to thank you both for the work you have shared with us & brought to this world. It's a massive breakthrough and I'm thankful to be part of it. The Level 2 Reference Point Therapy course was excellent I must say. I had a few breakthroughs that I thought I would share. Firstly coming into the course my hand was experiencing pain from an injury that occurred 2 weeks ago. The first time I was introduced to your visualization of Being the Creator and holding the universe in the palm of my hand, I tried it to heal my hand. Five seconds later there was a huge shift, no more pain! I was quite amazed. I also loved your work with healing inanimate objects. I healed my laptop at home which has been unable to connect to the internet for a month or so. It fixed that right up & it now connects a lot more efficiently. Awesome! Thanks! Tim Glico, therapist Simon & Evette, thank you so much for the course last weekend, I just love your new Reference Point Therapy work. I had been carrying with me for as long as I can remember a really deep seated sadness. Never being able to understand its origin, I had never been able to shift it, even though I had tried with many different healing modalities. After learning to use your technique on the weekend I was able to pinpoint the exact cause and clear it completely, all within about 20 minutes! The technique is so fast and simple, it's amazing! I can't thank you both enough, I feel wonderful, and I'm really looking forward to learning more when I attend your Intuitive Anatomy course. Linda Morati, healing practitioner Being a master practitioner of NLP, I am excited by the new tools now at my disposal that greatly simplify, enhance and speed up several NLP interventions. Chris Gibson, NLP Master Practitioner First of all I would love to thank you and Simon for running such an inspiring and for me life changing workshop [Level 1 Reference Point Therapy]. The energy in the group was purely beautiful. I took the time to look around at everyone in the class and saw beauty and felt love for everyone there. Which I can assure you I don't usually do. I am very fussy when it comes to where I choose to do a workshop and I certainly don't waste time walking out of a workshop or seminar if the energy or the place doesn't feel right for me. I came in on Friday night in immense pain and sat out the 2 hours in a mix of discomfort but also a knowing that something was shifting inside me. I always act on my gut insight and one of the things I believe in is synchronicity as a way of telling me I am on the right track. So many times when Simon was guiding us through something, I was already doing it or experiencing it just before he mentioned it, that made me so sure that yes we are all one and that when we are fully present we can experience the next experience before it happens because THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TIME, ONLY NOW. I felt my awareness grow immensely and was so surprised at how simple but extraordinarily valuable the teachings are. I left on the Sunday without any real pain which is the first time in a long time. I feel excitement about my next steps. I would like to book in to the next workshop ( if that is what they are called). And also the 12 day one. I am not worried about how the money will come, I will trust and set the intention that I am going to do the course and I am sure the universe will provide. I would also like to mention that as individuals and as a couple you are truly beautiful people and souls. Evette you are so very intuitive and confident and I also love the hidden shyness in you that is so endearing. And to you Simon, you teach and handle a class so well, I have a silent giggle to myself when you need to be a little abrupt, don't take that wrong, it is a strength, because some people can tend to rattle on and I think you handle those situations perfectly. Simon I see in you a vulnerability that I feel is a great strength. I think it is a trait that makes people feel safe with you but I am sure most people wouldn't pick up why they feel that way. Cathy Wambolt, teacher Hi Simon & Evette, I thought you might like to receive some feedback on your first Reference Point Therapy course. First of all I would like to thank you both for bringing this course to us. It brings together and expands on many of the concepts I have recently learned. I know (on a conscious level) instant healings and self healings are possible and believe it is our belief systems which prevent them from happening. Eckart Tolle's teachings are also very relevant and I am trying to teach myself to detach from ego and not be controlled by my mind, live in the now. Esther Hicks brought to us the concept of allowing and Wayne Dyer's interpretation of the Tao follows on from that. It is an amazing, simple thing. Some might say too good to be true (but that would be because of their belief systems). I am sharing all of this with you because you have brought all these concepts together and more in the RPT course and I am most grateful to you both for that. One thing I was still searching for, was how to connect with Source energy and how to feel that oneness & connectedness with all that is. I had learned that this is inside of us but still couldn't really understand how to connect. Thank you so much for teaching this to me and so simply and easily. It was probably the most powerful and enlightening thing I learned on the course and it was also the quickest and easiest thing to learn. I feel like I have found my way home. You also taught me how to connect with people on a heart to heart level. I felt a sense of knowingness with many of the other attendees as if I knew them from somewhere before. It showed me how to view people without any judgment, something I knew was important to learn but before I found this difficult to do. The course showed me how anybody can be clairvoyant and I surprised myself with the results I achieved. (So please don't take out the angel or jewelry readings exercises!) I look forward to seeing you both again. Joanna Walsh, chartered accountant (retired) ad Independent Arbonne Consultant I've been searching for and studying various self-help and spiritual practices for over 20 years and Reference Point Therapy is like taking everything I’ve learned, adding it all together and then putting it on steroids! Since then, I’ve been using Reference Point Therapy on various health issues, as well as uncovering and changing subconscious self-sabotage programs, and have noticed some amazingly quick changes for the better. Reference Point Therapy is, by far and away, the most powerful set of techniques I've ever come across and I can’t recommend it highly enough! Shane Marsh, technical manager I'd like to pass on an exciting piece of news to you and to Simon and Evette. Subsequent to the Manifesting and Abundance weekend, I have become engaged to a delightful man named Malcolm. This was one of my processes during the weekend: I set about four parameters, handed over the rest, made it clear that I was ready - and things progressed very quickly! Judy Boyd, yoga teacher and natural vision improvement teacher After a fall in the playground, our dentist confirmed that my 3 year old son's front, discolored, grey tooth was 'dead' and would appear that way until replaced by an adult tooth much later on. I am thus amazed to now see a perfect set of front teeth with no visible difference following a healing on my son. I used the techniques you taught us in the course. How can something so easy be so effective? Reference Point Therapy has given me a glimpse of the tip of the proverbial iceberg, of something truly magnificent that lies in front of us all. Miranda Brett, mother I would just like say that doing the Reference Point Therapy with Simon was truly amazing. I found Simon to be professional, yet he came across with warmth and taught the course with enthusiasm and passion. I could really feel the love that Simon has for people and that he cared for all of us in the class. All questions we had were answered with great depth. All the subjects in the course were covered in great detail and depth, yet in a way that it was clearly understood. Right up to the very end of the course Simon was just as enthusiastic at teaching as at the start. Also the food served at the morning and afternoon teas was really great as well ! Alex Milessis, Engineering Manager I have studied and practiced meditation, counseling, manifestation and energy work for about 10 years, but I am amazed to realise that I have made more personal progress in the last 3 weeks since doing Simon's courses than I did in the past 10 years! Sarah McLean, therapist, Melbourne It's great. Everyone should do it. The teachers were fantastic. This is fun, powerful, simple and very useful. Ian Nesbitt, engineer, Melbourne Real magic in your own hands! Abracadabra! John McKinnon, kinesiologist and Reiki master The most comprehensive, articulate and focused presentation of course material. One can't fail to learn with Simon's course. It's been amazing - a privilege. The warmth, welcome and love in the whole group was a unique experience. Thank you and Bless You immensely! D. Alexander, healing practitioner, Melbourne The Advanced Course went far beyond my expectations. The weekend came in a unique package wonderfully embellished with your amazing intellect, insight and intuition as guided by Grace. It was such a relief that it was effortless to absorb the teaching because you were so concise, clear, articulate and focused. We covered all and more of the expected material in such an easy to learn environment......Like a dance in Grace.!! It's the best course I've done to date. Jane Chapman, business woman Just do it! Baxter Welsh, electrician Marvelous course - outdid my expectations, full of epiphanies, fantastic teacher, wonderful group. Ian Alexander Thomson, writer Simon conducted himself professionally but with heart. I found him to be very warm and genuine with a sincere desire to help people and pass on what he has gained from his own personal experience. I felt he was coming from a good heart space and it was nice to see that he is intelligent and harmonious as well. Ruth Horinack, marketing co-ordinator: An ultimate healing tool that gives the life you want to live! Katina Mangan, accountant and Reiki master Before the healing course I was an expert at creating negative programs by thinking over and dwelling on the past. But after learning how to live without negative thinking and how to live in the present, friends have commented on how positive I am and that I look great. I haven't felt as enthusiastic, alive and energised since I was a child. Jacqui Lardner, flight attendant and massage therapist You will benefit amazingly from this course and come out with lots of positivity, and a new zing for your spiritual path! Stephie Moody, therapist After doing Simon's course I noticed an immediate change emotionally and physically. The non stop chatter in my head suddenly subsided. Now I can truly listen to people and absorb every single word they say. I feel content, focused, totally happy, confident, and like I belong, for the first time in my life. Solaris, healer and psychic My shoulders and neck have caused me excruciating pain and discomfort for over six years. A standard day would often include six pain killers, and several drinks nightly to numb the pain enough to get to sleep. After many forms of physical and spiritual therapy, I used Simon's techniques to heal my spine. The next day it hit me mid afternoon that I hadn't popped a pain killer and I didn't need one either. So far I have been naturally pain free for 2 months, for the first time in 6 years! Tjoni Johansen, designer It's important that the power of this tool be communicated clearly and effectively. Simon's inspirational and professional approach supported my learning in a grounded and ground-breaking way. Blocks I formally had were quickly removed and other psychic and healing 'spaces' were easily accessed with his faith and guidance. Simon's sharp observations met with his huge heart and made for an amazing journey which is still supported by him in follow up groups and with individual guidance. Truly amazing. So what are you meditating on? Go for it and have fun and meet your spiritual family. Genevieve Messenger, marriage celebrant For the first time in my life the soul and the body were totally connected and I can start feel my feelings after years of spiritual paths spending in my head. thank you RPT, thanks Simon and Evette. Hans Breuer, German teacher AnchorTestimonials - Private consultations I have had problems with my physical heart for several years. I had learned to live with daily pain in my heart for years. I have tried many alternative therapies without success. During my Reference Point Therapy session with Simon I felt physical shifts and there was a sweetness to the energy. Imagine my delight when the pain that had been my constant companion over the last several years was gone. The next morning I could feel the air going deeply and clearly into my lungs. I climbed Tacoma Dome District Hill two days in a row (this is a long steep hill). I feel energized. Actually, this is the most energy I have had in years. One month after the healing I made a pilgrimage to Machu Picchu in Peru - I hiked at high altitude for 4 days and I did fine. This would never have been possible before Reference Point Therapy. Now here's the best part: One of the ways that I had dealt with emotional heart pain in the past was to numb it out. This was discovered during the Reference Point Therapy process. I was finding security in creating numbness! The morning after my session with Simon I felt an expansive state of love and oneness for all those parts of my life where I experienced pain. Imagine being able to fill your heart with love for all those people and experiences that have hurt your heart. Val Moore, experienced healing practitioner / teacher and author of Healer Wisdom. Note: The new FTC laws require us to disclose the following: (a) We are not suggesting that this represents the usual outcome of a single RPT session. RPT is a advertised as an emotional trauma healing technique - the generally expected performance is an improvement in emotional wellbeing. There is no way to predict or expect physical healing outcomes such as these. (b) at the time that this testimonial was written there was a financial relationship between the parties. Specifically Simon Rose was the Australian distributor for Valeria Moore's book, Healer Wisdom. Also, 2 months after writing the testimonial, Valeria applied for, and was offered, the role of global manager of RPT.