#someday i'm gonna learn how to draw properly.. someday..

[hhhhleb]

some quick sketches

[fanged-cotl]

I'm interested in knowing about Lamb's follower spouses. What's each of their personalities like? How they became close to Lamb. How do they feel about Narinder? Does Narinder hold any jealousy towards them? Is there any fondness between them and Nari?

(you don't have to answer all of these, just listing off things my brain wonders about.)

I do actually have ideas of their personalities and roles in the cult and what happens with each character respectively but I honestly cannot put it into words until I at least create their ref sheets. (I am currently unmotivated to do it though..) How they grew close to lamb I have less in my head about and how they feel about Narinder i dont know either. I haven't gotten that far with the characters yet. I just recently named 2 of them. Im sorry y'all ;-; I can say that Narinder is jealous, yes.

The timeline I have for the spouse relationships is all kinda foggy rn. I dont know the best way to put things and what the best order of events would be without it being silly. I also wanna draw something about the aging and death of Lamb's first 2 spouses but I can't decide how I want to approach the resurrection ritual & how it would affect death in this universe. I was gonna make it so that resurrection does not affect aging, it just heals fatalities and keeps you alive again for a while. So those spouses did not want to be revived once they grew old. But uhh idk >.> Either way Narinder is not good at consoling Lamb's grieving. He is even critical of Lamb's attachment to followers. When Lamb's new spouse is around he still experiences jealousy (cuz he's still monogamous) , but at this point in time he's less of an ass about things. Learning to live among mortals and enjoy life, all that stuff.

Oh right you did not ask about any of that - oops-

my head is a mess of specific scenes that aren't properly tied together so sorry i'll figure it out someday maybe.. :,D

[eldritch-spouse]

the post with the masochistic( I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THAT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME)s/o and the biting part made me wonder how the others feel about it. Do they like it or dislike it and since Vinnel's condition prevents him from staying consistent for too long will he just lack doing it and receiving?(I feel non-canon wise he'd be afraid to be slurped up)More specifically how would Morell and Grimbly react?Obviously taking a bite out of Morell is deadly but is it still impactful if it's like a small bite?Will my mosquito vampire find it odd?

Hope you a a good day!

Do they bite?

[Nah fam, I got 'em on a leash. Excluding Breg for this.]

Fasma's fangs might feel a little weird in your skin, since they usually mold a little, unless he's feeling hostile. He will bite if you ask him too, though not very hard, and he'll never extend his fangs either. Generally, he prefers doing it with his second form's blunt teeth. In his standard form, Fasma does not want to get bitten. At all. He's tiny, you're gonna take a chunk off him!

Vinnel could only ever bite you in a really good day in terms of physical consistency. These days are rare as snowflakes and he makes the most out of them. Besides, he's learning how to slowly expose very specific parts of himself without much danger. He has a myriad of broken sharp teeth and he will bite. Hard. Just to make you scream. You can bite back, but the taste will probably repell you at light speed.

Gallon prefers nipping rather than full on biting, and you'll have to nudge him a tad to make him use more teeth. He'll never use the sharper ones, those cut very easily. You can definitely bite him, though it doesn't have an erotic effect, and mostly just results in you coughing his slime back out- Which he finds hilarious.

Morell is like a crocodile. When that jaw clamps down on something, getting him to let go is near impossible. Those teeth may be blunt but they are not fucking around. Though Morel does like to bite, he's very gentle about it and never does it in places with low fat. Don't feed this urge, he might just take a real chomp out of you someday. I also don't advise you to bite a poisonous monster. Ever. Best case scenario you get a high, worst case you die.

Santi looooves to bite! He's all about teeth and tongue, and he's not shy about it. Though, he'll always be chaste about it unless given permission to draw blood. Pain can be very quickly transformed into pleasure, and he knows just the right balance to keep you on your toes. Most demons love the taste of blood anyway. You better bite him back, as hard as you can, make him howl. He'll almost be disappointed if you don't.

Grimbly is someone I recommend you don't let bite you much, if at all. Given the fact that's how he feeds, by biting others in zones where the skin is particularly thin, his brain might jumble and he'll fully extend his fangs, perforating your body a great deal. Grimbly is aware of this, but still risks nipping you from time to time. You can bite him, but not too hard, he'll feel threatened.

Ludwig is not a demon that bites a lot, and for good reason. When wrath demons get into it, they go hard, and if Lud were to accidentally draw blood, it would only drive him to bite harder, grind his teeth, stretch the skin. Listen, he doesn't want to maul you, so the most you'll get are brief, squeezing bites. He loves it when you bite back, it revs him up beyond measure, since wrathful couplings are especially wild and harsh, though you better lean out of the way when he snaps his teeth back at you.

Patches does not have a mouth normal enough to properly bite you. It'll just look sad and dumb. He doesn't even have lips. He uses magic to handle his food, chewing is not exactly necessary. Because, again, he can't really chew. That being said, you're more than welcome to bite him. Put him in his place, bite hard, wherever you want. Listen, if you really wanted to, I'm positive Patches would let you bite his dick. And that's that on that.

Sybastian... My gal/dude/person, have you seen those teeth? Please, never encourage this half-feral bozo to bite you. But you can bite all you want, even softly on his tongue, that gets him hard real fast...

Krulu will bite you only ever in very private settings and solely to mark. Never more than the very tip of his teeth is used, otherwise you'd get mauled. I advise you not to bite at all unless you want to get immediately put in your place.

Physically cannot bite

Nebul; Fank-e.

[reejindeed]

I’ve been seeing you get a lot of Asks about your art so sorry if this is getting repetitive but I wanted to ask how you went about developing your personal style? Do you have any particular inspirations or other artists you tried to emulate with how you draw? And is there anything you’d want to change/improve on with the way you currently draw?

Don't be sorry! I actually really prefer talking about it... It gets me thinking about things I don't normally get to think about, and I also really love sharing information about how I do what I do because I really believe in making all info as accessible as possible when it comes to art!

I am gonna put this under a break tho since it got pretty long;;

1. To me, building a style is about so many different, miniscule conscious and subconscious choices. A huge part of it has to do with the act of drawing itself... Like, how heavy handed I am, how I hold my pen, what lines physically feel good for me to make. Drawing is a stim for me, so all that stuff really matters. It made drawing a very physical thing. I like doing heavy-handed lines and ink splatters and grungy ink work because it feels good to do in real life, and also it looks cool. I can also replicate it on a tablet.

This is why even though my style might change slightly depending on what I'm drawing, there are still certain things that are consistent throughout:

So as well as using elements of things I liked in other people's styles (things like eye shapes, face shapes, etc.), being able to figure out how I liked drawing traditionally and experimenting with lots of different kinds of art supplies and methods of making art really helped a lot.

2. I spent a few months trying to draw like Gerald Scarfe in college... Though before that it was Egon Schiele... And in 6th grade I tried to draw like Jhonen Vazquez... And in 5th grade I tried to draw like Jamie Hewlett....

...

I think I'm pretty happy finally being able to draw mostly like myself, now.

Not that I don't get inspiration from artists of course... I'm still inspired by all those styles, as well as other artists I see on Twitter or Tumblr or while I'm around vending. I think it's important to surround yourself with the things that inspire you, especially if those things are coming from other artists. I just don't find myself emulating as much as I used to.

3. YEAH there's TONS of stuff I wanna get better at. I know I said this before but backgrounds and colors are two big ones for me. I have my safety color palettes, but I need to find more. Also backgrounds suck and I'm bad at perspective. BUT I'm trying to force myself to draw them more.

...Coloring backgrounds is double hard...

I also want to be able to make more interesting comic pages... and I need to get better at writing comics... and I also need to learn how to flat properly and quickly so I can do it for money.

I'm also slowly trying to get better at drawing stylized animals, but it's not a main focus yet.

Also I'm trying to improve my printmaking skills, since I'm not very good at relief carving yet.

Also I want to learn how to paint someday.

That last one's mostly out of spite tho.

[qhostiie]

Had this cute lil interaction recently during the setup for a match, I just couldn’t resist doodling it!!

[kogo-dogo]

I'm only 18, still very young, and HRV really inspired me to learn to write better and to roleplay better. For years, I've struggled with not being descriptive enough and reusing the same few words over and over, but reading HRV really helped me not only learn better words to use, but also how to format things better to flow more properly. I'm still not a great writer, but even I can see the drastic improvement in my stuff from when I first really started years ago to now. Not to mention, I've found new special interests because of the book, i.e. big monster friends :]

Dude, that's awesome! And you're only gonna keep getting better from here on out. Don't tell yourself you're not a great writer now, tell yourself you're going to BE the writer you always wanted to be. 'Cause it's kind of like drawing in that the more you do it, and the more you study how other people do it, and the more you play around with it, the better you'll get.

And someday you're just gonna look at you're writing and think, "Goddamn, I'm good."

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[theshinsun]

A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.  

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy. 

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

 surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl. 

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do  it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw. 

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood. 

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next. 

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has. 

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.