#someone who can't die + someone that kills everyone they touch = love story

[otterlyfoolish]

Eat Crow

(Zombieman x GN!Reader)

Warnings: Mentioned Human Experimentation, Animal Death, Abandonment, Implied Child Abuse/Neglect, Swearing, Blood & gore (come on this is ZM), self-harm (ZM does some reckless things), there's probably other things in here that I can't think of right now so if you're particularly sensitive maybe you should just avoid this,

Tags: Pining, borderline romance, strangers to friends, maybe lovers (in the future), Reader is starved for any kind of companionship, Unstoppable force & Immovable object, oneshot, angst, comfort (very barely), open-ended ending, so much build-up for a fucking oneshot, not edited so sorry

Word count: 11k

Summary:

Zombieman had what he thought was a simple case: "Find the source of the toxins in the assigned area."

One of his specialities is investigating contaminated or toxic areas - places that only robots or cyborgs could reach, areas where organic matter struggled to make it out alive. Other heroes would be dispatched to a monster infestation, and he would be sent to the local ghost town. This was fine to him - he would describe himself as more of an investigator than a hero anyways. So, in one way, this task was like no other.

In another way, he's never seen a case as peculiar as this. A product of human experimentation, just like him. He's never really had a case like this before. Curiously, they didn't seem to want to admit it. He can't blame them for their decision either - especially not after he found out some reasons why. And it's not like he could have found out the normal way - after all, what's considered poisonous to a dead man?

So, he couldn't quite complete his investigation - at that point, he couldn't really confirm or deny his suspicions. That is until he saw their touch wilt a crow's life within seconds.

...Well, the crow is already dead. You just have to eat it now.

-----

Ao3 Link here, if you prefer reading there!

A/N: I'm mostly writing this to ward off my impulses for the other idea I have for ZM - I can't start another multi chapter fic on him when I've not even finished the other one I'm writing right now... (TBH if I just dedicated my time writing this into that, I might have been able to finish it... Uhhh I just won't think about that)

I've kept this on the drafts so long, but now I've finally vomited it out (I ran it through a spell checker, not even edited) - I hope that it's coherent because I struggle editing so much, and I don't know if I have it in me to make it more articulate than it is... Uhhh story isn't fluid sorry (>>_>>)

But if I used the wrong pronouns for the Reader (anything that's not they/them) please feel free to point it out since it is supposed to be Gender-Neutral!

---

"QUARANTINED AREA AHEAD"

"TOXIC WASTE NEARBY"

"LEAVE NOW"

The danger signs were littered everywhere.

From the very moment he even came near the location - even miles away, he was warned not to approach. As he got closer, the signs and fences only increased in frequency. Just a few caution signs at first, illustrated by the humble exclamation mark. Then the potentially comedic skull and bones - pirates would be overjoyed at the sight of so many of them. And finally the unnerving biohazard symbol appears. He's never liked the look of it - maybe because he doesn't understand what it was actually supposed to be, or maybe it reminded him too much of Dr. Genus' lab - the same symbols were also hung up everywhere, the scientist liked to be organised after all.

The final hurdle was in sight now - a chain-linked fence with barbed wires that had rust collecting on the bright red sign that hung brazenly on the door.

"DANGER: YOUR LIFE IS AT RISK FROM THIS POINT FORWARD"

He nodded at the final warning as if letting the inanimate object know that he acknowledges the danger, then swung his axe against the metal lock, easily snapping it in half. Time must have also wore the lock down, helping the process of decay because it behaved far too flimsy.

If most people showed me as much concern as these signs did, then I would be out of a job.

He pushes on the door, the hinges on the door creak loudly as if it was doing a drum roll for his demise. As he walks through, he's careful to shut the door behind him and lock it with another one - the one he brought in preparation for this. As he does so, he notices that the key for it must have fallen out on the way over. It was his fault for not repairing the hole in his pocket after tearing it from his last brawl.

No way out now I guess...

He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and rubs the cherry on the back of his hand before he drops it on the floor, crushing it with his black boots. Just as quickly as the cigarette left his mouth, another replaces it, the lighter coming up as if joined together with the cigarette. The nicotine was too addicting, he didn't mind the lethal poison that accompanied the chemical potentially affecting his body.

He's been critiqued on his bad habits by a fellow hero before, the smoke was just flat out unhealthy to have near people, so he should stop.

(He puts it nicer than what was actually said - Tatsumaki had gathered the all of the smoke in the room with her powers and stuffed it back into his lungs, hissing out hostile remarks as she did so. The product of a particularly bad day. Apparently she couldn't find any monsters to kill, and that caused her foul mood. It doesn't help that he was probably the closest thing to a monster she found that day.)

Even so, Zombieman couldn't disagree with the comments made, and though he never stopped smoking, the thought always flashed in his mind for the briefest of moments.

But this time he lit it without any guilt of others. This was a completely isolated area, where the air was already considered toxic to all organic matter. What's the harm of adding a little bit more poison in the air?

He dragged a large cloud of smoke out from his lips as he exhaled, almost like a sigh of relief from the long journey. Almost drearily, his eyes followed the grey mist drift through the air before it quickly dissipated into the atmosphere, the very last remnants of it lingered in one spot before fully turning transparent. His red pupils slowly fixated on that spot as he spotted the building he was headed towards. 

...Break over. Back to work.

His arm slung the axe over his shoulder, resting the weight of the metal head in the crook of his neck as he continued his descent to his destination. He walked with calm confidence, not fitting of a man that's entering a toxic waste zone, but that suited him.

The thrill of an investigation was too addicting, he didn't mind about the dangers that had been constantly waved in his direction.

Perhaps the danger even added to the thrill of it.

-----

"Toxic waste land...? Hm." He murmured to himself as the read over the file they sent him. The low clicking of the train wheels was just as faint as his voice as he spoke. Zombieman positioned himself to a quiet corner of the fairly empty train, the folder in front of him messily sprawled out, but in a fairly controlled manner.

He had requested it to be in paper format, call him old-fashioned, but he viewed the information to be more tangible that way. Besides, he often breaks the phone the Hero Association provides him anyways. Once Child Emperor had leaped at the opportunity to make him an 'unbreakable' phone after hearing the staff members talk about how this was the 'fourth one this week', it had a pretty good run, but he still lost it in the end. 

...It makes him feel bad to bother the kid for another one, so he'll just do this until Isamu notices and chucks him another. He'll treat it more carefully this time, he didn't realise just how much shitter the one's he gets from the Hero Association is. Isamu really was a genius, but he didn't want to pressure him too much.

He flips through the information provided, it was choppy. The testimonies didn't seem clear, and there wasn't a lot found by HA. Well, a lack of information never stopped him. His red eyes scanned the pages, picking up what he deemed the most vital snippets of data and committed it to memory. 

"...Laboratory...", "...Mithridate...", "...Antidote...", "...Pancea...", "Dozens died from poisoning", "...Scientists Evacuate...", "...Local Town Falls Sick From Mysterious Illness...", "...Abandoned Area...", "...No Organic matter found in the vicinity..."

He concluded after reading it, there used to be a remote laboratory out this far that was focusing on creating strong antidotes. But it seemed that they weren't able to control it effectively enough, and apparently some sort of sample hadn't been contained properly had caused many of the scientists to die from poisoning. It seems that even though they tried their best to clean the place and dispose of the source, there was still trace amounts lingering and many workers became sick. The entire building was forced to evacuate - and a few years later, apparently some of the people that had lived nearby had to be admitted to the larger general hospitals. It started happening too frequently without any obvious cause and people started moving away. Satellite scans showed that the grass around this place slowly started dying, and bird avoided migrating near the area all together. 

All in all, an typical case for him. He predicts the following days to be somewhat laid back. His only objective was to find what was the source. The implication in that was that he didn't even have to get rid of it, only report back. 

There was something bothering him though. Like when you feel your feet shift a little too much - you're nervous but you don't know why. Or when you felt a pair of eyes watching you, but you couldn't place who in the crowd of people would spend so much time on you. 

Current suspicion: There was something more to this case. 

They could simply send one of their many drones to check out the area, scope out if there's a leak that's causing the increase of toxins detected. But they sent him. 

His first thought: They suspected there was a monster there, and wanted him to kill it. 

He could do that, they often do when they're worried about a particularly dangerous monsters most heroes couldn't defeat without wearing it down massively. But they didn't say anything in the report - they kept it hidden from him. To feign ignorance of the missing piece of the puzzle before even asking him for assistance.

...But why?

He's never shown hesitation to brutalise monsters. It's written in his fucking Encyclopedia page - something Bang had showed him after his disciple had pointed it out to him, and the old man just had to pass on the message, chuckling at the descriptors. Something something about how gore and death followed him or something along those lines. 

...Is it related to Dr. Genus? 

He clenches the paper a little too tightly, crumpling the otherwise pristine pages. The Hero Assocication might have had an inkling to his past. He never talked about it much, but did they find out? He wouldn't put it pass them - staying private in this day and age was getting more and more difficult by the day even if it would do both parties good if they stayed in their own lane. If they did know about his days of being an experimental sample, why were they assigning him to this case?

...Was this their way of turning their cheek the other way? By letting him confront his own past alone?

"...Sir?" He hears the train conductor walk over to him, nervously eyeing him up as the scowl on his face grows deeper at the thought of meeting the Doctor again. "This is the last stop." He hears as he snaps out of his thoughts, tilting his head up to look at the lady. 

"...Thanks."

"...Are you sure about getting off here? There's nothing for a few dozen miles..."

"I'm sure. Thank you." He said, picking up the axe he had placed on the wooden floorboards, but didn't raise it above his head to rest on his shoulder like usual. Instead, he kept the metal head close to the ground, the blade pointed towards him and never her. He didn't want to alarm the lady.

"No, it's fine... I've not seen someone get off at this stop for perhaps a couple years now... It's nice to see people still come here in this little corner of the world - you know there's a forest a hour or so west from here? Beautiful place, you should check it out." She rambled on, the smile on her face causing the corners of her eyes to wrinkle. "Used to go there when I was young, took this same train out. I'm just a little too old for that now."

He nodded politely at her, taking note of the sun spots speckled on her skin. "...You're still younger than me, so there's no need to talk like that."

Besides, it's a privilege to be able to age. I'm sick of looking at the same damned thing everyday.

"Oh, aren't you a charmer..." She laughed, slowly escorting him down over to the train doors. He trotted after her, his boots made a small sound with each step he took. "Don't forget, the next time this train will be here is at eight tonight. Don't be late or you'll have to spend the night camping." She said, only getting a simple nod from him before the doors closed on her.

...A forest? I guess the toxins or whatever hasn't spread that far yet then...

As he walked away, he raised his axe back up and slammed it back on his shoulder, resting it there. Something of an reminder that he's on duty.

He's grown used to the weight of the axe.

-----

The building is fairly large - almost industrial. He could see it as a speck in the distance, but as he approached, he see that it's size wasn't anything much to be scoffed at. Definitely not at big at the ones he's seen at HA, but still, impressive. 

As he approached the laboratory, he could see a... Fully-clad yellow figure running full speed at him. 

Like second nature, he pulled out the guns from his sleeves and swung his axe back down to his midsection, his palms tightly gripping the weapons. It couldn't be a civilian - they would be fatally ill at this point from being this close to the site. 

His blood-coloured eyes scanned the person (or perhaps monster) sprinting up at him. At closer inspection, he could tell that it was a human wearing a hazmat suit.

...Zombieman slowly retracted his desert eagle back into his trench coat and the axe also returned to its last position. There didn't seem like there was an danger yet, more so someone he needs to interrogate. 

...Maybe there's still some people working here without anyone knowing?

They were... waving at him? He raised his thin eyebrow at them, shifting over to a more relaxed stance than before. He waited for them to approach - and as this mysterious figure got closer, he could hear muffled shouting from them as their hand waving in the air got more frantic. He noted that in their other hand, there was a blue gas mask. 

He debated snuffing out his cigarette, but kept it in his mouth. It's not like they would be affected judging by the protection they're already wearing. 

By the time they were close enough to him so that he could hear their words, it didn't matter since they were huffing out their lungs trying to breath in as much air as they could. Sprinting must have been hard - the hazard suit and heavy boots didn't help do them any favours either.

"...Are you alright?" He asked, staring down at him as they doubled over. The sound of their heavy breathing was clear even through the thick suit.

Regardless of their exhausted state, they sluggishly yanked him down to their level and slapped the spare gas mask onto his face. "...uckING STUPID!"

The impact of the plastic against his face caused him to glare at them with squinted eyes as he took the mask. He didn't bother dodging it - it's not like the action was malicious anyways. The force of which the firm plastic wasn't painful enough for him to make a noise, but he still grunted from the shock of their actions. "...What'd you say?" 

They didn't respond, seeming satisfied with the fact he taken the respirator from them already and just crumpled back over on their form. He gave them a moment to gather their breath. "...Don't you know that this is a toxic area...? What the hell are you doing without any equipment...?"

He crouches down to their level, seeing as they were still catching their breath and he couldn't quite hear between their suit and the small distance. "I don't need it. What are you doing here?"

They tilted their head over to him, seeing that he had taken the blue mask off and just hung it around his neck by the strap. "...I live here."

Live? Not work?

"...Then don't you know that this is a toxic area?" He parroted the question back to them, trying to look into their eyes, or face, only to see that the glass they see out of is a reflective surface. Only his red eyes locked on with his own. His

"The inside of my house is safe, when I go out I wear this." There's something about the way in which they said it which made him think that they had rolled their eyes at him as they spoke. 

"House?" He brushed off their attitude quickly, he didn't really care about it to begin with anyways, "what house?" 

"Why would I tell a stranger where I live?" They snapped back, getting back up on their feet. Zombieman quickly followed suit. "What are you doing here anyways?"

"I'm a Hero. I've been sent here to find the source of the poison in this area." As if on cue, their head tilted at him in disbelief. He goes on to answer further, hoping it would dispel any more of their suspicion. "...You can call me Zombieman."

He could tell even without any facial expressions to help him nothing he said was convincing. "...Alright, 'Hero Zombieman'... If you've been sent here to investigate, then why didn't they send you off with any equipment with you? We both know that this isn't the safest place to be."

A reasonable question, he supposes. He just hopes that the answer he gives them is just as logical in their eyes. "I can't die - hence my name."

"...Can't die?" They repeated slowly, taking a few steps back from him. He could see the distrust in their body language, and he wanted to fill the gap quickly - they probably had a lot of information on this area he didn't. "...Don't lie to me, everything dies."

He nodded at them, trying to indicate that he acknowledges their suspicion then pulled his gun back out. They're not given much time to react to it, as the muzzle was pointed at his temple, his finger on the trigger. "I'll prove it."

Just as he pulled the trigger ever so slightly, he notices in that split second they've close the distance between them instantly. Their hands shooting out to tear the weapon out of his hands-

Only for him to tilt it ever so slightly upwards from its original position in surprise - instead of the bullet going through his skull at a straight line, it was just angled slightly differently, shooting through the top of his skull. 

They froze up at the sight - the pink of the bone and the pink of his brains, the smell of blood was thick and metallic. They could smell it even through their suit, and nothing about their protection could block the sight of his hand. Limp. In your grasp.

Zombieman examined at them from the corner of his eyes, feeling that their hands was trembling slightly through the thick gloves they wore. It was from either the sight of his skull being blown open or the fact they thought he was now dead.

...I wanted to close the gap between us, but not physically...

"...Proof enough?" He asks, moving his head to face them. They practically leaped back, even in the chunky boots and protective gear they were wearing, they found themselves a couple feet even further than before.

...Was that too much?

No, I only shot myself. That's nothing. 

...Am I too numb to gore compared to the average person?

"...Yeah. Yeah. I believe you." They say, their voice shaking as they watched the hole slowly fill itself back up again. First the grey matter in the brain, then the pink plating of the skull, and finally his pale skin and dark hair. It was as if nothing had ever happened - the only proof that they had was the dark streaks of blood that ran down his temple and the small splatters of flesh that had ended up on them. They did their best to quickly compose themselves."...So... Uhm... Do- do you need anything...?"

He nodded, feeling a twinge of guilt at their reaction. Yeah, it was too much to witness. Next time, he'll just cut his hand off or something. "Could you get me into that laboratory? I want to inspect it to see if I can find anything inside."

"...I can do that, follow me." They agreed, probably still in shock and stiffly placed one foot in front of the other, their hands having the same nature of movement - almost mechanically. 

He was quiet for a minute, looking around the building. He wanted to ask more questions about them, but he had a feeling he needed to build back some sort of foundation of trust again if he wanted any good answers. Short, snippy ones aren't bad, but more detail is better this time.

"...What's your name?" He starts off simple.  

They slowly moved their head over in his direction, stopping in their tracks. He briefly thinks for a moment that asking for that was too soon, but when he hears your name slowly uttered from your lips the thought is gone. He could sense the uncertainty of his character coming off in waves, but you still chose to tell him. 

He nodded, "I'll keep that in mind."

"...And I don't think I'll be able to forget yours." He could hear you mumble faintly as you took long strides over to the entrance door. "Mr. 'Can't die'..."

...I don't mind if you were able to find a way to change that name of mine.

He didn't correct your words, and accepted his newfound alias. "How come you have access to the lab?"

It took you a while to respond, at first he just thought you didn't hear him or maybe you were busy fiddling with the keypad on the door, but it seems that you were considering telling him or not.

...Zombieman lowered his axe, resting it at his side. He may still be on duty, and it's not even the weapon he used to shoot himself, but it's not like he needed it this very moment. And if it helped soothe your worries even a little, then it will have been worth it.

When you get the door open, you turn back around to face him. He still can't see your eyes, but he could feel yours staring at him - cautiously inspecting him and his intentions before opening the door. "...This is where I live." You answered him.

...Huh, it worked.

He hummed appreciatively through his cigarette, reaching up and holding the door open for you. You paused your movements for a moment and nodded back, "...Thanks."

"No problem." He replied back, then followed after you, shutting the door after himself. When he walks in, he realises that the entrance is double sealed - one door after another to ensure that as little toxic gas leaves or enters. "So, you live in a lab...?" He says, practically repeating already known information in the hopes you'll slip out a little more data for him to piece together.

"Mhm. There's lab equipment everywhere." You say, though not intentional, your tone was pretty dismissive. It makes him wonder if he should play the long game or the short game.

He sticks to the former - besides, if he's really pressed up for time for whatever reasons, he can resort to more... forceful methods.

You open the other door, pressing even more buttons on the security system before beckoning him to follow through, holding the door open for him. "Quick - if you're there for too long, the doors will automatically shut and won't open without a special password."

"Oh." He nodded, the sounds of his boots increasing before the heavy door clicked securely shut. The two of you were now locked in together - he wonders if you're more anxious than him about the situation. One hand hand, he could be locked in with a mad scientist and be subjected to experimentation once again. On the other hand, he was a man that doesn't exactly have any indication of sane mental health paired with the fact he has a fair variety of weapons on his person ready to go any moment.

...They should be more scared than me.

"Do you work here?" He asks, trying to place down the foundations of trust.

"Yeah...?" You say, your thick gloves grabbing the other and pulling them off. "I'm... something of a researcher. Or something along those lines." The way you said it could be viewed as avoidant, or simply distracted - judging by the way your now exposed hands was fiddling with the hazard suit, taking it off and throwing them into a large plastic container off to the side of the door. Presumably to be disinfected and reused. "I've just been told to stay here until the toxins reach an acceptable level. Then I'm free to leave."

He narrowed his eyes at you, taking mental notes on your choice of words and actions. It was entirely unconscious behaviour, akin to second nature - Zombieman was already crafting a mental corkboard of everything he knew about this place and you. You took the final piece off, your large headpiece, finally revealing your face to him.

His eyes fixated on you, his red irises re-examined your figure, taking new mental notes to add to his corkboard. His eyes found their way following a sweat drop that traced the side of your face, a small trail of liquid trailed down your facial features before the head of it became too small to follow anymore. He briefly wondered it that sweat was a shade or two darker than it was supposed to be, but concluded that it was just the lighting of the room. "...Hot in that thing, huh?"

"...Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess I'm not really used to it..." You say, not noticing him observing you.

...Not used to the hazmat suit, I don't recognise them from the list of scientists provided, and they're uncertain about their role.

Current thoughts: You've turned out more suspicious than he thought.

-----

Nervously, your eyes kept glancing over to him, drinking in every detail of him that you could with each glance. At first, you thought it was the glass of your suit playing tricks on your vision when you spotted his red eyes, but even when you took your headpiece off and looked over him again, they were still red.

Blood red, to be more specific, especially now that you had a very, very recent reminder of the colour of blood.

His skin was almost porcelain white, but there was something of a grey undertone to it. His hair was a ink black and his getup didn't have a single drop of colour - the only thing you could even perhaps suggest that had a hue was the buckles of his (many) belts strung tightly against his chest. Everything combined, this monochrome sense of fashion contrasted with his striking red eyes and dark eye bags made it incredibly easy for you to focus on his face. Basically a sinkhole of attention.

Zombieman... From that name, you'd expect more decay, but...

...He's handsome. You concluded, as you kept finding your eyes shifting over to him as you showed him about the place. But he's also scary. Why would he shoot himself to prove a point...?

"Are you gonna show me around...?" He asked after what must have been you staring a little too long at him.

"Sorry." You say, turning your head away from him. Despite looking at him so carefully, you couldn't pick up on his mild discomfort. You try to remedy the situation, giving a honest reason to your actions should suffice, right? "...I was just thinking that you're very visually appealing."

The answer seems to shock him, or at the very least, throw him off his feet a little. His eyes widened at your response before he tilting his face slightly to his right clearing his throat into the sleeve of his trench coat. His left hand seemed to tighten his grip around his axe. "...Thank you."

You think that you shouldn't have said that - was he uncomfortable? You don't really have much of a chance to interact with people, and it's leaves you wondering your next move.

...Should I apologise? What did I do wrong? Is there such thing as too honest?

On quick glance back up at him, tells you that if he did feel uncomfortable by you, he's recovered. He's leaning against the plain white walls with his axe by his side. You note the fact he still hasn't raised it back onto his shoulder - whatever the reason for this, it somewhat made you feel more relaxed.

"...Uh, I'll take you around the first floor first...? It's mostly just like laboratory equipment, but it might help you?" You say, trying to gauge his reaction.

He simply nodded, and as you took your first step, so did he. You glanced back to see that he was a step or two closer behind you than before as you walked down the large white hallways.

...I hope that he leaves soon.

Just before you stepped through into another set of doors, there was a few equipment littered on the walls of the lab. Coats, gloves, masks. Though, you've used and ruined most of them at this point.

Please, please, leave.

You watched him place down the gas mask you had given him earlier alongside the other ones lined up on the wall for anyone to take. The others were faulty at this point, the one he put back down was one of the only ones that still functioned at this point.

It's not safe here, even for you.

-----

"...That thing..." You say, gesturing to him, your index finger waved over his face a couple times. "...smells terrible. Do you need it or something?"

He raised one eyebrow at you, wondering if his breath smelt for a moment before realising what you were saying. "...My cigarette?" He asked, taking it out of his mouth, bringing it a little closer to you to confirm your request. Your lips tightened and your eyebrows narrowed at the distance decreasing. So it is. "I suppose that I don't need it."

"Yeah, that... cigarette." You say, slowly rolling the word out on your tongue as you took a step back. "If you don't need it, can you get rid of it? There's vents all over the place, but I'm worried that smell will linger if you keep using it."

"...Sure, do you have an ash tray or something of that kind?" He asked, rubbing the lit part of the cigarette over the back of his hand. The burning sensation felt like it was shorter each time - the initial burn from the very first time he put out his smoke was almost exciting to feel. Now, it feels like pointless rebellion.

You looked at him, blinking. It took you a second to respond to him, trying to think of what would be suitable. Your eyes glanced around the room, landing on the shelf of conical flasks, before the blanket hung up on the wall that's placed there in case of a fire emergency.

...He thinks he likes the way your features scrunched up as you rapidly skimmed through all of the available items. You looked like you were in in deep thought over something rather minor - maybe he likes the way you took him so seriously, or was it the way you were so confident you could find a replacement within the confines of the room within seconds?

It didn't take you too long to find something. "...There's sand bins. Will that do?"

"Mhm." He nodded, and you walked over to the bucket filled with sand - presumably, it was to put out fires, but it could also be repurposed for a more crude use. Your hands wrapped around the bucket's handle, planning to bring it over to him, but he simply just followed after you and smothered the cherry into the sand. There was no chance of it catching fire now.

You nodded at him, then pointed at another table with glass equipment on top, giving a rather detail explanation to him as you picked up different parts - he was barely listening, his mind quickly filing away this odd morsel of information about you as he got back to his actual work.

...Have they never seen a cigarette before?

I mean, public smoking places are less and less common nowadays, but still...

He thought your behaviour was strange, but it'd be rude to point out. He let you continue guiding him around the lab. Besides, if you felt comfortable enough to tell him to stop smoking, then you must be somewhat amicable towards giving him more intel.

-----

The two of you finish the tour of the first floor, and you glanced over to the clock on the wall. "...I'm gonna head off to lunch. You can join if you want." You say, walking away from him and into another room. He peered in - seems like a break room for staff. He debated joining you, or wandering off on his own to investigate.

The former wins as he argues that he could just wander about later. It didn't seem like you were rushing about to get him to leave quickly anyways. If anything, he'd say you enjoyed the company judging by how he often caught you waiting for him to catch up when he spotted something of interest. Or when you stared at him intently when he spoke, taking his questions to heart.

...Or it could be for another reason. Tons of people flocked to Amai Mask for one big reason, Zombieman just... never suspected he'd be on the receiving end of the same kind of attention.

...'Visually appealing.' What is that supposed to mean?

As he enters the break room, he spots you waiting patiently by the microwave. There's a rather large pile of delivery boxes collected in the corner of the room. Perhaps one would feel shame at a 'guest' of sorts seeing the mess, but you didn't seem to care much. Upon noticing him, you opened the microwave door and added another packet of food.

I guess I'm eating too now.

He stands next to you, pretending to also wait for lunch, but in reality he just stared at you from the corner of his eyes. It doesn't take you long to return the action, your pupils also shifting over to his direction.

The two of you share eye contact until you turn away and go back to staring at the packets of food spinning around in the microwave. He lets out something of a cough, then goes to check his phone, (It's not like the could just whip out the files he had brought with him right in front of you anyways), maybe you were on the lists of scientists, and he just doesn't remember you that well.

Your eyes are casted away from your lunch, catching the glimpse of movement in the corner of your eyes. "...Whoa, you have a real nice phone..."

He tilts his head up at you, then turns the screen off before giving his device a quick spin for you to see if you wanted. You nodded at this, as if you were some sort of phone collector inspecting the goods before buying.

"No," he shakes his head, giving it a closer inspection as he spun it despite already giving it a verdict. "It can't even withstand falling off a skyscraper."

"...I don't think that's a good way to measure it." You say, a ghost of a smile on your lips. "Here." You fiddled with your pockets, before pulling out what he thinks is a brick at first as you carelessly held it out to him. "Here's one I found a couple years ago. Under my Dad's desk."

"...Maybe I do have a nice phone." He says, staring down at the device as you let out a small laugh out at him.

The phone was pretty old.

The equipment in the lab also looks quite old, but I don't know enough about it to know if it's actually old, or if it's just old compared to Isamu's hoard of equipment.

It seems like you had enough money to deliver food to yourself, but not enough to fund your research. You probably aren't being paid.

Probably because you aren't a real researcher.

But his conclusion just brings more questions than answers - why would you stay out here if you aren't getting paid well? You've been tasked with staying here until the toxins have subsided, but why would you do that? Money clearly wasn't the reason - maybe it was something more personal. His eyes meandered across the room until it landed.

Maybe it was your Dad.

"...Say, your dad worked here too?" He asks, slowly reaching out to take the phone from you, feigning fake interest in the device in your hands. His cold fingers brushed against your skin making your breath hitch - practically throwing the phone away from yourself.

He caught it before it collided against the surface of the table, but he wasn't even looking at the phone anymore as his eyes shifted over to you, examining your body language quickly to figure out what caused that reaction from you.

You held one hand in the other, your eyes fixated on him, one foot back and holding your breath as if you were waiting for one of you to drop on the floor. The two of you shared a look, the room sinking into a tense quietness. Just as he was about to speak, apologise, anything that felt right to say, you babbled something to dispel the tension.

"O-Oh! Yeah!" You exclaimed, slowly taking your footing back to it's original position. He didn't care so much about the answer anymore after your reaction but still, he listened. "My mother did too. Uh, both of them worked together. H-here."

"Huh..." He nodded, accepting the fact the two of you will skip past that moment. He felt his hand tingle from where your skin touched it - it was almost the same sensation as the one he used to get when pressing the lit part of the cigarette against his skin. Burning, hot. Maybe painful to a normal person but an fleetingly exciting moment to him. "And then you started working here too?"

"...Uh, yeah. Been here for a long time." You say, the words slow to come out. Your eyes drifted away from him and your hand slowly reached back over to the phone he had caught and placed on the table before retracting it back into your pockets. "Actually, I've been here... for a really long time."

He nodded, "how long?"

You didn't answer him at first, only tilted your face over to his direction. You looked... lost. Like you weren't sure what you were doing, or what's even going on. A sense of distant confusion with a vague or faraway goal. "I... don't know."

He frowned. You didn't seem like you were bad-intentioned, but you also seemed like a vital part of this mystery. "How come?"

You pursed your lips, turning away from him again before the microwave went off. The beeps echoed through the silence of the lunch room.

"...Lunch is ready." You say, opening the door of it. "You don't have any allergies do you?"

"No, but even if I did," he made some sort of general motion towards himself. You made a 'Ohh' sound. Some colour returned to your face that he didn't quite realise had left it.

...They don't know? How is that possible?

Also, their parents worked here, and now they do as well. They're most likely staying here not out of choice - are they trapped here? Threatened to stay? Guilt? You couldn't pay most people to stay in such a dangerous area.

"I've just been told to stay here until the toxins reach an acceptable level. Then I'm free to leave."

...What kind of messed up family business is this?

Zombieman could only see the rabbit hole grow deeper the longer he looked in - yet he'll jump head first anyways. He was never much for self preservation.

That same trait comes the thought: if he touches your hand again will it burn the same thrilling way?

-----

After you showed him around the whole lab, he concluded that there was nothing there was still working - and even if there was, it wasn't anything large-scale enough to cause such a large waste area. In fact, the only experiment he saw was you spitting into a test tube and then running it through a machine. Something to do with how it can detect what kinds of chemicals are inside it.

But that machine was clearly broken since he recognised many of the listed items inside to be toxic. You had explained that you had fixed it up after finding it in the storage room, but since that room wasn't well maintained, there was a chance that the toxic air was just stuck inside it now. At least, that's the conclusion you came to, and he didn't see a reason to deny it.

Apart from that, it was mostly you just explaining what each room was and the equipment inside. The tour was over quicker than he thought - but there truly wasn't anything noteworthy. The past researchers had taken all of the papers with them, so he couldn't snoop around to see if there was any information he was missing. It didn't seem like you were trying to hide anything either. You've always seemed like you were honest - perhaps a little apprehensive, but most of that was mostly because, well, he was a stranger in your home.

"That's all... I think I'll get going to bed soon, do you need anything or..."

"No, that's all." He said. "I think I'll get going."

"...At this time?" You ask, seeing him walk out to the door, trying to open it. His hands pressed randomly against the wall's buttons. Quickly, you walked over to him. "Are you going home?"

"I've missed the train, so I can't really go back, but I've been given a recommendation to visit a forest." He says, watching you as you brushed his hands aside to help him open the sealed doors. It burned like before, "I think I'll go check it out," he thinks he wants to feel it again."...Then I'll probably come back with a fresh mind."

"...Seriously?" You asked, pulling the door open for him. "You're gonna spend the nights in the woods?"

"Well, it takes a while to walk over. By the time I get there, it might be sunrise." He says, walking through the first set of doors. Your eyes nervously switched between him and the door, unsure if he was really going to walk back out into the toxic wasteland. "Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow. Or if I find the source of the poison, this will be the last you'll be seeing me."

"...Yeah. That's... fine." You nodded, now trotting over to him, hand hovering over the keypad to let him out. The inner set of doors shut tightly behind you, a slight hissing sound as the air was compressed in the room, ensuring that none of the toxins got in as the vents whirred faster in anticipation. "Here, I'll let you go."

He paused, looking over at you. "Don't you need your hazmat suit?"

Your index finger stopped over one of the buttons as you started pressing the password to get out. "...No, it'll be fine. My parents said that I have a higher immunity to this sort of stuff anyways."

"...Okay, if you say so." He nodded, accepting your words. Every rotting bone in his body was screaming that there was something off about the way you said it, but his heart didn't utter a single peep in protest. He wonders if you're hiding the truth from him judging from his physical reaction to your words.

You nodded back at him, your eyes flicking back up at his for one more time before the door opens, a small gust of wind blew his hair back a little as the heavy entrance opened itself - exposing the two of you to the chilly evening air. "...It's nice meeting you." You say, your words as distant as you could muster with your almost wistful expression.

"...You too." He nodded simply, taking a step out, his boots landing on the dirt footing outside. He paused then turned his head back, speaking again as if he couldn't leave without finishing his all of his thoughts. "Real pleasure to meet you."

You blinked at him repeatedly, taken aback. There was... a slight smile on his face? You weren't given a chance to respond back before the doors let out loud 'beeps' rapidly and the doors slammed down.

He turned back around, taking a couple steps forwards as he languidly pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. His eyes casted over the cherry of the cigarette, watching it catch a flame as he took in a deep, slow breath, inhaling as much of the smoke he could. Impatient, he'd usually call himself for trying so hard to get the taste of the poison as quick as he did just moments after lighting it. It's just getting him more hooked on the nictotine (if he could be anymore addicted), it'll kill him faster (if he could die). But this time he won't fault himself even with all the negatives.

Smoking won't help relieve this... feeling, but it won't make it worse either, he supposes.

His boots forcefully move his body forward as he let out a low grumble.

Move. He urges himself. This is ridiculous. I barely know them.

"Wait!" He heard from behind him, and he found his head turning around without his input. "...I have some sort of car in the lab. Do... you want me to drive you to the forest...?" You ask, holding something of a car key attached to the lanyard around your neck, jangling the sliver object.

...Zombieman knows that it's not the first time you smoke you become addicted. It's the second time.

"Yeah, that's be great." He responses, the cigarette practically falling out of his mouth as he spoke, but he barely cared, only catching it in his hands and crushing it in his palm. It burned - but he barely felt it.

He didn't know that infatuation worked in a similar way to chemical addiction.

-----

You drove him over to the forest, his voice quietly murmuring out the directions for you to drive him. He had made some sort of comment on the car being a off-road vehicle, but you didn't fully get what he was trying to say.

The interior of the car was cold, the heater was very slowly warming it's way up. He insisted that it didn't bother him, but even so, you tried cranking that bloody thing up all the way. There's not much fuel in the car to begin with, but you didn't mind using it on him. It's not like you were going to be driving again.

"Keep going straight, try to avoid that rock if you can." He says, his hand motioning towards the obstacle on the ground.

"O-okay..." You nodded, trying your best to keep the car steady. There was practically sweat dripping down your arms from your nervousness. "Like this...?"

"Mhm." He nodded, "do you not drive often?" He asked, noting your anxious features that was crawling it's way up your face.

"No, uh, can- can you tell...?" You say, pressing the accelerator a little harder, making the car go faster.

"Well, we've been either going 20 or quadruple that. You've not really decided on a constant speed to drive at." He said, pointing a finger at the speedometer. "Also, I've been the one controlling the stick shift since you keep putting it in the wrong one."

"...Ah."

"I think you don't even know how to drive, but I don't really mind." He says, leaning his arm out the window as he blew out another cloud of smoke out of the vehicle. "You got the air bags, so you'll be fine even if we crash."

"...Maybe I'm just a really bad driver." You mutter, feeling your face grow hot even in the cold breeze that came in through the window.

"It's not a maybe." He says, turning back to you, "but it doesn't matter. I appreciate your help. I'll teach you how to drive for real after we get to the forest."

You raised an eyebrow at him, "You can drive?"

"...Eh." He makes a non-committal sound until you shot him a questioning glance, making him answer you properly. "...I don't have a valid licence, but I can drive."

"...So you're just as qualified as me?" You laughed, "or perhaps just as unqualified as me?"

"No, I've passed before. It's just that I've not driven in so long I don't know if I pass the current standards." He answers, maybe a little quickly as you chuckle at his explanation, not exactly buying his answer. "I should still be valid to drive."

"What are you, a old man?" You laughed, the car slowing down as your foot released the pedal, your mind too distracted by what he just said to properly process both things at once. "How could your licence just expire?"

"I had a licence before I was used for human experimentation and I've not had the time to try to renew it." He answers causally, taking in another breath of the smoke before breathing it back out. "I think."

You almost completely stopped the car before turning your head back over to him. "...Huh?"

He turns back to you, staring back into your eyes as your face grew pale at his words, unsure of what to say in response to him. "It's not a secret. I just don't talk about it."

"...Oh." You nodded, then took your hands off the wheel and your foot off as well. "...Is that why you can't die?"

"...Yeah." He nodded, then blew out one last cloud of smoke before he rubbed the light out on his skin again. There wasn't a moment of hesitation between his actions and words - he's too used to the pain he inflicts on himself. The slightest pink tinge on his skin from the burn is gone within less than a second.

The car let out a splutter, filling in the silence that took place in the car. Then stopped dead in it's tracks. "...Uh oh." You glanced down at the screen in front of you, trying to see what went wrong. "...I think we're out of fuel."

"...Mhm. Yeah." He agreed, glancing over to you. "It's fine, we're mostly there anyways." He says, nodding his head forward as he indicated towards your destination.

Your eyes casted over to the view in front of you - you didn't even realise until he pointed it out, but the two of you reached the forest he was guiding you to earlier.

It was dark, the bark of the trees was jet black against the faint light that shone down on the trees. You could barely see past them to see their fellow family. You've never seen them before in person - it was much larger than you had expected. The air smelt... clean.

Even so, it doesn't keep your attention for long as you looked back over to the man next to you. His pale skin contrasted strongly against the darkness outside, his red eyes shifted over to you, and you could pick up on the slight tinge of metal from the dried blood from earlier.

He didn't look human. He didn't have the warm undertones of blood running underneath people's skins. His response to pain was too lukewarm. He had no reaction to being in such grave danger. 'Zombieman' fit him.

"...Shall we go?" He offers, clicking open the car door for him to leave. "You can stay if you want."

"...No, I'll join you."

But he was still far, far more human than you were.

-----

The two of you wandered out into the woods. You flicked your flashlight on while he bravely moved forward in the dark, unafraid of any possible dangers that would be lurking in the woods.

"...Are you looking for something in particular?" You asked, your eyes flicking back over to him as you carefully shined down towards the ground to see where you were placing your heavy-duty boots.

"No." He replied back, still moving like a man on a mission. "The train conductor said that I should drop by here if I had time. I have time."

"...Do you think you'll find your source of poison?" You asked, your voice wavering towards the end, almost backpedalling last second in the hopes he didn't hear you.

He tilted his head backwards, glancing back towards you when you asked. "...I think it's from your home. I just don't know how yet."

*...How honest.

Well, I suppose that he doesn't really have anything to be afraid of anything he can't die. There's not much reason for him to lie.

"...I see." You nodded, your palms feeling slightly clammy after his answer.

...I wonder if he opened up about his past in the hopes that I'd also be more honest with him.

He continued to stride ahead, not taking any particular detours, walking in a straight line forward as he dragged his axe across the ground. It was still low to the ground.

...I hope not. Because I think it's working.

Then, you heard a branch snap off in the distance. You froze up instantly, your feet stuck on the dirt as your head swung over in the direction of the noise as you tried to find the source.

Finally, Zombieman stopped walking, standing still as he tilted his head in the same direction as the sound, the two of you almost perfect mirrors of each other.

"...We have company." He says, as he takes a step over to the sound, swinging his axe upwards to lean rest on his shoulder as he began to stroll over. You think you heard the metallic 'click' of his gun as well. "Let's give them a proper hello."

You flicked your head back and forth, from him to off in the distance of where the car was. Even if your vehicle couldn't move and was useless, you'd still rather go and hide in there over wherever the hell he was waddling off to. "C-Can we not...? If I die, I die."

He didn't acknowledge you maybe he didn't hear, only pressing on and got further and further away from even as the flashlight didn't reach that far ahead. You flipped a coin in your head to decide your choice to join him or leave. You mentally cursed yourself. Repeatedly.

...I guess I'm going too...

Even your feet protested against your brain's decision, but you ignored it and willed them to go on.

It didn't take long for him to stop in front of a bush, looking down at the source of the sound. You think that he's already taken care of the problem before you step past the shrub blocking your vision to see what he was looking at.

"...That's a crow...?" You murmured, your eyes fixed on the bird struggling to get off the ground - there was a sense of pure curiosity even at the sight of the animal in pain. "It's... small."

Zombieman barely paid attention to your words - it wasn't that he didn't find them interesting, it's just that he want to focus his efforts on something else right now.

"Mhm, it might be young." He nodded as he stepped out from behind the shrub. The bird started letting out sounds - perhaps to try to warn the man to step back, but he continues forward. "I think the wing is broken." he explains, pointing to the broken branch next to the animal with his axe. "I guess it hit the tree pretty hard and this is the result."

"Oh," you watched him crouch down to the bird, gently picking it up. It squawked louder as he picked it up to inspect it. "...So, do we help it?"

"...I don't know if we can." He replies back, picking it up with both hands, leaning the head of the axe in between his head and his shoulder as if he was taking a phone call with it. "...Have you ever taken care of a bird before?"

"...I've barely even seen a bird before, I'll be honest." You say, the works almost slipping out without you thinking much of it. He flicked his eyes over to you questioningly but didn't verbalise his thoughts. He was still intent on playing the long game.

"I guess we can take it back to the car for now." He says, his fingers clutching onto the torso of the bird firmly as he tried to support it's wing. Do you have any equipment in the car?"

"Maybe...? There's stuff in the back, we could try helping it." You say, nodding along with him as he began to walk back out the woods, you walking in front to guide him out with the only source of light between the two of you. "...Being a hero must be hard work." You mutter under your breath, your eyes flicking back to him practically cradling the animal in his arms as he steadily supported it to prevent it from hurting itself anymore. It's stopped crying at this point. "You even have to tend to the needs of even animals."

"Nothing worth doing is easy." He responses, picking up on your quiet words, his boots unshakeable even as he stepped on multiple uneven tree roots. "...Besides, this isn't my usual work. I investigate dangerous areas or suspects. My information isn't useful without someone to put it to good use. Helping others is inherently heroic. What I do isn't." He says, almost putting himself down as he spoke even if he didn't intent to. His tone was blunt and factual - he wasn't looking for reassurance.

"...Someone has to be the tester. Any important situation needs one." You say, your words sounding almost rehearsed as you spoke. Like you've heard it many times before. "...You fill a role no one else can."

He shifted his attention away from the crow, his head lifted up to look at you as you spoke. You didn't turn your head around though, only faced forward. He couldn't see what kind of expression was on your face.

-----

You opened the car door for him, letting him gently lower the bird onto the passenger seat of the car. The warm air that was somewhat there from the car heater was no longer in the vehicle, now it also reached the temperature of the cold air around you. Neither of you minded, but you still couldn't help the goosebumps crawling up your arms as a strong gust came every so often.

"Go watch it, I'll go check the back of the car." Zombieman said, resting the animal down before he swiftly walked away to open the boot of the car.

"O-Okay..." You nodded, briefly watching him move away from you two before you looked back down to the bird.

It had black ruffled feathers, and bright dark eyes. Eyes that seemed to stare deep into your inner being. It let out another echoing caw as it tried to fly again, getting up on it's feet. You quickly stepped forward, trying to discourage it's escape with your body. You hoped that you didn't actually have to touch it.

It stared up at you, then cried loudly. Clearly something of a battle cry as it then tried to fly - but was only able to hop forward.

You let out a fumbling cry of shock, your eyes seeing it fall off the car in slow motion. You had to catch it- You aren't wearing gloves- You can't touch it-

You have to catch it-

Your body moved on auto-pilot as your hands shot forward to catch it from falling to the dirt floor. Your brain knew, it fucking knew what would happen if you touched it, yet it still commanded it to move forward due to whatever fucking human nature you had left.

It's feathers grazed against the skin of your hands. Your body froze. It was warm. It was warm to touch even in the cold weather cooling the both of you down.

"Good catch," you heard distantly. You felt like you were submerged in a pool of ice water - you struggled to hear whatever was around you. Your eyes were frozen in place. Your body didn't listen to you. "Here, I found a first aid kit in the back."

You didn't process his words. You only watched the lively bird stumble on it's footing as you caught it. It blinked at you with something you'd call indignant anger. It would be right to be angry at you in a moment.

"You can put it down now," Zombieman said, clicking open the clasps on the box and pulled out some bandages. "We need to support it's wing with something strong." He carried on, unravelling the white gauze.

When he saw that you didn't listen to him, he reclarified for you. Maybe you didn't know what to get. "A straight strong stick should do. Go find one."

You still didn't move, and he finally looked up. He stared at you questioningly, not quite understanding the guilt ridden expression on your face until he looked down at your hands.

The black feathered bird was flopped over on your hands, it's eyes closed. It slumped over on it's wings and feet in a strange way. It's beak was open wide, trying to get something out that was never really there.

"...I think..." You say, your head turned over to face him, but he didn't really think you were looking at him. "I think your investigation is over."

...The crow was getting colder.

-----

"...I'm kinda like you." You started, sitting down in the car with dirt in stuck in your fingernails. You insisted on burying the crow before you explained everything. It was a request he easily granted - you had dug into the soft soil with your bare hands and covered the corpse with the same hands that killed it. "I'm... also like this because of human experimentation."

"...Go on." He said, nodding along.

"The lab, I'm sure you already know this, but they wanted to create antidotes. Something that would cure any poison. They obviously experimented on animals, but in the final stages, they wanted to test on a human subject. It was almost to fruition I think. And... My parents brought me in. I grew up in the lab." You sighed. "I wonder if they're even my real parents... What if..." You trailed off, the suspicions had clearly been weighing in your head for a long time. "...Never mind. That doesn't matter anymore. Anyways, one of the vials they gave me apparently wasn't the correct one. I started absorbing the poison in my body, almost like a storage box. No one realised at first."

"...Something happened, huh?" He said, picking up on your choice of words.

"...Yeah, they gave me some particularly strong poison or something to test out how my body would respond to the antidote they prepared. They didn't anticipate that I'd be able to absorb it alongside with the antidote." You let out something of a dry laugh. "That... was the last time I ever touched my mother. They cleared me to leave and I went up to her to say hi. She... collapsed on the ground, convulsing seconds later. After that, no one approached me without hazmat suits again. They quickly stopped working, after something else happened and they fled. My father was the last to go."

"...And that's when he gave you the instruction to stay until the level of toxins were acceptable?" He asked for confirmation. To which you nodded at him.

...Seeing everything fall into place has never felt so unsatisfying to him before.

He gave you a measured nod, his eyes never leaving the sight of your hunched over figure. "...So he sends you money to keep you somewhat alive?"

"...I don't know if he knows if I'm still alive." You shook your head. "Hell, I don't know if he's still alive himself. It's been... years. I only have the bank transactions from him as m only form as contact. I... still don't know if I killed my mother or if she's recovering somewhere."

He let out a quiet curse under his breath, leaning his arm against the window as you continued speaking.

They lived like this for years. Years.

"...I know what that place is, Zombieman." You say, your nails pressing tight against your skin, digging in. "I didn't want to admit it."

"...A prison?" He tried guessing when you didn't speak for a while, only to be met with a humourless laugh.

"Coffin. It's a coffin for me. I was born into a live burial -  I'll live and die there." You say, your voice completely monotone. It was like a reporter going about the facts of the day. "The furthest place I've been from here. This... forest. And just by going once, I ruined the place. I can't just... leave. This was already a mistake."

He listened to you, watching the way you clutched yourself for some sort of support. He stayed quiet, examining your features carefully. Nothing on his corkboard prepared him for this - but perhaps his own personal experience of being on the other side could help.

He slowly forms the thoughts in his head - there wasn't much he could remember when he first left the lab he had escaped from, but he tried his best to gather what he could. What would have comforted him best? Well, probably the death of Dr Genus.

It was just a tad too slow - you had began speaking again.

"...When are you going to end me?"

He turned his head over to you, too quickly. "What?"

"You found the source of the poison." You say, leaning over to him from your seat. His breath hitched as you got closer. "You've known for a while, haven't you? So when are you going to do it? In my sleep? With a gun? Or an axe?"

It probably doesn't help, but at the mention of his weapons his eyes find their way over to their positions. "...I'm not going to murder you." He says, but didn't get up. He let you look down at him from where you were - it was probably the little bit of power you still had over him in your eyes. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"I made that crow die." You state, your retort coming back far too fast. "You saw me. One touch from me killed it. It was barely even a few seconds."

"...That doesn't warrant the death penalty." He sighs. "Nothing you've done deserves punishment of any kind, it's not your fault. None of it."

You stared at him with an unreadable expression on your face, he struggled to place what you were feeling at the moment despite it being the most vital time for him to be able to. "...I have a question," you say, almost reluctant to interrupt him. "If there was something that could only cause harm, why keep it?"

He doesn't given himself much time to think of his answer, knowing that the longer he took the more insincere he would sound to you. "I know many people who's only speciality is violence." He starts out, leaning a little closer to you as you took a step back from him, giving him more space. "...We call them heroes. Or monsters, depending on their intentions."

"...Are you one of these people?" You ask, your words feeling heavier than he expected for such a short question.

"I'd say so." He responded, his voice flat as he continued speaking. "...But a lot of people suspect me as a monster too. "

"...You're more than that." You said, tilting your head at him with scornful befuddlement. You looked upset, but not at him.

"Aren't you the same?" He mirrored the simple question to you.

There's silence from you, until he hears a small sniffle and you bring up one hand to wipe at your eyes. He's frozen solid for a second until he reaches over to a box of tissues nearby and offered it to you. 

"No..." You shook your head. "No thanks, my tears will just melt it... Tried it, trust me..."

"...Yeah, that's what tissues tend to do in liquid long enough." He cracked the dry joke, trying to lighten your mood and still offering the box to you, just slightly further away.

"...No, they're..." You pinch the bridge of your nose and let out a shaky sigh as you forced yourself to bite back the tears. "My tears are corrosive. Highly corrosive."

"...Huh." He said, putting the box aside and stood up. "Would you like my coat instead?"

"...Why on Earth would I want that?" You say, the last of the tears running down your face as you stopped wiping it with your hands. 

"...It's work clothes, I can get these replaced for basically free. It's cheaper than those tissues." He shrugged, trying to make another attempt to cheer you up seeing that you had stopped at this point. They were more stressed tears than anything, so your crying wouldn't have lasted long anyways. 

You blinked at him before letting out a laugh, "no, no... It's okay... I don't want to accidentally hurt you. I'm fine now anyways."

"Mhm." He nodded, watching you sit back down on your seat. "...You know, I have a really, really smart colleague. He might be able to help you leave if you want."

"...Really?"

"He's the smartest person I know. And I've been kicking around for a while." He states a chuckle on his lips as he spoke. The only other person he could think of being close to Child Emperor was Dr Genus. There wasn't a chance in hell he'd let him anywhere near you. 

"...Do you think he'd be willing to help?" You ask, the lilt of your voice going up a little higher, a sense of hopefulness leaking into your tone. "Or wait, would he be safe? I don't want to hurt him by accident..."

He nodded at your concerns as you spoke. "I've seen him analyse venomous monsters during the heat of battle and create antibodies on the fly. I think there's a strong chance."

"...Wow, he sounds really smart. Is he a hero like you?"

"Yes," he nodded, something you'd describe as pride adorned his features. "He's more of a hero than me, though. I could learn a lot from him."

"...I think you're far more of one than you think you are."

He's silent, staring back into your eyes. It takes the both of you a moment before either speaks. His voice breaks the silence gently, his words slow and purposeful as he spoke.

"...I think we should get going soon. We need to catch that train."

[yandere-fics]

Less dark but still potentially, darling being in a relationship before they met their yans, allready taken :3c

♡ How They React To Their Darling Being In A Relationship ♡

♡ Dealing with a human inconvenience is not hard at all for her, since finding out her soulmate would be human, she had always been prepared for the possibility she would need to get someone out of the way before she could approach you, humans are just so silly, she understands that you don't have a way to confirm you have a supernatural soulmate out there but seriously babe? What were you thinking when you chose this buffoon to couple with. Perhaps she merely sees them as a buffoon because you are truly the living embodiment of perfection and can do no wrong in her eyes while everything they do is completely wrong in her eyes. ♡

♡ She won't challenge them with you around or even introduce herself until they are removed from the picture, she knows how stupid humans can be even when presented with their true love ans while she doesn't think you're dumb, she just thinks you're a bit too prone to human naivities, like for example allowing this person to breathe the same air as you. ♡

♡ She'll have to utterly humiliate them in front of everyone to insure even the friends who were close to them will see her as a breathe of fresh air when she finally introduces herself as your soulmate. You'll accept her immediately as soon as they're gone she sure so yeah maybe she doesn't have to do all this work because she could kill them and her perfect mate would love her all the same, nevermind how delusional she is, but she needs to make sure your pesky friends don't plant any stupid ideas in your head that might make you hesitant to give into your obvious love for her. ♡

♡ She sees you with them across the street and while she would try her best to come off softer to not terrify you, she can't stop herself from rushing across the street and snapping their wrist, the same wrist about to wrap around your shoulder casually introducing herself as your mate. Your partner is smart enough to get the fuck out of there and well that clearly shows they didn't even deserve you in the first place. Why would you even want to be with them when their wrist broke so easily? She could protect you a million times better, she'll prove it just agree to let her court you, please otherwise she might get scary. ♡

♡ If you protest, you know like a normal person who is frightened, then she's gonna get a bit more violent. She was willing to overlook your indiscretion by not waiting for your mate, nevermind the fact most humans don't have soulmates so how would you have known you had one, it's still horrible that you were being so lovey dovey with someone else in front of her, she clearly needs to put you in your place just a little bit. Sorry for this but she's gonna have to be mean until you decide you want her to start being nice to you again. ♡

♡ She'll take you to her apartment and allow you to settle in there for a the night, hopefully hold you in her arms if you aren't too fighty and then as soon as the night comes and you've peacefully fallen asleep on her bed, likely due to exhaustion, hopefully accepting that you and her are in love now, she'll go off to find whatever mongrel dared to put their hands on you and then flee, if they were going to touch something that wasn't theirs then they better at least have the courage to stay and try to fight for it, she would have let them have a merciful death for at the very least treating her soulmate the way you deserve but they ran so they must die brutally. ♡

♡ The moment she lays eyes on you, they have been vanished. You had heard the stories of humans in centuries past who had been chosen by a high ranking demon and their partner been torn to shreds, being lit on fire, drowning on air, but you had never heard of anyone having their partner just disappear. You would have reached out to see if they were invisible or something if you weren't frozen in shock trying to locate where the demon responsible was. Meanwhile Nikki is already headed your way fast, preparing to guide you safely into the abode she's prepared for both of you. ♡

♡ The person has been removed so now your relationship with her should be smooth sailing from now on. What do you mean you're mad she killed your partner? Dearest mate, she's your partner now, she knows this might be a bit of an adjustment but you should be thrilled that someone better suited to you than that weak human has come along, you could have never been truly happy with that person, surely you were just settling, you should be so happy that you are one of the lucky ones who has a soulmate. ♡

♡ Hmm it must have been her getting rid of them that way that made you upset, perhaps you wanted her to tear them apart and prove she's the superior mate. She teleported them to the outskirts of the city which is kind of like a living hell so she can't really bring them back for a fight but she'll remember her mate is a bit of a sadistic thing. Don't try to deny it, that has to be why you're upset, there's no other plausible explanation for you not being pleased with her removing them so suddenly. ♡

♡ The boss didn't bother to check whether or not you were in a relationship before she paired Nora up with you. Nora was also so thrilled when she saw your profile and realized you were the one bright light in her miserable immortality to even consider you might already have had a partner. It is a devastating blow to see your partner next to you on a date as she stalks you one night and it certainly makes her angrier with The Boss but this is just a momentary setback because she's willing to become anything for you and surely they are not that committed so she'll do her best to get you over to her side. She just needs to play the long game and be your friend for awhile and she'll get you. ♡

♡ She says that but the moment the moment the date is over and you two part ways, she finds herself pummeling them to death in an alleyway she pulled them into, too worried that you won't ever pick her if they're in the picture. Afterall she's a mess of a person and is very insecure so why would you ever pick her unless she gets rid of her competition. This works for her better anyways, she can now be your everything and soothe you after your partner was found brutalized. ♡

♡ Now she just has to guarantee you'll never find out she was the one who did that. She'll have to make The Boss give her a couple days off for this since she was also the one who gave Nora a darling, not bothering to check if that darling already had someone. Sure you didn't have a soulmate but you still were with a human, Sawyer really needed to start checking and making sure the humans she chose as her matches didn't have another human in the picture beforehand. ♡

♡ Rudie is freaking out but she has to wait, while the law is on her side and she is allowed to kill people who touch her mate, she can't risk killing in front of people and having people realize the knife wounds are similar to the bodies of the serial killings that have been happening for awhile, the law might allow her to kill this person but she still might get carted away from her darling for all the other killings, though being restricted in a special containment room where her darling is legally required to visit her daily doesn't sound terrible, she would still prefer to be able to hold and keep close tabs on her darling so as much as it hurts her to do so, she restrains herself. ♡

♡ Instead she waits for you two to be separated and then knocks you out and drags you back to her place. The pest can be dealt with later, right now she feels like she needs to completely scrub your skin clean because she can feel their traces all over you and having bits of them in her apartment, her sanctuary, is stressing her the fuck out. You'll probably wake up after having been bathed and fully dressed in her clothing meanwhile your partner is still knocked out and tied to a chair in the corner as Runa gathers the materials to torture them, biting her lip and debating on the merits of killing them in front of you versus shielding you from the gore. ♡

♡ She does freak out a bit because she was not ready for you to wake up, she needed more time to come to a decision and when she start crying she starts screaming and stabs your partner in the leg, waking them and screaming in their face how it's all their fault that you're scared and they deserve everything that's about to happen to them because they ruined what was supposed to be a beautiful moment when she finally locked eyes with her soulmate. ♡

♡ What? Oh the stupid waste of space you're using to fill the void of not having a soulmate? She's not concerned in the slightest. Afterall everything in this city is under her command, is in her debt, so if she tells them to bark, they will, if she tells them to dump their girlfriend of a very long time, they will have no other choice, they're in her debt and so she's free to approach you like she would regularly after you partner completely, randomly shatters your heart. ♡

♡ Pay no attention to the fact that after they shattered your heart, the biggest and scariest supernatural is suddenly approaching you, it's of no concern, there's no correlation, do not worry. If there were a correlation then your ex would be dead but since they're still alive, clearly The Boss has nothing to do with this, don't even stress your pretty little head about this. ♡

♡ Seriously don't. Things will be a lot happier if you don't think about how scary this situation is, it will only get scarier if you say something she doesn't like or try to reject her for that stupid mortal who could never provide for you like she can or give you the luxuries and power that she can. They could never love you like she can, she's your soulmate and she's waited quite a long time, don't upset her by dwelling on your past partner, okay? ♡

[petrichor-idyllic]

heyyy i love your writing and your imagines i was thinking a headcanon of the tmr boys with fem reader of how clingy they are with their girlfriends and maybe including smut

Absolutely, I can. Though, no Newt here as he is confirmed to be gay by James Dashner and I am uncomfortable and don't agree with changing that (I have made this clear on my blog too and there is more information regarding this in my masterlist lol.)

But for all the other boys- absolutely.

MINE

MASTERLIST | MULTI-CHARACTER MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Established relationships.

WARNINGS: Sexual themes and spicey content, inappropriate language, possessiveness and clingy behaviour.

THOMAS

Thomas moves fast, he always has done ever since he arrived, so he isn't exactly clingy.

It doesn't help when he becomes a Runner.

But he is observant.

With his rapid incline of a controversial nature, spending time with you is less frequent than he would want it to be. But he's always got his eye on you whenever he's in the Glade.

Recklessness is not foreign to him and he gets shit done.

But when he is with you, he always stands close, hand hooked on your belt straps, hands interlocked, your head resting on his shoulder.

He likes to make sure he knows you're taken, but he isn't possessive.

He doesn't have time to be possessive but he doesn't need to be. You can take care of yourself.

And he trusts you.

Though when someone does flirt with you, he is known to grab your hand and lead you away.

Making out in the Deadheads is a common occurrence.

Thomas doesn't want to take anything too far so you normally end up taking the lead in more intimate encounters.

Unless he's jealous.

He can be needy and bold after seeing another Glader looking at you, finally gaining some dominance and turning you into putty in his hands.

These moments are normally few and far between because people know better, but you do enjoy seeing this side to him, though you'd never admit it.

MINHO

Oh, God. Where to start?

Like Thomas, Minho is busy and probably one of the most stressed out people in the Glade.

He could literally die every day he goes to work.

So, yeah, stressful.

Which means that his moments with you are precious and he takes every opportunity he can to be around you.

If the Doors are closed, Minho is with you.

People are weirded out when he isn't.

"Where's your guard dog?"

His love language is absolutely physical touch.

He would absolutely always be touching you. His hand on your waist, standing behind you and hugging you, pulling you closer to him whenever he deems necessary.

Possessiveness is almost second nature to him. Anyone that so much as looks at you for too long ends up on Minho's radar.

Minho is big on making sure you're comfortable, but he is also more forceful and dominant.

He's easy to rile up. In more ways than one.

He has his ways of making sure everyone- and I mean everyone -knows who you picked.

And why.

The Gladers are haunted by the load noises coming from his hut during the night.

He often leaves hickeys all over your neck and chest area and the bruises on your wrists often raise eyebrows throughout the Glade.

Not that anyone has the balls to comment, though.

GALLY

Personally, I can't see Gally being a clingy dude.

He wants to be the tough guy that people fear, and always hanging off of his girlfriend is going to kill that vibe.

That doesn't mean he isn't possessive, though.

He'd definitely get into fights and scraps because someone decided to flirt with you.

There's been several times that he's kicked the ever-living shit out of someone because they wouldn't respect your boundaries.

He tends to observe from a distance, and somehow always appears whenever someone pushes it.

It's like he appears out of thin air to bestow the wrath of a thousand suns onto whatever poor soul happens to have your attention for a second.

He might not be clingy in the public eye, but in private is a different story.

He loves cuddling.

Like the man has a problem.

He loves feeling your skin and having you in his arms. He becomes like a puppy desperate for attention whenever the two of you are alone.

You adore seeing this side to him.

He is a secret simp.

And God forbid you break up and tell someone.

You wouldn't. But still.

Even when it comes to sex, he becomes a gentle giant in your presence.

He cares for your needs and wants before he even considers his own satisfaction.

The other boys often wonder why you picked him and what you see in the glorified bully.

But you know why.

And that's all that matters.

FRYPAN

In short, yes, Frypan is clingy.

The lovable cook isn't scared to show how much everyone means to him, and you are no exception

He spends every second of every day talking to you or thinking about you.

The day you started dating everyone was complaining that dinner wasn't cooked in time.

He often sneaks away from the kitchen to visit you at your job.

This causes problems on both parts and Alby has shouted at you multiple times for it.

He's such a sweet heart and loves making you little meals and sweet foods for you to sneakily eat whilst at work

You get the best of Frypan's meals. He makes sure to give you the best bits.

He can be insecure.

Fry doesn't think he's attractive and has some self-esteem issues, especially when he compares himself to Minho and the other Runners.

He knows you love him though. He has no doubt about that.

Similar to Gally, he basically worships you in the bedroom.

He doesn't even care about his own pleasure as long as his girl is happy.

Since he's completely inexperienced (they all are, I know) he's eager to learn and listen to you and your body more than anything.

He would do anything for you.

He's a precious love-struck boy who is also hilarious and well meaning.

You couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

ALBY

Alby is obviously not clingy.

He's always preoccupied, but he's also just not that kind of person.

Of course, he looks after you and goes easier on you than the other Gladers, but you barely see him until you're going to bed together.

He doesn't need to be concerned either.

You're dating the leader- the only person in the entire Glade that everyone listens to.

The Gladers don't dare try anything with you.

Most of them don't even talk to you.

It's safer that way.

On the one occasion that someone did flirt with you, they were put in the Slammer for a week.

Newt found it funny.

Alby isn't really a passionate person either.

But when you get him going?

Damn.

There's no stopping him.

He's in charge. Always. And he knows how to get what he wants.

He'll have your legs shaking and gasping for air before he's even taken any clothes off.

Being with the big boss has its perks, I guess.

Some more headcanons for my boys. Keep the requests coming, I love seeing you guys enjoy my writing- it brings me so much joy.

I hope you enjoyed :))

[assorted-things]

My thoughts on the ending

This is probably going to be a bit rambling and disconnected, so bear with me...

(This got far longer than I meant it to be...)

Does anyone else feel that the Deserter is a reflection of the person Harry could have been, if he hadn't lost his memory? The bitterness and anger and inability to let go of the past remind me of a lot of things that the Ancient Reptilian Brain and the Limbic System say in the dream sequences... I think that Harry's amnesia is a gift, in a way - it allows Harry to eventually let go of the past and decide what kind of person he wants to be now. One of the first dream sequences shows Harry a vision of himself as the hanged man, and I think in a way the old Harry did die when he lost his memories. One of the reasons the game was so affecting emotionally to me is that you as the player are the one getting Harry to turn his life around, if that's how you choose to play it, because it really makes you feel involved and part of Harry's story. It's one of the reasons why I don't think the game would work well as a TV adaptation - I think it would really lose a lot of its emotional impact without your input. It really moved me that I could get Harry to go from screaming that he "doesn't want to be that kind of animal any more", to telling the Phasmid: "I'm glad to be me - an incredibly sensitive instrument".

I really love how the tone of the game manages to be somehow hopeless and hopeful at the same time. Maybe the world is doomed by the Pale, and the Revolution failed, and maybe Revachol is a shithole, but... you can find that there are things worth loving and saving in this broken world. You're subconscious tries so hard to convince you that it's all terrible and evil and that you should just give up and let the darkness take you, but all of your actions through the game can prove that voice wrong. It tells you you're not helping anyone, but depending on how you play the game, you are: you found Billie's husband, and even though he's dead, at least now she knows and won't have to wait forever for him to come home when he won't; Cuno has someone who actually listens to him and takes what he has to say seriously; you got Plaisance to bring Annette in from the cold; you stopped the mercenaries from killing as many people as they might otherwise have done (it went pretty badly in my playthrough, but I tried), and you gave Kim a friend. I love the message it seems to be trying to put across that even if the world is ultimately doomed, you can and should still try to find the good in it, and make a small part of it a better place. And maybe in the end it won't change anything, but the fact that you had hope enough to try matters. And maybe if enough people thought that way, they could change reality for the better - maybe there was a grain of truth in that infra-materialist stuff all along. Maybe it sounds corny, but I found it very touching.

This is... sort of where the Phasmid comes in for me, because everyone thought the existence of the Insulindan Phasmid was impossible, but because you believed in it enough, you were able to prove it was real. And if the Phasmid is real, then maybe other things that people thought were impossible can happen, too... It makes me feel very satisfied that I chose "SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN" when I painted that wall. It seems fitting.

I also love the fact that the Deserter being stuck in the past is literally killing him. And... he talks a big game about being the last real Communist or whatever, but in the end, how is he actually helping the working class by clinging to his bitterness and refusing to let go of what could have been, instead of trying to do something to help the people around him? Even though Harry is flawed, and on his own can't change the world, he's made a difference to the people around him, which is better than being consumed by bitterness and doing nothing at all.

In the end, I think for me one of the core themes of the game is faith/belief (not necessarily in a religious sense)... I think that something that really helps is Kim's belief in Harry. He's so kind to Harry, when he could just as easily write him off as a shambling alcoholic. I think Kim's faith in you makes you want to live up to what he thinks of you, so... I'm not sure how coherent I'm being here, but it's a bit like how Harry believing in the Phasmid lets him make it a definite reality - Kim's belief in Harry as a great detective, or someone who could be a great detective, makes Harry a better person, I think. (At least, that's my take on it - I got so attached to Kim as a character that I really wanted to make him proud of my version of Harry!) And in the end, his faith wasn't misplaced. Again, he can't change the world, and he's human and not a saint (much as Harry may think he is), but Kim choosing to be kind did make a difference, even if it was only to one man.

tl;dr This is going to sound unbearably pretentious, but if someone asked me if video games can be art, this is the game I'd point to and say "yes".

[dreaming-shark]

Semi-regularly, I see people saying that Lio (or sometimes Galo) should have killed Kray in Promare, and I just can't vibe with that. I'm glad it didn't go there.

I know that stories (especially action-oriented ones) tend to go for the immediate satisfaction of revenge-style justice, but I think if someone had killed Kray, it would have been like the story was saying his worldview was the correct one. "I believe I'm in the right, so I can decide who lives and who dies and if I choose to kill someone it's justified." And I always appreciate it when a story rejects that point of view entirely. Hell, that concept is even touched on in the lyrics to NEXUS: Are we gonna get to choose/who will live and who will die?

And the movie answers that question when Galo says that he'll even save Kray, too. I love how personally offended Kray looks at that. When you're that certain that humanity is self-serving and corrupt, and everyone else is just as bad as you are, seeing someone flat out reject that point of view is a real slap in the face.

(As an aside, my gay heart melts that the order he promised to save things in was 1. Lio, 2. The Entire Earth, 3. And You Too, I Guess.)

I think the story's message is better for the good guys not killing the villain, even if as an audience we think he would deserve it.

[weirdgirlification]

can u say more about what u mean by time as a symptom of love……abt the beast perhaps but also in general?

hello yes i would love to speak about this more! putting it under the cut because it's gotten quite long...

so the idea of time as a symptom of love comes from the song "time as a symptom" by joanna newsom, the final track on her album divers which explores the connections between love, time, and death. i'm just going to give her explanation here

"I have to admit the fear of loss was behind some of the things I wrote. Everyone’s getting older. When I crossed that line in my mind where I knew I was with the person that I wanted to marry, it was a very heavy thing, because you’re inviting death into your life. You know that that’s hopefully after many, many, many, many years, but the idea of death stops being abstract, because there is someone you can’t bear to lose. When it registers as true, it’s like a little shade of grief that comes in when love is its most real version. Then it contains death inside of it, and then that death contains love inside of it."

so essentially, this idea that the deepest of love is eternally haunted by death because it's the inevitable conclusion, the only possible ending. the passing of time creates this ever present fear of loss. death defines love. but at the same time, love defines death, because we would not fear this passage of time if it were not for the things we love that we do not want to lose. love effects how we view time, without it its passage would be meaningless. in some cases love can even continue to exist beyond time. after one person dies that love is still there, existing in the person who remains, existing in all the people their love may have impacted.

the connections between love and time/death are at the heart of the beast (i'm speaking about time and death as one thing because death is essentially an effect of time). the story touches on a deep, dreadful future premonition of that keeps one from being able to love others. the three timelines we see feature a connection between gabrielle and louis, this love is the common factor that unites the seemingly separate stories. it's implied that there are even more lives in which they loved each other (louis saying they listened to "evergreen" together when it came out). each timeline ends with an act that is in some way related to that love, and the connection between them continues to exist in some way even after their deaths, but whether or not it's strong even to overcome time depends on the character.

essentially, louis is a character who gives into time. in the california section, while he seems to get some sense of knowing gabrielle, and is at first hesitant to hurt her, he eventually decides to continue with his original plan and kill her. similarly, in the future world, he expresses doubts about the dna purification, but succumbs to the process in the end and comes out changed, unable to feel love in the same way he once did, the same way gabrielle still does.

gabrielle, by contrast, is defined by a love that transcends time. she remembers enough of louis in her california life to give him a chance and open the door. it kills her, but she finds him again another life, where her past memories reignite her love. what she feels is strong enough that it can't be "purified" or changed. so she goes to him again, horrified to find that while her love has persisted, his hasn't, not in the same way.

no one is shown to die in the future, but we do see the pigeon, which implies that perhaps someone will as a result of this mismatched love. or maybe it is louis's soul that has already died, even if his body hasn't. love exists beyond time, but it can't stop time or what comes with it. purification is a direct result of the passage of time, a futuristic form of "progress," but it is not without flaws. sometimes, time is enough to rid people of love. but not in every case. there's no real answer to which is stronger, just the eternal question.

[theredqueenandthebloodwyrm]

episode 8 Castlevania Nocturne

Episode eightttt

Like Major Spoilers

Like don't read this if you don't watch spoilers for the season 1 finale type of spoilers

I can't spell the Vampire Messiah's name. I'll admit it. Ezeb...Bathory? Captions to the rescue, it's Erzsebet.

Anyways her Sekhmet Transformation is a total glowup and I can get behind the new hair. Also that gold and black dress? Yes, just yes. And that golden chariot? Loving it!

Did the Abbott fucking forget that Isaac didn't actually kill his son??? Yeah Tera fucking tell him!

Edouard's singing!! Forget the power of love, try the power of music. Well actually they're somewhat intertwined but yknow.

Hahaha get wrecked by a turtle Drolta! Turtle attack! Or uh tortoise. Maria's animal summoning is wonderful. Shoutout to the teleporting cat too.

Olrox saving Mizrak was a nice surprise. Love his green eyed shadow form. Haha go kick their asses Olrox!

Erzsebet / Vampire Messiah's new Sekhmet design is so...so good, that is a god. A goddess who can and will kill you. Then Olrox saved Mizrak from being a suicidal knight, like seriously what were you thinking Mizrak? If Richter Fucking Belmont and his blue flames couldn't touch her, what was your basic ass sword gonna do??

She wasn't gonna kill her? I mean she planned to turn Maria into a vampire so kinda kill her but like everyone totally was thinking she was going to use Maria as a sacrificial lamb of sorts (myself included) imagine my surprise when she was like "no dumbasses, I'm giving her life" albeit vampiric life.

Gasp my heart "I don't want you to die, Mizrak."

No no no not Aunt Tera being the fucking Ram.

Huh you know I wondered how someone became a vampire in the Castlevania universe. Guess the classic drink their blood and then give them vampire blood works. Damn newbie vamps are hungry as fuck it seems.

The Abbott's face is hilarious to me, it's a look of pure terror mixed with the realization he fucked up.

ALUCARD?? ALUCARD?

Bye bye Drolta!

ALUCARD ALUCARD ALUCARD HOLY SHIT IT'S HIM

Oh how have I missed him.

What happened to his pigment though? Is it a vampire thing? Like his hair went from blonde to nearly pure white? Skin too? Has he been sleeping in a coffin for these few hundred years without moonlight? It's probably a vampire thing. Or half-vampire in his case I suppose.

I love all these characters, the animation, the music and soundtrack, the beautiful voice acting, the story and its themes. The character designs, their outfits, their glowups, their magic.

[batrachised]

The Blythe kids, ranked

tagging @gogandmagog and @mollywog to also rank the kids in my extremely niche 'rank the blythe kids' challenge (if you want to!)

caveat that this is all my personal preference and I haven't read Rainbow Valley or Anne of Ingleside in years--however, I do remember my opinion of the kids from when I read it.

5. Nan and Di

Sorry to Nan and Di, but they never really became real people to me. I don't place the fault at their feet but rather at the fact that we never really got to explore their adult viewpoint--they're very much background characters in Rilla. It's to the point that I can't pick which one I prefer, because both of them kind of blend together in my head. We know that adult Nan loves Jerry, giving us insight in her tastes, and adult Di is best friends with Walter--and that's about it. They're part of the war effort, but not in a way that would reveal any unique insights into their character.

4. Jem

DON'T KILL ME I know Jem is dashing and Lil Jem is adorable, but he kinds of reads as a more aggressive version of Gilbert. However, just because he's ranked so low here doesn't mean I don't hold a deep love for him. I especially love his relationship with Walter (and the fact that he named his son Walter...pain). I have a story idea that involves a series of vignettes of Jem and Walter growing up together--Jem, who always looked out for his little brother, until one day he couldn't anymore. Someone here had the brilliant point that Jem comes back to Ingleside after the war and everyone has already mourned Walter, but to him, as he states in the book, it's all fresh. What must that be like, having a little brother you always protected die a violent death.

Jem also demonstrates two interesting things throughout AoGG: (1) he had trouble understanding Walter growing up, which makes sense because they were very different, and (2) in the end, he was one of the people who knew Walter best. He recognized, unlike many others until Walter's death, that Walter was the bravest of them all; as he states, only Walter's imagination scared him, not reality.

3. Shirley

Shirley, you say?? The Shirley we barely know anything about it?? Shirley over Jem??

I don't have an explanation for you; I just have this inexplicable soft spot for the quietest of the Blythes. Perhaps also because he is "Mother Susan's" son; I think that was a beautiful plot line for LMM to include. Perhaps it's because I read a fantastic story the other day describing him as the observer, and I was like "so true" as I read it.

Shirley is interesting because he's different. None of the other Blythes come across as quiet or shy, because they are, after all, Anne Shirley's children. To me, that raises the question of what it must have been like growing up in a family so different from you. Because of that, I don't suffer the same issue I do with Nan and Di, of lacking unique insights despite the almost complete lack of Shirley's viewpoint throughout the books. Shirley is set up almost (unintentionally) as a foil to the others, which makes up for his otherwise near absence in most of the books. We know that he's uncomfortable with displays of emotion and that he prefers to walk in companiable silence rather than chattering. That, combined with the contrast to the other figures in his life, makes for a compelling character to me, even if this compelling character never got fleshed out.

2. Rilla

I've written before about how Rilla is one of the more interesting of Anne's children because she's very different from the typical LMM heroine. She's flighty, shallow, and self-involved. This makes her journey all the more touching, however, as she grows into a mature woman, shaped by WWI irrevocably. Including Rilla on the list does somewhat feel like a cheat, because she benefits from the focus of an entire book. Which means it's all the more surprising (although not if you follow me) that in first place, we have...

Walter

Your honor--I love him. Please, someone make a movie about him. Please, someone write more fanfic about him. Walter Blythe is a gentle man who is also full of rage; a sensitive man who hates the thought of pain but when the time comes can look it straight in the eye without flinching. He's bullied growing up, and bullied again as a grown-up. He's implied to have a depth that the other characters do not have; I don't mean in how he has premonitions, nor do I mean a literary depth, but rather, LMM marks him as one of a kind special person (almost in a 'chosen one' sense). The others grimly or excitedly prepare for the war; Walter immediately knows that the world will never be the same again. The others are confident, even arrogant, if timid; Walter is crippled by self doubt. Many of the others, although not all, possess a firm practicality and down to earth humor; Walter is dreamy with his head in the clouds. The others get into spats or childish fistfights as onlooks cheer; Walter beats Dan Reese so savagely he makes the onlookers cry. The others form meaningful romantic relationships; Walter never does because, tragically, he runs out of time. Gentle, savage, fearful, brave; Walter Blythe is all of these things and more. He is also doomed. LMM marks him as doomed from the beginning, lending a dark undertone to his story that no other LMM character has. Walter's life--his fate--is shaped by violence: fear of it, flight from it, defeat of it, death from it. This shaping results in him being the most unique Blythe child, and in my opinion, most unique LMM character.

(On a lighter note, hollywood execs if you're reading this, I will pay you 4 billion fake dollars if you make a movie about walter blythe...I never felt the need to write LMM fanfic except about him, i'm that desperate for more content)

[these-detestable-hands]

Now you technically did NOT reblog this, but you DID say I can make tons of asks, so another blast of OC-related asks!

Like Lola's, I'm not gonna specify which OC and just let you choose the one best suited for the questions I'm interested in! Hee hee hee /rubs hands. Bonus points for new things that I haven't learned about yet! Because that's what these asks are for, bwahahahahha!

🔴, 🟢, 🔵, 🟣, ⚫️, ⚽️

Ok let's see!

🔴. What trait in your OC do people not see very often?

Ædith is so very gentle. I touched on it a bit in the last ask, but basically she's loud and bossy a lot but can be gentle when necessary. When Ira breaks, she's quiet and holds him when he cries. When Brandi or Zoltan get injured, she's careful to help take care of their wounds and make sure they're okay. In a modern au, she could be a nurse or kindergarten teacher.

🟢. What is considered a weakness in your OC that is actually a strength? What is considered a strength but is actually a weakness?

Augustus! He's so cautious. A lot of people call him a coward but it's allowed him to save a lot of citizens from dying during what is basically the apocalypse.

A weakness that people call a strength would be his love for his family. The old one. Juno would say it's sweet that he still loves them all those years later, but holding on hurts him more than it helps him.

🔵. How would your OC spend a single day of uninterrupted peace? Where would they go and who would they be with?

Rurik would spend it with his family, he loves them a lot. He would probably take his kids down to see the river and then help his wife cook so she can have a break. He's the breadwinner so she does most of the housekeeping but on a free day, he'd cook and clean so his wife can rest.

🟣. What's something your OC could not live without?

Regnar would die of sadness if he was away from Dagny for more than a few months, hence his decision to go out looking for her. He knows she's on her way to the north to bring Filpa home and he goes out looking for her because it's dangerous and he cares about her.

On a more literal level, he dies if he's away from the city for too long so the journey does kill him a bit.

⚫. When was the moment in your OC's life when they felt most in control and secure?

For Volkaire, it's at the beginning of the story, right after Ædith's arrest. Ira is distraught but he manages to convince them to go and fight a war and not to worry about Ædith. Volkaire managed to make Ira think nothing of Ædith's situation, despite the fact that Ædith is the second most important person to him. This amount of control over Ira is exactly what he's always wanted and it's gained through the most horrible and dubious methods one could ever imagine.

⚽. Who is someone that your OC believes in and roots for?

Yagaan and Rurik both worship Odeda, even though it is taboo in both of their hoem countries.

Pylark hates Odeda because it is the goddess their oppressors worship and Nini hates Odeda because the country collectively is kinda spineless when it comes to wars and conflicts.

Rurik's worship of Odeda represents his willingness to see all sides of the conflict when his fellow men would (rightfully) attack Ira blindly. Like, the Pylarkians aren't in the wrong for not trusting Ira and Ædith but also Rurik did do the correct thing here.

Yagaan's worship of Odeda represents her will to fight for what she believes is right, even when everyone else tells her not to and to sit back and watch.

They're both passionate people who can't watch as a tyrannical emperor tries to become as powerful as the gods.

[ben-talks-art]

12. Action Manga recommendations!

This is something that I'm kinda shocked it took me this long to start doing... Let's try talking about some of my favorite mangas from different genres and why I like them and maybe who could like them too.

I'm gonna try to split them up into what element I think stands out the most from each to make it easier to talk about them.

I'm will at least try to bring attention to some obscure series... But I make no promises. This will mostly just be me talking about the stuff I like, and hopefully one of them will end up being something new to someone.

Nice drama recommendations

These are the series that usually involves a lot of characters talking and debating over the morality of the plot. They usually have people asking things like "are we right? are we wrong? Why? Who's the real enemy? What are we fighting for?" and so on.

First, we have Radiant, a series about a magical world of mages and monsters with a main character that's kind of a middle ground between the two and is trying to seek this place called "radiant" which apparently is where all the monsters come from so he can find out why they are being sent to this world and possibly find a way to stop them from causing chaos to the people.

It's written by a French author and you can tell, the dialogue in this is phenomenal. I would highly recommend checking this out just to see the way these people talk with each other, it feels so natural and everyone is so charming. They all have amazing interactions.

Peach Boy Riverside is about a girl that receives a power that allows her to kill demons with little to no effort while also giving her a dangerous thirst for killing them. The problem is... The girl as well as plenty of other characters are actually friends with many of the demons so she has to constantly keep this power under control, on top of that, the boy she has a crush on also has that power and he just despises demons, so she keeps finding herself caught in the middle of everyone's anger and trying to find a solution that doesn't rely on just killing everything, even though her own power really wants to. It's really interesting.

Claymore is about this woman who works as a professional monster killer. She, as well as many other killers, go from place to place and get hired with the task to eliminate some creature that's attacking all the people, and once they're done, they just move to the next place.

What's cool about Claymore is that all the monsters used to be regular people, so a lot of time is dedicated to the heroes and the villains trying to understand each other and thus adding more layers to their fights. It basically go from the usual good vs evil to two individuals who just happen to be stuck in opposite situations and have to face one another. And some of the backstories for tons of the antagonists are just so freaking interesting. Everyone here feels like the main character of their own story. This is a really solid 10/10 cast of characters.

Crazy action recommendations

These are the series where the authors just enjoy going bonkers with the fights.

Dandandan is about a girl that likes ghosts that has psychic powers and a boy that likes aliens that is possessed by a spirit. The idea is that this mixes supernatural threats with sci-fi threats, and they do it in a very fun way. Sometimes the antagonist will be a giant ghost that likes to dance, another times it will be a boxing alien crab. This series knows how silly its premise is, and its just loving every second of it.

Undead Unluck is about a girl that can curse anyone that touches her with a lot of misery and a guy that can't die. They put 2+2 together and decide to team up as he's the only one that can survive her and she's the only one that can make him feel alive.

The fun of this series is that everyone has very specific powers based on tons of specific rules, so a lot of the fights rely on characters playing 4D chess with the rules of their weird powers to overcome their opponent, and this sounds like it would get tiresome as if every fight was like some sort of homework, but they manage to keep the action going at all times and getting you up to speed to what everyone can do and how they can exploit what they can do. The ways they use the guy's ability to not die in particular are absurdly creative, doing things like turning his blood into swords and bullets or using it as a lightning rod for the girl's bad luck. Fun stuff!

Zatch Bell is one of my favorites. It's basically a pokemon/digimon setting where kids get paired with some sort of teammate and fight other kids and their teammates, but in this case, the teammates are little children and they fight using books of spells.

Each child has dozens of spells in their books that are a variation of their base power. For example, Zatch himself has lighting powers, so one spell is like a blast of electricity, another is like an electric shield, another one can magnetize the enemy, and so on.

You never what new spell will be used and how it will be used, which makes each fight feel fresh and unique. And the fact that these are kids teaming up with children allow for them to create deeper relationships and thus make you care more about seeing them get out okay from the fight.

Wholesome recommendations

These are for the people who just want to enjoy nice likable people having sweet wholesome moments.

Ottoman is about a guy and his wife who both get fused with an alien and get tasked with fighting other dangerous aliens to keep the world safe, but the nice twist is that the dude's alien is powered by affection, so in order to get stronger during fights he needs to remember all the things he loves about his wife. It's so freaking silly but at the same time so adorable.

The wrong way of using healing magic is one of those isekai stories where three kids go to another world and one of them gets the role of being a healer, except he doesn't use the healing just to help people, he uses it to make his fatigue go away so he can work on his body muscle and reflexes. And what's even better is that because he keeps healing his opponents everyone eventually ends up befriending him. This one is just a really likable read.

(Oh God, I can never remember this one's name...) A Breakthrough Came Out by Forbidden Master and Disciple, is about a boy who instead of being a hero tasked with facing the demon lord, is actually the son of the hero who defeated the demon lord, and thus has a lot of insecurities because he has trouble living up to his father's name. But that all changes when the ghost of the demon lord starts haunting him and they make a deal where he will train the boy if he promises to show him the world (it turns out that the demon lord was stuck in a basement for years with nobody to talk to... poor guy...)

The bond between the boy and the demon lord is honestly very sweet. You can tell they respect each other and want to make the other proud while also proving their full potential to all of those that looked down on them. One being looked down for not being as great as the hero, and the other for having been killed by the hero. It's a great premise.

Edgelord Recommendations

Okay, this is for those who want to inject some "hardcoreness" into their blood.

Ragna Crimson is about a guy that sends all his powers into the past after he realizes there is no way to save the future from the threat of the dragons. Once he succeeds in contacting his younger self, he also advises him to meet up with Crimson, one of the smartest dragons of the world who also happens to hate dragons.

Together, with Crimson's brains and Ragna's powers they just travel the world beating the hell out of tons of dragons with some freaking metal artwork. Some of these fights go way harder than they need to and it always feel so damn epic. The person drawing these action scenes is just giving their 120%, to the point where sometimes I just want to ask them to chill a little (as an artist, you kinda start to feel sorry for other artists when you realize how much work they put on every page).

Here's another name I can never remember... Gachiakuta is a garbage manga, and by that I mean, everyone fights using garbage.

We're operating with Ghost Rider rules where each character can pick up something that was thrown out that holds some sort of special bond to them and turn it into an absurd weapon.

It has all the usual cool edgelord tropes. The main character was betrayed by his people, thrown out like trash, had his loved one killed, decided to dedicate his life to revenge and making them pay, while also teaming up with other people that were also thrown out like trash who each have their own angsty backstory, all while fighting giant trash monsters (because why not?), and also trying his best to keep this rage inside of him from going out of control.

You just know Sasuke and Shadow, the hedgehog are just looking at this from somewhere and going "That's our boy!"

Just like Ragna, the artwork here is insane. Everyone here has such a badass design that makes it look like they're ready to throw down with anyone at any moment.

Finally, we have Rebuild World, a series set in a dystopian future where a young boy is found by a psychopathic A.I. who wants to turn him into a super amazing warrior so he can enter some... Place and get some... Thing... that she wants him to get.

This series feels like the kind of story that could happen in the background of the anime Cyberpunk: Edgerunners. The atmosphere of this setting feels very similar to Edgerunners.

This future just feels like it's waiting to tear the main lead apart. The people want to kill him, the monsters want to kill him, the robots want to kill him... Everyone and everything wants to kill him. And the only way for him to survive is to listen to his A.I. (his very, VERY horny A.I., because of course...) and learn how to use the people around him in order to secure his safety. If you like dark sci-fi futures with lots of gun fighting, you're gonna love this.

----- ----- ----

And these are my action manga recommendations. Hopefully, you end up finding at least one that got your interest and turns out to be to your liking!

Give some of them a chance and find out!

[1000punks]

mask and midnight for festé, roiben, and janus?

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

for festé i think their mask really is the calm stoicism, and the tendency because of past experiences to keep people at arm's reach. they seem warm but it doesn't quite reach their eyes, as it were. inside, it's a lot of constant rationalization for things that do actually hurt them. for example, the post-araj confession with astarion? hurt. being called a complication in that way? hurt. but for fear of upsetting him, they kept it to themself. to a certain extent, the two people they don't feel like they have to fully hide from are astarion and mordren - but even then, they're not the first person to admit to being hurt or vulnerable in any regard.

for roiben, the mask is vengeance and anger. his way of dealing with the whole of faerûn's problems was to kill (almost) everyone. he can't quantify empathy even though he really wants to, deep down. the only people he felt empathetic towards (to an extent) are gale, astarion, shadowheart, and lae'zel. all of them were easily swayed and corrupted, however. >.> along with that, the first person he loved(? if you can call it that) was astarion. something something everything i touch turns to ashes, something something self-fulfilling prophecy, and here we are. roiben does actually love astarion, but because he's so emotionally immature, he would rather bring him down to his level than rise up and admit it. in his case, i don't think anyone is allowed to see behind the mask. yet. <.<

in janus' case? their mask is their kindness (a lot like festé but with a healthy amount of "nobody is allowed to know how tragic my backstory really was" a la halsin). to compare, i think janus is a lot more mature (debatable because ... *) about their kindness, and doesn't deal with it by keeping people at arm's reach, per se, but truly cares about making sure nobody is suffering in any way (and not being mean just for the sake of being mean). let me take your pain away, i'll do anything i can do for you! i can see them sharing this vulnerability with gale around the same time he shares with them about the extent of emotional damage he's suffered from the orb and mystra. after letting gale's story breathe for a few days, of course. *node context: janus is a functioning alcoholic but their use has significantly lessened since 1. losing their memories and 2. since they've been on the road to baldur's gate.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

in festé's case, it's the future. they're really tense about the fact that they are in love with someone who is immortal, when they aren't. the fact that they'll die and leave someone behind, best case scenario. not only that but the first person to love them for exactly who they are? hoo boy. they have to try not to think about it by focusing on a project in front of them. one, as i've explored in bonding., is sharpening their weapons, but i think others would be going for walks, moving around, cooking, gardening; things that keep them busy and require skill and effort for sure. it's hard to sneak away from your vampire elf husband though, so imagine astarion finding them in the kitchen baking bread and calmly guiding them back to bed with gentle admonishment.

roiben? the fact (well, he believes it's a fact) that he'll never be able to just... rest. it feels like everywhere he turns there's some sort of expectation on him whether from the gods above, below, or the earthly sort. he balked when thinking about how astarion wanted to keep him forever. he balked when he thought of serving bhaal for the rest of his life. he'll balk when he's fucking resurrected from purgatory and i think the both of those things are the reason he chose the ending that he did, after the netherbrain crisis. it's easier to become a mindless bhaalspawn than it is to continue contending with big emotional decisions. gods help this stupid murderer. i think out of the tri-soul, roiben would be the most likely to have an ophelia moment and just go... float in a body of water for a while. or see someone for pleasures of the flesh. anything to not think. i think nightmares are an absolute given though, given all the people he's choked the life out of. what if there's some small chance he'll have to answer for his misdeeds? naughty naughty

janus is more of the classic ptsd, night terrors, body sweats regarding their past. but they have nothing to connect it to due to the dark urge. because of the memory loss, i don't see them connecting the dots entirely until way late in the game. apart from that, i think they're anxious about being emotionally close to someone, especially someone like gale who is all about talking and connecting on a really deep level. i imagine them making coffee in the middle of the night and watching the fire. maybe astarion wakes up early from trance and goes to sit with them in a comfortable silence. or, later on, they move over to gale's bedroll/tent and curl up with him. hard cut to gale waking up to their arm tightly wrapped around him and/or half crushed under their weight. hahah questions are from this ask post

[forevermoreamoron]

Malevolent makes me want to violently BITE at the air while also calmly recommending it to someone I care about.

I never knew one day I would say out loud, with complete seriousness: "Damn, poor little blind English boi ....having to try and understand eldritch horror beyond his comprehension."

"Damn, poor fragmented discarded piece of the Yellow King, not knowing who he is fully except yes he does and he's not sure if he can accept that because in some little almost insignificant way, Arthur's humanity rubbed off on him."

I mean oh my gosh, the literal King in yellow is one of the WORSE fictional eldritch beings ever put to paper. The king of madness and horror so foul...he can kill thousands with a whisper and he couldn't give less of a shit.

And yet...AND YET this mad lad of a podcaster has me in literal tears over his take on this yellow bastard and his English wet rat of a man. I would die for Arthur Lester and Jon friggen doe aka: "The yellow fellow".

Like, they went from the king literally threatening to hurt Arthur constantly to him being upset and pissy for days because Arthur wouldn't let him watch a movie....a god damned MOVIE.

And he was JEALOUS because Arthur was bringing Oscar into their little quest....like he was genuinely so upset he pretended he couldn't find some car keys. Yes I know there was also the pull and the guilt and what not but think about that for a second....he quite literally was willing to let Oscar be turned into a freaks vessel....because he was jealous and hurt.

Arthur is such a stupid bastard too...I love him. Bro was scared of the fucked up eldritch voice in his head at first. Then he really said "fuck it" told the voice off, threatened to off them both and said that Jon was his best friend forever now. Bro really said " I can't stand Jon but I will die for him at any moment because He is my best friend and I love him" .

Fucker was tossed in the kings domain because he wouldn't let Jon go....sliced his own throat, took multiple stabbings to the chest and died over and over....and still wouldn't let Jon go because he CARES.

You cannot be serious.....They are willing to go through so much pain and suffering because they care about each other. Jon fucks Arthur over so many times and Arthur the same. But they always find themselves back together trying to mend whatever is torn because they CARE about each other. They have a bond that is constantly strained and fraying, but they refuse to let it break.

What they have is either really sweet or a really fucked up trauma bond....probably the latter.

I love the other characters that show up too, Oscar was a sweetheart and I really loved the motif of him being a priest on the road of redemption through helping Arthur. I fucking LOVED the butcher and was sad when he got his head popped (Rip you psycho) and Detective N-....you know what? Nevermind.....I don't want to relive that again if I don't have to honestly.

Falling in love with the world and the story is so easy. The characters are written well, I found myself invested in everything and was intrigued in every mystery. I love this podcast so much....and everything was written by one guy?

Every voiceover is done by him too...wait a minute...

Jon, Arthur, Oscar, butcher ...fucking Everyone?

What. No really, what the fuck.

Harlan you wonderful bastard, I hope all your pillows are comfortable and cool to the touch. I also hope you bang your toe on a door.

Tldr version: Fuck Kane, Fuck Larson, Love you Yellow you bitch. Please tell Jon and Arthur that I said I'd love to go on a lunch date with them and terrorize them about what happens in 2021.

[tokiro07]

Cipher Academy ch.49 thoughts

[What is a "Yout?"]

(Contents: character design, author philosophy, Toshusai analysis)

ONE YEAR DOWN, BABY, THREE TO GO!!! It's been pretty touch and go, and probably will continue to be, but the longer it goes the more likely Cipher Academy is to build up a strong enough following to keep going, so fingers crossed that the volumes keep selling well!

This week's chapter opens with a beautiful color page showing off everyone's color schemes (except the teachers' for some reason) and a quick review of the major codes we've seen so far. Most of the hair colors are pretty standard, Koshibai and Umitsubame notwithstanding, but the biggest surprise for me has to be Dekiai, who I would have bet money was blue, but nope! She's pink! I guess water can be any color if you dye it, I just figured the idea would be for her to look like a melted Kogoe. Maybe they went with pink to obscure that a bit more or because they looked too similar in color?

Speaking of Dekiai, the jury for Toshusai's trial being several Dekiais with different pigtails and beauty marks was a really fun touch, I especially liked the one whose hair popped when she felt scandalized. The fact that the prosecution is named Hakuai and clearly doesn't have any shading suggests that she's all white, so I wonder if perhaps each Dekiai was a different color with a unique name. I'm also curious if they're all just the one Dekiai playing multiple parts, or if they're each their own unique AI. I'm inclined to believe the former, but who knows

Another cute detail, when the Dekiais call for a guilty verdict, their beauty marks turn into spades. Looks like someone read Homestuck

Onto the meat of the chapter, this is really the type of philosophy that Nisio Isin loves to talk about, huh? There was an entire chapter in Medaka Box about how there are no easy or right answers when it comes to ethics, and it could be argued that that was one of the major themes of Medaka Box as a whole. This chapter's suggestion that the concept of a person is a societal construct is certainly novel, and while it does go out of its way to paint Toshusai as the good guy in this scenario, it's also clear that we're not meant to necessarily feel good about it. Her actions freed slaves and toppled an oppressive government: objectively good! Her actions did also create child soldiers and result in half a million deaths: objectively bad. Reducing whether this was a good thing or not to the number of lives "created" and lost leaves...a bad taste in the mouth, I feel. Like, did Toshusai intentionally give weapons to the kids with the intention of creating an uprising? It doesn't sound like it, it sounds like she was asked to create a weapon a child could use, and then it happened to end up in the hands of children who needed liberation

Intention and consequence are only linked via action and otherwise have no bearing on each other; whatever Toshusai wanted to happen when she made the Gun Eye is irrelevant, the fact of the matter is that people died because of a weapon she created, at least that's how she sees it. Even if she did liberate slaves, it's not like she's a revolutionary who carefully planned out how to save them, she was a child who made a toy that was lethal. A weapon's purpose is to kill, a sentiment that I've surprisingly seen crop up a lot in Jump lately, and Toshusai knows that the only outcome that was ever going to come of making the Gun Eyes was that people would die

Of course, how Toshusai sees herself and how everyone else in the story sees her is only part of the equation - the rest is how the fans see her. Is she a liberator or a death dealer? Which is more important, the right to freedom or the right to security? I have my opinions on the matter, but I can't claim that my opinion is the objective correct one or that other readers will feel the same

I'm still endeared to Toshusai and I still like her as a major lead; she did something that helped people, but through a method that she resents, both because there might have been a way to bring about a peaceful resolution and because even if there wasn't, the presence of that method now means that more people are in danger in the long run. Even if the child revolution was a net gain of life and personhood, the Gun Eyes still exist and are still put in the hands of children, and probably not to overthrow their oppressors. Toshusai means to fix that mistake and prevent any further deaths by any means necessary, and that's a goal I can respect

[parrishh]

ok here is a VERY LONG dump of every somewhat coherent thought i have put together about my first greywaren read. for the love of GOD do not click read more if you haven't read the book. unless you want to spoil literally the whole book for yourself in which case go buck wild i guess

anyway

declan motherfucking lynch, you guys. he keeps making coffee even though it makes his stomach hurt because matthew likes the smell of it in the morning. he was the first person to ever love ronan. he tried not to love matthew but then matthew reached for his hand at the fair. when he was a child he organized records by color for fun. find whoever killed matthew and make sure they are never happy ever again. he didn't want to be the last one left. you were the story i chose for myself. literally the entirety of chapter twenty seven. he used ronan's sun dogs. he sat on the driveway and cried for the first time since his father's death. he cried again when he set the moth free. he's literally everything to me. he's everything to me

ON THE SEVENTH DAY THE LYNCH BROTHERS DISCOVERED THEY WERE FRIENDS ONCE MORE

i can't believe stief played the long con for so many years making us all believe niall was a soulless irredeemable bastard when actually he wasn't. when actually he loved declan more than anything in the world and loved ronan when mór couldn't and gave up the memory of declan's birth because it was too painful to keep

i want a whole spinoff series about the new fenian btw. he's a dreamt copy of a man who carries memories around in a briefcase. that is actually the tightest shit ever i'm not even kidding

matthew punched declan in the face. that is all

actually i lied i have more matthew thoughts. he knows american sign language. he asked bryde if bryde has any bones. seems to me that if i had to learn to be sad, you have to learn to be happy. he walked all the way to the barns from boston. how did he walk all the way to the barns from boston? also where did his hair go?

i feel like a FOOL for theorizing that bryde was the big bad and had been manipulating nathan when really nathan was the big bad all along and bryde was just some guy coping with his miserable existence. sorry bryde. also i really thought whoever dreamt liliana was gonna be someone we knew, not just some random man a thousand years ago, but yeah. ok. that's fine

CARMEN AND HENNESSY GIRLFRIENDS CONFIRMED. i was hoping for carlianessy but also i guess i understand why liliana had to die in order to share her vision with carmen so i will take it

hennessy monologues so that she doesn't really have to say anything at all. her first sweetmetal since jordan in white was the notecard of her broken heart. she threw herself at the lace because she could handle the pain without the fear. jordan saw herself as just jordan without hennessy before hennessy could see herself as just hennessy without jordan. she gave ronan a snakeskin tattoo. she brought adam back from the lace. shit's about to get real touching and i worked too hard to not get the satisfaction of seeing it go down

not as much jordan as i would have liked but i guess she completed most of her arc in mister impossible? i just want more of her i love her so much she's just so GOOD. she barely knew adam but she fed him sugar water to keep him alive even when she had to fight to stay awake. how about i just take you out of that suit now instead?

ronan! RONAN! he's human but he's not. he's an ancient entity in a human body but he grew up in this world so now there's real human in him, too. it's declan who first makes him remember himself. he belongs to both worlds, actually, so he gets to pick which one he wants and he chooses the one with everyone he loves in it. he has to choose between adam and the world and he chooses the world even though adam is everything to him. he gets to keep adam anyway. he's maybe the most powerful entity in existence and his parents (dreamers? manifesters?) were worried that maybe he would end the world but he saves it instead and it's because he's so full of love

adam. my adam. adam! (slamming my head against the wall btw)

i left my adam-specific thoughts for last because i could literally launch from my seat and crash through the ceiling if i sit here and think about him for too long. his accent came back. don't call me he says but then he finds chainsaw and he cradles her lovingly like he clearly has before and he cries with his legs intertwined in ronan's and he scries even though it's dangerous. 'cause i made this fake version of me, right, and i was wide awake when i did it. he speaks to the lace politely. over the summer he tried to convince himself not to love ronan every time he was alone but fell apart every time he saw ronan again. his face just wore a raw relief, a peace

i'm gonna tear the epilogue out of the book, shred it into small pieces, and eat it. what the fuck. jordan and declan are getting married. hennessy is there with her girlfriend carmen and henry is there with his mom and all the fox way women are there too. gansey and blue are there and honestly it tracks that they're both sociology majors. adam transferred schools twice (something something he's finally realized he's allowed to make changes in his life if they make him happy instead of suffering through the present for the sake of the future) and now he works for some secretive government agency because of course he does. ronan tells gansey he wants a wedding like this and adam said the same. ronan and adam are canonically engaged. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

i love this book i want to be buried with it the end

wait i came back to add something because i just remembered. hennessy brought adam back with just enough pieces of himself to actually be adam. it's like gansey being remade all over again. i love that stief keeps bringing characters back to life but like, slightly off. it's soooooooooooooo

[sillyromance]

There is a small story i wrote just yesterday... I know that the situation is quite common but such plot is one of my favorite.

***********************************

- Hey, Hey... Shshsh...

He took her small, vulnerable figure in his hands and brought right to the green eyes, watching as she was worryingly starring at him.

- There is nothing you should be upset or nervous about...

She kept looking, but he could already see how shiny her cheeks became - how salty water started pouring on them; and how desperately the girl wanted to act as if she had been fine.

- It's OK to be weak, fragil sometimes...

She turned her head from him to hide the tears and pretend she was disagree and angry at her partner. Nevertheless, after some seconds of impossibly hard fight inside of her, the girl broke down. She fell on his silk, large palm and awful shaking made her body tremble.

- I'm sorry... I can't afford myself to be like this... It's bad, it's a shame...

He watched her crying out loud - the only things he felt in his soul were pity and love, although he had never seen her this helpless. Even tinies can be strong, protective, unstoppable, brave. But everyone who takes too much on their shoulders someday meets this impossible, horrible state, when you don't want to do anything, when arms are useless, weak, when all inside is jumping from fear and uncertainty and you just want to lie down and die, blaming yourself for every mistake you have ever made. She was in that state. And she didn't want to believe she needed help to get over - because "the rulers never cry".

He sighed silently.

- Don't worry so much, honey. There is no shame. And... It's normal to feel like that. Let me do one thing... And i promise - it will be much better. Trust me.

She wordlessly nodes, knowing what was going to happen. Yes, she wanted this, but it was extremely difficult to admit - even to herself.

But... Yes, this was the best option in the world...

He slowly lifted her to his plump pale lips and opened the warm cave of his mouth wide, showing red, soft maw, pink toungle - and sharp white teeth like borders in front and aside of it. One move of a giant hand - the girl sat on the slimy, gentle surface of alive crimson flesh. Next moment the darkness came - and so the heat. The girl lied on his toungle wiggling and moving, tasting her tiny forms, pressing to his elastic cheeks, which - she felt - were blushing hopelessly. Hot blood punched them strongly from the inside ...

She knew he liked the process as much as she did - a loud, moaning breath told her that. All of her body, from top to the bottom were covered in saliva, but she didn't care. It was just one more pleasant thing which reminded her - that time she didn't have any powers, any responsibilities, any will. She was so unable to protect herself as she had never been before. And at the same time, someone huge, heavy, strong, who could easily kill her and turn into dust, was so cautious, so loving. So gentle. It's heaven when you have a darling willingly listening to your troubles, understanding and giving exactly what you seek for. Especially, if it's the right of being a child when you're an adult; a leaded one when you're a leader; a helpless, but appreciated and willing prey.

Finally, he slowly titled his head back, making her glide into dark and narrow, pulsing hall of his tight throat. She didn't even try to protest - and graciously, obendiently slipped inside. Her arms got squised to her sides, firmly, but softly. And he swallowed. And again. And again.

It was like she was touched by thousands of hands, pushing her down, down, down - to her partner's core, which was already growling excitedly, waiting for it's "meal". She smiled, thinking, what he was feeling at that moment while she was falling into his suddenly hungry gut. Was he guiding her with his finger as she was passing his chest? Or simply closed his eyes, waiting the minute she would enter his belly?.. Who knows... But what was definitely true - it wasn't a bad experience for none of them.

Every journey should end. The girl went through the last muscle circle of esophagus and softly bounced on man's velvet stomach walls which groaned greetingly when she came. They started happily churning her around, hugging and squishing her with their thick wrinkles, covered in viscous liquid. The girl laughed and burried herself in the wet flesh, patting and rubbing it constantly.

But soon she recognized something else. A press, slight, intimate - from the outside. It's his hand; fingers walking around his stomach, rubbing it back, drawing figures on it - and searching for her trough the skin. She rushed to them eagerly, answering with her small hands, trying to make him feel all her affection and gratitude.

- Are you all right?..- She heard a muffled, familiar voice.

- Yes, everything is fantastic! - She shouted loudly. The girl understood that she was heard when she felt his second hand massaging his stomach full of her.

It seemed as if he kept a butterfly in his depths. It fluttered around inside his stomach, making some pleasant, tingly mess. He wanted to sing because of this... What a wonderful, heartmelting sensation - when you comfort someone you love, and this person returnes even more warmth and passion back to you after. It's not so bad to be an alfa from time to time - if it brings satisfaction and joy to all of the included.

He wrapped his arms around his belly and lied on a couch, curling on it like a big cat. There were no sadness and tears any longer. She settled down meanwhile too; the girl was felt like a nice reassuring weight on his growling middle. The man continued rubbing it and, overwhelmed by pleasure, began to murmur cooing words.

Lately, she fell asleep, he returned to his everyday businesses. But one hand never left his stomach area and when he glanced at it people could see a fascinated smile on his face.

He really liked being a pred.

[sheisaloneandlonley]

...

"Man, I wish I hadn't killed myself. Those people down there really loved me."

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I want to die

I think about it a lot, and I know I am not unique in it. It's a rising sentiment. There are thousands of us, even still knowing that understanding that fact, this feeling is completely isolating. There's no way someone could be this sad they pray to not wake up in the morning, consistently. I'm not even the only one in this family who thinks it. How the hell do I not have company? How am I so alone.

.....

I think I have sundowners, I only get like this right before Im trying to go to sleep.

My mom doesn't like it when I talk. But my dad does, but he doesn't really like me, well neither of them really do...but he listens and thinks it's interesting what I have to add...but my mom gets mad

.....

"It's just not that much fun having fun when you don't want to have fun, mom"

This is why fake it to you make it isn't working this is why faking it is making it worse this is when you need to realize that grass on he other side is astroterf and the sun has heated it to burning, it is not an appropriate place for a picknic. There is no keeping up with the Joneses here...this illness is chronic and I can't continue to give energy to a future that is unatanibly green as the fact plastic on the other side.

....

My mom says I'm good at making something out of nothing. So I say nothing and I say nothing and I say nothing and Drs get away with assault and murder and my boss gets away with sexual harassment and my God father gets away with calling me a joke and I say nothing and I say nothing and I say nothing and when it's to much and the cracks in the damn break and all the abuse I have shouldered silent come out of me in a torental fit a barrier that can no longer hold back the hurt mom has the audacity to be shocked at all that I've had to endure and she has the nerve to make me guilty of keeping my silence so I say nothing and I say nothing and I say nothing how much is truly her fault and how much is mine? Mom says you make something out of nothing and then asks me for stories....and how much should I be able to lay at her feet and how much can I take accountability for? Blame. How much is hers and how much is mine.

....

It occurred to me that someone must wonder why I am so obsessed with my mom but she made herself all I had once, she made herself paramount in my life. At one point my mother was the only kind touch in my world and I wonder if she felt power in denying me that. I wonder if she isolated me on purpose or accidentally and I wonder which is worse, and I convince myself it doesn't matter because the end result is the same. The cornerstone of my life is my mother's approval and it is exhausting digging down to replace it.

...

As low as she makes me, she makes me as high. She is still a safety net. She still will catch me, reassure me that no matter how badly I've blundered she will pick me up. And she is the only one who is this unwavering, no matter how sad she makes me, she still loves me. No matter how much she doesn't understand me she still loves me. No matter how much hate I feel it's still love underneath all of it. And I don't want to remove her as my cornerstone, but I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

....

My cousin blocked me after I was posting about being sick, I think that's why. Idk. My mom told me, my cousin said she'd rather die than be in my shoes. But I'd rather die too. I'd rather be dead. I want to die, I don't want to be sick, I'm not enjoying this and I'm not gonna hide it for everyone's convince, and now I feel rejected. I feel abandoned. She's sick too she's like me, and I was so excited to have comrodery. I was so happy to not be alone in this illness. And she just....it's a boundary and I will respect it. But "can't I have something that's just mine" seriously? I'm so upset. I'm mad and I'm sad and I want to throw things so they break and I want to die. And I feel like an idiot screaming it's not fair. I didn't want to be so so alone. I'm so alone. Everything sucks and I wanna die. I just, this isn't anything close to what I had pictured for myself, and I don't know how to pivot. I don't know how to roll with this anymore. I don't know how to go with the flow of this hand life delt me. And I just don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. And I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. I just want to die. I'm so tired. And no matter how much sleep I do or don't get, I'm exhausted and fumbling for what to do. I'm not getting better. I'm stagnet and getting worse. I'm getting worse and the worse I get the more people leave

A d the more people leave the worse I get. And it's the ugly endless cycle that I'm being eaten up by and I don't know what to do.

My Nino said I was a joke. And I knew he thought that, and it wasn't surprising to have that confirmation. I feltlike I should have had more of a reaction. And I justified it in my mind as him not being to serious about it.reverce psychology or somethkng. But now that my cousins are cutting me off, now that it's my generation and the one after, now that it's the ones who have gone through this same hell, now that theyre not here for me. Now I'm so madsadsickx about this. He called me a joke, to my face. He called me a joke to my face. I'm not. I'm sick. I'm in heart failure, I'm actively sick and I'm struggling so hard to get better. And I'm a joke. And I just I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so upset

I want to die and I can't. Because I have responsibilities, and people who would be sad. A nd I resent them. I resent the hell out of them for making me stay here with all of this. I don't know how to let this go. I want to be happy, but it's so much of an impossibility that I don't even think about it. There's no way to that outcome anymore. Theres none of that for me. And I just don't want to even try. I'm so fucking depressed I can't even get out of bed most days and I'm so fucking disappointed that I wake up and have to keep doing this. I don't want to do this anymore, but I don't have a choice. I'm so tired.

I asked for this. I asked God to let me shoulder the burden of suffering I asked for this I prayed for this I was so obsessed with stigmata and miricals and saints and I wanted to help like them. I fucking prayed for this. And now look at me.

...

I started writing goodbyes in my head. I started with my mom, then Alda, then my dad....which got a little mean, and a lot more vindictive, and then I got to Madison and I couldn't do it, not even in my head. I couldn't stop repeating I'm sorry to her. There's no one I lobw more in existence, I know what the big bang felt like because of how I love her. Every love I've felt before her is so different in comparison. Like I was looking at the world through dirty scratched up sunglasses, then Madison happened and my heart exploded open BANG it's the truest love. I can't understand how my mom and Ron treat her sometimes. She is joy personified even when she's being "bad" and I can't say a permanent goodbye to her. I can't make her sad like I'm sad. When my brother made the attempt I was devastated, I couldn't stop crying for days. If he has successfully done anything I think I wouldn't be far behind. I can't do that to them. I could consider it when it was just brother, because he would understand right, he knows what this feels like he knows how hard it is to keep going. He would forgive me. But Madison is too little I can't do that to her she wouldn't understand. I can't be sorry enough about it. I can't be that dark spot in her life. I can't do that to her. I love her so much and I want that to be enough...it has to be. It has to be! She's so good, she deserves so much better than what life is for her. She deserves siblings who aren't suicidal and parents with endless patience. And adoration and so much more love. And I can't do that to her. The guilt has to be enough, even if the love isn't. Because it's easier to hang into, to feel. Especially right now. I didn't feel better trying to outline a goodbye to her and realized I loved her too much to do it, I was just too guilty about the outcome. What if that guilt and shame doesn't go away after you die. What if you have to just exist with it indefinitely. What if God decided that was my hell. You destroyed your sister's love, now you have to carry that around for eternity. ....... It's worse right then being miserable alive? Right?

Is DISPAIR worse than guilt? No... It can't be. How the hell are these my only options? How did I end up here? What did I do? This feels like a punishment.

...

I was okay when it was my Nino, I was okay when it was my Tia Tweety and Jessica, it hurt a lot and I was sad, but I was okay.

I'm not okay now that it's my Nina...She baptized me, she did my confirmation, her laugh was my favorite sound in the world. I felt so good when she called me "my Sandra" I'm not okay. I know grief does weird things to people...I know her daddy died. I know how hard that was she was in charge of all of that. But I would never want her to feel the way she's making me feel. Is there a word for the saddest sad? It doesn't seem to encompass this feeling.

Remember when I was your favorite? How can you not remember that? How can you not remember who I am to you or who I am as a person. How did I get here? What did I do? Why do they hate me. I swear I swear I didn't do anything!

Did you ever see the movie Gravity? When Dr Ryan Stone gets thrown off structure in space? And all she can yell in her panic is "What do I do?!" Yeah....yeah.

...

I want to die it it to be not my fault.i want my Tata to come get me, I want my Nana to come get me. I want my Nana to come get me. I want my baby doggies to come get me, my Kisha baby and my baby Miss Eva

I want it to not me by fault so no one can blame me. And I want someone who loves me to come get me. And I screaming as loud as I can in my head "please come get me, please please" please let it be like the TV shows, please let them come and hold my hand and call my name and come get me. Please let me be so happy to see them, and them me and were reunited with joy and love and the take my hand when they come get me. Andnim not punished for wanting it and I'm not punished for doing it to myself. And they're just a little bit upset that noone stopped me or that jonone noticed how bad it was for me.

I thought I heard my Tata calling me last week. I was just waking up, and I thought he was standing outside my door and he called me, like he needed me to do something. Like he needed my help. I thought I heard him... I thought he was going to tell me something. Maybe about the dogs? Or my car? Maybe I had mail? Or maybe he has gotten pizza and wanted to let me know. I was awake and I heard him call me, and I just forgot he was dead in my foggy state I'm always in when I wake up. But I didn't open the door when I got to it. I heard my Tio ferny and turned around and went right back to bed. I want him to call me away, I think if I had opened the door....I think he might have been standing there, maybe he would have offered his hand, maybe I would have just dropped dead on the spot. Maybe I missed him too much, maybe

I spend so much time being sad, I'm wasting this finite resource. I do think I enjoyed the time I had to be happy well enough, I think I took it for granted that my default was willing to see the silver lining. I think I'm blowing it. It's beautiful outside. My dogs love me. I'm not expected to do anything but exist in this space, I

And I'm wasting my time being sad! And I can't stop, and I'm frustrated, and then sad, and then frustrated. And every feeling that I have is colored by this base feeling and it sours everything else. And it doesn't matter how long I go without falling back down here to my sadness, because I'll always end up here again. And I can't look at it like yin and yang, like there's a balance to this, because this is too much! When I know this is my default when I know that I'll end up here over and over again. There isn't enough time or resources that'll make any of this balanced out! And whatever comfort I have I can't enjoy enough because it's been colored by this eventually. And anyone who's loved me knows that and they're no longer giving me the time, because they know it's wasted!

My Nino said if I died tomorrow he'd be sad, but he'd get over it. I'd end up a little pocket picture on my ninas shelf and that would be the end of me. My Nino, the "good" father figure in my life. That I only had my Nana and Tata who truly "gave a rats ass about you"

And my Tata is dead and maneuvers me into a worst position before he died. If they are the only ones who truly cared for me...it feels minimal.

I can't stop chastising myself for feeling so childish. I understand nuance and complexity. But I can't stop thinking about how unfair all of this is. I can't stop thinking that I should be loved unconditionally, that I have a right to ot. That it was given to me so freely for so long by so many...and it was pulled out from under me and how much that hurts...it's not fair...and I can't make due with what little I have left, and that's making me lose more...and I would beg if it would make a difference, if that's how loved actually worked I would beg! Pride be damned! I would do it...but I know better...and I know that these feelings are coloring the things I do in my day to day and it's making me bitter and making everything worse and I don't know what to do, because I need more then I'm getting and I don't know how to fill this deficit, or how to adapt to it.

....

I see people like Kay (Kay and Taylor from tt) struggling with chronic illnesses and mental health, and she has such a good life, such a good support system and there are so many things going for her, and she still struggles so hard... And with all that's going on for her she still has a hard time, and I think oh God, I don't even have that kind of support, not even close and if she's struggling with that, then how the hell do I have a chance to even begin to cope?