#songstress4life

[prettytailoredsunflower]

A Poet in my Thoughts

Petal 26

I think now is a good a time as any to share some of my poetry I have been writing with you. Some are about love, some are about music, some are about birds. I hope you enjoy this short collection. I have been reading a lot of Rumi lately and got inspired. He has to be my favorite poet next to Maya Angelou and Langston Hughes.

The Englishman

There’s an Englishman I’ve never met who speaks to me through the treble clef. His music and lyrics I could hear all day and never get tired from the notes that he plays. Some stories of love, of friends or make believe, his ramblings are cluttered poetry; perfectly incomplete. The presence of his sound had been around for a while but my eyes were nay apparent to his eclectic style. Two years ago he struck me with one particular tune a hymnal of the Gospel of finding you. And although if we ever met then a song would ring so true, I’d love to hear the melodies we pen on the B-side with you. A song for you, a song for me, a song for the pining chorus of lovers at half past three. The song is smooth and full you can hum the rest of it now. The Englishman’s treble clef is the symphonic cacophony in the round.

A Friend who can Cuss

Sometimes you need a friend who can cuss. A friend who is uninhibited enough to say well that’s Effed up. A friend to say what you feel even when you aren’t free enough to say it. The poor sinner in me is pleading to be acknowledged. The sacrilegious Gospel of secularism is having the floor, which door do I let it seep out of? The mouth? No, that is too commanding of a stage. The mind? Too strong still. The ear? Not loud enough yet. The memory? This is where I will place it. The memory. My breath will stop short

leave and come in Again

Exhaling in a chuckle dripped with sin. I’ll remember my friend who says it’s Effed up when I rant about what’s eating me from within. I’ll remember them.

Flightless Phoenix

I see crows on my morning walk. Wings expanded on each post dangling back and forth. Simon and Garfunkel’s “America”in my headphones.

My dog bent over puzzled at the bush that seems to move. She prepares herself to launch into an attack against the oncoming threat. It only looks to be a strange small bird with a broken wing waddling out of the sunlight and into the welcoming shade. See here a bird that is bruised but continues to move. See here lost in the shuffle hopeful for the shade. See here a bird that is about to be personified as a symbol for restitution and healing. A symbol of starting again on your own path. The bird has passerby’s stepping lightly avoiding the baby I call Flightless Phoenix who has built its own nest of freedom. I turn the corner and think of the bird. The flightless beauty of joy. I walk back around the bend and the bird is headless. A truck has flown down the way and didn’t watch Flightless Phoenix making its own lane. From inspiration to mourning. From freedom in life to freedom in death. Flightless Phoenix is headless. Blood dripping remains stain the sidewalk now riddled with dangerous acidic diseases to any who intercepts the flightless Phoenix. Once remarkable in life, now still just as threatening and dangerous in death.

My Sonata

A gale blows outside

upper echelons of sadness

an Audrey movie on low I’m scrolling for a reason to leave you.

Found what I was looking for

You liked her picture one too many times

And I’m finally getting sense.

You never heard at least two of mine so I’ll exchange them for dollars. I wish there was a way to erase the pain but it’s the only thing that makes me feel alive. The Sun is overrated when you’re hopelessly in love. The moon can be your therapist when there’s no drink in your cup. I feel the weight of sleep like pins and needles but I’m still up pining for you.

If I could play you a Sonata I would only use the good notes. The Black Keys to my heart no copies were made. I told you yesterday. All you said was ok. You don’t want to fight for me. Even when I gave you the recipe to loving me. I said I had walls and gave you pry bars and a sledgehammer. All you had to do was try. And you said you don’t have the time.

This is my sonata to you I hope you always sing it out of tune. You can never get to me again I hope you fall out with all your friends. Don’t ever contact me again of course you won’t. You only care for you. I still have love and it’s eating away at my mind and I lose time everyday wasting it on loving a man that walked away. Loving a man who always has the final say. You can’t tell time and no one ever taught you how. This is my sonata now the silence for swollen ears.

[prettytailoredsunflower]

24 Hours & Counting: This is 25

Petal 27

I turned 25 two months ago. The last week of being 24. No-one tells you how surreal getting older feels. I remember feeling like 25 was so old when I was 14 and 15 years old. I am so grateful that I have made it to where I have; after so many ups and down. A quarter of a century is something that is overwhelming to realize and not super prevalent at the same time if you don’t think about it. Right before my birthday, an annual tradition of mine is writing down my year in review; right before I do a manifestation board. 24 was full of surprises, breakdowns, reckonings, and personal summits of faith and grinding. I would be remiss if I did not thank God for what He has done. I have been through a lot, some of which (I am not trying to be ominous or annoyingly diplomatic) I will not disclose because I don’t want to dredge up negative emotions. Just know that, I am grateful to be here and feel that I have a renewed sense of purpose. I really want this year to be one of personal fulfillment and following God’s design. I want to make a change not only for myself but make a real difference not to be too cliche.

Then again, when’s the last time a Singer Saved the World? I am talking actually shifting the dynamic and perception of art in media? Aside from Whitney, Prince, Michael Jackson, and Beyoncé? Cue the laugh track, but seriously you have to do something that pushes boundaries and not be afraid of “NO.” I actually use “No’s” to motivate me. I genuinely feel as if what you believe, materializes. No matter what people say you can or can’t accomplish. Pipe dreams can work their way down into the streams of your soul. I think if you follow your heart’s blueprint no-one can say you aren’t meant to do what you want to do. You aren’t meant to love who you want to love. Nothing is really out of your league unless you allow yourself to be drafted by simple minded people with no imaginations. It’s like the euphoria you have when Algebra starts making sense. Just me? Ok then, no-one else had my high school experience? Let me go back to my meditation journal and self-care planner. Oh and yeah, I went axe throwing for my birthday. I told you all I love a challenge. If you hang with me, expect the unexpected. I was terrible, but it was perfect fun.

[prettytailoredsunflower]

Do energy bars still work because I am seeing Ellipticals in Parking Lots and I am like “What In the Los Angeles?”

Petal 24

2021 is in full swing, and I can not seem to keep track of the days. It all feels like it is a repetitive routine for me with some unique shifts in-between of new possibilities. I am resigned to going with the flow, mostly because the ability to do things in my own power and control the outcome is non existent. With God, I know that all things are possible. I do not know about you, but the biggest shift I have seen so far is the eviction of the Orange-haired wonder. I really do not want to talk about the orangutan in the room, so I won’t. I am so relieved that America has someone sane and functioning in the White House now. The insurrection was enough to make any person of color lose faith in hope of harmony altogether. I feel as if my future children wanted to know about 2020 and January 6th, 2021 I wouldn’t know what to say. I know that me being of able body and sound mind in my mid-20s should remember all of this mess but I fear my desire to repress it will be too great to ignore. Let’s just say it was a fog of chaos. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Or… I’ll burn it and keep going.

I am so interested in bettering myself and doing away with self sabotage. One thing I started my year off doing was minimizing my engagement with social media. I think that social media is a huge force that can be fun one moment, and draining the next. It can make you so unaware that you are slowly letting comparison measure your worth. One important notion is to train your brain to see it differently. You can get inspired by a post you see that makes you want to have a version of that for yourself. Do not get jealous just because that blessing is not yours, and you want that specific blessing. Sometimes; that specific blessing can come your way if you know how to not whine about it not being here when you want it. Work takes effort, but whining takes effort too. Which brings me to my next point..

Why am I Blogging about the pitfalls of Social Media while on Social Media? I know that is very ironic but I mean everything is virtual nowadays anyways. Without being a hypocrite, I will say I fall victim to it like the next person. I’m Human. It is ok to admit, so I know how to work around it. It is all about intention and going after your goals no matter what people think you are able to do it or not able to accomplish. As a Singer, I can be judged harsher on my songwriting skills and my Acting. As an Actor, I get critiques about managing a podcast reviewing films when I am not a celebrated film critic. Also as an multi-hyphenate, I may throw folks for a loop because I want to direct in my thirties.

*Insert Gasp*

Yeah, I said it. I have always wanted to do that. I mean, I already have had experience directing in the podcast world and in undergrad. Whether I had experience or not, do not let people’s eyes, mouths, and ears keep you from pursuing your dreams. Keep in mind that one mans NO, is still God’s YES. Remember to pace yourself and enjoy the process. The beauty is in the work that will push you to the limit and a little down the hill. A little work everyday will come a long way even if some days I call it night because I feel stuck. I will also say to keep meditating and tallying up your gratitude. Take care of your mind, body, and spirit. I saw people working out at the mall last month and there were ellipticals in the parking lots because of the pandemic….WHAT IN THE LOS ANGELES?! Does anyone know if Energy Bars Still Work?

[prettytailoredsunflower]

Pan-Am & Prejudice

Petal 25

There was a reckoning that happened last year with the call of attention and focus on race relations in America and around the world. The reckoning continued with the insurrection and it left a lot of people wondering; what’s next? We were already in a pandemic with worry about vaccinations and anticipating the announcement of things being safe enough to return back to normal. We are still hoping for a change that doesn’t leave us wondering if the Apocalypse is pre-gaming.

The reckoning in regards to race; was two-fold. For a lot of Caucasians who have privilege, just by existing; they were shocked to see racism come back. (I got messages from white friends about racism returning and how I felt living in a world that has the ability to despise me based solely on my skin color) I was astounded as a black person and like other people of color, when the reckoning was that white people thought racism left in the first place. We knew the truth. It was not returning, it was just getting filmed.

Then I thought about how easy it is to be unaware simply because you have the world literally at your feet. People tell you that you won the genetic lottery and because of this, you are able to glide through life. Now I’m not saying it’s not going to be hard for you; but you never have a real fear for your life or safety because of your pigmentation. That is something that I have trouble wrapping my mind around, it’s simply how the other half lives; I suppose.

There is a scene in one my favorite films “Catch Me If You Can” starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks. DiCaprio’s character is pretending to be an airline pilot and tries to cash a check. The man at the desk says “well you can take care of it at the airport.” DiCaprio is all “who cashes checks at the airport?” The man says “The airline sir, Pan-Am has always taken care of their own.” Always taken care of their own. I wonder if the world we live in is like Pan-Am and people in the majority have official pilot badges and are flight attendants and such. Everyone else has to deal with TSA, baggage claim, and then try and find the right seat when we board new territory. The cycle never stops and it’s imperative to define your own narrative and be an individual before anyone can assume anything about you. Even then, there are no guarantees. I’m grateful I’ve got God on my side, despite life’s turbulence.

[prettytailoredsunflower]

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Clip 2 of my #Runningloseitall Cover #music #songstress4life 🎶✌🏾️🤘🏾🤗 #SundayFunday

[prettytailoredsunflower]

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Clip of my #Runningloseitall Cover by @beyonce #music #songstress4life 🤗✌🏾️

[prettytailoredsunflower]

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Moments to remember! Such a thrill performing with these girls! @dotmcdonald @bearysavy #Vibes #Music #songstress4life 😌👌🏾

[prettytailoredsunflower]

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About Last Night Part 3.... New YouTube Cover on my channel "chelseajmusic" Check it Out! #InaMellowTone #JazzFestival #summerswag #songstress4life #Music (at Levitt Pavilion Pasadena)

[prettytailoredsunflower]

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About Last Night Part 2.... New Cover on YouTube channel "chelseajmusic" #LayMeDown #Music #songstress4life #summerswag #JazzFestival 🎶