#sorry everything i post lately is so negative bruh

[joelscruff]

the amount of anxiety this site gives me lately is ridiculous

[coindraws]

bruh

Sorry for being so negative these last few weeks (if anyone reads my tags it shows…) but idk, this is my blog, so I do what I want. Anyway, this is just a very long vent post and I’ll put it under a cut anyway if anybody wants to read it.

Okay, so I moved to France almost exactly four weeks ago and ever since then it’s been nothing but problems. I chose this bachelor degree very well knowing that I’d move to another country and that’s also what I wanted! Which is great, I always wanted to spend some time of my university experience in a foreign country and especially in France if there was a possibility to do so.

Since I’m the very first German to join this programme, I’m kind of the guinea pig for everything but I knew that beforehand as well. I think I’m more of a guinea pig for the German side, though since for my university in Germany it’s their first time offering a programme like this. To quickly explain, you start in your home country and then move to the foreign country for a while until you return and then receive your diploma of two universities. Sounds neat and all if things actually worked but they don’t really as it turns out…

Anyway, I thought everything would’ve been cleared up - or at least most of the things - before my arrival but that wasn’t the case. I got zero information on how this whole system works here and it’s very different than in Germany + there’s the obvious language barrier that I have. That’s not surprising, most things get solved within the first two weeks or so but the person who’s supposed to be my contact person is known for not answering very fast and sorting things out and that’s basically what my first four weeks have been so far; trying to navigate everything in a foreign country, a foreign language and solving organizational things which for some reason are left to myself.

Basically, I get told that people are going to do it for me and talk to others to get things going but then they just don’t and I’m faced with not knowing what to do since I won’t receive any answers to my mails. (Also when somebody tells you that you’re able to visit them on a certain day of the week for 15 minutes it’s kind of saying a lot on how much time they have for you… Nevermind that I don’t even have time on that day but in their defense I forgot to mention that, since that conversation only lasted 5 minutes)

Getting registered at the uni here was enough of a hassle but it finally worked. Then when I thought I had my courses there’s still another problem left and since the system in France isn’t as flexible as in Germany that just creates more problems the more time goes on. So in summary, week one to three of September were spent trying to figure out my schedule + my registration and while I thought I’d finally be done with that, there’s still one thing missing and it’s currently my fourth week here.

I was prepared to face problems like the language barrier, a different university system, being on my own because I’m the only German here but I wasn’t prepared to deal with organizational stuff on my own because nobody’s really helping me. My biggest help so far have been my fellow students and my tutor but even those don’t really know how to properly help me most of the time and I’ve never heard back from my contact person about my schedule here. I understand that professors are busy and all but lending a helping hand when a new student arrives would be nice. Again, they mentioned that if I don’t hear back from them it’s usually a good sign and if I didn’t hear back until a certain day, it’d be fine but it was hard telling that to the people who handled my registration.

The problem that's left now is about an essay I have to write and I was told I should do it in the course from year three which isn’t possible anymore as I found out today. The prof can’t let me do this in his course because I’d be too much, which is understandable since he already had to reject others weeks ago and it’d be really rude to the other students if he accepted an essay from somebody who’s three weeks late. The prof who’s my contact person here told me two weeks ago that I should send him my schedule and he’d talk to his colleagues and sort things out because I couldn’t register in the first week of September before courses started since there were problems with my registration.

If I had had the information beforehand on how to do my schedule and had received my password earlier, this problem wouldn’t exist. But since nobody prepared me for that and told me, I’m now sitting here still trying to somehow solve this weeks after the semester here started and it sucks to be the one trying to do that when it isn’t really my task. Right when I thought that everything was solved, I’m faced with yet another problem and the stress just keeps going and hasn’t stopped ever since I moved here. And while I’d understand that there were so many problems with a new programme, I’m less understanding if there was a previous programme just like this one but with another different city in Germany. Same contact person here but it seems like they’re doing it for the very first time and that shouldn’t be the case at all. I’ve also learnt (and experienced for that matter) that other profs aren’t very fond of him and know what it’s like to try and sort things out but I’m not involved in that beef and yet I still kind of am without wanting to.

As I mentioned before, it only gets harder as time goes on and to be frank, I’m sick of it. I don’t know when I’ll reach the end of rope but I’m always telling myself if I absolutely can’t take it anymore I’ll return to Germany or just take a break for a year before I try again. I’m not sure if this is even a possibility but it’s driving me nuts and I don’t even think about enjoying my time here. It’s been nothing but a struggle and if I had to summarize September so far, it’s basically been a hardcore “try not to cry once a week challenge” which I’m failing miserably at this point. It’s so frustrating for me to sort all of this out while I can’t even use my native language and I’m not that familiar with the system here to begin with.

It got to the point that I can’t even have a normal conversation with a prof about organizational stuff without my voice cracking and me just wanting to start crying on the spot because I’m so frustrated and stressed. If anybody asks me on how things are, I really have to hold back as well. Sometimes I sit in the lectures and my thoughts drift off to all these unsolved problems and I have a hard time keeping my composure. Thankfully everybody here has to wear a mask at all times, so that at least can hide it somewhere but I wouldn’t be surprised if I just left a lecture because I was feeling like shit.

I’ve told my parents about my problems and today my Dad asked me if he should still order the book that I asked him to because even he was unsure if I’d continue this or not. And while I told him yes, that’s also just a testimony on how bad things are right now. It’s also cool that my contact person told me that everybody who organizes this programme is concerned about a person’s well-being and their mental health but I’m far from feeling well. I was prepared for a lot of things, as well as feeling somewhat lonely which I surprisingly don’t but I wasn’t prepared for all this organizational bullshit and not really having anybody here that can help me with it.

tl;dr I’m so tired and exhausted of everything and even if I still want to at least try and get this bachelor degree, I don’t know for how long I’ll continue trying if things aren’t solved soon.

[queenmercurys]

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been getting hate for shipping Jo and Laurie. People can be so terrible. :( I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about them, but I understand if you prefer not to share more out of concern for the hate. Regardless, thank you for your answer.

Thank you! It’s really not a big deal, but I’m kinda at that point in my life where I really don’t need to be reading hateful comments about fictional ships on a website like Tumblr. And worst of all, most of these comments are added by people to gifsets I make. So, like, not only do I now feel like it’s risky to even post gifsets about Jo and Laurie, but also the very small amount of interaction I do get for my work is negative feedback. Not a good time. And it confuses me, because I kinda thought Jo and Laurie were a popular ship. And even if they weren’t, who cares? Amy and Laurie shippers already got everything they wanted in the film, why do they have to come after people who ship Jo and Laurie? Doesn’t make much sense to me. But yeah, overall I don’t think I should engage in the ship wars, I’m in my early twenties, I really am too old for this shit. But I will say this: to anyone who thinks it’s ok to comment (or write in the tags) negative things about a ship on an edit someone has spent time making and posting, you need to think about your life choices. And yes, this includes people who reblog the stuff and go “I hate the ship but I love their friendship” because bruh, that was not the point of the edit so like, just don’t interact. It’s that easy. If you don’t like something, don’t interact with it.

Sorry about that mild rant, Tumblr is very frustrating. But yeah, no, I think I’m good with talking more about them, and if someone is offended, they can (and should... I dare you, please) just block me. 

For some AU things, I really love the idea of Laurie actually receiving Jo’s letter and the consequences of that. I’ve seen a few fics kind of delve into that, but not really in the way I see it. So, maybe one day I’ll write like a fic based on it. Though that would make me kind of have to address the Amy situation, which I’m not really interested in writing about. But even as just a concept, Laurie finding Jo’s letter and reading it when it’s “too late” is just so bittersweet and I both love and hate the idea. Their entire scene in the attic is just full-on bittersweet. 

I fully subscribe to the idea (I mean, it’s not an idea, it’s what it says in the official script) that Jo didn’t actually run after Friedrich, and allegedly did end up marrying no one. Mostly because it’s what she wanted, ultimately, and also because I really don’t think she and Friedrich were compatible at all. I’m not really seeing it as “if Laurie can’t have her, no one can”, I just don’t see that relationship working. Even if Laurie and Jo had ended up together, I’m not confident that they would have needed to get married, or get married right away. They could have traveled around Europe together, as Jo had always wanted, and gotten to know each other as romantic partners and seen where it’d go from there. I don’t think Jo and Laurie are one of those traditional couples (or friends) in any aspect, so I can’t imagine the basic “marriage, then kids” formula for them. 

I really would have liked to have known what Jo wrote to Laurie in those letters while he was gone, the ones he never answered. I’m not expecting them to have included anything romantic (because if they had, Laurie probably would have felt more positive about answering them), but still, I would have liked to have read them. I truly think the two of them were best friends and as close as two people could possibly be, so their separation is even sadder because of that. I also hate that Laurie was not there for Jo when Beth died. Obviously that’s because he wasn’t in the country, but that’s when she needed Laurie the most, and he wasn’t there, which sucks. 

I’m not sure if anyone else noticed this, but Laurie is still wearing the ring Jo gave him even in the scene where Amy draws him. I just find it really heartbreaking that even after everything, he still couldn’t let her go. And Jo, too, still wears the red scarf shared by her and Laurie (which I assume originally belonged to Laurie) after all those years. I don’t think it’s that easy to let go of your first love (or any love), and Laurie’s facial expressions and reactions around Jo and Friedrich say everything I need to know about how he felt. 

My main headcanon for how I would have wanted Jo and Laurie to end up together would’ve been essentially what would have happened in the film if Amy had not gotten involved. I think I still would’ve wanted Laurie to go to Europe and Jo to have that time to figure out her thoughts, and when he’d return, she’d express her feelings and then, maybe they would go back to Europe together, because I really do want Jo to have that trip. Or alternatively, she figures out her feelings earlier and joins Laurie in Europe. A bit of a romantic sentiment not really befitting Jo’s personality, but the impulsivity is there. And that way, she could, again, see Europe. 

I think overall, I respect everyone’s opinions about the ships in this film, but I have found that I can’t personally understand where the reasoning for Amy and Laurie or Jo and Friedrich comes from. That is, no doubt, reflective of my own personal preferences and biases, and doesn’t reflect any kind of “truth”. This is just my opinion. In the script, they refer to Laurie as Jo’s childhood love, and I really do believe she loved him, and that they could have been an amazing couple. And as a lover of the good, old-fashioned friends-to-lovers trope, I would have liked to see it. A couple with mutual respect, admiration and 100% comfort around each other is a rare thing to find. All too often, Hollywood ships consist of two people who seem to hate each other, but that “hate” is supposed to be translated into some kind of sexual tension (also present in LW). I never understood this, so for me, Jo and Laurie were pretty much perfect. And, as kind of a sidenote, I adore how out-of-the-norm their aesthetic is. How many ships can you name where the man and the woman swap clothes consistently without it being a big deal? The two are so comfortable around each other, I’ve never seen anything like it. I think their chemistry is outstanding, their story is beautiful and even though they weren’t endgame, they’re still definitely my OTP and the only ship I’ve given a damn about in years. So, I think they did some things right. 

[sleepyfan-blog]

Fandom: Darkness!Drifter by @bl3ppsn3kk Driftverse by @onebizarrekai

Characters and pairing: Underfell!Sans, Underswap!Sans, Dream, Nightmare, Underkeep!Sans, Outertale!Sans, Epic!Sans, Cross!Sans, Darkness!Dreammare

Warnings: character death, swearing, violence, manipulation, abusive relationship tw, angst 

Word count: 4,034

Summary: Darkness!Drifter, but with Asshole Nightmare.

Underfell Sans 9054’s reaction when he stabbed the other straight through the soul, pinning the other bodily as well, hissing “You arrogant fool, did you really think that I wouldn’t notice that you’ve been finding ways to slip information to those pathetic rebels in your insignificant AU?”

“F-FUCK YOU! YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULD LET PAP LIVE IF I HELPED YOU!” The Fell Sans cursed, struggling with his final breath to summon an attack, even as his body crumbled to dust slowly around him.

“And I did let him live - up until the fool attempted to attack me. Then he died, as all traitors do. I warned you that if you crossed me, you would pay with your life.” Nightmare smirked, his visible eye light shining brightly “I do regret not killing him in front of you. Perhaps that would have broken some of the rebellious spirit inside of you. Then again, through your bumbling attempts at stealth and secrecy have led me straight to the so-called leaders of this pathetic attempt at resistance.”

“F… Fu...Ck… You…” The Fell Sans spat, managing to gather up enough energy to summon a blaster and sending a weak pulse of pure magic Nightmare’s way.

Entirely too slowly, and the dark overlord laughs as he casually steps aside, avoiding the slow burst of the dying monster’s magic, flicking his tentacle and wiping it clean of the mustard and dust that had coated it on the other’s now empty clothes.

~

“P-Please… I-I’ll do anything! J-Just please s-stop th-this!” Underswap Sans 2166 begged, tears streaming down his face. Interestingly enough, this Sans wore golden armor, instead of the usual blue. He was on his hands and knees, trembling violently.

Nightmare hummed for a moment - the other’s magical tears were a light teal color - and he wrapped a tentacle around the other’s waist, glancing at the other consideringly. The other’s despair and fear were exquisite for the lord of negativity to feel. Besides, Dust had been complaining that his latest toy had broken recently “And what would you give me in exchange for sparing your world, hmmm?”

“I… A-any… Anything! W-Whatever you w-want of me, I-I’ll do it!” The Swap Sans begged, the tears continuing to stream down his face. On the other hand, the younger skeleton was doing admirably not to snivel and crawl up into an unintelligible ball of fear and distress - which was impressive for a swap.

“Very well. You will accompany me to another world. You will be… Trained by the person I give you too, for what he requires of you. Do you understand?” Nightmare explained, a small smirk appearing on his face.

His brother was barely conscious, and fear, hatred and distress were the Papyrus’s greatest emotions at this point in time. The other called out weakly “B-Bro… D… Don’t do it…”

Curiously, the Swap Sans rallied himself a little at the sound of his brother’s voice, wiping his face free of tears, a bit of steel entering the other’s voice “O… Okay. As long as you promise that neither you, nor any of your people will ever step foot in this world again. I will… I will go with you. B-But first I want the human released back here, so that… So that all of the damage that has been caused to this world can be undone.”

Nightmare blinked a little bit in surprise - not expecting the other to try to negotiate with him. Hmm, perhaps the other might be useful in other ways? The grin on his face stretched wider and he answered “Agreed.” He snapped his fingers, and the unconscious form of the determined human child reappeared. They were badly injured, but still breathing if only barely. The tentacle wrapped around the Underswap Sans’s waist tightened a little as he created a portal, pulling the both of them through. Nightmare paused just long enough once on the other side of the portal to strike the human directly through the chest, shattering their soul in order to force a reset.

He of course let the Swap Sans see this, and hear the human’s scream of dying agony.

~

“Nightmare, you don’t have to do this! You can… You can stop fighting, and we… We can look for a cure for the corruption together.” Dream called out from where he was crouching, perched on a sturdy tree branch, his bow strung and pointed directly at the other, his hands shaking just a little, despite the confidence in his voice.

“And just why should I stop? They never stopped trying to hurt me, no matter how much I begged them? Now I have the power to do as I wish to whoever I want. Where are those adorable friends of yours, Dream? I thought that you and Ink were joined at the hip - along with at least one mortal tagalong for cannon fodder.” Nightmare purred as he stalked closer to his other half, making his way to the other. This was a surface AU - a rather pretty one at that. It was going to be so much fun to twist.

“None of them are cannon fodder! They are my friends and allies, Nightmare!” Dream hissed, his eye light shrinking a little, shifting a bit on his perch before teleporting to the other side of the clearing and shooting at him.

Nightmare didn’t even have to dodge as the arrow flew wide and buried itself in a bush before dissipating. The corrupted guardian laughed “Come now, Dream. I know you’re a better marksman than that. Or was that a warning shot? You know I won’t stop simply because you plead with me and cry.” He sent a couple of tentacles after Dream, grinning as he watched the other dodge, leaping from branch to branch.

Dream never saw one of his tentacles move one of the branches, which whacked the other out of the canopy and sending him sprawling on the ground, landing on one of his sides with a would-be sickening crack if he cared about the other’s health and safety. But it wasn’t a mortal blow, so Nightmare didn’t care. The other groaned weakly, trying to get up, only to collapse against the ground, stunned and bleeding magic.

Nightmare sent several tentacles after Dream, intent on capturing the other again - only to hiss and draw away as several Gaster Blasters appeared out of nowhere, their raw magical energy slamming into his grasping tentacles and severing them as he withdrew them. An Underkeep and an Outerfell Sans appeared out of nowhere, similar scowls of protective fury on their faces and in their emotional auras, sending wave after wave of bones after him in a surprisingly synchronized attack. “Everything’s clear - Ink sent us on ahead to see how you were fairing! We’ll grab you and retreat back to safety.” The Underkeep Sans called over his shoulder at the injured Dream, who only groaned in response. They escaped before Nightmare could break through their bone walls.

~

Outertale 123. It was a post-pacifist AU where the monsters had been set free of the barrier decades ago in their timeline, and after some initial bumpiness, both humans and monsters grew to love and respect one another, and explored and terraformed distant stars and planets to their souls’ content. It was exactly the sickeningly sweet bullshit that his other half would be so delighted to see.

Naturally it disgusted Nightmare. These people were far too happy for his liking. A dark smirk played on his lips as he stalked after the Sans of this timeline. He’d been picking off people in the other’s life for weeks now - killing them when they were alone, and leaving their dust for the Sans alone to find. The other had gone from concerned and confused, to wary and despairing. What made it better was the fact that rumors and whispers of that Sans being the one to blame for their deaths, despite being the head arbiter of Monster kind, and a well-respected and beloved comedian.

He was on his way to talk to his brother, Papyrus, who believed in and loved his brother, and had agreed to watch over the other, in case something was happening to him when he slept. The two of them walked down a star-lit alleyway, and Nightmare couldn’t help but laugh, the dark, echoing sound causing both of the younger skeletons to freeze. “Well, well. Isn’t this just sweet?”

“Oh fuck. I recognize you from my worst nightmares!” The Outertale Sans swore, dragging his brother back behind him “P-Papyrus, run! I… I’ll handle this guy. G-Go to Undyne and tell her to bring the guard - and I mean all of them!”

“BROTHER? IS THIS SOMEONE FROM THOSE SIGHT-VISION THINGS OF YOURS?” The Papyrus asked with a frown, unwilling to leave his brother behind to this goopy stranger.

“Huh… You’re a Seer. That’s rather unusual for a Sans. But I already have three of you working for me anyways.” Nightmare shrugged “So I’m sorry, but you’d just be unnecessary.”

“PAPYRUS RUN NOW!” The Sans yelled, throwing up several walls of bones and summoning several blasters at the same time, breaking out his bold voice.

The Papyrus made it three steps before Nightmare teleported behind both of the brothers and pierced both of their souls with his tentacles, laughing darkly as he did so “Far too late, little seer. Your power is no match for mine.” They coughed, sputtered once and turned to dust, desperately trying to reach out to one another to hold hands, their fingers turning to dust and mixing together.

~

“Bruh! It’s been forever since we’ve seen each other! I’ve missed you superbad, man.” A tall, purple clad Sans called out, tackling Cross and hugging him tightly “Ink has been.. Such a cagey jerk about where you’ve been and it’s sucked! But you’re here! I’ve got so many dank memes to show you.”

“Dude! I didn’t know you were visiting this timeline!” Cross responded, a wide grin appearing on his face as he hugged the other back just as tightly “Yeah… I’m really mad at Ink for… Reasons I totally don’t want to go into, because it will bring down my mood, and with you here, I feel great. You always make me happy, E.” The normally stoic Sans’s face had light up, and his emotions were much lighter than Nightmare had ever sensed them.

What the actual fuck was going on? Curious and intrigued, Nightmare leaned against one of the huge buildings of this world, content to watch for the moment.

“Ouch, bruh. I mean, I totally get it - Ink can be such a bastard sometimes- especially if he’s forgotten to take his vials and Dream’s not around him… Wait, have you even met Dream?” E as he was so named asked, his eye lights brightening a little “The little dude is amazing, you totally should. It’s like… Just being around him makes me feel as if everything’s going to be okay. He tries super hard to help everyone and is…” The skeleton brought two fingers up to his teeth and kissed his fingers with his hand before gesturing away from himself briefly.

That had absolutely no meaning whatsoever to Nightmare, who tilted his head a little, and was further confused at the incredibly over-dramatic gasp from Cross, who’s eye lights had widened before turning into stars for fuck’s sake.

“No! I haven’t. But if he really can do something like that… I’d love to meet him.” Cross responded, his eye lights still stars. His emotions were almost entirely positive in nature, and that stupid smile was still on his face. He frowned a little, the good feelings fading somewhat “I… Have met someone else though. He uhh… He’s a scary dude. And the skeles he runs with…” Cross shudders, his bones rattling a little, grimacing a little.

“That bad, bruh?” E prodded, a look of concern appearing on his face as he pulled the other a little bit closer. The two of them hadn’t stopped hugging since the purple Sans had tackled him minutes ago. It was odd to see Cross allowing such sustained contact with someone willingly.

“You have. No idea. Dude, I… I just wanna hang with you, man. I don’t want to think about him or the jackass squad. They’re worse than Fresh and Error.” Cross muttered, shuddering again and looking around “Dude! Is that a meme store I see! We should go in! I wonder if they’ve got rubber chickens that we could fight with. That was so much fun last time.”

Nightmare wondered if this was code for something. However as Cross excitedly dragged the other into the obnoxiously neon colored store and back out minutes later, there were two rubber chickens clutched tightly in both Sanses’ hands. Cross turned to face the other, a serious expression on his face for the first time since they’d started talking “You ready for this, dude?”

“You betcha, bruh!” E called out, gripping his rubber chickens and charging Cross, whacking him over the head with one of them, an unholy sound leaving the strange toy. It sent a shudder straight through Nightmare, who suddenly teleported between the two of them “That is it. Cross, put those ridiculous things down right now. You either kill this hapless moron right now, or I will.”

The joy and happiness within Cross’s emotional aura - and the smile on his face - vanished abruptly. He took a couple of small steps back, his eye lights shrinking to pinpricks “Ni… Nightmare… How long have… Have you-” The other stuttered, fear and panic in his aura.

“Since the two of you first started hugging. Kill him, Cross.” Nightmare ordered, scowling darkly at his unruly subordinate.

“Uhhh… Who the fu-” The purple skeleton started, only to be cut off by Cross.

“Epic, p-please let me handle this!” Cross snapped, shaking a little “I… I’m s-sorry for acting s-so ridiculous in front of you, Boss! He… He’s a powerful fighter. He’s from an AU called Epic!Tale and he’s a powerful fighter. He can be really useful to you please don’t make me kill him or kill him in front of me! P… Please? He… He’s my best friend…”

Nightmare tilted his head a little, as if considering the other’s plea “... And how do I have any indication that he’s more than the ridiculous simpleton that he was when the two of you were acting like before you realized that I was here, hmm? Or is that his special ability, to make other people act like idiots?”

“It-It’s not like that boss, I swear! We… We’ve both had some really shitty lives before… Before we met each other and… And together we use humor in order to cope and relate to each other.” Cross had fallen to his knees, his hands cupped in front of him in a pleading gesture, tears gathering in his eye sockets “Please… Boss… Epic c-can be useful to you, an-and I’ll make sure that he knows the rules and everything!”

“One week. You have one week to prove that he is a useful tool to me - and if he resists any order I give him, you will wish you’d have killed him by the time I’ve finished with him. Is that understood?” The fallen guardian hissed. Cross nodded frantically and dragged his friend away from him, whispering frantically, eye lights dim and shattered.

~

Nightmare gasped a little as he woke from the memories that the strange voices had prompted him to remember. A small smirk appeared on his lips as thousands more memories of causing others fear and pain flashed through his mind. A soft, dangerous chuckle rumbled through his chest as he wondered if he was alone in this body - or if Dream resided somewhere within this body - perhaps slumbering? He froze up for a moment as another memory rushed to the forefront of his mind… However this one, was from his other half.

Nightmare loomed over him, his cyan eye lights burning brightly, the other’s fury and indignation pressing hard against Dream’s senses, causing the corrupted positive spirit to whimper a little as he cringed away from the other “N-Nightmare?” He asked, voice trembling a little as he tried to figure out why the other was so upset.

“I told you not to leave this room, didn’t I?” Nightmare growled, grabbing his wrists with one hand and pressing them over his head, the other’s grip painful and bruising.

“Y-You d-did, Nightmare.” Dream stammered out, his eye lights shrinking to pinpricks as he glanced away from the other. He flinched as he felt the negative guardian’s other hand grab his chin and yank his face so he was forced to look up at the other.

“So why did Killer and Dust tell me that they saw you in the kitchen, Dream? I don’t make these rules up because I want to. My minions are violent and unstable. While I have informed them that you aren’t a threat to them any longer, I don’t trust them not to try to hurt you anyways.” Nightmare hissed, shaking the other’s head a little “And if they kill you, that will kill me too? Is that what you want? Do you want the both of us to die?”

“N-No, Ni-Nightmare! I… I’m s-sorry I le-left your be-bedroom. I sh-shouldn’t have.” Dream stuttered, feeling a strange, tarry substance start to drip out of his eye sockets and slide along his temples, onto the other’s expensive sheets.

“Why did  you leave this room, anyways?” Nightmare pressed, glaring darkly down at him “I ask so little of you, I just thought that you might be able to follow such a simple request…” he clicked his tongue at him, shaking his head, disappointed. He suddenly let the other go, refusing to look at the other.

Somehow that was even worse than the anger and bruising touches. “I…” Dream started, his voice small and ashamed.

The lord of darkness briefly glanced at his other half before looking away again, huffing a little “I hope this isn’t a prelude to you abandoning me again, Dream.”

“N-No of c-course not! I was just… I was just hu-hungry… And w… Wanted to get something to eat…” Dream admitted very quietly, shrinking in on himself. He tentatively reached out to Nightmare, his voice gaining a little bit of strength “I… I’m sorry…”

Nightmare brushed off his touch and got off of his bed, snapping at Dream as the other started to move “Stay put. And you keep saying that, over and over again… Yet I can’t help but wonder if you really mean it, or if your apologies are completely without sincerity.”

Dream flinched but stayed put, hoping that his obedience now would show the other that he was genuinely apologetic - along with how he was feeling. “M-My a-apologies are genuine, N-Nightmare! I-I promise… I’m sorry… I’ll s-stay here. I w-won’t move… I wo-won’t let anyone in here b-but you… I’m sorry, p-please d-don’t se-send me away N-Nightmare! I… I’ll behave. I promise!” The strange substance started to flow down his cheeks again as Dream shook, waiting desperately for the other to respond.

It felt like an eternity before Nightmare responded, his voice clipped and irritated “Look at me Dream.”

The fallen guardian of positivity obeyed instantly, staring at the other with wide, terrified eye lights, waiting for the other to decide his fate “Y-Yes, N-Nightmare…”

“I want to believe you when you say that you’ll do as I say… But you haven’t been able to prove that to me. On the contrary, it’s been less than a week since you’ve come to live with me, and you’ve disobeyed me twice now. I’m afraid that I’m going to have more than just promises that you’ll behave this time, Dream.” The other sighed, shaking his head a little as he got up, walking over to one of his drawers and pulling out a set of chains. They were long enough for someone to wander around the bedroom - provided that they were attached to someone’s legs, but no further. Nightmare then attached one of the ends of the manacles to one of the feet of the massive four-poster bed, the other still in his hands as the other looked at him steady “Now, I’m going to give you a choice. Do you want one of your wrists bound to the bed, or one of your ankles?”

Dream froze up for a moment, feeling as if all the air in the room had vanished. No. He trusted Nightmare. He loved Nightmare. And the other loved him back. The other could have just forced the chains on one of his limbs without asking- Nightmare had the brute strength to do so, but he hadn’t. He crawled towards the other on the bed and, after a moment’s hesitation, stuck out his right arm for the other to chain “My… My right wrist please…” Dream couldn’t quite look the other in the eye lights, starting a little as he felt the buzz of magic-restricting runes against his bones as the manacle clicked around his wrist.

Nightmare smirked a little, gently tilting Dream’s chin so that he had to look the other directly again “Thank you for cooperating with me. I understand that these rules will be an adjustment for you… But please believe me when I tell you that I will provide for your needs, Dream? You do trust me, don’t you?”

“I do trust you, Nighty! I promise.” Dream answered quickly, nodding a little and trying to suppress a yawn and failing… He’d been a little tired before, but with the magic-restricting nature of the manacle on his wrist, it was quickly sapping him of energy.

Nightmare chuckled softly, getting back on the bed and scooping up his other half, pressing a light kiss to the other’s forehead “Rest, Dream. I have finished my work for the day, and I don’t mind watching you sleep… Besides, a nap sounds wonderful.”

The formerly positive spirit yawned a little more, nuzzling into Nightmare as he slowly relaxed into the other’s grasp. What felt like minutes later, Dream woke up with a startled gasp, flailing a little and panicking briefly as he felt Nightmare hold him… Before he remembered surrendering to his other half and being brought home. He smiled in relief as he realized that he had no chains on either of his wrists. They ached a little but he’d apparently been sleeping on them, so that made sense. Dream didn’t notice the silver manacle on one end of the bed, and most of it was hidden beneath the blankets that Nightmare had covered him by - but the other half of the end of the chain was wrapped lightly around both of Dream’s ankles.

Nightmare mentally shook himself as he pulled himself free of Dream’s memories before he could get lost in the many manipulations he’d pulled on the other. Of course the other loved him dearly and desperately… Given all that he’d manage to cajole the other into doing since Dream had surrendered to him. But it was wonderful to feel just how deeply and completely the other felt for him. Nightmare was curious to see whether or not Dream could feel his own feelings of care for the other…

“... Nightmare?” Dream called out, insubstantial and see-through. He was still wearing the outfit that he’d picked out for him, his eye lights mostly blue with hints of gold. “W-What’s going on?”

“The two of us were somehow combined into a single being. I’m not sure how or why.” Nightmare responded, a small smirk playing on his lips as he sat down and looked up at the tree of feelings, the positive and negative apples just… Hanging there. Waiting to be taken.

“Oh… At least that means that no one can ever take us away from each other! We’ll be together forever.” Dream responded after a moment, a brilliant smile appearing on his face “That makes me so happy!”

“I’m glad that we’ll be together forever as well, my darling daydream…” Nightmare purred quietly in response, reflecting on what he wanted to do next. There were so many possibilities.

[notjanine]

2018 pop culture ranked

(highly subjective!)

MOVIES:

10. hotel artemis- everyone who didn’t like this movie is wrong. i know they advertised it as a john wick, but it’s not and that’s okay! accept it as-is, and it’s Good.

9. sorry to bother you- do i really need to explain

8. hereditary- i’m STILL mad at those last ten minutes for scaring me! toni collette is god

7. overlord- exactly what i wanted it to be. gross and fun! uglass wyatt russell COULD

6. the favourite- pls never let yorgos lanthimos write a movie ever again just stick to directing good scripts buddy!! bc i loved this!

5. spider-man: into the spider-verse- lissen. i know this should be higher. it’s near perfect. but

4. mission: impossible- fallout- i’m glad tom cruise has some weird danger fetish so he keeps making these. and that bathroom fight?? i’m still [redacted]

3. widows- name one flaw in this movie, i’ll wait.

okay okay okay. we all know what belongs at the top of this list. we all know what the best movie of the year was. but. it’s so close for me i’m gonna call it a tie

1. black panther- obviously

1. U P G R A D E - the first fight scene alone is better than every other movie on this list? give lmg an oscar for this; he’s got a Face and he USES it. and the cinnamontography?? what even is everyone else doing with cameras?? fling them shits around to make it look cool ppl. NOTE: i went into this movie knowing only -not tom hardy is in it -something about cyborgs. that’s it. don’t watch the trailer. go in knowing as little about it as possible. as a matter of fact, forget everything i’ve said about it up til this point. blacklist it on here bc i’m gonna post about it more. just watch it.

honorable mentions: the night comes for us (hot), game night (fun, and better than it needs to be!), ant-man and the wasp (hella bad science, but i enjoyed it a lot anyway???), death of stalin (iannucci), pacific rim: uprising (boyega is a star. eastwood is a good token white guy. A+ villainy tbh)

ALBUMS:

(not including scores/soundtracks!)

10. starcrawler - starcrawler - cut the sleeves off your t shirts, let your black nail polish chip, don’t clean your apartment for a couple days, put this on and channel your inner amanda brotzman

9. nobody’s watching - steady holiday - i know we’re all sick of whisper-singing breathy ingenues, but she’s my fave okay. 

8. prisma tropical -  balún - don’t you wanna feel like you’re in like a digital caribbean dreamscape??

7. dirty computer - janelle  monáe - again, i know this should be higher, but. it just doesn’t have the hit rate i want it to. does have some instant classics tho. miss monáe invented pussy with pynk and we have to respect that

6. isolation - kali uchis - She!!! this album is a PARTY

5. 7 - beach house - when black car comes on my consciousness instantly leaves my body to undulate in some dark starlit ether until lose your smile gradually brings me back to earth but i’m only approximately 60% corporeal until last ride finishes and i go to bed (yeah this is a nighttime album only)

4. soil - serpentwithfeet - bruh i was like six months late to this but holy shit. like multiple times during my initial listen i had to be like HE REALLY. when he said “i’m annoyed with clothes today / i’d rather swaddle myself in sorrow today” i FELT that

3. smote reverser - oh sees - jams all the way down

2. tu - alien weaponry - BANGERS ALL THE WAY DOWN

1. hive mind - the internet - morgan rhodes said this whole album makes you wanna rollerskate and that’s it. that’s the feeling. so good. smooth. fun. perfect.

honorable mentions (be the cowboy (i know, i know), acrylic, saturn, the hex, el mal querer, mozaik, the calling, double negative)

BONUS- EPs: (all of these would’ve made in into the top ten if they counted as full albums)

- the beauty of everything pt. 1 - alex isley - what a follow up to luxury!! i put this on in the morning a lot, set a good vibe for the day.

- conexão - amber mark - so good so good. this is a self-care soundtrack. put it on. light some candles. do a face mask. take a bath. braid your hair.

- crush - ravyn lenae - bops on bops. listening to this makes me feel like a girl in a way that is inexplicable??? like night song comes on and i’m. oh yeah! being a girl IS good and fun!

BOOKS:

(these are NOT all from this year, but i didn’t actually read many from this year, so this is just ~1/3 of what i did read, my faves, and the order’s only kind of correct, i didn’t put a ton of thought into ranking them but)

10. the shadowed sun by n.k. jemisin - loved it, but has one trope i HATE.

9. the hundred thousand kingdoms by n.k. jemisin - loved it. and the whole naha thing... made me feel some type of way (that #5 reinforced)

8. consider the fork by bee wilson - look. it’s a book about kitchen utensils. not for everyone. but i thoroughly enjoyed it.

7. the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson - oh man!!! spooky (idk why but my brain automatically fancast eleanor - nikki amuka bird, theo - tessa thompson, luke - billy magnussen)

6. don’t panic by neil gaiman - i read it THROUGH getting a tattoo. like lying in an uncomfortable position, exposed in a public space, with lots of people chatting and loud music. it’s that interesting and amusing (esp considering it was written before the trilogy was finished). but i’m a douglas adams nerd.

5. all but the bloody mouth by becca de la rosa - i read this all in one sitting on a rainy day when i should have been doing other things but i could not put it down. and i cried and i don’t even know why?? p sure i just got possessed by a swamp demon or something. would recommend

4. kindred by octavia butler - auntie octavia was that bitch

3. of things gone astray by janina matthewson - i would literally die for this woman. between this book and wtw she’s gotten more individual shoutouts in my gratitude journal than any other person (i think she’s second only to gus for 2018) (seriously though listen to within the wires s1 might be my single favorite piece of fiction in the universe)

2. the killing moon by n.k. jemisin - this is everything i want a fiction book to be i think. i forced myself to slow down on this just to enjoy it for longer.

1. the cooking gene by michael twitty - i would make this book into a horcrux. 

honorable mentions: alice isn’t dead (great monsters!), gulp (gross but cool), the patternmaster series (wild seed is my FAVE, but i read that one last year), sing unburied sing (ghosts), children of blood and bone (fantasy!), the shadow cabinet (the shades of london is my ya guilty pleasure i just fucking love ghosts okay and the first one is legitimately Scary)

[quadratic-shipping]

Kay, new icon is Vriska’s dice cause the gradient was lame, and every Vriska blog halfway to sunday has already had every photo of her face as their icon twice. It also works cause of yknow liking dnd and stuff. one thing I really liked about my last vriska pic one was the negative space made it feel like it popped and I feel like this one has sort of the same thing going for it. Wow, it can be that deep. I’m just rambling cause it’s 3am and yet again I have stayed up this long. I can;t wait til it’s winter again so I can force myself back into a normal sleep schedule. I stayed up all night a couple nights ago, and that gave me one decent night of sleep so I might just try that again tonight. Rest put under the readmore because it’s irrelevant and sleep deprived rambling I wouldn’t dare subject my beautiful followers and browsers to.

While I’m here, posting a late night thing no one will see or interact with; thank god; I was cleaning and I came across one of those neck warmer things that legit just a tube you pull up your face to keep your nose from freezing off because Canada Winters, I never can use them because I always fog up my glasses, and I just wanted to say that Niqabi gals with glasses are so brave? Legit if I had to deal with my glasses fogging up I’d die, I’d rather lose my nose to frostbite than fog them up (like I go outside enough loll) so for them to deal with that everyday is like, legendary. I mean, I guess if you were pretty antisocial you wouldn’t have to deal with it much but still, point totally stands. 

While we’re on the positivity train? Lesbians? y’all really like Vriska HUH? Thank you for interacting, I appreciate, yall are so valid. I’m torn between “You have good taste” jokes and “Yall will just like anything w/ vriska in it” and either way it takes too strong a stance on my own content to feel good about it. Obvs goes the same way for all the NB and Trans ppl interacting, yall are also Excellent and I appreciate yall. Obvs I’m cis so I don’t have any real godtier takes or anything abt. gender, but reading your guyss stuff is excellent please keep making it.

Uh sexuality update; Still labelling as bi, IDK if I really want to date men tho, before I actually and FINALLY get a taste of the other side; please; because I feel like the problem with my relationships re; dudes is just that I can’t just be myself, I’m just 900000% in my own head about it and not even like; trying to be idealized, idk whats going on I just have a hard time connecting w/ them and it’s defo my fault so idk bro. IDK it’s fun to have crushes but dating is BORING from my very limited experience with only guys which is why a gf would be excellent. Or girl aligned partner. I feel like maybe what I’m attracted to is like, femininity, not necessarily femmes or women. IDK bruh it’s weird. doesn’t help I can’t even figure out how to get and keep friends LOLLL it’s 3am. Sorry

Honestly before I started vrisrose posting I felt so useless yknow cause in the vriska circles there are a lot of intelligent people who understand canon better and are overall smarter and better spoken so I just felt like everything I had to say was just old hat and not very interesting. But the thing I like about VrisRose is no one else is talking about it as frequently ( I was searching the tag and my blog came up in the recco’s for blogs up top and I was very happy) so I feel like, hey, this is my niche. That one engineer of useless inventions quote: The best way to become top of your field is to specialize:, I jsut love rarepairs so much! I think it’s such a great way to approach character analysis because no one exists in a vaccum so seeing peoples interactions and what people like is so fun!!!! I say, invalidating all my personal issues lollll

CHARACTER ANALYSIS! FUCK TALKING ABOUT INTERACTIONS OR ACTIONS ON THEIR OWN OR THOUGHTS OR HC’S, I STAND BY MY ONE TAAKO ‘vriska did nothing wrong’ QUOTE; Trying to understand what characters morals, and their opinions on certain things by analyzing their opinions and interactions in canon is 500x more productive seeming to me than other things. Like, say taako’s thoughts about vriska, V and Lucretia are p similar actions wise, and he was pissed at her but that was mostly cause of the personal connections, when it doesn’t affect him Taako doesn’t seem to have any moral objections to any of the icky moral stuff; think robot planet or whatevs where they were gonna genocide the place and lup was like no and that was like the only reason he didn’t I’m pretty sure, I’m not too big brained on taako or adventurezone either so don’t take my word; So I think that Taak’s would be chill with Vriska. Another thing? The Lucretia thing was like, giving up which Taako is not ok with and Vriska thigns were about not giving up so I do legit think he would be totally coool with her, even if she were real, unless obvs she hurt one of the seven bird red robe people and their new friends.

ISN;T THAT SUCH A FUN METHOD OF CHARACTER ANALYSIS? I’m not drunk or in an altered state just tired enthusiastic and with a lot of pent up thoughts. Speaking of which, this song just came on it’s “Slowdance with you” by the Marcus Hedges Trend Orchestra and it is SOOOOO good, it’s on a vrisrezi playlist I put on bc I’m rereading song of the pyre because it was vriska day and it’s super good soo so good. It’s on loop now, legit best

Quick detours before I lay out some more hs thoughts; 

Overwatch:

-Ben “Captainplanet” came out w/ a new article and I LOVE IT so much and I want hhis job so bad I wanna get into stats so much ahhh  please so good it’s giving me a , this is crude but it’s the best way I can phrase it, a math erection. I love math so much <33333333

-The Shock, my faves, are doing well and I’m happy for them! I hope they go 7-0, I believe in them! I’m lying I am so fucking nervous for literally every match they have they’re gonna 2-5 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why am I so INVESTED? They technically could take first spot but that’s require titan’s to lose every match left and the shock to 7-0, but the thing is I thought that I wanted that but 

-then I watched the titans london match today, and I HATED the thought of titans losing. And losing so hard to other teams too, and I didn’t realize this but I think I do actually kinda like the titans?The thought of them not being a great team makes me sad. I think it’s like I really like them and shock as rivals, yknow, stage one and two, then this upcoming map? If Titans aren’t still Good in this meta it just sorta makes their rivalry not fun. Kismesis vibes is what I’m gonna say cause I’m TRASSSHHHHH pls stop my terrible hands from typing also if I ever saw actual ship stuff I would kill whoever made it. Like I’m not gonna check their socials or anything but if they’ve got a match against most teams I’d probs root for them. The Wolf section today was so funny lollll

-I think I might hate the London Spitfire. I have literally no reason to? I think all the players are good and I like them as people and I would never actively hate on them? But I’m like. Really mean to them in my head. I was so satisfied seeing htem lose to Florida, and Titans like IDK? Also they’re hella overrated so anticlutch jfc. Hate the franchise, love the players if that makes sense. IDK WHYYYYYYYYYYY

-Also I’m gonna miss tomorrows shock match and I’m so scared rip.

Misc: 

-Tripped backwards and somehow upturned my moms glass scale and it fell on my foot, that shit hurted.

-Oh My God I’m Projecting a million different things right now because I feel like this will not have an audience if you see this I’m begging you please don’t interact I’d die of embarassment keep the fact you’ve seen this a secret from me

HS:

-JFC song of the pyre is an excellent fic, I wish it would ever get updated it’s so fucking good guys

-I need to read more vrisrezi long form

-Non-sgrub vrisrezi is best vrisrezi

-My ideal Vrisrezi au would be like HS canon, diverge into non-sgrub and they completely fall out of touch, Killing Eve season 1, then Song of the Pyre. THAT is what I want.

-Killing eve season one and two would be an even BETTER VRISROSE AU AHHHHHH

-I once read a very good trollstuck rose but it was an eri-rose ship so basically what I want is that persons troll rose but paired with vriska. For how much I blog about it I’ve read very little vrisrose fic but almost everything I know comes from this fic. . Oh uh this is not the erirose fic that I read w trollstuck although it does unfortunately have erirose but I can excuse it when the vrisrose is this Excellent

Alright I’ve run out of hyper juice, have a nice night, sorry for posting thisssss

bye