#sorry for being so sexy and mysterious (the mystery is autism :3)

[p3rson27]

I love the way wine hits it's like

I'm fine :) (I'm so sexy and powerful and this alcohol isn't affecting me at all)

*stands up*

Uh oh

[adulting-with-autism]

Hi there friends! Welcome to episode 4! Transcript under cut

Nick: Welcome to another stirring installment of Adulting With Autism

Liz: I’m here this time

Nick: Yes there is another human with me. Things are back to normal. It’s nice. We only have one question this week so I’m going to assume that everything is fine and dandy for most people, everybody’s having a swell time

Liz: Or our advice was so good nobody needs to answer any more questions

Nick: I think we’ve solved life, we’ve solved being an adult which is great but it means the follow-up is going to be a tough one. It’s like, you know, Orson Wells made Citizen Kane but then Magnificent Ambersens. People don’t talk about that as much

Liz: Never heard of it. Is it bad?

Nick: It’s alright actually, but it’s no Citizen Kane. Unlike Citizen Kane.

Liz: You can say that about all films, like the Rugrats movie. It’s no Citizen Kane

Nick: That’s because it’s better than Citizen Kane

Liz: I first watched Citizen Kane at the age of 12, at that point I did prefer the Rugrats Movie

Nick: What’s important to note is the much broader palette of colours the rugrats movie uses

Liz: More variety in outfit design as well. You wouldn’t see a Citizen Kane character in a nappy

Nick: You would most likely not, except at the very end of his life just before he uh…

Liz: No spoilers

Nick: Yeah. Just in case anybody out there

Liz: In case anybody does’nt know what happens at the end of life, we’ll just leave that until you watch the film

Nick: Keep things a mystery, you know? we seem to have been temporarily rebranded into a film podcast by accident, which is great. That’s what everybody’s here for.

Liz: Yeah if there’s one thing the world needs is more film podcasts

Nick: There’s just not enough of them. We have a question…

Liz: We do, we have exactly one question and it’s from anonymous

Nick: I like them, they’ve given us a lot of material over the past weeks

Liz: I prefer their early work

Nick: Me too

Liz: Well, The Legion would like to know how to keep up with household chores if you get tired or executive dysfunction

Nick: That is a good question

Liz: There’s multiple options, Option 1 you don’t. Option 2 you have housemates and they don’t mind you not doing much

Nick: Option 3 is, you’ve got to make compromises with yourself. At least say ok I’m not going to be able to get on top of everything today. But today’s dishes, tomorrow’s vacuuming or something like that. Just take it bit by bit and you might sometimes be behind it’ll at least be behind in the sense of oh this place could do with a bit of a clean rather than this place is a dump

Liz: One thing I find is quite useful for me is sometimes you might get a sudden burst of energy that’s directionless even if youre’ completely exhausted. What I do is set a 10-15 min timer on my phone and keep going until it stops. That’s enough time to do a load of washing up, tidy up a small section of a room, put some laundry in.

Nick: That seems to be something that works for you. I find I’m not a morning person but I find I start off with more energy when I do wake up

Liz: Yeah you’re like an iPhone. You charge overnight, you’re full of energy and you do something and very quickly lose all your energy

Nick: My energy levels are very very strange things. I find that I don't know if this is just me personally but I find it’s important to say “I’ll take it easy today” but I find saying that I always do the opposite

Liz: Yeah, and that’s by no means an autism thing, my mum does that. She’ s the worst person at being ill. She will have the flu and say I won’t do anything and will go and hoover the living room, do some gardening, do 3, 4 loads of washing up.

Nick: I don’t tend to tire myself out in that way I don’t tire myself out doing useful stuff. 

Liz: [sneeze] sorry about that loud noise

Nick: It’s always like “ok I’m not going to write anything I don’t need to do that, I’ve done plenty lately. Oh no I’ve done 10 pages I messed up”

Liz: 10 pages? Last time you did that you wrote an entire sitcom pilot

Nick: Well, potato, po-tah-toe, p-ilot

Liz: P-ilot?

Nick: Yeah. P-ilot. Thank you for that question anon, and if anybody has any questions please do send them in because we are bereft.

Liz: We’re not even at 7 mins

Nick: Not even at 7 mins.

Liz: One thing that might be good to talk about today is surviving summer with sensory issues

Nick: Ooh that’s good because we’re dying, we’re absoluitely dying today

Liz: It’s the mid-high 20s with 70-80% humidity, which is what I like to call the death zone

Nick: I don't know where our listeners are from

Liz: According to the youtube stats we have France, Germany, the US and Canada but not the UK oddly enough

Nick: That’s interesting

Liz: Youtube says no-one from the UK has listened to our podcast. It may be incorrect but that’s interesting.

Nick: Okay, I need to explain at this point everything in this country is built to maintain heat. It’s like the country is wrapped in blankets all the time, so when it gets above 15 everyone just starts dying

Liz: Thing is when you live in cold and windy land the majority of the year your houses and buildings are desgined to keep heat in and you don’t have air conditioning except very modern buildings so when it does get hot there’s no escape

Nick: And we live in quite a traditional terraced house so we are toasty

Liz: But not in a fun cheesy way, though we can be fun and cheesy

Nick: [groans]

Liz: You are not allowed to complain about puns NickBlake

Nick: Ok

Liz: You are the one person whos not allowed you know this, for you are the font of puns

Nick: I am. Fun Times New Roman.

Liz: I have no words

Nick: I have plenty that’s everyone’s problem with me.

Liz: So yes, surviving heat. 

Nick: We’ve been opening all the windows and back door and that. We’ve stockpiled a reasonable amount of icepops to keep us cold

Liz: If you have the freezer space I highly recommend going on amazon and buying 150 Mr Freeze icepops, so you know you're getting the good stuff, for 16 pounds. I don't know what that converts to in whatever currency but it’s not a lot of money

Nick: For what you get it’s pretty good

Liz: It’s pretty much wholesale

Nick: We got wholesale price iced pops, so that’s good

Liz: It does take up an entire freezer drawer but you could always not freeze all of them at once

Nick: It’s kinda great. We’ve been taking as many pajama days as possible

Liz: You’ve been having pajama days because your pajamas are not wearing clothes. I’ve just been wearing tiny skimpy outfits

Nick: Yes, light clothing as much as possible, open the windows, get 150 ice pops

Liz: Eat ice and be sexy is how to survive the summer

Nick: That’s exactly how you survive the summer

Liz: Cold foods as well. Thing is there have been studies that show things like apple juice and milk hydrate you after exercise better than water does, so logically things like that would also hydrate you better when it’s hot right?

Nick: So what you're saying is you should be a good milky boy

Liz: Or girl or non-binary person. Yeah. Or a juicy boy if you prefer. But also we had pea and mint soup yesterday. Which is apparently not a thing in the US? I have been told this

Nick: I’m very confused because I distinctly remember in my early childhood watching Rescuers Down Under and pea soup was explicitly referenced in one fo the opening scenes.

Liz: Maybe they never thought to combine peas and mint or maybe this person’s never heard of it and they’re the anti-soup Georg

Nick: Thing is it’s we’re talking about Americans thinking to put seasoning in the dish so… 

Liz: To be fair though a lot of Americans are good at seasoning, it’s WASPs who are bad at seasoning. Though my friend is a WASP, they live in Upstate New York.

Nick: Ah. Maybe I think there are a lot of people in America who are good at seasoning but they’re all in the south. They’ve clumped, like chili powder when you’ve had it too long.

Liz: Not that they would understand that reference, the WASPs. I say that I am technically a WASP but it’s different

Nick: Yup, a whole nother thing. Well, we’ve dispensed some nice advice

Liz: Soupy advice

Nick: Nice soupy advice.

Liz: If you want to make pea and mint soup by the way really easy for 1 person you want 250g frozen peas you cook them in stock you add however much mint you want and you blend it. That’s it.

Nick: You can add an onion

Liz: Some people also add a potato but we didn’t

Nick: Too much potato can make it a bit starchy I think

Liz: And don’t worry if it ends up looking like green paint, it still tastes good

Nick: You're on the right track if it looks like it’s not edible

Liz: A lot of soups and stews look like that. I’ll say it a lot of my Mums cooking looks like vomit it’s delicious.

Nick: A lot of old English food doesn’t look pretty, it’s not designed to be appetising. It’s brown liquid with things in it. It’s good and keeps you going.

Liz: It coats your bones as they say

Nick: Yes it coats your bones which sounds so gross

Liz: You don’t want that you want pea and mint soup

Nick: You want bleached bones

Liz: You don’t that’s just a thing that happens in the sun

Nick: Don’t die, don’t have your bones be bleached. That’s my survival tip. Don’t die

Liz: Good survival tip, I like it

Nick: I might write a book one day. 

Liz: On how to not be dead

Nick: You just put your lips together, then put some food between them. Followed by liquids

Liz: It’s probably easier if you open your lips a little bit

Nick: And I think a combination of meats and various legumes and don’t have poison.

Liz: I think we should possibly end there because we’re degenerating into just mindless rambling

Nick: I maintain my survival tips are solid

Liz: Maybe you should start your own podcast where you just talk for half an hour, see what happens

Nick: I’ll have a straw poll on that. See what listeners would want. Speaking of rambling and voices and talking and natural segues, we had an offer from one of our listeners to come on our show and chat. Nothing came of it but I think that might be an interesting angle to pursue, talking to people about how they adult with autism.

Liz: Maybe have them help answer questions. Could be fun

Nick: I think what I’m doing here is setting the floor. If you feel self conscious about what you’re saying, remember I suggested meat and legumes and not dying as survival tips. You can’t get worse than that. So yeah, if you’ve got questions let us now, if you might want to guest on the show also let us know.

Liz: If you want to contact us personally, at invisible-goats

Nick: And Nightwarbler

Liz: That’s all one word

Nick: Yup.

Liz: We’re not doing too badly for length

Nick: We’re not. Slightly shorter than usual but we have a hefty big proud boy, big nice…

Liz: Are you hoping if you keep talking like that they’ll let you on Maximum Fun?

Nick: Now you’ve rumbled me, that was my secret plan

Liz: Just call me Rumblestiltskin

Nick: Niiice. If you have any kind of oddly specific products for me to endorse for money like I’ll definitely do that. Send me some underwear or mattresses and I’ll just record all the podcasts on my nice new mattress in my nice custom underwear.

Liz: Custom underwear?

Nick: You’ll have to go one better than the others, you know

Liz: I wouldn’t turn down custom underwear it’s hard to buy bras

Nick: Send us your custom underwear and I will heartily endorse it. Just…yeah. Bespoke…coverings, that’s what I want…or...

Liz: A mattress is not a covering

Nick: It’s a covering for a floor

Liz: Only because we don’t own a bed

Nick: Send us your questions and offers to be on the show. Don’t send us underwear come to think of it that doesn’t sound like an ok thing

Liz: And we’ll be back in a couple of weeks, hopefully with more questions and less about underwear and poison

Nick: Yeah, don’t send us underwear don’t eat poison

Liz: And don’t kiss your dad square on the lips?

Nick: Yeah that’s weird. That’s a bad thing to do. Yeah, see you next time.