#sorry for jasonposting so much i love him

[everyurlithinkofistoolong]

The Jason quote bot twitter account is going to be the death of me because it's shoving into my face book moments that I was Simply Too Young to really understand when I first read it the first time but then now I'll see something like

“Poor child.” Her voice resonated across the landscape, shaking the bedrock under Jason′s feet. “Your father is first among the gods, yet you are always second best—to your Roman comrades, to your Greek friends, even to your family. How will you prove yourself?”

And it just hits me like a ton of bricks because. Just. All Jason even wanted was a family. People who put him first. People who cared about him beyond his heritage or abilities.

And that "prove yourself" line is particularly harrowing. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to the people who unconditionally love you. But that's how Jason's abandonment issues manifested- he's constantly trying to prove that he's worth enough to be cared about. That's how he was raised, people waiting on him to be a leader and to be brave, and he internalized it. A lot of it also involves taking on a lot of burdens on himself and repressing his emotions as to not make others uncomfortable, because before Jason had nowhere else to go. No other home other than Camp Jupiter. It wasn't until Jason learned that there was also CHB that he realized he had a choice and began to open up.

I mean, take a abandoned child, give him to a wolf goddess that demands he have to prove himself in order to stay alive, put him in a camp where he's put into a role that makes him uncomfortable but gives him the home he yearns for. You're making a kid who's accustomed to being conditionally loved, whether it's on purpose or not.

And it's just... In everything. Hazel angrily asks Jason's casket why he didn't come to any of them for help... Jason was so alone when he sacrificed himself, and it's not hard to see how someone like him would jump immediately to dying for the people he cared about without even consulting anyone first. He was already vulnerable: Piper broke up with him, Leo was "dead", he wasn't at either Camp CHB or Camp Jupiter. He took everything onto his shoulders because that's how he always proved he was worthy, worthy of love in particular.

You see though afterwards that they all did care about him so much. Frank, Percy, Annabeth, Leo, Piper, Hazel, Reyna, Thalia, Nico... They all were heartbroken. Which isn't surprising from the standpoint of the reader, but you're left wondering... would Jason himself have been surprised?