#sorry i missed three days in a row i didnt mean it </3

[andromedartss]

jasmine spider call that a jaspider

[xxburritosxx]

Sweethearts

Pairing-Terrormoohm

(This is my first post:3)

Brock and Brian were the classrooms best couple, they were always so open about their relationship, but not so much that they were bragging about it. They respected others when they said they were being too loving towards each other but they couldn't help it.

Ever since their first dance at their first party. The party was for Jon who's parents just had his baby sister but turns out they turned it into a party for them instead of the baby. His parents thought is was for the best because they were a rough bunch of kids.

They were in love and they loved nothing more than eachothers time together, but something was missing and that something was Ryan, but before is say anymore let's start with the story.

●~~~~~~~~~~●

It was almost 8:45 and Brian was going to be late for his first class, he ran through so many corridors and when he realised he looked at his Wednesday schedule instead if his Thursday schedule he had to run all the way to the other side of the building.

A couple of teachers were telling him not to run in the corridors but he couldn't help it. He was obsessed with school but he knew when he was supposed to early and when he, shouldn't be but is, late. Wednesdays first was his form room. And his teacher was nice and all but lately there were family points for who has the most attendance.

When he finally got there the teacher was crossed arms and staring him down.

'Brian, your late,' she said with a stern voice that pierced through his body.

'Yeah in sorry Miss Longsdale, but the bus came late...' he said with a pout on his face and the strong Irish accent that his boyfriend and the class loved.

'Well I guess I cant be mad at you for the bus but next time try to get the bus earlier.'

'Will do ma'am' and he said into his chair.

He sits in the middle desk on the back row alongside his boyfriend hmwhi sat on the same side as the door and Ryan whi sat close to the window.

'Hey babe,' Brian said smiling at him.

'Hey Brian,' Brock was a little shorter than Brian which he loved seeing as he could give him kisses on his forehead and so he did.

'Awwwwww' echoed around the room seeing as the attention was still on Brian for being late.

'Ok kids we need to start winning more family points,' their teacher said.

'So any ideas?'

Silence.

It was awkward how the classroom was so suddenly silent but no body spoke up to respond to the teacher.

'How about you, Ryan?'

'Huh?' Ryan asked.

'Do you have any ideas to the family competition?' She said once again.

'Uhh m-maybe we could, uhh maybe we could ,hmm, maybe we could do a fundraiser and see which family gets the most money?'

'That's a pretty basic idea but we haven't done that before so yeah u guess that works,' she said smiling widely at the idea.

Ryan sighed a sigh of relief when the attention of the class was moved towards the teacher again.

The teacher was now talking about different they could sell and what event to do when Craig yelled.

'We could sell cakes and stuff like that, I mean I know its cringy but people are buying Valentines day gifts and what couple doesn't like cakes and chocolates. And maybe some flowers-'

'Perfect idea Craig, it doesn't sound cringy at all.'

'So I'll put you in groups of fours, and you guys will prepare something to being in for the competition,'

'Let's see... James, Lucas, Georgia and Faith... Jon,Luke,Evan and David...and theres one group of three people and that would be... Brock,Brian and Ryan, you may sit with your groups for now on and talk about what you would like to sell '

Brian and Brock exchanged glances, thinking about who Ryan was, but then they realised whi their teacher was talking to before and looked to their left.

Their sat a Brunette with a grey bunny hoodie, black ripped jeans and black gloves which didnt cover his fingers.

'Is that him?' Brock asked.

'I think so, hey are you Ryan?' Brian said and peered over to the silent boy next to him.

Ryan nods not looking at them and remaining his view outside the window.

'Can you look a t us while your conversation with us?'

Ryan turned faxibg them and they were greeted with a boy who had cuts on his face, they seemed to torture them as they stared at them and it seemed they hurt them more than they hurt Ryan.

'Are, are you ok?' Brian said with a concerned look.

'Yeah I'm fine,' he clearly wasn't fine.

His eyes had bags which looked like they were dragging his eyes closed.

'When we do this project your going to let us help you,' Brian said eith narrowed eyebrows.

He didnt let Ryan respond when he said.

'We're going to help you and your going to feel great,' he paused when he realised the wording of his sentence and turned red to face Brocj who patted his head.

'You know what he means,' Brock said smiling nervously turning pink in the face.

Ryab didnt respond to the statement and turned to stare out the window.

●~~~~~~~~●

The next couple of months was relaxing and Ryan was treated fairly and Brock and Brian grew closer and closer to Ryan until it was the week of Valentines day.

Every moment together seemed to be more painful the time they had to say goodbye.

Ryan git more confident but not as confident as Brock and Brian.

On Valentines day in their form group they gave their items to their teacher.

Afterwards their teacher asked them to make cards for their loved ones.

Brock and Brian made cards for each other along with a card for Ryan. They decorated it with blue glitter and white hearts and the front and a hide red heart in the middle.

Ryan decided to make two cards for each of them and decorated then with pink,red and purple hearts there were so many that you couldn't see the background.

When the teacher took the cards in and handed them out to the person written it to, there were only one card. He was suprised he even got any at all, and it read.

To Ryan,

Hey Ryan happy Valentines day, we wanted to plan this out since nine days into the project and we wanted to tell you that we love you, we wish that everyday you have the beautiful smile we see when you laugh and we wish to see your green and blue eyes sparkle, we wish that every day you have an amazing day and that your everyone shows that you are better than what they think if you we know what you can behave like and we love it, how could anyone not love you? So we ask you one thing, Ryan, will you be our Valnetines.

P.S- Its me Brock who did most of this.

Love from- Brock and Brian xxx :)

Ryan couldn't help but blush and he couldn't help but feel his eyes tear up. No one had shown that Ryan meant so much to them and that he was so important to someone in their lives and it just so happened that it was the people he mostly respected.

Brock and Brian opened up eachothers card to each other then open an unexpected card form Ryan.

In Brocks it read-

To Brock

I know your probravoy think that you already in a relationship and dont worry Brian if your peeking at this I'm not trying to steal him but I wanted to say thank you for supporting me and showing me i'm worth it, thabky ih fir welcoming me with open arms and a wide smile on your face, you and Brian mean so much to me that it could count as a drug, but not so much that its weird... I hope you dont think if me as any less now.

By Ryan (the guy you did the project with beside your boyfriend)

Brian's card read-

To Brian

Hey Brian, please dont hate me for giving you and Brock a card and I'm sorry for being such trouble for you guys, I've probably interrupted your time together but I guess that's life, huh?Anyway thanks I so much for making me feel like I belong somewhere, you guys have made such and improvement in my life an di hope you guys have a happy ever after.

P.S-Don't kill me for giving you guys a card.

By Ryan(they guy you did the project with)

Brock and Brian looked at each other and back to their cards that they deeply appreciated and blinked, then they turned to Ryan who was covering his flustered cheeks with embarrassment.

'Hey Ryan meet us at the park after school today.'

Ryan nodded still covering his face trying to act calm and normal.

●~~~~~~~~~~●

After school and Brian and Brock were waiting for Ryan to show up. They watched an out of breath Ryan run over to them zipping up his hoodie to look smart. They could tell he had just finished P.E.

'Uhh h-hey guys about the c-cards I'm sorry-' he was cut off by Brian and Brock giving him a hug.

'Ryan were not angry at you we're actually thankful for the cards.' Brock said smiling loving at Ryan before looking at Brian whi didnt stoo hugging Ryan.

'Ryan we need to ask you something,' he said before letting go if the out of breath shorter male.

'We want to ask if you will like to be our...well our boyfriend?'

Ryan blushed and covered his face up to look strong but he couldn't hold in his flustered reaction.

'Gah- uhh o-ok' he said as his voice started to get high pitched.

Brian Walker dup to him and kissed him passionately on his lips and Brock hugged him from the back of him.

Ryan didnt know what to say. He expected them to be annoyed at the cards but he guessed that they were merely proud of his 'confession'.

He couldn't help but cry into the passionate kiss and the loving hug he was getting off two new lovers.

'We're sorry it took so long but we had to wait for the right moment,' Brock said with a nervous smile.

'I-its fine,' Ryan sound through the kiss of Brian once again with a high pitched voice still.

●~~~~~~~~~~●

So that was my first fanfic I hope you guys liked it, I'm obsessed with this ship and i hope to write more in the future!

Thanks for your time!

P.S- Sorry if it doesn't make sense I had autocorrect on and I was too eager to post this for you guys to enjoy :3

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

California King Bed (Jimin x You ONESHOT)

A/N: Oh my god I;m sorry this took so long. this ask was lost in my ask box I am so sorry. but I hope you will like this? <3

MASTERLIST

Chest to chest Nose to nose Palm to palm We were always just that close Wrist to wrist Toe to toe Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose

Nothing lasts forever.

That is what people always say and its something Y/N never believed in. Especially after she met Jimin.

Park Jimin.

What can she say about him? How can she even begin to describe him? Jimin is beautiful. Ethereal even. His eyes, his nose, his lips.. everything about him is just perfect. His smile, his gaze, his voice, the way he moves, everything about him mesmerized her. Its not just the way he looks thay captures her heart. Its also tbe way his eyes twinkle when he listens to her, how he remembers every single detail about her, what makes her laugh, what makes her sad, what makes her happy. He takes his time to get to know her. To really know her. She is drunk in love with Park Jimin and that is how it seems to be with him too.

The two of them were inseparable. Where Y/N is, Jimin will be there too. Where Jimin is, there is no doubt Y/N is there too. People can always find them cheek to cheek, softly kissing one another at every possible chance they get, fingers lightly entangling with one another as they make conversation with other people, hands softly curled around each other's waist whenever they were seated.

Jimin and Y/N cant get enough of each other since the first day they met.

They are always just that close.

Looking at them, how can anyone blame Y/N when she didnt believe that nothing last forever?

Because to her, her love and Jimin's is something made for eternity. Made to last forever and beyond. Her feelings will never change, that much she knows is true.

So how come when I reach out my finger It feels like more than distance between us

But love is a strange feeling. Nobody knows when it comes and nobody could ever guess when it will leave. Just a feeling, but it is enough to make you risk everything you have for that certain someone. Just a feeling, but its enough to make you smile for the rest of your life. Just a feeling but its capable to rip your heart into pieces.

"Are you sleeping over at the dorm again tonight?" Y/N finally find the courage to ask as she poke her food through their very silent dinner, something that has become a routine for them. Jimin raised his head from his plate and set his beautiful eyes that Y/N could never get enough off on her, softly giving her a smile.

"Yes. We have late practice again today. I'm sorry,"

Y/N hummed and nodded at the expected answer. This has been the third week in a row where Jimin has been sleeping over at the dorm. Its understandable since their come back is very near, and they needed all the practice and promotion they needed. But three weeks? It has never been that long before. Jimin will always find a way to come back to her before, be it only for an hour or two, just to share a sleepless night tangling in her sheets before heading back to practice, just to make sure she knows how much he is thinking about her.

But it felt different this time.

There's just some sort of... distance this time.

"But I will be here tomorrow night," Jimin smile at her, noticing the frown forming on her beautiful face.

Y/N's face light up, no longer able to hide her true feelings about the situation. She misses him. She misses every single thing about him and if tomorrow is the only night she is able to get, then that is what shes going to take. And shes going to take all of it.

The next day was spend pampering herself. Extra hour in the rose scented bath, extra lotions on her body, light makeup perfectly done, Jimin's favorite perfume sprayed all over her and carefully picked, of course from the few selection that has always been Jimin's favorite, night gown and delicate lingerie to wrapped around her body.

"Woah," was all Jimin could say when his tired eyes graces the figure sitting on the bed in the dimmed, rose petal scattered, bedroom, patiently waiting for him. Y/N smile shyly at him. "All of this, for me?"

"I-I just missed you," she nodded shyly. "Do you... miss me too?"

"Oh Y/N," Jimin dropped his bag from his shoulder and crawled on tbe bed, making his way all over her,  his soft lips on hers replacing his answer. Between the clashing of tounges, fighting for dominance like a man starve and fingers slowly stripping her off from all hides her from his eyes, Y/N failed to realized that Jimin never did answer her question.

The night felt long to Y/N, but if she has to spend forever this way, she would gladly accept it. Soft moans and cries of pleasures left her mouth as Jimin kept thrusting in and out of her, lips never stop kissing her neck and jaw, leaving marks for the world to see tomorrow, fingers fiddling with her two sensitive nubs. She miss him. She miss this. She miss being love by him and there is nothing she wont give to feel Jimin's attention on her like what he's doing right now.

"Ahh, I-I love you Park Ji-Jimin," she cried out along with her release of pleasure and Jimin catches her lips, muffling her moans, and again, in the smoke and shadow of lust and pleasure, she failed to realized that Jimin never said it back.

Eye to eye Cheek to cheek Side by side You were sleeping next to me Arm in arm Dusk to dawn With the curtains drawn And a little last night on these sheets

She woke up from her slumber in the middle of the night, shivering as she reached out for the warm body next to her. But the warmth she seek for, the warmth she yearns for, is no where she is able to reach out to. Feeling cold and confused, Y/N gets up from bed and her bare foot padded along the living room only to see a figure leaning against the corridor.

Jimin.

"Hey baby, what are you doing up?" She went over and give him a tight back hug. Oh how she miss him so much, although he is right here in front of her right now. She closes her eyes and inhale his scent. Jimin turned and flashed her a soft smile. A smile that Y/N know means something is wrong. That smile didnt reach his eyes, nor it makes his eyes turns to little slits, like it usually does if hes really happy.

"Is everything okay baby?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking. Dont worry about it," Jimin turns to face her, his hands on both side of her hips. "Go back to bed, I'll be right in,"

"No. I'll stay here with you until you are ready to go in," Y/N hugs him tight and placed her head on his shoulder, inhaling his beautiful scent that is so familiar to her. "Jimin... you know you can tell me anything right? Anything at all if something is bothering you?" Her soft voice grazed his ears, barely above a whisper.

Jimin hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Ye-yeah. I know that Y/N. Thank you," he smile.

"I love you so much Park Jimin,"

The air was met with silence the moment those words were uttered and Y/N felt her heart starts to crack but she didnt say anything further, closing her eyes tight and hugging him close. If this is the only way she can have Jimin close to her, then she will take it. She rather live in a world where Jimin felt far and distanced from her rather than not having him with her at all.

"Lets... go to bed," was what Jimin finally said when he answered, kissing her forehead and taking her hand, leading her to the bedroom. "Sleep Y/N. I promise when you wake up I will still be here,"

Y/N woke up, still sleepy the next morning and remembers than Jimin was supposed to be here. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and saw Park Jimin still laying on his side of the bed, breathing softly. A smile immediately grace her lips.

He didnt leave.

He stayed with her.

Although he is not right behind her, hands around her waist holding her tight as he usually is when she woke up, although he is curled up all alone at the corner of the other side of the bed, Y/N was still grateful.

From dusk to dawn, with curtains still drawn in to stop the harsh light of reality from entering the room and shine on them, with the marks of last night all over the sheets, Jimin is still here.

Sleeping next to her.

And she could not have asked for more.

So how come when I reach out my finger It feels like more than distance between us

Jimin comes back home more often since that night. But even when he is here, it doesnt feel like he's here. Is it the constant awkward silence between them that seems to always appear now? Is it the lack of laughter and shy glances exchanged with each other? Or is it the none existance heated kisses shared betweenthe two of them like they always do?

Empty looks and unsincere smile was all Jimin ever gave her whenever he's home. It breaks her to see Jimin pushed around his food on the plate and blanked out during their conversations while cuddling. How his touch is no longer infused with love and want and just feel oh so cold.

Y/N couldnt put her finger on it. Something is wrong with her relationship with Jimin and she dont even know what the problem is for her to even try to fix it.

She feels like crying. But why is she even crying for when Jimin is right here besides her on the same bed every night?

Jimin is her everything and just the thought of the growing distance thats keeps on coming between them scares her. How is she ever going to survive without him? How?

Y/N dont know what to do.

And she's scared.

Just when I felt like giving up on us You turned around and gave me one last touch That made everything feel better And even then my eyes got wetter

"Ji-Jimin?"

"Hmm?" He raised his head from the book he is skimming through and looks at her. They havent spoken for almost and hour, which has become a daily routine now, silenced, like two strangers. Y/N has been fiddling with her hands the whole time, stealing glances at her perfect boyfriend. How can he be so at ease? Doesnt he feel the tension and awkwardness happening between them?

"Is... something bothering you? Lately?" She carefully places her words, not wanting to set off Jimin and send him running again. Jimin close his book and furrowed his brows at her question.

"Bothering me? What do you mean?"

"I-I dont know... lately you seem distance... detached? I dont know but I can feel like something is not right. Is there anything you want to share with me?" Jimin smiles and stood up, taking slow steps towards her.

"Not at all. Everything is fine. Maybe you are just overthinking things baby," he reached out for her face and carressed her cheeks. Y/N immediately close her eyes and leaned into his touch. God, how she miss this. How she miss him. "Feel better?"

At the sound of Jimin's voice her eyes snapped open and reality came back to her. No, she cant be drowned in this again. Pulled by his charms. She needs to know whats going on with their relationship before everything turns into dust. She slowly removed Jimin's hand that is still cupping her face and placed it on her lap.

"No.. Jimin. I dont think I'm overthinking anything," she stuttered, already feeling the tears prickling the corners of her eyes. Jimin looks at her, wide eye with confusion. "I can feel it... something is not right between us. Please Jimin, please tell me what it is so I can fix us. Please?"

Her tears are finally rolling down her cheeks, emotions is no longer something she can control.  Jimin was silenced, dumbfounded, lost of words. What is he supposed to say when he himself dont know why he is feeling this way?

"Jimin, please! Tell me. I deserve that much," Y/N is full blown sobbing. Jimin's silence confirmed her biggest fear. She had hope he would smile, laugh even, at her accusation. Saying shes crazy. Saying they are okay, that he still loves her as much as the day they first met. But silence? Nothing could be right if she was met with silenced. "Jimin..." she sobbed and shakes his hand which is still in her hold.

Jimin suddenly stood up and paced around the room, softly mumbling, so soft Y/N almost didnt catch it but she did.

"I dont know okay..."

"Wh-what?"

"I dont know okay!" His raised voice surprised her. Jimin was never one to raise his voice or lose out to anger. This is a very rare sight to see and it scares her  "I dont know whats the problem either so how am I supposed to tell you?" He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back, a sight Y/N used to love seeing but right now only seems to break her heart. "I dont know why I'm feeling this way!"

"Wh-what way Jimin?" Her voice stuttered as she ask the question she doesnt want to know the answer to. "What are you trying to say?" Jimin kept quiet for a moment, realizing he shouldnt have said what he said. But theres no point in hiding anymore now that everything is already out in the open.

"The way I feel about you..."

"H-how do you feel about me Jimin?" Her tears are running down her face like an endless waterfall as she stares at Jimin's frowning face who is trying to find the right word to break her heart. Jimin closes his eyes and let out a deep breath.

"Like..like I love you less,"

Those five words feels like a gunshot, a sharp knife to Y/N's heart. Jimin finally said it. He loves her less.

"Is... is that how you truly feel?" She dared herself to raised her eyes to look straight into Jimin's. The eyes that used to twinkle with love, longing and lust, now is only filled with guilt and confusion.

"I-I dont know Y/N," Jimin tries to reach out for her but she flinched away.

"No Jimin! You cant do this to me! Its either you love me or you dont!" She yelled, shocking Jimin who never saw this side of her before. "There is no in between!"

"Y/N please. Please dont be like this. Lets talk things through. Lets-"

"No," Y/N angrily wipe her tears away and grab her bag, ready to leave. "Whats the point Jimin? We could have tallked about it earlier but you choose to avoid me, distance yourself from me, hiding your feelings for me!" She paused as her tears makes it harder for her to breathe. "Thats enough for me to know how you really feel Jimin, eventhough you think you havent figure it out yet!" She sniffled. "Theres no point fighting for someone who doesnt want it, and right now I'm done fighting," she turned on her heels, ready to exit and just stay far away from Park Jimin but he was faster, pulling her hard by the arm, making her stumble back into his chest.

Jimin quickly engulfed her in a hug, head on her shoulder.

"Dont go. Please dont leave like this. Dont..."

"I cant do this Jimin..." she cried. "I love you too much to let you play me like this. You will break me," her broken sobs filling the cold empty room. "You will ruin me Jimin..."

"I'm sorry... I truly am Y/N..." Jimin raised her chin up, making her look at him. For a moment, only for a moment, she thought she saw the old Jimin back in his eyes and when Jimin leaned in to capture her lips in his, nothing else matters.

With her tears still streaming down her face, Jimin lift her up, carrying her to the bedroom, and lay her down on the bed, slowly trailing kisses down her body as he undress her. Now a moaning mess, Y/N can no longer think of anything else as her hands helplessly pull on Jimin's hair as his plush lips nibble and suckle, tounge proding into her most private area. She loves him, she miss him and theres nothing she wont give for this moment to last forever.

Panting as she stares at Jimin who has crawled back up to her face, lips teasingly licking off her juice that is all over his face, she can feel herself crying again as Jimin's soft eyes looks down at her and start kissing her softly. So soft and gentle, like two lovers in love.

That's what they are isnt it? But why doesnt it feel lkke it?

"Dont cry Y/N... dont cry. It will be okay. We will be okay," was the only thing he repeated as he slid into her, thrusting slowly, as if trying to recreate the love between them that they both know is slowly dissappearing.

So confused wanna ask you if you love me But I don't wanna seem so weak

Jimin kissed her forehead and cuddle her close as they pantn still breathing hard from their intimate activity, something Y/N wish would last forever. Y/N lay her head on Jimin's chest, feeling his naked hot skin burning her equally naked body, the sound of his rapid heart beating calming her.

"Jimin?" Her voice small as she calls out to him.

"Yeah?"

"Are we... ok?" Jimin hugs her tighter and kissed her forehead again.

"To be honest Y/N... I dont know..." he stroke her hair, the answer makes he feel suffocated. How can he say that after what they just did? "But I promise I will figure it out. I promise you that baby,"

Y/N hugs him tight, pressing her body closer to him, never wanting to let go. Tears are starting to prickle her eyes again.

"Ji-Jimin... do you lo-" Y/N wanted to ask, she wanted to know, but she couldnt. She doesnt want to seem so weak, to give Jimin such a power over her, knowing how much she wants him, needed him, love him.

"Yes Y/N?"

"N-nothing..."

"Hmmm okay," he held her tighter. "Sleep baby,"

"If I do... when I wake up... will you still be here besides me? On this bed?" Scared to ask, but she needs to know. Will he be gone when she open her eyes again? Will everything that just happened tonight only be like a dream? He stroke her hair softly, kissing her hairline.

"I will. I promise Y/N. When you wake up I will be here. And we will work things out. We will be okay again," Jimin kissed her forehead and both her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks and finally her lips.

"Trust me. We will be okay again..." was the last thing she heard before dozing off, hands holding Jimin tight.

I'll be California wishing on these stars For you're heart on me My California king

The bright sunlight pierced through the window as they had forgotten to pull the curtains close last night. Blinking and rubbing her eyes, Y/N stirred and wake up, finally remembering what happen last night and a smile graced her lips.

Jimin promised they will work things out. They will be okay.

"Jimin?"

She turned to her side and see an empty bed. Did he went down already?

Y/N padded around the house, her heart beating faster as there are no sight of Jimin everywhere. Maybe he went out to get breakfast, he always does that before.

But all hopes crashed when she reached the kitchen and saw a mug of now cold coffee, with a note on it.

Y/N

I'm sorry. But I cant do this anymore

PJM

Stunned and numb, her heart slowly cracking and finally broken into its last tiny pieces, she swing her hand towards the mug, smashing it hard, making it fall to the ground and break into tiny little pieces, the coffee dripping all over the table and the floor, just like her heart. With tears finally running free down her face, she collapsed on the floor, not bothering how the fallen coffee dirtied her clothes or how the glass prickled her skin, making deep red sight of blood oozing out.

It doesnt matter to her. Nothing hurts harder than a broken heart anyway.

All I ever want is your heart Park Jimin. You are my everything, my king.

Maybe I've been California dreaming

Owning Park Jimin's heart is only a dream, and its time for her to wake up.

[donnarider]

!!DISCONTINUED!!  Klance - soulmate au (part 4)

Author’s notes:

update 12th July 2019: This story is unfortunately discontinued. There will not be a next part. I’m really sorry.

Read part 1

Read part 2

Read part 3

“Bold” texts are from Keith, “italic” texts are from Lance

„Wow, that’s… rough?“

„Yes it is! I mean… I meant what I said. I just thought he would...”

“Say that he wants to be more than friends?”

“Yeah…” Lance put his head on the table they were studying at. The library was quiet and Lance had a hard time keeping his voice down while telling Hunk about his horrible not-date date.

“So how did the rest of the da…what happened after that?”

“Well, I was dying on the inside and pretended everything was fine on the outside. So, the usual.”

“Lance!”

Lance sighed and leaned back on his chair. The library’s ceiling suddenly seemed very fascinating to him. “We talked about stuff like favourite movies and such. I asked him about his bike. I had to leave for my seminar and he said he’d text me.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad,” Hunk decided and squeezed Lance’s shoulder supportively. “Maybe he just needs some time?”

“And what do I do if he doesn’t? I thought I’d be fine with being just friends but-,” he waved his hands around in a helpless motion. “I was basically doomed when he told me to be nice to my coffee in Spanish. I can’t just NOT crush on him now, you know. And that sucks… big time.”

Hunk smiled sympathetically at him and continued to flip through the book in front of him. “Just take it slow. Take a break for a few days and then invite him to do something and see what it feels like then. He’ll either change his mind or you could just bring me and Pidge along to make the friends thing easier. Maybe that’ll help?”

“Hmm. Yeah, maybe.”

Hunk closed his book and got up. “You up for visiting Pidge and Matt? I don’t think we’re gonna get anything done here right now. Also I think Matt finally got that video game you wanted to play so badly.”

“Nooo, Hunk. You wanted to study. I didn’t mean to distract you, I’m just gonna-“

“It’s fine, Lance. I can’t concentrate anyways. And you helped me so much with my last essay, I think I can go a day without studying.”

Lance smiled at him and got to his feet as well. “Okay. But I swear I’ll be back to normal tomorrow and then we’re gonna take a look at the stuff from Iverson’s physics lecture.” Hunk groaned loudly and made Lance laugh with his desperate expression. “I know, I know. But we both have to get better at that stuff.” He stood behind Hunk and made a gesture over his shoulder like he wanted to show Hunk a beautiful landscape.

“NASA, dude. NASA.”

“Ugh, you’re right. But Matt and Pidge now. My brain needs a break.”

Lance swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Maybe I get one of Pidge’s hugs. I love Pidge’s hugs.”

Hunk beside him nodded. “Everyone does, man. They’re the best.”

Wednesday

 (3:15am): WTF DUDE? ???

(3:17am): I KNOW SORRY! Its our stupid neighbors having a party…

(3:18am): AT T HIS HOU R???

(3:18am): pls kill them for me

(3:20am): I would but prison isnt as appealing to me as you might think

(3:21am): So ur bad boy attitude knows boundaries? ;)

(3:22am): Dont mock me Im too tired for this

(3:24am): Yeh I can feel that

(3:24am): u really dont deal well without ur beauty sleep

(3:25am): Sorry :( And no, I really dont

 (3:31am): KEEEEEEITHH do smth!!!!

(3:32am): I have a test tomorrow !!

(3:34am): OM G IT STOPPED

(3:35am): Keith?

(3:35am): did u kill them?

(3:36am): maybe

(3:36am): KE ITH!

(3:37am): I slipped an anonymous note under their door that I would kill their cat if they didnt turn off the music immediately…

(3:38am): O M G thats cruel

(3:38am): u dont threaten peoples pets

(3:38am): NOT COOL!

(3:39am): chill, I was joking. It said Id call the cops on them

(3:40am): Oh okay good hope ur not just saying that

(3:40am): Also thankk

(3:41am): no problem. Good night, Lance

(3:43am): Lance?

 (7:36am): SORRY FELL ASLEEP!

(7:37am): Have fun at work today :)

Friday

(4:12pm): why

(4:25pm): what? u dont like it? ;)

(4:28pm): no

(4:29pm): oh come on! The queen is my best study motivation!

(4:30pm): please just stop

(4:32pm): KEITH! YOU INSULT BEYONCÉ YOU INSULT ME

(4:33pm): Can’t you study to something normal

(4:35pm): Normal normal or you normal?

(4:36pm): I dont care. Just no more beyoncé please. It’s been hours

(4:39pm): Lance?

 (4:42pm): really?

(4:42pm): Evanescence? That’s mature…

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIDE

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE

(4:45pm): I hate you

(4:46pm): No u dont :)

(4:47pm): STOP THIS MADNESS!

(4:48pm): Hunk says if you come to a college thing with us tomorrow, he’ll stop me for you

(4:50pm): What kind of thing?

(4:51pm): dunno, Hunk wont say, but its really good apparently

(4:53pm): OKAY DEAL NOW PLEASE STOP

(4:54pm): Party-pooper

(4:56pm): Tell Hunk I love him

Keith got off his bike, took off his helmet and unzipped his leather jacket. He headed towards the university building with mixed feelings about what awaited him. He had fought with himself about coming today but eventually the curious side of him had won. Keith wanted to see what Hunk had planned for them and also even if it scared him to admit it…he missed Lance.

Logically he knew that it did not make any sense. They hardly knew each other. But emotionally he just… missed him. He sighed and blinked against the bright sunlight. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes against it and bumped into someone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t sweat it. All good here.” A friendly voice interrupted him. The tall boy in front of him looked him over and tilted his head to the side. „Hey, are you Keith by any chance?”

Keith nodded. “The one and only.”

“Oh, great! I’m Hunk.“ Keith took the big hand he was offered and returned the welcoming smile. When Hunk gestured for them to move out of the sun and stand in the tall building’s shadow Keith followed him thankfully.

“Nice to meet you. Thanks for saving me yesterday by the way.”

“Oh, no problem. Lance can get like that sometimes when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean anything by it. You know… finals and all. He’s a bit on edge around this time of the year.”

“No, I get it. NASA is a big thing, who wouldn’t freak out, right?”

Hunk gave a nervous laugh. “Yah, I guess. So umm, Lance had to pick up our friend Pidge, they should be here-“

“Exactly now.” Lance’s voice interrupted them. He stopped next to Hunk and let Pidge whom he had been carrying just now slip off his back.

“Hey, Keith. This is Pidge. They use they pronouns. I guess you already know Hunk by now.” Lance smiled at him and clapped Hunk on the back.

Keith nodded and raised his hand in greeting at Pidge. Immediately he regretted the awkward gesture and lowered his hand quickly.

“What’s up butter cup.” Pidge replied with a grin completely ignoring Keith’s weird behavior, who in return just raised an eyebrow at their choice of words.

“Lance, why did you carry Pidge here? Did you take ‘pick them up’ literally again?” Hunk asked with his hands on his hips.

“They paid me two dollars.”

Pidge shrugged. “I didn’t want to walk. It’s too early.”

“It’s almost noon, Pidge.” Hunk said while shaking his head but there was a visible smile on his lips.

“Exactly. Way too early.”

“I feel you, Pidge.” Keith threw in. “I had three coffees before I got here.”

Pidge yawned and stretched their arms over their head. “Good thinking. I only had one and I feel dead inside.”

“So, Hunk. What is this thing? Why are we here?” Lance asked and absently patted Pidge’s head while they leaned against him, eyes closed and repeatedly yawning.

“We are here, because today…” Hunk made a dramatic pause, “They are having a lecture about space for family and friends of students and-“

“AHHH STAR CEILING?” Lance interrupted Hunk excited while bouncing up and down, Hunk just smiled and nodded.

“Yep, Star ceiling.”

“What exactly is star ceiling?” Keith asked confused. Judging from Lance’s reaction this had to be the best thing in the entire universe.

“It’s only the best thing ever, dude,” Lance started to explain while taking Keith’s arm and pulling him in the direction of a big building.

“They only do this once or twice a year when they have family day for the freshmen and around finals for the really stressed out students so they don’t go all homicidal and stuff.” They entered the lecture hall and Lance directed them to a row in the back. “It’s basically just a short lecture about space and planets and what we do here at college but at the end they turn off the lights and project stars on the ceiling and walls. Dude…it’s the most beautiful thing ever. It will change you!” He gestured for Keith to sit down in one of the empty seats and sat next to him.

Hunk took the seat on Keith’s other side and Pidge sat next to Lance. It seemed like they were just in time because a man holding a mic entered the small stage. From the corner of his eyes Keith saw Pidge leaning over to Lance and whispering something into his ear. A moment later Lance bent forward so that Hunk and Keith could both hear him.

“Sorry guys, we’re gonna get Pidge more coffee. They are literally about to murder someone. We’ll be back in a minute.” With that they both left the room and Keith was alone with Hunk, which he didn’t mind that much. They had only exchanged a few sentences but Keith already liked the guy.

The man on the stage started talking about the importance of astronomy and explained the different subjects they were teaching. Unfortunately he had a really boring and monotone voice and Keith immediately zoned out. Thank God Hunk was there to keep him entertained.

“I know this stuff isn’t really interesting, especially not when he’s talking,” Hunk pointed in the direction of the stage. “But it’s really worth it. Lance didn’t exaggerate…well maybe a little… but it actually is crazy beautiful.”

“So you three all study astronomy?” Keith asked. This was his opportunity to learn a bit more about Lance and his friends without this nervous feeling he got around his soulmate. Hunk somehow managed to create an atmosphere around him that immediately made Keith feel comfortable.

“Yeah. It was actually Lance who got me into this stuff when we were younger. We met Pidge here on our first day. They are this crazy genius and got into college early. They are only sixteen but way ahead of most of the students here. Turned out they and their brother Matt live in the same building as me and Lance so we hung with them a couple of times and now we’re all basically besties for life.”

“Space nerds unite,” Keith said with a smile.

“Haha, yeah. Basically.”

“So… do you and Pidge wanna get into NASA too or is that only Lance?” Keith checked the stage for a second but the guy was still talking about boring stuff and Keith noticed that a few other people in the audience had started quiet conversations.

“Well Pidge is as good as in, let’s be real. Me… well. Of course NASA is the dream for almost everyone at this university and I would be thrilled… but I’m not as set as Lance if that makes sense. I feel like I could work anywhere as long as I’m close to my friends.” Hunk shrugged and knitted his brows in deep thought before he cleared his throat.

“Lance is working really hard for it though. You have no idea how many scholarships he had to apply for before he finally got a foot in. Didn’t stop him though.” He smiled and Keith could feel how proud he was of his friend. “You know, the first year was rough. He failed an important test two times and was sure they were gonna kick his ass but he studied harder than all of us and now he’s always in the top 5.”

“Wow. That’s really impressive,” Keith heard himself say and immediately wanted to slap himself. Way to sound like a high school fangirl, Kogane. Can we please think before we speak, brain?!

“Yeah it is.” Hunk sighed, unfazed by Keith’s inner distress. “It’s also really hard to watch sometimes though…”

Keith raised an eyebrow at him.

“Not the part where he’s top of the class, no. I mean how he gets there. You can’t imagine how many all-nighters the boy pulls during finals and he always pushes himself to get better. I mean it’s great that he’s improving but sometimes I wish he would allow himself a break.” He stiffened and gave a quick laugh. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I. Sorry, this must be a weird first impression.”

Keith didn’t say anything for a while and chewed on his lower lip. “Is it really that bad? I mean… I haven’t noticed anything and finals are just around the corner right?” He thought back to the few times he’d seen Lance. He had always looked cheery and well… relaxed.

Hunk seemed to be pondering over his answer for a while. That’s when they heard the door behind them open slowly and Lance and Pidge slipped back into the room, Pidge holding a coffee cup in each hand. Hunk leaned over a bit and whispered just before the other two sat down. “Look at his eyes, he thinks we don’t notice…”

Keith had no idea what he meant by that and was staring at a spot on the floor absently when Lance waved his hand in front of his face to get him out of his trance. “Keith, buddy, my man. They’re about to start, don’t pass out on me now!”

Keith blushed a little and sat up straighter. “Yeah, sorry. Not passing out. Now, let’s see your space magic thing. Hope it’s as good as you made it sound.”

The boy next to him grinned from ear to ear. “Better.”

The crowd around them applauded loudly. Apparently the speech part was over and somebody dimmed the lights, making everyone go silent. It was now completely dark in the hall. Keith could feel his palms getting sweaty. Why was this taking so long? He swallowed hard.

He whispered, almost inaudible “Lance?” but in this exact moment they turned on the projectors and surprised ahhhhs and ohhhs could be heard through the entire room.

Keith threw his head back so quickly he almost hit it on his seat’s backrest.

Lance’s words hadn’t prepared him for what he was seeing now at all. It was truly just… beautiful. Thousands of little stars were dancing on the ceiling and the floor and just everywhere. He knew he was sitting in a boring lecture hall and he felt incredibly stupid for even thinking so but for a moment he really felt like he was in space. His heartbeat sped up and his eyes wander around the entire room so quickly he was almost getting sick.

Keith was trying to take it all in before it stopped. The stars danced around his fingertips as he raised his hand in front of his face and watched. He wasn’t even questioning how the whole thing worked it was just too… too everything. In a good way.

“Sooo, did I promise too much?” Lance suddenly whispered next to his ear.

Keith just shook his head and then turned it to smile at him. “No, you didn’t. This is great! Thanks for inviting me to this.” Lance smiled at him and then quickly turned his head to the ceiling again. Neither of them mentioned that it had actually been Hunk who invited Keith.

Keith was still staring at Lance’s face from the corner of his eyes, watching the stars being projected onto his skin and their reflections in his eyes. He looked so beautiful like this, it made Keith’s head spin. He wanted to say something, to tell Lance how pretty he was but he bit his tongue instead. Just friends he reminded himself.

That’s when he remembered Hunk’s words from earlier and looked at Lance’s eyes more closely. What was he supposed to see? The long eyelashes? The small freckles underneath them? The well blended but thick layer of… concealer? Something clicked in his brain. Hunk had mentioned that Lance wasn’t sleeping enough and pushing too hard. Of course he and many others were unable to tell if they didn’t know what to look for. Lance had covered up his dark circles almost perfectly. Almost… Keith turned his gaze to the ceiling again and frowned. Why was he pretending to be fine? It was normal to be tired around finals wasn’t it? Why was he trying to hide it?

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid we have to end this now since our time is up,” a voice sounded from the front of the room. “Thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of your day on campus.” They turned off the projectors and disappointment could be heard all around. Some classical song started to play and people started to shift but the lights were still out. Keith dug his nails into his palm and tried to breathe evenly. It’s fine, he tried to tell himself. They’re gonna turn them back on every second. Only they didn’t.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we’re having some trouble back here. We’re sure everything will be fixed soon,” the voice echoed again. “Always a bit hard to find the light switch in the dark.” The voice said and gave a fake laugh. Some parents laughed as well. Keith didn’t. He gulped and pressed deeper into his seat.

He could feel Lance stir in the dark next to him and a hand touching his shoulder. “Keith? Are you okay?” Before Keith could even think of something to respond with the lights were finally turned back on. Keith let out a very deep breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. He quickly unclenched his hands and turned his head to give Lance a small smile.

“All good, yes. I’m a bit sad it was over so quickly though.”

Lance looked at him questioningly for a second longer before he returned the smile. “Right? I wish they would do this more often!”

The group got up and headed out before the mass of people in the hall could block the aisles. The bright sunlight blinded Keith for a moment when they walked outside and he held up his helmet to shield his eyes. Someone walked into him from behind and he quickly turned around to apologize for stopping in the doorway but it was Lance he was looking at. An elderly woman complained about them being in her way and they stepped aside and walked a few feet to get away from the mass.

“Sorry for bumping into you,” Lance started, “It’s just,” he pointed at the helmet in Keith’s hand. “I didn’t notice before because I was so excited about the star thing but… did you bring your bike?” Hunk listened to their conversation and laughed looking at Lance now. Keith didn’t exactly understand what he thought was so funny and turned to Pidge for help but they were just quietly smiling at the whole scene.

“Ummm, yes? It’s how I got here. I don’t have a car, soo…” Keith shrugged a little lost.

“Awesome! I mean great. I mean...,” Lance scratched his head. “Can I see it?”

“Uhh, sure. I parked right over there.” Keith pointed over his shoulder. Lance didn’t even wait for the others. He was already on his way to the parking lot, almost running. When the others caught up with him he was inspecting Keith’s bike and admiring the details of the machine by almost touching it with his nose.

Hunk and Pidge seemed kind of impressed too and Hunk slapped Keith’s shoulder. “Sweet ride, Keith!” He joined Lance in walking around the bike to get a better look. “Lance mentioned you work at a workshop. Did you build this yourself?”

Keith nodded and then realised that Hunk wasn’t looking at him so he couldn’t see. “Yah, I did. It was the first project I did without Shiro’s help. Took me a while to find all the parts. I could get a better bike if I wanted but I’m kind of sentimental I guess.”

Lance nodded. “No I get it. It’s a bit like it’s your child, right? I mean… you made her.”

Keith smiled. “Yeah. I guess.”

Pidge gave a fake cough to get everyone’s attention and pointed at the bike. “If you’re finished drooling over that can we go get some food please?”

“That?” Keith repeated in a fake hurt tone.

“They’re secretly loving this more than Lance and me. You should see the stuff they build. We should visit you at your shop and just leave Pidge there for a few hours. They’d have the time of their life.” Hunk chuckled at the expression on Pidge’s face after his revelation.

 “Speaking of food though,” Lance looked at Keith and tilted his head, “We thought about grabbing a bite at Planet Altea. You in?”

Keith considered for a moment. He could spend some more time with them and get to know them better. He probably should. Shiro would tell him to… but he also really wanted to go home. The light incident had seriously freaked him out even if he didn’t want to show it. He’d rather calm down at home, alone, where he could stop pretending and no one would see what a mess he really was after such a small thing.

“Sorry, I need to leave. Shiro wants to visit an old friend of his and he’s dragging me along.” Lie. Shiro never dragged him anywhere Keith didn’t want to go. Apart of from that Shiro wasn’t even home right now.

Lance chewed his lower lip. “Ohh. Okay. We’ll text then?” The disappointed look on his face made Keith feel bad instantly.

“Yes definitely. It was really great. Thank you all for taking me.” Let me leave let me go.

Pidge and Hunk said goodbye and they watched Keith take off quickly. Lance waved one last time before he was out of sight, but Keith didn’t turn around to see it.

 Usually driving calmed him down but he felt himself get more anxious with every mile. He was glad he could finally take off the helmet when he arrived at his and Shiro’s place because he could breathe more freely instantly. He put the bike in the garage, unlocked the front door and took the elevator up to their floor. After hastily unlocking the front door and locking it after himself again, he immediately kicked off his boots and headed for his bedroom.  

He’d learned a few breathing techniques during his never ending counseling sessions and was really glad about that right now. After some minutes of leaning against his door he got his breathing under control. His thoughts however where still spinning, so he put his favourite playlist on shuffle and flopped down on his bed.

After a couple of songs Keith took out his phone to ask Shiro when he would be home and noticed he had gotten a few messages.

 (2:17pm): Hey, u ok?

(2:18pm): Getting kind of an anxious vibe over here?!

(2:20): Also thats an awful lot of emo music for someone who insists hes not emo ;)

 Shit. Sometimes he forgot the soulmate connection was a thing.

 (2:33pm): Sorry! Yes I’m good

There was an immediate response.

(2:33pm): U sure? Doesnt feel like it

(2:35pm): Idk

(2:36pm): Maybe not

(2:36pm): do you wanna talk? I can call u

Keith’s whole body tensed. Was he ready for that? Should he lie, maybe say he was tired and wanted to nap or something? Should he tell the truth? He frowned.

(2:37pm): I’m not… good at phone calls

(2:37pm): Np u can just listen and I’ll do the talkin

(2:39pm): that’d be ok?

Keith swallowed. Shiro probably wouldn’t be home for a while and he really needed to talk to someone. The question was if Lance was safe to talk to? Would it overstep the friendship line? Why could things never be easy…

 (2:42pm): yes, ok

 [Incoming call: Lance McClain]

More author’s notes:

This fic on AO3

Yeah after 500 years I finally updated. I could explain at length why it took my so long but it comes down to this: I was stressed, I was depressed, I’m sorry but now it’s finally here! Hooray!

As always a big THANK YOU to @alteanmoonchild for being my beta and for reading every new draft and honestly telling me when what I wrote isn’t good so I can improve and grow. I love us working together on this <3

Thank you to all of you for reading! If you have any questions or feedback send me an ask or dm me <3

Me an my friends finally cosplayed Voltron so if you wanna see me as Shiro and my awesome friends as Keith, Lance and Coran head over to my instagram.

Do you know what keeps me motivated when I so often doubt my writing and don’t know how to continue? Getting feedback! So please reblog, like, comment or even draw fanart. Whenever I read an “I love this” comment it makes me incredible happy! Also one of my goals is to someday have someone draw fanart for something wrote soo... if you wanna do that I’ll love you. Also please tag me if you do.

If you want me to tag you in the next part when I post it, just send me an ask saying so and I’ll add you to the taglist.

taglist: @alyy--caticus @princealektheorange @an-important-nobody @teddyorionpotter @spookyscaryshitstorm @ladythugs @positevelybakerstreet @meganmoo02 @atomicengineerdetective @jishwadun-is-jishwafun @anemoee

[ot5]

@tllthesundies HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH!!!🎉💖🌸💞🎂✨💌💖💞💗🎊🎉🍾💗🎂💕💖✨🎊💖🌹🍾🎉💘💕💌🌻❤️✨🌷💞🎉❤️💝🎂💘

so for this special occasion i used my amazing photoshop paint skills to make u this taylourry manip since there’s an unfortunate lack of those:/ they’re baking you three (3) cakes how great is that😫 louis, of course, asked ‘how do you whisk’ all three times and taylor n harry just shared a look and fondly rolled their eyes at him. i like to imagine they were singing along to britney classics and also laughing about how louis’ album and lyrics will shake us to our core bc they live for that drama👀 and cant wait to watch us freak out. of course at some point louis started throwing flour at taylor &harry which ended up in a messy kitchen fight.

thanks for reading my mini taylourry fic excuse the lack of angst i kno you live for that shit but anyways as i was saying, happy birthday bith! i hope u have a great one!! i cant believe you've turned 20 today🤧 you were already settling down at the old age of 19 an now you’re entering the final Grandma stage *kylie jenner dabbing tears.gif* as an og violin i feel blessed to have followed ur journey and  watched you grow up & to have experienced ur crazy crackhead days which i lowkey miss sometimes it was truly a blast with ur shit posts and you saying things that still haunt me in my sleep. since im getting Sentimental™ you know what else i miss in this chilis today? you getting asks & Interacting on here bc i recall thats what started my soft spot for u. you’re [louis voice] genuinely Genuinely one of the sweetest people ive seen on here like everytime you called someone crouton or replied with a row of heart emoji’s my heart grew 10 sizes bigger💗💗 i hate that my memory is shit and there’s no blog/archive anymore(rip in pieces we’ll get to that later) that i can search thru for those Receipts but i know not one (1) mean word has ever left your mouth, or keybord in this case, those are the Facts #confirmed by me! even back in the day when i was blissfully unaware of any drama and this hellsite was just a happy place u still stood out to me bc when you answered asks or whatever you were just so nice! kind! and sweet! and funny too i feel like u raised me on memes (i also appreciate that u tolerate me w my crusty sense of humor and memes from 2013) and tbh when i saw you were younger than me i was Shook bc you felt like an older sister to me with wise words and just this calm&kind presence on tumblr dot com where everyone always takes offense u were idk the word..... rational/nuanced/patient/understanding? ive thought it many times before but if everyone here were a bit more like you this place would be a nice valley filled with blossoming flowers sawying in a gentle breeze on a warm spring day🌻🌷🌸 (i know u prefer fall so u can represent a Quality Leaf too if u want and i’ll ship you w niall #neaf) anyway as my melancholic ass was saying, i sometimes miss @harryandlouisofficial /harryandlouisau? idk you’ve had your fair share of changes(as i was searching through my own blog for a certain pic i came across some deactivated urls that i think were yours lsdknvds) but that harryandlouis brand™ was truly You and just such a familiarity on my dash and tbh if i come across any blogs that start w harryandlouis im always side eyeing them for that copyright infringement of intellectual property. Even before we really started talking i already felt like i knew you bc you were always....out there...talking, yellin n sprouting bullshit which was [me as that gif of pam from the office tearing up] beautiful😫 like i didnt even know about the existence of the vampire diaries but u were practically screaming about it on a daily basis and lowkey got me to crush on nina dobrev bc of it also ur love for tom odell, soup, domestic hl, Angst, the midnight memories album, that purple suit harry wore to the late late show, birdy, those literature ppl whose names im not even gonna bother with, and of course taylourry & how do you whisk, they’re all filed under ‘Things That Belong To Violet’ and i kno yelling about thing or reblogging ask memes or doing those tag things doesnt go with ur Brand but i wish it did bc there’s so much i wanna know or ask or just see what you think about things👀 u could make a post saying ‘potato’ and eventho id disagree id still be over here giving a standing ovation

this is getting long im so sorry snlkdfnsld i was going somewhere but im kinda losing the plot. So anyhow the point was that ur an angel! and idk also intimidating to me back in the day? ive sent my fair share of anons (nice ones of course nskldnsf) and i vaguely rmr asking for advice a few times too and you were always so kind n wonderful🤧 and then one day i sent smth nice off anon and you followed me back even with the ugly ass url i had back then lfnvslknsd bless you and now here we are:) so i love getting sentimental and reminiscing about the old days but also know that i admire u for jus deleting and starting afresh! kween of rebranding!👏👏 and this tiddiesundays era feels like ur a professional business woman or maybe more like a professional writer who has that clean & calm aesthetic down to a T and i might’ve turned notifs on so i wont miss that one quality (1) post per day sdlknlksdn i love showing my Love thru liking and rb’ing a lot so you make it hard on me sometimes(rmr when we were each other biggest fans? good times😫) but jus kno my heart’s still beating the same yes thats a sad attempt at a oial ref bc that is also filed under the things that belong to u. i dont wanna like, overwhelm? you bc im sometimes afraid ill b too much but know that im always out here rooting for u &hoping that ur doing great bc this bitch has a lot of love and adoration for u!!💗 i know some v sweet people on here but you are just.....on another level like just your presence here clears my skin and puts a big smile on my face esp when u drag me or vice versa for having certain Opinons (like the 1d album or song discourse) dont @ me but ur truly one of my favorite people. One day when you give me the go ahead im gonna send you that card/letter and i’ll get even sappier (yes thats possible!) i was gonna wish you a sunny day but for some reason u love rain so...i hope it rains:’) or else you can move your ass over here so at least one of us can appreciate the dutch weather also i would toast to you but i think ur still not legally allowed to drink which is also a reason to get ur ass over here bc i feel like you’d be a blast to get drunk with (also shout out to you for indulging me in my wine aunt moments u were truly there for me when no one else was🤧came thru with lyrics to tmh bops faster than lightning ill never forget that!) so to conclude this Essay i lov u & hope u have an amazing birthday *serenades you with tom odell songs*💗💕💖💘💗💕💖💝💗💞💘💕💞💖💕💗💝💖💘💞💕💗

[miraculouscatnoir]

telling friends

just a little adrinette one shot! 

Marinette, for once, was not rushing about this morning, nope she had already had a shower, gotten dressed and was just finishing up her makeup whn her phone buzzed, smiling when she saw the name popping up she unlocked her phone to see the message her boyfriend had sent her.

From: Adrien <3

Goodmorning Princess, I can't wait to see you today and to finally be able to tell our friends and classmates about how i'm the luckiest boy in the world, see you soon my lady<3

Marinette sighed pushing her nerves away, Adrien and her had discovered each others identity's a month ago, They had talked everything over and also discovered they liked eachother, so started dating, they managed to keep it a secret for a week until after a very hard akuma battle Chat had kissed Ladybug and a reporter caught it and told the news, soon the internet was breaking with news that Ladybug and Chat Noir were romantically involved. It was because of this Adrien and Marinette had decided to hold off telling their friends as not to raise suspicion as they had started dating at the same time as Ladybug and Chat Noir. Today though it had been two weeks since Ladybug and Chat Noir had been caught, So the young couple decided to go public with their relationship, although Marinette was sure Ayla and Nino already suspected something was going on between them as the young superhero couple couldn't help but flirt a little, plus Marinette is a lot better at speaking to Adrien, she still stutters and blushes but only sometimes now.

To: Adrien<3

Goodmorning kitty, you mean tell everyone I'm the luckiest girl right? See you soon mon minou <3

Marinette went downstairs, grabbing croissants for her and her friends, she kissed her Mama and Papa goodbye before heading over to school. She saw Ayla and Nino by the steps and jogged over to them.

"Morning guys" She called out coming to a stop by them, both looked at her in surprise "You're not late? wow this must be a record girl two days in a row go you!" Ayla called out, Marinette rolled her eyes.

"I got a good sleep last night and the night before" Marinette replied truthfully, maybe because a certain cat superhero came along and cuddled her until she fell asleep, she tried to fight down the blush on her cheeks. Ayla however noticed.

"Ohh Nino she's blushing! Oooh did someone help you get to sleep?" Ayla teased nudging her shoulder, making Marinette blush more. Thanfully Nino stepped in before Ayla could tease her more.

"Give the poor girl a beak Ayla, before she combusts" He turned and smiled at Marinette who nodded in thanks, she was thankfull Nino was there to keep Ayla calm when she got full on reporter mode.

"Okay okay, you will tell me soon though right? You defiantly have a secret cuddle buddy I don't know about and I won't rest until I know who it is!" Ayla replied, Marinette giggled.

"You'll see" Was all Marinette said, that's all she said as a car pulled up, the htree looked over as Adrien stepped out of the car, Marinette felt her breath get blown away as she saw her rather attractive boyfriend get out the car. He smiled as he saw the three of them and walked right up to them, keeping his eyes on Marinette.

He walked up with a smile on his face "Morning guys" Adrien said as he put his arm around Marinette, She blushed but let him, so this was how they were gonna do it? just give little hints? She could play along, she kissed his cheek just as the bell rung, laughing at their friends shocked faces the two hurried to class before the questions could start.

they laughed all the way to class hand in hand, they stopped right outside the door "Did you see their faces?" Adrien laughed.

"Yes It was so funny, think they've figured it out?" Marinette replied.

"Defiantly, Nino will be trying to talk to me about it all through class"

"Same with Ayla, gosh what have we started?" Marinette let out the last of her laughter. Adrien smiled in awe of her laughing, He loved her laugh, loved it even more when he was the cause of it. He couldn't help himself, He pulled her close and lay a sweet kiss on her lips. She kissed back.

It was a couple of seconds later they heard a cough, the broke apart to see miss Bustier smiling slightly at them "Whilst I am happy for the both of, do you mind actually going into the classroom and sitting down and leaving that until lunch time?" She said sweetly, Marinette and Adrien nodded and went in and sat down at their seats, just in time for Ayla and Nino to walk in and sit down too.

As they sat down and class started Marinette saw Ayla notebook slide closer to her with writing on it, making sure the teacher wasn't looking she read what it said.

What was that are you and Adrien dating?

don't freak out okay? but yeah we are, sorry we wanted to tell you guys but didnt know how to do it

OMG! girl this is big! Well done you finally got sunshine boy! wait...does that mean Adriens been cuddling you to sleep at night?

what no? we video call and talk until we fall asleep.

okay i need all the details about how this happened!

after class Adrien and I will explain together

Marinette sighed as Ayla seemed to accept her answer. She and Adrien already had a story ready, How they both got stuck together during an akuma attack, they got talking found out they had lots in common, decided to meet up again and started flirting with eachother until they decided they were practically going on dates, soo decided to make it official by dating, they kept it a secret as they were still figuring out exactly what they felt for eachother and wanted time to see if it would work out between the two of them.

Infront of them Nino and Adrien sat, Nino wrote on a bit of paper and passed it to Adrien who read

See you finally figured out Mari likes you

yeah bro, its a long story will tell you at lunch, but yes we figured out we like eachother

awesome dude! can't wait to hear this!

Class seemed to drag on for the four, but as soon as it was lunch both Adrien and Marinette had been grabbed by the arm, presumably so they wouldnt run away again. The both rolled their eyes, but went along with it.

"Lets go get something to eat and we can talk" Marinette suggested. The other three agree, Nino and Ayla let go of their best friends and Adrien held out his hand to Marinette who happily took it. They all walk down to the nearby cafe and order some food, Marinette trying to protest when Adrien payed for her. Once they all sat down, Adrien and Marinette took a deep breath.

"Right okay so how did this started? we have been trying for a year and a half to get you two together, what happened?" Ayla asked, Adrien was the one to answer her.

"We got trapped together during that water akuma, we got talking and decided to meet up more, it got to the point were we realized we were basically going on dates so decided to try dating" Adrien said taking Marinettes hand.

Marinette nodded "We kept it a secret because we wanted to see if it would work out...turns out it is" She continued, Adrien smiled bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing it, she blushed but giggled.

"Wow I've known about this relationship for 4 hours and its already rotting my teeth, you two are adorable!" Ayla commented jokingly.

Nino nodded "I'm happy for you two though! I always knew you two were perfect for eachother" Nino said "anyone else know?" Nino asked curiously.

"My parents know but thats it" Marinette commented.

"Nathatlie knows but my father doesn't yet, I plan on breaking it to him soon though" Adrien said, the others understood. They spent the rest of lunch talking about possible double dates and plans.

After school was over, Adrien had gone over to Marinettes to play some video games, they got to her room and put their bags down. Adrien came up behind Marinette and wrapped his arms around her, she smiled and leaned back into him.

"Can I tell you something?" He whispered softly, Marinette nodded.

"You can tell me anything Kitty" Adrien smiled and kissed her cheek.

"It might be too soon but I dont care" He paused nuzzling her neck "I love you"

Marinette gasped and turned around in his arms, She rested her hands on his cheek and leaned in closely "I love you too" She whispered back. He leaned down and kissed her, pulling her close to him. She kissed back, tangling a hand in his hair.

They broke apart when breathing became a thing but stayed close "Today went well then" Adrien said kissing her nose, Marinette giggled.

"Yes I knew they would approve though, just wait until tomorrow when we start acting couply in front of the whole class" Marinette responded.

"I think everyone will be happy for us, from what Nino's told me they have all 'shipped' us for a long time" Adrien laughed.

"Yeah everyone except Chloe and Lila, can't wait for all their remarks to come my way" Marinette joked.

"Their remarks won't matter, because I love you and only you, no matter what" Adrien replied, Marinette smiled.

"I know kitty, It will just be water of a ducks back!" They kissed again then decided to play some video gamse until Adrien had to go home.

The next day they walked into class hand in hand, as predicted most of the class cheered, whilst Lila didn't look to happy, Chloe gave the couple a small smile. Marinette didn't question it, If Chloe was going to approve then leave it be.

[kianlawleysprincess]

Endless fighting ending with smut

I crawled into bed around 1 in the morning, I tried waiting for Kian to text me and tell me He was on his way home, but I was just too tired. I texted him really quickly before I fell asleep “hey baby, dinner is ready on the stove whenever you come home. I love you. Be safe. -xo” I woke up the next morning and rolled over and there He was. I have no idea when he came home or how drunk he was when he did, but he was home and that’s what matters right? We’ve been dating just over three years and for the last few months he’s been quite distant. He parties with his friends every night and doesn’t ask me if I want to come, he doesn’t tell me where he’s going or even that he’s leaving. By the time he wakes up I’m so annoyed that I scream at him when I see him. “You’re finally awake huh? Maybe if you came home at a decent time you could actually spend time with me.” I slammed the door behind me and he didn’t try to follow me. This was going to be a long day at work. By the time my shift had ended Kian was already at the next party. This repeated endlessly. JC reassured me that Kian never cheated or even talked to any other girls at the parties but that almost makes it worse. Does he just want nothing to do with me that he pretends I don’t exist? I just wanted to be important. I loved him so much it killed me. I didn’t bother waiting up for him tonight. I just crawled into bed with a bottle of tequila. I’m pretty sure I sent him some drunk Snapchat’s of me crying asking why I wasn’t enough but I’ll never know because he didnt acknowledge them. I left for work the next morning without seeing Kian, and he wasn’t there when I got home. I looked at the calendar. This was the fourth night in a row of him not being home. I sighed and cooked up dinner. Left some on the stove for him, grabbed the tequila and crawled into bed alone, again. I woke up again and Kian was on the couch. Great, he didn’t even want to sleep in the same bed as me now. I slammed the door and drove to work. Once again, not finding him there when I got home. I looked at the clock. Midnight. Kian still wasn’t home, and I hadn’t heard from him. I shouldn’t be surprised this was becoming normal for him. It seemed like five nights out of the week he was out with the boys until late and came home and went straight to bed. It made me mad, but it hurt me more than anything. I missed him. He was my main priority and I wasn’t feeling like I was one of his at all anymore. I typed out a million texts before I found the right words. “Kian, I’m not sure where you are, and I’m not sure you even care that I’m not there with you. It seems like all we can do lately is fight.. I just want to feel important to you. I miss you. I’ll be at Jessica’s house if you care.” I sighed as I hit send and jumped in my car and drove to my best friends house. I pulled into her driveway and she was waiting on the porch. She handed me a bottle of tequila and gave me a huge hug. “I thought maybe you needed something strong tonight.” She shrugged as I opened the bottle and put it to my lips. “You always know exactly what I need.” I smiled at her as we walked inside. Kian’s POV I pulled out my phone to check the time and saw that y/n had texted me. I sighed and opened it up and began to read it. My heart stopped after I read the text and I threw my phone across the room. She made me so fucking mad sometimes. She didn’t understand that I just needed to hang out with my boys sometimes. She’s always pouting and throwing fits trying to make me feel guilty. Jc walked up to me and handed me my shattered phone “What was the for dude?” He asked “y/n is trying to guilt me into coming home.” I snapped. “I don’t fucking understand why she gets so moody when I go out!” Jc looked at me like I was an idiot. “What?!” I snapped “well man, you’ve only gone out with us for the last five nights in a row, came home to dinner waiting on the stove for you, and the LOVE of your LIFE asleep in your bed after trying to wait up for you so she could actually spend time with you. Then by the time you wake up, she’s working or you start screaming at her because you’re hungover and grouchy.” I looked at him, “no, that’s not true! You don’t see the texts from her. She pouts because she doesn’t know where I am or when I’m coming home like she’s my damn mom or something.” I spout back. Jc just looked at me “or, “ he started “maybe she loves you and wants to spend quality time with you.” “I doubt it.” I growled as I walked away. It was 3:00 in the morning by the time we walked into our house. Expecting y/n to have been bluffing and be asleep in our bed I walk into the bedroom and crawl into bed. I reach over and go to pull her close to me and she’s not there. She’s actually not here. “JC” I scream “SHES GONE SHES NOT HERE WHAT DO I DO.” I’m drunk and I can feel myself panicking and losing my breath “breathe. I’m sure she’s just at a friends. She’ll come home tomorrow just go to bed. You’re too drunk to do anything tonight anyways” I sigh knowing he was right and crawl back into bed. Halfway through the night I’m still awake because somehow I can’t sleep in our bed without her there. I pull out my laptop and get on Facebook and message her “baby please come home, I’m so sorry. I broke my phone after I read your text last night I’ve been an ass please come home.” I hit send and go out and lay on the couch to try to get some sleep. I wake up a few hours later and check my computer, she read my message two hours ago but she didn’t answer me. Fuck. Which friends house did she say she was at? I can’t remember. Fuck. I get up and punch the wall as hard as I can. “I fucking suck” I mutter to myself. Your POV it’s been three days since I left my house. I’ve just been in my best friends bed sulking. Kian was losing his mind texting me, calling me and trying to FaceTime me. I didn’t answer any of them. Serves him right I thought. He does this to me every day. I rolled my eyes. Right as I put my phone down my best friend walked in. “Sweetie, I love having you here, but if you’re not leaving him, I think he’s suffered enough. I think you need to go home.” She said quietly. I knew she was right. I stood up and gave her a big hug. “Call me” she whispered. “Good luck.” “Thanks for everything.” I said as I headed out to my car. I pulled into my driveway as JC was pulling out. He gave me a soft smile and mouthed “I’m sorry” I smiled and nodded my head. “Me too” I answered. I opened the front door expecting to see a huge mess on the couch that was my drunk boyfriend but he wasn’t there. “Jc did you forget something?” He called from the bedroom. I paused and didn’t answer. My heart was in my stomach. I had no idea what he would do when he saw me, I didn’t know if I should expect angry Kian or the guy I fell in love with. I found out soon enough as he rounded the corner calling “Jc is that you?” Only for him to see me and run to me and pick me up crying. “You came home” he sobbed “I didn’t think I would ever see you again. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to take you for granted, I didn’t mean to make you feel unimportant you are literally the most important thing in my life. I thought you left me I thought you were gone.” He rambled as he held me closer than he had in a long time. “Kian all my stuff is here, why would you think I left without any of my stuff.” I pondered out loud. ”because I’m an idiot and treated you like shit and you haven’t talked to me in three days or came home in three days. I thought you just didn’t want anything that reminded you of me so you left all of you stuff and just left me.” He was still crying, and still holding me to his chest. He picked me up and carried me to the couch and sat me on top of his lap. He kissed me, gently at first and then passionately. “Never leave me again.” He whispered. “I need you.” “I won’t.” I answered. “I need you too Ki, that’s why I’ve been fighting you so much.. you’ve practically ignored me for a week now. I didn’t think you cared.” He pulled me closer, “I care more than anything, I’m so sorry, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.” I looked up at him, and noticed the hole in the wall behind us. “Uhh, Ki?” I asked gently “why is there a hole in the wall.” He buried his head ashamed, “I may have lost my mind without you.” He said quietly. “I broke my phone too.” “Baby,” I cooed, “you have to be careful you’re going to get hurt.” I said kissing the top of his head. “I know, I know.” He answered. “I’m sorry.” He apologized once again. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into our bedroom. “There’s one positive thing to come out of fighting..” I said biting my lip “what’s that?” He asked softly staring at my lips knowing full well what the answer was. I pulled him on top of me and pulled his shirt over his head. I kissed his neck and his chest until he flipped us over so I was on top. I kissed all the way down his body until I reached his jeans, I unzipped and slid them off and pulled out his penis and slipped it into my mouth. I missed him so much. He pulled me up and pulled off my dress revealing that I hadn’t bothered to put on a bra or underwear. “Fuck babe.” He groaned “you’re so fucking sexy” he slipped my breast into his mouth and gently bit on my nipple. He pulled the other one into his mouth and did the same thing. He kissed down my body until he got down to my pussy. He kissed my thighs and gently starting kissing my pussy. “Ki, I need you.” I groaned “soon princess soon.” He teased “no now.” I fired back. I needed to feel him fill me up. I craved him inside me. “I need to feel you inside me Kian please.” I begged some more knowing he couldn’t resist when I begged for him. With one smooth motion he slipped his dick inside me “fuck babe” and started pumping in and out passionately kissing every part of my body he could reach. “I love you y/n” he moaned as he filled my pussy with his hard cock. “I love you Kian Robert Lawley” I moaned loudly “fuck Kian! Harder!” I screamed. An hour later he collapsed on top of me breathlessly. He nuzzled his face into my neck and softly kissed the hickey that was starting to appear. “Mine.” He whispered possessively. “Yours.” I answered him. “Always.” We fell asleep like that and when I woke up he was already up. I walked into the kitchen and he had five dozen roses scattered along our countertop and a freshly made breakfast waiting for me at the table. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss “I love you Princess. Forever.”

[quetzalcoatlus-northropi]

i was tagged in one of them “choose this or that” memes by jamie and its under the cut so if youre on mobile im sorry you have to scroll through it all

1. Coke or Pepsi: i always pick coke but let me confess to you...... that i almost cant tell the difference and i also always pick the diet version of whatever the fuck is in the machine. like MAYBE the pepsi tastes slightly diluted for whatever reason compared to coke and that is the only difference i can detect. i also cant detect the difference between diet and regular

2. Disney or Dreamworks: uhhhhh neither except if you really count pixar movies as disney movies in which case i have to go with disney but like lion king? little mermaid? i dont have any nostalgia or anything for like The Disney Movies ALSO i just googled “dreamworks movies” and they made Saving Private Ryan what the fuck? (which ive never seen)

3. Coffee or tea: neither but if held at gunpoint then tea

4. Books or movies: i have like three books to read that i keep putting off but i also dont have the attention span/commitment necessary to watch movies on my own anymore. like i hate watching movies because you have to sit there so long. anyway books i didnt mean to imply anything negative about them

5. Windows or Mac: windows. i dont know shit. i dont know anything. the most confusing in the world is the row of icons at the bottom of a mac. i cant find anything and i dont know whats going on

6. DC or Marvel: my whole experience with superheroes has been the mcu but i also like matt fraction’s hawkeye (that i have never kept up with) so marvel

7. Xbox or PlayStation: playstation 1, playstation 3, and playstation 4. the game of life for the ps1 forever

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: luv em both but DA wrecks me more than ME and also aiming guns is really hard

9. Night owl or early riser: i can never stay up past 2:30 am without feeling nervous about cutting into my time thats supposed to be for the next day but i really love being awake in the dark. but i also like being awake before people become active. i only sleep like 7 hours so im able to rise early if i need to but also stay up late (or “late”) so i guess both but if i had to choose, night owl

10. Cards or chess: shit at both

11. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate as a flavor needs to be enjoyed sparingly for me and vanilla is just ubiquitous so i appreciate vanilla all the time and at the same time VERY appreciate chocolate but only some of the time. balanced

12. Vans or Converse: ive been converted to vans. actually one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to me was i was at YUL and the border agent that was working at the metal detector place was like “woah are those vans? awesome. no need to take off your shoes.” and the breakdown in the routine of youre-going-to-the-united-states-so-take-off-your-shoes disoriented me

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: you cant have any facial hair as an elf and i hate that so trevelyan

14. Fluff or angst: i havent seriously read fanfic in like a while but i guess angst

15. Beach or forest: luv going to the beach and being on the edge of the land

16. Dogs or Cats: im in a cat-person phase but not for all cats like i see a cat on my dash and im like yeah. thats good. but its not MY cat so only 3 stars. my cats are the absolute best and when i see em 10 out of 5 stars. but i also love dogs

17. Clear Skies or Rain: if im inside rain but if im outside i hate all precipitation

18. Cooking or eating out: i have no money but if i did id be buying prepared food all the time. cooking is ok but i dont have the patience to cook like big stuff like an entire meal of multiple food groups

19. Spicy food or mild food: my fave is when my eyes are watering and my nose is running also the kinds of spicy food ive tended to get in my life always include goat as an option and i love eating goats

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: winter because you get time off from school

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot (and no the winter coats and ACs are not an option): this is the worst choice in the world

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: teleportation always

23. Animation or Live action: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh animation i guess

24. Paragon or renegade? i cant be mean to people in a game where you have party members and consequences. paragon always

25. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? one condition: i get to take people with me. also how big can “anywhere” be like can i just answer “europe” but also i wanna go back to malaysia/indonesia and eat the food i missed out on because i was sick when we went back in like 2012

26. Which Mass Effect class do you play as? adept because i like to throw those scifi rasengans and i hate aiming guns 27. Roses or lilies? roses also rose syrup tastes good

28. Cold dessert or hot dessert? cold dessert always. whats an example of a warm dessert. just looked it up who the fuck would eat pudding hot and pies/crumbles are not that good. wouldnt eat a cake warm and brownies are alright

since theres a lot of bioware questions im tagging will @willryuji if u wanna do it

[vee-blackwell]

i got a bout of depression that hit tonight from not being distracted enough to avoid getting in my own head and i think i had too many bad thoughts about who i am VS family acceptance

my queer things, my interest things, my (lack of) set goals.

it hurt a lot to try and explain transgender things to my gramma while watching I Am Jazz, when talking about nonbinary people using “they/them” pronouns, she essentially said that if you dont use he/him or she/her then you have no gender “so you’re just nothing” which was just too close to home (literally) for me to hear as someone who doesnt feel anywhere close to any definition of gender, and am definitely not enough % to feel comfortable going on the male side of the binary.

that’s the hard part of that. it seems like it would be easier to tell her i’m bisexual or something (another term that doesnt really match me, but explaining asexuality or the differences between pansexual and bisexual self-identities is another thing thats hard to do with an 86 year old woman). but then what if it changes how she asks me about anyone i hang out with or makes weird assumptions about my relationships?

but at the same time, in watching this show with her, where she’s trying her best to be open-minded and learn about transgender people via watching I Am Jazz, she starts asking me to explain things in the show. not in a negative way, again, shes trying to understand which is more than i could hope for other 80+ year old grandparents. but then she asks me how i know so much about transgender people and issues they face when its things she doesnt expect people i know in real life, close to me, to have dealt with yet. and i have to play the “Educated Ally” instead of the “Depressed, Closeted Transperson” and hope she doesnt go from asking about my friends that are out to wondering about me. because it just makes me fearful of being in another time period of living in an abusive and unsupportive / negligent household where i never feel safe and im constantly arguing with my family. and i dont need that, or even to feel like im risking getting to that point again

i at least want to feel like i wouldnt be kicked out of the house and become homeless, or stop getting money from my family if i came out at all... but how many other transpeople had the same thoughts and were totally wrong? my mom who watched some of the show with us today almost immediately misgendered one of the transgirls on the show, talking about how **she (i dont want to misgender even by quoting my mom) clearly didnt have hormone blockers as long as Jazz because **her voice had changed. and it’s like, alright, she uses a feminine name, looks like any other normal high school girl, and has been working to try and get her voice to pass better, and it’s still so easy for ignorant people like my mom to pick up on that one thing they feel doesn’t fit right and just misgender someone immediately. and it’s worrisome. because i know how easy it is for “the average adult” around my mom’s age to miss the point entirely on how someone works to transition and making their own personal choices

...

im just queer and tired and fearful. my mind screaming at me “do SOMEthing” every time i wake up is like the echo of a broken record player that’s playing somewhere i can barely hear it. so i do something. i get a food. i grab a game. i grab my phone for games. i grab a video, or a game tutorial, or ANOTHER computer game, or i go on social media sites. and i do all these empty “SOMEthings” to mute the bad thoughts like the ones above. the ones that both overwhelm me into submission and also make me numb to any emotions.

i get bored of the phone game, the magickarp jump cooldown timers are all that’s left.

i get bored of harvest moon, after realizing that i was 1 floor away from the bottom of the mines last time i get frustrated. do i go back for it again and make the long boring trek, or do i go back to grinding cooking recipes so i can finally make that god damn tempura meal? each day passes as quickly or as stagnantly as i please thanks to my emulator. freeze time and do my daily farm chores, use the inventory item dupe glitch to keep stocked every gift item i need to give everyone, show everyone on the local islands my pets for bonus friendship points, unfreeze time so that the one fisherman character will finally show up to talk to and i give him his daily gift and show him my dog, i go fishing with frozen or unfrozen time as i choose. the day is done. time for the next one.

i get bored of the computer games that both tantalize me into playing them because i love them and want the mental stimulation, yet the other screens beckon to me stronger, and i sit on the 3 blue hellsites, toggling between them in mixed intervals.

i get bored of neopets, because it is after midnight and its the 3rd day in the row i forgot to do my dailies. god DAMMIT i’m never going to get trudy’s shitty 30 day bonus spin for those 100k neopoints if i keep this up. i go onto the help boards, and bump up the lottery board. copy and paste my old post, add the moneybag emoticon and congrats the winners. short list gives the UNs. long list gets generalized. the regular group of lottery players and bumpers congratulate and recognize each other, making the odd chat message about their lives. this is as far as i chat on the neoboards now because i have no social energy otherwise to talk to other neopets friends about how life is still depressing, and trying to speak around the child filters and character limits.

i go to my mom’s room, its hard to predict if she’ll be home at 5 pm or 8 pm or 11 pm or gone to her shitty boyfriend’s house. it had been GTA V. then crash bandicoot warped (ps3 port). and now skyrim with the DLC. i play it as i spend my life, there are markers telling me where i should go for quests to progress, yet i wander aimless around the world finding something more interesting to explore until i finally remember what i meant to do. my mom comes home, and i ask if she wants me to get out so she can sleep. she says its fine, and leaves the lamp on shining on her bed. it becomes after midnight, my gramma scolds me for staying in there when my mom is sleeping. while i agree, my hyperfocus is hard to break, and it still takes me more time than it should to simply save and quit in the middle of my doing nothing of importance in the game that i play for the middle of my doing nothing of important in my life.

i eat wherever i spend my activity. TV tray by my bed at all times now, my propel bottle sways like a top heavy asshole everytime its moved. the tissue box takes up space for food, but everytime i move it on my bed its either in the way or not close enough to use when i need it. my nose is still almost ready to bleed from the dry summer air. im still dehydrated because i lack the ability to remember to drink the juice, milk, or propel bottles within arms reach.

it’s 3 am, or probably later. i ask joey if it’s time to sleep. i take my melatonin, we both brush our teeth and say goodnight. am i lying to him again this night, and apologizing and saying i’ll do it for real? this could happen twice before the guilt takes over and i either cave and do it for real, or stay awake focused on my daily nothingness distractions.

on the days its 5 am or later, my mom wakes for work. we talk about the cat. we always talk about the cat. sometimes she says her work is shit and that shes in pain. things that are obvious. she leaves for work and says goodnight to me in the hopes i go to sleep soon.

i sleep. around 11 am to 1 pm is around the time i get woken for my medications. anxiety, depression, birth control pill (1 daily for 3 weeks at a time). i have to eat and drink with it, so its something simple. on bad days i fall back asleep for over an hour. like a sloth, i drag the tray of food to me, resting the plate or bowl on my bed to eat as i stay laying down. sitting up means i feel more obligated to stay awake after this. i finish the food, drink, and my pills, and shove the tray back against my closet, and lie back down in bed forcing myself to sleep.

it becomes anywhere from 3 pm to 5 pm, on bad days its 6 and later. i lay in bed after waking up maybe two or three other times from sweating, or tossing and turning with bad dreams or being awake enough that i could get up, but unmotivated or too depressed to get up and have to be awake for that much more time. i crawl to the computer first, turning off my nightly music and going online on steam. just so whoever cares knows im awake. i go adjust the thermostat as both i need as well as what wont freeze my gramma to death (or at least to complaining for hours). i say that i dont know what i want for food. she offers a suggestion, and i say sure. i return to my room until food is brought to me, and i grab juice or milk to have with my meal. it probably gets cold if it was meant to be eaten hot.

i get a food. i grab a game. i grab my phone for games. i grab a video, or a game tutorial, or ANOTHER computer game, or i go on social media sites. and i do all these empty “SOMEthings” to mute the bad thoughts like the ones above. the ones that both overwhelm me into submission and also make me numb to any emotions. the pattern repeats.

...

this has been Vee Life Simulator. sorry. no refunds.