#sorry if its incoherent

[quanblovk]

before i go to sleep, i just gotta hit y'all with this random Uther fact again:

During the early days of Halcandra when they were first settling, baby Mordred would be put in the very first kindergarten Sir Uther personally founded.

Ever since then, Mordred rarely got to see his adopted fatehr's face. Sometimes he'd be left there over night.

For Arthur however, Uther even let him stay at home all day to spend more quality bonding time together! And he was always early to pick up his son after work!

[pm-00]

Pepito got so doomed the moment he got assigned one surviving parents of each dead egg. It's so evil, so fucking tragic. So much of what Quackity, Roier and Mariana have done has been influenced by Tilín, Bobby and JuanaFlippa's death. Sunny has Slime and Empanada has Jaiden. But Pepito got dealt the worst hand and it's not his fault or theirs, it's just the worst possible time. Mariana got lost following Flippa, and he knew that wasn't Flippa but even the spark of hope was enought to make him risk everything. Roier had lost the people he loved the most when he met Pepito, fresh out of purgatory, never quite over Bobby's death, dedicating day and nights to building the city that was his son's dying wish. Quackity lost everything and he wants to be death, even saying that would be a favor to him. But they still sing songs for him and give him nicknames, they are full of love, it's just that their children died, do you think he hopes they'll love him like that someday?

[beej-hunnicutt]

Stevie and I got into a Potter Ramble, which made me think of this and I just— Potter was a kid that joined WW1. The story has changed with the shows inconsistencies. But from ages 15-18 is the idea of when he joined. He talked about lying about his age to get in. And this is his response to a news reporter who came in to ask them their feelings, and the first screen was their question to him, and the bottom is his response.

I cannot stress enough the importance of Potter's POV that we were given throughout the show. We were giving an old RA man coming to terms as he's seen more, and has gotten older, things just aren't as they seem. And Potter is by no means perfect, he still sees some glory in what he has done. I think back a LOT to his dream in S08E22 'Dreams' when you see he's riding on the horse (he was in the cavalry back in the day) and he hits the grenade and that causes fireworks to go off. That is still apart of him— I expect that from an old dog like him. But he doesn't let that fully shape his views.

Like, these other moments are things that stand out for how much his own views has changed, there is a lot more. As there are plenty of other times he's fallen into the idea of the character is sad and burnt out from the hardships of the wars and what he has seen, but then there are also times where he let's Hawk speak his mind and allowing Hawk's own form or rebellion. (Potter is the CO btw) but I digress.

Two that REALLY stood out to me, aside from the screen cap one above are:

Potter makes sure to clarify this isnt a Police Action, It is a War. Even saying something along the lines of, 'just as much of a war as any other I've been to'. I think there is something so strong abt him being RA and seeing him rlly making sure to callout the U.S.' bullshit on this. He's been through these type of things. No it never gets easy. But he has seen it all. And especially with the KW, how U.S. were able to justify sticking our noses in places is shouldn't have been is something that could be talked about for awhile.

Another part, when they're talking about Christmas and he makes a toast along the lines of 'the christmas we should have been home by'. This one fills me with so much dread. Seeing his own opinions really change as he gets older and as more he sees and I really like they made sure to have HIM be the one to say it. Especially as KW, had 158 Peace Talk-esque meeting over the span of 3 years, it makes sense that this would be a moment that is reflected upon in the show. As they also bring up peace talks that lead to nowhere throughout the show.

One additional one is when he talks about the phrase of WWI, how it's the 'War to End All Wars' and how clearly that just wasn't true. This one is a lil more fuzzy, as I don't quite remember the rest of the scene but I think of this too. So this is gonna be more of a ramble than a talk of Potter. But that being a phrase from WWI is absolutely beyond me, because we know how that'll never be true. It's even more of a punch in the gut when the series reminds the viewers, and alludes to the Vietnam War. Which as the time of the show, was happening and was recently ended by the time the show had. But a war that is barely even a decade after the Korean War. The irony of a statement like that. It causes such a dreadful feeling.

I just really love Potter's character. And he is a definite favorite of mine. And I think he just offers a lot of reflections and from a rather POV than we usually see (the draftee doctors). While both are incredibly, I appreciate that they made sure to have an approach like Potter's as we did not get that when Henry was leader.

Also ending it with this. Because though he's dressed a lil goofy, it still pulls at me heart. Especially the look in his eyes in the last gif.

(screenshot credit, feuer-bluete || gif credit, lucindadixon)

[draconisvesperi]

Wanderer / Scaramouche musings

Genshin 3.3 Interlude Quest spoilers beneath the cut

I have spent some time pondering over what Scaramouche erasing his existence as The Balladeer and Kabukimono means. Obviously we can see in the quest that Wanderer led a new life, one where he was faced mostly with the good side of humanity (and this is a rare occurrence - he had good luck for once, it seems) and was therefore trusting, and not inclined to dislike humanity.

What I'm mostly interested in, is how he ends up not erasing anything of significance. The people don't remember him anymore, and that is about the only thing he manages to change. The events didn't change. The fates of the people whom he tried to save did not change. Furthermore, he failed entirely to erase his past selves.

The Balladeer he becomes again in some way, for he gets his memories and experiences back. It is true that he is a changed Balladeer, because he added to all the life experiences, betrayals, anger, and grief of that existence is the peaceful and largely uneventful, if still lonely and forsaken, life that he led as The Wanderer.

So he is an improved Balladeer, collecting within himself two different, contrasting experiences - he has seen the good side and the bad side, has within him the 'good' self and the 'bad' self. (I use these terms for self with some caution because I don't want to end up classifying him as either good or bad - neither Scaramouche of old or Wanderer of new. But I use these terms for ease of referencing his different selves.)

It's also obvious that he no longer wishes to enact revenge upon humanity - something arising both from his learning that one of the betrayal's was a lie, and also presumably his experience of humanity as the Wanderer. We see also that he 'regains' a lot of his personality and sass from his Balladeer self.

I see this in two ways - the Wanderer was very much a 'blank slate'. We see him being nice but its uncanny. Maybe that's just because we're used to see him being, well, Scaramouche - need I say more? The sunsettia picking Wanderer is so far removed from Scaramouche that is feels weird. But also I think it's because he doesn't have nearly as much personality, which I feel The Balladeer's past mostly shaped.

We know that in his life as Kabukimono and Balladeer, Scarmaouche interacted with people to some degree - he was close to them, even, before it was taken away. People taught him how to human. His traumatic experiences even would have shaped his personality. I feel like his overtly aggressive self probably was a defense mechanism of some sort - but however it came to be, it was him - it was a part of him. Wanderer just didn't have that - he didn't have the life-shaping experiences Scaramouche did. He drifted aimlessly and learnt how to 'human', but it feels like his personality was still subdued - he had not the forcefulness of his previous life. When he reembraces his Scaramouche self, we see this come back - he is 'himself' once more.

And that brings me to the thing that struck me the most - the second name he once bore that he erased from Irminsul - Kabukimono.

What is Kabukimono? A name given him by the people of Tatarasuna in the long past, true. But more importantly, it describes him. Eccentric. Wearing the odd clothes and acting the odd way. No one knows where he came from. He doesn't have a name, so he accepts the one they used to describe him - Kabukimono.

What is the Wanderer now, after he remembers his Balladeer self? Isn't he a Kabukimono all over again? No one remembers his existence - the most they remember of him is an aimless, nameless wanderer. He does funny things and has eccentric mannerisms (we see this pointed out by the Merchant, for a quick example) and he does his own thing and just... he's 'weird', right?

(I don't use this word negatively, and again I use it with hesitation - let us define 'weird' as not conforming to society's definition of 'normal' and 'acceptable' behaviours.)

And now after he has accepted that past version of himself, I think this will only be exaggerated - and we do see it, some of it, in his demo. He is still an aimless wanderer, no kin and no name of his own, but he is confident in his ways and I would assume thinks little of humans. I wouldn't say he dislikes them as Scaramouche of old did, but he certainly doesn't seem like he would mingle in normal society - Wanderer didn't either, as far as we can tell.

At the end of the day, he is a Kabukimono all over again - but this time the people (or the Traveler, I suppose) pick a different name for him, and so he shrugs and takes it like he took the moniker of old.

[amaris-the-panda]

Why do I feel guilty for having to call out again for feeling sick. It's the third day I've done it. It's gotten harder to call in each time. Why does my brain try and convince me they all hate me for calling out and being sick.

I hate this. I hate feeling guilty for being sick. Something I literally can't control.

Some days I really, really, really do hate my brain and the way it functions.

[chiricat]

ryomina demons are winning

[constablequodo]

Honestly, there's something about the sheer horror on Spock's face when he thinks he's killed Kirk in amok time that always hits me like a fucking truck.

Now, I know this discussion probably isn't anything new to the spirk community, but jesus christ. Every time I watch that scene, I go from "Oh my god this is so gay. How the hell did the writers and production team not look at shatner and nimoy rolling around in the sand together and go 'yeah seems totally heterosexual' " to "Oh my god. This is so fucking sad."

The pure horror and shock on Spock's face when he snaps out of the fever and realises what he's done (or what he thinks he's done) is so....AAAA

I can't even put into words how it makes me feel, it just makes me so not normal about the show and those two as a whole all over again.

He thought he'd KILLED HIM. BY HIS OWN HAND. DURING A PROCESS HE SEEMED TO BE VERY ASHAMED TO TALK ABOUT AND HE SMILED WHEN HE SAW KIRK ALIVE AND AJAJSJ-

[regular-dog]

Hey @five-rivers, happy truce! I decided to go with your prompt about danny attending a cultural ritual or event, and themed it around the far frozen. My explanation for it got a little longwinded so I've included it under a read more, along with a little extra art!

(tumblr’s probably gonna crunch all of these up a bit, so click for better quality)

I'll be honest, I haven't actually thought out the exact details of what this event would be, just the broad strokes - I tend to gravitate towards food as a source of celebration in my own worldbuilding, and I guess that bled through here as well in the form of “ice = water = probable fish based diet = important fish event?”

During drafting I couldn’t really decide between “event centred around observing fish migration and/or other seasonal habits” or “Danny being invited to come fishing with Frostbite and the other yeti”, but honestly I think either of those would probably fit. Originally I had planned to have one or two yeti characters swimming around with him to make the piece more dynamic, but a surprise attack from a migraine kind of cut into my plans a bit and I decided to downsize.

...at least until I got annoyed by the lack of a visible ghost friend in the piece and decided to paint a “small” “”extra”” “””doodle””” which rapidly turned into a whole other Thing,

There are shockingly few ghost fish in the show, apparently, or at least I could neither remember nor find images online of any examples, so I just kind of winged it. Their design is partially inspired by a short story you wrote a while back, although I ended up drifting away from the zebrafish motif as I was drafting them. I started thinking of them as maskfish as a stand-in name, and then promptly forgot to think of a better one, so. Maskfish it is. Here's some random notes I made while conceptualising them, because I constantly have specbio on the brain and couldn't not think about it

Maskfish flesh turns an opaque pale colour when cooked, and remains translucent when raw

Their eyes are covered in a clear, hard exterior, and can be hollowed out and sterilised for use in various crafts; along similar lines I could also see their bones being used to make glues, paints, and other such resources.

Their cores are located at the top of the spinal cord, in the head; their mouths are located on the underside, beneath the "mask", which makes up the entire top part of the head, and is a singular piece of a shell-like material.

Though they aren't particularly agressive hunters, they also aren't picky about their food, and will generally eat anything smaller than themselves.

Aaand finally, here's a bunch of isolated scans, since procreate ate a lot of the fine details in the collaging process.

[solarsleepless]

easily one of my fav parts of season 3 of sweet tooth was just showing how feral and fucked up becky is. like, she's a child soldier. she's hung by her wrists but all she needs is about half a minute and she's out of them. the reaction of that one dude when it's revealed she killed last men? fucking priceless. god i love my feral girl. my fucked up lil dude

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I know we’ve all been calling Eddie‘s moustache, his gay moustache and I’m as guilty of it as the next person, but the reality is moustache he’s gave far more symbolism than being gay - in fact the gay moustache is actually a very recent thing (the 1970’s!) and an intentional movement by the gay community to subvert cultural stereotypes.

You see the moustache has been symbolic throughout history. They have been symbols of wisdom (think long Chinese moustaches), status (in parts of rajput India, historically only those of an upper caste could wear a moustache so it was associated with being ‘higher born’) and in Europe and America it was a symbol of masculinity and male virility. Indeed many European armies required officers and often enlisted men to wear moustaches. So its association with the military is long founded (apart from the equipment only allowing moustaches, it’s also a part of the reason firefighter swear them - because it is a male dominated career and therefore the moustache is a symbol of masculinity) and predates the moustache as a symbol of queerness.

All of this combined with Eddie diaz having one at this point in time is so interesting, especially because we now know that he’s going to symbolically shave it off on screen as a part of his emotional arc.

Eddie growing a moustache in the aftermath of the Shannon/Kim of it all - the fact Eddie has clearly not dealt with loosing Shannon or his grief, and there is a lot of other emotions and things tied up in dealing with that grief is super important. Eddie growing a moustache is him expressing his masculinity - tying himself to his heteronormative relationship and his military past.

To Eddie right now - his military past is when he had Shannon - it’s when he had a ‘complete family’. He isn’t seeing the cracks in the walls or the fact the foundation is made of quicksand. He isn’t able to see that his In his mind that is when he was happy and that is why he can’t grieve. Which is why he’s grown a moustache - because he’s clinging to his masculinity and the time when he felt he had control over his life.

It is essentially Eddie breakdown 2.0 and in the same way breakdown 1.0 came with a new haircut, but ultimately allowed him to process and deal with part of his trauma, breakdown 2.0 is likely to be the same thing. This time, likely dealing with Shannon and very likely the fact that she was essentially a ‘beard’ for him (even if he wasn’t fully cognisant of it at the time - I genuinely believe he loves(d) Shannon - but I also believe she enabled him to not have to look at himself too closely and keep himself in the closet) so shaving off that moustache is symbolic of shedding his beard (because he’s a firefighter and cannot have a full beard) and embracing his true authentic self.

So Eddie’s moustache is a symbol of his queerness - but only when he shaves it off.

[seriousbrat]

this says a lot about Snape's character development for me. There are many parallels drawn throughout the series between Harry and Snape; obviously, they're very different characters but there are similarities too.

I think here Snape is talking about himself. The teenaged Snape we see in the Pensieve is very much like this- emotional, heart on his sleeve, easily provoked, a definite wallower in sad memories... weak. Adult Snape, though he retains some of these characteristics that do emerge in stressful moments (in PoA we see how angrily he reacts to Sirius's escape, for instance) on the whole is a great deal more thoughtful, reserved, calculating, measured.

I think that Snape at some point had to force himself to become this. I think he actually relates to Harry here, and is giving him advice based on personal experience. In my fic he begins to learn to control his emotions partially out of a desire to protect Lily; he's fully aware that she's his weakness (or really, his strength, viewed a different way) and that openly displaying any sort of emotion towards her at all makes her vulnerable to the likes of Avery and Mulciber, who will have the perfect weapon to get to him if they want to.

Severus doesn't have the advantages of his peers, he's not pureblood, he wasn't born into money. If he wants to join the Death Eaters and rise in their ranks, he needs to be subtle, cunning, careful. he can't afford to be careless and entitled like mulciber or bellatrix or even sirius. what he's got to offer isn't his name or his money, it's his sheer talent and cleverness. moving on:

When Voldemort decides to go after Lily this becomes even more important. Imo the reason why Voldemort believes that Snape only "desired" Lily is because that's what Snape told him. He lied to Voldemort's face and told him something probably disgusting tbh because that's the only way Voldemort would accept it and agree, if it was a selfish, callous request that Voldemort could understand. We can see evidence of this here:

Asking Voldemort to spare a mudblood because he was in love with her would likely not have gone over well- and as we know, Voldemort actually bore his request in mind, though obv didn't give enough of a fuck about Snape to follow through. Because although asking voldemort to spare her must have taken serious balls, Snape's mistake here was trusting someone inherently selfish to do something selfless for him.

Clearly he immediately realises this and goes to Dumbledore, which is when controlling his emotions becomes of paramount importance, because now he's working against perhaps the most highly accomplished legilimens of all time.

It's also interesting to me that Snape in this conversation is probably the character who is most forthright and informative with Harry in the whole of OotP until Dumbledore at the end; Harry actually learns a lot in this conversation. And Snape also kind of gives him credit which is interesting too:

like for Snape that's high praise lmao. A shame because if he wasn't so bitter (i.e. didn't wear his heart on his sleeve so much around harry) then he might have actually been pretty helpful to Harry and a decent teacher. Again, during the Occlumency lessons his unrestrained emotion brought up by memories of James is a hindrance. He defies Dumbledore's orders to teach Harry Occlumency because of his emotional response to SWM, as well as honestly doing kind of a shit job before that (by not being empathetic and teaching Harry in a way that would've been actually productive.)

At this point Dumbledore believes that Harry learning Occlumency and controlling his emotions is of vital importance; he turns out to be wrong about this. In Harry's case, it turns out to be his emotional nature that saves him- unlike Snape, who is the opposite. Snape's journey is about learning that some things are more important than his selfish need to give into his own emotions.

By DH Snape's learned this lesson fully; his old hatred for James doesn't stop him from doing what has to be done, from giving Harry the tools he needs. Even in the final moments of his life, he can look past James and see Lily in Harry- and, by giving Harry the information that leads to his self-sacrifice, he can let her go.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i don't know what order to start Dissecting, so i'll just start with:

it's absolutely fascinating how the dynamic Wally & Barnaby had - to my knowledge - before the update, and a dynamic i'd seen speculated elsewhere and generally accepted, has been completed turned on its head

see, given that Wally is the "main character" and Barnaby is classified as "his best friend", i got the feeling that Barnaby kind of... tags along on Wally's 'shenanigans'. that he's the sidekick, the best friend. especially since their dynamic has been previously & briefly described as "Barnaby is very polite to Wally." he's the Companion.

but the audios sorta paint a reverse picture. in the Interview, when Barnaby enters stage right, he completely bowls over Wally's introduction and dominates the interview. when the interviewer asks how the two of them are handling the fame, even outright asking Wally, Barnaby doesn't hesitate to answer the question himself, and only about himself. Wally doesn't get another word in edge-wise until the interviewer explicitly singles Wally out.

(now, an argument could be made that Barnaby knew that Wally was somewhat overwhelmed with all of the questions, and tried to take the reins to give him a reprieve. but, considering that the interview seems to be very early on the possible timeline - like, very soon after Welcome Home debuted - i don't think this is likely. i doubt Barnaby and Wally would've had the time to solidify their dynamic or really get to know each other that well yet)

and Barnaby continues to take point in pretty much all of their other conversations, too. like in the mystery Howdy/Barnaby/Wally audio, their interaction gives off the vibes that Wally is Barnaby's sidekick, his tag-along.

(on a related tangent, it's fascinating how the website described the episodes as "[beginning] with Wally introducing the focus or theme for the day before coming across other characters who would join him on his escapades until the end of the day." but from pretty much everything we've seen so far, it seems like He's the one who's just along for the ride, bouncing from neighbor shenanigan to neighbor shenanigan instead of having his own adventures.

of course, if the 14 audios are present time, which is honestly somewhat likely, this could be because the show isn't running. they aren't doing episodes - they're just existing, doing their things. no need for Wally to take point in any way shape or form. tangent over)

in the 14 audios with Barnaby, he doesn't even acknowledge Wally until the very end - which, of course, could be because that's how the scenes are set up. except that in some of them, the characters do directly acknowledge Wally's presence outside of the endings. Eddie in 5-14, Howdy and Poppy in 1-14, and Frank in 4-14 (technically, since he was infodumping to Wally at the very start before Barnaby interrupted). you'd think that a guy would try to include his best friend a little more!

maybe i'm reading into it too much. & given what we know about Wally as a character, it would make sense for Barnaby to be the go-getter Main Guy of the two. but it really seems like its Barnaby & Wally instead of Wally & Barnaby. he's just kinda... there. going along with whatever Barnaby is up to.

but also, on the other side of things - & it's occurring to me as i type this, it's interesting how in a lot of audios, Barnaby seems to seek Wally out. in "Just So", he shows up to fetch Wally. in 4-14, Barnaby interrupts Frank and Wally's gardening session, almost as if he's stopping by to check on his little buddy. in 7-14, Barnaby calls Julie's house (presumably) searching for Wally, or at least checking in once again. something to consider in all of this!

[hyperrealisticblood]

if you are making a psychological horror project with puppets you have to include some homosexual nonsense or else the president of yaoi will send one hundred (100) armed guards to your location and theyll execute you publicly. examples of what i am talking about

[skunkes]

I might be stupid but is Al, Smunker, and Talon togetherrrr. Like a polycule or are they having a secret 3rd thing? Sorry if the answer is obvious jdjdj

theyre together! au (?) for cheye's survival

(general info doodle i made a few months ago) (i say au but idk it could become permanent in my daydream zone, Talon is meant to have his own canon but I like him too much and am bad at writing plots)

This is still a fairly recent development so the current needed-SOME-foundation lore is:

talon and al were as together as talon would allow at the time (so not really) but he liked Al most even amidst his anxieties about men. He leaves for a long while with no contact once he realizes he's getting toooooo comfortable with al, comes back for another round of comfort and gets attached again to both the guy he knew AND the guy's boyfriend

I dont think Talon actually likes being referred to as boyfriend by either of them, nor would he refer to them as his boyfriends, but the attachment and "role" is still there and that's what they loosely consider him (i have to explore this further, theres still a lot i dont know abt him) while also knowing he could just decide to leave again if he so wishes

[kurishiri]

ok but like in all srsness, this actually can be the problem

(aka a couple of thoughts on Elbert🍎 and neurodivergence probably. minor spoilers about his character that’s shown in his own route maybe, but there are like no actual major story spoilers. it’s mainly just me rambling.)

like I get that this scene is like, you know, kinda a tiny comedic bit like “oh we have this problem” but another person’s like kinda out of tune with everything and then there’s that slapstick interjection of “that’s not the problem right now!” — by the way, this sort of retort (?) is an example of something like what’s called a [ツッコミ] (tsukkomi) in Japanese, a common form of comedy in animanga. and, when it comes to 🍎’s character, I think part of his comedy comes from how “out of tune” he can be while also hinting at his neurodivergence.

his perception on what is beautiful is like absolutely fvcked to the point it’s funny with how much he has to ask Al “is this beautiful” for like everything he lays his eyes on. he has like a “strange sense of (physical) distance,” like e.g. he may burst your personal bubble, even if he doesn’t intend to. he hates being touched by others. and now, here, his problem is that his environment is too loud or noisy, and so he says “stop shouting…” despite the whole situation, i.e. he likely struggles with overstimulation or sensory issues, to which Kate responds “that’s not the problem here!”

but, I think it’s valid for 🍎 to have as much of a problem with this, for this to be the problem for him. and to Kate, it may seem like he is not prioritizing properly, or he doesn’t care much about the mission, but when something is overstimulating, it can be hard to focus on what you “should be focusing on.”

[fatmaclover]

theres something to be said about how mac still holds such a childish adoration for his parents after such a long time. how literally its shown to us by the fact that

mac always slicked his hair back as a child, when he still had contact with his father

he stops doing this into adulthood, but later in life, once mac interacts with his father again, he starts slicking his hair back again

he doesnt stop. slicking his hair back. until his own father walks out during his coming out performance. the guy he put it on for. only after that does he completely stop styling his hair that way

not to mention the constant refusal that his mom (and dad) could be anything but perfect, the way hes so desperate to do good by them, viewing them as the way to measure his success...

and. yeah thats. something.

the internal denial that his parents treated him poorly, the fact that its his primary instinct to deny that his parents suck, the constant dismissal of his own issues relating to family because his whole life hes been told that "other people have it worse". the way hes internalized that so hard. the way it takes his dad walking out on macs coming out performance to him for mac to stop blindly idolizing some guy whos threatened to kill him

the constant fear of his own father, while also believing him to be the coolest bestest guy ever. the way he always assumes his father is gonna get violent when actually talking to him, but sings nothing but praises when away from him

the fact that he still calls his dad "daddy" even.

i mean you cant really blame him for not fully growing up in some areas huh

its not even that i think he doesnt know that his parents treat him horribly, it just really seems like he wants so badly to believe thats not the case from years of having his cries for help ignored or made fun of. he cant have been treated poorly, because charlie was treated poorly, and his baggage isnt nearly as bad as charlies, so clearly macs home life wasnt bad.

i think thats proven most of all by his frustration with his own family at times, it really feels like theres some underlying issues. they can very quickly manifest as frustration and anger, but honestly its probably mostly sadness. the way he reacts to his own mother really reminds me of how i interact with family members i have grudges with but have to pretend i dont. im not actually angry at any of these people, im mostly just exhausted by them.

he very clearly is still aware of the neglect he faced as a kid, to me. he knows his home life was severely fucked up, hes just never been able to express that, so hes coped by just. pretending that it didnt happen.

and realistically i dont know if he could ever properly acknowledge that his home life was fucked and his parents suck. maybe hed acknowledge that his dad sucks now, but it wouldnt have been that bad when he was a kid and wasnt a fag. right? he was loved then. his mom still did a great job raising him, and he really loves her, and he was raised with all the love and care a child needs.