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supersoldiersruined-me · 5 years

Note

for the I love you prompts, stucky x reader 28?

A/N: Here’s something a little sad and angsty. It doesn’t involve the description of actual death. I missed writing short drabbles. Italics are flashbacks.

# 28: When I am dead

“Steve, leave her alone man!” You hear Bucky shout from the other end of the lawn to your defense. Tears of laughter slide down your cheeks as Steve proceeds with his vicious attack. Luckily, the park is nearly empty. Your screams would have earned a prompt visit from the police. Some passersby eye you down as you’re wiggling in his tight embrace.

“Not in a million years!” He’s towering over you even with his frail figure, tickling your sides like a madman - a part of your body you know is now covered in bruises. An unexpected kick of your knee hits him right in the nuts, which has him convulsing next to you.

“Shit shit. I’m sorry Stevie!” Your hands come to cover your mouth as you kneel next to him not knowing what to do. He’s spinning over like firemen had taught you to do at a school safety assembly, his hands on his crotch and his groans loud as if he was actually on fire.

“He can walk it off, Y/N. He deserved it quite frankly,” Bucky adds with a laugh as he walks closer to examine his best friend. He has no trouble turning him around and pulling him up to his feet. The poor boy is still crouching with pain. “See, ts’all good!” Bucky pulls you by your shoulders and sets a sweet kiss to the top of your head as you keep your eyes on Steve’s wincing face.

“Steve I’m so-”

“Leave it, Y/N. I’m fine,” he says as he tries to hold himself straight, waving his hand your way to stop whatever you where trying to do with yours. You can hear the hurt in his voice, and you’re sure it wasn’t just from the roaring ache you had physically caused him. Bucky’s still next to you, giving you a sheepish smile that says you should drop trying to comfort him.

Steve had always been stubborn when it came to whatever you did with him. Whether it was something fun, loving or even something people did naturally towards their friends. Anything physical had him wanting to disappear. As soon as you and Bucky had caught on to the hidden feelings you had for each other, he had slowly pushed himself aside, even after the numerous discussions of a possible polyamorous relationship you had. You blamed yourself for ‘stealing’ him away from his first love, but then again, he was the one trying so hard to stay away.

“Come on now, let’s grab something to eat. It’s Drive-in night, and their shit is expensive. Better fill our stomachs first.” With one hand now tangled with yours and the other rubbing circles over his chest, Bucky begins to walk towards the nearest rail line. You reach back, offering your free hand to Steve, which he accepts with a groan. You smile back at him, but he turns his gaze to the street, unable to look you in the eyes as a red hue creeps on his cheeks at the thought of three people holding hands publically. What felt right was wrong, and Steve was not one to mess with the unknown.

–

“Can you imagine just how bad things were? And we thought we had it all…” Steve remanaces as he’s unpacking some of his old boxes in his and Bucky’s private living room. A picture of the three of you at Stark Expo almost cripples in his big hand.

“Can you imagine what a dumbass you were?” They both chuckle at Bucky’s remark, Steve sets the picture aside so he can frame it later. With a sigh of annoyance, Bucky stands up and heads towards the hall to the common kitchen. “Want me to bring you anything?”

Steve simply shakes his head ‘no’ as his mind begins to delve into a stack of old, war-era envelopes. Bucky shrugs in return and swiftly exits the room.

Most of them are still sealed with pretty coloured wax, which is one more clue to how far back these dated. “Letters from Brooklyn?” He’s whispers to himself as he tries to remember why these would be addressed to him, with the address of the head of the New York department. His mom had died much before he even started to lie his way into the 107th. His dad would have never done such a sappy thing.

He sits back, resting against the leg of the couch as he begins to tear open the top of the letters, not wanting to break the pretty wax stamps. The room becomes small, warm, as his mind slowly suffocates when he begins to read the first line.

/ To my dearest Steven,

I still find it hard to wake up these days, when I know that you are out there, lost perhaps, alone. /

Steve feebly sets the letter away and tears another as his eyes begin to blur.

/ To Steven Rogers, my hero

It has been over three months now since I last saw you. Bucky’s letters say he has not seen or heard from you. I hope you’re safe and well taken care of. /

He cannot bring himself to read the entirety of the notes, unable to bare with the fact that you had been writing to him all those years, while he was out there becoming the world’s biggest experiment. He opens the last few ones and places them side by side on the ground. His hands want to dig holes in his thighs as he reads parts of them quickly. Tears fall onto the old paper, spoiling the ink as the droplets spread easily in the dry material.

/ Please, I need to hear from you./

/ If you won’t talk to me, at least let Bucky know you’re okay./

/ I hope I can see you again./

All of the letters end with you hoping to see him again. Wishing he wasn’t trapped in some alley, getting beat up by some bullies. Steve hadn’t noticed, until now, how deeply you loved him and how you never even have to say the sacred words.

“How did these get in my box?” Steve screams although he doesn’t mean wrong. His emotions are skyrocketing as he’s burdened with too much information. The process would be hard and long and for now his basic instincts wanted him to be defensive.

Bucky shoots his hands in the air, taken aback by the sudden accusation as he barely made it into the room. He squints as he tried to make out what Steve had in his hand. “They’re letters Steve. I’ve never seen those before…”

“No shit they’re letters!” He takes a deep breath when Bucky’s reaction to his sudden arrogance makes him feel abashed. He closes his eyes, pushing some more tears out. “Y/N wrote these. To me, Buck.” He sits on the couch, defeated, as if someone had thrown a bus at him - and he was usually okay with that.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, man” Bucky tries his best to reassure his friend. His hard frame drops next to him, his hand comes to soothe his back.

“She was out there, right in front of me, and all I cared about was to fight something much bigger than myself. When you left, she was finally all mine for a while. Not that she had made it clear before that I could also be with her. With you, actually.” He takes a pause as his head comes to rest on the shoulder next to him. “But I kept telling myself she was just waiting for you to come back from the war. Her tall and strong and handsome man. Not a tiny kid she was afraid to break.”

“You wanna know what she kept telling me?” Bucky kisses Steve’s forehead. He felt him motion an agreement. “She always wanted to see the future, what people would be like and if they would change their opinion on love. She wanted us, all of us, to be happy. She knew we had a thing for each other, and it broke her heart to see you resile on that. She would’ve given us the world, Stevie.” His own eyes become watery. “Y/N had enough love to go around, but you wanted nothing to do with that back then. I’m lucky enough to call you mine today.” Bucky’s voice is soft as he comforts Steve with the little bit of tough love he has come to find effective.

“She’ll never know that I adored her man. I fucking messed this up,” he adds with a shake of his head.

“Language,” Bucky notes jokingly, earning himself a faint chuckle. Finally, Steve looks up into his eyes, he leans forward to kiss the dark-haired man’s lips. “You always said I reminded you of her somehow. So I guess as long as you have me…”

“Yeah, but you don’t come with amazing boobs and sinful white panties, Buck,” he replies with a smirk, his soul seems to mend under the hand on his thigh.

“Well, half of that is true,” he whispers in the shell of Steve’s ear as a proposition.

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#stucky x reader #stucky drabble #stucky angst #my writing

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allenmendezsr · 4 years

Text

Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/back-to-life-a-personal-grief-guidebook/

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How to endure the holidays and thoughtless visitors.

How to identify and defuse anger, guilt, and regret.

Family changes to look for and how to keep your family intact through this tragedy.

Just the right activities and comforting rituals to help ease you through your darkest days.

Tried and true psychological exercises and strategies to help lessen the raw pain.

Satisfying and therapeutic creative expressions of grief.

Effective memorializing techniques to honor and remember your lost loved one.

How to cling to hope and move surely towards brighter days.

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ABOUT THE HARD COPY

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******************

IF YOU WANT THE HARD COPY MAILED TO YOU, KEEP GOING DOWN TO BOX 2, TIL YOU SEE THE YELLOW “BUY NOW” BUTTON!

TO ORDER THE E-BOOK DOWNLOAD:

Back To Life! copyright, 2008 $17.95 USD-Ebook Download

Use a Credit Card or PayPal to order:

STOP!

THIS LINK HERE IS FOR EBOOK DOWNLOAD. IF YOU WANT THE PAPER BOOK MAILED TO YOU, GO TO THE NEXT BOX

TO ORDER THE HARD COPY TO BE MAILED TO YOU:>

Back To Life! copyright, 2008 $19.95 USD – Paper Copy

Use a Credit Card or PayPal to order:

STOP!

THIS LINK HERE IS FOR A PAPER BOOK TO BE MAILED TO YOU. IF YOU WANT EBOOK DOWNLOAD, GO TO THE BOX ABOVE.

$19.95 USD (We ship worldwide)

No P.O. Boxes, please

We have had the most excellent feedback on this Guidebook… for its practical lessons, unique insights, coping strategies… and strong message of hope for the future. We know you will find it useful… whether you choose the ebook or paperback form.

Get started on the road to grief recovery today!

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allenmendezsr · 4 years

Text

Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook

New Post has been published on http://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/back-to-life-a-personal-grief-guidebook/

Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook

Buy Now

“My son Colin died of an accidental prescription drug overdose and I am so lost without him. Please, is there anything you can do to help me with this terrible pain?”

“My Mom committed suicide two years ago. I have never cried about this. Is there something wrong with me?”

Heartbroken from grief…

Are you devastated by the loss of a loved one?

Bewildered by all the strong emotions and crazy symptoms?

Wondering how you are ever going to survive?

Tired of being stuck in complicated grief?

“Back To Life”, our Personal Grief Guidebook, provides just the answers you are looking for. Here we take you by the hand and guide you gently through the dark maze known as bereavement.

Dear Friend

You are likely here because you have experienced the horrible, painful loss of a loved one. And I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sadly, there is no “quick fix” to grief, but there are more effective and comfortable ways to help mend your broken heart and lead you gently back to brighter days.

Welcome to “Back to Life!“, our comprehensive and personal Guidebook to Grief.

Here you will learn:

Good, solid information on how the grief “process” really works.

Which symptoms of grief are normal, and which are dangerous warning signs.

Valuable and practical coping skills to help you get through each day.

Secrets to getting a good night’s restorative sleep without prescription drugs.

How to endure the holidays and thoughtless visitors.

How to identify and defuse anger, guilt, and regret.

Family changes to look for and how to keep your family intact through this tragedy.

Just the right activities and comforting rituals to help ease you through your darkest days.

Tried and true psychological exercises and strategies to help lessen the raw pain.

Satisfying and therapeutic creative expressions of grief.

Effective memorializing techniques to honor and remember your lost loved one.

How to cling to hope and move surely towards brighter days.

Heartbroken from grief…

What’s In The Back To life Book?

Heartbroken from grief…

INTRODUCTION: You will survive! Outlines our 19 step program towards healthy resolution of grief.

I. THE EARLY STAGES OF GRIEF

Chapter 3. Indulge Your Grief – It’s important not to avoid or push grief away, especially in the beginning. Why your friends may try to distract you from your mourning; and how not to give in.

Chapter 4. Forgive Them – Why would someone say something that stupid and hurtful to me at a time like this? How to handle thoughtless visitors and avoid adding emotional baggage to your burden.

Chapter 8. An Academy Award Performance… Why are my friends starting to avoid me? How to reach out for the love and support you desperately need right now.

II. DIG IN FOR THE LONG HAUL – THE MIDDLE STAGES OF GRIEF

Chapter 11. So What’s to Laugh About? Laugh? I can’t even smile! How to find glimmers of happiness to help you through the dark times.

Chapter 12. Don’t grieve alone – No one you can rely on? How to ask for the help you need; and a special group of folks who “get it”.

III. ACCEPTANCE & RESOLUTION – THE END OF BEREAVEMENT

Chapter 15. Saying Goodbye- It is healthy late in bereavement to say goodbye to your lost one; to relinquish some of the grief. Here we teach you an easy but effective way to bid farewell.

Chapter 17. A New Beginning – All about new relationships, new interests, and a new outlook on life.

Chapter 19. The End of Grief (Resolution) – How do you know when you are finished grieving? Signs of the resolution of grief; some helpful insights from the author.

2 WAYS TO GET “BACK TO LIFE”

Heartbroken from grief…

ORDER THE BOOK NOW

Heartbroken from grief? Then reach for help today. The e-Book costs just $17.95, and the hard copy is $19.95.

The ebook is instantly available in a quick, easy-to-download pdf format.

Below are some screenshots of actual pages in the manual:

ABOUT THE HARD COPY

So, to the publishers we went. And we found something out quickly… it’s expensive to publish a book!

Order the e-book if you want to economize and perhaps print it out yourself. A hard copy is a much better option for gift-giving or personal “workbook” use.

Order your hard copy below. We ship worldwide! Inquire about discount rates for multiple print copies. Please note: We cannot ship hard copies to Australia.

Heartbroken from grief…

OUR GUARANTEE

You have 8 full weeks to read the helpful information and practice some of the emotional and coping strategies provided.

If you’re not completely satisfied with this grief recovery guidebook, just ask for (and receive) an immediate, 100% refund.

IF YOU WANT THE EBOOK DOWNLOAD, ORDER IN THE BOX RIGHT BELOW, “CLICK HERE”.

******************

IF YOU WANT THE HARD COPY MAILED TO YOU, KEEP GOING DOWN TO BOX 2, TIL YOU SEE THE YELLOW “BUY NOW” BUTTON!

TO ORDER THE E-BOOK DOWNLOAD:

Use a Credit Card or PayPal to order:

STOP!

THIS LINK HERE IS FOR EBOOK DOWNLOAD. IF YOU WANT THE PAPER BOOK MAILED TO YOU, GO TO THE NEXT BOX

TO ORDER THE HARD COPY TO BE MAILED TO YOU:>

Use a Credit Card or PayPal to order:

STOP!

THIS LINK HERE IS FOR A PAPER BOOK TO BE MAILED TO YOU. IF YOU WANT EBOOK DOWNLOAD, GO TO THE BOX ABOVE.

$19.95 USD (We ship worldwide)

No P.O. Boxes, please

Get started on the road to grief recovery today!

0 notes

allenmendezsr · 4 years

Text

Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/back-to-life-a-personal-grief-guidebook/

Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook

Buy Now

“My son Colin died of an accidental prescription drug overdose and I am so lost without him. Please, is there anything you can do to help me with this terrible pain?”

“My Mom committed suicide two years ago. I have never cried about this. Is there something wrong with me?”

Heartbroken from grief…

Are you devastated by the loss of a loved one?

Bewildered by all the strong emotions and crazy symptoms?

Wondering how you are ever going to survive?

Tired of being stuck in complicated grief?

“Back To Life”, our Personal Grief Guidebook, provides just the answers you are looking for. Here we take you by the hand and guide you gently through the dark maze known as bereavement.

Dear Friend

You are likely here because you have experienced the horrible, painful loss of a loved one. And I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sadly, there is no “quick fix” to grief, but there are more effective and comfortable ways to help mend your broken heart and lead you gently back to brighter days.

Welcome to “Back to Life!“, our comprehensive and personal Guidebook to Grief.

Here you will learn:

Good, solid information on how the grief “process” really works.

Which symptoms of grief are normal, and which are dangerous warning signs.

Valuable and practical coping skills to help you get through each day.

Secrets to getting a good night’s restorative sleep without prescription drugs.

How to endure the holidays and thoughtless visitors.

How to identify and defuse anger, guilt, and regret.

Family changes to look for and how to keep your family intact through this tragedy.

Just the right activities and comforting rituals to help ease you through your darkest days.

Tried and true psychological exercises and strategies to help lessen the raw pain.

Satisfying and therapeutic creative expressions of grief.

Effective memorializing techniques to honor and remember your lost loved one.

How to cling to hope and move surely towards brighter days.

Heartbroken from grief…

What’s In The Back To life Book?

Heartbroken from grief…

INTRODUCTION: You will survive! Outlines our 19 step program towards healthy resolution of grief.

I. THE EARLY STAGES OF GRIEF

Chapter 3. Indulge Your Grief – It’s important not to avoid or push grief away, especially in the beginning. Why your friends may try to distract you from your mourning; and how not to give in.

Chapter 4. Forgive Them – Why would someone say something that stupid and hurtful to me at a time like this? How to handle thoughtless visitors and avoid adding emotional baggage to your burden.

Chapter 8. An Academy Award Performance… Why are my friends starting to avoid me? How to reach out for the love and support you desperately need right now.

II. DIG IN FOR THE LONG HAUL – THE MIDDLE STAGES OF GRIEF

Chapter 11. So What’s to Laugh About? Laugh? I can’t even smile! How to find glimmers of happiness to help you through the dark times.

Chapter 12. Don’t grieve alone – No one you can rely on? How to ask for the help you need; and a special group of folks who “get it”.

III. ACCEPTANCE & RESOLUTION – THE END OF BEREAVEMENT

Chapter 15. Saying Goodbye- It is healthy late in bereavement to say goodbye to your lost one; to relinquish some of the grief. Here we teach you an easy but effective way to bid farewell.

Chapter 17. A New Beginning – All about new relationships, new interests, and a new outlook on life.

Chapter 19. The End of Grief (Resolution) – How do you know when you are finished grieving? Signs of the resolution of grief; some helpful insights from the author.

2 WAYS TO GET “BACK TO LIFE”

Heartbroken from grief…

ORDER THE BOOK NOW

Heartbroken from grief? Then reach for help today. The e-Book costs just $17.95, and the hard copy is $19.95.

The ebook is instantly available in a quick, easy-to-download pdf format.

Below are some screenshots of actual pages in the manual:

ABOUT THE HARD COPY

So, to the publishers we went. And we found something out quickly… it’s expensive to publish a book!

Order the e-book if you want to economize and perhaps print it out yourself. A hard copy is a much better option for gift-giving or personal “workbook” use.

Order your hard copy below. We ship worldwide! Inquire about discount rates for multiple print copies. Please note: We cannot ship hard copies to Australia.

Heartbroken from grief…

OUR GUARANTEE

You have 8 full weeks to read the helpful information and practice some of the emotional and coping strategies provided.

If you’re not completely satisfied with this grief recovery guidebook, just ask for (and receive) an immediate, 100% refund.

IF YOU WANT THE EBOOK DOWNLOAD, ORDER IN THE BOX RIGHT BELOW, “CLICK HERE”.

******************

IF YOU WANT THE HARD COPY MAILED TO YOU, KEEP GOING DOWN TO BOX 2, TIL YOU SEE THE YELLOW “BUY NOW” BUTTON!

TO ORDER THE E-BOOK DOWNLOAD:

Use a Credit Card or PayPal to order:

STOP!

THIS LINK HERE IS FOR EBOOK DOWNLOAD. IF YOU WANT THE PAPER BOOK MAILED TO YOU, GO TO THE NEXT BOX

TO ORDER THE HARD COPY TO BE MAILED TO YOU:>

Use a Credit Card or PayPal to order:

STOP!

THIS LINK HERE IS FOR A PAPER BOOK TO BE MAILED TO YOU. IF YOU WANT EBOOK DOWNLOAD, GO TO THE BOX ABOVE.

$19.95 USD (We ship worldwide)

No P.O. Boxes, please

Get started on the road to grief recovery today!

0 notes