#sorry no sources today i'm tired it's been a long day and it's an angry rant not my diploma

[swanimagines]

Hola can i request a Morpheus x f!Reader fic where her son is running over all the palace because he doesn’t want to take a bath?

Sorry English is not my first language

A/N: Ahem ahem, excuse me... this may be the first time in a very long time I'm actually genuinely HAPPY with something I wrote?? If there's a writing deity or a saint, I will pray to them and hope for this kind of skill and motivation and inspiration and whatever hell I need to produce THIS kind of content in the future too, thanks bye!

"Aridus!" your voice echoed through the grand corridors as you chased after your son, who had decided today was not the day for a bath. He turned around slightly, his face scrunched up in anger.

“I don’t want to take a bath!” he declared for the hundredth time, before taking a turn to yet another maze of hallways. You let out a frustrated groan, even though you tried to keep it in.

“I know, sweetie, but after all that playing with Goldie, you’re all muddy, I can’t let you go to bed like that!” You stopped, as you took the turn to where he went. “Aridus, please just—”

“No! I don’t want to sleep either!” His voice echoed through the hallway, it was impossible to know which nook he took as a hiding place. “Daddy never sleeps either!”

It was true, the everlasting bickering with him. Why is daddy able to go around day and night, why can’t he stay up to play all night as well. But the thing was, Aridus was your offspring too, and you were originally from the Waking world — and you needed sleep, so Aridus needed sleep too. Your husband had told you that Aridus may need less sleep than a “regular” human as he grows up, but as a toddler he was just like regular children were. Getting tantrums out of being tired, while the tantrum is about not wanting to go to sleep. “I know sweetie, but he’s–”

“No!” he screamed, and you heard the patter of feet going further again.

You barely heard Morpheus coming to stand beside you, but you felt his presence and turned to look at him. “I can’t catch him. He’s persistent and knows how to tire me out.”

Morpheus's lips had a small hint of a smile. “He is much like you, then.”

Morpheus smiled properly now, inclining his head forward. “True.”

You scoffed and crossed your arms. “Me? Are you sure? You’re the one who’s refusing to listen to any other opinions of change when you’ve already decided the ‘best’ way. I think he’s more like you than me.”

A loud crash interrupted the sound of running, and you heard something rolling through the floor, followed by a soft thud and a whimper from Adrius. You walked forward with Morpheus following close behind, and discovered the source. Aridus had collided with one of the pedestals, which had sent a stack of dream scrolls all over the room. You moved to stand in front of him and brought your hands to your hips, sighing.

Suddenly your son, who had been so angry just a moment earlier, looked more remorseful as ever. “I… I didn’t mean to.”

Before you could answer, you felt Morpheus’s hand on your shoulder. “Allow me, my love.”

Aridus sat there frozen in place, looking at his father kneeling in front of him. Morpheus reached out, carefully tucking a curl of hair behind Aridus’s ear. “Do you know why we need to take baths, Aridus?”

Aridus’s shoulders slumped. “I know, father. Mother doesn’t want my bed to get dirty. But I don’t like to get wet.”

Morpheus shook his head. “It is not only because we get dirty. Every day, all living beings get dream dust on them. If there’s too much of it, it weighs us down. It affects our mood and eventually… it may make us fall asleep and never again wake up. Be stuck in nightmares forever, and not even I would be able to help.”

Aridus stared at his father, his mouth opening slightly before he whispered, “Stuck?”

Morpheus nodded. “Yes. Even the stars must cleanse themselves of the night sometimes.”

For a moment, Aridus stared at the floor, clearly trying to contemplate his options. But eventually, he looked up again and nodded. “Okay.”

You smiled slightly, ushering him towards the bathroom before you looked back at your husband, who was left cleaning the mess up.

—

Later, when you watched your son sleeping in his little bed from the doorway, you felt a slight gust of air as Morpheus appeared to your side again. You smiled at him and whispered, “You’re good at making up stories. I think he’ll be much more willing to take baths in the future.”

He shook his head, his eyes fixed on your son. “I merely spoke the truth.”

You frowned. “Really?”

He turned towards you slightly. “Yes. Well, maybe I dramatised it a little, but much of it was true. Even stars need to be born anew sometimes. They too resist, hang on, but ultimately they yield and give way to new stars. Just like our son did.”

You nodded and let yourself lean against him slightly. "I’ll admit, I was starting to lose hope there for a moment. I didn’t think anything could convince him to take a bath, let alone willingly. He certainly takes after both of us. I thought I'd never tire him out, but you…” you murmured and looked at him. “You have a way with him. Maybe I should let you handle all the tantrums from now on."

Morpheus pushed you away slightly, tracing his fingers against your bare arm. "I would handle them all, if you so wished," he whispered. "But I believe Aridus needs you as much as he needs me. You are his anchor to both worlds. Without you, he might wander too far in the night."

You smiled a little at that. Morpheus certainly knew his way through words, it was in his nature, in how he was created, sure, but you felt like he had learned a thing or two from love since he fell in love with you all those centuries ago.

You sighed, looking at your sleeping son. “He seems to like wandering. He has told me so many times he wants to be just like you, and I don’t know how to tell him that it isn’t possible.”

Morpheus was quiet for a moment, running his hand up and down your arm. “He must learn to walk in both worlds because when the time comes… Waking world may call out to him. In any case, balance is essential. And he must learn to control and thrive, whatever his place will end up being.”

You swallowed, remembering that once your son grows up, he may only be able to visit you at night. You’d watch him grow old year by year, and only get him back once he dies. Which will take centuries, if not even millennials with his Endless blood. And even then, he may choose the Land of the Dead if he has loved ones there. But Morpheus made it sound… like it was natural. Which it of course was, you reminded yourself. “You make it sound so simple. That it will be simple to accept it.”

"Simple, no. But necessary, yes." His hand stilled on your arm.. "And you, my love, have always excelled at guiding him in ways I cannot."

You were quiet for a moment again. “I just don’t want him to grow up so fast.”

He was quiet for a moment too, taking in a deep breath. “I wish he did not grow so fast either. But moments like these, they will linger. Forever, if necessary. We need not fear losing him.”

You nodded, finally closing the door and following Morpheus towards the throne room. “I guess I should just remember he’s going to be a half-deity like you. And that hopefully he’s going to make the world a better place.”

Morpheus turned to look at you, taking your hands in his. “He will have both of us with him when he enters the Waking world, and be more than us. He will be a dream, but also a heartbeat. And that, my love, is his gift.”

You swallowed, but then closed your eyes and dropped your face towards the floor. “I know. As long as he has both of us in him, he’ll be alright.”

Morpheus cupped your cheek, tilting your head to look at him again. “He will thrive. He will flourish in ways we cannot yet even imagine.”

You nodded, glancing back towards Aridus’s room and then you turned back to Morpheus. “I love you.”

His smile appeared again, an expression only reserved for you before he kissed your forehead. “And I, you. Always.”

Requests are open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[wonlovie]

— LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU.

You were tired. Your boss of three years has been giving you a hard time, and school deadlines are creeping up. All you can think of are the things that need to be done. You need to work more hours. You need to make money to afford school. There is no time for rest because you could be doing something.

or, you're burnt out and all jay wants to do is take care of you.

— starring. boyfriend!jay x burnt-out!reader

— tags. established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst, reader has a million things on their plate and doesn't know how to deal with it, depiction of a mild panic attack [crying, difficulty breathing]

— word count. 1.9k

— notes. i'm sorry that this isn't the heeseung fic but today was a rough day and this is pretty much just a vent/projection fic // this is also completely unedited but its currently 12:36am

Eye bags tugged at your skin like weights, urging you to close your eyes for even a moment. Your room was still, the darkness of the night overtaking the space. If your computer monitor didn’t display the time, 11:29 PM, you would have no idea how long you’d been sitting there. The curtains that adorned your window were drawn, the only light source being the small desk lamp Jay had given you for your birthday and your computer’s screen.

Your eyes burned as you typed, a lifeless gaze following the words on the document. Your hands felt ice cold, hours of typing causing your circulation to falter. The stiffness of your fingers made it hard to type, but you pushed on. After all, you couldn’t afford to stop. There was no time.

You were working on an essay that was due the next day. You had foolishly put it off for too long, instead working long hours to make up for the shifts you were missing to attend classes. You’d convinced yourself that you could finish it, that there was enough time, but suddenly there wasn’t.

The document page wasn’t even half full, despite you having been working at it for a few hours now. All you had typed was an admittedly messy intro paragraph and half of the first body paragraph. The cursor blinked, mocking you for your lack of progress. The blank space on the page upset you, angry tears filling your eyes as you clenched your jaw. 

Before you could begin typing again, your phone buzzed. A part of you hoped that it was Jay. You weren’t sure if you could handle it being anyone else at this hour. But when you picked it up, to your dismay, it wasn’t Jay. Instead, it was your boss.

“I need you to work tomorrow. Lia called in sick.”

You sighed, closing your eyes in frustration and exhaustion as you simply typed an okay. You had class tomorrow morning, something that your boss was aware of. You made a note to ask a classmate for the notes.

Looking back at the half-empty document, you felt your chest tighten. Your throat felt uncomfortably dry as you swallowed harshly. Your fingers shook uncontrollably as you rested them on the keyboard in a futile attempt to start again. You had typed two words when someone knocked on your door, making you jump in surprise.

Frowning, you glanced at the time again. 11:42 PM. Before you could even wonder who it was, you heard the front door open. Your shoulders relaxed ever so slightly as you presumed it was Jay. After all, he was the only other one who had a key to your apartment.

You listened as he made his way through your house and toward your bedroom door, the sound of him kicking off his shoes and shucking off his jacket unmistakable. The tight feeling in your chest grew, rearing its ugly head at you as it screamed in your ears with a silent cry. The second your bedroom doorknob started turning, you felt like you had been punched in the throat.

Jay stepped into the room with a sleepy smile, his unstyled silver hair falling into his eyes. By his side, he had a convenience store bag filled with what you assumed were snacks. “Hey,” he whispered, not wanting to be too loud so late at night. “You told me you were working on an essay, so I came with snacks!” He grinned at you, holding up the bag proudly.

“I brought your favourite; those chips from when we went to the arcade. You know, it was stupidly hard to find them, and I had to go to like two different stores, but—” Jay stopped in his tracks, his face falling when he looked up from the bag and at you. “Are you crying?”

You blinked dumbly, quickly wiping at your cheeks. The sleeve of your sweater grew wet, surprising you. “I guess I am,” you murmured, voice wet and quivering. “I’m sorry. I… I don’t know why I’m crying,” your voice cracked, and you choked out a sob that you didn’t know was holed up in your throat.

Jay was quick to drop the bag of snacks and rush over to where you sat, pulling you to your feet and into his arms. While his warmth and comforting touch were usually enough to comfort you, you couldn’t breathe as you felt sob after sob rack your body. He rubbed up and down the small of your back, stepping backwards until the backs of his legs hit your bed.

Slowly, he moved you into a sitting position, never once letting go of you as he sat next to you on the bed. “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked in a small voice, his heart breaking at the sight of you like this. He didn’t ask again when you didn’t respond, rocking you back and forth against his chest. He pressed a tender kiss against your forehead when another particularly harsh cry escaped your lips.

You fisted the fabric of his shirt, wrinkling it in the process. In your haze, everything felt fuzzy. You couldn’t focus on anything except for the tightness in your chest and the pounding of your heart. You briefly thought back to the essay that sat unfinished at your desk and the text from your employer, the thoughts only making you cry harder.

Loud, heartbreaking weeps left your trembling body, and each second that passed felt worse than the last. Jay’s brows were stuck in a furrowed position, and the corners of his lips tugged into a deep frown. He hated how helpless he felt, having nothing to do except hold you. 

He wasn’t sure how long you stayed like that together, with you in his arms, crying your heart out. It might’ve been ten minutes, it might have been an hour or two. It felt like your cries were neverending, but when they did start to slow, his heart was in his stomach. He hated seeing you like this. He knew how often you’d hide your true feelings behind a smile, always assuring him that you were okay, but he knew you better than that.

Once the sobs quieted down and you were left with only shaking breaths and wet eyes, Jay pulled away to see your face. His heart ached for you at the sight of your pain-stricken features and tear-stained cheeks. He pulled his sleeve over his hand to wipe away your tears, although new ones were quick to trail down your irritated and raw skin.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again, just as gently. “Is it the essay?”

You shrugged, not trusting your voice as you avoided his eyes. He smoothed down your hair, cupping your face in his large hands in a silent plea for you to look at him. “Did something happen at work?” The pained look in your eyes let him know that he was getting closer, and his frown deepened. “Did your boss say something again?”

“Kind of,” you finally spoke, your voice just barely above a whisper. “He asked me to work tomorrow.”

Jay’s eyebrows knitted together. “You have class tomorrow.”

“I’ll have to skip,” you relented, gnawing at your bottom lip in anxiety. You started thinking of how much information you’d be missing, and you know that some of your professors like giving out surprise quizzes, and you could not get a zero for not attending. If you got a zero, if you failed, then what was the point of working so hard?

“Baby,” Jay mumbled, “Why don’t you tell your boss you can’t work?”

You shook your head, the thought of speaking up causing your throat to close. “I… I can’t do that, Jong. My boss always tells us that saying no to him is a sign of our disloyalty, and I’ve seen him fire someone who said no too many times. I can’t… I can’t get fired, I can’t lose this job. I need the money, Jay, I can’t…” You cut yourself off, your voice breaking.

Jay took your hands in his, rubbing the back of them gently with his thumbs. “There are other jobs, love. Other jobs with more understanding employers.”

Once again, you shook your head, fresh tears falling from your red eyes. “No, no, you don’t understand. This job pays really well, and the fact that I got hired in the first place was a fluke. Don’t you remember how hard it was for me to find a job before? How many… how many rejected interviews I’d gotten? I can’t quit.”

“But,” Jay interjected. “You’ve always told me how much stress you have working there. Your boss is unfair to you. He doesn’t give you breaks, and he asks you to come in too much. You’re a student too, love. I barely see you because you’re always either in class or at work. That’s not healthy.”

You looked into his eyes for the first time since he arrived in your room, the sight of his own watering eyes breaking your heart. “I can’t not work, Jong. That’s not an option. I need the money to pay for everything. I need money to pay for my tuition and for my books. And this apartment wasn’t given to me for free—I can’t just stop working, even if I wanted to.”

Jay pursed his lips. “Can I be honest with you?”

You nodded, a subtle jerk of your head that he barely caught.

“You have so much more support than you realize,” he rasped, holding onto your hands tighter as if it’d convey his message better. “Right now, if you were to stop working, you’d still be able to pay for the rest of the school year. You worked so tirelessly through the summer, and I know you have a lot saved up. You could take time off. Your parents could help with paying for school or rent—hell, I could help if you let me.

I know you’re scared and anxious, but please believe me. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you took a break. You need it, baby. Your life isn’t going to fall apart if you don’t have a job for a few months.” He let go of one of your hands to cup your cheek. “I love you so much. Seeing you like this is so painful, and all I want is for you to realize that it’s okay to just… do nothing. It is okay to not work. It’s okay to breathe.”

Your lips trembled, another sob threatening to rip out from your throat at his kind words, words that you didn’t know you needed to hear. 

“I know I’m supported,” you whispered, holding the hand that cupped your face. “I know that, which is why I’m so frustrated with myself. I… I feel like if I’m not doing everything by myself and if I’m not working, then all I am is a failure.” You spat out the last few words, new tears filling your waterline. 

Jay shook his head, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours. “This world is harsh, and it pushes people to work beyond their limits. I wish things were different, but I can’t change how society views things.” He nudged his nose against yours, looking into your eyes with a look of what you could only describe as love. He offered you a gentle smile. “But what I can do is help you realize that. I just need you to let me in, yeah? You don’t need to be this stressed alone. I don’t want you to be alone.” He brushed away the wetness that remained on your cheeks before pressing a soft kiss against both cheeks, your nose, and finally, your forehead.

“I love you,” he murmured into your skin. “I love you, and you are worth so much more than you realize.”

[souljournaler]

content warning; grief

the grief feels like a whole weather system outside.

i feel glad to know that one chair wont be empty this solstice. [name removed for privacy] got through another long night. i can only hope this one is her longest for a while. i'm so not qualified for this, and yet i'm in this situation so often, i even put myself here when i know no one else is around. and i do it because i want to, even if i'm not going to handle it perfectly, and i learn from each time and try to be more effective in the future. but the grief appearing in the wild has become so common these days that i've had to come to terms with knowing i can't always be the one there to help, i am only one person, i only have so much time and energy. i'm learning how to balance it without burning myself-- after all, empathy without boundaries can lead to self-destruction. but still, these conversations feel inevitable and necessary right now.

i feel good knowing i could be there, even a little bit, for someone, when they needed someone, anyone, please. it gets a little easier each time. i feel like i can figure out something to say, at least, a little more each time. for the most part, i've noticed that the grief has a lot of similar sources, but it takes a different shape for each person, and everyone handles it differently. i guess i should read up on what the actual recommended process looks like, for talking someone down from a high-strung place, or lifting them up from a deep despair-- i'm in this situation often enough, i might as well get some recommendations from others who have been doing this a long time.

i said more things i would have regretted not saying. i didnt stay silent when i had energy to speak. i hope my words got through to her in the way i was trying for when i said them. it would have sucked to see another empty chair at my table so soon after she'd joined it.

it's interesting sometimes to me, to remember that, at the end of the day, pretty much no one knows what the outcomes of their actions will be, given enough time. there's never going to be a time when someone gets absolutely everything right, or wrong. even those with a lot of practice arent immune to error. sometimes even our best efforts feel like a drop in an ocean. i'm glad she's deciding to stick around. i wish her rest, and healing, and softness, and power.

i wonder who else is dealing with grief today. i wonder who is seeing an empty chair that belonged to someone they love. i wonder who is having to sit at a smaller table than they're used to. i wonder how they're handling it. does it feel big, or small, light, or heavy, or nebulous, or supermassive? do they even know it's there, or is there a megafauna in their itty-bitty living space? does it feel invisible, intangible, but undeniably present, like a ghost wailing from inside them? i wish them grace and acceptance while acknowledging it.

if you're reading this, i want you to know-- thanks for being here, on this earth, with me. i'm sorry you feel alone. i know it's hard to imagine us all being here with you, but we are. we're tired, and exhausted, and scared, and hurting, and seething, and angry, and hopeful, right next to you, all the time, across time and space, every time you struggle with these feelings. i'm sorry you feel alone when youre not. i'm sorry you aren't able to feel us there right now, celebrating your comeback. remember that what you can see isnt all there is. remember that we see things not as they are, but as we are.

solid,

Sol

[ohsalome]

@feralwomb asked and i’m here to deliver (also not @ing op because i don’t want to start a fight i’m just here to rant)

the basic premise of the original argument: freud’s patients were raped by their fathers, in therapy they opened up to him about this, but since he was paid by the womens’ families, and not by women themselves, freud made up a handy-shifty “seduction theory” and misdiagnosed them with hysteria (even though they had ptsd)

1. what kind of a moron would confuse ptsd with hysteria not touching the fact that ptsd is being unjustly overdiagnosed today, especially among armcoach specialists (real talk - a huge issue in relation to our ATO situation), they have very different clinical pictures. just compare the dsm-5 criteria for yourself if you’re wondering also, keep in mind that hysteria used to present inself with very different symptoms at victorian times. it is a super versatile diagnosis. as far as i know, modern dsm-5 has divided it into “histrionic personality disorder” and “conversion syndrome”, but tbh it’s basically the same thing. back at ye olde times, though, the conversion syndrome was THE reason women were hospitalised. like,.... you simply don’t get blind/lose control of your limbs/get seizures from ptsd. these are very definite hysteria/conversion syndrome symptoms. today, it is very rare to find a histrionic person with such symptoms, but back then it was common. dostaevsky has a lot of such characters in his books, think кликуши

2. author either intentionally, or by indolance, misrepresented freud’s works i mean you can fuckin read it in the very same wikipedia page op cites noone on this site knows how to read. freud wasn’t labelling every patient who reported sexual abuse hystrionic; he admitted that some of them actually were; and whaddaya think, some of his patients in this category were men as well. the “seduction theory” (which he discarded later in his life btw) wasn’t based on patients’ reports, no. freud practised hypnosis, and during the sessions he believed he was uncovering “unconscious repressed memories”, usually of the times where patients were under the age of four. firstly, modern neurological research proves that although repression of memories is A Thing that our brains can do, it happens dramatically less often than freud originally suggested (and, according to him, we repress stuff наліво і направо). secondly, hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness which makes people very very suggestable (put a pin on it...i’ll return to this point later)

3. incestious families are complicated there’s also a psychological portrait of incestuous family, and although, like any theoretical model, it doesn’t 100% cover every single case that happened in the history of humankind, ever, they do present a certain pattern. basically, they are very isolated, they have fucked up family dynamics, and i’ll repeat once more that they are very self-isolated bc that’s a huge point. they are the “get out of my lawn!!!” people, “don’t stuck your nose into our family, this is none of your fucking business” people. i personally find it really unlikely that this type of people would willingly send their victim daughters away (!) to a mental institution (!!) where she will spill the family secrets (!!!). even considering the “noone will believe you because you are a woman” factor. also, freud had a lot of patients... was there, like, a victorian incestuous pedophilea craze that we weren’t aware of? man, what happened to all of them?

4. hysteria is, actually, a thing tfw you’re so cought up in your conspiracy theories that you forget that psychology exists freud had medical education. originally, he was looking for biological, plausable, material theory to explain human behavior. sadly, medicine/technology wasn’t advanced enough back then to allow that, so instead he created a metaphoric theory of mind. keep that in mind, when applied to hysteria and aedypal complex. i’ll quote modern psychoanalytical understanding of these things, from nancy macwilliams. parents treat kids of different gender differently. and kids are very attentive to the world around them. so, when a girl notices that she’s treated like an inferior in comparison to her brothers, or that her mother in powerless before her father, she quickly learns that femininity=weakness. and, basically, all of the characteristic treats of hystrionic personality (theatrality, helplessness, flirtyness, anxiety, lying-so-hard-i-believe-my-own-lie etc) come from this worldview. you see where i’m leaning? yeah, you can follow freud’s road and go “the difference between a girl and a boy is a penis, so, when a girl notices she doesn’t have one, she links her inferiority to it = penis envy”, but there is much more sense to view it metaphorically, in the upbringing theory. a dick is a metaphor for gender inequality, dude and, add the factor of repressed sexuality (being shamed for having normal human urges is not A Great Thing, psychologically) and an abscence of any way to express your feelings/needs/etc... and you get what you get, classic victorian-style hysteria. bonus fun fact: to quote macwilliams once more, freud considered himself to be somewhat of a histrionic personality, just to a less dramatic extent... 

all these things considered, my own theory on how things actually went down. return to the pin we made, about the hypnosis usage. freud’s hypothesis was the following: early sexual abuse - memory too traumatic to accept so it gets repressed into unconsciousness - hypnosis allows direct access into unconsciousness - memories can get retracted. well...only that’s most probably, most likely, wrong. there is no evidence that hypnosis is like your backdoor into unconsciousness, or into your repressed memories, for that matter. what hypnosis does is it makes you extremely gullible, suggestable, easy to influence, etc. it turns off your critical thinking. and, considering freud’s undeniable obsession with sex, i theorise that he might have unintentionally suggested himself to his patients that they were abused. something similair to this often happends to minors when they are questioned on the basis of possible sexual abuse, which is why interviewers are taught to be extremely careful. you can only imagine how traumatising it can be... and how absurdly stupid, if - if! - the abuse in question turns out to be not real. on topic of “uncovering repressed memories”, stanislav grof practices something similair to that, only he claims to reveal memories from previous lives. naturally, in his practice there is some lsd involved, because of course lsd would be involved. it is only my hypothesis tho. just something i added up from what i know. i haven’t researched it properly, or discussed with my superiors... so take it, and take a huge grain of salt with it. sorry that’s ranty and bitter but thank you for asking because i’m glad to get it off my chest 💖

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

White Lies (Pt. 09 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 2.1 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

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{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

×

For Better Or Worse

You sigh when you find yourself back in a hospital bed, eyes adjusting to the light. Blinking a little, a sharp pain on both your knees make you groan, pushing yourself up.

“Slow down, slow down.” Keanu is suddenly by your side, gently pushing you back down. “You need to rest.”

“I'm alright.” You mutter, a hand coming to lay on your stomach.

“I know, beautiful. But try not to get too agitated.” Keanu caresses your cheek, leaning down to peck your lips. “I'm so sorry about the journalists. I make some calls and I'll have them all fired.”

“No, Ke, don't do that.” Taking his hand on yours. “They were just doing their job, and it's not their fault I'm... Like this.”

“They know about your condition, is all over the news. That was unacceptable.” Keanu is angry. You've never seen this angry before. Pushing yourself into a sitting position, you place his hand over your belly.

“I'm fine. We're both fine.” With your forehead touching his, you assure him, keeping your voice soft and sweet.

“I know, I just...” His voice fades, his hand gently rubbing your belly. “When Laura called me I almost lost my mind.”

“Yeah, but I'm here now.” Kissing him again, you hold Keanu close. “Do you think you can take me home? I'm sick and tired of this hospital.” You plead, hoping the doctors won't make you stay.

“Don't worry, they'll discharge you later today. They just need to check if everything is okay with you and the baby.”

“Alright.” Feeling relieved, you lie back down as Keanu settles down on armchair placed next to your bed. “Ke... About earlier today...” Biting your lip, you can't control as your float back to that moment, and you're suddenly a little hot.

“It was yesterday. You spent the night here.”

“Oh...” That sucks. One more night away from home. “Well... About yesterday, I really–”

“I'm sorry, (Y/N).” Keanu cuts you short, elbows on his knees as he looks down before raising his eyes at you. “I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I should've controlled myself and–”

“I really liked it.” Interrupting whatever nonsense Keanu is saying, you speak up. Despite the burn in your cheeks, you need him to know it. “And I... I didn't want you to control yourself.”

“(Y/N), I–” He stops talking when someone comes in, and you look at the door, watching as Dr. Wright comes in.

“Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Reeves.” He says with a smile. “How are you two today?”

“I'm fine.” You answer, feeling as the bed moves up until you're in a half-sitting position. You're tired of this hospital since you're always coming and going for many appointments. “Can I go, home doctor? I fainted because of the questions and flashes, but I feel alright.”

“Don't worry about that. You're recovering well, physically at least, and since your exams came out good, I'll let you go home after we have a little chat, is that alright?” He stands by the edge of the bed, an expression on his face you can't read.

“Sure.”

Dr. Wright takes a deep breath, exchanging a glance with Keanu. You take a look at your husband too, and you wonder if he knows what this is about.

“Mrs. Reeves, we already told you that as times passes, lesser are the chances you'll recover your memories.” He begins, and you immediately sink, looking down at your hands. Of course, you remember it, you just didn't want to think about it. So you pushed everything back, focusing on what's happening now. The pregnancy, trying to fix things with a husband you don't know...

“Yes, doctor. It was one of the first things you told me.” Nodding, you mutter.

“From where we stand now, the brain is healing... So it means that, if absolutely nothing came back until now–”

“It probably won't.” You finish it off for him, trying not to let them notice how your hands are shaking, clenching them into fists.

“Well, there are extremely rare cases, but I can't give you false hopes. And since things have been going well for you, there's no reason to.”

“It's alright.” Clearing your throat, you take a deep breath. “Can I go home now?” Your voice comes out louder than expected, as anger starts kicking in. At what, you have no idea. Probably at yourself.

“Here are the papers.” He hands them over to Keanu, alongside a pen, and you watch as he signs them.

You're silent on the drive home, eyes on the city passing by, heavy gray clouds making everything a little monochromatic. When you get home, you take a long shower, hoping it would help. It didn't. As you come out of the bathroom, you make your way to the window, staring at the rain falling. That makes you finally break, bitter tears rolling down. This isn't fair. With a hand on your heart, you start moving. You need to be outside, you need to do something to get rid of the sadness, growing roots inside your heart.

Rushing through the house, on the tip of your toes not to let Keanu listen, you reach a door on the first floor that leads to the garden on the side of the house. Taking a deep breath, you slide it open, shivering when the cold wind hits your skin. But still, you step forward until the rain is soaking your clothes and hair. But it doesn't make you feel better. It only makes it worse, and you're crying, sobbing.

Your tears are mixed with the cold rain, and it doesn't take much until your soaking wet. But it doesn't matter. You need this. Dr. Wright is right, you won't remember. Nothing has come back. Not in dreams, not in flashes, nothing. When you sleep, your dreams consist of things you learned after. Before the accident, everything is blank. Forever lost. An entire life, childhood, teenage years, gone.

Keanu doesn't want to think much. There used to be a deadline for this lie. Until she remembers. Until she gets her old life back. And he bought the idea. He'd be her husband until that moment, and then, (Y/N) will probably hate him forever. But now... If that day never comes, what will be of them? Of him, whose heart is already on her possession?

Keanu doesn't want to think about that either. About the fact that he's falling for her, drowning in the fake life he built for her sake. As he sits on the kitchen table, looking for something different to cook for (Y/N), his mind takes him back to the day before, when he kissed her in a way he shouldn't have. He knew he had to stop, but he didn't have it in him. She's too beautiful, and she wanted him. At least that's what he thought. The feeling of her hands on him was too much, and if it wasn't for Laura's call, he doesn't know if he'd have stopped at all. His mind was a blur, completely overwhelmed by her.

Putting his phone down, Keanu rests his head on his hands, struggling to push those images away. Her kisses, her touch, her soft breathing. Her. This is driving him crazy, and part of him wants this to go on forever. Keanu wants (Y/N) to be his wife. He wants it to be real. He needs it to be real. He just doesn't know what to do.

A sudden thud makes him look up, and the low yelp that follows has him up to his feet, walking over the source of the sound. His heart almost stops when he sees (Y/N) on the living room floor, soaking wet, sobbing, hugging her knees.

Your thigh burns from the fall as you pull both your knees to your chest. Now, you don't know if you're shaking from the sobs of from the cold. It doesn't really matter. A sudden touch on your back snaps you out of your state and, looking up, you see a very worried Keanu staring at you.

“(Y/N), what happened?” He asks, but you don't have it in you to answer. So you just throw your arms around his neck, an apologize stuck in your throat for getting him all wet. “It's alright, beautiful. It's alright.” He whispers in your ear, softly rubbing the small of your back. “Tell me what's wrong, beautiful.”

“I-I want to remember, Ke...” You mutter, voice all messed up by all the crying. “I haven't had anything. Dreams, flashes, nothing... And I want to. I want to remember my childhood, school, and I want to remember you. Our life together, all of it. And I was trying not to give it must thought because I'm really happy right now, with you but–”

“Breathe, sweetheart. Breathe.” As he speaks, Keanu picks you up, immediately carrying you upstairs. You're holding on to him, hiding your face on his neck, and trying to control the sobbing. He places you down somewhere, and you only notice it's his bathroom when he pulls away. You're seated on the sink, watching as Keanu takes a towel, wrapping it around your shoulders before taking another and starting to dry your hair.

“I'm sorry.” You mumble, finally calming down a little.

“It's alright. You needed this.” He stops before you, a towel in his hands, keeping a certain distance. You're about to question that when you notice he's trying not to position himself in between your legs. Keanu is such a gentleman. “You haven't broken down about it yet, and Dr. Harris warned me about this.”

“I just...” You don't know what to say, so you just take a deep breath, grabbing Keanu's shirt and pulling him to you. You don't mind him being this close. You need him, now more than ever. “If I didn't have you Ke, I... I don't know what I'd do.” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you feel as the towel falls from your shoulders.

“You won't ever have to know.” He assures you, a hand caressing your chin. “For better or worse, in sickness and health. Forever, sweetheart.”

“I'm falling in love with you.” The words come out fast, as you look into his beautiful dark eyes. “All over again.”

His lips break into a smile as he moves even closer, his sides brushing on the inside of your thighs. “I love you, (Y/N).” He whispers before bending down to kiss you.

• • •

The whole sky is coming down tonight as you watch the flashes of lightning that light up your room every once in a while. You've been trying to sleep for quite some time now, but all you manage to do is toss around, uncomfortable. You know exactly what you want to do, but you can't seem to gather enough courage.

Pushing yourself up, you run a hand through your hair. If you don't do this now, you'll just sleep here again. And you're tired of the guest room. Keanu is right there, two doors across the hall, and it's stupid to be here all alone when you can just go there and be with him.

So you swallow your cowardice and move, leaving the guest room and only stopping when you're before his door. He's probably sleeping by now and trying not to wake him up, you carefully turn the handle and push the door open. Keanu keeps it unlocked in case you need him. But the moment your close it behind your back, he moves, getting into a sitting position and eyes easily finding you despite the darkness.

“Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up.” You have to raise your voice a little to make yourself heard through the small distance and above the sound of the rain. “I just... I think I'm ready to sleep here with you now.” Slowly, you walk to the bed, stopping by the edge. “If that's alright.”

“Of course it is.” He says, and you climb on the bed, still timid, lying down next to him.

You can see his face when lightning crosses the sky, and it makes you smile. Even though you're right next to him, it's not enough. You want more, so you hold your breath as you move, slowly at first, snuggling closer to him. “I-is it alright?” You mumble, stopping suddenly, holding your upper body with your elbow.

“Come here,” Keanu says softly, pulling you down until you have your head on his chest.

That's when you finally feel comfortable, eyes closed as you feel his breathing, as you listen to his heartbeat. “Can I sleep here from now on?”

“You don't have to ask, beautiful. This is our bedroom. And it's great to finally have you here with me.” He places a kiss on the top of your hair and you softly caresses his chest.

“This is good.” A thunder swallows your voice, so you repeat. “This is very good.”

“It is, beautiful.” His huge hand comes to your belly, gently rubbing it. “It is.”

×

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reactions to Truth!

Just going to go straight into it because this episode is huge! I really like how at the end of a season and the beginning of another, we see the same scene that leads us out of one and into another. Gabriel fixes the Miraculous and ohhh poor Dusuu thought it was all a dream, being in evil hands. So in a way, the Miraculous being damaged may have been a blessing for her. Dx Too bad it couldn't have been fixed after Marinette got it back :/ But at least Nooroo isn't alone right? Legit only positive I can get from this. ;-; Tikki and her little hats omg it's so cuuuute! I wonder if she makes her little clothes, too awww But the other Kwami's are almost like siblings to Tikki if you think about it. Now Tikki has to share things with them all as they cause chaos all around when she's so used to her quiet life alone with Marinette. Even for a Kwami, that must be hard to adjust to.

Okay so it's almost Prince Ali's birthday that Paris is going to celebrate. Interesting! I'd really like to see him back and a storyline with that. :O Marinette holding something, clearly, that the girls can't see over video chat. Talking to what appears to be herself, reacting to what someone's saying from different sides of her room. Camera flashes going off. And then her phone getting yeeted at her all on a video call with her friends when she's supposed to be alone...considering they're all going to have Kwami's and learn some things later as they become heroes, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if they think back to this scene someday! OH WAIT spoiler for the upcoming episode Gang of Secrets!!! Fair warning. What if this episode with the plushies she said she's going to make, is one of if not the reason they go over and are looking around her room? Because she's been acting sus and they want to know what's going on. Especially after what happens later in the episode with Luka. Okay, back to the episode itself. Her friends observation: You're acting way weirder than normal.... IS ADRIEN AT YOUR PLACE?! I mean, fair point. xD But the thing is, whenever Marinette tends to act weirder or say/do things that Alya and the girls don't understand, it's almost always connected to her being Ladybug/Guardian. Even Lila. If she wasn't Ladybug and dealt with her so much as her, she wouldn't know a lot of things that made her not trust Lila to begin with. So Marinette has to overcompensate to try to hide everything or can't explain her thoughts or feelings about certain situations, so Alya always just assumes her behavior has something to do with Adrien. It really sucks but at the same time, what else is she going to think?

These Kwami are a lot of trouble. xD Now she's even more frazzled, so she calls Luka Adrien. More than once. I've done this where I call my siblings the wrong name more of than I'd like so I can't fault her for it. Her mind's probably a mess, poor girl. Dx "I'm sorry it's just that I cheated on you!" BIG OOF. But this gives me Kim Possible vibes when Ron assumed Kim didn't want him anymore and told her he was cheating on her when he meant to say he was cheating to be on the football team so he could be more worthy of her when he thought she wanted to "trade up" her boyfriend. Our poor Marinette! So frazzled she can't remember when her dates are, when they've been rescheduled. She can't remember her patrols with Chat Noir which are really important. She's getting to the point where it's going to be a wonder she can even function. Dx "But Marinette and I are such a big fan of his" wow this sure hits different. The way they kept quizzing each other to finish the sentence with Jagged Stone trivia was pretty cute. Luka having her finish the line with "Kiss me" that she screamed to the entire theater made me choke on my cake. "Well, if that's what you want." Smooth. "I think, yes. I want to." But you know, it gets interrupted by an akuma attack of course because that's just the way things work! :D And wouldn't you know it, it's Mr. Pigeon. AGAIN. Totally worth interrupting the moment lol Ladybug can't pick and choose, however, so here comes the sequence where she's constantly running off and he starts doubting her. Notice the parallel when Marinette started to like Luka after Adrien could never show up to things? Now Marinette's having trouble showing up and Luka's having issues with it. The second Chat Noir started to sneak up on Ladybug, we all knew he was going to get flipped. But it's so adorable and funny at the same time I love it x333 And that whole scene there of Ladynoir. Obviously it's a Lukanette-centered episode but the Ladynoir in this episode! So good! And you know, it's interesting. First time we see Adrien this episode is for FIVE whole seconds! And the way it abruptly cut off as he opened the car door... yeah you know what, Lies is going to be Adrien's POV or something of this same day. It has to be. He has 2 total scenes one of them is 5 seconds and the other one is 2 seconds. Crazy. We got about 7 seconds of Adrien's face today woo! But ugh here's where we get hurt Luka ;-; "A girl, who as always, isn't here." Ouch. The fact that if Marinette said she loved Adrien still, he'd understand and he'd get it is so sweet, and so sad that it's not even because of that, it's because she's Ladybug and the Guardian and she can't say a thing about it to him at all, that he can't accept. It's the one thing he couldn't deal with that's the issue and that really sucks. AND THIS MOMENT RIGHT HERE HAD ME GASPING AND HURTING FOR LUKA. IT'S THE MOMENT HIS HEART BROKE

But also really guys, did you notice his eyes are different now? Almost like a blue diamond look or something.

Luka trying to fight it, trying to tell Hawk Moth that the truth needs to be willingly told, not forced. But stupid Hawk Moth's able to get him to hold on anyway and gets akumatized. But not before he told Marinette to run. Which was such an awwww moment. x33 I mean, this is definitely getting a bit close to Chat Blanc territory if you ask me. New transformation music is pretty good! I like it. Also can we just appreciate that instead of trying to track down Marinette to get the truth from her, he's instead asking all her friends and family, pretty much any source besides her? AND ROSE'S RESPONSE "Marinette has no secrets because she's the most honest girl in the world!" She thinks so highly of her and it's just so beautiful. Nobody would blame her for these secrets if they only knew either. But awwwwww I love this scene!! And here's the big reveal! (no not that one) Jagged Stone is Luka and Juleka's father. 😮

Thomas today tweeted that Luka and Juleka are twins. Which would have to be fairly obvious after this reveal. There's no way that Jagged, who says he'd be a lame dad and left because he wasn't cut out for it, would have Luka with Anarka, then stay long enough to also have Juleka. I also totally forgot that in the French version, Jagged has an American accent when he speaks. XDD Just the fact that even WITH his truth powers, he asked his mother TWICE who his father was. Both times she said Jagged Stone. He still didn't believe it until he went to Jagged himself omg. This poor poor boy. Luka: 😱*gasp* Marinette: 😲 *gasp* Adrien: 😮 WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY OMG. LIKE I'M WATCHING A TELENOVELA OR SOMETHING. THEY EVEN ZOOMED IN ON THEIR REACTIONS I CAN'T And then Luka just yeets his dad because he wasn't ever there for him. I honestly did not expect Luka having dad issues to ever be a thing in this show, even though I knew he wasn't around. So like... when everything's worked out with Marinette and Adrien in the end, will Luka and Adrien end up becoming friends and bonding over things, like the whole daddy issues thing...? Are we really supposed to believe she has no feelings for Chat Noir? I mean really, look at this.

"I can't imagine what your daily life must look like" ... is she really actually being the one to bring up something about his secret identity? With that face? 😲

Their flirty banter that at this point I don't even think they realize it is, and those soft looks I just... My top ship is Ladynoir and I was not expecting any significant moments of theirs but I got it anyway. Just watching their scenes, I kept going "See, this is why they're meant for each other." My heart is happy despite all the Luka pain! It's helping me cope with it, okay? "When you're ready, I'll be here for you, Marinette." Awww so they're telling us Lukanette is on hold here. Not a guarantee, but at least on hold. He's an option for her later. So now the Adrienette vs. Lukanette for S4 we heard about awhile back makes sense now. Later on this season, probably when things calm down and she gets the hang of things, she'll be in a better position to be with someone. And by then, Adrien will probably realize and understand his feelings for Marinette. So then she'll be in a position to choose between them. Now we know where Luka gets his ability to turn emotions into great songs. That's adorable! Father-son bonding! Gabriel needs to take notes when a man who was never in his son's life as more than his idol has the ability to try to be there, but Gabriel can't. Ugh our poor Marinette, probably thinking she's going to be alone for a very long time just because of a supervillain. That's so wrong she has to feel like this. If you notice, Hawk Moth's akumatizations help people patch up relationships so much of the time as a weird unexpected result of an akuma attack. And yet, he does nothing but hurt Marinette and at times Adrien, the most when he akumatizes people. He makes me so angry! But I'm too tired for a rant about that. At least the Kwami hugs at the end helped a teeny bit anyway! c:

[ajokeformur-ray]

I'm so sorry for sending all these asks in today! Please only answer if you're feeling comfortable and well rested, I would never want to make you feel pressured, annoyed, overwhelmed or anything similiar ♡

I hope you don't mind me asking this; How do you cope after a stressful/exhausting day or when you've been hurt by someone or when you're not feeling the best?

If there's a comfort activity, person, song, musician, movie, show, character or anything else really, could you (please) recommend me something?

I really hope that you're feeling better, more rested and less stressed today! I'm wishing you the absolute best and a big comforting hug♡

Luna, my darling!!!!🥰💗

Honey, there's no need to apologise! I adore hearing from you, it always makes me smile to see you in my inbox and I promise I'll respond to everything you've sent me, though it may take me some time to do so!💕🤗I never feel pressure, annoyed, overwhelmed or anything like that to respond, I promise! I adore speaking with you and hearing things you want to tell me or ask me, it's a joy and so are you.💜💙

How do you cope after a stressful/exhausting day or when you've been hurt by someone or when you're not feeling the best?

I'm going to respond to these one at a time, my love, so that I can give each section my full attention! You deserve nothing less!💖

(Long post under the cut!)

After a stressful or tiring day, I reward myself with something I really enjoy physically and emotionally. Physically, I reward myself with a cup of coffee with some extra honey in it, or a snack which I don't have often because it's a bit pricier (which gluten free food usually is because people with coeliacs disease are penalised for being sick). Just something to thank my body for getting me through the day. This also includes a hot shower and maybe I'll massage my legs, too, to help my body relax and to realise that the day is over. I'll also watch a favourite show or listen to my favourite song seventeen times in a row because the day is done and I deserve to enjoy myself!

When I've been hurt by someone, I let myself feel. It's unpleasant, yes, and it hurts, but emotions are visitors - they come and they go as they please and the only way they're happy to leave your house (mind) is if you pay attention to them. I don't wallow in my pain when I've been hurt by someone, but I let myself cry, I let myself get angry, I let myself feel what I'm feeling, and I say hello to the emotions and let them do their thing while I do mine. I also try to consider the situation from the other person's perspective because most people are well-intentioned but clueless, though of course this is no excuse for the harm they caused, but rather an explanation. If it's a major injury I sustained from someone, I'll write them a letter and pour out all of my emotions, and then I'll set fire to the letter and watch it burn (if you're doing to do this, do it somewhere safe and with water near by to put it out!) so that I can cleanse my emotions with fire. Sooner or later, I put the situation to rest and move on from it. I don't like to dwell on the wrongful things which have been done to me; I'd rather process the emotions and be on my way.😊

When I'm not feeling my best, I try to be kind to myself. Humans are such messy creatures and sometimes we just need to bit of extra care, so in these instances I try to treat myself the way I would treat someone else if they felt the way that I did. I acknowledge my feelings and I try to feel them while also carrying on with my day; sometimes self-care is resting and going to bed earlier, but sometimes self-care is discipline and doing what needs to be done. It's a very fine line to walk but whichever side of the line I fall, I know that that night, I can crawl into bed and fall asleep watching one of my comfort films. When I feel myself lagging during the day, I tell myself, I know darling, but you can do it. You've made it this far - just a little more, honey pie. I talk to myself the way I want someone else to speak to me when I don't feel so good, because I deserve that tenderness especially from myself. I know that no matter what happens, I've got my own back.

If there's a comfort activity, person, song, musician, movie, show, character or anything else really, could you (please) recommend me something?

Well, you already know Ash, Arthur, Mary Reilly is one you'll know soon... Liz Taylor from AHS is another massive source of comfort from me; you can find a compilation of her scenes here. She's my wife and I love her very much. She's the reason I am the way I am today. Long story.🥺😭

I also really recommend BTS, so many of their songs really resonate with me but I especially find comfort in Spring Day, The Truth Untold, Idol, 4 O'Clock, Serendipity, Euphoria, Nothing Like Us, So Far Away, Epiphany, Winter Bear, Stay Gold, Magic Shop, 21st Century Girl.

(I enjoy many more BTS songs but these ones are my comfort BTS songs, so for that reason I didn't list any more than that).

Another comfort I can recommend, angel, is getting into bed and curling up with some pillows and putting on your favourite songs and keeping your eyes closed so you can really feel the music. Just do whatever you want to do in that moment and let yourself be. You deserve that, angel. 🥰💗

Thank you, darling!!! I'm feeling better today skskskskk got another busy day tomorrow but for now I'm treating myself to a night of kdramas and tumblr'ing!!! I love you so much darling and I hope that you feel better soon asdfghjk if you want to vent some more, then I'm here for you!!! I hope something here is helpful to you, angel. I love you and I'm sending you lots of cuddles!💕🤗

[winterheart17]

You are so sweet

Which is a lie btw because my sister chipped in and said that she dm-ed more of my mates on instagram. And then my mother keeps blaming it on me and asking me why I'm annoyed with her. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the worry and concern but I'm old enough and it's barely even half an hour. And I just realised that my mother dictates whatever I do, micromanages my life and controls everything. So at the end of the whole fiasco, I took a cab home and just slept for 6 hours. 

And I understand that's not necessarily the most healthy of coping mechanisms but it's how I cope, I avoid or repress my feelings. My mother always asks me why I sleep so late or why I take so long to shower and my answer to her is usually the same: just a slow poke. But truly I do that as a form of escapism from life and my family (not just her). And honestly the only time I have the courage to talk about my feelings are when I'm slightly tipsy (like now when there's vodka in my coffee cup). 

And I'm just tired and I don't know whether my sentiments are justified logically. Being a rational person, it's pretty hard to draw the line between rational and irrational feelings. And I'm usually the friend to find solutions to peoples problems (helped 4 people with their stress related mental breakdowns in the past week) but I can't seem to solve my own problems. I'll usually just make a joke and change the subject when something bothers me.

_______________________________________________________________________

Hihi there, 

Okay, so first up, I’m so sorry about thefiasco that happened with your mum. It was a crappy situation to be caught inand I know exactly where you’recoming from because I was raised by a very strict mother who used tomicromanage my life (she still tries to at times). It was difficult growing upwith her at times, I admit, especially when I felt so distrusted when I hadnever done anything to make her think I was anything other than responsible. Ithink part of it also stems from the fact that we (me and you) generally don’trebel as well, so, our mothers sort of think it’s okay to carry on doing whatthey’ve done all along.

I’m not saying that it was right of her andI agree that calling so many of your friends when you were just 10 minutes latefor lunch was an overreaction – perhaps she was genuinely concerned and worriedespecially if you’re the sort of person who’s never late to a meet-up and Godknows with all that’s been flooding the news recently, that may have been hertiger mum instincts kicking into gear!

All that said and done, I do think it’ssomething you should talk to her about. Again, easier said than done –sometimes, talking may not resolve anything. But if you’ve not tried this as anoption, I’d advise picking another time and place when things have calmed downto bring the topic up. You can casually open with: “Mum, you do realise that I’m18 now and I appreciate your concern and worry, but I’d also appreciate it ifyou could trust me a little bit more and let me find my footing.” Just makesure to state really clearly that youunderstand her good intentions and that this is in no way a form of youattacking her – but that you’ve realised you’ve been nothing but responsibleand you hope she can show some good faith in you – even though relinquishing controlover her “little girl” can be hard. Don’t expect major changes right away asthese things take time – it will take small nudges and casual reminders if youcatch her micromanaging you again.

Aww honey, I’m so sorry to hear thatbecause to be honest, it sounds like it has been weighing on your mind for along time now – this coping mechanism. I’ve personally never been one to shyaway from acknowledging my emotions – I love digging and sifting through thedirt and I could most probably sit and cry for a good hour if that’s what Iwanted to do to feel better about a situation!

First up, I want you to know that you areallowed to feel however it is the way you want to feel. You don’t need to feelas if your sentiments are justified logically or not – if you feel it, it iswhat it is. What is ‘wrong’ (if I could just borrow the slightest connotationthis word brings) is if you react immediately to how you feel and lash out in away that people don’t deserve. So, take the time to acknowledge and embracewhat it is you’re feeling – ask yourself, what is the worst that could happenwhen you do that? That it will hurt? That you will feel angry? That you’ll havea good cry, a good talk, a good scream – which could potentially make you feelbetter? Once you’ve come to terms with that, then only can you figure out whatyour next course of action should be and how you should handle the people whoare involved in the situation.

You probably find it really easy to helppeople with their problems because you’re very rational and you want to help “solve”things, or at least suggest solutions. It’s easier when you’re the third partylooking in with clear eyes and a clear mind. But when it comes to you, you don’teven know where to begin – everything becomes so overwhelming, you just shutdown. I don’t think you need me to tell you that it can potentially be a hugeproblem – the fact that it’s at the back of your mind is already a tell-talesign.

I’ve been reading a lot of Cheryl Strayed’sDear Sugar advice column pieces lately (they are seriously so insightful,tender, and beautiful, I swear) – but something she said now comes to mind.Sometimes, we like to say that we can’t bear to go through things or bear tosurvive situations. It’s not that we can’t – we are fully equipped to do so –but rather, we don’t want to because it’s painful. We don’t say “I hope I won’thave to endure this”. What I want to tell you now is that you have it in you –the very fact that you know exactly what it is you are repressing shows thatyou have insight to yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to finddifferent ways to relax and forms of escapism can work at times, but rememberthat in the long run, if nothing comes out in the clear – you’re just going tobottle everything up until one day you explode. Perhaps you could start withasking yourself why do you joke and change the subject when something bothersyou? Is it because you’re afraid that speaking out will cause offence? Will itdisplease the people around you? If the reasons are external, I’d like to tellyou that I’ve met a number of people who have no qualms about entering adebate/discussion that would challenge their own views (if indeed it is acertain viewpoint that bothers you). Especially if they are your friends, it’seven more important that you are able to talk with them about things that youare uncomfortable with.

If it’s internal in that you just don’twant to deal with it – ask yourself why? As you’ve mentioned that you’re arational person, why not ask yourself questions so that you can find the rootcause of the issue? If it’s hard for you to just talk it out internally, I’vefound writing to be terribly therapeutic – maybe you could try your hand atthat?

All I’m saying is that you have nothing tolose by confronting your own emotions within yourself. Confronting them doesn’tmean you have to resolve the issues right here, right now with theperson/people in question. It’s acknowledging that something is the matter anddoing so will give you peace of mind.

I’m sorry this turned out to be so long andif I was just rambling throughout it all – but I hope they’ve managed to helpin a way or that you’ve managed to find some measure of comfort in them. Justknow that it takes time and it’s going to be a long and hard journey, but I’mrooting for you and you know where to find me if you ever need an ear (or pairof eyes in this case). You can do this – I really do believe you can

[nothesc]

prompt: sana finally opens up to Elias about the source of her "temper + grumpiness" + he confronts yousef (doesn't have to be included in your writing, can just be implied that he has confronted yousef) + yousef realizes he should probably talk with sana to clear it up + so he picks her up from nissen on Monday (as a surprise to sana) + he's like "can i drive you home?" + she says no and he's all like "i'm driving you home" + instead he takes her somewhere + you choose what to do with the rest.

Heey!

Thanks for the prompt!!

I hope you like what I wrote. I have to say that I didn’t make it very long ‘cause I feel like I’ve written these conversations in a lot of fics already and I didn’t want to repeat myself. But still, I really hope you like it!

—————————–x————————

SUNDAY

Her mind kept going to the previous day. She sawhim in her mind with the ball in his hands, smiling at her. She saw themplaying, she saw them happy, having a good time. But then, her mind made a crueltrick and took her back to a couple of weeks before, to a certain karaokeplace, to a certain moment with a certain blonde girl as the main character.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, shewanted to do anything at all that would erase that image from her mind but allshe could do was stay there, sitting on her bed staring at the wall.

“Sana? Can we talk?”

She had been so focused on her thoughts thatshe hadn’t realized that his brother had entered her room. She looked at Eliasbut she didn’t say anything

“Sana, I’m not leaving this room until we talk”

Again, all she gave him was silence

“Come on Sana, I know you’re mad at me but I’myour brother, let’s talk about it”

“I’m not mad at you Elias, just leave it alone”Sana said

“Of course you’re mad at me, you’ve been sad sincethat day. Sana, I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean the fight to happen, itwas all just a misunderstanding and things got out of control. Please forgiveme”

“It’s not just about the fact Elias, you’vebeen really off lately”

“I was going through a rough time but I’mbetter now, I promise”

“Well, I’m going through a rough time too andthat’s why I’m acting like this so you can relax, it’s not about you” she said trying to make him leave

But instead, he walked over to her and sat onthe bed next to her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really”

“Have you talked about it with someone?”

“No.”

“I think you should, even if it’s not me. But Sanayou need to talk about it with someone, I think that’ll really help”

“I don’t have anyone to talk about it Elias, sojust leave it alone”

“What are you saying? You have your friends,you have me, you have Yousef” Elias said

“No. I don’t have my friends, I don’t haveyou and I definitely don’t have…him” she stated not even wanting to sayhis name.

“Oh, come on. You know he’d listen to you ifyou wanted to”

“I can’t talk about this with him” she whispered

“Sana…does it have something to do with Yousef?Did he do something?”

“It’s nothing, just…stuff”

“I thought things were good between you two, Isaw you yesterday. You were having fun”

“Yes…we were, after spending two weeks withouttalking to each other” she said rolling her eyes

“And why is that?”

“I just…I got angry at him…but I’m…I’m tired ofbeing angry. He hasn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t owe me anything”

“I’m lost here, Sana. What happened?”

She looked at him, considering whether sheshould tell him or not. Maybe if she finally told someone she would feel betterabout it…maybe…

“The day of the karaoke…he…I saw him…he kissedNoora”

“What? Noora? Why?”

“If you find out, tell me”

“Of course I’ll find out” Elias said standing up

“Wait! No, Elias don’t!” she said following him

“Relax, I’m just going to ask him, he doesn’thave to know that you saw them”

“Elias…”

“Sana, relax, let me take care of it”

And with that, he just left.

Later that day, when he came home he refused totell Sana anything, he only said that everything would be alright. If Sana wasanxious about the whole situation before, now she was driving herself crazy.

MONDAY

 Finally, the classes had ended. Avoiding allthe people she knew during a whole morning could be very tiring and now allSana wanted was to go to her house. As she left the building a car caught hereye. She knew that car, and she sure knew the boy who was leaning against itand looking at her.

“Looks like someone is driving you home today” she heard someone saying next toher.

She looked at her left and saw no other thanNoora.

“Me? I think he’s definitely waiting for you” Sana said bitterly

“Why would he wait for me?” Noora asked confused

“Well, I’m not the one he kisses at parties, amI?” Sana spat

Noora’s face completely dropped.

“Sana…”

“Forget it” she said leaving her friend standing there.

She made her way through the yard, ignoringYousef completely, but as soon as he saw her leaving he approached her.

“Hey! Sana! Wait” he said reaching her

“What do you want?”

“Do you want a drive home?” he asked with his hands in hispockets

“No”

“Sana, I’m driving you home” he said

“No, you’re not”

“Please, Sana. We need to talk” he almost begged

Sana, knowing that he wasn’t giving up, walkedpast him towards his car. He stood there watching her not sure if she wasaccepting his offer or not

“Are you coming or what?” she said without turning to faceher

 -x-

“This is not my house” Sana said as Yousef stopped the carin front of a park

“I know. Let’s take a walk”

“You said you were taking me home.”

“And I will, but we need to talk first. Come on”

He got out of the car and started his waythrough the park. Sana sighed and followed him

“Okay, we’re walking. What do you want?” she said

“I know you saw me kissing Noora” Yousef said

Sana stopped dead in her tracks as soon as the wordsleft his mouth. Yousef stopped too and looked at her

“Elias told me”

Sana closed her eyes, trying so hard not tocurse her brother.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked

“It’s none of my business who you kiss or whoyou don’t kiss”she said

“Then why are you hurt?”

“I’m not”

“You are”

“No, I’m not”

“Sana, you are hurt”

“Fine! I’m hurt, I’ve been through hell thispast few weeks. That’s what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”

“No! Of course I’m not happy! I’m so sorry Ihurt you, I hate myself for hurting you” Yousef almost yelled

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because I was trying to forget you”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense”

“I…I was a mess, I thought I wasn’t good enoughfor you, that you didn’t feel the same way about me that I would never get tobe with you…So when Noora kissed me I kissed her back ‘cause I was trying tofind a way to forget about you”

“Have you?” she whispered

“Would I be here if I had? Of course I haven’tforgotten you, I still like you, I’ll always will. I stopped the kiss because Iwasn’t feeling anything, it made me feel…nothing, nothing at all”

She looked at him not sure of what to say

“Sana, please say something…I’m really sorry”

Still, she didn’t say anything

“Okay…I get it…I’ll drive you home” he said making his way back to thecar

“Wait!” she called after him making him stop and faceher “Wejust got here and there’s still a lot of park to explore. You said we were goingfor a walk”

Yousef couldn’t hide the smile on his face. He noddedand approached her standing by her side.

“Let’s go for a walk, then”

——————————-x———————————-

Sooo this is it!

Like I said it’s not very long

I hope you’ve liked it!!!

Also, maybe, maybe, maybe, maaaaaybe I’ll post one of the yousana future!fics tonight…if I can study what I have to study and still have time to write it, if not it’ll be posted tomorrow, but I’m going to try

The next prompts have nothing to do with the clips, meaning that they’re not based on the, they’re mostly future fics about key moments in their relationship and I really hope you’ll like it

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ve liked this one♥