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renxamamiya · 4 years

Note

Imagine Post-P5R Akira wanting to hold Goro’s hand but he can’t so he just holds the glove Goro gave him like it is his hand and sometimes intertwines his fingers with the fingers of the glove, whenever he does this with the glove he rarely feels better instead he just feels worse and starts crying

Hey sorry this took like the entire month but like..... fuck dude... I wrote a thing... poggers

AO3

Ren woke up to the stillness of night. Light from fluorescent streetlamps poured through the curtains of his bedroom, illuminating the dark room with an eerie glow, just enough for him to see the furniture that decorated his room.

He was back in Inaba from his time in Tokyo, back in his parents' house, his name cleared from the crime he did not commit. Ren remembered how unbearable at how quiet the nights were after coming back from the city, already used to the white noise of cars roaring down narrow streets that accompanied his sleep. They were always there, a constant he was irritated with during his first nights in Tokyo, cursing at the thin walls the attic seemed to house; he thought he wouldn't get used to such a barrage of noise, a concept he now hissed at the irony of as he now yearned for it as he slept sleeplessly in quiet.

Yet it wasn't the only reason this time he stirred from otherwise blissful sleep. He was having dreams of Tokyo again... of the Metaverse. Bizarre and frightening, Ren would have passed the events he'd had to endure as stress-inducing nightmares if it weren't for the feline sleeping by the foot of his bed. Having forged a bond that's unbreakable, Morgana insisted he'd come along to his home in the countryside. His parents were... less than pleased with having a new, unexpected addition to the family, but in time they grew to love Morgana as one of their own (and Ren sometimes wondered if they loved the cat more than they did him).

There was one dream... one dream in particular that Ren had constantly revisited. One about Goro, always about Goro, and never something else.

It was an open secret amongst the Phantom Thieves during their yearlong time of operation that Ren fancied the star detective prince, even since he stood up to the Detective Prince in front of millions on TV, that first sighting of him made his heart flutter in a way he never experienced before, almost jumping up his throat and out of his mouth, and Ren always wondered if Goro ever acknowledged how flushed his cheeks under the studio lights as they shook hands.

Opposite ends of a conflict, rivals, a detective and a thief. He loved the way they danced around each other, their game of cat and mouse, constantly pushing the other to their limits, always in competition to outdo each other, the cyclical motion in which one chased each other by the coattails of their intertwining destinies… Ren knew the same day he had met the detective that he was suspicious, always aware that Goro might be the ‘Black Mask’ behind the mental shutdowns, yet never raising it to his friends both from uncertainty and fear that the boy he crushed on was, in fact, a cold-hearted killer.

His unframed eyes wandered from his lap onto the bedside table. A lone glove sat beside his glasses, gently illuminated by a stream of moonlight. He remembered their duel in Mementos. A private battle against the other in the arena that was the stream of the public consciousness, and his triumph over his rival, his crush. Ren wouldn’t dare forget that day when Goro allowed his mask to slip for the first time, for Ren to witness the real Goro on that day as he threw his glove at him... The same glove he picked up from his bedside table. The only real keepsake he had left with the detective. He tightened his grip around it.

How he wished that things played differently, for them to be something more than rivals he insisting they’d be between each other... Ren remembered the many, many insomnia-filled nights even after changing the heart of Shido, his mind wandering to that engine room. The iconography of Shido’s twisted party burned in his mind, faded red paint pulsated perfervidly as he pounded heavily on the shutter door, how peaceful Goro sounded within his last moments of their time together, the sudden, sharp bangs of bullets blasting between his crush and his crude, cruel copy.

Yet that was not the source of his continued grief. No; with time he would have moved on from his loss, an emotion he practised when parting with his Phantom Thief life completely from Tokyo. He brought the glove to his lips and kissed it; vulnerable tears blinked down from his eyes.

Maruki. He had saved Goro from his fate, bringing the detective back from perceived death, Ren remembering how absolutely stunned he felt when he saw Goro, loosed tongued, the ‘Detective Prince’ mask he donned on gone... it was a miracle... it was a lure for him to accept his reality, Goro a piece of bait for him to allure Ren into wanting Maruki’s twisted haven of reality, to ensnare the rebellious boy into his will.

And Ren almost bought into it, almost accepted his deal, remembering his almost shameful want to keep everything Maruki had given him. He wanted to stay in Tokyo, to be with his friends, to love Goro freely, both of them finally breaking the binds that bound them to expectation and binary. Yet it was not meant to be. He remembered the way Goro sneered at him for even considering the Gentle Madman’s deal; angry, red eyes squinting hatefully at him. And Ren understood why. Even with the uncertainty of his destiny he still chose to stand against Maruki’s wishes, chose to discard being a puppet for the counsellor’s dream, taking the reins of his destiny as Ren demonstrated to him.

It was something that Ren did not want, the Fool almost abandoning the integrity he had clung on so desperately all that time, all dashed at the opportunity to finally save the one he couldn’t. Yet; he saw that even while discussing his uncertain fate, the freedom to finally control his destiny, his future, the one thing Goro had desired this whole time, even if it meant dying in Shido’s Palace, even if it meant that they would never see the other again... that Goro was happy.

And who was he to reap the happiness from the man who pursued it for so long? Ren was now sobbing, holding the glove close to him, squeezing the leather tight. The dream he would have. Where he would always see glimpses of Goro, a modern Tantalus, the thing he desired the most always just out of his reach. He would often imagine how Goro’s fingers felt intertwined in his own, skin touching skin, Ren almost pretending when he filled the glove with his grip, clutching his hands together in prayer for the life he wished for...

He felt Morgana against him, purring in comfort. The cat said nothing, understanding more than anyone the feelings Ren had for Goro, yet also perplexed; but he knew he was in no position to argue, and so he comforted Ren as he cried into the night, until exhaustion again lulled him into bliss-less sleep, the only remnant of Goro still clasped in his hands.

#myfanfic #mywriting #persona #goro akechi #ren amamiya #p5r spoilers #spoilers #we pogging tonight boys #digifangirl97 #ask dan #thank you!#dan's log #txt

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liberolove · 4 years

Text

Our Great Perhaps

Pairing: Nishinoya x reader

Summary: You two have been dating for about 3 years. You met him in your first semester of college, and you two have been pretty strong. Now, however, taking into account each of your career paths has brought up issues. Maybe, it wasn’t meant to be.

Genre: crack, angst, college au (first part)

Warnings: cussing

Part One || Part Two: here

Nishinoya Yuu was an inimitable beast and glorious lover. He was the most passionate, romantic, and charismatic partner. You had never met someone like him before, so when he waltzed gracefully into your life, you were in awe.

There was no way that a man like this could ever exist. You had dreamt of your stereotypical prince charming and knight in shining armor entering your life and sweeping you off of your feet. However, you had no idea your fairy tale dream could ever become a reality. And so soon.

The moment you two crossed paths, it felt as though worlds had collided. The stars had aligned and your prayers had been answered. Finally. This was the beginning of your happily ever after.

From the exact second you laid your eyes upon his beautifully toned physique, you knew that there was something special about him. Perhaps, this was the way love at first sight feels like?

When he walked into the lecture hall, everyone else faded from view, leaving only you and him. You just remember his smile, and those brightly lit eyes, looking throughout the hall for a place to sit. He seemed a little lost, but eventually he found somewhere to settle.

You were shocked to find him moving towards you, in the back of the wide room. You were sitting alone in that row of seats, hoping that no one would sit next to you, yet he saw you. He saw that you didn’t actually want to be alone. You were wanting- yearning for someone. Anyone. Anyone to come and sit next to you.

He heard your silent begging, and complied. Once he was close enough, he grinned his award winning teeth and introduced himself.

“Nishinoya Yuu. But you can call me either Noya or Yuu. What’s your name, gorgeous?”

Those words will forever be seared into the back of your mind. They are the first words your guardian angel ever spoke to you.

Since then, you two never let go of each other. No matter where you were, everyone knew that Noya was close by. Despite having different majors, you two did your best to take the same general education classes.

But once your studies started leading you to your core major classes, you two had to part ways in terms of school. This didn’t come between you and Noya much, due to the fact that you two had been living together since your three month anniversary. It felt so right at the time, so why not?

Despite the differences in coursework, you knew that you could always come to him in your cozy apartment.

What was starting to drive a wedge between the two of you was the fact that Noya had begun to delve in deeper into his extracurriculars.

You were psyched to hear about his growing opportunities within his field of study: kinesiology. He dreamt of becoming a personal trainer and a coach for high school students. He had a big heart and wished to give back to his community.

The only problem was that he was focusing all his attention to the intramural volleyball team, the kinesiology club, and his current position at a local high school.

At first it was manageable, but as the semester progressed, he was constantly busy, leaving you stranded at home.

After spending almost three years joined at the hip practically, this change felt so wrong and absurd. You hadn’t felt this lonely in so long.

Usually, Noya was so caring and attentive to your mental state, but now, with everything going on, he couldn’t spare the time to listen to you.

You were so afraid of him forgetting you. Noya was constantly running here and there like a whirlwind, causing him to skip out on your weekend dates. He had so much work to do, and couldn’t afford to get behind on his studies.

As the number of postponed dates grew, you decided it was time to talk. The anxiety of not knowing how he would respond starting to take over your thoughts. You had no idea how to bring it up nor how to convey your emotions to him.

~~~~~

The day you finally decided to spill your feelings, he was running late. You had set up dinner about half an hour ago, yet he still wasn’t home.

You were considering just heading off to bed, since it was getting really late. That’s when the door opened.

“Hey, sweetie, I’m so sorry! The boys wanted to go out to eat after practice, so we got- oh.. Oh fuck, y/n. I’m so sorry! I should’ve texted you that we went out.. I’m so sorry.. I’ll eat it tomorrow for breakfast. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Yuu. I’m sorry, too, for not letting you know.”

There was a lull in the conversation, and you felt the knot in the back of your throat grow. You tried to get it out, but your own words were choking you. Your eyes started to well up with tears. Nishinoya was putting away dinner when he heard your stifled sobs, and immediately turned towards you and held you close to his chest.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Please tell me. Is it because I didn’t tell you earlier about going out to eat? I’m so sorry.”

“n-noo.. It’s n-not.. that.” you managed to say.

“Then, what is it? You can tell me. You know that, right? You can tell me anything.”

Those words. They dug deep into your heart. You knew he would hear you out, but the fear of the unknown kept ringing in your ears.

“I.. I c-.. I just can’t!” you yelped and buried your face in his chest.

“I can’t do this anymore..”

He understood immediately. Without saying a word, he held you tightly and placed one hand over your head, trying to soothe you.

He did his best to comfort you, but he realized that this might be one of the last times he would ever hold you.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. I really am. I wish I could fix this.”

Between sniffles, you replied, “We can’t fix it.. Things are different now..”

“I know, but there’s.. there has to be something.. anything.. Anything we can do. We can fix it.. I know we can.”

“I don’t know..”

His eyes started to water, as well. He pulled away from the hug and lifted your chin up so he could see you. Noya stared at you through the veil of tears in his eyes. He did his best to take you in, trying to memorize all of your facial features.

“I’m sorry I failed you..” he whispered quietly.

“You didn’t.. It’s neither of our faults.. It just wasn’t meant to be..” As you said these words, you felt the sting of what they meant. It hurt to say it out loud, but it also helped provide some closure.

You two had grown apart and there was nothing you could do. You had given him 3 years of your life. They were the happiest years of your life, and you would never regret them, despite how much pain you were currently feeling.

“I love you, y/n. I always have, and always will. No matter what..”

“I love you, Yuu. So much. Thank you for everything..”

~~~~~~~

To say that the breakup was devastatingly difficult would be an understatement.

Noya had an especially hard time trying to adjust to the change. He would still come home smiling and leaning in for kisses, but stop abruptly, remembering that you two weren’t together anymore. It hurt him to not be able to feel your touch on his skin, or vice versa.

At first you agreed to be roommates, so that you could adjust gradually, but it made the pain so much worse. Seeing him everyday hurt so much. There was a pain in your chest every time you looked at him, because you knew he wasn’t yours anymore.

Eventually, you two talked about it, and decided that one of you had to move out. Noya basically decided himself that he would be the one to leave.

You were grateful for his gesture. You tried to help him pack, but unfortunately, every one of his belongings was shrouded in the memories of your past. You had to apologize and leave him be.

Once the apartment was empty, the ache worsened. It was actually happening. This was real. You two were over.

That first month, you cried yourself to sleep every night. You were thankful that the one constant thing in your life, school, was still the same. So, you focused on your studies, making sure that your grades didn’t suffer the same way you were suffering.

Your friends learned to not talk about him, anymore. He would always be a part of you, but he was in the past, now. It took you about a whole year to feel better.

You graduated from university, and you were on your way towards your dream career.

~~~~~~~

7 years later

~~~~~~~

For your job, you had moved away to Tokyo. From there, you really blossomed. A change of scenery was exactly what you needed. You were currently working as a social worker, and you were loving it. Helping people and supporting them was your calling, truly.

Everything was going great, and you soon got even more good news. Your agency was about to open a new branch in Miyagi. Your boss picked you specifically to handle the logistics, since you were familiar with the area.

You were so excited to go back home and reconnect with friends and family.

You packed your bags, ready for the next chapter of your life. Your family was ecstatic that you came back, with so much success behind you.

When you settled into your new house, your friends planned a surprise housewarming party. Everyone was so supportive and happy that you were back, with the job of your dreams.

Eventually, they started asking you if there was anyone special in your life. You shook your head.

The entire time you were in Tokyo, you were too engrossed in your work to focus on dating. You didn’t have time to get to know someone who would eventually leave. Besides, you knew that Tokyo wouldn’t be for you, forever, so when you heard about a new branch opening, you jumped on the opportunity.

Truthfully, you missed your life back home. You had grown used to the rural quiet of Miyagi. The city was fun, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t home.

Since you told your friends there wasn’t anyone special, they started to drown you in guys’ phone numbers, trying to set you up with everyone they knew.

You laughed it off and tried your best to get away, but your efforts were futile.

They were dead set on finding someone for you, which was kind of dumb, seeing as there were hundreds of dating apps now.

You reluctantly took all the phone numbers they gave you, with no intention of actually calling any of them.

After the party, you were able to relax and have some time to yourself. You forgot how tiring parties were for you. It was exhausting answering so many questions about where you’ve been and what you’ve been up to. Still, it was comforting to see that so many people were still in your hometown.

The next day you walked around town, remembering all the shops and houses from your childhood. Almost nothing had changed.

You decided to walk into your favorite little café from back in the day. It looked just as you remembered it, with the only change being the menu. They served way more drinks than before.

You ordered a small iced coffee and sat down in a corner, with a book in your lap.

Today, you decided to read some poems. You put your earphones in and the world around you dissipated.

You were too enraptured in your own little world to notice, but a man in a white t-shirt and black shorts walked into the café.

He ordered an iced coffee, as well, and looked around for a comfortable spot to sit. That’s when he spotted you. Could his eyes be deceiving him? It couldn’t be. Last he’d heard, you had moved away to the big city.

Intrigued, he sat down 2 tables away from you, so as to not disturb you, in case you weren’t the person he thought you were.

You sat there for about an hour before looking up from your book. “That was enough reading for now,” you thought. You got up without paying attention to your surroundings and walked out of the café.

When you got up, he was able to catch a glimpse of your face. It was you. He sat there stunned in silence. Before he knew it, you were gone.

He ran out of the shop, in a frenzy, looking for you. He saw you still making your way down the street, so he ran behind you, trying to catch up.

“Y/N!!”

Your earphones were still in, with your music blasting. You knew it was bad for your ears, but you couldn’t help it. You loved being lost in the sound.

“Y/n?! Fuck my life. Earphones.”

He finally caught up to you and put his hand on your shoulder. “Y/n!!”

You jumped, startled by the touch, and started fumbling backwards, about to fall. He reached out for your hand, and caught you just in time.

You breathed a sigh of relief, and took out your earphones. “Don’t fucking scare me like that, fuck.” You looked up at the figure looming over you, and you stopped breathing. It was him. God, it had been so long.

“Nishinoya..”

“Y/n!! Glad to see you’re still the same, with music blasting in your ears.” He chuckled to himself.

“Hi. Wow. Hey.. Hi..”

“Yeah, hey. Been a while, huh? How you been? I didn’t know you were back visiting.”

“I actually moved back.”

“Wow! That’s awesome! Have you met up with everyone yet?”

“Yeah, I have. Wow.. It’s really you. I thought you would’ve moved away, too.”

“I did, but I came back, too. I just couldn’t stay away, y’know?”

“Same.”

“Sooo.. wanna go out for some ramen later or something? To catch up?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

~~~~~~~

Noya picked you up from your place in his car at around 8 pm. Your heart was racing, the way it used to when you were still dating.

You got in and asked, “Where’re we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

You whined but settled down quickly.

Once you arrived you yelped, “Oh man! I love this place! I can’t believe you remembered..”

“Of course, I did. How could I forget?”

After all these years, he still remembered your favorite ramen place. You wondered what else he remembered..

You two spent the next two hours catching up and laughing like old friends. You told him all about your life in Tokyo, and he told you about his journeys abroad. Noya had gone to Brazil, the US, Korea, and most of Europe. He loved traveling but always made his way back home. Now, he was teaching and coaching at the same university you two graduated from. He was living his dream.

His phone rang. “Hey, sorry about that, I need to answer this,” he apologized.

“Hey, what’s going on? ... Oh, I’m just out having dinner with a friend, catching up. ... I’ll come over in a little... Okay, bye... See ya soon.”

He hung up. “Hey, I have to go now. My girlfriend’s been sick and she wants me to stop by before bed.”

You did your best to hide the disappointment and jealousy in your face. Of course, he has a girlfriend. It’s not like he waited for you this whole time. You were glad he was able to move on, but it still hurt a little. You put on your best fake smile and said, “Yeah, no worries! We can keep chatting another time.”

“Let’s get going then.”

“Alright, thanks again for the food.”

“Yeah, no problem. Anything for you!”

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ofthemuses · 6 years

Text

Area 11 Sentence Meme; from all their released albums

All the Lights In The Sky (2013)

i. vectors

One day I will find you I saw that you were lonely too You reached out and you took me I repressed that time Everything that I forgot, I see it clearly can’t you see that you’re losing your mind A shot to the head leaves it all behind I’ll tear you apart Reach out your hands to catch me reach out your hands and you tear me apart But we are simply killing time I wish I’d see inside your mind I wish I’d seen inside you Almost the same, but not enough Never forgiven, but still in love

ii. euhpemia

Memories of fallen dreams and all those that have died. Demons are possessing me. I feel my hate take flight. I'm choking on my own words and I'm scared of backing down the hope within us all is up in flames Twisted by my warring conscience. The situation's pushing onwards. This can't be, was this me? I think I've lost control. I caused this, I forced this, Can I continue on? I caused this, I forced this, I caused this! Betrayed by trust, forever left to scream. Oh hold me closely and die in my arms, then take this secret with you. I became your puppet master This could fuel The Revolution! This could be my last solution! And all good victories come with a price. Just take my secret with you.

iii. knightmare / frame

What is life but a burden for me? All this anger, burning inside but buried deep One step forward and two to the side, every single time I fall asleep and I feel I'm falling Nightmare comes without warning I can't seem to sleep In my dreams I feel I'm running towards her/his shining light She/he shines for me Just like glass I saw right through Something I couldn't see until I changed my point of view I cannot let you go inside of me, the will to change the world Can a mask be the face of reason? You will answer, to the pieces left behind Well I watched her/him die in your arms Freed but they'll never understand

iv. tokyo house party

I know that this will never work out So it shouldn't even start Cause I'm just a kid at heart And you know that it's such a waste Cause I hate that bitter taste and your bittersweet embrace I feel this has gone to my head I'll never drink again But fuck it, I don't care I don't know what you came here for This is where we are from (The town where nothing goes on) Waiting for our own special moment to die I got lost to find myself I wanna be with you tonight Cause everything's gone; it's been wiped out I feel a change in the pace I know I should run and I should fight But the look in your eyes: I could die here tonight Fear of failure, we're moving so slow

v. shi no barado

I saw your face in the LED's It's something that I can never repay, but I will try anyway. I sent a message I know you'd see Now fate led you down a path to me You're all I ever wanted you can use me, you can kill me My body will be a fortress I will keep you safe from pain My losses are your gains Together we can burn this to the ground, rebuild it into something right I'm not afraid and I'm not alone because you're with me in my dreams I won't give up on this perfect love

vi. cassandra pt. 2

Although it doesn't really matter now You use me, and I use you I'm your savior, you're my muse The best friend that you been to me but I wanna be your enemy You want a reaction You wear a red dress when you're in a bullfight You're drawing attention to your double life In dreams, I'm coming to find you and when I wake I want anyone else. 'Cause I don't love you, It's what I'm telling myself I’m hiding from you, ‘cause we are the same Wait, just wait for me and I'll come around My best friend that I've never seen That's turned you into my enemy No, it's all in my mind I feel I should save myself before this gets too real

vii. the strays

I'd still cheer for you ten years down the line Time stepped away from me Stray from this boring dream What must it be like with your world alight? How could I stay here and rust when I'm set to explode? You can outrun everything but the debts that you owe I'm numb from the distance If it's just the bored asking this kind of thing, where do we fit in? Take what you want from it We're the last ones left Get the others and cut to the next Scene To be truly free Freedom comes not from, but through me Do you remember when the stars were much higher? You would try to count them all But you grew tired - tired - tired

viii. dreams & reality

Dreams... are realities. You mean so much to me I can't forget the way, the choice that we made that day. Is it worth the risk that we take? Waiting and hoping from the side-lines But this is our moment, it's our chance to shine. 'Cause this feels better than the best thing 'Cause we are stronger than anything We've grown from all the things we've been through, And they couldn't break us if they wanted to. Your smile is brighter than the lights in the skies wont you tell me what is real? Lets write our names in history, Let's make these dreams reality,

ix. heaven-piercing giga drill

you came and dug me up into a world full of violence. So many faces, so many trials. They won't stop our evolution. Who do you think we are? Fight against your execution. Trust me and we'll fly, not fall. Tip the balance to risk it all. Together we can go so far. All the lights in the sky are stars. It follows everywhere I go. It carries the hope of humanity, and everything we know. Believe in me, who believes in you.

x. bōsōzoku symphonic

There's three parts to love, or so I believe. There's a part of you you lose, and another you receive. Here I break with the concept, though it's central to the piece. Leave my mark on the canvas, that only you can see. I deferred my happiness, for loneliness and time. But once I'm where I wanna be, you'll be far behind. And the chains that pull me down, slacken off when you're around. And it's comforting to know I'll rip out all the hooks from my skin so I can grow. Sometimes I disagreed, just to hear you scream. You were right, but I needed you to give emotion back to me. I'm not leaving you, I'm not leaving you!

Underline (2014)

i. are you listening?

All aboard this sinking ship No business here it's just relationships Should this mean more to me? Just join the tribe and feel accepted But cool don't come for free The rope that pulled me from the pit now hangs around my neck Is this the clue you wanted? Too cryptic for the rest Play the part of the victim if it puts your mind at ease Put all the blame on me So what you feel, is it nostalgia or love? Tell me now, are you really listening? When everybody tells you to stop, and that you’re never good enough; tell me now, are you really listening? Reach out for help, and she lets you down So gild your pockets, we'll watch you drown Cause this means more to me It's hard when all I see Now we take control We fade into hindsight Can this be realized?

ii. in the blind

I redesign, I realign. I redefine, and yet resign. My only hope: to feel. And when I phased out the "privileged" and the "purpose" I realized that art can never true be separated That should define who I will never be. Sorry. Cause this is the new way Still spinning cycles in my mind Hold me back and keep me down! Drop the weights, accept my fate, and trigger the explosion. Now keep the faith as illusions break and we'll show you something real. And when I reach out into event horizons will there be light and sound, or will it be just me?

iii. override (a)

Willing and wishing to break This won't be over so soon You'll claw yourself out of the womb Are you willing to die? To be born in the spotlight? I won't let you drown Are you willing to die? To be something? We patiently wait your return Rejecting your pitiful life You'll crawl on your hands and your knees You'll feast on the fear you receive And here in the alter you'll give your life for a reason to live Are you ready to die? Are you ready to die? To be more than they say you are? You'll be a mistake The child of the void and the ghost in the tape Can the ego you've sculpted endure the escape? I am willing tonight. I am willing to die to be something; trigger the override

Modern Synthesis (2016)

i. override [C]

Lay the new foundations; reprise Strange are the things that will come around Return to the question, I'm willing to die If this is real and this is anticipation Know it in your mind, hear it once and now you bear the load Are you ready for life? Make a stand in afterglow

ii. the contract

You’ve spent a lifetime locked in the same mindset You break the contract, and smile away your debt I play for closure, through the fear and the thrill of the fight Move a little bit closer, ‘cause you’re in for a jagged night I close my eyes; a toxic calling Just let it resonate, we call it suffering We know just who to trust this time I want you to give me what I need Lay waste to your beliefs, rebuild yourself for me I want you to come alive again I feign obsession, and abbreviate my views You're my possession, until I'm done with you I want you to feel as I feel I want you; submit yourself to me Your body and your mind; give it willingly Just sign the contract

iii. watchmaker

Serve or break the patterns that would be Middle child of eternity The creeping vines of anomie I never wanted to believe I never asked if I could stay Switch the pressures you relieve Sketching parallels to understand why I can't share your love I’m only building what I meant to do so many lives ago

iv. versus

I dream of it; am I a psycho? Watching you burn nothing else feels this perfect to me “Hands in the air”; salute or surrender? We adapt, mutilate, replicate and survive But choose a side The truth, the war; the rise, the fall The virus in our heads that infects us all Do you need it once more? Can you remember what it is we’re dying for? (Fighting for?) Little soldier, little girl/boy who used to love this fucking world To love, to despise: such a fine line The hardest strikes always land when hands are tied The virus in our heads infects, manipulates our thoughts

v. processor

I took a chance to fly I want no role in your altercation I feel panic arise as rhetoric voices are feeding back again Blocking out vitriolic accusations: Was I listening? Because I want to be better on the inside I want to be better on the outside I fall asleep in the vestige I once called my home I pray for you, abide with the hopeless Regretting the choice but I can't turn away The modern synthesis compels me to start again I will have my way, I told you, I told you, I told you As I dispersonalise I taste a real life far from the pacifist you believe I exemplify I am the fury, I am hypocrisy The day I take control. The day you'll believe in me The path back home, the path I'll show you The path back home, where you'll wait for me, wait for me

vi. red queen

I said I don't mind, but you've touched a nerve The way you frame it, well, I got all I deserved Breathe deep and comfort the disturbed In the cave you fear what would you find? We played our hands together You lose me in your blood chemistry So we'd better try to match her/his speed Toast to the red queen/king and all she has seen Is it time to drink at your table? We can only wait and watch for so long Where you fall is not where you belong Unify behind false enemies Down other lines we would have been the same Beauty fades but still my charm deceives This night is shared and so we use each other ‘cause misery loves company And so it goes again A wasted day to vie for my affection Soon you'll come undone Can't fake a smile so they draw it on

vii. angel lust

how far did you deviate? The bridge collapsed but you took the stone From the ash an altar raised, you rebuilt your home And cynics they will try to tempt and change our minds We'll keep our faith alive, we'll raise our voices And scream it from our hearts: God loves her/his children we wait to receive a sign and the scraps of truth of what we believe The passion, the pain, our bodies ache, we cry your name

viii. the life of a ghost

Living the life of a ghost, there is no comfort for the mind Some sights we've tried to leave behind Always looking backwards down the road I will retain composure Lost in thoughts of where I am Stay 'til dawn, begin anew? With all honesty I want to be selfless To be human, but I'm beat and I'm worn-though I'm lost tonight I'm an ember, will you take my story? Pull back the curtain and walk towards the truth There is no comfort for the mind

ix. after the flags

Come on son do your country proud! Lead us down to the ocean and wash our hands of campaigns for the self-assured now Fading white in surrender and weary from the beating sun that blinds you Take a hit for catharsis Take a hit for them all After the flags they're selling off the wall I wanna die for a reason I wanna kill for a cause The fall won't kill but it's gonna hurt do you watch just to wince at this? we have been misled Straighten out your fiction As means to ends and ends to meaning guide you After the flags I'm nobody at all If I could reach you with reason You set us up for a fall After the flags you're nobody at all

x. nebula

This is my suffering, stuttering the words As all I can see is you Hey there you lost boy/girl, just look at what they've done to you They've poisoned the well of your mind but you'll make it through I'm falling to the call of you To love just an action, we overplay and overdo But now, there's no one beside me They've fallen behind

xi. panacea and the prelogue

Wait inside we'll talk a while I didn't mean to let the years go by Have we come to terms with the lesson that our fathers learned? Everything goes away I'd follow you, but not this time I'm sorry that I let you down, let you down, a lifetime ago I wanna say to all I leave behind, and to those I'll never find. That I need you to understand, understand, you're not on your own. What you value, is it worth the time? The only melodies that I could ever call mine were friendship and lust Will I feel absolved at the moment when we have it solved? Still it's never enough Lines fade out, but you illuminate the path back home, the path you've shown me

all your friends / new magiks / everybody gets a piece (2018)

i. all your friends

Habits tend to crystallize Did you waste it in the dark? Why were you sure it was real? you let all your friends tell you how to feel The archetypes; the ideal will soon embrace you when you let yourself heal Who are we to cauterise bleeding hearts that synchronise? Did he/she waste you in the dark? Choose your friends just to canonize you, as you let them fantasize

ii. new magiks

I'm watching the mirror crack to face my addiction This all feels a little strange, (A life fearing fiction) I better step outside It's all fine, from the shoreline The weight crushing down my heart, you don't want it, you don't wanna know A head full of dying stars, the shoulders that bear the load The wave crashes down on my heart You don't wanna know My mind's a rogue nation Just look how we weaponise carnal accusation It's all fine, a drop in the skyline Make it hurt Percolate emotion Boys/Girls lost to the ocean drown You were the bright newcomer I fucked you up that summer I didn't know, you let me know my mind is loaded

iii. everybody gets a piece

In time you'll grow, I fucking hope I'm outside looking in at all the time we're putting in Think I know what it means I won't say the right things just to open doors Don't waste your time in the studio I've been told to beg, steal and borrow I'm told it's not the way to go Nobody listens to the radio Everybody gets a piece Did you honestly say it might have been me? But all this while did you think of me, you know All this while, we were pure potential energy, dreaming Don't ask, you'll never get You never asked so you never got nothing Did you get all you wanted from me? You don't ask so you'll never receive Can't lose when you're playing for free

#sentence meme #long post #area 11 #inbox meme #roleplay meme #ask meme #askbox meme

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tea-e-biscotti · 8 years

Text

We’ll never be bonded by the same blood.

Plot: When Matsui Jurina’s father introduced her new girlfriend, Rena, to his daughter, he couldn’t know the consequences of his action.

Pairing: Wmatsui, ChuriJuri, mentioned Furuyanagi

Warnings: pseudo!incest, cheating, friends with benefits, I’ve written it last February so if there is something off with the characters’ somatic freatures, its because of it.

Rating: borderline M

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection had a face, a beautiful and oval face, with a little mole on a cheek.

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection had an age, six years more than her.

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection had a name, and it was Rena.

She would have recognized that long raven hair everywhere, and she was sure. Like she was sure she would be able to distinguish that shy and shiny eyes above other thousand.

With so particular features, that official introduction by her father was totally useless.

-Jurina, this is Rena. We’re dating.-

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection died when she was 18 years old.

She surely knew Rena- Attending the same school, that covered the instruction from elementary school to high school, she had met the girl a lot of time during her rush through the hallways and she spent a lot of time looking dreaming at her during the lunch break and cheering for her during the shows of the drama club. Her graduation left a bitter taste in the mouth of the eighteen, that during the following years was able to find only her major: literature, like she expected.

The raven-hair girl next to her father, this she didn’t expect at all. Sure, Mr Matsui was quite young at the age of 42 and he had a certain charm (inherited by his daughter, according to her), but he wasn’t the ideal candidate for a 24 years old girl in her prime.

-She is going out with you for the money.-

She said coldly exiting from the room.

More days passed, more the pain inside Jurina’s chest increased- The hate, because it WAS hate, it couldn’t be anything else, regarding Rena was torturing her. She closed her eyes and she could touch with her hand the shy smiles that the older girl was giving her constantly, the hidden glances that were always on her when she was distracted, the red cheeks, the awkwardness bad hidden every time Jun tried to kiss her in front of her daughter.

Every action was a dart, a thrill on her skin.

Who the hell she believed she was, that temptress? How she dare to even think to smile in such an adorable way, with her eyes half closed, when every breath was like a shot?

Here presence was unbearable.

-Is only a flirt, trust me. They’re going to break up within two months.-

Akane, her best friend, tried to comfort her, but Jurina only raised her eyes from the exercise and frowned, marking her exercise as wrong. The examinations were near, and she couldn’t afford to let her get distracted by the umpteenth slut her father brought home.

-For what reason you have ever thought of intrude in my life, Rena-chan?-

In that honorific there wasn’t any trace of affection, only contempt and devaluation. She would never give her the respect that the woman, or better, her father, required.

-I’m free to go anywhere and with anyone I want once I’ll graduate, and it won’t be the first baby my father brings here to stop me. I’ll go to Tokyo, that you’ll like it or not.-

She had what she wanted, so where was the happiness? Why she wasn’t able to enjoy the view of Rena crying in front of her? Was the guiltiness that blocked her, the regret to have so much criticized her authority that prevented her from exulting or was more?

-Jurina.. don’t go… don’t leave me alone…-

But she wasn’t able to hear the words of the woman. She had already left the room slamming the door.

-You must postpone your departure. We have to talk.-

“We have to talk” Nothing is scarier than this sentence.

-Rena and I want to get married.-

A thud, then nothing.

The truth is an icy shower, that opens your eyes but penetrates into your bones causing violent thrills.

In the silence of her room, only some very bad concealed sobs and regulars breaths were audible.

Jurina was able to sense a presence next to her bed, but in the darkness of her warm covers and her blurry vision was difficult to distinguish the reality from the projection of her imagination.

-The ceremony must already be over, you can stop faking now.-

Akane’s voice was low and husky, unlike her usually shrill one.

Only her father could have called her, the eighteen years old thought. She could have been willing to eat spikes and walk on hot embers, but not to take part in that farce that they called marriage. It only took her to see herself reflected in the mirror the week before the ceremony to understand that an excuse wasn’t needed. The red swollen eyes, the hollow cheeks and the never ending nausea reveled themselves as the perfect allies to display as a so intense illness to confine her to the bed.

The real problem was that it wasn’t an excuse, but she was really ill.

She re-emerged from the covers that had been enveloping her body for a while and she curled up in a fetal position with her back in front of Churi.

-Jurina-san, I know you hate her, but all this will come to an end when will move to Tokyo. It will pass, I know it.-

-You don’t know anything.-

The worlds flown out her mouth with an uncommon calm. She turned to her friend and placed some pillows against her back sustain herself and to have her intense stare glued to the scared and uncertain ones of the girl.

-It’s because I don’t hate her that I can’t find my peace.-

The awareness of loving Rena, of having always loved her and lost her, that was her icy shower.

-Help me to move on, Churi.-

She whispered posing lascivious kisses on her neck. A little bit of warmth would have been enough to warm her bones, or so she thought.

-Rena is changed, is more close and even less demonstrative than before.-

Seated in her new kitchen in Tokyo, Jurina held her telephone far from her ear. The morning didn’t start in the right way with the umpteenth argument with Akane, and surely listening to her father’s complains about her new wife only after three months of marriage wasn’t bringing any improvement to her day.

-It’s difficult to relate to a baby, you know.-

A jibe. Jurina almost smiled at herself for the irony of her words.

-This is the reason why I ask for your help. Come back home for a while, get along with her. Talk to her. Maybe with you she’ll open more.-

-I’ve some exam, college is more difficult than high school and I can’t lose any time. It’s up to you, she isn’t my wife.-

Unfortunately.

-Jurina, it’s me, Rena. If you are there, please, answer.-

Only the strict glare of her lover stopped her from answering her phone. The needs in her voice woke up her drowsed senses in that Sunday morning filling her up with adrenaline.

Rena, always Rena.

Every time she felt able to forget about her, she came back to occupy her mind; less she wanted to see her, more she felt the urge to leave everything behind and came back to her.

-Maybe you’re not home… It’s Sunday, after all. Maybe you’re out with your… friend… Call me as soon as possible… Bye.-

The hand of the young girl was ready to reach the phone when a soft caress on her naked arm stopped her actions.

-Well? It only needs her voice to wake you up? Let’s use this energy in a more useful way!-

Whispered Akane before kissing her.

Even if her lover’s company was delightful, Jurina couldn’t stop thinking about the husky voice of the older woman.

Rena was sterile. She wasn’t able to have children.

The doctor’s verdict was clear.

A tragedy dropped on that particular family but it had less victims than someone could have ever guessed.

Around the ebony table, her father was silent, the head was bent and the forehead was posed on the knuckles, the shoulders were shaken by tremors.

On his right, Rena turned her glare nervously from her husband to the girl seated by his side. Her expression seemed sorry, but she wasn’t showing the same desperation of her husband.

On the contrary, her eyes shew a reassured shade every time they posed on Jurina.

Her, on particular, was the most tranquil. The only think that bothered her of that situation was the tense atmosphere that was possible to breath in that room.

-There is a positive thing in this mess. We’ll never be bonded by the same blood.-

She whispered to Rena, careful to not let her father catch their conversation.

More than the umpteenth affront to the woman, it seemed more a reassurance for herself.

At last the girl whom she loved so hopelessly wasn’t blood related to her, bringing more sins on her conscience.

-You should go, and I’m deadly serious.-

-Churi, nope. I won’t spend two weeks being a Cupid for a couple in crisis. I’ve already enough problems.-

How could Akane herself, that knew better that anyone the complexity of her feelings toward Rena, suggest her to accept the proposal of a three persons holiday for her nineteen’s birthday, a front for a trip whose only meaning the reconciliation of a troubled couple with her as mediator. She wasn’t stupid, she couldn’t find others solutions for an improvised trip a month after her real birth’s date.

-We know too well who is the real cause of your problems, honey. And if this holiday will be useful to resolve them, I’ll be the happiest person of the world.-

-Tell me, you only want me out of there to have the house free.- she joked mischievously poking her side.

-It could be right.-

Tweeted the friend smiling cleverly.

Fixing the situation between her best friend and Rena was her principal goal, but the possibility to have the possibility to organize a private party with a certain Airi seemed alluring.

Jurina started to regret to have left the exact moment she saw Rena exiting from the bathing-hut of their resort.

With her long, black hair blowing in the wind, sunglasses put on and the colorful bikini that embraced her modest curves, the woman looked like a model on a cover. Or even better.

A fire burned up in the nineteen girl warming her skin more than the lukewarm sun of April that shone on the beach in that moment.

-I’d never think you would came with me without Jun, you know. That man is so lazy, unlike you.-

-Are you joking? I’d never missed such an amazing view!-

..She didn’t say that aloud, right? Geez, Rena’s red cheeks spoke for her. And her predatory gaze reflected in the sunglasses of the woman wasn’t making the things easy for her.

-I’ve never seen a sea so beautiful!-

She added quickly turning on her heels.

Yes, she was regretting it so much.

She remembered the reason why she fell in love at the first sight with the girl. Her gaze conquered her, sweet and confident as the smile she gave to her after helping her to pick a book from the floor. Many years had passed, but her feelings didn’t seem less intense, actually they became more pressing and overwhelming. She bit her lip absentmindedly thinking about what they could have never been.

Rena, don’t do this to me. Don’t bite your lips in that way. You makes things harder.

She thought observing the distracted gesture of the girl laid on the cot next to her.

-I’m going to refresh my ideas, stay here. I’ll be back soon.-

The warm water of the deserted beach would have clean her dirty thoughts, or so she hoped.

-What is the real nature of your relationship with that Akane? She seems a bit old to be your former classmate.-

Jurina almost chocked when she eared that question. She opened her eyes wide and looked at the woman, noticing a uncertain flash in her eyes.

-She was my private tutor. Now we are only good friends but… you can say that she still help me when I’m having difficulties.-

She wasn’t lying. Their relationship was strictly physical, because Churi was very well aware of her feelings toward Rena and the young girl suspected a certain affinity between her best friend and a coworker.

She felt Rena’s eyes scrutinize her carefully and noticed that the features of her face were slowly relaxing.

-If you’re afraid that I like girls, you can stay calm. I know you already belong to my lovely daddy.-

She commented to reduce the discomfort that the curious gaze of the girl was bringing to her.

Maybe she went too far this time, because from Rena’s eyes were gushing hot tears.

-Rena-chan? Are you okay?-

She asked hesitant seating on her cot. She placed an hand on the shaking one of the girl and with the other she caressed her cheek to dry it.

-I didn’t intend to offe..-

Two moist lips interrupted the sentence she was saying. Rena was kissing her, and the whole world around her stopped.

If Rena hadn’t broken the kiss, she would have been happily dead on that beach.

-It’s better for me to go, Jun could be worrying.-

This time Jurina caught her lips in a warm kiss.

-I’ll not let you flee. Now it’s time for explanations.-

-You’ve always been right. I’ve never loved your father, but it wasn’t the money the real reason behind our marriage. It was you.-

What?

She couldn’t believe it. She wanted to look at her eyes to try to understand her real intentions, but Rena kept her gaze low, focused on her hand that was playing with the fingers of the younger girl.

-I’ve always been looking at you from the side. I’ve fallen in love with your eyes at first sight, The day of my graduation… I wanted to declare my feelings to you, but it was all so… wrong. We were so young, and both girls… And an age gap of six year was heavy.-

-And so you hooked up with a middle aged man.-

To the salty consideration of the girl, she had to nod.

-Between a man and a woman is different, the society says so. And you resemble him so much. He has your stubbornness, the same proud and confident eyes. He reminded me of you, so I accepted hi s courtship. But I had no idea he was your father, believe me. When he introduced us, I just wanted to disappear.

Destiny is cruel. When I finally believed to be free from the memories of you, it brought us back together. I’d understood I would never be able to part from you, never. The fierce glare you gave me that day woke up my feelings.

-…If what you says is true, then why have you married him?-

-Weren’t you paying attention?.

She asked shaking her head.

-You were going away from me again, and I couldn’t accept it. I though… I thought that accepting his proposal you would have been with us a little more, that living under the same roof would have helped you to accept my presence allowing me to look at you closely. But I was wrong.-

A sob stopped her speech signalizing the beginning of a new copious weeping. This time Jurina didn’t intervened.

-When the gynecologist declared my infertility, a feel of guiltiness for my happiness has been hunting me for weeks. With my marriage already broken and your absence, I really couldn’t bear anything anymore. We’ll never be bonded by the same blood. Your words gave me an handhold, the guiltiness of been in love with the daughter of my husband was lighter. You believe that this trip was organized to save my marriage… but you’re wrong, it’s for save me. Another day alone in that house without you and I’d gone crazy.-

Jurina kept quiet, trying to assimilate all that information and give them a logical form.

-I’m a monster, I know. But I don’t want your love, neither your pity.-

At the new attempt of the woman to stand up, Jurina decided to act. She held her wrist end she laid her down, blocking her thin body with hers-

-Don’t you dare to escape. I’ll never let you go after what you said.-

She exclaimed strictly. She raised her hand and she posed it on the woman’s face, caressing sweetly the red cheek.

-You’ll never have my pity. And my love has been yours for aged.-

Even before she could have been able to realize the shock on Rena’s face, Jurina bent down and kissed her aggressively, releasing the frustration she pent up in the previous months.

Otherwise Rena, who didn’t know if she was more happy or confused from that situation, let herself drown in the embrace and crossed her arms behind the young girl neck, increasing their union.

The younger Matsui started to place soft kisses on the lips, forehead, cheeks and nose without ceasing the eyes’ contact with the lovely gaze of the shaking woman under her. Possessed by a vortex of infernal passion, she continued to kiss her long neck caressing the milky skin with her canines before biting her.

-Juri… Juri, stop it! Jun will notice them!-

-Don’t worry, with a concealer and two days the marks will be gone. But not me. I think you’ll have to bear me for very long!-

She continued to mark her pale skin with ravenous bites, like a beast that hadn’t eaten for a long time. The neck, the collarbone and the chest weren’t spared by her passion.

With a quick gesture of her hand she untied the upper part of her swimsuit and began to torture her nipples, before covering them with her soft lips.

The moans coming from the unsteady woman under her were music to her ears, a sweet melody that was upsetting her heart and another part a little lower.

She stopped her manifestation of affect when a strong hold pulled her hairs and forced her to rise her head to look at Rena, who had pure love and frustration melted together in her eyes. With their lips perfectly united, almost glued, they consumed their first act of love on that cob, with the sea as only witness of their union.

-What are we going to do from now on, Rena?-

-I want to ask the divorce from your father, so for now I have to find a place where I can live.-

Jurina placed a tender kiss on her lips, curling her hairs with a finger.

-Come to Tokyo with me! Churi won’t complain if we explain the situation!-

-I would not be so sure, dear.-

Rena laughed amused, closing her eyes.

-Happy anniversary, Juri-

-Happy anniversary, Rena!-

Whispered the woman hugging her lover’s back before holding her left hand and kissing the golden stripe that enveloped her ring finger.

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection was in the warmth of a morning hug.

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection had two eyes full of love.

For Matsui Jurina, the perfection was as alive as ever even after thirty years.

#wmatsui #matsui jurina #matsui rena #takayanagi akane #jurichuri #fanfiction #my fanfiction

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the-rift1 · 7 years

Text

@ that anon who asked me about the “talk about” post

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

I have a lot of favorites… mm I’d say inside out was probably my most favorite. And the reason why was well, it was the first time I met Aaron, which was cool, but also it was a movie that had like a headspace, although a lot more creative, and it was almost representative of how my mind works.

2: Talk about your first kiss.

My first kiss was in 7th grade on a field trip, when all the girls in my dorm room (just 3 other peaps) figured out that I never had been kissed. So when we played truth or dare, I said dare and one of the girls dared another to kiss me. God I was an awkward mess, and then I basically had a crush for like 4 years on that girl who kissed me. (yike) 3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Jesus, uh, well, they’re the love of my life and even though it’s been rough from the very beginning, they mean too much to me for me to let go, and even though they live like a thousand miles away from me I still want to have a life with them eventually, and just, I want them to be happy. 4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

I regret nothing, really. It’s kind of my philosophy to do things so I don’t regret never doing them. Well, I guess there’s one thing. I regret never being able to stand up to my mom when I was younger, but I don’t think that would have been possible if I was younger since I was still unable to put any distance between me and her, and her temper was very very short. So I guess there’s not much to regret.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.

It was my last birthday where I got to get together with my friends and we had a brunch and then they gave me two tiny derg plushies that were absolutely adorable because they were mini versions of my big Martin plushie and they’re Ginko and Safier. And I also got a handmade birthday card from Aidan which was neat cuz it had a derpy peridot n stuff. And then we went over to Aidan’s house and @fishdetective was there too and we had a hardcore battle of monopoly and then also played chessclock jenga. A couple days either after or before, I also got my first car!

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.

It's a hard tie between when I turned 15 or 16 and my parents just completely forgot my birthday or when I had to give my final senior honors project presentation which ironically fell on my birthday.. But I got to have tiramisu cake afterwards, so, I guess it wasn’t too bad.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I’m always afraid I look dumb in front of other people, idk. I try not to think about it and just tell myself that I really don’t care. Also when I wear new clothes, even if it’s like, a different type of flannel, I get pretty nervous. But after a day of wearing it or something, I’m fine.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

It would either have to be my own computer that I made which is an absolute gaming and art monster if you ask me, or my 6 foot long drawing, or my carey mask. I have a GTX 1080 with an i7-7700k core and also 24 gbs of ram, and about 2.5 TB of storage that fits in like, a small workstation tower with a budget of about 2000 dollars. And I’m going to make an even smaller one with about the same specs for my mom later this month cuz she has an 8 year old laptop and idk honestly how she gets anything done on that. I think I’m also pretty proud of Martin Dovohd and the creation of his adventures with Avery and Safier and Quinn, although we’ve never pinned anything solid down (because I’m a busy person and a lazy artist).

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

Whaaallle I like my hair cuz it’s rad but it needs a trim cuz it’s getting too long.. mm I like my hands, even though they’re tiny, but they function pretty well.

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.

I’d say the biggest fight was more like a physical and verbal beatdown from my mom and me silently taking everything because I was basically 12 years old…. Good times….

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.

Best dream? I was able to shapeshift into a dragon and do all kinds of shit. It was pretty long ago so I can’t recall, but I remember having an epic battle against another bigger red dragon and barely winning.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.

Um, probably one of the ones where I was raped or lost forever, or in a world where I was forgotten and people like close friends n stuff just don’t know who I am, or that one where I was being chased constantly by a murderer. Being shot by my best friend, straight in the head, on my knees. I got pretty dramatic dreams lol

God I just remembered last night’s dream which was fucking WILD because I was on this colonial ship, and idk if I was a stowaway or something, but I think there was this disease that started to spread and everyone was dying, so the captain decided to send me off on an escape pod and I was cryofreezed. So I ended up in a completely different solar system but I was sent to a prison since I wasn’t properly admitted and it was considered trespassing. I just remember seeing a sliver of a window to the outside world of the planet, and it was so vibrant and green.

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

It was alright, neither of us came actually.

14: Talk about a vacation.

Ok since it wasn’t specified, DREAM VACATION: Going to Japan, seeing cherry blossoms, trying out their hot springs, going to Tokyo, mmm idk. I don’t really have a specific itinerary planned. And then I would want to also go to Quebec city, and try out all the cool food they got and also go cross country skiing, and check out the snow festival. And then there’s that one place where it’s a snow hotel or something? Maybe that’s in France. I don’t remember. Also, I would love to road trip the entire US in a tesla. Specifically a self driving one cuz who wants to be at the wheel all the time lol. I also want to go to Sweden where I think they have a museum dedicated to machines playing music and it’s so neat. Oh yeah, I can’t forget about Yellowstone. And camping out there a night or so, when the sky is clear, and you get to see a million stars. Of course, this wouldn’t be worth anything if I couldn’t do it with someone tho. I think that’s where it’s the most fun.

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

In Rowan’s arms, when we first met. God, all I could think about then, was that, “I made it. I really made it. And it wasn’t all for nothing.” One of my dreams came to reality, and the only thing that I could have asked for more, was more time with him.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.

Mmmmmmmmmm I’ve never really been to a party like a frat party, so, uh idk

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

There’s this person at one of the dining centers that has really rad blonde hair and they just give out rad vibes and I just want to talk to them but I am just a bad nerd derg who can’t amount to their level. So. Yeah lol…

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

I said fuck in third grade because my ‘friend’ wouldn’t stop singing “three little pigs” despite me saying please stop, and I got really frustrated and yelled, “Would you please fucking stop?” lol I broke down crying afterwards because everyone was staring at me in silence.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Rumors started spreading about how my friend who was a boy, that we “liked” each other, when in fact, we were just really good friends, and we agreed on the matter that that’s how it was and that people were trash. God he could make me laugh anytime even when I was super sad. It sucked that he had to transfer out when it got to high school though.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

Man, high school was fucking rough.. socially. I lost almost all of my middle school friends by the time I was a sophomore and I basically stuck to tumblr for comfort, cuz the school is very small and people already formed cliques that was already too late to join. I also wasn’t interested in them, since no one was a weeb like me. I really don’t want to talk much about this. Sorry.

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

On what? What does this imply, relationship? Mm I broke up with Aaron but for the most part, literally everyone else leaves first. Or just straight up rejects me, it’s pretty lit.

22: Talk about your worst fear.

I have a lot of fears and one of the worst ones is that I lose my hands, or that I lose my precise motor functions and I can’t draw, do labwork, or play the piano, etc etc…. Also abandonment, and just ending up as an old hermit. No, actually, I think my worst fear is just rejection. If I knew that there wasn’t a possibility of being loved n stuff, I think I would be pretty content with just myself and just living in the woods with a solid internet and my computer and maybe some doggos and other pets.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. Lord, alright. So I think one summer, I applied to five jobs as like a cashier or something and they all rejected me so I think that was pretty weird, and then on the other hand a day after or so, I see one of my peers working as a cart pusher and I just felt so annoyed. Not at them, just exasperated.

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Well, someone told me that they would always love me. I find that hard to believe, personally, maybe because my mom told me that no one would love me unconditionally unless they were my parents. And some part of me always believed that, and another part of me always wanted to find evidence to refute it.

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

Ahsdkjflajhfdkljs how about let’s not

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.

Lay in bed, groan, eat soup and produce a lot of mucus. I would usually game and watch movies if I had the luxury to, or just do hw. And also feel sad because I probably wouldn’t be able to see anyone and couldn’t hang out with ppl.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.

Hands are really interesting. And also the worst to draw. But there’s just so much variance in people’s hands, which I think is cool.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

Um 29: Talk about what turns you on.

What 30: Talk about what turns you off.

Thrussy

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Dark. Cold. Nothingness. Just, a stop. Maybe I get to be reincarnated as a rock or something. Or there’s a place for souls. No one knows. Idk.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

I remember that there was a lake, like a block from my house and on special days with my Gramps I got to take out my toy motorboat and play with it but most of the time it got caught on the algae.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I game. I just distract myself to the point that I forget everything else. And I also watch cartoons n stuff.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.

Probably that one time where I fell and the gravel gouched out a cubic centimeter of my knee. I bled pretty consistently and my mom had to pull out bits of rock when I got back home from that.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. I wish I could stop wasting so much time and actually doing important work lol. I don’t particularly have any nasty habits, really. I never bit my nails or sucked on my fingers.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures. hoarding chocolate. Hoarding food in general, and buying unnecessary tech stuff for myself. Also buying games when I already have too many to play with.

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. I’m pretty sure I was in love with the people who I “think” I were in love with? I don’t really understand this. Is this about like, past ex’s? I know who I love. Or I could interpret “in love” as a crush? Mm okay. Let’s have it that way. I had an infatuation with this girl who low-key reminded me of betty boop but like a better, sexy version of it. Her makeup was always on point and just had a really good aesthetic, and then I also found out that she liked hardcore metal, which is cool, but not my taste. So, like, super amazing aesthetic that was probably incompatible with mine.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

There’s a lot of songs that remind me of people, but mainly Rowan and Aidan. Anything by Porter Robinson reminds me of the time when I was with Aaron. The Muppet song where they go “mnah mnah doo dooooo do do do” reminds me of Hila and that used to trigger me for a while but I’m chill with it.

Some main ones that remind me of Rowan:

Paradise Valley by Honey and the Sting

Honeybee by the Steam Powered Giraffes

I Know You're Out There by Stephanie Mabey.

Ones that remind me of Aidan:

Give Up by the Postal Service

BGC418 by Big Giant Circles and also their entire Imposter Nostalgia album

any song by Wintergatan

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.

I wish I figured out what feelings were. Like, when I was young, I never made the connection between the words and the emotions that those words described. For the two years of me crushing on that girl I talked about earlier, I didn’t understand what my attraction meant. And that it was also okay to be gay. Yeah I wish I knew about that whole ordeal, and also how to socially navigate my way through high school n shit. I also didn’t understand the connection between the word guilt, and the feeling. I just knew I felt super awful and it was a really terrible pain in my chest and hands and that I just wanted to die from it.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

I don’t know, I’m pretty young, and there’s a lot of things that are just starting. I guess you could say it’s the end of the number of bad things that’s happened to me in grade school and the end of the ridiculous amount of bullying I had there, and hopefully never comes back.

#ask #thanks anon #took me a solid hour #anonymous #dragon talks

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attractionjapan · 7 years

Text

The Birth of Japan Game: Episode 1: The Love Hotel Kid

The Birth of Japan Game is a chronicle in ten parts, recounting the early years of Dorian Gray’s journey along the path. The narrative begins some time in 2006 and concludes in early 2012. Names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent alike.

Momoka was late. I’d been waiting outside Shinjuku Station for fifteen minutes, and I had better things to do than waste time on a complete stranger: improve my Japanese; hit the gym with friends; go shopping for new clothes with Maya, my girlfriend. I didn’t owe Momoka – who I could barely remember – anything, and I glanced down at the time on my mobile phone and considered going home.

Two weeks ago I’d been walking back from a night out with my friends, the other foreign exchange students at the university I attended in Tokyo. We were a hard-partying bunch of Europeans, Americans, and Australians like myself, and we spent almost every night out in one of the city’s numerous bars and izakayas: combination eating and drinking establishments with dim lighting and traditional decor. Textbooks and lectures were passed over in favor of watching Japanese television and making friends with the locals, some of whom had excellent drug connections. On this particular night I started talking to a young girl and the young man who seemed to be her boyfriend as we passed them on the street. I was known for approaching strangers while drunk, a trait that had gotten me in trouble over the years. But this time the girl immediately stopped and stared at me with rapt attention.

“Where are you going now?” I asked her in Japanese.

“Karaoke.”

“What are you going to sing?”

“Björk.”

The young man next to her made no effort to interfere, and I ignored him completely.

“Really? I like Björk too, favorite album is Homogenic.”

“You know Björk? Not many Japanese do,” she said.

“Yeah, like I said I have all her albums. We should go to karaoke together and sing some time.”

We exchanged numbers, and then my friends dragged me away. By the next day I’d forgotten all about the girl who had tapped her name into my phone as Momoka. When she called me a week later, it took me a few moments to remember who she was.

“When are we going to karaoke?” she asked, a bit petulantly.

“Um, what?”

I was cooking spaghetti in the shared kitchen of the student dorm where I lived, and a drama was playing on the television.

“I was waiting for you to call me.”

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve been busy with my girlfriend.”

“When can we meet?”

“I don’t know, on the weekend? Saturday night?”

I agreed to meet her in Shinjuku, one of Tokyo’s busiest stations, and not far from my university. I couldn’t remember what she looked like and didn’t plan to stay long; I was going clubbing with friends later. Simply put, I didn’t trust my drunken judgment. Momoka would probably be unattractive, boring, or both. I vaguely remembered the Björk conversation, but in my admittedly limited experience, the hottest Japanese girls didn’t listen to experimental electronic dance music, they listened to J-pop and mainstream R&B.

Standing outside with a cigarette in hand, I looked towards the station and watched the hordes of people streaming from the entrance. Mixed in with the salarymen and tourists were countless beautiful girls: university students with dyed brown hair and miniskirts, office ladies in smart form-fitting suits, hostesses with elaborately-styled hair and ornate nail art. I watched them wistfully, wondering how I could get them into my life. Pursuing girls wasn’t my main reason for being in Japan, but I couldn’t deny that it was always at the back of my mind.

Suddenly one of them caught my eye and I stared at her longingly. What would I have to do to meet someone like her? There were lots of young women in my social circle, but none so beautiful and stylish. Girls like her were out of my reality.

Wait. Now she was looking back at me.

I smiled and expected her to look away, but she held my gaze, her expression demure yet intense as she cut through the crowd. Whoever she was here to meet was a lucky man. I expected him to appear soon, doubtless a rough and heavily-muscled Japanese youth in sunglasses, or one of the effete model types crowding the pages of the fashion magazines. All we would have would be this shared smile, and then she’d be gone forever.

Then she walked straight towards me and spoke my name.

Wait.

This was Momoka?

The same girl I’d forgotten ten minutes after meeting? Whose phone call I’d almost ignored?

I was now looking at a girl like a love goddess from a teenager’s fevered dream. Taller than the other girls and even men walking past her, with a model’s posture and penetrating eyes. Long silky hair, perfect baby doll lips and a captivating, heart-shaped face. Strong yet slender legs gripped by ripped thigh-high fishnets. Generous breasts displayed by a revealing top, and a mind-blowing ass brought into relief by a black miniskirt and the pressure of her ultra-high heels. Her fashion was high-end glamour with a hint of gothic punk, all black lace and coordinated rips. She was eighteen years old, still in her last year of high school, as I would later learn, and already a world-class stunner.

Had I really been so drunk that I’d forgotten this?

All my dismissive cool deserted me. Disarmed by her beauty, I suddenly had no idea what to do. I couldn’t take her to McDonald’s or some cheap noodle house, could I? A girl like this would have expectations, would be used to classy bars and expensive restaurants. But my student budget was already stretched to the limit by Tokyo’s cost of living, and even if I could afford places like that, I didn’t know where to find them. I’d been in Tokyo for six months, but my knowledge of its more upscale night life was pitifully limited.

But Momoka knew exactly where to go. She’d already eaten, she explained, so there was no need to look for a restaurant; why not go straight for drinks? I was hungry, though, so we went to Sukiya, a cheap chain restaurant, where I wolfed down a beef rice bowl. Then, taking my arm, she led me to Don Quijote – often abbreviated as Donki, an all-purpose store selling everything from cosmetics and costumes to electronic goods and cheap souvenirs. On its bottom floor we found the liquor section, where Momoka selected a tall bottle of vodka.

“You buy it,” she told me. “I’m underage.”

Vodka in hand, we headed to karaoke and booked a room for two hours. We ordered drinks – brought up one of the uniformed staff – and liberally topped them up with the bottle we’d smuggled in in Momoka’s handbag. I’d only been to karaoke a few times before and was impressed by the choice of songs; along with the comprehensive library of J-pop were tracks by all kinds of Western artists, even obscure alternative and indie bands. I’d always been obsessed with music, and now I let loose with an array of favorites from my teenage years, many of them mopey dirges and anguished songs of despair. The Smiths? The Cure? Joy Division? Not exactly an ideal date soundtrack, but Momoka seemed to like it and even recognized the bands. And true to her word, she knew every line of every song by Björk, her voice nearly a match for her idol’s. I was in love already, but so caught up in singing that I barely noticed the rapidly-emptying bottle of vodka, and didn’t think to make a move either. Before long an hour had passed, and Momoka was leaning against me, so close that our faces almost touched.

Then she leaned over and shyly kissed me on the cheek.

It was on. I threw my arm around her and kissed her deeply, my hands exploring the rips in her clothes and the sexy curves of her body. She kissed back with equal fervor, darting her tongue into my mouth and gently biting my neck. Soon I lifted her on top of me and buried my face in her breasts. Things progressed quickly and before long her panties were off, my hands sliding them smoothly from under her skirt. I unzipped my jeans and laid her down on the vinyl seating, stopping only to throw on an ancient condom from my wallet.

From my current perspective of nearly ten years later, sex in karaoke seems normal, but at the time I was terrified. What if one of the staff walked by? And what about security cameras? I couldn’t see any, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. Even so, I entered Momoka and gripped her tightly, feeling that I’d somehow slipped into Heaven. Her long legs wrapped around me as I gazed into her eyes and tried to hold out as long as I could.

“Hoteru iku?” she whispered in my ear afterwards: “Can we find a love hotel?”

For those who’ve missed the countless sensational books and films about Japan, love hotels are full of rooms used by adulterous lovers, young couples who still live with their parents, and anyone else without a ready trysting location. The decor ranges from functional motel-style units to elaborate fantasy themed rooms: jungles, castles, and honeymoon-style suites with kitschy pink sheets. They’re usually found in the city’s seedier districts, such as the back alleys of Shinjuku’s Kabukicho where we were now. After leaving karaoke we continued down the street and saw scores of other couples on the same mission, scanning the numerous hotels for any vacancies. I noticed a few young men turning away from their girlfriends and glancing at us, lingering on Momoka as if to say, “With a foreigner? Really?” I couldn’t believe it myself.

At peak times – weekends and holidays are the worst – love hotels fill up quickly, and it’s not uncommon to find yourself wandering around for ages, searching in vain for an available room. Fortunately, Momoka and I managed to secure one in the third hotel we checked. It was small and overpriced – more than my weekly food budget – but I didn’t care. We drunkenly stumbled inside, still holding hands, and before long our clothes were strewn across the floor. Now we were free to enjoy each other more slowly, without the threat of interruption, and we took full advantage of it. Momoka’s stunning naked body enthralled me, and after kissing every part of her I went straight for the condoms which had been kindly left in the room. Unfortunately, like most Japanese condoms not labelled Extra Large, they were painfully tight, so much so that I finally gave up on them and resorted to the pull-out method. After a few passionate rounds we fell asleep in each other’s arms. Or more accurately, Momoka fell asleep a few minutes before me, so that the last thing I heard as I drifted off was the sound of her soft snoring.

I’ve always felt there’s something captivating about a beautiful girl who snores.

The next morning I woke up with a hangover, still unable to believe the previous night had happened. My phone was full of messages from my friends wondering why I hadn’t shown up for clubbing. Momoka had to get up and prepare for her part-time job at a convenience store, so after a quick shower we threw on our clothes and left the hotel. We took the same train line back, and on the ride Momoka showed me photos on her phone, many of them with her in her high school uniform, her bare legs gleaming in the sunlight.

“Mata au?” she asked: “Will I see you again?”

I smiled like a moron.

The post The Birth of Japan Game: Episode 1: The Love Hotel Kid appeared first on Attraction Japan.

from Attraction Japan http://attractionjapan.com/birth-japan-game-episode-1-love-hotel-kid/

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