#sorry to uhhhh anyone talking to me over the past 5 months since i started last job

[deliciousmicroplastics]

emailed therapist about mania earlier but afterward started noticing all these depressive symptoms too... it is probably a mixed episode ,,, arcghhgh

[the7thshepard]

Life update and some introspection. It is long, and it is super personal. You’ve been warned.

(Sorry to my mobile user followers, you might get lambasted with a long post anyway)

If you’re curious enough to snoop through here, sweet. It means that amidst all of my followers who like and reblog the stuff I like and reblog, you probably give a damn? Or you’re just nosy. Either way, thanks for coming. You’ll need to pull up a chair, I’d imagine. It’s gonna get long.

As of right now, I’m spending Thanksgiving day alone. I’m writing this from the dining table of my apartment in California as it rains outside. I’ve received several invites to do things with friends, but so far have accepted none of them. Part of me knows that I will be sad today because of that, but the other part of me just doesn’t have the energy or wherewithal to deal with other people today. Yet, I’m leaving myself open for any opportunity, should it present itself.

This decade has been kind of a wild ride for me. I’ve spent almost all of it in school. I began high school, graduated high school, started college, switched majors around twice, fell in love, came out, got my heart broken, graduated college, worked for seven months, then started graduate school in August. How did a Kansas boy like me end up all the way in California? It’s actually quite the story.

I had decided my second senior year of my undergrad, way back in Spring 2018, that I was just going to finish with a performance degree and just go home and work for the rest of my life. Whatever job I could find, as long as I could keep it and it could bring me stable income, I was going to go home and give up playing the horn. I been so burnt out on school and everything that had happened around me over the course of my undergrad that I had decided it just wasn’t worth it to continue pursuing. I had wrestled with this idea for the longest time and eventually settled on everyone thinking I’m a coward for getting a degree and just disappearing off of the face of the earth. It was the easiest solution.

But something quite unusual and rather miraculous happened.

October 2018, my undergrad horn teacher, one other horn player from my studio, and I all went to Wichita for the MidSouth Horn Workshop. This was nothing terribly huge - I had been to two before - but what became of it was. I ran into my current horn professor, though, at the time he was not teaching me, nor did I have any inclination that he taught private lessons. My undergrad horn prof. and I ran into him earlier in the spring during the same event in Conway, Arkansas (it was hard not to - he was one of the featured artists of the event). He and I spent about 30 minutes talking about horn playing in the exhibition hall, and I was beyond inspired at that point to continue getting better at horn (obviously something changed in the span of 6 months that changed that mentality, but I digress).

I didn’t think I would ever meet him again, if I’m being 100% honest. But we did. We had run into each other in the student union on the Wichita State University campus. He and my then-current horn teacher had struck up a conversation (I think it was something about what he was up to and if he’d like to play with ESU’s jazz band, since he was on his way through that area in the spring semester). Somehow, someway, the conversation got turned onto me.

“What do you think about grad school?” was the question.

Now, you have to understand, this shook me. My plan was to graduate, go home, and give up. I had no further intention of carrying on playing horn or doing music or any of it. Cowardice.

“Uhhhh,” I stammered. I didn’t honestly think I was cut out for grad school. Sure, I eventually wanted to get my doctorate in something, but that was kind of a pipe dream; something so exceptionally unachievable, that I was better off not thinking about it. “I hadn’t.”

Thus, initiated a 20 minute conversation about grad school and how my now-current horn professor wanted to hear me play and, better yet, attend his school. I’m pretty sure I spent the next like 3 hours waffling about it.

The other horn player that was with us (let’s call him B) slapped some sense into me.

“You should do it, it sounds like an incredible opportunity.” B had said something along the lines of this.

“My main concern is money, etc. etc.” I tried to make excuses back.

“Grad school would be perfect for you. All you really have to do is focus on your playing.” My horn professor told me.

“You didn’t come this far, just to come this far.” B said.

(Slight divergence in the story, my mom just called me as I’m typing this and now I’m having to fight back tears. She sounded so concerned that I’m spending Thanksgiving alone right now. Anyway.)

That struck me hard. I didn’t learn horn just to give up after graduating college. I didn’t play horn for close to 13 years only to run away when the opportunity presented itself. I didn’t quit at any point along the way, no matter how stressful or draining, and I shouldn’t quit now. My mind was made up.

I talked to my now-current horn teacher about how I was interested in studying with him, and about his program and what was offered, etc. He wanted to hear me play but was busy that weekend, so I would need to send him some recordings of my playing. I sent him my senior recital that I played later that semester. Over the course of the next 3 to 4 months, I would graduate from college and then spend the rest of my time working while I finished up the graduate studies application to my school. I was accepted into the program, and got some assistanceship money to help out.

The next 7 months were really nothing to note, as far as this journey is concerned. I worked part time at a gas station, played in a terrible non-paying gig, ended up dropping one of my best friends - a story for another time, but overall, I ended up taking a massive break from my horn. My dad thought that I wasn’t practicing enough and that grad school was gonna kick my ass, but so far, that hasn’t completely happened yet.

The day finally comes. I move to California with my dad’s help. As you can imagine, it’s a whirlwind of a day. Flying 5 hours out, getting my stuff moved in, buying groceries, etc. By the end of the day, its time to say goodbye. Dad can’t stay, because he’s got a flight in the morning for some stuff he’s got going on back home. He tried to fight back his tears, as I am almost about to cry myself. The door closed and now I’m bawling. wow that was a lot of mixed tenses, no im not fixing it, and no i do not take criticism, send tweet

At this point, I felt isolated. I’m in a new place where I know no one and I’m by myself. The first person I bump into is the other horn grad student. He stops by to say hi, I apologize for my terrible playing because I haven’t been playing consistently for the past seven months and oh god I’m rambling. It goes how you expect awkward first meetings to go. The next evening, I meet the two seniors in from the horn studio and a senior clarinet player. I never felt so blind sided by questions, and they were all really chatty. Me, being the awkward human being I am stood there, giving minimal answers, and being overwhelmed by questions about literally everything. Holy shit.

I end up bumping into my now-current horn professor on Monday (let’s call him Prof. A) in the bathroom of the music building, again really fucking awkward. Prof. A told me to go to his office while they finish up the faculty meeting downstairs, and that the other grad horn was in there organizing music. Round 2 is not nearly as awkward, thank god. Around 30 minutes later, Prof. A shows back up and treats us both to Chipotle and a lengthy talk about how we have to be the “heavyweight boxers” of the studio (there was an anecdote in there that makes it all make sense, trust me). Again, holy shit.

The rest of the week goes about how you would expect. It is the week before school after all. I spend most of my time practicing. My roommate shows up. I don’t really run into anyone else in the studio for a few days. Though at the end of the week, we have a horn hang, where most of the studio is in attendance. Super awkward at first, but then it opens up. Then, school kicks off, and its all good from there.

But why am I telling you all of this? Well, first of all, kudos for sitting through my life story up to this point. Second, I think this story is key to a lot of introspection that I need to do. And third, I just need to put this all out there, get it off my chest, you know?

Since coming out to California, I have been unimaginably blessed with perhaps the best family of people I could ever want. I have a great teacher who is helping me be better at doing what I love. I’m surrounded by great, fun loving musicians who want to see others succeed and it’s been such a positive experience being out here. I literally cannot imagine what my life would be like had I not seized this opportunity.

I’ll be the first to admit that grad school so far hasn’t totally met my expectations. I thought that I would immediately get better, that I would excel, have a bunch of friends, get better at playing horn, and maybe (selfishly) find a guy. It wasn’t immediate, and looking back, I don’t think it ever could have been. Because the path I’m on takes work and courage to keep going even when the results don’t seem obvious at all. Also, let’s be 100% real, there was no way in hell I was gonna find a guy within like 2-3 weeks of being here. That’s just not realistic lmfao

Since coming here, I’ve grappled with the feelings of inadequacy and sense of not belonging that come with the territory. Initially, I thought that I was never making progress and that I was never gonna be as good as the other grad horn. I wasn’t a good enough horn player. Why was I here? What made me think that I could make it out here? Thoughts like that. They’ve only intensified as the semester went along.

But my friends have proved me wrong.

The only thing that everyone could and would expect of me is to be myself. Whatever that means, whatever that sounds or looks like. I can’t be anyone else other than me, no matter how tempting it is to compare myself to others. I just gotta follow my own path. This was and still is a hard lesson for me to learn. I don’t think I will ever totally understand it, until I can realize that I am good enough as I am now. I am making progress to get better, but I have to be comfortable with where I’m at now for it to be worth it.

The thought of running away from all of this terrifies me, but it’s a real and almost ever present thought I have. I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made. I don’t want to turn my back on my friends. I don’t want to give up crazy socks at concerts, ice cream afterwards, playing in horn choir, horn hangs, or just the general screwing around. My horn people are my family, and I won’t turn my back on them because I’m afraid of not being good enough. They have never had reason to think less of me, so I shouldn’t. Even when I do, I’m thankful that they’re there to help me out of my emotional ruts. As long as I am here surrounded by these fantastic people, I will always be good enough and I will always belong.

I didn’t come this far just to get this far. And I will take it all the way. No matter what it takes, because the people closest to me have given me the courage to make it happen.

So, even though I may end up spending my Thanksgiving alone, I’m not alone. I never have been nor will I ever be. My friends, my family, everyone who’s cheering me on from the sidelines, watching and waiting for me to succeed, they’re all with me, no matter how far away they might be. This is what I’m thankful for.

[psuedohuman]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @little-bi-kingtrashmouth thanks man!!

Rules: Tag 20 people

I’m in a real talkative mood right now so this is gonna be.. long. Sorry.

Nickname: Mack but most people just. call me that so its not even really a nickname anymore I guess? huh

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Height: 5′4″ (if you’re from the BloodServe people I’m toootally 5′5″...)

Last thing I googled: "are there sweat glands on your eyelids” don’t judge me lmao

Favorite music artist: uhhhh dude... dunno

Last movie I saw: I think the last one I saw in theatres was Moana but the last one I actually watched was The Axe Murders of Villisca (thanks @lillithpanda 4 the recommendation)

Why did I choose my URL: It’s some kind of old inside joke that I don’t remember anymore. I was going to change it, like, a whole bunch of times over the years but a) brand loyalty b) there’s this racist-and-general-asshole with the real-and-correct-spelling of the word in his URL and his blog is basically dead so I’m kind of rage holding onto the URL until I can become The Supreme

Do I have any other blogs: Yes! Mostly private URL hoards or like... to-do-list blogs but publically I have @aimonomiatarot and @psuedoart (the second of which I don’t really use anymore because all of my art usually goes on aimonomiatarot now anyway)

What did your last relationship teach you: I’m assuming this us speaking romantic relationships and I’ve never dated or even kissed anyone so. Uh.. I’m like super gay and ace so that’s not really my thing

Religious or spiritual: I’m “officially” Catholic but I was more actively raised Lutheran and now I’m not religious. I’m spiritual in the sense that I’m a witch (see sideblog aimonomiatarot) and a diviner but I’m not a Wiccan or worship any deities or anything.

Favorite colour: Not to be edgy or anything but black. Maybe blue/teal as like #2.

Average hours of sleep: Usually I’d automatically respond like 4.5-6 hours tops, but I’ve been. depression napping a lot the past month so maybe like 8 or 9 combined hours a day. It’s gone down a lot already since I started working again so that’s kind of nice

Lucky number: 4 and 7. Sometimes 73.

Favorite Character: The only thing I hear when I get this question is “what characters do you Project Onto Most” lmao

Anyway uuuh Agent Maine (RVB), Sylar Grey (Heroes), Deadpool (Marvel), Grendel (Grendel) (don’t ask I dunno), most recently JUICE (17776) (we’ll see if that continues), probably some others I’m not thinking of now

Basically just show me a queer/queer-coded and mentally ill character and I’ll latch on like a motherfucker tbh

How many blankets do I sleep with: 1 or 2 in the summer but they’re the heavier blankets that I have. I usually sleep with a pile of them because (even though I prefer to be cold) there’s just something about the pressure and safety of a nest of blankets that like. Calms me down. It’s kind of the only way I can sleep (thanks paranoia but w/e)

Dream job: I haven’t really had one of those since I was like, 6 years old, but I recently started a new job that I really like and I’m hopefully going to be able to start working with this cool and relatively well-known costume designer in the fall and I’m really looking forward to that opportunity

uuuh not gonna reach 20 and uh. I’ve never actually talked to a couple of you or not talked to you in a long time but hey why not start now right. Feel free to do this challenge too if you see it/ not do it if you don’t want to!

@deeprootsarenotreached2 @lillithpanda @kazantlers @thefreelancerdivision @hannahalwaysblogs @ryrythescienceguy @loganscove @artichokemesexually @sarahthegingersnap @a-heroby-anothername @a-neighborhood-hispanic @gaynasa @moldgy

[through-war-and-at-peace]

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My Partner 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Little bit of both  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my cat my partner and my best friend also LP 4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes? 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yes  6. What kind of people are you attracted to? pretty much anyone that is a human being 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yes 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Pretty much always Michio Kaku 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nahhhh  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My roomie 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Yeahhh that’s great!” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Oh shit” Nat Lefkoff “The high” Kelela “bitches broken hearts” Billie eilish “unfucktheworld” Angel Olsen “mama said” cat clyde 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes but only if they’re good at it  14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? ehhh not really more like law of attraction serendipity if thats the same thing then sure? 15. What good thing happened this summer? I started therapy  16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Always  17. Do you think there is life on other planets? mhmmm ohhh yeaah 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Sadly, no... 19. Do you like bubble baths? LOVE bubble baths  20. Do you like your neighbors? don’t know them but sure  21. What are you bad habits? anything that falls under the category of my addiction 22. Where would you like to travel? Dream destination is Thai land or Switzerland  23. Do you have trust issues? mmm yeah I guess I do kinda  24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Eating.. or picking my cat up and hugging him  25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Pretty much the lot of it  26. What do you do when you wake up? snooze my alarm and try like hell to sleep more but it never works  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nahhh 28. Who are you most comfortable around? Does my cat count? 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes  30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes  31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes it is finally.. tho I wanna chop it all off again 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Blake Lively Ryan Reynolds  33. Spell your name with your chin. assahjnlerdyhuj   :)  34. Do you play sports? What sports? lol no... does yoga count? 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? hands down TV please take it away now  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? nope I’m pretty much extremely forward 37. What do you say during awkward silences? Welp this is awkward  38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I pretty much like everyone so....  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? tattoo shops :) 40. What do you want to do after high school? I long since been out of HS and I guess travel? 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? honestly yes but certainly beware of being taken advantage of which is something I fall into all too often  42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that I’m either concentrating.. or I’m fucking PISSED off and need to just be left the fuck alone and sit in my head  43. Do you smile at strangers? very awkwardly yes  44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? I know the ocean should be explored more but fucking SPAAAAACE  45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? the basic need to survive and pay for my existence otherwise I rarely can scrape my meat sack of a body out of my bed yay depression  46. What are you paranoid about? failing.. isn’t everyone? 47. Have you ever been high? on pretty much anything you could think of.. yeah 48. Have you ever been drunk? ohhhh yes I have been many moods of intoxicated  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Nope 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black  51. Ever wished you were someone else? ohh fuck yeah all the time don’t we all have Instagram 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? talking myself out of things because I’m afraid to fail  53. Favourite makeup brand? Thrive causemetics  54. Favourite store? Target  55. Favourite blog? My besties blog :) 56. Favourite colour? Green or yellow  57. Favourite food? Vegan sushi or burritos or pizzzzza bc I am trash  58. Last thing you ate? a hersheys kiss  59. First thing you ate this morning? a hersheys kiss... lol  60. Ever won a competition? For what? lol a dance competition when I was 19 at a house party  61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended many many many times.. mainly insubordination... or never showing up to class or being mega late to class  62. Been arrested? For what? yes. shoplifting/dui/possession/possession of paraphernalia/underage drinking/truancy   63. Ever been in love? yes :) 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was living in Georgia I was 4 or 5 years old and my neighborhood friend was chasing me and chasing me and chasing me and I ran around the corner of our apartment complex and was hiding against the wall and he showed up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder and said “wait wait I have a secret to tell you” and then proceeded to kiss me on my lips and I of course responded “ewwwwwwwww” 65. Are you hungry right now? FUCKING STARVING  66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? my real friends or on tumblr so.. yes? 67. Facebook or Twitter? I like reading tweets more than fb statuses buuut I browse FB more 68. Twitter or Tumblr? TUMBLR  69. Are you watching tv right now? nahh 70. Names of your bestfriends? Max :) Julie annnd Stanley  71. Craving something? What? success in my new job... and sushi also a fucking back massage 72. What colour are your towels? yellow and grey  72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3  73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? if my fat cat counts then yes  74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? none other than my cats  75. Favourite animal? Obviously my cat... but I’d have to say a Manta Ray  76. What colour is your underwear? tye dye  77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 4 eva  78. Favourite ice cream flavour? I’m boring I like chocolate and peanut butter only for sweets ever  79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black  80. What colour pants? currently wearing my work scrubs so navy blue  81. Favourite tv show? Adventure time  82. Favourite movie? What dreams may come is my go to fav.. but I think that might change soon.. also fav christmas movie is a year without a santa claus and I hate christmas  83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Is this even a real question? Is there a mean girls 2?  84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls  85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Kevin G  86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? fuckin Marlin of course  87. First person you talked to today? virtually?.. my girlfriend... in person?.. my boss  88. Last person you talked to today? Days not over but also my girlfriend  89. Name a person you hate? Donald Trump  90. Name a person you love? my niece  91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Pretty much always donald trump 92. In a fight with someone? nope? 93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3  94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like at least 5? 95. Last movie you watched? Suspiria  96. Favourite actress? ooof I’m awful at names of people and honestly don’t care for pop culture sorry  97. Favourite actor? see above  98. Do you tan a lot? what is sunlight?  99. Have any pets? 3 cats 2 snakes 1 leopard gecko  100. How are you feeling? hungry  101. Do you type fast? on a computer yes.. texting.. nah  102. Do you regret anything from your past? I struggle with this because I am happy where I’m at in my life and if it wasn’t for all of those shitty mistakes I’ve made I wouldn’t be here right now appreciating my existence.. but also yes I do regret a lot of actions and decisions i’ve made and how I’ve treated a lot of people but you live and you learn I guess and I’ve learned to appreciate all of those things  103. Can you spell well? Incredibly well  104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My parents  105. Ever been to a bonfire party? So many and they are some of my favorite kind of parties more parties should be held outside  106. Ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately yes.. but this is a part of growth for everyone in life  107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes :)  108. What should you be doing? probably my job but I’m sucked into tumblr per usual  109. Is something irritating you right now? my annoying need to be perfect at mostly everything and also i’m irritated with how hungry I am  110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? uhhhh I don’t think so? I’ve never really understood someone saying that.. I mean there are things about loving someone or not being able to love someone in a certain way that can be painful sooo if that’s what it means then yes  111. Do you have trust issues? I feel like  I was already asked this question sooo yes? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My partner  113. What was your childhood nickname? peanut or jellybean ash AJ  114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes  115. Do you play the Wii? nahh  116. Are you listening to music right now? Yaaa  117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? nahh I’m a vegetarian  118. Do you like Chinese food? ehhhh I like fried rice? but I like thai food  119. Favourite book? I guess that would have to be my yoga book “finding balance” only because its the book I most frequent otherwise I like far too many to have a favorite life changing book would be “You are a badass” 120. Are you afraid of the dark? I am if I sense some bad energy in that darkness but nah not usually  121. Are you mean? I always inform everyone upon meeting me that I am indeed an asshole but everyone always insists that that information is false.... but yeah I’m super mean  122. Is cheating ever okay? I have cheated in my relationships and no its never okay  123. Can you keep white shoes clean? nooope I like earth too much  124. Do you believe in love at first sight? nahh 125. Do you believe in true love? ehhh?  126. Are you currently bored? EXTREMELY  127. What makes you happy? Books.. photographing things... music.. my cat.. being with my friends.. eating foooood.. meditating... exercising  128. Would you change your name? totally.. just have no idea to what  129. What your zodiac sign? Aries.. can ya tell?  130. Do you like subway? Honestly... no  131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? hug em  132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my roomiee stop asking me 133. Favourite lyrics right now? hmm idk?  Lost on you by LP I guess?  134. Can you count to one million? probably?  135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I mean pretty much all of them have been dumb so I have no idea?  136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? open  137. How tall are you? 5 5 ? 5 6? no idea  138. Curly or Straight hair? wavvvvvvvyyyy 139. Brunette or Blonde? Jet black  140. Summer or Winter? Spring  141. Night or Day? Night  142. Favourite month? September  143. Are you a vegetarian? Yes  144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? ooooof.. white chocolate  145. Tea or Coffee? Espresso  146. Was today a good day? mediocre but can still find appreciation for it  147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers  148. What’s your favourite quote? If by favorite you mean favorite(s) then...

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style"  

"Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, 'You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!' said the straight tree. He said, 'I'm tall and I'm straight.' And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, 'Cut all the straight trees.' And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange." Kneller

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope  150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

“ With each breath may we take refuge in the living truth alone, released from coarse arrogance and subtle pride.”

(via itsgracesdrunkmametown)

[xxtangledintentions]

I can't fall back asleep

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? I’d be very confused bc he’s in Illinois currently lol

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? Uhhh literally nothing he stopped talking to me.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? Dont have one.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober but hungover

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Oh gosh yeah

7. What does your last received text say? “Sorry I didn’t take her out”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Uhhh continuously over a period of 3 days idk how many times.

9. Where was your last kiss at? Lisbon, OH

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Saw 2 of them at the end of April

11. What do you drink in the morning? Juice or water

12. Where did you sleep last night? My bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Ehhhhhh

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yeah quite a few things honestly

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Yeah I’d be asking him wtf his deal is

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Sunshine pls

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? I’m sure

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? pj

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I goddamn hope so

20. Does anyone like you? Doubtful

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Probably?

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Yes

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? I have five.

25. In the past week have you cried? Nope.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? My sweet pup, shes Great Dane and greyhound.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Out

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? I’m sure I have

29. Do you think you’re old? Gettin there :(

30. Do you like text messaging? When I actually feel like responding. Lately I’ve been not responding to anyone.

31. What type of day are you having? It’s too early to tell.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? I had it pierced previously

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? WARM

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? mhm

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Fuck this question

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated

37. What song are you listening to? I’m not

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Yeah

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Mhmmmmm

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Why are u assuming I like anyone right now??? PS I don’t

41. When did you last receive a text message? Right after I started this dumb thing

42. What is wrong with you right now? Too much

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Incredibly well she’s been my best friend since I was 16

44. Does anyone disgust you? Chyeah

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Probably not.

46. Are you in a good mood right now? No

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Hansen

48. What color shirt are you wearing? White

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? story of my life I never wanna hear anything

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Myself

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Not at all

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? What does this even mean

53. Do you like rain? Nah

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Single AS A PRINGLE YO

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Yeah I’m sure I have

56. Do you like to cuddle? Yeah

57. Are you shy? Uhhhhhhhhhh

58. Do you get along with girls? Mostly

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? Nope

60. What do you carry with you at all times? Phone

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Not by myself

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yeah

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Nope

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Oh my god I don’t like anyone jfc

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I ate a whole jar of pickles 🙃

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? LAST 3???? Uhhhh 22,24,28.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Neither

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Leopard

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Hell yeah! “Resist and persist” “TCB” “turpentine creek wildlife refuge” “fayetteville Arkansas, its great, Please dont move here”

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Luke I guess

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Couple months ago

73. Do you like diet soda? Shit no

74. What color are the walls in your room? Boring white

75. Are you 16 or older? 25

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No

77. Do you have a job? Not currently

78. What are your initials? MJS

79. Did you ever have braces? NOPE

80. Are you from the south? I grew up in the north but I’ve lived in the south for four years now

81. What does your last status on facebook say? Something about how to get away with murder

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Uhhh sometimes, we grew up together so

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Dads deceased so

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Nope

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? I have no idea. Maybe the newest purge

86. Do you smoke? F no

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Flipsssss

88. Is your phone touch screen? Yeah and it’s being annoying af rn

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Neither I just let it air dry and hope for the best

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? I mean when I was a teenager yes

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool

92. Have you ever made out in a car? Lmao yeah

93. …Had sex in a car? Yep

94. Are you single or in a relationship? READ ABOVE ANSWERS JFCCCC

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? SLEEPING

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Uhhhhhhhhhhh

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Not really it kinda sucks

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Sure? I guess

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? Many times 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? IDK maybe

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Yeah

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Cannibal 😈

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? HAHAHAHHAHA no

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Not a chance in hell